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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,886 --> 00:00:08,894 Previously, on "Resident Alien"... 2 00:00:08,979 --> 00:00:10,871 I think this alien's here to kill everybody. 3 00:00:10,964 --> 00:00:14,239 You will help me find my device. 4 00:00:14,324 --> 00:00:16,256 That's on the glacier. You can't go there. 5 00:00:16,340 --> 00:00:18,622 Harry, don't go! It's too dangerous. 6 00:00:18,707 --> 00:00:20,887 - Not for me. - Harry! 7 00:00:20,972 --> 00:00:22,003 You have kids? 8 00:00:22,088 --> 00:00:23,353 We have a little boy named Max. 9 00:00:23,438 --> 00:00:25,276 - Max. - You should take my number. 10 00:00:25,361 --> 00:00:26,401 Call anytime. 11 00:00:26,486 --> 00:00:29,221 When I find my device, I can finally kill them all. 12 00:00:29,306 --> 00:00:32,174 - Harry! - Don't move. 13 00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:38,159 I am what your people call an extraterrestrial. 14 00:00:38,244 --> 00:00:38,974 Oh. 15 00:00:39,058 --> 00:00:41,223 - An alien. - Oh, I feel nauseous. 16 00:00:41,308 --> 00:00:43,683 You earn respect through your actions, Deputy. 17 00:00:43,768 --> 00:00:44,942 Did you make your own murder board? 18 00:00:45,027 --> 00:00:46,958 Toxicology results. Sam was poisoned. 19 00:00:47,043 --> 00:00:49,092 You don't respect me, and you never have. 20 00:00:49,176 --> 00:00:50,699 I quit! 21 00:00:50,882 --> 00:00:53,485 I'm not quitting. I'm gonna get us out of here. 22 00:00:55,094 --> 00:00:56,956 - Tell me how to help you. - My leg. 23 00:00:57,041 --> 00:01:00,190 I will die if you don't chop it off. 24 00:01:00,274 --> 00:01:02,714 Okay, look at me. I won't let you die. 25 00:01:04,060 --> 00:01:05,673 Aah! 26 00:01:07,126 --> 00:01:08,981 Do my feet look like watermelons? 27 00:01:09,065 --> 00:01:10,374 'Cause they feel like it. 28 00:01:10,458 --> 00:01:12,115 The sexiest watermelons 29 00:01:12,199 --> 00:01:13,507 I've ever seen. 30 00:01:13,591 --> 00:01:17,250 Still so much to do before"Jack" or "Joanie" comes. 31 00:01:17,334 --> 00:01:20,210 We need crib sheets and burp cloths. 32 00:01:20,294 --> 00:01:22,125 Couples massage. 33 00:01:22,209 --> 00:01:25,215 So where do we stand 34 00:01:25,299 --> 00:01:27,260 on baby food? 35 00:01:27,344 --> 00:01:30,350 Jarred or homemade? 36 00:01:30,434 --> 00:01:31,830 I don't know. I read somewhere homemade 37 00:01:31,914 --> 00:01:34,354 doesn't keep as well. A little too lumpy. 38 00:01:34,438 --> 00:01:36,443 Plus, I've tried baby applesauce, 39 00:01:36,527 --> 00:01:38,576 and it's freakin' delicious. 40 00:01:42,403 --> 00:01:44,408 What's happening? 41 00:01:49,598 --> 00:01:51,229 I don't know. 42 00:01:57,940 --> 00:02:00,334 Oh, my God. 43 00:02:05,261 --> 00:02:07,742 Honey! 44 00:02:12,942 --> 00:02:16,946 Oh. Honey, the baby. 45 00:02:20,049 --> 00:02:21,627 Uh, uh... 46 00:02:23,661 --> 00:02:25,080 Okay. 47 00:02:39,656 --> 00:02:41,182 You saw that, right? 48 00:02:53,648 --> 00:02:56,828 Brown Bird's "Bilgewater"... 49 00:03:01,017 --> 00:03:02,449 *RESIDENT ALIEN* Season 01 Episode 09 50 00:03:02,534 --> 00:03:04,083 Episode Title: "Welcome Aliens" Aired on: March 24, 2021 51 00:03:04,167 --> 00:03:05,606 I'm dead. 52 00:03:05,789 --> 00:03:09,287 But if I'm dead, why do I feel so warm and squishy 53 00:03:09,372 --> 00:03:11,246 like I'm being hugged by a cloud? 54 00:03:11,361 --> 00:03:12,670 Oh, no. 55 00:03:12,754 --> 00:03:14,628 This must be the afterlife. 56 00:03:14,712 --> 00:03:17,414 I'm in human heaven. 57 00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:19,449 It makes me want to kill myself. 58 00:03:19,534 --> 00:03:22,366 I see the morphine is still working. 59 00:03:22,451 --> 00:03:24,325 What are you doing here? 60 00:03:24,410 --> 00:03:26,763 Why does the afterlife 61 00:03:26,848 --> 00:03:29,724 look like a crappy cabin? 62 00:03:29,809 --> 00:03:31,118 Are you dead too? 63 00:03:31,617 --> 00:03:33,012 I didn't want to leave you alone 64 00:03:33,097 --> 00:03:35,558 after what you'd been through. Come on. 65 00:03:35,643 --> 00:03:38,261 You need to eat just so you can get your strength back. 66 00:03:40,390 --> 00:03:42,523 Mmm. 67 00:03:46,231 --> 00:03:49,974 Now I know why you have 17 gallons of milk in your fridge. 68 00:03:51,742 --> 00:03:54,135 Okay, I need to change your dressing. 69 00:03:55,202 --> 00:03:58,671 Um, I think we should, you know, 70 00:03:58,756 --> 00:04:00,152 try to avoid suspicion. 71 00:04:00,236 --> 00:04:02,590 So I started looking into getting you a prosthetic. 72 00:04:02,675 --> 00:04:06,201 I know... what the freakin' hell is that? 73 00:04:06,285 --> 00:04:08,421 That is my leg. 74 00:04:08,505 --> 00:04:10,377 It's regenerating. 75 00:04:11,421 --> 00:04:12,469 How is that even possible? 76 00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:14,471 My people are descendants 77 00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:16,690 of octopuses. 78 00:04:16,774 --> 00:04:18,736 Soon it will grow longer, 79 00:04:18,820 --> 00:04:22,479 and then I will transformthe molecules into human shape. 80 00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:25,612 So you're telling me eventually that thing 81 00:04:25,696 --> 00:04:28,746 - will look like that one? - Yes. 82 00:04:28,830 --> 00:04:31,836 Except for the moleand the hangnail. 83 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:35,535 I chewed my toenaildown too low. 84 00:04:37,316 --> 00:04:39,406 You can go now. 85 00:04:40,537 --> 00:04:42,496 Excuse me? 86 00:04:43,671 --> 00:04:45,850 I stayed up all night. 87 00:04:45,934 --> 00:04:47,765 I got supplies. I dressed your wounds. 88 00:04:47,849 --> 00:04:49,506 I cleaned you up, and this is how you thank me? 89 00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:51,334 I didn't ask you to stay. 90 00:04:51,418 --> 00:04:53,466 Well, I did 91 00:04:53,550 --> 00:04:55,424 'cause that's what humans do. 92 00:04:55,509 --> 00:04:57,558 They take care of one another. 93 00:04:57,772 --> 00:04:59,666 You know, when some... I'm sorry, 94 00:04:59,751 --> 00:05:01,605 I can't take you seriously with that thing. 95 00:05:01,689 --> 00:05:03,865 - What is wrong with it? - It's perfectly normal. 96 00:05:04,292 --> 00:05:05,818 Jesus, can you just 97 00:05:06,003 --> 00:05:08,182 put a sock on it? 98 00:05:08,267 --> 00:05:09,829 It likes the fresh air. 99 00:05:09,914 --> 00:05:12,711 - Also, it's not a thing. - It is a leg. 100 00:05:12,796 --> 00:05:14,929 You are leg-shaming me. 101 00:05:18,116 --> 00:05:19,944 Be careful with that. 102 00:05:20,581 --> 00:05:22,673 - No. - Please be careful. 103 00:05:22,979 --> 00:05:25,411 Do not press the black button. 104 00:05:25,495 --> 00:05:28,980 I'm not ready to radio my people yet. 105 00:05:29,064 --> 00:05:30,895 This black button? 106 00:05:31,525 --> 00:05:33,689 Asta. 107 00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:37,010 - Say thank you. - Thank you. 108 00:05:39,683 --> 00:05:43,470 - Oh! - Thank you. 109 00:05:50,419 --> 00:05:51,899 You're welcome. 110 00:05:54,655 --> 00:05:56,486 Please do not move. 111 00:05:56,570 --> 00:05:58,575 I'm going to work, and I'll be back later. 