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CONGRESS DANCES

This damned shooting!

All we've heard for three months is boom, boom… crash!

Who's arriving today, Lord Mayor?

The King of Prussia.

Yesterday, the King of Württemberg,

today the King of Prussia,

tomorrow, Czar Alexander of Russia…

All the crowned heads of Europe will be assembled here in Vienna.

Heavenly! - Terrible.

It costs 530,000 guilders every day. I don't understand it.

Why must the fate of Europe be decided in Vienna, of all places?

Was this necessary, Minister?

A congress, in Vienna?

Shooting and sneezing… That's too much!

I caught cold last Tuesday,

waiting for Talleyrand in the pouring rain for three hours.

Frenchmen are only punctual when women are concerned.

How would she know? - Memories of my youth, my child.

Parties every night.

I hardly know what a bed looks like anymore.

But I do. - Really?

So does His Excellency, Prince Metternich.

Every day he orders us here at ten,

and at noon he's still eating breakfast in bed,

that Mr. Metternich.

Morning, Your Excellency. I hope you slept well.

What can I do for you, Sire? - Who's there, Pepi?

The entertainment committee in the small room.

Let's listen in a bit. - Of course.

Small conference room…

The entertainment committee…

Bless you!

Why are millions thrown out the window?

Why must Europe be governed from Vienna?

Because Metternich's ambition has gone to his head!

They don't understand me. - They've no idea.

Is anyone in the diplomats' room? - Let's see.

She wasn't a lady at all, she was a real whore!

Sorry, Sire. Wrong connection.

Then the subject of Metternich came up…

It's the servants' room. - Leave it, it's interesting.

And when he thought it was time…

… what did the little fellow say?

"Why would I need Prince Metternich?

My cousin kisses much better me."

And they understand you even less.

Now, now.

The diplomats' room.

Excellency, the diplomats' room.

Mon cher, we're supposed to faire l'amour, make love,

mais pas d'histoire, not world history

He has a congress, but he has us dance.

He has an important meeting, and a ball at the same time.

But the big political decisions, he makes all alone.

He's dangerous,

that Metternich.

Talleyrand…

He understands me.

Tell me, dear Count, what's the latest news on Napoleon?

He's put away for good, eh?

He's stuck on the island of Elba catching fish, eh?

In London we've heard otherwise.

Napoleon is on Elba, yes.

But he dreams of returning to Paris.

Oh my, good heavens!

If Napoleon comes back again… then goodbye Metternich!

I worry Wellington a good deal.

I'll write to Dresden about Napoleon at once.

Checked the mail yet, Pepi?

I'll inquire in the Black Cabinet immediately.

"To the Royal Swedish State Ministry, Stockholm…"

"To the Royal Saxon Privy Council, Dresden…"

"To the Papal Nuncio, Rome…"

"To His Excellency the Foreign Minister, Copenhagen…"

"To the Privy Council, Madrid…"

"To the State Chancellery, Munich…"

Carry on working. Hello…

What do you wish to read? Bavaria, Denmark?

Surely the King of Württemberg stated a first impression,

and first impressions are crucial. - Württemberg…

Do you have Württemberg? - Yes.

"As I entered the city, a very pretty Viennese girl

came up to my carriage and presented me with a bouquet of roses.

But guess what:

This gesture of courtesy was in fact merely a business proposition."

That's unheard of!

"The paper wrapping bore the words:

'The gloves in Vienna are best

at The Lovely Shepherdess.'

He's the sixth monarch that girl has pestered!

Didn't you forbid her to? - I tried, Sire.

She wouldn't listen. - No?

No. At least not to me.

One more bouquet and this "shepherdess" will get to know me!

THE LOVELY SHEPHERDESS

No.

No.

You speak only German? - That's right, General.

Can I see you this evening?

That'll be 2.50.

Can I see you tomorrow evening? - Sorry, no refunds.

When can I see you, then?

The next time you need something.

How do you do? - Hello.

Christel!

Oh, you're back already!

Ah, you have eyes for everyone except me.

And how long have you known me? - Much too long. Hand me that box!

Christel, this can't go on forever:

Me looking up to you as to a star, you never climbing down to where I am.

Aren't we poetic today! Quit bothering me.

Go away!

No!

You won't send me away today.

Today I have something to tell you.

Something unpleasant. - Don't be so pompous!

Prince Metternich says

if you force your damn flowers onto another crowned head…

Then what?

