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1
00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:21,687
Hey. There she is.
2
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:24,562
Mysterious Lady of the East.
3
00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:26,062
Queen of the Ganges.
4
00:00:26,094 --> 00:00:28,164
Our very own Taj Mahottie.
5
00:00:28,196 --> 00:00:30,226
And good racist morning to you.
6
00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:31,704
Wow, that's really good.
7
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:33,902
You convey such despair.
8
00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:35,244
Thank you.
9
00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:36,539
No, I mean it.
10
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:37,740
It's really,
really good.
11
00:00:37,771 --> 00:00:39,511
You know, it's,
uh, it's a crime
12
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:41,710
that you sell that
on the street for peanuts.
13
00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:43,242
It should be hanging
in galleries.
14
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:44,347
Mm.
You know?
15
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,248
It's too good
to waste on poor people.
16
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,680
Again, thank you, but I'm fine.
17
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,217
What are you doing
up this early?
18
00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:52,692
Usually, you don't emerge
19
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,560
from your bat cave
till mid-afternoon.
20
00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:56,088
Yeah, I brought home
this waitress
21
00:00:56,124 --> 00:00:57,434
from Dugan's last night,
22
00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:59,258
and she stumbled out of here
pretty early.
23
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:00,563
Figured I'd be a gentleman
24
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:02,964
and pretend to be asleep
until she left.
Oh.
25
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:04,266
That's who that was.
26
00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:05,628
I thought you were being robbed
27
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:07,266
by the ghost
of Eleanor Roosevelt.
28
00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:08,701
(chuckles)
29
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:10,366
Yeah, I can see that.
30
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:11,714
You know, I'm just
31
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,569
not in the right head lately,
you know?
32
00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,637
I mean, no job, no focus.
33
00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:17,906
Six weeks ago,
I'm top sales rep,
34
00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:22,075
living in a phat condo
in Gotham, and now...
35
00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:25,046
* Da, da-da, dah!
36
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,885
...I live with this.
37
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:30,060
So? How do I look?
38
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,430
You look very cute, Eric,
39
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,500
but, um, what the hell?
40
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:37,568
(with English accent):
Say hello to Lord Bartholomew
Gullswallow,
41
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:38,728
esteemed knight
42
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,766
in the Queens County
Human Chess League.
43
00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:42,141
Ah.
44
00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:44,070
(normal voice):
We play every other Sunday
at Flushing Meadow Park.
45
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,514
Oh, you know what?
46
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:47,179
You guys should come
and watch some time.
47
00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:48,308
It's pretty exciting.
48
00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:50,342
More exciting
than regular chess?!
49
00:01:50,378 --> 00:01:51,808
As a matter of fact, yes.
50
00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:54,875
It's regular chess
with human-sized thrills.
51
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,486
Gullswallow!
ERIC:
Ah!
52
00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:59,488
Good morrow,
my liege.
53
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,790
You're not gonna
believe our cabdriver.
54
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:04,832
He actually is convinced
that Viswanathan Anand
55
00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:07,928
and Koneru Humpy should
be ranked above Karpov.
56
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,361
What?!
57
00:02:09,397 --> 00:02:10,597
He's probably drunk.
58
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,001
Anyway, come on,
let's go.
59
00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:14,972
Ugh. I am so frickin' late
for work
60
00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:16,272
again.
61
00:02:16,304 --> 00:02:17,314
Oh!
62
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:19,708
(sniffing)
Ah.
63
00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:23,612
I'm guessing
you two are together.
64
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:26,654
Lord Nathaniel Reginald
Derwintwatter.
65
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:30,350
Or, if you prefer,
you may call me "Carl."
66
00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:33,224
I prefer to go scrape teeth.
67
00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:36,885
Scrape away.
68
00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:38,934
Scrape away.
69
00:02:47,735 --> 00:02:51,265
Rook to king three.
70
00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:57,549
What a game, huh?!
71
00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,348
Classic Latvian gambit.
72
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:02,550
With all that
that implies.
73
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,893
Hey, how's your grandfather?
74
00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:07,758
He's been on his feet
all morning.
75
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:10,058
I invented the thumb tack!
76
00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:11,860
He's in bad shape.
77
00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:13,562
Poor guy can't even
castle anymore
78
00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:14,704
without getting winded.
