Original subtitles

Jake >> Again, I think your hair looks great.

Hayley >> Well, you know what? You wouldn't understand

because you have a bad hair day everyday.

>> Girls!

[fizzle]

[monster gurgles]

[emergency warning tones]

Are you still talking about my hair?

>> Circle around.

[emergency warning tones]

[monster gurgles]

[pop, zap]

[bing bing]

>> Sorry. [monster gurgles]

[emergency warning tones]

***

[emergency warning tones]

***

Stockley >> You kids, stop this right now!

[monster gurgles]

What is going on here?

>> Well, ah, the monster escaped...

Stockley >> Please, and take that thing off.

Look at this mess.

What do you have to say for yourself?

>> They made me do it.

[gurgles]

***

***

***

***

***

***

You guys can't just keep

playing 'catch 'n capture' with the monsters.

Especially you, Jake.

Now you owe me two Troop reports, ten pages each.

Jake >> That won't be that hard. >> Title page doesn't count.

>> Aw, man.

>> Mr. Stockley, we were just trying have a little bit of fun.

>> Well, it's all well and good till a Cyclops loses an eye.

Now you guys get to work cleaning this place up.

Felix >> Yes, sir. Stockley >> Oh no!

My World's Greatest Troop Leader mug.

I don't even like coffee. I drink out of it

four times a day just to show it off.

>> Why don't you drink tea?

>> Jake, it's a coffee mug.

Well, you guys better be on better behaviour tomorrow.

I'm finally going to the dentist to have a tooth pulled.

>> Your dentist got his license back?

>> Nope. But I did find this

underneath my windshield wiper this morning.

>> Rust-Proofing?

And discount dental services. >> Lucky day or what?

Anyway, you guys are going to have a substitute Troop leader.

Her name is Bianca Stonehouse.

Felix >> Aaaaa!

>> Wait. The Bianca Stonehouse?

>> That's right. Hayley >> Aaaa!

Jake >> Is she famous?

Hayley >> She is a legend.

When she was in The Troop, she was known as the toughest,

bravest monster fighter of all times.

Everyone had the Bianca Stonehouse hair cut.

>> It was not a good look for guys.

Hayley >> There's even a maneuver named after her

- The Stonehouse kick.

It's where you kick a monster in the face, like this.

[whack, crash]

[murmur of students]

Jake >> Can't wait to meet this Bianca Stonehouse.

She sounds incredible.

Felix >> Bianca specialized in the most dangerous creatures.

Jake >> Isn't 'Man' the most dangerous creature?

Felix >> That hasn't been true since werewolves

started riding sharks.

Hayley >> Bianca is a superstar but try to be professional.

I'm sure she wants to be treated just like an ordinary person.

>> Hi. I'm Bianca Stonehouse.

[sputters with laughter and mumbles]

>> And I am Felix Garcia. We've never met.

I'm a big fan. And you and I have the same IQ.

Do you know how often I get to say that? Never.

>> It's so wonderful to meet you at last.

And you must be the lovely and effervescent Hayley.

>> Your favourite drink is smoothies. Ha ha ha!

>> Charmed. And you are...Jake.

I understand that you'll be...details coming.

Felix >> Bianca, could you tell us about the time you were

fighting a monster and you couldn't find your blaster

so you invented the Stonehouse kick?

>> Great story. I was fighting this monster.

So I invented the Stonehouse kick.

>> No! [laughter]

>> So ah, what kind of monster?

>> We can tell stories all day,

but right now we've got work to do.

My methods may seem a little unusual but like the Stonehouse

kick, they're effective.

Questions? Hayley >> Um...

Can we be friends?

And/or can I just...tell people we are friends?

>> We're friends already. >> Aaaa.

Eeee.

Yeah!

Bianca >> Is this the main holding area for this facility?

Jake >> Yes, we're directly under the gym.

[poof, snarl] The monsters get a little touchy

during basketball season but otherwise they're fine.

>> So how good is your security system?

[monster growls] Hayley >> Top notch.

State of the art.

>> Is it true that you guys also have a Locht?

>> He's in isolation on the lowest level,

that's the most secure.

>> And I assume he's being monitored at all times.

Jake >> Yes.

[computer beeps]

Jake >> You seem awfully interested in the Locht.

>> I have a lot of interests, Jake.

