Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:08,468
No, sweetie.
That's a deadly glass ball
2
00:01:08,535 --> 00:01:10,671
that we hang
where babies can get it.
3
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:13,740
See? Deadly glass ball?
4
00:01:20,147 --> 00:01:21,515
- Oh!
- Oh!
5
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:29,156
Huh? Todd Flanders?
How'd that get on our tree?
6
00:01:29,222 --> 00:01:32,125
Christmas is no time
to think about your neighbors.
7
00:01:32,192 --> 00:01:33,860
It's a very interesting story.
8
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:37,164
A Christmas story
of failing and redemption.
9
00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:39,633
Isn't that
every Christmas story?
10
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:43,136
A Christmas story of your
father's failing and redemption.
11
00:01:43,203 --> 00:01:44,805
Isn't that every Homer story?
12
00:01:44,871 --> 00:01:46,807
This one also has a secret room,
13
00:01:46,873 --> 00:01:49,176
and it's set
six years in the past.
14
00:01:49,242 --> 00:01:52,379
Oh, thank God
it's not the horrible present.
15
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:53,847
What year did it happen?
16
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:55,515
Oh, you know the year.
17
00:01:55,582 --> 00:01:58,452
The Oscar went to an overrated
movie that nobody remembers,
18
00:01:58,518 --> 00:02:00,253
Tom Brady won the Super Bowl
19
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:02,122
and a public figure
had to apologize
20
00:02:02,189 --> 00:02:04,124
for saying something stupid.
21
00:02:04,191 --> 00:02:05,926
- Oh, that one.
- That year.
22
00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:07,995
Oh, yeah. Mm‐hmm.
Remember it well.
23
00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:09,796
Okay. So, Homer and I
24
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:12,666
were going
to the office Christmas party.
25
00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:15,636
I had just lost
my last adult tooth,
26
00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:18,605
- which they sayis worth thousands.
- Grampa.
27
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:21,008
- This is my story.
- Fine.
28
00:02:21,074 --> 00:02:22,442
We were getting ready...
29
00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:25,312
Listen, before we go,
I want to ask you a favor.
30
00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:27,981
Don't drink at the office party.
31
00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:30,450
But then
it just becomes a meeting.
32
00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:33,687
I'm serious. I don't want you
embarrassing yourself at work.
33
00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:36,289
All right. I'll just drink soda.
34
00:02:36,356 --> 00:02:39,259
- Water is healthier.
- Not in this town.
35
00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:43,830
Woo‐hoo! Kids, get the hot dogs!
36
00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:46,299
Homer, that's not safe.
37
00:02:46,366 --> 00:02:48,869
Marge, it's natural gas.
38
00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:54,574
- ♪
-
39
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,650
Marge. Marge,
Marge, Marge, Marge.
40
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:06,486
- When will you ever settle down?
- What the...?
41
00:03:06,553 --> 00:03:10,157
Hey, Marge,
want to rub shoulders?
42
00:03:10,223 --> 00:03:13,093
Cover yourself up
and quit hitting on my wife.
43
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,328
Oh, so now she's your wife.
44
00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:17,731
I've never been at a party
where I'm sober
45
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:20,233
and everyone else is drunk.
This is a nightmare.
46
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:21,601
I know how you feel, pal.
47
00:03:21,668 --> 00:03:23,503
I haven't had a drink
in four years.
48
00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:25,806
You're so boring.
49
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:28,341
He's right. I am boring.
50
00:03:30,510 --> 00:03:32,446
We should give Homer
a little help
51
00:03:32,512 --> 00:03:34,548
- enjoying the party.
- Mm‐hmm.
52
00:03:38,251 --> 00:03:41,421
So, if you're all partying,
who's running the plant?
53
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:44,691
We got a dog that barks
when a light goes red.
54
00:04:03,176 --> 00:04:06,179
Ah, it's nice to get close
to the workers once a year.
55
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:10,317
- Are you enjoying your holiday?
- I was just watching
56
00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:12,786
this fantastic movie,
It's a Wonderful Life.
57
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:14,554
A tribute
58
00:04:14,621 --> 00:04:17,657
the conniving, evil banker
who ruins Christmas Eve.