79
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,728
Can you keep a secret?
80
00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:19,374
Pawn to bishop three.
81
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:24,100
He's retiring in two weeks,
naming me the new king.
82
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:25,737
Congratulations!
83
00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:28,913
Any interest in becoming
my successor as rook?
84
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:30,712
Me? A rook?
85
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:35,024
I've dreamed
about it, but... Yes.
86
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,418
Then fix me up with
your neighbor.
87
00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:38,851
Ms. Nuzzolese?
88
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,516
No!
89
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:43,124
The one I met today. Caryn.
90
00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:48,426
That honey-maned vixen whose
eyes dance with madness.
91
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:50,102
Rook to king four.
92
00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:52,270
I'm being summoned
to the queenside assault.
93
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,100
I will await your response.
94
00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:55,644
Until we meet again.
95
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:10,347
(sighs)
96
00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:18,755
I want to rep you!
97
00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:21,502
I have a whistle.
No, I want
to rep you.
98
00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:23,629
Represent you as an artist.
Oh!
99
00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:25,974
Did seem strange that you would
give me a heads-up.
Look,
100
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:28,599
you need a representative.
I can do this.
101
00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:30,136
What do you know about art?
Hey,
102
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:32,410
I may not know what
I like, but I know art.
103
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:33,670
You see what I did there?
104
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:35,507
Look, you're a great artist,
I'm a great salesman.
105
00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:36,913
Come on, we can do this!
106
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,984
Thank you, um,
but I am doing fine here.
107
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:42,923
Look, the Mason Hotel
is having a competition
108
00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,450
for up-and-coming
artists, all right?
109
00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:48,315
The winner gets $20,000 to paint
a new work for the hotel lobby.
110
00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:50,486
I want to enter you in this.
111
00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:52,964
No, I am not good enough.
112
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:55,333
I see that "no," and
I'll raise you a "yes."
113
00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:56,333
If they don't accept you,
114
00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:58,604
it's like it never
happened, but if they do,
115
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:01,132
and you win, you're
$20,000 richer,
116
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:03,598
minus my industry-standard
commission of 25%,
117
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,637
which you could look
up, but I wouldn't.
118
00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,813
Yet again, no.
119
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:10,211
So, just to same-page it, yes?
No!
120
00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:12,183
Great. You know what? They need
to see a sample of your work.
121
00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:14,522
I'll take this thing.
What?! Hey!
122
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:15,518
That is $100!
123
00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:18,389
Take it out of my
30% commission!
124
00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:25,064
Please?!
Ew! No!
125
00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:27,332
I am not gonna date
that stupid bishop guy.
126
00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:28,231
He's a rook!
127
00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:30,301
I would never set you up
with a bishop.
128
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,400
That's disgusting.
129
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,572
And besides,
130
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:33,900
he's gonna be king
in, like, two weeks.
131
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,044
You're always saying
132
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:36,498
how you want
to marry a successful man.
133
00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:37,707
Can't do better
than a king, right?
134
00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:39,338
Right, but I can do better
135
00:05:39,373 --> 00:05:41,843
than a dweeb who dresses up
like a chess piece.
136
00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:44,205
Aren't you gonna say
"no offense"?
137
00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:46,384
No.
138
00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:47,214
Look at me.
139
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:49,847
I have been a knight
for ten years,
140
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:51,853
and it has been my privilege.
141
00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:53,515
But a knight is forever
relegated
142
00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:55,194
to move in an L-shape pattern.
143
00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:57,222
One up, two over.
144
00:05:57,257 --> 00:05:59,427
Two up, one over.
145
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:01,900
One back, two over.
146
00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:05,070
Two back...
What's your point?!
147
00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:07,538
My point is, I got a chance
to be a rook!
148
00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:11,238
A rook can travel the entire
length of the board in one move!
149
00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:13,911
Bet it feels like you're soaring
on the clouds of heaven.
150
00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:15,911
Or walking ten feet
in a bad Halloween costume.
151
00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:17,083
That's not funny!
152
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:19,010
All right,
'cause this is my life!
153
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,876
This is not a game!
154
00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:24,045
Okay, I'll go out
with your weirdo friend.
155
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:24,854
Yeah?
156
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,015
I will not sleep with him.