Christel…

When you look at me like that…

What's that racket out there?

Giddy up!

What are they building? - The stands for the czar's arrival.

The czar's coming? - Tomorrow.

Oh, I'll give him flowers, too, a huge bunch!

Then it's over between us. - All the better.

Christel! Christel, listen to me.

Don't you flirt with the czar. He has an awful beard.

He'll have you whipped and sent to Siberia.

He'll get flowers anyway. - No, he won't.

Yes, he will! - No, he won't.

Oh, yes! - Oh, no!

Yes! - No!

Yes! - No!

Yes! - No!

Once and for all! Metternich explicitly forbade it!

He won't get any! - He will!

Yes, he will! - No, he won't!

No, he won't! - Yes, he will!

Attention!

Present arms!

A bomb!

Your Majesty's not too frightened?

Ah, chepukha!

Attempts on my life aren't unusual in my job.

Let me through!

Come on, I want to show him what it is.

It might blow up. - It's just a bunch of flowers!

I don't care. No one's getting through!

Your Majesty, I think we had enough assassination attempts for today.

My dear Bibikoff, I wish you could stop exaggerating.

Pardon me, but Your Majesty really must be more careful.

We did bring Uralsky, after all.

We? You brought him. - Yes, Your Majesty.

So he can stand in for Your Majesty in dangerous situations.

I'll give the people of Vienna what they want.

Out of the question, Majesty.

Fine, send Uralsky out on the balcony. - Yes, Sire.

Uralsky!

Put on your shako!

Accept their ovations.

Now, get out there!

Sire, there will be a grand opera in your honor tonight at seven.

Russian ballet, Your Majesty.

Good heavens!

Russian ballet? - Yes, Sire.

That's not why I came to Vienna. - Another job for Uralsky, perhaps?

Tonight at seven, full dress uniform.

Attention! Don't disgrace me.

And the czar of Russia doesn't scratch his head, you hear?

Yes, Your Majesty.

Prince Metternich's private secretary. - Show him in.

Your Majesty, Prince Metternich is happy to inform you

that the attack was not an attack and the bomb was not a bomb.

THE GLOVES IN VIENNA ARE BEST AT THE LOVELY SHEPHERDESS

You see, my dear Bibikoff,

one can't even rely on the anarchists anymore.

Who knows, that could change, Your Majesty.

Relay my sincere thanks to Prince Metternich.

Anything else?

If Your Majesty could put in a good word…

For you? - No, Your Majesty.

For the bomb thrower…

You won't find a girl so good, so pretty…

… in all of Europe, only in Vienna.

All right. - No, it's not at all, Sire.

Where is the little bomb thrower?

It's awful. She's in prison!

"Thus, for the reasons stated,

the offender, the glove salesgirl

Christine Antonia Weinzinger,

is sentenced to 25 strokes with a cane, to be applied to the bare bottom."

No… No!

"These shall be carried out immediately with a number-eleven-size cane."

No, the disgrace! Let me go!

Please, don't hit me!

That damned czar…

Stop! Let her go!

She's been pardoned!

Oh, poor thing. - That confounded czar!

Has people sent to Siberia and whipped.

That's not true. - I shouldn't have gone to meet the czar.

No? Why not?

That awful man with his long beard!

He shaved that off long ago.

How do you know?

Do you know him?

Just fleetingly.

Beg to report: ready for duty! - At ease!

No stupid faces, Uralsky. And don't forget:

If you yawn, cover your mouth with your hand.

Yes, Sire. - Then off to the opera with you.

Your Majesty.

You're informed, Countess? - Yes.

Only your pretty eyes

can make the czar forget his preoccupation with politics.

You can fully rely on my pretty eyes…

… cher ami.

Will you sit down, you stupid nitwit!

Release papers for Miss Weinzinger. - She's gone.

She was released on the czar's orders. - Nice man, the czar.

Is everything all right again now?

When you're in love

And don't know where to go

There's only one city

That has what no other does

It lies in the heart of the world

Right in the middle

If you get drunk there

You know it at once, dear:

This must be a piece of paradise

Vienna and wine

Vienna and wine Pleased to meet you!

It's not of this earth, a city so fine

Vienna is heavenly, divine I didn't see anything!

When you dream away the time in Vienna over wine

Not alone, with a friend You'll soon comprehend

This must be a piece of paradise

Vienna and wine

Vienna and wine

Cheers, gentlemen!

