Original subtitles

[crack of thunder]

Evan >> Yikes.

[laughter]

[thunder cracks] >> Aaaaah!

Chucky >> Really?

So are you in or out?

>> I'm in. Chucky >> Good.

You'll need these.

Remember, you try an sneak out one minute before sunrise,

you can kiss your Lakewood Mooses jacket goodbye.

>> It's the Lakewood Moose.

The plural of Moose is Moose. Not Mooses.

>> You want in the gang or not, smart mouth?

[thunder cracks]

>> You couldn't have asked someone before you had

the jackets made up?

>> Ow!

♪♪♪

[cracks of thunder]

♪♪♪

[muffled howl]

♪♪♪

Man's voice >> GET OUT!

♪♪♪

[footsteps]

♪♪♪

>> Forget about the Mooses ...Moose,

I'm outta here.

♪♪♪

Arghhh!

Critter >> And the kid was never seen again.

Jake >> Baloney. That's just an old ghost story

to keep people away from this place.

>> Then where'd this come from?

>> You bought that at Maxi-Mart. I was right next to you.

Critter >> Okay, but it symbolizes the abject horror

that is Chief Everlasting Curse Hospital.

>> Right, yeah. Critter >> Okay.

If you don't buy it then you'll have no problem

sleeping here in this hospital all night.

>> What? Critter >> Come on, Jake.

It's been forever since you hung out with us.

>> But I was thinking less spend a night in a creepy

abandoned hospital and more goofy golf.

>> Come on, man, what happened to the Tenacious Trio?

>> We never called ourselves that.

>> But we should have. Come on, it'll be awesome.

>> Great. Awesome.

Critter >> Besides, I don't know how much longer

I can put up with New Jake.

>> What is he doing?

>> I think he's pulling his eyelashes out.

>> Fine. I'll come.

>> Tenacious Trio, back in action.

>> We never called ourselves that.

>> Just go with it.

Jake >> Shouldn't we get New Jake?

Omar >> No, hopefully he won't even notice.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Jake >> Felix, do you mind if I use your doll bag

for a camping trip tonight? >> First of all,

I don't have dolls.

Does a doll do this?

>> I will feast on the organs of the insolent!

>> Doll? I don't think so.

Sleepy time, Gorthar. Back to beddie.

I will brush your hair in the morning.

>> Very well argued, Felix.

Camping trip, huh? Where to?

>> Critter and Omar thought it would be fun to spend the night

at the old Chief Everlasting Curse Hospital and I've been

feeling guilty lately about not spending time with them.

I mean, they are my best friends.

Both >> Chief Everlasting Curse Hospital?

>> They are your best friends?

>> Come on, you know what I mean, Felix?

I've known them forever.

>> Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.

Felix is a victim of the seniority system.

Again.

[whimpers]

Hayley >> Pretty brave of you to spend the night there.

They say it was built on an Indian burial ground

and now it's haunted by the ghosts of a thousand Mohawks.

>> But, as long as you're with your best friends,

you'll be fine. Stockley >> I wouldn't do it.

>> Why would I be afraid of ghosts?

We're monster hunters. >> What are you talking about?

Ghosts are terrifying. >> Why would you even

believe in ghosts? You're a man of science.

>> Exactly, monsters I can scientifically explain

but ghosts are supernatural.

They come from a world of the hoo-doos and heebee-jeebees.

>> Thanks for clearing that up.

>> I heard Theo Barbas did the sleep-over

and he's been speaking in tongues ever since.

Jake >> Theo? He's Greek.

He's a foreign exchange student.

>> Yikes. I'm going to have to apologize

to his parents about that letter I sent.

[waa waa waa sound on PDA] Uh-oh.

>> Um, what is that?

>> That's the sound of someone being held back a grade.

Means I'm going to have to go talk to his parents.

>> That's the sound they use? >> It's a cruel system.

>> Uh-ha.

Critter >> Jake, my man. This is going to be classic.

I hope you brought a rubber sheet because you're gonna

pee your pants. >> Man, why didn't you tell me

to bring a rubber sheet? You know I have them.

>> Come on, guys, can't we do something more mature like

put fake puke in the food court and let the good times roll?

>> Fake puke was so two years ago.

I don't think you're any fun anymore.

>> Should we give him the fun test?

>> Fun test?

♪♪♪

[fart sound]

[laughter]

>> Looks like he passed. >> Never fails.

No matter what's going on, that will crack anyone.

♪♪♪

Mr. Fisher >> Coming!

Can I help you? Stockley >> Mr. Fisher,

I'm Mr. Stockley the Assistant Vice-Principal at Lakewood High.

>> Mr. Stockley, no need for introductions.

What an honor. A real...educator in our home.

I have to say, this is really exciting.

>> Well, thank you, I... >> You know, just last week

we had a visit from man who won a cow

by keeping his hand up on it the longest.

I mean, that was a treat, but this, this is something.

>> Well, the reason that I'm here is...

