Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,243 --> 00:00:04,745
♪ It seems todaythat all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,821 --> 00:00:08,248
♪ Is violence in moviesand sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,325 --> 00:00:11,626
♪ But where are thosegood old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,703 --> 00:00:14,463
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,539 --> 00:00:18,183
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,260 --> 00:00:21,470
♪ Lucky there's a manwho positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,546 --> 00:00:23,022
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,098 --> 00:00:24,356
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,433 --> 00:00:30,178
♪ He's... a...Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:34,017 --> 00:00:36,179
Guys, sorry I'm late.
11
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,495
I was watching The Muppet Show
with Stewie.
12
00:00:39,397 --> 00:00:41,323
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
13
00:00:41,399 --> 00:00:43,450
♪ It's time to lightthe lights ♪
14
00:00:43,527 --> 00:00:45,544
♪ It's time to meetthe Muppets ♪
15
00:00:45,621 --> 00:00:47,120
♪ On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
16
00:00:47,197 --> 00:00:49,026
What's that from?
17
00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:51,194
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
18
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:53,293
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
19
00:00:53,370 --> 00:00:55,198
♪ It's time to raisethe curtain ♪
20
00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,367
♪ On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
21
00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,536
♪ Why do we always come here? ♪
22
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,135
♪ I guess we'll never know ♪
23
00:01:02,212 --> 00:01:04,304
♪ It's like some kindof torture ♪
24
00:01:04,381 --> 00:01:06,065
♪ To have to watch the show ♪
25
00:01:08,143 --> 00:01:10,223
♪ But nowlet's get things started ♪
26
00:01:10,262 --> 00:01:12,312
♪ Why don't you getthings started? ♪
27
00:01:12,389 --> 00:01:14,217
♪ It's timeto get things started ♪
28
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:16,650
♪ On the most sensational,inspirational ♪
29
00:01:16,726 --> 00:01:19,056
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
30
00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:21,747
♪ This is what we call ♪
31
00:01:21,824 --> 00:01:26,368
♪ The Muppet Show.
32
00:01:26,444 --> 00:01:29,371
(blows sour note)
33
00:01:29,447 --> 00:01:31,902
Did you guys just make that up?
34
00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:35,094
Fellas, I want to introduce you
to my fiancée Rachel.
35
00:01:35,170 --> 00:01:36,545
She's a wonderful woman,
36
00:01:36,621 --> 00:01:38,483
and she's Madeleine Albright's
niece.
37
00:01:38,507 --> 00:01:40,393
Oh, pleasure
to meet you, Rachel.
38
00:01:40,417 --> 00:01:42,467
No! If you want to shake hands,
39
00:01:42,544 --> 00:01:43,885
put a sheet over that thing.
40
00:01:43,962 --> 00:01:46,555
I know it's last minute,
but we got a great deal
41
00:01:46,631 --> 00:01:48,515
at CanceledBarMitzvahs.com,
42
00:01:48,592 --> 00:01:51,393
and you're all invited
to our wedding this Thursday...
43
00:01:51,469 --> 00:01:53,281
- I can't go.
- ...in New Orleans.
44
00:01:53,305 --> 00:01:54,782
By myself.
I have to bring my family.
45
00:01:54,806 --> 00:01:56,426
-I'm in! -Yes! -Way in!
46
00:01:56,450 --> 00:02:00,119
Ah, New Orleans, combining
the luck of Puerto Rico
47
00:02:00,195 --> 00:02:02,496
with the mosquitoes of Haiti.
48
00:02:07,944 --> 00:02:10,370
(whoops) New Orleans.
49
00:02:10,447 --> 00:02:12,275
I can't wait to get up
on a balcony
50
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:14,259
and bust out the twins. (laughs)
51
00:02:14,326 --> 00:02:15,801
Did you hear what I said, Meg?
52
00:02:15,878 --> 00:02:17,614
I said I can't wait
to get up on a balcony
53
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:20,055
- and bust out the...
- Yeah, I heard you.
54
00:02:21,666 --> 00:02:25,018
Feels a little "hoo-mid."
55
00:02:28,557 --> 00:02:30,399
What, what's that?
56
00:02:32,561 --> 00:02:34,528
♪
57
00:02:39,735 --> 00:02:41,495
Oh, every morning
from 7:00 to 10:00
58
00:02:41,519 --> 00:02:43,497
we serve
a complimentary breakfast.
59
00:02:43,521 --> 00:02:45,405
Complimentary breakfast?
