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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,042 --> 00:00:02,371 Previously on The Last Man on Earth... 2 00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:04,582 I figured it out, man. We're going to Akron! 3 00:00:04,588 --> 00:00:05,587 That's where's Melissa's from. 4 00:00:05,623 --> 00:00:06,999 Who knows what we could learn? 5 00:00:07,005 --> 00:00:08,724 Melissa, you just took a pill. 6 00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:09,958 Only one left. 7 00:00:09,994 --> 00:00:12,961 Let's take your dumb-ass family photo. 8 00:00:12,997 --> 00:00:15,464 - BOTH: Limburger! Limburger! Limburger! - (camera shutter clicking) 9 00:00:15,659 --> 00:00:18,133 Jiminy Glick. 10 00:00:21,805 --> 00:00:23,405 Thank you, everyone, for coming. 11 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:24,640 Please take a seat. 12 00:00:24,869 --> 00:00:26,437 You'll notice I've placed a hat 13 00:00:26,443 --> 00:00:28,295 in front of each of you. 14 00:00:28,330 --> 00:00:29,963 You're gonna want to hold onto it. 15 00:00:29,999 --> 00:00:31,465 What's going on, Care Bear? 16 00:00:31,500 --> 00:00:34,434 Just a seismic shift in reality as we know it. 17 00:00:34,834 --> 00:00:36,470 What you're about to see 18 00:00:36,505 --> 00:00:39,139 will shock and astound you to your very core. 19 00:00:39,471 --> 00:00:40,736 For the weak of stomach, 20 00:00:40,742 --> 00:00:43,210 feel free to use the hat as a barf bag. 21 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:44,686 And now, 22 00:00:44,842 --> 00:00:48,115 prepare to question everything. Behold! 23 00:00:48,870 --> 00:00:50,036 - Cute! - Ah! 24 00:00:50,042 --> 00:00:51,618 Oh, those came out good. 25 00:00:51,654 --> 00:00:54,200 No. Look closer... in the background. 26 00:00:54,692 --> 00:00:55,989 TODD: Wait. What-what is that thing? 27 00:00:56,025 --> 00:00:58,458 It-It's probably just some tiny acorn. 28 00:00:58,494 --> 00:01:01,128 You got to remember, the camera adds ten pounds. 29 00:01:01,163 --> 00:01:03,430 Ever tried to take a picture of a scale on zero? 30 00:01:03,465 --> 00:01:04,631 - Can't do it. - Huh. 31 00:01:04,667 --> 00:01:06,133 It'll always say ten. 32 00:01:06,168 --> 00:01:09,129 Tandy, I thought it was an obese acorn myself 33 00:01:09,353 --> 00:01:10,919 until I did this. 34 00:01:11,974 --> 00:01:13,340 - TODD: Oh, my God. - (Erica gasps) 35 00:01:13,375 --> 00:01:15,642 - What is that? - (gasps) 36 00:01:15,678 --> 00:01:16,677 It's moving! 37 00:01:16,712 --> 00:01:18,512 Looks like we have company. 38 00:01:18,547 --> 00:01:21,448 And that company... is a Yoda. 39 00:01:24,980 --> 00:01:26,286 TANDY (à la Yoda): Find this thing 40 00:01:26,322 --> 00:01:27,688 - we need to. - CAROL: Tandy, 41 00:01:27,723 --> 00:01:30,157 I think you mean "Find this thing to which we need." 42 00:01:30,192 --> 00:01:31,164 Oh. Sorry. 43 00:01:31,170 --> 00:01:33,017 We don't even know what that is. 44 00:01:33,023 --> 00:01:34,862 Oh, it's pretty clearly a Yoda. 45 00:01:34,897 --> 00:01:36,069 TANDY: Think we're making a mistake 46 00:01:36,075 --> 00:01:37,164 by putting all our eggs 47 00:01:37,199 --> 00:01:38,332 in this Yoda basket. 48 00:01:38,367 --> 00:01:40,033 I mean, could be some sort of gremlin 49 00:01:40,069 --> 00:01:41,535 or yeti or troll. 50 00:01:41,570 --> 00:01:43,437 Oh, wait. No, trolls don't exist. 51 00:01:43,472 --> 00:01:45,839 But, look, there's also a chance we could be looking 52 00:01:45,875 --> 00:01:48,375 at a board-certified medical doctor. 53 00:01:48,410 --> 00:01:50,811 What if it's another crazy person like Pat? 54 00:01:50,846 --> 00:01:52,212 Yeah, if they were friendly, 55 00:01:52,248 --> 00:01:54,214 wouldn't they have introduced themselves already? 56 00:01:54,250 --> 00:01:57,217 If they were harmful, wouldn't they have hurt us already? 57 00:01:57,253 --> 00:01:59,553 Well, okay, well, why wouldn't they have said anything? 58 00:01:59,588 --> 00:02:02,723 (stammers) We're probably just dealing with a shy individual. 