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1
00:00:17,951 --> 00:00:20,151
Welcome to Smigus-Dyngus!
2
00:00:20,188 --> 00:00:21,258
(laughs)
3
00:00:21,289 --> 00:00:22,389
It's my favorite Polish
family holiday.
4
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:23,823
As you know,
5
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,727
this is a bittersweet
Dyngus for me.
6
00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:27,829
Uh, it's my first one
without my mom or my pop.
7
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:28,931
But I am happy
8
00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:30,232
to be reunited
9
00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:31,074
with Stosh,
Mmm.
10
00:00:31,099 --> 00:00:32,669
my kuzyn,
11
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:34,870
and now I have two
wonderful new friends.
12
00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:37,112
So it is the dawn
of a new Dyngus.
13
00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:38,838
Let's get our
Dyngus on, people.
14
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:40,872
Oh, uh, first a toast.
15
00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:42,738
Uh, as our Grandma Tekla
16
00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:44,176
used to say...
17
00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:46,752
(speaks Polish)
18
00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:50,776
(continues speaking Polish)
19
00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:59,726
(shouting in Polish)
20
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,430
(Caryn and Zara gasp)
21
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:03,202
Guys, stop.
22
00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:04,301
(shouting in Polish)
23
00:01:04,332 --> 00:01:06,132
(Caryn and Zara scream)
24
00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:09,265
And scene.
(laughs)
25
00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:10,743
(gasps)
What?!
26
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:13,311
Welcome to our
reenactment
27
00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:15,981
of every Lewandoski
family gathering ever.
28
00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:18,579
(Polish polka music playing)
29
00:01:24,152 --> 00:01:27,162
(toasts in Polish)
30
00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:33,894
It's-it's a heavy wall.
She can't get out.
31
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,797
(indistinct chatter)
32
00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:38,130
* He's leaving
33
00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:39,726
* Leaving *
(giggles)
34
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:42,297
* On that midnight train
to Georgia *
35
00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:43,666
* Leaving on
that midnight train *
36
00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:46,614
* To Georgia *
* Hey...
37
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:47,810
(imitates train whistle)
38
00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:49,011
* Let it all out
39
00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:50,242
* Shake, shout
40
00:01:50,278 --> 00:01:52,908
* Shake, shake, shake, shout
41
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,516
* Turn up now
before you pop... *
42
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:01,423
(singing in Polish)
43
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:04,585
(singing nonsense)
44
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:05,625
That's not Polish.
45
00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:08,129
It's Pole...ish.
46
00:02:08,162 --> 00:02:09,302
Look at us, guys.
47
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,030
We're like
a family now.
48
00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:13,134
I mean, maybe someday
when we all have children,
49
00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:15,137
I can share my Dyngus
with them, too.
50
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:17,939
Zara, can we borrow the
van for a couple hours?
51
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,841
Sure thing, butch.
52
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:21,183
(shouts)
53
00:02:21,209 --> 00:02:22,439
(loud crash)
Oh!
54
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:23,506
Got 'em.
55
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:25,984
Hmm.
Good-bye.
56
00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:27,353
And what's my Oscar
the Grouch puppet doing
57
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:28,451
in this trash can?
Come on.
58
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:29,822
* Night...
Let's get in the van.
59
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,529
Uh-oh.
60
00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:40,388
Someone broke in and added
more stairs to our house.
61
00:02:40,428 --> 00:02:42,328
Hey, which one of us
should be the "drover"?
62
00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:45,373
The sober one should
be the "drover."
63
00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:47,239
Where are we heading?
64
00:02:47,268 --> 00:02:48,638
To see my son.
65
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:49,569
Awesome.
66
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,643
Let's do it.
67
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,342
Wait, you have a son?
68
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:54,344
Get in!
69
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,075
(shouting)
70
00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:57,809
(laughing)
71
00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,175
Get up!
72
00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:01,424
What happened?
