All language subtitles for An Unwanted Guest (2017)

- Good morning, Howard.

- Good morning, Mrs. Hunt.

- Another early day I see.

- You know me,

it's not a full working day
if I haven't seen the waxing

and the waning of the sun.

- You don't have to call me Mrs. Hunt.

It's Kate.

- No, I prefer Mrs. Hunt.

You're my client, I'm
but your humble servant.

You're just
gonna want stay cool today.

I'd stay inside in front of the AC,

maybe sip something cold.

Go to the beach if you
can, that's what I'd do.

What would you do?

Call us and tell us,

we'll take your call what's
your worst experience

in the heat, your funniest
experience in the heat,

something you remember.

- Hey, Howard.

Water?

- No, thank you Mrs. Hunt.

- Well, if you need any I
have some in the fridge.

I also have soda in there,
snacks, help yourself.

- I'm fine Mrs. Hunt.

There is one thing.

Could I possibly keep
my own food and drink

in your fridge?

My cooler has been with
me for a long time,

it's not quite up to par.
- Sure. Whatever you need.

- Thank you, Mrs. Hunt.

- You come here from Fernwood everyday?

- Yes, ma'am.

- That's two hours away?

- Yeah.

- That's like, what?

Four hours in your van?

- Well, it's actually a
pickup truck, but yes.

- Rather you than me my friend.

- It's not that bad.

Drive clears my head.

I love my house out there and
I hate being away from it.

I built it myself.

It's small, but it's perfectly formed.

It's right on the lake,

and I watch the geese swim
along the water right next

to the sole grass.

They must have flew all
the way from Canada,

so what's a four hour
drive compared to that?

- Yeah,

but they don't commute back and forth

from Canada everyday though.

- I suppose you're right.

You should see my home,
it is quite lovely.

It's got the finest deck I ever built,

until I started on yours that is.

- No.

That was a misunderstanding Bill.

Mr. Henderson, please.

Mr...

- Is everything okay, Howard?

- Mrs. Hunt.

- Was that Bill Henderson?

- You're acquainted with him?

We used to get on so well.

I treated him like my son.

I did such good work on his house,

now he's calling me up, saying
I left the job unfinished,

making crazy accusations.

He's threatening to smash
my face in, with a brick.

Who talks to a man my age like that?

- Fuck Bill Henderson.

Guy's a dick.

- I wanna thank you again for earlier,

for being so understanding

about the Mr. Henderson situation.

- Like I said, Bill Henderson is a dick.

Roaming hands.

- Well, thank you anyway.

I'm sorry you had to see me that way.

- De nada.

- A Spanish speaker?

Yo tambien.

- No, not really.

It's just one phrase.

- I used to live in Espana many years ago.

I was a pilot, between
Cartagena and Cadiz.

- A renaissance man, that's great.

- It was so much fun.

Taking off into those blue topaz skies

with the Mediterranean on your wing.

- I'm sure it was.

Anyways, goodnight Howard.

- Of course.

Goodnight, Mrs. Hunt.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Got good news on my end too.

This is the payoff.

You know me too well.

What do you expect after all the years

we've been working together?

Exactly.

I'll be seeing a tailor,

and I'll have that electric
blue velvet suit made

that I've always promised myself.

I would just look just
like a secret agent.

93.5 FM.

I'm Big John at 64 degrees,

kind of misty this morning in town.

Don't get your hopes up for a cool day,

it's going to be another
hot one in Sugarloaf,

climbing to the mid to
upper 80s and humid by noon,

cooling off below 70s by tonight.

I bet you're just gonna
wanna stay cool today.

- You don't think I know about the ones

that you fucked while we were married?

- Mrs. Hunt?
- Yeah.

- Mrs. Hunt, I'm Kevin Henderson.

My dad, Bill Henderson, he--

- Kevin, I'm in a middle of something

with my fucking ex-husband,
so you know what,

if you could come back at another time,

that would be really great, all right?

- Dad says you got Howard Cross--

I booked a
showing party for the 21st.

- A showing party?

