Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

[guns firing]

♪♪[music playing]

♪♪[The Silencers by Vikki Carr playing]

♪ OH, A GUN CAN BE A .22 ♪

♪ OR A .38 AND IT WILL SILENCE YOU ♪

♪ DEAR SIR, THAT IS A SILENCER ♪

♪ BUT IF YOU SHOULD SEE A LADY ♪

♪ WHO HAS THE KIND OF WAIST THAT MEASURES 22 ♪

♪ AND SHE'S 38 WHERE IT IS GREAT TO MEASURE 38 ♪

♪ DEAR SIR ♪

♪ SHE IS A SILENCER ♪

♪ DEAR SIR, I'M HER ♪

♪ I DON'T USE A KNIFE, DON'T NEED A GUN ♪

♪ MY EQUIPMENT IS A LOT MORE DEADLY, SON ♪

♪ DEAR SIR ♪

♪ I AM A SILENCER ♪

♪ AND IF YOU'RE A MAN NOT MADE OF WOOD ♪

♪ WHEN I FLIP MY HIPS, I'LL QUIET YOU FOR GOOD ♪

♪ LET ME BRUSH YOUR LIPS AND CRUSH YOUR LIPS AND NICELY HUSH YOUR LIPS ♪

♪ DEAR SIR ♪

♪ THE SILENCER ♪

♪ DEAR SIR ♪

♪ DON'T STIR, DON'T MOVE ♪

♪ RELAX ♪

♪ LOOSEN YOUR TIE ♪

♪ TURN OUT THE LIGHT ♪

♪ TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES, DON'T FIGHT, LEAN BACK ♪

♪ RELAX, RELAX, RELAX ♪

♪ RELAX, RELAX ♪♪

BUT DON'T YOU SEE, MY DEAR, WE MUST ASSUME

THAT IF THEY KNEW YOUR PARTNER WELL ENOUGH TO PUT A KNIFE INTO HIS BACK,

THEY'VE GOTTA KNOW WHO YOU ARE, TOO.

(MacDonald) AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO MAKE A TOUCH UNTIL--

UNLESS WE FIND YOU A NEW ASSOCIATE.

AND I--I HAVE SOMEONE IN MIND. HOLD ON JUST A SECOND.

[Rolodex whirring]

YES, HERE WE ARE.

HE'S, UH, BEEN OUT OF OUR OPERATION FOR SOME TIME NOW,

SORT OF ON A SEMI-PERMANENT LEAVE, YOU MIGHT SAY.

I'VE BEEN TOLD HE'S A PHOTOGRAPHER NOW,

AND THOROUGHLY ENJOYING HIS WORK,

SO IT MIGHT BE A LITTLE DIFFICULT TO CONVINCE HIM.

BUT HE'S THE RIGHT MAN, AND HE'S IN THE RIGHT PLACE.

LET'S JUST HOPE HE'S IN CONDITION.

HE HAD SOME RATHER PECULIAR IDEAS

ABOUT KEEPING IN SHAPE, AS I RECALL.

♪♪[Empty Saddles In The Old Corral by Dean Martin playing]

[sighs]

♪ EMPTY SADDLES ♪

♪ IN THAT OLD CORRAL ♪

♪ MMM, WHO WANTS A RIDE TONIGHT? ♪♪

[grunts]

♪♪[If You Knew Susie by Dean Martin playing]

♪ IF YOU KNEW SUSIE LIKE I KNOW SUSIE ♪

♪ OH, OH, OH, WHAT A GAL ♪

♪ HOW I LOVE HER, I'M DREAMING OF HER ♪

[kissing]

♪ SHE MADE BREAKFAST AND THE COVER, OH ♪

MMM.

[mumbling]

(Matt) ♪ OH, HOW WE'RE DANCING ♪

♪ JUST LOOK WHERE IT LED ♪

[telephone ringing]

[mumbling]

♪ I'M IN THE DREAM ♪

♪ AND HE'S STILL IN BED ♪♪

[telephone ringing]

[telephone ringing]

[whirring]

HELLO?

MACDONALD CALLING.

MACDONALD CALL-- MACDONALD CALLIN'? OH, SORRY.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'RE NOT HOME?

M-MATT HELM'S ON AN ASSIGNMENT AT-- AT CAPE KENNEDY.

LOOK, YOU'RE STILL ON UNCLE SAM'S PAYROLL,

AND I'VE GOT AN ASSIGNMENT FOR YOU.

K-E-N-N-E-D-Y, KENNEDY. THAT'S RIGHT, YEAH.

LAST I HEARD, HE WAS UP IN ONE OF THEM SPACE CAPSULES.

WAY UP.

GOOD MORNING.

OH.

UH, THE SOAP, PLEASE, MISS KRAVEZIT.

THANK YOU.

MMM.

MMM.

I FEEL CLEAN ALL OVER. AND NO UNSIGHTLY LATHER.

MISS KRAVEZIT?

MR. HELM? HUH.

WON'T YOU PLEASE CALL ME BY MY FIRST NAME?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW YOUR FIRST NAME.

IT'S LOVEY.

LOVEY KRAVEZIT?

MMM-HMM.

OH, THAT'S SOME KIND OF NAME.

[laughs]

LOVEY, SEND A TELEGRAM.

WALTER CASSELMAN, SLAYMATE MAGAZINE, CHICAGO, ILLINOIS.

"DEAR WALLY, JUST COMPLETED PHOTO SPREAD TODAY.

WILL SEND RESULTS IN PLAIN BROWN WRAPPER. ALL THE BEST."

[machine whirring]

[machine whirring]

[whooshing]

TO THE SIMPLE LIFE.

[telephone ringing]

WRONG HACIENDA.

[telephone ringing]

REMEMBER, I'M STILL UP IN THAT SPACE CAPSULE.

MR. HELM IS STILL IN ORBIT. TRY THE MOON IN 48 HOURS.

THE AREA CODE THERE IS...

IT'S NEWSDAY MAGAZINE.

OH, HELLO, CHRIS. YE-YEP, YOU JUST CAUGHT ME IN THE DARKROOM.

YEAH.

OH, AND I GOT A LOT OF GREAT STUFF FROM THAT TAOS FESTIVAL.

ACAPULCO?

OH, I COULD BE ON MY WAY TONIGHT.

OH, CHRIS, COULD YOU MAKE THAT 2 TICKETS?

I'D LIKE TO TAKE ALONG MY ANSWERING SERVICE.

YEAH, YOU LET ME KNOW.

BYE, CHRIS.

MEXICO, MISS KRAVEZIT?

UH-UH.

LOVEY.

LOVEY KRAVEZIT.

[chuckling]

YOU HAVE BEEN VACCINATED?

MMM-HMM.

IF I WERE A GERM, THAT'S THE FIRST PLACE I'D LOOK.

MMM.

(Miss Sherman) HE DOESN'T ANSWER, MR. MACDONALD.

KEEP TRYING, MISS SHERMAN. I'VE GOT TO REACH HIM.

YES, SIR.

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT, FRAZER?

ANOTHER PIECE OF THE PUZZLE.

THERE'S BEEN SOME BIG "O" ACTIVITY IN THIS AREA.

A NUMBER OF THEIR AGENTS HAVE BEEN SPOTTED.

SANTA FE, HUH?

UNCOMFORTABLY CLOSE TO ALAMOGORDO.

AND THE NEXT UNDERGROUND ATOMIC TEST.

[tires screeching]

IF MACDONALD IS RIGHT, THEY'LL LEAD US STRAIGHT TO BIG "O."

[rumbling]

[rumbling]

[tires squealing]

[tires screeching]

[panel lights clicking]

[sighing]

NOTICE WAS SHORT, BUT I SEE YOU ARE ALL HERE. GOOD.

CONGRATULATIONS, TUNG-TZE, ON THE LATEST MISSILE DISASTER.

DID YOU LIKE IT?

THANK YOU.

[sighing]

YOUR REPORT.

(Agent 'X') THE NEXT AMERICAN MISSILE SHOT TAKES PLACE IN 3 DAYS,

AUGUST 13.

(Agent 'C') THEIR UNDERGROUND ATOMIC TEST TAKES PLACE THE SAME DAY,

AUGUST 13.

(Agent 'Z') AN EXTRAORDINARY COINCIDENCE.

WE HAVE WORKED FOR 5 YEARS

TO ARRANGE THIS "EXTRAORDINARY COINCIDENCE."

