Original subtitles

I'd just back off

a tidge if I were you.

(deep voice): Rachel.

- Billy?

- I want to go home.

- I'm getting married.

(Nicole): It's the public stuff.

- It's good to see you,

Sheriff Haught.

- These days, it's just Nicole.

- Nicole, it's good

to see you again.

(Nicole): Mam helped her

get Waverly out of the garden

in exchange for you.

- Vampire!

(Doc): The only thing

Wynonna detests more than demons

is her exes.

- Murder her.

- Yah!

- Untie me!

(demon growling)

- You could just call him,

you know.

(Western music)

- Really trying for high noon,

Haught?

- Isn't that what you say

after a night of drinking?

"Hi, noon."

- Oh...

- Only I make fun

of my drinking.

(grunting, thudding)

(uptempo music)

(Wynonna exhales)

Gonna use your

fiancée's nunchuks?

- My fists are my nunchuks.

- Oh yeah?

(music resumes)

(Nicole screams)

Oh, you dirty bitch!

- Eighteen months to practice,

all you got is older.

(music resumes)

(Nicole laughs)

- Oh, no!

(Wynonna grunting)

- Hey! Only I sweep her

off her feet.

- Ugh... Really with

the schmoop right now?

(Nicole grunts)

- I don't know who to cheer for.

- Cheer for fitness.

- Wrong!

Cheer for me,

'cause I got

Hunt for Red Haughtober

off the homestead

and into her place of work.

- The only work I'm doing

is punching in at the...

punching your face factory.

- Hmm. You sure?

Cop shop's just

right over there!

Across the hall.

- Yeah! Why not just...

boop on over there

real quick. No?

(Nicole): Hmm?

- You know, just for fun!

- Et tu, Earps?

You lured me here

under false pretenses.

(sighing): Nicole.

Purgatory needs a sheriff,

and it's gotta be you.

Everyone in town is saying so,

right?

- Well, that's really,

really gratifying

'cause they didn't vote for me

so they don't get me.

- Didn't you once say,

"Everything good I have

in my life is because

I came back to

the Ghost River Triangle"?

- Didn't you once say,

"Eat a dick"

to a bunch of vampires?

I should have said,

"suck a dick."

- Look, if this is guilt over

what happened with Doc--

- Whoa, wow, would you look

at the time.

It's whatever o'clock,

and I have a wedding to plan.

See you at trivia tonight.

(Wynonna): Wow.

That parent trap

would have made Lohan puke.

We barely even got a nibble.

- And there's still a lineup

of people

in the sheriff's office.

(sighing)

- I was also not voted for.

- Come on.

It's not like BBD's given you

an assignment this week.

The town's nice and quiet.

(sighing)

(panting)

(soft thud)

- Oh!

Holy shit!

The Earp heir is gonna

hate this.

She's gonna kill us.

She's gonna kill me!

(muttering)

Oh, noo!

(howling)

(theme music)

♪ Cause I gave you

all I got to give ♪

♪ I know that ain't

no way to live ♪

♪ I told that devil

to take you back ♪

♪ I told that devil

to take you back ♪

(soft country music)

- Hands off!

Only active-duty police drink

for free at my Shorty's.

- Well, I'm sheriff emeritus.

- Sheriff avoidus, more like it.

Help me set up

for trivia night.

- Okay, fine, but no more

sheriff talk.

Everybody keeps asking me.

- Well, you were the best...

since yours truly.

I filled out the slacks

a little better.

- Know what I would like

to talk about?

Hints for tonight's trivia.

- What local deputy had

the highest clearance rate

in the Ghost River Triangle

of the past ten years?

- It's just not for me anymore.

- You know, that sounds like

a fancy way of saying

you're butthurt.

(scoffing)

- Why would I be butthurt?

Wait, what have you heard?

- Nothing.

Why, did you do something?

- I'm too busy, okay?

I've got Rachel.

She's a full-time job.

- And yet you're in the dark

about what she did

at her part-time job.

- Oh no. Where'd she puke?

- It's her invisible monster

boyfriend downstairs.

- Damn it.

She let him out.

- Ugh! Don't tell me,

community watch clocked someone

mowing their lawn in the buff.

What's up?

This life or death, Gil?

