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00:00:00,751 --> 00:00:02,121
YO, DIG THIS.
2
00:00:02,123 --> 00:00:05,013
♪ EUGENE GURKIN
WAS A JANITOR ♪
3
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,215
♪ CLEANING TOILETS
FOR THE MAN ♪
4
00:00:08,219 --> 00:00:10,009
(woman)
♪ SCRUBBIN' AND FLUSHIN' ♪
5
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:13,220
♪ TILL HE DECIDED
THAT HE HAD ENOUGH ♪
6
00:00:13,224 --> 00:00:16,104
♪ GOT A CREW
AND MADE A PLAN ♪
7
00:00:16,097 --> 00:00:18,557
♪ NOW THEY'RE THE... ♪
♪ KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY ♪
8
00:00:18,559 --> 00:00:20,939
♪ ROBBIN' FROM THE RICH
TO GIVE TO THEMSELVES ♪
9
00:00:20,941 --> 00:00:23,021
♪ KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY ♪
10
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,073
WE THE KNIGHTS, BABY.
11
00:00:36,207 --> 00:00:37,327
VAN HOOGSTRATTEN.
12
00:00:37,328 --> 00:00:39,958
MR. JAGGER
DECIDED TO GO BUY PANTS,
13
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:41,960
WANTS A LITTLE
ON-SITE SECURITY.
14
00:00:41,962 --> 00:00:44,342
THINK YOU CAN HOLD DOWN
THE FORT BY YOURSELF?
15
00:00:44,335 --> 00:00:46,755
SURE. CAN I ASK A QUESTION?
16
00:00:46,757 --> 00:00:49,047
WHERE DOES A GUY LIKE THAT
BUY PANTS?
17
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,839
ANYWHERE HE WANTS,
VAN HOOGSTRATTEN.
18
00:00:50,841 --> 00:00:52,881
ANYWHERE HE WANTS.
19
00:00:52,883 --> 00:00:56,233
LUCKY SON OF A BITCH.
20
00:00:56,227 --> 00:00:58,227
I'LL BE BACK IN TWO HOURS.
21
00:00:59,940 --> 00:01:01,980
WHEN THE CAT'S AWAY,
22
00:01:01,982 --> 00:01:06,572
THE MICE
WILL ROB MICK JAGGER.
23
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,187
(chuckles)
24
00:01:08,189 --> 00:01:09,399
(telephone rings)
25
00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:12,070
HELLO?
Eugene, get your pasty
white ass over here.
26
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:15,542
WHY? WHAT'S GOING ON?
For the next two hours,
I'm all alone.
27
00:01:15,536 --> 00:01:17,326
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
28
00:01:17,328 --> 00:01:20,038
Oh, yeah.
It's robbing time, baby.
29
00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:22,040
(hangs up telephone)
30
00:01:26,627 --> 00:01:28,627
(engine starts)
31
00:01:28,629 --> 00:01:31,169
(tires squeal)
32
00:01:47,988 --> 00:01:51,028
(beeping)
33
00:01:51,031 --> 00:01:52,151
(door unlocks and buzzes)
34
00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,408
(alarm whirs and chirps)
35
00:02:04,084 --> 00:02:06,384
HALT, INTRUDER!
(Eugene) OH, MY GOD.
A BLACK SECURITY GUARD.
36
00:02:06,377 --> 00:02:08,337
(haltingly)
NOW I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE,
37
00:02:08,339 --> 00:02:11,129
BUT YOU'RE NOT
GONNA ROB MICK JAGGER.
38
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,961
NOW KISS THE FLOOR.
39
00:02:12,963 --> 00:02:14,013
(shouts)
(grunts)
40
00:02:14,014 --> 00:02:15,524
(clank)
41
00:02:15,516 --> 00:02:17,756
OH, NO, I LOST MY GUN,
AND IN ADDITION,
42
00:02:17,758 --> 00:02:19,178
I'M OVERPOWERED.
43
00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:20,760
(Louis) HIYA!
(grunts) OW!
44
00:02:20,761 --> 00:02:22,141
OOH! (grunts)
45
00:02:27,768 --> 00:02:30,028
(Eugene) WAIT, GUYS,
THIS IS NO ORDINARY DOOR.
46
00:02:30,030 --> 00:02:32,030
THIS IS
A THRESHOLD TO GREATNESS,
47
00:02:32,032 --> 00:02:33,402
A PORTAL TO A--
48
00:02:33,404 --> 00:02:36,414
(Esperanza) EXCUSE ME,
ARE WE STEALING THE DOOR?
NO.
49
00:02:36,407 --> 00:02:38,037
THEN CAN WE PRAISE IT
50
00:02:38,038 --> 00:02:41,038
AS WE RUN THROUGH IT
WITH THE THINGS WE'RE STEALING?
YES.
51
00:02:43,584 --> 00:02:45,214
(Squatch) OH!
52
00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:48,046
WHEW! FINALLY, HUH? WHOO.
53
00:02:48,048 --> 00:02:50,208
(Eugene) SQUATCH,
WHAT THE HELL YOU DOING?
54
00:02:50,211 --> 00:02:53,501
WHAT?
THERE ARE CAMERAS HERE!
55
00:02:53,504 --> 00:02:56,514
(beeping)
YOU TOLD ME THAT ONCE WE GOT
IN THE APARTMENT
56
00:02:56,507 --> 00:03:00,007
THERE WERE NO CAMERAS!
WE'RE NOT IN THE APARTMENT!
THIS IS STILL THE FOYER!
57
00:03:00,010 --> 00:03:02,100
OH, MY GOD!
WELL, NOW I'M CAUGHT ON TAPE!
58
00:03:02,102 --> 00:03:03,472
(Gary) STAY CALM.
