All language subtitles for Me and My Mates vs the Zombie Apocalypse

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ oh ♪

♪ you found me
in a good mood ♪

♪ ya little bastards ♪

♪ my grandma told me,
do not take shit ♪

♪ from anybody
in this motherfucking bitch ♪

♪ see, my grandma told me ♪

♪ never, never, never
take no shit ♪

♪ especially that shark
in the dark ♪

♪ 'cause that shark
in the dark can suck my -- ♪

- ♪ watch your mouth ♪
- ♪ my grandma told me... ♪

♪ Never, never, ever,
ever take no shit ♪

♪ and that's probably why
my grandpa hides ♪

♪ while my grandma's why
my heart won't quit ♪

♪ my dad taught me
how to handle the riffraff ♪

♪ and mum bought the paint
first time I did graff ♪

♪ one time for the fam
that you got ♪

♪ my granny got a gun
and never ran from the cops ♪

♪ so I stand on this rock
with a zen mentality ♪

♪ and drift this bitch
'til we bend reality ♪

♪ my bloodline bangs
when I handle the beat ♪

♪ so don't bark up
my family tree ♪

♪ I say what you think,
but I'm not a mind reader ♪

♪ I'm good to my girl,
but I wear a wife-beater ♪

♪ happy as fuck
when I rap with my cuz ♪

♪ if you're battling him,
then you're battling us ♪

♪ a world full of wolves,
who's the leader of the pack? ♪

♪ When they teach you
how to act ♪

♪ trying to keep you
in a trap conditioned ♪

♪ 'til you're blue in the face
so take it from rage ♪

♪ I won't do what they say
because ♪

♪ my grandma told me
never, never, never... ♪

Yes!

♪ Especially that shark
in the dark ♪

♪ 'cause that shark in the dark
can suck my -- ♪

- ♪ watch your mouth ♪
- ♪ my grandma told me... ♪

That shit looks dangerous.

I should play with it.

♪ While my grandma's why
my heart won't quit ♪

♪ just Bob
like you're mad on Marley ♪

♪ and I finally got a job
to get my dad that Harley ♪

♪ though it's hardly a job
'cause the tune forms refuge ♪

♪ I'm an uncle now
with a newborn nephew ♪

♪ flowers grew,
ground broke with the buzz ♪

♪ jam with my fam,
sound folk with my cuz ♪

♪ we don't say it enough ♪

♪ so from all of my band ♪

♪ i'ma take a sec to give it up
to all of our fans ♪

♪ I'll just stand in the
kitchen with a plan
and a vision ♪

♪ I'm a man on a mission
with my folk on a Friday... ♪

Oi, Joel,
are we still meeting

at the telephone exchange?
Is that shit safe?

Yeah, mate.
- Man: Sweet.

Sorry about that, mate.
Just drinking some juice.

Could go with
something stronger.

- You nearly there?
- Yeah, mate.

Pulled up.
No one's here.

Sweet. You got the beers?

'Course...
You're not on the phone

while driving, are you?

Yeah, I don't think
this counts, mate.

- Darryl, nearly forgot
- to tell you

I ran into Roy's missus
on the way over here.

- Oh, yeah? How's she looking?
- Like shit.

I thought
she was half-decent.

Nah, she's disgusting.

Hey, you remember to bring--

sorry, mate. You sounded
a bit muttered there.

Did you remember
to bring Betsy?

I picked it up
on me way to work.

- Joel?

Lost you, mate. Joel-y?

- Lost you.

Whoo.

Darryl. Nice wheels.

Joel-o.

Yeah, I feel like
some kind of junkie mad Max.

- Yeah, never seen it, mate.
- Do you like me new hat?

Yeah, yeah, if your hobbies

are disrespecting
foreign soldiers,

then it's great.

Suppose will keep
your virginity in check.

Bullshit. I've fucked
three whole people

- and you know it.
- You've fucked one girl.

- In all three holes.
- In all three holes, yeah.

That's a good one.
Have I told you that one?

Yeah.

Anyway, where are the beers?

Don't you wanna see
your surprise first?

If it's got a pulse
and a vagina, yes.

Well, you're in
for a bit of luck.

Get back.

- Fuck!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's Roy's missus.

She's rough as guts,
i told you.

Did she shit herself?
Did I just shit myself?

No, no, she's full zombie.

Hey, at least she's got
more than three holes.

Hey, watch it.
That's still Roy's wife.

So where are the beers?

You bastard.

How the fuck
am I supposed to--

what are you
gonna do with her?

What do you mean?
You want me to do s--

Roy might wanna
fuck her

with his eyes closed
one last time.

Even Roy
wouldn't smash that.

'Kay? Will take him hours
to get down here,

if he gets down here
at all.

Plus, we can't
have her wandering around

eatin' people's faces
and whatnot.

So what're you suggesting?

You put her
out of her misery.

I'm not
putting her o--

- why do I have to do it?
- Because I'm in charge.

Okay? And I can't
do it because...

I'll lose me spot
on the cricket team.

That's bullshit, mate.
You know, I wanna play

on that cricket team, too.

Do you think
the captain's gonna pick me

when I've blown
his wife's face to pieces?

Even if you got on the team,
you'll only be fielding

fine-leg to fine-leg.

G-g-get Betsy,
go get Betsy.

Oh, fuck.

Okay, this is what
we have to promise.

When we see Roy, we tell him
exactly what happened.

Whatever, whatever,
just bloody do it. Go on.

I'm not taking the fall
for this whole thing.

Just do it. Come on, do it.

- Do it, now!

Okay. All right. Reassess.

All right. We'll just--

we'll tell Roy
that she fell on a rock.

Big fuckin' explosive rock.

How many shells
you got left?

Uh, eight.

Well, seven now.
Where's Roy, anyway?

He took a job
up the coast on Friday,

spent the weekend there.

Last I heard from him
he was on his way back.

Did he get paid
mileage and overtime?

Oh, yeah.

Should soften the blow
of his dead wife a bit.

Yeah.

All right, I got
some cat 5 cable.

- And...
- Oh, yeah.

I got cutters,

exchange tools,
and a screwdriver
down the front.

Shit, man.
The security door--

you have to slam
the bloody door.

Fuck.

Silicon,
duct tape...

We're gonna need
more weapons.

Seven shells isn't gonna
protect us for long.

Ay, at least we know
no one's getting in here.

This place has got
a door. We're safe.

Yeah, well...

We should just sit here
and wait it out.

Do you think
we're gonna die?

Maybe.

Well, let's talk
about something.

Let's... reminisce.

- Really?
- Absolutely.

I've, uh...

Never told anybody
this before.

Yeah?

Um...

When I was a kid,

just a little fella,
i had an uncle.

And he seemed
to the outside world,

to be a very nice man.
My parents went out.

It was just
the two of us, um...

He'd t-t-take me
by the hand and, uh,

lead me
into his basement.

And he said
it was our secret.

Hey, I'll stop you there.

Let's just talk about
fun, childhood anecdotes

or "did you ever play
a fun game of cricket or"--

Darryl, I was talking
about cricket.

That was--
he'd take me down there

for secret cricket games.

Sure.

- We should play cricket.
- Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Howzat!

You don't need to appeal.
You bowled me, you fuck-head.

Oh, yeah, that's why
you'll never be on
the cricket team, mate.

Well, the bat's too small

and my diabetes
is playing up, right?

Now give me the ball
so I can show you a fast bowl.

Ah, fuck.

We are not doing this
in the dark.

What, you're still scared
of the dark?

No.

No, I'm not afraid
of the dark.

Absolutely not.
That's bullshit.

Yeah, well,
we're nearly there.

I can keep it on
for a little bit

but the backup power
only lasts about six hours

- without a generator.
- Sounds like a plan.

Oh, no.

I cracked the screen.
That's terrible timing.

Do you have reception
on your phone?

Nope. Mobile base stations
are down, as well.

That's without us getting paid
to go and restart 'em.

Looks like they'll
be down for a while.

- What was that?
- I don't know.

All right,
we're done here.

You just gotta go
in there and turn
the main switch on.

All I gotta do
is go in there,

where we just heard
the death rape noise,

and flick a switch on
in the darkness?

That's all I gotta do, is it?

You're the one
holding a shotgun.

Oh, fuck. Betsy.

Shit.

Get it off me.
Somebody get this thing off me!

Roy, is that you?

You know what?
I'm gonna fucking kill
this fuckin' thing!

I can't see it, man. Fuck!

Fucking kill it!

Hey, listen, I got something
to tell you, mate.

- - It's about your missus.

Don't fuckin' talk.
Just kill this fuckin' thing.

Got it, dad!

Ah, fuck! Oh, shit!

Eat shit!

Okay.

Show no mercy.

Holy shit,
did everyone see that?

- No.
- Jesus.

Darryl, you know
my daughter, Emma.

Yeah, I haven't seen her
for a few years.