59
00:04:17,724 --> 00:04:20,761
I presume it ends
with Jimmy Stewart's suicide.
60
00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:22,496
Attention! Attention!
61
00:04:22,562 --> 00:04:25,766
I've arranged for some of
the latest hip music to be sung.
62
00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:29,603
♪ Hark, the herald angels sing ♪
63
00:04:29,669 --> 00:04:33,473
♪ Good old Monty is our king ♪
64
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:36,943
♪ He's a mean old crocodile ♪
65
00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:41,181
♪ Worse than jock itch
by a mile ♪
66
00:04:41,248 --> 00:04:44,684
♪ I can't wait
till Burnsy dies ♪
67
00:04:44,751 --> 00:04:49,022
♪ Watching vultures
eat his eyes. ♪
68
00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:51,825
Not so fast. Release the hounds!
69
00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:55,362
On, Slasher! On, Gasher!
On, Mangey and Nips 'Em!
70
00:04:55,428 --> 00:04:58,999
On, Stalker! On, Vicious!
On, Rabid and Rips 'Em!
71
00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:09,843
Good night, Mr. Burns.
72
00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:17,083
Die! Die! Die!
73
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:19,619
And cool me whiskey.
74
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:24,558
♪ Good King Wenceslas
looked out. ♪
75
00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:28,795
Homer, we've got to go.
76
00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:31,731
Come on, can't I finish
filling my pants with shrimp?
77
00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:33,333
Mm.
78
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,502
Ooh.
79
00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:40,841
I don't know what happened.
80
00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:43,109
What happened
is what happens every time.
81
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:46,246
You got drunk,
and you made a fool of yourself.
82
00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:51,084
I don't want you coming home
83
00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:53,587
until I know you've changed.
84
00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:56,923
Good night.
85
00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:59,359
Uh, aren't you gonna get out?
86
00:05:59,426 --> 00:06:02,529
No, just drive me around
in circles, please.
87
00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:06,633
Oh, sorry. You have to order
an Uber Sad for that.
88
00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:13,573
There, there. Prices
are always surging at Christmas.
89
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:16,643
Where do I go? Where do I go?
90
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:19,813
Hey. You got to bowl or go home.
91
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,717
Skate or go home.
92
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:28,288
Go home or go home.
93
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:30,757
Isn't a church
supposed to offer sanctuary?
94
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:33,727
I'll tell you what.
Quote one Bible verse,
95
00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:35,896
and I'll let you in.
96
00:06:35,962 --> 00:06:38,431
Um... "There once was a man
from Judaea
97
00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:41,167
who said to my wife,
'If I pay ya...'"
98
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,402
And no.
99
00:06:42,469 --> 00:06:44,771
Please. I have nowhere to go.
100
00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:47,574
Well, there is one person
101
00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:49,910
that takes the homeless,
lost dogs,
102
00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:53,213
even grocery bags
carried off by the wind.
103
00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:56,783
Oh. I don't know
how to put this.
104
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:59,219
Come on in, my brother.
105
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,022
You, too.
106
00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:07,427
Look, Maude. God blessed us
with another mouth
107
00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:09,863
- to feed.
-
108
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,474
More like a sinkhole
that likes french fries.
109
00:07:11,498 --> 00:07:13,800
Oh, now, Maude, Jesus said,
"Love your neighbor"
110
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:16,636
even though he never seemed
to live next to anyone.
111
00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:19,439
Please, Ned. I'm due any day.
112
00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:22,475
Maude, when I look
in that man's face, I see Jesus.
113
00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:25,011
When you look at everything,
you see Jesus.
114
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:28,148
I bet you're seeing Jesus
right now.
115
00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:29,816
I love you so much.
116
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:31,451
Put him in your man cave.
117
00:07:31,518 --> 00:07:32,786
Man cave?
118
00:07:32,852 --> 00:07:34,821
My Son of Man cave.
119
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:37,791
The Wi‐Fi password is
"sinners burn in hell."
120
00:07:37,857 --> 00:07:39,793
The second "S" is a dollar sign.
121
00:07:39,859 --> 00:07:42,629
The first "L" is a one.
