Original subtitles

Hayley >> ...and that's what the universal translator is for.

Jake >> So when you say 'universal translator'...?

>> It's exactly that. Any creature that has

a language, this will take it and turn it into English.

Oh, and you flip this switch and your words are put

into the last language on the translator.

>> Allow me to demonstrate.

Danker >> Aororroooaoroaooroo...

[beeps] >> Poor guy sounds sad.

>> That's just the Danker. This is what

he's really saying: [beeps]

Translator >> I love it cold. I love it dark.

Happy, happy smile time. I love it cold.

I love it dark... >> That's awesome!

Felix >> I know, huh. Hayley >> Jake, you're going

to be dealing with a lot of high tech gadgets.

The Troop doesn't play around with its equipment.

Nothing but the best.

[running footsteps, growls]

[loud roar]

[squeal]

[clatter]

[clanks, squeals]

[clatter]

[growl and chatter]

[snap snap!]

Hayley >> Then again,

there's always room for improvement, I guess.

Felix >> Here monster, monster, monster!

Translator >> Bleahblahgrrg.

Jake >> Come here.

***

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***

[zaps and growls]

[zap and fizzle]

>> Well, that's the last one.

Wow, that Ratodon has a temper.

>> That's why we keep them in cages, Einstein.

>> Still early, plenty of time

to get into my costume and go trick or treating.

>> Not so fast, Felix. Hayley >> What'd you find?

>> Well, I found what's left of the monstropental regulator,

which broke and caused the reciprocating hydrogenator

to fail resulting in an overload of the security system.

I also found a baseball, a flying disc,

two overdue library books

and a bi-centennial quarter.

Heh!

Jake >> So 'monstropental regulator',

what does that all mean? Stockley >> It's broken.

The electrical grid is shot. I jury-rigged it

so it will hold till I can make the proper repairs.

Hayley >> Let's call International HQ.

They'll get someone out here to fix it.

>> Guten abend, Stockley. What now?

>> Just wanted to say "Happy Halloween", Dr. Brandenbury.

Gotta go, bye. [beep]

I've made a few too many requests to International

lately: new communicators, new pulse blaster, team hats.

They said I could only have one.

Anyway, it's a simple power core decoupling

and redistribution job. I got this.

>> Great! See you guys around then.

>> But it does mean that one of us is going to have to say here,

keep an eye on things while I go get the parts.

>> But Mr. Stockley, it's Halloween.

>> I know. I'm sorry.

But somebody has to stay.

So who's it going to be? >> Hayley?

>> Ha, sure, I guess I could.

I've only been working on this charity haunted house for like

two months, getting it ready, you know, for the needy.

But if you guy think it's more important that 15 year-olds

go around, playing dress up for candy, that's just fine.

I'll tell the starving children, 'Better luck next time."

Jake >> Tough break. Guess it's you buddy!

>> No way.

I am not staying here on Halloween.

Tonight is my night and I don't get many nights.

I started working on this Gibbering Troolis costume

on January 1st.

So...whaddya' think?

I busted my butt for weeks designing and calibrating

to my exacting standards.

And just as the Troolis's call summons the other monsters

to its lair, so will I summon candy into my pumpkin bucket.

It's perfect!

>> You're not the only one with a costume.

I was going to draw a goatee on my face.

Then I go as Evil Jake.

Fine, I'll stay.

>> I'm grateful, and so are the kids.

Such a sweetie.

>> She's right, you're so sweet.

>> I'll try to be fast, but Halloween's bad for driving.

[Danker growls]

[beeps]

Translator >> Hey, don't worry. You and I can have fun.

* Ninety nine bottles of slime on the wall *

* Ninety nine bottles of slime *

* Take one down, pass it around *

* Ninety eight bottles of slime on the wall *

* Ninety eight bottles of... *

[children's giggles]

[evil laugh]

Hayley >> Hey kids, welcome to the haunted house.

Have fun, guys. Don't get too scared.

Have fun. Ticket.

Hey, thank you so much for coming, guys.

Hey, tell your friends. And don't forget "Boo!"

[laughs]

Hey, Phoebe.

How was it? Did you have fun?

>> It was fine.

>> "Fine?" Huh.

Didn't it scare you? >> Was it suppose to be scary?

>> Well, yeah. It's a haunted house.

>> Oh, right.

Well, I'm sure some people thought it was scary.

Like, toddlers, or tiny babies.

>> Really, the blood on the walls?

A bowl of eyeballs?

Only scary to toddlers?

>> And tiny babies.

Maybe you should advertise it as a place that's scary for babies,

then people would bring their babies here

and you could scare them.

[clears throat] >> Just so that the last

eight weeks of my life weren't completely wasted,

why don't we just walk through together,

and you can show me where it could be scarier, okay?

>> Okay.

[background howls]

[Grrrr!]

[evil laugh]

>> Yawn.

[car radio plays commercial]

Announcer >> ...we've got a mile of used cars, each one

priced by a crazy chimpanzee. [chimp squeals]

[scan of radio stations]

[haunting music] Radio Host >> Tales of the

sinister and macabre, all Halloween evening.

