All language subtitles for Superstore s06e14 Perfect Store.eng

- Okay, so I asked around,
and it's true.

Zephra is shifting

most of Cloud 9's
business online, so...

they're gonna
be closing some stores.

- Some? Oh.

Okay, well, I mean,
what's some?

Like, four?
- Three or four. Exactly.

Well, that's not bad.
I like our chances.

- No, it's bad, guys.

They're closing
most of the stores.

The number I heard was 95%.

- What?

- So we're, like, screwed?

- Maybe not.

I'm gonna try to get
this store picked

as one of the survivors.

I'm still figuring out
what that process looks like,

but, guys...

we're not gonna go down
without a fight.

- Wait, aren't you
supposed to be the liaison

to Cloud 9?

I mean, not a great sign
that they didn't clue you in.

- I'm doing great, Dina.

Some people invited me

to a concert in the park
last week.

- That's a free concert, Amy.
That's not an invite.

That's like telling someone
where the bathroom is.

You're really belly-flopping
out there, huh?

- I am not belly-flopping.

[upbeat music]

♪

[overlapping chatter]

- Okay, everybody calm down.

They're gonna keep
some stores open,

and Amy's gonna do
everything she can

to make sure we're one of them,

so there's no need
to freak out about this.

- That's easy for you to say.
You make manager money.

The rest of us,
we need this job.

- Mm-hmm. Well, except Carol.

- Oh, 'cause of my settlement?

Hey, I still need this job
to keep me grounded.

[people groaning]

- Seems to be working so far.

- Hey, okay, guys, come on.

Obviously, Jonah's
got some ideas.

We haven't even let him talk.

Jonah?

- I mean, I'm not sure

that there's anything
that we can do.

[people groaning]

I'm just trying
to be realistic.

I mean, we've been
flattened by these guys

over and over.

I just...

Yeah, I don't know what to say

- Uh, hey, I'm not sure
that's an idea

so much as a downer,
so maybe next time

just don't stop the meeting
if you don't have anything.

- Yeah...

my bad.

- ♪ A fake Jamaican

♪ Took every last dime
with a scam ♪

♪

♪ It was worth it

♪ Just to learn
some sleight of hand ♪

- Must be nice.

Thinking about buying
the fancy vacuum cleaner

with the ball thingy

like it's just a regular
vacuum cleaner

with no ball thingy.

- Yeah, and she bought
a Dustbuster yesterday.

She's just rubbing it
in our faces.

- You guys are missing
the headline here.

The store closing
could ruin my life.

- It's not really a Powerball
jackpot for any of us.

- Yeah, but you guys
are citizens.

You can get any job you want.

I need to start thinking
of a backup plan.

- Tony's looking for someone
to feed his sharks.

The trick is you have to wiggle
the food in the water

to make it look alive.

- Okay, so "food wiggler"
is the job to beat.

- Maybe we should just all
ask Carol for money.

[easy listening music playing]

- I mean, I guess it's possible

she might need
a personal assistant.

- Maybe.
You think she'd be cool

with paying you cash
under the table?

- Of course; that's how

all rich people
pay their immigrants.

I bet Dianne Wiest
hasn't paid a payroll tax

in her entire life.

- And I feel bad because
everybody's looking at me

like, "What can we do?"

- Yeah, that's hard,

'cause in this case,
what can you do?

It's done.
- Yeah.

- [sighs]
- I mean, you know,

it's not done yet, you know.

- Really?

- Well, I mean,
we don't have to jump to done.

5% isn't a good chance,
but it's--it's a chance.

You know, that's what?
The odds are what?

- 5%.
- 5--yes, 5%,

and no, but seriously,
and we've got somebody

from corporate on the inside
who's pushing for us.

- Yeah, and that's
really great,

but I don't know if pushing
matters to a big corporation.

I mean, decisions like this

involve months of planning,
so...

- Yeah, but I--
but, I mean, you know,

nothing's final yet.

- Yeah, I guess.

- I mean,
we have to do something.

We're not just gonna--
we're just gonna give up?

[chuckles]

No, we're not, so...

- [clears throat]

- It's really--it's smelly
out here today, huh?

- That's your subject change?

- Yeah, well, you know,
you use what you have.

- Carol, congrats
on the settlement.

- Oh, thank you,

but it was never
really about the money.

It was about the attention.

- Either way, well-deserved.
[laughs]

Hey, listen,
do you want a latte?

I accidently put vanilla in it,
and then I thought,

"That's how Carol likes it!"

