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1
00:00:04,208 --> 00:00:06,179
Okay, do we need
anything else in this aisle?
2
00:00:06,246 --> 00:00:08,416
Not unless you're looking
to buy spiral notebooks,
3
00:00:08,483 --> 00:00:10,354
VHS tapes or diabetes candy.
4
00:00:10,420 --> 00:00:12,959
‐(rock music plays over P. A.)
‐(gasps) Tarla J!
5
00:00:13,026 --> 00:00:15,464
Is "Tarla J," like,
a facial cream or...?
6
00:00:15,532 --> 00:00:17,034
I'm not seeing it on this shelf.
7
00:00:17,101 --> 00:00:20,007
No! This is Tarla J! Hello?
8
00:00:20,073 --> 00:00:22,546
"Inhabit My Body," parentheses,
"Get Inside," parentheses,
9
00:00:22,612 --> 00:00:24,516
"My Heart," exclamation point!
10
00:00:24,583 --> 00:00:26,152
This is my jam!
11
00:00:26,219 --> 00:00:29,191
OMG, I used to want to be her!
12
00:00:29,258 --> 00:00:31,062
Oh, come on, Violet.
Get in on this!
13
00:00:31,129 --> 00:00:32,899
You used to love me
dancing in stores.
14
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:34,836
You used to laugh
your little buns off.
15
00:00:34,903 --> 00:00:37,542
♪ I see you over there ♪
16
00:00:37,609 --> 00:00:40,882
‐♪ Inhabit my body, get inside ♪
‐Ma'am. Ma'am.
17
00:00:40,949 --> 00:00:42,652
‐♪ Get to know me, honey ♪
‐Please stop dancing on me to Tarla J.
18
00:00:42,719 --> 00:00:46,827
♪ Get into me like
I'm into you... ♪
19
00:00:46,894 --> 00:00:48,831
Mom, you are so embarrassing.
20
00:00:48,898 --> 00:00:50,768
How are you not
lit up right now, Vi?
21
00:00:50,835 --> 00:00:53,039
If anything,
it's dimming my life force.
22
00:00:53,106 --> 00:00:54,776
‐(Jenny whoops)
‐Okay,
23
00:00:54,843 --> 00:00:56,947
I'm gonna go recharge my light
and go stare
24
00:00:57,014 --> 00:01:00,120
at the nervous teens
in the family planning aisle.
25
00:01:00,187 --> 00:01:01,356
♪ You're gonna love
this ride... ♪
26
00:01:01,422 --> 00:01:02,959
Mother!
27
00:01:03,026 --> 00:01:05,063
♪ My emotions,
my body is an ocean... ♪
28
00:01:05,130 --> 00:01:07,802
Did you hear that?
Ooh, here comes the hot drop.
29
00:01:07,869 --> 00:01:10,407
‐♪ Take a sip ♪
‐♪ With those lips, mmm. ♪
30
00:01:10,474 --> 00:01:12,712
♪ ♪
31
00:01:42,304 --> 00:01:44,710
Vi, look what I got.
Cakefetti!
32
00:01:44,776 --> 00:01:47,147
Remember we used
to make Cakefetti cakes
33
00:01:47,214 --> 00:01:49,385
and dance around
in the kitchen to Rock 92?
34
00:01:49,452 --> 00:01:51,255
Let's make Cakefetti.
35
00:01:51,322 --> 00:01:52,926
No. No, thanks.
36
00:01:52,992 --> 00:01:56,165
Okay, well, you want to watch
a Snapped marathon on Oxygen?
37
00:01:56,232 --> 00:01:58,002
Or let's prank call
funeral homes and say,
38
00:01:58,069 --> 00:01:59,338
"Let me out! I'm still alive,
39
00:01:59,405 --> 00:02:01,777
and I'm trapped
in one of your coffins."
40
00:02:01,844 --> 00:02:03,413
Mother!
41
00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:05,016
And there you have it.
42
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,352
She'd rather sit alone
in her room
43
00:02:06,419 --> 00:02:08,356
and eat an apple
than hang out with me.
44
00:02:08,423 --> 00:02:10,928
Oh, my Lord on high!
I found it!
45
00:02:10,995 --> 00:02:15,137
A genuine, weather‐worn
Route 66 highway sign.
46
00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:18,109
I made my high school boyfriend
try to steal me one of these,
47
00:02:18,176 --> 00:02:20,113
and he got creamed by a semi.
48
00:02:20,180 --> 00:02:21,984
‐Oh.
‐Ugh. Oh, Lord.
49
00:02:22,050 --> 00:02:25,157
It's at the Mountain Flea
up in Cullowhee.
50
00:02:25,223 --> 00:02:27,461
‐(Wayne sighs)
‐But I got to find a way
51
00:02:27,529 --> 00:02:29,331
to get up the mountain
to Cullowhee.
52
00:02:29,398 --> 00:02:32,806
And early,
since these things do go fast.
53
00:02:32,872 --> 00:02:34,341
Wayne?
54
00:02:34,408 --> 00:02:36,814
I'm not taking your mother
to Cullowhee. No way.
55
00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:38,784
I'm sick and tired
of doing stuff for her
56
00:02:38,851 --> 00:02:40,320
and never, ever
getting a thank‐you.
57
00:02:40,387 --> 00:02:42,191
It's like she thinks
I'm her manservant.
58
00:02:42,257 --> 00:02:45,163
I don't like being
taken for granted over and over.
59
00:02:45,230 --> 00:02:48,369
Okay, Betty.
I got your adult diapers
60
00:02:48,436 --> 00:02:50,140
and your 'roid cream.
61
00:02:50,207 --> 00:02:52,712
And your down‐there
irritation balm.
62
00:02:52,779 --> 00:02:55,483
Wayne, you forgot
my Bit‐O‐Honeys.
63
00:02:55,551 --> 00:02:57,722
‐(thunder crashes)
‐You see anything now?!
64
00:02:57,789 --> 00:02:59,526
No. Just keep tilting it.
65
00:02:59,593 --> 00:03:02,397
Oh, there we go.