60
00:02:45,482 --> 00:02:48,074
Imagine the possibilities.
61
00:02:48,151 --> 00:02:50,480
♪
62
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,245
Wow.
63
00:02:52,322 --> 00:02:55,007
- Can I get you a cup of coffee?
- Coffee?
64
00:02:55,083 --> 00:02:57,676
Imagine the possibilities.
65
00:02:57,753 --> 00:03:00,345
♪
66
00:03:00,422 --> 00:03:01,847
Wow.
67
00:03:01,924 --> 00:03:03,515
(liquid splashing)
68
00:03:03,592 --> 00:03:05,350
♪ It's time to swim in coffee ♪
69
00:03:05,427 --> 00:03:07,998
♪ It's time to flutter kick. ♪
70
00:03:08,022 --> 00:03:10,522
How did that Muppet song
get in my head?
71
00:03:12,634 --> 00:03:14,193
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
72
00:03:14,269 --> 00:03:15,677
♪ It's time to light... ♪
73
00:03:15,754 --> 00:03:18,842
Oh, yeah, it was playing
when we Inception-ed.
74
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:21,650
♪
75
00:03:21,726 --> 00:03:24,681
The bride and groom
have written their own vows.
76
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,349
PETER: Oh, no.
77
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,323
Rachel, I love you.
78
00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:31,451
And today we merge our lives,
our hearts,
79
00:03:31,528 --> 00:03:33,568
and our fraudulent
home businesses.
80
00:03:33,622 --> 00:03:37,040
Mort, may my plantar fasciitis
act like the roots
81
00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:39,125
for our tree of love.
82
00:03:39,202 --> 00:03:41,461
We will reshape
our lives together
83
00:03:41,538 --> 00:03:44,534
just as socks reshape
my calves daily.
84
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:48,510
I am so happy to be merging
the napkins in my pockets
85
00:03:48,586 --> 00:03:50,707
with the napkins
in your pockets.
86
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:53,043
Rachel, with you by my side
87
00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:56,235
there is no Christmas display
that I can't sue the city over.
88
00:03:56,311 --> 00:03:59,216
I vow to keep you nourished
by filling our home
89
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,384
with the worst wine in the world
90
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:04,221
and preparing potatoes
and applesauce.
91
00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:05,577
Just like nobody.
92
00:04:05,654 --> 00:04:07,390
And I vow to adorn our walls
93
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,915
with only brown art
from the '70s.
94
00:04:09,992 --> 00:04:12,918
Mort, we're two peas in a pod.
95
00:04:12,995 --> 00:04:15,161
We just go together.
96
00:04:15,238 --> 00:04:18,590
You are the plastic covering
to my furniture.
97
00:04:18,667 --> 00:04:20,875
And you are
the little spit bubble
98
00:04:20,952 --> 00:04:22,572
in the corner of my mouth.
99
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:26,298
Mort, you are my forever person.
100
00:04:26,374 --> 00:04:27,266
Aw.
101
00:04:27,342 --> 00:04:29,412
May we continue
to have no respect
102
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,914
for other drivers on the road
103
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:33,583
and view stop signs
as suggestions.
104
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:37,442
And, Rachel,
you are my forever person.
105
00:04:37,519 --> 00:04:38,588
Aw.
106
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,228
And may my dead ex-wife's
107
00:04:40,305 --> 00:04:42,397
uncle's Netflix account continue
108
00:04:42,474 --> 00:04:45,450
to be fruitful to us
for many years to come.
109
00:04:45,527 --> 00:04:47,569
Mort, do you take Rachel
110
00:04:47,645 --> 00:04:49,955
to be your wife in sickness
and in sickness?
111
00:04:50,032 --> 00:04:51,290
I Jew.
112
00:04:51,366 --> 00:04:53,074
And, Rachel, do you take Mort
113
00:04:53,151 --> 00:04:56,273
to be your husband
in bad times and bad?
114
00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:58,130
I Jew, too.
115
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:02,467
(applause)
116
00:05:02,544 --> 00:05:04,263
Stewie, what's
going on with you?
117
00:05:04,287 --> 00:05:06,713
I just found all that
very moving.
118
00:05:06,790 --> 00:05:08,526
- Really?
- Yes, I had no idea
119
00:05:08,550 --> 00:05:10,269
marriage could be
that beautiful.
120
00:05:10,293 --> 00:05:12,886
There really is somebody
for everybody.
121
00:05:12,962 --> 00:05:15,397
Even Helen Keller
had her tailor.
