All language subtitles for Swindle.English

(GIRL SCREAMING)

What is that doing
on my cake?

(CROWD GASPING)

WOMAN: Oh!

Griffin.

Yeah, this could
be a problem.

It will be mine.

(GRUNTS)
(SCREAMING)

Go, guys, go!
Not a chance, baldy!

(GRUNTS)

Go.

Oh, and it was
such a nice wedding.

(GROANS)

(CROWD GASPING)

(YELLING)
(GASPING)

GRIFFIN:
Okay, I bet you're wondering,
"What's going on here?

"Who's the guy
with the bad haircut?

"And why
is he not wearing pants?"

Ouch.

"Who's that cute girl?

"Can you get her number?"

Clue. You can't.

"And who are those two?"

Most importantly,
you're probably wondering,

who am I?

Well, I can answer that.

I'm Griffin Bing.

Okay, you know what?
Let's go back
to the beginning.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

Morning, ladies.
(GIRLS LAUGHING)

Griffin, did you
get the chemistry
test answers?

(GASPING)
By GPA is saved.

Oh!
You are welcome,
Kirsten.

Griffin, tell me
you got the Carver
High's playbook.

Dude, the whole team
owes you.

Whoo!
Go, Eagles!

Yo, Griffin,
did you score
Final Annihilation 4?

Of course.

Unreal.
This game doesn't even
drop till September.

So, Griffin,
did you talk to
Amanda Benson?

Will she go out with me?

"No" to both questions.

(GROANS)
What do you want,
Griffin?

I've got collectibles,
comic books,
action figures.

They're worth a lot.

Look, Eddie.
I love your geek...

Chic thing.

Uh, but check Amanda.

GRIFFIN:
Second prettiest girl
in school.

I'm talented.
I'm connected.

But I'm not
a miracle worker.

Griffin! Griffin!

See my play.
Ugh, it's horrible.

I was on my way
to drama class

where I'm rehearsing
my original one woman play,

A Fresh Perspective
on a Freshman's Pain,

which I think is
both provocative
and reassuring,

even if those
are somewhat contradictory...

Wait, Savannah.
Like... What?

Point?
Uh...

My point was... Ben.

He spilled his smoothie
all over Darren Vader.

GRIFFIN: Oh, no.

Griffin.
Not now.

Later, then.

(TRICKLING)

BEN: Look, Darren,
I didn't see you there.

But in all fairness,
there are two victims here.
I mean...

I am out one raspberry
mango smoothie, right?

Yeah.
Yeah?

Yeah, yeah.

And you're also
out of luck.

(WHIMPERS)

Come on.
(BANGING)

Darren. Stop.

I got that stuff
you were looking for.

BEN: (MUFFLED)
Yeah, he got it.

The real stuff?

Yeah.

So let's say you leave
my friend alone, okay?

Nice.

(CHUCKLES)

Hey, Darren.

(BANGING)

You okay?

(SIGHING) Mostly.
All I've lost
is my dignity.

Ah, Ben.

You weren't
using that anyway.

(SLURPING)

Dude, Montana stinks.

It's in
a different time zone.

We can chat online.
Really?

You'll be talking
about people
I don't even know.

Ben, hey, Ben!

Good news, Ben.

We may not have to move
to Montana

and live with
your uncle Grover
after all.

You got a job?
No.

I've got this new invention.
Check this out.

I call it the "iGot It."

With a lowercase "i."

I got it.
Trendy... Ish.

Okay, imagine
I'm a lazy couch potato

wallowing in pork rinds
and failure,
sitting here in my boxers.

I'd rather not,
Mr. Dupree.
What he said.

And I realize,
"Hey, my drink's
way over there."

(BEEPING)
(ELECTRONIC WHIRRING)

Can retrieved.
(CHUCKLES)

Want the lights on?

(BEEPING)
Bang!

(ELECTRONIC WHIRRING)

Let there be light!

(GASPS)

Hey, where's the remote?

MR. DUPREE: Bam!

(ELECTRONIC WHIRRING)

(GASPS)

Why, it's in your hand, man.

That's where.

