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1
00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:10,010
Mommy, did you get a present
for Oscar's birthday?
2
00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:12,480
No, you know, his mommies told
me not to get a present,
3
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,148
so, lovely, we're just
going to get a book
4
00:00:14,182 --> 00:00:15,849
and they're gonna
donate it to the library.
5
00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,851
One of my books?
No, don't worry.
6
00:00:17,885 --> 00:00:21,722
Your 3,000 books for one small
human are completely safe.
7
00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:23,257
Good.
8
00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:26,026
"Good"-- really? "Good"?
9
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:28,729
His "mommies"?
10
00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:30,864
Yes, mom, they are
a lesbian couple
11
00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:32,766
and their son Oscar
is in Amelia's class.
12
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:36,204
Remember when we had gay dogs?
Wow!
13
00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:37,538
Just so you know--
What?
14
00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:38,939
just if you're out
in mixed company--
15
00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:41,209
Yeah?
Going from a lesbian couple to
16
00:00:41,242 --> 00:00:45,879
"remember we had gay dogs"--
not necessarily the best leap.
17
00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:48,015
Do you remember when Abe
used to shove his stuff
18
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:51,018
into Silver's face
and force him to do things?
19
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,886
Yeah, do you remember
how poor Silver
20
00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:55,723
had to stick his little head
in the rails of the banister
21
00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:57,057
just to get a moment's peace?
22
00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:58,892
It was very
traumatizing to me.
23
00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:02,062
Abe was on his last legs when
we got him, and then what?
24
00:01:02,096 --> 00:01:04,898
He lived five more years.
Yeah, 'cause he was gettin'...
25
00:01:04,932 --> 00:01:06,634
[mouthing words] every day.
26
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:09,303
Well, they were forced,
you know.
27
00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:11,905
Either way.
And I'm not sure
that has the same effect.
28
00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:14,242
Come to think of it,
was Silver really gay?
29
00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:15,476
You know what, he wasn't,
30
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:16,710
because he had
no choice in the matter.
31
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,479
He was more "gay for stay".
32
00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:19,880
"Gay for stay"--
do people say that?
33
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,483
Grammy, look what I drew.
34
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:28,389
Oh... oh, my gosh,
look at that sun.
35
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:29,923
We've been here
quite a while.
36
00:01:29,957 --> 00:01:32,993
When does dance class start?
It started 20 minutes ago.
37
00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:34,094
Why isn't she dancing?
38
00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:36,897
Because after begging me
to take dance class,
39
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,766
Amelia decided
she just wanted to watch.
40
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:41,235
So, you just sit here
every week for 45 minutes?
41
00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:42,936
Yeah, that's what happens
because when we make
42
00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:45,239
a commitment,
we stick to it, right?
43
00:01:45,273 --> 00:01:47,441
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
44
00:01:47,475 --> 00:01:49,577
Do you, do you get
some of your money back?
45
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,645
No, I did not get
any of my money back.
46
00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:53,147
Mommy, can I have snack?
47
00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:56,116
Ah, you know what,
it's really not good to eat
48
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:57,485
while you're dancing.
49
00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:58,586
You could get
a cramp and drown.
50
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,154
It's called sarcasm,
51
00:02:00,188 --> 00:02:02,290
which is something that's
going to be very important
52
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:03,791
for you to learn in life.
53
00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:06,427
Hey! Mom, did you see
that plie?
54
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:07,961
I'm not playing this game.
55
00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:10,831
*
56
00:02:25,346 --> 00:02:28,282
Mommy, Walter's flying in air!
57
00:02:28,316 --> 00:02:29,850
Walter's going crazy!
58
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:31,385
Walter's going crazy, honey.
59
00:02:31,419 --> 00:02:33,120
All right, it looks like
Oscar's house is up here.
60
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,989
Mommy, why does Oscar
have two mommies?
61
00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:38,125
Well, because Oscar's mommies,
62
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,960
they fell in love
with each other
63
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:43,030
and decided to have a baby,
and they're two mommies
64
00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:45,666
because they're both girls,
and girls are mommies.
65
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:48,001
So you can have
more than one mommy?
66
00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:50,371
Hundred percent--
you can have two mommies.
67
00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:52,506
You can have two daddies.
68
00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:54,708
Some people just go
mommy, no daddy.
69
00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:56,043
Some people have
a daddy, no mommy.
70
00:02:56,076 --> 00:02:57,878
Some people just have
a grammy and grampy.
71
00:02:57,911 --> 00:03:01,315
You can even have a grammy and a
grammy or a grampy and a grampy.
72
00:03:01,349 --> 00:03:04,084
It's more rare.
Yeah, but it's still an option.
73
00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:06,487
And it's an option I'm
incredibly excited to Google
74
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,155
a little bit later today.
75
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:10,358
The point is, it's super-cool
because there's lots
76
00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:11,825
of different
kinds of families
77
00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:13,361
and they don't all
have to look like us.
78
00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:17,265
Like Oscar's family.
Two mommies is a lot of mommies.
79
00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:19,667
Yeah, but, wouldn't you want
to have two mommies,
80
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:23,070
especially if you had two
mommies like this mommy?
81
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:26,039
[singing]
* This is when you want
three mommies at least *
82
00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:27,675
Yeah!
83
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,377
So in that scenario
you're getting cloned
84
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:30,878
and marrying yourself.
