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1
00:00:17,885 --> 00:00:21,015
2
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:32,932
(Southern accent):
Mm...
3
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:35,536
Love don't see
color, Mama.
4
00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:43,783
CARYN:
Oh...
5
00:00:43,811 --> 00:00:45,251
I just love the way
6
00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:47,549
the sweat glistens off
your back in the sun.
7
00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:53,919
(Caryn giggling)
8
00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:57,527
(crinkles)
9
00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,558
(gasps)
Oh...
10
00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:02,733
Where'd you hide
the afikoman?
11
00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:05,765
(door bangs)
(screams)
12
00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:06,969
Gah!
Who's there?!
13
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:07,700
Me.
14
00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:09,295
Oh.
15
00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:11,637
My therapist told me
to keep a dream journal,
16
00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:13,542
so I just...
I got to write this down
17
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:14,784
before I forget.
18
00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:17,948
Um, cotton plantation,
Idris Elba,
19
00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:20,378
Passover Seder...
20
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:22,224
Oh!
Back from the market.
21
00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:23,950
Dinner is at 8:00 p.m. sharp.
22
00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:25,754
Dress is
business casual.
23
00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:27,046
Again?
24
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,257
Ow! Lucky us.
25
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:31,130
I'm gonna need you
to stay out of your kitchen
26
00:01:31,159 --> 00:01:33,189
for the next 45 minutes.
27
00:01:37,465 --> 00:01:38,925
STOSH:
I just stayed naked
28
00:01:38,966 --> 00:01:40,466
the whole day.
(laughter)
29
00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:41,741
Oh, my God, Stosh,
30
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,239
dinner is amazing.
31
00:01:43,271 --> 00:01:45,441
I could not love
this pasta more.
32
00:01:45,473 --> 00:01:47,943
And the cheese. How do you know
all my favorite foods?
33
00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:49,805
I listen and I care.
34
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:51,153
You know,
he's only
35
00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:52,449
been living with me
for a month--
36
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:53,950
already knows everything I like.
37
00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:56,251
Just the other day, I said,
"I like oatmeal."
38
00:01:56,284 --> 00:01:57,624
And he said, "Yeah, I know."
39
00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:59,291
Actually, you screamed it out.
(chuckles)
40
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:00,920
Then you threw
that thing.
Yeah.
41
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,524
So, what's the occasion?
42
00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:05,086
Mm! He had a big job
interview today, right?
43
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:05,985
How'd that go?
44
00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:07,756
Let's just say
45
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:09,355
by this time next week,
anybody in the tri-state area
46
00:02:09,397 --> 00:02:10,957
looking to score some
47
00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:12,768
calcium fluoroaluminosilicate
dental cement
48
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,470
is gonna have to go
through this guy.
49
00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:16,142
That is so badass.
50
00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:17,810
(phone vibrating)
STOSH: Oh!
51
00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:19,438
That's my headhunter now.
Got to take this.
52
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,383
You guys eat up.
There's plenty.
53
00:02:21,409 --> 00:02:23,709
I really cleaned
out the place.
54
00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:26,454
Jerry!
55
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:27,950
(whispering):
Tell me you got some good news.
56
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,881
What?
57
00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:31,147
They're passing?
58
00:02:31,185 --> 00:02:33,645
Did you get it?
59
00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:36,157
Jerry, I am completely broke.
60
00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:38,290
I've been shacking up
with my cousin in Queens,
61
00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:39,956
I'm mooching food
off my neighbors,
62
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,333
and I haven't had my teeth
cleaned professionally
63
00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:43,903
in over a month.
64
00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:46,031
Plus, I owe $1,000
65
00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:49,736
to a very scary man
named Tulip.
66
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:51,510
Like the flower, yes.
67
00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:53,869
Did you get it?
Hey, did you get it?
Looking like it, buddy.
68
00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:56,377
Across the room
exploding fist bump!
69
00:02:56,410 --> 00:02:58,350
(makes explosion noise)
70
00:02:58,379 --> 00:03:00,249
No, trust me,
he is very scary.
71
00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:01,851
It's his given name.
72
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:03,222
He could be Dutch.
73
00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:06,351
Yes, "Dutch" would be
a much scarier nickname.
