Original subtitles

Previously on "New Amsterdam"...

Have you met the group?

That's Willow.

- And Millie.

Don't be scared. We don't bite.

You're calling yourself this

and you're gonna keep suffering until you stop.

If I can stop.

It's been a family tradition since before I was born.

Sunday means church, family,

and a meal with two meats!

I can't help it; it's so good

and I can't live without it, like I can't live without you.

Aww.

How's Luna?

Frolicking in suburban splendor

with Georgia's parents.

I miss her. It's just not safe enough

to bring her home.

Nothing's safe anymore, though, is it?

Every tile in her house needed re-grouting.

Every pipe needed to be winterized,

and that was between the grocery store runs

and delivering chicken dinners to the usher board.

I knew your mama would have you rippin' and runnin'.

You know she's still mad we moved to San Francisco.

I mean, every time I tried to talk to her about it,

she just snuck off to bed.

But just getting to see her and my sisters for two weeks

made it all worthwhile.

Well, when you get off that plane,

you'll putting those eyes on me.

Well, hopefully more than eyes.

What did you have in mind?

Oh, surprise. That's her.

Hang on.

Oh.

Three goodbyes at the door wasn't enough?

Mama?

Whoa--whoa, Mama, hang on.

I can't-- I can't understand you.

Mama.

No, no, no. Do not move. I'm coming.

Hey, we need to turn around.

Am I supposed to feel like I'm being choked?

I want this off now.

You need to stay immobilized.

I told you not to call an ambulance.

Mama.

You know how expensive those things are?

It's fine. I'll handle it.

Oh, sure, Mr. Moneybags,

while you're dragging me all through COVID-land here.

If I could've given you a CT scan at home, I would've.

I don't need a scan.

- You don't need a scan?

I found you laid out on the ground,

bleeding from your head, okay?

We're gonna run every test we can

to make sure you don't have trauma.

Do I sound like I have trauma?

Floyd! I just heard.

How you feeling, Ms. Reynolds?

- Lousy. You?

It's crazy; I was on my way to the airport--

I got you. We're gonna run some tests.

I'm gonna run point on this. I got you.

Don't worry about it.

- Max, you don't have to do--

No, no, no. You were here for Vijay.

Now we're here for you.

Oh! Max!

I hear Floyd's mother's in the ED.

Oh, yeah, she took a fall, but we're getting some tests.

I think she's gonna be okay.

Speaking of falling...

Oh, Luna!

Yeah, she'll be walking in no time.

I'd say she's walking now.

- No, no.

That--that's a stumble.

Well, it's less than a saunter.

I'll give you that.

- Yeah.

But it couldn't be because there's no way

that my baby girl would take her first steps without me.

All video evidence to the contrary.

When you bringing her home?

Not till it's safe.

If Luna doesn't need to be here, she shouldn't be.

And her grandparents are great.

They're crazy careful, they got a big yard--

They take lots of videos.

- They do.

Of Luna not walking.

- She's not.

Max?

- Yeah?

Hey, hi. Can I talk to you for a sec?

Yeah, perfect timing.

What does this look like to you?

Um...oh, my gosh! Luna! She's walking!

No. No. Wrong answer.

Oh. Sorry, yeah.

Hard to tell what's happening on that tiny little screen.

It is!

Which is actually what I wanted to talk to you about.

I was just trying to get some screen time in

with Ella and Vijay, who I think is recuperating well,

but I wouldn't know, because the hospital's system sucks.

Yeah, agreed.

- It glitches all the time.

It does.

- Yeah.

And the telemedicine thing is getting brutal.

I mean, like, I need to be with my patients in person.

I need to see them.

- It's not safe, Iggy.

Unless we're talking life or death,

the longer people stay away from the hospital, the better.

They'll wear masks.

How are you gonna read facial cues?

All right. So we'll sit outside.

Not until they're vaccinated like us.

Iggy, it's too soon. I'm sorry.

Can someone help?

I'll take her, but you just can't--

It's okay, it's okay. I got it.

It's her wrist.

- Can you move it?

Ah, it hurts so bad.

Okay, we're gonna do a COVID test

and Casey's gonna get your patient history

and we're gonna order a scan--

I'm thinking Colles' fracture of the distal radius.

And you are?

Her DriveTime driver.

I think I can take it from here, but thank you.

Five stars.

38-year-old woman. Stage-II esophageal cancer.

Millie?