112 00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:00,197 If all goes as planned, 113 00:06:00,282 --> 00:06:03,157 there won't be a "later." 114 00:06:03,242 --> 00:06:06,439 Yes. Later. 115 00:06:21,852 --> 00:06:23,103 Shit! 116 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:33,566 I knew it. 117 00:06:34,086 --> 00:06:35,958 Why are you ignoring my calls? 118 00:06:36,871 --> 00:06:39,398 Um, I'm sorry. 119 00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:42,314 - I've just been so busy. - Ooh. 120 00:06:42,398 --> 00:06:45,143 'Cause last night, you sent me inside to get help, 121 00:06:45,227 --> 00:06:47,537 and when I came back out, you and Harry were gone, so... 122 00:06:47,621 --> 00:06:49,539 - - Yeah, uh, sorry. - Harry was in bad shape. 123 00:06:49,623 --> 00:06:51,541 And I realizedwe didn't have an MRI machine. 124 00:06:51,625 --> 00:06:53,583 So I took him to the hospitalin Braddock. 125 00:06:55,150 --> 00:06:56,586 What? 126 00:06:58,153 --> 00:07:01,333 I know you too well. You're lying. 127 00:07:01,417 --> 00:07:03,944 I am not. 128 00:07:04,028 --> 00:07:06,512 Yeah, you are. You have a tell. 129 00:07:06,596 --> 00:07:07,838 Oh, really? What's my tell? 130 00:07:07,923 --> 00:07:09,863 Well, I can't tell you because then you'd know 131 00:07:09,947 --> 00:07:11,648 what the tell is and you'd hide the tell from me, 132 00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:13,111 and I wouldn't be able to tell. It's like... 133 00:07:13,196 --> 00:07:15,260 Wow, you ever thought about working for the CIA? 134 00:07:15,344 --> 00:07:17,349 Yeah, actually, I'm waiting to hear back. 135 00:07:17,433 --> 00:07:19,351 Hey, Asta. 136 00:07:19,435 --> 00:07:22,354 The doctor had me call Braddock to follow up on Harry's MRI. 137 00:07:22,438 --> 00:07:24,574 But they have no record of it. 138 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:28,186 That's a mistake. So I'll take care of it. 139 00:07:28,270 --> 00:07:29,666 Thank you. 140 00:07:31,708 --> 00:07:33,362 Why is she staring at you like that? 141 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:36,455 What did you do? 142 00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:37,935 Don't you have better things to do, Ellen? 143 00:07:38,019 --> 00:07:39,589 Maybe unpack the shipment of catheters 144 00:07:39,673 --> 00:07:40,807 that came in this morning? 145 00:07:40,891 --> 00:07:42,850 Oh, right. The fun stuff. 146 00:07:47,223 --> 00:07:49,095 Got my eye on you, Twelvetrees. 147 00:08:00,911 --> 00:08:02,655 - The power source is damaged. 148 00:08:02,739 --> 00:08:05,266 Built to provide energy for 5,000 years 149 00:08:05,350 --> 00:08:07,138 but apparently not built to withstand 150 00:08:07,222 --> 00:08:09,441 an unprotected fall into a crevasse. 151 00:08:09,877 --> 00:08:12,404 Certain alien races implant tiny transmitters 152 00:08:12,488 --> 00:08:15,059 into human beings to monitor their activity. 153 00:08:15,143 --> 00:08:16,843 If I can find one of those, 154 00:08:16,927 --> 00:08:19,309 I can reverse engineer it to reboot my device. 155 00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:31,422 Aah! Mmm. 156 00:08:31,507 --> 00:08:32,598 Yeah. 157 00:08:34,535 --> 00:08:36,497 I heard you fell down a crevasse. 158 00:08:36,582 --> 00:08:38,456 Did you find your radio? 159 00:08:38,562 --> 00:08:41,438 My radio is broken. 160 00:08:41,983 --> 00:08:43,074 I'm trying to fix it. 161 00:08:43,213 --> 00:08:44,828 Well, maybe I can help. 162 00:08:44,912 --> 00:08:47,314 - Ah... - Is this it? 163 00:08:47,399 --> 00:08:49,622 Don't touch that. 164 00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:52,575 You need... 165 00:08:52,659 --> 00:08:54,402 To leave. 166 00:08:54,486 --> 00:08:56,837 At least you're okay. 167 00:08:58,144 --> 00:09:00,062 If Asta wasn't there, 168 00:09:00,225 --> 00:09:01,795 I would be dead. 169 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:04,716 Except now she knows the truth about me. 170 00:09:04,801 --> 00:09:06,057 You told her?! 171 00:09:06,142 --> 00:09:08,800 I thought this whole alien thing was just our secret. 172 00:09:09,066 --> 00:09:11,433 It stopped being a secret 173 00:09:11,518 --> 00:09:14,509 when you told your little friend over there 174 00:09:14,593 --> 00:09:15,946 in the head covering. 175 00:09:16,030 --> 00:09:17,774 She must have followed me. Don't worry. 176 00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:19,963 She's not gonna tell anyone. 177 00:09:20,141 --> 00:09:22,233 She swore to Allah. 178 00:09:22,607 --> 00:09:24,351 Allah knows?! 179 00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:26,486 How many people have you told? 180 00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:32,484 Are you trying to cut me out? 181 00:09:32,568 --> 00:09:34,627 'Cause if it wasn't for me, you'd be in Georgia by now. 182 00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:37,432 I made this truce happen. I want in. 183 00:09:37,629 --> 00:09:39,174 You are so pushy. 184 00:09:39,322 --> 00:09:41,754 Oh, looks like aliens 185 00:09:41,838 --> 00:09:44,319 are also put off by strong women. 186 00:09:45,031 --> 00:09:47,736 Get used to it. We're not going anywhere. 187 00:09:49,767 --> 00:09:51,119 What are you hiding under there? 188 00:09:51,226 --> 00:09:53,330 I covered it for a reason. 189 00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:55,650 It's his radio so he can contact his people. 190 00:09:55,735 --> 00:09:57,523 But it's broken. So he's trying to fix it. 191 00:09:58,958 --> 00:10:00,832 Why can't you just go home on your spaceship? 192 00:10:04,774 --> 00:10:06,736 They took it, didn't they? 193 00:10:06,979 --> 00:10:08,520 How did you know that? 194 00:10:08,604 --> 00:10:11,654 Must be the government. That means they're after you. 195 00:10:11,738 --> 00:10:13,568 It could be any of the agencies. 196 00:10:13,652 --> 00:10:16,006 But it's probably "Men in Black." 197 00:10:16,090 --> 00:10:18,051 It's a top-secret agency 198 00:10:18,135 --> 00:10:20,880 that monitors alien activity on Earth. 199 00:10:20,964 --> 00:10:22,882 But they don't always wear black, 200 00:10:22,966 --> 00:10:24,877 and they're not only men. 201 00:10:25,574 --> 00:10:28,797 Then why do they call them "Men in Black"? 202 00:10:29,361 --> 00:10:31,261 Because it's cooler than calling them 203 00:10:31,346 --> 00:10:32,805 "People in Clothes." 204 00:10:32,889 --> 00:10:35,373 It's pretty obvious. 205 00:10:35,457 --> 00:10:37,385 I'm not worried. 206 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:42,173 Once I fix my radio, 207 00:10:42,420 --> 00:10:44,034 they won't be a problem. 208 00:10:44,118 --> 00:10:45,296 I'm just missing a part. 209 00:10:45,380 --> 00:10:46,863 Have you tried the hardware store? 210 00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:48,299 They have everything. 211 00:10:48,383 --> 00:10:51,168 My dad even bought a pair of pajamas there. 212 00:10:52,039 --> 00:10:54,871 Unless you know someone who has been in contact 213 00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:56,046 with other aliens, then I'm... 214 00:10:56,130 --> 00:10:59,049 What is the expression? 