Original subtitles

Hayley >> Okay, I'll see ya.

Um, are you okay, Mr. Stockley?

>> I'm better than okay.

I've just received the most wonderful news.

Principal Nuss has a terrible strep infection.

>> Um, hurray. >> Which means I'm in charge

of the school for the next five days.

More if the strain is drug-resistant.

>> Well, congratulations.

So, what's your first order of business?

>> I have so many things that I've wanted to do for so long.

More social leaning, more cognitive development,

but we have to prioritize, so I'm starting with

Matsoh Ball Soup Thursday. Hayley >> Huh.

>> You there! Learn!

See, I'm a natural.

[analyzer beeps]

Jake >> Has the analyzer figured out what we caught?

Felix >> We have no matches. I think we stumbled upon

a new species of monster.

Now remember, we have to be very careful cause we have no idea

of what this creature is capable of.

>> Let's put a mouse in there. >> No!

This is a level five lockdown.

The most extreme security measure.

[lid grinding open] No contact,

constant monitoring, hyper vigilance.

>> We should add 'secure lid' to that list.

[Felix sighs] >> You know what, you're so...

Ahhh! The Anita Garcia just escaped!

Jake >> The what? >> I thought I could name it

after my grandmother. >> I caught it too!

I was going to name it the Oculypse.

It's a much better name for a monster - it's scary.

>> Ugh, my grandmother's plenty scary, thank you.

Now remember, all we have to do is keep the Anita Garcia

contained in HQ.

>> How are we going to find this thing?

>> We just need to ah, collect all of our knowledge together.

>> Okay.

It escapes when a lid is open. Now what?

How can we find something we know nothing about?

This thing could turn invisible, shrink down, shape-shift.

We may never find this monster...

>> Aahh!

All we need is luck, okay. Luck.

>> Boys, today is going to be the greatest day of my...

[stinger snaps] Ow!

Hm? [thud]

[monster gurgles]

[elevator bell dings]

>> Well, now we know it has a paralyzing stinger

and it can work an elevator.

***

***

***

***

***

***

***

Jake >> The Oculypse may be the most elusive creature

we've ever faced. To find it will take

100 percent concentration. >> Absolutely.

>> Hey, Sara, what's up? >> I don't know.

>> Hey, hey, me too. I don't know what's up either.

Sara >> Whatever.

>> Great focus there, lover boy. Okay, do you think maybe

we can spend a little more time hunting monsters

and a little less time talking to girls

you're never going to get with?

>> Pulleeeze! I got game.

I just keep it contained. [Hayley laughs]

>> Uh-ha. A: You have no game.

B: There's a monster on the loose.

And C: Sara is in a completely different league than you.

And she's kind of dumb. >> Well, which is she?

Dumb or out of my league? >> Both.

[girl screams] [stinger snaps, thud]

Hayley >> Are you okay?

>> I...I don't think so. I can't get up.

Hayley >> It's ah, just ah, beuf bourguignon.

It's not settling too well with most of the students.

Jake >> Take this disc thingy.

It's the Oculypse. >> The what?

Hayley >> Okay, we need to find a safe place to keep Carrie

until we can get over our 'bourguignon problem'.

Then, we'll go for the Oculypse. >> Right.

[Carrie groans] Jake >> Okay!

Just a sprained ankle. Excuse us.

>> Whoa!

See, now you two look good together.

She's more in your league.

She's kind of a loner, a solid C student and the first girl

in Lakewood history to make it on the wrestling team.

And, now there's that whole gratitude factor.

Carrie >> Hello, my hearing is still fine.

>> And she has good hearing. Jake >> Hm.

[disc gurgles]

Felix >> It's either a part of its system of feeding

or reproduction.

>> Either way, get it away from my head.

>> Mr. Stockley, according to these tests,

you'll remain paralyzed for the next six hours.

>> I have a school to run.

Don't people think being is just sitting behind a desk

doing nothing, but there's stapling and filing

and most importantly, walking through the hallways

with a baseball bat, like in that movie.

>> You have more intimidation from the neck up

than most people have in their whole bodies.

>> That's kind of you to say. But I wasn't sure I'd be

a good principal even before my arms and legs stopped working.

Just look at me know - can't even move.

Felix >> Obviously, you don't remember that time I baked you

that cake for your birthday.

>> Strawberry and chocolate frosting on a walnut cake.

Who could forget that? >> Exactly, but what you

may not know is that I had poison ivy on my hands

and I baked that whole cake with my bare feet.

>> I had a cake made with feet?

[gulps] >> That's not important.

What's important is if you just believe in yourself.

You will be the greatest Principal in Lakewood history.

Anyone would be proud to stand beside you.

>> That's good to hear, because you're going to be

my assistant today.