Thank you, iGot It.

Actually, you know,
that's not bad, Dad.
You see?

I told you
one of these inventions
would pay off one day,

or should I say Saturday.

When I enter the Snake Pit?

Snake Pit, the TV show?

Yeah, three minutes
to pitch your product.

The best one gets,
like, a whole mound of cash.
Right!

Now, I've scratched together
the $300 for the entry fee.

Now all
I have to do is...
(BEEPING)

(CLATTERING)

Oh.

Oops.

Decided to do
a little remodeling?

It's just a few bugs
in the iGot It.

And what's this
gonna cost to fix?

I'm guessing about...

Three hundred dollars.
(GROANS)

So long, Snake Pit.
Hello, Montana.

Would you two
sweep this up?

The master inventor and I
need to make

yet another emergency trip
to the hardware store

before we show the house
to the realtor tomorrow.

(CLATTERING)

What the...

What's this?

Um, must have belonged
to whoever used to live here.

It belongs to you now.

"Honus Wagner."

(SCOFFS)
Nice haircut.

Baseball card?
Yeah. An old one.

Might even
be worth something.

Well, how much?

At least $300.
Come on,
I know a place we can go,

but it closes at 6:00.

Hey, we should
look it up first.

No time, come on.
Trust me.

SWINDELL:
No, a deal is a deal!

You back out on this,
and I will sue.

I will take you
for every last dime.

I will squeeze every penny
out of your pathetic...

Oh, customers.
Got to go, Grandma.

(SIGHS)

Gentlemen, what can
I interest you in today?

Actually, we were
hoping to interest you
in something, Mr. Swindle.

Ah, it's "Swindell."
Accent on the back half.

All right, what do you got?

Is it worth anything?

Uh,

well, uh,

it's old, huh?

You know,
it's good condition.

No creases or folds
or frays.

But, you know,
that doesn't necessarily
translate to value.

You understand.
I mean, who's ever heard
of this "Honus Wagner?"

I'm sorry, but this card
isn't worth beans.

But, look! Uh...

Aw, man, I like you kids.

I'd hate to see you
go home empty handed.

How about I take it
off your hands for, say...

Ten bucks?
How's that sound?

(CHUCKLING)
It sounds like you think
we're stupid, Mr. Swindell.

Sorry to waste
your time.

Oh, okay, okay, okay.

(SWINDELL CHUCKLING)
Okay, you got me,
yeah, yeah, yeah.

You got me.
Yeah, it's worth
more than that.

Um, look, $100.
I'll give you $100 for it.

Ooh, is that the best
you can do?

Look, kid.
A hundred is generous.

Oh, yeah,
Griffin, generous.

Three fifty, no less.

No less?
Ah, no way.

Fine, bye.

(STUTTERING) Okay.
One fifty.

Four hundred.
What are you doing?

Two seventy five,
not a penny more.

Four fifty,
not a penny less.

What's your name, kid?

Bing, Griffin Bing.

Griffin.

I like your moxie, huh.

Reminds me of a young me.

(CHUCKLING)
All right, okay, you win.

Three fifty,
take it or leave it.

Take it.
Ah.

(CHUCKLES)

Three hundred
and fifty dollars.

Dude, you were like
a negotiating ninja.

You were all
slash, slash, slash.

And he was all,
"Ah, take my money."

(CHUCKLING)
Well, thank you
very much.

Look, my dad
gets to go the Snake Pit,
sell his invention,

and we don't have
to leave our home.

Hey, are there
any Pop Strudels left?

Oh, no.

No, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no.

(BICYCLE BELL RINGS)

Ben, Ben, Ben!

Ben!

Ben, whatever you do,
don't read the paper or...

MAN: (ON TV)
So you had the good fortune
to come across it.

Turn on the TV.

MAN: (ON TV)
There are only five
known Honus Wagners.

SWINDELL:
Oh, it's pronounced "Honus."
And this makes it six now.

MAN: (ON TV)
Thank you for that.
So what is it worth?

An estimated
$1.2 million at least.

(SWINDELL CHUCKLES)
MAN: (ON TV)
How does one find a buyer?