Oh, I'm so sorry, Dr. Sharpe.

Large-volume hematemesis.

Now tachy, but otherwise hemodynamically stable.

Can we get her in the back?

- Yeah.

We've been worried about you. My office reached out.

I know. I know.

You've missed a number of treatments.

We were doing the whole stay-at-home order thing

and I was feeling so much better.

I thought it was crazy to take the risk.

I mean, after three years of fighting cancer,

to die of some stupid virus?

We'll need to do some new tests.

I'm gonna be all right, aren't I?

June, remember our agreement?

You know, I love a carousel as much as the next guy--

probably even more, truth be told--

but let's try to keep the focus on you.

Thank you.

How's your day?

You do any journaling this week?

Okay, June, I--

I get that this is not ideal, the video thing.

But I would love it if both of us could give it our best shot.

What do you think?

So tell me about your journaling.

What do you got?

I guess it was...

No. Oh, no. Ah!

June, hang--hang on one second.

What is--hold on.

Can you hear me?

June, can you hear me?

Oh, my God.

This sucks.

Welcome to my world.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How often do you get to see anybody

that's not trapped inside of this little box?

Folks not included, obviously.

Never. Like, never.

And most of your friends,

they're all congregating outside again?

They all are,

while I'm just the immunocompromised freak

still stuck at home.

Whoa, whoa. You are not a freak.

You have an illness that you are managing.

You know, maybe we can talk to your parents

and see if we can set up some safe visitations or...

I don't know, something.

Good luck.

They won't even let me out on our stoop.

Right.

When COVID hit and everybody was, like,

stuck in their house, hating it,

that must've been really weird for you

because suddenly,

everybody kinda knew what it was like to be you.

I mean...

I guess I felt normal for a couple months.

I could hang out with my friends online

without missing out on anything,

but now, everything's back to normal...

for them.

June?

Will you show me your hands?

You have to show them to me, June.

Now, please.

Max.

- Hey.

Still waiting on those labs. How's she doing?

Well, she's more concerned

about getting COVID than the fall.

She should be.

I'm sure that'll make her feel better.

I don't suppose there's a safer place for her?

How do you feel about New Zealand?

See, now I don't even want to be here.

Yeah, maybe you shouldn't be. You want to wait outside?

I'll give you an update.

Think I'm just gonna do the 6-feet thing.

Max.

- Dora!

The conquering traitor returns.

It was a promotion.

- Yeah.

I still can't believe those evil pencil pushers

lured you away with a fancy title and more money.

Shocking, I know.

And yet, here you are finding your way back to me.

Which wasn't hard, since there's hardly anyone here.

Yeah, which most would call "good news."

Speaking of which, can I show you

this adorable video of my daughter not walking?

No, and it's not good news

if you're trying to dig yourself out

of a massive financial hole left by this pandemic.

The public is wary of coming back here, Max,

and without the money from elective surgeries,

you can't pay for the emergent ones.

So we need a powerful and effective PSA

to save this place.

A what now?

HCC's funding a campaign to encourage patients

to return to New Amsterdam.

But I don't want patients returning to New Amsterdam--

not if they don't have to,

not until there's enough vaccine for everyone.

We can't wait for that. We need revenue now.

So you need to step in front of a camera, smile,

and tell the good people of New York

to get their butts back here.

Or you'll go down in history as the medical director

who closed America's first public hospital.

Can I be straight with you?

Here at New Amsterdam,

we all honestly feel that,

despite our great challenge...

Max?

Sorry, I'm not a writer or anything;

it just feels like calling our recent experience

a "challenge" feels a little like calling

the Holocaust a "bummer," you know what I mean?

Like, maybe this whole thing is just a little beyond words.

Oh, no. We have the words.

Your job is to say them.

Oh, okay. Great.

And action.

Can I be straight with you?

I don't know, can I? I mean, am I allowed to be?

Because if I was honestly being straight with you,

then I would probably tell you never--

Max!

- This--okay, just do it again.

Okay.

Of course, no one likes coming to the hospital--

although that's not even true.

I mean, what about having a baby?

That's a great moment! That's exciting.

Right?

Can I be straight with you?

Sorry, sorry. My brain just kind of...

We should probably cut.

Can I--is that okay if I say that?

Can I be straight with you? Uh, sorry.

That was--I don't know why I did the point thing.

Can I--no, cut. Let's cut that.

Sorry, cut.

Sorry for shouting. That was bad.

