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Previously on
The Last Man on Earth...
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I figured it out, man.
We're going to Akron!
3
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That's where's Melissa's from.
4
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Who knows what we could learn?
5
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Melissa, you just took a pill.
6
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Only one left.
7
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Let's take your dumb-ass family photo.
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- BOTH: Limburger! Limburger! Limburger!
- (camera shutter clicking)
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Jiminy Glick.
10
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Thank you, everyone, for coming.
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Please take a seat.
12
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You'll notice I've placed a hat
13
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in front of each of you.
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You're gonna want to hold onto it.
15
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What's going on, Care Bear?
16
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Just a seismic shift in
reality as we know it.
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What you're about to see
18
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will shock and astound
you to your very core.
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For the weak of stomach,
20
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feel free to use the hat as a barf bag.
21
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And now,
22
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prepare to question everything. Behold!
23
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- Cute!
- Ah!
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Oh, those came out good.
25
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No. Look closer... in the background.
26
00:00:54,692 --> 00:00:55,989
TODD: Wait. What-what is that thing?
27
00:00:56,025 --> 00:00:58,458
It-It's probably just some tiny acorn.
28
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You got to remember, the
camera adds ten pounds.
29
00:01:01,163 --> 00:01:03,430
Ever tried to take a
picture of a scale on zero?
30
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- Can't do it.
- Huh.
31
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It'll always say ten.
32
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Tandy, I thought it was
an obese acorn myself
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until I did this.
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- TODD: Oh, my God.
- (Erica gasps)
35
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- What is that?
- (gasps)
36
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It's moving!
37
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Looks like we have company.
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And that company... is a Yoda.
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TANDY (Ã la Yoda): Find this thing
40
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- we need to.
- CAROL: Tandy,
41
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I think you mean "Find this
thing to which we need."
42
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Oh. Sorry.
43
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We don't even know what that is.
44
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Oh, it's pretty clearly a Yoda.
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TANDY: Think we're making a mistake
46
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by putting all our eggs
47
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in this Yoda basket.
48
00:01:38,367 --> 00:01:40,033
I mean, could be some sort of gremlin
49
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or yeti or troll.
50
00:01:41,570 --> 00:01:43,437
Oh, wait. No, trolls don't exist.
51
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But, look, there's also a
chance we could be looking
52
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at a board-certified medical doctor.
53
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What if it's another
crazy person like Pat?
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Yeah, if they were friendly,
55
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wouldn't they have
introduced themselves already?
56
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If they were harmful, wouldn't
they have hurt us already?
57
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Well, okay, well, why wouldn't
they have said anything?
58
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(stammers) We're probably just
dealing with a shy individual.
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Most people are scared to
engage others in conversation.
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That's why, if you ever
see me at a social event,
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no one's ever talking to me.
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CAROL: Tandy, look,
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Gail's injured. Todd... you
have to take care of Melissa.
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I just don't think the group can handle
65
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a full-on manhunt right now.
66
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No, we have to do this.
67
00:02:20,409 --> 00:02:23,585
Look, Lewis gave his life
trying to find a doctor for us.
68
00:02:23,591 --> 00:02:25,245
And if he knew there
was someone out there
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and we weren't doing everything we could
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00:02:26,916 --> 00:02:30,203
to try to find them, he'd
be rolling over in his ashes.
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That is a good point.
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Yeah.
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We'll do it for Lewis.
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Oh, thank you.
75
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As Lewis used to say,
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"That's great."
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Oh. There she is.
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(laughs) Yeah, I was just,
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uh, putting up some pictures
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- you brought back from Akron.
- Okay.
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Melissa,
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can you, can you look at me?
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Please? Um,
84
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you remember this pill?
85
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Huh?
86
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You-you took one of 'em back in Akron.
87
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Melissa.
88
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(sighs)
89
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God. Hon, what are you thinking about?
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Santa's penis.
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Okay. Can-can we please
focus here, all right?
92
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I need to know what this pill is.
93
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Santa's penis.
94
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Okay, now, I know
95
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you think it's funny talking
about Santa's genitalia,
96
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and it is, okay?
