Original subtitles

♪ I'm going to Kansas City ♪

♪ Kansas City, here I come ♪

♪ They got some pretty Little women... ♪

♪ And I'm going to get me one ♪

Wow!

♪ Kansas City come tomorrow ♪

♪ Twelfth Street and Vine ♪♪

Hey, Pop. What's that I smell?

Oh, it's a whole weekend of good eating here.

It's a French dish that I learned to cook

from the Galloping Gourmet.

You wanna know what it's called?

No.

Uh, Beef Borjaninanini.

Look here, smell it.

Oooh! That is strong.

Oh, that's the onion you smell.

See, it's got 18 onions in it.

Well, how come it's got so many onions in it?

Well, see, that's the way the French like to cook.

You know the funny way they talk through their nose?

Oui, monsieur. Bonjour, monsieur.

Well, see, them onions in there

help open up their sinuses.

Yeah, well, just keep the lid on it, man,

because you're smelling up the whole house.

It's not my cooking that's smelling up the house.

That's you smelling up the house.

What's that you got on? That foo-foo juice?

It's a new men's cologne.

Still smell like foo-foo juice.

Hey, man, it's the latest thing out

and it's called Slinky,

because it slinks across the room

and sneaks up on the womens, ah.

Yeah, it might slink, but it still stinks.

They should have called it Stinky Slinky.

Say, why you wearing that, anyway?

Hey, man, all the uptown dudes are wearing it.

Rollo gave it to me. He ought to know.

Oh, what you talking about,

Rollo gave it to you?

Rollo ain't no uptown dude. He's a downtown dud.

Anyway, why you always hang out with him?

You just trying to start an argument, Pop,

because you don't dig Rollo.

Well, Rollo is my partner and he knows where it's at.

Well, I don't care if he knows where it's at,

long as he's where it's at... ain't here.

You don't have to worry about that.

I'll get it.

Yeah, slink on out there, stinky, and get the door.

Hey, Rollo!

I see you got yourself a few new threads.

No, baby, this is the whole spool.

Hey, man, what's the occasion?

Hey, well, I won so much

playing poker the other night

that it burned holes

in the pockets of my old ones

so I had to buy some new ones.

I bet it cost a lot of bread.

Yeah, I was handing it out by the loaf.

Hey, but lookee here:

The celebration has just begun.

What are you doing tonight?

Nothing. Wrong.

You talked me into it.

Hey, we're gonna have a ball.

I got it all laid out.

Hey, baby, I'm all ears.

You better be,

because I got two wild ones in, just from Detroit.

Ooh, Sin City!

Yes, indeed. These two gave it that reputation.

Definitely did.

They are two sisters who are thirsty, sexy,

and ready to enjoy.

You... You better get on outta here.

Just tell me the where and the when.

I already know how.

Hey! The ball is on! I'm with you, brother!

Then "when" is tonight! I'm still with you!

The "where" is here! You just lost me.

I knew it was too good to be true.

What's wrong?

How come we can't have it at your place?

Aw, man, we can't have nothing like that at...

You know, at my place.

It's too small.

Yeah, but it's not gonna work having it here, Rollo.

Hey, man, sure it will.

You got the kitchen for the booze and the snacks,

you got the big living room for the party,

and you got all other kind of room for privacy.

Privacy?!

You can't have no privacy with my old man around.

If you locked yourself in the closet and turned out the light,

you couldn't have no privacy.

He'd be spying on you through the keyhole.

I got it all planned out.

What is this?

This is for a cruise, you understand?

Up and down the coast.

A cruise? Yeah.

It takes all night and ends up in Catalina

for some early Sunday morning fishing.

We can put your old man on the boat

and forget about him until tomorrow.

Hey, Rollo, that just might work, man,

because he digs going fishing.

Hey, man, I know it'll work.

Well, go ahead, then.

Damn shoot, man. It's gonna work.

Hey, look here. What's going on in here?

Uh, it's Rollo, Pop.

Yeah, no kidding?

I thought it was a bedspread.

