Original subtitles

***

Alejandro >> Hey, Garcia.

Check out my new bully app. Says here you either

owe me five dollars or an atomic swirlly.

>> What's a 'bully app'?

[whack]

It's really an amazing world of the future.

Do you have change for a twenty? >> No change.

>> Because you don't have it or you don't know how

to subtract five from 20? [chuckles]

[laugh turns to gasps]

>> I don't know what you just said,

but I think you insulted me.

So now, you're going to get seven fingers of revenge.

>> Oh!

Hayley, thanks but back off.

If I need your help I'll ask for it.

Wanna dance?

Let's dance.

Ah! Need your help! Need your help!

>> Lay off, Alejandro. You get to keep Felix's money,

he gets to keep his fingers.

Everyone's happy.

[school bell rings]

>> I don't mean to contradict you, Hayley,

but I'm not that happy.

>> Twenty...plus what I got from the kid with the braces...

[insects buzz]

[smack!]

***

[loud buzzing]

No!

Nooo!

Arghhh!

***

***

***

***

***

***

Hayley >> Mr. Stockley? I thought you said

you were taking a couple of personal days.

>> I'm almost out the door. Quarterly Troop reports, filed.

TroopGrid updates, done.

One hundred college recommendations given to me

two days before they're due by a bunch of kids

who aren't very nice to me. Oops!

Looks like somebody's going to trade school.

>> Mr. Stockley, please tell me you are going

somewhere relaxing. >> Oh, yes.

I'm going to a place called 'Placid Waters'.

They specialize in the renewal of stressed souls.

By this time tomorrow, I will be massaged,

mani'd, pedi'd and fireworked.

I will be as tender as a piece of Kobe beef

which I hear is excellent there.

>> I got it.

>> So, only call me if it is a verified, MonsterCon One,

civilization-threatening, world-ending emergency.

And if I don't pick up, leave a message.

[splat] >> Next!

Come on, Pimples. I don't have all day.

No Neck's waiting and The Beak's got a cold.

[snarl]

>> My mom says if I don't finish doing my choirs,

she's going to pull me out of Mime Club.

>> My mom would never pull me out of Mime Club.

She thinks it's the most normal thing I do.

>> What was I suppose to do? Tell her I didn't clean my room

because I pulled an all-nighter hunting a Five-Winged Astalix?

>> Look, why don't you just wake up 20 minutes early,

three days a week? That way you'll have

an extra hour. >> Twenty minutes early?

Now you sound as crazy as my mother.

Felix >> Hey, Jenny.

'Sup?

Aye.

>> That was cold. >> What do you mean?

Hah, she's probably out of spit or she's warming up to me.

>> Can I get a double potatoes, please?

>> I don't know. Can I have a nice car

and a Miss America crown?

[snarl]

[insect buzz]

***

[loud buzzing] [screams]

>> Oh, forgot it's apple pie day.

>> You're voluntarily going back for more abuse?

>> It's pie.

>> Hey there, kido, forget something?

>> Apple pie? >> Well then,

have two slices. Mmm...

There we go.

>> What's in here?

Lunch Lady >> Just apple pie and love.

Remember, the shortest distance between two people is a smile.

Have a super day!

>> She definitely did something to these.

Alejandro >> Hey, Garcia!

Felix >> Huh?

>> Got something for you?

***

This is all the money I took from you since second grade,

plus interest.

***

>> Wow. >> Oh, and...

your 'Hello Bunny' lunch box. >> That's not mine.

>> Come on, bring it in. [Felix groans]

I'm so sorry I was a bully. [sniffs]

By the way, your hair smells fantastic.

Have a super day!

>> What was that about?

>> Alejandro just gave money to Felix.

Something very weird is going on.

>> Double pie.

Felix >> How did I not miss this much money?

This is even more than my parents put away for college.

Ahh! Oh, Jenny, I am so sorry.

>> That's okay. Come on back.

Come on.

Come on.

So, are you having a super day?