59 00:02:02,985 --> 00:02:05,961 Most people are scared to engage others in conversation. 60 00:02:05,967 --> 00:02:08,128 That's why, if you ever see me at a social event, 61 00:02:08,163 --> 00:02:09,496 no one's ever talking to me. 62 00:02:09,531 --> 00:02:10,626 CAROL: Tandy, look, 63 00:02:10,632 --> 00:02:14,314 Gail's injured. Todd... you have to take care of Melissa. 64 00:02:14,431 --> 00:02:16,203 I just don't think the group can handle 65 00:02:16,238 --> 00:02:18,071 a full-on manhunt right now. 66 00:02:18,107 --> 00:02:20,140 No, we have to do this. 67 00:02:20,409 --> 00:02:23,585 Look, Lewis gave his life trying to find a doctor for us. 68 00:02:23,591 --> 00:02:25,245 And if he knew there was someone out there 69 00:02:25,281 --> 00:02:26,880 and we weren't doing everything we could 70 00:02:26,916 --> 00:02:30,203 to try to find them, he'd be rolling over in his ashes. 71 00:02:30,516 --> 00:02:32,060 That is a good point. 72 00:02:32,087 --> 00:02:33,353 Yeah. 73 00:02:33,389 --> 00:02:34,755 We'll do it for Lewis. 74 00:02:34,790 --> 00:02:36,757 Oh, thank you. 75 00:02:36,792 --> 00:02:38,825 As Lewis used to say, 76 00:02:39,285 --> 00:02:40,717 "That's great." 77 00:02:45,935 --> 00:02:48,568 Oh. There she is. 78 00:02:48,604 --> 00:02:50,863 (laughs) Yeah, I was just, 79 00:02:50,869 --> 00:02:53,440 uh, putting up some pictures 80 00:02:53,475 --> 00:02:56,410 - you brought back from Akron. - Okay. 81 00:03:00,156 --> 00:03:01,984 Melissa, 82 00:03:01,990 --> 00:03:03,558 can you, can you look at me? 83 00:03:03,615 --> 00:03:05,745 Please? Um, 84 00:03:06,831 --> 00:03:08,817 you remember this pill? 85 00:03:08,823 --> 00:03:10,190 Huh? 86 00:03:10,225 --> 00:03:12,443 You-you took one of 'em back in Akron. 87 00:03:13,670 --> 00:03:14,628 Melissa. 88 00:03:15,386 --> 00:03:16,161 (sighs) 89 00:03:16,167 --> 00:03:18,465 God. Hon, what are you thinking about? 90 00:03:19,127 --> 00:03:20,660 Santa's penis. 91 00:03:20,681 --> 00:03:23,479 Okay. Can-can we please focus here, all right? 92 00:03:23,485 --> 00:03:25,639 I need to know what this pill is. 93 00:03:26,834 --> 00:03:28,032 Santa's penis. 94 00:03:28,038 --> 00:03:28,809 Okay, now, I know 95 00:03:28,844 --> 00:03:32,045 you think it's funny talking about Santa's genitalia, 96 00:03:32,675 --> 00:03:34,179 and it is, okay? 97 00:03:34,185 --> 00:03:35,351 It's funny imagery 98 00:03:35,357 --> 00:03:38,986 because of his body size and white pubic hair, but 99 00:03:39,308 --> 00:03:40,988 there's a time and a place. 100 00:03:41,023 --> 00:03:44,157 Okay? And right now I need your help. 101 00:03:44,193 --> 00:03:45,659 - Santa's penis? - Oh. 102 00:03:45,694 --> 00:03:47,160 Great. Well, 103 00:03:47,196 --> 00:03:49,496 guess I'm gonna have to figure this out on my own. 104 00:03:49,531 --> 00:03:50,764 Yeah, thanks a lot. 105 00:03:50,799 --> 00:03:52,442 (clears throat) 106 00:03:53,935 --> 00:03:57,255 TANDY: Yeah, this is the spot. 107 00:03:58,458 --> 00:04:00,307 All right, you see any clues? 108 00:04:00,342 --> 00:04:02,809 Any droppings which might help us shed some light 109 00:04:02,845 --> 00:04:05,479 on the nature of this potentially dangerous beast? 110 00:04:07,195 --> 00:04:09,295 Look, look over there. There's a house. 111 00:04:11,345 --> 00:04:12,978 TANDY (quietly): Oh, my God. 112 00:04:12,984 --> 00:04:15,522 All right, let's go get back in the van and check it out. 113 00:04:15,774 --> 00:04:18,408 (quietly): Guys, I can't see the van. 114 00:04:20,023 --> 00:04:21,070 Huh. 115 00:04:23,732 --> 00:04:24,698 (car lock remote chirps) 116 00:04:24,733 --> 00:04:26,166 - Oh, there it is. - Oh. 117 00:04:26,201 --> 00:04:27,768 Over in that area. 118 00:04:28,716 --> 00:04:30,750 - Don't forget the... - Tandy, all the stuff. 119 00:04:30,756 --> 00:04:35,042 TANDY: Oh, left my friggin' binoculars and my picture. 120 00:04:35,077 --> 00:04:36,743 Ah, Mondays. 121 00:04:38,704 --> 00:04:40,501 TANDY: Be very quiet. 122 00:04:42,197 --> 00:04:43,850 - Okay. - Tandy. 