>> Oh, we shouldn't both look so stupid.

But okay.

Jake >> The Oculypse sure works fast.

It's a good thing we found this empty classroom.

Hayley >> Just one of the many benefits

of them cutting the music program.

Todd >> It was so big and it reached out and stung me.

We've got to call the authorities.

Hayley >> Shhh, it's okay. It's just a dream.

Beuf bourguignon does that to you.

>> It's true. Todd >> A dream?

Well, then you being here makes sense.

I've had a crush on you ever since I met you

in the playground.

I even ate a whole bucket of sand just to impress you.

>> Did we go to nursery school together?

>> No, this was last year. >> Oh.

Jake >> Quite a catch. Todd >> Hey, I'm a three letter

varsity athlete, buddy. >> Wow, another dumb,

selfish jock. >> And after I'm finished

building the Lakewood Community Center for Underprivileged Kids,

Harvard's inviting me to an interview.

>> Make sure you tell them that sand story.

>> I don't know, he's kind of cute.

>> He eats sand. Todd >> Hey, that's it!

You and me, buddy, right now.

>> You're paralyzed. >> Any excuse

to get out of the butt-kicking that's coming to you.

Jake >> What are you going do, blink me to death?

>> You get over here, about an inch away from my face

and you'll find out. I just wish I had pink-eye.

>> Come on, let's go. Todd >> Yeah, that's right.

You run away, coward! [snap snap snap]

>> Okay, Mr. S, let's try this one more time, hm?

[sigh] [thud]

Now we know, glue sticks don't work.

Ahh!

>> I don't know how I'm going to get through this day, Felix.

>> Mr. S... [snap snap]

these trying times... [snap snap]

bring out the best of us.

>> You're right, Felix. Chin up.

[door rattles]

>> Who is in charge here? >> Huh?

Oh, he is.

>> Hi, I'm Mr. Stockley, acting Principal of Lakewood High.

>> I'm Ms. Wall, School Superintendent.

What are you doing on the floor? >> Ahh...

>> He's just demonstrating an experimental technique

of full body relaxation to clear the mind.

Watch how relaxed he is.

[creaks and soft groans]

Huh?

[bangs]

>> See, can't feel a thing.

Ms. Wall >> We'll see how relaxed you are after I finish

my inspection.

Tisk, tisk, tisk.

***

[groan]

>> What am I going to do, Felix?

>> I may have the answer to that.

>> Is it going to make look ridiculous?

>> Ha ha ha. Mr. Stockley, not at all.

***

Okay, arm left, towards the pod.

[machine whir] Ha!

Impressive, right? I made it for my Grandpa

Pep-Pep-Louie so he could dance on his 80th birthday.

The man loved to dance.

>> This is pretty impressive. This might actually work.

>> I can control your motions

and Ms. Wall wouldn't suspect anything.

Here, let me give you these Principal's keys

so you can look a little bit more professional.

Just put them right here. There.

>> I like it. Let's see me walk.

>> You got it. [beep]

[Charleston music plays]

Felix? >> Oops,

I forgot the Charleston was the default setting.

[beep] [music stops]

Sorry, Mr. Stockley. >> That's okay, Felix.

I have confidence in you. The only way we're going to get

through today is by keeping up a positive mental attitude.

[disc gurgles]

[boom, squirt]

We're doomed.

***

[school bell rings]

***

[gasp] >> Go!

***

>> We're getting crowded. Todd >> Back for some more?

Come on, tough guy. I'm about to dream

I kick you up and down the hallway...argh!

I'm good, Hayley. Just a little bit of dream pain.

>> Why does the monster leave these discs?

What are they for?

>> Jake, you need to be careful, okay?

Dude, you don't even know what they do.

>> Hayley, I caught the Oculypse.

I've seen it more than anyone else alive,

so let an expert handle this.

>> Fine.

>> Come over here. Take a look at this.

[disc gurgles]

[boom, splat]

Well, we now know we can't put them under light.

>> Ha, amazing discovery. [watchcom beeps]

Felix >> Jake, Hayley, be careful with those pods.

They explode when they're exposed to bright light.

Perhaps, this news comes a tad late.

>> Yeah.

[disco music plays] [machine whir]

>> Shut this thing off. What if Ms. Wall sees me?

>> I'm so sorry, sir. I'm experiencing a bit

of technical difficulty with Pep-Pep-Louie's suit.

Stockley >> Status report.

Jake >> Well, you could use a little work on your 'M'.

Hayley >> And the Oculypse is still on the loose.

>> You mean, the Anita Garcia. >> Whatever.

And it's leaving these pods all over the place.

>> Felix, shut this thing off now.

>> Okay, okay. [beeps]

[thud] Ooops.