157
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:28,023
Ah, you may not want
to say that.
158
00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:31,115
Get a good look
at him in his tights?
(knocking)
159
00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:33,925
Oh. What's up, freakies?
160
00:06:33,961 --> 00:06:36,961
Guess what. Caryn's gonna go
out with my friend, the rook.
161
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:39,697
Really? Always thought
you'd end up with a dreidel.
162
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:42,473
Where's Zara?
163
00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:47,875
Very sexy. You should go
with this look more often.
164
00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,438
What you want, Stosh?
165
00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:52,307
What would you say if
I told you you're one of
166
00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:55,145
the top five finalists for
the Mason Hotel art competition?
167
00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:57,282
I would say that
you're a lying son of a bitch.
168
00:06:57,317 --> 00:06:59,987
At this moment,
I am merely a son of a bitch.
169
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:02,420
No! Shut up! What?!
They accepted me?!
170
00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:03,886
Yeah, come on.
(laughs)
171
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,434
What, you don't think
I know what I'm doing?
172
00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:06,559
Of course they accepted you.
173
00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:08,134
And they're gonna have
a reception this Saturday
174
00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:09,731
where they're gonna meet the
artists and pick the winner.
175
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,063
Plus, open bar.
176
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:13,628
Aah! Thank you so much, Stosh!
Uh-huh. You're welcome.
177
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:14,967
Oh.
Oh. Wow.
Thank you.
178
00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:16,142
You're welcome.
Thank you.
179
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:18,339
Look you'll get the
recognition you deserve,
180
00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:21,141
and I'm gonna get my 35%
commission, so it's a win-win.
181
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:22,944
Need help getting
out of that thing?
182
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:25,006
No, I'm good.
Okay.
183
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:27,545
Oh.
184
00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:40,591
ERIC: A rook can travel
the entire length of the board
185
00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:42,098
in one move!
186
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,499
(echoing):
Move... move...
187
00:07:43,531 --> 00:07:47,171
* Take these broken wings
Move... move...
188
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:51,840
* And learn to fly again,
learn to live so free *
189
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:55,182
* When we hear
the voices sing... *
190
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:58,108
The entire length of the board
in one move...
191
00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:01,815
(echoing):
Move.... move... move...
192
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:06,049
* Take these broken wings
193
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:07,686
* You got to learn to fly...
194
00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:11,831
A rook... a rook... a rook...
195
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:15,959
* When we hear
the voices sing *
196
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:20,166
* The book of love will open up
for us and let... *
197
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,502
MAN: Get off the
chessboard, you freak!
198
00:08:24,538 --> 00:08:26,538
(distant honking)
199
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:31,551
That's right.
Keep going.
200
00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:33,209
See, the fascinating thing
201
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:35,546
about noise-cancelling
headphones--
202
00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:38,723
and I spend half my day at Tech
Town explaining this to people--
203
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:40,692
is that they
work by emanating
204
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:43,891
sound waves
in the exact frequency
205
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:46,994
of the ambient noise,
but in 180-degree
206
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,997
opposition to it. Huh?
207
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,829
I wish I had a pair right now.
208
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,495
If you play your cards right,
209
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,943
you may have a pair draped
across your head later tonight.
210
00:08:58,138 --> 00:09:00,168
Annette. I didn't know
211
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:01,267
you were working tonight.
212
00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:03,238
This is, uh, Caryn, my date.
213
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:04,106
Hi.
214
00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:05,514
Sorry, I can't talk right now.
215
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:09,215
I'm swamped. Another waitress
just deep-fried her hand.
216
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:11,219
She's a pawn
on our human chess team.
217
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:15,061
Her en passant is
an embarrassment.
218
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:17,288
I don't know what that means.
219
00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:21,064
Huh. Thought they buried
that with Liberace.
220
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:23,434
You know Liberace was gay?
221
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:25,433
Do not repeat that.
222
00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:26,865
(gasps)
223
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,600
Holy Buddha's nipples!
224
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:31,936
I've never seen one of my
paintings lit professionally.
225
00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:33,572
It looks so good.
226
00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:36,637
Now, look, you are amazing,
all right? You can do this.
227
00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:38,207
You can walk out of here
228
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:42,045
a commissioned artist
earning $20,000, minus my 40%.
