Original subtitles

♪ KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY ♪

(Rockefeller) WE THE KNIGHTS, BABY.

ALL RIGHT. WELCOME, LADY AND GENTLEMEN

TO THE KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY, PHASE TWO.

♪ WAITED SO LONG ♪

♪ WAITED SO LONG ♪

♪ I GOT TWO TICKETS TO PARADISE, WON'T YOU ♪

NO, I CUED IT UP TO THE CHORUS.

TWO TICKETS. WE'RE IN PHASE TWO. THEY BOTH HAVE "TWO" IN IT. (music stops)

I'M SICK OF TRYING TO ENTERTAIN YOU PEOPLE.

OKAY, LOOK, WE HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO GET TO PARADISE.

LET'S JUST GO OVER WHAT WE KNOW, OKAY?

FACT--RAY ROMANO LIVES IN L.A. WITH HIS FAMILY,

BUT HE'LL BE IN NEW YORK FOR THE NEXT THREE MONTHS.

FACT--WE BELIEVE HE ALONE,

AS THEY'S BEEN NO REPORTS OF CANOODLING.

FACT--TWO DAYS AGO, RAY ROMANO BOUGHT THIS DIAMOND RING.

12 KARATS, $1.5 MILLION.

MY GOD. IT'S MORE THAN BLING BLING. IT'S "BLING BLONG."

UH, FACT--WE STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHERE RAY ROMANO EVEN LIVES.

UNTIL NOW, BECAUSE TODAY THE SIX OF US

WILL BE ATTENDING RAY ROMANO'S OFF-BROADWAY PLAY

AND AFTERWARDS, TAILING HIM HOME.

(laughs) (cheering)

I-I ACTUALLY, I CAN'T STALK RAY ROMANO TODAY.

I HAVE TO TAKE A PERSONAL DAY.

WHERE YOU GOIN'?

HOME, UH, FOR A PARTY.

THE COUNTRY CLUB IS, UH, NAMING A HOLE AFTER MY DAD. IT'S...

OH, REALLY? EXCUSE ME. OOH.

I'M SORRY.

MY DAD LIKES IT WHEN HIS KIDS STAND BEHIND HIM IN PICTURES.

IT'S NOT LIKE I WANT TO GO HOME. YEAH, POOR LOUIS HAS TO HAVE HIS PICTURE TAKEN

WHILE HE EATS SHRIMP WITH A DIAMOND SPOON.

HOME SOUNDS HORRIBLE. (all laugh)

"HEY, THE GARDENER IS HUNGRY.

DOES ANYONE HAVE CHANGE FOR A BAZILLION?" (all laugh)

"MY POODLE FARTED. I'M THROWING IT AWAY." (all laugh)

OKAY, GUYS, THAT'S ENOUGH. ALL RIGHT.

LOUIS, TAKE YOUR DAY. IT'S OKAY.

FOR THE REST OF US-- SHOWTIME. (Squatch) LET'S DO IT.

COME ON. (Esperanza) VáMANOS!

(applause)

HEROIN.

OH, HEROIN,

WHERE ARE YOU?

RAY ROMANO-- A STONE-COLD JUNKIE?

(whispers) THAT'S WHY THE PLAY'S CALLED "NUMB THE PAIN."

(knock on door)

HOPE.

HI, JOHNNIE. HOPE, COME IN.

WHAT'S WRONG? I GOT THE SHAKES.

I GOT THE SHAKES, HOPE! (whispers) I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO SIT THROUGH THIS

WHILE LOUIS IS OFF

RIDING A MINIATURE TRAIN IN HIS DAD'S LIVING ROOM. (gunshot)

OH, MY GOD. WHAT HAVE I DONE?

I KILLED HOPE!

HOPE IS GONE. THERE'S NO MORE HOPE.

I GUESS I GOTTA NUMB THE PAIN.

(whispers) HE JUST SAID THE NAME OF THE PLAY, IN THE PLAY.