Perfect. Don't move it.
66
00:03:02,464 --> 00:03:04,803
But it won't stay
in this position on its own!
67
00:03:04,870 --> 00:03:06,840
‐(thunder crashes)
‐(yelling)
68
00:03:06,907 --> 00:03:08,510
Hmm? (grunts)
69
00:03:08,577 --> 00:03:10,013
Jenny, I can't do it anymore.
70
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:11,683
(sighs) So how do you want
to get out of this?
71
00:03:11,750 --> 00:03:13,019
You want to fake a nosebleed?
72
00:03:13,086 --> 00:03:14,689
No, we've done that before.
73
00:03:14,756 --> 00:03:16,325
It's got to be a real injury.
74
00:03:16,392 --> 00:03:18,697
Where do you want it?
Toe? Nutsack?
75
00:03:18,764 --> 00:03:20,367
Okay, you know what?
I'll take her.
76
00:03:20,433 --> 00:03:21,970
Because on the way up
that mountain,
77
00:03:22,037 --> 00:03:23,473
I'm gonna demand a thank‐you.
78
00:03:23,540 --> 00:03:25,878
You're gonna demand a thank‐you
from Betty Hart?
79
00:03:25,945 --> 00:03:28,049
Wayne, I'm offering you
a much easier option
80
00:03:28,116 --> 00:03:30,053
with this meat tenderizer
to the crotch.
81
00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:31,723
I'm gonna demand a thank‐you,
82
00:03:31,790 --> 00:03:35,297
and I bet my straightforwardness
will finally earn her respect.
83
00:03:35,363 --> 00:03:36,499
Mm...
84
00:03:36,566 --> 00:03:38,804
‐Hey, Betty, I can...
‐(horn honking)
85
00:03:38,871 --> 00:03:40,808
(engine revs)
86
00:03:40,875 --> 00:03:43,413
‐(sustained honking)
‐(Wayne sighs)
87
00:03:44,983 --> 00:03:48,256
I could watch hamsters
eating tiny meals
88
00:03:48,323 --> 00:03:51,495
24 hours a day for the rest
of my mortal and immortal life.
89
00:03:51,563 --> 00:03:54,703
Do you think when hamsters watch
us eat, they think we're cute?
90
00:03:54,769 --> 00:03:56,238
How could they not?
91
00:03:56,305 --> 00:03:58,109
I tried to show
this amazing vid to my mom.
92
00:03:58,176 --> 00:04:00,447
She just stared at me
like I was cray.
93
00:04:00,514 --> 00:04:02,719
My mom and I don't have much
in common anymore.
94
00:04:02,785 --> 00:04:04,288
‐It's, like, a bummer.
‐Wait.
95
00:04:04,355 --> 00:04:07,394
Who is this gorgeous weirdo?
Tarla J?
96
00:04:07,461 --> 00:04:08,831
♪ ♪
97
00:04:08,897 --> 00:04:11,035
‐♪ Inhabit my body... ♪
‐VIOLET: Oh, yeah.
98
00:04:11,102 --> 00:04:12,471
That's that crappy song
99
00:04:12,538 --> 00:04:14,743
my mom was dancing to
in the grocery store.
100
00:04:14,809 --> 00:04:16,145
♪ Inhabit... ♪
101
00:04:16,212 --> 00:04:18,383
Hang on. I think
we need to do a deeper dive.
102
00:04:18,449 --> 00:04:20,186
I've seen her
on Celebrity Prison‐House.
103
00:04:20,253 --> 00:04:23,994
I am sensing a train wreck here.
Click on this one.
104
00:04:24,061 --> 00:04:26,867
NARRATOR:Tarlulah Jade Bullock was born in Pensacola, Florida,
105
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:30,608
and was reborn "Tarla J"
when discovered
106
00:04:30,674 --> 00:04:34,181
by producer and star‐maker
Morty Grove at a Raging Waters.
107
00:04:34,248 --> 00:04:36,285
He liked to scout
at water parks to get,
108
00:04:36,352 --> 00:04:39,859
"the lay of the land"
on potential young stars.
109
00:04:39,926 --> 00:04:42,565
Creepy Svengali manager. Yes!
110
00:04:42,632 --> 00:04:44,702
NARRATOR:
Success came swiftly for Tarla.
111
00:04:44,769 --> 00:04:46,238
Perhaps too quickly.
112
00:04:46,305 --> 00:04:48,376
Vi, this is actually great.
113
00:04:48,443 --> 00:04:49,946
Her and her mom
partying together
114
00:04:50,013 --> 00:04:51,783
in matching Juicy tracksuits?
Check.
115
00:04:51,850 --> 00:04:54,254
Estranged trailer‐park father
uses Tarla's money
116
00:04:54,321 --> 00:04:57,595
to start an acai‐flavored
vodka company? Check.
117
00:04:57,662 --> 00:04:59,766
Please let there be a quickie
marriage to a bodyguard
118
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:02,070
or a femmy grandson
of a Greek shipping tycoon?
119
00:05:02,137 --> 00:05:04,843
Check and... check.
120
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:08,349
You know what this trip
reminds me of?
121
00:05:08,416 --> 00:05:10,253
The time my meemaw drove me
all the way down
122
00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:14,796
to Florida for Wrestle‐Con,
and I just thanked her so much.
123
00:05:14,863 --> 00:05:16,700
I never stopped thanking her.
124
00:05:16,766 --> 00:05:19,873
It's so important
to say "thank you" out loud
125
00:05:19,939 --> 00:05:21,375
so people know
how grateful you are.
126
00:05:21,442 --> 00:05:23,981
Wayne, are you doing
the speed limit?
127
00:05:24,047 --> 00:05:26,252
Of course.
Don't you worry about that.
128
00:05:26,318 --> 00:05:28,422
You'll thank me later.
129
00:05:28,489 --> 00:05:29,726
Oh, you idiot.
130
00:05:29,792 --> 00:05:32,464
Everybody knows the real
speed limit is ten above.