But she's really grown
out-- up, she's grown up.

Um, how did you
produce that?

I'm pretty sure there was
a mix-up at the hospital.

- How you doing, Darryl?
- Yeah, not bad.

Everyone I know
is probably dead. But, yeah...

So what'd you want
to talk to me about?

Uh, it's probably

a private conversation
we should have.

Is your thrush
playing up again?

No, I never
had thrush.

It was a tapeworm,
and it's dead.

Oh.

What's happened?
Talking about

Darryl's tapeworm again?

No. It was thrush, and--

no! No, it was-- a rotter
snuck into the building

with Roy and Emma.

I killed it.

Emma got the assist.

Hit me up.
Don't have to hit me up.

That can't stay here.
You know that, right?

Health and safety.

Come on.

Okay. There.

All right.
Up, up! Come on.

Use your bloody knees.
Come on.

So why do we have to put it
in the men's toilet?

Because it's a man.

And it'd be rude to put it
in the women's toilets.

- Isn't that right, Emma?
- I'm easy.

I'm gonna get
all this toilet paper.

We can use it as bandages
if anyone gets bitten.

If one of us gets bitten,
the person closest to 'em
has to kill 'em.

Unfortunately,
that's just the way it is.

Hey, Roy?
I was thinking, maybe,

'cause I saved
your life earlier,

you'd put me on
the cricket team next year.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Nobody's getting on that team
unless somebody dies first.

What, just one person's
gotta die?

Easy, I thought I had to go
to training or something.

Why not?
You shoulda seen me

hitting sixes
with Joel before.

Are you out
of your skull, Darryl?

You have the coordination
of a stillborn giraffe.

Now, put
the bloody gun down,

wash your hands,
get out of the toilet.

No, that's fair enough.
That's true.

I need
a fuckin' holiday.

- What're you looking at, pup?
- Just checking the place out.

Never been in
a telephone exchange before.

Well, it's not as glamorous
as the media makes it out to be.

It's a shitstorm out there.

Nearly hit a couple of those
'tards with the ute

- on the way over.
- Dad!

There's nothing wrong with
calling a 'tard a 'tard.

People need to stop
being so soft.

What do you reckon's
causing all this?

I mean, is it like,
you know,

government poisoning
the water supplies

with, like,
airborne pathogens?

Kids on meth?

No, I've dabbled
with meth, mate.

I didn't behave like this.
I chased people,

but I didn't bite them.
Not this hard.

What have you
been up to, Joel-o?

Trying to figure out
what supplies we have

so I can figure out a plan.

Got expired mud cake
and cheese.

And sausages. Still frozen.

Brilliant. What supplies
did you bring, Roy?

Everything.

Fucking toilet paper
up the fuckhole.

Tek screws, silicon,

and...

- The toolmaster 5000.

Now, this is amazing.

Solid steel frame,
it's got everything.

Pliers, file,
magnifying glass,
it's blue--

yeah, it's awesome, mate.
You could really fuck
someone up with that.

Or build a shed.

If this can't save us,
nothing can.

Well, I've got
a 12-Gauge shotgun.

But, yeah, whatever you say.

How safe are we in here?

I don't like the idea
of being sitting ducks.

Oh, don't worry, Emma,
we're all fucking safe here.

Really safe. This place has,
uh, running water,

some backup power,
doors.

- Windows?
- Windows.

Double-glazed windows.
So, you know, you need

a security pass to get in.

Just make sure
you shut the doors.

It's not a massive tent.

Well, what's the plan here?

Just relax,

kick back,
and enjoy the vacation.

Dad, people
are dying outside.

No, she's right.

We're only protected
in here for so long.

We only got enough food supplies
to last us, I don't know--

years? Even decades?

- Couple of days, Darryl.
- Even a few days, yeah.

We need a plan.
We need to find somewhere
with weapons and food,

otherwise we're just
fish in a barrel.

Can we just, please,
just keep it to one animal?

I thought
we were sitting ducks.

You don't stress, puppy.

They gotta go
through the door,

and then get through me
to catch you.

Just don't want us to die
in this hole, you know?

Anything that we can do
to stay safe would be great.

I got it.

How 'bout this?

You two homos
come up with a plan,

and I'll tell you
if it's any good.

- Dad!
- What?

That's so homophobic.

I'm not homophobic.

Two of my best mates
are homos.

There's lesbo-Cheryl,

and Billy the ballbag,
the butcher.

I mean, even Darryl here
is a bit gay.

He's kidding. He's--

once in the showers
after footy,

I leaned on a cock and...

Hey, I got an idea, though!
He-- okay, ready?

I go to the shops

- and I buy us some food.
- Oh, no, you can't go

to the shops,
they're way too dangerous.

No, there's some kind
of guerilla war

going on
at the supermarkets.

People are getting killed
over supplies.

In fact, you know what
i heard on talkback radio?

The first sign
of infection,

purple spots
on your genitals.

- That's hilarious.
- It is hilarious.

Joel, what about
this mainframe thing?

Do you think we can
use this to call for help?

Ah, the mdf.

If the power's down, that means
the base stations are down,

that means there's no mobiles,
no radio for normal people.

I see, right.
So the "normies"
are incommunicado.

Is that right?

See, government buildings,
such as health and defense,

- they have backup comms.
- Yes, yes, I know exactly
where you're going with this.

Do you want me
to take it from here?

You do it. No, you say it.

If I can get a line out,
maybe I can call them

and maybe they can
come and get us.

Oh, well, I was gonna
say prank calls.

- Can you go get my phone?
- Yep.

All right, I'll see if I can
splice it into this

- and get a clear dial tone.
- Great.

Hey, guys, I've solved
our food problem.

Chips. Three different
fucking flavors.

Get me the gun now.
I'll smash it.

Wait, shouldn't you
preserve your ammo?

And the chips?

Yeah, I guess so.
Can I borrow two bucks?

♪ That boom box
in the backyard goes ♪

♪ hey ♪

♪ the boom box
in the backyard goes ♪

♪ hey ♪

♪ the boom box
in the backyard goes ♪

♪ hey, yeah... ♪

Don't fuck around.

♪ ...it seems
that the dreams... ♪

♪ ...has gone from love
to a thug ♪

♪ with a million
dollar watch ♪

♪ you see I'm talking
'bout the jungle ♪

Fucking pig!

♪ With a witty dominion ♪

♪ I'll flow like this
and I still don't like pigs ♪

♪ attitude is what I got ♪

♪ I'm flippin', I'm trippin',
I'm puffin' on pot ♪

♪ so don't even think
to sleep on me... ♪

♪ ...i figured it out
I'm the king of the house ♪

♪ I'm a flying flock of axes ♪

♪ I'm going
vampire killing... ♪

♪ ...ripping the faces
off vultures ♪

♪ the trolley's full
of goodies for the kids ♪

♪ so rat-a-tat-tat
the big macka is back ♪

♪ and I'm loading
off the dip ♪

♪ there's blood
and there's guts ♪

♪ comin' out
of the speakers ♪

♪ there's fire
in my veins ♪

♪ and it's right
off the meter ♪

♪ with a fist
in the sky ♪

♪ i'ma fly
like an eagle ♪

♪ come on! ♪

♪ Hit me again ♪

♪ come on... ♪

Yeah.

- Hey, puppy.
- Hey, dad.

Got your favorite.
Salt and vinegar.

Aw, thanks, dad.

I've only got
two skills, really.

Knowing the breeds of dogs
and picking chips.

At trades, they called me
"dog-knowing, chip-pickin' Roy."

Mmm, mouthful.

You know,

the world's
gone to shit.

I reckon
i might just let you

have your very first beer.

Thanks, dad.

You know I'm 19, right?

Yeah. Yeah.
Birthday's may 24th.

This isn't my first beer.

Look, as far
as I'm concerned,

you're as pure
as the driven snow.

Fuck, remember
that pregnancy scare?

Oh, fuck,
that was intense.

What's up with Roy?
Doesn't seem like a guy

whose wife's
just lost her head.

Yeah, he's taking it
pretty well, isn't he?

You haven't told him,
have you?

No fucking way.
Not with Emma there.

She's a big girl.
She can take it.

- She could take it, all ri--
- hey!

Don't be-- uh, d-Darryl?
You got, uh, a signal?

Yeah, no,
nothing yet, mate.

Anyone hear that?

Nope.

No one heard that?

I think you're
hearing things, baby.

The longer you take
to tell him,

the harder it's gonna be.

As soon as the opportunity
presents itself,

I will tell them
their dearly beloved
wife and mother

has recently been
shot in the face.

- Don't say it like that.
- I'm gonna say hello to pop.

Oi, Roy, sir,
that motherfucker

that jumped on you earlier
wasn't like the ones

- in the movies, was it?
- No, I don't reckon.

Yeah, they're not
brain-dead, though.

They're more hive minded.
They just seem stupid.