- Every pharmacy is out

of moisturizer.

- Trag'.

Also, come on, man.

- Where's Sheriff Clayborn?

- Uh...

- Wintering on a kibbutz.

Let's see,

any of these complaints not read

like a Yelp review?

"My neighbour put Guy Fieri ass

flames on his car?"

Who cares?!

Oh, this one's legit.

If I ask for shredded lettuce,

you better believe

I don't want full leaf.

- Look. These people are under

a lot of stress.

Supply runs have halted.

Cupboards are bare.

Not to mention everything else

that happens around here.

- Exactly.

So much happens here,

so relax!

Go outside.

It's above zero out there!

'Cause right now,

things are fine.

We offed Pumpkin-head.

Amon's disappeared

into the ether, we're good.

- Ah yeah!

You brought the lattes!

(grunting)

Oh...

Sorry.

No, this, this isn't mine.

- Not your... cherry pie that

you spilled all over your apron?

- Not my cherry pie.

But a cherry pie,

which we need to investigate

because whoever's making these

cherry pies is still out there

and they might, uh...

bake again.

- Nice.

- You are terrible at codes.

- Damn.

- Go jerk off about it, Gil.

So where is this...

...murdered pie?

- Didn't there used to be

a morgue?

- Oh yeah!

- Yeah, the rats took it over.

- Ah, good for them.

Who's the stiff?

- Ricky Brock.

What a tragedy.

- Left a wife and little kids?

- No. A real loner,

and, by all accounts,

a real jerk, but...

he won Shorty's Trivia

last week.

- Oh, my god!

Is that tragic?

- No, I mean, uh...

he was part of the community.

Well, our community, not yours,

obviously, 'cause you lost.

- I know I was eliminated,

but how was I supposed to know

Tobey Maguire isn't

Spider-Man anymore?

- We all know.

- Well, on the bright side,

at least it means that

Ricky won't be at tonight's

Trivia finals!

- True!

- I am so sorry.

That is not a bright side.

- No.

- Y'all brainiacs really got

your priorities out of whack.

Before I got knocked out,

I was obsessed

with trivia night too.

- That aside, look at this.

- Whoa!

(chuckling)

Okay, my turn to react

inappropriately,

but we're all seeing

the vampire bite marks, right?

(Waverly): Yeah.

- If Mr. "I Don't Shoot

People in the Back"

still bites people in the neck,

I guess I'm not so bad anymore.

And even if I am, so is he.

- You don't need an excuse

to go talk to Doc.

- I don't want to talk to him.

(sniffling): I need to talk

to him

about the... poor...

- Doc couldn't have done this,

right?

(ominous music)

- No.

No, no, no, no, no!

- It's a yes from me, dawg.

- So we decoupled the caboose,

but then my boys and I,

we realized that the greenbacks,

they're in another car...

- I have great stories too.

Mostly about killing demons.

With this gun.

(Doc): It's okay,

you are safe.

You wanna tell everyone

you're not here to kill them?

- Not everyone.

Doc, I uh,

need a private interrogation

with your moustache.

(blowing raspberry)

Hey.

It's okay. I get it.

You're a vamp.

You got the hungs,

that guy was num-nums.

Welcome back

to the moral low ground.

There's a great mattress

down here

we could absolutely demolish.

- What you're implying...

is faulty.

I have devised a morally sound

way to satisfy my needs.

- Morally sound?

Um. You're chilling

at a demon bar.

- They may be demons,

but even they would never...

- Oh, shoot someone in the back?

Well, how about the front?

(growling)

(Dallas): You alright, Doc?

- He's fine.

Hey. Weirdest thing...

Some demon with fangs

killed a human.

Any of you have any idea

who did it?

- No one here has information

for you.

But I will keep my ear

to the ground.

- From now, on I suggest

you do not just pop into

The Glory Hole.

- Well, isn't that the point

of a glory hole?

Since when do you have minions?

- Goddamn law enforcement.

- The gun does tend

to go to their head.

- Hey Lil' Mama.

What's... shakin'?

- Right, okay.

(inhaling deeply)

Any idea why I might've

called you here?

- You so want me to be gay,

don't you?

- Well, we would support you

and buy you the right albums,

but...

nice deflection. Billy.

What happened?

- You were there.

