Original subtitles

♪♪♪

Felix >> I'm betting it's some college prank.

Jake >> What? A whole, entire cow is missing.

Hayley >> If anyone has seen the missing cow,

please let me know!

>> No tire tracks leading anywhere near the pen

and you think it's college students?

>> That's the clever part.

See, this is how they pulled it off,

they laid down thick cardboard flatted out

to disguise the truck tires.

>> Really? That's your theory?

Cow rustlers armed with cardboard.

>> Thick cardboard. Besides, what makes you think

it's a monster anyway? >> I don't know, just a feeling.

>> Griffin!

[crowd screams] [Griffin screeches]

[cow moos] >> Oh, my god!

>> Wow, I never thought I would actually see one.

Hayley >> Everyone, it's okay! Just take it easy.

>> It's amazing. Majestic.

It's why kings put them on their coat of arms

and it's pooping now.

Hayley >> Just stay calm. It's gonna be fine.

Jake, hurry up with that Snark.

They look like they are gonna freak out.

>> One memory wipe coming up.

[Snark gurgles]

[chomp]

What's with the attitude?

Do your job, bitter.

[Snark sings]

So, like I was saying, everyone, it was probably

some college kids horsing around.

We found some cardboard residue.

Go on about your business.

>> Whoa, definitely a Griffin.

Chose the Blue Ribbon winner too.

Good taste.

Whoa, what happened to your neck?

>> The Snark bit me. >> Are you sure?

Like, it didn't just brush up against you, right?

>> See for yourself. Felix >> Oh boy.

Someone's getting a little present from the Snark stork.

I like to call it the Snork.

Jake >> What are you guys saying?

Hayley >> Jake, biting is how Snarks make little Snarks.

>> But the Snark didn't bite another Snark, it bit me.

>> Exactly.

Congratulations, Jake.

You're going to be a daddy.

>> No.

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Stockley >> A Griffin?

Are you completely sure it's a Griffin?

>> Oh yeah, definitely one of the Five Most.

>> What's the 'Five Most'? >> The five most dangerous

and elusive monsters known to The Troop.

It's also my cell phone calling plan.

Hayley >> Any Troop member who captures one of the Five Most,

gets his or her face up on a plaque at International.

Oh, and an award that stays in your local Troop HQ.

Felix >> They even wrote a song in honor of the event.

♪ Felix slew the mighty Griffin ♪

>> You've already got your song? >> No, I had it written.

Failing to prepare is preparing to fail, Jake.

I'm ready for almost anything.

Do you want to hear my Academy Awards speech?

>> Not really. >> Well, you're in it.

Hayley >> It has been years since anyone has brought down

a Five Most. >> I've never won an award.

Now we've really got to get that Griffin!

Stockley >> What do you mean now?

You were suppose to get it before.

That's your job, right? >> Yeah, but now

there's a plaque. >> And a soccer jersey.

>> Fifty-fifty? >> All cotton.

>> I've got to get that Griffin! Stockley >> Whoa, Jake.

You've got bigger things to worry about.

You my friend, have a Snark gestating in your neck.

Hayley >> The Snark chooses a host to implant

the next generation. >> It's actually a huge honor.

You should be proud.

Jake >> Well, I'm not proud. Get this out of me.

Stockley >> Oh, it will come out, in about three days.

You see, it imbeds itself into your neck

and then it creates a pus sack

and grows to about 20 times it's present size

until it bursts through the skin in a rain of blood and mucus.

It's a beautiful process.

Jake >> What? This has to stop, now!

Stockley >> It's too late, Jake.

It's already eating your brain fluid.

>> But Mr. Stockley, I have to catch the Griffin.

I want that jersey.

>> And a snow cone machine. [Jake sighs]

Stockley >> I'm sorry, Jake, but the Snarks are too valuable.

You're on 24 hour bed rest and a restricted diet.

I hope you like yams. And of course,

I am forbidding you from using the jetpacks.

Hayley >> Ahh! The jetpacks?

We're getting jetpacks? >> All right!

Jetpacks! Thank you, cow-stealing Griffin.

>> What? We have jetpacks?

I want a jetpack. I want I song, a jersey

and a snow cone machine. >> And a dumpling steamer.

>> Oh, what? I need to get that Griffin.

>> I'm sorry, Jake, but it's just too dangerous

in your condition. And I'm afraid

it's going to get worse. >> Worse?

I'm already missing out on a Five Most, Mr. Stockley.

>> Oh, Jake, you just lie back

and take it easy and let that little baby

start leaching the victorious fluids from eyeballs.

Oh ho.

Oh, I envy you.