AND WHEN WE HAVE USED IT FOR OUR PURPOSES,

VAST AREAS OF THIS COUNTRY WILL BE BLANKETED WITH RADIOACTIVE MATTER.

WE SHALL HAVE TAKEN OUR FIRST GREAT STEP TO CONQUEST.

[breathing]

OPERATION FALLOUT NOW LACKS ONLY ONE ELEMENT,

ONE VITAL PIECE OF INFORMATION.

ANDREYEV?

I'VE BEEN IN CONTACT WITH THE AMERICAN SCIENTIST.

HE WILL DELIVER THE COMPUTER TAPE TO PHOENIX AS PLANNED.

YOU ARE AWARE OF THE CONSEQUENCES OF FAILURE.

THE TAPE WILL BE HERE IN TIME. I GUARANTEE IT.

YOU ONCE GAVE YOUR ASSURANCE

THAT OUR ACTIVITIES HERE WOULD REMAIN SECRET.

BUT FROM WHAT I HAVE JUST SEEN ON THE ROAD UP THERE,

ANOTHER SPLIT SECOND, AND YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN CAUGHT.

AND YOU KNOW BY WHOM?

ICE.

YES, ICE.

AMERICAN INTELLIGENCE AND COUNTER ESPIONAGE.

WE HAVE NOW BECOME THE PRIME TARGETS OF THEIR LEGAL ASSASSINS.

ONE OF THEIR AGENTS GOT THROUGH TO THE GIRL, BUT HE WAS KILLED.

AND YOU THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE THE END OF IT.

HIS DEATH WILL ONLY BRING OTHERS, LIKE TODAY,

AND AMONG THEM, MATT HELM.

[ice clinking]

[water running]

OOH, A TREASURE HUNT.

♪♪[The Last Roundup by Dean Martin playing]

♪ SHE GRABBED HER HAT AND GRABBED HER COAT ♪

♪ BUT LEFT THE REST HERE ON THE DOORSTEP ♪

♪ SHE'S GOT ME ALL WOUND UP ♪

CAN'T BE LOVEY.

♪ I'M A-HEADING FOR THE LAST ROUNDUP ♪♪

IT'S A GIRL.

HELLO THERE.

I COULDN'T HELP NOTICING, BUT THESE ARE YOUR CLOTHES?

WHAT IF THEY ARE?

I KNOW YOU'VE A HEADACHE, BUT DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON ME.

I, UH, WHAT SHALL I DO WITH THESE?

JUST THROW THEM ANYWHERE. I WON'T BE NEEDING THEM TILL MORNING.

DON'T YOU THINK WE SHOULD BE INTRODUCED FIRST?

YOU'RE MATT HELM.

THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

OH.

HOLD IT NOW. I GET THE PICTURE.

YOU'RE A SHILL FOR THE HOUSE.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

YOU WERE SENT OVER BY A CERTAIN PARTY

TO ENTICE ME OUT OF A SPACE CAPSULE, RIGHT?

MACDONALD SENT ME.

MMM, THAT'S THE FELLA.

HONEY, HAND IN YOUR UNIFORM, YOU'RE OFF THE TEAM,

'CAUSE I'M DUE IN ACAPULCO TOMORROW.

MATT, THERE'S WORK TO BE DONE.

THIS HAPPENS TO BE IMPORTANT.

WELL, SO IS ACAPULCO. I'M LOSING MY TAN.

WE COULD WORK WELL TOGETHER.

WHAT'S IN ACAPULCO THAT YOU CAN'T FIND HERE?

MEXICANS.

THERE MUST BE SOME WAY TO CONVINCE YOU.

WELL, I'M--I'M OPEN FOR SUGGESTIONS.

WAIT.

STAY AS YOU ARE.

YOU BEEN VACCINATED?

MMM-HMM.

WHY?

OH, JUST A THOUGHT.

[gun firing]

IT'S BEEN A LONG WHILE, ERIC.

TINA.

SORRY FOR THE INTERRUPTION, BUT SHE LIKES TO SCRATCH.

HAS IT OCCURRED TO YOU THAT I MIGHT WANT TO KNOW

WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?

AREN'T YOU GOING TO THANK ME FIRST?

SURE.

[sighing]

MMM.

AH, YOU'RE WELCOME.

NOW, WHO IS THAT GIRL? SHE SAID MACDONALD SENT HER.

THAT'S WHAT SHE TOLD MY PARTNER JUST BEFORE SHE KILLED HIM.

YOU KNOW JIM TRAYNOR. YOU WORKED WITH HIM.

WHO WAS SHE WORKING FOR?

RECOGNIZE THE TRADEMARK?

BIG "O."

REMEMBER THEM?

OH, YES, TINA.

BUT I'VE BEEN ON LEAVE FROM I.C.E. FOR A LONG TIME.

AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, I AM OUT OF IT.

YOU'RE NEVER OUT OF ICE.

DON'T GIVE ME THAT MACDONALD MYSTIQUE.

WELL, OBVIOUSLY, BIG "O" THINKS YOU'RE STILL ON OUR SIDE.

WELL, THEY'RE JUST AS WRONG AS MACDONALD.

AND TELL HIM TO STOP CALLING, BECAUSE I DON'T WANT ANY PART OF IT.

MATT, LISTEN TO ME.

AN AMERICAN SCIENTIST IS DEFECTING.

HE'S HANDING OVER SOME COMPUTER TAPE TOMORROW NIGHT IN PHOENIX.

WELL, THEN YOU'D BETTER GET STARTED.

I CAN'T WORK ALONE. BESIDES, YOU KNOW THE TERRITORY.

GET YOURSELF A MAP.

SO YOU WON'T COME ALONG?

NO, I'LL SEND YOU A POSTCARD FROM ACAPULCO.

MAYBE YOU'D BETTER TAKE A SHORTER TRIP FIRST, OVER TO THAT WINDOW.

[door creaking]

[crickets chirping]

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME SHE BROUGHT HER FRIENDS ALONG?

I ALWAYS SAVE THE BEST TILL LAST.

4 OF THEM.

[chuckling]

WHO DESIGNED THIS HOUSE? SMITH AND WESSON?

CAREFUL.

[firing]

LIKE OLD TIMES.

YEAH. ESPECIALLY WITH THAT BODY ON THE FLOOR.

WHAT WILL WE DO WITH HER?

WELL, YOU PUT HER ON ICE. LET ICE TAKE CARE OF HER.

AND WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE MAID WALKS IN IN THE MORNING?

OH, YOU'RE RIGHT. LET'S PUT HER IN MY BED, SO WE DON'T AROUSE SUSPICION.

[crickets chirping]

PHIL,

HIT HIM AS SOON AS HE COMES OUT.

RIGHT.

[door banging shut]

IT'S A PITY YOU HAD TO KILL HER.

SHE WAS REAL VALUABLE TO US.

GIVE ME THAT PURSE.

[thudding]

SMILE. WHAT?

HE DIDN'T SMILE.

[screaming]

NOT IN THERE, MATT. HE'LL PICK US OFF. WE'RE BULLETPROOF.

BUT NOT FIREPROOF. THAT RIFLE'S INCENDIARY.

GET IN.

WELL, WHAT HAPPENS IF HE HITS THE GAS TANK?

SMOKEY THE BEAR WON'T LIKE IT. GET IN.

[engine starting]

[car engine revving]

[screaming]

HELLO. HELLO!

MOBILE UNIT, COME IN. MOBILE UNIT, COME IN.

THEY MISSED.

HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE?

NO, DON'T TRY TO FOLLOW THEM. WE'LL BE WAITING IN PHOENIX.

♪♪[South Of The Border by Dean Martin playing]

♪ SOUTH OF THE BORDER ♪

♪ IS THE OPPOSITE WAY ♪

♪ HERE I AM HEADING FOR BIG "O" ♪

♪ AND NOT THE BIG OLE ♪

♪ FAREWELL, LOVEY KRAVEZIT ♪

♪ TOO BAD I CAN'T STRAY ♪

♪ WITH HER VACCINATION ♪

♪ DOWN MEXICO WAY ♪

♪ AY-YI-YI-YI ♪

♪ A DUMMY AM I ♪

♪ HELLO, ARIZONA ♪

♪ BIKINIS, GOODBYE ♪♪

WE'VE GOT PLENTY OF TIME TO GET TO PHOENIX.

WELL, THERE'S A MOTEL ON THE HIGHWAY. WE COULD STOP AND REST.