215 00:10:59,133 --> 00:11:02,400 "Shit out of luck." 216 00:11:02,484 --> 00:11:04,881 If you don't stop using that kind of language around us, 217 00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:06,883 we're gonna have to wash your mouth out with soap. 218 00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:08,188 Go ahead. I like soap. 219 00:11:08,272 --> 00:11:10,016 I eat it all the time. 220 00:11:10,100 --> 00:11:12,758 Shit, ass, piss, dink. 221 00:11:12,842 --> 00:11:14,931 Where is the soap? I'm so hungry. 222 00:11:17,194 --> 00:11:20,502 Wait, I know where you can go to find alien stuff. 223 00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:26,247 Oh. 224 00:11:32,122 --> 00:11:33,953 Hey! Where are you going? 225 00:11:34,037 --> 00:11:35,781 I need to go pick up 226 00:11:35,865 --> 00:11:38,523 a missing piece for my radio. 227 00:11:38,607 --> 00:11:39,785 No. 228 00:11:39,869 --> 00:11:42,832 You are not driving with one leg. 229 00:11:42,916 --> 00:11:44,877 Whoa! 230 00:11:44,961 --> 00:11:46,618 Your leg grew back. 231 00:11:46,702 --> 00:11:48,573 Just like I said it would. 232 00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:53,233 Now I have got to go. 233 00:11:53,317 --> 00:11:54,408 Okay. 234 00:11:54,492 --> 00:11:56,889 Even as a pretend doctor, you have to know 235 00:11:56,973 --> 00:11:58,804 that the medication still stays in your system. 236 00:11:58,888 --> 00:12:01,848 I just took more. I'll be fine. 237 00:12:06,548 --> 00:12:08,640 Which one is my truck? 238 00:12:08,724 --> 00:12:10,337 Okay. 239 00:12:10,421 --> 00:12:12,513 Give me these. 240 00:12:12,597 --> 00:12:14,646 I will drive you. 241 00:12:14,730 --> 00:12:16,863 Where are we going? 242 00:12:17,298 --> 00:12:19,216 Wow. We're really gonna do this. 243 00:12:24,740 --> 00:12:26,263 Are they supposed to be me? 244 00:12:27,917 --> 00:12:30,267 My people are not a costume. 245 00:12:31,268 --> 00:12:33,401 Welcome to my life. 246 00:12:36,534 --> 00:12:39,320 Oh, this is gonna be fun. 247 00:12:48,815 --> 00:12:50,425 Kind of cool that I'm here 248 00:12:50,510 --> 00:12:52,150 with an actual alien. 249 00:12:52,309 --> 00:12:53,574 I feel special. 250 00:12:53,659 --> 00:12:56,491 You're not special. You're common. 251 00:12:56,842 --> 00:12:58,020 That's oddly less offensive now 252 00:12:58,105 --> 00:13:00,023 that I know you're from outer space. 253 00:13:01,519 --> 00:13:02,959 Here you go. 254 00:13:03,043 --> 00:13:04,177 Thank you. 255 00:13:04,261 --> 00:13:08,377 Okay. So what now? 256 00:13:08,539 --> 00:13:12,198 "Starman" by David Bowie... 257 00:13:12,283 --> 00:13:14,462 Our ancestors had teachers. 258 00:13:14,639 --> 00:13:18,820 The engineering knowledge came from the extraterrestrials. 259 00:13:18,928 --> 00:13:20,628 Finally, a little credit. 260 00:13:20,712 --> 00:13:22,717 I like this high-haired gentleman. 261 00:13:22,801 --> 00:13:25,285 ♪ He's told us not to blow it ♪ 262 00:13:25,369 --> 00:13:28,158 ♪ 'Cause he knows it's all worthwhile ♪ 263 00:13:28,242 --> 00:13:30,869 ♪ He told me let the children lose it ♪ 264 00:13:30,954 --> 00:13:32,900 The Moon landing was a sham. 265 00:13:32,985 --> 00:13:35,817 It was all filmed on a sound stage by Kubrick. 266 00:13:35,901 --> 00:13:38,472 The astronauts did land on the Moon. 267 00:13:38,556 --> 00:13:39,952 Good. 268 00:13:40,036 --> 00:13:42,911 And their bodies were taken over before they returned. 269 00:13:42,995 --> 00:13:44,435 What? 270 00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:47,003 And we find evidence of this all around the world. 271 00:13:47,087 --> 00:13:50,006 Mayans, everyone talks about their calendar, 272 00:13:50,090 --> 00:13:52,965 but they never gave credit for their day planner. 273 00:13:53,049 --> 00:13:55,881 - We have the Grays. - Insidious assholes. 274 00:13:55,965 --> 00:13:59,102 - The Arcturians. - Jerks, so cheap. 275 00:13:59,186 --> 00:14:00,538 Little Green Men. 276 00:14:00,622 --> 00:14:03,845 They are cute, but they so know it. 277 00:14:03,929 --> 00:14:06,109 - The Mantis. - One of them owes me money. 278 00:14:06,193 --> 00:14:10,330 And the Blue Avians. 279 00:14:10,414 --> 00:14:12,024 They're actually very nice. 280 00:14:23,728 --> 00:14:25,820 Well, don't you two look cozy? 281 00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:29,371 Hello, Sheriff. 282 00:14:29,533 --> 00:14:31,883 Do you have anything you want to say to me? 283 00:14:33,437 --> 00:14:34,876 Well, I don't know. 284 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,658 Do you have anything you want to say to me? 285 00:14:38,053 --> 00:14:40,536 In that case, yes. 286 00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:42,272 Have a good day. 287 00:14:42,814 --> 00:14:44,495 Goodbye, Lewis. I'll see you on Thursday. 288 00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:49,108 ♪ Walked out on over the plains ♪ 289 00:14:49,192 --> 00:14:51,023 Thursday. 290 00:14:51,107 --> 00:14:52,546 What's Thursday? 291 00:14:52,630 --> 00:14:54,157 We're having lunch. 292 00:14:54,241 --> 00:14:56,289 She's sitting here probably trash-talking me, 293 00:14:56,373 --> 00:14:59,901 and you buying her lunch? I see how it is. 294 00:14:59,985 --> 00:15:01,381 She didn't say anything. 295 00:15:01,465 --> 00:15:05,252 In fact, she mostly listened. You could use that. 296 00:15:06,296 --> 00:15:07,866 What is that supposed to mean? 297 00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:10,956 Your relationship with Liv reminds me of me and your mom 298 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:12,737 before she up and left me. 299 00:15:13,469 --> 00:15:14,721 You mean when she died? 300 00:15:14,826 --> 00:15:16,831 I'll never forgive her for that. 301 00:15:16,915 --> 00:15:20,096 Your mother was sharp. She always challenged me. 302 00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:21,575 When I messed up, 303 00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:23,011 she wouldn't let me off the hook 304 00:15:23,095 --> 00:15:25,097 until I took steps to fix it. 305 00:15:26,186 --> 00:15:28,753 You might want to think about that one. 306 00:15:29,479 --> 00:15:31,368 Order me a burger. Be right back. 307 00:15:31,452 --> 00:15:32,586 Oh. 308 00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:34,719 Hey, hey, hey. Dad, Dad. 309 00:15:34,803 --> 00:15:37,591 Hey, hey! It's okay to ask for help. 310 00:15:37,675 --> 00:15:39,289 Look who's talking. 311 00:15:49,339 --> 00:15:52,258 ♪ If you think what you got is enough ♪ 312 00:15:52,342 --> 00:15:54,217 ♪ Then God gonna call your bluff ♪ 313 00:15:54,301 --> 00:15:57,217 ♪ You got a long road ahead 314 00:15:58,609 --> 00:16:00,136 ♪ Longer than you think 315 00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:02,700 ♪ A long road ahead 316 00:16:12,754 --> 00:16:14,628 Sam's toxicology results are in. 317 00:16:14,712 --> 00:16:17,501 Botulinum Toxin A levels are through the roof. 318 00:16:17,585 --> 00:16:19,894 Sam was poisoned. 