>> Well, maybe the Griffin will still be there

when this is over.

>> I don't think so, Jake.

See, the Griffin has finally met his match.

I have a plan so cunning that we may not even need the jetpacks.

[click] [Hayley sighs]

>> You know, I used to think cows were disgusting,

but now that we're sitting in one,

I think they're kind of cute. >> Can't really appreciate

someone until you walk a mile in her...hooves.

>> You know, I'm really starting to see

the difference in them though.

Like, the small one, kind of stand-offish,

but the one with big eyes, is really quite the joker.

>> How can you tell the one with big eyes is the joker?

They're both eating grass.

>> Ha ha ha!

Classic Buttercup.

>> I know I say this as someone who's sitting inside a cow,

but you've lost your mind.

>> Well, look who's calling the Angus black, buddy.

If you hate cows so much, then why do you have a fake one?

>> My dad thought tree houses were dangerous

so he got me this.

Second worse Christmas ever.

[Felix sighs]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Hayley >> What's the plan here again?

>> We sit here in the juiciest cow in the whole fair...

>> No no, except for Buttercup. >> Buttercup?

>> Yeah. >> We're twice as hot as she is.

I mean, we got it going on.

And believe me, all we have to do is sit here

and wait for the Griffin to swoop down and grab us.

Then it leads us to it's lair and boom!

We open up on him with the blasters.

Winner, winner. Chicken dinner.

>> So, we blast him while we're in the air.

>> Right. >> Then what happens?

We just fall like 7,000 feet?

>> Oh ho, honey. I thought this through.

You see, the Griffin...

We're in here and then it grabs us...

What I'm trying to say is...abandon cow!

Abandon cow! Move!

>> Ow! Be careful!

Felix >> Move it!

Whoa, dude, what happened to ladies first?

>> That's for elevators and lifeboats, not for cows.

[both groan]

[Griffin shrieks]

[distant mooing]

>> Buttercup!

>> That thing's mostly gristle so, jokes on you!

>> The worst part is I can't even scratch it.

Watch. [gurgle]

>> Cool. Ah, you're so lucky.

It's so boring staking out the Griffin at the fair.

Ah, thanks.

Felix >> Hey, yeah it's a real snooze fest.

[gurgles] Hayley >> What are you eating?

>> Jelly beans with turkey gravy.

Hayley >> Ah, that's disgusting!

>> Hey, it's better without the spaghetti sauce and mud.

Oh no. Felix >> What happened?

[gurgles] >> I think it wants to come out.

Felix >> It's go time. Jake, we're on our way!

[gurgles]

Jake >> What's going on? Felix >> Oh um,

we're just waiting for my caricature to finish.

Surfing? I don't surf.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Hayley >> Just try and relax. This will be nice and easy.

Stockley [with menacing voice] >> All is in readiness.

[zaps]

[evil laugh]

But, seriously, Jake, you're doing just fine.

Hayley >> Is there going to be a lot of pain?

Felix >> I can't take pain. If you scream,

I might get a little dizzy. >> Why are you even here?

>> Because you need me. [Snark creaks]

>> My heart feels like it's getting crushed.

My lungs feel like they're getting pulled out of my chest.

[Felix groans] >> Okay, that means it's coming.

Now look Jake, I just want you to sit back

and enjoy this wondrous experience.

If he tries to run, shock him with these electrodes.

>> Huh? Oh no!

Felix >> Oh no! Oh no, it's coming!

>> Nobody freak out. Felix >> Nobody freak out!

Nobody freak out! Nobody freak out!

[electric zaps] I deserved that.

>> Here it comes!

[splat]

>> Aaw!

[gurgles]

Jake >> Phew! When do I get my jetpack?

>> Oh, you can have it right now.

>> I could? >> Absolutely.

But I wouldn't let you. >> What?

>> It's too dangerous, Jake. Someone's got to raise the baby.

Hayley >> It's a great honor, Jake.

I wish it was me but, I'll be thinking that

the entire time I'm flying through the clouds.

Whaa hoo!

>> No no no no! I already did my part.

I'm done.

Let's go hunt the Griffin and ride jetpacks.

>> The baby has to be raised by someone, Jake.

And I think it made its choice.

[gurgles]

>> But I already did my part.

>> Well, you should have thought about that

before you got all Snarked up.

♪♪♪

[baby gurgles]

[baby cries] >> What do I do?

Stockley >> Good bye [in Finnish]

[baby cries]

Well, did you feed the Snark? Burp it?

Give it a nap? >> Yes, yes and yes.

>> Well, then there's just one thing left.

>> Give up and go hunt the Griffin?

>> Okay, two things. Try changing him.

