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1
00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:27,560
In order to begin, you
must be completely relaxed.
2
00:00:28,183 --> 00:00:31,463
Imagine you are floating in
water.
3
00:00:35,177 --> 00:00:37,496
Don't worry if you can't swim.
4
00:00:37,497 --> 00:00:39,617
Relax!
5
00:00:40,777 --> 00:00:44,097
You are simply floating in the
ocean.
6
00:00:46,457 --> 00:00:50,016
No, there aren't any sharks.
7
00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:51,736
Relax!
8
00:00:51,737 --> 00:00:55,657
Just listen to the sounds and allow
9
00:00:55,675 --> 00:00:58,314
your body to move accordingly.
10
00:00:58,315 --> 00:00:59,875
Right.
11
00:01:22,275 --> 00:01:24,274
Oh!
12
00:01:24,275 --> 00:01:27,594
I thought meditation was supposed to
be relaxing. I'm exhausted!
13
00:01:27,595 --> 00:01:31,274
So, this all-in-one remote is
supposed to control everything in the flat,
14
00:01:31,275 --> 00:01:34,595
but all I can get it to do is
beep. It's a load of...
15
00:01:36,195 --> 00:01:38,954
Since when have you been
into meditation?
16
00:01:38,955 --> 00:01:40,675
Since I got this CD.
17
00:01:41,715 --> 00:01:43,594
The 3 Spirit Guides?
18
00:01:43,595 --> 00:01:47,874
I got it for my birthday, along with
this kimono and this card.
19
00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:49,914
It's not your birthday.
20
00:01:49,915 --> 00:01:52,395
I wondered why it was addressed
to a different flat.
21
00:01:55,195 --> 00:01:58,794
I'm going on a quest that's gonna
sort my life out once and for all.
22
00:01:58,795 --> 00:02:01,154
You're going to the Jobcentre?
23
00:02:01,155 --> 00:02:05,434
No, Matthew, I'm aligning my
chakras.
24
00:02:05,435 --> 00:02:08,595
Close your legs, I think one of your
chakras just popped out your kimono.
25
00:02:10,355 --> 00:02:14,995
Right! I think I've worked out what
this button does. Lamp on!
26
00:02:16,075 --> 00:02:19,314
'You're listening to DJ Ribby!
This is Awesome Sauce...'
27
00:02:19,315 --> 00:02:22,474
Urgh. DJ Ribby? My sister listens
to him. He's awful!
28
00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:24,754
This tune has got a bass line
so large,
29
00:02:24,755 --> 00:02:28,835
you can see the bass from
space with your face!
30
00:02:29,955 --> 00:02:33,554
Elementary, my dear,
what's-on your radio?
31
00:02:33,555 --> 00:02:34,714
This is!
32
00:02:34,715 --> 00:02:38,154
The brand-new cut from the UK's
number one pubstep crew,
33
00:02:38,155 --> 00:02:41,714
who, this week, signed
a million-pound contract.
34
00:02:41,715 --> 00:02:46,315
This is Mulled Chisel with Buntage!
35
00:02:52,955 --> 00:02:57,354
Pubstep? Whatever happened to real
music? The Beatles... The Stones...
36
00:02:57,355 --> 00:02:58,834
Smash Mouth!
37
00:02:58,835 --> 00:03:02,594
Did you hear that?
A million-pound contract!
38
00:03:02,595 --> 00:03:05,394
Bet I could make a tune like
that. Tom, you're not a musician.
39
00:03:05,395 --> 00:03:09,034
Yeah, I'm not a dancer, but I
launched that new dance craze -
40
00:03:09,035 --> 00:03:11,755
the soap dispenser!
41
00:03:13,675 --> 00:03:17,314
I'm not an economist,
but I introduced that new phrase - a fat quid!
42
00:03:17,315 --> 00:03:19,274
What's a fat quid?
43
00:03:19,275 --> 00:03:21,115
Two quid!
44
00:03:22,595 --> 00:03:25,274
And when I'm the UK's
number one music act,
45
00:03:25,275 --> 00:03:28,075
I'm gonna be earning loads of
fat quids.
46
00:03:30,635 --> 00:03:32,594
You see? That's catchy!
47
00:03:32,595 --> 00:03:34,435
Yeah, so's pubic lice!
48
00:03:35,635 --> 00:03:38,075
I am a musical genius.
49
00:03:40,475 --> 00:03:41,594
Ha!
50
00:03:41,595 --> 00:03:43,475
And a technological genius!
51
00:04:01,795 --> 00:04:03,755
What a load of...
52
00:04:05,075 --> 00:04:06,875
...fucking shit!
53
00:04:12,355 --> 00:04:15,994
? Good morning, good morning!
It's great to stay up late!
54
00:04:15,995 --> 00:04:19,714
? Good morning, good morning
to you-ah! ?
55
00:04:19,715 --> 00:04:21,194
Ah!