Calligraphy, jazz-fusion and yes, Lochts.

The Locht is the most cunning and dangerous of creatures.

I lost a whole Troop to a Locht.

I will not lose another.

Okay, let's get started on some choirs, hm?

>> Got one!

Bianca >> I want each of you to dig up 20 more worms.

Jake >> We usually get our worms from Maxi-Mart.

>> Finding worms will improve your instincts,

make you a better Troop member.

Buy a man a worm, next day he needs more worms.

Teach a man to dig for worms, he gets...

tons more worms.

>> Isn't she great?

>> I think we might have a serious problem here.

>> Jake, I haven't taken a medical day in the 22 years

of my education career and I'm trying to make the most of every

precious moment so this better be important.

>> Bianca Stonehouse is asking strange questions

and making us do weird stuff.

>> You need to take a step back here.

Now you're vulnerable to a condition that affects

all new Troopers.

The stress of the job makes them paranoid.

Any little thing can set them off and before you know it,

they're running down the street naked,

attacking old people and street signs,

ruining their reputation for the rest of their lives.

Jake >> What's it called?

>> Stockley Syndrome.

>> Because you discovered it?

>> In a way.

>> Okay, Stockley Syndrome aside,

what make you so sure I can trust Bianca Stonehouse?

>> I know her very well. There's no one more dedicated

to The Troop than Bianca Stonehouse.

Now she was in The Troop at the same time as her brother

Archer Stonehouse. Archer got attacked by a monster

and was badly hurt. It put him in a wheelchair.

>> Oh no. That's terrible.

>> And from that day forward, Jake,

she turned herself into a total monster-fighting machine.

So believe me, if there's anyone you can trust, it's her.

Now, may I get back to squeezing every drop of beauty

out of this day? [music plays]

>> Are you watching cartoons?

[music plays] >> I gotta go.

>> I want you to take down two out of every three.

>> You give us such interesting, curious choirs to do.

Jake >> And how will this make us better Troop members?

>> We're doing this to help fight global warming

and improve our senses in the dark.

>> Mr. Stockley says your brother Archer

was in kick-boxing. >> Oh yeah!

He's crazy about kicking and boxing.

So lucky to find a sport that combines the two.

Jake >> Hm. >> Keep up the good work.

I'm going to go get a snack.

***

***

[burp]

Jake >> We've got to do something.

Bianca Stonehouse is a monster. >> You take that back!

>> I just saw her putting worms in her mouth belly.

She's a Locht.

>> Please don't joke about Lochts on the loose.

>> I know you and Bianca don't get along but really,

you're just starting to sound paranoid.

Jake >> Hah, I'm paranoid? Hayley >> Mm-hm.

>> Lochts are shape-shifters. This could be a Locht

shaped like Bianca Stonehouse. >> Yeah.

You want to know what else is shaped like Bianca Stonehouse?

Bianca Stonehouse.

Felix >> Maybe you have Stockley Syndrome.

I had it when I first joined The Troop.

I had to wear a lacrosse helmet outside at night

because I thought the stars were reading my mind.

>> Guys, I know what I saw and...

What is she making you do now?

>> We're just disassembling all the weapons.

>> Don't you guys see this is sabotage?

>> Hey, guys. How's it going?

Jake >> Don't believe me? Watch this!

It's a wig! [Bianca screams]

Hayley >> Jake, stop it!

Jake >> I don't get it. It's suppose to be a wig.

Hayley >> I think it's Stockley Syndrome.

>> It's okay. Jake, it's a high pressure job.

We all snap once in a while.

Some of us see monsters. Some develop a rash.

>> And I shout inappropriate things.

Bottom!

>> TroopGrid, bring up all information

on Bianca Stonehouse. [computer beeps]

Computer >> TroopGrid, disabled. >> What's going on?

>> You guys were running on old software.

>> Yeah, thanks to Bianca though, we're upgrading.

Jake >> This is what I mean. We have no weapons

and no TroopGrid and I know what I saw.

She's a monster!

>> I'm kind of worried about him.

>> Yeah, me too. Toilet!

>> I'll talk to Jake. You guys keep plugging away.

[clatter] Stockley >> You know,

it's not just Sponge Bob, the starfish is hysterical too.

>> Oh, I know. He's the emotional center.