97
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It's funny imagery
98
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because of his body size
and white pubic hair, but
99
00:03:39,308 --> 00:03:40,988
there's a time and a place.
100
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Okay? And right now I need your help.
101
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- Santa's penis?
- Oh.
102
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Great. Well,
103
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guess I'm gonna have to
figure this out on my own.
104
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Yeah, thanks a lot.
105
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(clears throat)
106
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TANDY: Yeah, this is the spot.
107
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All right, you see any clues?
108
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Any droppings which might
help us shed some light
109
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on the nature of this
potentially dangerous beast?
110
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Look, look over there. There's a house.
111
00:04:11,345 --> 00:04:12,978
TANDY (quietly): Oh, my God.
112
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All right, let's go get back
in the van and check it out.
113
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(quietly): Guys, I can't see the van.
114
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Huh.
115
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(car lock remote chirps)
116
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- Oh, there it is.
- Oh.
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Over in that area.
118
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- Don't forget the...
- Tandy, all the stuff.
119
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TANDY: Oh, left my friggin'
binoculars and my picture.
120
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Ah, Mondays.
121
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TANDY: Be very quiet.
122
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- Okay.
- Tandy.
123
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(whispering): You guys
wait in here, okay?
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I'm gonna go make sure it's safe.
125
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(whispering): How will you let us know?
126
00:04:50,692 --> 00:04:52,392
I'll make a bird sound.
127
00:04:52,428 --> 00:04:55,062
Birds don't exist. They're
gonna know someone's here.
128
00:04:55,097 --> 00:04:58,231
Okay, I'll make a wind sound.
129
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(door creaks open)
130
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(exhales loudly)
131
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Oh, gol, he's choking! He's choking.
132
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- (exhales loudly)
- ERICA: No.
133
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I think he's making his wind sound.
134
00:05:38,307 --> 00:05:40,507
(exhales loudly)
135
00:05:40,945 --> 00:05:43,276
Yeah, he's doing wind.
136
00:05:45,748 --> 00:05:47,096
(groans)
137
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Hey, Todd?
138
00:05:48,342 --> 00:05:49,847
- Ah.
- Can I ask you a little favor?
139
00:05:49,853 --> 00:05:51,625
Uh, you know, I'm kind
of busy at the moment.
140
00:05:51,631 --> 00:05:55,052
Well, I know. I was just hoping
that you could go grab my accordion?
141
00:05:55,058 --> 00:05:57,007
I left it over in that elevator,
142
00:05:57,013 --> 00:05:59,226
and I'm having a whale
of a time with the stairs.
143
00:05:59,261 --> 00:06:01,061
- Yeah, I'm sorry. Can this wait?
- Hmm.
144
00:06:01,096 --> 00:06:02,347
It's kind of an emergency.
145
00:06:02,353 --> 00:06:04,465
I got this Thin Lizzy
song stuck in my head,
146
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- and I need to just put it to my fingers.
- It's just,
147
00:06:06,735 --> 00:06:08,368
you know, I got to focus
on Melissa right now.
148
00:06:08,403 --> 00:06:09,703
She used to take this pill, you know,
149
00:06:09,738 --> 00:06:11,040
and I got to figure out what it is.
150
00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:12,512
She won't just tell you?
151
00:06:12,547 --> 00:06:14,110
No, she's being very uncooperative.
152
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All she talks about is Santa's penis.
153
00:06:16,422 --> 00:06:18,051
- What'd she say about it?
- I don't know.
154
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:19,819
I think she's messing
around, but I'm gonna go see
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if I can find a match at the pharmacy.
156
00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:23,222
Do you want a little help?
157
00:06:23,258 --> 00:06:24,624
Shouldn't you be resting up?
158
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You forget who you're dealing with here.
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(Ã la Yoda): Found our
Yoda, looks like we did.
160
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:50,733
Well, this is our guy.
161
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Let's see what we got here.
162
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Games, mostly single-player in nature.
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Guy's a lone wolf.
164
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Ah, Hungry Hungry Hippo.
165
00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:03,045
But no marbles for them to eat.
166
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Potential sociopath.