123 00:04:44,943 --> 00:04:47,077 (whispering): You guys wait in here, okay? 124 00:04:47,083 --> 00:04:48,855 I'm gonna go make sure it's safe. 125 00:04:48,891 --> 00:04:50,657 (whispering): How will you let us know? 126 00:04:50,692 --> 00:04:52,392 I'll make a bird sound. 127 00:04:52,428 --> 00:04:55,062 Birds don't exist. They're gonna know someone's here. 128 00:04:55,097 --> 00:04:58,231 Okay, I'll make a wind sound. 129 00:05:15,050 --> 00:05:18,085 (door creaks open) 130 00:05:25,972 --> 00:05:27,972 (exhales loudly) 131 00:05:29,465 --> 00:05:32,113 Oh, gol, he's choking! He's choking. 132 00:05:32,119 --> 00:05:33,036 - (exhales loudly) - ERICA: No. 133 00:05:33,042 --> 00:05:35,575 I think he's making his wind sound. 134 00:05:38,307 --> 00:05:40,507 (exhales loudly) 135 00:05:40,945 --> 00:05:43,276 Yeah, he's doing wind. 136 00:05:45,748 --> 00:05:47,096 (groans) 137 00:05:47,102 --> 00:05:48,268 Hey, Todd? 138 00:05:48,342 --> 00:05:49,847 - Ah. - Can I ask you a little favor? 139 00:05:49,853 --> 00:05:51,625 Uh, you know, I'm kind of busy at the moment. 140 00:05:51,631 --> 00:05:55,052 Well, I know. I was just hoping that you could go grab my accordion? 141 00:05:55,058 --> 00:05:57,007 I left it over in that elevator, 142 00:05:57,013 --> 00:05:59,226 and I'm having a whale of a time with the stairs. 143 00:05:59,261 --> 00:06:01,061 - Yeah, I'm sorry. Can this wait? - Hmm. 144 00:06:01,096 --> 00:06:02,347 It's kind of an emergency. 145 00:06:02,353 --> 00:06:04,465 I got this Thin Lizzy song stuck in my head, 146 00:06:04,471 --> 00:06:06,700 - and I need to just put it to my fingers. - It's just, 147 00:06:06,735 --> 00:06:08,368 you know, I got to focus on Melissa right now. 148 00:06:08,403 --> 00:06:09,703 She used to take this pill, you know, 149 00:06:09,738 --> 00:06:11,040 and I got to figure out what it is. 150 00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:12,512 She won't just tell you? 151 00:06:12,547 --> 00:06:14,110 No, she's being very uncooperative. 152 00:06:14,116 --> 00:06:16,416 All she talks about is Santa's penis. 153 00:06:16,422 --> 00:06:18,051 - What'd she say about it? - I don't know. 154 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:19,819 I think she's messing around, but I'm gonna go see 155 00:06:19,854 --> 00:06:21,687 if I can find a match at the pharmacy. 156 00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:23,222 Do you want a little help? 157 00:06:23,258 --> 00:06:24,624 Shouldn't you be resting up? 158 00:06:24,822 --> 00:06:27,089 You forget who you're dealing with here. 159 00:06:41,767 --> 00:06:46,045 (à la Yoda): Found our Yoda, looks like we did. 160 00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:50,733 Well, this is our guy. 161 00:06:51,802 --> 00:06:53,736 Let's see what we got here. 162 00:06:53,771 --> 00:06:57,273 Games, mostly single-player in nature. 163 00:06:57,308 --> 00:06:59,108 Guy's a lone wolf. 164 00:06:59,143 --> 00:07:01,243 Ah, Hungry Hungry Hippo. 165 00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:03,045 But no marbles for them to eat. 166 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:04,613 Potential sociopath. 167 00:07:05,583 --> 00:07:08,284 Soda, huh. 168 00:07:11,656 --> 00:07:13,259 That's pee, yeah. 169 00:07:13,265 --> 00:07:15,134 Or wait, is that ginger ale? 170 00:07:16,678 --> 00:07:18,111 No, pee. 171 00:07:18,913 --> 00:07:20,109 Monopoly. 172 00:07:20,115 --> 00:07:23,032 Healthy interest in real estate, a capitalist. 173 00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:25,702 And if I'm to believe all the recommended ages 174 00:07:25,708 --> 00:07:28,203 on the board games, we're dealing with an individual 175 00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:31,073 between the ages of eight and 80. 176 00:07:31,937 --> 00:07:33,220 So who are you, 177 00:07:33,226 --> 00:07:35,588 you young or elderly punk? 178 00:07:35,594 --> 00:07:38,476 Tandy, I think it's pretty obvious it's a little boy. 179 00:07:38,482 --> 00:07:40,549 I mean, look at these toys. 180 00:07:40,584 --> 00:07:42,627 There's forks in the electrical sockets, 181 00:07:42,633 --> 00:07:44,553 and this costume is tiny. 182 00:07:44,588 --> 00:07:46,422 Well, not so fast, Erica. 