131
00:05:32,532 --> 00:05:34,101
By the time we get
to the Mountain Flea,
132
00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:36,105
my sign will be gone‐zo.
133
00:05:36,172 --> 00:05:37,775
Fine. Is this what you want?
134
00:05:37,842 --> 00:05:39,044
(engine revs, tires squeal)
135
00:05:39,913 --> 00:05:42,083
♪
136
00:05:43,854 --> 00:05:47,795
Why couldn't my daughter marry
a man with a real car, Gene?
137
00:05:47,862 --> 00:05:49,532
Lydia, this is a real car.
138
00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:51,302
‐(horn honking)
‐BETTY: Attention tiny car!
139
00:05:51,368 --> 00:05:54,174
We have a flea market emergency.
Move your ass!
140
00:05:54,241 --> 00:05:58,049
Betty, stop. Tiny car,
we have no quarrel with you.
141
00:05:58,115 --> 00:06:01,523
Could you please move over?
Thank you!
142
00:06:01,590 --> 00:06:03,927
♪ Get out of the way, you're
driving in the fast lane ♪
143
00:06:03,994 --> 00:06:05,998
♪ Get out of the way,
get out of the way ♪
144
00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:08,937
♪ Get out of the way, you're
driving in the fast lane ♪
145
00:06:09,004 --> 00:06:10,006
♪ Get out of the way. ♪
146
00:06:10,073 --> 00:06:13,012
‐(chirps)
‐(siren wailing)
147
00:06:13,079 --> 00:06:14,515
Great.
148
00:06:14,582 --> 00:06:16,018
Don't worry, Wayne.
149
00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:18,456
I got a couple sweater doughnuts
for this cop.
150
00:06:18,523 --> 00:06:20,460
‐Betty, no!
‐(taps on glass)
151
00:06:20,527 --> 00:06:21,963
‐♪ If you don't lick it ♪
‐♪ Lollipop song ♪
152
00:06:22,030 --> 00:06:23,867
♪ If you don't lick it, I will ♪
153
00:06:23,934 --> 00:06:26,438
‐♪ Lollipop song ♪
‐♪ Lollipop song... ♪
154
00:06:26,506 --> 00:06:28,677
Oh, she fully embraced
the Lolita image.
155
00:06:28,744 --> 00:06:31,516
‐Please let there be a meltdown.
‐Get to the meltdown.
156
00:06:31,583 --> 00:06:33,319
Tarla! Tarla! How long
have you been in the plant?
157
00:06:33,386 --> 00:06:35,891
‐Tarla!
‐You like that plant, Tarla?
158
00:06:35,958 --> 00:06:38,095
(crowd clamoring)
159
00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:44,074
You know what? Now that I know
the human wreckage
160
00:06:44,141 --> 00:06:47,548
behind this mindless pop song,
I love it.
161
00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:49,051
Blast it.
162
00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:52,190
‐♪ Inhabit my body ♪
‐♪ Come inside ♪
163
00:06:52,257 --> 00:06:53,660
♪ Come get to know me,
honey... ♪
164
00:06:53,727 --> 00:06:55,531
Vi, you'll miss me
when I'm dead and gone.
165
00:06:55,597 --> 00:06:58,235
You'll try to make Cakefetti,
but it won't feel the same.
166
00:06:58,302 --> 00:07:00,006
You will have tears
in your Cakefetti.
167
00:07:00,073 --> 00:07:01,308
‐(music playing faintly)
‐(gasps) What?
168
00:07:01,375 --> 00:07:02,945
Who's listening to Tarla J?
169
00:07:03,012 --> 00:07:05,016
♪ Into me like I'm into you ♪
170
00:07:05,083 --> 00:07:06,820
♪ I see you over there, boy... ♪
171
00:07:06,886 --> 00:07:09,224
(high‐pitched shrieking)
172
00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:15,804
(high‐pitched,
sustained shrieking)
173
00:07:15,871 --> 00:07:18,643
Mom, it's been two full minutes
of you screaming silently.
174
00:07:18,710 --> 00:07:20,079
You need to inhale.
175
00:07:20,146 --> 00:07:22,183
(inhales)
You like Tarla J?
176
00:07:22,250 --> 00:07:24,421
Something I also genuinely like?
177
00:07:24,488 --> 00:07:26,225
Am I awake? Are you my daughter?
178
00:07:26,291 --> 00:07:27,494
Yes to all of it?
179
00:07:27,561 --> 00:07:30,768
Well, turn it up!
180
00:07:30,834 --> 00:07:34,040
♪ Inhabit my body ♪
181
00:07:34,107 --> 00:07:36,378
♪ Come inside... ♪
182
00:07:36,445 --> 00:07:38,850
Whoa!
Mom, you look just like her.
183
00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:41,355
I mean, before she got addicted
to nighttime cold medicine.
184
00:07:41,422 --> 00:07:43,459
Yeah, I only practiced it
every day of my life
185
00:07:43,527 --> 00:07:45,731
‐all through puberty.
‐Violet.
186
00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:47,968
This is a moment
you can share with your mom.
187
00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:49,304
I mean, look at her face.
188
00:07:49,371 --> 00:07:50,808
♪ Get to know me, honey... ♪
189
00:07:50,874 --> 00:07:54,314
Well, then, Ms. Hart,
why don't you teach us?
190
00:07:54,381 --> 00:07:57,153
Violet, we could literally
inhabit Tarla J's body.
191
00:07:57,220 --> 00:08:01,094
‐Mm, maybe.
‐(horn honking)
192
00:08:01,161 --> 00:08:03,432
(sustained honking)
193
00:08:06,639 --> 00:08:08,442
Okay, on top
of my speeding ticket,
194
00:08:08,510 --> 00:08:10,614
you got a ticket
for indecent exposure.
195
00:08:10,681 --> 00:08:13,319
Oh, calm your panties.
There's my sign!
196
00:08:14,321 --> 00:08:15,791
See? We aren't too late.
197
00:08:15,858 --> 00:08:17,561
Hey, you know I'm trying
to remember the theme song
198
00:08:17,628 --> 00:08:20,366
to The Golden Girls.
