Original subtitles

(bell dings)

WELCOME TO "IMPORTANT THINGS." MY NAME IS DEMETRI MARTIN.

TONIGHT'S IMPORTANT THING IS CONTROL.

CONTROL'S A VERY IMPORTANT THING.

I GOT IT. SOMETIMES WE CONTROL BIG THINGS.

(plane engine roars) YEAH, THERE WE GO.

SOMETIMES WE CONTROL LITTLE THINGS.

"OKAY, WE'RE COMING IN. LOOKING GOOD."

SOMETIMES, WE CAN'T CONTROL ANYTHING.

"WE GOT TURBULENCE! WE GOT TURBULENCE.

WE GOT A PROBLEM HERE." (wind howling)

"MAYDAY! MAYDAY!"

SOMETIMES WE CONTROL... EVERYTHING. (people screaming)

CAN I GET SOME MORE CLOUDS?

(airplane engine buzzing)

**

(cheering)

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, AUDIENCE. WELCOME.

WELCOME TO "IMPORTANT THINGS." I'M DEMETRI.

TONIGHT'S IMPORTANT THING IS CONTROL.

OOH, THAT'S A BIG ONE.

OKAY, A LOT OF WAYS TO COVER THIS THING. LET'S SEE.

"MAKE YOU THINK OF AN ELEPHANT."

(laughter)

"MAKE AN ELEPHANT THINK OF YOU." (laughter)

OR "JOKES."

I PROBABLY ALREADY DID ONE OF THOSE.

(laughter)

MM... "JOKES."

(electronic tones play) I WAS PRETTY YOUNG

WHEN I FIRST HEARD THE TERM "TRAINING BRA." (laughter)

AND IT KIND OF FREAKED ME OUT. I WAS LIKE, "TRAINING BRA?

"WHAT DO YOU-- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'TRAINING'?

THEY'RE TRAINING THEIR CHESTS?" (laughter)

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, YOU KNOW?

IS THERE, LIKE, A COMPETITION COMING UP OR SOMETHING? (laughter)

SEE SOME OLD LADY,

AND HER, LIKE, BOOBS ARE EVERYWHERE,

AND YOU'RE LIKE, "WHAT'S UP WITH HER?" (laughter)

"THOSE ARE UNTRAINED TITTIES, MAN." (laughter)

(chuckles)

YOU GOTTA TRAIN 'EM WHILE THEY'RE YOUNG. (laughter)

THEY GO WILD. THOSE ARE FREE-RANGE.

(laughter)

BEFORE, SHE WAS WATCHING TV,

AND ONE OF 'EM JUST PUNCHED HER IN THE FACE. (laughter)

SHE WASN'T EVEN RUNNING. IT WAS JUST LIKE, BAM!

"DOWN!

WHY DIDN'T I TRAIN THESE WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE?" (laughter)

GUYS HAVE NO TR-- WE DON'T A TRAINING,

LIKE, UNDERWEAR OR SOMETHING, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? (laughter)

THE BALLS JUST KIND OF SHOW UP...

(laughter) AND THEY'RE LIKE, "ALL RIGHT, REPORTING FOR DUTY.

NO TRAINING NECESSARY, SIR." (laughter)

"WE ASK THAT YOU JUST DO NOT HIT OR GRAZE US."

(laughter)

"OTHERWISE, WE'RE ON CALL 24/7." (laughs) (laughter)

I THINK A CEILING FAN

IS THERE USUALLY JUST TO TELL PEOPLE,

"HEY, NO JUMPING AROUND IN THIS ROOM."

(laughter)

"THIS IS NOT THE PLACE TO GET REALLY GOOD NEWS."

(laughter)

I'M REALLY SECRETIVE.

I'M SO SECRETIVE, THAT ONE TIME, SOMEBODY SAID TO ME,

"CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET?"

AND I SAID, "THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS."

(laughter)

**

* LA LA LA LA LA

* LA LA

* LA LA LA LA LA LA

* LA LA LA LA LA

**

**

IT'S AN INCREDIBLE VIEW.

I'M CERTAINLY ENJOYING IT.

I MEANT THE SKY.

I PREFER THINGS I CAN TOUCH.

TOUCHING CAN BE DANGEROUS.

