Original subtitles

*** [school bell rings]

Girl >> It's so cute.

Boy >> Pink's your favorite, right?

>> Thanks.

>> Ooo, thanks. That's so nice!

***

Boy >> Like that? Girl >> That's perfect,

just like us.

Hayley >> You know, I don't think you could have picked

a worse time to start a relationship.

One week into it and it's Valentine's Day.

I mean, gifts, cards, candy?

It's starting to turn into real money.

>> Don't worry, I went to a discount warehouse to get

your card, and those are imitation chocolates.

Come on, it's fun - the decorations, the happiness.

Kind of like being at an amusement park.

>> Minus the puke. >> Well, you haven't even

tasted the chocolates yet. [Hayley laughs]

I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's a special day

and now I get to spend it with you.

>> Um, now I think I am gonna puke.

Ms. Heffelfinger >> Oh, Hayley. [snort]

>> What? Ah, hi, Mrs. Heffelfinger.

>> Have you seen Mr. Stockley? I really want to talk to him.

>> Ah, no. Sorry.

>> If you do see him, could you please tell him

that we really have to get together.

There is no escape.

[laughs and snorts]

I'm kidding.

But seriously, tell him.

[sniffs]

>> Do all women get this crazy on Valentine's Day.

>> I think it's sweet.

People should get together on Valentine's Day.

It's a day of love. [whoosh]

[squishy sound]

[girl gasps]

Girl >> I never want to speak to you again.

>> Aaah! [screams]

>> You jerk!

***

Girl >> I can't believe you!

[students shout]

[bang!] Girl >> You stink!

***

Boy >> It's a mistake!

***

***

***

***

***

***

Hayley >> And then he gave me this cute little teddy bear

that you can program to say the most adorable things.

>> I love you more than salmon.

[Hayley giggles] >> See?

And then we're going to eat lunch together,

and then we're going to the silent movie marathon

at the art house after school, and then we're gonna...

What? >> Valentine's Day is lame.

>> Totally lame. Do you know who

I feel bad for the most? Guys with girlfriends.

>> Exactly. Sounds like we dodged a bullet.

>> Amen.

>> I think you guys are just jealous because if you had

girlfriends of your own, you would not feel this way.

Jake >> Ha! We'll never find that out,

will we?

Wait...

>> Valentine's Day is a stupid, made-up greeting card holiday.

You're with us, right Mr. Stockley?

>> The stupid made-up greeting card holiday is Mother's Day.

Valentine's Day can be a beautiful holiday celebrating

man's greatest achievement of all - the ability to love.

Hayley >> See, that is beautiful.

So how are you celebrating, Mr. Stockley?

>> Hiding here, down below the surface of the Earth.

>> Why? >> It's Ms. Heffelfinger,

she's got 'Stockley fever'.

And ironically, the only cure for it is more Stockley.

>> I once thought a girl was really into me,

staring at me all day.

But it turns out I had this thing on my lip.

>> I would kill to just have a thing on my lip.

Take a look at this.

Ms. Heffelfinger left it in my inbox.

>> Why don't you just talk to her, let her down easy?

>> I've tried. It's hard.

First, I'm flattered.

Second, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

And third and most importantly, she's been fixing

my transmission for free for the last nine months

and I can't afford to break her heart.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have some hiding to do.

***

>> I wouldn't admit this to Hayley, but not having

a girlfriend on Valentine's Day does kind of stink.

>> Well, at least we have each other.

>> That's what I mean.

Look at them - Tim and Amy.

They've been together forever and they seem pretty happy.

[whoosh]

***

>> Aaahhh!

I hate you!

It is over! >> Amy, no!

I'm sorry. Please come back!

[thud]

>> Okay, look, think of everything that has happened

so far today: happy couples everywhere breaking up

over completely bizarre circumstances.

>> Wayne used fart machine on Bella,

Jocelyn gave Greg a bowl of worms

and Bill gave Fiona those daisies.

>> What's wrong with daisies?

>> When it comes to flowers, you either go rose or you go home.

>> Yeah, everyone knows that.

But those couples, it is pretty strange.

>> It doesn't make any sense. If you're going to break up,

why do it on Valentine's Day?

Why spend money on a gift or gifts if you're just going

to break up with them?

I think it's an Eris fairy.

>> How come there's no drawing or photo?

Stockley >> 'Cause no one's ever seen one.

Felix >> Mr. Stockley, what are you doing under there?