To maximize
your sale possibility.

Don't worry,

the guest and buyers will come
over to our little shindig

on your deck,

and by morning you'll have
a fresh sell in your hand.

- Great.
- I can't wait to see you.

Speak soon, hun.

- Mrs. Hunt?

- Goodnight Cindy.

Can I help you?

- I just want to tell you that the deck

is progressing excellently.

- That's good.

- I also wanted to ask for an advance

on my second payment.

I need to buy more lumber,

I slightly underestimated the figures.

- Money's pretty tight right now.

How much do you need?

- Just a couple of hundred.

- I'll see what I can do.

- Thank you, Mrs. Hunt.

I noticed you had Kevin at the door today.

Kevin Henderson, Bill's kid?

I just wondered what
he was inquiring about.

- I don't know,

I didn't get the chance to talk to him.

- He's a nice kid,

I got along so well with him,
almost like his grandfather.

Well, time to call it an evening.

Goodnight, Mrs. Hunt.

There's one other thing,

how far I have to journey every morning,

and I know you want your deck finished

as swiftly as possible,

so I thought that perhaps for
the duration of the build,

I can move into the house.

- You wanna move in here?

- I know it sounds like
an unusual arrangement,

but you have a very large basement,

and i can put a mattress in there

and I can start to work even
earlier and stay even later.

- I'll think about it.

Don't make me regret this Howard.

- Nice.
- Okay, back to work.

- Yes, ma'am.

- Oh, fuck!

Well, what choices do I have?

It's about.

- Just take my fucking credit
card and turn me back on.

Beer?

- No, thank you, Mrs. Hunt.

I don't like to drink when I'm on the job.

- Come on.

I know it's a fancy lager

and not a Budweiser like you
salt of the earth men like,

but I'm your landlady and your employer,

so I demand you have a beer.

- Okay.
- Good man.

- I notice the lights went
out in there for a while.

Is everything okay?

- It was a power cut.

We get them sometimes.

Deck's looking pretty good.

- It's gonna be my masterpiece.

- A masterpiece?

Years of experience and knowledge poured

into one particularly fine deck.

Your deck.

- A masterpiece of a deck.

You're unusual, Howard.

Tell me about yourself.

- There's not much to tell.

- I thought you were a pilot

in the Spanish Civil War or something.

- How old do you think I am, Mrs. Hunt?

- Okay, that was a joke.

Wife?

Kids?

- Well, I was married
and I have a daughter.

She's a wonderful girl.

She's down in Miami,

so I don't get to see
her as much as I'd like.

What about yourself?

Have you enjoyed the fruits of motherhood?

- No.

- I'm truly sorry.

I shouldn't have asked.

My girlfriend tells me I pry too much.

- You've got a girlfriend?

Tell me about her.

Her name's.

She's African and she lives in Belgium.

She's the reason I work so hard.

I'm investing in our future.

- That's sweet.

Are you gonna bring her here?

- No, no.

When I'm finished here,
I'm flying first class

to Antwerp and we're gonna
buy our own private island.

We will raise plantains,
and then I'll build a ranch.

We'll live a self-sufficient
lifestyle away

from the modern world.

- Well, that's absolutely beautiful.

How much do you think I'm
gonna pay for this deck?

- No, Mrs. Hunt.

The deck is just to keep
things ticking over.

I've got a big payday coming in.

- Really?

- Yes, indeed.

You see, I own these patents.

Medical patents.

I own the world-exclusive
rights to a variety of pills,

ones that could change the world.

That's how I know.

She's part of their
governmental taskforce.

When our deal's are finalized
and the money flows forth,

I'm gonna steal her away
to our private island.

First, I'm gonna buy myself

a handmade electric blue velvet suit.

I have wanted one of those
ever since I was a stripling.

- What can I say, Howard?

That sounds amazing.

- It does.

- Cheers.

Howard.

- Good morning, Mrs. Hunt.

- Did you bring this in?

- I thought whilst I was here,

I should be helpful any way I can.

Looks like it's all junk.

- Can you do me a favor and
not collect my mail anymore?