WELL, MAYBE YOU'RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT.

(laughter) I WAS SENT HERE TO SEDUCE YOU

AND TO KILL YOU.

AS LONG AS IT HAPPENS IN THAT ORDER.

(laughter)

(glasses clink)

IF YOU KILL AS WELL AS YOU KISS, THEN I DON'T STAND A CHANCE.

WELL, DARLING, I AM LETHAL IN BED.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO TELL ME HOW YOU WERE PLANNING

ON FINISHING ME OFF? (laughter)

FIRST, I WAS GONNA GET YOU INTO THE BED. YES?

THEN I WAS GONNA GET HOLD OF YOUR GUN.

MM. (laughs)

I'M LISTENING. AND THEN I WAS GONNA SHOOT YOU

IN THE ANUS.

(laughter) MM.

WAIT. (sighs)

MM. WELL, IF YOU'RE AS IMAGINATIVE

IN, UH--WAIT.

WHAT? (laughter)

DID YOU SAY YOU WERE GONNA SHOOT ME IN THE ANUS? (laughter)

YES, AND THEN I WAS GONNA SMASH YOUR FACE

WITH THE LAMP.

AND THEN I WAS GONNA CUT YOU UP INTO PIECES

AND BURN THEM AND PUT INTO A BAG... WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

A GARBAGE BAG. YOU WERE GONNA TAKE YOUR GUN

AND SHOOT ME

IN THE ANUS? (laughter)

YES.

WOW. OKAY, UH,

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

(laughter) DARLING, COME TO BED. COME ON.

JESUS!

WHAT ARE YOU--WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

YOU DON'T WANT I SHOOT YOU IN THE ANUS?

WHEN YOU SAY "ANUS," WHAT DO-- WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT MEANS?

IT'S A VERY SMALL AREA WHERE YOU-- OKAY, OKAY.

I WAS HOPING THERE WAS A TRANSLATION PROBLEM HERE. (laughter)

WELL, WE DO IT IN RUSSIA, SO... SO IF I GO TO RUSSIA,

YOU'LL SAY, "SHOOT SOMEONE IN THE ANUS."

(laughter)

YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU WERE TALKING, THERE WAS SOMETHING IN YOUR EYE

THAT WAS, LIKE, A LITTLE CRAZY. AND I-I LIKED IT AT FIRST,

BUT I KNEW THAT WAS GOING THE WRONG CRAZY.

(laughter) ARE YOU GONNA COME TO BED?

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS, BUT I THINK YOU NEED TO GO.

JAMES. YES?

**

(exhales quickly) OKAY.

(laughs)

(sets glass down)

SHE'S NOT GONNA SHOOT YOU IN THE ANUS.

(chuckles) HEY. (giggles) HEY.

(laughs)

(audience) OH!

WHAT HAPPENED?

FAR AS WE KNOW, HE GOT SMASHED IN THE FACE WITH A LAMP,

CHOPPED UP AND SET ON FIRE.

WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS ANUS? (laughter)

WE DON'T KNOW. (laughter)

**

(sighs)

* THIS IS A SKETCH * YES, IT IS

* THIS IS A SKETCH * THAT'S RIGHT

* THIS IS A SKETCH * SKETCH IT UP

* IT'S A SKETCH * SKETCH

SO, LISTEN... YEAH?

MY ROOMMATE'S COMING. OH, WOW. IS HE?

YEAH, YEAH, COOL. HE--BUT HE'S-- HE'S FROM THE FUTURE, SO...

WHAT? YEAH, HE'S--HE'S LITERALLY-- HE'S FROM THE FUTURE.

(laughs) YEAH, RIGHT. I JUST WANTED TO PREPARE YOU GUYS.

OKAY. THERE HE IS. HEY, TOBY.

OH, MY GOD. WHAT'S UP?

TOBY, THIS IS NATASHA AND AMY. HEY, HOW ARE YOU?

OH, HI. HI. TOBY.

GOOD. GOOD. WHAT'S UP?

NICE TO MEET YOU. YEAH, THANKS. I'M FROM THE FUTURE, SO KIND OF A TRIP.

YOU KNOW THERE ARE LISTS,

AND THIS IS ACTUALLY THE WORST TIME EVER.