Oh, man... Hey, man, you better be nice.

Rollo's got some good news for you.

You moving to Australia?

No, man. No.

Oh, that's the only good news Rollo could have for me.

Well, go ahead, Rollo, tell him. Hey, look here.

Pop, Rollo has got some tickets for you

for a midnight cruise up the coast to Catalina.

I got two, in case you want to take a friend.

What's all this talk about a cruise up to Catalina?

Well, it's all right here in the brochure.

Just listen to this. Yeah, listen to this.

"Cruise the colorful coast

and fill your night with hours of concentrated fun."

You hear that, Pop? Hours of concentrated fun!

Yeah! "Play shuffleboard under the stars."

Hey! Shuffleboard under the stars!

Right on. Yeah. "See the flying fish!"

See the flying fish! Uh-huh.

"Watch the Big Dipper." Watch the Big Dipper!

Yeah! Yeah!

Hey, that brochure must have came with an echo.

Hey, Pop, look here, man. You gonna love this!

Yeah, Pop, you end up at Catalina

for some early Sunday morning fishing for yellowtail.

Let me ask you a question.

While I'm out on there on the boat chasing yellowtail,

what you all gonna be chasing?

Well, see, Pop. Rollo and I are gonna level with you, now.

We are celebrating a little good fortune

that he just recently came into,

and see, we got these two chicks lined up,

and we wanted to use the house here

for a party tonight, you know?

That's all it is?

Hey, that's all.

Well, listen, why didn't you say so?

You mean you don't mind?

No, I don't mind.

You hear that, Rollo? Pop don't mind.

Hey, this calls for a toast.

Hey, right on, Pops, because you are the tops.

Yeah, I'll drink to that.

I'd drink to anything.

Hey! All systems are go.

You know, I like a party so much,

here, take these tickets.

I'm gonna stay home and help out.

All systems just stopped.

No, man, that ain't what we had in mind, Pop.

We only got two chicks lined up.

Yeah, and we really didn't plan on you being at the party.

Well, it's my house. I should be at the party.

And I got a pot of stew and some Ripple.

Ripple? Uh-huh.

Are you kidding?

I got a fancy wine... called Boo-jolais.

All right, then. Boojo-who?

Boo-jolais.

Well, we'll just pour it in the Ripple

and call it Boo-jolipple.

And we don't want no onion stew.

No.

We got to eat something.

Come on in the kitchen and smell it.

Hey, man, we don't wanna smell no stew.

Hey, Pop, look here. We got something to eat.

We got snacks, we got potato chips and peanuts

and clam dip and all that kind of good stuff.

Well, it might give you an appetite

for some of this stew.

Uh, smell it.

What is that, man?

Hey, Pop, what Rollo is trying to say

is that the food is not that important.

It's not?

No, you see, this is the 20th century, man.

Food is out and love is in.

Well, I thought you needed the food part

to have strength to take care of the love part.

All right, let me put it another way.

You see, Pop, what you like and what we like

is two different things.

You wouldn't fit in at this party

because you don't have nothing in common

with the chicks that we got lined up.

Well, I eat and drink and I dance.

What do these chicks do?

If... Well, they do stuff like that too.

It's just that you from another generation, man,

and the food that you eat and the drinks that you drink

and the dances you dance

are different from what they do.

I mean, uh, you'd be out of place at this party.

No, I wouldn't.

Yeah, these two are live wire with no insulation.

They are red hot and ready, you know what I mean?

Yeah, you just wouldn't fit in.

Why don't you just take these two tickets

and go on that boat ride like a nice old man

and watch the Big Dipper.

Man, I ain't going nowhere. I'm staying right here.

Damn a dipper.

I should have known you was gonna mess up.

Come on, Rollo. Hey, Rollo.

I should have known. Party pooper.

Come on, man. Look here.

Look, baby brother. Let's just go ahead

and have the party at your crib.

No, man, I told you it's too small.

Rollo, it's either your place

or a park bench.

Now, at least we won't have Pop to worry about.

Yeah, okay, okay.

Go ahead with the plans.