56
00:04:21,195 --> 00:04:22,555
I am so pissed off.
57
00:04:24,155 --> 00:04:26,954
This office used to be cool.
58
00:04:26,955 --> 00:04:31,754
I mean, look at these awards.
Most Amazeballs Office 2011!
59
00:04:31,755 --> 00:04:35,074
Sickest Accounts Department 2009!
60
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:37,794
We've been winning awards
like these since 1988,
61
00:04:37,795 --> 00:04:41,034
when we were given a prestigious
Cowabunga Commendation.
62
00:04:41,035 --> 00:04:44,234
But I'm afraid we're losing our
touch.
63
00:04:44,235 --> 00:04:50,394
So I have fired my "Head of Cool"
and I'm looking to appoint a successor.
64
00:04:50,395 --> 00:04:52,314
Rachel?
65
00:04:52,315 --> 00:04:57,794
Ideas on how to make this
office relevant again. Go!
66
00:04:57,795 --> 00:05:01,514
All we need to do is put on an
event, a happening, a party.
67
00:05:01,515 --> 00:05:03,354
I don't believe it. I know.
68
00:05:03,355 --> 00:05:05,435
That's just off the top of my
head. No. That.
69
00:05:06,475 --> 00:05:08,474
I've only sprained my wrist.
How d'you do that?
70
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:12,714
I was playing golf. Andrew
bought me lessons, so I had to go.
71
00:05:12,715 --> 00:05:15,435
Another tragic victim of the
"Golf War".
72
00:05:17,435 --> 00:05:18,754
Golf?!
73
00:05:18,755 --> 00:05:21,155
Who d'you think you are,
Venus Williams?
74
00:05:22,195 --> 00:05:23,474
Not a golfer.
75
00:05:23,475 --> 00:05:27,914
No, no, I can't have a golfer
with an arm virus organising my relaunch party.
76
00:05:27,915 --> 00:05:31,274
Oh... No, no, you're going home,
Rachel.
77
00:05:31,275 --> 00:05:33,794
And don't come back until
you're better...
78
00:05:33,795 --> 00:05:35,395
and cooler.
79
00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:37,835
Matthew?
80
00:05:39,795 --> 00:05:41,474
Are you cool?
81
00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:42,754
No. Oh, shame.
82
00:05:42,755 --> 00:05:45,154
There's a substantial bonus
attached to the position.
83
00:05:45,155 --> 00:05:49,354
By which I mean, er, no-one who says
they're cool is actually cool.
84
00:05:49,355 --> 00:05:52,515
So, by saying no, it's a cool way
of me saying yes.
85
00:05:55,195 --> 00:05:57,195
Sounds like bollocks. I'm listening.
86
00:05:58,435 --> 00:05:59,794
What's groovy nowadays?
87
00:05:59,795 --> 00:06:03,434
Well, er, not the word
"groovy" for starters.
88
00:06:03,435 --> 00:06:04,874
Sir, can I just chip in?
89
00:06:04,875 --> 00:06:06,994
Chip in, ha!
90
00:06:06,995 --> 00:06:10,194
I think that's how you got
in this mess in the first place!
91
00:06:10,195 --> 00:06:12,995
Rachel, home!
92
00:06:15,235 --> 00:06:16,994
Matthew...
93
00:06:16,995 --> 00:06:21,355
I always thought the way you
dressed was ironically shit!
94
00:06:23,435 --> 00:06:24,795
You're my new Head of Cool.
95
00:06:25,915 --> 00:06:27,834
I want a full presentation on
this party.
96
00:06:27,835 --> 00:06:31,634
Well, working on presentations is a
bit last year, sir.
97
00:06:31,635 --> 00:06:36,154
Yeah, don't push your luck.
2pm. My office.
98
00:06:36,155 --> 00:06:41,034
Mr C, I can't believe you fired
me as your Head of Cool.
99
00:06:41,035 --> 00:06:42,674
Hey-ey-ey!
100
00:06:42,675 --> 00:06:47,314
Fuzzy, I told you, your style is
just... it's too dated.
101
00:06:47,315 --> 00:06:49,994
Dated? Whoa!
102
00:06:49,995 --> 00:06:51,234
Sit on it!
103
00:06:51,235 --> 00:06:53,515
Hey-ey-ey!
104
00:07:06,955 --> 00:07:10,634
Oh, meditation,
what a load of cod's bollocks!
105
00:07:10,635 --> 00:07:13,554
You don't get what you want
in life by shutting your eyes
106
00:07:13,555 --> 00:07:15,675
and thinking about it.
107
00:07:16,875 --> 00:07:18,994
Right, I'm here to spend the
day with you.
108
00:07:18,995 --> 00:07:21,314
Bloody hell, it works!
109
00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:23,954
That way, even just for the
afternoon,
110
00:07:23,955 --> 00:07:26,234
I'll definitely be the coolest
person in the room.
111
00:07:26,235 --> 00:07:29,074
Rachel, you can help me out
with something.