- Of course.

I'm sorry if I overstepped my bounds.

- Can you just stop with
the hammering, please?

I feel like you're really
hammering right into my brain.

How much did we have to drink last night?

- Me, not so much, but you
tossed back quite a few.

- I need to get some
aspirin from the store,

so I'll be back.

- Mrs. Hunt, can I come with you?

I'll even drive for you?

Mrs. Hunt, I have a request.

Could you wire this to Nigeria for me?

- Excuse me?

- Could you please wire
this to Nigeria for me?

They have a Western Union desk in there,

I have all the details,

it won't take you five minutes.

- Why can't you wire it?

- The American government
is very particular

about wire transfers to Africa.

They examine everyone.

If I make too many in one month,

they'll sometimes put a stop to them.

If you wire it under your name,

it won't be an illegal peculiarities,

as I assume you've never
wired funds to Nigeria before.

- I am not gonna wire a check for you.

- Please Mrs. Hunt.

- Howard, I have a killer
headache and I need to get

some aspirin inside.

Are you coming?

Suit yourself.

- You don't understand.
I send them the money,

they ensure that the are open

so that the medical
applications can be processed.

- This is for the Government of Nigeria?

- Yes. The Nigerian government.

- That's the world capital of scamming.

Internet scams.

Dear blah-blah-blah,

you've won a gazillion
dollars in the lottery.

All you have to do is send them $2000

for shipping and handling.

- Heaven's to Betsy. Kate,
do I look that simple?

- Good morning, Howard.

- You were wrong.

- Excuse me?

- You were wrong about Nigeria.

- Okay.

- You want to know how?

- Sure.

- They're coming to America.

- Who is?

- My business partners.

- When?

- When I wire them the
money for their flights.

Then I'll collect them at the airport,

escort them to the hotel and
we can conclude our business.

- Howard, don't send them any money.

- It's a loan, Kate.

- Howard, seriously, don't
send them any more money.

- They can't use Nigerian currency

to book a flight to the USA.

They need dollars.

- I don't know how else to tell you this.

It's a scam.

They're not coming.

- You're wrong and I've
got letters to prove it.

Here.

- Howard, what are these?

- Decade worth of correspondence,

between myself and some

of the most esteemed gentleman
working in the fields

of international homeopathy
and high finance today.

Dr. Albert ,

head of alternative medicine

at the Institute
for Medical Advancement.

Goodluck Jonathan, the
President of Nigeria.

There's more.

Look at this. There's Tony Blair.

Ben Bernanke, he's the former chairman

of the Federal Reserve.

- Howard. This is a con.

A trick.

- No.

- For god-sake, Howard.

What more proof do you need?

Okay, this, this is Ben
Bernanke's signature.

Not what you have on this letter.

This is the official seal of Nigeria.

Not whatever this thing is.

This guy, General Abacha he's
been dead for over 20 years.

- You don't understand.

- These guys have been ripping
you off for over ten years.

None of this is real.

Shit!

Howard, what about your girlfriend?

- Anakwe, what about her?

- Have you ever met her?

- No.

- So, she's just someone on
the other side of the internet?

She could be anybody.

- No.

We've been together a long time.

- Sometimes even the
best of us can be fooled.

- But I've been sending them money.

- I know.

- For the last 10 years.

- I know you're my divorce attorney.

I didn't know who else to call.

- Where is he now?
- He's curled up on my kitchen floor in a ball.

You need to call the police.

- I can't call the cops.

What would I say?

"My decker is having a nervous breakdown

because he was scammed by Nigerians?"

That's
probably a good advice.

- Thanks.

Howard, you can't stay out here all night.

Brought you some coffee.

Howard, this isn't healthy.

I was probably wrong about the Nigerians.

I mean, what do I know about Nigeria?

You're the expert.

You know the people and the medicine.

All I did was look up some
facts on the internet,

and we all know how wrong
the Internet can be.

- What about Anakwe?

- Well you know.

- She wouldn't steal from me.

We love each other.

- Of course you do.