122
00:05:17,509 --> 00:05:21,570
$100, please,
blind and deaf lady!
123
00:05:27,977 --> 00:05:30,377
(sighs) Always nice coming back
to your own house, huh?
124
00:05:30,405 --> 00:05:32,781
This isn't your house.
It's my dad's.
125
00:05:32,857 --> 00:05:34,668
I have a package
for Stewie Griffin.
126
00:05:34,692 --> 00:05:37,410
- Day just starting or ending?
- Smack dab in the middle.
127
00:05:37,487 --> 00:05:39,338
Oh, dude. Brutal.
128
00:05:39,414 --> 00:05:41,173
Well, welcome to the back nine.
129
00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:46,795
I can't believe this worked.
130
00:05:46,871 --> 00:05:49,964
I'm Stewie.
I'm going to be your husband.
131
00:05:50,041 --> 00:05:53,163
- Zlata.
- We're such each other's
forever people.
132
00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:55,470
Brian, I'd like you
to meet my fiancée
133
00:05:55,547 --> 00:05:59,140
that I ordered from the Ukraine,
the soon-to-be Zlata Griffin.
134
00:05:59,217 --> 00:06:01,504
Is that...
Is there a dead body in there?
135
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,531
Yeah, they send two
in case one dies.
136
00:06:03,555 --> 00:06:04,938
She was sister.
137
00:06:05,014 --> 00:06:06,826
Looks like her arm
was gnawed off.
138
00:06:06,850 --> 00:06:09,576
Babe, you don't have
to eat people. We got food.
139
00:06:17,569 --> 00:06:19,452
Stewie, this is crazy.
140
00:06:19,529 --> 00:06:21,358
You can't marry that woman.
You don't even know her.
141
00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:22,831
I know she can disassemble
142
00:06:22,907 --> 00:06:24,435
and reassemble a rifle
in 15 seconds.
143
00:06:24,459 --> 00:06:26,387
- How does that matter...
- I know it's adorable
144
00:06:26,411 --> 00:06:28,514
that she thinks we're gonna see
Whoopi Goldberg
145
00:06:28,538 --> 00:06:29,607
- everywhere we go.
- Stewie...
146
00:06:29,631 --> 00:06:32,391
I hear Whoopi Goldberg out here?
147
00:06:32,467 --> 00:06:34,393
Z and Bri, my two favorites.
148
00:06:34,469 --> 00:06:36,302
I-I don't even...
149
00:06:36,379 --> 00:06:38,449
Zlata, what...
Why would you marry a baby?
150
00:06:38,473 --> 00:06:41,349
In my country,
everyone I know blows up.
151
00:06:41,426 --> 00:06:43,506
She wanted to leave,
I had 200 bucks.
152
00:06:43,553 --> 00:06:46,029
Boom, we're each other's
forever people.
153
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:50,387
Are there any more options
for breakfast, Mom?
154
00:06:50,411 --> 00:06:53,390
Bread without whole walnuts
in it? Yuck.
155
00:06:53,414 --> 00:06:55,363
What's going on with you two?
156
00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:57,749
Well, it's just,
hotel living got us accustomed
157
00:06:57,826 --> 00:06:59,804
to having multiple
breakfast options.
158
00:06:59,828 --> 00:07:02,232
Yeah, we're like when astronauts
come back from space
159
00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:05,874
and can't fit back in with
society, but with breakfasts.
160
00:07:05,950 --> 00:07:08,927
Well, I'd advise you space
cadets to come back to Earth,
161
00:07:09,004 --> 00:07:10,556
because I'm only
making one thing.
162
00:07:10,580 --> 00:07:13,423
(laughs): Okay.
Meg, did you hear what I said?
163
00:07:13,475 --> 00:07:16,050
I said I'd advise
you space cadets to come back
164
00:07:16,127 --> 00:07:17,605
- to Earth because...
- Yeah, I heard you!
165
00:07:17,629 --> 00:07:18,770
(shatters)
166
00:07:18,847 --> 00:07:21,723
You know, there is
a Best Western in Quahog.
167
00:07:21,799 --> 00:07:24,359
Well, yeah, but don't we need
a room key to get breakfast?
168
00:07:25,353 --> 00:07:27,446
You mean like this one?
169
00:07:27,522 --> 00:07:29,355
Oh, you dog.
170
00:07:29,432 --> 00:07:31,428
Grab your coat,
we're going to the Best Western.
171
00:07:31,452 --> 00:07:33,359
I don't need my coat; it's hot.