73
00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:03,349
(laughing):
You made me laugh.
74
00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:05,724
I pierogied my pants.
75
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,990
(both sigh)
76
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,422
I just can't
get over it.
77
00:03:10,458 --> 00:03:12,228
You have an actual son?
78
00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:15,200
Which means I have an actual
first cousin once-removed.
79
00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:16,999
Huh! Where does this end?
80
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,270
Probably right there.
81
00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:19,869
Tell me all about him.
82
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,770
Like, everything--
I want to know every detail.
83
00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:24,572
I knocked up a cocktail waitress
when I was 23.
84
00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:26,505
She had the kid but said
I couldn't see him
85
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,610
because I was
an irresponsible douche bag.
86
00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:30,242
Which I was.
87
00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:32,248
And so I didn't.
88
00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:33,410
That's every detail.
89
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:34,877
Wow.
90
00:03:36,384 --> 00:03:38,154
Tell it again.
91
00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:41,863
I knocked up a cocktail
waitress when I was 23.
92
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,889
She had the kid but
said I couldn't see him
93
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:45,534
because I was an
irresponsible douche bag.
94
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:47,299
(laughs)
Love that part.
95
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,429
So I always wanted a cat,
but it turned out
96
00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:51,804
that my father was
allergic to cats.
97
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:53,472
So they got me a turtle instead.
98
00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:54,871
But then it turned out
that the turtle was allergic
99
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:56,402
to my father, and it died.
Weird, right?
100
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:57,907
Did you ever have a cat?
101
00:03:57,938 --> 00:04:01,038
I wanted one, but the
sultan forbade felines
102
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,944
within the palace walls,
103
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:05,346
so I had to play
with the slaves.
104
00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:09,124
I actually have no idea
if you're kidding.
105
00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:10,379
(chuckles)
106
00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:11,618
I am,
107
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:14,422
but your story's still
weirder, nutcase.
108
00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:19,385
(laughs) Oh, I am so glad we
became Dyngus sisters tonight.
109
00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:20,627
Mmm.
110
00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:22,401
The Dyng bring us
together.
111
00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:23,400
(snorts)
112
00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:24,631
(laughs)
113
00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:27,125
Ow.
Ooh, "ow" can be our safeword.
114
00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:28,397
Ow.
115
00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:29,596
Yep.
116
00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:33,735
Wake up.
117
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,184
Clear history!
Shh-shh-shh.
118
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:36,778
This is his school.
119
00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:38,950
Oh, man.
120
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:41,750
He's in there somewhere.
121
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,152
Mm-hmm.
122
00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:44,183
You excited?
123
00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:45,347
Yeah, I am.
124
00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:46,946
(laughs)
125
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,757
You know, the Dyngus party
really got me thinking.
126
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,659
I got a son, Eric.
127
00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:53,531
He should know that his own
father cares about him, right?
128
00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:55,331
Well, definitely,
he should know.
129
00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:56,533
And he will know.
130
00:04:56,564 --> 00:04:57,534
Here, go give
him this 50.
131
00:04:57,565 --> 00:04:59,795
What, you don't want
to meet him?
132
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,133
I told you-- I
can't, all right?
133
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:02,338
Just go on,
give him the 50.
134
00:05:02,370 --> 00:05:03,440
Actually, you
know what?
135
00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:04,771
Make it a hundred.
136
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,165
I only got one
kid, right?
137
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:09,376
Actually, that
might not be right.
138
00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:11,550
How do I find him?
Like, what's he look like?
139
00:05:11,579 --> 00:05:13,449
I don't know.
140
00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:14,821
Cavelli-- last
name's Cavelli.
141
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:17,048
I'll do the old
fake cough routine.
142
00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:20,346
(laughs)
143
00:05:22,390 --> 00:05:25,460
(coughing):
Cavelli? Cavelli?
144
00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:26,533
Damn it.
145
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,400
It sounds like
I'm actually coughing.
