Original subtitles

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC - THE WOLFGANG PRESS, "MAMA TOLD ME NOT TO COME"]

WOMAN: Damn it.

Look over there, 'cause I heard it drop somewhere.

It's got to be here somewhere, I just--

I just heard it drop.

It's a little plastic baby boy in a noose.

It's to be here somewhere.

Vicky, look for it, look.

I cannot make my big entrance with one earring on.

This is ridiculous.

I've just gotta--

[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]

Mama told me not to come.

Mama told me not to come.

[CHATTERING]

That ain't the way to have fun, son.

Thank you, Emma!

Muah.

Yes.

Five Pesos, please.

MAN: You in charge?

[INHALING]

Who wants to know?

The National fucking Enquirer.

Officer, you don't understand.

This is a benefit for the United Coalition for the Children

of Chinatown Project.

We want to get the kids off the streets, and into the schools,

and that's legal officer.

I have a prescription for that.

That was prescribed for the pain of my treatment

that I'm going through.

You picked the wrong faggot to fuck with.

Who, that guy Carlos?

Carl.

It was a one night stand, Derek, what do you expect?

I've got to find him.

These cops.

Look, didn't you see those cops?

Ugh.

That ain't the way to have fun, son.

Did you throw up?

I've got to split, love.

You know, immigration.

Nigel?

NIGEL: I'll ring you later.

MAN: Can I get my money?

MARY: Sorry about this.

Really, sorry.

Yo, this isn't even $50.

You said $130.

Leo, if I had the money, I would give it to you.

Mary, this is a mess--

ALL: T-O apostrophe R--

MARY: I know it. It's--

Let me do you a favor.

MARY: Sorry about this.

LEO: OK, you let me stay here tonight.

MARY: I'm so sorry.

LEO: And I'll let you pay me next week.

Come on, I was kicked out of my place.

MARY: No, sorry. MAN: Excuse me.

Ivana.

We really must go.

Ivana.

I like that, that's funny.

Did you hear about the cop who arrested

the governor's daughter?

I'll tell you about it.

LEO: Yo, Mary.

MARY: One night!

Mama told me not to come.

That ain't the way to have fun, son.

MAN: For illegal operations of social club,

unlawful sales of liquor without a liquor

license, possessions of controlled substance,

possessions of a pirated videocassettes,

aiding and abetting minors.

Hi, Judy, sorry to wake you.

Mary.

Mary.

Your Goddaughter Mary.

Prison, but it won't happen again.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Excuse me, can I get a falafel with hot sauce,

a side order of baba ghanoush, and a seltzer, please?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Excuse me, can I have a falafel?

[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]

They put toothpicks in falafel.

Can I have a falafel with hot sauce,

a side order of baba ghanoush, and a seltzer, please?

Hold the toothpick.

OK.

Do you like this kind of music?

Sure, what kind of music is it?

It's-- it's from the Middle East.

It's a very sad, very beautiful song.

Thanks.

And for dessert, do you know lokum?

No, what's in it? I'm probably allergic to it.

I guarantee you're not allergic to Turkish delight.

It's very, very good. Try it.

Are you from Turkey?

Me, no.

I'm-- I'm from Lebanon.

So where's the Lebanese delight?

You want Lebanese delight?

Sure, bring it out.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Excuse me, could you tell me where

I could find Judy Lindendorf?

And you were looking for?

Hannah Arendt, the historian.

Of course.

Over there you'll find the 300s--

social science.

Hi, Judy.

I brought you falafel.

You know, in all the excitement last night,

we forgot to arrange for that loan we had talked about.

Can you believe it?

I think I have a police brutality case, I really do.

OK, $100.

That should do until my cash flow situation clears out.

$80.

You're tough.

$60.

It's my final offer.

A loan?

In addition to the bail money?

You know I'm good for it.

Quite the contrary.

Phone calls from the slammer do not inspire fiscal confidence.

What are you going to do?

About what?

About money.

There's still your rent, the lawyer for your court date.

That bail cost me.

Where do you work?

I'm freelancing.

Hm.

Why don't you get a job as a waitress?

I am not a waitress.

All right, then.

Why don't you try to get a job at a cleaning shop?

Do you realize how broke I am?

What do you want me to do, huh?

I don't have a job.

I'm a loser.

Shoot me!

MAN: Do you have a problem with modern European

political thought in general?

Or is it a particular vendetta against Hannah Arendt?

Excuse me?

Hannah Arendt.

Every single Hannah Arendt book on the shelf

was out of sequence.

I am so sorry.

You must understand we are reeling from budget cuts.

Right.

What a dick.

He's not a dick, he's a patron.

I lost two dedicated clerks last month because I couldn't afford

to pay them a competitive wage.

They make more money at McDonald's.

You-- no, a girl like you could never.

What do you mean, a girl like me?

Your mother was a woman with no common sense.

Of course, your father was a man without a conscience.

You think I couldn't be a librarian?

Darling, a librarian is a professional with a master's

degree in library science.

Even a clerk, who merely shelves and stamps.

You think I couldn't be a library clerk?

Your mother was a woman with no common sense.

You think I couldn't be a library clerk?

A library clerk is smart, responsible--

You don't think I'm smart enough to work

in your fucking library?

I think nothing of the sort.

You're ashamed of me.

Judy, you're my only family, and you're ashamed of me!

Fine.

You can start right now.

Fine, I will, great.

Wanda.

This is my God daughter Mary.

She's our newest clerk.

I assume you're familiar with the Dewey Decimal system?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

And then I'm standing there with my hand on the needle,

and I can't do a fucking thing, because I can't find the beat.

And there's a delay so the beats don't match up.

And then it just goes off.

Can you believe it?

Everybody stops dancing, and they're

all staring at me, waiting.

It's horrible.

Something's different.

Where did you put the Gaultier jacket?

Behind the newly expanded diva velvet glam section right here,

hiding from such scavengers as yourself.

LEO: And my hand's shaking, and I'm like, paralyzed.