WELL, AREN'T WE DOMESTICATED.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE TOUGH, OR, UM, JUST SENTIMENTAL?

SENTIMENTAL.

THAT'S BETTER.

DO YOU REMEMBER THE NIGHT ON THE WILHELMSTRASSE?

WHEN WE DANCED, JUST THE 2 OF US?

OH, I'LL NEVER FORGET THE MUSIC.

THERE WAS NO MUSIC.

WELL, I'LL NEVER FORGET IT.

THEN THE LIGHTS ON THE TERRACE WENT OFF AND WE KISSED.

A LONG, LONG KISS.

REMEMBER?

LIKE THIS.

[sighing]

DOES THAT BRING IT BACK?

DOES IT?

IT WAS A WONDERFUL NIGHT.

LATER, THE MOON CAME UP, AND THEN--

AND THEN A MAN WITH A HIGH-POWERED RIFLE

STOOD OUT THE WINDOW, AND WAS AIMING RIGHT AT US.

YEAH.

YOU KNOW, I OFTEN WONDERED WHY HE NEVER PULLED THE TRIGGER.

WELL, I GUESS EVERYBODY LOVES A LOVER.

UH, MISS PATTORY WILL HAVE ROOM 1404,

AND I CAN PUT YOU IN 1405, MR. HELM.

BUT THE ROOMS WON'T BE READY FOR A FEW MINUTES.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT. I'LL BE IN THE PATIO.

FINE.

MACDONALD?

HIS ASSISTANT. YOU WANT TO TALK TO HIM?

NO, I'LL TELL IT TO MACDONALD.

KEY, PLEASE.

YES, SIR.

1405.

[people chattering]

♪♪[music playing]

[water splashing]

♪♪[Red Sails in the Sunset by Dean Martin playing]

♪ RED SAILS IN THE SUNSET ♪

♪ WAY OUT ON THE SEA ♪

♪ WHO ASKED YOU TO BRING HOME ♪

♪ THE OCEAN TO ME ♪♪

UH, THE FARMERS WERE HOPING FOR RAIN.

OH, DID I DO THAT?

UH-HUH.

OH, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY. I KNOW I DID. IT'S JUST LIKE ME.

HERE, LET ME HELP YOU.

UH, UH, MA'AM, STOP. I THINK THE BEST THING FOR YOU TO DO

IS JUST LEAVE ME OUT IN THE SUN TO DRY, OK?

OF COURSE.

GEE.

YOU REALLY ARE A GOOD SPORT ABOUT IT.

I'M SURPRISED YOU DIDN'T TAKE UMBRAGE.

OH, I TAKE A BELT NOW AND THEN.

OH...

WELL, GOODBYE.

GOODBYE.

OH, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.

OH!

[glass shattering]

OH, PLEASE FORGIVE ME. I'M SORRY.

OH.

[glass shattering]

OH, I'M SORRY.

OH.

[panting]

EDDIE, FIX ME A BLOODY MARY, WITH REAL BLOOD.

I CAN'T LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR A SECOND, CAN I?

NOT IF YOU WANT TO KEEP ME DRY.

QUITE A GIRL.

THAT IS NOT A GIRL, TINA. THAT'S A DISASTER AREA.

A MESSAGE FROM FATHER.

WE CATCH THE 10:00 SHOW AT THE SLAYGIRL CLUB TONIGHT.

MMM. I TAKE IT THAT'S WHERE THE TAPE CHANGES HANDS.

YOU TAKE IT RIGHT.

[motor whirring]

HI.

HI.

CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK? I FEEL I OWE YOU ONE.

I'M SURE I OWE YOU ONE, TOO.

I'D REALLY FEEL BETTER IF YOU'D ACCEPT.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I'LL HAVE SCOTCH AND SODA,

AND SHE'LL HAVE AQUA VITA ON THE ROCKS.

MMM, I'LL HAVE TO TRY THAT.

♪♪[organ playing]

OH, MY NAME'S GAIL HENDRIX, AND THIS IS SAM GUNTHER.

I'M MATT HELM, AND THIS IS, UH, MRS. HELM.

OH.

HOW DO YOU DO? ARE YOU STAYING LONG IN PHOENIX?

WELL, OUR PLANS ARE INDEFINITE.

I JUST LOVE IT HERE.

YOU KNOW, THEY SAY THE CLIMATE HERE IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD,

NOT TO MENTION THE SCENERY.

I WOULDN'T KNOW ABOUT THAT. WE'RE ON OUR HONEYMOON.

ARE YOU ON A VACATION?

UH, WELL, UH,

I WAS ON A TOUR, A SIGHT-SEEING TOUR.

BUT THE MAN IN CHARGE OF OUR GROUP

KEPT TAKING ME PLACES THAT WEREN'T IN THE BROCHURE.

WHERE WAS THAT?

HIS ROOM.

HMM.

UH, WOULD YOU MIND?

OH.

IT'S THE WRONG END, LADY.

OH.

THANKS.

[lighter clicking]

[both exclaiming]

[sighing]

OH.

[sighing]

OH, NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT. IT'S OK, LADY.

OH, I'M SORRY.

I KNOW YOU ARE. IT'S ALL RIGHT.

COME ALONG.

FINALLY GOT ME IN MEXICO, AFTER ALL.

I MUST SAY, SHE GOT YOU UNDRESSED A LOT FASTER THAN I EVER DID.

NO CONTEST. I JUST WANT TO GET THIS TENT OFF OF ME.

COME ON IN. IT'S SIESTA TIME.

AND I PROMISE NOT TO SPILL ANYTHING.

[door closes]

WOULD YOU UNDO THE REST, PLEASE?

[humming]

THERE'S TOO MANY BUTTONS.

GETTING THERE IS HALF THE FUN.

YOU'RE REALLY LOADED.

TALK ABOUT A BOOBY TRAP.

THAT'S A CRAZY HOLSTER.

MAKING LOVE TO YOU IS LIKE PLAYING RUSSIAN ROULETTE.

♪♪[music playing]

OOH!

[music stops playing]

♪♪[music playing]

[music ends]

[audience applauding]

AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, DIRECT FROM EVERY BACHELOR'S DREAMS,

THE GIRL WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR:

THE INCOMPARABLE SARITA.

[audience applauding]

♪♪[music playing]

♪♪[Santiago by Vikki Carr playing]

[audience applauding]

♪ IT HAPPENED DOWN IN SANTIAGO ♪

♪ I MET HIM DOWN IN SANTIAGO ♪

♪ IN SANTIAGO, I GOT ROMANTIC ♪

♪ HE HELD MY HAND AND BELIEVE IT OR NOT ♪

♪ ON A COOL, COOL EVENING IN CHILE, IT GOT HOT ♪

♪ THE MOON WAS LIKE AN APHRODISIAC ♪

♪ AND I WHISPERED, "LET'S PLAY KNEESY, JACK ♪

♪ NICE AND EASY, JACK, I FEEL FRANTIC" ♪

SHE'S GOT THE TAPE. NOW, WHO'S SHE SUPPOSED TO PASS IT TO?

I DON'T KNOW.

BUT HER INSTRUCTIONS ARE TO KEEP IT AND GIVE IT TO US.

YOU TAKE HER OUT BY THE STAGE EXIT

'CAUSE I'LL BE COMING THROUGH THE ALLEY IN A CAB, ALL RIGHT?

♪ WHAT COULD BE SWEETER? ♪

♪ MY HAPPY HEART WHISPERED, "YOU'RE HOME." ♪

♪ LA DOLCE VITA ♪

♪ WE DID JUST WHAT THE ROMANS ALL DO IN ROME ♪

♪ IT'S TWICE AS NICE IN SANTIAGO ♪

♪ IT'S PARADISE IN SANTIAGO ♪

♪ IN SANTIAGO, I FOUND MY TRUE LOVE ♪

♪ AND IT HAPPENED, BELIEVE IT OR NOT ♪

♪ ON A COOL, COOL EVENING IN CHILE ♪

♪ WHEN IT GOT SWEET AND HOT ♪

♪ ON A COOL, COOL EVENING IN CHILE ♪

♪ IT GOT HOT ♪

♪ IT GOT HOT ♪

♪ HOT IT GOT IN CHILE ♪

♪ IT GOT HOT ♪

♪ WHAT COULD BE SWEETER? MY HAPPY HEART WHISPERED, "YOU'RE HOME" ♪

♪ LA DOLCE VITA ♪

♪ WE DID JUST WHAT THE ROMANS ALL DO IN ROME ♪

♪ AND IT'S TWICE AS NICE IN SANTIAGO ♪

♪ IT'S PARADISE IN SANTIAGO ♪

♪ IN SANTIAGO, I FOUND MY TRUE LOVE ♪

♪ AND IT HAPPENED, BELIEVE IT OR NOT ♪

♪ ON A COOL, COOL EVENING IN CHILE ♪

♪ WHEN IT GOT SWEET AND HOT ♪♪

[gun firing]

[people screaming]

STAND BACK!