59
00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:05,484
THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY,
GOURISHANKAR!
60
00:03:05,476 --> 00:03:07,266
YOU'RE SNUGGED UP
IN YOUR LITTLE MASK!
GOURISHANKAR?!
61
00:03:07,268 --> 00:03:10,268
OH, I'M SORRY.
FOR SIX WEEKS,
IT'S BEEN GARY, GARY, GARY!
62
00:03:10,271 --> 00:03:12,571
NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN,
IT'S GOURISHANKAR?!
63
00:03:12,573 --> 00:03:15,033
WHICH, OF COURSE,
IS NOT MY REAL NAME.
64
00:03:15,025 --> 00:03:18,195
(Esperanza) THE SECURITY GUARD--
HE'S COMING BACK!
(Gary) AAH!
65
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,488
(imitates Southern accent) WE
BEST GET OUT OF HERE, PARTNER.
66
00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:23,491
(Louis) WHY ARE YOU
TALKING LIKE THAT?
AW, SHOOT,
67
00:03:23,494 --> 00:03:26,714
I ACCIDENTALLY SLIPPED BACK
INTO MY NORMAL SPEAKING VOICE--
68
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,997
ME BEING A RESIDENT
69
00:03:28,999 --> 00:03:30,789
OF TEXAS, U.S.A.
70
00:03:30,791 --> 00:03:34,301
OH! ROCKEFELLER? HEY, CAN YOU
GET YOUR HANDS ON THAT TAPE?
71
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,466
ROCKEFELLER, YOU OKAY?
(muttering)
72
00:03:37,468 --> 00:03:41,048
HUH? OH, GOD!
I MEAN, UH, UH, REGINALD?
73
00:03:41,051 --> 00:03:44,011
OOH, WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO KNOW THAT NAME EITHER!
74
00:03:44,014 --> 00:03:46,614
UH, THERE'S A VERY GOOD
EXPLANATION FOR ALL OF THIS.
75
00:03:46,607 --> 00:03:50,017
SCREW IT. THEY GOT
OUR ASSES IN A SLING NOW.
NOT IF WE GET OUR HANDS
ON THAT TAPE.
76
00:03:50,020 --> 00:03:53,230
CAN YOU DO IT?
I'LL GET RIGHT ON IT.
ONCE I GET HELPED TO STANDING.
77
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:56,033
GUYS, COME ON,
GRAB A HANDFUL!
78
00:03:56,026 --> 00:03:57,906
COME ON! (grunts)
79
00:03:57,908 --> 00:04:01,278
(Gary) ♪ THERE'S A YELLOW ROSE
IN TEXAS THAT I AM GONNA SEE ♪
(grunting)
80
00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:04,202
I'M TELLING YA,
WE NEED TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY.
81
00:04:04,204 --> 00:04:06,964
SOME OF US JUST GOT HERE.
82
00:04:06,957 --> 00:04:10,127
WHAT IF WE CHANGE OUR APPEARANCE
THROUGH PLASTIC SURGERY?
NO PLASTIC SURGERY.
TOO ADDICTIVE!
83
00:04:10,130 --> 00:04:12,750
HEY, Y'ALL.
ROCKEFELLER!
DID YOU FIND THE TAPE?
84
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:15,093
PLEASE TELL US
YOU FOUND THE TAPE.
WELL, I FOUND OUT
ABOUT THE TAPE.
85
00:04:15,085 --> 00:04:18,085
STOP PUSSYFOOTIN'
AND TELL US THE DEAL.
THE TAPE AIN'T A TAPE.
86
00:04:18,088 --> 00:04:19,718
IT'S A LITTLE BITTY FILE
87
00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:21,720
ON THE HARD DRIVE
AT BURTON SECURITY HEADQUARTERS.
88
00:04:21,722 --> 00:04:23,722
NOW THEY OFF
FOR THE WEEKEND,
89
00:04:23,724 --> 00:04:27,154
BUT THEY GONNA WATCH IT
FIRST THING MONDAY MORNING.
(groans)
90
00:04:27,147 --> 00:04:30,057
GUYS, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
91
00:04:30,060 --> 00:04:31,890
CAN YOU TELL IT'S ME?
92
00:04:34,064 --> 00:04:36,034
JOE COLLEGE,
GETTIN' IT DONE.
93
00:04:44,615 --> 00:04:47,455
JUST TO LET YOU KNOW,
WHEN I GO TO PRISON,
94
00:04:47,458 --> 00:04:49,788
I'M GONNA HAVE TO JOIN
THE ARYAN NATION TO STAY ALIVE.
95
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,790
NOBODY'S GOING TO PRISON.
96
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,752
WE'RE GONNA
BREAK INTO BURTON SECURITY,
97
00:04:53,754 --> 00:04:55,724
AND WE'RE GONNA
DESTROY THAT FILE.
98
00:04:55,716 --> 00:04:57,716
OKAY, I CAN GET US
SOME LAUNCHERS,
99
00:04:57,718 --> 00:05:01,048
BUT I CAN'T GET GRENADES.
NO, WE DON'T
HAVE TO BLOW IT UP.
100
00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:03,181
YOU SAID
IT'S ON A COMPUTER, RIGHT?
MM-HMM.
101
00:05:03,183 --> 00:05:05,193
SO WE JUST HAVE TO HACK IN.
102
00:05:05,185 --> 00:05:07,015
AND I KNOW
JUST THE COMPUTER WHIZ TO DO IT.
103
00:05:07,017 --> 00:05:08,637
WHO? WHO'S THE WHEEZE?
104
00:05:08,639 --> 00:05:11,929
OUR BOY LOUIS!
HE STUDIED COMPUTERS IN COLLEGE.
105
00:05:11,932 --> 00:05:15,242
UH, YEAH. WELL, I-I...