Typical teen stuff.

- We should have told you

he was in the basement.

- The Clantons turned him

into that thing.

And you said we'd fix him.

- And from now on,

we're gonna talk more openly

about our problems.

- Like Chicken-kicker?

- Rachel. You promised!

- I'm sorry!

- Rachel. You swore!

- Nicole, I'm sorry!

- You do not speak about that,

ever. Ever, Rachel!

- I'm just...

I'm just worked up.

Okay, my never-BF turned into

an invisible monster.

For what it's worth, he seemed

really weak when I let him out.

Not a threat at all.

But I'm still sorry.

- Hey.

What are we listening to?

- A podcast about Gaga.

- What?

You sure you're not even bi?

(chuckling)

- You know,

he'd forgive you too. Doc.

If you just told him why.

- Hey.

(Jeremy exhaling): Do not start.

I know my heels

aren't touching the ground.

- I was gonna mention

the two stiffs.

- Oh. Yeah.

It was on me to drag

in the second body.

I hurt my back.

- Oh...

- Number two here is

trivia nights' latest winner.

- Niles!

The butcher? Ugh!

He knew all the capital cities.

- He even got Dodoma!

(scoffing)

- We should focus

on other things.

- Yeah.

- Like, how did this happen?

Did Doc?

- That's what I thought

at first, but...

look at this.

- Bite marks.

- Well, actually...

- Those are too far apart

to be teeth.

- That means our beautiful

cowboy is in the clear, but...

Hey, what is going on

with him and Wynonna anyway?

- Doc thinks that...

(sighing)

since Wynonna shot Holt,

she's off the chain.

- Is she?

- Huh.

Does this seem light to you?

- Yeah. Kinda.

Whoa! Waverly!

There's nothing obstructing it.

- It's empty!

(Jeremy): Whoa.

- No brains.

- Try number one!

(gasps)

- Weirdly satisfying.

- Yeah!

- So what, it's a brain-stealing

demon?

Why would they want

human brains?

- I don't know, as a souvenir,

or a trophy?

Or something worse.

- Mmm,

I can feel

the facts and numbers.

Mmm...

- That the last brain, then?

- Not by a shot long.

- Long shot.

- Is that the thing?

Not by a long shot.

We're gonna need more brains.

A lot more brains.

(coughing)

It's okay, I'm okay.

Don't worry. Don't worry.

(sighing)

- Yeah, I wasn't.

tell me about

my least favourite murderer.

(Jeremy): Okay, well,

the unsub is a male,

mid-thirties, early forties.

(Waverly): Strong, because

the victims don't have

many defence wounds.

He seems to have incapacitated

them easily.

- We're sure it's not

a sexy vampire?

- Can confirm.

- Right.

- The thing is,

the murders aren't the goal.

The brains are actually

what the demon's after.

- But...

the weapon that caused

these puncture marks

might be painted.

Yeah, there's a turquoise

smudging left behind,

which isn't very demonic.

- Yeah, but the demon

got the brains out

without a trace

of a wound, so...

- Baby girl. It's a demon.

What kind of human wants brains?

- Yeah. Thank you, Wynonna.

(scoffing): Maybe a human

with a fetish.

Or a compulsive obsession

with intelligence.

Like a lot of killers,

he's probably frustrated

at the way he's seen.

In this case, with being seen

as smart.

- Yeah, like you. Right now.

- Save it for trivia,

downward don't.

- You save it for trivia,

online degree.

(Waverly and Wynonna gasp)

- I am going to crush you!

- Okay. Alright, so, see,

see, what I think,

as a smart also,

my hunch about this guy is, uh,

he's a mur... derer. Okay?

So, so he's like a murder,

he's a murder fan.

Who likes to--

(quacking)

- I left my rubber ducky

keychain

at the sheriff's office.

(quacking)

With a sign that says,

"If you have an emergency,

quack it."

- Lemme guess. Your neighbour

wore white after labour day.

- No. This is serious.

- Oh.

Then what is it?

- So, there's this couple,

a guy and a girl.

They were fighting.

- Did he hit her?

- No, but, I'm sure he has.

He just kept yelling at her

that he owned her.

Like, "I own you, I own you!"

And then, he threw her

into his car.

- God, that sounds awful.