GENIUS.

MOM!

I'M NUMBING THE PAIN, MA!

WE BOTH CAN'T BE READING SOMETHING.

OH, YEAH, RIGHT. OKAY, UH...

I AM TALKING TO SOMEONE.

UH-HUH.

(Gary) YOU'RE NOT HEARING ME, GRANDMA.

IT'S NOT A NURSING HOME.

IT'S A HEALTH CARE FACILITY.

OF COURSE I LOVE YOU.

HE WALKED INTO THE APARTMENT AN HOUR AGO.

HAS HE DONE ANYTHING YET?

DRANK ANOTHER BOTTLE OF TEQUILA AND...

I DON'T KNOW. YOU LOOK.

(Squatch) LOOK AT HIM.

BET HE MADE ANOTHER 50 GRAND JUST SITTING THERE.

WAIT A SECOND. WHY'S HE GOING TO THE WALL?

HEY, GIVE ME THIS.

OH, MY WORD, WE GOT US A SAFE!

(Rockefeller) YEAH, YEAH. OH, SHH, SHH!

OH. OH, THERE SHE IS. MISS $1.5 MILLION!

(cheering and laughing)

WE CAN DO THIS.

IT'S A STRAIGHT SHOT BETWEEN US AND THAT DIAMOND RING. DO NOT SAY, "GRAPPLING HOOK."

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. LOOK AT THE APARTMENT NEXT TO RAY'S.

(Esperanza) BOXES. I THINK SOMEBODY'S MOVING IN.

OR THEY'RE MOVING OUT,

IN WHICH CASE, WHOEVER MOVES IN

IS GONNA BE 24 INCHES AWAY FROM RAY ROMANO'S SAFE.

(all laughing)

ALL RIGHT. I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH THE REALTOR.

NOW THE APARTMENT IS STILL AVAILABLE... ALL RIGHT.

BUT IT'S 20 GRAND A MONTH. OH, IF I HAD 20 GRAND,

I WOULD NOT BE BURGLARING RAY ROMANO. NONE OF US GOT THAT KIND OF STRUDEL.

HELLO? AM I THE ONLY ONE

WHO REMEMBERS THAT LOUIS IS WORTH 250 MIL?

LOUIS, WHY DON'T YOU FLOAT US A LITTLE LOAN-SKI?

I AM NOT RICH. MY DAD IS. I DON'T GET A PENNY

UNLESS I BECOME SOME EVIL STOCK MARKET ROBOT LIKE HIM.

THAT'S WHY I'M ROBBING RAY ROMANO, JUST LIKE YOU GUYS.

(laughs) YEAH, YOU'RE JUST LIKE US.

YOU GOT A JANITOR, JANITOR, TAXI DRIVER,

SECURITY GUARD, MILLIONAIRE AND A WAITRESS.

YOU FIT RIGHT IN. MAYBE YOUR DAD WILL LEND US THE 20 GRAND.

GUYS, I-I CAN'T ASK MY DAD FOR THAT KIND OF MONEY.

HEY, IT'S EASY. WATCH.

PAPI, CAN I HAVE SOME MONEY, PLEASE?

I LOVE YOU, PAPI.

(Eugene) YOU WANNA BE A FILMMAKER, RIGHT?

WELL, ARTISTS NEED BENEFACTORS.

MAYBE YOUR DAD WILL LEND YOU THE 20 GRAND TO MAKE A FILM.

YOU DON'T KNOW MY DAD VERY WELL.

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT, ALL RIGHT?

THE THING THAT STANDS BETWEEN US AND OUR DREAMS

IS THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO ASK YOUR DADDY FOR ALLOWANCE?

OKAY.

I'LL TRY.

ALL RIGHT. GOOD MAN. BE GOOD. TRY HARD.

(Gary) BREAK A LEG. COLLEGE TRY.

(Gary) APPRECIATE IT.

HE AIN'T GONNA ASK.