74
00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:07,517
Who gives a crap?!
75
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:08,985
Jerry, you find me a job.
76
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,422
I am drowning.
77
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:12,762
Jerry, no, come on,
I love the salary,
78
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,733
but these benefits
are crap.
79
00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:16,702
Now, you call me back
when you have something
better, you got it?
80
00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:18,600
Oh...
81
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:20,602
Way to stick it to 'em.
82
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,274
Hey, what's for dessert?
83
00:03:22,303 --> 00:03:24,773
You know, all week I have
been craving something with...
84
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:25,965
Coconut. Right.
85
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:29,641
Whoa. Psychic.
86
00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:34,246
(sportscast playing over TV)
87
00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,923
Oh, boom! You remember
flipping baseball cards
88
00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:43,555
like this when we were kids?
89
00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:46,131
Uh, you used to call the game
"Winner Takes the Cards."
90
00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:49,159
I always won,
but you always took the cards.
91
00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:52,430
You totally misnamed that game.
92
00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:53,896
(chuckles)
93
00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:57,805
Hey, Cousin Stosh...
94
00:03:57,838 --> 00:04:00,308
I-I've been thinking
a lot about something,
95
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:01,941
and it's kind of hard
96
00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:03,405
for me to say.
Uh-huh.
97
00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:05,912
I think it's time you moved back
98
00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:07,206
to your condo in the city.
99
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,447
Okay.
100
00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:11,082
Wait. What?
101
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:12,818
Well, I mean...
102
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:14,463
when Dad died and you offered
103
00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:17,388
to come stay here with me,
that... that was amazing.
104
00:04:17,425 --> 00:04:19,055
But I can't help
105
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,662
but feel selfish for keeping you
from enjoying your life.
106
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:24,095
What, are you kidding me?
107
00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:25,831
Come on. I'm enjoying my life.
108
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:27,636
I mean, look at this.
I love this game.
109
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:29,498
Oh, my gosh, when you
get it in, what a rush.
110
00:04:29,537 --> 00:04:30,997
Come on.
111
00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:32,668
I mean, you wouldn't
rather be out somewhere
112
00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:34,406
with a couple stewardesses,
113
00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:36,812
maybe hanging out
at a fancy discotheque?
114
00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:38,354
Tell me I'm wrong.
You're wrong.
115
00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:40,009
Mainly about
what century we're in,
116
00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:41,847
but most of
the other stuff, too.
117
00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:43,282
I'm telling you, I'm fine.
118
00:04:43,317 --> 00:04:46,287
I mean, you came
to help me heal, and I have.
119
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:49,020
Eric, I hate to break it to you,
but you're not healed.
120
00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:50,486
Uh, I feel like I'm healed.
121
00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:51,764
Of course you do!
122
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,332
Feeling like you're healed
123
00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:55,031
is the classic sign
that you're not really healed.
124
00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:56,532
Really?
125
00:04:56,564 --> 00:04:58,274
Let's face facts here, Eric.
126
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,528
You took care of your parents
for so long,
127
00:05:00,568 --> 00:05:01,938
you've got no life
of your own.
128
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:03,539
Well, I mean, I have a life.
129
00:05:03,571 --> 00:05:05,311
You got any friends?
Yes.
130
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:07,139
You got any friends
that aren't puppets?
131
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:14,348
Yes! All the guys that work the
night shift down at the bridge.
132
00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:15,652
They get together
once a week
133
00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:17,053
to watch a Mets game
at somebody's house.
134
00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:18,724
I hear it is so much fun.
135
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,352
Wait a minute. You telling me
you don't even go?
136
00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:23,458
Well, I...
it's invitation only, so...
137
00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:25,391
I got a feeling
this might be my year.
138
00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:27,396
This is gonna be your year,
all right?
139
00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:28,628
Because I'm here.
140
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,202
I'm here to help.
You see?
141
00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:32,804
You see how this works?
142
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,643
You know, the guy can
be an arrogant jerk,
143
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,198
but he really
can cook a meal.
144
00:05:36,236 --> 00:05:37,406
I know.
145
00:05:37,438 --> 00:05:38,738
I don't usually eat
that kind of cheese,
146
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:40,042
but it was delicious.