319 00:16:19,978 --> 00:16:22,593 Maybe with insulin as the method of delivery, 320 00:16:22,677 --> 00:16:26,031 all he or she would need to do is inject the toxin 321 00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:28,947 into a single insulin vial 322 00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:32,034 and wait for Sam to use it. 323 00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:37,869 ♪ Ooh 324 00:16:37,953 --> 00:16:41,220 Son of a bitch. 325 00:16:41,304 --> 00:16:43,396 ♪ Wake up in the morning 326 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:46,269 ♪ Rise and shine 327 00:16:46,353 --> 00:16:49,747 ♪ Wake up in the morning, rise and shine ♪ 328 00:16:51,401 --> 00:16:53,972 ♪ Wake up in the morning, rise and shine ♪ 329 00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:55,843 Hey, Sheriff, have a seat. 330 00:16:55,927 --> 00:16:58,194 I'll be with you in about ten. 331 00:16:58,278 --> 00:17:00,065 Yeah, well, I ain't here on grooming business. 332 00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:02,481 I'm here on official sheriff's business. 333 00:17:02,566 --> 00:17:04,049 I see you do Botox injections. 334 00:17:04,371 --> 00:17:05,590 Yeah. 335 00:17:05,675 --> 00:17:08,638 You'll need about 20 units for that furrowed brow. 336 00:17:09,158 --> 00:17:10,336 Well, I got news for you. 337 00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:13,165 I like to furrow, and I like the lines. 338 00:17:13,249 --> 00:17:14,819 Abigail Hodges, you're under the arrest 339 00:17:14,903 --> 00:17:16,821 for the murder of Sam Hodges. 340 00:17:16,905 --> 00:17:18,301 What?! What are you talking about? 341 00:17:18,385 --> 00:17:19,606 I'll tell you what I'm talking about. 342 00:17:19,690 --> 00:17:21,391 You see, I went through your phone records, 343 00:17:21,475 --> 00:17:22,827 and I found repeated calls, 344 00:17:22,911 --> 00:17:24,829 and I mean a shit ton of them, to one number. 345 00:17:24,913 --> 00:17:27,785 You know who it belonged to? Thomas Hoffman. 346 00:17:28,873 --> 00:17:30,008 Okay, fine. 347 00:17:30,092 --> 00:17:31,488 We are casually seeing each other. 348 00:17:31,572 --> 00:17:33,359 But are you gonna arrest me for having a social life? 349 00:17:33,443 --> 00:17:34,491 Can't a widow move on? 350 00:17:34,575 --> 00:17:35,927 Well, of course, a widow can move on. 351 00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:38,016 The only problem is those calls... 352 00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:41,019 They started way before Sam died. 353 00:17:41,103 --> 00:17:42,803 You see, I think you wanted to get rid of Sam 354 00:17:42,887 --> 00:17:43,848 'cause you was having an affair. 355 00:17:43,932 --> 00:17:45,023 That's motive. 356 00:17:45,107 --> 00:17:46,807 Oh, now just hang on a second... 357 00:17:46,891 --> 00:17:48,331 All you needed was high levels of botulism, 358 00:17:48,415 --> 00:17:50,246 which you clearly had access to. 359 00:17:50,330 --> 00:17:52,117 Then you took that poison, and you put it 360 00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:53,510 in Sam's insulin bottle. And then from there, 361 00:17:53,594 --> 00:17:55,120 it was a ticking timebomb just waiting to go off. 362 00:17:55,204 --> 00:17:56,556 - No, just... - And it finally did. 363 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:57,949 Turn around and put your hands behind your back. 364 00:17:58,033 --> 00:17:59,080 - Sheriff. - Turn around. 365 00:17:59,164 --> 00:18:00,604 You have the right to remain silent. 366 00:18:00,688 --> 00:18:01,953 Anything you say can and will be used 367 00:18:02,037 --> 00:18:03,346 against you in a court of law. 368 00:18:03,430 --> 00:18:05,086 You got the right to an attorney. 369 00:18:05,170 --> 00:18:06,566 If you cannot afford an attorney, 370 00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:08,916 I'd be surprised because this salon is bangin'. 371 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:12,482 ♪ Ooh, ooh 372 00:18:17,489 --> 00:18:19,016 What is it you're looking for 373 00:18:19,101 --> 00:18:21,231 at an alien experiencer panel? 374 00:18:21,869 --> 00:18:23,700 I'll know when I see it. 375 00:18:32,716 --> 00:18:36,549 Thank you. Hi, I'm Peter Bach. 376 00:18:36,707 --> 00:18:38,464 Most of you know me from my podcast 377 00:18:38,548 --> 00:18:40,597 as "The Alien Tracker." 378 00:18:40,681 --> 00:18:42,755 I have spent 15 years 379 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,950 working at the Carl Sagan Center at SETI. 380 00:18:46,034 --> 00:18:47,734 I've been a government consultant. 381 00:18:47,818 --> 00:18:50,794 And if you've read my books, you'll know I possess 382 00:18:50,879 --> 00:18:53,458 a special skill set that makes aliens fear me. 383 00:18:53,543 --> 00:18:56,351 And, of course, I had my own encounter, 384 00:18:56,435 --> 00:18:59,354 which was, well, 385 00:18:59,559 --> 00:19:02,231 terrifying to say the least. 386 00:19:02,512 --> 00:19:04,090 So it's my honest belief 387 00:19:04,175 --> 00:19:06,535 that aliens walk amongst us. 388 00:19:06,762 --> 00:19:09,607 And my mission has become to find aliens, 389 00:19:09,692 --> 00:19:11,366 to trap them, 390 00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:13,934 and, well... 391 00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:20,637 One shot of this... 392 00:19:20,721 --> 00:19:24,059 10,000 volts, I can knock out an elephant. 393 00:19:25,817 --> 00:19:27,039 You okay? 394 00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:28,778 Yes. 395 00:19:29,199 --> 00:19:30,813 I'm not an elephant. 396 00:19:30,898 --> 00:19:33,730 I also found that talking about my encounter 397 00:19:34,114 --> 00:19:36,379 helped me feel a sense of control. 398 00:19:36,564 --> 00:19:39,655 And I'd like you to think of this as a safe forum 399 00:19:39,740 --> 00:19:41,483 where you can do the same. 400 00:19:41,567 --> 00:19:43,606 So please, come on up 401 00:19:43,745 --> 00:19:45,716 and share with the room 402 00:19:45,801 --> 00:19:47,359 with no judgment, 403 00:19:47,708 --> 00:19:49,623 so we can all hear about your experiences. 404 00:19:51,752 --> 00:19:55,149 I was driving home late one night 405 00:19:55,233 --> 00:19:57,587 when this blue light 406 00:19:57,671 --> 00:19:59,850 beamed through the roof of my car. 407 00:19:59,934 --> 00:20:02,156 I woke with these triangular cuts... 408 00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:03,549 I was paralyzed. 409 00:20:03,633 --> 00:20:06,204 And lesions on my stomach and across my back. 410 00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:07,901 It was horrible. 411 00:20:07,985 --> 00:20:08,989 Um... 412 00:20:09,073 --> 00:20:11,122 It's etched on my brain forever. 413 00:20:11,206 --> 00:20:14,677 They strapped me to this cold, 414 00:20:14,762 --> 00:20:16,867 hard metal surface. 415 00:20:16,951 --> 00:20:18,520 - They're monsters. - And... 416 00:20:18,604 --> 00:20:19,870 And they are here to kill us. 417 00:20:19,954 --> 00:20:23,656 Took this long tubular rod 418 00:20:23,740 --> 00:20:27,355 and they put it in... 419 00:20:27,439 --> 00:20:29,706 In my... 420 00:20:32,967 --> 00:20:35,668 He was going to say his asshole. 