It's the same dream every night.

Maybe-- maybe I'll rent this place out

and start an aerobics center.

Pack this place in, 20 bucks a head.

Mr. Lou's got his rent, I've got new clothes.

And Leo-- and one and two, and shoulders

back, and down, and up, and up.

I thought you got a job.

Oh God, don't remind me, it's so cell block H meets 4H club.

It's very that.

Yeah, I can't see you in a library.

The head librarian was a friend of my mother's.

She's dead now.

- How did mother passed away? - DWI.

That's why she only takes public transportation.

Don't mix those up!

What, they're jeans?

Yeah, they're in order.

Mary, they're jeans.

Yes, Derek, they're jeans, and they're in order.

Don't mix them up.

I thought maybe--

you know Rene, right?

I thought maybe you could hook me up.

You know, give her my tape?

I'll see what I can do.

Let's get out of here.

What do you think of this Princess Leia thing

I've got going on?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Something must have happened to Carl.

I haven't seen him anywhere.

I hope he didn't go back to Munich.

It was a one night stand.

Oh, I love this song.

You know, at one point, he said, "I don't understand you."

Isn't that wild?

He saw how complex I am.

Maybe he just didn't.

Didn't what?

Understand you.

He said his English wasn't very good.

Maybe he just didn't understand you.

Lushka, muffin!

All right, move aside.

Over now. Over now.

Over now.

Lovely.

Morning, sunshine.

Go back where you came from.

Yo, what the fuck, asshole?

Move it man, I'm with her.

Oh yeah, right.

Lay off me man, come on.

Freeze with the rest of us, motherfucker.

He's with me.

Nigel, this is Leo.

Leo, Nigel.

Nice to meet you.

- We met at the shower. - Shower?

What shower? - At the party.

Remember the shower?

Man, you were gone.

What are you talking about?

You did it again?

What?

You pissed in my shower again, Nigel?

That's it, it's over. - I don't remember.

Exactly. I don't care.

Nigel, that's it, it's over.

It's over. - Why?

Because--

MAN: Don't fucking eyeball me.

Because you lower my worth.

Worth?

Nigel, a woman can go out with a guy who's smart, funny,

intelligent, and by virtue of the fact that she goes out

with him on the basis of worth.

Fucking cruising for a bruising, my friend.

Oh, come on.

You, the way you behave, lowers my worth.

Don't take it personally, I still care about you.

[GRUNTING]

MAN: Fuck.

WOMAN: Oh!

Oh, get him off.

MARY: Hey, somebody get help.

Somebody get help!

Somebody help!

WOMAN: Hey.

Get him off my pavement.

Right.

With pleasure, lady.

This place is bullshit.

All you fucking suckers should go somewhere else,

'cause this is fucking Manhattan fucking bullshit!

Bullshit!

Rene, you look fab.

There's a cover.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Mary!

Mary!

Does this mean we're not get married?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

He-he-hello!

He-he-hello!

When you give her the tape, just be very straightforward,

and don't talk about money.

What's up buttercup?

The rent, and I'm not paying.

Why don't you tell her you were spinning at a club in London

in the fall.

What club?

I don't know, make something up.

Why did I leave?

Leo, improvise.

You got sick of the London street

fashion, all those hats, and--

your tape is good.

Your tape is good, but with Rene, it's really going

to come down to a certain vibe.

Yeah, what kind of vibe.

Either she likes you or she doesn't.

Just don't be wimpy when you talk to her.

Sometimes you can be really--

Really what?

Natasha!

What were you going to say?

- When? - Before.

- I don't remember. - Yes, you do.

I don't remember.

You said not to be wimpy, and then you started to say,

sometimes you can be, and then you stopped.

- Forget it. - No, come on, tell me.

Oh Leo, just--

sometimes you can be kind of goofy.

OK, stop.

This is making me uptight now.

It's going to be fine.

Just-- just be yourself.

Yeah right, now I'm going to be like, hi Rene.

You're pretty, I like you, give me a job.

There she is.

Oh fuck, did she see me?

I don't know.

Shit.

[STAMPING]

These inter-library loans are going to be the death of me.

You should hear my professor on the subject.

Oh, I can imagine.

I wish I were in school now, the new technology,

it's so exciting.

Last time I checked, 016.301677

came before 016.301682.

Mary's a bit dyslexic.

I am not.

I'm just not feeling--

Mary had difficulty with the alphabet.

Oh really?

I was six.

She'd see her letters backwards.

All your E's look like threes?

She overcame it.

You must have felt really inadequate.

She did.

And of course, she was small for her age.

Sabah al-khair.

Sabah al-khair.

It's me, Mary.

Uh, [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH].

[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH] Mustafa.

[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH].

This is no good.

What are you talking about?

It's my new Bible.

Your new Bible?

[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH].

Do you know what this means?

Can I have some corn plasters?

This is no good.

Look, if it's important for you, necessary,

then the words get power.

And like, magic you learn it.

In Lebanon, I was a teacher.

But here, I'm just a vendor.

Why don't you teach here?

My English isn't good enough.

Mustafa, your English is better than most of my friends.

My English is--

miss, would you like your um--

miss, you forgot your umbrella.

Would you like some hot sauce with your baba ghanoush?

This is my English, and my situation is complicated.

I have my family.

You're married.

No, no, no, no--

brothers, sisters, mother, this kind of family.

You know, when I have the money, I'll bring them to the US.

But sometimes I think it's going to be harder for them here

than in Lebanon, you know?

My life here is like Sisyphus.

Who?

Sisyphus.

It's a Greek story.

Sisyphus pushes a big rock up the mountain,

and when he gets to the top, the rock

always falls back down again.

And this is for eternity.

It's depressing.

Teach me some Arabic.

OK, um-- yd.

Yd.

[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]

What did we just say?

You just agreed to have dinner with me on Friday.

What's his name doesn't show by two, I'm going home.

We need to figure out very scientifically, where

Carl is most likely to be.