183 00:07:46,457 --> 00:07:48,958 We might just be dealing with a Benjamin Buttons type, 184 00:07:48,993 --> 00:07:51,327 so we must use an abundance of caution. 185 00:07:51,362 --> 00:07:54,569 For though small in stature, he's lived a lifetime. 186 00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:56,781 Benjamin Buttons... that's a movie. 187 00:07:56,787 --> 00:07:59,001 Based on the actual curious case 188 00:07:59,036 --> 00:08:01,570 of the very real Benji Buttons. 189 00:08:01,605 --> 00:08:04,799 It's Benjamin Button, and it was a book. 190 00:08:04,805 --> 00:08:06,861 I think the word you're looking for is "novel." 191 00:08:06,867 --> 00:08:08,911 You can take that from someone who's read one. 192 00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:11,190 Guys, check these out. 193 00:08:12,341 --> 00:08:14,274 Man on fish porn. 194 00:08:14,357 --> 00:08:18,359 It's rather crude, but, uh, she'll get the job done. 195 00:08:18,449 --> 00:08:20,341 No, Tandy. That's you 196 00:08:20,347 --> 00:08:22,220 giving mouth-to-mouth to Gail the Fish 197 00:08:22,226 --> 00:08:23,894 that night we were camping. 198 00:08:23,900 --> 00:08:26,195 Wow. He must have been watching us. 199 00:08:26,230 --> 00:08:28,297 Oh, yeah. That's what that is. 200 00:08:28,332 --> 00:08:29,465 (laughing): That's cute. 201 00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:30,951 He's celebrating me. 202 00:08:30,957 --> 00:08:33,758 He's got some sort of hero deal going on. 203 00:08:34,137 --> 00:08:35,336 I'm just a man. 204 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:36,740 I just feel so bad 205 00:08:36,746 --> 00:08:40,238 that this child's living here all by himself in this mess. 206 00:08:40,244 --> 00:08:41,543 - ERICA: Yeah. - Yeah. 207 00:08:41,579 --> 00:08:44,146 It takes me back to my days in Tucson. 208 00:08:44,181 --> 00:08:47,216 I thought I was the only one left. 209 00:08:49,477 --> 00:08:51,387 Well, look, whatever it is, 210 00:08:51,422 --> 00:08:55,124 whether it's a toddler or a Benji, it needs us. 211 00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:57,059 Yeah, so what are we gonna do? 212 00:08:57,334 --> 00:08:59,434 We just got to draw him out of hiding. 213 00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:02,258 And I have just the thing. 214 00:09:04,454 --> 00:09:06,135 Oh, look. 215 00:09:06,170 --> 00:09:07,836 - Let's see. - I think I might have found one. 216 00:09:07,872 --> 00:09:09,405 Huh? Oh, let's see it. 217 00:09:09,478 --> 00:09:12,084 White, circular, no markings. 218 00:09:12,117 --> 00:09:13,989 You know, let's put it with the maybes. 219 00:09:15,234 --> 00:09:18,035 Ooh, what have we here? 220 00:09:18,526 --> 00:09:21,183 Oh, come on, Gail, that's a Xanax. 221 00:09:21,218 --> 00:09:23,085 Yeah, but are we sure? 222 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:25,578 Better check it out just in case. 223 00:09:25,584 --> 00:09:27,786 - Look, can we focus here? Huh? - Uh... 224 00:09:27,792 --> 00:09:29,725 Just hand me the pill, please. 225 00:09:30,161 --> 00:09:31,030 The pill, Gail. 226 00:09:31,036 --> 00:09:32,090 Oh... 227 00:09:32,096 --> 00:09:33,195 The pill. 228 00:09:33,344 --> 00:09:34,544 - Uh... - What? 229 00:09:34,550 --> 00:09:35,898 Where is it? 230 00:09:35,933 --> 00:09:38,233 Okay, Todd. The good news is 231 00:09:38,269 --> 00:09:40,569 it is in the vicinity. 232 00:09:40,604 --> 00:09:41,448 What? 233 00:09:41,454 --> 00:09:44,153 Uh, I think it is this guy... 234 00:09:44,159 --> 00:09:46,742 Oh, wait. It's this guy, or... 235 00:09:47,549 --> 00:09:49,278 Todd, I done lost the pill. 236 00:09:49,313 --> 00:09:50,946 Oh, come on, Gail. 237 00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:52,748 (through clenched teeth): Damn it. 238 00:09:55,319 --> 00:09:58,287 Candy! Come get your candy! 239 00:09:58,322 --> 00:10:01,457 (whoops and laughs) 240 00:10:01,492 --> 00:10:05,060 Oh, my goodness, this is delicious candy! 