(chuckles) I--A LITTLE BIT,
106
00:05:15,235 --> 00:05:19,105
BUT, UH, I MEAN,
I-I'M NOT REALLY A-A WHIZ.
107
00:05:19,109 --> 00:05:20,989
HEY, HEY, HEY,
DON'T BE MODEST, KID.
108
00:05:20,991 --> 00:05:24,581
OH, COME ON, LOUIS.
WE NEED YOU, BABY.
YEAH!
109
00:05:24,575 --> 00:05:26,205
OKAY.
110
00:05:26,206 --> 00:05:27,206
YEAH!
YEAH, YEAH.
111
00:05:27,207 --> 00:05:28,537
(Eugene) ALL RIGHT, FINE.
112
00:05:28,539 --> 00:05:31,329
(typing on keyboard)
113
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,451
OKAY, UH, IT'S UP.
114
00:05:33,454 --> 00:05:37,174
UH, NOW I JUST NEED
TO LOG IN TO THEIR INTERFACE.
115
00:05:37,167 --> 00:05:40,167
(taps keyboard)
116
00:05:41,592 --> 00:05:44,222
COME ON, TALK TO ME...
117
00:05:44,224 --> 00:05:45,354
WE'RE IN!
118
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,885
OH, MY GOD!
(Gary) YEAH!
119
00:05:46,887 --> 00:05:49,097
YES! GOOD JOB, KID.
YES, YES!
120
00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:51,019
WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO?
UH, WE CAN "PAY YOUR BILL,"
121
00:05:51,021 --> 00:05:53,021
"CHANGE YOUR BILLING ADDRESS,"
"SUSPEND SERVICE."
122
00:05:53,023 --> 00:05:55,823
WHAT? LET ME LOOK AT THAT.
123
00:05:55,816 --> 00:05:58,396
YOU'RE AT THEIR HOME PAGE!
I COULD HAVE DONE THAT! YOU--
124
00:05:58,399 --> 00:06:01,069
LOUIS, WE HAVE
TO HACK INTO THE SYSTEM
125
00:06:01,071 --> 00:06:03,071
SO WE CAN
DELETE THE FOOTAGE!
126
00:06:03,073 --> 00:06:05,493
LET ME CHECK, UH, UNDER
"FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS."
127
00:06:05,486 --> 00:06:07,076
OH, YOU'RE JUST AN IDIOT.
128
00:06:07,077 --> 00:06:11,037
OH, GOD, DOES ANYONE HERE KNOW
ANYBODY WHO KNOWS COMPUTERS?
129
00:06:11,041 --> 00:06:13,491
WELL... NO.
130
00:06:13,494 --> 00:06:15,504
WHOA, HOLD ON.
YOUR "NO" SAID NO,
131
00:06:15,496 --> 00:06:17,336
BUT YOUR "WELL..."
SAID YES.
132
00:06:17,337 --> 00:06:20,337
COME ON AND SPILL IT,
ALI BABA!
THERE IS NOTHING TO SPILL.
133
00:06:20,340 --> 00:06:23,340
I HAVE A SON WHO IS IN FACT
A GENIUS WITH COMPUTERS,
134
00:06:23,343 --> 00:06:27,353
BUT HE AND I DO NOT SPEAK.
SO MOVING ON...
WHOA, WHOA, WAIT--
YOU HAVE A SON?
135
00:06:27,347 --> 00:06:28,637
FOR OUR PURPOSES,
136
00:06:28,639 --> 00:06:32,599
NO, I HAVE NOT SEEN THE BOY
SINCE THE ULTRASOUND.
WELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW
HE'S A GENIUS WITH COMPUTERS?
137
00:06:32,603 --> 00:06:34,613
BECAUSE MY EX-BROTHER-IN-LAW
LARRY TOLD ME.
138
00:06:34,605 --> 00:06:35,975
WELL, GET TO THE POINT,
139
00:06:35,976 --> 00:06:37,976
BECAUSE WE GOT RESERVATIONS
AT THE GRAY BAR HOTEL,
140
00:06:37,978 --> 00:06:41,018
AND CHECK-IN IS IN 48 HOURS!
141
00:06:41,021 --> 00:06:43,481
OKAY, HERE IS THE ENTIRE
MEGILLAH--MANY YEARS AGO,
142
00:06:43,484 --> 00:06:46,124
THIS BEAUTIFUL GIRL NAMED BINI
GETS INTO MY CAB.
143
00:06:46,116 --> 00:06:49,026
ONE THING LEADS TO ANOTHER,
AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,
144
00:06:49,029 --> 00:06:51,489
IT'S "WHIM-WHAM,
THANK YOU, SAM."
YOU AIN'T SAYING THAT RIGHT.
145
00:06:51,492 --> 00:06:53,492
TWO DAYS LATER,
WE GET MARRIED.
146
00:06:53,494 --> 00:06:55,504
THEN, FIRST NIGHT,
FIRST POSITION--
147
00:06:55,496 --> 00:06:58,036
BOOM, SHE GETS PREGNANT.
WHO DOES THAT?
148
00:06:58,038 --> 00:07:01,628
SO, AS YOU CAN SEE, WE BEGAN
GROWING APART IMMEDIATELY.
149
00:07:01,632 --> 00:07:03,132
YOU'RE DESPICABLE.
150
00:07:03,133 --> 00:07:06,433
LOUIS, STEP ASIDE
SO THAT I CAN SPEET ON GARY.
OKEYDOKE.
151
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,426
EXCUSE ME,
I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW
152
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:11,048
THAT I HAVE ALWAYS PAID
CHILD SUPPORT.
153
00:07:11,051 --> 00:07:15,271
I DID EVERYTHING
THE COURT ORDERED ME TO DO!