It was all just a big misunderstanding.

- That's exactly what it is.

It's a big misunderstanding.

- Exactly.

A big misunderstanding.

- Damn governments,

always getting in the
way of people like us,

genuine entrepreneurs.

If the president had his way,

we would have never even
invented the light bulb.

Well, I'm gonna show them what can be done

with perseverance and
traditional American sweat.

I'm gonna build the
greatest homeopathic network

that Nigeria has ever seen.

- Attaboy, Howard.

Just after you finish building my deck.

It was so weird.

He just stood there,
staring off into space,

not saying a word.

It was like his brain broke or something.

- This was to do with what now?

- Internet scams.

I essentially had to lie to him

and tell him everything will be okay.

He's working again.

- Well, as long as he is.

I've got some first-class
folk coming to your party.

I can already smell a sale.

- Everything all right, Howard?

- You startled me.

- Sorry.

Are you okay?

- Bad back.

Not as sturdy as it was in my youth.

Been working so hard, I got twisted.

- Do you need a doctor or something?

- I'll be fine.

I shall power through.

- But if you need anything, let me know.

- Of course I will.

I think I knew your daddy.

He was a no-good lowdown.

Excuse me, ma'am.

It's hotter than Hades out here today.

Would you mind rubbing
some lotion on my back?

- Excuse me?

- I can't come to New York.

- Well, you need to be
here for the deposition.

- Why?
- I know you want this to be over.

- Well, of course I want it to be over.

I just can't afford to come to New York.

- It's only two weeks.

- I can't leave here for two weeks.

I have work to do.

- Can you borrow money from your family?

- No, I can't borrow any
money from my family.

Oh my God, I gotta go.

I'll call you back.

Howard, are you all right.

What just happened?

- He just punched me on my nose.

- I can see that.

Why?

- I don't know why.

- Are you sure you didn't provoke him?

- Like I said, I've been
working on the deck all day.

He just kept saying it was the noise.

- I'm gonna go and say something to him.

- No.

Please don't, Mrs Hunt.

- Well, I can't have you getting punched

because you're working on my deck.

- Oh, please.

I'll just hammer quieter.

- Listen, Howard,

I'm also gonna be going
away for about two weeks.

- That's not a problem.

- That's great,

but you can't stay here while I'm gone.

- That's fine.

- I'm also gonna need the key back.

Thank you, Howard.

- You're welcome.

- Totally unnecessary.

- Have a good trip.

- Thank you.

- I shall persevere.

- Okay, thank you.

Take care of that nose.

- Yeah, sure.

Bye-bye.
- Bye.

911. What's your emergency?

- I think I've been robbed.

- What's your address?

- 57 Chicago Drive.

Is the
intruder still in the house?

- Whoever is there,
I've called the police.

I have a knife.

- Dear Mrs Hunt, Dear Kate,

I am writing this letter while you're away

to let how things are pushing.

I'm outside from 6:30 a.m,
first light, until 11:00 a.m.

Then again at 6:00 p.m until dark.

It is in the mid-90s
out there and my thyroid

and my poison ivy do
not do well in the heat.

It is slowing me down and I'm
hating this poor progress.

As you are well aware,

I like to work.

I have decided that the
deck needs a gazebo.

Not to burden anyone
else with my nonsense,

but the Nigerians have been in touch.

They flew into the airport as expected,

but were turned away by immigration

for having incorrect papers.

Upon your return,

I will need an extra $3,000 in order

to get more funds released
to me by my African partners.

After that, the sky is the
limit in terms of future work,

and I shall be able to buy
that electric blue velvet suit

sooner rather than later.

I know that you are wary
of strangers staying

in your house while you are not here.

But over the past few weeks,

I feel that we are no longer strangers

and instead more like family.

It is for that reason
I had extra key made,

so that we could maintain
the familiar bond

on which I have tried so hard to build.

I shall build us an edifice
worthy of both of us,

and I look forward to enjoying it with you

in the days to come.

I remain as ever, Howard Cross.

- Howard!

Howard!

- Kate?