I'M NOT MAKING THAT UP. I'M JUST LETTING YOU KNOW.

ON!

WAY TO GO. I'M TRYING TO TURN THAT ON.

Y-YOU CAN'T TURN IT ON THAT WAY.

YOU HAVE TO PRESS THE POWER. (sighs)

SO WHERE YOU FROM? FLORIDA.

OH, DIDN'T THAT BLOW UP?

SO, UH,

THINK I COULD GET A D.N.A. SAMPLE? WHY?

TO MAKE A SEX CLONE.

UP.

UP.

UP!

UNBELIEVABLE.

**

(light jazz playing)

CONTROL IS VERY IMPORTANT.

BY HAVING CONTROL,

YOU CAN CONTROL

AND DO A LOT OF THINGS.

IT GETS YOUR HEAD.

* YEAH, YEAH (cheering)

YOU KNOW, THERE ARE A LOT OF TIMES IN LIFE

WHERE CONTROL IS IMPORTANT, AND DEPENDING ON THE SITUATION,

IT CAN BE GOOD, BAD OR INTERESTING.

I'LL SHOW YOU NOW IN A SEGMENT CALLED "GOOD, BAD, INTERESTING."

(laughter)

OKAY, LET'S TAKE A LOOK.

"WRESTLE TO THE GROUND."

GOOD--CRIMINAL. (laughter)

BAD--YOUR THERAPIST. (laughter)

(chuckles)

INTERESTING--A PIÑATA. (chuckles)

THAT GUY REALLY WANTS THAT CANDY.

(laughter)

LEAVE HIM. LEAVE HIM-- LET HIM DO IT. LEAVE HIM.

(laughter)

"GRABBING THE WHEEL."

GOOD-- WHEN THE DRIVER'S FAINTED.

(laughter)

BAD--YOU'RE LOSING AT ROULETTE. (laughter)

THAT'D BE BAD.

INTERESTING--YOU'RE MAD AT YOUR HAMSTER.

(laughter)

"HOLD ON!" (laughter)

"YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE."

(laughter) "THROWING YOUR WEIGHT AROUND."

(laughter)

GOOD--WHEN YOU NEED TO GET THINGS DONE. (laughter)

BAD--WHEN YOU'RE PREGNANT. (laughter)

NOT COOL.

(laughter)

INTERESTING... (laughs) WHEN YOU'VE HAD LIPOSUCTION.

(laughter)

(chuckles)

(applause) (chuckles)

"STANDING ABSOLUTELY STILL."

GOOD--YOU'RE HIDING. (laughter)

BAD... (laughs) YOU'RE REPRODUCING.

(laughter)

"WE GOT THIS. WE GOT THIS."

(laughter)

(chuckles)

(laughs) INTERESTING-- YOU'RE IN A DANCE CONTEST.

(laughter)

"FASCINATING MOVE!" (laughter)

"PASSING BILL."

GOOD--YOU'RE A CONGRESSMAN.

BAD--BILL'S CAR BROKE DOWN. (laughter)

"HI, BILL."

(laughter)

INTERESTING--YOU NAME YOUR KIDNEY STONES. (laughs)

(chuckles)

"BILL!"

**

I'M GLAD YOU'RE PLEASED, GENERAL BILE.

THIS IS TRULY A HISTORIC MOMENT.

MY DELEGATES ARE READY TO REPRESENT THE GOBO PEOPLE

IN THE SIGNING OF THIS TREATY.

HANSON, ARE WE READY TO BEAM THEM OVER? TRANSPORTER ENGAGED.

(switch clicks) THIS SHALL BE RECORDED FOR MY CHILDREN

AND MY CHILDREN'S CHILDREN. (beam zapping)

UH-OH, SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT.

(beam pulsing) (General Bile) WHAT?!

HOW DARE YOU!

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE. (gasps)

OH (bleep)! I'M SO SORRY, GENERAL BILE.

THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE.

UH, PLEASE ACCEPT MY APOLOGY,

AND WE CAN PROCEED WITH THE SIGNING

OF THE PEACE AGREEMENT. ABSOLUTELY NOT.