229
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:44,122
You just got to dance
the dance a little.
230
00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:48,061
Hey, for $20,000, I'll dance
in a G-string and pasties.
231
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,458
Actually, I have,
and for much less.
232
00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:52,960
We should revisit
that subject.
Okay.
233
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:54,933
WOMAN:
Your work has
234
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:57,402
such fascinating complexity.
235
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:58,470
Yes, it is lousy
236
00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:00,928
with fascinating complexity,
isn't it?
237
00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:02,568
Where did you grow up, Zara?
238
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:03,802
Yonkers.
Mumbai.
239
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:04,907
STOSH:
Well, eventually
240
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,568
Yonkers, but not until
she had survived
241
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:08,777
a harrowing childhood
242
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:11,479
on the streets of Mumbai,
keeping her two younger brothers
243
00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:12,751
out of the hands
244
00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:14,510
of the vicious
Vindaloo cartel.
245
00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:17,017
WOMAN:
Goodness. How did
you manage that?
246
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,920
Oh, um, I hid them
in the Caves of...
247
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,353
Gupta.
248
00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:25,288
Gupta is lousy with caves.
Scotch?
249
00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:27,185
Scotch?
250
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:29,827
So, our only chance of escape
was to hide
251
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,633
in the wheel well
of the plane.
252
00:10:31,665 --> 00:10:34,935
It was freezing,
but the promise of America
253
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:38,338
and her freedom kept my brother
and I alive.
254
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:40,311
I thought you said
you had a second brother.
255
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:41,170
Oh.
256
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:42,678
He was upgraded to coach.
257
00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:44,010
Yeah, still, a
terrible ordeal.
258
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:46,184
No money for headphones...
259
00:10:46,213 --> 00:10:47,723
I believe
there was a crying baby
260
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:49,748
nearby, so...
Mm-hmm.
261
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,663
(sighs)
262
00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:59,464
Oh!
263
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:00,692
Oh, God.
264
00:11:00,728 --> 00:11:02,128
So, how did the date go?
265
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,962
I've already repressed
the memory.
266
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,967
You owe me big-time for this.
267
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:08,869
Absolutely. You are gonna
get a huge mention
268
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,042
in my rook acceptance speech,
269
00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:12,040
unless they play me off
before I get to you.
270
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:13,912
So, how did you leave things?
271
00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:16,181
He said he was gonna
call me tomorrow.
272
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:19,179
Eric, I cannot go out
with this freak again!
273
00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:21,352
I had pancakes for dinner!
274
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:22,721
In what world
is that a bad thing?
275
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:24,920
Get out of my house. Wait...
276
00:11:24,952 --> 00:11:26,322
how did you get in my house?
277
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:27,863
The less you know, the better.
278
00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:29,888
WOMAN:
And I'm thrilled
279
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:31,993
to announce that the winner of
280
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:35,825
the Mason Hotel
New Artist Grant is...
281
00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:37,873
Zara Sandhu.
282
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:40,228
Oh, my God!
I knew it, I knew it.
283
00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:42,037
Holy crap, I won.
284
00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:43,399
20,000 bucks.
Yes.
285
00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:45,866
What are you gonna do
with your half?
Ha!
286
00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:47,736
Scotch. Scotch.
Scotch. Scotch.
287
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:53,578
Watch your step,
watch your step.
288
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:55,023
(gasps)
289
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,448
Whoa.
290
00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:57,893
That's right,
your Spartan hovel
291
00:11:57,918 --> 00:12:00,218
is now your
Spartan hovel art studio.
292
00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:02,063
Everything you need
to be brilliant.
293
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:03,619
Brand-new paint, brushes.
294
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,586
I think I'm getting
an art boner.
295
00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:08,725
You are a winner.
Now get to painting.
296
00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:10,932
For art boners
lasting more than four hours,
297
00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:12,474
please consult your physician.
298
00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:19,074
Okay.
299
00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:21,306
Start painting, winner.
300
00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:28,152
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
301
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:31,753
Chicken dinner.
302
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:38,589
Hey there.
I'm on a chicken break.
303
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:40,625
Okay.
304
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:44,796
There's nothing on the canvas.
305
00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:46,472
This is my process, Stosh.
306
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:48,999
I don't tell you how to be
a giant asshat all day.