- Wow, I can't believe
you remember that.

- What can I say?
I'm very detail-oriented.

Of course, now you can buy
all the lattes you want.

You'll need 'em.
You'll be busy now.

Social engagements,
travel planning--

I guess that's why
wealthy people

get personal assistants, huh?

- Oh, I don't know
if I need a personal assistant.

I like to be hands-on
with everything in my life...

especially the men.

Am I right?

- [laughs]
You are right...

and I love it.

♪

- Look, Jeff, I'm really sorry
you're in a pickle,

but I just--I can't buy
a Subaru right now.

Uh, the reason I'm calling,
that little flood incident,

how much did you report
to corporate?

And did they ever--

[Cheyenne
speaking indistinctly]

Uh, I'm gonna call you back.

- That'd actually
be pretty sick.

- Mm.
- Yeah, so now

I'm really stoked
to get the vaccine.

- Hi.

- Hi.

It's good to--
- What are you do--I didn't--

- How--sorry.
Sorry, what?

- What are you doing here?

- You didn't know?

Oh. Oh, God.

Cheyenne, I thought you were
gonna tell him I was coming.

- Yeah, I was going to,

but I figured
it would be awkward.

- Oh, well, I'm glad
we avoided that.

♪

.

- I know Amy being back
is a very big deal,

so as her best friend,

I'm just going to put to rest
any possible questions

so we can save time.

Yes, California is warm.

No, Zephra does not have
those egg-shaped nap pods.

Yes, she is roughly the same
weight as when she left,

and, yes, Parker is still frail
and practically translucent.

- No, actually, Parker
is thriving in California.

He loves it. Both kids do.

And so do I...
[laughs]

But I am happy
to see all of you.

- Okay, Amy, you heard me.
There's no time.

- Then why did you bring up
my weight?

- You doing okay, bud?

- Me? Yeah, no.
I'm--yeah, I'm good.

I'm--I'm great.

- Cool.

- So Zephra is sending
an analyst today

to do a walk-through.

I thought I would
get here before her,

help you whip
the store into shape

so that they pick us.

I mean you.
- Question.

What does this mean
for you and Jonah?

- No, this isn't about--
- No, we're not--

that's not what we're here for.

- Yeah, Sandra.
Besides, it doesn't matter.

Jonah's seeing someone.

- Oh, well,
that's great for Jonah.

It's none of my business.
- It's my lawyer,

and she's a redhead,
so safe bet is,

she's, like, the filthiest
freak in the world.

- Jonah, no!

- I'm begging you all,
please stop.

- Also, Amy, you should know,

Kelly came back,
although nothing happened.

- Why should she know that?

- Oh, and he also
asked Nia out,

but she's a lesbian.

- At least,
that's what she told him.

- No, I am a lesbian.

- Doesn't matter.
He's all about Amy now.

- Okay, guys, I get that
this is really interesting,

but come on, we're trying
to save our store here.

So why don't we split
into two meetings?

- Yeah, do you want
to take the store-saving one,

and I'll take
the Jonah-Amy one?

- No.
- See, this is why

we have two managers.

- I call Dina's meeting.

- Okay, how about
zero meetings?

[all booing]

- And dishwasher pods
are two-for-one

while supplies last,
so get 'em while you can.

Meaning they might sell out,

not that the store's--
uh, please hold.

- Don't worry, Jonah and Amy
will figure something out.

They always do.

- Yeah, totally.

Hey, did she say hi to you?

- Yeah, why?

- Oh, no, it's nothing.
It's just that...

I don't think
she said hi to me yet.

- She said hi to everyone
this morning.

- No, she said, "Hi, everyone."

Okay, so I'm just supposed
to share a hello with Elias?

Nah, dude, I'm 40 years old.

- I think she's just
a little preoccupied.

- Yeah, right, of course.

I mean, I'm kidding.
[laughs]

It would be funny if I cared,
though, right?

Right.

- Okay, so they wouldn't
be sending someone

all the way out here
if it was just about sales.

I mean, my guess is they're
looking at soft factors,

like aesthetics
and customer experience.

- Oh, boy, you think
they're gonna be looking

at the Quincy store?

- We're up against
the Quincy Cloud 9,

the jewel of St. Louis?

The whole place
is so clean and beautiful,

and they got the skylight
and the fresh-cut flowers,

and their customers
are so pleasant to look at.

I mean, not one of them makes
you wince when you see them.

How do they do that?

- Yeah, we do seem to have
a high wince factor.