112
00:07:29,075 --> 00:07:32,474
For the last time, Tom, I am not
helping you check for lumps.
113
00:07:32,475 --> 00:07:36,954
No, close your eyes and tell
me which one of these songs
114
00:07:36,955 --> 00:07:41,155
you think has the potential to become
a number one hit record?
115
00:07:44,355 --> 00:07:48,874
? This song has the potential to
become a number one hit record! ?
116
00:07:48,875 --> 00:07:51,155
It's a bit obvious. Number two.
117
00:07:53,195 --> 00:07:57,274
? Ooh, baby, check for lumps!
Check for lumps! Check for lumps! ?
118
00:07:57,275 --> 00:07:58,874
No!
119
00:07:58,875 --> 00:08:01,235
Strap yourself in for number three.
120
00:08:04,475 --> 00:08:06,595
? I-E-I-O! ?
121
00:08:08,395 --> 00:08:11,195
? I-E-I-O! ?
122
00:08:12,715 --> 00:08:13,834
Wow!
123
00:08:13,835 --> 00:08:16,114
That wasn't me!
124
00:08:16,115 --> 00:08:19,035
? I-E-I-O! ?
125
00:08:20,195 --> 00:08:22,234
I think we've found our killer
vocal.
126
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:25,315
? I-E-I-O! ?
127
00:08:29,035 --> 00:08:33,754
This must be the fantastical
world of my subconscious.
128
00:08:33,755 --> 00:08:37,595
It's beyond my wildest dreams.
129
00:08:45,395 --> 00:08:47,274
Greetings, traveller.
130
00:08:47,275 --> 00:08:50,234
I am the first
of your three spirit guides.
131
00:08:50,235 --> 00:08:52,595
A talking lizard?
132
00:08:53,755 --> 00:08:55,554
You look familiar.
133
00:08:55,555 --> 00:08:56,914
Obviously!
134
00:08:56,915 --> 00:09:00,914
Reptile House, Whipsnade Zoo, 1995?
135
00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:02,154
Forget it!
136
00:09:02,155 --> 00:09:05,194
You know, when most people meditate,
they transport themselves
137
00:09:05,195 --> 00:09:07,474
to a beach, or a mountain top, not
their own flat,
138
00:09:07,475 --> 00:09:10,514
with a slightly larger DVD
collection.
139
00:09:10,515 --> 00:09:13,835
And... a smoothie maker!
140
00:09:16,595 --> 00:09:19,434
Each guide will teach you one
lesson.
141
00:09:19,435 --> 00:09:23,034
Mine is about achieving freedom.
142
00:09:23,035 --> 00:09:27,275
Look deep into the orb of
enlightenment.
143
00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:31,155
Oh, my God!
144
00:09:33,595 --> 00:09:36,474
The Shawshank Redemption.
145
00:09:36,475 --> 00:09:38,754
But I'm your spirit guide!
146
00:09:38,755 --> 00:09:41,955
Of course, you're here to help me.
147
00:09:43,915 --> 00:09:46,595
Make me a smoothie, would you?
148
00:09:48,875 --> 00:09:51,594
And the great thing is,
because you're blindfolded,
149
00:09:51,595 --> 00:09:54,315
you've got no idea where the
donkey's tail should be. Ha!
150
00:09:56,435 --> 00:09:59,474
Matthew, are you sure
you're up to this role?
151
00:09:59,475 --> 00:10:02,394
Of course, sir, I'm bad.
152
00:10:02,395 --> 00:10:04,755
At school, I was in a rap
group.
153
00:10:08,755 --> 00:10:11,194
? All things bright and beautiful!
154
00:10:11,195 --> 00:10:13,954
? All creatures great and small!
155
00:10:13,955 --> 00:10:16,674
? All things wise and wonderful
156
00:10:16,675 --> 00:10:18,834
? The Lord God made them all!
157
00:10:18,835 --> 00:10:20,515
? Muthafuckers! ?
158
00:10:23,035 --> 00:10:28,034
Matthew, if you want that bonus,
you'd better make this party
159
00:10:28,035 --> 00:10:31,434
the coolest thing since I started
ending my text messages
160
00:10:31,435 --> 00:10:33,075
"hashtag just saying".
161
00:10:37,955 --> 00:10:40,634
'I'm Ribby. This is Awesome Sauce.
162
00:10:40,635 --> 00:10:43,915
'Clickety the gizbo above me
nog to earhole me showload!'
163
00:10:50,635 --> 00:10:52,955
? I-E-I-O! ?
164
00:10:56,075 --> 00:10:57,835
Let's have a listen.
165
00:10:59,435 --> 00:11:01,435
? I-E-I-O!
166
00:11:03,715 --> 00:11:06,154
? I-E-I-O! ?
167
00:11:06,155 --> 00:11:09,034
Rachel, that's great!
168
00:11:09,035 --> 00:11:10,474
Where d'you learn to do that?