So far there's tomorrow night's thing

at Arroz con Pollo, Wednesday's pubic justice,

the theme is Stevie Nicks.

Adolfo, Adolfo, Adolfo.

There's got to be a Pucci in here somewhere.

Carl and I connected that night.

From the essence.

From the ancient center of our beings.

The two of you were on ecstasy,

it dries out your spinal fluid.

What are you doing?

Watch the door.

Derrick, do you think I make a good designer?

Yeah, come on.

Derrick, do you think I'd make a good writer?

Yeah, would you hurry up?

Derrick, do you think I'd make a good actress?

Sure.

Now would you come on?

Hey, I have a reputation.

I can't get caught shoplifting.

We're not shoplifting.

Is this a shop? No.

Do you see any customers?

No.

Derrick, do you think I'd make a good investment banker?

Uh-uh.

Hello, Chanel.

"Origins in peecees"?

Pardon?

"Origins in peecees"?

Oranges and peaches?

Um, why don't you look over there,

under periodicals, under food.

I know we have connisou, I'm not sure about oranges and peaches.

But maybe it's on microfiche, which is down the hall

and to the left.

"Origin of Species."

Howard, would you get the Darwin book, please?

Dear, patrons often mistake clerks for librarians.

It's best just to say I don't know,

and refer them to Howard or me.

There's nothing wrong in saying I don't know.

Howard and Anne and I thought you might like

to go out to dinner with us.

I'm going out.

I don't want to limit our relationship to work.

I'm going out.

Of course.

You have such a busy social life.

Where are you going?

I don't know.

Well.

When you're finished with those.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SINGING OFF-KEY]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[ALARM SOUNDING]

Have you seen "Work That Pussy"?

Um, no.

When my bakery takes off, I'm going to take everyone

I've ever met out to dinner.

Cocktails, nice view of the city.

Oh!

The old Betty Crocker, you ain't.

I can't cook!

I can't do anything!

I'm going to die in a subway somewhere with nothing!

It's not that bad, just scrape it.

Leo, I'm going to be 24 soon.

I haven't done anything with my life.

What about finding another space for a party?

Yo, I spun at this phat outlaw party

last year in this building that used to be

a supermarket on Avenue D.

It was Vicky's wedding reception.

Her dad owned that building.

God, that seems like yesterday.

You know, life goes by so fast, what's the point?

What do you mean?

What does our life mean?

What life?

MARY: If there is no God.

Do you know the story of Sisyphus?

- Who? - Sisyphus.

It's a myth about this guy who had

to roll and push this incredibly huge rock

up this very steep mountain.

Every time he'd get to the top of the mountain,

the rock would roll down again.

And he would watch this, and he would

walk back down the mountain, and he'd

do it all over again, forever.

Drag.

It's a metaphor for life, Leo.

It's famous.

Is this some kind of drug rehab?

It's not rehab.

Where is it?

"One must imagine Sisyphus happy."

Bullshit!

He's miserable.

But he doesn't have to be.

He accepts his fate, he--

You're telling me that if your name was Syphilis,

and you spent your life lugging a fucking rock up a hill,

you wouldn't be miserable?

I think I'm an existentialist.

I do.

Hey Nigel.

Yo, I'm looking for Rene.

Bet you two go at it like bunnies.

Me and Rene?

You and Mary, all shacked up and cozy, eh?

No, I'm just here till I find a place.

Look, where's Rene?

Hi Rene.

I'm Leo.

We met the other night, you said I could stop by.

I'm a friend of Mary's.

Who?

Mary.

Remember, she introduced us.

Oh, I'm a DJ.

You said I could stop by, and maybe

talk to you about the possibility of spinning here?

Oh.

I heard your tape.

Where's my mocktail?

Where have you worked?

LEO: Me?

Well, I've been working in London.

Where?

London.

Yes.

Where in London did you spin?

I was working at this club, it was called, um, Fish and Chips.

Never heard of it, where is it?

No?

It's-- it's near this big black tower.

Imitate a cat puking.

[IMITATES CAT PUKING]

It's the name of a band.

How's your upper torso?

No complaints.

Your tape doesn't suck.

I need a sub for tonight.

I've been striking out left and right.

9 o'clock, no pay. It's a tryout.

Hey.

One thing.

Don't-- I repeat, do not--

play anything written or produced by Teddy Rogers.

His music is not played in my club.

MARY: Fish and Chips?

LEO: She's hot for me. - You think she's hot for you?

She probably is. She likes young boys.

She really does.

May I see you at the desk, please?

Oh, I'm sorry.

This is Leo.

This is Mrs. Lindendorf.

Leo just got this incredible gig.

Congratulations.

- Busted. - Yeah.

Hey, you want to come riding with me.

Um, no.

I'll see you later, I've got a date tonight.

I know it is not your life's work.

But for your information, Freud's study of Dora

is not a biography.

It is the cornerstone of his psychoanalysis--

that's psychology, dear.

The psychology section is, for your information, in the 100s--

along with philosophy, and logic.

It amazes me how you can come here every day,

and absorb no knowledge of the system.

A trained monkey learned this system

on PBS in a matter of hours.

Re-code it.

A trained monkey learned this system

on PBS in a matter of hours.

[MONKEY SOUNDS]

A trained monkey learned this system

on PBS in a matter of hours.

A trained monkey learned this system

on PBS in a matter of hours.

Re-code it.

I may have made a mistake.

But that is no reason to patronize me.

It is dismaying that your expectations

are based on the performance of a lesser primate,

and also revelatory of a managerial style

which is sadly lacking.

Is it any wonder, then, that I've

chosen not to learn the intricacies

of an antiquated and idiotic system?

I think not.

MRS. LINDENDORF: Re-code it.

Fuck you.

MRS. LINDENDORF: Re-code it.

If you had really loved my mother,

you wouldn't treat me like this.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC - RUN-DMC, "MY ADIDAS"]

[KNOCKING]

Dr. Seuss and Mother Goose both did their thing.

It's open!

Hey, we're going to be late.