Oh, I'll have no trouble
finding a buyer.

I mean, collectors
will be lined up for this.

I mean, the phone's
gonna be ringing
off the hook.

You know, so...
You know, give me a ring.
Give me a call.

$1.2 million?

Okay, Ben, I admit it.

He got me, okay?

I... I should have
seen it coming,
and I didn't.

He's good.
I'll give him that.

$1.2 million?

Yeah, I know.
I was a little off.

$1.2 million.

Okay, Ben, Ben,
listen to me.

Okay, I will get you
that card back.
I promise.

I will get you that card,
and you will sell it,

and your toes
will never touch
Montana grass.

Okay, Ben?

Are those silk?

Yeah. I like the way
they breathe.

Nice.
Thanks.

(BELLS JINGLING)

You ripped us off.

(CHUCKLING)
Oh, you two.

Look, unless you've
discovered another
priceless collectible,

beat it.

Give me my card back.

Oh, no, no, no,
you mean my card.

See, you sold it to me.
I paid for it.

That makes it my card,
free and clear.
See how that works?

Well, you lied to us.
Yeah, we'll go to the cops.

And tell 'em what?

I mean, what law
did I break?

It's not my fault
you didn't know
the value of your card.

I mean,
you ever hear
of the Internet?

I'm sorry.

But this isn't fair.

Uh-huh, face it, dude.

You got swindled.

(CHUCKLING)

Ah, don't feel bad.

Ah, I'll tell you what.

Have a mint.

(CHUCKLING)

$1.2 million.

Oh, it tastes
like failure.

I will find a way
to make this better, Ben.

Shh, can't get any worse.

(HAMMER POUNDING)

Mom?

Wait.
Mom, no.

Mom, no...don't send us
to Montana, not yet.

What about the iGot It?
Dad can still save us.

(LOUD CRASH)

DAD: Whoops.

You all right?

DAD: Just a few bugs
to work out
before Saturday.

(SIGHS)

I'm sorry, baby.

Let's not get our hopes up.

We have to steal
the card back.

Whoa, steal the card?
"Back."

That's an important word
you're leaving out there.

We're just righting a wrong.

Oh, well, the police
still call that stealing.

We can't pull
this off alone.
We'll need help.

(DRAMATIC JAZZY MUSIC)

Why is it
they call me freshman

when I am neither fresh

nor man?

Nay, I am more than...

You're kidding, right?

Stale bread
in a torn lunch bag

or gum
stuck to the bottom

of a worn shoe.

Okay, yes,
Savannah's material is a bit,
you know, inaccessible,

but she's got it
where it counts.

Ah!

(CLATTERING)

Besides, she owes me.

(ENERGETIC ROCK MUSIC)

Hey, buddy!

You're taking up
two spots.

Sorry. I don't want
to get any dings,

especially from
that garbage truck
you're driving.

(SIGHS)

Move your car.

Or what?

Ha, okay, all right.

(NECK CRACKS)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Whoa.

Hey.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Whoa.

Yeah. That just happened.

(TIRES SQUEALING)

(SLURPING)

No, absolutely not.

In the fifth grade,
Darren killed a kid

just by looking at him.

Not true,
but you prove my point.

Darren's tough, intimidating,

and, most importantly,
has his own ride.

Besides, he owes me.

(DRAMATIC JAZZY MUSIC)

Fine, but I get to pick
the next team member.

ALL: Go, Eagles, go.

Go, Eagles, go.

Go, Eagles, go.

Amanda Benson?
Really?

Other than being the second
prettiest girl in school...

Which you cannot dismiss.

What can she bring
to the party?

ALL: Go, Eagles, go.

Eagles, go.

How about that?
That could be useful.

Go, Eagles!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah, whoo!

And she does owe me.

Griffin Bing.

Is it later yet?

I've been a little busy.
You're always busy.

But I want in.

In?

(CHUCKLES)
Into what?

Into whatever
you're planning.

(SCOFFS) I'm not planning
anything.

Of course you are.
You're always
planning something.

She's right.
You are...

Ben.
Sorry.

I can help.
I've got skills you can use.