146
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:30,559
Does it?
147
00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:34,272
ERIC (coughing):
Cavelli.
148
00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:40,571
Oh, hey.
149
00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:42,208
Regina, hey,
how are you this morning?
150
00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:43,642
What the hell are
you doing here?
151
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,377
Look, I'm not trying
to see the kid, all right?
152
00:05:45,413 --> 00:05:47,253
I'm just dropping off
an anonymous gift.
153
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:48,980
Don't make a big stink
about it-- I've done it before.
154
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,416
Uh, yeah, I
know, Stosh.
155
00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:51,821
And I know it's you
who throws a brick
156
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:52,992
through our window
every Christmas.
157
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,220
With a gift attached, yeah.
158
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:55,724
(scoffs)
And a second brick
159
00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:57,556
with a receipt
in case he doesn't like it.
160
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:00,557
(coughing):
Cavelli.
Can I help you?
161
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:02,604
Indeed, you
can, Officer.
162
00:06:02,630 --> 00:06:05,570
I am looking for one
beautiful young boy
163
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:09,499
who might want to go home
with a hundred dollars.
164
00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:10,997
Look, just knock it off with
the drive-by gifting, huh?
165
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,868
It's stupid.
What else you want me to do?
166
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:14,066
You won't let me see him.
167
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,437
Oh, like you even
want to see him.
168
00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:16,406
I do want to see him.
Yeah, right.
169
00:06:16,444 --> 00:06:17,584
Yeah, right.
Okay, fine.
170
00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:19,451
Okay, fine. What?
171
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,180
Take him, go ahead.
172
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,624
Try to be an actual parent
for a couple of days.
173
00:06:23,651 --> 00:06:24,421
Meet me here at 3:00.
174
00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:25,892
ERIC:
Stosh!
3:00.
175
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:27,459
Stosh, help me!
(Taser crackling)
176
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,959
So, Frank.
177
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:38,025
Sorry we haven't done this
sooner, but you know how it is.
178
00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:41,595
I've been busy, I'm sure
you've been slammed.
179
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:45,405
The important thing
is... we're here now.
180
00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:49,109
You know, we got two whole days
to get to know each other.
181
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:51,477
Wh-Why don't you
kick it off, huh?
182
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:52,612
Tell me about yourself.
183
00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:53,806
You got any hobbies?
184
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:56,577
Yeah, I'm
a frickin' ballerina.
185
00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:58,047
Okay, I'll kick it off.
186
00:06:58,085 --> 00:06:59,985
I'm in the dental
sales field.
187
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:02,120
I was a sales rep for
a dental products firm
188
00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:03,655
called Sunny Smile.
189
00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:05,831
We sold, uh, non-acrylic
teeth-whitening products
190
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,729
to dentists and
commercial retailers.
191
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:12,131
Currently, I'm exploring
opportunities in other fields.
192
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:15,795
Wow, that was worth
the 12-year wait.
193
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:18,266
Okay.
194
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:22,935
Okay, I think we need to address
the elephant in the room.
195
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:25,106
You're angry with me.
196
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:28,515
I'm your father, and I wasn't
a part of your life.
197
00:07:30,317 --> 00:07:31,617
I left you high and dry.
198
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:33,822
And you probably see
other kids out there
199
00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:35,264
playing with
their dads,
200
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:38,158
you know, maybe playing
a game of catch
201
00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:40,991
or getting an ice cream cone.
202
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:44,826
And it hurts like a bitch,
doesn't it?
203
00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:46,625
I know. Believe me,
204
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,867
I get it.
205
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:53,611
I get it.
206
00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:56,381
(sighs)
207
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,553
So, we good?
208
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,354
(door opens)
209
00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:07,285
CARYN:
Hey.
210
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,290
I am so glad you're home.
211
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,292
I pierogied, and I can't get up.
212
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,694
I... got you something.
213
00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:15,797
What is it?
It's a card.