>> It's usually my nap time, but I can't go to my office.

Heffelfinger might be lurking.

>> I thought you gave students career advice at this time.

>> Ah, same difference.

The Eris fairies are incredibly fast which is why no one's

ever seen one. But there have been reports

for centuries about mischievous creatures

tormenting happy couples.

>> But never has one tormented so many in a concentrated area.

>> Because it's Valentine's Day. So, what do we do?

How do we catch the Eris? Felix >> Well, we could set up

a high speed camera trap and maybe attach a net to it.

Stockley >> Hey, I just noticed something on the TroopGrid.

>> The Eris? Stockley >> No.

Heffelfinger just went to the bathroom.

I've got between three and 30 minutes to grab my blankie.

***

***

>> Ahhh chooo!

[gooey sounds]

***

***

Hayley >> Are you sure this is gonna work?

I mean, for all we know the Eris doesn't even exist.

>> I'm pretty sure. I've installed

an ultra-sensitive, hyper-speed motion sensor.

Anything moving super fast will trigger this magnetized net.

>> And I brought the ladder. [Felix laughs]

[school bell rings] >> Ha! Great work, Jake!

Hayley >> All right guys, I've got to go meet Brian.

He says he's going to walk me to science.

>> I have to go to...somewhere.

Meet people.

Do things.

Very busy. Very busy.

***

[whoosh]

***

>> Wow! Huh, this is really amazing.

I'm moving so fast.

[whoosh]

We're moving so fast.

Do you speak English.

>> You need to back off.

>> I guess you do.

[echoing snip]

Why are you doing this?

>> Because I hate your Valentine's Day.

>> Me too. >> And I hate love in general.

>> So do I. >> Really?

>> Yeah, the whole idea that two people connect

over things they have in common, is really over-rated.

>> I feel the same way.

>> But still, that's no reason to destroy other people's fun.

>> Just back off. I have my reasons.

[whoosh]

>> Whaaaa!

Ow! >> Felix?

Uh...

>> I just met the Eris and boy is she angry.

And beautiful. >> So the trap worked?

>> Not exactly. She's way too smart for that.

Plus, the plan wouldn't have worked.

She's not small like Tinker Bell.

>> Well, is she going to stop? >> No, but in order to trap her,

we need better bait. >> Better bait.

What do you mean? >> A loving couple.

>> Where are you going to find one with the knowledge

to fight monsters? >> Yeah, and on such

short notice. [awkward laughs]

>> I'm looking at that couple right now.

Jake >> Huh?

***

***

>> We have to pretend to be couple?

>> Ugh...ew! >> Ew?

What do you mean 'ew'? >> Save the love talk for later.

Look, she's too fast for the net but now that I know what

she looks like and how fast she is, I've got just the thing.

The freeze ring. Jake >> More freeze ray stuff?

>> The diamond intensives the freeze ray, Jake.

Plus, it looks really good with just about anything

you might throw on, hey! [Hayley laughs]

>> Before you get to "three easy payments",

can we please get to the plan.

>> You guys pretend to be a couple in love

and then the Eris flies in and tries to break you up.

And when she does, we freeze her.

>> Seems plausible.

Felix >> Trust me, we'll be home in time for Jake and I

to IM each other about what you and Brian are doing.

[Jake coughs] >> I'm sorry, what?

>> Maybe she and Brian should be the bait.

Felix >> No. We are the professionals.

You can't put civilians in jeopardy.

>> Fine, let's do this thing.

Are you coming? Stop dragging your feet.

>> Just give me a minute.

Geez.

Ms Heffelfinger >> Mr. Stockley. >> Aahhh!

Oh, Ms. Heffelfinger.

>> Oh, you're a difficult man to find.

Stockley >> I was just headed someplace you're not going.

>> Let me tag along. I really want to have

a heart-to-heart.

>> Fantastic. >> Hah.

[school bell rings] >> Oh, the bell.

Ha ha ha, well that means I'm going someplace different.

>> Can I meet you in the parking lot after class?

>> Well, I was... >> I have to check

your shocks, plugs, and points anyway.

>> I am due. >> Wonderful.

I will see you... [achoo]

...oh, later.

***

>> Hey. >> Hi, um, I've got bad news.

I've got to cancel our lunch date.

I'm really sorry.

It's just I've got to help Jake with his exam.

You know, he's a little bit slow, bless his little heart.

>> You're canceling our lunch date, on Valentine's Day,

so you can help him?