IT'S "WHAM-BAM,
THANK YOU, MA'AM."
154
00:07:15,265 --> 00:07:18,185
LOOK, GARY, YOU GOTTA
RECONNECT WITH YOUR SON.
155
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:20,978
UNTIL A COUPLE YEARS AGO,
156
00:07:20,981 --> 00:07:23,021
I THOUGHT
IT WAS "HALLOWEEM,"
157
00:07:23,023 --> 00:07:25,163
WITH AN "M."
158
00:07:25,155 --> 00:07:26,985
TRUE STORY.
159
00:07:31,992 --> 00:07:34,712
BINI!
160
00:07:34,705 --> 00:07:37,705
SO NICE TO SEE YOU.
PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT.
161
00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:40,958
WHY AM I HERE,
GOURISHANKAR?
YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE CAN CATCH UP LATER.
162
00:07:42,543 --> 00:07:45,223
BINI, I'VE BEEN DOING
A LOT OF SOUL-SEARCHING.
163
00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:48,215
AND DID YOU FIND ONE?
OH, BINI, YOU'RE FUNNY.
YOU'RE HILARIOUS.
164
00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:50,218
YOU'RE THE FEMALE
INDIAN DON RICKLES.
165
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:54,050
REMEMBER THAT. YOU REALLY ARE.
BINI, I WANT TO MEET MY SON.
166
00:07:54,054 --> 00:07:57,404
I THINK THE TIME TO MEET YOUR
SON WAS 13 YEARS AGO, NOT NOW.
167
00:07:57,397 --> 00:07:59,597
(under breath) TELL HER
SHE LOOKS VERY PRETTY.
168
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,020
DON'T PUT THAT ALL ON ME.
169
00:08:02,022 --> 00:08:04,022
I WILL REMIND YOU
THAT MY LEAVING BACK THEN
170
00:08:04,024 --> 00:08:07,034
WAS A VERY MUTUAL DECISION
MADE BY THE BOTH OF US.
AND MY DECISION
TO LEAVE NOW
171
00:08:07,027 --> 00:08:09,697
IS UNILATERALLY MADE
BY JUST ME.
GOOD!
172
00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:14,070
I, UH, GUESS SHE DOESN'T CARE
ABOUT THE MONEY YOU HAVE NOW.
173
00:08:14,074 --> 00:08:16,924
WHO ARE THEY?
174
00:08:19,079 --> 00:08:21,079
THEY MANAGE MY MILLIONS.
175
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,005
YES, I WROTE SEVERAL
VERY POPULAR RINGTONES.
176
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:29,427
MAYBE YOU'VE HEARD THEM.
UH, DO YOU KNOW...
177
00:08:29,429 --> 00:08:32,049
(humming dance music rhythm)
178
00:08:32,052 --> 00:08:35,232
OH, BOY, THAT WAS A BIG SELLER.
OR MAYBE YOU KNOW...
179
00:08:35,225 --> 00:08:38,975
(humming calypso rhythm)
180
00:08:38,979 --> 00:08:41,479
BOY, DID THAT BABY PAY OUT.
181
00:08:41,481 --> 00:08:44,571
YOU KNOW, I GET A LITTLE CHECK
EVERY TIME THE PHONE RINGS.
182
00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:47,195
YOU'RE TELLING ME
YOU'RE A MILLIONAIRE
183
00:08:47,197 --> 00:08:49,197
BECAUSE OF RINGTONES.
YES, I HAVE A GIFT.
184
00:08:49,199 --> 00:08:52,069
EVEN IF YOU'RE A MILLIONAIRE,
WHY SHOULD I LET YOU SEE AJAY?
185
00:08:52,072 --> 00:08:55,122
WELL, 'CAUSE HE'S, UH,
THINKING OF MAKING A NEW WILL,
186
00:08:55,115 --> 00:08:57,205
AND HE'S GONNA
PUT THE KID IN IT.
187
00:08:57,207 --> 00:09:00,077
OH, I'M SORRY
IF I SAID TOO MUCH, SIR.
188
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:01,250
YOU'RE FIRED!
189
00:09:03,083 --> 00:09:06,093
WHAT DO YOU--WHAT DO YOU MEAN
THAT I'M FI-- I'M--
190
00:09:06,086 --> 00:09:08,586
GET OUT OF HERE!
YOU SICKEN ME!
191
00:09:10,170 --> 00:09:13,010
(chuckles)
192
00:09:13,013 --> 00:09:14,093
GO!
193
00:09:17,137 --> 00:09:20,097
I WILL LET YOU SEE AJAY
IF YOU PROMISE ME
194
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:22,100
THAT YOU WILL PROVIDE
FOR HIS COLLEGE EDUCATION
195
00:09:22,102 --> 00:09:24,102
AT THE SCHOOL
OF HIS CHOOSING.
196
00:09:24,104 --> 00:09:26,074
DONE, DONE, DONE AND DONE.
197
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,446
THAT IS HOW
WE RICH PEOPLE CLOSE DEALS.
198
00:09:28,448 --> 00:09:30,988
YOU CAN
PICK HIM UP TOMORROW.
DONE.
199
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,282
DONE-DONE.
200
00:09:34,995 --> 00:09:37,365
DONE!
201
00:09:46,206 --> 00:09:49,706
(Squatch) WHOA. THIS KID'S
EVEN NERDIER THAN LOUIS.
202
00:09:49,710 --> 00:09:51,710
I RESENT THAT COMMENT,
MR. SQUACIERI.
203
00:09:51,712 --> 00:09:53,802
OH, I'M SORRY, LOUIS.
YOU'RE NERDIER.
204
00:09:55,676 --> 00:09:57,886
HELLO, AJAY!