169
00:11:10,475 --> 00:11:14,834
I had a pretty crazy summer back in
2010. Picked up mad skillz.
170
00:11:14,835 --> 00:11:16,594
Superclub in Ibiza?
171
00:11:16,595 --> 00:11:18,435
Computer club in Watford.
172
00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:22,714
The next step is getting this out
into the world.
173
00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:26,195
The public need to hear this.
You're right.
174
00:11:28,235 --> 00:11:30,434
Oi, Steve!
175
00:11:30,435 --> 00:11:32,515
Listen to this!
176
00:11:34,915 --> 00:11:36,474
No, Tom!
177
00:11:36,475 --> 00:11:40,154
We upload it online and then send a
link to DJ Ribby.
178
00:11:40,155 --> 00:11:41,434
Ah!
179
00:11:41,435 --> 00:11:44,075
If he likes it
then he'll play it on his show.
180
00:11:45,435 --> 00:11:47,954
Oh! We'll need a band name.
181
00:11:47,955 --> 00:11:49,514
I'm way ahead of you.
182
00:11:49,515 --> 00:11:52,675
I've focus-grouped this and come up
with the perfect name.
183
00:11:54,035 --> 00:11:55,915
The Horny Perverts!
184
00:11:57,715 --> 00:12:00,274
I think it sends out the wrong
message.
185
00:12:00,275 --> 00:12:03,074
Oh. I'll tell the focus group.
186
00:12:03,075 --> 00:12:05,554
Oi, Steve!
187
00:12:05,555 --> 00:12:07,235
She didn't go for it!
188
00:12:08,675 --> 00:12:13,315
We need something that explains why
our lead singer looks like a hairy monk.
189
00:12:17,155 --> 00:12:18,355
Hairy Monk!
190
00:12:19,675 --> 00:12:21,314
Yo! Ribby!
191
00:12:21,315 --> 00:12:23,434
Set your lobes to implode, because...
192
00:12:23,435 --> 00:12:27,634
Hairy Monk are about
to chant your pants off.
193
00:12:27,635 --> 00:12:28,915
Kick it!
194
00:12:30,035 --> 00:12:31,954
We'll earn a million quid.
195
00:12:31,955 --> 00:12:36,115
That's 500,000 fat quid!
196
00:12:40,995 --> 00:12:42,914
Matthew!
197
00:12:42,915 --> 00:12:46,274
Last chance. If you can't
prove to me you're up to this,
198
00:12:46,275 --> 00:12:48,914
I'll give Head of Cool to Margaret in
HR.
199
00:12:48,915 --> 00:12:50,994
And she's learned to speak Klingon!
200
00:12:50,995 --> 00:12:52,514
How's progress?
201
00:12:52,515 --> 00:12:54,074
It's well rubs.
202
00:12:54,075 --> 00:12:55,754
Well rubs?
203
00:12:55,755 --> 00:12:59,314
Yeah, I've had Ribby's show on
lockdown all afternoon, but no diggity.
204
00:12:59,315 --> 00:13:01,874
I ain't even got an ounce of
bounce.
205
00:13:01,875 --> 00:13:04,634
I may as well just jack
this whole ting in the mipsy!
206
00:13:04,635 --> 00:13:06,514
Matthew...
207
00:13:06,515 --> 00:13:09,594
I didn't understand a word you just
said, which can only mean one thing.
208
00:13:09,595 --> 00:13:11,554
You're becoming cool by osmosis!
209
00:13:11,555 --> 00:13:15,514
Cool by Osmosis is my faveballs rave
digga anthem.
210
00:13:15,515 --> 00:13:17,794
Ribby's got it on rotation bare
long!
211
00:13:17,795 --> 00:13:18,994
It's working!
212
00:13:18,995 --> 00:13:21,514
It is! I'm cool!
213
00:13:21,515 --> 00:13:23,794
Huzzah!
214
00:13:23,795 --> 00:13:26,034
I mean... whatevs.
215
00:13:26,035 --> 00:13:28,914
So you are the man to host this
party!
216
00:13:28,915 --> 00:13:32,555
We must work fast. Let's hit the
town. We both need a makeover.
217
00:13:33,915 --> 00:13:37,594
These vouchers have got our
names written all over them!
218
00:13:37,595 --> 00:13:39,835
Marks and Sparks, here we come!
219
00:13:43,755 --> 00:13:47,954
Aw... that was brilliant!
220
00:13:47,955 --> 00:13:50,914
Right, you've watched The Shawshank
Redemption.
221
00:13:50,915 --> 00:13:52,674
Now my lesson can begin.
222
00:13:52,675 --> 00:13:56,114
You must have so many questions.
Yeah.
223
00:13:56,115 --> 00:13:58,154
How did he get the poster
back on the wall?
224
00:13:58,155 --> 00:14:00,154
No, focus!