214
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,199
A greeting card.
215
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:18,670
Here, let me.
216
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,329
I mean, I know
how they work,
217
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:21,797
but what's
the occasion?
218
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,565
Nothing, really.
219
00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:27,584
I just had a few thoughts on you
and me and our friendship.
220
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:28,508
Oh.
Here.
221
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:30,012
Oh.
You can read it.
222
00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:33,745
Holy crap.
223
00:08:33,781 --> 00:08:37,021
I had taken an Adderall,
but it is all from the heart.
224
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:38,350
Wow.
225
00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:41,215
Caryn, do you mind
if I read this later
226
00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:43,194
so that I can really...
227
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:45,033
not read it right now?
228
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:46,188
Oh, yeah, totally,
absolutely.
229
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:47,456
Great.
230
00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:51,362
So can I just tell you
what it says?
231
00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:52,728
Yeah.
Okay.
232
00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:54,326
Here's the thing--
233
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,567
I have always had terrible luck
with friendships.
234
00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:59,614
A lot of my female friends
have either gotten married
235
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,780
or hated me.
236
00:09:01,809 --> 00:09:03,239
Terrible luck.
237
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:05,606
And last night,
when we were on the stairs,
238
00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:08,446
I just felt like
we had a real connection.
239
00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,019
We did, right?
Yeah.
240
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,451
Fourth stair club...!
Oh...
241
00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:14,921
Oh.
242
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,855
So, anyway,
here's the thing.
243
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,630
I just wanted to tell you
that I'm really happy
244
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:22,800
you're in my life,
and last night was a lot of fun,
245
00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:24,930
and I can't wait
to do it again soon.
246
00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:26,365
Yeah, me, too.
When?
247
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,069
When what?
When can we do
it again?
248
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:30,471
Um...
Because I was
thinking, tonight,
249
00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:33,443
you and me can hang out
and I can make tacos.
250
00:09:33,473 --> 00:09:35,613
I just got a coupon
for shells.
251
00:09:35,643 --> 00:09:37,143
That sounds great.
252
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:38,777
Great, okay.
I'm gonna go shopping.
253
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:41,152
I have such a good feeling
about our friendship.
254
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,821
Just don't go
getting married on me.
255
00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:44,450
Okay.
256
00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:45,654
Seriously, don't.
257
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:46,646
Okay.
258
00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:48,587
Okay.
259
00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:57,666
Hey, is your mom still dancing
260
00:09:57,698 --> 00:09:59,068
down at the...?
261
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,469
Never mind.
262
00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:02,240
Here we go.
263
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,839
Found some items
in the basement a young fellow
264
00:10:03,871 --> 00:10:05,271
like you might find
entertaining.
265
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:08,307
We got Trouble.
266
00:10:09,677 --> 00:10:11,277
The game, that is.
267
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:12,681
(laughs)
268
00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:13,913
Ah, you know what?
269
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:16,247
I think the Pop-O-Matic
bubble's gone.
270
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,923
I used it in a lung transplant
when I was playing Operation.
271
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,522
He didn't make it.
272
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:21,863
Ooh!
273
00:10:21,889 --> 00:10:23,689
Movies.
274
00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:26,494
Bambi-- hmm,
sad and scary but good.
275
00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:27,826
Thumbelina--
276
00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:29,861
oh, off the charts, scary-wise.
277
00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:31,197
Memphis Belle,
Godfather...
278
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:32,701
You know what?
Let's do The Godfather.
279
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:33,773
Have you seen The Godfather?
280
00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:35,301
No.
281
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:37,835
Where's it rank scary-wise,
compared to Thumbelina?
282
00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:39,471
Not even close.
283
00:10:39,506 --> 00:10:42,006
CARLO (over TV):
We lost enough money
last week on the game.
284
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:44,112
(children shout, tires screech)
285
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,954
Carlo, come here, come here,
come here, come here.