172
00:07:33,436 --> 00:07:35,704
Get your (bleep) coat now!
173
00:07:41,462 --> 00:07:42,777
That's the gatekeeper.
174
00:07:42,854 --> 00:07:45,246
We just show her the key
and we get free food.
175
00:07:45,323 --> 00:07:47,040
Yep, just keep it simple.
176
00:07:47,116 --> 00:07:49,261
Now, if asked,
we're brothers from Sweden,
177
00:07:49,285 --> 00:07:50,543
same mom, different dad.
178
00:07:50,620 --> 00:07:52,304
Well, shouldn't it be same dad,
179
00:07:52,380 --> 00:07:54,260
- different mom?
- No, no, no.
180
00:07:54,700 --> 00:07:55,768
The Swedes have a very long
fertility window, Chris.
181
00:07:55,792 --> 00:07:58,384
Trust me on this.
Remember, big accent.
182
00:07:58,461 --> 00:08:01,480
Hey, guys, FYI, breakfast
is closing in five minutes.
183
00:08:01,556 --> 00:08:03,389
BOTH: Ja.
184
00:08:03,466 --> 00:08:06,434
We're doing it, Chris.
Our cover story is working.
185
00:08:06,511 --> 00:08:08,653
I'm looking
for a pair of half brothers
186
00:08:08,730 --> 00:08:11,301
with different fathers
from Finland.
187
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:13,066
BOTH: Haloo?
188
00:08:13,142 --> 00:08:14,971
- (man groans)
- (thudding)
189
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,495
It's done.
190
00:08:17,405 --> 00:08:19,331
This is why Sweden, Chris.
191
00:08:19,407 --> 00:08:22,283
- Never Finland.
- I'll never doubt you again.
192
00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:24,314
Good. Now grab a yogurt
that's way smaller
193
00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:26,149
than you knew they made yogurts.
194
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:28,342
And you grab an orange juice
that doesn't taste
195
00:08:28,366 --> 00:08:30,606
like orange juice,
but like someone described
196
00:08:30,660 --> 00:08:33,428
the taste of orange juice
to an alien.
197
00:08:42,931 --> 00:08:45,690
- I better get going.
- Have good day at work, husband.
198
00:08:45,767 --> 00:08:48,485
Mwah. Babe,
you're too good to me.
199
00:08:51,889 --> 00:08:53,492
I just left
my car in stall four.
200
00:08:53,516 --> 00:08:55,753
- Perfect. I can
take it from here.
- Okay, great.
201
00:08:55,777 --> 00:08:57,922
And I apologize,
but my son threw up in the back.
202
00:08:57,946 --> 00:09:00,040
Okay, it's no problem,
we can clean that up for you.
203
00:09:00,064 --> 00:09:02,615
Thanks, you're the best.
204
00:09:02,692 --> 00:09:06,995
Hey, Levi, we got a backseat
vomit in the maroon PT Cruiser.
205
00:09:07,071 --> 00:09:09,455
Levi?
206
00:09:09,532 --> 00:09:14,030
Levi? Levi?
207
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:16,471
(sighs)
208
00:09:22,304 --> 00:09:24,596
Hey, uh, so, I'm really sorry,
but I-I threw up
209
00:09:24,672 --> 00:09:26,525
- all over the front seat.
- Not a problem.
210
00:09:26,549 --> 00:09:28,044
Thanks, man. Late for a flight.
211
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:30,518
Levi?
212
00:09:30,595 --> 00:09:33,613
Levi? Levi?
213
00:09:43,441 --> 00:09:46,396
(gags)
214
00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:49,129
Hey, I accidentally barfed
in my car.
215
00:09:49,164 --> 00:09:50,591
They told me
I could leave it here?
216
00:09:50,615 --> 00:09:52,402
- Yeah. I'll clean it.
- Thanks.
217
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:54,709
I got to catch my flight.
218
00:09:54,786 --> 00:09:56,052
♪
219
00:10:02,126 --> 00:10:05,562
Levi? Levi?
220
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:14,020
Uh, this one looks good.
The, uh, second cheapest one.
221
00:10:14,097 --> 00:10:16,297
I'd actually recommend
that first Cab there.
222
00:10:16,358 --> 00:10:18,566
- Sound good.
- I love Cab.
223
00:10:18,643 --> 00:10:20,412
That second cheapest
one sounds great, too.
224
00:10:20,436 --> 00:10:21,931
We'll take that one.
225
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,238
Indulge me
in one more work story?
226
00:10:24,315 --> 00:10:26,908
So, last week I put
this nice family in a Sonata.