Some of them are still
pretty fuckable.

I find the virus takes them
from a ten out of ten

down to about a seven.

Okay, now, I definitely
heard something.

Shit, we're gonna
need more guns.

Light from the building's
been attracting the zombies.

This door's
definitely locked, right?

- Holy shit.
- How many of these fuckers

do you think there are?

There's gotta be
about 150--

no, maybe give
or take, 77-ish.

Maybe 40? I don't know.

I'm pretty stunned, man.
I'm not gonna lie.

- And it'll hold?
- Yes.

And it's the only entrance?

Well, there's a roller door
around the back.

But you need
a security pass for that.

Oh, shit. There's Eddie
from trade school.

- He's fucking annoying.
- Don't worry, mate.

He's-- he's a little bit
different, now.

He's still got that
annoying fucking face.

Okay, well, what's
the plan here?

Well, the lines
aren't connected.

- The isps are down.
- Dad, what can we do?

I got a plan.

That's pretty much my plan,
just to get a lung full

of sweet, cherry-flavored
water vapor.

Is there any way to get
a connection to the lines

and call for help?

Well, from here, sure,

but there'd be no one
on the other end.

Except the military.

What's the closest base,
seven klicks from here?

We can send a cap kick
down the line,

try and shock 'em
with 50 volts.

No, no, no, the lines are down.
We have to go mobile.

- Roof tower?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck.

And hook it up long enough
for them to get our location,

maybe they can
come and get us.

Yeah, the military.
They'd have beer and weed.

Great, all right. Well,
looks like we got a plan.

You, go turn the power off.
From now on we work in the dark.

Roy and Emma,
you move the supplies
into the back room.

Backwire an exchange battery
into the desk light.

If we need to see anything,
we do it in that room.

I'll get on the roof and start
working on the 3g tower.

If I can rebuild
the mainframe,

we should be able
to broadcast our location.

We got a door which is good
but not impenetrable.

Use the old
exchange batteries

to power
a little electric fence.

Make sure the floor
can act as a conductor.

And finally, use whatever else
you can to block the door.

Roy, could you give us a hand

moving this
big slut of a thing?

Hang on, smoker break.

- What is that?
- Electric ciggy.

I'm trying to quit.

You soft cunt.

Oh, fuck.

Hey, Joel-o,
how much longer?

Maybe 25 more minutes?

Excellent. I'm gonna
have a power snooze.

Hey, wake me up when
the helicopters get here

or when the rotters
have got us.

That's poetry.

I'm like the Bob Dylan
of tradies.

Yep.

- I'm gonna miss these.
- They're great hands.

- The beer, Darryl.
- Oh, well, you know,

the military's gonna
be here real soon

and they got
tons of beer.

Yeah.

And then this will all
blow over very quickly

because there's gotta be
some mad scientist out there

working on a cure,
you know?

Yeah.

I think that's what
I'll miss most.

Medicine, and
intelligent pricks

out there
curing diseases.

You know,
it's just one tablet

and thrush is
completely gone?

Just one.
I read that online.

Yeah, I'm gonna
miss the Internet.

Me too. Probably
for different reasons.

I like double-penetration
videos.

Gonna miss my friends.

Yeah, friends. I haven't
seen my friends in years.

I don't think I've got
any friends anymore.

Aw, Darryl,
I'm your friend.

- Really?
- Yeah.

What else are you
gonna miss?

Um, music?

Guys with big,
brown eyes?

Fuck yeah.

I think I'm just gonna miss
the nightly news, as well.

Just, it was always
comforting seeing places

way more fucked up
than ours.

Not so much
anymore, I guess.

Nope.

I'm gonna miss
my boyfriend.

Yeah, um, just having
someone there to talk to,

I guess, makes all
the difference, doesn't it?

Uh, actually I was
talking about the sex.

The sex is-- yeah,
well, you know what?

My grandpa used to say,
that reminds me--

this sound irrelevant,
bear with me, he used to say

"put a jellybean in a jar
every time I fuck a chick

"before I'm married,
and then take one out

"every time I get laid
after I'm married,"

he reckons I'll never
have an empty jar.

Turns out,
I'll never have a wife.

You know, they do say, um...

Apocalypses can make you
go a bit crazy.

All right, let's
fuckin' do this.

Come on, come on, come on.

Fuck. Shit!
Damn it, come on.

All right, all right.

Yes! Booyah.

Come on, say
you're my zombie slave.

You're my
zombie slave, bitch.

- You're my zombie slave.
- I'm your zombie slave.

- You're my zombie slave.
- Oh, fuck. Oh, shit.

Oh, that's good.

This is thoroughly,
thoroughly enjoyable.

Oh, you're so much sexier
when you're quiet.

Fuck... me!

Oh, fuck me!

Shit.

What the fuck was that?

Ah, shit.

What's going on
down there?

What the hell was that, Joel?
Something's going on.

Not in here, though.
Not in here.

I don't know, it was some type
of fireworks or something.

But whatever it is,
it got their attention.

Okay, good.
How's the line looking?

Uh...

Be at least
25 more minutes.

That's if we don't have
any more surprises.

Oh, monkey fuck!

Is that what
i think it is?

They're here!
They are coming!
I heard them!

No one's coming.
No one came in, anyone.

- Oh, shit.
- Somebody grab Betsy.

- We're gonna need Betsy.
- Get the fuck outta here.

No, there's no way they can
get through the electric fence.

- Lachlan!
- Emma!

You're alive.

The apprentices are here.

We saw the light go off
in the building.

Thought you guys might
be in here causing trouble.

Good to see you, Ryan.
You're looking good, mate.

Lachlan.

Roy.

So, what's been happening?
Everybody all right?

Joel's on the roof
trying to get in contact
with the military.

Big, black helicopter
coming any minute.

You don't want
to be doing that.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Before we partake
in the pleasantries,

we're gonna need
the two of you
to come with us

to the back room,

show us your
cock and balls.

- Dad!
- Darling,

it's a necessary
medical precaution.

Um... what are you
talking about?

Your penis
and testicles,
whip 'em out.

- Yeah, Roy, I don't think--
- hey, go get Betsy in case

we see a hint of purple.

Look, we're all exhausted.

I just don't see how
showing you our balls

is gonna help anything.

Hang on-- did I ask
for your opinion?

Uh, fucking no,
i didn't.

Your cock and balls,
get 'em out now.

Aw, I never knew
you cared, Roy.

All right.

- You want the shaft, too?
- Fuck, no.

There. Wasn't
so hard, was it?

Lachlan, get 'em
the fuck out

- or get the fuck out.
- That's enough.

What, didn't he
satisfy you enough?

Hey, come on, no.
You can't hit an Asian.

It's a hate crime.

Fine. Fine.
But it's your funeral.

Just don't come
crying to me going,

"oh, Roy. We should've
checked his balls."

Those balls will
come back to haunt you.

It's gonna be like
"nightmare on ball street."

- What was that about?
- I'm not sure.

He's feeling a bit fucked.
I'll go check.

He's got some thing about
first signs of infection.

- I don't know.
- What, first signs

- show up on your balls?
- Apparently.

Oh, well, he could've
just said that.

I thought he was
getting lonely.

Oh, well, it's good
to air 'em out once a day.

What the hell
was all that about, Roy?

What are those idiots
even doing here?

What's anyone trying
to do here, mate? Survive.

Well, that's just what
we need, isn't it?

A couple of fuckwits
running around,

eating all the chips
with their cutoff sleeves,

banging into everything
with their giant nut sacks.

They're good people, mate.
They've got weapons.

Besides, Emma seemed
very happy to see Lachlan.

Emma doesn't need that idiot
to look after her, mate.

Emma's got us.

I know you don't like lachy,
but he's a good kid.

You've just gotta try
and see past his skin color.

What did you just say?

I can't eat
with chopsticks, either--

- you fucking racist!
- No, no, no, no, no!

Mate, I said nothing about
the color of his skin.

I wouldn't care if he was
aubergine and pissing rainbows.

Sor-- Roy, I thought
that's why he got your goat.

No, mate, the reason
that he "obtains my goat"

is that he's having sex
with my daughter.

Hey, you listen to me.
No one, I mean no one,

is having sex
with your daughter.

Do you understand?

So how about this?
We give 'em a fair go,

I'll make sure
lachy's not infected.

If he is, you personally
get to pull the trigger,

because I agree with you,
mate, if anyone's infected,

we gotta... end 'em.

Yes. That's fantastic.

Hey, listen. Just while
I've got you here, uh--

that thing I've been
meaning to tell you?

- Oh, yeah. Is it important?
- Yes, it is.

Are you turning into
one of those

- rotting freaks?
- No.

Did you get
my daughter pregnant?

Then... it's not
fucking important.

Really? Are you sure?

All right, I'm sorry.
I was a little bit tense.

Mate.

Ryan.

Oh, cheers, Roy.