241 00:10:05,096 --> 00:10:07,383 And there's so much of it! 242 00:10:07,389 --> 00:10:08,990 (hoots and whoops) 243 00:10:08,996 --> 00:10:10,799 Hey, and if candy's not your bag, 244 00:10:10,835 --> 00:10:13,135 we've got a whole slew of items 245 00:10:13,170 --> 00:10:15,571 catering to a more experienced taste. 246 00:10:15,606 --> 00:10:17,406 Talking to you, Benji! 247 00:10:17,441 --> 00:10:18,807 Yeah, we got, uh... 248 00:10:18,843 --> 00:10:21,745 Metamucil, BluBlockers, 249 00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:23,212 hearing aids, 250 00:10:23,247 --> 00:10:25,647 couple Judging Amy DVDs, 251 00:10:25,683 --> 00:10:28,581 you got a box of Depends diapie-diaps. 252 00:10:28,587 --> 00:10:30,953 It's a world of pure imagination 253 00:10:30,988 --> 00:10:32,488 for young and old alike. 254 00:10:32,523 --> 00:10:34,690 ♪ It's raining Fixodent! ♪ 255 00:10:39,194 --> 00:10:41,897 Todd, the results are in. 256 00:10:41,932 --> 00:10:45,734 That pill tested positive for Xanax. 257 00:10:46,105 --> 00:10:48,506 Gail, that pill was our only lead. 258 00:10:48,614 --> 00:10:49,905 I said I was sorry. 259 00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:51,340 It doesn't seem like you are. 260 00:10:51,375 --> 00:10:53,008 Well, I am. 261 00:10:53,043 --> 00:10:55,511 Well, then I guess all is forgiven. 262 00:11:05,022 --> 00:11:09,691 Todd... Todd. 263 00:11:10,278 --> 00:11:11,260 (singsongy): Todd. 264 00:11:11,295 --> 00:11:12,833 What? 265 00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:15,126 Will you drop me off at the other building, please? 266 00:11:15,132 --> 00:11:16,498 Why? 267 00:11:16,534 --> 00:11:18,267 Because I have to get 268 00:11:18,302 --> 00:11:21,036 my accordion out of the elevator. 269 00:11:21,071 --> 00:11:23,205 I guess you're not gonna do it, 270 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:24,873 so I guess I'm gonna do it. 271 00:11:24,909 --> 00:11:26,271 No, I'll get it. 272 00:11:26,277 --> 00:11:28,377 Well, don't do me any favors. 273 00:11:28,412 --> 00:11:30,038 Look, I said I'll get it, I'll get it. 274 00:11:30,044 --> 00:11:31,148 Huh. 275 00:11:32,163 --> 00:11:34,116 You know what? 276 00:11:34,151 --> 00:11:35,960 I'm gonna put this right here. 277 00:11:38,942 --> 00:11:40,722 That is good for what you got. 278 00:11:40,758 --> 00:11:42,691 Great. Thank you. 279 00:11:42,726 --> 00:11:44,293 You're welcome. 280 00:11:44,328 --> 00:11:46,061 TANDY: Well, the T-shirt cannons worked. 281 00:11:46,096 --> 00:11:47,362 You found the kid? 282 00:11:47,398 --> 00:11:48,622 No, I just mean they shot off 283 00:11:48,628 --> 00:11:51,250 everything I put in there very, very far... yes. 284 00:11:51,256 --> 00:11:53,759 So you guys, uh, cleaned up this whole house? 285 00:11:53,765 --> 00:11:55,137 Yeah, we thought we'd make it nice 286 00:11:55,172 --> 00:11:57,406 for when this kid comes back. 287 00:11:57,441 --> 00:12:00,242 Kids love a clean room. 288 00:12:00,277 --> 00:12:02,807 Yeah. Yep, they sure do. 289 00:12:04,077 --> 00:12:05,310 Hey, Carol. 290 00:12:05,549 --> 00:12:07,916 Remember when we first met back in Tucson? 291 00:12:07,952 --> 00:12:09,418 And how you cleaned up my house? 292 00:12:09,453 --> 00:12:11,600 You know, I don't think I ever got a thank you for that. 293 00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:14,107 - And I never got an apology. - Excuse me? 294 00:12:14,113 --> 00:12:16,248 I just didn't want you messing with my stuff. 295 00:12:16,260 --> 00:12:18,678 And I don't think this kid wants us messing with his. 296 00:12:18,684 --> 00:12:20,262 He wants us to leave. 297 00:12:20,297 --> 00:12:21,530 But guess what. 298 00:12:21,565 --> 00:12:24,217 That's not gonna happen, 'cause I have a plan. 299 00:12:24,223 --> 00:12:25,434 What are we gonna do? 300 00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:27,469 We're gonna leave. 301 00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:34,493 CAROL: Tandy. 302 00:12:34,706 --> 00:12:36,221 We can't just leave. 