227
00:10:26,984 --> 00:10:28,846
Those are supposed
to be great cars.
228
00:10:28,870 --> 00:10:30,297
(chuckles):
Actually, uh, yeah...
229
00:10:30,321 --> 00:10:32,350
They're-they're not great.
They're okay.
230
00:10:32,374 --> 00:10:34,802
Anyway, he says he'll fill the
car up before he brings it back.
231
00:10:34,826 --> 00:10:36,709
He opts out of buying our gas.
232
00:10:36,786 --> 00:10:40,138
Which is, like, ten percent
of less than anywhere in town.
233
00:10:40,215 --> 00:10:41,451
That's right, babe.
234
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:42,643
But that's his prerogative,
as Mitch says.
235
00:10:42,667 --> 00:10:43,925
Mitch is my manager.
236
00:10:44,001 --> 00:10:45,479
So, fast-forward
to this morning.
237
00:10:45,503 --> 00:10:47,812
I get the car back,
I check the tank.
238
00:10:47,889 --> 00:10:50,598
Three-quarters full.
Quahog, we have a problem.
239
00:10:50,675 --> 00:10:53,818
(laughs)
Stewie, you're so funny.
240
00:10:53,895 --> 00:10:54,936
It's from a movie.
241
00:10:55,012 --> 00:10:57,133
Anyway, that's a 150% markup.
242
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:58,876
Turns out he was late
for a flight and figured
243
00:10:58,900 --> 00:11:00,544
it's worth it to eat
the nine bucks.
244
00:11:00,568 --> 00:11:03,995
So, yeah, a Wednesday
I won't soon be forgetting.
245
00:11:04,072 --> 00:11:07,248
- One check fine?
-$15 on this,
the rest on theirs.
246
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,851
- I like them.
- Hmm?
247
00:11:12,914 --> 00:11:15,151
Aaron and Shauna.
They're nice. I like them.
248
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,320
-Yeah.
-It's comfortable
going out with people
249
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:20,128
in the same socioeconomic class
as us, you know?
250
00:11:20,204 --> 00:11:21,899
I mean, I love the Burtons,
but I don't really like
251
00:11:21,923 --> 00:11:24,003
to go to dinner parties
in apartments.
252
00:11:24,041 --> 00:11:26,996
Apartment no worse
than room in house.
253
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,332
You're having a lot
of those tonight.
254
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,931
I think there's
a new This Is Us.
255
00:11:32,008 --> 00:11:34,100
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
256
00:11:34,177 --> 00:11:35,643
Babe, no. Our show.
257
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:37,404
(grunting)
258
00:11:39,348 --> 00:11:40,940
What's Kate up to this week?
259
00:11:41,017 --> 00:11:42,512
Losing weight with Toby maybe?
260
00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:45,515
Why you not have sex with me?
261
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:47,321
No, I know. I totally want to.
262
00:11:47,398 --> 00:11:49,449
It's just,
it's our show, you know?
263
00:11:49,525 --> 00:11:50,825
We watch show later.
264
00:11:50,902 --> 00:11:52,855
Uh, and we sleep... when?
265
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:55,496
Uh, th-there's just
only so many hours in the day.
266
00:11:55,573 --> 00:11:57,176
- You know?
- No more putting off.
267
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,362
Sex now.
268
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:02,198
Wait, wait, wait.
Black man in glasses?
269
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:04,505
Yes, yes.
It's a Sterling Brown episode.
270
00:12:04,582 --> 00:12:07,559
I like Black man in glasses.
271
00:12:11,306 --> 00:12:13,376
Okay, now we don't have
a room key for this hotel,
272
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,544
so follow my lead.
273
00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:16,546
They didn't even ask
at the last place.
274
00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:18,381
Yeah, but we had one
and we carried ourselves
275
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:21,481
- with key card confidence.
- So, what's the plan?
276
00:12:21,557 --> 00:12:23,524
- Let's try hello.
- Got it.
277
00:12:23,601 --> 00:12:24,962
Good morning,
how may I help you?
278
00:12:24,986 --> 00:12:26,578
Hello...
279
00:12:26,654 --> 00:12:28,891
Good morning,
I'm staying here with my son,
280
00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:31,365
the Guinness record holder
for longest hello.
281
00:12:31,442 --> 00:12:33,545
We were just wondering,
where's your breakfast buffet?
282
00:12:33,569 --> 00:12:36,399
- Just through those doors.
- Thank you.
283
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,998
...o...