307
00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:50,466
Okay, all right, but you do know
308
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:52,743
we got to turn in a painting
tomorrow, right?
309
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:53,612
I am on it.
310
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:56,640
All right.
You get back to it.
311
00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:59,146
Yolo.
312
00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:01,149
All right.
313
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:03,921
Here we go.
314
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:06,651
Let's light this candle.
315
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,657
All right, why do I smell
sandalwood?
316
00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:14,692
Go away.
317
00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:29,540
You're painting
the easel.
318
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:32,106
It looks good, right?
The Mason Hotel
319
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,345
wants a painting.
320
00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:36,021
They won't
accept an easel.
321
00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:38,649
Or... will they?
322
00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:40,185
No.
323
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:42,390
They won't.
324
00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:45,356
Why can't I paint?
325
00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:47,962
Why can't I paint?
Why?
326
00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,195
Why, why, why?
Hey,
327
00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:52,700
Zara, Stosh told me
about the contest.
328
00:13:52,732 --> 00:13:55,872
Oh! Man, what an exciting
time for both of us.
329
00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:57,403
You, about to be
a famous artist,
330
00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,337
me, about to be the co-third
most important piece
331
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:00,872
on my half of the chessboard.
332
00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:02,478
We're in
the spotlight.
333
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:05,209
Stakes couldn't be higher.
All eyes on us.
334
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:07,305
We fail, we fail
in front of the whole world.
335
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,577
Well, good luck.
336
00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:12,916
Oh, that's why.
337
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,963
(sighs)
338
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:19,090
(footsteps approaching)
ERIC: Hey, Caryn.
339
00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:22,496
Aah! Stop being in my house.
340
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:24,059
I was just checking in.
341
00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:25,827
How are things going
with you and Carl?
342
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,425
Mm, fine.
Yeah?
343
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:29,037
Got another date
coming up, or...
344
00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:30,569
Not exactly, no.
345
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:33,173
What? Hey, you didn't
turn him down, did you?
346
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,836
This isn't a done deal
for me yet, Caryn.
347
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,744
I did not turn him down.
348
00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:38,076
Well, then, what?
349
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:39,581
Oh, God.
350
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:41,212
He hasn't
called you?
No.
351
00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:42,418
Has he
texted you?
No.
352
00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:43,579
Have you texted him?
Yes.
353
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:45,586
What did you text?
Smiley face yesterday,
354
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:47,918
winky face today.
No response.
355
00:14:47,955 --> 00:14:50,085
This is bad. This is so bad.
356
00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:51,933
Wait. Maybe he's dead.
357
00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:53,389
No such luck. I happened to walk
358
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:54,686
by Tech Town, where he works...
359
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,527
In Staten Island?
Mm. Two buses
360
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,933
and a ferry, what of it?
He was in there.
361
00:14:58,966 --> 00:15:00,626
So he's alive
and he hasn't called you?
362
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,937
He's blowing you off.
Caryn, you told me
363
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:05,640
the date went good.
Why is he blowing you off?
I don't know.
364
00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:08,942
This is horrible.
I'm no happier about it
than you are, pal.
365
00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:10,476
What do you care? You
didn't even like him.
366
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,780
I didn't like him.
And then he blew me off,
367
00:15:12,812 --> 00:15:15,952
and now I do like him.
Don't you understand?
368
00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:18,223
This is my disease. Ugh.
369
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,791
And it makes
no sense.
370
00:15:19,819 --> 00:15:22,489
How does a guy
like that blow me off?
371
00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:24,292
I was a great date.
372
00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:25,634
I even told him that funny story
373
00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:27,488
from hygienist school--
you know the one--
374
00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:29,557
the one where the teacher
keeps calling me Goldfarm
375
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:30,956
instead of Goldfarb all year?
376
00:15:30,998 --> 00:15:32,628
That's a terrible story.
377
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:35,435
You told me you liked it.
I was being polite.
378
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:38,938
Can't you read a room?
Eric. Eric, wait.
379
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:41,112
No, Eric, Eric, please,
you have to call him.
380
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:43,441
No. You're only
gonna make it worse.
381
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:45,676
One more date.
Ask him.
382
00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:47,182
No. I might still be okay here.