205
00:09:57,888 --> 00:10:00,098
I ASSUME
YOU'RE MY MILLIONAIRE FATHER,
206
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,980
BUT WHO ARE
THOSE OTHER PEOPLE?
207
00:10:02,983 --> 00:10:05,033
UH, WE WORK
FOR YOUR FATHER.
208
00:10:05,025 --> 00:10:06,645
IN WHAT CAPACITY?
209
00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:09,187
PERSONAL ASSISTANT.
210
00:10:09,189 --> 00:10:10,569
PERSONAL TRAINER.
211
00:10:10,570 --> 00:10:12,320
ACCOUNTS RECEIVABLE.
212
00:10:12,322 --> 00:10:14,192
I COMB
THE SHETLAND PONIES.
213
00:10:15,285 --> 00:10:18,115
...SLASH SECURITY.
214
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:20,908
OKAY, EVERYONE, LET'S HOP IN
THE CAB AND GO TO THE PARK.
215
00:10:20,911 --> 00:10:23,081
YOU DRIVE A TAXI?
216
00:10:23,083 --> 00:10:24,713
YES.
IT'S AN ECCENTRICITY.
217
00:10:24,705 --> 00:10:28,125
ALL US MILLIONAIRES
HAVE THEM.
218
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,918
TRAVOLTA HAS HIS JETS,
219
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:32,460
AND I HAVE
MY 1998 MID-SIZE SEDAN.
220
00:10:32,462 --> 00:10:35,102
YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I JUST
DRIVE AROUND ALL DAY
221
00:10:35,095 --> 00:10:37,465
WITH THE METER RUNNING.
THAT SEEMS SUPERFLUOUS.
222
00:10:37,467 --> 00:10:39,967
YES, YES,
NOTHING BUT THE BEST.
223
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:02,038
HOW CAN I POSSIBLY ASK HIM
TO HACK INTO A COMPUTER FOR US?
YOU CAN'T,
JUST OFF THE BAT.
224
00:11:02,042 --> 00:11:04,372
YOU GOTTA BOND WITH HIM FIRST,
FATHER-SON STYLE,
225
00:11:04,374 --> 00:11:07,674
AND THEN ASK HIM.
HOW AM I GONNA BOND WITH HIM?
HE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT ME!
226
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,667
TALK TO HIM, PLAY WITH HIM,
227
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:13,049
MAKE ANIMAL BALLOONS
IF YOU HAVE TO, BUT GO DO IT!
SHE'S RIGHT, OKAY?
228
00:11:13,053 --> 00:11:17,103
YOU GOT 2 HOURS TO MAKE UP
FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS.
229
00:11:17,097 --> 00:11:20,137
ALL RIGHT. I'M GOING IN.
230
00:11:20,140 --> 00:11:23,970
(Indian cover of Harry Chapin's
"Cat's in the Cradle" playing)
231
00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:31,438
(man singing in Indian dialect)
232
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,223
♪ AND THE CAT'S
IN THE CRADLE ♪
233
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,675
♪ AND THE SILVER SPOON ♪
234
00:11:57,677 --> 00:12:00,097
♪ LITTLE BOY BLUE
AND THE MAN ON THE MOON ♪
235
00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:02,220
♪ "WHEN YOU COMING HOME, DAD?" ♪
236
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:06,942
♪ I DON'T KNOW WHEN,
BUT WE'LL GET TOGETHER THEN ♪
237
00:12:06,937 --> 00:12:09,937
(resumes singing
in Indian dialect)
238
00:12:14,905 --> 00:12:17,655
YOU GOT A GIRLFRIEND?
239
00:12:17,657 --> 00:12:19,067
NO.
240
00:12:19,069 --> 00:12:22,199
NO?
EVER PLAY ANY KISSY-KISSY?
241
00:12:22,202 --> 00:12:23,622
NO.
242
00:12:23,623 --> 00:12:25,043
REALLY?
243
00:12:25,035 --> 00:12:27,705
WHEN I WAS JUST
A LITTLE BIT OLDER THAN YOU,
244
00:12:27,707 --> 00:12:29,707
I ONCE HAD
A ROMANTIC INTERLUDE
245
00:12:29,709 --> 00:12:31,869
WITH THE CAFETERIA LADY
AT MY SCHOOL.
246
00:12:33,133 --> 00:12:36,553
WHAT? AT THE END OF THE DAY
WHEN THE HAIRNETS COME OFF,
247
00:12:36,546 --> 00:12:38,966
THEY'RE JUST
ORDINARY WOMEN WITH NEEDS.
248
00:12:38,969 --> 00:12:41,339
ME AND MY FRIENDS
HAVE A PLEDGE
249
00:12:41,341 --> 00:12:43,971
TO REMAIN VIRGINS
UNTIL MARRIAGE.
250
00:12:48,308 --> 00:12:50,518
I HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON
WITH THIS PERSON.
251
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,650
WHY COULD HE NOT
BE MORE LIKE ME?
252
00:12:52,652 --> 00:12:54,822
LOOK, NO OFFENSE
TO OUR FATHER OF THE YEAR HERE,
253
00:12:54,815 --> 00:12:58,025
BUT WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME,
AND THIS AIN'T WORKING, OKAY?
254
00:12:58,028 --> 00:13:01,108
SO I SUGGEST WE CHANGE
THE COURSE AND LET MY FRIEND
255
00:13:01,111 --> 00:13:03,531
MR. ANDREW JACKSON
TAKE A CRACK AT THIS KID, HUH?
256
00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:07,413
LISTEN, AJAX, WE GOT
A LITTLE PROPOSITION FOR YA.
257
00:13:07,407 --> 00:13:08,827
AJAY.
RIGHT.