284
00:12:39,075 --> 00:12:42,043
- What is it?
- Nothing, it's just...
285
00:12:42,119 --> 00:12:45,742
(chuckles)
...this job is so cool.
286
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:47,766
♪
287
00:13:17,780 --> 00:13:19,714
♪
288
00:13:38,676 --> 00:13:41,435
My God, Chris, look.
289
00:13:41,512 --> 00:13:44,605
The crown jewel
of hotel breakfasts.
290
00:13:44,682 --> 00:13:47,275
The Suites. At The Point.
291
00:13:47,351 --> 00:13:48,351
At The Quahog.
292
00:13:48,403 --> 00:13:49,443
At The Harbor.
293
00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:50,820
At The Promenade.
294
00:13:50,855 --> 00:13:52,163
At the goofy squirrel.
295
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:53,614
I'm not a part of the sign.
296
00:13:53,691 --> 00:13:57,243
But I am a little nutty.
(laughs)
297
00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:59,982
- That's our next target.
- I don't like it.
298
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:02,748
I hear that breakfast buffet
is like Fort Knox.
299
00:14:02,825 --> 00:14:04,417
I'll figure out a way in.
300
00:14:04,493 --> 00:14:07,420
After all, I snuck into
Bryan Singer's birthday party.
301
00:14:07,496 --> 00:14:08,491
(dance music playing)
302
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:09,992
Excuse me, how old are you?
303
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:11,994
Not of legal age
anywhere in the world.
304
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,801
Have fun, tell whoever you want.
305
00:14:13,878 --> 00:14:16,229
Weirdly, no one
cares about this.
306
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:21,526
(knocking on door)
307
00:14:23,104 --> 00:14:24,478
Hey. Is Stewie around?
308
00:14:24,555 --> 00:14:27,532
- No, he's still at work.
- Cool. Cool.
309
00:14:27,609 --> 00:14:29,536
Uh, can you just let him
know I stopped by?
310
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:31,611
You can stay and wait for him.
311
00:14:31,687 --> 00:14:33,924
Yeah, no, I'm just...
I'm just late for my thing.
312
00:14:33,948 --> 00:14:35,948
I hear you are famous writer.
313
00:14:36,025 --> 00:14:37,876
I want to talk your book.
314
00:14:37,952 --> 00:14:41,329
I have Dasani water bottle
full of Rite Aid vodka.
315
00:14:41,405 --> 00:14:42,755
I could chat for a second.
316
00:14:47,203 --> 00:14:49,596
Every damn Wednesday.
317
00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:54,006
Sorry I'm so late, babe.
Levi no-showed again...
318
00:14:54,043 --> 00:14:55,043
(glass shatters)
319
00:14:55,086 --> 00:14:56,844
Uh, hey, Stewie.
320
00:14:56,921 --> 00:14:58,374
Brian? What the hell?
321
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,514
That's my wife, man.
Get off her.
322
00:15:00,591 --> 00:15:03,234
- Stewie, wait, I-I can explain.
- What's there to explain, Brian?
323
00:15:03,311 --> 00:15:05,548
- You...
- (phone ringing, vibrating)
324
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:09,023
Hello?
Levi, where you been, man?
325
00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:10,553
Look, I already gave you
a verbal warning,
326
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,722
so I'm gonna have
to write you up.
327
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:15,246
Levi, don't call me that.
Don't-don't use that word.
328
00:15:15,323 --> 00:15:16,989
Stop-stop using that word.
329
00:15:17,066 --> 00:15:18,394
I already warned you
about calling me that
330
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,229
at the last staff meeting.
331
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,231
Okay, now that's strike two,
Levi.
332
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,205
I can, too, give strikes.
333
00:15:24,281 --> 00:15:27,403
Mitch said I can give strikes.
Don't call Mitch that.
334
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,179
Listen, I can't talk
about this right now.
335
00:15:29,203 --> 00:15:31,240
My dog is banging my wife.
336
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,075
I'm not gonna write him up.
He's the only one strong enough
337
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:34,432
to change the water jugs.
338
00:15:40,297 --> 00:15:41,555
Look, Stewie, I'm sorry.
339
00:15:41,632 --> 00:15:43,419
I honestly didn't think
you'd care.
340
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,445
It's not like
you're having sex with her.
341
00:15:45,469 --> 00:15:48,424
I know, right? Once they say
"I do," they don't.
342
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,259
Stewie, don't be mad.
343
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,399
Don't be mad?