HE'S ALWAYS COME THROUGH BEFORE. YEAH, BUT THIS IS DIFFERENT,

BECAUSE IF LOUIS MESSES WITH HIS DADDY,

HE MESSES WITH HIS SAFETY NET, AND NO RICH KID'S GONNA DO THAT.

LOOK, HOW DO WE KNOW THAT THIS AIN'T ALL JUST A GAME FOR HIM?

HUH? HOW DO WE KNOW

THAT LOUIS ISN'T JUST SLUMMING WITH THE POOR KIDS FOR KICKS?

LIKE THE WAY CHICKS PRETEND TO BE LESBIANS IN COLLEGE.

(man) YEAH, TELL VANACORE THAT HE TRADES

LIKE A LITTLE GIRL, AND IF HE DOESN'T MAKE HIS NUMBERS,

I WILL PERSONALLY COME DOWN TO THE TRADING FLOOR

AND REMOVE HIS EYEBALLS FROM HIS HEAD. (hangs up phone)

I'M BUSY, LOUIS, SO IF YOU'RE HERE TO DROP OFF YOUR LAUNDRY,

GO DO IT. OKAY. UH...

WELL, WHAT IS IT?

(clears throat) I HAVE A BUSINESS PROPOSAL.

BUSINESS? YOU?

YEAH. YES, UH, YES, SIR. I, UM...

(clears throat)

DAD, AS YOU KNOW, I HAVE BEEN DOING A FILM INTERNSHIP,

AND IT'S ACTUALLY INSPIRED ME

TO MAKE MY OWN MOVIE, WH--WHICH IS AN EXCELLENT,

UH, INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU.

SO YOU WANT TO MAKE A MOVIE?

OH, THAT'S THE KIND OF BUSINESS I WANT TO BE IN.

YES, WALL STREET, PLEASE. MY SON IS GOING TO MAKE A FILM.

YEAH, HELLO? HELLO? THEY HUNG UP.

I-I'M GONNA DROP OFF MY LAUNDRY.

NO, COME ON, CECIL B. DeMILLE. SPIT IT OUT.

TELL ME ABOUT YOUR BRILLIANT MOVIE IDEA.

UH...

OKAY. (clears throat)

WE OPEN ON A BABY. UH, ADORABLE. (chuckles)

AND, UH, THE BABY OPENS HIS MOUTH, AND WHAT'S THAT?

THE BABY'S TALKING,

AND--AND NOT BABY TALK EITHER, NO, NO, NO, NO.

BUT OUR BABY TALKS LIKE ROCK STAR COMEDIAN DANE COOK.

(chuckles)

OKAY, I'LL, UM,

I'LL SEE YOU AT THANKSGIVING.

(Eugene) BAD NEWS. HE DIDN'T GET THE MONEY.

BET THE KID DIDN'T EVEN ASK. HE SAID HE DID, OKAY? IT JUST SOUNDS LIKE

LOUIS AND HIS OLD MAN DON'T HAVE THE BEST RELATIONSHIP. OR LOUIS DON'T WANNA PUSH TOO HARD

'CAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE HIS BREAD GETS BUTTERED.

LOOK, I HATE TO SAY THIS,

BUT I THINK IT MIGHT BE TIME TO GET RID OF THE KID. (talking at once)

OH, WE'RE NOT GETTING RID OF ANYONE, SQUATCH.

I GOT IT. LET'S KIDNAP LOUIS.

WHAT? IT WOULD BE SO EASY. WE JUST KEEP LOUIS HERE, SAFE AND SOUND,

WHILE WE ALSO MAKE SOME SCARY PHONE CALLS TO HIS PARENTS.

ARE YOU INSANE? WE'RE NOT KIDNAPPING LOUIS. NO, WAIT A MINUTE, CHIEF.

I THINK GARY MAY HAVE SOMETHING HERE.