[machine whir]

Stockley >> Well, these things are left behind

by the 'Anita Garcia' when it attacks.

Someone hand me the MDA.

[slaps]

Jake >> Why do they call it a MDA again?

>> Because if you call them Monster Dropping Analyzer,

nobody wants to touch it.

Jake, in there.

[analyzer beeps]

>> What do you think, Mr. Stockley?

>> It's filled with a slow-acting but powerful acid.

The Oculypse has no teeth so it must first dissolve

all it's food into liquid form and then slurp it up.

>> Just like the real Anita Garcia.

[Hayley groans]

[acid sizzles]

>> Ahh, how long does the dissolving take?

Stockley >> Better get to the decontamination center

before you liquefy. Felix >> Make sure

you put it on 'high'. Stockley >> Now, I've got

to stay here and prove myself to Ms. Wall.

Hayley, Jake, capture that monster.

Find all the kids that have been attacked and the acid pods

that go with them. Jake >> We need something

to put these in to shield them from the light.

>> Ahh! >> Huh?

Felix >> Wow, so that's what they do with all

the music department's money. >> Being principal

does have its privileges. >> Here, take this.

>> Hey, how are we going know if we've found all the victims

and the pods? Stockley >> You'll be able

to track them by the smell of the pods.

They give off this noxious sulfur odor.

>> Just like my grandma. Ha ha.

[Jake and Hayley groan]

[beeps] [thud]

Hayley >> Okay, here's what we need to do,

go classroom by classroom, hallway by hallway

looking for victims, pods and Oculypses.

Got it? >> I think I got it.

There's just still one thing I don't understand.

>> Yeah? >> Why do think Sara Snodgrass

is in a different league than me?

>> Jake, it's like comparing apples to...

a fruit that nobody wants.

[stinger snaps, girls screams, thud]

Ms. Wall >> You there, get off the floor.

Jake >> Wow, is it nap time already?

Hayley >> Ah, must be. Ha ha ha.

>> Ha ha. Hayley >> Yeah, ha ha.

Jake >> Shh, nap time. No talking.

You don't want to got to detention.

Hayley >> Uh-ahh. Ms. Wall >> Nap time?

Sleeping in the hallways. This is outrageous.

>> Well according to acting principal Stockley,

teens are notoriously sleep deprived

so he's instituted a mandatory nap time.

Jake >> Yes, wherever you are at...12:42

you must lie down for 20 minutes and catch a few zzz's.

You'll wake up feeling like a brand new you.

>> I'm hoping that by the time you wake up,

you'll have a brand new principal.

***

Jake >> Well, I think we've got all the discs.

>> Good, as they're in the dark, they'll be safe.

[stinger snaps, thud]

Hayley >> The Anita Garcia. Jake >> The Oculypse.

>> I think the sound came from Mr. Shapkin's

History of Dead Languages class.

>> The Oculypse could paralyze them all and we'd never know.

>> You call this acceptable? >> It's a floor.

I like Spanish tile, but what can I do?

>> There were students sleeping on this floor a minute ago?

>> Oh, that's probably Mr. Shapkin's Dead Languages class.

>> Are you mocking me?

And what is with this jumpsuit?

If I were you, I would watch my step very carefully.

[machine whirs] I'm watching you.

[machine whirs]

>> I'm not doing this to mock you.

Ms. Wall >> No one takes the job of education seriously.

Hmm...

Oh, perfect example. Flying discs in the hallway.

This is not a place of fun or excitement.

This is school.

***

Jake >> You know, when the Oculypse ran into

the boys locker room, I didn't think you would follow it.

>> Jake, I am a monster hunter first

and a lady second, all right.

I'm just glad we caught this thing in the towel bin

before Big Alfonso got out of the shower.

[Oculypse snarls]

[whack] Aii!

***

This is one foul-smelling monster.

>> I don't think it's the monster.

Uh-oh. Hayley >> No, no, no.

Please, no. >> The acid pods are gone.

>> If these are exposed to light,

all the pods together could cause a chain reaction

that would cause the school to dissolve, Jake.

>> Really? >> We have to stop it.

>> Yeah, right. [Oculypse snarls]

So, here's what we can do. We'll go from class to class

pretending to be exterminators and making people wait outside.

We'll need chemical tanks, disguises and a license.

>> We could pull the fire alarm.

>> Hayley, I'm trying to concentrate.

We may also need a truck, and bugs.

Ha, hundreds of thousands of bugs.

***

***

***

[machine whirs] >> Felix, make it stop!

Felix >> I think I got it.

[Stockley groans]

>> Felix, what's going on? Talk to me.

>> The battery is running out of power, sir.

>> Well, get a new one. Oh, I'm gonna puke.