These are the stories of old That in Vienna are told

Just ask any boy or girl

Where they can be heard

Go outside the town

Where the cherry trees bloom

And from every farmhouse around

You'll hear the following sound:

This must be a piece of paradise

Vienna and wine Vienna and wine

It's not of this earth, a city so fine

Vienna is heavenly, divine

When you dream away the time in Vienna over wine

Not alone, with a friend You'll soon comprehend

This must be a piece of paradise

Vienna and wine Vienna and wine

A little something for the music?

Oh, your obedient servant, Baron.

Much obliged, Count.

Bless your heart, Your Highness.

That's gold…

Who is that? - Oh, that's the czar.

That's the czar?!

Your Majesty!

Your Majesty, don't send me to Siberia! - But Christel…

We're friends, aren't we?

Of course, if Your Majesty commands.

I'm asking!

Please… I really must go home.

I'll drive you. - Thank you, I'd rather walk.

So would I.

Do us the honor again soon, Your Grace.

Boys, the closing number!

Christel?

Oh, not on my hand!

I have lips, don't I?

Not for me, Your Majesty.

What do you wish to hear?

Entertainment committee? Diplomats' club?

The servants' room. It's more entertaining

and less diplomatic. - Certainly, the servants' room.

Oh, forget Wellington!

The only real ladies' man of all the foreign royals is the czar!

The way he winked at the French countess at the opera last night…

That's nothing!

Later Papa Czar was at the wine festival,

drinking with a real Viennese girl.

Very pretty girl, let me tell you.

Was the little glove maker who threw flowers at him.

Girl was absolutely crazy about Papa Czar.

And he kissed girl goodbye.

Splendid, Pepi!

That'll keep the czar away from the congress today.

He'll be dancing and I'll be marching. - Of course, Sire.

That's a job for you, Pepi.

Keep an eye on the girl and…

… help things along a bit if necessary, understand?

Yes, Sire.

As Your Excellency rightly said: That's a job for me!

I mean, just imagine!

I take a closer look at the gold coin…

… and suddenly I realize who my beau is.

The Emperor of Russia himself!

Oh, you're pulling our leg!

You can tell that to Mrs. Blaschke.

Well, Mrs. Blaschke read it in the cards herself!

"A blond gentleman of high social standing…"

And he'll lead you up the garden path at night!

Why, you're sure to become empress of Russia!

I can prove it to you. There!

Look, there's a crown on it!

My handkerchief, my handkerchief!

Let go of my hair, you little beast!

Heidi, give it to the liar.

Demoiselle Christine Weinzinger?

Yes?

If you please? - What is it?

Your carriage is waiting, Your Ladyship.

My carriage?

My carriage!

Where are we going? - To your villa, Demoiselle.

To my villa!

Am I dreaming or awake? Am I laughing or am I crying?

I don't know what I'm doing today

Wherever I go, wherever I am

People give me the friendliest smiles

Today every fairy tale's coming true

Today one thing is clear

This could only happen once It won't ever come again

This is just too good to be true

Like a miracle descending from the sky

From paradise comes a golden light

This could only happen once It won't ever come again

Maybe it's all just a dream

A day so fine Comes once in a lifetime

It might all be over tomorrow

A day so fine Comes once in a lifetime

For every spring only has one May

The sun so bright What a beautiful sight

You've never been as lovely as today

All the little birds in the sky

Are chirping a happy melody

We'll visit all our friends today

We'll laugh, be merry and gay

This could only happen once It won't ever come again

This is just too good to be true

Like a miracle descending from the sky

From paradise comes a golden light

This could only happen once It won't ever come again

Maybe it's all just a dream

A day like this Life gives you but once

It might all be over tomorrow

A day so fine Comes once in a lifetime

For every spring only has one May

"To Baron Stern, Royal Russian Banker, Red Ball Hotel"

What does it say?

"I request, on behalf of His Majesty the Czar,

that you remit to Miss Christine… - Yes?

… Miss Christine Weinzinger of Hitzing, Kleine Allee 11…

… the sum of 1000 guilders a month.

Signed, Bibikoff"

Bravo, Pepi. Excellent work!

Thank you.

The Chancellor of State's secretary. - Show him in.

Aren't you ashamed of yourself? - Ashamed?

Actually, I'm proud of myself.

And you want to be my wife?! - No, I don't.

You don't really believe the czar is serious about you?

Come in.

The adjutant to His Majesty the Czar.