- I mean, I think that,
just for today,

it would be okay to turn away

some of our more colorful
clientele.

- No weirdos, no uggos.
I'm on it.

- Well, wait,
I'm gonna go with you,

'cause weirdos
have feelings too.

- You're right.
I should be more sensitive.

I gotta remember, I've got
a cousin that's a weirdo.

Is it gonna be okay to...

leave you two alone together?

- We'll be fine.
- All good, Dina.

- It just might be awkward,
because--

- Okay, thanks, Dina.

She's still got it.
- Yeah.

[clears throat]

- Look, I'm sorry that I just
sprung myself on you like this.

- Oh.

Yeah, we don't need to--

it was nice
that you came to help,

but let's just do
the store today, okay?

- Yeah, yeah.

Of course. Cool.
- Okay.

So if we're gonna be putting
our best foot forward,

should we just be sending
our worst employees home?

- Well, I'm worried

that if you start pulling
that thread, pretty soon--

- Yeah, no sweater.

- Yeah.

- Sorry, Puppet Mike,
you can't come in today.

- This is discrimination!

- No, no, no, it's just--
it's a no-freaks day.

You understand.
- Tell you what.

Come back tomorrow,

and you'll both get
a cup of coffee on me.

- Go [bleep] yourself!

- Chef Luigi!

- Okay, listen up.

The Zephra analyst
will be here this afternoon.

Our only chance of survival

is if she believes that this
is the best Cloud 9 around.

- We have to be
the perfect store.

- Uh...
[laughs]

Is the analyst Glenn?

'Cause if not,
that's a tough sell.

- Well, we'll do what we can.

We'll make it more homey

with--with nice smells
and--and nice sounds,

and we could throw
some flowers at her.

Don't actually throw them.

Just put them places.

[upbeat music]

- It's just,
how hard is it to say hi?

It's barely even a word.

- Wow. Those smell great.

How much?

- Oh, they're not for sale.

They're not even
shaped into cookies.

It's just a mound.

♪

- How much for the mound?

♪

- That one's yours.
- Oh, wow. Hi.

Who are you?

Our greeters for today.

Dina said everyone at Quincy
was hot,

so this is Dido and Bax.

- Yo.
- Hi.

- Oh, his shirt comes off
if you want.

- Nope.

- Ugh, Carol,
you shouldn't be doing this.

Let me assist you.

- Really?
- Yes.

Happy to be of assistance.

♪

Like an assistant.

♪

- This is nice, huh?

- Yeah.
- I mean, it's, you know...

it's nicer.

- Yeah, we did what we could.

- Yeah.
- You know, so who knows?

Maybe we got a shot.
- [chuckles]

[woman screams]

- Oh, my God, it's--
oh, my God, oh, my God.

- Okay, Justine, calm down.

- No, that's
the right reaction.

There's, like, eight
severed feet in there.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.

- Okay, I gave Justine
a muscle relaxer

and put her in her car.

She keeps mumbling about feet,

but that's not a forever thing,
I don't think.

- This is horrible.

I mean, we've had
severed feet before,

but just a sprinkling,
you know,

once in a while.

- It's okay.
We know the drill.

I'll call Curtis
at the police station.

He's our go-to for any
recovered body parts.

- Now, hang on, hang on.

Before we turn this
into a full-on crime scene,

what if, hypothetically,
we didn't find this bag of feet

until after
the Zephra analyst left?

- Do you mean just, like,
ignore the bag

of gross, dead feet
in the middle of the floor?

- I mean, it would be safer
to move it to the back.

- Safer for who?

The foot slicer you're suddenly
trying to aid and abet?

- Yeah, Dina, you got me.
I'm in on it.

I just happened
to show up in the store

the day a bag of feet
was discovered, and--

okay, that sounds
more plausible than I--

I'm not in on it!
- Look.

We can delay calling them in,
but we are not moving it, okay?

That's called
evidence tampering.

It's a criminal offense.

- Okay, fine.

We won't move it.

- This looks
completely natural.

Just a drink display
in the bedding section.

- Obviously, the bag
of feet stays between us

until we can call it in.

- Yeah, just real quick.

I did mention it to Mateo.

- A bag full of feet?
[all shushing]

- Mateo, I told you
not to tell.

- I only told these two.

Also, I texted Eric,
and he told his work,

but that's it.

- This is so not
a big deal, okay?

I mean, of course, it is
for the victims' families,

or, who knows,
maybe there's no victims.

You know, maybe it's just
a med school prankster.

- Or a grave robber
or morgue bandit.