Ms. Wall >> Mr. Stockley, you have been in charge

of this school for exactly six hours.

During that time, the truancy rate has quadrupled,

the was a sulfur stench permeating the halls,

someone is stealing towels from the boys locker room

and your students are napping on the floor.

>> Hear me out, I can explain.

Ms. Wall >> Fine, go ahead.

>> I can't explain. >> I'm sorry.

I'm afraid you leave me no choice but to recommend

to the board that you be removed at Acting Principal.

>> But you can't do that, I just got started.

You've got to give me a chance.

>> I don't have to give you a thing!

You're obviously not taking any of this very seriously.

>> That's not true. >> Good bye, Mr. Stockley.

>> Do what you want. But you and I both know

Lakewood High is not a disaster.

[fire alarm bell rings]

>> FIRE!

Jake >> Great idea pulling the fire alarm.

>> Hey, everyone will be able to get out of danger and we'll

have enough time to evacuate the paralyzed kids from music class.

Stockley >> Felix, fix this. >> The power's fading.

It's not responding to any of my commands.

Hayley >> Mr. Stockley, we captured the Oculypse.

The pods were stolen.

They're no longer being protected from light

and they could blow at any second.

>> My first day as principal and I blow up the whole school.

I knew that I wasn't up to this.

Hayley >> Felix, we could try to locate the pods by tracking

the sulfur emissions in school. >> Good idea, Hayley.

[detector beeps]

Oh, major emissions from the cafeteria.

Jake >> The pods? >> No.

It's just fish stick day.

No, wait, wait, wait... from the teachers lounge.

They're all in the teachers lounge.

And there are a lot of them, together.

If one explodes, they all explode into one massive

acid school-dissolving conflagration.

>> All right, Jake, you go get those pods.

Felix and Hayley, get the paralyzed kids

out of the school. We've got to get serious here.

Ms. Wall >> He certainly looks calm.

Felix >> Ahh, calm is one way to describe it.

The man risks this life, dances for the students

during a gas leak.

I'd say he's probably the bravest man I know,

Ms. Wall.

>> I'm afraid you kids need to get out of here right now.

Jake and Hayley >> But... >> I said now.

Firefighter >> Excuse me, folks, let's clear this corridor now.

Ms. Wall >> You too. >> Oh, I'm sorry, I've got

to stay with Mr. Stockley. I'm his assistant.

>> Go ahead, Felix. You heard her.

>> What? >> I'll be okay.

I'm heading to the teachers lounge!

Ms. Wall >> You too, Mr. Stockley.

>> Ms. Wall, I'm a principal and if any of my students

are in danger...

I stay. >> But...

>> Now if you'll excuse me, I have a gas leak to find.

[machine whirs] >> Huff!

>> Do you guys think he'll be okay?

>> It doesn't look good. I think I got him

in the teacher's lounge but he's paralyzed in his suit.

It could run out of power any second.

>> And he's headed towards a pile of exploding acid pods.

***

[pods gurgle]

***

[electrical zaps, thud]

***

Stockley >> Sunlight from window is going to set those pods off.

Must...contain...explosion.

***

That's it. If ever this school

needed a principal, it's now.

***

[pods gurgle]

***

[groans]

Paralysis...

wearing off.

[pods gurgle]

***

[pods gurgle]

***

[clatter]

[pods sizzle]

***

[groans]

Ha ha ha! I did it!

Oh! [crash]

Jake >> Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

>> Mr. Stockley's hurt or worse?

>> No, that Sara Snodgrass isn't out of my league.

>> Jake, could you stop it with this Sara Snodgrass thing?

>> I just want to know why you think

I'm not good enough for her.

It's cruel to just dismiss someone like that.

>> I said you're different league.

You're a much better person than her, Jake.

>> Oh, so she's not in my league?

>> No.

>> So who's in my league?

***

[boom] [students gasp]

Felix >> Oh no! Mr. Stockley!

[students murmur]

>> He's gone. >> No, wait!

[students cough]

[applause]

***

[loud applause]

Jake >> Oh, Mr. Stockley, you're okay.

It's so good to have you back.

>> It's good to be back.

I'm grateful to be alive but mostly I'm grateful

I can finally take off this stupid outfit.

Ms. Wall >> You are a hero, Mr. Stockley.

I have never seen such dedication from an educator

to his students.

>> I guess I am a pretty good principal, after all.

>> I'm going to recommend you for the highest honor

that the Board of Education has to give: a 30 percent-off

gift certificate to the Yogurt Kingdom.

***

>> Ms. Wall, I'm honored.

***

>> Mr. Stockley, do you want me to snark them all?

>> Yes.

But not her, not till I get my yogurt.

Being principal does have its privileges.

***