>> You have no idea. [chuckles]

***

>> Aaah!

***

[door creaks open]

>> Welcome, to Placid Waters, sanctuary for your soul.

I see you've brought a lot of luggage.

>> Yes, my golf bag and bowling ball are still in the car.

Now, are you the person I talk to about a massage?

Cause I'm going to need a little deep tissue work.

>> Excuse me. We are not that type of retreat.

>> Oh ho ho! But your brochure says...

Brother Vern >> Ah, that is last year's brochure.

We are no longer a luxury spa.

Many apologies.

>> Silent retreat?

>> Sorry for the misunderstanding.

>> You mean, I can't speak to anyone

and no one can talk to me? For 48 hours?

>> We can refund your deposit. It happens all the time

when people find out. >> Are you kidding?

I work at a high school. No talking is like heaven.

>> Excellent. If you'll be staying with us,

then I'll take your breakfast order.

Would you like barley and water or mung paste?

>> Whatever you recommend.

>> I'll need all of your communication devices.

>> Ah ha! No problem.

I won't be needing these anymore.

I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward

to complete silence.

It really gives you a chance to take in your surroundings

and free your mind. Ha ha!

Whoo! >> Shhh.

>> Oh. [chuckles]

I'm right with you. Tick a lock.

* If you're happy and you know it clap your hands *

[clap chap] * If you're happy *

* and you know it clap your hands *

>> People are not acting normal.

We need to call Mr. Stockley to have

the MonsterCon level raised.

Jake >> There could be some other explanation.

I mean, monsters tend to chew your face off or something.

I haven't seen anything supernatural at work.

Hayley >> Jake, look. Jenny >> Hang on, Felix.

Here we go. Chug chug chug...

Don't fall off! Chug chug chug...

>> Time to call Mr. Stockley.

>> Ah, now? >> Yeah.

>> Ahh! Why hasn't Mr. Stockley gotten back to us yet?

Jake >> Well, if he's anything like me at a nice hotel,

he's trying to figure out which ones are the fancy soaps

and which ones are the fancy chocolates.

Lunch Lady >> Fresh brownies! Straight from the oven!

Courtesy of the Lakewood School District.

>> Are you gettin' this? Kids are just taking brownies

without pushing or shoving. Something is very wrong.

Jake >> Now that you mention it, it was weird I got an A

on my biology test. >> Why is that weird?

>> 'Cause it's a test... I took...in biology.

>> That is kind of freaky.

***

>> Have a super day!

[Hayley groans] [school bell rings]

>> Now it's getting scary.

We've got to try him on his watchcom.

Mr. Stockley. Mr. Stockley, come in.

>> What's the emergency?

Jake >> The lunch lady's passing out brownies!

>> The lunch lady's passing out brownies?

Jake >> And Felix has a girlfriend.

>> What? Jake >> It's true, Mr. Stockley.

>> Did you just say Felix has a girlfriend?

Hayley >> Mr. Stockley, you have to raise the MonsterCon level.

>> So if you really think about it, the quadratic equation

is one of the most beautiful things in the universe.

>> Your eyes are beautiful.

Mmmm...

>> I was getting to my eyes next...

Hayley >> Ah, Felix. Ha ha!

>> Hayley, what are you doing here?

Hayley >> Look, we need to talk, like now.

Jenny >> Aw! Felix >> Excuse me.

>> Hurry up, I miss you already!

Felix >> Oh, I miss you more! Jenny >> I miss you more!

How could you do that? I was this close to kissing her.

>> Felix, she's not kissing you because she likes you.

She's kissing you because she's a zombie.

>> So? >> It's not just Jenny, okay.

Something is affecting all of the students.

>> I see. So you think the only way

a girl like Jenny could ever like me is by some massive

hypnotic suggestion? >> Yes.

>> Yeah, now that I say it out loud,

it does make a lot of sense. But how could you do

something like that? Hayley >> I'm sorry, but...

Jake >> Can we talk about this somewhere else, please?

Oh no! It's the Swarm!