147
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:42,413
Um, Zara, you do eat
that kind of cheese.
148
00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:44,213
Every time I buy it,
it disappears.
149
00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:46,214
My therapist told me
that I have to stop
150
00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:47,846
letting people
take advantage of me.
151
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:48,981
Mm-hmm.
152
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:51,016
And how much
does she charge you?
153
00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:52,921
$425 an hour.
154
00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:54,663
But Hilary Duff
goes to her, too.
155
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,388
Well, both you and Hilary Duff
are getting reamed,
156
00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:58,394
because I do not eat
that kind of cheese.
Zara,
157
00:05:58,426 --> 00:05:59,756
you eat my cheese.
158
00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:01,093
And my other food, too.
159
00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:03,158
Luckily, every time you do,
Stosh shows up
160
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,396
with the exact
same stuff.
161
00:06:04,432 --> 00:06:06,432
(gasps)
(laughing)
162
00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:07,697
Son of a bitch.
163
00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:09,095
He stole my food.
164
00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:13,271
Coconut.
165
00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:15,612
Here's the ticket.
166
00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:18,083
The Matushi
65-inch curved
167
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:20,951
ultra-high-def
3D smart TV.
168
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:22,851
You throw this piece of crap
in the Dumpster,
169
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,953
you invite your coworkers
over for a Mets game,
170
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:27,185
and bam!
Instant friends
171
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,890
whose eyes are not
made of buttons.
172
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:31,532
$2,500 though?
I mean, yikes.
173
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:33,029
Well, what about the money
your pops left you?
174
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:34,290
Don't you think
he'd want you
175
00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:35,897
to spend it on
something like this?
176
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:37,899
(phone chimes)
I mean, all he said
in the will
177
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:40,631
is that I shouldn't
spend it "like a moron."
178
00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:44,941
Okay.
179
00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:46,742
Here's how we're gonna do this.
180
00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:48,584
You give me the $2,500.
181
00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:50,109
I'll go buy the TV tomorrow,
182
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:52,253
get it all set up for
you while you're out.
183
00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:53,879
You in?
184
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,424
I'm in.
Yeah?
185
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:57,890
Yeah! Thanks,
Cousin Stosh!
All right.
186
00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,218
Hey, no problem.
(laughing)
187
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,222
Now, you go get that money.
Okay.
188
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,994
Hundreds.
Oh.
189
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,559
All right, so just to be
clear, you're telling me
190
00:07:07,595 --> 00:07:08,995
no one's gonna
notice the difference
191
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,329
between this TV and
the Matushi, right?
192
00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:12,803
What's to know? Same guts.
193
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:14,903
With Matushi,
all you're paying for is name.
194
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,165
It's for my cousin. I just want
to make sure it's a good TV.
195
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:18,674
Not good, my friend, great.
196
00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:20,506
Same guts.
197
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:22,011
I tell you,
you're going to call me and say,
198
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,482
"Shmoolie, sell me another!"
and I say, "No!
199
00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:25,581
At this price, I lose money!"
200
00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:28,553
Really? That sounds like
a terrible business model.
201
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,789
It is. It's cuckoo.
202
00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:36,162
ERIC:
Hey, Kent!
203
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:39,029
Kent! Everyone's invited
to watch the Mets game
204
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:41,599
at my house tomorrow
before work, all right?
205
00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:42,799
Your house?
206
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:44,300
Why would we come
over to your house?
207
00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:45,801
Oh, I don't know.
208
00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:49,273
Maybe because I got a
brand-new 65-inch curved TV.
209
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:50,442
Oh, really?
210
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:53,610
Lewandoski's got
a curved TV!
211
00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:55,841
Lewandoski got a third TV?
212
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,846
No, a curved TV!
213
00:07:57,878 --> 00:07:59,708
Lewandoski's cured VD!
214
00:07:59,747 --> 00:08:01,677
Lewandoski's got
a bird with fleas?
215
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:03,375
He's got a pervy niece!
216
00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:05,316
Is that who watch the third TV?
217
00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:06,692
Curved! It's curvy!
218
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:07,960
Lewandoski's got scurvy?
219
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:10,458
He does? Oh, poor guy!