303 00:12:36,227 --> 00:12:39,028 Don't you see?! He doesn't want us here! 304 00:12:39,366 --> 00:12:41,533 We have to leave! 305 00:12:41,569 --> 00:12:43,869 And we're never coming back! 306 00:12:47,958 --> 00:12:49,841 CAROL: I know this is frustrating, Tandy, 307 00:12:49,877 --> 00:12:53,458 but it might just take this kid a little while to warm up to us. 308 00:12:53,849 --> 00:12:55,311 You know, when I was 11, 309 00:12:55,317 --> 00:12:57,115 we had a neighborhood skunk, 310 00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:59,117 and he would spray me, 311 00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:02,955 and I would spray him right back with my garden mister. 312 00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:04,933 Well, the sprayings lessened over time 313 00:13:04,939 --> 00:13:07,739 until one day we were both sitting on the curb, 314 00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:10,646 looked into each others eyes, and basically said, 315 00:13:10,681 --> 00:13:14,517 "Hey, we're not so different, you and I." 316 00:13:14,799 --> 00:13:16,986 Ultimately we were, though. 317 00:13:17,021 --> 00:13:18,994 He had rabies and I had to get a shot 318 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,934 in my stomach for 60 months. 319 00:13:22,059 --> 00:13:24,727 But for a brief time we were inseparable. 320 00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:25,943 ERICA: Shouldn't we at least 321 00:13:25,949 --> 00:13:28,250 wait around, like, a little bit longer? 322 00:13:28,328 --> 00:13:29,661 No, we shouldn't. 323 00:13:29,667 --> 00:13:31,513 What are you up to, Tandy? 324 00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:35,321 Don't worry. I know what to do here, 'cause I know this guy. 325 00:13:35,439 --> 00:13:37,907 You haven't even met him, so how can you know him? 326 00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:41,845 Because that little boy or old man in a child body 327 00:13:41,876 --> 00:13:43,212 is me... Carol, take the wheel. 328 00:13:43,247 --> 00:13:44,736 - Come get me in the morning! - Tandy, no! 329 00:13:44,742 --> 00:13:46,582 (grunting and groaning) 330 00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:49,218 It's all part of the plan. 331 00:13:50,273 --> 00:13:51,987 (groans) Worth it. 332 00:13:52,023 --> 00:13:54,022 TODD (imitating Gail): "Hey, don't do me any favors, 333 00:13:54,028 --> 00:13:54,600 Todd." 334 00:13:54,606 --> 00:13:56,794 Oh, here's the stupid elevator. 335 00:14:03,590 --> 00:14:05,198 (elevator bell dings) 336 00:14:12,246 --> 00:14:14,210 Oh, my God. 337 00:14:42,228 --> 00:14:44,228 (sighs) 338 00:14:48,139 --> 00:14:49,111 Thank you. 339 00:14:49,146 --> 00:14:50,935 Yeah. 340 00:14:53,373 --> 00:14:55,284 Gail, I had no idea. 341 00:14:55,319 --> 00:14:56,719 How's that? 342 00:14:56,973 --> 00:14:59,040 What you went through in there. 343 00:15:00,988 --> 00:15:02,324 It's okay. 344 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:06,795 No, I-I've been so focused on Melissa, I've had blinders on. 345 00:15:07,161 --> 00:15:09,898 There's no way you could've known, Todd. 346 00:15:10,233 --> 00:15:13,302 Still, I'm sorry. 347 00:15:13,678 --> 00:15:15,004 Thank you. 348 00:15:15,375 --> 00:15:17,375 I-I got you one more thing. 349 00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:22,244 (chuckles) 350 00:15:22,652 --> 00:15:24,518 Todd. 351 00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:27,045 I'm really happy he was in there with you. 352 00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:29,351 I was, too. 353 00:15:33,786 --> 00:15:34,690 Thank you. 354 00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:37,326 Fine, you're welcome, hon. 355 00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:42,265 All right. We got Gordon fixed up. 356 00:15:42,271 --> 00:15:44,871 Let's go see what we can do about Melissa. 357 00:15:47,338 --> 00:15:49,204 Where the hell are you? 358 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,142 I'm not here anymore. 