Hayley >> It's...it's coming this way!

Felix >> Their awesome power is somehow magestic

even though I know that danger lurks behind every...

>> Run! >> Let's get Jenny!

>> I'll take care of her, if you don't mind.

[grunts]

Okay, do you mind... A little help, please.

>> Go help him.

***

Felix >> This isn't right. She's not a guinea pig.

>> She might give us a clue to those insects we saw.

A brain scan will help us figure out what ravaging her mind

and potentially change her back. >> Change her back?!

But do we need all this scientific knowledge?

I mean, can't things be mysterious and beautiful?

>> If you scan my heart, all you'll find is Felix.

>> Eeep. Jake >> Poor thing.

I told you we should have sedated her.

>> I'm fine. [gasp]

>> Her brain's melting. >> I have my flaws too.

No one said relationships were easy, Jake.

>> Okay, let's get her scanned.

[scanner buzzes] Felix >> Seems normal to me.

Take her out. >> Ah ah, wait.

There. TroopGrid, identify.

Computer >> TroopGrid identify. Result:

Insectoid, The Swarm.

>> The Swarm travels in massive colonies of up to one billion.

It feeds on neurokinin-B, a naturally occurring hormone

responsible for angst and anger in humans, thus creating

a tranquil setting to thrive and reproduce in its host.

>> So you're saying they become passive, agreeable zombies.

How horrible.

We should do more research.

Jenny, we're going to an action movie tonight

and you're paying for dinner. Someplace nice.

Jenny >> Okay. >> I'm on it.

Hayley >> TroopGrid, locate the Swarm.

Computer >> Unable to locate Swarm.

[sigh]

>> How are we suppose to kill these things if we don't even

know where the hive is? >> I know how.

>> Okay, how? Felix >> You have to study

your enemy closely, what they eat, what they drink,

how they kiss, possibly get a picture

to prove you have a girlfriend...

I mean, a subject.

Fine!

The wings on every flying creature vibrate on a set speed

which makes a unique noise and frequency.

By using this TroopGrid to hone in on that frequency,

I might be able to track down the Swarm on its hive location.

[keyboard clicks]

Hayley >> That's it.

[computer beeps]

That's the hive. >> Let's go!

Jenny >> Felix? Hello?

Okay, then have a super day!

>> Why haven't these things invaded our brains yet?

>> It must be that Vespinox inoculation we took last month.

Felix >> It's good against 95 percent of insectoid monsters.

On the downside, mosquitoes will find you delicious.

You'll find out this summer. All right, stand back.

[fizz...boom]

Jake >> So how does this thing work?

>> We tell the Smart Rocket what frequency to look for,

then it finds it. In this case, the Swarm.

Then it blows it to smithereens.

>> Smart. Felix >> Yeah.

It's programmed to seek out this sound:

zzzzzz....

[rocket beeps]

Jake >> So you mean a zzzzz... >> No, no, no.

It's a little higher and more vibration like...ZZZZZ...

>> Okay, I think I got it. ZZZZZZ...

Felix >> Almost there. A little higher...ZZZZZ...ZZZZZ.

>> Guys! Stop making that noise.

>> What noise? >> ZZZZZ!

>> Hayley, stop making that noise!

[rocket buzzes over]

>> Uh, guys, there's nothing here.

It's gone.

>> What happens when the rocket doesn't find the Swarm?

>> It hones in on the next closest frequency.

[plane buzzes]

Boy >> Thanks for the plane, Dad.

This is the best birthday ever!

[rocket swooshes in] [boom!]

>> I don't understand. TroopGrid said it would be here.

>> How could a hive with billions of bugs just disappear?

[insects buzz]

[insects buzz]

***

[buzzes] [growls]

***

Stockley >> Look, I need to...

This is very important.

[makes buzzing sounds]

[growl]

[phone dialing sound]

[dial tone sound]

[groans, grunts]

Aaah...