Em.
- Thanks, dad.

And...

Sorry, lachy,
we've, uh...

We only got about
nine left, so...

That's all right,
I'm not thirsty anyway.

Dad, Lachlan and Ryan
were just saying the entire
north side's overrun.

Yeah, the whole
federal highway's
completely blocked.

It's like pandemonium
out there.

Last we heard,
the monaro highway's the same.

There's no real way
out of town.

Do you know anything
about the military base?

- Nothing.
- No, fuck the military, man.

They're the ones
who put us in this mess.

What about the freaks out there?
Do you know anything about them?

What, like what causes it?
No idea.

It's gotta be
some brain thing, you know?

Turns you all cannibalistic.

Besides that, they're just
regular dumb-fucks.

Knives take 'em down,
paintballs stun 'em.

If you get 'em between
the eyes, you can blind 'em.

Got it from
paintball sports a.C.T.

One shot to the 'nads
and they're down
like a sack of shit.

Wait, what do you mean
"the military got us
into this mess"?

Well, they're the ones
who started

this whole clusterfuck.

Yeah, that's what
we've been hearing.

Forget the military.

They'll either put us
in a gitmo quarantine

or kill us then and there.

Come on, governments don't
kill their own people.

That's never happened
in history.

Besides, we're not even
infected, anyway.

Yeah, that doesn't matter.
Look, they've got guns.

Everyone's trying
to get in on them

so they've turned on us.

No, that doesn't
make any sense.

They're the enemy.

Look, I'm telling you
right now,

if you make contact,
you've killed us all.

I think I got a connection.

Shit!

Hang up the phone, Joel!

Hello?

Ha ha! Hi,
we're survivors!

Joel, hang the fucking
phone up now!

No, no, no, we're at
the telephone exchange.

Ah...

Small group of people,
uninfected.

But we're, uh,
we're surrounded.

Hey, a big, black
helicopter, Joel!

Yeah, and beers!
Full strength!

And if you could send us
a big, black helicopter,

- that'd be Ace.

I got disconnected.

It's all right, I think
they got everything they needed.

Damn it. Fuck!

Oi, Joel, Ryan reckons
the military's all evil
and compromised and shit.

Oh, come-- why would they
be coming to get us

if they're compromised?
They're not compromised.

I've got a good ear
for this kind of thing.

Yeah, don't worry about it,
mate, the kids are wrong.

Lachlan, Emma,
we gotta get out of here.

We can't be here
when they get here.

I think he's right.

You know I'm right.
You were there when

we heard about
the hyperdome--
grab your shit.

We need to fuck off now!

- Dad, what if they're right?
- Don't worry, darling.

They're not right.
They haven't even got sleeves.

Yeah, but I think
we need a plan just in case.

- How many flares
we got left?
- Two.

That's not gonna be enough.
They're not gonna

fall for it this time,
there's too many of them.

We can make a run
for Joel's ute.

Are you kidding me?

No one rides Marie but me.

Okay. Firstly, Joel,

"Marie" is the shittest name
I've ever heard.

Your car sounds like
a 65-year-old woman.

Secondly,
it's the end of the world.

Do you really give a shit
about getting a scratch on it?

A clean car

is the only difference
between us and them.

Zombies, not women.
Women have clean cars.

Hey, uh, Joel-o, can I, um--

oh, yeah. Here, swap me.

Hopefully we never have to use
this little baby in anger.

See, I feel like
you've been

eating paint chips
again, Ryan.

Why would our military,
the people who volunteer

to defend
this great country,
turn against us?

All right.

We heard
there was a massacre.

Hundreds of civilians,
uninfected, holed down

in a shopping center
shithole.

They send out
an s.O.S. Message,

the military came
in their chopper,

took a count,
and started firing.

Women, children,
the elderly,

they killed
fucking everyone.

Sick.

I mean,
that's really sick.

I don't know if they thought
that they were infected

or if the smell of blood
gets their fucking balls hard.

Either way, I don't wanna
be there to find out.

Who told you this?

The only remaining survivor.

She was in the crowd
when they started firing.

She played dead,
hid under a bunch of bodies,

they hightailed it,
and she managed to escape.

So you weren't
actually there?

No.

And you didn't
see it personally?

We believe her.

Oh, you believe her.
They believe her!

Hey, you guys are free
to go wherever you want

and probably end up dying
a horrific death in a ditch,

whereas we are
gonna get on

a blackhawk helicopter
and fly off into the sunset.

Right, well, you guys
are free to come with us,

or you're also free
to stay here and fight

our armed forces
with a single shotgun.

I'm gonna get on the roof

and figure out
a fucking plan.

Mind your step, dickhead.

Pack your stuff, puppy,
we're going on the trip
of a lifetime.

The view from
a blackhawk helicopter
is awesome.

Hey, what makes you think
she's staying here with you?

Is this some kind
of Asian humor?

What the fuck
are you talking about?

Look, I'm fine
with you staying here

and getting
yourself killed,

but she's not
staying here with you.

You don't get any fucking
say in it, mate.

Well, I do.
Look, I don't know
what I'm gonna do next,

but I'm definitely not gonna
let either of you two

dictate how I live
the remainder of my life.

So just cut it out, please?

I love you both,
but I love living more.

Lachlan, can I please
talk to you for a second?

- Emma, no.
- Roy, let her go, mate.

She's just got
daddy issues, all right?
And it's not your fault.

It's realistically
her mum's fault.

Which reminds me, I got
something to tell you.

Yeah, well, tell me
in the helicopter.

They're a great place
for a conversation.

Okay.

How sure are you
that they'd kill us?

I'm not sure, but I'm not
willing to take the risk.

Well, I believe you,
but we've gotta convince them.

What can you tell me
about this girl?

Well, her name was laina.

She was alone,

and she had lost
a lot of people.

And is she trustworthy?

That was the impression
that I got.

Right, well,
where is she now?

She's dead. When we met her,
she was heaps sick, ay?

She was coming down with it.
She was afraid.

She decided
to take her own life

before they got
the chance to.

All she wanted
was a moment of companionship

in her last few hours.

You fucked her.

You were gone,
and she was dying.

I thought I was next.

Look, I'm really sorry.
It's just like a moment
of weakness.

It lasted like 90 seconds.

All right, dad,
what's your plan?

Uh, you tell her, Darryl.

Uh, what do you mean?
Like, career plans?

Um, I think
I'm gonna be a judge.

No, I meant plans for when
the military get here.

Oh, right, yeah.
Of course. Yeah. Joel?

We're gonna tell 'em
that we're unarmed

and there's only
two of us, me and Roy.

Now, Darryl,
go get Betsy,

wait behind the door
in case anything goes wrong.

Okay, and Ryan?
What's your escape plan?

Well, we're gonna wait
in the back corner

and be really fucking quiet.

They'll either
kill these guys and leave,

or they'll pick 'em up
and leave.

After they leave,
we'll escape.

Right,
so everyone's plan here

is basically
"hide and hope for the best"?

Yeah.

Great,
let's fucking do it, then.

Well, are you
coming with us,

or are you going with them?

Dad, I don't know.
Whichever plan works the best

I'll do that, okay?

Wait, so what's
the plan again?

We tell 'em
it's just Joel and me.

If any shit
goes down at all,

you pop out
and shoot the prick.

Yep. Nice. Wait--

why am i
on the toilet floor?

Because if you want
to be on the cricket team,

you have to have
Patience, dedication,

and the ability
to follow direction.

Ay, before you go anywhere,
you got a light?

Yeah.

Roy? What're you doing?

I hope you guys are ready
to kill some tasmanians.

Hey, my cousin's
tasmanian

and she's extremely attractive,
I'll have you know.

What? You've met her.

Oh, dude, I thought
of a new tagline, too.

Every time I kill one
I'm gonna be like,

"that's one small step
for man,

one fucking
dead lame-brain."

No, wait. That wasn't it.

Yeah, that's way too long.

You know, what if you're
in a room with 20 of them?

You'd have to say it
every time you kill one.

No, I'd kill them all first

and then say it
once at the end.

Yeah, that's
really horrible, Ryan.

They're people too, you know.

No, they "were" people,

now they're monsters.

Exactly, they've lost
all humanity

and they smell like shit.

- Yeah, you'd know.
- Ooh, you told her.

Anyway, what if they
can be brought back?

- What if there's a cure?
- Sorry, Emma.

That's not the way
the world works.

They're standing directly
in front of your safety

so you chop
their fucking heads off.

They wouldn't think twice
about killing you,

so you pay them
the same respect.

But don't let me
interrupt this argument.

Hey, they didn't
bring a helicopter.

Even the fucking rotters

were smart enough
to head towards the light.

You two, quickly.
Give me your flares.

No way,
we've only got two left.

Let them go,
their incompetence
just saved us all.

Lachlan, come on, mate.
You've got something.

Got a bunch of fireworks.