How did that go?
199
00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:23,305
♪ Do‐do for being a friend... ♪
200
00:08:23,372 --> 00:08:25,409
Ugh! What was
that first part again?
201
00:08:25,476 --> 00:08:27,480
(whispers):
Thank you.
202
00:08:27,548 --> 00:08:29,652
("Thank You for Being a Friend"
plays)
203
00:08:29,719 --> 00:08:31,990
Thank you!
A million thank‐yous.
204
00:08:32,056 --> 00:08:34,929
I finally understand
what my daughter sees in you.
205
00:08:34,996 --> 00:08:38,435
It's so nice to finally
feel seen by my mother‐in‐law.
206
00:08:38,503 --> 00:08:41,676
‐What?
‐And it's so nice to finally see you.
207
00:08:41,743 --> 00:08:43,379
Thank you.
208
00:08:45,584 --> 00:08:48,523
BETTY:
There's no way you're gonna appreciate that sign
209
00:08:48,590 --> 00:08:51,596
as much as me,
you flat‐assed nerds!
210
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,573
(tires screeching)
211
00:08:58,944 --> 00:09:00,614
You know what, Betty?
I should have just
212
00:09:00,681 --> 00:09:02,585
let your daughter take a mallet
to my nuts!
213
00:09:02,651 --> 00:09:06,491
‐What?
‐And by the way, it's "thank you for being a friend."
214
00:09:06,559 --> 00:09:09,497
Thank you! I only agreed to
take you on this fool's errand
215
00:09:09,565 --> 00:09:12,270
so that I could get a thank‐you
for all the stuff I do for you.
216
00:09:12,337 --> 00:09:15,142
But now I see that you are
physically incapable.
217
00:09:15,209 --> 00:09:16,813
I am done with you.
218
00:09:16,879 --> 00:09:18,148
See you never, Betty!
219
00:09:18,215 --> 00:09:19,619
Ditto, dumbass! I don't want
220
00:09:19,685 --> 00:09:22,090
to ever see you again, either.
Bye.
221
00:09:22,156 --> 00:09:24,595
‐Bye!
‐Bye! Aah! I'm getting scooped!
222
00:09:24,662 --> 00:09:26,465
‐Well, so am I.
‐Well, make it stop!
223
00:09:26,532 --> 00:09:28,503
I can't!
224
00:09:31,274 --> 00:09:32,511
(gasps)
225
00:09:34,247 --> 00:09:36,451
♪
226
00:09:41,461 --> 00:09:42,731
Oh, my God, Ms. Hart!
227
00:09:42,798 --> 00:09:45,069
You were the Debbie Allen
of this studio.
228
00:09:45,136 --> 00:09:47,473
Mom, how come you haven't
brought me down here before?
229
00:09:47,541 --> 00:09:50,547
I mean, this place is
the Jenny Hart Hall of Fame.
230
00:09:50,614 --> 00:09:52,383
I just didn't think
you were interested.
231
00:09:52,450 --> 00:09:54,689
Every time I dance,
you're so embarrassed.
232
00:09:54,755 --> 00:09:56,592
Because we're never
in a dance studio.
233
00:09:56,659 --> 00:09:59,030
It's always in a Mega Lo Mart
or a gas station parking lot.
234
00:09:59,097 --> 00:10:00,834
And everybody's staring.
235
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:02,938
There's nothing wrong
with that. It's fun!
236
00:10:03,005 --> 00:10:05,176
Have you ever heard the saying
"Dance like no one's watching"?
237
00:10:05,242 --> 00:10:06,779
Yeah, but I'm not like you.
238
00:10:06,846 --> 00:10:10,286
I'm more of a "dance when
no one's watching" person.
239
00:10:10,352 --> 00:10:12,290
Well, now no one's watching.
240
00:10:12,356 --> 00:10:14,528
Now, Ms. Hart,
we want to inhabit Tarla J,
241
00:10:14,595 --> 00:10:15,897
really live her life.
242
00:10:15,964 --> 00:10:18,035
‐So start pushing us too...
‐Shut up!
243
00:10:18,102 --> 00:10:19,972
Now you get your narrow asses
in front of that mirror
244
00:10:20,039 --> 00:10:22,978
and straighten up 'cause
here's where you start paying...
245
00:10:23,045 --> 00:10:24,782
in sweat.
246
00:10:24,849 --> 00:10:27,153
‐(gasps) That's from Fame.
‐I know.
247
00:10:27,220 --> 00:10:28,656
BOTH:
Squee...!
248
00:10:28,723 --> 00:10:29,925
JENNY:
Now let me refresh you
249
00:10:29,992 --> 00:10:32,163
on the steps:
five, six, seven, eight.
250
00:10:32,230 --> 00:10:33,767
Step ball change,
step ball change,
251
00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:36,672
and heart and heart and
glitter spray and glitter spray,
252
00:10:36,739 --> 00:10:38,175
spin and thrust,
chug, chug, thrust,
253
00:10:38,242 --> 00:10:40,947
grapevine, grapevine,
cabbage patch, running man,
254
00:10:41,014 --> 00:10:44,855
Roger Rabbit, Roger Rabbit,
splits, teacup, teacup,
255
00:10:44,922 --> 00:10:46,993
booty thrust, scoop
and changing the channels,
256
00:10:47,059 --> 00:10:50,534
fly swatter, peekaboo, peekaboo,
sternum, sternum, "I know you!"
257
00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,604
And giddyup, giddyup, giddyup,
258
00:10:52,671 --> 00:10:56,546
and sternum and sternum
and front walkover cooter slam!
259
00:10:56,612 --> 00:10:58,650
(panting): Okay, we got
a lot of work to do.
260
00:10:58,716 --> 00:10:59,952
(groans)
261
00:11:02,991 --> 00:11:04,160
Try that button again!
262
00:11:04,227 --> 00:11:06,632
I am. It doesn't do squat!
263
00:11:06,699 --> 00:11:09,672
Use that top‐heavy body and pull
the door open or something.