220
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,660
He just got that curved TV.
221
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,134
So you guys coming?
222
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:18,403
Come on in,
everybody.
223
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:20,131
Uh, make yourselves
at home.
224
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:22,167
Uh, enjoy some snacks
and refreshments in the back
225
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:25,142
and my brand-new
Matushi curved TV.
226
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,512
All right.
Now that's the way I like it.
227
00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:30,011
Long and curved.
228
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:33,254
Thanks, Miranda.
229
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:36,250
I misjudged you, Lewandoski.
230
00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:38,493
You're really
showing me something.
231
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:41,248
This TV says a lot
about who you really are.
232
00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:43,318
Thanks, Kent.
233
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,656
I got my eye on you!
234
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:48,233
I got my eye on this guy, huh?
235
00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:51,674
For the scurvy.
236
00:08:51,699 --> 00:08:53,099
Oh...
237
00:08:56,103 --> 00:08:57,543
(gasps)
238
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:01,843
Finally!
239
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,905
I texted you "911,"
like, 911 times.
240
00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:05,084
I'm sorry.
241
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:06,082
I thought you were my mom.
242
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:07,553
She texts me "911"
243
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:09,181
every time one of her friends
from temple
244
00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:10,416
mentions she has a single son.
245
00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:12,020
What's up?
246
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,792
I did a little checking
on our friend Stosh--
247
00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:15,061
if that is his real name.
248
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:16,458
Oh, my God. It's not?
249
00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:18,629
It is. I was doing that
more for effect.
250
00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:21,089
So what did you find out?
Tell me!
251
00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:22,958
He doesn't own
any condo in the city.
252
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:25,366
That thing went bye-bye
the moment he lost his job.
253
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:26,698
He's broke,
254
00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:28,144
and from what I'm seeing,
255
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:29,438
pretty much blackballed
256
00:09:29,469 --> 00:09:31,399
from the entire
dental sales business.
257
00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:33,568
This is a lot
of information.
258
00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:34,777
What site is this?
259
00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:36,478
ZARA:
"AmIDatingaDouchebag.com."
260
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:38,409
By the way,
I know you date a lot,
261
00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:40,145
so I signed you up
for a full year.
262
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:41,480
Thought it might
come in handy.
263
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:42,754
Yeah, my therapist
suggested
264
00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:43,923
that site, too.
265
00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:45,121
So he's been lying?
266
00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:47,792
About everything?
267
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:49,621
And poor Eric
has no idea.
268
00:09:49,657 --> 00:09:50,887
Mm-mm.
269
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,734
Ready to send it over to you
270
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,400
at Citi Field in New York City
for the first pitch,
271
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,158
as the 35 and 61 Mets...
272
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:58,827
Mets.
Come on, Mets.
273
00:09:58,866 --> 00:10:01,166
...square off against
the 41 and 56 Phillies.
274
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:02,441
Buckle up, baseball fans...
275
00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:03,739
Whoa!
276
00:10:03,771 --> 00:10:04,841
(all exclaiming)
Turn it on!
277
00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:06,612
New TV broken!
No, no.
278
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:09,010
It's just a-a little
technical difficulty.
279
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,112
(all groaning)
280
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:12,753
(Eric screaming)
281
00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:14,110
Fire! Save yourselves!
282
00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:16,277
VIJAY:
Here, Jimmy, use your cane!
283
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:17,446
JIMMY:
You've got my cane!
284
00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:19,324
(panicked shouting)
285
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:21,862
ERIC:
Stay calm! Stay calm!
My eyes aren't working!
286
00:10:21,889 --> 00:10:24,759
Be calm!
MIRANDA:
Somebody's grabbing my ass.
287
00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:26,932
JIMMY:
Mine, too!
WOMAN:
Somebody grabbed my ass!
288
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,200
There we go. There we go.
We're good, we're good.
289
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:30,629
Wait a second.
290
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:33,474
This isn't a Matushi;
this is a Mabushi.
291
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,100
It looks like a Matushi,
292
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:36,995
but has completely
different guts.
293
00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:40,167
A Mabushi? I don't...
I don't understand.
294
00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:41,507
Well, let me explain.