What are you doing in my room?

- Your room?

What are the fuck are
you doing in my house?

Look at this place.

What are these?

- Well, that's my mail.

- I see that. Why is my address on it?

- Because I live here.

- The fuck are you talking about?

- I live here.

- No.

- Kate?

- Thank God you're here.

I've been away for two weeks

and I come back and there's
a fucking guy in my house.

- What guy?

- That guy.

- Hey, Jeff.

- Hi, Howard.

- You've got to be fucking kidding me.

- You need to watch your language, ma'am.

Long time no see, Howard.

How are you doing?

- I couldn't be better, Jeff.

- I like the knew look.

It suits you.

- Thanks, man.

- Howard did my deck.

Isn't he great?

Now, what's the problem?

- So, I hired this guy,
Howard, to build my deck

and then he just moved into my house.

Shouldn't be here, I didn't invite him.

He just took over the place.

- Is that true, Howard?

- It's not true, Jeff.

Kate here invited me in
a couple of weeks ago

and I've been lodging in
the basement ever since.

- That's absolute bullshit.

I am going through a divorce.

I go away and come back and I find out

that these fucker has broken
into my house and trashed it.

- Do you have proof of residency, Howard?

- Well, of course I do, Jeff.

I've got a copious amount
of mail all addressed

to me right here.

Plus, I have this.

There you go.

- Well, this states this is his address.

- What the fuck?

- I don't know what's going
on between the two of you,

but clearly Howard's a resident here.

- That can't be.

That has to be a fake ID or something.

He doesn't live here.

- Has Howard threatened you?

Do you feel unsafe?

- Jeff, you know me.

I could never hurt Kate.

- Because if you do,

I could take you down
to the police station

and you can file a report.

Then take you to a hotel or a shelter.

- And leave this fucker alone in my house?

And when the cop left, he
just walked right back inside.

He shaved his beard off,
he looks totally different.

Well, it didn't seem like a stupid idea.

Oh hi, Cindy.

I have a handyman that moved into my house

without my permission and I
need to know how to get him out.

After 30 days he's a resident?

Fuck!

- Howard?

I know you're in there, Howard.

Get out of my house, you fucking psycho.

- Felicitations.

Not a fan of the kidney bean?

I understand.

For some it's too bitter,
the taste too astringent.

- Shut up, Howard.

- I understand your reluctance to engage,

but I assure you,

I bear you no ill will at your attempt

to set an officer of the law upon me.

- What about the ill will I bear you?

- Why would you bear me any ill will?

I've done nothing to raise your hackles.

- Except you've moved into my house

and you won't get the fuck out.

- I understand,

there's sometimes tension
between friends and family,

but as sure as eggs is eggs,

and the earth spins around the sun,

we shall triumph over such animosities.

- Who the fuck are you?

- What do you mean?
I'm Howard Cross, craftsman.

- No, really,

who the fuck are you?

I know, you're a mean
grasping little con man.

Hey.

Hey you, stop.

Thanks for stopping.

- It's okay.

- It's Danny, right?

- Kevin.

- I'm sorry.

You know Howard Cross?

- Yes, he's a lunatic.

- A lunatic?

- Sure.

Craziest dude I ever met.

Dad sent me over to warn you about him.

- He did?

- I came over, but you were on the phone.

You didn't have time to talk.

- Oh shit!

- Sorry,

I tried to tell you.

- You said lunatic.

How?

- Well, he seemed normal at first,

but then he wrote us all these
crazy letters about going

to Africa to sell pills or something.

Then one day dad came home and
the license plates on his car

were taken off,

and it turned out Mr. Cross
has been driving around

with them on his truck.

Dad ripped the license
plates right off the truck,

threatened to beat
seven shades out of him,

and Mr. Cross just ran off.

Next day we heard he was working for you.

We're pretty relieved to
have him off our back,

but we figured we should maybe tell you.

I guess that I tried.

- Kevin, Kelvin.

Do you think your dad would still like

to beat the seven shades out of him?

I'll pay him.

Bad back, my ass.