264
00:11:09,738 --> 00:11:11,976
(straining):
Yeah, it won't budge. Too heavy.
265
00:11:12,043 --> 00:11:15,316
‐Help! Somebody get us
out of here! ‐Please! Be a good "Samaritang"
266
00:11:15,382 --> 00:11:17,588
and help! Help!
267
00:11:17,654 --> 00:11:19,357
I'm trapped in here
with a serial killer!
268
00:11:19,424 --> 00:11:20,794
I'm about to get cubed up!
269
00:11:20,861 --> 00:11:23,298
‐Chopped into cubes!
‐Betty,
270
00:11:23,365 --> 00:11:25,537
I am not a serial killer.
What the hell?
271
00:11:25,604 --> 00:11:27,941
I'm trying to get
people's attention, you fool.
272
00:11:28,008 --> 00:11:31,515
Help! I'm getting
human centipeded in here!
273
00:11:31,582 --> 00:11:34,822
I'm the front, which is why
I can still use my mouth,
274
00:11:34,889 --> 00:11:37,460
but I'm doing it for the guy
at the end's benefit!
275
00:11:37,527 --> 00:11:39,197
His name is Wayne Edwards!
276
00:11:39,264 --> 00:11:40,800
Here, I got one. Help!
277
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,338
There's a brittle,
almost corpse‐like,
278
00:11:43,405 --> 00:11:44,742
incontinent, elderly,
279
00:11:44,808 --> 00:11:47,246
dried‐up old Carolina raisin
stuck in here,
280
00:11:47,313 --> 00:11:49,250
and all her medications
are wearing off!
281
00:11:49,317 --> 00:11:50,419
That's all lies!
282
00:11:50,486 --> 00:11:51,856
I'm 34!
283
00:11:51,923 --> 00:11:53,826
And the man you just heard
is about to get
284
00:11:53,893 --> 00:11:57,099
‐a mouthful of a bunch
of other people's excrement! ‐(meows)
285
00:11:57,166 --> 00:11:59,772
All right, this is dumb.
I'm calling Jenny.
286
00:11:59,838 --> 00:12:02,043
Damn it, my battery's at 3%.
287
00:12:02,109 --> 00:12:03,178
Betty, gimme your phone.
288
00:12:03,245 --> 00:12:04,682
My phone's a no‐go.
289
00:12:04,748 --> 00:12:06,318
I was sitting on it
all the way up the mountain,
290
00:12:06,384 --> 00:12:07,988
and my thigh meat
was dialing and redialing
291
00:12:08,055 --> 00:12:09,658
the wrong password
the whole time,
292
00:12:09,725 --> 00:12:11,529
so I'm locked out till June.
293
00:12:11,595 --> 00:12:13,498
(groans)
Well, that's just perfect.
294
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,469
Jenny, I have almost
no battery power on my phone,
295
00:12:15,537 --> 00:12:16,572
so I got to make this quick.
296
00:12:16,639 --> 00:12:17,874
Great, then I'll be quick.
297
00:12:17,941 --> 00:12:19,477
I'm teaching Violet
how to dance!
298
00:12:19,545 --> 00:12:21,247
No, no, no, listen,
Jenny, I got to...
299
00:12:21,314 --> 00:12:22,416
We're dancing together.
300
00:12:22,483 --> 00:12:24,320
To Tarla J!
301
00:12:24,387 --> 00:12:26,559
No way.
You've always wanted to share
302
00:12:26,625 --> 00:12:27,928
your love of dance with her.
303
00:12:27,995 --> 00:12:30,934
‐Jenny! We are stuck in a gar...
‐(phone beeps)
304
00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:32,704
‐(grunts)
‐(Wayne gasps) ‐(phone shatters)
305
00:12:32,771 --> 00:12:34,173
That's it!
(shouting)
306
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:36,177
‐♪ If you don't lick it ♪
‐(groans loudly)
307
00:12:36,244 --> 00:12:39,518
‐(shouting)
‐♪ If you don't lick it ♪
308
00:12:39,585 --> 00:12:41,254
‐♪ Lollipop song ♪
‐(groaning)
309
00:12:41,321 --> 00:12:43,291
‐♪ If you don't lick it, ooh ♪
‐(screaming)
310
00:12:43,358 --> 00:12:46,464
‐(shouting)
‐♪ If you don't lick it, yeah, yeah ♪
311
00:12:46,532 --> 00:12:48,101
‐♪ If you don't lick it ♪
‐(groans)
312
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:50,974
‐(shouts)
‐♪ Lollipop song. ♪ ‐Violet,
313
00:12:51,041 --> 00:12:51,976
I want perfection.
314
00:12:52,043 --> 00:12:53,980
Okay. The Fame thing was fun,
315
00:12:54,047 --> 00:12:55,884
but this is getting
a little too real.
316
00:12:55,950 --> 00:12:57,219
So can we go now?
317
00:12:57,286 --> 00:12:59,424
No! You need to focus, Violet.
318
00:12:59,490 --> 00:13:00,927
I want you to get in the game.
319
00:13:00,994 --> 00:13:02,597
Stop being such
a weird wallflower
320
00:13:02,664 --> 00:13:04,200
and hiding your light
in a bushel.
321
00:13:04,267 --> 00:13:05,870
Put yourself out there!
322
00:13:05,937 --> 00:13:07,440
But I'm not a good dancer
like you.
323
00:13:07,507 --> 00:13:09,110
And I don't like
drawing attention to myself.
324
00:13:09,177 --> 00:13:10,780
And I feel like I'm gonna die.
325
00:13:10,847 --> 00:13:12,951
Great.
You're right where I need you.
326
00:13:13,018 --> 00:13:15,189
Up until this moment,
you've just been Violet Hart.
327
00:13:15,255 --> 00:13:18,963
But now you're finally
Tarlulah Jade Bullock,
328
00:13:19,030 --> 00:13:21,468
the trashy little poor girl
from the Panhandle,
329
00:13:21,535 --> 00:13:23,873
thrown onstage at age three,
330
00:13:23,940 --> 00:13:25,810
married your bodyguard
at age 17.