Show him in.

Morning, Secretary. Demoiselle…

It's my pleasure to inform you that His Majesty

will call on you at four this afternoon.

Don't inconvenience yourself. Here…

I'll see to everything: Russian tea, Russian music…

Russian atmosphere, all genuinely Russian!

Demoiselle… Good day, Mr. Secretary.

See how serious he is about me? - Well, we'll see!

You don't think he'll come? - Oh, he will.

But you'll be surprised… how fast he disappears.

What do you know of love? He'll stay, you'll see.

No, he won't. - Yes, he will.

No. - Yes.

No! - Yes!

No! - Yes!

No! - Yes!

He'll stay, he'll stay here!

I'm tired of arguing with you!

He'll stay, he'll stay, you'll see!

No, he won't!

Yes, he will!

No, he won't stay!

From His Majesty the Czar…

… as a token of his great pleasure…

… at attending the congress for the first time this afternoon.

I'm greatly looking forward

to welcoming His Majesty in person at the congress today.

I'm also delighted, Your Excellency… Uh, we are also delighted…

Everyone is delighted, Your Excellency.

Your Excellency?

What?! The czar's coming, after all?

I doubt it, I made arrangements for the whole afternoon.

Please come in!

My best auxiliary forces…

If Your Excellency consents…

… the countess has invited the czar to tea today at five.

Bravo, Pepi, splendid!

So, those lovely eyes really worked yesterday!

I think they'll continue to this afternoon.

That lucky Alexander!

If I weren't Metternich…

… I'd like to be the czar this afternoon.

Tell the countess I've never kept a pretty woman waiting.

Bibikoff! - Your Majesty?

Don't you see what's going on? - No, Sire.

They're setting a trap for me. - A trap?

I don't see it. - You're an idiot!

Yes, Sire. - A lady's invitation, the congress…

Both at five! Metternich doesn't want me there when decisions are made!

Have Uralsky deal with the women.

Uralsky!

Yes, Sire? - You notice anything?

No. - You're an idiot, too.

Yes, Sire. - Duty, this afternoon at four.

Little Viennese girl, His Majesty as Prince Charming.

At five, that viper from the opera, His Majesty as Don Juan.

Put your heart in it. His reputation is in your hands.

Yes, Sire. - With the girl…

… be reserved, dreamy, poetic, romantic.

Kiss? - Are you mad? Leave that to His Majesty!

In Russia people are sent to Siberia for lesser crimes.

You look at her like this, whisper sweet things in her ear.

Very sweet things. If she wants to kiss you, feign a cold.

Understand? - Is she pretty?

That's none of your damned business.

Chepukha!

Hello, gentlemen!

Trastishi… wastishi… shtrastakov!

When you open the tap here,

hot water comes out.

His Majesty the Czar.

Alexander!

Thank you.

Thank you for everything you've given me.

Your Majesty seems so different today.

I'm always the same.

Only today I feel so reserved…

… dreamy… poetic… and romantic.

If you please.

All right, let's go.

Some tea, Alexander? - Please.

Sugar? - Sweet.

Very sweet.

Much sweeter.

Your Highness! - Wait!

Quiet, please!

If His Majesty hears you! - Is the czar really in there, Sire?

What do you mean by "really"?

Who else would be in there?

Are you mad? - His Majesty has to leave.

Why? - His Majesty promised

to be at the countess's at five. - Just be patient, young man.

We'll attend to everything, one step at a time.

Majesty, your tea's getting cold.

This is going too far.

Majesty, your carriage is waiting.

Not my hand. I have lips, don't I?

Not for me.

Alexander!

Uh, Your Majesty… When are you coming back?

All right, let's go.

His Majesty the Czar.

His Apostolic Majesty, Emperor Francis of Austria.

Who's missing over there? - Where?

Next to Emperor Francis, there's an empty chair.

Oh, that's the czar's seat.

He's not coming, he has better things to do.

Is it true that the likes of us have chances with the czar?

My dear, the czar is no collector of antiques.

Lord Mayor, who's that talking

to the Emir of Bukhara so earnestly?

He's the smartest of them all.

Metternich won't fool him: the King of Saxony.

Listen, my dear man.

The butter pastries in Vienna are fantastic, no doubt about it.

But the coffee is so much better back home in Dresden.

The czar just arrived at the countess's, Sire.

Good, Pepi, very good.

That's one opponent I'm rid of. Now I can open the congress.