The "E" in "sinners" is a three,
122
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:44,798
but the "E" in "hell"
is an "E" for "eternity."
123
00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:48,335
I'll just use
my data plan like an animal.
124
00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:54,908
You ate the Christmas ham.
125
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,943
And it wasn't even cooked.
126
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,578
Wait, wait.
You were saving that?
127
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,747
It was still in the plastic.
128
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:03,249
That was plastic? Uh‐oh.
129
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:05,585
I know it's tough, Marge,
130
00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:07,020
but you're doing
the right thing.
131
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:08,588
Just like I raised him.
132
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,357
Punish, punish, punish.
133
00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:12,759
And after it's much too late,
love.
134
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,728
It's not just this one thing.
135
00:08:14,794 --> 00:08:17,630
It's a pattern
of constant disappointment.
136
00:08:17,697 --> 00:08:21,101
You must see it.
You live with us temporarily.
137
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,303
What do you mean, "temporarily"?
138
00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:25,271
Nothing. Nothing, nothing.
139
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,040
Have a good night.
140
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:36,149
Oh, I can't take this place.
141
00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:38,818
Ooh!
142
00:08:38,885 --> 00:08:40,320
Aw.
143
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:43,723
Even my peripheral vision
is betraying me.
144
00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:56,169
So, wife threw you out, eh?
145
00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:59,973
- Yeah.
- We've got a nice,
warm bed for you
146
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,509
in the lake of eternal flame!
147
00:09:02,575 --> 00:09:05,712
A house by the lake?
I could get some writing done.
148
00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:07,580
In the lake.
149
00:09:07,647 --> 00:09:10,350
Oh, thank God.
Any excuse not to write.
150
00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:12,786
Kill me.
151
00:09:14,521 --> 00:09:16,122
Hey, hey, kids.
152
00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:17,424
Especially the little ones.
153
00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:19,459
Here's an all‐new
Itchy & Scratchy.
154
00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:21,127
Parental discretion advised.
155
00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:23,797
But if they were around,
you wouldn't be watching.
156
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:27,800
Ah!
157
00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:30,036
Ah!
158
00:09:35,842 --> 00:09:37,777
Where's Daddy?
159
00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:40,980
Um, he‐he won't be back
for a while.
160
00:09:41,047 --> 00:09:43,149
It's okay. I love Bart.
161
00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:46,453
I love Bart.
I love Bart. I love Bart.
162
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:48,421
And I love Lisa.
163
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:50,657
I love you,
I love you, I love you.
164
00:09:50,723 --> 00:09:52,258
Oh, that's wonderful.
165
00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:54,961
We can still have
a nice Christmas,
166
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:57,063
- even without your...
- Daddy's back.
167
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:58,331
Daddy's back.
168
00:09:58,398 --> 00:10:00,900
Look at that hat.
He must be a millionaire.
169
00:10:02,635 --> 00:10:04,270
Okay, it's time to go to bed.
170
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:06,239
We'll have fun tomorrow.
171
00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:15,081
See? Even without Daddy,
it's Christmas at the mall.
172
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:19,018
Please give something.
173
00:10:19,085 --> 00:10:22,021
I'm about to be the first person
ever dishonorably discharged
174
00:10:22,088 --> 00:10:24,157
by the Salvation Army.
175
00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:30,430
Aw, that was a real beard.
176
00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:34,801
Can I get these
for me and Daddy?
177
00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:37,837
I'm not sure Daddy will be back
by Christmas.
178
00:10:37,904 --> 00:10:41,474
Ooh, I smell marital problems.
179
00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:43,176
A salesman's dream.
180
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,512
Little boy,
if she doesn't buy it,
181
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:47,380
she doesn't love you.
182
00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:50,483
Really? And do you have
a happy homelife?
183
00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:52,952
Why, ye‐‐ No.
184
00:10:55,622 --> 00:10:57,891
Aw, poor fella.
I know what'll cheer him up.
185
00:10:57,957 --> 00:11:00,026
Homer, would you like
to say grace?
186
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:01,995
I'd rather just eat.
187
00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:03,496
No grace?
188
00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:05,965
Then I'm gonna let
my hair grow natural.