I'll see you on at the pad, you hear?

Right on.

I ain't going on no boat ride.

Boat ride where somebody probably fall off the boat,

some shark's eating me up.

Can't nobody find me, but Jack Goos... Jack Gusto.

You had to do it, didn't you?

You never want to cooperate.

Well, this is my home. I can stay if I want to.

Yeah, Pop, but all we wanted to do was have a party, man,

and you messed it up.

So you gonna call it off, huh?

Oh, no. We're not calling it off.

We're gonna have it at Rollo's pad.

It's a little small and inconvenient,

but at least we'll have some privacy.

Oh, you're just having it there so you can get away from me?

If you want to put it that way.

Well, what else, that way, what are...?

Is that what you doing? I don't care.

You don't make me angry. Listen.

You go ahead to Rollo's. Stay all night if you want to.

You can stay there forever if you want to. I don't care.

You don't think I could?

I don't care.

Rollo's asked me plenty of times to come and live with him.

I think it would work out

because we friends and we got a lot in common.

I know one thing you all got in common.

Both of you all are big dummies.

Go ahead. Who needs you?

I'm going! I'm gonna pack my things,

and we gonna have the party there

and after that I'm gonna stay there.

I don't need you. Good, good.

Congratulations. Get to moving. I don't need you.

I mean, who needs an ungrateful son around them?

After all, I built this empire here for you...

and look what happened.

Look what happened.

First time you run into a guy with two chicks,

and a bottle of that Booja... Boja...

Oh, get the hell outta here!

I'm going now, Pop.

Did you hear what I said?

I said, I'm going now.

Is there anything you want me to do before I split?

Yeah. Here, take this with you.

What is it?

It's something that you can remember me by,

because you might forget what I look like.

Hey, come on, Pop.

See, here, this is a picture of you when you were 5.

That's me standing next to you with my head cut off.

What do I need a picture like that for?

Because you might forget what I look like.

Me, the man that's been a father to you,

and a mother, and an uncle, and an auntie,

and a cousin, and a nephew.

I been a whole damn family to you.

Here. Take it.

Okay, I'll take it.

Yeah, take it.

Maybe you could pin it up on the wall,

and when somebody ask you, "Who is that?",

you can tell them,

"That's my father, and mother,

"brother, uncle, aunt, and cousin, and chauffer

All right! And cook and landlord."

All right. Now, look.

I'll just be living with Rollo.

Now, I'll be coming here every day,

just like a regular job.

It won't be the same,

because you'll be looking at me like I'm the boss.

It won't be like we're partners no more.

And next thing you know, you'll join some union.

What union?

I don't know. Son of a Junk Dealer's Union.

Then you'll go on strike,

you'll be outside there with a sign saying:

"Sanford and Son Unfair."

No, it will just be, "Sanford is Unfair,"

because "And Son" will be carrying the picket sign.

Hey, man, I don't want to hear no more of this.

Well, listen, you don't have to go

just because I said you couldn't have the party.

What if I said you could have the party,

and I didn't mess in it?

Hey, what you say and what you do

are always two different things.

No, really. I won't interfere.

You go ahead and have the party with the pretty girls,

and I'll go upstairs, and I won't even peep.

And if I do peep, I won't laugh.

Pop, I'm not just leaving because of the party, man.

I think I'd be better off

if I was living with somebody closer to my own age.

Well, I'd like to be closer to your age if I could,

but I can't.

See, in order for me to be closer to your age,

I'd have had to marry your mother when I was 7.

And I couldn't do that,

because she wasn't born yet.

Well, so long, Pop. I'll see you later.

Well, listen, son.

Wait a minute. What if I have a heart attack?

It's gonna be...

It's gonna be difficult to try to dial you

with this arthritis.

You're not gonna have a heart attack.

But what if I do have one, and I can't reach you in time.

We might as well say goodbye now.

Hey, Pop, you gonna be fine, man.

I told you a long time ago, "Let's get a dog."

If we had a dog, I wouldn't be alone.

Hey, man, I'm leaving, Pop, and that's all there is to it.