You need me.

(CHUCKLES)
I doubt that.

Later.

So we've got our team.

And we're gonna get them
to do this how?

Ben, please.

No one can deny me.

Nope.

Whoa, wait.
Where are you going?

Listen, I don't
want to speak
for these refugees

from the island
of misfit losers,
no offense...

But this sounds
a lot like something
the cops call stealing.

I told you.

Uh, sorry, Griffin,

but I can have no part
in criminal mischief.

Yep, that's what
my parole officer says.

Stop. Just...
Come back

and hear me out
for a second, okay?

Ben is the only person

who doesn't want
anything from me
but friendship.

He's my best friend...
My only friend...

And I let him down,
big-time,

so I need to get
that card back.

We need to get
that card back.

Nope.

Okay, we'll do it
this way.

Savannah, who got you
that Pita King commercial
last fall?

That was you, Griffin.

Right, oh, and by the way,

you make
a very convincing kebab.

Oh, with the chicken...
Thank you so much.
Thank you.

And, Amanda, last year,

you were the third prettiest
girl in school,

that is, until
Megan Wright's father

was mysteriously transferred
to Denver.

You said you...

You did that?
No comment.

(SCOFFS)

And how about you, Darren?

You want to keep
that supply of Latvian
hair cream coming?

Latvian hair cream?

Okay, all right, Latvia...

Yeah, Latvia
makes the world's
best hair cream.

All right,
nothing else comes close.

(CHUCKLES)

Mmm-mmm.

What? I like
to pamper myself.

Huh.
(MOUTHING WORDS)

Face it,
you all owe me big.

(SIGHS)

Still nope.

25,000.

25,000 what?

Dollars.
After we sell the card,
I will pay you...

ALL: In.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

All right.
Pound it, team.

Pound it.

Fine.

(DRAMATIC JAZZY MUSIC)

So, uh,
when we doing this?

How's tonight?

GRIFFIN: We've been
watching Swindell.

Every night at 6:00 sharp,

he closes his shop
and steps out for dinner.

Wong's Chinese Garden,
"Best mu-shu in town."

GRIFFIN: More importantly,
every night,
he sets the alarm.

Once it's armed...

(ELECTRONIC VOICE)
Alarm sequence activated.

You may exit now.

GRIFFIN:
We have 30 seconds
to turn it off.

Then it takes Swindell
exactly seven minutes

to get his food
and come back.

We are go.

All right, Darren,
Amanda, heave-ho.

Aim me right.
I don't want to be
a stain on the wall.

Stop whining, all right?
You're not the first person
I've thrown.

(SIGHS)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(GASPING)

Whoa.

(NECK CRACKS) Huh.

Oh, 18 seconds.

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

Ew.

It looks 1973
died in here.

(ELECTRONIC VOICE)
You have five seconds
to exit.

Five, four,

three, two,

one.

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

System disarmed.

I mean, yes,
Donna Hernandez is
"technically prettier,"

but could Donna Hernandez

have flipped up
onto that roof like that?

(SCOFFS)
I'd say no.

We are disarmed.
Awesome.

Darren, Savannah,
you know what to do.

Buy us some time.

Oh, Griffin, this next
performance shall be
my finest,

for I shall be
thrust onto the
greatest of stages...

Floor it, please.
On it.

Reality, where you
never know what's
coming. What is...

(TIRES SCREECHING)

SAVANNAH: That's okay.
I'm gonna be fine.

I'm... I'm still ready.
I'm still ready to go.

(HORN HONKING)

Let's move.

This way to Mr. Wagner.

It's not
in there.
Oh, no.

It's not in the case.

But it's got to be
here somewhere.
Start looking.

(SIGHS)

Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

(GROANS)

It's not in here.
Check the register.

Yeah, I'm on it.
(BEEPS)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Me, me, me, me, me.

Total, ha, ha, ha.

Ts-ts-ts.
(SINGSONG) Oh, wah!

What are you doing?

I'm warming up.
You should too.

I need you
to support my
performance.

Wait. What?

(ENGINE REVVING)

(GONG RINGS)

(HORN HONKS)

Hey! I got
mu-shu here!