- Let's just stop guessing
and not tell anybody else.

- Yeah, and don't worry
that God is gonna be mad

or hold us in judgement.

We're doing the right thing,

or at least we will be
in a few hours

when we stop doing this.

- Welcome to Cloud 9.

[easy listening music playing]

♪

[phone chimes]
- [gasps]

- Ooh, Dido just texted.

The analyst is here.

- Okay, it's go time.

Janet's outside on freak watch.

Glenn, you guard the duffel bag
and keep tall people away.

I'm gonna cover Megan,

and Amy's gonna coordinate
from the back.

- Exactly, because Megan and I

have been in work meetings
together,

so she knows what I look like.

- Mm, does she?

Or do you just know
what she looks like?

Doesn't always go both ways.

- She knows who I am, Dina.

- Great. Up top.

♪

Come on.

- Hi. Hey.

Uh, can I help you
with anything, or...

- I think I'm okay.
Thanks, though.

- Cool, no problem. Yeah.

We're all about
customer service here,

so anything you need--

- Yeah, where are your candles?

- They're just, uh,
right over there.

Anyways, you need something,
let me know.

- Can you just show me?
- Sorry, sir,

if you just walk in that
direction, you'll find them.

So--uh, I'm kidding, of course.

I'm gonna take you to them
because that's what I do.

Right this way. Thanks.

- So what are they like?

- Candles?

♪

- Elias, stop staring at her.

- Oh, can somebody get a U-boat
over to aisle four

so she doesn't trip
over that wonky floor tile?

- Hey.

I thought you might
want a snack

since you're stuck back here.

- So you thought I was gonna
eat five bags of Doritos?

- No, I just wanted
to give you flavor options.

I'll put the rest of them back.

- No, I don't want to make
more work for you.

- Thank you. Very thoughtful.

Hey, it really means a lot
that you came back here

even knowing you'd have to deal
with the Jonah of it all.

- Yeah, well, I mean,

it's less weird
than I thought it would be.

It's actually kinda nice.

I mean, it's nice
to see everybody.

Anyway, so you're really
not with Garrett?

- Oh, he wishes.

Yeah, he's obsessed with me.

I'll take pity on him.
We go to the odd dinner.

I spend, like, three nights
a week at his house.

We take weekend trips.
[laughs]

He loves it.
It's pathetic.

♪

- What is she doing?

She's calling someone.

[cell phone ringing]

She's calling me.

Why is she calling me?

Okay, I'm gonna call her back
from the office.

- Hey, do you want...

Yeah. That's what I thought.

- ♪ This fire
down in my soul ♪

♪ Now can't you see
it's burning out of control ♪

- Hey, sorry to make you
hop on a call.

- Oh, please. Come on.

We are in a pandemic, girl.

I'm either talking to you
or my houseplants.

[chuckles]

- Don't you have two children?

- I do. Yeah, I do.

Uh, so what's up?

- Well, I was looking
at the store schematics,

and the café and pharmacy
are complete flipped.

Just wanna make sure
you sent the right ones.

- Oh, yeah, actually,
when the tornado happened--

- Hey, you know,
I think it's really messed up

that you came
all the way back here

and you haven't even
said hi to me.

- I'm so sorry, Megan,

my neighbor just barged in.

That work-from-home life,
am I right?

- Also, you left your
trash cans in my driveway.

- Whoa, was that
just an earthquake?

Nope. False alarm.

You never do know
out here in California.

- Sorry, sir,
I'm gonna have to ask you

to step back a few feet.

I mean yards.
Yards, you know.

Forget what I said about feet.

Just forget it.

- You good, Glenn?

- No, I'm not good.

Tell me, how do you think
he removed them?

Do you think maybe they just
fell off like acorns?

- You know what, buddy? Maybe.

- Feet!

- No, no, Marcus!
- Shh!

- No, you don't understand,

there's a bunch
of [bleep] feet here.

I just came to move these
out of bedding,

'cause, like, why are there
drinks here?

And then boom!
Six [bleep] severed feet!

- Well, it's eight,
but it's fine.

Just calm down,
and we'll explain everything.

- I'm sorry, did you just say
"severed feet"?

- Yeah, but we're pretty sure
they just fell off like acorns.

- Why are you guys acting
like this is normal?

It's [bleep] sick!

There's eight feet
in a duffel bag!

- Wow, that's crazy.

Yeah, I don't remember that,

but "Lost" did get pretty weird
at the end.

- Ah, this is so disgusting
and scary.