Majesty, I'm afraid we'll have to negotiate without the czar.

His Majesty the Czar of Russia.

"To the Royal Saxon Privy Cabinet, Dresden…"

"To the Papal Nuncio, Rome…"

You're not looking well, Mr. Secretary.

It's all due to this congress.

Always running after the czar, these constant meetings…

One event after another…

Oh, I'm so sick of…

Your Excellency, everything is ready. Here's the czar's mail.

A woman's handwriting.

Let's have a look.

"Alexander,

You came to see me

only once and then never again.

Why not?

Are you angry with me?

For one day I dreamt

that you want to make me happy.

And now I've been unhappy and alone for so long."

Oh, poor thing.

"I want to see you just one more time.

Christel"

Christel? What Christel?

Must be the girl from the glove shop, Sire.

Oh, the one with the flowers?

Didn't I tell you to help things along a bit?

Have her meet the czar again as quickly as possible!

Of course, Sire.

Shall I announce you, Mr. Secretary? - No need to.

Oh, it's you, Pepi.

Yes, sorry about that. It's only me.

So you found the time to stop by? - Who were you expecting?

You know who always comes to see me. - I know.

I know everything.

Don't you dare!

That's his favorite chair!

He sits there…

… and I sit here.

He comes to see me every day, sometimes even twice.

My, sometimes even twice!

And in the few hours when he's not here…

… he thinks only of me.

Is that so? How do you know that?

Pepi…

That's something you feel.

You wouldn't understand.

Well…

Then let me tell you something. He hasn't thought of you once!

What? - Yes! He sees one girl after another.

That's a lie! - A lie?

There. Come and see for yourself, at the charity ball tonight.

He'll be there? - Yes.

There you can see him flirt with his… 500 women.

No, no…

I'd rather not go.

You don't have the courage?

Give that to me!

Oh, will I ever see him again?

Pepi? Today's session must close without the czar.

I'll deal with Napoleon as I see fit. Tell them to make sure

the czar doesn't leave the ball! - Yes, Sire.

Bibikoff, get Uralsky up here. I'm going to attend the session.

Today's the decision on Napoleon. - Yes, Sire.

Young man, His Excellency is not to interfere in my affairs.

The czar will be selling kisses, so he can't leave.

Please tell His Excellency

that I know…

… how to captivate men.

Play!

I have the honor of announcing a special surprise:

His Majesty the Czar

will now be selling kisses to benefit the poor of Vienna…

… at 100 guilders each.

Chepukha!

This time Metternich has got me! - I agree. Chepukha!

Sometimes it's nice to have someone stand in for you.

Quite right, Your Majesty.

Bibikoff! Isn't that the girl?

Yes, Sire. That's her.

I'd forgotten all about her…

Bibikoff! Uralsky is to stop at once!

Yes, Your Majesty.

Well, my word, Count!

Take a look at those two sweet things up there.

Why don't we dance a bit, too, eh? - Eh?

Do any of the gentlemen

have any objections to number three on today's agenda?

In that case, please write:

"It has been unanimously decided that Napoleon be banished for life."

What's the matter, Your Excellency?

Napoleon has landed in France.

Chepukha! Your Excellency…

Your Majesty! I summoned Your Majesty's carriage.

Surely Your Majesty is leaving tonight?

Oh, Your Majesty, I'm so glad!

The congress is over, and I'll finally have my girl back!

Don't let me disturb you.

Allow me…

Good evening, Baron.

A glass of wine?

Or some sausages… - Chepukha!

Your Majesty…

An urgent message…

Excuse me.

Sire, Napoleon has landed in France! - What?

We must depart at once, Your Majesty.

Sire, your carriage…

Not in front of the girl. - I understand.

Well, Christel, it's late. I'm afraid we have to leave.

So, when will I see you again?

Tomorrow. Tomorrow, Alexander.

So I'll just say farewell, then…

… and thank you. - Bless your heart, Sire.

Boys, the closing song! And loud! One, two…

Your obedient servant, Baron. And come back soon.

This could only happen once

It won't ever come again

This is just too good to be true

Only for a little while

Descending upon us

From paradise a golden light shines

This could only happen once

It won't ever happen again

Maybe it's all just a dream

A day so fine Comes once in a lifetime

And what's over is over

A day so fine

Comes once in a lifetime

For every spring only has

one May

THE END

Holland Subtitling Subtitles: Tommy Mang