What the fuck
do you bring fireworks--

- no, bro!
- Okay, fine. Fireworks.

- Yes, great.
- Just give it to him, lach.

Idiots.

If you play with fire,

you're bound to get fucked.

Come on.

Hey, Roy, what was
all that about?

That's just Joel
setting off fireworks

to let the army know
that we're here.

Oh, fuck. I need a piss.

Roy, you're splashing it
all over me.

♪ Cricket team ♪

Roy...

I know we were gonna wait
'til the blackhawk chopper

to talk about this,
but I think,

considering we may be dying,
you need to know now.

Now, I know grown men
usually stand up to piss

but you might wanna
take a seat for this one.

- Roy?
- Oh, Jesus.

Roy, you stopped
pissing mid-stream.

That really hurts the hole.

Fuck me in the ass
and throw me down a volcano.

My ball bag...

What does that even mean?

Listen, dazza, I, um...

I just gotta head out there
for a smidge.

Are you gonna
wash your hands?

Look, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry about laina.

I honestly thought
we were both about to die.

Well, you and Ryan
might both be about to die

yet you guys managed
to keep each other's pants on.

Come on, Emma, please,
I'll have sex with Ryan

right now
if that evens it up.

Hey, I'm not riding bitch.

Anything to show you
how sorry I am.

Lachy, it's not the point.

Look, if I did, say,
something similar,

would you be able
to let it go?

In a second.
I love you.

Wait, did you do something?

Um...

Are you guys serious?

Obviously you've both
been banging other people.

Fortunately, the disease
is not sexually transmitted,

but society is fucking
crumbling out there.

If there is one time
you should be allowed

to cheat on each other,
it's now.

Who gives a shit?
There is a horde

of crazy, infected
murderers out there.

Let's try and keep focus
on that, m'Kay?

And the next time
someone has sex,

I at least want to be
invited to watch.

Oh, shit.
That doesn't look good.

Fuck was that?

Come on, Jimmy.
Head shots.

All right.

Hello, people
in the exchange?

Can you hear me?

Uh, yes. Yes, sir!
Uh, affirmative!

- Where's the helicopter?
- What?

You know, the big,
big, black, spinny--

mate, I need to know
exactly how many people
are up there.

Hardly any.

I need to know
exactly how many.

- Do you understand?
- Yes, sir. Two.

Two people is all the people
that is in here.

Uh, and we're
totally not infected!

Do you have any weapons?

No, no weapons.

Uh, it's just us here

and-- and we're
just sitting here

like fish...
In a duck barrel, sir.

- - What?

We don't have any weapons.

All right, well make your way
slowly down to the front door.

We'll meet up and bring you
back to safety, mate.

No, they can't trust
this trigger-happy
little fuck nut.

Can you hit them
from here?

Maybe.

But they still have
real guns.

I'll come out,
but the other guy, uh,
i don't know where he is.

Where is the other bloke, mate?
Don't play games with me.

I'm not. He was here
a minute ago.

- Don't you fuck around.
- He was on the roof.

There's no one
on the fucking roof.

Oh, fuck me!

Oh, sweet jeebus.

- - What is it?

Hold me.

Should've been a rapper!
It actually hurts!

Finish so I can
power through this!

Oh, I can't-- oh!

That's Joel's foot. Jesus!

Joel-o...

Soldiers...

My ball bag...

- What's going on out there, Roy?
- I definitely heard something.

Looks like
we're on our own, Darryl.

Oh, fuck me. I just lost
my best fast bowler.

Maybe if I swap
Mick and jonesy--

what the fuck's going on
out there, mate?

Look, I don't know how
to tell you this, mate.

Joel-o got blown up
on the roof,

I think he's dead.

The soldiers turned up
without a helicopter.

They got eaten by the zombies,
who now have a taste for blood.

They are furious, and we're
stuck here in this room

with one shit weapon
and no beer.

No beer?

Did this all happen while
i was protecting everyone?

Yes.

You're responsible
for a lot of deaths, mate.
Yep.

I gotta go to the toilet,
I'll just leave you here

to think about
what you've done.

Hey, guys, I was wondering
if maybe-- oh, I'm sorry.

You're nuzzling each other,
that's cute.

Hey, I've got dibs
on watching them first.

Did you tell him, Emma?

- Um...
- Tell me what?

Whatever you were
gonna say to him.

If you were gonna
say anything at all,

which I'm pretty sure
you weren't

because there's
nothing to say.

I'm going outside for a sec.
You know what, no.

I do need-- I do need
to ask one thing.

Do you guys have any plans
to get us out of this shit?

I say we grab those guns
from the soldiers.

Hop in the rover,
head up the coast,

charter a boat,
maybe sail up north and--

find some weed. Yeah, yeah.

That's more or less
exactly my plan.

- I'll tell Roy. Nice.
- No, don't tell Roy

'cause we're not
fucking doing it.

That's a fucked plan, Ryan.

Shit effort.
What were you thinking?

Roy, what's your plan?

I say we wait 'em out.

Those fuckers have been
going all night.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong,
but everybody has to sleep

at some point, even if
you're a fucking retarded,

brain-dead,
flesh-eating prick.

So we wait 'til
they're asleep,

we go for the rover,

take it to
the military base,

we can have
automatic weapons... and beer.

And the academy award
for the most dumb-arsed,

bullshit plan
goes to... Roy!

Well done, Roy,
would you like
to say a few words?

Uh, yes. Yes, I would.

I'd just like to say,
one, get fucked.

And two,
get seriously fucked.

Oh, shit.

- Dad, are you all right?
- You look a bit crook.

No, man,
I'm fine, I just...

Just had a dodgy pie.
I'm gonna go...

Just gonna go
lie down for a while.

Lachlan, do you mind
cleaning that up?

You know what? No, no, no.
I've got this.

I can do this.

What's that,
150 meters?

200 at most?

I could run that
in 45 seconds.

Then I grab the guns
and the rover keys,

swing back around here,
you guys hop on

and we're done and dusted.

Or you'll get ganged up
in the middle somewhere,

eaten, turn into
one of those freaks

while we're left sitting here
like a bunch of lazy hippos.

- What?
- What?

Stop making up
animal sayings.

- I'm not making
these sayings up.
- "Lazy hippos"?

Like you've ever seen
a proactive hippo.

- You don't know what I've seen.
- Guys! Look, I agree.

Ryan, you're never gonna
make it on your own.

There's way too many of them,
which is why I'll go with you.

- What?
- What?

I'm saying "what" to her.
What do you mean you're going?

Exactly what I said,
lachy, I'm gonna help

- slice some zombie throats--
- Ryan: Don't call them that.

Back him up and help us
get the fuck out of here.

See, she's more than
just a pretty face, mate.

Great rear, too.

Everything's...In order.
I'm just gonna go

and swing this plan
by Roy, get the okay.

Is everything all right
in there, mate?

Yeah, mate, I'm just
a bit constipated.

You cry like a bitch
when you're constipated, then.

I wasn't fucking crying.

Yeah, look, I heard
some light sobbing

or some gentle weeping
coming from this booth.

No, I think my hay fever's
just playing up a bit.

Sure, right. Yeah.
Your hay fever, mate.

Hey, listen, I gotta talk
to you about something.

Really urgently.

Don't talk to me
while I'm in the toilet!

These are pertinent
issues, Roy, okay?

Pertinent... is a word
that I learned today

and that I always wanted
to use before I died

and I got to so I'm
pretty happy with that.

Yeah, okay, what?

Emma's making a run
through the rotters,

they're trying to get
to the army car and escape.

- Fuck me.
- Secondly,

and more importantly,
this indoor cricket team.

What's the go there?
Am I in? Am I out?

Are you fucking serious?

I just feel like
i have the capabilities

to take the team
all the way next year, mate.

Yeah. Yeah, okay. If there's
a competition this year,

I will keep you
in the very, very back,

darkest recesses of my mind

with all of the ugliest,
most disturbing people
I've ever fucked.

Well, then,
I'm as good as in, mate,

because I know you
think about those ones

- when you have an at-bat.
- Hey, Darryl.

Can I borrow the shotgun
for a little while?

What do you want
ol' Betsy for, man?

Look, y-- you never ask
your captain a question, yeah?

And also, I only-- only need
it for a minute.

And, uh, you can
play with this.

Oh! The t-5000!

Oh, my god, oh, my god!
This is the best day ever.

Can I talk to you
for a second?

Yeah.

Uh, if you guys
are gonna pop a quickie,
I'll be there in a moment.

Just hurry,
we've gotta do this soon.

What am I talking about,
it's old mate lightening lachy.

He'd be finished...

Now.

Showtime.

Fuck.

Fuck that,
seven years bad luck.

Fuck!

How do women do that?

God.

Oh, fuck!

That is really dangerous.

Fucking safety catch.

Are you sure
you want to do this?
As opposed to

sitting around doing nothing?
Of course.