Howard, can we talk?

- Of course we can, Kate.

You can always talk to me.

My ears and my heart are open.

- Great.

I think there's been a misunderstanding.

- Would you mind rubbing
some lotion onto my back?

It is hellishly hot out here,

and sunburn's not gonna help our dialogue.

Now, where were we?

- Mr. Cross, this has been
a very trying time for me.

With the divorce, it's been very expensive

and emotionally trying,

and you just can't live here anymore.

- Where would I go?

- Back to your house on the lake.

- I don't like that place.

It is much nicer here.

- I'm sure you have to go back to Africa,

so you can buy your island
and your electric blue suites.

- No, they've gone quiet.

- What about Anakwe?

Surely you must miss her?

- Oh Anakwe.

I'm sure she's fine.

- In two weeks I'm gonna
be having a viewing party,

so that I can sell the
house and move back north.

- You won't sell this house?

You haven't got a finished deck.

- Fuck you, you old weirdo.

Finish my deck and get
the fuck out my house.

- Ribs?

- Good morning.

I believe your thermostat is broken.

I'd fix it, but I'm a
craftsman, not a heating expert.

- What the fuck did you do to my kitchen?

My refrigerator, you left
it open, you ruined my food.

- It was too hot in the basement.

Don't worry.

I prefer it up here,
it's more light and airy.

- How did this happen?

- Hit with a hammer.

It doesn't matter.

Can you fix it?

- Have a great day.

There's your bill.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

Can I use your bathroom?

- Not a fucking chance.

Dear Mr. Cross, most bountiful greetings

to you on this fine, fine day.

We have not yet had the
pleasure of being introduced,

so please allow me to complete the honors.

My name is Chinua Anabar.

I'm the Nigerian ambassador
to this great country

of the United States of
America, Bill Uncle Sam.

It has come to my attention
via the magnificence

of colleagues of mine from the fatherland.

They wish to apologize
to you for their silence

on this matter.

With that said, it is now
time for us to make true

on our promises and complete
the business transactions,

which will make us all very wealthy.

- "Flights to Abuja are printable
from your local airport,

and upon your arrival,

you will be looked after like a king.

A one-way ticket shall suffice,

for we shall arrange
your return flight home.

We shall meet you in Nigeria,

where I look forward

to calling you not just
my business partner,

but also my friend.

I told you, "They were biding their time."

- What can I say?

I was wrong.

- Don't feel too bad.

Many have underestimated me.

- I bet.

I guess you'll be packing.

- I can't afford to fly to Nigeria.

- It's a one-way ticket.

- Well, even so.

- I've given you thousands.

- All spent.

- On what?

- Seed money for my business partners.

If I hadn't sent it to them,

I wouldn't have received this.

Once again, you were
naive in your beliefs.

I always say, "You have to
speculate to accumulate."

- Howard, you have to go to Nigeria.

- But I need money.

Sell your car.

- Howard, I'm not selling my
car for you to go to Nigeria.

- Then I'll have to find a job.

- You haven't finished your
current job, building my deck.

- I know, but you can't afford me anymore.

I will think of something.

Don't worry, I'll still
be around at night.

- Let me get this straight.

You wanna pay us to beat up some old dude?

What'd this guy do, anyways?

- He's my deck guy and he
won't get out of my house.

- Sounds like you need a bailiff,

not somebody to beat him up.

Perhaps a fiduciary.

- Look, I have a thousand bucks.

500 now, 500 when the job's done.

Do you want it or not?

There's a long driveway
so you won't be seen.

The door will be unlocked and
you can go to work on him.

Just beat him up enough so he has to be

in the hospital for a few days.

I'll claim it was burglars

and everyone's happy,
except Howard, of course.

- Fuck!

- Greetings, sleepy head.

- Where are you going?

- To find work.

Time and tide wait for no man.

Fear not, though, gentle child.

I shall be back later for
our evening revelries.

- Knock-knock.

Kate, I can't sell a house like this.

You said the deck would
be finished by next week.

You look terrible.

- It's been a rough couple of weeks.