Get out of the road!

This is Bevie Montague
for Channel 3 with
another "Focus on You."

Sir. Sir.

(SIGHS)

Oh, sir, what do
you think are the
biggest problems

plaguing society today?

(SIGHS)
Too many TV
news channels.

(GASPS)

(CHUCKLES)

So, Savannah, yeah,
you still warmed up?

Huh? (CHUCKLES)

Come on.

Huh, come on.

Be here.

(CLATTERING)

Ah!

Ben?
(BEN GROANS)

Ben, speak to me, buddy.

Seriously, who would buy this?

Okay, to be a
believable character,

you need a
believable motivation.

Have you found yours?

Yeah, I'm hungry.

(GASPS)

(GRUNTING)

(MUFFLED VOICE)
Give me the mu-shu.
What?

(MUFFLED VOICE)
Give me the mu-shu.

I don't know
what you're saying.

Dude, I... I said
give me the mu-shu.

Oh!
Yeah.

I don't think so.

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

(GROANING)

(MOANS)

Never get between
a man and his mu-shu.

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
(GROANING)

Okay, good start.

I've got a few notes.
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

(STUTTERS)
Shut... Shut up.
Shut up. Ah, shut up.

All right,
I'll give you a moment.

It's fine. It's fine.

Time for plan "C."

Can somebody help me?

Help, please, anybody.

Anyone, anyone...

Is somebody there?
No.

Oh, there is someone
there. Where are you?

I'm speaking
to you, young man.

Yeah, look,
I'm sorry, sis.

It's just, I got takeout.
You understand.

Oh, save your excuses!

I need someone
to wheel me
to St. Agatha's

of the Righteous
and Redeemed.

(MUTTERS)

Young man, I am waiting.

Ow! Hey!
Okay, okay.

Thank you.

I got a bad feeling
about this.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(SIGHS)

(DOOR OPENS)
(GASPS)

You scared me.
I thought you
were a burglar.

Uh, I am a burglar,
and so are you.

We're all burglars.

Wait. Darren,
what are you doing?

You're supposed to
be on distraction duty.

Yeah, I know. I know.

But Swindell's close,
and actor girl, yeah,

she's sucking wind.

Okay, we got to hurry.

BEN: We've got to find it!

What am I
supposed to do?
We can't find the card.

Okay.
Look!

SAVANNAH: Oh, this is perfect.

Thank you for
wheeling me here.

Now I can go
visit my sisters
in the convent,

and I can see...

(GASPS)

Um...

Young man,

I'm not certain this
is the proper route
to the convent.

Oh, sure it is, sis.

I'll just point you
in the right direction

and let gravity
do the rest.

See you, sis!

(YELLING)

(HORN HONKING)

Pray for me!

He's close.

Let's go.

Fate, you've
pantsed me again!

Ben.

(DOOR CLICKS AND CREAKS)

Found it.

(GASPING)

(GASPS)

(CHUCKLES)

Nice Honus.

(KEYS JINGLING)

Down.
(GASPS)

(BELLS JINGLING)
(DOOR CREAKING)

(LOCKS CLICKING)

Oh, great.

Ugh, it's cold.

Did I forget
to set the alarm?

(MUMBLING) I always
set the alarm.

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

(ELECTRONIC VOICE)
Alarm sequence activated.

(WHEEL CLICKING)

(MOUTHING)

(MOUTHING)

(RATTLING)

(ELECTRONIC CHIRPING)

Yello,
Swindell's Collectibles.

Bonjour, Monsieur Swindle.

"Swindell."
Accent on the back half.

FRENCH MAN: Yes, of course,
Monsieur Swindell.

I understand you
recently acquired

the Honus Wagner
baseball card.

Yeah. It's worth
a fortune and a half.
You interested?

(LAUGHING)
Oh, for myself, no.

But my clients might be.

Oh.
They are very rich.

(LAUGHS)

I am Anton Lefevre.

Uh-huh.
And I run the greatest
auction in the world.

Anton Lefavor?

The Anton Lefavor?