MOVE BACK. MOVE BACK.

[grunting]

[gun firing]

STAND BACK. STAND BACK.

[all screaming]

(man) STAND BACK.

[grunting]

[whispering]

THE HENDRIX GIRL HAS IT.

SHE'S DEAD. SHE'S DEAD. SOMEBODY'S KILLED HER!

MOVE. WE'RE GETTING OUT OF HERE. MOVE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME?

YOU CAN GET IT JUST AS FAST AS SHE DID. NOW MOVE!

[grunting]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, SHUT UP.

DON'T OPEN YOUR MOUTH TILL YOU GET TO THE HOTEL.

WELL, HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BREATHE?

DON'T.

OH, 2ND TEAM.

IN CASE IT RAINS.

ALL RIGHT, GIRLS, COME ON. THANK THE MAN FOR THE PRETTY CAR.

COME ON. COME ON.

I'VE TOLD YOU I DON'T HAVE ANY COMPUTER TAPE,

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!

GIVE UP. YOU ONLY HAVE ONE WAY OUT.

COOPERATE WITH THE GOVERNMENT.

YOU'RE WITH THE GOVERNMENT? YOU'RE DOING ALL THIS WITH MY TAX MONEY?

SHE'S STALLING. SHE'S EXPECTING HER PEOPLE TO COME FOR HER.

WELL, MAYBE. IN FACT, SOME OF HER PEOPLE MAY BE RIGHT BEHIND THIS DOOR

WITH A BULLET WAITING FOR THE FIRST PERSON TO ENTER, WHICH IS GONNA BE YOU.

YOU NUTS? THE TAPE.

I TOLD YOU, I DON'T HAVE ANY TAPE!

WATCH THE ELEVATORS. TELL ME IF ANYBODY'S COMING.

YOU WOULD HAVE LET THEM KILL ME.

[sighing]

YOU WOULD HAVE LET THEM KILL ME?

YEAH.

BUT WHY?

AHHH!

YOU SADIST. YOU ENJOYED THAT, DIDN'T YOU?

NOT PARTICULARLY.

MR. HELM,

NOW, DO I LOOK LIKE AN ENEMY AGENT?

I DON'T KNOW. I HAVEN'T SEEN ALL THE LATEST MODELS YET.

[gasping]

I ALWAYS SEEM TO BE INTERRUPTING YOU.

[door closes] WHY DON'T YOU TRY KNOCKING?

UH-HUH.

WHERE DID YOU FIND IT?

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

OH, NO. NO OUTGOING CALLS.

LOOK, I AM A CITIZEN, AND I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO MY LAWYER.

NOT A CHANCE.

WHY, EVEN A REAL CRIMINAL

HAS A RIGHT TO ONE PHONE CALL.

IF YOU DON'T TRUST ME, THEN YOU CALL YOURSELF. AREA 213, 555-4144.

ALL RIGHT?

IT COULD BE A SIGNAL.

WELL, MAYBE IT'LL SMOKE THEM OUT.

[phone hissing] HERE.

[glass shattering]

[coughing]

[panting]

HUH?

[Matt inhaling]

FEELING BETTER?

WELL...

EXCEPT FOR A KING-SIZE HEADACHE.

WHAT HAPPENED TO TINA?

SHE'S IN HER ROOM.

SHE GOT A BIGGER WHIFF OF THAT STUFF THAN YOU DID,

BUT SHE'S COMING AROUND ALL RIGHT.

OH.

HAIR OF THE PHONE THAT BIT ME.

WE FOUND THE CAPSULE IN YOUR POCKET.

CAPSULE?

THE ONE WITH THE TAPE IN IT.

TAPE? WHAT TAPE?

[sighs]

THE COMPUTER TAPE, MATT. GET IT?

THE COMPUTER TAPE.

MMM.

MATT,

DOES OPERATION FALLOUT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?

IT'S THE STORY OF MY HEAD.

IT'S AN INTERNATIONAL NUCLEAR CONSPIRACY.

BIG "O"'s BEEN POURING MILLIONS OF DOLLARS INTO IT.

UNFORTUNATELY, THAT'S ALL WE KNOW ABOUT IT.

WHAT WAS ON THE TAPE?

THE COMPLETE TIMETABLE FOR AN UNDERGROUND ATOMIC TEST.

THE TEST TAKES PLACE IN 2 DAYS, MATT.

WHY WORRY? THEY AIN'T GOT THE TAPE.

NO, AND WE DIDN'T GET THE SCIENTIST WHO DELIVERED IT, EITHER.

DID YOU HAPPEN TO GET A LOOK AT HIM?

I THINK I CAN RECOGNIZE HIM.

GOOD.

I'LL GET SOME PICTURES SENT OUT FROM WASHINGTON. YOU CAN LOOK THEM OVER.

HEY, WHAT ABOUT, UH...

WHAT'S HIS NAME, UH--

WHO IS WHAT'S HIS NAME?

THE FELLOW, THE-- THE PIANO PLAYER. YOU KNOW,

SAM GUNTHER.

OH.

WE THINK HE'S BIG "O"'s CHIEF OPERATIVE,

CODE NAME COWBOY.

RIGHT NOW, HE'S OUR BEST LEAD TO OPERATION FALLOUT.

THAT'S WHERE YOU COME IN.

OH, COME ON, MAC, ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT I GO FIND HIM?

NO. NO, OF COURSE NOT.

WE THINK IT'D BE MUCH BETTER IF HE FOUND YOU.

HERE, YOU NEED THIS MORE THAN I DO.

NO, NO, MATT. I'M SERIOUS.

SARITA TOLD US THE CENTRAL TRANSMITTING POINT

FOR ALL BIG "O" OPERATIVES IS IN SAN JUAN.

THAT'S IF I GO TO SAN JUAN.

EXACTLY.

[knocking on door]

ARE YOU READY FOR MISS HENDRIX?

UH, YES, BY ALL MEANS.

(MacDonald) NOW, MISS HENDRIX...

TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF ME!

OK.

[gasps]

YOU ARE A MISERABLE MAN, THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE!

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!

THAT'S ALL, BOYS.

UH, ALLOW ME, MISS HENDRIX.

THERE. THANK YOU.

THERE. NOW THAT YOU'RE PROPERLY ATTIRED,

PERHAPS WE CAN HAVE A LITTLE TALK.

WHY ARE YOU HOLDING ME?

WELL, IT'S QUITE SIMPLE.

YOU TOOK A CAPSULE FROM SARITA AT THE CLUB.

I DIDN'T. I DIDN'T TAKE IT. SHE GAVE IT TO ME.

WHY DID YOU GO TO THE CLUB WITH SAM GUNTHER?

BECAUSE HE ASKED ME!

NO, YOU'RE LYING, MISS HENDRIX.

YOU NEVER BELIEVE ANYTHING I SAY, DO YOU?

I BELIEVED THAT TELEPHONE BIT, AND THAT WAS A GASSER.

I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT!

MISS HENDRIX, LET'S SKIP BACK TO HAPPEN--

WHAT--WHAT HAPPENED AT THE CLUB, SHALL WE?

NOW, YOU SAY SARITA GAVE YOU THE CAPSULE.

WHY--WHY WOULD SHE DO A THING LIKE THAT?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE I HAVE A KIND FACE.

[laughs] YES, YES, INDEED YOU HAVE. EVEN SO--

SHE'S LYIN'. SHE IS LYIN'.

OH, LOOK.

I WAS--I WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO REACH HER.

SHE PUSHED THIS--THIS CAPSULE AT ME,

AND SHE SAID, AND THESE ARE HER VERY WORDS:

SHE SAID, "THEY MUSTN'T GET THEIR HANDS ON IT."

AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT?

NO.

BUT I FIGURED IT HAD TO BE IMPORTANT.

AFTER ALL, SOMEBODY'D JUST SHOT HER.

YEAH.

UH, GO ON, PLEASE.

WELL, SHE DID SAY ONE MORE THING.