295
00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:43,711
Because of your cheapness,
296
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:46,214
we won't be able
to watch the Mets game
297
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:48,176
for the first time ever!
298
00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:50,619
Shame on you!
299
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,520
Shame... on... you!
300
00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:54,692
Let's get out of here!
301
00:10:54,722 --> 00:10:56,962
No, no! Guys!
Come on, don't go.
302
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,330
Hey, I have a solar-powered
radio upstairs.
303
00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:01,329
Sounds amazing
when it's not cloudy.
304
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:02,831
Miranda? Please stay.
305
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,703
I loved you.
306
00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:09,573
Well, that was
a huge overreaction!
307
00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:13,242
The Mets were mathematically
eliminated in June!
308
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:15,283
By the way.
309
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:18,209
This sucks.
310
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:26,524
What's going on?
311
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:28,893
And why do I smell...
(sniffs)
312
00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:30,492
burning TV set?
313
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:33,193
Hmm, smells more like
lying douche bag to me.
314
00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:35,856
Okay, clearly there have been
315
00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:38,166
some developments since I left.
316
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,828
That crappy TV
you bought Eric blew up
317
00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:41,327
in front of all of his friends.
318
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:42,838
He was so humiliated.
319
00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:44,370
I wanted to cry.
320
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,014
So I did.
321
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,839
Damn. Where is he?
322
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:50,075
Upstairs. And he doesn't
want to see you.
323
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:52,880
Yeah, I'll make it right.
He doesn't want to see you.
324
00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:55,453
Okay. Okay!
325
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,553
(groans)
326
00:11:58,585 --> 00:12:00,745
Ow!
327
00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:02,921
ERIC:
Who is it?
328
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,216
Stosh.
329
00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:06,127
Go away.
330
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:07,900
Who is it?
331
00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:10,228
Still Stosh.
332
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:12,503
Go away.
333
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:15,736
Can we talk?
334
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:16,639
No.
335
00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:17,769
Come on, turn around.
336
00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:19,305
You're creeping me out.
337
00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:21,709
Promised myself I'd never
lay eyes on you again.
338
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,381
Look, I needed to save
a couple bucks
339
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,780
on the TV to get myself
out of a tough situation.
340
00:12:25,813 --> 00:12:27,413
My kidneys were in jeopardy.
341
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:28,617
Come on,
342
00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:29,778
I was gonna pay you back!
343
00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:31,277
It's not about the TV.
344
00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:32,718
Then what is it?
345
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:35,922
Why'd you come
to my father's funeral that day?
346
00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:38,586
Why'd you offer to come here
and stay with me?
347
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:39,885
And please, don't lie.
348
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:41,127
'Cause if you lie,
349
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:43,601
my father will turn over
in his grave.
350
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:45,630
Look, I told you...
351
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:47,065
it was to help you out.
352
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,570
That's a lie!
353
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:49,901
You're a liar!
354
00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:52,107
You lost your job
and your condo
355
00:12:52,139 --> 00:12:54,569
the day before, and you just
needed a free place to stay.
356
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:56,177
All right, who told you that?
357
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:57,409
I'm not an idiot, Cousin Stosh.
358
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:59,154
I can figure things out
for myself.
359
00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:00,749
I mean, maybe not
this particular thing.
360
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:01,820
Zara told me.
361
00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:03,419
But when she did,
362
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:06,590
I promised myself I would
never lay eyes on you again.
363
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,189
Damn it.
364
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:09,991
And you know what? Now my...
now my father's turned over
365
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,023
in his grave.
366
00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:12,188
Thanks a lot for that, too!
367
00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:13,755
Come on, I-I
didn't tell you
368
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,803
what was going on
with me because
369
00:13:15,829 --> 00:13:17,829
I didn't want to stress you out,
you know?
370
00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:19,495
Oh, so if you hadn't
have lost your condo,
371
00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:21,372
would you have still
moved in here with me?
372
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:23,201
Is this another
"my father will turn over
373
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:24,696
in his grave" question?
374
00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:25,967
Yup.
375
00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:26,966
Uh, no.
376
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:28,637
No, I would not have moved in.
377
00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:30,135
Damn it!
378
00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:31,337
You could've at least lied
379
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:33,508
to get him back
in the right position.