>> Let me handle this for you.

Hi. Don't worry.

I've no intention of stealing her away.

[Hayley laughs awkwardly] She's far to ugly for me.

Got you covered. [awkward laugh]

***

[awkward laughs]

[awkward laughs] [thump]

>> Ow! >> Ow! Sorry.

Felix >> When you guys are ready, you start

with the relationship stuff. >> We're trying, Felix.

Untuck your shirt. Try to be relaxed.

>> What are you doing? >> Fixing you.

>> I'm not broken. >> If you guys are going

to fight, at least look like a couple.

Put your arm around her or something.

>> Ow! Real smooth.

>> Real supportive. [detector beeps]

Felix >> Okay, the motion detector is finished.

Now, give her the ring and for goodness sake,

look like you're into each other.

We have a fairy to catch, remember?

[gasp] [giggles]

Hayley >> Hmm... Jake >> Hmm..

Ooo, what a surprise.

Your hands are cold like the rest of you.

>> Oh ho, what surprise, you smell like a day-old pot roast.

[laughs]

[Brian snarls] Oh no.

***

>> Nice ring. >> Brian, it's not

what it looked like... >> You know, save it.

We're done. Oh, and you know what?

I want my speaking teddy bear back.

>> Brian, my man.

>> I eat food from a trash can.

***

>> It's adorable because it's true.

***

>> This is all your fault, Felix.

>> It was your stupid idea. >> No one had a better one.

The Eris is attracted to people in love.

You guys need to be in love.

And if Brian gets jealous, well that's the price to pay

for being monster hunters!

>> Well, maybe it's too high a price to pay.

I'm going to go talk to Brian. >> Wait.

Do you think I can get that ring back?

The Eris didn't seem to be fooled by it.

So, we'll talk about phase two of my plan later.

Stockley >> Hope my plan works better than yours.

>> Mr. Stockley, you don't have to hide anymore.

You already made the date.

>> Oh, I'm not hiding, I'm building.

Now that I've made a date with Ms. Heffelfinger for Valentine's

Day, I had to find a way to let her know that I'm a friend

but I don't want her to think I'm interested.

>> So you're making a card?

>> No, a stink bomb.

I'm going to set it off in the middle of our date.

I'll give her just enough time to fix my carburetor

and then 'booo...' >> How is that nice?

>> Well, that way the date's over and no one has to hear the

other person didn't like them. It's a win-win.

Except for the stink.

>> I have a lot to learn about love from you.

[Stockley chuckles]

***

>> I really didn't mean to mess things up with you.

>> Hm, I guess it's not your fault.

I'm just stunned he could take you seriously

as competition. Huh.

>> I know you're hurting so I'm just going to let that go.

Felix >> Okay, come on guys. Jack up the energy a little bit.

I'm going to try this one more time

with a few more modifications. [beep]

We're all set. The freeze ray ring is connected

to the motion sensor so please don't mess this up

'cause I really really want to see Eris again.

So let's get to pretending. She need to see true love.

>> Fine.

Ooh, we can't do this right now, there's Brian.

>> Oh no, we can't wait.

>> What do you mean you're not interested in going out with me?

>> What are you doing?

Jake >> You have to get over this Brian guy.

Sure he loves you, who wouldn't? You're the smartest,

most beautiful girl in school.

But you've got to forget about Brian!

You're my girlfriend now! >> Okay, I get it.

>> Keep it up. She should be here soon.

[squirt, cough]

>> This is really sweet of you.

But I don't want to go out with you!

The whole idea is ridiculous!

>> Ahem, ease up a little. Other girls can hear.

Hayley >> I like Brian.

Jake >> Hayley, you're better than Brian.

He's an okay guy but you are a truly special girl.

The only thing bigger than your sense of adventure

is your heart.

***

I don't think any guy is good enough for you.

But if I got the chance to be your boyfriend,

I know I'd never ever walk away.

[gasp]

>> Wow. Really?

***

Uh-oh!

>> Right. [boxing bell dings]

Ahhh! Hayley >> Jake!

[crash] >> Jake?

[whoosh]

>> Ha ha!

>> Jake, are you okay? >> I'm great.

My brain kind of cushioned the blow.

***

>> Can you guys handle the clean up while I take care of her?

And don't forget to Snark everyone.

Jake >> On it. >> You're coming downtown

with me, little lady. [crackling]

Hayley >> Whoa, whoa! Ah, what about Brian?