Tales to terrify your very soul.

Muah ha ha ha!

>> All right, radio, challenge accepted.

Let's see who's scared of what.

[haunting music]

[crash of thunder]

[Danker sings] * Seven bottles *

* of slime on the wall Seven bottles of slime *

* Take one down, pass it around *

* Six bottles of slime on the wall *

* Six bottles of slime on the wall *

* Six bottles of slime Take one down, pass it around *

>> Okay, taking a lunch break, Danker.

Translator >> Okay, Jake. When you get back,

we can take it from the top.

[beeps and whir of microwave]

[fizzles]

No, no. Noooo.

[rustles and footsteps running] No!

[footsteps and growls]

Gone, gone, they're all gone.

[growl and snarls]

[monster grunts]

[slimy pop]

[footsteps running away]

[children's voices]

Haunting voice >> Yeah ha ha!

[evil laugh]

>> Arghhh!

>> Nice try, but I've seen it.

>> Seen it? Really?

You have seen an ogre charging at you, with horns!

>> Listen, if you want to be scared check out

the haunted house at Second Presbyterian Church.

They're handing out extra pants.

[watch-com rings]

>> What's up, Jake? >> Is that Jake?

Tell him to come pick me up so we can go trick or treating.

I'm booored! >> Dude, chillax.

Phoebe >> I'll chillax, once I get what's coming to me.

A sack full of candy and a brother who does

what he says he'll do.

Jake >> Hayley, listen. We have bigger problems

than my sister. The monsters are loose.

>> What? That's a disaster!

How did it happen?

>> I guess we'll never know.

I'll head out to round up any monsters I can.

Stick Phoebe somewhere safe and meet me on Caine Ave.

>> Got it, see you there in ten. [beep]

>> Is he coming to get me? >> No, but soon.

In the meantime,let me show you to a room

where you can wait for him.

>> Ha, nice try Hayley.

I can see you've put in some effort.

That weird, pale, paper mache skin.

>> Hic-up! [gasp]

>> This is Mrs. Vanderveen.

She's the executive director of 'Foods for Little Dudes'.

That's who we're raising money for.

Mrs. Vanderveen, this is Phoebe.

I was wondering, can you keep an eye on her

for just a little bit while I run out?

>> I'd love to.

>> Do you have a TV? >> No, but we have something

twice as good

...the radio! >> Oh, goodie!

[haunting music on radio]

Radio Host >> ...and as they turned, they saw the ghost

point to the very spot they were standing on!

>> What kind of baby is afraid of this stuff?

Radio Host >> And the Menlowe brothers were never seen again.

Muha ha ha!

[distant howl]

[applause] Felix >> Thank you, thank you.

One does like to be appreciated for the effort.

Ha ha! Your maps have a route

I've designed for candy maximizing pleasure.

Sure, go ahead. I'll catch up.

Happy hunting. [distant growl]

Whoa!

Phenomenal costume, my friend.

You even got the slime right. That's amazing.

[monster huffs]

[growl!]

That's not bad. Remember, this is the call

that has the power to attract other monsters.

But it's more like...

Mmmwwwrgrrguurglll!

[monster growls]

>> Okay, let's start a grid pattern

and clear each grid of monsters. That's the only way to be sure.

So what did Stockley say when you told him?

You didn't tell him?

Jake, he's our advisor. We rely on him.

In times of crisis, he is our rock.

Radio Host >> And he saw, stuck in the side door of the car,

a stainless steel hook!

Muah ha ha ha! [tap tap tap]

Aaaggghhh! >> Aaaahhh!

[scream fades down]

[awkward chuckle]

Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought you were trying to kill me.

I have some mints.

[squishy sounding steps]

[slurpy licks]

>> Dude, okay.

Wet Willy from a Gibbering Troolis is very fun but can

phew, can we give it a rest now, please.

[watch-com rings]

Hey, Jake. >> Felix, the monsters are out.

>> They escaped? How'd that happen?

>> We'll never know.

But you need to come give Hayley and me a hand

to round the monsters back up. [squishy licks]

>> Dude, that is seriously getting annoying.

Knock it off! Jake >> What's going on?

>> Just some other guy in a Giggering Troolis costume,

being a jerk!

>> Keep you eyes peeled for monsters.

>> Right, I'll...

>> Troolis costume?

>> It's not a guy, is it, Jake?

>> I don't think it is.

[growl!]

>> Aaarrghhh!

[growl]

>> Felix, take it easy. Felix >> Help, Hayley,

it's tasting me! It's tasting me!

>> Felix, calm down. It's not going to eat you.

[growl] >> No?

>> No, ha, I promise.

[growling stops] >> Hey, you're right.

Hayley >> That wasn't its hunting call,

that was its mating call.

>> His what?

>> I think it's in love with you.

[sigh] [growl]

You're not in any real danger.

Felix >> Oh, I don't think I heard you right

because the yard-long tongue poking into my ear hole.