AND IT DIDN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, THOUGH.

WELL, WHAT WAS THAT?

IT WAS, "WIGWAM, AT SAN JUAN."

OH.

A GRAIN OF TRUTH IN THAT.

BUT YOU'RE LYING ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE.

LYING? LYING?

OH!

OH!

OH, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.

DOES IT HURT?

WELL, YES, AS A MATTER OF FACT, IT DOES.

WELL, COME OVER HERE, AND PUT YOUR HEAD LOWER THAN YOUR KNEES,

AND BLOW INTO A PAPER BAG.

NO, THAT'S--

HICCUPS. HICCUPS.

YOU'RE UNDER ARREST, MISS HENDRIX.

WELL, IT'S HIS FAULT! HE DUCKED.

I'M TALKING ABOUT THE COMPUTER TAPE. SARITA. SAM GUNTHER.

SAM!

WELL, ASK SAM GUNTHER. HE'LL BACK UP MY STORY.

SAM GUNTHER HAPPENS TO BE AN ENEMY AGENT, MISS HENDRIX.

I'M IN TROUBLE.

MISS HENDRIX, UH,

THE WIGWAM IN SAN JUAN.

WHAT ABOUT IT?

WOULD YOU HELP ME LOOK FOR IT?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

TAKING A TRIP TOGETHER. YOU AND ME.

IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIG INVESTIGATION?

HE'S A SEX MANIAC!

NO, HARDLY.

HARDLY, MISS HENDRIX. WHAT MR. HELM MEANS IS THAT

IF WE FIND OUT THERE'S ANY TRUTH

TO THE SAN JUAN PART OF YOUR STORY,

THEN WE MIGHT BE INCLINED TO BELIEVE THE REST OF IT.

OH.

OH.

SO I EITHER GO WITH HIM OR--

OR TO A FEDERAL PENITENTIARY.

[sighs]

WELL, TALK ABOUT THE LESSER OF 2 EVILS.

WELL, OK, I DON'T HAVE ANY CHOICE, I GUESS.

NO, I'M AFRAID NOT.

WELL, JUST DO ME A FAVOR AND DON'T INTRODUCE ME TO ANYBODY AS MRS. HELM.

OH, MAC,

SUPPOSIN' SHE'S TELLING THE TRUTH,

AND SHE'S NOT AN ENEMY AGENT?

WELL, THEN BIG "O" WILL PICK HER UP.

THEY'LL WANT TO FIND OUT HOW MUCH, UH, SARITA TOLD HER.

AND ON THE OTHER HAND,

WHAT IF SHE'S LYING AND SHE IS ON THEIR SIDE?

WHICH IS MORE LIKELY, HUH?

SO, SHE AND I GO TO SAN JUAN.

BIG "O" DECIDES THAT, UH, SHE'S TALKED, AND AGAIN THEY PICK HER UP.

MATT, YOU AND I THINK ALONG THE SAME LINES.

EITHER WAY, SET A TRAP FOR YOURSELF

THAT COULD LEAD US RIGHT STRAIGHT TO THE COWBOY.

A TRAP?

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS WALK INTO IT.

OH, NOT EXACTLY.

WELL, NO, NO, WE WANT YOU TO WALK OUT OF IT, TOO.

AND I'VE GIVEN SOME THOUGHT TO THAT.

THERE'S A PACKAGE ON THE WAY FROM WASHINGTON. BE HERE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.

BUT RIGHT NOW I WANT YOU TO GET STARTED ON A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP.

JUST AS SOON AS I CHECK ON MY PARTNER.

HI, HOW DO YOU FEEL?

WELL, I'M ASKING YOU.

MEDICALLY SPEAKING?

OH.

WELL, THE DOCTOR WANTS TO KEEP ME UNDER OBSERVATION

FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.

I DON'T BLAME HIM.

SHOULDN'T YOU BE IN BED?

MMM-HMM. MMM-HMM.

MMM-HMM.

MMM-HMM.

MMM-HMM.

YEAH.

I HAVE AN EARLY CALL IN THE MORNING.

YOU'RE LEAVING?

AFRAID SO. WITH THE HENDRIX GIRL.

WITH BLOODY MARY?

MATT, LISTEN TO ME.

HMM?

BE CAREFUL.

I WANT YOU BACK IN ONE PIECE.

AND I BET THAT GIRL IS BOOBY-TRAPPED.

[birds chirping]

NOW, MAC, YOU SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING?

WELL, IT'S--IT'S NEVER BEEN USED BEFORE, MATT.

IT'S THE ONLY ONE OF ITS KIND.

NOW, ACTUALLY, THAT'S, UH, THAT'S A POINT IN YOUR FAVOR.

NOW, THE IDEAL SITUATION IS LET IT FALL INTO THE HANDS OF THE ENEMY,

AND HOPE THAT THEY'LL TURN IT ON YOU, LIKE THIS.

I THINK YOU'LL FIND IT IN THE YELLOW PAGES.

AND THEN IF YOU WANNA--

IF YOU WANNA FIRE IT FORWARDS, STRAIGHT AHEAD,

YOU JUST PUSH THE TRIGGER FORWARD.

ORDNANCE CALLS IT THEIR REVERSIBLE GUN.

IT'S A BEAUTY.

IT WOULD BE HARD TO RESIST, WOULDN'T IT?

YEAH, WELL. THIS IS ONLY AN AUXILIARY WEAPON,

TO HELP YOU TO GET INTO BIG "O" HEADQUARTERS.

THE HEAVY ARMAMENT IS OVER HERE.

YEAH, IT'S ONE OF YOURS.

I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF BORROWING IT FROM YOUR CLOSET.

AND YOU MIGHT NOTICE WE'VE CHANGED THE BUTTONS, AND WE'VE ADDED A FEW.

YEAH, THEY'RE A LITTLE ON THE BULKY SIDE, HUH?

A BIT, MAYBE, BUT THEY HAVE TO BE.

YOU SEE, EACH ONE OF THEM IS CARRYING A VERY HEAVY EXPLOSIVE CHARGE.

NO, NO. NO, NO. THEY JUST SNAP ON.

THEY'RE LIKE MINIATURE HAND GRENADES, MATT.

SEE, YOU RIP THEM FREE, AND ON THE COUNT OF 3, THEY EXPLODE.

I GOT A COUPLE OF EXTRA HERE.

I'LL, UH, SHOW YOU HOW THEY WORK.

READY?

UH-HUH.

[grenade whistling] 1, 2...

[whistles]

NOW, YOU'VE ONLY GOT 8 OF THEM ON THE JACKET, MATT,

SO USE THEM SPARINGLY.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

FINALLY WEARING SOMETHING THAT'LL KNOCK 'EM DEAD.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GONNA FACE MY TAILOR.

[grenade whistling] 1, 2...

[whistles]

(Matt) ♪ SHE SEEMS LIKE A NICE, SWEET COMPANION ♪

♪ TO HAVE FOR A RIDE THROUGH THIS CANYON ♪

♪ BUT BIG "O" OR ME? ♪

♪ WITH WHICH IS SHE? ♪

♪ MMM, SIDE BY SIDE ♪♪

HELM JUST WENT BY.

GOOD.

HE JUST WENT BY.

TELL HIM WE'LL SMASH THEM BETWEEN US.

RIGHT.

YES, HE'S LEAVING NOW. HE SAYS TO SMASH HELM BETWEEN YOU.

[engine revving]

OH!

[tires screeching]

IT'S A POLICE CAR.

HE'S COMING AGAIN! WELL, DO SOMETHING!

[tires screeching]

[gasps]

OH.

OH, THEY'RE GOING TO CRUSH US! THEY'RE CRAZY!

I DON'T KNOW. A LITTLE HIGH-SPIRITED, MAYBE.

WHAT AM I DOING HERE?

A GUY CAN GET KILLED LIKE THIS.

[tires screeching]

[siren approaching]

[tires screeching]

OH, NO!

[screams]

[gasping]

[whimpering]

[gasps]

[engine revving]

HIT THE CELLAR.

WHERE'S COWBOY?

I'M TALKING ABOUT SAM GUNTHER.

WHY ARE YOU PROTECTIN' HIM?

HASN'T IT GOTTEN THROUGH TO YOU YET

THAT SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS HAVE WRITTEN YOU OFF?

I WISH YOU HAD DONE THE SAME.

LOOK, IF YOU HAVE SOME WILD IDEA THAT YOU'RE GONNA GET OUT OF THIS,

YOU FORGET IT.