85
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:32,846
No, no, clone me is
not ready to settle down,
86
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,015
she is open for biz.
87
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,884
I'd like to meet that clone.
You're not her type.
88
00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:39,453
She likes very petite,
hermetic men.
89
00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:40,988
Oh.
90
00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:47,227
Here's your gift bag.
91
00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:49,897
We should really set up a family
play date with Leah and Jessica.
92
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,231
I really like them.
93
00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:52,633
Did you even get a chance
to talk to them?
94
00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:54,067
No.
Okay.
95
00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:55,969
I just think
they seem very cool,
96
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:58,406
so automatically I can relate
to them on that level.
97
00:03:58,439 --> 00:03:59,907
Mm-hmm.
But also,
98
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,109
Amelia's got some questions
about two mommies.
99
00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:04,912
Now, it's one thing to sit
there and we explain to her
100
00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:06,580
like all the other
different families and all,
101
00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:08,081
but it's another
thing just to see it
102
00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:09,917
and realize it's just
totally normal.
103
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:11,652
Yeah, I mean, she doesn't
really have that person
104
00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:13,253
as a point of reference
in her daily life.
105
00:04:13,287 --> 00:04:14,755
Well, I mean there's
my brother David,
106
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:15,923
but she wouldn't
know he's gay
107
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:17,491
because he still
hasn't come out,
108
00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:19,427
so I guess technically
that doesn't really help.
109
00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:21,161
You know he still calls
Nick his roommate, right?
110
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:23,263
Yeah.
So, basically, he's worthless.
111
00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:24,965
But is Amelia even
friends with Oscar?
112
00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:26,567
Not really, I mean,
he's a boy.
113
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,436
But this isn't about her
being friends with Oscar,
114
00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:30,938
this is about her getting
to know Oscar's mommies.
115
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:33,441
Oscar's more like our
lesbian Trojan horse.
116
00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:36,276
Wait, that doesn't work.
Amelia is the Trojan horse.
117
00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:38,846
No, Amelia's the soldiers
inside the Trojan horse
118
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:41,148
who jump out and
learn a lot about lesbians.
119
00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:43,584
You ready to go, Bubs?
Come on!
120
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:44,785
Was that a fun party?
121
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:46,920
Yeah.
Yeah?
122
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:48,956
Amelia! This is for you.
123
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:51,859
And we snuck in
an extra eraser,
124
00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:54,662
so don't tell any of
the little kids about it, okay?
125
00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:56,330
I heard so.
126
00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:59,800
Could you also not mention it
to any of the other kids?
127
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,101
Okay, it's gonna
be hard, though.
128
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,603
But what do you say, lovey?
Thank you.
129
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,137
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
130
00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:06,306
Thanks for inviting us.
Amelia had so much fun.
131
00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:08,041
We should do a family
play date sometime.
132
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:09,610
We would love that.
Oh, good!
133
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,979
We usually go to this indoor
gym thing on Saturdays.
134
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,514
Do you guys want to
come with us next week?
135
00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:15,349
Yeah!
That sounds cool.
136
00:05:15,383 --> 00:05:17,351
Let's do it!
Up high.
137
00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:18,386
Down low.
138
00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:19,820
Ooh, too slow.
Oh!
139
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,321
Hey, don't worry.
140
00:05:21,355 --> 00:05:23,824
Between now and next Saturday
I will train her because
141
00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:27,194
she will not embarrass
our family again.
142
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:29,196
You will not embarrass
our family again!
143
00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:32,299
Bye!
Bye, thank you for coming.
144
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,001
[David on phone]
No, no, no, no,
145
00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:35,068
you and mom are not
remembering this right.
146
00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:37,004
Yes, we are!
It wasn't Abe.
147
00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:39,006
Silver would saunter
around the house.
148
00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:41,008
He had sort of like an attitude
about it or whatever.
149
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:43,076
David!
He had hip dysplasia.
150
00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:44,978
He was also flashing
his butt all the time.
151
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,179
Are you saying
152
00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:48,215
that Silver was
asking for this?
153
00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:50,250
Are you victim blaming
right now?
154
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:52,386
I'm just saying that he wasn't
necessarily innocent, okay?
155
00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:54,087
Wow!
156
00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:55,856
You know, I don't sully
the good name of Silver Shadow
157
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:57,891
when he's not alive
to defend himself.
158
00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,860
How was your weekend?
159
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:02,362
I went to two kids' birthday
parties, went to Target.
160
00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:04,565
And we were in bed
both nights by nine,
161
00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:08,702
so part heavenly and also
part incredibly soul crushing.
162
00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:10,771
How was yours?
We stayed up past nine,
163
00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:12,372
if that's what you're asking.
Ooh!
164
00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:14,241
Now it sounds like
someone's bragging.
165
00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:16,544
Who's "we," by the way?
Who's "we" stayed up?
166
00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:18,011
You know my roommate, Nick?
167
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:21,181
Yes, of course I know
your roommate Nick.
168
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,451
We made lightbulbs
from scratch.
169
00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:25,252
How do you make
a lightbulb from scratch?
170
00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:27,254
The key is to find
the proper filament,
171
00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:29,890
and then you gotta weigh a lot
of factors, like density--
172
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:33,393
Sorry to interrupt, but I
just killed myself, so--
173
00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:34,862
Okay, well, you asked me.
174
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,029
The point is that
Nick and I had fun,
175
00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,565
we had a great time,
we loved it.