Now, if you need me for anything, I'll be at Rollo's.

Bye, Pop.

Yeah, go ahead, then. Bye.

Go ahead to Rollo's and have your little old party!

I don't need you. I have plenty of friends.

I got friends I've had all my life.

I'll call Grady. Grady never let me down.

Your own family lets you down, even a stranger make a friend.

Shucks! I know I got a friend.

A great, wonderful friend.

I know that. I'm gonna need another now.

Shucks.

Hello? Hello, Grady?

Yeah, hey, listen, Grady. I'm having a party over here,

and I got a big pot of onion stew and some Ripple.

Why don't you come on over?

Would you like to come on over?

You can't?

You're what?

Has she got a girlfriend?

Well, listen, Grady.

Why don't the two of you all come over here,

and we can celebrate over here?

Oh, no?

Well, listen, suppose I come over your place?

See, I can get over your place in about... Hello?

Hello?

Got me a pot of stew and a bottle of Ripple.

I'm having me a party.

And I know where I'm gonna have it at.

Hey, hey, this is gonna be great, huh?

Hm? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I guess so.

What do you mean you guess so? What's wrong with you?

Well, I keep thinking

about how my old man looked when I split, you know.

Aw, man. Quit thinking about that.

Most cats cut out when they 16.

You got to cut out sometime. How old are you?

31.

What you waiting on, Medicare?

Come on, man, get your mind off your old man,

and come over here and put it where it belongs, on the chicks.

Right, on the chicks.

Hey, now that we're roomies,

we can do this stuff all the time, huh?

Hey, yeah. This calls for a toast.

Right.

Here's to us and the girls, Angel and Della.

And here's to me, a mellow fella.

Mm-mm.

The wild ones have arrived.

Oh, yes.

How am I looking?

Oooh! Mm.

Right on.

Come on in here.

Yeah!

Hey, hey! Come on in.

Most beautiful ladies, meet Lamont, my friend.

This is Angel. This is Della.

Pleasure is all mine, ladies.

Nice to know you.

Would you ladies like to step this way?

And we can sit down and get cozy?

All right. Ah!

Here you go, ladies.

What's that?

Uh, peanuts, potato chips and clam dip. Dig in.

Peanuts, potato chips and clam dip?

You're kidding.

Hey, that's stuff you take to the zoo to feed the animals.

Hey, babe, that's all we got.

You gots to be jiving.

Hey, you told us we were gonna do some eating,

drinking and dancing tonight.

I did, mama, but I didn't mean

we was going out, you know, or nothing like that.

I just thought we'd have, you know,

a few drinks and a few snacks here and stuff.

Honey, if this is California living,

I can't wait to get back to Detroit.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

I got an idea. Uh... Uh...

Do... Do you like to dance?

I love to dance. Why?

Well, see, we could dance now

and worry about eating later.

Where we gonna dance?

Right here.

You must be kidding.

This place is too small to dance in.

Well, we could do the slower dances.

The old belly-rubbing kind?

Uh-uh!

Let's go!

I got an idea.

Why don't we have a few drinks.

Yeah.

And then we can make plans as we go, huh?

Well, I could use a drink.

Oh, me, too. I could use a bunch of them.

Yeah.

What is this?

Boojolais.

Oh, God!

This stuff could gag a maggot!

What is this rotten...?

What is it, furniture polish?

Uh, no, it's French wine.

I'd rather have Ripple.

Yeah, bring on the Ripple.

Ripple?

Hey, we ain't got no Ripple.

He ain't got no Ripple.

Ain't that nothing?

Ain't no party with no Ripple.

Dig it!

Hey, this is insane.

We should have gone to the...

Wait a minute. Wait... Wait a minute!

Now why don't you just have a sit down, you know,

and just relax for a minute.

And Lamont, you know, keep them happy, man.

Oh, no.

Hey, Lamont, man... What is it?

Hey, man, what are you doing here?

I brought your dinner.

You know how I hate to waste stuff

that I cooked special for you.