258
00:13:08,829 --> 00:13:10,909
WE HEARD THAT YOU WERE
A COMPUTER GENIUS,
259
00:13:10,911 --> 00:13:13,331
AND IT JUST SO HAPPENS
WE NEED A COMPUTER GENIUS.
260
00:13:13,333 --> 00:13:16,093
SO WHAT DO YOU SAY--
FOR 20 WHOLE DOLLARS--
261
00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:18,716
YOU DO A LITTLE SOMETHING
FOR US, HUH?
262
00:13:18,718 --> 00:13:22,178
IF MY FATHER'S A MILLIONAIRE,
WHY YOU ONLY OFFERING ME $20?
263
00:13:22,182 --> 00:13:24,982
OUR ASSES BEING HOISTED
BY OUR OWN DAMN PETARD.
264
00:13:24,975 --> 00:13:27,185
ENOUGH OF THIS CHARADE.
265
00:13:27,187 --> 00:13:29,807
AJAY, I'M NOT RICH.
266
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:32,979
I MADE THAT ALL UP
SO THAT I COULD SEE YOU.
267
00:13:32,983 --> 00:13:35,073
WHY?
268
00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:40,065
BECAUSE THERE COMES A TIME
WHEN A FATHER NEEDS HIS SON...
269
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:42,490
TO HELP HIM
STAY OUT OF JAIL.
270
00:13:42,492 --> 00:13:43,992
WHAT?
271
00:13:45,996 --> 00:13:47,156
NO.
272
00:13:47,157 --> 00:13:50,327
THE ONLY REASON I CAME HERE
IS MOM SAID IF I DIDN'T,
273
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,950
SHE'D TAKE AWAY
MY MechWarrior CARDS.
274
00:13:52,953 --> 00:13:55,223
I LOVE THOSE!
275
00:13:55,215 --> 00:13:57,295
I WANNA GO HOME NOW.
276
00:13:57,297 --> 00:14:00,917
AJAY, WILL YOU PLEASE HELP
YOUR DAD? HE'S IN REAL TROUBLE.
277
00:14:08,178 --> 00:14:10,968
FINE.
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?
278
00:14:10,971 --> 00:14:12,641
YES!
YES!
279
00:14:12,642 --> 00:14:14,902
ALL RIGHT! YEAH!
(Squatch) ALL RIGHT, AJAX!
THANKS, KID!
280
00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:17,185
(Eugene)
WE'LL EXPLAIN EVERYTHING.
281
00:14:17,187 --> 00:14:18,817
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
YOU...
282
00:14:25,405 --> 00:14:26,985
(Ajay) THEY'VE GOT APPLICATION
LEVEL BEHAVIOR BLOCKING.
283
00:14:26,987 --> 00:14:28,697
IT HAS
AN ASYMMETRICAL CIPHER.
284
00:14:28,698 --> 00:14:30,288
PROBABLY A 128-BIT
ENCRYPTION KEY.
285
00:14:30,290 --> 00:14:32,870
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
286
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:36,002
HE HATES ME.
HE'S A KID. HE PROBABLY
DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK.
287
00:14:35,996 --> 00:14:38,996
BAD NEWS.
CAN'T DO IT FROM HERE.
WHY NOT?
ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS
288
00:14:38,999 --> 00:14:40,999
YOU GOTTA BREACH THE FIREWALL,
YOU CRACK THE ENCRYPTION
289
00:14:41,001 --> 00:14:44,211
AND YOU UPLOAD A VIRUS
THAT CRASHES THE WHOLE SYSTEM.
290
00:14:44,214 --> 00:14:47,564
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I DON'T KNOW.
I SAW IT ON "24." DO IT.
291
00:14:47,557 --> 00:14:50,387
THIS IS REAL LIFE. THE ONLY WAY
OF DELETING THAT FILE
292
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:54,010
IS IF I USE A COMPUTER
IN THE MAIN BUILDING.
I COULD PROBABLY
GET THE KID IN WITH MY I.D.,
293
00:14:54,014 --> 00:14:56,404
BUT WE MIGHT NEED
SOME MORE BODIES IN THERE.
294
00:14:56,396 --> 00:15:00,146
UH, I'LL GO...
IN CASE SOMETHING GOES WRONG.
295
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:03,900
SEE? I'M NOT THE DEVIL.
I HAVE A HEART OF GOLD.
296
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:07,243
(Eugene) I'LL GO, TOO,
AND THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH.
297
00:15:07,237 --> 00:15:10,237
HOW AM I GONNA
GET YOU TWO IN?
I JUST SO HAPPEN
298
00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:14,200
TO HAVE TWO SUITS
THAT MAKE YOU INVISIBLE.
299
00:15:16,997 --> 00:15:19,997
NO ONE EVER NOTICES
THE LOWLY JANITOR.
300
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,460
HEY, ART.
301
00:15:21,461 --> 00:15:24,041
HEY, REGINALD.
302
00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:31,178
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
303
00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:32,551
WHO'S THAT?
304
00:15:32,552 --> 00:15:36,772
UH... THIS MY SON TYREE.
305
00:15:39,859 --> 00:15:43,559
MY LADY SO WHITE,
SHE LIKE A NURSE'S UNIFORM.
306
00:15:43,563 --> 00:15:45,243
(chuckles) OH!
307
00:15:45,235 --> 00:15:46,865
(laughs) YEAH!
308
00:15:46,866 --> 00:15:49,526
(laughs) ALL RIGHT.
OOH! YEAH,
GOOD TO SEE YOU, MAN. AH...
309
00:15:49,529 --> 00:15:50,949
HEY.
HUH?
310
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:53,660
SO YOU END UP WITH
AN INDIAN KID FROM THAT?
311
00:15:53,663 --> 00:15:56,043
OH, MAN, I DON'T QUESTION
THE BIG BOSS,
312
00:15:56,036 --> 00:15:58,036
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
313
00:15:58,038 --> 00:16:01,378
I'M AN INTELLIGENT DESIGN GUY
ALL THE WAY.