176
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:40,568
Well, you and Nick always
have a lot of fun together,
177
00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:42,302
you guys have
a lot in common.
178
00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:45,906
David, you know that
I really like Nick, right?
179
00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:48,241
Yeah, he's pretty great. |
Yeah.
180
00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:49,810
Oh, my God.
181
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:51,545
There's a woman who's got "Pink
Mom" on her license plate
182
00:06:51,579 --> 00:06:53,947
who is dressed tops
to bots all in pink--
183
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:55,282
I gotta go, I gotta go.
184
00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:56,850
Okay, I guess you're
not looking--
185
00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:00,888
[car thunks]
186
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:02,490
Oh, shit!
187
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,895
I mean, there was
barely a dent,
188
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,663
but you could see
why Pink Mom should be
189
00:07:09,697 --> 00:07:12,633
really considered
a driving distraction.
190
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:13,901
Bubs, you're up.
191
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,803
And of course
she fled the scene.
192
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:17,771
How was your lesbian party,
by the way?
193
00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:19,272
What lesbian party?
194
00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:20,974
You know, the "mommies".
195
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:23,611
Oh, you mean the birthday
party for a five-year-old
196
00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:25,312
that was thrown
by his mothers?
197
00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:27,314
Oh, I'm sorry,
I'm not used to all this,
198
00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:30,017
you know, new configuration
of family.
199
00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:32,019
Why are you following me
while I hopscotch?
200
00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:34,488
Because we're chatting.
It's creeping me out.
201
00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:36,256
Well, get un-creeped.
202
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,526
There weren't any gay parents
when you were growing up.
203
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:40,694
Yeah, because they weren't
allowed to have kids.
204
00:07:40,728 --> 00:07:42,996
I don't remember that.
Yeah, that tracks.
205
00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:45,866
Now, everyone has to
draw something in nature.
206
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:48,035
I'm gonna draw a fairy.
207
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:50,604
Ooh, I wanna see
that fairy, right?
208
00:07:50,638 --> 00:07:53,373
I just don't have that many gay
people in my everyday life
209
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:56,710
so that I can understand
all the nuances, you know?
210
00:07:56,744 --> 00:07:58,145
Well, you got one person.
211
00:07:58,178 --> 00:07:59,880
No, no, no, no,
cousin June isn't gay,
212
00:07:59,913 --> 00:08:01,515
she just runs a juice bar.
213
00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:03,651
Mom, no one thinks
cousin June's gay,
214
00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:05,653
especially not because
she runs a juice bar.
215
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:07,454
That's what I said,
she's not gay.
216
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,056
Who, who were
you thinking of?
217
00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:11,559
Come on.
218
00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:13,861
Do you really not know?
What?
219
00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:16,496
David.
My son, David?
220
00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:18,866
And my brother David?
Yeah.
221
00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:20,901
What makes you
think David is gay?
222
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:23,537
He's so... masculine.
223
00:08:23,571 --> 00:08:25,673
Masculine people can be gay.
224
00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:28,075
Well, not David,
David's not gay.
225
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:30,510
Mom, he's in his 30's,
he's never had a girlfriend.
226
00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:32,713
He's a computer engineer.
227
00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:34,381
You can't use
that excuse forever.
228
00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:36,684
He's always going on
about Nick
229
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,051
and how much fun
they have together,
230
00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:40,087
and they're spending
weekends together.
231
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:43,757
Mom, come on.
Oh, my gosh, Nick.
232
00:08:43,791 --> 00:08:45,392
He loves Nick.
233
00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:48,328
I think Nick
is his boyfriend.
234
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,764
Oh, I hope he's not gay.
235
00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:52,933
Mom!
Why would you say that?
236
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:55,168
I don't have a problem
with gay people, you know that.
237
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:59,406
I know that!
It's just that it's a harder
life, and he's my son.
238
00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:00,774
I get that.
239
00:09:00,808 --> 00:09:02,610
Mommy, aren't you
going to draw?
240
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:06,446
Sorry! We are drawing
stuff in nature.
241
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:08,115
Here.
242
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:12,285
Mom, it's 2017, it's not
as hard as it used to be.
243
00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:14,054
Yes, it is.
244
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:15,923
It's harder to get married,
it's harder to have kids.
245
00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:19,092
And you know what, it's harder
to get a wedding cake.
246
00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:20,894
What are you talking about?
247
00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:22,129
I'm not joking,
I saw it on the news.
248
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:24,064
There are very
homophobic bakeries,
249
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,033
and you know how much
David loves cake.
250
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:29,136
But mom, if he's gay,
don't you want to do it now
251
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,904
and not waste
any more time?
252
00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:32,806
I don't know.
253
00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:34,875
If anything, it's gonna
work out the best for you
254
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,476
because then you don't
just have to rely on me
255
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:38,912
when you're old and decrepit,
like a year from now.
256
00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:41,481
He'll make sure
your hair looks good,
257
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:43,316
he'll take you on
some cruises.
258
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:45,619
No, no, no, I don't
think he's cruise gay.
259
00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:48,488
He'd probably make me go on
a tour of the Boeing factory.
260
00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:49,990
That's true.
261
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:52,125
But you'll also have
someone to fix your scanner.
262
00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:55,328
Oh, I do hate that
[bleep] scanner.
263
00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:57,330
Mom, what are you drawing?