WE CANNOT HAVE THIS TERRIBLE IMAGE

MAKE ITS WAY INTO THE GOBIAN HISTORY.

I WILL BE SENDING TWO NEW DELEGATES TO YOUR SHIP.

SORRY, GUYS. (Captain Sullivan) UH,

GENERAL BILE, I'M SORRY. CAN WE PUT YOU ON HOLD FOR A SECOND?

IF YOU MUST.

HOLD ENGAGED. (computer beeps)

WHAT HAPPENED? I DON'T KNOW.

HANSON, I NEED YOU TO FIX IT RIGHT NOW. (computer pulses, switch clicks)

UH, I FOUND IT. I THINK I FOUND IT.

YOU THINK SO, OR YOU KNOW SO, HANSON?

I THINK I KNOW SO. (laughter)

YEAH. (sighs)

ALL RIGHT, TAKE 'EM OFF HOLD. (computer beeps)

WE CAN CONTINUE NOW, GENERAL BILE. SORRY.

CAPTAIN SULLIVAN, WHENEVER YOU ARE READY.

HANSON, ENGAGE TRANSPORTER.

(switch clicks) TRANSPORTER ENGAGED.

(computer pulses) (General Bile) AFTER 200 YEARS,

PEACE AT LAST.

(beam zapping) I SHALL NEVER FORGET THIS MOMENT.

(beam pulses) (laughter)

(General Bile growls)

HOW DARE YOU!

HOLY (bleep)!

UH-OH. UH-OH. ARE YOU TRYING TO DISGRACE US?

UH... I'M REBOOTING. I'M GONNA REBOOT THE WHOLE SYSTEM.

EXPLAIN PLEASE. I'M SO SORRY, GENERAL.

I-I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. WHY DID HE HAVE A BALL GAG IN HIS MOUTH?

(General Bile) CAPTAIN SULLIVAN, THIS ACT OF DISRESPECT... I GOT IT. I GOT IT. IT'S FINE.

(sighs) TESTS THE PATIENCE OF THE GOBO PEOPLE.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

WHY DON'T WE TRY SENDING OVER JUST ONE PERSON?

I THINK IT'S THE TWO PEOPLE THAT'S CREATING THE PROBLEM,

RIGHT, HANSON? THAT'S RIGHT, SIR.

GOOD. (whispering) IT'S NOT MY FAULT.

(General Bile) AND YOU CAN ASSURE ME... I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

THAT HE WILL ARRIVE AS HE LEAVES? I CAN ASSURE YOU OF THAT.

HANSON? YES, SIR.

OKAY. ENGAGING TRANSPORTER.

LET ME SAY IT FIRST, HANSON!

ENGAGE TRANSPORTER, HANSON.

TRANSPORTER ENGAGED. (beam pulses)

LET THIS MOMENT BE ETCHED FOREVER

IN THE STONES OF OSMOND. (beam zaps)

(muffled yelling) OH, GOD.

DO I LOOK? DO I EVEN LOOK? DO I LOOK? SIR,

DO NOT, SIR. (muffled yelling)

HOLY (bleep)! (General Bile growls)

UH-OH. THIS IS GROUNDS TO START THE WAR AGAIN

BETWEEN OUR PEOPLE. (Hanson) GOD.

UH, GENERAL BILE, I'M--I'M-- (muffled yelling)

I-I'M SHOCKED AND EMBARRASSED.

CAN I PUT YOU ON HOLD FOR JUST ONE SECOND, SIR?

(groans)

(computer beeps) HANSON, WHAT THE (bleep)?

(whispering) HE'S PISSED. HE'S PISSED. WHAT THE (bleep)?

WHAT'S GOING ON?! (normal voice) CAPTAIN, I WANT TO APOLOGIZE AGAIN

FOR THE MALFUNCTION.

YOU SAID YOU FIXED IT! THIS SWITCH HAS AN UP AND DOWN POSITION,

AND IT TURNS OUT I SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE MIDDLE POSITION. (sighs)

I DID NOT REALIZE THERE WAS A THIRD POSITION.

WHAT THE (bleep)? WE ARE (bleep)!

WE'RE GOOD TO GO, SIR. AND I SHOULD TRUST YOU BECAUSE OF LAST TIME, RIGHT,

WHEN THE GUY CAME IN ROLLED UP IN A BALL

SUCKING HIS OWN (bleep)?!