>> Sick! Try to get a picture. Felix >> No!

>> Lead it back to headquarters. >> No, the haunted house

is closer. Lead it there.

And the Troolis' song will attract all the other monsters.

>> But it's gonna ruin my haunted house.

I've been working on that thing for eight weeks.

>> Word on the street is that Second Presbyterian's

haunted house is killing yours anyway.

>> Perfect. Hayley's will be empty.

>> Hey! >> We'll turn the house

into a trap and catch all the monsters in one shot.

>> Do have any idea how hard it is to make a haunted house?

Our fog machines keep breaking down,

the sound effects CD only lasts 20 minutes,

oh, and it's hard to get good fake blood nowadays.

>> You done? >> [sigh] Fine.

>> Okay, at the haunted house, but you both gotta be there.

>> We'll be there, just make sure you bring your boyfriend.

Felix >> Don't call him that.

Can we just try being friends and see where it goes?

[mating growl]

Hayley >> People, people, people!

You need to leave here at once. There are monsters on their way.

[cheers and applause]

>> Halloween.

>> Ahh...

[mating growl]

>> But seriously, guys, we're all out of cider and cookies.

[crowd moans]

[squishy footsteps]

Felix >> Hide me. >> Felix, that's not the plan.

Felix >> We have a plan?

Jake >> Since the Troolis is attracted to you...

Felix >> The costume you mean. >> ...lure it into

the basement and, you know, keep it interested.

Felix >> How's that? >> Flirt.

[tick tock, tick tock...]

>> And that's the recipe for rye crackers.

[tick tock, tick tock...]

And you make wheat crackers in a different

but equally exciting way...

>> Excuse me, I have to go.

>> To the bathroom, dearie?

>> No.

[watch-com beeps]

Jake >> No more complaining, just shake your bootie.

Mr. Stockley over watch-com >> I'm going to let the back-talk

slide because I asked you to work on Halloween.

But you shouldn't be talking to adults that way.

>> [sigh] Sorry, Mr. Stockley. What's up?

>> Picked up the stuff and I'm on my way.

Shouldn't be too much longer. >> Great.

>> Any problems?

>> Nope, just being bored because everything's

so quiet and under control. >> Oh, listen.

I wanted to warn you. Don't use the microwave.

It might crash the electrical grid again.

>> Good to know, thanks. Talk to you soon.

Felix >> How do you like this, big boy?

[hunting call]

***

>> It's show time.

***

[growl]

***

[growl]

[hunting call]

[growl]

***

[snap]

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[snarl]

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[high pitched chirps]

[growl]

***

[growl]

***

>> Last one, dude. >> Except for the Ratodon.

>> Ratodon.

[mating growl]

>> Hey, Jake.

I don't know how much longer I can do this.

He's tearing my costume into shreds and I think

I'm starting to get a reputation.

>> You're doing great, Felix. This is going much smoother

than I thought it would. Felix >> That's easy

for you to say, you're not the heartbreaker.

[pounding footsteps]

>> Hey, Felix. Cool costume.

>> Phoebe! What are you doing?

>> Talking to Felix. [growl!]

>> Whoa! Your breath smells like cheese and tires.

>> Jake, that's a Ratodon.

>> I...I know. Now we have to contain it.

>> Do you have any candy? I haven't gotten any all night.

[quiet growl] >> You better keep it away

from the Troolis because they hate each other.

>> Phoebe.

Come over here ...slowly.

>> Then can I have some candy? >> Sure.

Here, here's some candy right here.

[snarl] >> Felix, he said it was mine.

>> Just let him have it, Phoebe! Jake >> Phoebe, no!

>> Felix, you better get up here right now.

And take off that costume before you come.

>> Not a problem.

[mournful growl]

It's not me, it's you. You're a monster.

[loud mournful cry]

Argh! [gasps]

Oh, come on!

>> It's my candy. I called it.

>> Help me!

[growls]

[grunts] >> Get it open!

[groan] >> I'm trying, it's jammed.

[monsters growl]

>> My little sister's in there!

Hayley >> Okay, well how can we help?

>> Take the hinges off. Felix >> They're on the inside.

[monsters growl]

>> I got it.

[growls and scuffles]

[growls and scuffles]

[bang!]

Phoebe >> Finally, some candy.

Hayley, I was wrong.

This is the best haunted house ever!

[monster growls] [gasps]

Felix >> Phew! That's the last of them.

>> Man, that was too close.

>> Oh, look at you guys laying around.

Are you really that bored? Jake >> Ha, hey Mr. Stockley,

did you get everything you needed?

>> I sure did. And I brought you back

a little holiday treat. >> Candy?

>> Even better. Allen wrenches.

>> Next best thing. Thanks.

>> Hey, Mr. Stockley, are you ever going to tell

International HQ about the security failure?

[laughs]

Hayley, sometimes the less your superiors know, the better.

>> I have no problem with that, sir.

[Danker growls] Translator >> Hey Stockley,

you missed all the fun! There was this power outage....

>> Argh! Shhh shhh shhh!

[Danker moans]