167
00:07:05,583 --> 00:07:08,284
Soda, huh.
168
00:07:11,656 --> 00:07:13,259
That's pee, yeah.
169
00:07:13,265 --> 00:07:15,134
Or wait, is that ginger ale?
170
00:07:16,678 --> 00:07:18,111
No, pee.
171
00:07:18,913 --> 00:07:20,109
Monopoly.
172
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Healthy interest in real
estate, a capitalist.
173
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:25,702
And if I'm to believe
all the recommended ages
174
00:07:25,708 --> 00:07:28,203
on the board games, we're
dealing with an individual
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between the ages of eight and 80.
176
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So who are you,
177
00:07:33,226 --> 00:07:35,588
you young or elderly punk?
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00:07:35,594 --> 00:07:38,476
Tandy, I think it's pretty
obvious it's a little boy.
179
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I mean, look at these toys.
180
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There's forks in the electrical sockets,
181
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and this costume is tiny.
182
00:07:44,588 --> 00:07:46,422
Well, not so fast, Erica.
183
00:07:46,457 --> 00:07:48,958
We might just be dealing
with a Benjamin Buttons type,
184
00:07:48,993 --> 00:07:51,327
so we must use an abundance of caution.
185
00:07:51,362 --> 00:07:54,569
For though small in stature,
he's lived a lifetime.
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00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:56,781
Benjamin Buttons...
that's a movie.
187
00:07:56,787 --> 00:07:59,001
Based on the actual curious case
188
00:07:59,036 --> 00:08:01,570
of the very real Benji Buttons.
189
00:08:01,605 --> 00:08:04,799
It's Benjamin Button, and it was a book.
190
00:08:04,805 --> 00:08:06,861
I think the word you're
looking for is "novel."
191
00:08:06,867 --> 00:08:08,911
You can take that from
someone who's read one.
192
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:11,190
Guys, check these out.
193
00:08:12,341 --> 00:08:14,274
Man on fish porn.
194
00:08:14,357 --> 00:08:18,359
It's rather crude, but,
uh, she'll get the job done.
195
00:08:18,449 --> 00:08:20,341
No, Tandy. That's you
196
00:08:20,347 --> 00:08:22,220
giving mouth-to-mouth to Gail the Fish
197
00:08:22,226 --> 00:08:23,894
that night we were camping.
198
00:08:23,900 --> 00:08:26,195
Wow. He must have been watching us.
199
00:08:26,230 --> 00:08:28,297
Oh, yeah. That's what that is.
200
00:08:28,332 --> 00:08:29,465
(laughing): That's cute.
201
00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:30,951
He's celebrating me.
202
00:08:30,957 --> 00:08:33,758
He's got some sort
of hero deal going on.
203
00:08:34,137 --> 00:08:35,336
I'm just a man.
204
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:36,740
I just feel so bad
205
00:08:36,746 --> 00:08:40,238
that this child's living here
all by himself in this mess.
206
00:08:40,244 --> 00:08:41,543
- ERICA: Yeah.
- Yeah.
207
00:08:41,579 --> 00:08:44,146
It takes me back to my days in Tucson.
208
00:08:44,181 --> 00:08:47,216
I thought I was the only one left.
209
00:08:49,477 --> 00:08:51,387
Well, look, whatever it is,
210
00:08:51,422 --> 00:08:55,124
whether it's a toddler
or a Benji, it needs us.
211
00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:57,059
Yeah, so what are we gonna do?
212
00:08:57,334 --> 00:08:59,434
We just got to draw him out of hiding.
213
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:02,258
And I have just the thing.
214
00:09:04,454 --> 00:09:06,135
Oh, look.
215
00:09:06,170 --> 00:09:07,836
- Let's see.
- I think I might have found one.
216
00:09:07,872 --> 00:09:09,405
Huh? Oh, let's see it.
217
00:09:09,478 --> 00:09:12,084
White, circular, no markings.
218
00:09:12,117 --> 00:09:13,989
You know, let's put it with the maybes.
219
00:09:15,234 --> 00:09:18,035
Ooh, what have we here?