NOW, WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT OPERATION FALLOUT?

ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH SAM GUNTHER? IS THAT IT?

I WILL TELL YOU ONE THING:

YOU DO KNOW HOW TO DRIVE A CAR.

IF IT ISN'T GUNTHER, WHAT IS IT?

LOYALTY TO A CAUSE?

NOW, I'D LIKE TO KNOW.

UH, GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY YOU WON'T TALK.

ONE GOOD REASON.

I SIGNED MY NAME IN BLOOD.

HERE, POUR YOURSELF A DRINK.

NO THANKS. THEY DON'T LIKE US TO DRINK ON THE JOB.

OH, BREAK THE RULE AND POUR IT.

NOW LOOK, WE MAY NOT BE AS LUCKY THE NEXT TIME,

SO IN CASE SOMETHING HAPPENS,

WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?

YOU KNOW MY REAL NAME.

IT IS GAIL HENDRIX.

WHAT'S YOUR CODE NAME?

3 DOTS AND A DASH, AND IF YOU'RE REAL NICE,

I'LL SHOW YOU MY SORORITY HANDSHAKE.

WELL...

LOOK, UH, MAYBE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE SCORE IS YET,

BUT BIG "O" THINKS YOU TURNED THEM IN,

AND THEY HAVE GOT TO KILL YOU.

BIG "O"?

YOU ARE SICK, YOU KNOW THAT?

S-I-Q-U-E, SICK.

MORE?

MMM-MMM, NO.

I WANT SOME MUSIC.

♪♪[Come Fly With Me by Frank Sinatra playing]

♪ COME FLY WITH ME ♪

♪ LET'S FLY, LET'S FLY AWAY ♪

♪ IF YOU ♪

OH, TURN HIM OFF. HE'S TERRIBLE.

♪ TO SOME EXOTIC BOOZE ♪

♪ THERE'S A BAR IN FAR BOMBAY ♪♪

♪♪[Everybody Loves Somebody by Dean Martin playing]

♪ EVERYBODY LOVES SOMEBODY SOMETIME ♪

NOW, THERE'S A GUY THAT CAN SING.

♪ EVERYBODY FALLS IN LOVE SOMEHOW ♪

ALL RIGHT, NOW, LET'S JUST RELAX.

NO MORE QUESTIONS. JUST EASY, NICE, RELAXED.

SECOND THE MOTION.

RELAX, ENJOY THE SCENERY.

SEE AMERICA FIRST.

[laughing]

THERE'S A LOT MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM.

I JUST DON'T THINK YOU'RE BEING CLEVER.

THOUGHT I COULDN'T DRINK, COULDN'T I?

♪ SOMETHING IN MY HEART KEEPS SAYING ♪

♪ THAT SOMEPLACE IS HERE ♪♪

WHAT'S OPERATION FALLOUT?

THAT'S FOR YOU TO KNOW, AND ME TO FIND OUT.

I MEAN, VICE VERSERER.

VICE VERSA.

UH, ARE THEY GONNA EXPLODE ONE OF OUR BOMBS?

NO.

[mimicking explosion]

ALL OF THEM. EVERY ONE.

AND WHEN IS ALL THIS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN?

YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?

MMM-HMM.

THE FIRST FULL MOON.

[crickets chirping]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WELL, WE'RE 50 MILES FROM THE NEAREST TOWN,

AND I DON'T CARE TO PLAY TAG IN THE DARK WITH YOUR FRIENDS.

HMM.

JUST WHERE DO YOU SUPPOSE WE'RE GONNA SLEEP?

THAT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION?

YOUR OWN LITTLE SEX WAGON.

[laughs]

YOU GONNA LOCK ME IN?

IF YOU DON'T RUN AWAY.

WOULDN'T I?

IT'S MUCH SAFER IN HERE THAN IT IS OUT THERE.

HAVE A DRINK.

THANK YOU.

HMM.

[sighing]

YOU KNOW, I THINK I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE AFTER.

[sighing]

I THINK YOU WANT TO SEE

HOW MUCH MILEAGE YOU CAN GET ON A FULL TANK.

AND IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE AFTER,

MMM-HMM,

FORGET IT.

[Gail hiccupping]

'CAUSE...

[hiccupping]

PARDON ME.

[chuckles]

YOU SEE, I CAN HANDLE EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT

IN THAT LITTLE

PORTABLE LIQUOR STORE.

[Gail hiccupping]

AS A MATTER OF FACT,

I CAN...

I KNOW

I CAN TABLE YOU UNDER THE DRINK

ANYTIME AT ALL.

THAT'S BETTER.

[hiccupping]

[thunder rumbling]

[rain pattering]

[thunder clapping]

WHO IS IT?

"WHO IS IT?"

[banging on door]

[sobbing]

OH, IT'S YOU.

WELL, YOU'D BETTER TAKE THOSE CLOTHES OFF

BEFORE YOU CATCH PNEUMONIA.

WELL, AT LEAST TAKE THE SHOE OFF

AND YOUR STOCKINGS OFF.

YOU DO IT.

(Matt) ♪ YOU'VE GOT TO LOSE A LITTLE ♪

♪ WAIT A LITTLE ♪

♪ GET HER OUT INTO THE RAIN A LITTLE ♪

♪ THAT'S THE STORY OF ♪

♪ THAT'S THE GLORY OF LOVE ♪

YOU UNDRESSED ME ONCE, AND I DIDN'T LIKE IT.

NOW YOU'RE CONFUSING ROMANCE WITH FIRST AID.

YOU GET BACK IN THE BACK.

I'VE ALREADY WARMED THE SEAT FOR YOU.

[sobbing]

OH.

NOW, EASY, EASY.

EASY.

EASY, DEAR.

THAT'S RIGHT, EASY.

I'M NOT AN ENEMY AGENT. HONEST, I'M NOT.

WHY DON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?

OH, I'LL TRY. I'LL TRY.

OH!

TRY HARDER.

[car approaching]

WELL, WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?

WELL, I'M SORRY, MATT.

I GUESS THERE'S NO POINT IN DRIVING THROUGH TOWN AGAIN.

WELL, MAYBE WIGWAM ISN'T A NAME, AFTER ALL.

MAYBE WE'VE GOT TO FIND A PLACE THAT LOOKS LIKE A WIGWAM.

AND HOW DO WE DO THAT?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

WE GO BACK, AND I TURN YOU IN.

YOU'RE JOKING.

YOU KNEW THERE WAS NOTHING HERE.

YOU LIED TO ME.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

OH, YOU SENT ME ON A WILD-GOOSE CHASE

KNOWING YOUR FRIENDS WILL BE WAITING ON THE ROAD THERE.

I WENT WITH YOU.

YOU HAD TO, OR GO TO PRISON.

YOU NEVER REALLY BELIEVED THEY'D SEND YOU OVER, TOO.

YOU NEVER DID CHANGE YOUR MIND ABOUT ME, DID YOU?

OH, COME ON, NOW.

YOU DIDN'T THINK YOU'D BOUGHT ME OFF LAST NIGHT, DID YOU?

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

BACK TO THE MOTEL. I NEED ANOTHER BATH.

[tires screeching]

(male driver) YOU WANNA GET RUN OVER, STUPID?

[jeep engine revving]

[jeep speeding away]

YEAH?

TELL THEM I'LL RADIO THE LICENSE NUMBER

TO THE SAN JUAN POLICE,

BUT I DON'T THINK THEY'LL BE ABLE TO FIND HIM.

BESIDES, HE DOESN'T KNOW THE WHOLE PICTURE ANYWAY, MATT.

NO, THEY WON'T TRUST HIM WITH IT.

I-I'VE GOT TO LOCATE COWBOY.

MATT, WE HAVE TO ASSUME

THAT EVERYTHING IS CONDITION "GO"

AS FAR AS OPERATION FALLOUT IS CONCERNED,

WHATEVER IT MAY BE.

THAT MEANS YOU'VE GOT 5 HOURS, MATT.

YOU HEAR ME?

YOU'VE GOT 5 HOURS TO STOP THEM.

WELL, I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL SHE MAKES A MOVE.

AND IF SHE DOES, SHE'S ONE OF THEM.

OH, UH, HOW'S TINA?

MAC, HOW'S TINA?

BIG "O"'s GOT HER, MATT. I'M SORRY.

THEY TOOK HER RIGHT OUT OF THE ROOM.

KILLED THE GUARD.