Look, Derrick called.

He said he wants to meet us at--

What do you want?

I wish to see the young lady.

Who?

Perhaps is not the correct address?

No, that's right.

The young lady's not here.

Pardon?

She's not here.

What do you got there?

It's--

Omar Al-Inguri?

Bet it drives the crowds wild.

I have seen him two times in concert.

He's very good.

But it's very hard to get the tickets.

I'm not lying, y'all.

He's the best I know.

And if I lie, my nose will grow.

Like a little wooden boy named Pinocchio.

And you all know how the story goes.

You have too many records.

Yeah, well, if you spin.

Spin?

I'm a DJ at Rene's.

You ever been to Rene's?

The hottest club.

It's the hottest.

How did you find this work?

How did I find it?

Yo, I'm good.

You know, Rene liked my tape.

And in a sense of, do like this work?

Uh huh.

Uh huh.

Uh huh.

Uh huh uh huh uh huh.

Uh huh huh huh.

Do you-- do you expect her?

Yeah, she'll be there.

Stop by tonight, man.

Bring your friends.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Not you, mate, step aside.

It's Maid Marian, how you doing, love?

Hey Nigel.

Classification provides a system

for organizing a universe of items,

be they objects, concepts, or records.

[MUSIC - NATION OF ABEL, "ANYONE COULD HAPPEN TO ME"]

Anyone could happen to me, since you left me, baby.

My heart is going to save me.

Love just won't get ready.

Will I still be waiting?

Where's the spot?

What spot?

For the dancing, the girl.

Didn't Nigel tell you?

Anyone could happen to me.

Since you left me, baby.

Love has no guarantee.

Will I still be waiting?

That's the operative question.

[MUSIC STOPS]

[RECORD SKIPPING]

Yo man, what's up?

Daddy?

MAN: DJ.

What's up?

WOMAN: What's going on?

[YELLING]

Come on, daddy!

[RECORD SCRATCH]

What the hell are you doing?

MAN: Mr. DJ!

[RECORD SCRATCH]

WOMAN: Hey man.

What is this?

Hey, hey.

[CLAPPING]

[MUSIC - CHANTAY SAVAGE, "IF YOU BELIEVE"]

Believe in me.

Believe in me.

Do you have a problem?

'Cause they sure as hell don't.

Lucky for you.

Believe in me.

Believe.

Believe.

All you got to do is believe.

In me.

Believe in me.

Believe in me.

Believe in me.

Believe in me.

Believe in me.

Believe in me.

Believe in me.

Believe.

Take my hand.

Stay a while.

Turn it on inside.

Forget about my past.

Leave it behind.

Arts and recreation.

Yes, mama.

I know what's going on, yes, I do.

You've been hurt before.

You gotta keep coming, coming back, coming back for more.

Believe, believe believe, believe.

I'm gonna make you see, believe in me.

Believe in me.

Believe in me.

All you've got to do is just believe in me.

Believe in me.

Believe in me, believe in me.

I'm gonna make you see, believe in me.

Believe in me.

I'm gonna make you see.

Believe in me.

Believe in me.

Believe in me.

Believe.

Believe.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

You showed to me what I thought I'd never see.

And you gave to me what I thought would never be.

You give me fire.

You give me fire.

You give me fire.

All the time, a cool fire.

You give me fire.

You give me fire.

You give me fire.

Fire.

What's your name?

Venus.

Venus what?

Just Venus.

Love, love.

To be loved.

[LAUGHING]

Excuse me, what are you doing?

Yeah, you.

Were you just putting that book away?

It looked like you were just putting that book away.

I guess you didn't know we have a system

for putting books away here.

No, I'm curious.

You were just randomly putting that book on the shelf,

is that it?

You've just given us a great idea.

I mean, why are we wasting our time

with the Dewey Decimal System, when

your system is so much easier.

Much easier.

We'll just put the books anywhere.

Hear that everybody?

Our friend here has given us a great idea!

We'll just put the books any damn place we choose!

We don't care, right?

Isn't that right?

You haven't taken a break all morning.

Take a break.

I just want to do a good job, Howard.

You are doing a good job. Take a break.

I'll cover.

Take a break.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Judy, you won't believe what I did last night.

It was possibly the wildest night of my existence.

What's the matter.

Are you OK?

Yes, I think it'll pass.

Oh my God, you're drenched.

You need to see a doctor or something.

Of course not.

Look at you, you need a doctor.

I'm going to call an ambulance or something.

Don't be silly.

No, you need a--

you need a doctor.

It is perfectly natural at my age.

Oh.

Yes.

Oh.

I'm so embarrassed.

Well, I'm not.

My body's upgrading itself for the future, that's all.

I just wish it would hurry up and have done with it.

It's been two years!

Is that normal?

The tears don't mean anything.

They're just my little hormones running amok.

Oh.

You're early.

Tell me about your night.

You won't believe what I did last night.

It was possibly the wild--

JUDY LINDENDORF: Oh, let me guess.

You went to your boyfriend's concert,

and you danced until dawn.

And then you all drank too much and laughed,

and then somebody did something outlandish,

and the police came.

But you all didn't care, because you were all young and in love.

And it was a night to remember.

You know how I know?

You are just like your mother.

Oh.

[CRYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

You won't believe what I did last night.

It was possibly the wildest night of my existence.

It was--

[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]

What are you doing?

Mustafa!

Look, I think maybe you misunderstand.

You know, you meet the vendor who speaks funny English.

For you, it's like taking a holiday travel without buying

the airplane ticket.

I cannot agree with this.

So can you go?

Can I have a falafel with hot sauce, a side order of baba

ghanoush and a seltzer, please?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

The new single?

Sure, I'll play it, Venus.

You know, I was always into animals.

I mean, um, animal rights and whatnot.

All the proceeds go to the organization.

Isn't it awful about the rabbits?

Yeah.

What?

They go blind!

They stick mascara and deodorant into the rabbits' eyes

until they go blind.

How can we be blind to their innocent silent screams?