- Well, I'm coming with you.
- We could die, you know.

- You're not gonna die,
- and the only way

I'm gonna die
is if I'm protecting you.

And I don't plan on dying,
either, not until

I help your dad win a cricket
premiership next year.

- That's not ideal.

- So you got my back?
- Yeah, you got mine?

Yes, so let's
fucking do this.

Yolo!

Okay...

I will fucking kill
you first if you ever

- say that again to me.
- Got it.

They're coming,
they're coming.
Grab your fucking gun!

Yolo!

- - What's going on?

They're in here,
they got Joel's key card.

- Grab your shotgun.
- I don't have the shotgun.

- Roy's got it, mate.
- Then grab something else.

Lachlan, load up.

Emma, take this.
You're up front.

Darryl, go with her.
Lachlan, cover them

from the back,
I've got this side.

Any ones you miss,
I've got.

Any zombies you miss,
I'm fucked.

Stop calling them that.
They're not technically undead.

Look, we can hold them off
for a bit,

but I don't think
we can take them all.

I couldn't hold
a fucking child with this.

There they are!

Go, go, go!

Head shots are dead shots.
Head shots are dead shots.

Dick shots are dead shots.

Oh, shit, I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.

Shit!

I'm gonna hit this fucker
out of the park!

I'm out, you take it.
You got it. You got it.

Okay. Um, let me see.

Bottle opener, no, no.

What the fuck is that?
Don't know.

Dude, you gave me
the shit gun.

Grab your machete and do some
karate flips or something then.

- You give me your gun.
- Not a fucking chance.

Here we go, okay. All right.
Who wants their nails filed?
I'm coming for you.

Darryl, we need another one
of those electric fences.

Can you make sure it doesn't
suck like the last one?

The gun's jammed.

No, no, no!

Don't get blood on it.

There.

Got one in the eyes,
did you see that?

- Did you see that?
- No one saw it, champ.

- - Oh, the door's stuck.

Unstuck it!

I can't,
Roy programmed it.

I don't know the code.

Yeah, well Roy's as good
as dead. Find a way.

Ah, shit.
Now we're fucked.

Daddy's home.

It's 69, 69, Darryl,
you fuckwit. You programmed it.

Six, nine, six, nine.
It's six, nine, six, nine.

Everyone out of embers!
Let's go, let's go!

Oh, fuck.

Get in here.
I'm about to turn it on.

Let's go, Emma.
That's it, that's it.

Let's go.

- Let's go.
- Come on, dad.

Come on, Roy,
you got it. Come on!

- I'm fucking coming!

Fuck that.

Where the hell
were you, Roy?

He was crying
because he was constipated

and all the flares
and the telephone exchange

were making
his hay fever play up.

No, I was formulating a plan.

Looks like I saved
you morons just in time.

Wait, where's Joel?

Joel's dead, mate.

Oh, Jesus.

Should we do like a minute
of silence or something?

Yeah, actually,
out of respect for Joel,

could you be
silent for, like,

the next four or five
fucking hours?

People die, mate,
it's part of life.

Speaking of which, em, um...

'Member when you were at
primary school and you had

that little puppy dog
and I told you it ran away?

- Mippy?
- Yeah.

Oh, wait, dad,
please, no--

no, no, no,
it did run away.

But when I say away,
what I mean is...

"Under the front wheels
of my ute".

Oh, my god, Emma,
i am so sorry

about mippy, that is--
that's heartbreaking.

How'd you get through the crowd
without them noticing?

You ever been
to a football grand final?

The only thing more stupid
than an angry crowd

is an angry crowd
full of bloodthirsty maniacs.

- - Oh, shit, they're coming.

Okay, I'm not saying we're
more intelligent than them

but I'll put a case
of beer on the fact
that a heap more of them

die before
they get through that fence.

Mippy would've
found a way.

Emma, mippy's dead.

- Move on.
- You move on.

Looks like you're
a hero, Roy.

Hmm.

Yeah, guys, I guess,
in a lot of ways,

I am a bit of a hero.

- Oh, Roy, right on my shoes.
- Sorry.

- Dad, you need to lie down.
- No, no, no. Fuck.

We don't have time
for that.

Now's the time you guys
have gotta run for the rover

and get us
the fuck out of here.

I don't have any
paintballs left.

- Yeah, Betsy's out, too.
- I've got a couple left,

but the sights are off
on this thing.

Couldn't you just get out there
and do some crazy ninja shit?

Why does everyone
keep saying that?

Look, we can't really
run and shoot.

- It's gonna wear us down.
- All right, give me that.

I have a plan.

I can protect you guys
from up here.

Ryan, Lachlan,
you two hit the ground,

you split both ways,
you run up the flanks.
That opens up the centre.

A minute later
em bolts up the middle,

grabs the keys
from the dead soldiers,

you get in the rover,
you come around the back.

I can keep em covered
from up here.

That's actually not
a bad plan.

Yeah, where'd you
learn tactics like that,
you Napoleon motherfucker?

I used to be coach
of em's under-14 soccer team

'til some of the parents
complained.

Were you losing
too many games or--

nah, it's what
the newspapers called

"a hugging-based
controversy".

It doesn't really matter.
Look, I'm gonna go over there

and have another spew
somewhere. Lachlan?

I'd just like to say...

Can you go clean up
that other spew?

Fuck. Jesus.

- How you doing, Roy?
- Never felt better, mate.

You look like shit.

Yeah, well,
I'm 51 years old.

Should've seen me after
my 21st birthday party.

I lost the ability to speak
English for an entire week

and, bizarrely,
had somehow learned Spanish.

Congratulations. Look,
i know what's going on.

I hope you do, man.
I hope your hamstrings

know what's going on,
you've got a long way to run.

No, I know what's going on
with you and the sickness.

Laina from the hyperdome
had the same thing.

I'm not showing you my balls,
if that's what you mean.

Look, Roy, you could turn
any second now.

What are you gonna do?

Tell you what
we're gonna do,

we're gonna keep this
between ourselves.

No, I can't let you do that.
You're gonna put us

- all in danger.
- No, I'm not.

I was never going to.

Not coming with you,
I'm staying here.

- What about Emma?
- I can protect her

long enough to make sure
she gets to the rover,

but once you hit that rover
you hit the ignition

and get the fuck as far away
from this place as you can.

And you have
to promise me one thing.

When this all blows over,

you take Emma and you go see

the wallabies
win the world cup.

I don't think that's
gonna happen, the final.

Well, just promise me.

- No, no, I can't
promise you that.
- Just promise it.

No, they've been weak
all season.

They're not gonna
make it that far.
Plus, all the zombies--

- fucking promise me!
- I'm not gonna make

- a promise I can't keep.
- Well, then fucking lie to me.

No!

As much as it pains me
to admit this, Lachlan,

that's why I've
always liked you,

because you stick
to your guns.

I said to you,
"don't go near my little girl"

and you somehow got her
to fall in love with you.

You're a decent man.

You've got
admirable qualities.

So don't change.

You know,
don't change into a...

Or I'll fucking come
and kill you.

I'll kill you.

Look, I want you
to have this.

I've killed lots
of zombies with it

and I think
you deserve it.

And you can
kill yourself with it.

You call that a knife?

No, that's a machete.

Yeah, that was like an early
80's film reference thing.

I got something
for you too.

Take that, it's, uh...

It's my sat phone number.

There's not enough power
to make a call,

but I can receive one,

so when you get
far enough away,

I want you to call me

and let me know
that you're okay.

And, uh...

Let me say goodbye
to my little girl.

Yeah, I can promise you that.

Sorry.

Go on.

Fucking dickhead.

Hey, listen, Roy--
oh, nice blade, man. Fuck!

Hey, look, I got something
to talk to you about.

Yeah, look, I've
already told you, mate,

I'm considering
you for the team.

- No, it's not that, mate.
- Whatever it is.

Whatever it is you've been
pissing your pants about

this whole time,
it no longer matters.

All that matters is we get
to that rover and get

- the fuck out of here.
- I disagree, mate.
I think once you hear--

mate, you're not
listening to me.

The only thing that matters

is that we get to the rover.

You wanna focus on something?
Focus on that.

Okay. We're doing it.

Lachy, let's do
some cross country.

See? Let's do it.

- Good luck.
- I'll see you in the rover.

Without a scratch.

- I love you.
- Go!

Come on. Come on,
you wanna play?

You wanna play?
Let's do this.

Oh, no. Shit, no.
I can't make that jump.

That-that-that's too high.

Fucking what?

I'm staying here
with you, man.

I'm gonna cover
Emma's rear... so to speak.

No, no, no,
you get the fuck out there.

Come on,
you bloodthirsty bastards.

Who wants some?
Who wants this?

La-la-la-la,
come on!

- Go!

Did you hear what I said?
I just said it.

- Get the fuck out there.
- I'm not going.