264
00:09:57,364 --> 00:09:59,900
What? It's the lemon tree that
you and David used to climb.
265
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,101
It's something in nature.
266
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:03,904
What are those
things at the trunk?
267
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,639
Those are lemons
that fell off the tree.
268
00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:08,008
Those are... large lemons.
269
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:09,843
Why? What do you think it is?
270
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:12,479
David, Nick.
What?
271
00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:14,347
Boom!
Oh, my God.
272
00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:17,517
Maybe this is your subconscious
becoming okay with this.
273
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:20,153
If it is, could we at least
say that this is David
274
00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:23,657
and this is Nick, because David
was always such a go-getter.
275
00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:26,694
If that makes you feel better,
mom, you can definitely say
276
00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:30,030
that David is jamming
himself into Nick.
277
00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:33,166
I am done drawing.
What are we doing next?
278
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,936
Come on, monkey, off the bed.
Get off the bed.
279
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,971
Are you excited to have your
play date with Oscar today?
280
00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:39,707
I don't play with Oscar much.
281
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:40,941
You don't have to play
with him much,
282
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,309
you just have to play
with him today.
283
00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:43,944
Yeah, you'll have
fun when you get there.
284
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,646
By the way, Oscar's mommies
told me the Coop is...
285
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:49,382
[singsong]
...amazing!
286
00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:52,385
Do Oscar's mommies
sleep in the same bed?
287
00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:55,155
Uh, of course.
288
00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:57,490
They love each other, so I'm
sure that they like to snuggle
289
00:10:57,524 --> 00:10:58,859
just like me and daddy do.
290
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,994
That's funny.
291
00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:02,562
Well, I don't think
it's funny, I just think
292
00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:04,331
it's a little different.
293
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:06,900
I agree, and I also agree that
I'm totally going to tickle you
294
00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:08,902
if you don't get ready to go!
295
00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:10,470
I have to say, I'm glad
we have this play date.
296
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:11,805
Yeah, me too.
297
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,073
I mean, I feel
like good role models
298
00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:14,541
is the way this
is gonna sink in.
299
00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:16,243
I hope so.
300
00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:19,579
You know, I actually wouldn't
mind if Amelia was a lesbian.
301
00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:21,214
Really?
Yeah.
302
00:11:21,248 --> 00:11:23,917
Okay, nah, don't act
so cool and open-minded.
303
00:11:23,951 --> 00:11:25,085
I know what you're doing.
304
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:26,586
Typical dad with a daughter.
305
00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:30,758
You don't want a boy putting
a penis inside her.
306
00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:33,560
Wow, that was really tough to
hear out loud, but totally true.
307
00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:35,528
Well, just so you know,
even if she is a lesbian,
308
00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:37,597
there's still toys,
so there's still going to be
309
00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:38,932
something inside her.
310
00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:41,368
Something to think about.
311
00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:43,904
Oh, man.
She can be asexual.
312
00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:46,406
Bubs, just make sure
you buckle up.
313
00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:48,041
Hey!
Oh, hey!
314
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:49,676
How are you?
I'm good, how you doing?
315
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,544
I got my shorts on again.
316
00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:53,113
Ah, yeah, you do-- shorts!
317
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:56,349
Yeah, shorts!
Have a good day.
318
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,685
Hey!
Hey, there.
319
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,121
Bye!
Bye-bye.
320
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,555
I'm just got an email
saying our insurance premium
321
00:12:02,589 --> 00:12:04,724
might go up because of
the whole Pink Mom incident.
322
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:07,060
Why? I thought you said
there was barely a dent.
323
00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:09,963
She's now claiming
she has medical costs.
324
00:12:09,997 --> 00:12:13,133
Who? Pink Mom?
No, again, Pink Mom fled
the scene-- the woman I hit.
325
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:14,701
Although, let's be honest,
326
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,537
Pink Mom probably has
some medical costs herself,
327
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,106
mostly psychiatric.
328
00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:20,640
What's this other
woman claiming?
329
00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:22,776
Supposedly she has breast
implants and when I hit her,
330
00:12:22,810 --> 00:12:26,313
the seatbelt, like, jammed in
and caused some sort of damage
331
00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:28,248
that now the insurance
has to cover.
332
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,250
It seems crazy.
How does that even happen?
333
00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:32,385
She didn't seem particularly...
[vocalizing]
334
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:35,122
...when we exchanged
information, so,
335
00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:37,157
how do we even know she had
implants in the first place?
336
00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:39,159
It doesn't really matter--
it's why we have insurance.
337
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:41,061
In matters to me if
our deductible goes up
338
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:43,163
because of her fake
banged-up boobies.
339
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:47,267
Well, it's not worth
fighting over, I mean, fine.
340
00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:49,903
Oh, okay...
[indistinct voice on phone]
341
00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:51,404
You need to hear this.
342
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:53,740
Hey, it's your brother,
listen, um...
343
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,809
I really need to talk
to you about something--
344
00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:57,744
it's not bad or anything,
but it's just the other day
345
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,613
you said how you really
liked Nick and, uh, anyway,
346
00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:03,416
are you free to meet up
later and talk about this?
347
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,118
Just let me know.
Bye.
348
00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:07,821
Okay, he sounds weird, right?
349
00:13:07,855 --> 00:13:09,789
I think this
might be the moment.
350
00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:11,358
What moment?
351
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:15,595
The moment he reveals himself
to me as a homosexual.