- You need to get this deck finished ASAP.

- I'll get it done.

I promise.

- You'll have to put a
nice spread out, though,

for our guests.

Some canapes, some
imported cheese, champagne.

- Champagne for 50?

How much is that gonna cost me?

- There may not be 50.

More like 5 or 6.

Great clients, though.

I am confident you'll possibly get a sale.

- What are you doing?

- I'm building a deck.

- Boy, you clearly don't have the skills.

- If a fucktard like
you can do it, so can I.

- Deck building is a skill
that takes years to acquire.

Besides which, you have to
be born with builder's hands.

You've neither the skills
nor the temperament

to be a master craftsman.

- Fuck you, Howard.

- Don't do that, you'll mar the wood.

- Fuck you.

- Stop it.

I demand you stop that.

- Will you come help me, Howard.

- Damn it.

Help?

Come on, Kate.

What are you forgetting?

- Please, please help me, Howard.

- Of course, Kate.

No need to ask.

Don't call me Howard.

It's Pops.

Now, come on, young lady,
we've got a deck to build.

Rise and shine, sleepy head.

The Roman Empire wasn't
built by lollygagging around.

- What are these?

- What do you think?
They're blueprints.

I drew them up last night.

While you were relaxing,

some of us were dreaming up
new ways of improving our home.

This is our new pergola,
leading to an alcove,

inside which we'll build a bower,

which we'll adorn with flowers,

and I think the deck should
ultimately have two levels.

The staircase here,

on top of which we'll place a belvedere.

Just take advantage of the view.

- Don't you think we should
finish the deck first

so that it will be easier
to connect these together.

- I guess, and you're right.

When we do, next to the stairs
I wanna put in a pergola.

- Absolutely, Pops.

I'm so excited, I can't wait.

- Well, okay then.

Well, let's get to work.

- Good job.

- This is Cindy Spencer.

- Cindy, it's Kate Hart.

- Kate, hi, there you are.

I thought you were avoiding me.

- No, not at all.

- You haven't answered
your phone all week.

- Just been busy all week.

- Why are you whispering?

- I've been busy with a cold.

I did want to give you a quick update.

- How is the deck coming along?

- The deck is almost
ready, it looks great.

They're gonna love it.

- Get the place looking cute.

- I will.

- I know you will, sweetie.

See you tomorrow.

- See you then.

- I can't wait to see it.

- Jesus, Pops, you startled me.

- Is everything all right in there?

- Everything is fine, why?

- I thought I heard
you talking to someone.

- I think you're imagining things, Pops.

Let's get back to work.

- I mean it, if they
really have some work,

I'll make a crash on out of here yet.

- Thank you.

- Now, goodnight Mrs. Builder,
I'll see you in the morning.

- Pops?

Have you seen my phone?

I can't find it anywhere.

- No, I haven't seen it.

- Pops?
- Yes?

- Are you sure you haven't seen my phone?

I'm sure I left it up on the counter.

- I said no. Good night.

- This is Howard Cross.

- Mr. Cross, my name is Mandy Mullhan

from the Bureau of Pan
African Affairs,.

- Mrs Mullhan, what can I do for you?

- I'm calling because
we recently discovered

that you've been sending a lot

of money to Nigeria as of late.

- I assure you it's all aboveboard.

- Well, I'm sure it is, Mr. Cross,

but we have to do our due diligence.

- I'm doing very
important work in Nigeria.

- Well, we just need you to
come down to office on Thursday.

- Thursday?

I'm a very busy man.

- It is a matter of national security.

- Where?

On 0022 Main street.

Ask for me, Mandy Mullhan.

- Pops?

- Well, hola, senorita.

Don't you look fabulous.

- Thank you.

- This is Amy and Steve and Russell.

- Nice to meet you.

- This is our adorable homeowner, Kate.

- Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

- Okay, are you ready
to show off your home?

- Absolutely.

- Here we are, back in
the living room again.

It's truly, as you can
see, a spectacular home.

Please, have a seat.

Come right this way.