344
00:15:51,475 --> 00:15:53,067
I'm driving all over New England
345
00:15:53,144 --> 00:15:54,955
picking up rigs
and scrubbing upholstery
346
00:15:54,979 --> 00:15:56,933
so I can take you
to nice places,
347
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:59,435
and you're in bed with my friend
pitching woo?
348
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:02,460
I'll show you what happens
to guys who touch my wife
349
00:16:02,537 --> 00:16:05,274
with this Mike Moustakas
signature bat.
350
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:07,092
Geez, they're getting
rather loosey-goosey
351
00:16:07,116 --> 00:16:08,611
with signature bats.
352
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,876
(yelling)
353
00:16:10,953 --> 00:16:12,586
Stewie play ball?
354
00:16:12,663 --> 00:16:14,617
- Stewie, wait.
- (laughs): Aw.
355
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:18,050
A boy and his dog.
356
00:16:18,127 --> 00:16:20,105
You play doctor
with my wife, Bri?
357
00:16:20,129 --> 00:16:22,138
You show her yours?
358
00:16:22,173 --> 00:16:23,556
She show you hers?
359
00:16:23,632 --> 00:16:25,224
Those are private parts.
360
00:16:25,301 --> 00:16:27,893
We don't touch private parts.
361
00:16:27,970 --> 00:16:30,488
Did you kiss butts?
Did you, Bri?
362
00:16:30,565 --> 00:16:33,992
I kiss butts with a lot of
people, but, Stewie, I'm sorry.
363
00:16:34,068 --> 00:16:36,046
I guess I just got
carried away in the moment.
364
00:16:36,070 --> 00:16:40,281
Well, I'm getting
a little carried away right now.
365
00:16:40,357 --> 00:16:42,616
Bad one to miss on right there.
366
00:16:42,651 --> 00:16:45,837
Do I even need to ask,
have you had your cooties shot?
367
00:16:45,913 --> 00:16:48,006
- Stewie, come on.
- Just answer me, man.
368
00:16:49,533 --> 00:16:53,155
Circle, circle, dot, dot,
now I've got the cooties shot.
369
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:55,421
You can't get it here.
370
00:16:55,498 --> 00:16:58,725
(crying):
It has to be at school.
371
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:05,306
Well, Dad, we did it.
372
00:17:05,382 --> 00:17:07,183
We sure did, Chris.
373
00:17:07,218 --> 00:17:09,569
What did we do again?
374
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:18,640
- He passed him a note.
- What's it say?
375
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:33,529
Okay, it's okay.
Just let them keep talking.
376
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,272
He'll mess up...
Why is he getting up?
377
00:17:35,296 --> 00:17:37,055
Why is he getting up?
378
00:17:38,082 --> 00:17:39,082
He's on the move.
379
00:17:40,584 --> 00:17:42,393
♪
380
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:46,208
- What do you got?
- I got nothing.
381
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:48,140
Are you kidding me?
382
00:17:48,217 --> 00:17:50,212
(wheels squeaking)
383
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:53,312
CHRIS:
They never did catch my dad,
384
00:17:53,389 --> 00:17:56,524
but I wasn't so lucky.
385
00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:59,243
GUARD: That's breakfast, ladies.
386
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:03,893
I was sentenced to 12 to 15
years for hotel breakfast crim.
387
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:07,460
But I wouldn't snitch
on the old man.
388
00:18:08,445 --> 00:18:10,445
PETER:
Hey, give me that oatmeal.
389
00:18:11,448 --> 00:18:13,402
♪
390
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,387
In the end,
Dad figured out a way
391
00:18:15,411 --> 00:18:17,481
we could keep
eating breakfast together.
392
00:18:17,505 --> 00:18:20,005
We just had to kill
a guard or two.
393
00:18:20,082 --> 00:18:22,227
Actually, we had
to kill a bunch of guards.
394
00:18:22,251 --> 00:18:23,579
It was bad.
395
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,564
It became a so-so
Netflix documentary
396
00:18:25,588 --> 00:18:27,658
that Mort and Rachel
were able to watch
397
00:18:27,682 --> 00:18:30,525
with his dead wife's
uncle's password.
398
00:18:35,857 --> 00:18:38,190
Why always we come only here?
399
00:18:38,267 --> 00:18:40,930
(chuckles) Babe,
when-when you find gold,
400
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:43,529
you don't then, like,
go looking for silver.
401
00:18:43,606 --> 00:18:45,289
Stewie, why are we here?
402
00:18:45,366 --> 00:18:47,127
Look, Brian,
you're my best friend.