352
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:18,531
What makes you think that if he
does come out, you'd be the one?
353
00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:21,168
Because I'm his sister and he
feels comfortable around me,
354
00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:23,203
and this is the face
of no judgement.
355
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:25,638
Mm-hmm.
This is the face of judgement.
356
00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:26,840
Nyah!
357
00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:27,941
And this is the face
of surprise.
358
00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:29,642
[gasping]
359
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:31,811
And this is my pretty face.
360
00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:33,346
Mommy, that is not pretty.
361
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:38,451
What, is it too pretty?
Yes, it's too pretty.
362
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:39,452
Did you hear that?
363
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:42,890
That was sarcasm.
Oh, my God!
364
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,357
This is the best day
of my life.
365
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:49,997
[kids laughing and playing]
366
00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:52,199
Whoa, look at that dolphin!
367
00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:53,833
Hey!
Hey!
368
00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:55,402
You made it!
Amelia...
369
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:57,537
Have you been practicing?
370
00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:58,705
Up high.
371
00:13:58,738 --> 00:14:00,140
Down low-- oh!
372
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:04,044
We trained for this!
You blew it!
373
00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:06,813
But we didn't come with nothing.
We brought socks.
374
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,982
Oh, we look very cool.
375
00:14:09,016 --> 00:14:11,551
Someone forgot ours
and we had to buy them.
376
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:13,053
Oh!
Me!
377
00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:14,888
Ah.
It's me, I'm the one that
378
00:14:14,922 --> 00:14:16,723
forgot the socks
and then we had to buy them.
379
00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:18,158
I've had--
I've done it before.
380
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:19,692
It does,
happens all the time.
381
00:14:19,726 --> 00:14:21,228
Amelia, Oscar's in
the ball pit.
382
00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:22,595
He wants to know
if you'll join him.
383
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:24,431
That sounds fun.
384
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:28,568
But Mommy, you're not allow to
throw the balls out like that.
385
00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:30,070
That's true.
386
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:32,072
Why don't you see
if Oscar wants to meet you
387
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:34,741
in that super cool teepee?
388
00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:36,276
Yeah.
By the way,
389
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:39,012
I have to make
a reservation for my time.
390
00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:42,182
You don't want to get in that
teepee-- fresh buff.
391
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:43,917
Yeah?
That's sort of what happens
392
00:14:43,951 --> 00:14:46,219
when you take...
[mouthing words]
You're right.
393
00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:49,389
One of the kids right now
is having crazy visions.
394
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:51,258
I'm pretty sure it's that girl,
right behind you.
395
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:54,294
Yeah.
Yeah, she's been acting crazy.
396
00:14:57,630 --> 00:15:00,100
So finally, I hand the menu back
to the waiter and he says--
397
00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:02,936
That-- that's not--
she's telling it wrong.
398
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:04,537
You had the menu.
399
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:06,606
Do you want to tell it?
No, I don't want to--
400
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:09,109
You go ahead, you tell it,
it's your story.
401
00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:11,278
Tell it wrong,
but go ahead.
402
00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:14,781
No, after you,
you tell the story.
403
00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:18,085
You know what, we actually
went to that same restaurant
404
00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:20,320
and didn't we have
a strange waiter too?
405
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:22,956
Yeah, right.
I think they just have
a strange staff of--
406
00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:25,258
Mommy...
Oh, hi, Bubs.
407
00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:26,493
What happened?
Are you okay?
408
00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:28,561
Oscar hit me.
409
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:31,098
Oh, well, I'm sure that
that was an accident.
410
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:33,333
I'm sure that
Oscar is very sorry.
411
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:35,268
No.
412
00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:37,937
"No..." [laughing]
"No."
413
00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:39,639
He loves hitting.
414
00:15:39,672 --> 00:15:42,642
I mean, he loves hitting,
it's like his favorite thing.
415
00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:44,811
Oh!
There he goes.
416
00:15:44,844 --> 00:15:46,279
He's so strong.
417
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:49,182
It kind of hurts, buddy,
do you want to stop that?
418
00:15:49,216 --> 00:15:50,984
It doesn't look
like he wants to.
419
00:15:51,018 --> 00:15:52,752
You know what,
why don't we have a snack?
420
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,154
Do you want a snack?
Great!
421
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:55,588
Yeah, you want
some snack, big guy?
422
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:58,658
You want a fruit bar?
423
00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:00,960
Oh, I forgot them.
424
00:16:00,994 --> 00:16:02,495
So the two things that
you were in charge of,
425
00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,297
socks and fruit, you just
decided not to bring?
426
00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:07,300
No, I didn't decide not
to bring-- what I decide,
427
00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:08,835
it was an accident,
people make mistakes.
428
00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:10,370
Tell me what
the difference is.
429
00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:12,372
The difference between
an accident and a decision.
430
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:14,174
Not here.
431
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:15,608
We have lots of stuff.
432
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:17,610
Seriously, have--
we've over-snacked.
433
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:20,380
Here.
Get in there,
have some pretzels.
434
00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:23,050
Help yourself.
435
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:26,486
Oscar, why do you have
to take so many pretzels?
436
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:27,987
That's against the rule.
437
00:16:28,021 --> 00:16:33,026
Well, if Oscar wants
two fistfuls of pretzels,
438
00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:34,294
that's fine, you know,
439
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:35,862
different families,
different rules.
440
00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:38,531
Yeah, we don't really
have any rules around food.