- Well, yeah, it was.

- Abusive relationship

trumps brain man. Let's go.

- Where was it?

- Oh well, they drove off.

- Did you get a plate?

- No,

but he had, he had flames

painted on the front of his car.

Like really lame.

- Nosy neighbours finally

pay off.

I've got the address here.

(Waverly): Okay.

- Alright, let's go.

- Hey...

(door opens)

That's not all.

- What is it?

- I tried to break the fight up.

Told the guy to cool off.

- Did he attack you?

- Oh, worse.

While he was dragging

the girl to the car,

he turned to me and he said,

"I wish you would eat shit."

- Yeah, yeah that's

weird phrasing.

- Yeah.

And then I went and ate shit.

I don't even like shit.

- Well, we know

he has a small dick.

- I probably dated him.

Open up, it's the--

- Earp Sisters!

(chuckling in the house)

- Uh, hi?

- Something funny?

- Yeah, I was...

thinking about something funny

I saw on the internet.

There's a guy, said something

funny and then...

his friend said something

funny back to him.

- Yeah, I think I saw that one.

- Doug? Doug Warner?

- Used to be my name.

- Used to?

- Mmm...

(clearing throat)

- We're coming in.

(stammering): Your wish

is my command.

Any hail today?

- Uh, no.

- Hail is not ice pellets.

A lot of people confuse them

but it's actually different

precipitations.

Just the kind of stuff

you pick up.

(snapping his fingers)

Weather facts.

- Neat.

- Yeah, I got a lot of 'em.

Don't get me started on sleet.

You know, sleet actually

goes east west.

You know how rain is up down?

Sleet is actually all dependent

on the jet stream.

It's a big stream of wind

that flies through the...

it's just a scam perpetrated

by the post office, actually.

(softly): Hey.

Are you doing okay?

- Just battling the trolls.

(chuckling)

- Listen.

We're here to help.

We can get you out.

- Yeah, no you can't,

but... no big.

- What're you eating there?

What kind of sandwich is that?

- Brain.

Cow.

Girl meat sandwich.

All cows are girls.

Boy cows are bulls.

- I too graduated kindergarten.

(banging on table)

- You think I'm dumb?

- I think you have

brain on your chin.

- I do? Did I get it?

I used to be dumb,

but I'm actually getting

a lot smarter.

- Would you say you have a...

compulsive obsession

with intelligence?

- Ginny get in here!

- Leave her the fuck alone,

Doug.

- It's not Doug.

My name is Kuru!

(snorting): Honestly this guy.

(Kuru): Ginny! Get here!

(Wynonna): Waverly!

He's our demon killer!

- You, you don't have

to do this, Ginny.

- 'Scuse me.

- Peacemaker's not glowing!

So he's kinda just a dude!

Human.

- I am the demon Kuru.

- He's a human.

(Kuru): Ginny.

- No. She's not yours, buddy.

- Just lemme go to him.

- Sweetheart, it's okay.

- What?

(Waverly whispering)

(screaming)

- You did not just

throw brain at me!

Argh!

- I wish her to die.

I wish her to die.

I wish her to die.

- Then come to me.

Take my hand.

Ow! Watch the nails, girl. Ow!

- Why... Oh, come on!

(Waverly): Shit!

- No way he jumped that fence.

- Hey.

Listen. We're gonna get you

somewhere safe, okay?

Well, I'm gonna go wash

this brain off my shirt, but...

Wynonna will.

(Ginny): Cool...

Can't wait to be exactly

back here in a couple hours.

(clicking)

(Wynonna): Listen,

we wanna help you.

I've seen this before,

you're the victim.

(sighing)

Can you just put

the phone down a sec?

- Nah, I'm good.

- Okay. I get it.

I get it. I look like a cop.

Well, I'm not.

I've spent several New Year's

Eveses in drunk tanks.

You're safe with me.

(whooshing)

(Ginny): Oh shit.

That's the gun that kills us!

You're her?

- Damn right. Hands up.

- Girl, it's chill.

Okay, I'm chill.

- It's you.

You did it, didn't you?

- Yes, but it's not me,

it's his wishes!

- Wishes?

- I'm a genie.

Kuru's wish is my command.

And his wishes

are fucking nuts.

- Okay. A genie?