>> Wait, wait, wait. Can I ask you a question?

>> Well, maybe I should tell you why I'm here...

>> How do you feel about pot pie?

>> Well, I'm a big fan but... Mr. Fisher >> Honey!

Bring in some of those pot pies for our special guest.

>> Mr. Fisher, the reason I'm here is that I...

Is that Camp Winnepasacket? Mr. Fisher >> Yeah, 1981.

>> I was there in 1981. >> You were

a Winnepasacket Beaver? >> Yeah.

>> Well, then you should know the secret handshake.

>> Ha, it's been a while but...

>> Yeah, how long?

[grunts]

Beaver, Beaver! Naa naa naa!

>> Come here. [laughter]

Jake >> This is stupid. Why don't we do something else?

Critter >> You chickening out, Collins?

Omar >> New Jake wouldn't have been scared.

>> Really? You're comparing me

to the guy who was licking a pay-phone earlier?

>> Whatever, Jake.

If you can't run with the big dogs, stay out of the kitchen.

Ahhh! Spiders! Spiders!

Don't go in there, guys!

>> What just happened? >> I don't know

but he just took the toaster pastries with him so,

get ready to rough it. >> Ah, man!

♪♪♪

The trick is not to let your imagination get the best of you.

You think the walls are stained with blood but that's a fantasy.

This was a hospital so the walls were probably stained with...

well, actually, blood...

and pus.

Just don't let the fear in.

[creak]

[sigh] Where are you going?

Critter!

There you are.

Critter?

Critter?

What's wrong with you?

[watchcom beeps] Hayley >> Jake?

>> Oh, yeah, he calls you but he doesn't call me.

>> [sigh] Jake, what's up?

>> I'm at the hospital but something's wrong.

I think you guys need to come down.

I'm with Critter but he's like...frozen or something.

>> Okay, Jake, just tell me what happened.

>> I'm not sure, I... [shriek]

[static]

[crack of thunder]

Felix >> I'm just saying, if I see anything, a phantom,

apparition, orb, my Grandpa Pep-Pep Louise, I'm out.

>> Fine.

>> Or a clown.

Or a clown with lobsters for feet.

Or beehives for hands. That would be horrible.

>> Felix, it's... >> Oh, I had to think

of the lobster feet clown with beehive hands.

Stupid, Felix. >> Felix!

I promise you're not going to see a clown with lobster feet

and beehive hands, okay?

Um, are you ready?

>> Yeah, let me just put my night-vision goggles on.

Sure you don't want a pair?

Makes things a lot less creepy.

>> I'm fine. >> Fine.

Your loss.

Ahh! Ghost!

A ghost!

Oh, it's you.

Thank goodness. [nervous laugh]

Ahhh!

>> Yep.

♪♪♪

[tap tap tap]

♪♪♪

[sigh]

>> "In the memory of the poor souls who were lost on this spot

in the 1937 Hospital Explosion,

the 1940 Hospital Fire, the 1949 Hospital Horror

and the three brave men who died putting up this plaque."

Huh? I guess it's probably

a pretty safe place now.

[evil laugh]

[laughs] >> And then, to top it all off,

I stole some stupid kids shorts while he was skinny dipping

and tied them to the top of the flag pole.

>> Those were my clothes.

>> Well, technically, it was my friend Danny

that did the stealing. >> No, no, I'm glad you

stole my clothes because something great happened.

>> Hm? >> I got pneumonia.

I almost died. >> Oh, that's great.

>> No no, the great part is what happened after.

I met Sara in the infirmary. My wife!

You're the reason we're together.

Mr. Stockley, everything in my life I owe to you.

The two things I value most in this world.

The love of my family and my son doing well in school.

[gulp]

>> What is he staring at?

Ahhh! [Hayley then Jake screams]

What are you trying to do? I almost peed myself.

>> Again? Felix >> That was lemonade.

The cup was leaking, I told you that.

>> Thank goodness you guys are here.

>> We didn't know what happened. You're watchcom went dead.

>> Yeah, it's been acting funny ever since

I dropped it in some oatmeal. Water resistant is not the same

thing as breakfast resistant.

>> What happened to Critter? Jake >> I don't know.

Something spooked him and I found him like this.

>> Well, he's alive.

His pupils are moving at an accelerated rate.

He seems to be in some sort of R.E.M. state.

>> I'm entering all this into my Troop mini-computer.

I'll see what I get. R.E.M. state,

frozen in fear,

haunts old buildings and...enter.

[commercial jingle]

>> Well, what's it say?

>> They make me watch an ad first.

[commercial jingle]

Okay, here we go. It says we're dealing with

a Mind Flare, a Ilithid or a Wraith.

What's the reading?

>> High levels of an unknown neuro-toxic vapor.

>> It wasn't me.

Hayley >> Bingo! Got a Wraith on our hands.

>> A Wraith? >> A creature that uses a vapor

to take over your brain and make you see your worst fears.

>> Is Critter going to be okay?