Oh. (CLEARS THROAT)
You've heard of me.

Yeah, so has every...
Whoa, nose!

I mean, knows...

Knows. Yeah, everyone
in collectibles knows you.

I mean,
it's been my dream
to sell my stuff

at your auction.
(SIGHS)

ANTON: Well, then, I am
very happy to extend
to you an invitation.

(WHISPERS) The alarm.

This year's auction
is being held at the
Lakeshore Hotel resort.

Can you be there
this Saturday?

(CHUCKLES)
You kidding me?

Security can't keep me away.

Selling your card at
my auction will make
you a very rich man.

(STAMMERS)
Let me write this down.

(WHISPERING)
How do we get out of here?

(WHISPERING) We can't,
not while the alarm is on.

That's Lakeshore Hotel, huh?

This Saturday.
Oui.

(ELECTRONIC VOICE)
System disarmed.

Pardonnez-moi,
Monsieur Swindell?

Uh, oh, that's just my
stupid alarm acting up.

No... No big deal.

(ANTON LAUGHS)

ANTON: Of course,
the alarms, right.

(WHISPERING)
What are you doing?

Well, au revoir,
Monsieur Swindell.

I look forward
to meeting you...

(WHISPERS)
Come on.
(WHISPERS)
What are you doing?

(WHISPERING)
Explanations later. Go.

Right back at you,
Mr. Lefaver.

Move.

(MOUSE CLICKS)

(DOOR CLICKS)

That was so close.

Who turned off
that alarm?

No idea.

I did it.

(SIGHS)

You saved us?

You hacked into
the security system?

A little kid?

Swindell's security
system is a joke,

binary regressive code.

Hacking that was child's play.

I told you I could help.

Thank you.
But you're not
joining us.

I'll tell Mom and Dad.

Wait. Wait.
Oh, she's your sister.

Okay, you're in.

Yes.

SAVANNAH: Guys!

Oh, you guys,
Swindell is on his way.

He's coming from the...

(CHUCKLES)

You already knew that, right?

Yeah.

You had the card
in your hand, Griffin,

and then you put it back?

Yeah, man, hey,
why are we going
through all this trouble

if you're just gonna choke?

I had a better idea.

Swindell would've known
exactly who took it.

There's no way
you could sell it
to anybody anywhere.

(ENGINE STARTING)

GRIFFIN: We need to
get Swindell to give us
the card, free and clear.

If we can do that, then...

Then we've pulled off
the ultimate swindle.

Okay, dude, Swindell's
not just gonna fork

over the Honus out
of the goodness
of his heart.

It would seem most
out of character.

What she said.

Okay, look.
He's going to do it.

It's all going to
happen at the Lakeshore
Hotel this Saturday.

How?

Ben, trust me.

So, what's next?

I have a new plan.

Amanda, we are
gonna need you.

To make this plan work,

we're gonna need
something special,

and I know just
where to get it.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

I can't believe
I'm doing this.

Be strong.

(HINGES CREAKING)

(GASPS)

(SHATTERS)

(SIGHS) Hey, Eddie.

(EDDIE STUTTERING)

You... You're Amanda Benson.

The Amanda Benson.
Yeah.

This is unreal.

It's like I'm in The Matrix.

Unreal is right.

Amanda would never
crush on a geek.

And yet, you harbor
a not-so-secret
crush on her, yes?

And your point is?

(CHUCKLES)

AMANDA: Hey, Eddie,
can I come in?

Absolutely.

Thanks.
(GRUNTING)

Okay, all right,
wake me up when
it's time to motor.

(SIGHS)

Or we could make
use of this time

to review some basic
acting techniques.

Oh, okay, yeah, totally.

Uh, this is my
"I don't care what
you're saying" face.

Is it convincing?

Okay, then, you do that.

Submitted for your
approval. (CHUCKLES)

Welcome to my man cave.

Huh?

Wow.

Geek heaven.
GRIFFIN: Excellent.

GRIFFIN: Now find
something small,
rare, and valuable.

I'm trying.
Pardon?

I... I'm trying to...

To take it all in.

Well, let me impress.

Check out
my authentic
Klingon bat'leth.