This is what I'll think about

every time I come
into the store.

- Marcus! Stop.

[siren chirping]

[mellow music]

- We can't let a bag of feet

be her last impression
of the store.

- [sighs]
I know.

I'd go talk to her,
but I only know who she is

because of you.

She'd know
that you were helping us.

- Oh, I could slash her tires

to keep her here longer.

Huh, I don't know
what car is hers,

so I guess I could
just do them all.

- Um, thanks, Chey,
but maybe not yet.

- Okay.
- Hey, guys, we'd love

to get an employee's thoughts
on all of this.

Would any of you be willing
to do an interview?

- No, we're not gonna do that.
- Uh...

- It'll just take a minute.

- Actually, yeah, I--I will.

- So I cleaned out all the old
Filet-O-Fish boxes

from your trunk, except
for the one labeled "private,"

which I will neither judge
nor ask questions about.

- Mateo, thank you.

You know what?
You've convinced me.

You're hired.
- Oh, thank God.

I mean, I really hope
we save this place,

but it's starting to give off
a real "portal to hell" vibe.

- Mm.
- How about 25 an hour?

- Sure.

So that means I can hire you

for about eight hours total.

Does next Tuesday work for you?

- Just one day?
[chuckles]

I was thinking it would be more
of a full-time thing,

you know,
just so I could eat and stuff.

- I don't have
that kind of money.

- What?
You just got a huge settlement.

- Yeah, I thought so, too,

but when you add up lawyer fees
and taxes

and all my texts
they discovered

about wanting
to get injured here,

it ended up only being
about 20 thou.

Anyway, I'm gonna try

to get Cheyenne's friend
to take his shirt off.

- You do that.

- Today, a new chapter

in one of St. Louis's
darkest stories.

A duffel bag filled
with eight severed human feet

has turned up inside

the Ozark Highlands
Cloud 9 store.

One employee has agreed
to tell us what he knows.

Jonah, this is not
the first time

feet have been found here.

In fact, the internet
has already dubbed this store

Toe-zark Highlands.

- Is that--is that so?

That's the first
I'm hearing of it.

- Why do you think he or she--

but let's be honest, he--
sees your store

as an ideal dumping ground?

- Uh, well, Natalie,
he probably likes it

for the same reason
everybody else does, you know.

Our fast and friendly service,
our convenient parking,

and our strong sense
of community.

- I see.

- I don't think
he answered her question.

- Yeah, it's a tough pivot.

- This is the first time

multiple feet
have been delivered at once.

Do you believe
this is some sort

of gruesome final event?

- I don't know why you think

I would have anything useful
to say on that front,

um, but you know
what's never final?

Any purchase
that you make here.

Let me--let me tell you
about our return policy.

- So you're not concerned
this is hurting business?

I might think twice
about shopping at this store.

- Okay, yeah,
a lot of feet turn up here.

I'm sorry we're not
literally perfect, Natalie.

- Yikes.

- We just--we--we keep trying
to show everybody

that we're the perfect store,
and the truth is we're not.

Okay? We're--we're just us,

but we're here
every single day.

When it rains, when it snows,
when it--when it tornadoes,

when there's a plague
and you're all safe at home,

except for when you come here
to cough,

we're here just--just trying
to get you what you need,

and--and all we want
is to keep doing that.

[soft music]

- Emotions running high here,

preventing people
from staying on topic.

Back to you, Skip.

- [sighs]

- That was great.

- Really?

- Yeah.
- You guys,

she's heading out.

- Okay.

- Wait, Amy, no, what are you--
she can't know that you're--

- [panting]
Megan.

Yep, that's right.

I've been here the whole time.

Amy Sosa.

- Oh, right.

I'm sorry, I didn't know
what you looked like.

- Don't tell Dina.
- Never.

- Wait, why are you here?

- Look, um...

I know that
the foot thing is bad.

I'm not trying
to say that it's not,

but you can't close this store.

You just--you can't.

I--I don't have
a good reason why,

but these people are my family.

I--I--I grew up here.

I spent half of my life--

- Amy, we're not closing
this one.

- What?

Really?

- It has great square footage,
nice and central.

It'll make a perfect
fulfillment center.

- A fulfillment center?
- Mm-hmm.

So it's not gonna
be a store anymore?

Well, what about
everybody's jobs?

- Well, I'm sure they'll keep
a handful of people, but...

- No.

You can't just do this to us.

- Well, Amy,
you'll keep your job.

[soft music]

♪

- No, I won't,

'cause I quit.

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