220
00:09:18,526 --> 00:09:21,183
Oh, come on, Gail, that's a Xanax.
221
00:09:21,218 --> 00:09:23,085
Yeah, but are we sure?
222
00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:25,578
Better check it out just in case.
223
00:09:25,584 --> 00:09:27,786
- Look, can we focus here? Huh?
- Uh...
224
00:09:27,792 --> 00:09:29,725
Just hand me the pill, please.
225
00:09:30,161 --> 00:09:31,030
The pill, Gail.
226
00:09:31,036 --> 00:09:32,090
Oh...
227
00:09:32,096 --> 00:09:33,195
The pill.
228
00:09:33,344 --> 00:09:34,544
- Uh...
- What?
229
00:09:34,550 --> 00:09:35,898
Where is it?
230
00:09:35,933 --> 00:09:38,233
Okay, Todd. The good news is
231
00:09:38,269 --> 00:09:40,569
it is in the vicinity.
232
00:09:40,604 --> 00:09:41,448
What?
233
00:09:41,454 --> 00:09:44,153
Uh, I think it is this guy...
234
00:09:44,159 --> 00:09:46,742
Oh, wait. It's this guy, or...
235
00:09:47,549 --> 00:09:49,278
Todd, I done lost the pill.
236
00:09:49,313 --> 00:09:50,946
Oh, come on, Gail.
237
00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:52,748
(through clenched teeth): Damn it.
238
00:09:55,319 --> 00:09:58,287
Candy! Come get your candy!
239
00:09:58,322 --> 00:10:01,457
(whoops and laughs)
240
00:10:01,492 --> 00:10:05,060
Oh, my goodness, this
is delicious candy!
241
00:10:05,096 --> 00:10:07,383
And there's so much of it!
242
00:10:07,389 --> 00:10:08,990
(hoots and whoops)
243
00:10:08,996 --> 00:10:10,799
Hey, and if candy's not your bag,
244
00:10:10,835 --> 00:10:13,135
we've got a whole slew of items
245
00:10:13,170 --> 00:10:15,571
catering to a more experienced taste.
246
00:10:15,606 --> 00:10:17,406
Talking to you, Benji!
247
00:10:17,441 --> 00:10:18,807
Yeah, we got, uh...
248
00:10:18,843 --> 00:10:21,745
Metamucil, BluBlockers,
249
00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:23,212
hearing aids,
250
00:10:23,247 --> 00:10:25,647
couple Judging Amy DVDs,
251
00:10:25,683 --> 00:10:28,581
you got a box of Depends diapie-diaps.
252
00:10:28,587 --> 00:10:30,953
It's a world of pure imagination
253
00:10:30,988 --> 00:10:32,488
for young and old alike.
254
00:10:32,523 --> 00:10:34,690
♪ It's raining Fixodent! ♪
255
00:10:39,194 --> 00:10:41,897
Todd, the results are in.
256
00:10:41,932 --> 00:10:45,734
That pill tested positive for Xanax.
257
00:10:46,105 --> 00:10:48,506
Gail, that pill was our only lead.
258
00:10:48,614 --> 00:10:49,905
I said I was sorry.
259
00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:51,340
It doesn't seem like you are.
260
00:10:51,375 --> 00:10:53,008
Well, I am.
261
00:10:53,043 --> 00:10:55,511
Well, then I guess all is forgiven.
262
00:11:05,022 --> 00:11:09,691
Todd... Todd.
263
00:11:10,278 --> 00:11:11,260
(singsongy): Todd.
264
00:11:11,295 --> 00:11:12,833
What?
265
00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:15,126
Will you drop me off at
the other building, please?
266
00:11:15,132 --> 00:11:16,498
Why?
267
00:11:16,534 --> 00:11:18,267
Because I have to get
268
00:11:18,302 --> 00:11:21,036
my accordion out of the elevator.
269
00:11:21,071 --> 00:11:23,205
I guess you're not gonna do it,
270
00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:24,873
so I guess I'm gonna do it.
271
00:11:24,909 --> 00:11:26,271
No, I'll get it.