BU THERE WAS NO SIGN OF A STRUGGLE,

SO WE HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE SHE'S STILL ALIVE.

WE'RE SURE PLAYING A COLD DECK.

[grenade whistling]

[whistle blowing]

(Matt) GAIL!

WIGMAN TO BIG "O".

WIGMAN TO BIG "O".

[guns firing]

(Matt) DROP, DROP!

[guns firing]

(Matt) KEEP DOWN.

[Gail gasping]

[guns firing]

WE'RE SURROUNDED.

OH! OH!

I THINK THIS IS IT, KID.

AT LEAST

WE'LL GO OUT TOGETHER.

OH, MATT.

[moans]

I'M SORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.

I--I WAS ONLY TESTING YOU.

I HAVE BEEN HONEST WITH YOU.

AND LAST NIGHT MOST OF ALL.

I KNOW.

DO YOU?

OH.

I JUST WISH I COULD BELIEVE YOU.

OH, I WOULDN'T LIE TO YOU AT A TIME LIKE THIS,

JUST AS I KNOW YOU WOULDN'T LIE TO ME.

NO.

[guns firing]

OH, THEY'RE GETTING CLOSER.

[gasping]

IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO TELL ME?

HMM?

I'VE TOLD YOU EVERYTHING.

HMM.

I'VE BEEN AS HONEST WITH YOU AS YOU HAVE BEEN WITH ME.

[crying]

STOP THAT.

I CAN'T.

TRY.

OK.

TRY HARDER.

HMM.

OH.

I DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENS NOW,

JUST AS LONG AS I'M WITH YOU.

[moaning]

("O" agent) ALL RIGHT.

GET UP.

OH, NO.

HELLO, MR. HELM.

THE NAME IS WIGMAN. JOE WIGMAN.

WIGMAN?

WIGWAM.

MY NAME IS CHUMP.

MATT CHUMP.

NO! BUT, WAIT, LISTEN.

I'VE GOT A MESSAGE FROM SARITA.

OH, SAVE IT FOR LATER, HUH, BABY?

WELL,

KIND OF MATCHES THE OUTFIT, DOESN'T IT?

I'VE BEEN WAITING TO MEET YOU, COWBOY.

UH, TO MAKE A TOUCH, HUH?

THAT'S RIGHT.

WELL, I THINK ICE BETTER CHECK ITS INTELLIGENCE.

I'M NOT COWBOY.

OH, WELL, WHO IS?

OR HAVEN'T THEY TOLD YOU?

NO, IT'S SAFER THAT WAY.

BESIDES, IT WOULDN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE

TO YOU RIGHT NOW, ANYWAY.

HMM. AND I DON'T GET TO MEET COWBOY?

NO.

THAT'S VERY DISAPPOINTING. YEAH.

BUT IT ALL EVENS OUT,

BECAUSE BIG "O" IS GONNA BE DISAPPOINTED, TOO.

REALLY? WHY IS THAT?

NO COMPUTER TAPE,

AND NO FALLOUT OPERATION.

OH, WELL, EVERYTHING'S GOING RIGHT AHEAD ON SCHEDULE, ANYWAY.

THE BOMB AND THE MISSILE.

MISSILE? HMM.

I AM SURPRISED AT ICE.

THE MISSILE IS WHAT MAKES IT WORK.

(Wigman) SHUT UP.

THERE'S NO REASON TO GIVE THEM A BRIEFING SESSION.

THEY'RE GONNA BE DEAD PRETTY SOON.

IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYWAY.

RATHER GAUDY,

SHOOTING A MAN WITH HIS OWN GUN.

YEAH, IT KIND OF APPEALS TO ME. YOU LIKE IT, HUH?

I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU, GUNTHER.

YOU'RE NOT EXECUTIVE MATERIAL.

I'M SURPRISED THAT BIG "O" IS RECRUITING

FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL.

WELL, YOU'RE REALLY ASKING FOR IT, AREN'T YOU, HELM?

A LOW BOILING POINT, TOO. THAT FOLLOWS THE PATTERN.

TYPICAL LIGHTWEIGHT.

OH, WAIT, SAM!

SAM, I REALLY DO HAVE A MESSAGE FROM SARITA.

WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?

[wireless beeping] (Wigman) HOLD IT.

WIGMAN TO BIG "O".

WIGMAN TO BIG "O". COME IN.

BIG "O" TO WIGMAN.

WE HAVE BEEN PICKING UP YOUR SIGNAL.

DO YOU HAVE HELM AND THE GIRL?

YES.

THIS IS TUNG-TZE.

BRING THEM TO COMMAND HEADQUARTERS.

I UNDERSTAND.

COWBOY IS HERE AND IS ASKING THAT THEY BE KEPT ALIVE

TEMPORARILY.

WE'LL BRING THEM IN.

THE COUNTDOWN HAS STARTED ON OPERATION FALLOUT.

YOU MUST BE INSIDE HEADQUARTERS

AND AT YOUR POST WITHIN THE HOUR.

WILL DO.

[P.A. system buzzing]

(male announcer) ATTENTION PERSONNEL, ALL LEVELS.

ATTENTION PERSONNEL, ALL LEVELS.

THE BOMB PHASE OF OPERATION FALLOUT

IS NOW "GO."

START DECONTAMINATORS ON ALL AIR VENTS.

REPEAT.

START DECONTAMINATORS ON ALL AIR VENTS.

[P.A. system buzzing]

ATTENTION, WIGMAN.

ATTENTION, WIGMAN.

REPORT TO MISSILE CONTROL CENTER.

THE PRISONERS WILL WAIT FOR COWBOY

OUTSIDE THE COMMAND ROOM WINDOW.

COUNTDOWN STARTING ON UNDERGROUND TEST

AT ALAMOGORDO CONTINUES.

CONTACT OBSERVATION CREW.

[wireless buzzing] ...7, 6...

TUNG-TZE TO OBSERVATION CREW.

ARE YOU READY?

MOBILE FALLOUT SHELTER READY AND STANDING BY.

(announcer) ...ONE.

[explosive rumbling]

MR. HELM,

I AGREED TO HAVE YOU BROUGHT HERE

BECAUSE COWBOY WANTS THE PLEASURE

OF ELIMINATING YOU PERSONALLY.

YOU MUST BE A VERY NICE MAN TO WORK FOR.

WHAT'S ON THE LATE LATE SHOW?

OPERATION FALLOUT.

COWBOY AND I ARE VERY ANXIOUS

FOR YOU TO SEE IT.

(Tung-Tze) WHITE SANDS, MR. HELM.

THAT MISSILE IS ABOUT TO TAKE OFF

FOR A TARGET IN THE PACIFIC.

FROM THIS POINT, WE HAVE CUT INTO

THE COAXIAL CABLES OF YOUR MISSILE NETWORK.

OUR COMPUTER

IS CAPABLE OF TAKING OVER ANY MISSILE

FIRED WITHIN A RADIUS OF 500 MILES.

(Naldi) TARGET CONTROL.

(Tung-Tze) SINCE YOU

STOPPED US FROM GETTING THE COMPUTER TAPE

WE HAD TO BRING DR. NALDI HERE HIMSELF.

IT MEANT THE END

OF OUR MOST IMPORTANT OUTSIDE CONTACT,

BUT THERE WAS NO OTHER WAY.

HAVING TAKEN CONTROL,

THE COMPUTER WILL REDIRECT THE MISSILE

FROM ITS TARGET IN THE PACIFIC TO ALAMOGORDO,

WHERE THE UNDERGROUND BOMB WAS JUST SET OFF.

THE EXPLOSION WILL RAISE A CLOUD OF RADIOACTIVE DUST

THAT WILL SETTLE OVER VAST AREAS

OF THE SOUTHWEST.

BEAUTIFUL.

AND, OF COURSE, RUSSIA WILL BE BLAMED.

THERE WILL BE ACCUSATIONS AND COUNTER-ACCUSATIONS.

THE 2 GREAT POWERS

WILL ONCE AGAIN BE ON A COLLISION COURSE.

FOR THEM,

IT WILL BE THE END.

(Tung-Tze) FOR US,

THE BEGINNING.

WELL,

MR. HELM.

IF WE DON'T SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN,

GOODBYE.

CIAO.

(announcer) 15-AND-A-HALF MINUTES TO BLASTOFF,

AND EVERYTHING IS A-OK.

NOW YOU KNOW, MATT, WHICH IS THE WINNING SIDE.