189
00:11:07,066 --> 00:11:08,334
Homer, please.
190
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:10,436
Honor the Lord
until we're all bored.
191
00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:13,673
Dear God, how you doing?
192
00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:15,842
I know your son's
birthday's coming up.
193
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,444
Oh, with his mother, you say?
194
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,480
Oh, that's too bad.
195
00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:23,616
Now, Homer, in this house,
grace is personal, pious,
196
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,185
and at least 500 words.
197
00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:26,619
Fine.
198
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,755
Thank You, O Lord,
for my wonderful home,
199
00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:30,023
which I'm not in.
200
00:11:30,089 --> 00:11:32,926
And my beautiful family,
which I can't see.
201
00:11:32,992 --> 00:11:35,461
I mean,
Flanders is great and all,
202
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:38,631
but even you must think
he's kind of a jackass.
203
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,500
What's a jackass?
204
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:42,302
It's a silly person, Roddy.
205
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:44,304
Daddy, you're a jackass.
206
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:46,539
Sheesh. The mouth on that kid.
207
00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:49,509
Ned, that man has got to go.
208
00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:51,878
Maude, you know we can't
turn away someone in need
209
00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:53,479
right before Christmas.
210
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,648
You're right.
I forgot my Christian values.
211
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:58,618
Could you please get our guest
some Christmas candy?
212
00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:00,720
Absotively.
213
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:03,823
Get the hell out.
214
00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:08,228
Where'd he go?
215
00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:10,163
Can't be a rapture, I know that.
216
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,232
- Yep.
- Scram!
217
00:12:14,033 --> 00:12:15,902
I have no luck.
218
00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:24,244
Just keep bringing me drinks
219
00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:26,312
until I pass out
under this table.
220
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:29,315
Also, you have tables?
221
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:34,020
Why aren't you home with Midge?
222
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:37,523
I've been kicked out.
I have no place to go.
223
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:38,992
Oh, you poor guy.
224
00:12:39,058 --> 00:12:40,493
Let's take a walk.
225
00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:46,266
Finally.
226
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:54,707
Aw...
227
00:12:57,076 --> 00:13:00,013
If only I could get back
in there tonight.
228
00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:01,914
Well, uh, actually,
there is a way.
229
00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:04,450
What are you talking about?
230
00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:07,220
There's a tiny little room
above your garage
231
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:08,621
that you've never noticed.
232
00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:11,457
Until Marge forgives you,
you can hide out in there.
233
00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:13,926
Have you ever stayed up there?
234
00:13:13,993 --> 00:13:17,730
I haven't, but, uh, I did rent
it out to a nice Irish family.
235
00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:24,804
Oh, Ma, this is the best place
we've ever lived.
236
00:13:24,871 --> 00:13:27,674
We only have to clean
Moe's bar for seven years,
237
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:29,709
and then we get
our passports back.
238
00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:56,302
God bless Bart.
God bless Mommy.
239
00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:58,838
God bless Santa.
Santa bless God.
240
00:13:58,905 --> 00:14:02,108
And especially God bless Daddy.
241
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,243
God, I don't know
if you could do this,
242
00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:06,646
but I want a different father.
243
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:09,182
I'm home.
244
00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:39,345
So cozy. Ooh, cheese!
245
00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:40,847
Rat trap! Ow!
246
00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:42,348
Ooh, more cheese.
247
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:44,350
Rat trap! Ow!
248
00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:45,852
Ooh, rat trap!
249
00:14:45,918 --> 00:14:48,121
Cheese! Ow!
250
00:14:48,187 --> 00:14:51,090
At least I haven't seen
any spiders.
251
00:14:51,157 --> 00:14:55,595
Cool. Now that I'm a bachelor
again, my hair is coming back.
252
00:14:55,661 --> 00:14:57,430
Aah!
253
00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:05,271
Hey, Lenny.
254
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:07,140
Yeah, I'm doing okay.
255
00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:09,308
You're living the life
256
00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:11,077
not being able to stand.
257
00:15:11,144 --> 00:15:14,280
I'm so lonely I made a Marge
from insulation.
258
00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:15,415
Mommy?