225
00:14:00,155 --> 00:14:03,114
I'm here to teach you
about achieving freedom.
226
00:14:03,115 --> 00:14:04,674
Like in the film.
227
00:14:04,675 --> 00:14:07,394
"Fear can hold you prisoner.
Hope can set you free."
228
00:14:07,395 --> 00:14:10,874
Actually, that's better than what
the orb could've taught you.
229
00:14:10,875 --> 00:14:14,314
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but you've passed your first lesson.
230
00:14:14,315 --> 00:14:16,034
Mamma mia!
231
00:14:16,035 --> 00:14:18,354
I knew you'd be pleased. No!
232
00:14:18,355 --> 00:14:20,035
We've got the DVD of Mamma Mia!
233
00:14:23,075 --> 00:14:26,034
Pierce Brosnan's finest hour.
234
00:14:26,035 --> 00:14:27,635
Get out!
235
00:14:30,835 --> 00:14:33,835
I think he's coming out of his
trance. Quick, take the picture!
236
00:14:38,555 --> 00:14:40,594
That's the band photo sorted.
237
00:14:40,595 --> 00:14:44,395
Get his costume off.
But it's Brosnan singing!
238
00:14:46,435 --> 00:14:49,154
Speaking of singing, while you were
meditating, Ben,
239
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:51,714
you were doing some pretty impressive
chanting.
240
00:14:51,715 --> 00:14:54,314
Do you think you could give
us a repeat performance?
241
00:14:54,315 --> 00:14:57,274
Was I? What did it sound like?
242
00:14:57,275 --> 00:14:59,595
Something like this?
243
00:15:02,795 --> 00:15:04,074
No.
244
00:15:04,075 --> 00:15:05,715
Suit yourself.
245
00:15:06,995 --> 00:15:09,835
I'm off to my room for a
massive wank.
246
00:15:15,075 --> 00:15:17,435
Shouldn't have said that out loud.
247
00:15:18,675 --> 00:15:21,554
There is no way that I'm having
him in the band.
248
00:15:21,555 --> 00:15:24,354
Yeah, but when he meditates,
he sings like an angel.
249
00:15:24,355 --> 00:15:27,795
But when he doesn't, he sounds like
Tarzan getting his dick torn off!
250
00:15:29,315 --> 00:15:30,674
Let's not tell him.
251
00:15:30,675 --> 00:15:33,554
But when he's in his trance,
he's in our band.
252
00:15:33,555 --> 00:15:36,394
Oh!
253
00:15:36,395 --> 00:15:39,514
Oh! Ribby's replied to our message!
254
00:15:39,515 --> 00:15:40,835
Quick, turn the radio on!
255
00:15:42,515 --> 00:15:44,634
'Ou're listening to Ribby.
Hey, giz-uys!'
256
00:15:44,635 --> 00:15:47,274
How's about a world-global
exclusive?
257
00:15:47,275 --> 00:15:49,474
This choon has been all over
the net,
258
00:15:49,475 --> 00:15:51,914
but remember where you
heard it second.
259
00:15:51,915 --> 00:15:53,834
I give you Hairy Monk
260
00:15:53,835 --> 00:15:57,595
with Remote Control! Yeah!
261
00:16:03,475 --> 00:16:06,074
I can't believe your e-mail
to Ribby worked!
262
00:16:06,075 --> 00:16:10,115
All that "explode ya lobes,
you bell-end" stuff!
263
00:16:11,555 --> 00:16:15,075
I didn't think anyone
actually spoke like that.
264
00:16:16,595 --> 00:16:18,515
Wickedy-wow-wow!
265
00:16:21,395 --> 00:16:26,314
What is this slamming choon? Turn
this shiz up! It's off the hiz-ook!
266
00:16:26,315 --> 00:16:29,474
OK, who are you and what have you
done with my brother?
267
00:16:29,475 --> 00:16:32,955
Rachel, it's me - Matty Boom Batty!
268
00:16:34,235 --> 00:16:37,434
The sickest member of the family -
and I'm not talking about my asthma!
269
00:16:37,435 --> 00:16:39,154
Oo-a, oo-a!
270
00:16:39,155 --> 00:16:42,194
The main question is, who is this?
271
00:16:42,195 --> 00:16:44,674
Well, actually, Matthew, the really
cool thing about this is...
272
00:16:44,675 --> 00:16:47,114
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Don't
step to me about cool.
273
00:16:47,115 --> 00:16:49,635
I eat, sleep and breathe cool.
274
00:16:51,955 --> 00:16:53,954
You go get a dictionary,
look up the word "cool",
275
00:16:53,955 --> 00:16:56,874
I'll call you a nerd
for having a dictionary.
276
00:16:56,875 --> 00:17:00,714
I wasn't talking to you, I was
talking to my main dude Ribby!
277
00:17:00,715 --> 00:17:04,954
'Hat was Remote Control by
Hairy Monk.'
278
00:17:04,955 --> 00:17:09,435
Hairy Monk? That is swag!