I got it this time. Nope, I lied. What's the line?

What's the next one? Uh, "like a"...?

As an administration, we've implemented

dozens of new safety measures.

So, as a patient, nothing should deter you

from walking through those doors.

Except, I don't know, death, maybe?

Which, of course, no safety measure can completely rule out

and is a pretty strong deterrent,

wouldn't you say, Brad?

Can I be straight with you?

Here at New Amsterdam, we honestly feel...

I can...

I can honestly tell you...

What's wrong now, Max?

It's just that when people are genuinely being honest

with you, they don't keep telling you how honest they are

and they don't say things like, "Can I be straight with you,"

which implies that they haven't been straight

with anything else, which, to tell you the truth, Dora,

kinda makes me sound like a liar.

How could you be a liar when you haven't said anything?

Including the tagline, "Come back to New Amsterdam."

Because that would be the biggest lie of all.

What happened to the guy who used to say,

"Our doors are always open"?

What happened to bringing in patients off the streets?

What happened was a global pandemic

with no fully vetted vaccine.

And even when we get enough doses,

30% of Americans won't take it

because of all the insane conspiracy theories.

So can I be straight with you, Dora?

This hospital is not safe.

Not completely.

And if you want a tagline, how's this?

"Come back to New Amsterdam,

'cause if you're not dead yet, we can finish the job."

I wanted to bring you both into this

because if June's anxiety has escalated into self-harm--

Ripping off her fingernails?

How long has this been going on?

I--I don't know. I just saw it this morning.

But how could we have missed this?

Because she hides it. But it's not your fault.

And you should know that I have been pushing

to get all of my patients back in here with me.

If I had been working with June in person,

I would've caught this a lot sooner--

She can't come back to the hospital.

Are you even allowed?

- Um...

not at the moment,

but I could convince our medical director

in this particular case.

No. It's too dangerous.

She would be wearing an N95 mask

just like our frontline workers.

Have any of your frontline workers

died from the virus?

Yes.

But with all of our safety protocols in place,

New Amsterdam is safer than going to the market.

We don't let her go there either.

We want her here with us.

Our home is the only place where she's 100% safe.

But she's not safe.

COVID has caused an epidemic of loneliness in this country.

And the studies coming out show that living like June

with no peer contact, it's like smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

Your daughter is on the brink of serious clinical depression.

But she's not dead.

And that's what lets us sleep at night.

Thank you for your concern.

As you can see from the charts,

there's no evidence of fracture, bleed,

or subdural hematoma.

So zero damage from the fall.

Everything looks normal.

Uh, not quite. Right, okay, thank you.

Um, sorry, I told Floyd I'd help out on this one.

There does seem to be a type of central hippocampal atrophy.

So?

Max, we found no indication of trauma.

Right, because his mother has diabetes.

Diabetes?

I've been living with her for the past two weeks.

I'm sure--

- Did she seem overly tired?

Was she going to bed early? Did she forget things?

Repeat stuff?

- Well, sometimes, yeah, but--

Neuropathy from diabetes.

I think it's why she fell, Floyd.

And it's good news, because now we know how to treat her.

It's gonna get a little loud.

Louder than a house full of forced homeschool kids?

Probably not.

Quarantine wasn't all bad.

The whole family stuck together.

Found our rhythm.

Movie nights. Cooking together.

Puzzles.

So many puzzles.

You remember Brandon?

The quiet one?

- Yeah, the moody one.

Without all the chemo, my hair grew back

and he became a different person.

Because of your hair?

Because he stopped seeing me as a ghost.

I became Mom again.

And without chemo brain, I could actually listen.

I could really hear him, you know?

I could hear my son for the first time in years.

Dr. Sharpe?

It's back, isn't it?

The cancer's metastasized.

Is there anything we can do?

I'm so sorry, Millie.

Well, you do, in fact, have a broken bone in your wrist.

Crack diagnosis from your DriveTime gal.

It's crazy. It was days ago.

I was riding so slow. The bike started to tip.

I stuck my hand out to brace myself against the wall.

That's what did it.

But there was hardly any force.

How could I have broken anything?

Hey.

How are you feeling?

You're back.

Did you--

- I got tested outside.

Her wallet. Found it in the car.

Pedestrian on the wrong end of a taxi.

Severe head and neck trauma. Intubated in field.

Okay, let's get him to Trauma One.

Stat, page respiratory and get me ortho.

You've really gone above and beyond.