259
00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:17,283
Bart and I decided we'll give up
260
00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:20,119
all our toys for Christmas
if Daddy can come back.
261
00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:21,654
But I'll need double
on my birthday.
262
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:23,122
Take it or leave it.
263
00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:25,158
What's happened to you?
264
00:15:25,224 --> 00:15:27,560
I'm becoming a jerk
because I have no dad.
265
00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:30,296
So you'll be better
if he comes back?
266
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:33,166
Maybe not, but you won't get
all the blame.
267
00:15:41,707 --> 00:15:43,609
Well, I want him back, too.
268
00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:45,011
Yay!
269
00:15:45,077 --> 00:15:47,580
I want him back,
but I need your father
270
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,449
to do one great thing.
271
00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:50,850
One thing to show
272
00:15:50,917 --> 00:15:53,286
that all the nonsense
I put up with has a point.
273
00:15:53,352 --> 00:15:55,121
Now, we're going to go
to midnight mass
274
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:56,956
without your father.
275
00:15:57,023 --> 00:15:59,258
Aw, missing church.
276
00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:02,028
This is the saddest
I've ever been happy.
277
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:15,107
One thing. One gesture.
278
00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:16,642
I know!
279
00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:20,446
I'll do the thing that Christmas
is really all about!
280
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:22,782
Make cookies.
281
00:16:24,016 --> 00:16:25,785
Dad made cookies!
282
00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:26,786
Yay!
283
00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:28,120
How many did you eat?
284
00:16:28,187 --> 00:16:30,723
Most but not all.
285
00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:33,326
Oh, that's wonderful!
286
00:16:33,392 --> 00:16:34,894
Mwah.
287
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,503
No forgiveness, no cookies,
288
00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:44,937
and I burned the good drapes
289
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,473
so we'll have to get
corncob curtains.
290
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:49,775
I need a miracle,
291
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:52,011
but those never happen
at Christmas.
292
00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:55,481
Contraction!
293
00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:58,684
Oh, if only that pregnant woman
would stop that racket
294
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:00,019
so I could think.
295
00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:01,721
You could deliver the baby.
296
00:17:01,787 --> 00:17:02,722
Wait, who are you?
297
00:17:02,788 --> 00:17:03,956
I'm your brain.
298
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,400
How come I haven't heard
from you before?
299
00:17:05,424 --> 00:17:07,426
Your stomach gets all the bloo.
300
00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:08,761
You shut up about that!
301
00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:10,229
I know where you live.
302
00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:12,064
Oh, the baby's coming.
303
00:17:12,131 --> 00:17:14,400
Oh, wh‐where's your father?
304
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:17,603
He's delivering
Christmas turkeys to the poor.
305
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:19,105
That selfish jerk.
306
00:17:19,171 --> 00:17:22,041
Did somebody order
an unlikely hero?
307
00:17:22,108 --> 00:17:24,544
Maude, let's get you
to the hospital.
308
00:17:24,610 --> 00:17:25,778
No.
309
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:27,113
It's too late.
310
00:17:27,179 --> 00:17:30,149
Then I'll deliver this baby
myself.
311
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,318
How are you gonna do that?
312
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:33,753
The same way I learned
313
00:17:33,819 --> 00:17:36,556
what the top ten bass solos
through history are‐‐
314
00:17:36,622 --> 00:17:38,424
through YouTube.
315
00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:44,597
Oh, there's always a commercial.
316
00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:47,300
There will be a time,
mark my words,
317
00:17:47,366 --> 00:17:51,070
where the monkey attempts
to eat your face.
318
00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:56,842
If you've done
everything correctly,
319
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:59,679
your mother‐to‐be
is calm and peaceful.
320
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:01,113
Shut up.
321
00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:02,715
You know nothing.
322
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:05,051
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to get angry.
323
00:18:05,117 --> 00:18:06,118
That's okay.
324
00:18:06,185 --> 00:18:07,553
Of course it's okay!
325
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:09,956
Could you do me a favor?
326
00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:11,958
Anything.
327
00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:13,059
Pretend to be Ned.
328
00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:16,062
Okay.
329
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:18,598
Oodily doodily.