(laughter) IT'S FIXED.

IT'S FIXED? YEAH.

(sighs) ALL RIGHT, TAKE 'EM OFF HOLD.

(computer beeps) OFF HOLD.

(Captain Sullivan) GENERAL BILE... YES?

BELIEVE ME, I WOULD NOT TELL YOU

THAT WE FIXED THIS PROBLEM... (computer pulses)

UNLESS I KNEW

100% CERTAINTY

THAT THE PROBLEM IS FIXED, AND IT IS.

AS THE LEGACY OF OUR FATHERS WAS TO MAKE WAR,

OUR LEGACY WILL BE TO MAKE PEACE.

YOU ARE RIGHT, BUT WE ARE OUT OF DELEGATES.

I'LL HAVE TO COME OVER AND SIGN THE TREATY MYSELF.

UH...

AND I WILL BE BRINGING MY SON.

OH, BOY.

(bleep) UH-OH. UH-OH. (switches clicking)

(laughter) (sighs)

CAPTAIN, I AM READY.

IT'S GONNA BE GREAT. (laughter)

YOU KNOW WHAT? (sighs)

FIRE ALL WEAPONS. JUST FIRE.

WHAT, CAPTAIN? YOU HEARD ME. FIRE ON 'EM, 'CAUSE WE'RE DONE.

(switches clicking) FIRING ALL WEAPONS.

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE, HANSON. IT WASN'T MY FAULT.

(General Bile) WAR! (laser guns zapping)

(fanfare plays)

**

NEXT.

PEOPLE USE A LOT OF OLD EXPRESSIONS.

I'D LIKE TO NOW SHOW YOU SOME NEW EXPRESSIONS

USING SCENE WORK.

(electronic tones play)

SO DID YOU HEAR ED TELLING THAT STORY? I COULDN'T FOLLOW IT.

OH, GOD, WHEN ED TELLS A STORY, FORGET IT.

HE'S TOTALLY GRANDPA'S EYEBROWS.

(laughter)

...ALL OVER THE PLACE.

(laughter)

(applause)

MY SISTER, SHE'S GETTING HER NOSE DONE, HER LIPS DONE,

HER CHEEKS LIFTED. IT'S CRAZY.

REALLY? SHE LOOKED FINE. TALK ABOUT EATING RICE WITH STILTS.

(laughter)

...YOU OVERDID IT.

(laughter)

CHOPSTICKS WORK FINE. WHY ARE YOU USING STILTS?

NOW YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS. (laughter)

(applause)

HEY. HI.

CAN YOU BELIEVE JAKE?

I MEAN, HE PICKED THE RESTAURANT WE'RE GOING TO,

NOW HE WANTS TO PICK THE MOVIE? (scoffs) JAKE--HE'S TRYING TO MEET THE MAYOR TWICE.

(laughter) RIGHT.

...YOU ALREADY MET THE MAYOR. NOW YOU WANT TO MEET HIM AGAIN?

(laughter) YOU'RE A PUSHY-ASS (bleep)!

(laughter and applause)

(clears throat) YOUR HONOR...

ORDER, ORDER!

UM, I-I--YOUR HONOR-- (gavel bangs)

ORDER, ORDER!

(laughter) OKAY.

I-IN MARCH OF 2008, I-- (gavel bangs)

ORDER, ORDER!

(laughter)

I-I RENT AN APARTMENT FROM THE-- (gavel bangs)

ORDER, ORDER! (laughter)

(laughter)

JUST CAN I SAY--

I RENTED AN APARTMENT-- (gavel bangs)

ORDER, ORDER!

$1,500 IN A SECURE-- (gavel bangs)

ORDER, ORDER! HE OWES ME MONEY.

(bangs gavel) ORDER, ORDER! HE OWES ME $2,000.

(gavel bangs) ORDER, ORDER!

(laughter) (tapping knuckles on table)

I (bleep) HATE YOU. I (bleep) HATE YOU. ORDER, ORDER! ORDER, ORDER, ORDER!

YOU'RE THE WORST JUDGE I'VE EVER (bleep) HAD, MAN! ORDER, ORDER!