I'm off to down their load.
279
00:17:15,715 --> 00:17:17,274
It's from Ribby!
280
00:17:17,275 --> 00:17:21,635
He wants us to play a gig
he's DJ-ing tomorrow at a secret location!
281
00:17:25,955 --> 00:17:30,514
Oh, to think Carabine sent me home
for not being cool enough.
282
00:17:30,515 --> 00:17:32,394
I wish he could see me now!
283
00:17:32,395 --> 00:17:34,554
It's Carabine!
284
00:17:34,555 --> 00:17:36,955
That's always happening in this
house.
285
00:17:45,115 --> 00:17:47,074
Matterhorn!
286
00:17:47,075 --> 00:17:49,595
? Oh, Carabina! ?
287
00:17:50,675 --> 00:17:53,354
Let's hit the pubs and clubs
of this crazy town.
288
00:17:53,355 --> 00:17:55,474
Bit of research
for tomorrow night's party.
289
00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:58,594
You're hosting a party?
But that was my idea!
290
00:17:58,595 --> 00:18:01,514
Yes, but all I'm "hashtag just
saying"
291
00:18:01,515 --> 00:18:05,194
is that now it's being hosted by
someone who actually knows what's what.
292
00:18:05,195 --> 00:18:07,074
Oh...
293
00:18:07,075 --> 00:18:09,035
Did you sort those pills for
tonight?
294
00:18:10,435 --> 00:18:12,554
Vitamin C.
295
00:18:12,555 --> 00:18:14,154
Chewable! Aw!
296
00:18:14,155 --> 00:18:17,315
Hold me close, oh, tiny dancer!
297
00:18:21,715 --> 00:18:26,034
OK, merchandise check list.
298
00:18:26,035 --> 00:18:29,914
Hairy Monk T-shirt.
299
00:18:29,915 --> 00:18:32,275
Hairy Monk hairy mink.
300
00:18:33,955 --> 00:18:35,835
Bootleg bootleg.
301
00:18:40,675 --> 00:18:42,074
Rachel!
302
00:18:42,075 --> 00:18:44,514
What, you're downstairs
in the cab with Ribby?
303
00:18:44,515 --> 00:18:46,914
I'll be down in a fat minute.
304
00:18:46,915 --> 00:18:48,355
Two minutes!
305
00:18:51,155 --> 00:18:53,234
Come on! My toast!
306
00:18:53,235 --> 00:18:56,154
You need to start meditating
right now.
307
00:18:56,155 --> 00:18:57,794
I'm not ready yet!
308
00:18:57,795 --> 00:19:00,675
First I have to imagine
I'm floating in the ocean.
309
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:03,755
Done!
310
00:19:06,555 --> 00:19:07,795
Have a good trip!
311
00:19:09,995 --> 00:19:12,115
? I-E-I-O! ?
312
00:19:18,875 --> 00:19:22,154
Greetings! Agh!
313
00:19:22,155 --> 00:19:25,594
I am your second spirit guide.
314
00:19:25,595 --> 00:19:30,714
My lesson is about taking
control of your subconscious.
315
00:19:30,715 --> 00:19:34,435
Hang on, where's the massive DVD
collection?
316
00:19:37,555 --> 00:19:39,675
Where's the smoothie maker?
317
00:19:41,035 --> 00:19:46,474
I have hidden them so that you might
concentrate more on the lesson.
318
00:19:46,475 --> 00:19:49,314
But this is my subconscious.
319
00:19:49,315 --> 00:19:52,155
I can just imagine them
and they'll reappear.
320
00:19:57,915 --> 00:20:00,114
See?
321
00:20:00,115 --> 00:20:03,675
If I wanted to, I could do this...
322
00:20:07,515 --> 00:20:09,115
Why would you want to do that?
323
00:20:10,155 --> 00:20:13,475
I...don't... know.
324
00:20:15,275 --> 00:20:18,354
It appears I've underestimated you.
325
00:20:18,355 --> 00:20:21,554
You've taken control of your
subconscious.
326
00:20:21,555 --> 00:20:24,234
You've completed the second
lesson.
327
00:20:24,235 --> 00:20:28,794
Next, you must travel
to your third spirit guide.
328
00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:31,674
He will teach you self-love.
329
00:20:31,675 --> 00:20:33,874
Self-love?
330
00:20:33,875 --> 00:20:37,274
I'm already pretty good at that.
331
00:20:37,275 --> 00:20:39,635
You must be too, with eight
hands!
332
00:20:41,115 --> 00:20:42,354
Now...
333
00:20:42,355 --> 00:20:47,274
before I return to the mystical
realm of the spirits...
334
00:20:47,275 --> 00:20:48,355
Yes?
335
00:20:49,475 --> 00:20:51,835
Please take this dildo off my
head.
336
00:20:52,915 --> 00:20:54,995
Of course!
337
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:04,955
What's wrong with you?!