Did Doug find

a lamp or something?

- One flamboyant genie

lives in a lamp,

now suddenly we all live

in lamps. Ugh.

- Well, what about a trophy?

We dusted a Marzaniok once.

- That's cute.

No, I just needed a new master.

- Master? Honey, no.

- Doug bumped into me

at the bar, and that was it.

That's how it works.

And now he calls the shots.

- Not so fast.

Show her what you got.

- Oh, yeah.

Your nails.

Same colour as the wounds

found on the murder victims.

- Your nails poison them.

- Yeah.

But only cause

he wished them to.

- Why does he want you

to kill them?

- He wants to be the smartest

guy in town

so he makes me kill

all the smartest people in town.

I mean, usually keepers--

- Keepers?

You need to stop.

- Okay, well, usually

they're all like,

"I want guns for hands," or like

a laser dick, but not Doug.

- Why doesn't he just wish to be

the smartest guy in town?

- Because he's not smart.

(Jeremy): Okay, look.

He's already killed twice.

Three wishes.

That's all you get.

- Dude wished

for infinite wishes.

- Isn't that against

genie rules?

- No.

And don't be superstitious.

Look. He has infinite wishes,

so no matter what

we talk about here,

I'm still bound to keep

makin' them all come true.

- Except... you won't.

Because...

when you say he bumped into you

at the bar and became your--

- Lord?

- Yeah. None of the words

you're using

are working for me, okay?

You meant literally

bumped into you.

'Cause when you were

at the house,

you kept reaching

for each other.

He needs to be touching you

for his wish to come true.

- Pretty much.

Okay, totally much.

- Nice.

- Thanks.

And I'm not leaving your side.

- Okay, well, I hope it works,

but he is my...

- Don't say it!

- He's mine, I'm his. Forever.

- Did he wish to be immortal?

- No. I can't do that.

Or bring back people

from the dead.

- Can you at least pretend

you watched Aladdin?

(lip smacking, scoffing)

- I'm stuck with brain-eater

till he croaks.

- Uh. Which reminds me,

Wynonna, I need

to show you something.

- Okay. Solid convo, but can

I get my phone back now?

I need to see if my tweet's

doing numbers.

- Are you gonna make me watch

Aladdin?

- I-I was researching obscure

diseases for trivia night

when I came across "Kuru,"

the name that Doug

wants to be called.

It's a condition

that some cannibals get

when they eat human brains.

- Like Mad Cow Disease?

- Yes, exactly.

I think that Doug

ate human brain,

got sick, googled it,

and started calling himself

by the name of that sickness.

- Okay. Well, he's not exactly

the best of us.

Which is why I'm not leaving

here till he's caught.

- Yes! Great idea.

You stay here.

I go to trivia night.

- No, Jeremy!

We need to find a killer.

There will be other

trivia nights.

- No, no, no! Tonight is

the finals! It's critical.

- Jeremy.

It's your beautiful brain.

- What?

- Trivia night!

Ginny said he wants to find

the smartest people

so he can

eat their brains!

Your brain!

- That's nuts.

- It is,

because random trivia's

obviously not

an accurate way to judge

intelligence

otherwise I'd still be in it.

- Well...

- 100% coo-coo for Kuru Puffs!

- Okay, okay. So that is why

we're all so obsessed.

- Yes. And why I'm not.

Anymore.

- It has nothing to do

with you losing?

- No. It's the wish.

- Okay. Yeah, no.

That-that makes sense

in a that-makes-no-sense

kinda way.

Great, okay, if you are

good to guard the genie,

then me, Waverly, Nicole and Doc

can go to trivia night

and take Kuru-Doug down.

- Cool.

It shouldn't be hard.

Without his genie he'll just be

a normal numpty. Okay.

I'm gonna call Waverly

and tell her the plan.

You call Doc.

- Okay.

- Okay, so it's a wish.

And the guy will be at trivia

and then we'll do a takedown?

- The way you say "takedown"...

I can feel your sheriff

senses tingling.

You loved your job.

- Well, now I love trivia.

And you.

In that order.

God, what an awful wish!

- Don't change the subject.

- Hey, maybe you should try

club soda on your...

(breathing heavily)

- Hey.

(sighing)

- I'd lost everything.