Girl >> For me? [giggles]

[students murmur]

>> According to TroopGrid, the Swarm has appeared

and disappeared at 12 different points

in the city since yesterday.

How are we suppose to destroy something we can't even find?

>> Well, maybe it's okay if we don't.

>> The Swarm is a monster.

We fight monsters. End of story.

Jake >> But, this monster puts an end to bad grades

and choirs and bullies.

Maybe it's good for people.

Hayley >> What is that?

>> Apple pie! It's so good.

***

>> They're all corroding.

>> Here, let me get your seat. Girl >> Oh, thanks.

***

Girl >> Mmm, that's good.

[boy chuckles]

>> We have to stop this before it goes any further.

>> I have a date with Jenny tonight.

Do you think we can stop it tomorrow?

[cell phone rings]

Either of you know an Ethel Schwartzbaum?

Hello? >> Hayley, it's Mr. Stockley.

I had to borrow a phone all in the line of duty.

You were right. There is a Hive monster

out here somewhere. >> We know.

We just can't figure out how to pin it down.

>> Look, I think I know how, but I don't have a lot of time

so you've got to listen fast.

***

***

Stockley >> Psst...psst! Hey.

I just thought of something even better than meditating.

>> What's that? >> Anything!

>> Shhh... >> Of course

you want us to shhh. You don't want us to interrupt

your concentrating on how much money you're stealing from us.

Oh, sure, sure. You want us to shut up, that's

the only way we won't complain about what a scam this is.

He's got us paying luxury prices to sleep on the ground

and take cold showers while up in the Masters Retreat,

he's got a walk-in sauna and a fossball table.

Am I lying? >> Mr. Stockley, silence!

>> Is that true, Zen Master?

>> Shut up and meditate, Schwartzbaum!

Stockley >> Got us eating mung bean paste while up on the hill,

pigs running for their lives. Nasty, nasty.

Oh, here come big punisher.

Somebody about to get a beat down.

[mingled angry voices] Group >> We want our money back!

>> Mr. Stockley can get the Hive here, but are you sure

we can take them out? >> Of course he is.

>> I can answer for myself, thank you.

>> Of course you can. >> Shhh!

[buzzes] >> It's working.

[buzzes]

>> Huh. Maybe it didn't...

[growls]

Now!

***

[blasts] [crackling]

>> Whoa! Awesome!

Jenny >> Felix, you're a genius! >> Well, true

but it doesn't take a genius to realize since the Hive monster

feeds on conflict, we had to create our own and lure it out.

And now we have prevailed.

>> Uh, genius. >> Hm?

>> If everything's back to normal, then why does Jenny

still think you're a genius? >> Well...

[giggles]

[sizzles and crackles]

>> It's generating so much heat,

it's melting the freeze.

>> Anybody have any great ideas?

>> Apple pie for everyone! Jake >> Oh, for Pete's sake.

Felix >> Maybe if we can put a contact vaporizer on it

before it thaws, we can get it.

I'm going in. Hayley >> No, Felix!

It's too dangerous. >> Don't do it, Feelsy!

I like that.

I'm going to call you Feelsy for ever and ever!

[crackling]

>> Have a super day!

[beeps]

[boom!]

[thud]

Is everybody all right? Is everyone okay?

Jenny >> What are you doing?

Aren't you that nerd guy who spazzed out in gym?

>> I believe I fit that description.

>> Gross! I've been geeked!

Ew, ew ew ew!

>> I'm sorry, man.

>> Hey, it's okay.

I guess girls under the influence of a Swarm Hive

monster are just not my type.

[chuckles turn to sobs]

>> He's fine.

***

Teacher >> What's going on here? [shouts]

***

[clinking coins]

Boy >> Hey, put me down! [groan]

[laughter]

Hayley >> Everything's back to it's normal, dysfunctional

operating system.

[school bell rings]

>> I wonder if she remembers me.

>> Why don't you go find out?

***

>> Hey, Jenny. >> Keep your stinky,

sweaty hands off me, Feelsy.

***

>> She remembers!

***