359 00:15:51,148 --> 00:15:52,708 You saw me drive off. 360 00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:55,210 Why won't you go back in there? 361 00:15:55,875 --> 00:15:57,046 Ah, screw it. 362 00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:59,782 Okay! Hey, the jig is up! 363 00:15:59,817 --> 00:16:02,785 Yeah! I'm a person, not a bush! 364 00:16:03,345 --> 00:16:05,689 I'm sorry to have lied to you! 365 00:16:05,695 --> 00:16:08,429 And just know I'm not leaving till you come back! 366 00:16:08,592 --> 00:16:11,338 You know? I mean, it'd be nice if it was on the sooner side! 367 00:16:11,344 --> 00:16:13,110 It's getting pretty cold out. 368 00:16:13,275 --> 00:16:16,231 All I got on under this thing is a Beefy-T. 369 00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:18,646 Anyway, I'm here! 370 00:16:21,482 --> 00:16:23,357 Still hanging in there! 371 00:16:24,115 --> 00:16:26,642 My nipples are like diamonds at this point! 372 00:16:26,677 --> 00:16:29,912 Okay, well, ready whenever you are for a little meet and greet! 373 00:16:30,533 --> 00:16:32,414 Looforwarto't! 374 00:16:32,808 --> 00:16:35,866 That's a shortening of the phrase "looking forward to it"! 375 00:16:35,872 --> 00:16:36,812 Just made that up. 376 00:16:36,818 --> 00:16:38,654 It's gonna save me a lot of time in the future. 377 00:16:39,196 --> 00:16:42,097 Okay! Well, I'll see you soon! 378 00:16:42,177 --> 00:16:44,233 Again, looforwarto't! 379 00:16:45,217 --> 00:16:47,096 Looforwarto't. 380 00:16:47,444 --> 00:16:48,864 Still here! 381 00:16:49,288 --> 00:16:52,668 Yeah, nature called, and I am currently answering! 382 00:16:53,118 --> 00:16:55,671 Yeah, went a little hard on the prune juice! 383 00:16:55,930 --> 00:16:57,673 That's something you'll learn about me! 384 00:16:57,708 --> 00:16:59,274 Major prune guy! 385 00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:01,777 Anyway, I'm here for you whenever! 386 00:17:01,812 --> 00:17:05,041 Uh, actually, you know what, now might not be the best time! 387 00:17:05,251 --> 00:17:07,783 Might want to give it about two. Yeah. 388 00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:10,285 (laughs) No pun intended! Boom. 389 00:17:10,751 --> 00:17:12,684 Actually, better make it three! 390 00:17:12,774 --> 00:17:14,953 (chuckles) Hey, looforwarto't! 391 00:17:15,162 --> 00:17:17,996 ♪ Take one down, pass it around ♪ 392 00:17:18,169 --> 00:17:21,797 ♪ 2,553 bottles of Richard Gere on the wall ♪ 393 00:17:22,094 --> 00:17:24,133 ♪ Two thousand... ♪ Oh, God. 394 00:17:24,495 --> 00:17:25,961 Okay, look! 395 00:17:26,086 --> 00:17:27,569 Enough is enough! 396 00:17:28,143 --> 00:17:30,977 I don't know why you won't come out here! 397 00:17:30,985 --> 00:17:34,376 Huh?! Is it 'cause of the whole housecleaning thing?! 398 00:17:34,989 --> 00:17:37,094 'Cause I didn't do that! That wasn't me! 399 00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:40,048 I would never do that to you! I promise! 400 00:17:40,084 --> 00:17:44,268 See, not too long ago, I was exactly like you! 401 00:17:44,783 --> 00:17:48,586 All alone, living in a messy house! 402 00:17:48,592 --> 00:17:51,999 And then one day some woman... the same woman, actually... 403 00:17:52,005 --> 00:17:55,140 you know, she came in and tried to clean it all up! 404 00:17:55,279 --> 00:17:57,038 I hated it! 405 00:17:57,044 --> 00:17:59,945 But now that woman 406 00:18:00,156 --> 00:18:04,836 is the woman that makes me looforwarto't each day! 407 00:18:04,842 --> 00:18:08,644 And that can happen for you if you'd just give it a chance! 408 00:18:08,679 --> 00:18:09,845 (sighs) 409 00:18:10,362 --> 00:18:12,381 So what do you say?! 410 00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:16,852 (sighs) 411 00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:21,149 (door opens) 412 00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:22,750 - Any luck? - (door closes) 413 00:18:23,225 --> 00:18:25,449 She just keeps talking about Santa's penis. 