The woman I love, my friends.

Then I lost the election.

To Holt.

It was the last straw,

so I did something.

- Is this a froggy thing again?

- Now everybody

in Purgatory hates me.

- So?

Everyone hates Wynonna,

and she still Wynonnas.

I'm sure it's fine.

- It's not.

- Look.

Brain stain aside,

we're so close to being happy.

I never want you to blunt

your ambition.

It's one of the things

that makes you... you.

I got you back.

That's my happy.

- He's gonna come get me.

- Maybe you should just relax.

- Genies don't relax.

Okay? I'd have to have my own

needs and desires for that,

rather than just

fulfill wishes.

- You killed people.

- Doug killed people.

I did my job.

- Right.

Genies don't kill people.

People with genies kill people.

- Facts.

- Well, maybe don't pick

an asshole next time.

You saying I have

bad taste in men?

- I get the bad boy thing.

(chuckling)

- Doug?

Ew. No, he's just my--

- Bah!

Uh... he's my

"wish-getting guy."

- Thank you.

- It's not romantic.

Even when they are cute,

they're all Kuru in the end.

- I'd retweet that.

(Rachel): What's the capital

of Tanzania?

(Jeremy): Ah! Dodoma!

- I could help with those

butterflies

if you just told me.

- Never.

Oh, my God, why am I here,

why am I here?

Why am I...

- You're here because

we want to decide

who has Purgatory's

tastiest brain.

- Right, yeah.

- And so does the killer.

And when he comes,

we'll take him down.

- Wow. Chicken-kicker

shows her face.

- What did you just call her?

(clucking)

(all clucking)

- Alright, settle down.

- Come on.

- Start your brain engines,

folks.

Take your seats.

- Nope. I am taking no seats.

- Nicole! Wait!

I mean... I can't go with you,

but I love you!

(Jeremy exhales)

(whooshing)

- Ow!

Argh! Great. Kuru's wish

means I literally

can't leave trivia night.

You've got to be kidding me.

At least there's no Reaper

anymore.

(Nedley): Alright folks!

Now, seeing as how

this is sudden death,

you buzz in with

one wrong answer

and that's all she wrote

for you, you're done.

You dig?

Finalists?

- You made it to the end?

- Oh, I don't sleep, Earp.

- Okay, remember guys,

we're here

to catch a killer.

- After I best you

at Pop Culture 101.

- As if, Oldie Hawn.

Also, I love you.

(Nedley): Question number one.

This famous songstress

is the youngest of 14 siblings.

(dinging)

(all three): Celine!

(Jeremy groaning)

- Looks like a fun night

ahead of us.

That one's a draw.

Question number two.

(ding)

- Turkmenistan!

(ding)

- Für Elise!

(ding)

- Kristy Yamaguchi!

- Correct. Next question.

- Ah! The archangel Gabriel.

- Gah! That should've been mine!

I'm the... one who read

Paradise Lost.

- Next question.

- Dunkeroos!

- Quaaludes!

- Armie Hammer.

- Correct.

- Ooh! The planet Ork!

- The Republic of Djibouti!

- Justin, Joey, Chris,

JC and Lance.

(chuckling): Correct.

- Boron!

- No!

I'm the science guy!

- Jack Ruby.

Oswald, he was a patsy.

- You are correct.

(dinging)

Correct.

(dinging)

Correct.

(ding)

Correct.

Correct.

Correct.

- Yes!

(Jeremy sighs)

- Okay, here's one

for the cowboys.

Now known as

the "dead man's hand,"

what combination of cards

was Wild Bill Hickock holding

when he was shot in the back?

- Ugh!

(ding)

Mr. Holliday.

- William had himself

a deuce and a seven,

which is a death

unto itself.

- Dead man's hand is a pair

of aces and eights.

- Uh, yeah, that is not

what he had.

I was there.

(Jeremy scoffs)

- Did he just say he was there?

- Yeah, wow, you really need

another mint, Bradley.

- Sorry Doc, but you're out.

- This is an outrage,

I must remain in this battle

and prove that

it is I that has

the ideal brain.

Wait. Why is it still just us?

Where is the man

that calls himself Kuru?

- Boo! Down in front!

Boo!

- Move it along.

- You're still my favourite,

boo.