You learned your lesson is all.

Mustafa.

What sort of a name is that?

And what are you doing going out with foreigners anyway?

You're a foreigner.

I'm not.

I'm English.

This is America.

Yeah, but we speak English.

All Americans were English to start.

We're like, related.

It's like the pilgrims and all that.

Please, elaborate.

[MUSIC - KAREN FINLEY, "LICK IT"]

Lick it, lick it, lick it, lick it.

That little shit, I'll rip his balls off.

Leo!

Lick it strong, lick it long.

Lick it clean, no afro sheen.

Oh, lick it.

Get out of my way!

Lick it. Lick my face, lick my arms.

You little shit.

What? Yo, get off me.

I told you no Teddy Rogers.

No fucking Teddy Rogers!

[SMASHING GLASS]

[SCREAMING]

Get it the fuck off now!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

It's still in print.

I was all, honey, please, it was even published in Cuba, OK?

It's a conspiracy all right.

Were you able to find anything?

Here's a few books to get you started.

There's tons of studies on twins,

but these focus solely on the made

up languages, identical vs. Fraternal,

male versus female, et cetera.

Now, I threw in "The Dual Voice Sings" just for fun.

It's a book of songs composed exclusively by twins.

Fraternal?

Identical.

Oh, I can't wait.

So glad I could help you.

Bye.

Judy says I should take over.

Why?

What does she want Mary to do?

HOWARD: Guess.

This is ridiculous.

Why did you take me off the desk?

It's so busy, and you're such a speedy little shelver.

God, don't patronize me, Judy.

Yeah, I know I'm the fastest shelver here.

But that doesn't mean it's the only thing I can do.

And don't give me that "you're only a clerk" rap,

because Wanda's only a clerk.

You've got to do the Scientific American overhaul.

And you invited her to the acquisitions conference.

She's always at the desk.

She's always coding.

I haven't coded one single book since--

Since we had that problem.

It was my first week, Judy!

Shh!

Maybe I do treat you differently.

OK.

But that's because I'm concerned.

We're family. - So?

So what? So you knew my mother, big deal.

So did I.

She was a woman with no common sense.

Judy, it's no reason to judge me all the time.

Everybody here sees it. Ask Howard.

- I-- - Ask Anne.

- Judge-- - Ask Wanda!

- You? - Yes, you do.

Spare me.

You do.

I have eyes.

I know what you think of me. - No, you don't.

Oh yes, I do.

You do not, Jody.

You try to intimidate me.

Me?

I try to intimidate you?

You're the one who's intimidating, Judy.

I try to do--

I try to do a good job here.

Shh!

You don't even see it.

You don't even care!

Of course I care.

But the fact of the matter is, I have known you

since the day you were born.

And you come here every day, and I don't

know the first thing about you.

What do you want to know?

Anything.

Your life, your friends.

My friends are people.

They're normal people, just like your friends, Judy.

Leo's friend, right?

Mary, right?

I never thought, but you probably didn't expect

to see me, either, right?

Right?

Right.

That is why you're here?

I'm here in the library.

I usually go to the Eight.

I go earlier.

You should check out the Eight.

Beautiful people.

I bet.

I connect with that meaning, you know?

There are a lot of people at the Eight who's issues--

but today, I couldn't make it, you know?

Uh.

I couldn't wait till I--

I was so close to a--

I even went by the club.

It's going to be fine.

Really.

You can do it.

I know you can.

Let's go in.

Running into you like this is like my higher power

is watching.

Hi, everyone.

I'm Rene.

And I'm a goddamn alcoholic.

Hi, Rene.

[COUGHING]

Hi, I'm Mary.

I'm sorry, I need a drink.

[COUGHING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I know I hurt you, boy.

Can I make it up to you?

Can I have a falafel with hot sauce,

a side order of baba ghanoush, and a seltzer, please?

Baby, I can make you change your mind.

I'll be coming back.

I know I was to blame.

Coming back.

Stop turning me away.

Keep the change.

One more try. 'Cause I don't want to say goodbye.

I'll be coming back.

I know I was to blame.

Coming back.

Stop turning me away.

Can I have a falafel with hot sauce,

a side order of baba ghanoush, and a seltzer, please?

'Cause I don't want to say goodbye.

What do I have to do to show you that my heart is true.

Can I get a falafel with hot sauce, a side of baba ghanoush,

and a seltzer, please?

I'll be coming back.

I know I was to blame.

Coming back.

Stop turning me away.

Can't we give it one more try.

'Cause I don't want--

I'd like a falafel with hot sauce,

a side order of baba ghanoush, and a seltzer, please.

Coming back.

Baby, don't make me wait.

Can't you see the changes I've been going through?

Baby, I just want to be with you.

I'll be coming back.

I'd like my free pita.

You want pita?

Go over there.

This is false advertising.

This is harassment.

This is a free country.

I ask you to go.

[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH].

I know where I'm not welcome.

I know how you feel, buddy.

Think I don't get this down on the job?

It's violating.

Hot days, you got to strip down.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey.

Good evening, Leo.

Where's my crate?

What the fuck?

Yo, why is this all--

Oh my God.

What happened?

Yo, what happened here?

Surprise.

What?

Surprise.

You fucked with my albums?

I organized them.

I mean, there was a stack right here.

It took me a week to pull them.

But they're organized by the Dewey

Decimal System, which is perfect for small collections

like yours--

unlike the Library of Congress.

Small collections?

Yo, there are over 1,000 albums here.

I know.

It took me all day to do it, Leo.

They were a mess.

What are you, my mother?

They were in order!

Jesus, look, I got to be at Rene's in 20 minutes,

and you totally fucked my albums!

I worked on this all day.

It'll help you.

You bitch!

You fucking bitch!

You have ruined my life, you know that?

You've ruined my fucking life.

Give the system a chance.

I made three card catalogs, title, subject, and artist.

OK?

You have your categories of music--

tribal, sleaze, disco.

Those are further subdivided.

Here's the list.