383
00:15:47,214 --> 00:15:48,984
He asked me to fix him up,
and I did.
384
00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:50,946
It's not my fault
you're a giant snooze.
385
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:55,692
Tell him I'll put out.
All the bases.
386
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,330
All right.
387
00:16:02,362 --> 00:16:03,702
I like what I'm seeing.
388
00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:06,000
How we doing?
You almost finished?
389
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:07,733
Pretty much.
Awesome.
390
00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:10,266
What the hell is that?
391
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,013
I tried going back
to the basics.
392
00:16:12,039 --> 00:16:16,209
This is the "Draw Me" turtle
from the matchbook ads. See?
This sucks.
393
00:16:16,243 --> 00:16:18,283
I know.
Zara, come on.
394
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,481
Work with me here,
all right?
395
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:22,223
We got to turn in
a painting tonight.
396
00:16:22,249 --> 00:16:23,679
Please, be a professional.
397
00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:26,186
That's the problem--
I am not a professional.
398
00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:28,789
I am just a person
and I like to paint,
399
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:31,021
but I can't do it
with all of these people
400
00:16:31,058 --> 00:16:33,558
just watching over me
and expecting some
401
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,333
brilliance
out of me.
402
00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:36,702
You messed with my head,
403
00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:38,969
just so you could get
25% of the money.
404
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,728
Well, I thought we settled
on 35, but that's not the point.
405
00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:44,968
I can't do it. Just...
There's too much pressure.
406
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,474
Just call the...
407
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:49,336
the hotel people
and tell them that I...
408
00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:51,176
I can't do it.
409
00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:54,375
Fine.
410
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:56,824
Fine. You know...
411
00:16:56,849 --> 00:17:00,389
You want to blow the best damn
opportunity you've ever had,
412
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:02,260
then you
go right ahead.
413
00:17:02,289 --> 00:17:03,559
It's ringing.
414
00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:06,130
I thought you were my rep.
415
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,258
Hey, Rachel.
416
00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:12,067
Stosh Lewandoski.
417
00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:15,569
Yeah, hi. Uh, well...
not-not so good, actually.
418
00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:17,872
Listen, I know
it's the 11th hour, but, uh,
419
00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:20,044
unfortunately,
Zara's got to drop out.
420
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:22,683
Yeah, I know, I know. I know,
I'm sorry, but she's just
421
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:25,449
got some personal stuff
going on.
422
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:26,778
Okay. All right, thank you.
423
00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:29,753
Well, I... Thank you
very much. Bye.
424
00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:34,287
Sorry I let you down.
Nah.
425
00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:36,421
No, it's my fault.
426
00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:38,686
You know, I didn't
get you till now.
427
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,755
You don't paint for the world,
you paint for yourself.
428
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:44,264
You know, it's a personal
expression of your own
429
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:45,697
isolation and loneliness.
430
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:48,102
Just you,
in your own
431
00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:51,035
dark little universe.
432
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,140
It-It's okay.
433
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,613
You're back there now.
434
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,786
Two hours should do it.
435
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:14,659
Knight to king bishop four.
436
00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:22,398
(whispers):
Carl.
437
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,295
Hey, how you doing?
438
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:26,507
Fine, thanks.
439
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:28,739
So, uh, this time next week,
you're gonna be king?
440
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:31,805
Pawn to queen's rook three.
That's pretty exciting.
441
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:33,814
Yes, it is.
442
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:37,446
And, uh, I guess
I'll be... I mean...
443
00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:38,854
were you...were you
still thinking
444
00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:40,345
about making me
a rook, or...
445
00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:42,487
Rook to king five.
446
00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:44,562
Excuse me.
Sorry.
447
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:48,530
Caryn?
448
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:50,331
Carl. Oh, my God, hi.
449
00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:53,303
That's right, you do this
whole human chess thing, too.
450
00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:55,703
What a dummy, I forgot.
How are you?
451
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,335
Are you stalking me?
452
00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:58,940
Stalking you?
453
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,871
Pawn to bishop three.
Me, stalking you? Yeah, okay,
454
00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:03,507
I'm stalking you.
I am stalking you.
455
00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:05,513
I know. I saw you
crouching in the bushes
456
00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,005
outside of Tech Town.
Why are you
457
00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:09,346
ignoring me?