YOU'RE THE WORST (bleep) JUDGE I'VE EVER HAD. ORDER, ORDER!

I CAN'T (bleep) STAND YOU. "ORDER, ORDER, ORDER!" ORDER, ORDER, ORDER, ORDER!

"ORDER, ORDER, ORDER, ORDER, ORDER, ORDER!" ORDER, ORDER, ORDER, ORDER, ORDER, ORDER, ORDER!

WELL, YOU KEEP DOING THAT... ORDER, ORDER, ORDER, ORDER.

I OUGHT TO (bleep) ASSAULT YOU BECAUSE WHEN I JUST... ORDER, ORDER, ORDER, ORDER, ORDER, ORDER,

ORDER, ORDER, ORDER, ORDER, ORDER, ORDER! TALKING ABOUT MY THING, YOU JUST KEEP... RIGHT.

(laughter)

(laughter)

(dramatic music plays)

(applause)

**

**

(dramatic music playing)

GIVE ME YOUR HAND.

GIVE ME THE IDOL OF OZAR. NO.

YOU'RE GONNA FALL AND DIE. GIVE ME YOUR HAND.

YOU ARE IN NO POSITION TO NEGOTIATE, MY FRIEND.

(laughter)

WHAT?

I'M GOING TO COUNT TO THREE, AND THEN I'M GOING TO KILL YOU.

ONE... (scoffs)

TWO... WAIT A SECOND.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WHEN YOU GET TO THREE?

THAT'S ON A STRICTLY NEED-TO-KNOW BASIS.

LOOK, I'M GONNA COUNT TO THREE IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME YOUR HAND.

ONE... NO, I SAID, "I'M GONNA COUNT TO THREE."

TWO... I SAID, "I'M GOING TO COUNT TO THREE."

I DIDN'T SAY YOU TO COUNT TO THREE. I GROW WEARY OF YOUR GAMES.

I DON'T SEE HOW THIS IS A GAME.

YOU GIVE ME YOUR HAND AND YOU LIVE.

YOU DON'T GIVE ME YOUR HAND, YOU DIE. PRECISELY.

EXCUSE ME? YOU HAVE ONE CHOICE AND ONE CHOICE ALONE.

YOU GIVE ME THE IDOL OF OZAR, OR YOU DIE.

UNDERSTOOD?

WHAT ABOUT IF I JUST STAND UP AND WALK AWAY?

YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES. (laughter)

AND BOTH, YOU WILL DIE.

YOU WILL WALK AWAY, AND I WILL KILL YOU.

I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS. GIVE ME YOUR HAND NOW. WHICH ONE?

YOUR CHOICE? THE IDOL...

AH, FORGET IT. GIVE ME THE IDOL!

(laughs) YOU WALKED RIGHT INTO MY TRAP.

(laughs) YOU SEE, YOU WILL DIE.

ONE... TWO...

(bleep)

(laughter)

**

I SAW A COMMERCIAL FOR A KARATE SCHOOL.

AT FIRST, I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A S-SCHOOL

FOR PEOPLE WHO HATE PIECES OF WOOD.

(laughter)

'CAUSE THESE GUYS WERE BEATING THE (bleep)

OUT OF SOME PIECES OF WOOD. (laughter)

**

THE BIRD, THE FLY AND THE RUNNING CHILD

ARE ALL THE SAME

WHEN IT COMES TO A SLIDING GLASS DOOR.

(laughter)

**

I BELIEVE I CAN CHANGE THE WORLD.

THE CLOSEST I'VE COME SO FAR IS I WROTE ON A GLOBE ONCE.

(laughter)

I WROTE, "DIFFERENT." (laughter)

**

Captioned by Closed Captioning Services, Inc.

(cheers and applause) THANK YOU.

THANKS. THANK YOU, AUDIENCE.

WELCOME. WELCOME TO "IMPORTANT THINGS."

TONIGHT'S IMPORTANT THING

IS CONTROL.

(laughter)

(applause)

(man) WELL, WELL, WELL. WOW.

(laughter) WE HAVE LOST CONTROL.

TOUCHé. TOUCHé. (laughs) (laughter)

ALL RIGHT, SO...