314
00:16:01,381 --> 00:16:03,211
ALL THE WAY.
315
00:16:05,175 --> 00:16:08,175
COME ON, BABY,
GIVE DADDY A HUG.
316
00:16:08,178 --> 00:16:10,548
I SAID
GIVE DADDY A HUG, MAN.
317
00:16:15,935 --> 00:16:19,645
THERE IT IS--
VIDEO SURVEILLANCE SUPERVISOR.
318
00:16:19,649 --> 00:16:22,649
OH, MY GOD, WE'RE TOO LATE.
HE'S GONNA WATCH THE TAPE!
319
00:16:22,652 --> 00:16:24,732
NOT NECESSARILY.
320
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:26,914
(whistling)
321
00:16:26,906 --> 00:16:28,906
HEY, LISTEN, EVERYBODY'S
HEADED TO THE BREAK ROOM
322
00:16:28,908 --> 00:16:31,158
FOR SOME, UH, BIRTHDAY CAKE.
323
00:16:31,161 --> 00:16:33,411
WHOSE BIRTHDAY IS IT?
324
00:16:36,666 --> 00:16:38,076
STEVE'S.
325
00:16:44,424 --> 00:16:48,054
ALL RIGHT, I'LL STALL HIM.
YOU GUYS GET TO WORK.
326
00:16:54,594 --> 00:16:57,604
SO WHAT DID YOU MOTHER TELL YOU
ABOUT SHE AND I, ANYWAY?
327
00:16:57,597 --> 00:17:00,727
I'M A LITTLE BUSY
RIGHT NOW.
YES, YES. TYPE, TYPE, TYPE.
328
00:17:00,730 --> 00:17:04,190
SHE TOLD ME
YOU CHEATED ON HER.
I KNEW IT!
329
00:17:04,194 --> 00:17:06,704
I KNEW SHE TOLD YOU
I CHEATED ON HER!
330
00:17:06,696 --> 00:17:08,696
WHICH, YOU KNOW,
I DID, BUT...
331
00:17:08,698 --> 00:17:10,698
CAN WE PLEASE
NOT TALK ABOUT THIS?
332
00:17:10,700 --> 00:17:12,700
YOU SEE, THE FUNNY THING IS,
333
00:17:12,702 --> 00:17:14,702
YOUR MOTHER--
SHE KIND OF AGREED TO IT.
334
00:17:14,704 --> 00:17:16,754
YEAH. SEE, WE EACH
GAVE THE OTHER A, UH,
335
00:17:16,746 --> 00:17:20,036
FANTASY FREE PASS,
YOU KNOW, SORT OF AS A JOKE.
336
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:23,419
HERS WAS DENZEL WASHINGTON.
MINE WAS HELENA BONHAM CARTER.
337
00:17:23,423 --> 00:17:25,433
SO ANYWAY,
ONE DAY I'M OUT DRIVING MY CAB,
338
00:17:25,425 --> 00:17:30,125
AND WHO DO YOU THINK GETS IN?
HMM? HMM? HMM?
I DON'T CARE.
339
00:17:30,130 --> 00:17:32,630
MM.
HELENA BONHAM CARTER.
340
00:17:34,264 --> 00:17:36,814
OKAY, HER NAME WAS DEBBIE,
BUT VERY SIMILAR COLORING.
341
00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:39,056
OH, COME ON!
PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES!
342
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,888
YOU'RE DRIVING YOUR CAB,
AND THIS BEAUTIFUL WOMAN GETS IN
343
00:17:41,891 --> 00:17:44,271
AND SAYS,
"TAKE ME TO 73rd AND LEX."
344
00:17:44,274 --> 00:17:47,404
YOU WOULD'VE
DONE THE SAME THING...
345
00:17:47,397 --> 00:17:50,777
AFTER YOU GOT MARRIED.
(grunts)
346
00:17:54,534 --> 00:17:56,704
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
347
00:17:56,696 --> 00:17:58,656
UH, I WAS TOLD
TO MOVE THESE.
348
00:17:58,658 --> 00:18:01,828
I CAN'T GET OUT.
349
00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:04,661
JUST DOING WHAT I'M TOLD.
350
00:18:06,706 --> 00:18:09,206
I THINK I'M GETTING CLOSE.
351
00:18:09,209 --> 00:18:12,259
AJAY, I HAVE SOMETHING
I WANT TO SAY TO YOU.
YOU KINDA TALK A LOT.
352
00:18:12,262 --> 00:18:14,172
YOU NEED ME.
353
00:18:14,174 --> 00:18:17,684
I THINK
YOU'VE GOT THAT BACKWARDS.
YES, NO, I NEED YOU
TO DELETE THE FILE,
354
00:18:17,677 --> 00:18:20,267
BUT I'M YOUR FATHER...
WAIT, I GOT IT.
355
00:18:20,270 --> 00:18:23,930
WAS IT FRIDAY NIGHT
AT 9:07 P.M.?
YES, YES. THAT'S IT.
356
00:18:23,933 --> 00:18:27,193
MICK JAGGER'S APARTMENT?
357
00:18:27,187 --> 00:18:29,147
WHO'S MICK JAGGER?
358
00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:31,779
YOU KNOW, A, UH,
FRIEND OF A FRIEND.
359
00:18:31,781 --> 00:18:34,151
TO ERASE THIS COMPLETELY
OUT OF THE SYSTEM,
360
00:18:34,154 --> 00:18:36,794
I NEED
TO REBOOT THE COMPUTER.
361
00:18:36,786 --> 00:18:40,076
WHEN I HOLD DOWN THESE KEYS,
I NEED YOU TO PULL THAT PLUG.