421 00:20:35,752 --> 00:20:37,757 One night, a few months ago, 422 00:20:37,841 --> 00:20:40,746 my ex-husband and I were fighting, 423 00:20:41,236 --> 00:20:43,903 which is sort of a usual thing for us. 424 00:20:44,065 --> 00:20:45,621 Um... 425 00:20:45,980 --> 00:20:48,293 I finally decided I'd had enough, 426 00:20:48,411 --> 00:20:49,726 so I ran out, 427 00:20:49,950 --> 00:20:51,728 but I wasn't sure 428 00:20:51,812 --> 00:20:54,162 if I was doing the right thing. 429 00:20:55,685 --> 00:20:57,821 And then I saw it. 430 00:20:57,989 --> 00:21:01,621 It was a fire in the sky, 431 00:21:02,416 --> 00:21:04,247 like a guiding light. 432 00:21:05,826 --> 00:21:07,629 It gave me strength. 433 00:21:08,829 --> 00:21:11,114 Strength to move on and never look back. 434 00:21:12,963 --> 00:21:15,013 Months later, I came into contact 435 00:21:15,098 --> 00:21:18,232 with who I now know was the occupant of that UFO. 436 00:21:19,622 --> 00:21:20,895 Something about him 437 00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:22,496 made me feel safe 438 00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:26,145 and not alone. 439 00:21:27,673 --> 00:21:30,592 And I know that that's not what you all have experienced. 440 00:21:30,676 --> 00:21:32,621 But trust me, 441 00:21:32,853 --> 00:21:35,043 based on my encounter, 442 00:21:35,725 --> 00:21:38,012 I don't think they're monsters. 443 00:21:39,860 --> 00:21:42,384 I think some of them are here to do good. 444 00:21:48,542 --> 00:21:50,327 Nope! 445 00:21:51,175 --> 00:21:52,903 Wow. 446 00:21:53,286 --> 00:21:54,747 Abigail Hodges. 447 00:21:54,831 --> 00:21:56,749 - Who would have thought? - Ha. 448 00:21:56,833 --> 00:21:59,621 Well, congratulations on solving the case. 449 00:21:59,705 --> 00:22:00,797 You must be happy. 450 00:22:00,881 --> 00:22:02,624 Yeah, well, you know, a man died. 451 00:22:02,708 --> 00:22:04,539 So there really isn't very much to be happy about. 452 00:22:04,623 --> 00:22:07,760 Of course. I just meant... 453 00:22:07,844 --> 00:22:10,284 Well, you did use up a lot of resources 454 00:22:10,368 --> 00:22:11,546 dragging the lake. 455 00:22:11,630 --> 00:22:13,331 Like, a tremendous amount actually 456 00:22:13,415 --> 00:22:16,203 that I'm still trying to justify to the town council. 457 00:22:16,287 --> 00:22:18,902 Probably can't afford to have Patience Family Day 458 00:22:18,986 --> 00:22:20,207 this year on the town green. 459 00:22:20,291 --> 00:22:22,688 But hey, you got to the bottom it. 460 00:22:22,772 --> 00:22:25,038 - Uh-huh. - That's what's important. 461 00:22:25,122 --> 00:22:26,474 Yeah, that's right. That's what's important. 462 00:22:26,558 --> 00:22:29,521 Thank you. 463 00:22:29,605 --> 00:22:31,955 - Okay. - Yeah. 464 00:22:41,530 --> 00:22:45,145 Hello to you, Jay. What can I get for you? 465 00:22:45,229 --> 00:22:47,841 We have a happy hour special on IPAs. 466 00:22:48,363 --> 00:22:51,935 Are you offering me a drink? I'm not even 18 yet. 467 00:22:52,019 --> 00:22:54,981 I meant to offer you a juice 468 00:22:55,065 --> 00:22:57,723 in an opaque mug. 469 00:22:57,807 --> 00:22:59,464 Well, actually, I just came in to ask 470 00:22:59,548 --> 00:23:01,422 if I could interview you for the school paper. 471 00:23:01,506 --> 00:23:04,121 Everyone in town is talking about the rescue. 472 00:23:06,294 --> 00:23:09,082 I'm so sick of people making a big deal about this. 473 00:23:09,166 --> 00:23:11,258 You don't have to put me on a pedestal. 474 00:23:11,342 --> 00:23:12,825 It won't take long, 475 00:23:12,909 --> 00:23:14,479 and I'm only doing it for the extra credit. 476 00:23:14,563 --> 00:23:17,438 Oh, well, in that case. 477 00:23:19,481 --> 00:23:20,746 Thanks. 478 00:23:20,830 --> 00:23:23,531 It's only a few questions. 479 00:23:23,615 --> 00:23:24,706 Ask away. 480 00:23:24,790 --> 00:23:26,926 All right. 481 00:23:27,010 --> 00:23:30,013 So you were an Olympic skier. 482 00:23:31,145 --> 00:23:33,628 What was it like to wipe out 483 00:23:33,712 --> 00:23:35,630 and lose in front of the whole world? 484 00:23:38,413 --> 00:23:39,634 Not awesome. 485 00:23:39,718 --> 00:23:43,247 Would you consider yourself a fallen hero 486 00:23:43,331 --> 00:23:45,423 because you were a hero and then you fell? 487 00:23:45,655 --> 00:23:48,482 Hmm. Mmm. 488 00:23:49,310 --> 00:23:52,600 Um, I don't know. I thought this interview 489 00:23:52,685 --> 00:23:55,955 was supposed to be about the rescue thing. 490 00:23:56,039 --> 00:23:58,001 - I'm establishing background. - Cool. 491 00:23:58,085 --> 00:23:59,916 So what happened to your hand? 492 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:01,091 Fractured it. 493 00:24:01,175 --> 00:24:04,007 First time I fell down the crevasse. 494 00:24:04,091 --> 00:24:05,356 You fell down a crevasse? 495 00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:08,794 Yeah. What did you think happened? 496 00:24:09,410 --> 00:24:10,959 I don't know. I thought you were stuck 497 00:24:11,044 --> 00:24:12,580 on top of the mountain. 498 00:24:12,664 --> 00:24:14,795 You climbed out with your hand looking like that? 499 00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:17,063 Well, yeah. Kind of had to. 500 00:24:17,147 --> 00:24:18,978 I was 30 feet down. 501 00:24:19,062 --> 00:24:20,762 Asta and Harry were down even further. 502 00:24:20,846 --> 00:24:22,199 I knew any rescue effort would have to wait 503 00:24:22,283 --> 00:24:23,765 until the storm had passed, 504 00:24:23,849 --> 00:24:26,812 at which point, it would be too late 505 00:24:26,896 --> 00:24:29,380 as we would have all gone into hypothermia 506 00:24:29,464 --> 00:24:31,861 and be dead. 507 00:24:32,015 --> 00:24:33,364 Asta could have died? 508 00:24:35,731 --> 00:24:37,910 Yeah. She could have. 509 00:24:37,994 --> 00:24:41,696 I mean, we all could have died actually. 510 00:24:41,780 --> 00:24:42,959 We're pretty lucky. 511 00:24:45,697 --> 00:24:48,007 You know what, I, um, 512 00:24:48,091 --> 00:24:51,051 I think I'll take that juice in the opaque mug now. 513 00:24:53,140 --> 00:24:55,667 You bitch, I almost lost you. 514 00:24:57,318 --> 00:24:59,323 Ow... oh. 515 00:24:59,773 --> 00:25:02,558 Oh, I'm okay. 516 00:25:03,044 --> 00:25:04,806 I just feel like... 517 00:25:05,208 --> 00:25:07,021 You should probably, like, buy me a drink or something 518 00:25:07,106 --> 00:25:10,893 'cause I'm like... uh, my nerves are like fried eggs. 519 00:25:12,072 --> 00:25:13,920 We're gonna do two sodas. 520 00:25:14,005 --> 00:25:15,687 One with vodka. 521 00:25:15,771 --> 00:25:17,123 When I woke up, 522 00:25:17,207 --> 00:25:19,517 I had no idea where I was. 523 00:25:19,601 --> 00:25:22,172 I mean, one minute, I was in bed, 524 00:25:22,256 --> 00:25:25,001 and the next minute, I was lying in a ditch 525 00:25:25,085 --> 00:25:26,698 by the side of the road. 526 00:25:26,782 --> 00:25:28,918 And they put something in me. 527 00:25:29,002 --> 00:25:30,583 Look. 528 00:25:31,178 --> 00:25:34,302 I don't know why, but they're following me. 529 00:25:34,703 --> 00:25:36,372 They're listening. 530 00:25:37,068 --> 00:25:38,623 Look, you can see it. 531 00:25:42,450 --> 00:25:45,543 Alien technology. That's it. 532 00:25:53,375 --> 00:25:55,769 - Hey, honey. - Honey. 