HELLO, COWBOY.

OH, YOU KNOW?

HMM, I RECOGNIZED THE WHIM,

WANTING TO ELIMINATE US PERSONALLY.

SAY HELLO TO YOUR TEAMMATE.

YOU'RE COWBOY? WELL...

IN PERSON.

AND YOU OWE HER AN APOLOGY

FOR ROUGHING HER UP AT THE SLAYGIRL CLUB.

WELL, I DIDN'T REALIZE. I--

YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO.

TAKE HER TO THE BLUE ROOM, CORRIDOR "D." MATT--

WAIT--WAIT.

NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO HER,

NOT UNTIL I GIVE THE SIGNAL.

IT'S QUITE PLEASANT, REALLY, IF YOU DON'T MIND BLUE.

YOU CAN'T CHANGE IT.

THE QUESTION IS, ARE YOU GOING TO LIVE THROUGH IT?

I THOUGHT YOU'D ALREADY DECIDED THAT.

YOU DIDN'T GET THE WHIM AFTER ALL.

(announcer) 14-AND-A-HALF MINUTES TO BLASTOFF,

AND EVERYTHING

IS A-OK.

VERY CHIC.

OH, I'M GLAD YOU LIKE IT.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR WHIM?

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I COULD GET YOU OVER HERE ALIVE.

AND THAT'S THE WAY I WANT YOU, MATT.

IS IT?

I COULD HAVE KILLED YOU A DOZEN TIMES.

I EVEN SAVED YOUR LIFE, REMEMBER?

I BET THAT GOT A RISE OUT OF TUNG-TZE.

YOU HAD TO SHOOT ONE OF YOUR OWN PEOPLE.

IT WAS WORTH IT.

I DOUBT IF HE EVEN COMPLAINED ABOUT IT.

YOU KNOW, YOU WERE VALUABLE AS A DOUBLE AGENT.

HOW LONG YOU BEEN WITH 'EM?

(announcer) 13-AND-A-HALF MINUTES...

ONE YEAR.

OH, IT'S A NICE SETUP.

YOU STAY WITH ICE AND YOU PASS INFORMATION TO BIG "O".

WHAT COULD BE BETTER?

YOU CAN DO THE SAME.

I CAN DO THE SAME?

WHAT WOULD MY FRINGE BENEFITS BE?

ALL THIS? YOU?

THAT'S RIGHT.

COME OVER TO OUR SIDE, MATT.

NO, THANK YOU. I'D RATHER FIGHT THAN SWITCH.

IS KILLING FOR US ANY DIFFERENT

THAN KILLING FOR MACDONALD?

YES.

YOU'RE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE.

IT'S GONNA BE A LONG, COLD NIGHT.

MAYBE NOT AS LONG AND AS COLD AS YOU THINK.

(announcer) 13 MINUTES TO BLASTOFF...

YOU CAN'T GET TO THE COMPUTER.

YOU'LL BE SHOT THE MINUTE YOU STEP OUT.

OH, BUT THEY'LL LET YOU PASS.

NOW, COME ON WITH ME.

WHY SHOULD I?

IT TAKES MORE GUTS THAN STAYING BEHIND.

NOW, COME ON, TINA.

I DON'T LIKE THE ODDS.

YOU'LL JUST DIE.

WELL, NOT IN YOUR BED.

WHAT BETTER PLACE IS THERE?

[grenade whistling] 12-AND-A-HALF MINUTES TO BLASTOFF,

AND EVERYTHING

IS A-OK.

[alarm blaring]

[groaning]

[grunting]

[gun firing]

[grenade whistling]

[beeping]

SORRY, SWEETHEART.

ORDERS.

[gasping]

[gasping]

[grunting]

[groaning]

GOODBYE, BABY.

MMM!

[grenade whistling]

[alarm blaring]

[grenade whistling]

[buzzing]

[guns firing]

[siren wailing]

MR. HELM,

THIS IS TUNG-TZE.

YOU HAVE CAUSED US A GREAT MANY PROBLEMS, MR. HELM.

IN SPITE OF THIS, I AM WILLING TO MAKE YOU AN OFFER.

JOIN US AS DOUBLE AGENT.

WORK WITH US AGAINST ICE.

YOU'RE BEATEN, HELM.

COME OUT NOW, AND YOU CAN HAVE YOUR LIFE,

ON OUR TERMS, OF COURSE.

EVEN THE LIFE OF MISS HENDRIX.

YOU HAVE ONE MINUTE, MR. HELM.

JUST ONE MINUTE

IN WHICH TO THINK IT OVER.

STOP.

HALT!

WELL, MR. HELM.

IT APPEARS WE SHALL HAVE TO DO WITHOUT YOU.

[switch clicking]

WELL, THEY FINALLY FIGURED OUT

HOW TO GET BLOOD OUT OF A STONE.

OH!

HOLD IT.

DON'T DO THAT.

I MUST.

STAY BACK!

STAY BACK!

(announcer) 6 MINUTES TO BLASTOFF,

AND EVERYTHING IS A-OK.

[guns firing]

[grenade whistling]

TUNG-TZE TO WIGMAN.

TUNG-TZE TO WIGMAN.

TUNG-TZE TO WIGMAN.

COME IN, TUNG-TZE.

HELM HAS BROKEN INTO THE TUNNEL.

WE'LL BE READY AND STANDING BY.

MEN, PLAN NUMBER 3.

TUNG-TZE TO OBSERVATION CREW.

TUNG-TZE TO OBSERVATION CREW.

PROCEED TO CONTROL TOWER.

STOP HELM.

MOBILE...

[distorted chattering]

COME IN, OBSERVATION CREW!

COME IN...

WHY DON'T THEY ANSWER?

WE'VE LOST ALL PICTURE.

PLEASE STAND BY.

HMM!

YOU--YOU STUPID MAN!

(announcer) 4 MINUTES TO BLASTOFF,

AND EVERYTHING

IS A-OK.

3-AND-A-HALF MINUTES TO BLASTOFF...

DON'T DO THAT.

WELL, WHAT...

(announcer) ...AND EVERYTHING IS A-OK.

12 SECONDS.

MEN, PLAN 4.

(announcer) 3 MINUTES TO BLASTOFF,

AND EVERYTHING

IS A-OK.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5,

6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

[whistling]

(announcer) 2 MINUTES TO BLASTOFF,

AND EVERYTHING

IS A-OK.

[helicopter whirring]

IT'S A HELICOPTER.

THEY'RE LANDING!

COME HERE,

STAND OVER THERE. HERE.

WHAT? AND WATCH THE WINDOW.

IF YOU SEE ANYBODY, JUST POINT AND SHOOT IT.

MATT! WHAT?

OH!

[screaming]

[screaming]

OH, THANK YOU.

OH!

YOU KNOW, IF YOU WERE AN INDIAN,

CUSTER WOULD STILL BE ALIVE.

ON YOUR FEET, HELM.

(announcer) 1 MINUTE TO BLASTOFF,

AND EVERYTHING IS A-OK.

OH!

RESET THE CONTROLS.

(Tung-Tze) THE COAT, HELM.

TAKE IT OFF.

IT HAS COST US QUITE ENOUGH TROUBLE.

THE COAT, MR. HELM.

OR SHALL I PUT A BULLET IN THIS YOUNG WOMAN'S BRAIN?

AND DROP IT IN FRONT OF YOU.

OH!

[clicking]

[machine whirring]

(announcer) 12 SECONDS AFTER BLASTOFF,

AND EVERYTHING IS STILL A-OK.

[telephone ringing]

HELLO?

MACDONALD,

I TOLD YOU I'M NOT HERE.

DON'T BOTHER CALLING BACK. I'M NOT EXPECTED.

WOULD YOU HANG THIS UP FOR ME?

HMM, OF COURSE, DARLING.

[phone receiver clattering]

[ringing]

OH, OH, OH, I'LL GET IT.

SORRY, BUT YOU'VE JUST REACHED A DISCONNECTED NUMBER.

HEY, WAS THAT REALLY YOU LAST NIGHT?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WAS THAT REALLY ME?

WHAT? YOU DIDN'T DO ONE SINGLE WRONG THING.

♪ YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE A LITTLE ♪

♪ GET A LITTLE ♪

♪ JUST MAKE SURE TO GET HER ♪

♪ WET A LITTLE ♪

♪ THAT'S THE STORY OF ♪

♪ THAT'S THE GLORY OF LOVE ♪♪

OH, MY GOD.