338
00:21:08,355 --> 00:21:09,914
Right...
339
00:21:09,915 --> 00:21:13,354
if I'm going to travel
to meet my final spirit guide,
340
00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:16,474
I need to focus.
341
00:21:16,475 --> 00:21:18,194
I can't get distract...
342
00:21:18,195 --> 00:21:20,875
Oh! Titanic!
343
00:21:23,075 --> 00:21:24,675
Brilliant!
344
00:21:33,595 --> 00:21:35,955
? I-E-I-O! ?
345
00:21:41,075 --> 00:21:42,674
I'm doing it!
346
00:21:42,675 --> 00:21:45,474
I'm travelling
to meet my third spirit guide!
347
00:21:45,475 --> 00:21:48,314
Ah, I'll miss the end of Titanic!
348
00:21:48,315 --> 00:21:51,235
I'll never find out what happens when
they get to America.
349
00:21:59,035 --> 00:22:01,194
I can't see a thing!
350
00:22:01,195 --> 00:22:03,314
Why do I have to carry all this
merch?!
351
00:22:03,315 --> 00:22:06,234
Quit complaining!
I had to carry the lead singer!
352
00:22:06,235 --> 00:22:09,035
? I-E-I... ?
Eugh!
353
00:22:10,515 --> 00:22:14,554
Ooh, DJ Ribby has arrived,
albeit by the fire exit,
354
00:22:14,555 --> 00:22:16,994
but I wanted
to keep you guys a surprise!
355
00:22:16,995 --> 00:22:20,714
The party chiefs are gonna flip their
lids when they see Hairy Monk are in the place.
356
00:22:20,715 --> 00:22:23,234
Nail this and you'll have a
number one on your hands.
357
00:22:23,235 --> 00:22:25,274
And the last time
I gave that bit of advice
358
00:22:25,275 --> 00:22:29,914
was to a little band called Smash
Mouth, and look at them now!
359
00:22:29,915 --> 00:22:33,634
Ribby, I have gotta say,
I am such a big fan.
360
00:22:33,635 --> 00:22:35,554
I used to listen to you
on Radio Twin Counties
361
00:22:35,555 --> 00:22:37,394
when you were doing the
breakfast show.
362
00:22:37,395 --> 00:22:39,874
God, that must have been...
ten years ago now.
363
00:22:39,875 --> 00:22:41,714
Ten years ago?!
364
00:22:41,715 --> 00:22:44,435
That can't have been me! I'm 25!
365
00:22:49,075 --> 00:22:52,755
I bet this is so much cooler
than Matthew's rubbish party.
366
00:22:55,675 --> 00:22:59,995
Cara-booze-hound! MDMA-tthew!
367
00:23:02,955 --> 00:23:06,354
Oh, I'm loving the office's new vibe!
368
00:23:06,355 --> 00:23:07,994
It's unrecognisable!
369
00:23:07,995 --> 00:23:12,954
And I've booked the hottest DJ
around.
370
00:23:12,955 --> 00:23:15,314
You're listening to Ribby
371
00:23:15,315 --> 00:23:17,035
and lookin' at him!
372
00:23:18,915 --> 00:23:20,994
I'm about to drop a Ribby
exclusive.
373
00:23:20,995 --> 00:23:24,835
We're webcasting live the first ever
gig from the hottest crew around.
374
00:23:26,355 --> 00:23:31,395
Well, I've gotta hand it to you,
M-Bop, you've really done it.
375
00:23:32,515 --> 00:23:37,674
If this crew are as
wickedy-wickedy-wac as that delightful young man says they are,
376
00:23:37,675 --> 00:23:41,594
then this office is once again
cool and you are definitely getting that pay rise.
377
00:23:41,595 --> 00:23:45,915
Get ready to slam dunk with
Hairy Monk!
378
00:23:49,795 --> 00:23:51,794
Rachel?!
379
00:23:51,795 --> 00:23:54,834
Oh, this is perfect!
380
00:23:54,835 --> 00:23:56,554
This is a disaster!
381
00:23:56,555 --> 00:23:58,755
This is the future!
382
00:24:00,515 --> 00:24:06,275
We are Hairy Monk and we are
here to push your buttons!
383
00:24:30,995 --> 00:24:36,075
Finally, a spirit guide who looks
like he can actually teach me something.
384
00:24:38,355 --> 00:24:42,474
Dude, you are absolutely
nailing these lessons.
385
00:24:42,475 --> 00:24:46,314
Cheers, dude. The final lesson
you have to learn is...
386
00:24:46,315 --> 00:24:48,874
Self-love? Yes!
387
00:24:48,875 --> 00:24:51,274
How did you know I was
gonna say that?
388
00:24:51,275 --> 00:24:52,594
You're brilliant!
389
00:24:52,595 --> 00:24:56,154
I know. You're brilliant too.
You're a great teacher.
390
00:24:56,155 --> 00:24:57,994
You're a great student.