You're gonna need...

these.

>> Can't you do it? >> I'd like to, Jake,

but the Snark attaches to it birther for its mental health.

In order for it to survive it's going to need

your full attention and care.

Plus, it grosses me out.

But good news, I just spoke to Yorgie Wainio

from the Helsinki Troop

which they pronounce Truuup.

Looks like your little Snark is heading to Finland.

>> It's far away from here so it sounds good to me.

♪♪♪

>> Without the Snarks, Jake, Troops around the world

couldn't work in the secrecy we need to do our jobs.

The Snarks are truly a gift

from the heavens. [Snark farts]

Eww! This little dude is ripe.

I'm headin' to the archives. >> What's in there?

>> Not your stinky baby.

>> This day couldn't get any worse.

[jets flare]

Okay, Felix, tell me how great the jetpack is.

Felix >> Believe me, Jake, it's not that cool.

>> Yeah, right.

Felix >> I mean, yes, obviously it's super cool at first

but it wears off fast. I'm totally over it already.

Hayley >> Wheee! Felix >> See!

That's just the tell-tale sound of a rookie.

[jet whooshes] Hayley >> Wheee!

This is so cool. I can fly!

>> Oh man, the Snark is ruining my life.

Felix >> Hayley, let's try to be a little sensitive to Jake.

Hayley >> Oh, right.

It's not that cool.

>> Listen, guys, I appreciate you trying not to hurt

my feelings but your just making it worse.

Go get the Griffin and stop worrying about my feelings.

Hayley >> Don't worry, Jake. There are four more Five Most.

I'm sure you'll get a chance at some point.

Felix >> And if we do catch the Griffin,

I will totally take you to the concert where Bono

will sing for us, as my personal guest.

>> Looking forward to it. Hayley >> You know, I think

you're forgetting what a huge... >> Don't say 'honor'.

It's just a chore I got stuck with, that's all.

Hayley >> Huh, all right.

See you later, Jake.

Felix >> Hang in there, buddy.

[jetpacks whoosh] >> Doorway.

[thud] Felix >> Argh!

I guess that's why they come with a helmet, ha.

Later. [jetpack whoosh]

Hayley >> Shouldn't we be scouting some likely locations

where the Griffin could be? Felix >> Hayley,

we first have to fully immerse ourselves

in what it's like to be a flying creature.

Let's see who can spit on the most stuff.

Hayley >> You're going down, Garcia.

Felix >> Bring it on!

[baby Snark gurgles]

>> What?

You want my soda now?

Fine, have some.

[baby burps]

>> Nice try. I'll cut you some slack

because that was your first one.

But I want you to really rip one out.

It shouldn't just come from your stomach,

it should come from your soul. Observe.

Burrrppp!

[Snark giggles]

Come on, make Papa proud.

Baby Snark >> BUURRRPP!

>> Now I'm starting to see the family resemblance.

I'm going to name you Elroy.

Felix >> Somewhere out there is...

Hayley >> The Griffin.

>> I was going to say the future Mrs. Felix Garcia

but hey, yeah, sure, the Griffin.

>> Okay, we have been flying around for hours and still

there is no sign of the future wife...or the Griffin.

>> Well, that's because we don't have the perfect bait

which is why I got this.

>> What is this?

>> It's a meat necklace. >> Oh, that's gross!

>> It's not what you think, Hayley.

>> Okay, is it a necklace made of meat?

>> Yes.

>> Then it's exactly what I think.

>> Well then you're going to hate the turkey slippers.

>> I am not putting my feet in turkey.

Uh-uh.

>> Sounds like someone doesn't want to catch Griffin.

Ahhh...

>> To be a real Snark you have to learn

to get into your Snark box.

Just come on up into that box.

I'll show you.

See.

Dude in a box. Pretty awesome.

You can do it.

You get into your box.

[Snark gurgles]

Yes. [Snark gurgles]

No, no, not my box, your box.

You get in yours.

[Snark squeaks]

[Snark purrs]

I guess getting in my box is enough.

The important thing is that you're in a box.

Hayley >> There's something that feels good

about flying over the city with your feet in some turkeys.

Felix >> That's a small victory,

but the Griffin's still no where in sight.

Hayley >> Okay, well maybe it's not hungry.

It did eat an entire cow.

If I ate a cow, I would not be hungry for quite a while.

Felix >> We're running out of fuel.

I guess we should get back to HQ and figure out a new plan.

Hayley >> I feel like such a failure.

Felix >> Ohhhh! Ohhh!

Good news is you're not a failure.

♪♪♪

[Hayley moans]

♪♪♪

[Griffin screeches]

>> Ahhh hooo! Where are we?