I'm leaving now.
Make a decision.

I'm gonna stay here with Roy.

He's sick, and a player
never leaves his captain.

I love you, dad.

You run like hell, baby.

For mippy!

You know, you are mental
for staying here.

That's fine by me.

Ah, come on,
you dirty fuckers.

I've got two giant nuts
for whoever can catch me.

Jeez, I knew
you guys were sick,

but I thought you'd have
a bit more race in you.

Am I going left?

Am I going right?

Oh, my god. Sorry.
I never hit women, ever.

Whatever.

Oh, fuck, Roy.
How long you reckon
that door's gonna hold?

How would I know? What am I,
an industrial designer?

I'm a fucking good shot,
that's what I am.

Keys, keys,
where are the fucking keys?

Yep.

- - Wait up!

Where's Lachlan?

I think he's
on the other side
of the building.

- They're in.
- Fuck, yeah!

- They're in the rover!
- Hopefully, no one else

has to die,
especially not me.

Oh, shit.
They broke the door down.

- Nice fucking fencing, Darryl.
- What am I, a fencer?

Here, quick! Give me
the toolmaster!

Find us a way out of here!

Whereabouts? Where do I go?

I don't fucking know,
just go somewhere!

Fuck, fuck.
Follow me, follow me.

All right, we're in
fucking heaps of 'em.

Hurry the fuck up!

Here we go. What's this?
The nail filer! The nail filer!

Just fucking open it.

Let's go! Come on!

- Roy!
- Fuck!

- Grab the vent!
- Okay.

Here, take
the toolmaster.

We're coming back
for that, right?

Yeah, sure.

Come on!

I'm out for the season.

I'm gonna get raped.

Oh, yeah? Suck some grass!

Huh? You want some grass?

Help me!

Get in here, you pussy.

I got you. I got you.

Thanks for saving my life.

No big deal.

What the fuck?
Are you trying to kiss me?

No, no, no, I was
just in the moment.

Are you all right?

I think
i sprained my ankle.

Give us a look.

That's a pretty nasty
sprain, bro.

- What is it?
- Shit, I'm gonna pass out.

Jesus, just don't
look at it.

What, you can handle
a million bleeding rotters
eating each other to death

- but a bit of bone's
gonna do it for you?
- I think I'm in shock.

You're not going into shock,
okay? You're not a doctor.

You're just being a pussy.

Keep your mind
off it, all right?

Think about what
we have to do next.

Find Darryl and Roy.

- What is this place, Roy?
- It's a fire escape tunnel.

Could we get
any more light?

No, it's a fucking
fire escape tunnel!

- Where does it lead?
- Fuck, Darryl, it leads

- to the gates of hell.
- Don't say that, Roy.

Not after all we've seen.

Okay, it's
a fire escape tunnel.

It leads to escape.

Look, we just have
to time it with the rover.

We go out too early,
we get ate.

We go out too late--

- we'll be eaten.
- Exactly.

Roy, can we talk
about something?

I can hear the rover.
Crawl faster!

- I need to say it.
- Fuck it. I can hear
the rover! Just go!

- It's about Emma and me.
- Oh, all right.

I may have had--
in fact, I did have--

- uh-huh.
- A brief, but consensual,

sexual encounter
with your girl recently.

How do I say this? Um...

Are you familiar with
the act of penetration?

I am familiar
with penetration.

All right, so we're
on the same page.

Where are these dipsticks?

I don't know,
we'll do another lap.

Fuck. Give me that.

Roy! Ow!

Roy! Ow! Ow!

I'm sorry, mate. Ow!

I know it's hairy one,
i really do! Ow!

- - Fuck it.

What's that?

- - Hello?

Hey, Roy,
can you hear me?

- Are you crying?
- No, I'm not crying.

- I'm crying.
- What do you want, Lachlan?

Where are you guys?
We've been driving around

like a bunch
of headless chickens.
We can't see you anywhere.

Yeah, we're stuck
in the fucking tunnel.

Are you coming out?

No, I don't think we are.

We got a couple of things
we gotta work out down here.

Congratulations.
Look, I've got something

really important
to ask you.

Oh, Lachlan,
nothing good ever came

from somebody wanting to know
about something important.

No, no, no.
This is different.

I wanna ask you
if I can marry your daughter.

Fuck, Lachlan,
are you sure about that?

More than anything.

Well,
have you asked em?

Not yet.

Well, maybe you want
to do that, you know?

You're asking her
to marry you, not me.

She may have an opinion
on it, you fuckwit.

Look.

The world's gone to shit, mate.
I don't give a fuck

- what anybody does.
- Is that a blessing?

Yeah, that's... my version
of a blessing.

So, can you put Emma on?

You fucking dickhead.

Yeah, sure.

- Hey, puppy, is that you?
- Yeah, I'm here, dad.

Listen, I gotta
tell you something

and I don't want you
to say anything

until I'm done,
all right?

Okay.

Okay, now, look,
me and Darryl

we're gonna stay here
and, uh, and we're gonna die.

But I need you to do
something for me, okay?

I need you to get as far away
from here as you can.

But before you do that,
when you're a couple
of blocks away,

I need you to shoot a flare
so I can see it, you know?

So, then just
get the fuck out of here.

When you're safe,
when you're really safe,

just blow some shit up
for your old dad.

Okay.

Is it-- can you hear me?

This fucking battery's dying.

Yes, yes, I can hear you.

I just don't want
to leave you.

Oh, baby,
I'm sick. I'm fucked.

I know.

I think
the only thing now,

the only thing left
is to turn into

one of those rotters,

and, you know, like,
fuck that, yeah?

I just want you
to have a-- you know,

have a good life,
go do some stuff.

You know,
make great decisions.

I wish-- I wish I'd been
a better dad, you know?

I wish we'd spent
more time together.

I love you so much.

I love you too.

You know, the greatest
privilege of my life

was watching you grow up.

So you shoot that flare,
you fucking shoot it sky high,

- yeah?
- Yep. I will.

I fucking love you, puppy.
I'm not gonna say goodbye,

so you just fucking
rock on, yeah?

We've gotta go.

So, who-who-who was that?

Uh, remember the girl
you violated earlier today?

My beloved only daughter?
That was her.

Did the battery die?

No, the conversation
just came to a natural end.

Could've kept it going.

Yeah, I've just...

I've just never been
very good on the phone.

You were saying goodbye
to your daughter.

Yeah, and I said goodbye.

I'm pretty sure
you said "rock on".

Look, just leave it.

- Mate, come on.
- Mate--

- mate!
- Mate!

You're right, mate.
I'm sorry.

If that's how
we're doing things,

I have
another confession,

and this one's
actually a bit fucked.

Duck!

- Go!
- Oh, shit.

Ah, fuck.

Ah, fuck.
Thanks, mate.

That's okay.
Hey, listen.

When we first got
to the exchange,

Joel had
ran into your missus

- on the way over--
- fuck, no...

And she'd been
rotted to the core.

Then she tried
to attack us--

you fucking didn't!

I'm sorry, Roy.

She's basically dead.

Basically?

Oh, she's actually dead.
She's definitely dead.

I shot her with a 12-Gauge.
I'm so sorry, Roy.

I'm sorry, mate. Shit.
I feel about as sorry

as anyone could be
about anything.

It's like the time
i broke the fish tank
at me parents' house.

And I know it doesn't
sound as bad, but shit.

The fish were flopping
all around the fucking ground

and mum was screaming.
It was awful.

No.

No, Darryl,
you did the right thing.

Better you than
a stranger, yeah?

I mean, you found yourself
in a difficult situation,

you did
the only logical thing.

Yeah, you're right.
I responded.

And following
that line of thought,

I now only have
one real option

- left open to me, yeah?
- Yeah, what's that?

That's for me
to kill you.

- Wait, what's that?
- I get to kill you.

No, I don't want that.
Fuck that.

You fucked my daughter

and killed my wife

in the same fucking afternoon!

Of course
it's gonna sound bad

when you put it
like that, Roy.

That's the way
it fucking happened, Darryl.

Okay. Yeah,
you know what?

You're right,
that was rude of me.

That was inappropriate

and I give you permission
to kill... me.

Uh, how did you
want to do it?

I don't care, I could just
fucking strangle you out.

Could I masturbate
at the same time

so there's something
in it for me?

Or it's just unpleasant.

No, you can't
fucking masturbate.

Look, all right.

I'll fucking Nick cave
your head in

against the fucking wall.

Jeez, man, I wish
Betsy had some shells.

Oh, fuck.
That'd be awesome.

- All right. Surprise me.
- Okay.

Or-- or even, you could
leave me to the rotters.

No, no, no, no, it has
to be me that does this.

Can't you just
rape me for a bit?

Darryl...

Rape,
by its very definition,

cannot be requested.

Look, I'm not an animal.
I just...

I just want to murder you.

Now, take the hat off

out of respect
for the country...