414 00:18:25,455 --> 00:18:28,466 She's got a real hankering for Santa's junk. 415 00:18:28,472 --> 00:18:29,263 Yeah. 416 00:18:29,269 --> 00:18:31,159 - You find anything? - I mean, 417 00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:34,662 there's about a million drugs in there. 418 00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:37,198 I just wish she'd give us some kind of a clue, you know? 419 00:18:37,234 --> 00:18:38,199 Yeah. 420 00:18:38,235 --> 00:18:39,234 Yeah. 421 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:45,707 Todd. 422 00:18:46,345 --> 00:18:47,709 Yeah. 423 00:18:48,171 --> 00:18:49,944 I think she did. 424 00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:51,779 What? 425 00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:53,804 Yeah. 426 00:18:53,817 --> 00:18:55,049 Clozapine. 427 00:18:55,085 --> 00:18:57,328 Claus-a-peen. 428 00:18:57,334 --> 00:18:59,375 - Claus-o-peen. - Claus-o-peen. 429 00:18:59,381 --> 00:19:01,122 - Claus-o-peen. Claus-a-peen. - Claus-a-peen. 430 00:19:01,157 --> 00:19:04,025 - Santa Claus' penis. - Santa Claus' penis! 431 00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:05,793 Santa Claus' penis. Can I see that, please? Thank you. 432 00:19:05,829 --> 00:19:07,128 Oh! 433 00:19:07,163 --> 00:19:09,464 Uh, Gail, it's a match. It's-it's a match. 434 00:19:09,499 --> 00:19:10,907 - Uh, uh, here. - Yeah? 435 00:19:10,913 --> 00:19:14,490 "Antipsychotic medication treating bipolar disorder, 436 00:19:14,496 --> 00:19:18,072 severe anxiety, some forms of posttraumatic stress"! 437 00:19:18,108 --> 00:19:20,808 - Santa's penis is clozapine. - Santa's penis is clozapine! 438 00:19:20,844 --> 00:19:23,263 BOTH: Santa's penis is clozapine! Santa's penis is clozapine! 439 00:19:23,269 --> 00:19:24,268 Oh! 440 00:19:39,559 --> 00:19:41,150 (chuckles) That was fun. 441 00:19:41,564 --> 00:19:44,140 - Did you see that? I did a roll-out. - Yeah. 442 00:19:44,146 --> 00:19:44,939 (giggles) 443 00:19:44,945 --> 00:19:46,811 Tandy, are you okay? Oh. 444 00:19:47,062 --> 00:19:48,462 No, I'm not okay. 445 00:19:48,856 --> 00:19:51,449 All right? I poured my heart out to that little piece of crap, 446 00:19:51,455 --> 00:19:53,007 and he just stonewalled me. 447 00:19:53,278 --> 00:19:54,510 I mean, he knew I was out here, 448 00:19:54,516 --> 00:19:56,312 freezing my upper body off, 449 00:19:56,318 --> 00:19:57,751 and he just let me suffer. 450 00:19:57,757 --> 00:19:59,580 Well, how do you know he knew? 451 00:19:59,616 --> 00:20:01,916 Oh, he knew. He knew. 452 00:20:01,952 --> 00:20:03,006 Come on, let's get out of here. 453 00:20:03,012 --> 00:20:05,600 Oh, no, wait. I want to give the little guy something to eat. 454 00:20:05,694 --> 00:20:08,856 I made some teriyaki Cheetos from scratch. 455 00:20:08,892 --> 00:20:11,592 Carol, that little fartknocker doesn't deserve your cooking. 456 00:20:11,995 --> 00:20:13,494 I hope it's not too delicious. 457 00:20:14,723 --> 00:20:16,531 Oh, it's not. 458 00:20:23,006 --> 00:20:24,772 TANDY: What kills me is I thought that me 459 00:20:24,808 --> 00:20:27,375 and this little kid or Benji had a connection. 460 00:20:27,410 --> 00:20:30,669 But we don't. He's just business-class suck. 461 00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:33,283 I got to say, I think we dodged a bullet here. 462 00:20:33,289 --> 00:20:35,394 You know, I mean, there are so many red flags. 463 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,498 It's like that old saying, you know, 464 00:20:37,504 --> 00:20:40,488 "Sometimes you just have to give up on a kid." Yeah. 465 00:20:40,523 --> 00:20:44,489 And if it's a Benji Buttons, I hope he dies a brutal birth. 466 00:20:44,495 --> 00:20:45,493 Yeah, screw 467 00:20:45,528 --> 00:20:46,661 that place, huh? 468 00:20:47,066 --> 00:20:49,649 Good-bye, good riddance, huh? 469 00:20:50,110 --> 00:20:52,500 Well, nothing a little lemonade can't cure. 470 00:20:52,776 --> 00:20:54,409 - (screams) - What?! 471 00:20:54,415 --> 00:20:55,803 (all screaming) 472 00:20:56,737 --> 00:21:01,737 Synced and corrected by Octavia - www.addic7ed.com - 33387

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