Yeah, well, why don't you take it home

and put it in the freezer.

No, this is stew. This ain't ice cream.

You eat it when it's hot, not when it's cold.

There's enough here for everybody.

Uh, hello, Rollo.

How is my good friend, Rollo?

And hello, ladies.

Uh, who's this?

This is Fred Sanford, Lamont's father,

of Sanford and Son.

What you got in the pot, pops?

Oh, it's just some stew that I fixed,

and I was sitting home alone

and I thought I'd bring it over.

You all didn't eat yet, did you?

No, uh, all we had was peanuts and potato chips.

Oh, that ain't no good food.

That's the kind of stuff

you take to the zoo to feed animals.

Look here. Smell this.

Ooh, is that onion stew?

Yeah.

Ooh, I just love onion stew.

Ooh, and I'm hungry enough to eat that whole pot.

That's good.

It's a good feeling to know somebody's enjoying your cooking

while you're at home, all alone, lonesome and by yourself.

Wait, now, you can't just leave all this here

and go home alone and sit.

Yes he can, girls.

You love doing that, don't you, Pop?

Well, good night, Pop.

No, wait a minute.

Let me serve it and then I'll leave in a little bit.

I'll just serve it to you.

You all got anything to drink?

No, all we had was some French furniture polish.

Baroo-jolais or something.

Hey, look here. Reach inside my coat here.

Reach right in there.

How's that? Ripple!

This is what we was asking for!

Yeah, good old Ripple!

Thanks, Pop!

Well, I'll just leave this here,

and you young folks enjoy yourself.

Yeah, you do that. Well, good night, Pop.

Yeah, good night, Pops, and thanks for the food.

Uh, can't you just stay a bit?

What would I do here with you young people?

Well, we was just about to dance.

Couldn't you stay and have a little dance?

You young girls wouldn't be interested

in my style of dancing.

Old stuff like, uh,

the Boogie Woogie and the Applejack...

and Trucking.

Uh-huh! Come on, show us.

Yeah, give us a demonstration.

No, you don't want to do that. Good night, Pop.

Wait a minute! Let me go!

If these girls want me to show them, I got to show them.

That's right.

First I'll show you the Boogie Woogie.

See... Ooh, my God! Get down!

Go! Do it! Do it!

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Is this how it goes? Yeah, that's it.

Yeah! Hey! Hey, let me try that.

Oom! Aah! Ow! Yeah, do the Boogie.

Trucking.

Say, man, he's doing it to us again, ain't he?

Sure is.

So, what we gonna do now?

You still got them tickets for that cruise?

Hey, Lamont, what are you doing home?

What do you mean, what am I doing home?

I thought you was staying at Rollo's.

Yeah, I was. But I decided to come home.

I thought you'd be glad to see me.

You are glad to see me, aren't you?

Well, yes and no.

What does that mean?

Yes, I'm glad to see you,

but no, I'm not too happy about seeing you right now.

Why, you and Rollo gots nowhere you can go?

Why? What's going on here? What's all this?

Well, see, Grady and I, we gonna have a little party here.

We expecting company, and we wanted a little privacy.

Hey, you don't have to worry about me.

I'll just go on upstairs and stay.

No, no, no.

This is my company now. I'll sit right here.

No, no, you can leave as they're coming in.

That'd be a better way. Uh, come right in, ladies.

Make yourselves comfortable. Hey, darling.

Uh, ladies, I'd like you to meet my son Lamont.

He was just leaving. Hi, ladies.

Well, can't I just stay for a little while? And watch?

Uh, just go ahead, son. Everything's lovely.

I'll see you later on.

These girls don't drink your kind of drink,

dance your kind of dance or eat your kind of cooking.

Bye.

I know, but see, I...

Don't matter nothing. Goodbye.

Well, now, ladies, we got a great dinner.

But before we start anything, let's work up a little appetite.

Would you like to dance? Boogie Woogie, stuff like that?

Come on, darling.

♪ Hey, now ♪

♪ Yeah, Boogie Woogie ♪♪

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape

before a live studio audience.