272
00:11:26,277 --> 00:11:28,377
Well, don't do me any favors.
273
00:11:28,412 --> 00:11:30,038
Look, I said I'll get it, I'll get it.
274
00:11:30,044 --> 00:11:31,148
Huh.
275
00:11:32,163 --> 00:11:34,116
You know what?
276
00:11:34,151 --> 00:11:35,960
I'm gonna put this right here.
277
00:11:38,942 --> 00:11:40,722
That is good for what you got.
278
00:11:40,758 --> 00:11:42,691
Great. Thank you.
279
00:11:42,726 --> 00:11:44,293
You're welcome.
280
00:11:44,328 --> 00:11:46,061
TANDY: Well, the
T-shirt cannons worked.
281
00:11:46,096 --> 00:11:47,362
You found the kid?
282
00:11:47,398 --> 00:11:48,622
No, I just mean they shot off
283
00:11:48,628 --> 00:11:51,250
everything I put in there
very, very far... yes.
284
00:11:51,256 --> 00:11:53,759
So you guys, uh, cleaned
up this whole house?
285
00:11:53,765 --> 00:11:55,137
Yeah, we thought we'd make it nice
286
00:11:55,172 --> 00:11:57,406
for when this kid comes back.
287
00:11:57,441 --> 00:12:00,242
Kids love a clean room.
288
00:12:00,277 --> 00:12:02,807
Yeah. Yep, they sure do.
289
00:12:04,077 --> 00:12:05,310
Hey, Carol.
290
00:12:05,549 --> 00:12:07,916
Remember when we first
met back in Tucson?
291
00:12:07,952 --> 00:12:09,418
And how you cleaned up my house?
292
00:12:09,453 --> 00:12:11,600
You know, I don't think I
ever got a thank you for that.
293
00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:14,107
- And I never got an apology.
- Excuse me?
294
00:12:14,113 --> 00:12:16,248
I just didn't want you
messing with my stuff.
295
00:12:16,260 --> 00:12:18,678
And I don't think this kid
wants us messing with his.
296
00:12:18,684 --> 00:12:20,262
He wants us to leave.
297
00:12:20,297 --> 00:12:21,530
But guess what.
298
00:12:21,565 --> 00:12:24,217
That's not gonna happen,
'cause I have a plan.
299
00:12:24,223 --> 00:12:25,434
What are we gonna do?
300
00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:27,469
We're gonna leave.
301
00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:34,493
CAROL: Tandy.
302
00:12:34,706 --> 00:12:36,221
We can't just leave.
303
00:12:36,227 --> 00:12:39,028
Don't you see?! He doesn't want us here!
304
00:12:39,366 --> 00:12:41,533
We have to leave!
305
00:12:41,569 --> 00:12:43,869
And we're never coming back!
306
00:12:47,958 --> 00:12:49,841
CAROL: I know this is
frustrating,Tandy,
307
00:12:49,877 --> 00:12:53,458
but it might just take this kid
a little while to warm up to us.
308
00:12:53,849 --> 00:12:55,311
You know, when I was 11,
309
00:12:55,317 --> 00:12:57,115
we had a neighborhood skunk,
310
00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:59,117
and he would spray me,
311
00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:02,955
and I would spray him right
back with my garden mister.
312
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:04,933
Well, the sprayings lessened over time
313
00:13:04,939 --> 00:13:07,739
until one day we were
both sitting on the curb,
314
00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:10,646
looked into each others
eyes, and basically said,
315
00:13:10,681 --> 00:13:14,517
"Hey, we're not so
different, you and I."
316
00:13:14,799 --> 00:13:16,986
Ultimately we were, though.
317
00:13:17,021 --> 00:13:18,994
He had rabies and I had to get a shot
318
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,934
in my stomach for 60 months.
319
00:13:22,059 --> 00:13:24,727
But for a brief time
we were inseparable.
320
00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:25,943
ERICA: Shouldn't we at least
321
00:13:25,949 --> 00:13:28,250
wait around, like, a little bit longer?
322
00:13:28,328 --> 00:13:29,661
No, we shouldn't.