Can I give you something?

- No, please.

Riley?

Can you breathe?

This woman needs help!

Nurse! Anyone!

What the hell are you doing?

Someone call security!

Adult-onset diabetes is nothing to fear.

You should be thrilled we caught it when we did.

This is me thrilled.

So seeing as your pancreas can no longer produce

enough insulin on its own,

we're gonna need to start you on basal-bolus therapy.

And Dr. Goodwin is gonna take you through the routine

so you can do it by yourself, Mama.

I've been doing for myself my whole life.

Diabetes won't slow me down.

Good.

So let's say you're in your kitchen

and you've just finished this meal.

You need to figure out how much insulin to take.

So what you're gonna do is divide your carb intake

by your personal I:C ratio.

You didn't tell me there'd be math.

Well, we'll take it slow, I promise.

So your ratio is 1:20.

That is one unit of insulin

to 20 grams of carbs.

So you're gonna take the total number of grams in that meal

and divide it by 20.

Okay, dividing that...

I would...

stop hovering.

If it's on me, let it be on me, you hear?

Max is here to help, Mama.

3.25 units.

That's very good. That's excellent.

Great. Okay, so, step two.

Administering the insulin.

So what you're gonna do after you've washed your hands

is simply remove this,

insert the needle into the rubber stopper here,

turn the bottle upside down,

and why don't we try just that much.

Come on.

Come on, now.

Oh.

That's okay. Maybe...

I've got it.

I've got it.

Oh.

I can do this.

Mm-hmm.

I can do this.

It's okay. Let's just try again.

My mother's raised three kids,

owns her own home, prays harder than anyone I know

for everyone else's troubles,

and now she needs full-time care.

She can't live by herself.

Wish I was there with you.

Well, maybe if I click my heels three times.

Or maybe if you just turn around?

Why'd you--

'Cause we're family too, baby.

Come here.

2 centimeters to the left and you would've killed her.

1 centimeter, actually.

Oh, they teach you that in DriveTime school?

I saved your patient.

You knew nothing about my patient.

You swooped in here with no knowledge

of preexisting conditions or current treatment plan

and you stabbed her with a syringe.

You're not curious why her wrist broke with no fall?

You need to check her bone density.

Maybe test for Wilson's disease.

Okay, WebMD, I think it's time for you to leave.

If it's Wilson's and you don't push magnesium,

her heart could stop.

Or, if it's a calcium deficiency,

maybe you could pick us up a quart of milk on your next run.

Get her out of here before I file assault charges.

Okay.

Dr. Frome.

What? Gabriella?

No. No, June is not here with me.

Then where is she?

Okay, did--okay, did she take her phone with her?

Then you need to check all of her texts

and call all of her friends.

Yes.

I'll be in touch.

You're still here?

Yeah, don't worry.

I'm not making you do the PSA.

Sorry, I...

Yeah, I appreciate that.

Mm, I forgot that no one can make you do anything.

Well, except for you.

You could always get me to do what was right

even if I couldn't see it at the time.

You know, if you ever want to come back...

No.

Okay, maybe you wanna think about it--

No.

- Oh.

Okay.

So if you're not doing the PSA and you're not coming back,

then why are you still here?

Oh.

I said you weren't doing the PSA.

I never said I wasn't-- ooh.

But--

how are you gonna do it without me?

Uh, you've been recast.

Tell me it isn't true.

If you're referring to the PSA--

No, it's not a PSA.

Saying, "Don't text and drive,"

that would be a PSA.

This is propaganda!

You are putting your name, this hospital's name,

on a dangerous lie.

Millie came in today.

She might have a week to live.

While you were out seizing the moral high ground,

I got to tell her that her kids would soon be without a mum.

Her chemo was working,

but she missed six vital treatments

because she was too worried about coming here.

So, yes, of course I'm gonna do the PSA.

Oh. Millie.

If we'd have got word out a month ago,

it might have saved her life.

Yeah, maybe, but it won't just affect people like Millie.

Elderly people deciding to get a physical

or diabetics wondering if now's the right time to get lasik.

Things that can wait should wait.

No hospital's 100% safe,

but we've made ours a lot safer,

and when you consider the alternative--

Jumping off the third floor is safer

than jumping off the roof, but I don't think

it's gonna make a difference in the outcome.

I won't even bring my own daughter here.

How can I ask anyone else to come here?

If something happened...

to her...

or anyone because I put my thumb on the scale...