286
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,980
(crowd clamoring)
287
00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:59,730
So, what do you think?
288
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,660
If I could go back in time,
289
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:03,725
I would re-enter
my mother's womb,
290
00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:05,904
pop out again,
spend every second
291
00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:07,743
of my life watching
this movie.
292
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:09,168
I respect that choice.
293
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:11,872
I take it back.
294
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:14,135
I don't want
to watch the movie.
295
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,884
I want to live in it.
296
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,549
I want to be
Sonny Corleone.
297
00:11:18,578 --> 00:11:20,748
There's a scene coming up that
might make you change your mind.
298
00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:22,151
ERIC:
Stosh?
299
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:23,752
I really think this is
a little too scary
300
00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:25,724
for Frank to be watching.
301
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:31,215
You touch my sister again,
I'll kill you.
302
00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:35,357
Oh, my God!
303
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:36,555
Again?
304
00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:38,026
Crank her up!
305
00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:41,527
Oh, God.
306
00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:50,235
*
307
00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:19,735
(gasping)
308
00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:22,984
CARYN:
Hi!
309
00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:24,410
I have
310
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:27,954
such a big surprise for you!
311
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:29,881
Something's happening.
312
00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:31,647
Remember how yesterday on
the stairs we were talking about
313
00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:34,324
how we both always wanted cats
when we were growing up?
314
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,464
Well... ta-da!
315
00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:38,159
Outside the grocery store
was this
316
00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:39,591
pet adoption thing,
which was kismet,
317
00:12:39,626 --> 00:12:41,756
so I got us a cat
and named it...
318
00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:43,125
Kismet!
319
00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:44,663
Kismet,
320
00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:45,927
meet Zara.
321
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:48,436
Now, the guy said
to let him out very slowly
322
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:50,568
and let him sniff out
his environment.
323
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,643
Yeah. Oh! Oh! Wait! No!
324
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:54,612
Ooh.
325
00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:57,241
I guess Kismet
wasn't meant to be.
326
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:59,277
(man speaking Italian)
327
00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:06,917
Hey, Luca Brasi's
about to get whacked.
328
00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:08,894
You're gonna miss it.
329
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:18,997
All right.
You know what?
330
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:20,702
I think it's time
we called it a night.
331
00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:21,703
No, no. Not yet.
332
00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:22,974
I want to see Apollonia get
333
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:24,203
blown to bits one more time.
334
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:26,007
You said that three
car bombs ago.
335
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:27,039
Now, come on.
Don't work me.
336
00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:28,114
You got school tomorrow.
337
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,211
Lay down.
338
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:32,183
School bites.
339
00:13:32,212 --> 00:13:34,512
Can you take me to
Kiddie World instead?
340
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:37,017
The strip club? It's fully nude.
There's no booze.
341
00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:39,720
Not Kitty World.
Kiddie World.
342
00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:41,822
It's an amusement park.
343
00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:42,885
Why the hell would
you want to go there?
344
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,323
I'm 12, you ass.
345
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:47,087
Okay. I'll take you
to Kiddie World.
346
00:13:48,761 --> 00:13:51,031
All right, now, come on.
347
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:53,004
Try to get some sleep, huh?
348
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,903
Good night, kid.
Good night, Dad.
349
00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:04,343
How long you been
standing there?
350
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:05,347
Long enough
351
00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:06,708
to hear a boy and his father
352
00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:08,716
have a very special moment.
353
00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:09,748
He called you Dad.
354
00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:10,752
No, no. No, no, no.
355
00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:12,693
He called me dude.
356
00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:14,719
It's like all my Dyngus dreams
are coming true.
357
00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:16,764
All right, you know what?
Now you're bugging me.
358
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:18,089
I'm gonna get some fresh air.
359
00:14:18,125 --> 00:14:20,385
Next year, we're gonna have
a huge Dyngus.
360
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,113
Why are you sitting in there?
361
00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:36,542
It's Taco Tuesday.