331
00:13:25,877 --> 00:13:28,281
Everyone saw you as trash.
332
00:13:28,348 --> 00:13:30,152
Everyone thought you would sink
333
00:13:30,219 --> 00:13:33,492
into the dirty, ugly swamp
of the showbiz fringes,
334
00:13:33,559 --> 00:13:35,429
but what they forgot was
335
00:13:35,496 --> 00:13:38,736
that you were born in the swamp.
336
00:13:38,803 --> 00:13:40,673
Now, you got 30 seconds to cry,
337
00:13:40,740 --> 00:13:42,511
and then I want you
to come back out here
338
00:13:42,577 --> 00:13:45,884
and get inside Tarla J's heart.
339
00:13:47,486 --> 00:13:48,689
Let's do it.
340
00:13:48,756 --> 00:13:50,827
Mom, that was amazing.
341
00:13:50,894 --> 00:13:52,631
♪ ♪
342
00:13:52,697 --> 00:13:54,935
♪ Inhabit my body ♪
343
00:13:56,371 --> 00:13:58,108
♪ Come inside ♪
344
00:13:59,010 --> 00:14:01,014
♪ Inhabit my body ♪
345
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:03,318
‐♪ Come inside ♪
‐♪ Come get to know me, honey ♪
346
00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:07,727
♪ Get into me
like I'm into you ♪
347
00:14:07,794 --> 00:14:09,598
♪ Inhabit my body ♪
348
00:14:09,665 --> 00:14:11,936
‐♪ Take a ride ♪
‐♪ Come get to know me, honey ♪
349
00:14:12,002 --> 00:14:15,810
♪ Get into me
like I'm into you ♪
350
00:14:15,877 --> 00:14:18,649
♪ I see you over there, boy ♪
351
00:14:18,716 --> 00:14:21,020
♪ You want to get a taste, boy ♪
352
00:14:21,087 --> 00:14:22,624
♪ There is no time to waste ♪
353
00:14:22,691 --> 00:14:24,761
♪ I want to know you, too ♪
354
00:14:24,828 --> 00:14:26,966
♪ Quit playing all these games,
boy ♪
355
00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:29,170
♪ I know you want the same,
boy ♪
356
00:14:29,237 --> 00:14:31,942
♪ My heart is open,
come on inside ♪
357
00:14:32,009 --> 00:14:33,879
♪ You're gonna love this ride ♪
358
00:14:33,946 --> 00:14:35,683
♪ Don't toy with my emotions ♪
359
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,854
♪ My body is a potion ♪
360
00:14:37,921 --> 00:14:39,992
♪ So come right up
and take a sip ♪
361
00:14:40,058 --> 00:14:41,562
♪ With those lips, mmm ♪
362
00:14:41,629 --> 00:14:43,566
♪ Inhabit my body ♪
363
00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:45,002
♪ Come inside ♪
364
00:14:45,068 --> 00:14:46,739
♪ Come get to know me, honey ♪
365
00:14:46,805 --> 00:14:50,312
♪ Get into me
like I'm into you. ♪
366
00:14:50,379 --> 00:14:51,982
‐(panting)
‐You did it!
367
00:14:52,049 --> 00:14:53,218
‐We did it!
‐We did it!
368
00:14:53,285 --> 00:14:55,690
Mom, that was everything.
369
00:14:55,757 --> 00:14:57,393
Yeah. Now just wait
till we tackle
370
00:14:57,459 --> 00:14:59,030
her next video,
"Push Push Push."
371
00:14:59,096 --> 00:15:00,700
‐Hmm?
‐I mean, it's gonna take a lot more time.
372
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:01,835
‐Hmm?
‐'Cause there's acrobatics involved,
373
00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,471
‐but...
‐Yeah, Mom, I don't know.
374
00:15:03,539 --> 00:15:05,442
It was fun being Tarla J
for a couple hours,
375
00:15:05,510 --> 00:15:06,444
but I think we're d...
376
00:15:06,512 --> 00:15:08,348
"Was fun"? Was? No.
377
00:15:08,415 --> 00:15:09,718
This is our thing now!
378
00:15:09,785 --> 00:15:11,387
This is how we bond,
and this is my dream.
379
00:15:11,454 --> 00:15:13,491
And soon it'll be y'all's dream,
'cause that's how it works.
380
00:15:13,559 --> 00:15:15,162
That's why you have children!
381
00:15:15,228 --> 00:15:17,299
Now, David, call your mom,
'cause we're going all night.
382
00:15:17,366 --> 00:15:18,368
Um...
383
00:15:18,435 --> 00:15:20,105
All night.
384
00:15:25,148 --> 00:15:27,086
(groans softly)
385
00:15:27,152 --> 00:15:29,357
Violet, I, your mother,
386
00:15:29,423 --> 00:15:32,597
have something very special
I would like to give to you.
387
00:15:32,664 --> 00:15:34,735
These were my dance shoes
back in the day.
388
00:15:34,801 --> 00:15:37,674
I have dreamed of passing
the dance torch to you.
389
00:15:37,741 --> 00:15:39,678
So I held on to these shoes
all these years.
390
00:15:39,745 --> 00:15:41,214
And I got to be honest,
for a time there,
391
00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:43,051
I was worried you wouldn't want
to dance, but now,
392
00:15:43,118 --> 00:15:46,124
thank God, I know you love it
just as much as I do!
393
00:15:46,190 --> 00:15:47,292
Mom, no.
394
00:15:47,359 --> 00:15:48,963
You deserve them.
395
00:15:49,029 --> 00:15:51,033
And also, my lucky leotard.
396
00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:52,804
‐Never been washed.
‐Nope.
397
00:15:52,871 --> 00:15:54,106
This Ace bandage
with toe blood from
398
00:15:54,173 --> 00:15:56,477
‐the Western Carolina finals.
‐Ew.
399
00:15:56,545 --> 00:15:58,616
A journal I wrote in every day
since you were born
400
00:15:58,682 --> 00:16:00,653
called "Letters
to My Dancer Daughter."
401
00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:02,423
‐Oh, God.
