Original subtitles

Jake >> Hurry up, Phoebe. [whoosh]

[sigh]

Mr. Brinker >> You're on my lawn.

Uh-uh.

It's mine now.

Jake >> Hey, you'd better save that, it's going to be worth

a lot some day.

Mr. Brinker >> Humph.

>> You know what? Why don't I just

get off your lawn?

Phoebe >> He got my glow ball last week which I kind of get

but what's he going to do with my Princess tiara.

>> Come on, Your Majesty, Mom said I have to walk you

to the bus. >> Funny, Mom said I had

to walk you to the bus.

Said you're nervous about the Aptitude Test results.

>> Try totally freaked. Once they label you something

it's hard to shake it.

>> You can overcome anything, Jake.

I believe in you. >> Really?

>> No, I just saw people say that on TV.

>> Oh. [bus brakes squeal]

>> My bus! My bus!

>> I got it.

Stop! Stop!

I said stop!

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

I said stop! [brakes screech]

[thud!] >> Ohhh...

Phoebe >> Thanks, Jake.

[knock, knock]

[background kids' voices]

>> Oh, and don't forget, I won't be back from my beauty retreat

until tomorrow. Mr. Brinker >> Oh, you're going

to need to stay longer. >> What?

>> So long.

[sigh]

[low growls]

>> What's going on in there?

[low growls]

Hello? [twig snaps]

[growls]

[roaring growls] Argh!

♪♪♪

>> Hey, Jake. >> Cuddy, what's wrong?

>> Oh, I...I just got the results of my Aptitude Test

back, you know? Turns out I'm not going to be

able to live out my, uh... dream of being a matador.

>> Whatever you're going to be, I bet it's still pretty cool.

>> Oral Surgeon. >> Dude.

>> Yeah, so if you know anyone who needs a pair of sequined

pants, give them my number.

Jake >> Mr. Stockley, wait! I was hoping you could

give me a little heads up on my Aptitude Test results.

>> Oh, I don't think that's a discussion you want to have

in public. My office, ten o'clock.

>> Oh, but just a hint? A revealing glance.

Great, I'll probably end up a janitor.

Which would be totally awesome.

>> Here's your books. Pipe busted.

Your new locker's 33 - around the corner,

down the hall. >> Seriously?

Hayley >> One of the guys just said something completely...

I don't even know what he said. Okay, so we were in R2, right?

Mr. Robinson's class, and right when he was about

to start talking... So you know David and what

a troublemaker he is right? >> Thank you.

[locker rattles]

>> New locker. >> Hi, I'm Hayley.

>> I know. We've been going to school

together since we were in second grade.

>> Oh...right, well... nice to meet you again.

[locker rattles]

>> Mmmph

[bash, bash...]

>> Stubborn one. >> Here, let me.

[tap] [girls giggle]

>> Laugh it up, ladies, but I'm not a guy who gets embarrassed.

[girls laugh]

But nothing's impossible.

[school bell rings]

[door squeaks open]

Teacher >> Nice of you to join us, Mr. Collins.

We've already paired up for the frog dissection.

[whispers] Find a partner.

♪♪♪

[whispers] >> Over here, science friend.

♪♪♪

Jake >> Hey, Felix. >> Congratulations, Jake.

You just won the lab partner lottery.

You can take you're A-plus plus to the bank.

Here's some rules. >> I really didn't ask to be...

>> Hang on, I still talking. This is a baggie

of frog organs. I want you to memorize them.

>> But our frog hasn't been dissected.

>> I brought these from home. You see, I am that good.

As you can see, I am driving this train and what I expect

from you are the three "L's", Loyalty, Listening and Ladies,

comma, advice about.

[paper crinkles]

>> Sanjay, how many weeks is this lab?

>> Shh.

>> Okay, scissors...

Herb >> I just don't get it. Accounting?

Mr. Stockley >> The test doesn't lie.