533 00:25:57,247 --> 00:25:59,339 Why do I smell fish? 534 00:25:59,586 --> 00:26:01,545 Because I made branzino. 535 00:26:05,845 --> 00:26:07,760 Tonight's supposed to be taco night. 536 00:26:08,380 --> 00:26:10,342 Does that mean that tacos are moving to tomorrow night? 537 00:26:10,427 --> 00:26:11,743 Because that's... That's spaghetti. 538 00:26:11,827 --> 00:26:14,354 Will you relax, just try to get out of your comfort zone? 539 00:26:14,438 --> 00:26:15,442 Yeah, but... 540 00:26:15,526 --> 00:26:17,272 Max is at the movies with Sahar. 541 00:26:17,357 --> 00:26:19,577 So I invited a friend over with her husband. 542 00:26:21,097 --> 00:26:23,450 I want you to meet them. You're gonna love them. 543 00:26:23,534 --> 00:26:24,712 Yep. 544 00:26:24,796 --> 00:26:26,802 Maybe we could do fish tacos. 545 00:26:29,236 --> 00:26:30,892 This is my husband, Ben. 546 00:26:30,976 --> 00:26:33,025 Ben, this is Sarah and Richard Houston. 547 00:26:33,109 --> 00:26:34,766 - Oh, come on. - We're friends. 548 00:26:34,850 --> 00:26:37,073 You can call him Dick. 549 00:26:37,157 --> 00:26:38,813 Well, we're having fish. 550 00:26:42,336 --> 00:26:45,081 I want to thank you all for coming and for sharing. 551 00:26:45,165 --> 00:26:46,256 Come down and visit me. 552 00:26:46,340 --> 00:26:48,171 We have a booth on the con floor. 553 00:26:48,255 --> 00:26:50,956 A lot of cool merchandise. Thank you. 554 00:26:54,826 --> 00:26:56,483 Excuse me. 555 00:26:56,567 --> 00:26:58,311 - Wait. - Harry, where are you going? 556 00:27:02,182 --> 00:27:03,751 Alien Tracker, hold up. 557 00:27:03,835 --> 00:27:05,231 Alien Tracker! 558 00:27:05,315 --> 00:27:06,841 Can I get an autograph? 559 00:27:09,058 --> 00:27:10,149 I'm sorry. Excuse me. 560 00:27:10,233 --> 00:27:12,235 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 561 00:27:17,459 --> 00:27:19,950 Yeah. You're welcome. 562 00:27:38,833 --> 00:27:40,182 Sorry. It's my turn. 563 00:27:43,302 --> 00:27:44,585 Do you mind? 564 00:27:44,669 --> 00:27:47,152 I'm going to cut that alien technology out of your arm, 565 00:27:47,236 --> 00:27:48,632 and then I'm going to leave. 566 00:27:50,575 --> 00:27:54,320 - What the hell! - Quiet. 567 00:27:54,439 --> 00:27:56,482 Aah, it's not alien! It's a BB. 568 00:27:56,567 --> 00:27:57,634 What? 569 00:27:57,719 --> 00:27:59,240 A BB got lodged in my arm when I was a kid. 570 00:27:59,325 --> 00:28:01,252 - Okay, I lied. - What is wrong with you? 571 00:28:01,337 --> 00:28:02,951 You're the one with the knife, 572 00:28:03,035 --> 00:28:05,083 you freakin' psycho. 573 00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:07,782 Ugh! 574 00:28:10,259 --> 00:28:12,170 What the hell is going on? 575 00:28:12,255 --> 00:28:14,100 What are you looking for? 576 00:28:14,185 --> 00:28:15,217 And don't lie. 577 00:28:15,302 --> 00:28:17,068 I think I deserve at least that. 578 00:28:20,095 --> 00:28:23,115 When the Grays abduct a human, 579 00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:26,443 they leave alien technology implanted on their body. 580 00:28:27,146 --> 00:28:28,977 It is a transmitter. 581 00:28:29,154 --> 00:28:31,632 It is a way for them to track the victim. 582 00:28:31,716 --> 00:28:33,761 I need to find one. 583 00:28:34,612 --> 00:28:36,487 Is that why we're here? 584 00:28:37,005 --> 00:28:39,944 So you can rip an implant out of some poor person's arm? 585 00:28:40,028 --> 00:28:41,424 It's for my radio. 586 00:28:41,508 --> 00:28:45,123 The implant is made of an alien metal. 587 00:28:45,276 --> 00:28:46,713 I need it. 588 00:28:58,220 --> 00:29:00,704 The Alien Tracker is after me. 589 00:29:00,788 --> 00:29:03,794 - He can see me like Max. - I don't understand. 590 00:29:03,878 --> 00:29:05,404 The rest is self-explanatory. 591 00:29:05,488 --> 00:29:08,320 His name is Alien Tracker. 592 00:29:08,404 --> 00:29:11,802 - Maybe we should go then. - Yes. 593 00:29:13,061 --> 00:29:14,326 It was, like... 594 00:29:14,410 --> 00:29:15,719 I mean, he designed the whole thing himself, 595 00:29:15,803 --> 00:29:17,852 the whole thing. He made it all on his own. 596 00:29:17,936 --> 00:29:19,331 Oh, I'm so sad. 597 00:29:19,415 --> 00:29:20,681 I thought Max was gonna be here tonight. 598 00:29:20,765 --> 00:29:22,726 We're so looking forward to meeting him. 599 00:29:22,810 --> 00:29:24,336 Right, honey? 600 00:29:24,420 --> 00:29:26,687 Oh, yeah. Yeah, I love kids. 601 00:29:26,771 --> 00:29:28,863 We want them, but the doctor said 602 00:29:28,947 --> 00:29:30,995 Sarah's probably too old. 603 00:29:31,079 --> 00:29:32,344 I'm sorry. 604 00:29:32,428 --> 00:29:34,912 I'm sure that it will happen for you two. 605 00:29:36,389 --> 00:29:38,655 Meanwhile, enjoy the freedom 'cause kids are a lot. 606 00:29:38,739 --> 00:29:40,222 Mmm. 607 00:29:40,306 --> 00:29:41,658 That's why it's so nice having some adult time. 608 00:29:41,742 --> 00:29:43,051 Right, honey? 609 00:29:43,135 --> 00:29:45,401 Mmm. Fun fact, more people died 610 00:29:45,485 --> 00:29:47,969 choking on branzino bones per year than heart disease. 611 00:29:49,794 --> 00:29:52,100 Honey, could you help me with dessert? 612 00:29:55,538 --> 00:29:57,802 Sweetie, you haven't said two words all night. 613 00:29:59,281 --> 00:30:01,156 I'm pulling all of the weight here. 614 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:02,723 Well, I'm sorry. 615 00:30:02,807 --> 00:30:05,116 I think not having tacos has kind of thrown me off my game. 616 00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:06,596 Look, I'm trying. 617 00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:08,685 You spent the last half hour playing medical examiner 618 00:30:08,769 --> 00:30:09,817 with your fish bones. 619 00:30:09,901 --> 00:30:11,122 Well, if it makes you feel any better, 620 00:30:11,206 --> 00:30:12,950 I swallowed most of them. 621 00:30:13,034 --> 00:30:14,430 Uh, it doesn't make me feel better. 622 00:30:14,514 --> 00:30:15,692 Okay. I feel terrible. 623 00:30:17,952 --> 00:30:19,783 I really like Sarah and Dick. 624 00:30:19,867 --> 00:30:22,394 And it's nice to have couple friends who we can 625 00:30:22,478 --> 00:30:25,397 have over for dinner. Can you try? 626 00:30:25,481 --> 00:30:28,574 Okay. Look, I'll be more sociable. 627 00:30:28,658 --> 00:30:31,665 I'll talk to Dick about candle making. 628 00:30:31,749 --> 00:30:34,058 Yeah, sure. 629 00:30:34,142 --> 00:30:37,279 Or something else. 630 00:30:37,363 --> 00:30:40,369 What, you don't... what, you don't like my candles? 631 00:30:40,453 --> 00:30:42,197 No, I mean, of course. 632 00:30:42,281 --> 00:30:45,766 I... love them. 633 00:30:45,850 --> 00:30:47,593 It's just... 634 00:30:47,677 --> 00:30:50,332 It's not really exciting dinner conversation. 635 00:30:50,855 --> 00:30:52,163 Hmm. 636 00:30:52,247 --> 00:30:55,732 Not sure I want to live in that world, but okay. 637 00:30:55,816 --> 00:30:57,821 Just leave the baby talk to me, okay? 638 00:30:57,905 --> 00:30:59,127 I'm the mother-to-be. 639 00:30:59,211 --> 00:31:00,432 Well, that's not what the doctor said. 640 00:31:00,516 --> 00:31:02,696 Hey, listen, asshole, just do your job. 641 00:31:02,780 --> 00:31:04,001 Keep them engaged 642 00:31:04,085 --> 00:31:05,611 so I can go on a little reconnaissance mission. 