You said you had a great time.
458
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:10,852
You said you were gonna call me.
459
00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:13,093
Rook to queen's knight five.
460
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:16,257
Wait.
461
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:18,530
What are
you doing?
462
00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:19,828
Get back to your square.
463
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:21,359
Yeah, yeah, in a second.
I just... I need
464
00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:22,864
to know why you
didn't call me back.
465
00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:24,195
Was it
the Goldfarm story?
466
00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:25,471
Because I realized after--
467
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,198
I never
got to the funniest part.
468
00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:28,704
Caryn, you need to get back
469
00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:30,365
to knight three right now.
No.
470
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,973
Carl, please, come over tonight
and I'll make you dinner.
471
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:35,035
Oh, hey, you like
a nice brisket?
What did she
472
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:36,984
just say about a dinner?
You told me you were
473
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:39,649
through with her.
I am. She just showed up here.
474
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,579
Okay, missy, this
does not concern you.
475
00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:43,824
I think it does. I'm his
girlfriend. We had a fight
476
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,990
last week and he just went out
with you to make me jealous.
477
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:49,518
You went out with me
to make her jealous?
478
00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:51,856
You literally
used me as a pawn?
479
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:54,531
(short laugh) I thought that was
rather elegant, actually.
480
00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:57,361
That was not nice, Carl.
Caryn's a good person.
481
00:19:57,397 --> 00:19:59,027
And she's very
emotionally fragile.
482
00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:00,765
Go back to your square.
No one wants you
483
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:04,770
on this part of the board.
(gasps) Oh, no, you did not.
484
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:07,872
Bring it.
(grunting)
485
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:10,437
No, Caryn, no.
Get off... Get off her.
486
00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:12,007
You get your hands
off her, Carl.
487
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:14,584
(grunting)
488
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:17,254
(everyone growling, grunting)
489
00:20:17,284 --> 00:20:18,424
Bishops don't move that way.
490
00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:20,921
CARL:
I'm filing a formal complaint.
491
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:22,293
(grunts)
492
00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:24,422
WOMAN: Come on!
Ugh.
493
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:27,187
There will be disqualifications.
494
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,226
(alarm blaring)
495
00:20:43,976 --> 00:20:46,246
Oh, wow.
496
00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:47,579
Great work, babe.
497
00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:50,424
All right, let's go.
498
00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:51,780
Where are we going?
499
00:20:51,818 --> 00:20:54,088
To the Mason.
They're waiting for this.
500
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:56,960
We quit. You called
the fancy lady.
501
00:20:56,989 --> 00:21:00,229
No, no, I called Mr. Fong.
He does my shirts.
502
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:03,259
He was very confused.
Very confused.
503
00:21:04,797 --> 00:21:08,127
Wai-Wait, wait, seriously?
504
00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:10,437
Wait, Stosh, wait up.
505
00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:12,670
Aah!
506
00:21:15,842 --> 00:21:17,982
Eric, I told you, I'm sorry.
507
00:21:18,010 --> 00:21:20,650
A checker. I'm demoted
to a checker for six months.
508
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,150
Are you happy now?
509
00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:24,681
Checkers can be fun. They get
to jump over each other.
510
00:21:24,717 --> 00:21:26,647
Don't you dare take her side.
You know, I really
511
00:21:26,686 --> 00:21:29,586
like what you did here with the
smiley face. It's very artistic.
512
00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:32,932
Happens to be my field.
I'd like to rep you.
513
00:21:32,959 --> 00:21:35,189
Uh, I don't make
the smiley faces. Pancho does.
514
00:21:35,227 --> 00:21:37,397
I don't care,
I'd still like to rep you.
515
00:21:41,368 --> 00:21:42,998
Can't cut my pancakes.
516
00:21:44,337 --> 00:21:47,337
Oh, okay, all right,
okay, all right, okay.
517
00:21:47,374 --> 00:21:48,514
I should have been a rook.
518
00:21:48,541 --> 00:21:49,681
Whoa!
Whoa!
Excuse me.
519
00:21:49,709 --> 00:21:52,279
Guess that means
more pancakes for us.
520
00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:53,481
Good night.
521
00:21:53,513 --> 00:21:55,053
Hmm.
522
00:21:55,081 --> 00:21:57,921
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
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