>> Are you sure? This is a huge debit

in my joy column. I'll have to amortize

my unhappiness over the next seven quarters.

>> Somehow I think we got this one right.

>> Sorry, Herb. >> Thanks, Jake.

>> Take one. >> It's okay, I'm not

really hungry.

>> Take one.

♪♪♪

Jake >> Oh...looks good.

♪♪♪

[whap]

♪♪♪

[slurp]

It is good. >> Impressive.

Okay, let's go. >> Go where?

So, this is how you let people down?

Offer them some fruit and tell them their future's over?

I already know what I want to do.

I want to draw comics. >> So what if I told you

instead of drawing heroes you could be one?

>> I'd say you were trying to sell me something.

>> You know Felix, Hayley.

Jake >> What are you doing here?

You flunked the Aptitude Test, too?

[electronic sound]

What the heck was that? Felix >> Just making sure

nobody's listening. Got to keep our secrets.

>> You guys really take this Aptitude Test thing seriously.

>> Jake, there's a test within the test, a hidden test

that gauges for other unique abilities,

extraordinary aptitudes.

Now, your test scores were the highest that we've ever seen.

I didn't believe it until you broke open that Dung Melon.

Do you know how few people choose that fruit let alone

figure out how to open it? >> No... Wait!

Did I eat something called a Dung Melon?

>> You were made to be part of the Troop.

>> We fight monsters.

>> You're kidding, right?

[laughter]

>> Not at all. We're part of a secret

worldwide organization that's dedicated to keeping

the world safe from monsters. Felix >> Sorry about that

whole flooding-your-locker, making-us-lab-partners thing.

I just thought it'd be easier to have an excuse to hang out

together when we finally... teamed up.

>> This is a lot to take in.

>> Want to see something amazing?

Show him. >> Booya gusha.

[clang!] >> Whoa!

Mr. Stockley >> That's not it. Wait for it.

♪♪♪

[monsters screech, growl]

♪♪♪

[squishy growl, splat!] Jake >> Huh!

No way. >> The monsters are real, Jake.

They've always been here, around you your whole life.

Throughout time, the Troops have been there to keep

monsters from taking over. >> Do you remember that giant

moth attack two years ago? >> No.

Felix >> Exactly. We stopped it.

>> We'd like you to join us, Jake, but think about it

carefully. It's a big responsibility.

It's incredibly dangerous. You don't get paid...

>> And you can't tell anybody about it.

>> But you get to hunt monsters?

Hayley >> Well, yeah, but... >> I'm in!

When do we start? >> We just did.

♪♪♪

[leaves rustle]

[squirrel squeaks]

♪♪♪

[whoosh]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[monster growls] Jake >> Ahhh...!

♪♪♪

[monster growls] Jake >> Ahhhh!

>> Ahhhhh...! [whomp]

Mr. Brinker >> What's your problem, freak show?

>> I was just being chased by something horrible.

>> Well, I'd have said it was my wife but she's out of town.

Look, I know you're not officially on my lawn

so I'm warning you, stay off near my lawn.

>> I'll go, but it's not much of a lawn,

all patchy with crab grass.

>> When you get a lawn of your own, you can judge.

Now get out of here.

>> It's definitely a monster. Felix >> Actually, squirrels

are not monsters, Jake.

♪♪♪

Jake >> Very clever, I always thought this was

an actual barf bucket. Hayley >> It is.

[electronic hum]

Jake >> So that's what that card does.

>> Plus, I use it to wedge out stuck batteries.

Being a Troop member has its perks.

♪♪♪

[elevator whirrs]

♪♪♪

Mr. Stockley >> You're going to be spending a lot of time here.

Now, the chairs are uncomfortable

but that's because we spent all the money on the Troop Grid.

We use this to monitor levels of monster activity around the

world, access our database and communicate with other Troops.

Now there's Pang Ni and her team in Beijing.

>> And there's Maurizio and his paesans in Rome.