323
00:13:29,667 --> 00:13:31,513
What are you up to, Tandy?
324
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:35,321
Don't worry. I know what to do
here, 'cause I know this guy.
325
00:13:35,439 --> 00:13:37,907
You haven't even met him,
so how can you know him?
326
00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:41,845
Because that little boy
or old man in a child body
327
00:13:41,876 --> 00:13:43,212
is me... Carol, take the wheel.
328
00:13:43,247 --> 00:13:44,736
- Come get me in the morning!
- Tandy, no!
329
00:13:44,742 --> 00:13:46,582
(grunting and groaning)
330
00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:49,218
It's all part of the plan.
331
00:13:50,273 --> 00:13:51,987
(groans) Worth it.
332
00:13:52,023 --> 00:13:54,022
TODD (imitating Gail): "Hey,
don't do me any favors,
333
00:13:54,028 --> 00:13:54,600
Todd."
334
00:13:54,606 --> 00:13:56,794
Oh, here's the stupid elevator.
335
00:14:03,590 --> 00:14:05,198
(elevator bell dings)
336
00:14:12,246 --> 00:14:14,210
Oh, my God.
337
00:14:42,228 --> 00:14:44,228
(sighs)
338
00:14:48,139 --> 00:14:49,111
Thank you.
339
00:14:49,146 --> 00:14:50,935
Yeah.
340
00:14:53,373 --> 00:14:55,284
Gail, I had no idea.
341
00:14:55,319 --> 00:14:56,719
How's that?
342
00:14:56,973 --> 00:14:59,040
What you went through in there.
343
00:15:00,988 --> 00:15:02,324
It's okay.
344
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:06,795
No, I-I've been so focused on
Melissa, I've had blinders on.
345
00:15:07,161 --> 00:15:09,898
There's no way you could've known, Todd.
346
00:15:10,233 --> 00:15:13,302
Still, I'm sorry.
347
00:15:13,678 --> 00:15:15,004
Thank you.
348
00:15:15,375 --> 00:15:17,375
I-I got you one more thing.
349
00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:22,244
(chuckles)
350
00:15:22,652 --> 00:15:24,518
Todd.
351
00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:27,045
I'm really happy he
was in there with you.
352
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:29,351
I was, too.
353
00:15:33,786 --> 00:15:34,690
Thank you.
354
00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:37,326
Fine, you're welcome, hon.
355
00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:42,265
All right. We got Gordon fixed up.
356
00:15:42,271 --> 00:15:44,871
Let's go see what we
can do about Melissa.
357
00:15:47,338 --> 00:15:49,204
Where the hell are you?
358
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,142
I'm not here anymore.
359
00:15:51,148 --> 00:15:52,708
You saw me drive off.
360
00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:55,210
Why won't you go back in there?
361
00:15:55,875 --> 00:15:57,046
Ah, screw it.
362
00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:59,782
Okay! Hey, the jig is up!
363
00:15:59,817 --> 00:16:02,785
Yeah! I'm a person, not a bush!
364
00:16:03,345 --> 00:16:05,689
I'm sorry to have lied to you!
365
00:16:05,695 --> 00:16:08,429
And just know I'm not
leaving till you come back!
366
00:16:08,592 --> 00:16:11,338
You know? I mean, it'd be nice
if it was on the sooner side!
367
00:16:11,344 --> 00:16:13,110
It's getting pretty cold out.
368
00:16:13,275 --> 00:16:16,231
All I got on under
this thing is a Beefy-T.
369
00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:18,646
Anyway, I'm here!
370
00:16:21,482 --> 00:16:23,357
Still hanging in there!
371
00:16:24,115 --> 00:16:26,642
My nipples are like
diamonds at this point!
372
00:16:26,677 --> 00:16:29,912
Okay, well, ready whenever you
are for a little meet and greet!
373
00:16:30,533 --> 00:16:32,414
Looforwarto't!
374
00:16:32,808 --> 00:16:35,866
That's a shortening of the
phrase "looking forward to it"!
375
00:16:35,872 --> 00:16:36,812
Just made that up.
376
00:16:36,818 --> 00:16:38,654
It's gonna save me a lot
of time in the future.