380
00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:35,316
You know what?
381
00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:36,778
You're a bad person.
382
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:37,886
Hey, come on.
383
00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:39,518
You are.
384
00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:42,722
I am so glad I promised myself
I would never lay eyes on...
385
00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:47,959
I want you to move out.
386
00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:49,355
What?
387
00:13:49,396 --> 00:13:51,696
Are you deaf?
I said move out right now.
388
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,801
Hey. Come on,
let's take a breath here.
389
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:54,903
It's me.
390
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:56,835
It's Cousin Stosh.
391
00:13:56,870 --> 00:14:00,370
I have no Cousin Stosh,
Cousin Stosh.
392
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,254
I know you're still in here.
393
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:17,187
Oh, I can play this game
as long as you can.
394
00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:23,103
Come aboard, Gwendolyn, but
don't forget the sacks of gold
395
00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:24,700
your father left
you when he died.
396
00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:26,101
(higher voice):
Oh, I won't.
397
00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:27,233
They're stashed away.
398
00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:29,097
In my royal underwear.
399
00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:30,496
(kids laugh)
Oh, no!
400
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:31,567
The gold is too heavy!
401
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:33,114
We must throw it overboard!
402
00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:35,710
No! I wanted to buy
a 65-inch curved
403
00:14:35,742 --> 00:14:37,412
ultra-high-def television!
404
00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:38,554
(gasps dramatically)
405
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,108
(normal voice):
You see, kids?
406
00:14:40,147 --> 00:14:42,877
Now the prince needs
to learn the hard way.
407
00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:45,786
(gargling)
408
00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:50,057
Oh! Oh, my God! No! No!
409
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:54,528
I'll see you in hell,
douche bag!
410
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:55,701
(gargling)
411
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:58,268
(grunting)
412
00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:02,466
All right, thank you.
413
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:06,106
Next show's in five minutes.
414
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,480
(knocking)
415
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:12,113
Yes?
Hi.
416
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:15,215
I'm Caryn. I'm looking for
Stosh Lewandoski. Is he here?
417
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:18,088
Oh, yeah, of course he's here.
He's my fiancé.
418
00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:19,748
Your fiancé?
Yeah!
419
00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:22,656
Yup! Yes, I am.
420
00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:26,259
Sue, this is Caryn,
my, uh, French tutor.
421
00:15:27,294 --> 00:15:30,334
(speaking French)
422
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,768
You know, actually
I'm off the clock right now.
423
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,300
Do you mind if I speak
with my tutor in private?
424
00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:37,596
(speaks French)
425
00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:38,667
Okay.
426
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:39,935
Thanks, honey.
427
00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:41,613
Hey!
Do you ever
428
00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:42,841
tell anyone the truth?
429
00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:44,505
What is this
poor woman gonna say
430
00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:46,114
when you don't marry her?
431
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,176
Oh, same thing as usual,
I'm sure, you know.
432
00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:50,975
We're kind of in a "fool me 12
times, shame on you" situation.
433
00:15:51,018 --> 00:15:53,088
Don't worry. She'll
be fine. What's up?
434
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,120
"What's up?"
Your cousin is devastated.
435
00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:58,785
Stosh, he trusted you,
and you used him!
436
00:15:58,825 --> 00:15:59,955
Well, hey, wait a minute!
437
00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:01,533
I needed a place to crash.
438
00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:03,001
He needed somebody
to hang out with.
439
00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:04,260
It was a very fair deal.
440
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,997
Well, he didn't think
it was a deal.
441
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:07,703
He thought you were
being sincere.
442
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:09,204
Yeah, that was
the beauty of it
443
00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:11,166
until you guys opened
your fat pie holes.
444
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:12,774
Oh, my God.
445
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,135
You have so many walls up.
446
00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:15,884
And it's not just me
who thinks so.
447
00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:17,538
My therapist totally agrees.
448
00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:19,347
Oh, really? She agrees
with someone helping her
449
00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:21,309
pay her mortgage--
who'd have thunk it?
450
00:16:21,348 --> 00:16:23,478
She says you create
walls of deception,
451
00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:25,286
so you never have
to get close to anyone.