643 00:31:05,695 --> 00:31:07,875 I did an Internet deep dive and found pictures of Ben 644 00:31:07,959 --> 00:31:10,704 making these shitty candles. Ask him about it. 645 00:31:10,788 --> 00:31:12,096 Hope everyone's in the mood for pie. 646 00:31:12,180 --> 00:31:14,185 - Oh. - Can't wait. 647 00:31:14,269 --> 00:31:15,883 May I use your powder room first? 648 00:31:15,967 --> 00:31:17,707 Of course. 649 00:31:19,666 --> 00:31:20,801 I have to say, 650 00:31:20,885 --> 00:31:23,107 these are really, really nice candles. 651 00:31:23,191 --> 00:31:25,283 What are they made of? Soy? 652 00:31:25,367 --> 00:31:26,807 Well, actually, there are... yeah, 653 00:31:26,891 --> 00:31:29,810 there are several different kinds of, um... 654 00:31:29,894 --> 00:31:31,286 Not sure. 655 00:31:32,070 --> 00:31:34,162 I don't know. 656 00:31:34,246 --> 00:31:36,726 Just a regular store-bought candle. 657 00:31:48,782 --> 00:31:50,961 Mmm. 658 00:31:51,045 --> 00:31:52,746 Okay, um, keep moving. 659 00:31:52,830 --> 00:31:55,397 I got this. 660 00:31:55,963 --> 00:31:58,882 Oh, my God. You're the Alien Tracker. 661 00:31:58,966 --> 00:32:02,581 I have listened to every episode of your podcast. 662 00:32:02,665 --> 00:32:05,584 I was wondering if maybe I could get a selfie with you? 663 00:32:05,668 --> 00:32:07,238 And this crazy dude came in 664 00:32:07,322 --> 00:32:10,586 and tried to stab me with a scalpel. 665 00:32:11,065 --> 00:32:14,158 Why are you just staring at me? Are you gonna help me? 666 00:32:14,242 --> 00:32:15,591 Can we just go look for him? 667 00:32:17,942 --> 00:32:19,555 I'm not crazy. 668 00:32:19,639 --> 00:32:23,646 - Hmm, hmm, hmm. - Hey, can I help you? 669 00:32:23,730 --> 00:32:26,083 I need to hide. Can you leave? 670 00:32:26,167 --> 00:32:27,777 What are you hiding from? 671 00:32:29,431 --> 00:32:31,651 The Alien Tracker. He's chasing me. 672 00:32:35,350 --> 00:32:38,530 He thinks I'm an alien. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. 673 00:32:38,614 --> 00:32:42,273 Um... He's a crazy guy. 674 00:32:42,357 --> 00:32:45,621 Well, I have no problem hiding aliens. 675 00:32:46,753 --> 00:32:48,366 Wait a minute. 676 00:32:48,450 --> 00:32:51,021 You are that hair guy, 677 00:32:51,105 --> 00:32:53,328 the one who knows all about ancient monuments. 678 00:32:53,412 --> 00:32:56,284 Yeah, that's me. Would you like a signed copy? 679 00:32:58,330 --> 00:33:00,204 I would rather have 680 00:33:00,288 --> 00:33:02,464 flower-shaped fruit. 681 00:34:00,029 --> 00:34:03,178 Hey, what are you doing up here? 682 00:34:03,263 --> 00:34:05,038 I know. I'm such a snoop, right? 683 00:34:05,122 --> 00:34:07,061 I just love your decorating style. 684 00:34:07,146 --> 00:34:08,999 I had to see what the rest of the house looked like. 685 00:34:09,232 --> 00:34:12,177 You could have asked for a tour. 686 00:34:16,699 --> 00:34:18,654 I'll be honest with you. 687 00:34:20,079 --> 00:34:21,513 This whole 688 00:34:22,131 --> 00:34:24,876 "not being able to have kids" thing 689 00:34:25,732 --> 00:34:27,364 is really hard. 690 00:34:28,015 --> 00:34:30,237 And I just wanted to see your son's room. 691 00:34:30,528 --> 00:34:32,044 Oh. 692 00:34:32,806 --> 00:34:34,419 I'm sorry. 693 00:34:34,512 --> 00:34:35,568 Yeah. 694 00:34:35,762 --> 00:34:37,767 Just don't give up. 695 00:34:37,851 --> 00:34:39,855 Women are having babies older and older now. 696 00:34:39,940 --> 00:34:40,944 You just never know. 697 00:34:41,029 --> 00:34:43,337 I'm actually not the problem. 698 00:34:43,421 --> 00:34:46,253 Dick only said that because he's so self-conscious. 699 00:34:46,337 --> 00:34:49,605 But he has very low motility. 700 00:34:49,689 --> 00:34:51,563 Look, if you want to get a taste for it, 701 00:34:51,647 --> 00:34:53,391 you can babysit Max whenever you want. 702 00:34:53,475 --> 00:34:55,738 Oh, I would love that. 703 00:34:56,933 --> 00:34:58,848 I'll take such good care of him. 704 00:35:01,817 --> 00:35:03,778 What's interesting is that 705 00:35:03,904 --> 00:35:06,926 the masonry style of Delphi, Cuzco, 706 00:35:07,010 --> 00:35:10,626 or Sacsayhuamán are virtually identical, 707 00:35:10,710 --> 00:35:13,411 and they're considered "navels of the world" 708 00:35:13,495 --> 00:35:15,805 where deities descended from the sky 709 00:35:15,889 --> 00:35:19,112 and imparted knowledge to the local population. 710 00:35:19,196 --> 00:35:20,723 So those places 711 00:35:20,807 --> 00:35:23,203 are on two opposite ends of the planet, 712 00:35:23,287 --> 00:35:25,510 and they have the same stories. 713 00:35:25,594 --> 00:35:27,294 So you have to wonder 714 00:35:27,378 --> 00:35:29,601 if these people had been visited 715 00:35:29,685 --> 00:35:31,436 by the same beings. 716 00:35:31,521 --> 00:35:34,737 And if so, then you have to ask the question, 717 00:35:34,911 --> 00:35:38,122 "Who were they? And where did they come from?" 718 00:35:39,154 --> 00:35:42,458 - You should be on television. - Okay. 719 00:35:42,543 --> 00:35:45,872 - I have to go. - I hope I didn't bore you. 720 00:35:46,029 --> 00:35:47,358 No. 721 00:35:47,442 --> 00:35:49,447 You're out of fruit flowers. 722 00:35:49,531 --> 00:35:51,188 I left you the honeydew melon. 723 00:35:51,443 --> 00:35:53,897 They taste like old women's perfume. 724 00:36:07,897 --> 00:36:11,034 Kate doesn't love the whole candle thing? 725 00:36:11,118 --> 00:36:13,099 I accidentally spilled some wax on her head once. 726 00:36:13,184 --> 00:36:14,210 She lost some hair. 727 00:36:14,295 --> 00:36:15,473 - Yeah. - What are you gonna do? 728 00:36:15,557 --> 00:36:17,013 Yeah, I get it. You know, 729 00:36:17,098 --> 00:36:20,191 Sarah can get pretty particular about the things I do too. 730 00:36:20,344 --> 00:36:21,566 - Mm-hmm. - So yeah. 731 00:36:21,650 --> 00:36:23,307 Very passionate, very passionate ladies. 732 00:36:23,391 --> 00:36:24,917 Oh, that's... that's one word for it. 733 00:36:28,962 --> 00:36:31,707 Want to fire it up? Show you how it's done. 734 00:36:31,791 --> 00:36:33,883 - Yes, yes. - You sure? 735 00:36:33,967 --> 00:36:35,449 Please, yeah, yeah, oh. 736 00:36:35,533 --> 00:36:36,755 - Oh. - Oh! 737 00:36:36,839 --> 00:36:38,539 - Oh. - Okay. 738 00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,584 I just find it pretty relaxing. 739 00:36:47,669 --> 00:36:48,834 Yeah. 740 00:36:48,919 --> 00:36:52,902 Helps me cope with the pressures of being mayor, 741 00:36:52,986 --> 00:36:55,684 especially after the town doctor was murdered. 742 00:36:57,860 --> 00:36:59,430 That's horrible. 743 00:36:59,514 --> 00:37:01,562 Yeah, yeah. 744 00:37:01,646 --> 00:37:03,086 We did just make an arrest though. 745 00:37:03,170 --> 00:37:05,653 And it was the first murder in Patience 746 00:37:05,737 --> 00:37:08,308 since, like, the 1800s. 747 00:37:08,392 --> 00:37:11,747 I've always wanted to say, you know, 748 00:37:11,831 --> 00:37:14,575 "Not on my watch, buddy." 749 00:37:14,659 --> 00:37:17,404 But yeah, it was... 750 00:37:17,488 --> 00:37:18,841 It was on my watch. 751 00:37:22,015 --> 00:37:25,108 Think I might have been across the street when it happened. 