362
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:37,876
Oh, yeah?
363
00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:40,011
Am I very early or very late?
364
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:42,077
You don't know what's
going on in that house.
365
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:44,115
There's a Jewish woman
cooking Mexican food,
366
00:14:44,151 --> 00:14:46,091
singing "Mambo Italiano."
367
00:14:46,119 --> 00:14:47,349
I had to run away.
368
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:48,887
I hear you.
369
00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:50,962
I got two people up there
acting like we're family
370
00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:52,891
just 'cause we're related
to each other.
371
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:54,556
(groans)
What is with people?
372
00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:56,204
You share one nice
moment with them,
373
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,029
and then suddenly
they want to have
374
00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:00,765
more nice moments,
like, all the time.
375
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,540
It's a sickness.
Yes.
376
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:03,969
Thank you.
It is a sickness.
377
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:05,714
And it's a trap.
378
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,208
'Cause if you have
more nice moments with them,
379
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,940
eventually they'll figure out
what a worthless
380
00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:11,976
piece of crap you are,
and then what do you got, right?
381
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:13,752
Emotional commitment
to other human beings.
382
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,220
(groans)
383
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,378
My number one pet peeve.
384
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:18,817
Well, that and
Capri pants.
385
00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:20,151
Really?
386
00:15:20,187 --> 00:15:22,717
I think they're
a breezy summer look.
387
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:23,955
You would.
388
00:15:23,991 --> 00:15:25,431
(cell phone chiming)
389
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:28,028
Caryn video-calling me.
390
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,972
Guess I got to do
what I got to do.
391
00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:33,129
Hi!
392
00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:33,996
Hi! Whoa!
393
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:35,944
Where are you?
394
00:15:35,969 --> 00:15:37,639
Craziest thing!
I went to visit
395
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:40,310
a friend of mine on his boat,
and we were out on the river,
396
00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:42,140
and then the fog rolled in.
397
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:44,835
Now we're 20 klicks off course
and the river patrol...
398
00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:47,147
Oh, my God!
He's calling a code 12!
399
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:48,420
What?! Oh, my goodness!
400
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,178
Well, the most important thing
401
00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:52,017
is that you stay safe.
402
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:53,622
Yeah.
403
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:55,623
And that you make it back
for Taco Tuesday.
404
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,025
(imitates foghorn)
405
00:15:58,058 --> 00:15:59,528
Oh! The wind's picking up.
406
00:15:59,559 --> 00:16:01,089
Lower the mizzen mast!
407
00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:04,098
Oh, shoot. I got to go
lower the mizzen mast.
408
00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:06,001
Bye.
409
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:07,603
Iceberg right ahead!
410
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,144
I hung up.
Oh.
411
00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:14,643
Okay! Anyone who's excited to go
412
00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:16,144
to go to Kiddie Land
with their dad today,
413
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:17,976
raise his hand.
(whoops)
414
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:19,911
Who are you?
415
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:21,883
Oh, yeah.
416
00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:23,654
(ringtone playing)
417
00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,223
Oh, it's Stosh.
418
00:16:25,252 --> 00:16:26,992
I thought he was
down here with you.
419
00:16:28,255 --> 00:16:30,155
Hey!
420
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:32,190
Aw, hey, Frank.
Damnedest thing.
421
00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:33,985
I got a phone call
late last night
422
00:16:34,027 --> 00:16:36,657
to come down here to Philly
for a job interview.
423
00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:38,896
I would've told you,
but I didn't want to wake you.
424
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:40,471
I won't be home
till late tonight
425
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,040
after your mom picks you up.
426
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:43,839
But I bet there's someone there
427
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:46,240
who would love to take you
to Kiddie World!
428
00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:49,043
First cousin once removed
Eric Lewandoski at your service.
429
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:50,236
Sure.
430
00:16:50,277 --> 00:16:51,507
All right, have fun.
431
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:53,754
See you when I see you.