391
00:24:57,995 --> 00:25:00,354
It's fun to be taught by you.
392
00:25:00,355 --> 00:25:02,434
It's fun to teach you.
393
00:25:02,435 --> 00:25:03,835
I love you!
394
00:25:05,915 --> 00:25:08,034
And I love...
395
00:25:08,035 --> 00:25:10,274
spending time with you.
396
00:25:10,275 --> 00:25:15,114
Well, for the sake of maintaining a
proper student-teacher relationship,
397
00:25:15,115 --> 00:25:17,475
I think we'll end the lesson there.
398
00:25:19,115 --> 00:25:21,154
You've achieved self-love.
399
00:25:21,155 --> 00:25:22,394
You've passed.
400
00:25:22,395 --> 00:25:23,514
Brilliant!
401
00:25:23,515 --> 00:25:25,594
It's not that simple.
402
00:25:25,595 --> 00:25:27,314
There is a final challenge.
403
00:25:27,315 --> 00:25:29,914
A test to prove
that you've truly understood
404
00:25:29,915 --> 00:25:31,954
everything you've learnt so
far.
405
00:25:31,955 --> 00:25:34,874
Ah! A final challenge?
406
00:25:34,875 --> 00:25:37,954
We are in a completely
sealed room.
407
00:25:37,955 --> 00:25:40,994
No windows, no doors.
408
00:25:40,995 --> 00:25:44,754
You must achieve... freedom.
409
00:25:44,755 --> 00:25:47,914
This might take some time, but...
410
00:25:47,915 --> 00:25:52,154
through controlling your
subconscious and self-love, you can...
411
00:25:52,155 --> 00:25:54,995
What's that poster doing on the
wall?
412
00:25:58,635 --> 00:26:01,394
Done it! Oh, yeah.
413
00:26:01,395 --> 00:26:02,754
Nice work!
414
00:26:02,755 --> 00:26:06,155
Do me a favour. Stick it back on the
wall when I'm done, would you?
415
00:26:14,835 --> 00:26:16,475
Hell of a guy.
416
00:26:26,595 --> 00:26:28,274
Ah...
417
00:26:28,275 --> 00:26:32,074
Well, I'm off for a massive wank!
418
00:26:32,075 --> 00:26:36,034
'Massive wank! Massive wank!
Massive wank!'
419
00:26:36,035 --> 00:26:38,234
What's happening?
420
00:26:38,235 --> 00:26:39,755
Keep chanting!
421
00:26:43,475 --> 00:26:45,674
Don't worry, Rachel. I'll cover.
422
00:26:45,675 --> 00:26:50,035
? Oh, baby, check for lumps! Check
for lumps! It might be mumps! ?
423
00:26:51,515 --> 00:26:55,075
Remote control solo!
424
00:27:06,595 --> 00:27:08,554
Well, that was...
425
00:27:08,555 --> 00:27:10,115
...fucking shit!
426
00:27:16,115 --> 00:27:18,874
I'm sorry the party
wasn't a success, sir.
427
00:27:18,875 --> 00:27:20,274
That's OK.
428
00:27:20,275 --> 00:27:22,714
I think it's taught us all
a valuable lesson.
429
00:27:22,715 --> 00:27:25,794
Yes. Fashions are transitory.
430
00:27:25,795 --> 00:27:28,434
The best way to be cool
is just to be yourself.
431
00:27:28,435 --> 00:27:30,434
What? No, no.
432
00:27:30,435 --> 00:27:32,914
It's taught us that you are useless!
433
00:27:32,915 --> 00:27:36,034
I should never have listened to
myself when I listened to you.
434
00:27:36,035 --> 00:27:38,754
Rachel, I need you back.
435
00:27:38,755 --> 00:27:40,195
Thanks, sir.
436
00:27:41,315 --> 00:27:44,354
Sorry, boys, but I'm breaking
up the band.
437
00:27:44,355 --> 00:27:49,154
Breaking up the band? But that'll
mean breaking up the band!
438
00:27:49,155 --> 00:27:52,195
Yeah! I've only just found out
I'm in it.
439
00:27:53,555 --> 00:27:57,795
Hey, do you fancy joining
The Horny Perverts?
440
00:27:58,915 --> 00:28:01,074
I don't know what that is.
441
00:28:01,075 --> 00:28:02,355
But sign me up!
442
00:28:03,915 --> 00:28:05,594
Yo! Mr C!
443
00:28:05,595 --> 00:28:07,714
Ooh!
444
00:28:07,715 --> 00:28:12,834
Hey, Fuzzy! Welcome back,
my reinstated Head of Cool.
445
00:28:12,835 --> 00:28:15,714
Hey-ey-ey!
446
00:28:15,715 --> 00:28:17,915
Smash Mouth, anyone?
447
00:28:30,435 --> 00:28:33,995
I'm 48!
448
00:28:34,045 --> 00:28:38,595
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