403
00:18:47,151 --> 00:18:49,410
Zlata, you're my wife.
404
00:18:49,486 --> 00:18:51,440
Mistakes have been made,
but we need to move forward.
405
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:54,373
- We all agree on that?
- So, you forgive me?
406
00:18:54,450 --> 00:18:56,428
Well, I've been thinking
about this situation,
407
00:18:56,452 --> 00:18:58,377
and I have a proposal for you.
408
00:18:58,454 --> 00:19:01,117
I want you to sleep
with my wife again.
409
00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:02,141
What?
410
00:19:03,034 --> 00:19:05,551
I want you to have
no-ties sex with my wife.
411
00:19:05,628 --> 00:19:07,887
But that's it.
If you think for one second
412
00:19:07,963 --> 00:19:10,292
that you're gonna take her
to a museum, think again.
413
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:13,151
- You blew that chance.
- Um...
414
00:19:13,227 --> 00:19:15,936
I'm talking like, right when
you're done boning, you're gone.
415
00:19:16,013 --> 00:19:17,708
Stew Man comes in
for the cuddles.
416
00:19:17,732 --> 00:19:19,940
Stew Man cleans up wet spots.
417
00:19:20,017 --> 00:19:22,443
You don't get to do that.
Not after what you did.
418
00:19:22,519 --> 00:19:24,829
Uh, I'm-I'm a little confused.
419
00:19:24,906 --> 00:19:27,498
Look, together we're kind of
the perfect husband.
420
00:19:27,575 --> 00:19:30,534
While you're banging her,
I'm walking with a shoebox
421
00:19:30,611 --> 00:19:32,620
full of our receipts
to H&R Block.
422
00:19:32,696 --> 00:19:35,956
So, y-you just want
the crappy parts of marriage?
423
00:19:36,033 --> 00:19:37,987
My friend, we have
a very different idea
424
00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:39,293
of what that is.
425
00:19:39,370 --> 00:19:41,512
And I'm serious,
if I catch you pulling
426
00:19:41,589 --> 00:19:44,965
one hair tie from her jeans
pocket before you do laundry,
427
00:19:45,042 --> 00:19:46,684
I'll break your arm, man.
428
00:19:46,761 --> 00:19:49,165
Okay, Stewie, I-I guess I'm in.
429
00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:51,000
- Just one thing.
- What's that?
430
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:52,576
I'm gonna need
some more breadsticks.
431
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:55,476
(all laughing)
432
00:19:55,552 --> 00:19:57,339
ANNOUNCER: Macaroni Grill.
433
00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:59,644
Come arrange your cuckolding
agreement here.
434
00:20:06,063 --> 00:20:07,257
Hey, Stewie, where's Zlata?
435
00:20:07,281 --> 00:20:08,447
It's over. She left.
436
00:20:08,524 --> 00:20:10,241
I'm boxing up her underwear.
437
00:20:10,317 --> 00:20:11,876
She would just take them off
438
00:20:11,953 --> 00:20:13,522
and kick them into the corner
of the room.
439
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:16,547
- Hey, Stewie.
- Hey, Doug.
440
00:20:16,624 --> 00:20:18,527
Oh, I heard about Splitsville.
441
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,885
Uh, that's why I prefer
the bachelor life:
442
00:20:20,962 --> 00:20:22,698
just me, my big wheel,
443
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,964
and the doll
I draw private parts on.
444
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,368
I hear you.
445
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:28,537
I like to put rocks
in cups, Stewie.
446
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:31,874
You can't really do that with
some gnat buzzing in your ear.
447
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:33,397
Do you shake the cup?
448
00:20:33,474 --> 00:20:36,734
Not sure what else you do
with rocks in a cup.
449
00:20:38,721 --> 00:20:41,239
God, he's so (bleep) cool.
I hate it.
450
00:20:41,315 --> 00:20:44,386
Well, there's only one thing
left for me to do.
451
00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:47,152
- You can take this job and...
- ALL: Surprise!
452
00:20:47,229 --> 00:20:50,489
Me? Yes, yes. Thank you.
453
00:20:50,566 --> 00:20:53,896
(crying): You don't know
how much I needed this today.
454
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,419
You're all right, Griffin.
455
00:20:55,496 --> 00:20:57,705
- Levi...
- For a (bleep).
456
00:20:57,781 --> 00:20:59,632
Stop using that word.
457
00:20:59,656 --> 00:21:01,656
>>>>oakislandtk<<<<<
www.opensubtitles.org
34198
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