432
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,934
ERIC: So this is
what I was thinking.
433
00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:09,099
Before we get on any rides,
we grab a couple churros,
434
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:12,399
and we take the Kiddie World
Choo-Choo around the park.
435
00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:14,872
You know, just to get
the lay of the land.
436
00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:17,671
You think my dad was lying
about that job interview?
437
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:20,444
You know, to avoid
hanging out with me?
438
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:23,043
What? No!
No, he wouldn't do that.
439
00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:24,936
Anyway, after that
choo-choo,
440
00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:28,277
Alpine Thunder, Death Plunge,
Spinning Sisters,
441
00:17:28,315 --> 00:17:31,715
Goliath's Chariot
and then Satan's Revenge.
442
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,321
Awesome!
443
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,624
Awesome!
444
00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:38,486
Gonna be so awesome.
445
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,130
(gasps)
Hey!
446
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:43,632
You made it.
447
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,303
Oh, yeah.
448
00:17:45,332 --> 00:17:47,932
Ooh, that was really scary.
449
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:49,967
That boat experience...
450
00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:51,372
Do you think I'm an idiot?
451
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,144
I called river patrol.
452
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:54,873
There was no fog.
453
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:57,107
You went on a boat with
all your friends without me.
454
00:17:57,144 --> 00:17:58,654
I love boats.
455
00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:00,278
I would've made tacos
for everyone. Your loss.
456
00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:03,583
Caryn...
I wasn't on a boat at all.
457
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,546
I slept in my van.
458
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,285
Right outside.
What?
459
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,290
I didn't want to do
Taco Tuesday with you.
460
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:11,723
Why not?
461
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:13,328
Do you not like tacos?
462
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:14,790
Do you not
like Tuesdays?
463
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:17,127
Do you not like me?
464
00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:18,334
(stammers)
465
00:18:18,365 --> 00:18:20,125
Oh.
466
00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:22,137
Wow!
467
00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:23,899
Ouch!
468
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,136
You know what?
469
00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:28,012
Maybe I should
just get my stuff and go.
470
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,180
Fine. Go.
471
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:32,149
I don't care. Go!
472
00:18:32,179 --> 00:18:34,209
Why are you still
standing there? Go!
473
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:39,919
Are you actually gonna go?
474
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:42,962
Sorry we had to leave
after only 20 minutes.
475
00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:44,189
Yeah, I've never seen
anyone freak out
476
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:46,434
on the Kiddie World
Choo-Choo before.
477
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,529
How bad was it?
478
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:50,201
You puked on a baby.
479
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:52,000
(laughs)
Well, he's young.
480
00:18:52,031 --> 00:18:54,501
He won't remember.
481
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:57,274
Okay, seriously, you are
actually moving out?
482
00:18:57,304 --> 00:18:59,774
Yes. I said I'm moving out.
You said, "Fine. Go."
483
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:01,936
I said it,
but I didn't mean it!
484
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,614
That's just how Jews fight!
Zara?
485
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,984
What is going on?
Why are you doing this?
486
00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:08,823
Because I don't want to
keep hurting your feelings!
487
00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:11,148
I cannot be the kind of friend
that you want me to be.
488
00:19:11,184 --> 00:19:13,224
I just want the friend
that I had
489
00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:14,723
on the stairs the other night.
490
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,324
Well, I can't do it on command!
491
00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:17,816
I didn't command you.
492
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:20,457
I just suggested
that we have Taco Tuesday.
493
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:21,863
Tuesdays! Tuesdays!
494
00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:23,204
You had us eating tacos
495
00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:25,030
every Tuesday
until the sun burns out.
496
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:26,374
This is mine.
497
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:28,369
I just wanted
a nice scheduled event,
498
00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:30,371
because that's what friends do.
499
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,073
That's what
community centers do.
500
00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:34,214
Real moments between
real human beings
501
00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:37,741
only happen organically
and spontaneously.