441
00:16:38,565 --> 00:16:40,833
We don't want to
give him a complex.
442
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:42,835
Oh, uh-huh.
443
00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:45,038
Hey, little buddy, you actually
need to keep your food
444
00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:46,406
on this side of the rail.
445
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:47,740
But when you're
done with your snack
446
00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:48,908
you can come back and play.
447
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:51,744
Excuse me, hey, excuse me.
Problem?
448
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:53,746
Um, no problem,
we just can't have any food
449
00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:56,149
on this side of the rail.
They have a sign there.
450
00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:57,884
Well, if you have an
issue with something,
451
00:16:57,917 --> 00:16:59,219
why don't you
bring it up to me
452
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:01,054
instead of talking
to my small kid?
453
00:17:01,088 --> 00:17:02,689
Oh, yeah, of course.
454
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:05,325
Could we maybe talk to somebody
who's gone through puberty?
455
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,327
I can bring my manager.
456
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:10,830
Yeah, your manager, yeah, why
don't you go get me the manager?
457
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,565
Yeah, we would love to know
why not letting a child
458
00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:14,734
bring a few pretzels
past an imaginary line
459
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:16,236
is that big of a deal, okay?
460
00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:18,071
You don't have be
a [bleep] Nazi about it.
461
00:17:18,105 --> 00:17:21,908
Oh, okay, yeah, I'll...
462
00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:24,377
It's okay, honey.
You're perfect.
463
00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:26,246
[both whispering]
I hate this place.
464
00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:29,882
So the one lesbian couple in our
class turns out to be dickheads?
465
00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:31,584
The way they were
screaming at that guy.
466
00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:33,520
That guy!
I didn't know what to do.
467
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:34,687
I gave him 20 bucks.
468
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:36,789
These are the people
that Amelia's looking to
469
00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:39,126
to define a lesbian family?
470
00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:42,129
She's going to think
all lesbians are monsters.
471
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:44,297
I know, and Jessica
wouldn't let up
472
00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:45,532
on the high five thing
with Amelia.
473
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,367
Right?
Just give her the down low.
474
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,869
Does she think we're walking
away like, ooh, look at Jessica,
475
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,704
cheetah-like reflexes.
476
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,873
Congratulations!
You beat a five-year-old!
477
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,608
Let me have a shot at
her "down low".
478
00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:57,977
Oh, there's a real
fire behind your eyes.
479
00:17:58,010 --> 00:18:00,046
I like it.
Really?
480
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,648
No, it's gone now.
481
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:04,584
But seriously, how are we
going to keep Amelia from now
482
00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:07,454
just associating
lesbian with asshole
483
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:09,389
for the rest of her life?
484
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:11,391
Is it okay that
we're calling them assholes?
485
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,959
I feel like we shouldn't.
Listen...
486
00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:15,295
If that was a straight couple
that we hung out with
487
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:18,131
and they acted like that
and spoke to people like that,
488
00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:20,066
we would call them assholes.
489
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:21,634
That's true.
If you think about it,
490
00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:24,804
it's actually more prejudiced
to not call them out
491
00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:26,173
just because they're gay.
492
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,740
If anything,
we're being less prejudiced
493
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:30,843
by being comfortable enough
to call them assholes.
494
00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:32,412
That oddly makes sense.
Right?
495
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,314
But it still feels
weird calling les--
496
00:18:34,347 --> 00:18:37,317
Mommy, can I have some yogurt?
497
00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:41,154
Uh, yeah, uh, sure, Bubs.
498
00:18:41,188 --> 00:18:42,822
Did you have fun
at your play date today?
499
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:48,861
Not really-- Oscar hit me and
the two mommies were fighting.
500
00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:50,297
Yeah, well, you know what,
501
00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:52,199
everybody argues
sometimes, right?
502
00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:55,168
I don't think it's
because he's got two mommies.
503
00:18:55,202 --> 00:18:58,205
I know, you and daddy
fight sometimes.
504
00:18:58,238 --> 00:19:01,140
That's true, but we love
each other, and we love you.
505
00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:05,212
Just like Oscar's
mommies love him.
506
00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:08,315
Can I have my yogurt now?
507
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:11,684
Yeah, sure,
one yogles coming up.
508
00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:12,852
"Yogles"?
509
00:19:12,885 --> 00:19:14,554
Yeah, sorry, actually,
510
00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:17,190
the yogurt industry officially
switched it to "yogles".
511
00:19:17,224 --> 00:19:19,492
People are not happy,
but, uh,
512
00:19:19,526 --> 00:19:22,529
sorry, it's just
there's nothing I can do.
513
00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:24,564
Just when I thought this day
was getting better.
514
00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:30,503
The graphite gets charged
with electricity, okay,
515
00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:32,171
and that generates
its own energy
516
00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:33,706
in the form of heat
and light...
517
00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:35,708
Mm-hmm.
...and that's a lightbulb.
518
00:19:35,742 --> 00:19:37,910
Can you just do me a favor?
I can't do it myself,
519
00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:40,380
but I'm going to close my eyes
and you just hit it real hard.
520
00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:41,514
Yeah, you know,
I wonder why you keep asking me
521
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:43,250
to explain what
a lightbulb is.
522
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:44,551
Because it sounds like it's
going to be interesting,
523
00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:47,254
but then somehow
you make it less so.
524
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:49,155
Thank you very much.