20 GRAND IS NOTHING TO THOSE PEOPLE.

THEY WOULD HAVE NO PROBLEM PAYING IT TO GET THEIR KID BACK. HUH?

WELL, MR. PLUNK DOES TREAT LOUIS LIKE GARBAGE.

MAYBE THIS WOULD HELP HIM REALIZE

HOW MUCH HIS SON MEANS TO HIM.

KIDNAP LOUIS FOR LOUIS.

NEVER REALLY KNEW MY DADDY.

IF SOMEBODY KIDNAPPED ME GROWING UP, MAYBE I'D-A GOT THE CHANCE.

HEY, HEY, HEY.

GUYS, UH, LOOK WHAT I BROUGHT, HUH?

Uh, CANNOLIS...

FOR EVERYBODY.

OH, DID I... DID I SAY IT WRONG?

UH, CANNOLIS. CAN... CAN-YOLIS?

LOUIS, CAN I--

CAN I HAVE A SMALL WORD WITH YOU FOR JUST A SECOND, PLEASE?

LOUIS, SOMETIMES BEING THE BOSS

MEANS YOU HAVE TO MAKE BOLD DECISIONS,

EVEN IF THEY COME AS A SHOCK OR ARE DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND.

OH, MY GOD. ARE YOU FIRING ME?

BECAUSE I--I'VE BEEN WORKING ON A KNIGHTS SCREEN SAVER ALL WEEK.

AND--AND, UH, I-I THINK I CAN FIT THROUGH A CAT DOOR,

YOU KNOW, IF--IF RAY ROMANO HAS A CAT OR A CAT DOOR.

"FIRED"? WHAT ARE YOU... WHERE'D YOU GET "FIRED" FROM?

WE'RE NOT GONNA... WE WERE NEVER GONNA FIRE YOU.

NO, NO, WE'RE KIDNAPPING YOU.

WHAT?

YEAH, YEAH, AND WE HAVE A LOT OF VERY GOOD REASONS,

AND WHEN THIS IS OVER, YOU'LL THANK US.

WHEN WHAT'S OVER? YOU CAN'T KIDNAP ME. IT'S ME.

OKAY, I'M--I'M GONNA GO HOME NOW,

AND, UH, WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS TOMORROW?

(Louis) UH...

YOU'RE, UH, STANDING IN MY WAY, MR. BUTTS.

I KNOW. YOU'RE KIDNAPPED. ISN'T HE KIDNAPPED?

YEAH.

LIKE REALLY KIDNAPPED? LIKE I CAN'T LEAVE?

YEP, THAT'S THE IDEA.

LIKE IF I TRY TO LEAVE AGAIN, WHAT HAPPENS?

WELL, HERE I GO, UH, TRYING TO... LEAVE.

HEY, UH, DON'T. HALT.

GUYS, IT'S--IT'S ME, LOUIS.

NO, WE KNOW.

OKAY, THEN. UH... OKAY, SO, OKAY, SO THIS IS PLAN "A,"

NOW I'M JUST GOING TO HEAD OUT

AND PICK UP SOME TEA FOR EVERYBODY,

UH, TEA WITH LITTLE TEDDY BEARS IN THE PJ's, YOU KNOW?

AND THEN I'LL HEAD RIGHT BACK UP HERE,

AND WE CAN DISCUSS OTHER OPTIONS.

RIGHT. KIDNAPPED.

(Louis) UH, OKAY, HOLD ON. HOLD ON HERE, GUYS.

UM...

AM I REALLY KIDNAPPED? FOR THE LAST TIME, YES.

LOOK, IT'S THE ONLY WAY WE CAN GET MONEY OUT OF YOUR OLD MAN

SO WE CAN ROB RAY ROMANO. HEY, WE'RE ALMOST DONE WITH THE RANSOM NOTE.

I CUT "ALIVE" OUT OF AN AD FOR BUG SPRAY.

THAT'S WHY THE "V" BE ALL SHAPED LIKE A MILLIPEDE.