After what I've seen today,

I am more than happy to tip the scale.

It's Millie.

Millie's cancer metastasized to her brain.

It caused a massive bleed.

But she was feeling so much better.

I'm so sorry, but...

it doesn't look like she's gonna regain consciousness.

Millie's being kept alive by the life-support machine.

Her brain has stopped functioning.

There's nothing more that we can do.

We just got her back.

Hey, I'm just curious.

Why is this your virtual background?

Before COVID, my parents used to let me come here.

You know, see some friends.

They wouldn't let me ride, though.

Too many germs.

Well, better than nothing, I guess, right?

You gonna tell my folks I'm here?

Yeah, bad news. I narc'd on you already.

The second I saw you.

But you got some time.

You want to tell me why you're down here?

You know, sometimes when people hurt themselves,

it's a distraction.

The physical pain, just for a second,

it stops the emotional pain.

Maybe you came down here to make it really stop?

You need to put your mask on now.

Why?

We can talk about that after you put your mask on.

Please.

If I knew when this virus would be over,

I could maybe do it.

Just...just deal with it until it was done.

And what if the virus never goes away for kids?

There's no vaccine for us.

And I'm just stuck in my room forever.

It's basically like being dead anyway.

I can't keep being alone.

So, after much discussion,

we decided to take Mama back to San Francisco.

Oh, hell, no.

W--wait.

- Mm-mm, absolutely not.

Can I lay it out first before you--

What makes you think taking her away

from everything and everyone she knows

is gonna be good for her?

Court, we got the space. All right?

And with both of our incomes--

- Oh, so it's about your money?

No.

- Is Mama good with this?

I thought we should be on the same page first.

Oh, your page.

Mama's golden child.

Whatever her baby Floyd says is law.

Oh, come on, Court.

Look, I'm just trying to step up.

You and Brandi have your own families to deal with.

Our lives are a little more flexible.

So we can do more now.

- Not more than us.

Where were you when we were checking in on her every day,

bringing her food, making sure she was safe?

We did all that with no problems

while you were chillin', bunned up in San Francisco.

He wanted to be here.

Every second of every day, he was worried sick about Mama

and you and your family.

Pump the brakes. This is family business.

Whoa, whoa, you don't gotta talk to her like that.

You don't gotta--

- Stop this!

I am not dead!

So stop talking about me like I am.

I know she was out of line,

but pulling off a successful needle decompression

is pretty cool.

In fact, she kinda reminds me of--

Are you sure you wanna finish that sentence?

It's Riley. She's having runs of V-tach.

You push esmolol?

- Yes, and no change.

Procainamide?

- Didn't work either.

Yeah, it's V-tach, all right.

Push amiodarone.

BP's dropping. It's not working.

Magnesium. Push magnesium.

You sure?

1 gram--now.

Nice save, boss.

Settle.

Okay, Helen. And action.

I'm Dr. Helen,

and this office adjoins one of

our new Airborne Infection Isolation Rooms.

It's built with negative airflow pressure,

the HVAC filters are cleared daily,

and it's fitted with outdoor air intake

COVID-19-safe exhaust handling.

Here at New Amsterdam, we're confident...

Here at New Amsterdam, we're confident that you'll be...

Actually, I'm sorry.

- You're doing great.

No, I'm not.

Helen, everything you're saying is true.

The HVAC, the exhaust.

Yes, the facts are accurate,

but, "Here at New Amsterdam, we're confident."

I'm not confident of anything right now.

Are you?

'Cause to tell you the truth, I'm terrified...

most of the time.

Because we've been living in a dystopian nightmare.

We are losing good people with children

and with families, and I'm standing here

talking about exhaust handling?

People need reassurance.

Do they?

'Cause the people I know wanna stop feeling scared

and they wanna stay alive.

And I can't reassure them of that.

No one can, because the world is not safe.

So you can't expect me to stand here and say,

"I'm confident that there's nothing to be afraid of,"

when everyone should be afraid!

So what do we do?

We can tell...

We can tell people the truth:

that we may never get rid of this virus...

so we have to find a way to live with it.

'Cause even if we vaccinate every single American,

there's gonna be another virus around the corner.

And another one after that, and we can't stop living.

We can't barricade ourselves in,

because that is when you give up things

that you can never get back.

So, Brandi and Courtney will take turns

helping you during the day,

and we'll get someone to stay with you at night.

That don't sound too bad, does it?