452
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:26,848
You tell that
Park Avenue therapist
453
00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:28,956
that in the real world,
people don't have time
454
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,618
to sit in bean bag chairs and
whine about their feelings.
455
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:33,528
The world is a tough place;
you got to figure out
456
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,330
what you need to do to
survive, or you drown.
457
00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:37,332
You tell her that and
see what she says.
458
00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:38,904
(door closes)
459
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:40,671
She said this isn't
about the world
460
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:43,340
being tough, this is
about you being scared.
461
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:45,570
Scared of what?
Being vulnerable.
462
00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:47,565
You think if you showed
that side of yourself,
463
00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:49,877
no one will love
you or help you.
464
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:51,539
Maybe that's because
nobody ever did.
465
00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:53,148
Nobody.
466
00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:56,050
What does your fancy therapist
have to say to that, huh?
467
00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:57,853
She says,
468
00:16:57,884 --> 00:17:00,594
"Go on."
469
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:03,560
When I was eight,
I was the only kid at school
470
00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:05,990
that didn't have
any baseball cards.
471
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:09,525
So I asked my mother if I could
have some money to get some.
472
00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:10,862
She said no.
473
00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:12,327
I started crying.
474
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,725
She went right to the window,
opened it,
475
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:16,167
and yelled out to the street,
476
00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:18,543
"Hey, come up to 11D
if you want to see
477
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:20,711
the world's biggest crybaby!"
478
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:23,710
Oh, my goodness.
And they came, too.
A bunch of people came.
479
00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:25,553
One guy even brought
his grandparents.
480
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:27,878
But that's when I realized
what I needed to do
481
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:29,424
to survive in this world.
482
00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:31,949
Steal money from her wallet
when she was drunk.
483
00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:36,156
(muffled babbling)
484
00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:40,462
That is heartbreaking.
485
00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:42,603
(sighs)
Rinse and spit.
486
00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:46,100
Hey!
487
00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:48,473
I had to cancel my
session this week.
488
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:49,871
(grunts)
Sorry.
489
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,212
I didn't have time
for breakfast.
490
00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:53,609
My therapist
says it wasn't
491
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:55,310
just Eric who needed
help that day.
492
00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:57,882
It was also a little
boy named Stosh.
493
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,480
I couldn't tell him the truth.
494
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,912
It would shatter
his image of me.
495
00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:04,618
Plus, he's so easy to lie to.
496
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:07,745
How do I make this right?
497
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:10,957
You could go to him right now
and ask him to forgive you.
498
00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:11,920
But what if he says no?
499
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:13,788
What if he says yes?
500
00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:16,057
(sniffling)
501
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,725
Okay.
502
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:21,434
Okay, I'm gonna
go get my jacket.
503
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:23,468
(door closes)
504
00:18:23,503 --> 00:18:25,273
Son of a bitch!
505
00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:28,005
He stole therapy from me!
506
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,780
And a teeth cleaning.
507
00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:39,316
$7.50, please.
508
00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:41,522
MAN:
There you go.
509
00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:50,759
Oh, hi, Zara!
510
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,767
Hi, Caryn!
511
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:53,999
Now, why are you
in the backseat
512
00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:55,343
when the passenger
seat's vacant?
513
00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:56,868
That seems so silly.
514
00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:57,843
Eric, can we talk?
515
00:18:57,870 --> 00:18:59,370
$7.50, please.
516
00:18:59,406 --> 00:19:01,336
Eric, you might want to
hear what he has to say.
517
00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:02,644
Yeah, you actually might.
518
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:03,935
Yeah, listen,
there was a lot of things
519
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,446
that I wanted
to say before,
520
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:06,678
but I couldn't. But since then,
521
00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:08,483
I've had a lot of good therapy.
522
00:19:08,515 --> 00:19:10,775
Several thousand
dollars worth.
523
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:13,447
Listen, it all goes back
to my childhood, all right?
524
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,716
I don't even remember
my own mother hugging me.
(car horn honking)
525
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:17,015
Hey, shut up!
526
00:19:17,056 --> 00:19:19,126
We got a beautiful thing
happening here!
527
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:22,028
Whoa! He's got crazy eyes.
528
00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:24,031
We're gonna circle back around.
Don't go anywhere.