Quisco disco, Frisco disco.

Now, each album is coded with a yellow sticker.

The red sticker means that Teddy Rogers

worked on it-- that's a no no.

We know that.

Here's your number two pencil.

Use this for scrap paper.

It's over.

Everything.

Write down the title and the author,

artist that you want to find.

Use all caps.

It's not neat.

What the fuck am I doing?

OK, Leonard.

Fine, what do you need?

"Mighty Real" from Sylvester.

OK, here we go.

It's going to be cross listed under disco classics,

and divas, male.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

What else do you need?

"The Lover Who Rock You" by India.

"Double Cross" by First Choice.

"I Believe in Miracles" by Hot Chocolate.

"Hot Music" by Pal Joy. "X" by Junior Vasquez.

"Up Down Suite" by Madonna, "My Jimmy Weighs

a Ton" by The Jungle Brothers. "Erik B is President" By Erik B.

"Nervous Track" by Nuyorican Soul.

"Sex Drive" by Grace Jones.

"Is It All Over My Face?" by Loose Joints.

"Saturday Night," "Sweet Pussy Pauline," Candy J. "Activator"

by Whatever Girl.

"Genius of Love," Tom Tom Club.

"You Used to Hold Me," Ralphi Rosario.

"Flip the Script," Gang Starr. "I Can't Get No Sleep."

Good morning, Leo.

How'd it go?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Coffee's going to be ready in a sec.

Leo, if you want to take a shower, wait,

'cause I've got to get to work.

[TURNING ON SHOWER]

[BANGING]

Leo, I've got to take a shower!

[BANGING]

Leo, I've got to get to work early today!

It's my goddamn apartment, this is my god damn shower, Leo!

I'm getting in!

This is my god dam water, Leo.

Leo, this isn't funny.

That's my shampoo.

You have the cheap, 99 cent kind,

I have the expensive kind.

This is mine, that's not funny.

[LAUGHING]

Insect.

Have a good night, Howard. - Oh, I will.

Can I help you?

Yes, I'm looking for information on teaching.

The clerk under that counter can help you.

Remember to turn off all the computers

and close all the windows.

Good night.

Excuse me.

Uh, sir?

Excuse me, miss?

I didn't know you worked here.

I work here.

I'm looking for information on--

Teaching?

Follow me.

You didn't tell me that you were a librarian.

I'm only a clerk.

OK.

First place to look would be here.

It's updated yearly.

For New York City?

It should be.

I can also check the most recent amendments too--

And where can I get a certificate?

Certification requirements for teachers

are determined under each state level.

The United States, every state has different laws.

America.

Don't knock it, baby, it's the land of milk and honey.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[THUNDER]

It's Yemen.

What's Yemen?

The land milk and honey is Yemen.

God.

Oh.

You left the windows open.

We trusted you to lock up, and you left the windows open.

I am so sorry.

How many were ruined?

At least 30.

I found five that are out of print.

Who?

Some of our best poets.

Cummings, Hughes, Dickinson.

I am so sorry.

I--

Look in there.

I'm happy to see you're practicing safe sex.

Judy, Mustafa surprised me last night.

When I look at you, a smart powerful woman,

and see you acting like the town idiot, it makes me sick.

When most women are struggling to demonstrate

their intelligence, their complexity,

here you are trying to prove just how stupid you can be.

Judy, please!

Look, here is a card from an early card catalog.

See that handwriting?

Look at the flowery script.

That's what young lady librarians were taught,

penmanship.

I am sorry.

Melvil Dewey hired women as librarians

because he believed the job didn't

require any intelligence.

It was a woman's job!

That's not my fault!

That means it's underpaid and undervalued.

This country has more illiteracy than some of the most

underdeveloped nations!

Even Americans who can read, don't.

They watch movies, they watch television,

they watch movies on the television.

I said that I was sorry--

Get out!

I won't have you working here!

Mary!

This is a depression!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

MARY: Eviction.

Oh shit.

Oh God.

All right.

From this lot, I'll give you $30 for the Todd Oldham blouse,

and $40 for the Kenzo dress, and $50 for that jacket.

$50?

Yeah.

It's Gaultier.

It's a collector's item.

Honey, it's got two buttons missing.

All right, $55.

But I won't take this.

That's vintage, it's not designer.

I shouldn't sell it anyway.

It belonged to my mother.

She's dead.

Let's see what's in the other bag.

Cash?

It's legal tender.

Look, I don't want any drugs in my building.

Mr. Lu, if I dealt drugs, the rent wouldn't be late.

I haven't seen you since your operation.

Is everything OK?

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

Look, maybe try to talk to her,

tell her how important it is for you.

I can't.

MUSTAFA: Look, she's your family.

She'll understand.

MARY: She was right to fire me.

She was right.

Keith Richards would make a better librarian than me.

Maybe you can get a job waiting tables?

I'm not a waitress. No.

If it's just temporary.

No, no.

Look what I do?

But that's different.

That's different.

You're a teacher.

You're a teacher, you have a career.

This is my life.

I want to do something.

And what do you want to do?

God, it's not that easy.

OK.

Then let's think of things you like to do.

Things that you're good at, then.

I'm not good at anything.

This is not true.

Judy's right, I'm just like my mother.

Mm-mm.

I'm just like my mother.

You want to know what we're good at?

There's um-- maintaining when we're fucked up,

applying makeup, partying, flirting, making stuff up,

throwing parties, having fun.

I don't--

I don't see you like this.

Because you don't really know me.

This would be a great place for a party.

[MUSIC - SMOOTH TOUCH, "HOUSE OF LOVE (IN MY HOUSE)"]

In my house.

In my house.

In my house.

In my house.

In my house.

In my house.

In my house.

In my house.

In my house.

In my house.

In my house.

In my house.

In my house.

In my.

In my.

In my.

In my.

In my.

In my In my.

- You've outdone yourself. - So silly.

So decadent.

BOTH: So Mary.

I live to serve, don't I?

Derrick, the time?

1:20.