362
00:18:40,079 --> 00:18:42,119
ON THREE.
363
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:44,201
ONE, TWO...
364
00:18:44,204 --> 00:18:45,714
NO.
WHAT?
365
00:18:45,705 --> 00:18:47,705
I NEED YOU
TO LISTEN TO ME,
366
00:18:47,707 --> 00:18:50,707
AND WHEN I PULL THAT PLUG,
OUR WORK HERE IS DONE,
367
00:18:50,710 --> 00:18:52,710
AND I WILL NEVER
SEE YOU AGAIN.
368
00:18:52,712 --> 00:18:54,922
I'D RATHER RISK
GOING TO PRISON.
369
00:18:54,924 --> 00:18:57,604
SUIT YOURSELF.
OKAY, MY GOING TO PRISON
WILL HELP NO ONE,
370
00:18:57,597 --> 00:19:00,257
SO I'LL PULL THE PLUG,
AND THEN WE'LL TALK.
371
00:19:00,260 --> 00:19:03,600
ONE, TWO, THREE.
372
00:19:03,603 --> 00:19:05,653
(computer beeps)
373
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:08,685
THIS IS INSANE!
YOU'VE GOTTA MOVE THAT.
374
00:19:08,688 --> 00:19:11,028
(laughs)
WITHOUT AUTHORIZATION?
375
00:19:11,030 --> 00:19:14,360
BUT YOU'VE GOT THE AUTHORIZATION
TO PUT IT THERE?
376
00:19:14,364 --> 00:19:16,874
THAT'S A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
TYPE OF AUTHORIZATION.
377
00:19:16,866 --> 00:19:19,076
OH, LOOK,
SOME CRULLERS OVER THERE.
378
00:19:25,205 --> 00:19:28,205
GARY, GO SAY GOOD-BYE
TO AJAY.
379
00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:30,208
WHAT'S THE POINT?
I CAN'T REACH HIM.
380
00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:32,790
I SAID EVERYTHING
I COULD POSSIBLY SAY.
381
00:19:32,792 --> 00:19:35,302
HOW ABOUT THE ONE THING
YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM?
382
00:19:35,295 --> 00:19:38,175
AHH.
383
00:19:39,639 --> 00:19:41,179
NO IDEA.
384
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,970
HOW ABOUT "I'M SORRY"?
385
00:19:42,972 --> 00:19:44,182
I'M SORRY?
386
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,943
YEAH. I'M SORRY FOR BEING
A STUPID BOOBY.
387
00:19:48,808 --> 00:19:51,938
GO, BROTHER. YOU'LL SLEEP
BETTER TONIGHT, I PROMISE.
388
00:19:59,819 --> 00:20:03,199
AJAY, I AM SORRY
THAT I DID NOT LIVE UP
389
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:06,002
TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES
AS YOUR FATHER.
390
00:20:05,995 --> 00:20:08,995
AND YOU DON'T
HAVE TO DECIDE RIGHT NOW,
391
00:20:08,998 --> 00:20:13,208
BUT WOULD YOU CONSIDER LETTING
ME SEE YOU AGAIN SOMETIME?
392
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:16,142
I GUESS.
393
00:20:16,135 --> 00:20:17,635
HA!
394
00:20:17,637 --> 00:20:19,177
EUGENE, GRAB THE CAMERA.
395
00:20:19,178 --> 00:20:21,798
I WANT A PICTURE
WITH ME AND MY SON.
396
00:20:21,801 --> 00:20:24,301
I GOT IT RIGHT HERE!
397
00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:27,765
ALL RIGHT, SAY "CHEESE."
398
00:20:29,609 --> 00:20:31,979
(advancing film in camera)
399
00:20:35,565 --> 00:20:38,565
THIS TURNIN'
TO A DAMN TEARJERKER.
400
00:20:38,568 --> 00:20:40,568
YOU'RE GONNA
SLEEP GOOD TONIGHT
401
00:20:40,570 --> 00:20:43,200
AFTER MAKING AN AMENDS
LIKE THAT, HUH? (laughs)
402
00:20:43,202 --> 00:20:45,632
OH, YES, DEFINITELY.
(laughs)
403
00:20:45,625 --> 00:20:47,665
WELL, SORT OF.
404
00:20:47,667 --> 00:20:49,997
WHAT--WHAT--
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
405
00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:53,919
UH...
AJAY IS NOT THE ONLY ONE.
406
00:20:53,923 --> 00:20:57,093
THERE HAVE BEEN MANY OTHERS
THAT HAVE SPRUNG FROM MY LOINS,
407
00:20:57,086 --> 00:21:01,256
AND I HAVE NOT BEEN SUPER GREAT
ABOUT SEEING THEM...
408
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,470
EVER.
409
00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:05,853
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
410
00:21:05,845 --> 00:21:09,095
WE'RE NOT GOING TO JAIL.
WE HAVE A WHOLE DAY TO KILL.
411
00:21:09,098 --> 00:21:11,558
I GOT A LITTLE IDEA.
412
00:21:11,561 --> 00:21:15,361
(Indian cover of Harry Chapin's
"Cat's in the Cradle" playing)
413
00:21:15,355 --> 00:21:16,775
(shutter clicks)
414
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:18,736
(man singing in Indian dialect)
415
00:21:18,738 --> 00:21:20,158
(shutter clicks)
416
00:21:22,111 --> 00:21:23,281
(shutter clicks)
417
00:21:25,325 --> 00:21:26,745
(shutter clicks)
418
00:21:28,708 --> 00:21:30,118
(shutter clicks)
419
00:21:32,712 --> 00:21:34,832
♪ KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY ♪
420
00:21:34,834 --> 00:21:37,474
WE THE KNIGHTS, BABY.
32093
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