752 00:37:27,498 --> 00:37:29,196 Uh... 753 00:37:30,719 --> 00:37:32,637 Do you like pumpkin spice? 754 00:37:37,552 --> 00:37:40,253 Mmm. That was close. 755 00:37:40,337 --> 00:37:41,777 It's like everybody is talking about me 756 00:37:41,861 --> 00:37:43,648 like I'm some big hero... 757 00:37:43,732 --> 00:37:45,998 ♪ Close to you 758 00:37:46,082 --> 00:37:48,609 Except for the two people whose lives I actually saved 759 00:37:48,693 --> 00:37:52,175 that incidentally are both completely ignoring me. 760 00:37:53,655 --> 00:37:55,616 ♪ Close to you 761 00:37:55,700 --> 00:37:57,836 You know, I should be hanging out with my friend right now. 762 00:37:57,920 --> 00:37:59,664 Bitch, I'm your friend. 763 00:37:59,748 --> 00:38:02,406 We're closer than you and Asta. 764 00:38:02,490 --> 00:38:04,538 We shared a boyfriend in high school. 765 00:38:04,622 --> 00:38:07,150 You mean the guy that you slept with behind my back? 766 00:38:07,234 --> 00:38:09,108 I grabbed his dick, and he was into it. 767 00:38:09,192 --> 00:38:11,067 So what am I supposed to do, say no? 768 00:38:11,151 --> 00:38:12,459 Oh, yeah. Fair point. 769 00:38:13,980 --> 00:38:16,942 It just, like, bothers me I can't get a hold of them. 770 00:38:17,026 --> 00:38:18,770 I've been texting all day. 771 00:38:18,854 --> 00:38:20,990 I don't know, maybe something happened to her. 772 00:38:21,074 --> 00:38:22,730 Maybe they're not okay. 773 00:38:22,814 --> 00:38:24,428 I don't know. It's kind of freaking me out. 774 00:38:24,512 --> 00:38:27,126 Yeah, probably something bad did happen to her. 775 00:38:27,210 --> 00:38:28,998 I don't know. She probably got kidnapped 776 00:38:29,082 --> 00:38:30,608 or something or, like, people are after her 777 00:38:30,692 --> 00:38:33,741 and, like, she's in the back of a car, like, in a trunk, 778 00:38:33,825 --> 00:38:36,005 like, screaming and, like, pounding 779 00:38:36,089 --> 00:38:38,181 and, like... Or she could be dead. 780 00:38:38,265 --> 00:38:40,183 She could be dead in a ditch somewhere, like, 781 00:38:40,267 --> 00:38:41,488 covered in blood 782 00:38:41,572 --> 00:38:44,927 and, like, intestines are, like, trailing out... 783 00:38:45,011 --> 00:38:46,537 Is this supposed to help me feel better? 784 00:38:46,621 --> 00:38:47,930 Okay. 785 00:38:48,014 --> 00:38:49,627 So we're gonna switch gears over to karaoke. 786 00:38:49,711 --> 00:38:53,239 First up, we have our own Liv Baker singing a song for us. 787 00:38:53,323 --> 00:38:56,939 Come on. 788 00:38:57,023 --> 00:39:00,246 Bette Midler's "Wind Beneath My Wings"... 789 00:39:02,593 --> 00:39:07,819 ♪ Oh, whoa 790 00:39:07,903 --> 00:39:09,952 ♪ It must have been cold there ♪ 791 00:39:10,037 --> 00:39:12,865 ♪ In my shadow 792 00:39:15,737 --> 00:39:18,482 ♪ To never have sunlight 793 00:39:18,566 --> 00:39:21,308 ♪ On your face 794 00:39:23,919 --> 00:39:28,535 ♪ You were content to let me shine ♪ 795 00:39:28,619 --> 00:39:31,799 ♪ That's your way 796 00:39:31,883 --> 00:39:36,149 ♪ You always walked a step behind ♪ 797 00:39:39,065 --> 00:39:42,111 ♪ So I was the one with all the glory ♪ 798 00:39:43,634 --> 00:39:45,813 What the hell is happening? 799 00:39:45,897 --> 00:39:48,642 ♪ While you were the one 800 00:39:48,726 --> 00:39:52,034 ♪ With all the strength 801 00:39:54,558 --> 00:39:59,001 ♪ A beautiful face without a name ♪ 802 00:39:59,085 --> 00:40:01,043 ♪ For so long 803 00:40:02,349 --> 00:40:06,005 ♪ A beautiful smile that hides the pain ♪ 804 00:40:09,138 --> 00:40:10,838 ♪ Did you ever know 805 00:40:10,922 --> 00:40:14,535 ♪ That you're my hero 806 00:40:17,233 --> 00:40:21,281 ♪ And everything I would like to be? ♪ 807 00:40:24,849 --> 00:40:27,116 ♪ I can fly higher 808 00:40:27,200 --> 00:40:31,117 ♪ Than an eagle 809 00:40:32,727 --> 00:40:36,644 ♪ You are the wind beneath my wings ♪ 810 00:40:42,041 --> 00:40:43,567 Okay. 811 00:40:49,744 --> 00:40:52,445 Guess I'm deputy again. 812 00:41:03,410 --> 00:41:05,020 Oh, shit. 813 00:41:07,457 --> 00:41:09,680 I first learned the concept of two for one 814 00:41:09,764 --> 00:41:12,984 when there was a sale on day old baguettes at the market. 815 00:41:18,903 --> 00:41:21,300 But having this Alien Tracker in my grips 816 00:41:21,384 --> 00:41:23,694 and discovering he was implanted with the very chip 817 00:41:23,778 --> 00:41:26,349 I need is even more exciting 818 00:41:26,433 --> 00:41:29,131 than getting an extra two-foot-long crouton. 819 00:41:30,205 --> 00:41:31,470 Don't move. 820 00:41:31,742 --> 00:41:34,966 I'm taking that alien technology out of your neck. 821 00:41:35,050 --> 00:41:39,362 No, wait. Where is my baby? 822 00:41:39,446 --> 00:41:40,450 What baby? 823 00:41:40,534 --> 00:41:42,191 The one you took out of my wife 824 00:41:42,275 --> 00:41:44,106 30 years ago on the bus. 825 00:41:44,190 --> 00:41:46,717 We don't do that. That's the Greys. 826 00:41:46,801 --> 00:41:48,110 You're a Grey. 827 00:41:48,194 --> 00:41:51,200 - How dare you! - Please don't take it out. 828 00:41:51,284 --> 00:41:54,116 It's the only way they can find me if they come back. 829 00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:56,506 It's the only way I'll ever meet my son. 830 00:41:58,291 --> 00:42:00,075 They're not coming back for you. 831 00:42:01,076 --> 00:42:03,383 They already got what they wanted. 832 00:42:13,689 --> 00:42:15,084 I recognize you. 833 00:42:15,169 --> 00:42:17,174 You were in that Experiencer Panel. 834 00:42:17,259 --> 00:42:18,394 Mmm, yeah. 835 00:42:18,479 --> 00:42:20,136 I heard what you said up there. 836 00:42:20,295 --> 00:42:23,341 It was very touching. But you should be careful. 837 00:42:24,749 --> 00:42:26,714 - What do you mean? - For all you know, 838 00:42:26,799 --> 00:42:30,023 your alien is a Christopher Columbus of the sky. 839 00:43:20,100 --> 00:43:23,162 Let's go. I got what I needed. 840 00:43:23,247 --> 00:43:24,806 Well, that makes me nervous. 841 00:43:24,891 --> 00:43:26,806 Don't worry. I didn't hurt him. 842 00:43:27,727 --> 00:43:30,360 He was on his knees, thanking me. 843 00:43:30,445 --> 00:43:34,188 - You're a monster. - You're welcome. 844 00:43:37,072 --> 00:43:38,943 There are no monsters. 845 00:43:39,487 --> 00:43:43,297 Beings do what needs to be done in order to survive. 846 00:43:57,063 --> 00:43:58,415 Asta! 847 00:43:58,499 --> 00:44:00,983 "No Aloha" by The Breeders... 848 00:44:01,067 --> 00:44:03,159 ♪ No bye, no aloha 849 00:44:03,243 --> 00:44:05,684 Are you in there?! 850 00:44:07,552 --> 00:44:11,254 ♪ Gone with a rock promoter ♪ 851 00:44:17,388 --> 00:44:20,873 ♪ A rock promoter 852 00:44:20,957 --> 00:44:23,066 Aah! 853 00:44:23,151 --> 00:44:25,285 Ow, shit! 854 00:44:26,810 --> 00:44:28,986 ♪ And now may die 855 00:44:33,453 --> 00:44:38,153 ♪ Oh, the treats 856 00:44:42,472 --> 00:44:44,608 ♪ Saw it on the wall 857 00:44:44,763 --> 00:44:48,652 ♪ "Motherhood means mental freeze" ♪ 858 00:44:50,697 --> 00:44:52,482 ♪ Freezeheads 859 00:44:53,659 --> 00:44:56,480 ♪ No aloha 860 00:44:58,864 --> 00:45:02,392 ♪ I know, I saw 861 00:45:02,476 --> 00:45:04,652 ♪ And now may die 60985

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