Oh my God, it's your birthday already.

Happy birthday.

Yo Poppy, what's up?

Yo, what's up with this guy?

All he plays is house?

I'll take care of it.

Let me get a beer.

What's with you Leo?

All you got is house?

Mary, Mary, quite contrary.

Nigel, get back to the door, and get this through that

inbred beer-soaked brain of yours--

tonight is a civilized event.

That means no piss, no vomit.

VENUS: Could you move it?

Your cigarette is bothering me.

Get a last name, and we'll talk, OK?

I want variety.

Now, Leo.

Now.

Help me, please.

Give me a mocktail.

That's OJ, cranberry juice, no ice, lime twist.

Oh.

I'm all out of cranberry.

How about we make that pineapple.

Jesus.

Sorry, Rene.

Derrick, send someone for some cranberry, please?

Who?

You're a bright guy, I'm sure you can figure something out.

Did you pay for that?

You've got to pay for your drinks.

You have, it's how it works.

Congratulations, you're going to be a major promoter.

Let me tell you, there are two kinds of people in this world,

herbivores and carnivores.

Here's to red meat, Rene.

Cheers.

Mustafa, why aren't you at your post?

Look, it's late.

Nobody wants falafel.

That's not the point.

The point is is that it's funny you're making them.

It's funny.

It's funny.

That hurts, you're hurting me!

Ow!

What's your problem?

You.

You are my big problem.

You treat everyone like dogs, you drink so much all night,

you move around the room talking, talking.

I'm having a good time.

Haven't you ever seen anyone have fun before?

And that means you don't respect the people who

help you, who do you a favor?

Lighten up, it's a party, god damn it.

All right, I'll try to be more--

Why do you always have to try?

Why you can never be?

I would like a nice, powerful mind-altering substance.

Preferably something that would make my unborn children

grow gills.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

That damn belly dancer still hasn't shown.

Mary.

Why do I always have to do everything.

You can't trust anyone, you can't depend on anybody.

You can't do anything.

I'm always the one who has to do everything, Derrick.

I'm always having to do everything here.

It's OK, calm down.

No, it's not OK.

It's printed, it's on the invitations.

The belly dancer is supposed to appear tonight.

It's not a problem.

Listen to me.

Don't give me your faggot shit, Derrick.

It's not a problem.

Don't be a faggot.

Don't fag out.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Come on, Mary.

What's up, love?

Look at you.

You're a fucking wreck.

[LAUGHING]

Come on, let's go.

Up.

Why haven't they deported you?

I told them I was marrying you.

Mrs. Nigel Hogsworth Pittle.

To have and to cherish.

To love and to honor.

Wouldn't want to lower your worth, Mary.

Come on, Mary.

give us a kiss, eh?

Come on.

Come on.

Ugh.

Let's go inside, all right?

Let's go inside.

[MUMBLING] - Come on, come on, come on.

No.

Give us a kiss.

I'm tired.

I just want to--

I just want to sleep.

Come on.

I just want to sleep.

Come on, Mary.

I just want to sleep, Nigel.

Fuck off.

[GRUNTING]

Look, Mary, just open the door, all right?

Open the fucking door!

[POUNDING]

You fucking better open the fucking door, Mary!

Open the fucking door!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Sorry, I'm just trying to sleep.

Ah.

[SIGHING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Happy birthday, Mary.

You look terrible.

I need to talk to you.

I'm working.

Oh, and I've got you on the waiting list

for the new Danielle Steel.

It's about my future.

Follow me.

I'm going to show you the almanacs, and that--

I'm working.

My place.

8:00.

Be there.

Fine.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Mary, what are you doing here?

You're going to help me, bitch.

OK, let's see.

We still have to hang that piñata,

and make the hash brownies.

I'm here with some balloons.

Carl.

LEO: That's him?

That's Carl?

My name is Kurt, not Carl.

Kurt.

It's him.

It's Carl.

I mean, Kurt.

I mean, Carl is Kurt.

What is this?

A piñata.

It's a piñata.

You know, a piñata.

What is a piñata?

A piñata is a Latin American ritual performed on birthdays

and also Christmas. - Hello.

Be careful of piñata.

You don't need some high status degree.

You want the best program for the least money

in the shortest amount of time.

Absolutely.

Oh please!

You went to Columbia.

You think you'd be working here if you went to some dinky

small town program?

I say Michigan.

I did my undergraduate there.

Ann Arbor is so much fun.

I don't want to leave New York.

Well don't. You're going public, right?

Public libraries.

As in non-academic.

Howard doesn't approve of academia.

He thinks it's for wimps.

It is.

I am sick of your reverse snobbery.

Just because a person might want to live

in a pleasant, non-urban setting, doesn't mean they're

selling out.

Anna worked in Ithaca, at Cornell.

How do you feel about the Senate?

I don't know.

There's a Washington-based program that my friend runs.

I think it would be perfect for you, Mary.

It's a little competitive but she's an excellent connect--

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Yeah, this is the place.

We want beer.

Do you have any Middle Eastern beer?

I don't serve beer.

Do you want some hot sauce?

WOMAN: Can I get a falafel with hot sauce,

a side order of baba ghanoush, and a seltzer?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Surprise!

You're working a new look.

Derrick, may I have a word with you, please?

[MUSIC - CLUB ULTIMATE, "CARNIVAL

'93 (MARDI GRAS MIX)"]

You see the piñata, for your birthday?

Mary, this is my friend Kurt.

Got any rolling papers?

Judy's coming over here in 15 minutes.

We've got to get these people out of here.

[LAUGHING]

She's having a slip.

Mary, Mary!

Leo and I have thrown you the party of a lifetime.

We will not allow you to spoil it.

Give me that bread knife!

No, Mary you do not have permission to hurt yourself.

Hi.

I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

What are you taking, huh?

Same stuff you were binging on the other night?

Been on a bender?

MARY: Get out!

Leo, I need your help.

Sister, no one can help you until you

decide to help yourself.

Enabler.