And shut your eyes.

- Just, all I ask,
- is don't use the machete.

That thing's
fucking brutal.

Okay. All right.

Okay. On the count
of three, yeah?

- Yeah, okay.
- One...

Actually, Roy-- oh, fuck!

Oh, Roy!

All I wanted to say--

oh, fuck, that hurt.

You can't kill me yet.

Why not?

'Cause-- 'cause I'm not
comfortable sitting

- on this fucking thing.
- Where the fuck did you
get that?

I found it in a random house
on the way to the exchange.

So you've had that
the whole time?

Yeah, since we've been
in immediate danger.

Pretty much, yeah.

- Can I have a look?
- Yeah.

That is fucking awesome.

It's got some weight
to it, doesn't it?

- Fuck, let's roam.
- Oh, fuck!

Your hat!

- Hey, that had a pin.
- Oh, yeah. It did.

- Why'd you take it out?
- I didn't mean to.

- Oh, shit.
- Me? What--

fuck! Roy, shit.

Shit, let's go, cunt!

Fuck.

Darryl, that was one
hell of a bowling action.

You know, we could use
a guy like you on the team.

But I fucked your wife
and killed your daughter.

- You fucking what?
- I f-- oh, no.

Other way around. I killed--

that would've been bad.

Yeah, that would've
been hardcore.

Hey, Roy, there doesn't

seem to be any of those
rotten freaks around.

I think we're free.
I think the sun saved us!

Of course it's the sun!
It's the light! Yeah!

Oh, wait.

Oh, wait. No.

I think you might've been
thinking about vampires, Darryl.

Yeah, I meant vampires.
Fuck, too much TV, man.

You know what?
- What?

- We've had a pretty good run.
- Yeah?

Yeah, I've seen-- I've seen
man land on the moon,

I've seen
the Berlin wall come down,

I've seen magazine porn
turn into Internet porn--

discovery
of the higgs boson.

Particle physics
and all that?

Porn on your phone, as well.

- Phone porn!
- Phone porn.

How good is that shit?

Tell you what, Sundance.

We get out of here alive,

let's go to Australia.

Fuck.

Fuck, I love this.

Fuck, I love this, too.

These things will kill you.

Fuck you, grandma.

Get off me, you dick.

Oh, god! No!

Oh, fuck this!

You got a bit
of a cold, mate?

No.

I love you, mate.

What's that?

I love you.
Like a friend.

Yeah, like a gay friend.

No, you know I didn't
mean it like that.

Can't believe it.

My only daughter
got rooted

by a gay bloke,
that is so modern.

I'm not gay, Roy.

Look.

That's my little girl.

Ah, you go, baby.

♪ That boom box
in the backyard goes ♪

♪ hey ♪

♪ the boom box
in the backyard goes ♪

♪ hey ♪

♪ the boom box
in the backyard goes ♪

♪ hey yeah ♪

♪ daddy's home, sweetheart ♪

♪ it seems that
the dreams ♪

♪ for the children
on the block ♪

♪ has gone from love
to a thug ♪

♪ with a million
dollar watch ♪

♪ you see I'm talking
'bout the jungle ♪

♪ the outback
the city I live in ♪

♪ that cunt that'll
always bounce back ♪

♪ with a witty dominion ♪

♪ I'll flow like this
and I still don't like pigs ♪

♪ attitude is what I got ♪

♪ I'm flippin' I'm trippin'
I'm puffin' on pot ♪

♪ so don't even think
to sleep on me ♪

♪ 'cause I'm
a dodgy mattress ♪

♪ I figured it out
I'm the king of the house ♪

♪ I'm a flying flock of axes ♪

♪ I'm going vampire killing ♪

♪ with stakes
in me holsters ♪

♪ shooting 'em down
ripping the faces ♪

♪ off vultures ♪

♪ the trolley's full
of goodies for the kids ♪

♪ so rat-a-tat-tat
the big macka is back ♪

♪ and I'm loading
off the dip ♪

♪ what up, cunt ♪

Are you still
with us or what?

Let's make some noise

for the state
of Australian hip-hop.

Hey, Roy.

Roy.

Ah, fuck. Sorry, mate.

I was just trying
to formulate a plan.

Oh, it's not gonna work.
We got no legs.

Oh, fuck. That's--
that plan's fucked, then.

Least we'll get
a wheelchair or something.

Yeah, we could have races.

Yeah, fucking beat you.

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ oh ♪

♪ you found me
in a good mood ♪

♪ ya little bastards ♪

♪ my grandma told me,
do not take shit ♪

♪ from anybody
in this motherfucking bitch ♪

♪ see, my grandma told me ♪

♪ never, never, never
take no shit ♪

♪ especially that shark
in the dark ♪

♪ 'cause that shark
in the dark can suck my -- ♪

- ♪ watch your mouth ♪
- ♪ my grandma told me... ♪

♪ Never, never, ever,
ever take no shit ♪

♪ and that's probably why
my grandpa hides ♪

♪ while my grandma's why
my heart won't quit ♪

♪ my dad taught me
how to handle the riffraff ♪

♪ and mum bought the pain
first time I did graff ♪

♪ one time for the fam
that you got ♪

♪ my granny got a gun
and never ran from the cops ♪

♪ so I stand on this rock
with a zen mentality ♪

♪ and drift this bitch
'til we bend reality ♪

♪ my bloodline bangs
when I handle the beat ♪

♪ so don't bark up
my family tree ♪

♪ I say what you think,
but I'm not a mind reader ♪

♪ I'm good to my girl,
but I wear a wife-beater ♪

♪ happy as fuck
when I rap with my cuz ♪

♪ if you're battling him,
then you're battling us ♪

♪ a world full of wolves,
who's the leader of the pack? ♪

♪ When they teach you
how to act ♪

♪ trying to keep you
in a trap conditioned ♪

♪ 'til you're blue in the face
so take it from rage ♪

♪ I won't do what they say
because ♪

♪ my grandma told me ♪

♪ never, never, never
take no shit ♪

♪ especially that shark
in the dark ♪

♪ 'cause that shark in the dark
can suck my -- ♪

- ♪ watch your mouth ♪
- ♪ my grandma told me ♪

♪ never, never, ever, ever
take no shit ♪

♪ and that's probably why
my grandpa hides ♪

♪ while my grandma's why
my heart won't quit ♪

♪ just Bob
like you're mad on Marley ♪

♪ and I finally got a job
to get my dad that Harley ♪

♪ though it's hardly a job
'cause the tune forms refuge ♪

♪ I'm an uncle now
with a newborn nephew ♪

♪ flowers grew,
ground broke with the buzz ♪

♪ jam with my fam,
sound folk with my cuz ♪

♪ we don't say it enough,
so from all of my band ♪

♪ i'ma take a sec to give it up
to all of our fans ♪

♪ I'll just stand
in the kitchen ♪

♪ with a plan and a vision,
I'm a man on a mission ♪

♪ with my folk on a Friday
soak in the light rays ♪

♪ Carolina blue sky
coast on a highway ♪

♪ on track fired up
and steam-powered ♪

♪ never listen
to the dream-doubters
and the bean counters ♪

♪ join the mental,
consequential song writer ♪

♪ lit the island up
like a continental bonfire ♪

♪ my grandma told me ♪

♪ never, never, never
take no shit ♪

♪ especially that shark
in the dark ♪

♪ 'cause that shark in the dark
can suck my -- ♪

- ♪ watch your mouth ♪
- ♪ my grandma told me ♪

♪ never, never, ever, ever
take no shit ♪

♪ and that's probably why
my grandpa hides ♪

♪ while my grandma's why
my heart won't quit ♪

♪ 26th of march,
the vision is bliss ♪

♪ it's 5:55
on the fifth of the fifth ♪

♪ eso poppin' in new years,
flippin' the script ♪

♪ it's just 380 babies
chilling in the crib ♪

♪ we're not giving a shit,
so respect your elders ♪

♪ the proof's in the pudding
that protects and shelters ♪

♪ so tell this
to the rock in your way ♪

♪ I don't budge mate,
you ain't got what it takes ♪

♪ got tinkerbell's magic dust
and I'm saddled up ♪

♪ down at the jam,
rattled up in a cattle truck ♪

♪ paint those pics
with the pallet of a dreamer ♪

♪ make those sick... ♪

Hey, Roy.

You dead?
What're you doing?

I'm trying to die.
It just takes ages.

We got no legs,
but we're still alive.

Maybe we could come back

for the sequel
and/or video game.

Oh, fuck. That'd be sweet.

Play legless characters.

Yeah, we could get those--
what do you call those...

Prosth-- not prosthetics.
Like, robotics.

- Like six million dollar man.
- Robocop legs.

- Yeah, robocop legs.
- Let's do that, then.

I'm not even a real cop.
Do you reckon I could

- still get 'em?
- No. They'll believe it.

Great.