377
00:16:39,196 --> 00:16:42,097
Okay! Well, I'll see you soon!
378
00:16:42,177 --> 00:16:44,233
Again, looforwarto't!
379
00:16:45,217 --> 00:16:47,096
Looforwarto't.
380
00:16:47,444 --> 00:16:48,864
Still here!
381
00:16:49,288 --> 00:16:52,668
Yeah, nature called, and
I am currently answering!
382
00:16:53,118 --> 00:16:55,671
Yeah, went a little
hard on the prune juice!
383
00:16:55,930 --> 00:16:57,673
That's something you'll learn about me!
384
00:16:57,708 --> 00:16:59,274
Major prune guy!
385
00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:01,777
Anyway, I'm here for you whenever!
386
00:17:01,812 --> 00:17:05,041
Uh, actually, you know what,
now might not be the best time!
387
00:17:05,251 --> 00:17:07,783
Might want to give it about two. Yeah.
388
00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:10,285
(laughs) No pun intended! Boom.
389
00:17:10,751 --> 00:17:12,684
Actually, better make it three!
390
00:17:12,774 --> 00:17:14,953
(chuckles) Hey, looforwarto't!
391
00:17:15,162 --> 00:17:17,996
♪ Take one down, pass it around ♪
392
00:17:18,169 --> 00:17:21,797
♪ 2,553 bottles of
Richard Gere on the wall ♪
393
00:17:22,094 --> 00:17:24,133
♪ Two thousand... ♪
Oh, God.
394
00:17:24,495 --> 00:17:25,961
Okay, look!
395
00:17:26,086 --> 00:17:27,569
Enough is enough!
396
00:17:28,143 --> 00:17:30,977
I don't know why you
won't come out here!
397
00:17:30,985 --> 00:17:34,376
Huh?! Is it 'cause of the
whole housecleaning thing?!
398
00:17:34,989 --> 00:17:37,094
'Cause I didn't do that! That wasn't me!
399
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:40,048
I would never do that to you! I promise!
400
00:17:40,084 --> 00:17:44,268
See, not too long ago,
I was exactly like you!
401
00:17:44,783 --> 00:17:48,586
All alone, living in a messy house!
402
00:17:48,592 --> 00:17:51,999
And then one day some woman...
the same woman, actually...
403
00:17:52,005 --> 00:17:55,140
you know, she came in and
tried to clean it all up!
404
00:17:55,279 --> 00:17:57,038
I hated it!
405
00:17:57,044 --> 00:17:59,945
But now that woman
406
00:18:00,156 --> 00:18:04,836
is the woman that makes
me looforwarto't each day!
407
00:18:04,842 --> 00:18:08,644
And that can happen for you
if you'd just give it a chance!
408
00:18:08,679 --> 00:18:09,845
(sighs)
409
00:18:10,362 --> 00:18:12,381
So what do you say?!
410
00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:16,852
(sighs)
411
00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:21,149
(door opens)
412
00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:22,750
- Any luck?
- (door closes)
413
00:18:23,225 --> 00:18:25,449
She just keeps talking
about Santa's penis.
414
00:18:25,455 --> 00:18:28,466
She's got a real
hankering for Santa's junk.
415
00:18:28,472 --> 00:18:29,263
Yeah.
416
00:18:29,269 --> 00:18:31,159
- You find anything?
- I mean,
417
00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:34,662
there's about a million drugs in there.
418
00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:37,198
I just wish she'd give us
some kind of a clue, you know?
419
00:18:37,234 --> 00:18:38,199
Yeah.
420
00:18:38,235 --> 00:18:39,234
Yeah.
421
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:45,707
Todd.
422
00:18:46,345 --> 00:18:47,709
Yeah.
423
00:18:48,171 --> 00:18:49,944
I think she did.
424
00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:51,779
What?
425
00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:53,804
Yeah.
426
00:18:53,817 --> 00:18:55,049
Clozapine.
427
00:18:55,085 --> 00:18:57,328
Claus-a-peen.
428
00:18:57,334 --> 00:18:59,375
- Claus-o-peen.