You're welcome.
525
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:52,592
Okay, so, uh...
526
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,727
There's something I have to
talk to you about, obviously.
527
00:19:54,761 --> 00:19:56,729
And I'm here for you.
528
00:19:56,763 --> 00:20:00,066
Whatever it is, I'm here.
Thank you.
529
00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:03,336
You know my friend Nick, right?
I was saying, I love Nick,
530
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:05,238
you know that.
Well, Nick and I have gotten
531
00:20:05,272 --> 00:20:07,607
pretty close over
the last year and a half...
532
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,410
Mm-hmm.
...and, um, did you know he was
dating someone named Briana?
533
00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:12,279
Yeah.
Well, they broke up recently.
534
00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:16,015
Okay.
And it has to do with me.
535
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,718
Oh, okay.
Yeah, so now,
536
00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:23,756
I, uh, am dating Briana.
537
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:25,392
What?
Yeah, I know.
538
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:27,927
So, I just want to know,
should I be the one to tell him
539
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,396
or should she tell him,
you know,
540
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:30,630
because I really
like this girl--
541
00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:33,132
I thought you were gay!
What? What?
542
00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:35,435
You thought-- why,
why did you think I was gay?
543
00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:38,371
So... so many reasons!
So many reasons?
544
00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:39,872
First of all,
what's wrong with being gay?
545
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,708
Well, there's nothing,
I just-- because it's--
546
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,242
You've never had a girlfriend,
you're over 30.
547
00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:44,611
That's exactly--
that's all you got?
548
00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:46,579
I'm a computer engineer.
You know what,
549
00:20:46,613 --> 00:20:48,581
that's what mom said, okay,
he's a computer engineer.
550
00:20:48,615 --> 00:20:49,782
I don't think just saying
someone's a computer engineer--
551
00:20:49,816 --> 00:20:51,451
Could you stop a second?
You told mom...
552
00:20:51,484 --> 00:20:53,052
Yeah.
...that I'm gay.
553
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:57,424
I may have been preparing her
for the possibility.
554
00:20:57,457 --> 00:20:58,791
Okay, what did mom say?
555
00:20:58,825 --> 00:21:00,560
She had some concerns,
I'll be honest.
556
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:04,731
Um, some bakery concerns
and whatnot, but then,
557
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,766
after a little convincing
I got her on board.
558
00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:08,468
This is insane!
You have to undo this!
559
00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:10,136
I don't-- obviously
I'm gonna tell her,
560
00:21:10,169 --> 00:21:11,404
I'm not just gonna let her
still think you're gay.
561
00:21:11,438 --> 00:21:12,805
Wait, wait,
stop for a second.
562
00:21:12,839 --> 00:21:14,607
How many people know?
How many people did you tell?
563
00:21:14,641 --> 00:21:16,443
Nobody! I'm not going
around like, "He's gay!"
564
00:21:16,476 --> 00:21:19,479
I just-- people assume, Mike
obviously thinks your gay.
565
00:21:19,512 --> 00:21:22,749
Obviously?
Yeah, how do you for sure know,
566
00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:24,951
by the way,
that you're not gay?
567
00:21:24,984 --> 00:21:27,354
Because I'm-- how do you know
you're not gay?
568
00:21:27,387 --> 00:21:29,155
Well, because I've been
there a couple of times
569
00:21:29,188 --> 00:21:30,857
and it's not for me.
570
00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:32,525
You don't mean that--
you've been there?
571
00:21:32,559 --> 00:21:33,926
You've "been there"?
What does that mean?
572
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,628
Where have you been?
Vaginas.
573
00:21:35,662 --> 00:21:38,097
You've been to vagina.
I've been to the vagina store,
574
00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:40,500
and I didn't find anything
I wanted to purchase.
575
00:21:40,533 --> 00:21:42,101
Look, what do I tell Nick,
seriously, though?
576
00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:43,169
Because I don't
want hurt feelings.
577
00:21:43,202 --> 00:21:44,537
I don't give a [bleep],
578
00:21:44,571 --> 00:21:46,873
tell him, don't tell him,
who cares?
579
00:21:46,906 --> 00:21:49,476
Obviously I came to
the right person for advice.
580
00:21:51,911 --> 00:21:53,846
I don't think I'm
overstating it when I say
581
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,648
it was the Chernobyl
of play dates.
582
00:21:55,682 --> 00:21:57,016
I think there was
a mass sterilization
583
00:21:57,049 --> 00:21:58,618
that went across the Coop.
584
00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:01,354
Well, I feel it's
worth saying, they're awful.
585
00:22:01,388 --> 00:22:02,689
Seriously?
586
00:22:02,722 --> 00:22:04,323
Brian, why wouldn't
you tell us that
587
00:22:04,357 --> 00:22:06,125
before we made
plans with them?
588
00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:09,462
What, I'm gonna talk shit about
the only gay couple in class?
589
00:22:09,496 --> 00:22:11,531
Yeah, it doesn't feel great.
590
00:22:11,564 --> 00:22:13,332
Now I'm sure they're gonna
want to get together.
591
00:22:13,366 --> 00:22:16,669
I just-- honestly, I don't have
it in me, I cannot do it again.
592
00:22:16,703 --> 00:22:18,337
I don't think you
have to worry about that.
593
00:22:18,371 --> 00:22:19,839
Why? What do you mean?