- Okay, wait. So, now,

he's the vampire demon leader?

- I know, it's messed up.

(chuckling)

- Well, I can tell you,

love messed up.

At least I know my keeper.

- Hey. Stop saying that word!

- Why?

- Because it's got

horrible connotations.

- That's the reality

for some of us.

Both of us.

- I still have the gun

that can kill you.

- Or does it have you, honey?

(chuckling)

(ringtone, Ginny gasps)

Okay, please. Can I just quickly

just peek at my notifications?

Please?

Please.

- Just don't text Doug.

Ghost him till he dies.

- I'm worse than a ghost.

- Ugh.

(Ginny sighs)

Ugh... he wished he could

walk through walls.

- I wish Wynonna would open

the cell.

(whooshing, Wynonna moans)

(clanging)

- Why aren't you

at trivia night?

- Back at the house,

I realized...

street brains.

- You mean street smarts?

(snorting)

- Street brains

are brains that I want too.

That's what you have. So, you.

- Ugh.

- I wish for her to say

bye-bye to her brain.

(whooshing)

- Bye-bye, brain.

which means he's heading

for his genie,

putting Wynonna in danger.

- Yes, okay, yeah, you're right.

You're right!

- Yeah. We have to help her.

(Nedley): Alright,

we've done the final

calculations,

and it turns out it's a dead tie

between Waverly Earp

and Jeremy Chetri.

Come on up here for

a sudden-death playoff round.

(Jeremy, panting): I am

so sorry, Doc, I can't help it!

- Neither can I.

- If I have to do this alone

then I will!

- One question at a time,

five seconds to answer.

- Okay.

(whooshing)

- Dammit.

I simply cannot miss trivia.

Literally. We cannot waste

another moment.

One of you must lose,

and posthaste.

- Well, she's your sister!

- Uh! You're found family!

You chose her. You lose.

- Snap out of it!

(all): We can't!

- If we have no other choice.

- I wish she would lie

on the gurney.

(whooshing)

(Wynonna grunts and pants)

(Kuru chuckling, coughing)

(Ginny): I guess I know

what's next.

- What's that?

- You get me to finish the job.

Mm-hmm.

- Fine!

I wish for a knife.

(Wynonna): Doug.

- Kuru!

I am the demon Kuru.

I will be removing this brain...

(Wynonna whimpering)

...myself.

(sinister music)

- Doc! Hey, what's going

on up there?

- Jeremy and Waverly

are caught in a stalemate.

And I believe Wynonna

to be in grave danger.

- So I take it you're stuck

here too?

- Well, I suppose we all are

until trivia ends,

when one of them

answers incorrectly.

- Or doesn't answer at all.

We'll need a distraction.

We need Chicken-kicker.

- Okay. Next question.

According to Greek mythology...

- Hey. Phone. Now.

- Oh, please don't check

my browser history.

- Okay, we'll talk

about that later.

Rachel, I need the video.

- What video?

- The video. Chicken-kicker.

- I deleted it.

I respect the ban.

- No one in their right mind

would delete that video.

- It's in a folder marked

"Tax Stuff."

- Clever girl.

Okay, I just need to find

the Bluetooth.

(Nedley): Waverly Earp.

A tribe in Papua New Guinea

is affected by this condition

when eating brain.

- Oh!

- Goodbye, self-respect.

(Nicole in video): Hello.

You losers didn't vote for me

for Sheriff,

but I stayed!

(slurring): I'm the one

who stayed!

And now you just wanna stuff

your dumb faces

while celebrating Holt?!

- Waverly, do you have

an answer?

- Well, fuck your votes,

fuck your dinner!

And fuck this chicken!

(screaming)

(bar patrons laughing)

(Nedley): Your chance to win

the tournament.

- Kuru!

Kuru!

(Nedley): Yes! Jeremy Chetri,

you have the biggest,

tastiest brain in Purgatory!

- Yeah!

(magical chiming)

What?

- I'm sorry, I'm sure

your brain tastes terrible.

- Praise be.

- Ginny! Ginny,

get Peacemaker! Help!

- I can't do shit.

(screaming)

(Kuru moaning)

Help!

- And I need a more

Zen atmosphere.

- I wish for her

to stop screaming.