502
00:19:37,777 --> 00:19:39,047
Well, I disagree.
503
00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:40,408
But you know what? Fine.
504
00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:41,807
We've had our real moment,
505
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:44,418
so now you can just run away
like that stupid cat.
506
00:19:44,451 --> 00:19:46,091
You probably terrified
him on the ride home.
507
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:49,188
He was fleeing a lifetime
of Meow Chow Mondays.
508
00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:51,222
(laughs):
Oh, yeah.
509
00:19:51,258 --> 00:19:53,428
It was Frisky Feast Fridays!
510
00:19:53,460 --> 00:19:54,890
(door slams)
511
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:57,257
Oh, I hear it now.
512
00:19:57,297 --> 00:20:00,197
I don't know. It's been
a tough week, you know?
513
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:02,273
I ain't betting
the Yankees anymore.
514
00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:03,372
What the hell?!
515
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:05,203
Son of a bitch was lying!
516
00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:07,238
I knew it! Pull over!
517
00:20:07,274 --> 00:20:09,314
(tires screech)
518
00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:12,707
Hey...
Come here!
519
00:20:12,745 --> 00:20:14,245
Hey, kid, take it easy.
520
00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:14,911
Come here! Come here!
Would you take it easy?
521
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:17,247
Aah! God, kid!
522
00:20:17,284 --> 00:20:19,354
Hey! Come on!
523
00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:21,316
Whoa! Whoa! Aah!
524
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:27,291
(grunting)
525
00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:29,727
Um, who's that kid
beating the crap out of Stosh?
526
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:31,132
His son.
527
00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:32,233
Oh.
528
00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:34,365
ERIC:
Poor Stosh.
529
00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:35,471
He's one of those
people that are
530
00:20:35,502 --> 00:20:37,542
terrified of
emotional commitment.
531
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,040
They run away at the first
feeling of closeness,
532
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,241
and they wind up hurting
533
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:42,443
the people that need
them the most.
534
00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:45,305
Anyhooski, what's
going on with you?
535
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,820
Um, is that how
I made you feel?
536
00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:51,549
(screaming)
537
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:53,124
Kind of.
538
00:20:53,152 --> 00:20:55,122
I'm sorry.
539
00:20:55,154 --> 00:20:56,764
Oh, I'm sorry, too!
540
00:20:56,789 --> 00:20:59,089
(grunting)
541
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,664
If you ever lie
542
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:07,166
about not being able to take me
to Kiddie World again,
543
00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:09,339
I'll kill you.
544
00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:10,569
Okay, so we're good, right?
545
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,973
We're good... Dad.
546
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:17,305
(groans)
547
00:21:17,344 --> 00:21:19,414
That's my boy!
548
00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:22,206
Oh, thank God
we didn't watch Scarface.
549
00:21:25,184 --> 00:21:26,854
ERIC:
You all right?
550
00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:29,086
You know,
you don't look that bad.
Thanks.
551
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,921
Yeah, I got this and, um,
a couple of broken ribs
552
00:21:31,958 --> 00:21:34,128
from Thunderfoot over there.
553
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:35,360
ZARA: Getting beat up's
a good look for you.
554
00:21:35,395 --> 00:21:36,695
Nice work, Frank.
555
00:21:36,729 --> 00:21:38,929
So, Frank,
556
00:21:38,965 --> 00:21:41,325
how are you enjoying school?
557
00:21:41,368 --> 00:21:42,698
I told you.
558
00:21:42,735 --> 00:21:45,505
Don't ever ask me
about my business.
559
00:21:45,538 --> 00:21:47,468
He never told me that.
560
00:21:47,507 --> 00:21:49,507
I just met him.
561
00:21:49,542 --> 00:21:52,112
Frank, where'd
that cat come from?
562
00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:53,514
Good night.
563
00:21:53,546 --> 00:21:55,306
Hmm.
564
00:21:55,348 --> 00:21:57,578
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