(Squatch) WHAT ELSE DO WE NEED? WE NEED MR. PLUNK'S ADDRESS,

SO WE CAN, UH, MAIL HIM THE RANSOM NOTE. LOUIS, WHAT'S YOUR HOME ADDRESS?

1 MILLION I'M NOT TELLING STREET,

APARTMENT NO.

(door closes)

LOUIS, HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ME?

ABOUT MY LIFE BEFORE DRIVING A TAXI?

DID YOU KNOW THAT I SERVED FOUR YEARS

IN THE INDIAN REPUBLICAN GUARD?

I WAS...

A TORTURER.

UH, GARY,

YOU'RE SAYING EVERYTHING THAT SAYID SAYS ON "LOST."

"LOST"?

I AM NOT FAMILIAR.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH A TAPE MEASURE?

IT IS SHARP. YOU'D BE SURPRISED.

VERY SURPRISED.

ENOUGH JOKES, MR. PLUNK.

IS YOUR WALLET LEATHER?

I SHOW YOU WHAT TAPE MEASURE CAN DO TO FLESH.

OKAY.

HIS DAD LIVES ON 1505 STEAMBOAT ROAD.

OH, HO, GOOD JOB.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S MAKE THE TAPE. COME ON.

(Eugene) READY?

AND... ACTION.

DAD, I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED.

IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE ME ALIVE AGAIN...

OH, GOD. COME ON, LOUIS. PLEASE, CAN YOU DO IT RIGHT?

DADDY, I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED BY KIDNAPPERS!

IF YOU DON'T PAY, THEY'RE GOING TO KILL ME WITH MURDER!

(imitates loud sobbing)

DID YOU GET THAT? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED?

THIS IS TYRONE MAYHEM. IF YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR SON AGAIN--

YOUR VOICE IS NOT SCARY ENOUGH.

DO IT LIKE THIS. (deeper voice) THIS IS TYRONE MAYHEM. WHO'S THAT SUPPOSED TO BE?

(normal voice) DUDE, THAT'S YOU BEING SCARY. BACK OFF. THIS IS MY MOVIE, MAN. I AIN'T TALKING

TO THE MAN IN THE MIRROR. GO SIT DOWN. NO, YOU NEED TO TAKE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.

NO, COME ON. I'M GONNA DO MY THING.

CAN I DO MY THING, PLEASE?

DO YOUR THING, BUT-- ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

(Eugene) STOP, GUYS, STOP. LET'S GO BACK. LISTEN--

THIS IS TYRONE MAYHEM.

BRING 20 GRAND IN UNBARKED MILLS...

MILLS. (Esperanza laughs)

(laughs) BARKED MILL. HEY, CAN YOU BARK THIS MILL?

ALL RIGHT, SORRY. HERE WE GO. (clears throat)

(laughing)

(all laughing)

THIS IS THE MAYHEM GANG. IF YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR SON AGAIN...

(deep voice) BRING 20 GRAND IN UNMARKED BILLS

TO QUEENS PARK BY 8:00 A.M.

NO COPS. NO FBI.

AND YOUR SON WILL BE RETURNED WITHOUT BEING ARMED.

HARMED.

WITHOUT ARMS. WE GON' RIP HIS ARMS OFF.

(Eugene) CUT. PRINT. YES.

ALL RIGHT, SO ALL WE HAVE TO DO

IS POP THIS IN AN ENVELOPE WITH THE RANSOM NOTE,

AND WE OVERNIGHT IT TO LOUIS' DAD, AND WE'RE ALMOST HOME. OVERNIGHT?

WHOA, BIG SPENDER. WHY DON'T WE SECOND DAY AIR AND SAVE $16? LOOK, I DON'T WANT

TO KIDNAP LOUIS ANY LONGER THAN WE HAVE TO.

BY TOMORROW MORNING AT 8:00 A.M.,

THIS WILL ALL BE OVER. CAN I AT LEAST BE KIDNAPPED IN FRONT OF A TV?