Don't worry about the smell,

Kate had the place fumigated
and the scent tends to linger.

It'll be gone by the time
you're ready to move in.

Kate and will get some
nibbles out for you guys.

Kate, what the hell is that smell in here?

- It's Howard.

I don't know. He just seeps in.

I can't get it out.

- How the fuck am I
supposed to sell a house

that smells like a diaper?

- Do any of them seem interested?

- Where the fuck are your hors d'oeuvres?

- Hey, hey, is this the Bureau
of Pan-African Relations?

- This is a tattoo shop, man.

I'm in the middle of a tattoo,
can't you see?

You're getting a tattoo or you're leaving?

- Well, you are no Pan-African.

- The decor is very lovely as it is,

and I love the theme, actually.

- So, do you live here by yourself?

I'm actually new to Sugarloaf.

I was wondering maybe if you
can show me around sometime?

- Sure.

- Made me run around like a douche.

I'm trying to help people.

Stupid suit went down really fast.

They don't mess with me.

- It's nice place you have
here, can we see the backyard?

- I'll sue them all.

Who do they think they are?

I'm a busy man.

- Pops, I didn't expect you back so soon.

These are our guests.

We're having a little.

- Oh, of course.

How stupid of me.

Where are my manners?

Howard Cross.

Howard Cross?

- Hello.

- Oh, look at this.
Oh, don't mind if I do.

- Howard's my deck guy.

- Okay, we're gonna get going now.

- Yes, early start.

- Don't go yet.

Have you seen my deck?

I'm a master craftsman.

Y'all, come on.

What do you think?

- Wow!

- Thank you.

- Very impressive.

- They don't make homes like this anymore.

You'll have to buy this one up, fast.

- Buy this home?

It's not for sale.

- Then why are we here?

- Of course it is.

- Tell them, Kate.
- Is it for sale or not?

- What are you people talking about?

- Yes, of course it is.

- What's the meaning of this, Kate?

Are you trying to sell our
home without telling me?

- Our home?

You're just a deck guy
that I can't get rid of.

- How dare you?

I treated you like my daughter,

like my own flesh and blood.

- Hey, take it easy, old man.

- Fuck off, man. I know karate.

- Wow!

- I don't know what the
hell just happened here,

but it is clear that you and
your friend are sick people.

I have done everything to help you

and this is how you repay me?

This is.

- You have got to be
fucking kidding me, right?

You're the asshole who
told me to build this deck.

You have no idea what life
has been like with this man.

You only brought three
people to a fucking party

that I didn't even wanna have.

So you can take your perfect face,

your perfect body and get the
fuck off my property, now.

- Good luck.

You're gonna need it.

- Go.

Pops?

Pops, are you there?

Dear Kate,
it is with heavy heart,

yet some sense of joy,

that I must write this letter
to let you know that I have

to leave this home we have
built for our ourselves here.

You see, my African money
has finally come through,

so I'm traveling to Nigeria immediately

to uphold my end of the deal.

Don't worry if you think

this is another trick being played on me.

The money has reached my
account and I am a wealthy man.

I am looking forward to the sunshine

of the African continent

and finally purchasing that
electric blue velvet suit

I have promised myself all these years.

I have treasured the moments
we have spent together,

and I hope you have come to regard me

with the same affection
that I feel towards you.

If you ever find yourself missing me,

just think of my life on
a golden African beach

and know that I surely
will be thinking of you

with much fondness.

I remain forever, Pops.

- I had a nice time.

- It was lovely.

- Maybe I'll see you around?

- Yeah, maybe.

- Have a good night.

- You too.

Kate hi, this is Tony Herbert

of Stoke and Associates.

I just wanted to call and let you know

that your divorce is
officially completed and final.

Congratulations.

Your husband has decided

to drop any further lawsuits.

Give me a callback.

I know it's been a long process,

but congratulations and give me a call.

Thank you.

Hi Kate, it's
Cindy Spencer calling.

I wanted to call and apologize
for the way things went down.

I just wanted to let you know

that I've found a perfect
buyer for your home.