[cell phone rings]

>> Stockley. >> You've got to come back

right away. Bianca Stonehouse is a monster.

Stockley >> Quit fooling around, Jake.

>> But I saw her putting worms in her mouth belly.

Please, you've got to believe me.

Stockley >> If I were you, right now I'd write a note to myself

not to forget to wear pants. >> I don't have

Stockley Syndrome and there's a dangerous monster loose.

>> I talked to Bianca last night.

And if she would have become a monster with a mouth belly,

she would have said something.

I'll talk to you later, Jake. >> Mr. Stockley...

>> You look a little worried.

You're not here for rust-proofing, right?

Ha ha, okay. It's been a crazy week.

Ha ha ha, here we go! Open wide.

Bianca >> I don't think so, Jake.

I think you've bothered poor Mr. Stockley enough.

[whoosh whoosh] Hii-yaa!

[groan] Sorry, Jake.

No weapons for prisoners.

[groan]

I'll take that watchcom as well.

[Jake groans]

You don't really think I'm a monster, do you?

>> I know you are and we're going to get you.

>> You're half right.

[sniff] Mmm...chocolate.

[gurgle]

Gross! Ew!

I guess I'll leave you this.

If you get bored, you can read about how we beat The Troop

the last time in 1385.

[security wall beeps]

[Jake groans]

Felix >> This thing is heavy.

Someone's been eating a lot of worms.

>> Hey, Bianca. Did you find Jake?

>> I couldn't find him. He's obviously going through

something and he needs his space.

>> Hm, been there. Bianca >> For now, we've got

to get this Locht to the MUV.

[banging from container] No offense to Stockley

but the security system failed all the stress-tests.

>> That's so weird. I mean, we just had it

inspected like what? Three months ago.

Bianca >> Better safe than sorry.

There's a reinforced holding cell in Delaware.

[snarl]

[growl] >> No getting use to that.

>> If he tried that on me, he's be one sorry Locht!

Bianca >> All right, that's great, Hayley.

Felix and I can take it from here.

Why don't you head on back to class.

>> Can we go out for smoothies later?

>> Okay, but I'm paying.

[alarm bell]

>> Great.

Hah, no weapons.

[electric zaps]

Back away...from the force-field.

>> It's me!

>> Jake, what are you doing in there?

>> Bianca Stonehouse locked me in.

She's a monster. She admitted it.

>> She has done nothing but help us since she got here.

>> She made us destroy our weapons,

she dismantled the computer, and she locked me in.

Where's Felix? Hayley >> With Bianca.

They're moving the Locht to Delaware.

Oh no.

[eclectic wall zaps off] Jake >> Thank you.

[screeching tires]

Uh oh! >> Felix.

Hayley >> I'm sorry I didn't believe you, Jake,

but it was Bianca Stonehouse.

>> I know, but everything she did was to help

the Locht escape. She had you take out

the light bulbs because they have sensitive eyes.

Then she had you break down the weapons and disable TroopGrid.

How long till we're back online?

>> It'll be a couple of hours.

Man, I wish we had the real Bianca Stonehouse here.

She knows everything about the...duck...locht.

>> Thanks. So our best chance

of finding Felix is to find her. >> I know just where to look.

Jake >> Felix's life is in the balance and we're looking for

clues behind a smoothie shop. This is a waste of time.

>> Bianca Stonehouse loves smoothies, okay.

>> Everyone loves smoothies.

[muffled shouts]

>> Aah. >> Bianca Stonehouse?

>> Thank goodness someone's here.

Who are you? >> We're from The Troop.

>> Good. I'm going to need your help.

The woman who claims to be me is really a Locht.

>> We know. >> We saw her.

>> I think she's going to release the Locht

you have in captivity. >> Right.

>> She already did. >> So you know that this time

of year Lochts go underground to nest with their mate?

>> No, we didn't know that. >> I bet the female Locht

broke the other one out of jail so they could nest together.

Must have been her boyfriend. >> Exactly.

You must be Hayley, the smart one.

>> And I'm Jake. >> There's no time for that.

We have to go after them. Now, the Lochts always take

a food source with them before hibernating.

Did you notice anything or anyone missing?

>> Felix.

Dentist >> Looks like someone's allergic to discount anesthetic.

I guess we both learned a valuable lesson today.

[cell phone rings]

[garbled speech]

>> Bianca Stonehouse was a monster.