- Claus-o-peen.
429
00:18:59,381 --> 00:19:01,122
- Claus-o-peen. Claus-a-peen.
- Claus-a-peen.
430
00:19:01,157 --> 00:19:04,025
- Santa Claus' penis.
- Santa Claus' penis!
431
00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:05,793
Santa Claus' penis. Can I
see that, please? Thank you.
432
00:19:05,829 --> 00:19:07,128
Oh!
433
00:19:07,163 --> 00:19:09,464
Uh, Gail, it's a match.
It's-it's a match.
434
00:19:09,499 --> 00:19:10,907
- Uh, uh, here.
- Yeah?
435
00:19:10,913 --> 00:19:14,490
"Antipsychotic medication
treating bipolar disorder,
436
00:19:14,496 --> 00:19:18,072
severe anxiety, some forms
of posttraumatic stress"!
437
00:19:18,108 --> 00:19:20,808
- Santa's penis is clozapine.
- Santa's penis is clozapine!
438
00:19:20,844 --> 00:19:23,263
BOTH: Santa's penis is clozapine!
Santa's penis is clozapine!
439
00:19:23,269 --> 00:19:24,268
Oh!
440
00:19:39,559 --> 00:19:41,150
(chuckles) That was fun.
441
00:19:41,564 --> 00:19:44,140
- Did you see that? I did a roll-out.
- Yeah.
442
00:19:44,146 --> 00:19:44,939
(giggles)
443
00:19:44,945 --> 00:19:46,811
Tandy, are you okay? Oh.
444
00:19:47,062 --> 00:19:48,462
No, I'm not okay.
445
00:19:48,856 --> 00:19:51,449
All right? I poured my heart
out to that little piece of crap,
446
00:19:51,455 --> 00:19:53,007
and he just stonewalled me.
447
00:19:53,278 --> 00:19:54,510
I mean, he knew I was out here,
448
00:19:54,516 --> 00:19:56,312
freezing my upper body off,
449
00:19:56,318 --> 00:19:57,751
and he just let me suffer.
450
00:19:57,757 --> 00:19:59,580
Well, how do you know he knew?
451
00:19:59,616 --> 00:20:01,916
Oh, he knew. He knew.
452
00:20:01,952 --> 00:20:03,006
Come on, let's get out of here.
453
00:20:03,012 --> 00:20:05,600
Oh, no, wait. I want to give
the little guy something to eat.
454
00:20:05,694 --> 00:20:08,856
I made some teriyaki
Cheetos from scratch.
455
00:20:08,892 --> 00:20:11,592
Carol, that little fartknocker
doesn't deserve your cooking.
456
00:20:11,995 --> 00:20:13,494
I hope it's not too delicious.
457
00:20:14,723 --> 00:20:16,531
Oh, it's not.
458
00:20:23,006 --> 00:20:24,772
TANDY: What kills me
is I thought that me
459
00:20:24,808 --> 00:20:27,375
and this little kid or
Benji had a connection.
460
00:20:27,410 --> 00:20:30,669
But we don't. He's just
business-class suck.
461
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:33,283
I got to say, I think
we dodged a bullet here.
462
00:20:33,289 --> 00:20:35,394
You know, I mean, there
are so many red flags.
463
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,498
It's like that old saying, you know,
464
00:20:37,504 --> 00:20:40,488
"Sometimes you just have
to give up on a kid." Yeah.
465
00:20:40,523 --> 00:20:44,489
And if it's a Benji Buttons,
I hope he dies a brutal birth.
466
00:20:44,495 --> 00:20:45,493
Yeah, screw
467
00:20:45,528 --> 00:20:46,661
that place, huh?
468
00:20:47,066 --> 00:20:49,649
Good-bye, good riddance, huh?
469
00:20:50,110 --> 00:20:52,500
Well, nothing a little
lemonade can't cure.
470
00:20:52,776 --> 00:20:54,409
- (screams)
- What?!
471
00:20:54,415 --> 00:20:55,803
(all screaming)
472
00:20:56,737 --> 00:21:01,737
Synced and corrected by Octavia
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