>> Critter will be fine as long as he has a strong mind.

>> Oh no! We have to hurry.

Hayley >> You're right. If people stay under the spell

too long their minds can't take it

and they remain in this state forever.

We need to split up and find the source of the vapor.

Felix >> Great. We're in an abandoned hospital

and we're splitting up.

Why don't I ever get a vote?

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[echoing groans]

Okay, I'm cool. I'm cool.

Totally chilled. One cool cat.

Icy.

♪♪♪

[bees buzz]

[evil laughter]

Oh, Hayley, you promised.

[evil laugh]

[crack of thunder]

>> Jake, Jake! That's not going to work.

>> It works on my Grandfather

but usually wakes up screaming and tries to bite my face.

>> We should get going. I don't know how long we have

before the horror of the visions break Felix's mind.

♪♪♪

>> Just remember, anything we see isn't real.

[hiss]

Take this snake for instance, if I were a weaker dude,

I'd be terrified right now.

>> Since I can see it too, doesn't that mean it's real?

[hiss]

>> Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Argh!

Ahem.

>> Great. Monsters plus snakes.

This hospital's got everything.

[echoing groan]

>> It's coming from in there.

>> I'll do a snake check before you enter there, tough guy.

Hey, I think we're okay, Jake. No snakes.

[slam]

Jake!

♪♪♪

[door slams]

Mr. Stockley?

>> Hayley, you've missed a lot of homework.

>> Homework? What homework?

I missed all of this?

>> Oh, that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Let me get the rest.

♪♪♪

[evil laugh]

[papers rustle] [wind howls]

>> It's not real! It's not real!

[papers rustle]

Jake >> I'm not afraid of snakes,

my scream was meant as a friendly warning.

Hayley?

Stockley >> Thank you kindly for the delicious meal, Mr. Fisher,

but I should probably tell you why I'm here...

>> Hold on, hold on. The wife and I are thinking

of re-upping our nuptials this winter.

How would you feel about replacing my brother

as my best man?

Honey, where's the creme brules?

>> Hmm! >> You were saying?

>> Why should we ruin dessert with talk about business,

right brother? >> Brother.

>> Come on, Hayley. Snap out of it.

Echoing voice >> Jake!

♪♪♪

>> Keep it together, man.

Echoing voice >> It's your turn, Jake!

Ugh...huh?

♪♪♪

Huh!

Hayley! Wake up!

Felix! Critter!

♪♪♪

[cracks and pops]

Critter, Felix, Hayley! Get out of there!

♪♪♪

[cracks and pops]

[zaps]

[cracks and rumble]

Critter!

Hayley >> You're suppose to save us, Jake.

>> You're suppose to be a hero. We trusted you with our lives.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[rumble, clang]

[heavy breaths]

>> I can't.

>> I made a sculpture of us, Jake.

A sculpture.

[cracks and pops]

Ahh!

[cracks and pops]

[Hayley screams]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[fart sounds]

Hah.

Hayley, it's not real. Can you hear me?

It's not real.

[paper rustles]

>> These aren't due 'til next week.

Ohh... >> Wake up.

It's all an illusion like when I screamed girlishly

about the snake. It's not real.

>> Jake? >> It's me.

There you are. Let's get out of here.

Felix, I need you to wake up, right now.

This is all an illusion. It can't hurt you, Felix.

And I wouldn't let it hurt you if it could.

You're my best friend.

[gasp]

[pants]

>> You did it, Jake. You saved us.

>> Yeah, you're the best friend a guy could ask for.

And I'm going to pay you back by signing us up

to Irish step dancing.

On me! Your best bud.

>> Okay, take it easy.

[echoing screech]

Hayley >> It's the Wraith.

We don't have our utility belts and

I don't know where our circuitrons are.

The Wraith must have hidden them.

Jake >> Stay away from us.

[snap]

[bursts of fart sounds]

[boom]

♪♪♪

>> Let's take a look at this big, ugly...

[Wraith chirps]

Um?

>> This is the Wraith?

Boy, his hoodie's way too big for him.

[whimpers]

Hayley >> Aw, I kind of feel bad for the cute little thing...

>> That's for the clown ghost, you vicious little jerk.

Hope you rot in prison! >> Not cute to everyone.

>> Well, this is an evening I won't soon forget.

>> Stock...please, you're family.

Isn't he?

MeeMaw knitted you this during dinner.

>> Thanks again, everybody.

Oh, by the way, Richard Junior has to repeat ninth grade.

See you at the wedding.

Hayley >> How are we going to bring Critter back?

Felix >> We'll have to get him back to HQ.

It's an incredibly elaborate and scientific process.

It may take a days... [fart sound]

[laughs]

...or there's that.

>> Man, that is hysterical, classic.

Hey, Hayley, what are you doing here?

And who's the geek? >> This 'geek'

is my best friend.

>> Yeah! Ha ha, number one!

Eat dust, Critter. I don't see you

with best friend barbeque aprons.

♪♪♪