[garbled speech]

>> No, she took Felix. And she and her boyfriend

are going to eat him. [Stockley garbles speech]

Jake >> No, we don't know where she went.

But a slime trail lead us to this hatch.

[Stockley garbles speech]

>> Yeah, I love you too.

Wow.

Dentist >> Ah ah, wait! We're not done.

>> They went this way.

Hayley >> Ah, I'll never forgive myself if something

bad happens to Felix. Jake >> I know.

I'll even miss his science related rap songs.

* Sixty-three moons orbiting Jupiter *

* Better get it right or you're gonna to sound stupider *

[distant shout] Jake and Hayley >> Felix!

***

>> Let's do this thing.

[echoing water drops]

[Hayley groans] >> Thanks.

>> I still don't know why we didn't use the ladder.

Bianca >> Because, I'm Bianca Stonehouse.

Go in with your blaster set to 'stun'.

Jake, you lay down some suppressing fire while Hayley...

>> I'm going to stop you right there.

We don't have weapons.

Hayley >> That's not going to stop Bianca Stonehouse.

I'm sure you've been in situations like this before,

right? >> There's no situation

I haven't been in, sweetheart. There is this one time,

ah no...that's not going to work.

Well, then there was this one time like...

Ah, do either of you have a bear costume?

>> Oh boy. Hayley >> That's just

her first idea. She's just gettin' warmed up.

What else? >> Do you have any costumes

at all? Raccoon, gladiator, ghost?

Jake >> We don't have any costumes.

Look, there have been Troops around a lot longer

than there have been blasters and watchcoms.

There must be a way to take down these monsters old-school.

>> Okay, like how? >> Even in Medieval times,

they knew that the Lochts have a small soft-spot under their arm.

If you hit it just right, you can temporally paralyze them.

Here. You can use this as a spear.

This bone will make a decent blow gun.

I can use rocks for ammo. What kind of weapon do you want?

>> Oh, sorry. This is as far as I can go.

>> Wait, you're not coming with us?

>> I can't. I'm an adult.

My time has passed. I'd be way too scared

of something as terrifying as the Locht.

We call them the Troop Destroyers.

But you guys will be fine.

Felix >> I can't believe it.

It's about time.

How did you guys find me?

Hayley >> The real Bianca Stonehouse showed up

and helped us find you. >> Awesome.

Ow! >> What's wrong?

>> I twisted my ankle when they made me climb down that ladder.

>> Pays to have taken the rope.

Felix >> So, how do we take these monsters out?

>> Hayley's got a stick and I've got a bone.

>> That's a great idea-are you kidding me?

Why didn't you guys make gun power?

>> Maybe because we don't know how to make gun power.

>> Well, if you had gone to the Civil War reenactment with me,

you'd know. Day one - gun power,

tourniquet's, weevil removal. Day two...

[monsters growl]

>> Quick, Hayley, your stick!

[monster grumbles]

>> Well, that's just great.

>> I was going to suggest jabbing it.

[phewt]

[monsters laugh]

[monster snarls]

Stockley >> Get away from them!

Hey, my tooth.

[thud] Felix >> Mr. Stockley!

[monster grumbles]

Ahh!

***

[phewt]

***

[thwack] [monster cries out]

[thud]

[Jake chuckles]

[other monster growls] Ah oh!

[monster growls]

***

[thwack] [Locht screams]

[dying groan]

>> The Stonehouse kick. Hah!

>> Just like I practiced it.

[chuckles]

Felix >> That was sick. Is everybody all right?

>> Ah, I think we're all good.

[growls] [Stockley screams]

[thwack]

[groan]

Hayley >> That wasn't really a bear, was it?

[Bianca groans]

Jake >> His and her cells. That's nice.

Hayley >> Ah, true love.

>> Well, it must have been pretty exciting to have

the real Bianca Stonehouse as your leader, huh?

Hayley >> Mm, yeah.

But there's no substitute for the real deal.

>> We're glad you're back.

>> Well, I was fishing for that compliment

but it's nice to hear it anyway.

>> Oh, we have something for you.

>> Ah ha ha! You guys are the best!

* If you got something busted and you don't know what to do *

* Here's your old friend Felix with a recipe for glue *

[dribbles]

Is that the bell?

[dribbles]