Hey, Maurizio! [Stockley speaks Italian]

Ciao, Maurizio. If you get him talking

he'll never stop. And here's my mom.

>> She thinks I have my own TV show.

And we'll be right back.

So, based on its ability to turn things to stone,

I think we can narrow down the monster that chased you

to one of five potential monster species.

There's Cockatrice, Amphesian, Medusa, Basilisk and Kalamati.

>> I'm moving us to Monster Com Three.

[alarm sounds] Jake >> What's that?

Mr. Stockley >> It means a direct threat exists.

It's all right here in your Troop manual.

It's a little old but the information's still good.

Read it, it's important. It's what Troops have used

for years. Why don't you guys show Jake

around a bit and I'll keep checking to see if there's

anything more I can uncover.

Hayley >> I'll take you on a tour of our holding cells.

It's completely safe.

>> Then what do I need this for?

[splat] Gross!

>> Well, Jake...this is where we keep the monsters.

They're safe, all taken care of.

This way they can't hurt anybody or each other.

[splat] [Jake sighs]

Some choose to reform their ways and they can coexist

with us, for example, Bigfoot, Loch Ness Monster,

Mickey Rourke don't bother anybody anymore.

But others...[splat]

...not so much.

Each Troop is tasked with keeping its town

and designated area monster free.

[thunk] [monster growls]

[splat]

There are thousands of Troops just like ours all over

the world. >> And no one ever knows?

Wow. And all these Troops are made up

of teenagers just like us? >> Yeah.

[splat]

We're chosen because we're still able to think in ways

that adults can't and...

[monster growls, squeals]

>> Whoo...! >> You know those things

that you saw under your bed and in your closet

that scared you when you were little?

Your parents said they're just clothes and toys.

>> Yes. >> Yeah, those were monsters.

>> I knew it!

[monsters growls] [splat]

[monster groans, whines, growls]

[Jake sighs] [snorty growl]

Now this is what I'm talking about.

♪♪♪

>> This is our new technologies room.

This is a high tension plasma sensor, this is a freeze ray,

night vision goggles... >> Communication device?

>> Um...

No, that's my retainer.

Jake >> Sorry.

Whoo...what's that? Hayley >> Hold on, Jake.

Look, you can't just pick that up make it work!

It take years to get certified so don't expect to just...

[zap, zap, zap]

Then again, certification's overrated.

>> He missed one.

♪♪♪

[clang]

>> This is going to be so cool.

>> He's way better than Gavin ever was, by the way.

>> Who's Gavin?

>> He's the Troop member you replaced.

He was... my best friend.

He's gone now. >> Taken out by a monster?

>> Moved to Delaware. God, I miss him.

>> Well, now that I'm part of the Troop,

we'll be hanging together. >> That's why I made this

friendship schedule. Now, on Tuesdays we'll watch

movies, on Fridays we'll have sleepovers, and Jake...

Jake? Jake?

Uh...tonight I'm cooking Chicken Florentine.

Jake?

Florentine.

[Brinker bounces ball...]

[laughs]

[sighs]

[monster growls]

Ethel?

♪♪♪

Ethel? What the heck are you

doing out here?

♪♪♪

Huh...! [monster growls]

Wha...!

[growls]

♪ [ipod hip hop] ♪

[distant screams]

♪ [hip hop] ♪

♪♪♪

>> Mr. Brinker?

♪♪♪

[ponytail breaks off]

Don't freak.

Don't freak.

[bump, clatter]

♪♪♪

[whoosh]

Ahhhh...!

if what you heard was right,

it could only be a basilisk.

Which means it's only 48 hours from the time of attack

until the victim is turned to stone forever.

>> Mirrors are basilisk's kryptonite.

Oddly, they love kryptonite Can't get enough.

Ironic, right? Hayley >> Felix...mirrors.

>> So you take the mirror and - Pow!

Basilisk down for the count.