"PROJECT RUNWAY" IS COMING ON.

(Gary) SO THIS IS IT? THE DROP.

YOU KNOW, IN THE MOVIES, THIS IS WHERE IT ALL GOES TO HELL.

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THIS? I'M GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK. LOOK, EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

THIS IS THE WAY IT'S GONNA GO DOWN.

MR. PLUNK IS GONNA PUT A BRIEFCASE FULL OF CASH

IN THAT TRASH CAN OVER THERE. WE WAIT TEN MINUTES.

THEN I GO GET THE BRIEFCASE. THEN BANG! A S.W.A.T. TEAM SNIPER BLOWS YOUR BRAINS OFF.

NO ONE'S GONNA BLOW MY BRAINS OFF. THERE ARE NO COPS.

OUR NOTE SPECIFICALLY SAID, "NO COPS." BESIDES, LOOK AROUND.

THERE'S NOWHERE FOR A COP TO HIDE, ANYWAY.

THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT MEL GIBSON SAID IN RON HOWARD'S "RANSOM,"

AND THEN BANG! KILLED BY A SNIPER.

I AM ASSUMING. I DID NOT SEE IT

AND WILL NOT, NOW THAT I KNOW THAT MEL HATES THE JEWS.

(grunts)

HEY, MR. SQUACIERI, LOOK OVER THERE.

HA!

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS DIDN'T EVEN ASK ME IF I WANTED TO BE IN

ON KIDNAPPING ME. I MEAN, IT IS ME.

WELL, WOULD YOU HAVE BEEN IN ON IT? NO, BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

NO, THE POINT IS, WE ROB BECAUSE WE HAVE TO.

YOU ROB BECAUSE YOU FREAKIN' FEEL LIKE IT.

SO WHEN THINGS GO BAD,

YOU GET YOURSELF A NICE, FANCY LAWYER, AND WE GET GARY.

I WOULD NEVER RAT ON YOU GUYS.

YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO HELP YOURSELF.

YOU COULDN'T SAY "BOO" TO YOUR DADDY.

WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE,

WHO YOU GONNA SIDE WITH? 250 MIL OR 5 SCHLUBS?

I'M A SCHLUB.

NO, YOU AIN'T.

YOU'RE RICH, LOUIS.

I CAN'T GET PAST THAT.

WELL, DID YOU GET THE RANSOM MONEY?

AM, I, UH, OFFICIALLY UN-KIDNAPPED NOW?

AH, WE'RE STILL, UH, SHORING THINGS UP,

UH, VIS-à-VIS THE MONEY SITUATION.

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY,

THAT MY DAD ONLY CAME UP WITH, LIKE, $15,000? UH, NO.

$10,000?

LOUIS...

YOUR FATHER NEVER CAME.

WHAT?

WE WAITED IN THE PARK FOR THREE HOURS. HE NEVER SHOWED UP.

MY DAD ABANDONED ME?

DON'T WORRY. IT'S NOTHING THAT A NICE WARM BATH

IN THAT TRUST FUND WON'T CURE.

YOU KNOW WHAT, MR. SQUACIERI? SHUT UP!

YEAH, 'CAUSE GUESS WHAT? I'M NOT POOR.

OKAY? AND LOOK AT ME. WHOO!

LOOK HOW PERFECT MY RICH LIFE IS!

WANNA SEE SOME SCENES FROM MY PERFECT LIFE?

MY MOM GETS DRUNK OFF OF PASSION FRUIT MARTINIS,

AND SHE SAYS,

"LOUIS, IF YOU WANT A NOSE JOB, I'LL PAY FOR IT."

AND WHEN I--WHEN I WAS 12,

I ASKED MY DAD FOR SOME SINGING LESSONS,

AND HE GOT QUINCY JONES

TO CALL ME AND TELL ME THAT I HAD NO TALENT.