‐Let me see, hair extensions.
402
00:16:02,489 --> 00:16:03,759
Sequins, scrunchies,
403
00:16:03,826 --> 00:16:05,429
scrunchies, leg warmers,
diet pills,
404
00:16:05,495 --> 00:16:07,266
cigarettes‐‐ Oh!
More scrunchies.
405
00:16:07,332 --> 00:16:09,036
Mom, Mom, stop.
406
00:16:09,103 --> 00:16:11,508
This was a one‐time thing.
I don't want to be a dancer.
407
00:16:11,575 --> 00:16:13,244
The end.
408
00:16:13,311 --> 00:16:15,115
‐Just let me put
these shoes on you. ‐Mom, what are you doing?
409
00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:16,785
‐Come on. Here, once you
get them on your foot... ‐Ow! Stop.
410
00:16:16,852 --> 00:16:19,056
‐...you will get the magic of...
‐Stop!
411
00:16:19,123 --> 00:16:21,027
‐Violet, this is my dream!
‐Mom, stop.
412
00:16:21,093 --> 00:16:23,933
I know this is not
a popular saying, but...
413
00:16:23,999 --> 00:16:26,538
you got to give up
on your dreams.
414
00:16:29,210 --> 00:16:31,414
I can't believe I thought
I was gonna get anywhere
415
00:16:31,481 --> 00:16:32,817
with you this weekend.
416
00:16:32,884 --> 00:16:34,621
You know,
I am a great son‐in‐law,
417
00:16:34,688 --> 00:16:36,892
and I have gone through
fire for you.
418
00:16:36,959 --> 00:16:38,996
The only thing
I'm gonna "go through"
419
00:16:39,063 --> 00:16:41,835
is this old stack of Playgirls
I just found.
420
00:16:41,902 --> 00:16:43,939
Betty, I'm done mincing words.
421
00:16:44,006 --> 00:16:46,143
You are selfish and gross.
422
00:16:46,210 --> 00:16:47,947
And you also suck.
423
00:16:48,014 --> 00:16:49,350
‐BETTY: I suck?
‐WAYNE: Yes, you do.
424
00:16:49,416 --> 00:16:51,187
BETTY: Well, you're
the suck master general
425
00:16:51,254 --> 00:16:52,657
‐that got us
sucked into this garage. ‐WAYNE: Told you!
426
00:16:52,724 --> 00:16:53,759
That's not a real position,
Betty!
427
00:16:56,932 --> 00:16:58,368
Good morning, Mom.
428
00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:00,338
‐Is it?
‐Uh‐oh.
429
00:17:00,405 --> 00:17:02,744
Just been up all night,
getting my affairs in order.
430
00:17:02,810 --> 00:17:04,814
‐What affairs?
‐Ah, nothing.
431
00:17:04,881 --> 00:17:06,718
I was just shopping
for my casket. (chuckles)
432
00:17:06,785 --> 00:17:09,658
I'm thinking of going
just full pine box.
433
00:17:09,724 --> 00:17:11,662
You know, it's perfect
for an unremarkable woman
434
00:17:11,728 --> 00:17:13,899
with a daughter
who doesn't care about her.
435
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:15,468
Mom, you cannot
be mad at me for this.
436
00:17:15,536 --> 00:17:16,738
What do you want me to do?
437
00:17:16,805 --> 00:17:18,007
Keep dancing
and pretend to love it
438
00:17:18,074 --> 00:17:19,644
and live a lie
for the rest of my life?
439
00:17:19,711 --> 00:17:21,815
‐Would that be so hard?
‐Ah!
440
00:17:23,919 --> 00:17:26,792
Good news! Ah,
there's a sale on burlap sacks.
441
00:17:26,858 --> 00:17:28,662
You guys can just toss me
into a river
442
00:17:28,729 --> 00:17:31,602
when the last
of my light finally dims.
443
00:17:38,247 --> 00:17:40,285
(Wayne shivering)
444
00:17:44,393 --> 00:17:45,462
BETTY:
Ooh.
445
00:17:45,529 --> 00:17:48,067
What have we here?
446
00:17:48,134 --> 00:17:51,541
Better get these back to my room
before Wayne wakes up.
447
00:17:51,608 --> 00:17:53,211
(Wayne shivering)
448
00:17:59,824 --> 00:18:01,862
Hey. Hey, wake up.
449
00:18:01,928 --> 00:18:03,799
You won't believe what I found.
450
00:18:03,866 --> 00:18:06,337
Beer. Still cold.
451
00:18:08,041 --> 00:18:11,147
We probably need
to hydrate. Thanks.
452
00:18:11,213 --> 00:18:13,384
‐Cheers.
‐Cheers.
453
00:18:13,451 --> 00:18:15,990
-BETTY/
-WAYNE: ♪ If you like piña colada ♪
454
00:18:16,057 --> 00:18:18,227
‐♪ And getting boughtin Ukraine ♪ ‐♪ Getting caught in the rain. ♪
455
00:18:18,294 --> 00:18:20,566
They're both two cheaters
with bad taste.
456
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,369
How is that a happy ending?
457
00:18:22,436 --> 00:18:24,039
That's what I always said.
458
00:18:24,106 --> 00:18:27,714
I do appreciate you, Wayne.
So much.
459
00:18:27,780 --> 00:18:30,418
Okay. W‐What?
460
00:18:30,485 --> 00:18:33,324
Wayne, if I went around
all over the place
461
00:18:33,391 --> 00:18:37,600
telling people "thank you,
thank you, thank you,"
462
00:18:37,667 --> 00:18:39,203
then I'm indebted to 'em.
463
00:18:39,269 --> 00:18:42,375
I owe 'em.
That's letting your guard down.
464
00:18:42,442 --> 00:18:45,381
And when you let your guard
down, you get sucker punched.
465
00:18:45,448 --> 00:18:48,221
And I throw punches.
I don't take them.
466
00:18:48,287 --> 00:18:51,393
Betty, I would never
sucker punch you.