>> Actually I was thinking we could charge into the woods,

freeze rays blasting and... Hayley >> Whoa, whoa,

whoa there, Tex. First of all,

I'm leading this charge. Felix >> Secondly, you can't

freeze a basilisk. It only gets them mad.

Didn't you read your field manual.

>> I didn't get that far yet.

>> Basilisk starts with a 'B'. Jake >> I'm a slow reader.

>> Then, just follow us. >> Hang on tight.

>> To what?

[ATVs whine]

♪♪♪

Jake >> Duct tape, that's your high-tech solution?

Hayley >> Duct tape was a Troop invention in 1918.

It's all in the manual. >> Okay.

Jake, If you hear something, shut your eyes immediately.

>> And then what? >> Run, of course.

>> How do I shut my eyes and run?

Felix >> It's in the manual. Oh...and crow like a rooster.

Basilisks hate the sound of rooster crowing.

>> He's kidding, right? >> You'll find when it comes

to monsters, Felix doesn't kid. Take this and plant it

over on that bridge behind some bushes.

We'll drive the basilisk towards one of the mirrors

using these pulse blasters. Then, at the last second,

pull back the bush. The beast will see his

reflection and turn to stone. Everything will go back

to normal. Easy-peasy.

Jake >> Hey, I have an idea. You plant the mirror

and I'll take the blaster. >> Ha ha, nice try.

Now get going, we're burning daylight.

Oh, and practice your rooster noises.

[birds chirp]

[Jake practices crowing]

Felix >> Hey, Jake, are you there?

Jake >> Did you see the basilisk?

>> No, just wanted to go over tonight's sleepover menu.

How do you feel about s'mores? [basilisk growls]

Hayley >> It's on, Felix! Coming to you.

Left flank, centre shot, due south.

He'll come right to you. [zaps]

[basilisk growls]

♪♪♪

[basilisk growls]

♪♪♪

[Felix screams] >> What are you doing?

It should have run right to you. [leaves rustle]

>> Whoa! Hold on, hold on! It's me!

>> I told you to hold your position.

>> Sitting didn't feel right. I just felt like

I needed to be here. [mirror smashes]

Hayley >> Oh, no. It found the mirror.

It's tricked us. >> It's breaking them all.

[glass smashes] [basilisk growls]

Jake >> There's still the one I hid.

♪♪♪

[basilisk growls] >> Get the mirror!

Don't look back!

♪♪♪

[basilisk growls] [whomp!]

[Hayley grunts and groans]

[thunk]

Oh... Uh...

[basilisk growls] Oh!

Jake >> Aw, it's smashed!

Hayley's turned to stone!

[Felix crows like a rooster] >> Will you stop that?

>> It may be the only thing keeping us alive!

[Felix crows] [basilisk growls]

[Felix crows]

>> We're a super high-tech monster fighting squad,

we must have a better weapon than a stupid rooster!

[basilisk growls] >> Run!

Felix >> Huh? >> Run to that shed, run!

Come on out you ugly lizard! Felix >> What are you doing?

Jake >> Run! [Felix yelps]

Jake >> Close your eyes!

[basilisk growls] Ahh!

[basilisk crackles into stone]

[crashing clatter]

Felix >> Now that was cool. Not exactly by the book

you didn't read, but awesome. >> Was it?

Felix >> Yeah. Hayley >> Sure looked like it.

>> You're okay! You're okay!

Ah!

Ah!

What? We don't hug after missions?

Hayley and Felix >> Um...no.

♪♪♪

>> Uh...what are you doing with that ponytail?

>> Hey, how much longer will the Brinker's

stay turned to stone?

Mr. Brinker >> I don't know why we're in the woods.

I told you I don't remember what happened but I do know

this, if you paid more than $10.00 for that spa treatment,

you got robbed.

Ethel >> Well, I'll tell you what.

The second you shave off that idiotic mustache,

I'll listen to your beauty tips.

>> What mustache?

>> Look! Oh....

♪♪♪

[leaves rustle] [monster growls]