>> Oh, he'll defrost, in a minute...or 60.

You've got to protect the tips of his fingers and his nose

or it could be bad. >> What is that suppose to mean?

>> Gotta go. Bye bye.

***

>> Wake up, Eris.

Wake up.

>> Hey. Hey, you tied me up!

Let me out of here. >> I can get you home.

[dimension mites buzz] But first, I think it's time

we got to know each other a little bit.

>> There's nothing you need to know about me.

>> Let's start with why you're inflicting so much pain

on everyone. And I'm not letting you go

until you tell me. Come on, talk to Felix!

Most girls talk to me all the time,

mostly about their boyfriends and how I'm such an easy guy

to talk to 'cause I'm not like a real guy.

>> Okay, fine.

I was with my boyfriend...

>> So you have a boyfriend?

>> Look at me, what do you think?

>> Right. Eris >> We Erises always have

boyfriends which is why when we cross over from our dimension

and can't get back, we get a little cranky.

And it doesn't help seeing all these happy couple everywhere.

>> So you took your anger out on them.

>> Yeah, I guess.

>> I can relate to that feeling. >> You can?

>> Sure. I spent a lot of my life

being surrounded by people and never being noticed.

I'm not a wisp of wind. [gasps]

But no matter how angry I get, it still doesn't give me

the right to make other people miserable.

>> I mean, you deserve to happy just as much as they do.

>> Well... Eris >> You're so smart.

You figured out how to catch me.

And, you're pretty cute.

>> Eeep.

Aghh!

I wish we weren't from separate dimensions.

It makes it so much harder for us to date.

>> Plus, I'm 250 years old.

Felix >> You think that would turn me away?

I once dated a girl with sideburns.

Why? [slap]

>> I'm sorry you have to spend your Valentine's Day

this way, Prudence. >> Oh no, Mr. Stockley,

you're worth it.

>> I just want you to know how much I appreciate

everything you've done for me.

>> Well, I'm glad you feel that way

because I'm going to ask a special favour in return.

>> Really? >> It's kind of

Valentine's Day related. I hope you don't mind.

[sniff]

>> Oh well, Prudence, I just want to make

your Valentine's Day special so just tell me

what it is you want...slowly.

Ms Heffelfinger >> I'm a single lady and I don't meet many guys

outside of school so when I do meet someone

I feel I have that special chemistry with,

I really don't want to waste the chance to tell him.

>> Slow down. Ha ha.

I can't hear all this so fast.

>> No, I can't slow down. I have to blurt it out

to the world. >> No, you don't.

>> I...love... >> Wait.

...Principal Nuss. >> Prudence, I...

What? >> I love Nuss.

>> Nuss?

>> I love his nasal voice on the PA.

I love his 'Skipping Class is No Class' campaign.

>> Nuss? >> Yes.

So you'll put in a word with him for me?

Just tell him I like him. >> Not me?

[laughs] Oh, no.

No, no. No.

[chuckles]

>> Why? What's wrong with me?

>> Oh, Stockley, let's not go there.

I wouldn't want to hurt you on Valentine's Day.

Let's just be friends.

>> But I thought that... >> I have to go.

***

>> Oh, shoot!

***

***

>> Well, I suppose I should go now.

Felix >> Right. Back to your dimension.

Back to your time.

Back to your boyfriend.

[whoosh]

***

Eris >> I really appreciate this.

>> If I could meet someone just like you,

then maybe Valentine's Day would be fun to celebrate.

[laughs]

Eris >> I think as soon as you realize how lovely you are,

you'll be able to see that love is all around you.

Like that cute girl in chemistry class has a huge crush on you.

Bye, Felix.

[whoosh]

Whoa! Oh! Ooooh!

[bonk] Ow!

Wait! What girl?

Which chemistry class?

***

>> Oh, hey.

>> Hey.

How are you? >> Good.

Good. >> Good.

How's the eye? >> Fine.

Ladies love it. Female ladies.

>> Right.

Listen, Jake, um, about yesterday,

there was a moment... >> I was just doing my job.

That's all.

>> Yeah, right. Me too.

I just want to make sure you knew I was

totaling acting as well. Jake >> Absolutely.

I didn't mean all those things I said.

>> Phew! Yeah, right.

And I definitely did not like having your arm around me.

>> Definitely not. >> Yeah.

[door rattles open] Teacher >> Okay, guys.

Let's turn to page 34 of your workbook and we'll go through

your quiz answers from yesterday.