So...

I'll be living with a stranger?

A trained healthcare professional.

Would you do that to your mama?

I hope I never have to make that decision.

Because it sucks.

All of it.

I like her.

Oh, Mama.

I wish there was another way, but there isn't.

I'll visit as often as I can. You know that.

New York will always be my home.

Mm.

- Hmm?

Come here.

It's okay.

Hi.

- Thank you...

for saying what we've all been feeling.

What? What?

What did I...

I'm on the news?

"Meltdown" is a strong word, don't you think?

Max?

- I wouldn't worry about it.

You only have, like, 3.2 million views.

...because the world is not safe.

So you can't expect me to stand here and say,

"I'm confident that there's nothing to be afraid of,"

when everyone should be afraid!

Oh, my God.

- Yeah.

Why would you release that?

Who, me?

- Just stop.

Are you--I would never!

Yeah, okay. Yes, I would, but I didn't.

And you were brilliant!

- Okay. Big swing, Max.

Of course you think I did it. You think I did everything.

But I didn't.

Stop it.

And another one after that, and we can't stop living.

We can't barricade ourselves in,

because that is when you give up things

that you can never get back.

Actually, do you-- do you know what?

I'm relieved that my words are out there.

I'm glad to hear you say that.

3.2 million views

and a huge spike in our scheduling.

It worked.

Sorry, what worked?

- You were both right.

People don't need reassurance.

They need honesty.

You didn't release it?

No.

But I think I know who did.

I learned from the best.

Hi. Hi, guys.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for coming.

I know that's a really big deal, so thank you.

You sure this is safe?

As safe as it can be, yeah.

You ready?

Are they all your patients?

Um, no, no.

They're just a group of really cool young women

just like June.

Each one is immunocompromised in one way or another,

each still living at home on lockdown

without much family or friends,

and each one knowing exactly what you're going through.

You brought them all here for me?

I also brought you here for them.

So don't make me look bad.

All right? Get in there.

Thank you, Dr. Frome.

I mean, we're all just parents

trying to figure this out, right?

Which is why there's a group of them right over here

that I'm sure would love it

if you went over there and said, "Hey."

I'm sure they'd love for you to join them,

if you're up to it.

Sure. Okay.

Good.

Oh, yeah.

You guys are lucky.

I don't even have any siblings.

Yeah, well no, it's--trust me,

I wish I didn't either sometimes.

Same, same.

Wait!

Wait!

Would you open up?

What?

1 gram of magnesium.

Riley's alive thanks to you.

I'm trying to say I'm sorry!

Then you should know,

you're not very good at it.

Yeah. I know.

So where'd you practice medicine?

Pakistan. Pediatric attending.

Are you living in here?

I can get you a spot in a shelter.

Good night, Dr. Bloom.

What about a hotel room?

- No hotels.

No shelter. No, thank you.

Okay, there's gotta be something

that I can help you with.

You saved my patient's life.

Well, there's gotta be something you need.

So, here are our showers.

They're either freezing or scalding hot,

but if you toggle the handle to the left,

then you're gonna land somewhere in the middle.

Thank you.

Five stars.

Floyd? You guys taking off?

Yeah, we're hitting the road.

Hey, thanks for all your help with Mama.

Oh, we'll take good care of her.

Anything you need, just let us know.

I love you, brother.

- Love you too, pal.

You know, your family here...

will miss you.

Ready to go home?

I think you already are.

Saw your meltdown on YouTube.

Pretty boss.

Willow. You came back.

You heard about Millie?

Home again, home again

I thought maybe...

- One day, I know

It was time to do some more tests.

Born again, born again

One day, I know I'll feel strong again

I lift my head

Many times, I've been told

All this talk will make you old

So I'll close my eyes

Look behind

"Hi.

"My name is Iggy...

and I have an eating disorder."

So I close my eyes

Look behind

Moving on

Lost again, lost again

Evie.

I shouldn't have made you leave New York.

You did not make me leave. I wanted to.

If only wanting was enough.

Many times, I've been told

Speak your mind, just be bold

So I'll close my eyes

Look behind

Moving on

Moving on

So I'll close my eyes

And the tears will clear

Then I'll feel no fear

Yeah, well, I've been thinking.

Maybe instead of me coming up to Connecticut this weekend,

Luna should come home...

for good.

Yeah, I know, but I missed her first birthday.

And then I missed her first steps.

I just don't want to miss anything else.