594
00:22:19,872 --> 00:22:21,841
According to William's mom,
who talked to Jessica,
595
00:22:21,874 --> 00:22:23,910
they don't want to have another
play date with you guys,
596
00:22:23,943 --> 00:22:25,244
so you're in the clear.
597
00:22:25,277 --> 00:22:26,813
Excuse me?
598
00:22:26,846 --> 00:22:29,582
What problem could
they probably have with us?
599
00:22:29,616 --> 00:22:31,250
Well, apparently they
thought that you guys
600
00:22:31,283 --> 00:22:32,919
are a little bit uptight.
601
00:22:32,952 --> 00:22:34,921
We're uptight? Why?
Because we don't let our kids
602
00:22:34,954 --> 00:22:37,156
punch us in the face
and we don't just like,
603
00:22:37,189 --> 00:22:39,325
scream at innocent employees?
604
00:22:39,358 --> 00:22:40,927
Wait a minute,
that's good news.
605
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,329
We don't want to have
more play dates with them.
606
00:22:43,362 --> 00:22:47,567
Right, but... if you could
just let William's mom know
607
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:48,768
that we are not uptight.
608
00:22:48,801 --> 00:22:51,037
No, she doesn't
care about that.
609
00:22:51,070 --> 00:22:52,572
That's fair.
610
00:22:52,605 --> 00:22:53,906
Still tell her, though.
611
00:22:53,940 --> 00:22:56,709
Hey, William's mom,
she's not uptight.
612
00:22:56,743 --> 00:22:58,511
That's not William's mom,
that's a tree.
613
00:22:58,545 --> 00:23:00,480
I know,
I just wanted to practice.
614
00:23:02,549 --> 00:23:04,751
I know it doesn't
sound great to say it,
615
00:23:04,784 --> 00:23:06,719
but I'm really
relieved he's not gay.
616
00:23:06,753 --> 00:23:08,588
I thought you'd actually
gotten on board with it.
617
00:23:08,621 --> 00:23:10,389
That's when I thought
I had to be.
618
00:23:10,423 --> 00:23:12,525
And besides, I really don't
like Boeing airplanes.
619
00:23:12,559 --> 00:23:14,126
Well, he's going
to be taking you
620
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:15,762
to that factory either way,
mom, get bored.
621
00:23:15,795 --> 00:23:17,797
I have to say,
I'm a little surprised that
622
00:23:17,830 --> 00:23:20,467
you're back to watching Amelia
watch her dance class again.
623
00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:22,368
Well, if you're going
to be my sole caretaker,
624
00:23:22,401 --> 00:23:24,136
I want to be sure that
I'm on your good side.
625
00:23:24,170 --> 00:23:26,473
Oh, I like where
this is going.
626
00:23:26,506 --> 00:23:28,307
Which reminds me,
I need you to drive me
627
00:23:28,340 --> 00:23:30,109
to the dermatologist
on Thursday.
628
00:23:30,142 --> 00:23:31,811
I'm liking this part less.
What?
629
00:23:31,844 --> 00:23:34,413
I have a little something on my
back, I want them to look at it.
630
00:23:34,447 --> 00:23:36,382
You know that you
still drive, right, mom?
631
00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:38,050
What if they put me under?
632
00:23:38,084 --> 00:23:39,819
To look at something
on your back?
633
00:23:39,852 --> 00:23:41,087
Well, you never know.
634
00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:43,389
I know in this case,
very confident that
635
00:23:43,422 --> 00:23:46,058
they're not going to remove
something from your back
636
00:23:46,092 --> 00:23:47,727
where they have
to put you under--
637
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,328
Oh, now you're a doctor?
638
00:23:49,361 --> 00:23:52,098
If you're a dermatologist
who just immediately goes
639
00:23:52,131 --> 00:23:53,633
from consultation to surgery
640
00:23:53,666 --> 00:23:56,102
and needs you to go under,
call Leon.
641
00:23:56,135 --> 00:23:57,570
Leon's not going
to be around forever.
642
00:23:57,604 --> 00:24:00,139
He'll be around Thursday,
though, right?
643
00:24:00,172 --> 00:24:01,774
Well...
644
00:24:01,808 --> 00:24:04,410
Is Leon okay?
Oh, yeah, Leon's fine.
645
00:24:04,443 --> 00:24:07,446
[woman]
All right, ladies, you are done.
646
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:10,617
Everyone reach up and...
curtsey.
647
00:24:12,985 --> 00:24:15,955
Here's your snack.
648
00:24:15,988 --> 00:24:18,591
How was class?
It was good.
649
00:24:18,625 --> 00:24:21,193
Great.
650
00:24:21,227 --> 00:24:22,929
Oh, my God,
our deductible's going up.
651
00:24:22,962 --> 00:24:24,597
That is bullshit.
Seriously?
652
00:24:24,631 --> 00:24:27,266
Look, "Please see attachment
for further clarification."
653
00:24:27,299 --> 00:24:29,101
What does that mean?
654
00:24:29,135 --> 00:24:30,436
Oh, my God.
Jesus.
655
00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:31,971
Okay, you know what,
we pay for everything,
656
00:24:32,004 --> 00:24:33,372
we give her everything
she wants.
657
00:24:33,405 --> 00:24:35,775
Is that a nipple?
That is a nipple, right?
658
00:24:35,808 --> 00:24:37,844
Why is it so close
to her armpit?
I'm not sure.50687
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