529
00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:25,373
Don't take any breaks.
Bye.
530
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:26,968
STOSH: All right,
how do we get out?
531
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:27,869
Where's the off ramp?
Where's the off ramp?
532
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,370
How do we get out of here?
533
00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:33,511
Okay, go ahead, and skip all the
"Mommy didn't love me" crap.
534
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:36,310
No, he can't skip that.
That's the most important part.
535
00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:38,083
Okay, then you pay the $7.50.
I didn't go to the ATM.
536
00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:40,880
Ah! Okay!
This is what's happening!
537
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:44,183
This is going here,
this is going here. Get out!
538
00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:45,887
Good luck to both of you!
539
00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:47,518
ERIC:
$7.50, please.
540
00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:50,694
Oh, geez! It's not even
that great of a bridge!
541
00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:52,093
Bye!
542
00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:53,364
(car horns honking)
543
00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:54,733
Can I come in there, please?
544
00:19:54,761 --> 00:19:56,661
No, this is completely
against regulations.
545
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:58,226
If you leave me out here,
I'm gonna be
546
00:19:58,265 --> 00:19:59,765
dead in about five seconds.
Please.
547
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:02,669
Thank you.
548
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,472
All right. Okay.
549
00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:08,709
A little tight in here.
550
00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:09,711
Yup.
551
00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:11,242
Look, Eric.
552
00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:13,848
You're the only one in
our family that liked me.
553
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,280
Or... looked up to me.
(car horn honks)
554
00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:16,675
WOMAN:
Hey, buddy! Come on!
555
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:19,686
I don't got all day here.
$7.50, please.
556
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:22,459
So, you liked me and...
557
00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:25,219
I guess I didn't really feel
like I deserved to be liked.
558
00:20:25,258 --> 00:20:27,188
So I gave you
a bunch of crap.
559
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,626
Hey, Sam, Diane. How do I get
to the Westside Highway?
560
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:31,062
Take FDR to 96th Street.
561
00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:32,697
Zip across town,
it'll get you right there.
562
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,432
Thanks.
Right. Um, gave you
563
00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:35,737
a bunch of crap
when we were kids,
564
00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:36,898
fell in the same
patterns now,
565
00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:38,466
projecting my insecurities,
566
00:20:38,505 --> 00:20:40,405
making up for my
own shortcomings...
MAN: Hey, yo!
567
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,440
$7.50, please.
568
00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:44,235
Cycle-- bullying, hurt,
bullying, hurt.
569
00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:46,447
Never wanted to hurt you.
Love you more than anyone.
570
00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:49,449
Incredibly sorry.
Please forgive me.
571
00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:56,163
I was hoping you'd say
that exact thing.
572
00:20:56,188 --> 00:20:58,058
I love you, kuzyn.
573
00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:00,690
I love you, too, Cousin Stosh.
574
00:21:02,529 --> 00:21:05,229
MAN:
Pardon me. Excuse me.
575
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:06,774
$7.50, please.
576
00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:09,739
Hey, Lewandoski's
hugging his cousin.
577
00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:11,969
Who's hugging his cousin?
Lewandoski!
578
00:21:12,004 --> 00:21:14,174
Lewandoski clubbing his puffin?
579
00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:15,906
No! Hugging his cousin!
580
00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:17,812
Lewandoski's drugging a Russian!
581
00:21:17,844 --> 00:21:19,514
Lewandoski's got
a concussion?
582
00:21:19,546 --> 00:21:21,446
Lewandoski's got a concussion?!
583
00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:23,521
A concussion?
On top of the scurvy?
584
00:21:23,550 --> 00:21:25,850
That guy's having one bad week.
585
00:21:25,885 --> 00:21:27,645
Hugging his cousin!
586
00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:30,257
This the same guy who won't
let you come to see Mets games?
587
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:32,789
You the same guy that won't
let him watch the Mets games?
588
00:21:32,825 --> 00:21:34,425
ERIC:
You suck, Kent.
589
00:21:34,461 --> 00:21:36,261
All right!
Come here. Come here.
590
00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:38,025
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
591
00:21:38,064 --> 00:21:39,504
Good night.
592
00:21:39,532 --> 00:21:41,202
Hmm.
40994
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