>> In a cave, surrounded by cow bones.

>> For once I'd like the answer to be "we're in a water park

with free pizza and tons of friends."

[Griffin snarls]

>> Our jetpacks are totaled, our weapons are destroyed,

there's a gigantic lion-bird in here and he's hungry.

>> Sure, keep pilling it on. [Griffin snarls]

>> Get behind me.

[Griffin snarls] >> No problem.

There's plenty more where that came from.

Hah! Get 'em!

>> Nope. That's the last.

>> Come on, luck.

[Snark gurgles]

>> Come on, roll it back, Elroy. You can do it.

[Snark gurgles]

Yes, that's my boy. [watchcom beeps]

Felix >> Jake, we're in the Griffin's cave,

our jetpacks our dead and we have no weapons.

>> Who's this? Felix >> Very funny.

Just get over here! >> Okay, okay.

I'll be right there. Don't get eaten.

Felix >> Nice kitty-bird monster.

Hayley >> Watch out, Felix. [Griffin shrieks]

Felix >> Jake, I'm sending you the coordinates.

Just plug it in to your jetpack and it'll lead you right to us.

>> My jetpack?

>> It's in the corner, under the blanket.

>> It says I can't. >> Just do it!

Jake >> Sweet! You are mine, Mr. Five Most.

And so are you, dumpling steamer, yes!

♪♪♪

Yeee hooo!

[jetpack whooshes]

Where's the Griffin?

>> We distracted it with turkey slippers and a meat necklace.

>> Did Felix hit his head? >> Uh?

[Snark gurgles]

You brought a baby to a Griffin fight?

Jake >> Oh no, he must of snuck in there.

>> This is too dangerous for a baby Snark, Jake.

>> Take the jetpack and get him out of here.

>> What about you guys? Hayley >> We're fine,

we've got a blaster now. I found some strip steak

in my pocket. That'll be enough

to hold the Griffin off. But you have got to get out

of here right now. >> Oh, right now

is a little to late. [Griffin growls]

[Griffin snarls]

>> Ah, aah!

[Griffin snarls]

[Snark gurgles] Jake >> No, no, come here!

[Snark sings]

[Snark gurgles]

Felix >> Where are we?

>> In a cave, surrounded by cow bones.

>> For once I'd like the answer to be "at a water park

with free pizza and tons of friends."

>> Why do your feet smell like turkey?

[Griffin shrieks]

Griffin! [Griffin snarls]

>> I got it! >> Don't shoot

until Elroy is clear! >> Elroy? You named it?

I thought you said it ruined your life.

>> Ruined my life? It's an honor, everyone says so.

Come here, buddy. Come on down here.

[Griffin snarls]

>> Stop him!

[blaster powers up]

Hayley >> Careful, Jake! Jake >> I know.

Hayley >> The baby.

[screeches]

Felix >> Oh no, no, Jake!

You almost had him. It was a Five Most.

Jake >> I know. I don't care about that stuff.

He's got Elroy. Come back here with my boy!

Hayley >> Jake, no! [gasps]

♪♪♪

Jake >> I'm coming, Elroy!

[Snark screams]

Ah, got you!

Phew! You had me worried, buddy.

Now you're safe...

for a few more seconds.

Ah, think, Jake. Think.

Come on, man.

[whoosh] Ahhh!

♪♪♪

I never said you could use MY jetpack.

Felix >> Are you kidding me? >> Yes, I'm kidding you.

You saved us. Whoo hoo!

[Griffin shrieks]

Go faster! He gaining on us.

Felix >> Good, I don't want him to see this coming.

[jets blast] [Felix laughs]

Incoming!

♪♪♪

>> That cow was a friend of mine.

[blaster zaps]

[boom, splat]

Nothing worse than Griffin goo.

[Snark gurgles]

>> You be nice to those Fins, understand?

[Snark squeaks] But not too nice.

Don't let them push you around.

>> I'm not gonna cry. I'm not.

Jake >> All right, you take care of yourself, make friends,

and don't forget...

[Snark burps]

>> I'm going to miss you too, buddy.

Stockley >> You did very well, Jake.

[gurgles]

Very well.

>> It's here, the award for bagging one of the Five Most.

Jake >> Nice! [Hayley gasps]

>> It's yours, Hayley.

>> You guys did most of the work.

>> Yeah, but you shot it. >> Well, then it belongs

to all of us. [Snark gurgles]

Jake >> I think it belongs to one of us.

>> Well, he did save us.

>> And he was on the team at the time.

>> And I don't think he's going to let go of it.

♪♪♪