(sceaming stops)

(exhaling)

You know, I don't feel so good.

I wish for a bigger knife.

- Sure, that's

what's stopping you.

- I am Kuru!

I am Kuru,

and I can be strong too.

(whimpering)

I can be st...

(gagging)

(gagging)

- Okay. Just come to me

and I'll take care of it.

- I need street brains.

I wish...

- I tried Wynonna,

but it is what it is.

(thudding)

- Whoa! What the hell! Ah!

(breathing heavily)

- He's dead, Wynonna.

- Were you gonna let him cut me?

- Uh, I was killing time.

His cannibal brain's been

rotting for weeks.

It was obv he was

about to kick it, so...

- Sup, Doc. Where ya been?

- You alright?

- It's all Kuru, baby.

So, who had the tastiest brain?

- So this is yours?

Hey... I'm Ginny.

- I'm good.

- Nah, seriously,

you should try it on.

- Nah.

- I don't have to sit here

if you don't want me to.

- And miss my opportunity

to speak with

the Chicken-kicker herself?

(laughing): Okay, well,

anything that you want to know

on chicken kicking,

I will happily oblige.

But I know there's something

else you'd rather hear about.

- You were gonna trade me

to the Clantons?

- Look.

There's no excuse, okay?

But... I had reasons.

It brought Waverly home to me.

- I was a part of that too.

- I know.

I will be forever grateful.

Doc, I'm sorry,

but I had to be sure.

- What did they even

want with me?

- No clue.

But I knew that whatever

it was,

that you could handle it.

And if you didn't, then

we were gonna figure it out.

Together.

'Cause I'd fight

for you too, Doc.

- I appreciate that,

Sheriff Haught.

- You know you're the only one

who still calls me that, right?

- The badge alone does not

give the authority.

- Yeah. Tell that to the people

who saw me kick a chicken.

(Nicole in video): Chicken!

(screaming)

- Why don't you tell them?

- Hey everybody, listen up!

(video recording beeps)

Yeah. You getting this? Good.

Show of hands here:

who voted for me?

Well, I don't care.

I'm not embarrassed about it.

We all do things

we regret, right?

So yeah, okay.

I am Chicken-kicker.

- Yeah, ya are!

(chuckling)

- But I'm still gonna be

your sheriff.

'Cause I made a promise.

I made a promise

to serve and protect

every single person

in this town.

Even those that break the law.

Or slice their grilled cheese

sandwich lengthwise instead

of diagonally, which...

I've never understood.

Or don't like me...

because I'm an outsider.

Because I'm gay.

- I don't care that she's gay!

- Even those who literally

ate feces.

- You eat shit one time

and it's...

- It's kinda like kicking

a chicken.

One time.

You know, folks,

we've all made mistakes.

And it usually happens with

things we care about the most.

- We do need you,

Sheriff Haught.

- Revote's unanimous.

You're reinstated.

(cheering and applause)

- Oh, my god.

I finally get

Wynonna's bad boy thing.

Chicken-kicker is hot.

(giggling)

(twinkling ringtone)

- Here to be my matriarch?

- No.

- But we got him.

The disease got him.

- Did it?

Or do all your... masters...

- Careful.

- ...die like that?

Diseased and full of rot.

- Doug was sick.

Dude ate brain.

- See, what I think,

having a genie,

all that choice,

it makes them insane.

And then you get to kill

for them. You like it.

- Well, I was just doing

what I have to do.

I'm the victim.

You said so yourself.

- You may be a genie,

but you are still a demon.

He was just some idiot.

And you'll find another one.

You're too powerful a weapon.

I realized it when you got Doug

to wish for me to be quiet.

- I couldn't listen

to you cry for help

when I couldn't help you!

- You gotta listen

to the screams.

You have to look the cost

of this in the eye

and tell it to go fuck itself.

- Okay.

You want a new choice?

Have all the choices you want.

- I've already had a curse.

- I can stop what's coming.

- I can stop what's coming.

- I could make him

love you again.

- Hmm.

(whirring)

- Make Doc choke it down.

- I get it.

I'm poison too.

- With a psychotic gun

for a master.

We're the same.

- The difference is that...

you have a way out.

- No, you don't have to.

- Genie.

(gunshot, screeching)

You're free.