Mare, I expect you on that dance floor in five minutes.

And please change into something more festive.

Where do you want the body painting?

She can't change, she sold all her clothes.

No body painting.

What?

I had no idea she was this far gone.

Leave!

Get out!

I noticed the rack was empty, but--

MARY: Leave!

I thought she finally put them away.

Get out!

She's hit rock bottom.

Mary, those clothes look priceless.

They were irreplaceable!

What were you thinking?

I had to pay my rent!

You sold all of it!

- Yes, yes, I sold it all! - Why?

Because she's an an alcoholic!

I'm not an alcoholic!

JUDY: Mary?

MARY: Judy.

There's been a mix up.

Derrick and Leo threw me the surprise

party without my permission.

Are you her sponsor?

Can we do the piñata?

No, I'm a relative.

Not now, Carl!

My name is Kurt, not Carl!

Perfect.

Do you know what a crisis intervention is?

I want my job back.

This is not an appropriate time.

You haven't heard my plan.

This is called tough love, Mary.

[KNOCKING]

MAN: Police, open up!

Police!

It's open!

I want my job back.

I want a career in library science.

Which one of you is Mary.

I am, but this isn't my party.

Yeah?

Then how come I've been getting all those complaints about you?

You've been bad.

Very, very bad.

What are you talking about?

I'm taking you downtown.

We are downtown!

Officer, you haven't even read her her rights!

A love slave has no rights.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[CHEERING]

MAN: Take it off!

[CHEERING]

Take it off!

[CHEERING]

I'm serious about graduate school!

Yeah!

Woo!

[CHEERING]

WOMAN: Shake it.

[CHEERING]

WOMAN: Lock him up, girl.

Keep it up.

Lock him up.

MAN: Mary!

I want to be a librarian.

Stop with the lies and manipulations.

Why won't you trust me?

Your mother was a woman with no common sense.

This isn't about her.

This is about me.

You showed no respect for me or for the library.

That's not true.

She was very into that library.

She lent me a book from there on body piercing.

That's nothing.

Look, she set up my whole collection

by the John Dewey system.

Melvil!

Yeah, I re-did it so it was by beats per minute.

You know, with the other stuff?

Cross-listed

Yes, cross-listed.

Look, there are over 2000 albums here.

So will you give her her job back?

No I won't.

Why not?

Because she had sex in the library.

[GASPING]

Sex addiction.

Mary.

Hey, where in the library did you have sex?

The romance language section.

Mustafa.

I'm so sorry.

Mary did research for me at the library.

What kind of research?

To become a certified teacher in this country.

Loans, grants, scholarships, everything.

Let me do it!

Where did you look?

First, I covered the basics--

the UN, Board of Ed, the Encyclopedia

of Associations, CUNY.

Then I-- then I checked certification requirements

for teachers of secondary and elementary schools,

58th edition.

I Telnetted the NicerNet Gopher and FTPed the most

recent amendments for New York state teacher

certification requirements.

And then I called the reference desk at the main branch,

and they said I'd covered my bases.

She's good.

Very thorough.

I would never get all this for myself.

Come on, Judy.

Judy, give her a break.

Is this what you really want?

Really?

Yes.

I'll do it.

[MUSIC - ULTRA NATE , "PARTY GIRL (TURN ME LOOSE)"]

Happy birthday, Mary.

[CHEERING]

Thank you.

Come on home.

Mrs. Lindendorf!

Have a brownie!

He's such a fox.

I wouldn't kick him out of bed either.

Unless he was better on the reference room floor.

The piñata is finished.

But the party is just beginning.

I love parties.

Librarian, huh?

Yeah, what do you think?

This is a garden, and we're all flowers.

Party girl.

STRIPPER: Can somebody call a locksmith?

You know what I'm gonna do.

You know what I'm gonna do. 'Cause I'm a party girl.

You know what I'm gonna do.

I was the one they said would never succeed.

Voted the least likely to achieve.

I'm not good at nothing, but I'm good for something.

I can party with the best until the morning comes.

Read the stats.

You know I party till I die.

I don't care.

I've got to party until I die.

Turn me loose, turn me loose.

You got to turn me loose, turn me loose.

Turn me loose, turn me loose.

You gotta let go, 'cause the dance floor is calling.

'Cause I'm a party girl, 'cause I'm a party girl.

You know what I'm gonna do.

You know what I'm gonna do.

The buzzer rings, it's 9 o'clock AM.

I'm late again, but who really gives a damn.

It's not necessary, just temporary.

And next time, you know I'm gonna do it all again.

Read the stats.

You know I'll party till I die.

You know that I don't care.

I've got to party till I die.

Turn me loose, turn me loose.

You got to turn me loose, turn me loose.

Come on and turn me loose, turn me loose.

You got to turn me loose, turn me loose.

Turn me loose, turn me loose.

Turn me loose, turn me loose.

Come on and turn me loose, turn me loose.

You gotta let go, 'cause the dance floor is calling.

'Cause I'm a party girl.

You know what I'm gonna do.

You know what I'm gonna do.

'Cause I'm a party girl.

And you know what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna live my life.

You know what I'm gonna do.

You know what I'm gonna do.

'Cause I'm the party girl.

I'm the party girl.

You know what I'm gonna do.

But I know what I got to do. 'Cause I'm the party girl.

I'm the party girl.

I'm doing what I have to do.

I'm doing what I have to do. 'Cause I'm the party girl.

I'm the party girl.

And you know what I have to do.

You know what I have to do.

I'm gonna live my life.

You know what I have to do.

'Cause I'm the party girl.

You know what I have to do.

I'm the party girl.

I'm the party girl.

I'm the party girl.

You know what I have to do.

I'm the party girl.

I'm the party girl.

The party girl.

I'm the party girl.

The party girl.

Turn me loose, turn me loose.

You got to turn me loose, turn me loose.

Come on and turn me loose, turn me loose.

You got to turn me--

[RECORD SCRATCH]

[MARY SINGING OFF-KEY]