330
00:18:18,664 --> 00:18:21,033
Uh, no clownin',
that baby's crownin'.
331
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,302
You're almost out of labor,
neighbor.
332
00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:25,805
No, no. The real Ned.
333
00:18:25,871 --> 00:18:28,240
Um, uh, uh,
I'm a left‐handed weirdo
334
00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:29,976
with a cop mustache.
335
00:18:30,042 --> 00:18:31,744
No. No, no, no.
336
00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:35,748
I mean the quiet,
wonderful man I married.
337
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:36,815
All right.
338
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:38,150
To help you deliver this baby,
339
00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:40,086
I'll make
the ultimate sacrifice.
340
00:18:40,152 --> 00:18:42,555
I'll act like a weenie.
341
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:45,324
Maude, I know I'll love heaven
342
00:18:45,391 --> 00:18:47,426
because you've made one for me
on Earth.
343
00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:50,830
Let's bring another angel
into this world.
344
00:18:53,165 --> 00:18:54,767
Perfectly normal.
345
00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:57,803
Eight fingers and eight toes.
346
00:18:57,870 --> 00:18:59,171
Aw.
347
00:18:59,238 --> 00:19:00,439
How long have you been here?
348
00:19:00,506 --> 00:19:03,075
Long enough to see
the man I married
349
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,411
is heroic and wise
350
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:08,047
and capable and brave
351
00:19:08,114 --> 00:19:09,582
- and...
- Give me my baby!
352
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,417
I guess it is mostly yours.
353
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:12,418
Here.
354
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,954
Homie, you did great.
355
00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:17,156
Mmm!
356
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,392
Oh, Maude.
357
00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:20,593
I'm so sorry.
358
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:21,694
It's okay, Neddy.
359
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:23,462
I was in good hands.
360
00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:26,098
I redeemed myself at Christmas,
361
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,299
like the Grinch,
362
00:19:27,366 --> 00:19:28,734
the Die Hard guy
363
00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:30,369
and Scrooged.
364
00:19:31,437 --> 00:19:32,738
In honor of today,
365
00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:35,207
we're gonna name our son Homer.
366
00:19:35,274 --> 00:19:36,275
‐ ‐Uh...
367
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:37,810
Todd Homer Flanders.
368
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:40,146
Todd's middle name is Homer?
369
00:19:40,212 --> 00:19:41,814
Yep. And for similar reasons,
370
00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:44,450
Maggie's middle name is Lenny.
371
00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:49,321
But that's a story
for the next Arbor Day.
372
00:19:49,388 --> 00:19:50,990
Well, I want to see
your secret room.
373
00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:52,892
Oh‐oh‐oh, not so fast, boy.
374
00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:55,494
First you have to tell me
one of your secrets.
375
00:19:55,561 --> 00:19:56,996
Okay. Not saying why,
376
00:19:57,063 --> 00:19:59,331
but you might want to get
a new toothbrush.
377
00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:02,468
You, too, son.
378
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:03,569
You, too.
379
00:20:08,407 --> 00:20:11,177
And I found out something else
about the day you were born.
380
00:20:11,243 --> 00:20:12,611
What?
381
00:20:12,678 --> 00:20:14,780
You were born
with a full set of teeth.
382
00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:16,282
And here they are!
383
00:20:18,484 --> 00:20:20,019
Where are my dentures?!
384
00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:21,353
I got a hot date tonight,
385
00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:23,556
and I want to show off
by eatin' chicken.
386
00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:27,093
What am I doin' up there?
387
00:20:40,439 --> 00:20:41,807
You think the kids can hear?
388
00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:44,443
No, no, everything up here
is totally soundproof.
389
00:20:44,510 --> 00:20:46,445
Well, don't let me stop youse.
390
00:20:46,512 --> 00:20:48,481
What? What are you lookin' at?
391
00:20:48,547 --> 00:20:50,525
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
392
00:20:50,549 --> 00:20:52,485
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
393
00:20:52,551 --> 00:20:54,487
And FORD.
We go further, so you can.
394
00:20:54,553 --> 00:20:56,673
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
395
00:21:28,521 --> 00:21:29,522
Shh!
26129
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