467
00:18:51,460 --> 00:18:53,599
(inhales deeply)
468
00:18:53,665 --> 00:18:55,034
Thank...
469
00:18:56,203 --> 00:18:57,807
‐...you...
‐(garage door whirring)
470
00:18:57,874 --> 00:18:59,611
No, no, no, no!
Close it, close it!
471
00:18:59,677 --> 00:19:01,213
We're not done!
472
00:19:02,984 --> 00:19:04,521
‐Run!
‐Dang it.
473
00:19:04,587 --> 00:19:06,056
Here's money for the beer.
474
00:19:06,123 --> 00:19:08,494
And sorry about the turds
in the utility sink. Ha‐ha!
475
00:19:08,562 --> 00:19:09,764
Betty couldn't hold it.
476
00:19:09,831 --> 00:19:12,169
BETTY:
Uh, those were already in there.
477
00:19:16,511 --> 00:19:17,780
Wayne?
478
00:19:17,847 --> 00:19:19,383
‐Yeah?
‐Thank you.
479
00:19:19,449 --> 00:19:21,688
♪ ♪
480
00:19:24,661 --> 00:19:26,463
Look at that loser‐mobile.
481
00:19:26,531 --> 00:19:27,967
You know what to do.
482
00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:30,371
‐♪
‐(tires squeal)
483
00:19:32,777 --> 00:19:34,581
Guess who got his thank‐you.
484
00:19:34,647 --> 00:19:36,718
Oh, awesome. Wow.
485
00:19:36,785 --> 00:19:38,154
Wait. Where have you been
hiding all day?
486
00:19:38,221 --> 00:19:39,791
I didn't even hear you
get up this morning.
487
00:19:39,858 --> 00:19:41,962
You didn't notice
I was gone all night?
488
00:19:42,028 --> 00:19:43,431
Well, I'm going through
a lot with Violet.
489
00:19:43,497 --> 00:19:45,168
We had a great time,
and then she just tells me
490
00:19:45,235 --> 00:19:47,339
she doesn't want
to dance ever again. Ugh.
491
00:19:47,405 --> 00:19:49,276
What the hell
am I supposed to do with that?
492
00:19:49,343 --> 00:19:53,317
Jenny, you got to remember,
your dreams are not her dreams.
493
00:19:53,384 --> 00:19:54,988
Yeah, you're right.
494
00:19:55,054 --> 00:19:56,958
(sighs)
You are absolutely right.
495
00:19:57,025 --> 00:19:58,996
So whenever you get a chance,
check your e‐mail,
496
00:19:59,062 --> 00:20:01,935
'cause I just sent you
a playlist for my funeral.
497
00:20:04,941 --> 00:20:07,680
Wayne, can you pass
the salt, please?
498
00:20:07,747 --> 00:20:09,884
Thank you.
499
00:20:09,951 --> 00:20:12,222
♪ ♪
500
00:20:13,959 --> 00:20:15,829
(Jenny sighs)
501
00:20:15,896 --> 00:20:18,000
‐♪ Inhabit my body ♪
‐(gasps)
502
00:20:18,067 --> 00:20:19,871
(people gasping)
503
00:20:19,938 --> 00:20:22,910
♪ Come inside ♪
504
00:20:22,977 --> 00:20:24,046
♪ Inhabit my body... ♪
505
00:20:24,112 --> 00:20:25,381
(high‐pitched shrieking)
506
00:20:25,448 --> 00:20:27,085
♪ Come get to know me, honey ♪
507
00:20:27,152 --> 00:20:30,893
♪ Get into me
like I'm into you ♪
508
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:32,329
♪ Inhabit my body... ♪
509
00:20:32,395 --> 00:20:34,232
You're doing it.
You're dancing in public
510
00:20:34,299 --> 00:20:36,571
and putting yourself out there,
but you're doing it for me,
511
00:20:36,638 --> 00:20:40,178
and we're dancing together,
and this is my dream!
512
00:20:40,244 --> 00:20:41,413
Well, this is a one‐time thing,
513
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:42,950
so I really hope
you're enjoying it.
514
00:20:43,017 --> 00:20:45,288
I am! I am.
515
00:20:45,355 --> 00:20:47,292
Mom, just 'cause I don't want
to learn to dance
516
00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:49,897
doesn't mean there's not
a lot of other people
517
00:20:49,964 --> 00:20:51,433
who want to learn to dance.
518
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:53,304
♪ I know you want the same,
boy ♪
519
00:20:53,371 --> 00:20:55,976
♪ My heart is open,
come on inside ♪
520
00:20:56,043 --> 00:20:58,147
♪ You're gonna love this ride. ♪
521
00:21:02,355 --> 00:21:04,727
Okay, people, this class
isn't just about dancing,
522
00:21:04,794 --> 00:21:06,063
it's about letting your soul
523
00:21:06,130 --> 00:21:07,733
speak to your body
and the thrill
524
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,504
of kinship
with your fellow dancers.
525
00:21:09,570 --> 00:21:12,543
Now take a deep breath
and get ready to work!
526
00:21:12,610 --> 00:21:15,949
I thought this
was gonna be in a pool.
527
00:21:16,016 --> 00:21:17,586
Well, get ready to swim
in your own sweat.
528
00:21:17,653 --> 00:21:19,256
Only if you're physically able,
though.
529
00:21:19,322 --> 00:21:21,026
Please do not have
a heart attack in my class.
530
00:21:21,093 --> 00:21:22,930
Five, six, seven, eight.
531
00:21:22,997 --> 00:21:24,466
Step ball change,
step ball change and heart,
532
00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:26,704
and heart and glitter spray
and glitter spray,
533
00:21:26,771 --> 00:21:28,207
spin and thrust,
534
00:21:28,274 --> 00:21:31,146
chug, chug, thrust,
and grapevine, grapevine.
535
00:21:31,213 --> 00:21:33,150
‐(meows)
‐(horn honks musically)
536
00:21:33,217 --> 00:21:35,154
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
537
00:21:35,221 --> 00:21:36,457
and TOYOTA.
538
00:21:36,507 --> 00:21:41,057
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