WE SHOULD HAVE FOUND A WAY

TO GET THAT MONEY FROM MY DAD TOGETHER,

BUT YOU ALL BETRAYED ME BECAUSE I'M RICH?

GUESS WHAT? I'M NOT...

I'M NOT JUST SOME RICH KID.

I'M LOUIS PLUNK,

AND IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE, THEN...

THEN MAYBE THE KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY...

SUCKS.

EXCUSE ME.

LOUIS.

YES, DAD. LOUIS, YOUR SON?

I HAVE SOMETHING I WANT TO SAY TO YOU.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS OR NOT,

BUT WHEN YOUR SON IS KIDNAPPED,

THE TRADITIONAL RESPONSE IS TO DO SOMETHING,

INSTEAD OF JUST SITTING IN HERE,

CLACKING YOUR CLACKY BALLS AND LETTING ME DIE!

I THINK YOU MIGHT FIND THIS INTERESTING.

BRING 20 GRAND IN UNMARKED BILLS TO QUEENS PARK...

YOU SEE THIS, AND YOU DO NOTHING?

(Rockefeller) NO FBI.

(grunts)

(making high-pitched sounds)

OH, NO.

YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME, SABRETOOTH?

(growling)

THIS WAS ON THE TAPE? WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART.

I'M THE BEST THERE IS AT WHAT I DO,

AND WHAT I DO ISN'T VERY NICE!

OH, HO! WHOA. HEY.

YOU DIDN'T PAY THE RANSOM

BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T THINK THE KIDNAPPING WAS REAL. I...

I'LL SEE YOU AT THANKSGIVING. LOUIS, HOLD ON.

WHEN I SAID NO TO INVESTING IN YOUR MOVIE,

I NEVER EXPECTED YOU TO FAKE A KIDNAPPING

TO GET THE MONEY FROM ME.

FRANKLY, I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU THIS PASSIONATE ABOUT ANYTHING.

ARE YOU... ARE YOU GIVING ME THE MONEY?

YES.

SO YOU CAN FAIL.

IT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU'RE GONNA

GET ALL OF THIS CRAP OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM.

THEN YOU CAN COME BACK AND WORK FOR ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT, DAD?

THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY TO YOU.

KISS...

MY...

BUM.

ASS. NO! KISS MY ASS!

ASS!

(siren wails)

(creature roars on TV)

OWNED! NOW I'M SQUATTING ON YOUR CORPSE.

OWNED!

(gunfire)

(creature roars)

HEY.

HEY. CAN WE TALK?

LOUIS...

PLEASE COME BACK TO GLICKMAN'S.

WHY, SO YOU CAN KNOCK ME OUT AND SELL MY KIDNEYS?

NO, NO, WE WANT TO APOLOGIZE.

PLEASE, JUST COME BACK.

(all) SURPRISE!

WOW. IT'S THE LEAST WE COULD DO.

IT'S LITERALLY THE VERY LEAST WE COULD DO.

(Esperanza laughs)

HEY, I WAS WRONG, ALL RIGHT? I'M AN IDIOT.

YOU'RE JUST AS MUCH OF A LOSER AS THE REST OF US.

YOU'RE A KNIGHT.

COULD YOU GUYS GIVE ME A MINUTE?

HEY, DAD. UM, I-I-I DON'T KNOW

IF YOU REMEMBER THAT CHECK THAT GOT RIPPED UP?

(Mr. Plunk yelling over phone)

YEAH, UH-HUH. UH-HUH.

THAT'S THE CHECK.

(laughs nervously)

I LOVE YOU.

♪ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA ♪

♪ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA-- ♪

I HAVE TO REWIND TO THE CHORUS.

THIS PART IS JUST "OHs" AND "WHOAs."

(tape rewinding)

♪ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA ♪

TAPES.

(tape continues rewinding)

♪ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA ♪

♪ KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY ♪

(Rockefeller) WE THE KNIGHTS, BABY.