Worf himself held this.

Oh, wow.
(GRUNTS)

(SPEAKING KLINGON)
Okay.

(SPEAKING KLINGON)
It's... That's...

Is that Klingon?

(SPEAKING KLINGON)
(SHRIEKS AND GRUNTS)

(FEEDBACK SCREECHES)
(YELLING)

EDDIE: Oh, sorry.

Amanda, did I hurt you?

Are you okay?

Amanda?

(GRUNTS)

Jeez, did I break
your glasses?

No, no.

I don't think they're
broken, are they?

Are they?

Look okay to me.

Amanda, we can hear you.
Can you hear us?

AMANDA: I think they might
be broken. Speak to me.

Um, I am speaking to you.

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

The earpiece isn't working.

She's completely
cut off from us.

SAVANNAH: Ugh.

Come on, come on.
Work!

Amanda, are you okay?

Um.

Yeah.

(SIGHS) I'm fine.

(SIGHS)

AMANDA: Hey, Eddie,
since we're alone
and nobody can see us,

I have something
to confess to you

that you can never,
ever tell anybody, okay?

MELISSA: Zooming in.

I love...

Me?
No.

Ew.

(SCOFFS)

No, I love

your collection!

You've got it all.

Are you kidding?

Star Phase Metal Jacket.

Oh, Cosmic Dan
number 26

where they introduce
The Stranger?

Yeah.
(CHUCKLES)

(GASPS)

Ben Kenobi and Darth Vader
in their epic showdown.

Wow.
Amazing.

(GASPS)

Are these real
Star Trek uniforms?

Actor-worn,
original series.

And Griffin Bing
said you wouldn't
care about this stuff.

What a dorkasaurus he is.

(SNORTS)
(LAUGHS)

That's some
hefty geekiness
Amanda's sporting.

(CHUCKLES)

We got scammed.

What?

Amanda Benson
is a secret geek.

(CHUCKLES)

No way.

A red-haired
Captain Cybertor.

Yeah. The blues
are a dime a dozen,

but the reds are
an ultra-rare variant.

Yeah, a factory mistake.

Most were destroyed
before they were released
to the general public.

Yeah, but a handful
slipped out, super rare.

A red-haired
Captain Cybertor in mint
condition, it's worth...

BOTH: $80,000.

She is so hot. So hot.

Just breathe,
Ben, breathe.

(BOTH BREATHING DEEPLY)

Um, Eddie...
Careful.

I have to borrow this.

It's just for a few days,

and I promise it'll
come back without
a red hair out of place.

Please? I promise.

I promise.
Just say yes.

Okay, but you have
to promise me

one thing first.

(SIGHS) Well, guess
who has a date
with the nerd king.

(CHUCKLES)

(EDDIE SINGSONG)
I got a date with
Amanda Benson.

What?

We saw everything.

The glasses stopped receiving,

but they never
stopped transmitting.

(SINGSONG) I got a date
with Amanda Benson.

I got a date with
Amanda Benson.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

I rule, yeah!

(GROANS)
(CHUCKLES)

It's like
Donna Hernandez
doesn't even exist.

And the second
prettiest girl in school
is actually a complete...

Do not use the "G" word!

Okay, when I moved
here three years ago,

I worked hard
to remake myself.

I will not go back to
being Mandy the mutant.

KIDS: (CHANTING)
Mandy the mutant!

Mandy the mutant!

Mandy the mutant!

(LAUGHS)

Mandy the
mutant, okay.

Oh, shut up!

If any of you
breathes a word of
this to anybody,

I will hurt you in
ways that haven't
even been invented yet.

Oh.
So hot.

Ugh!

Ugh!

GRIFFIN: Okay, we have
a lot to do to get ready.

We know our target.

The Internet is filled
with stories about this guy.

From nice old ladies to
puppies, he's robbed them all.

SAVANNAH: Uh, Griffin,
how do you rob a puppy?

GRIFFIN: He found a way.
Look, the point is,
he is a bad guy,

and it's time
someone took him down.

Once and for all.

(SPARKS CRACKLING)

Nope.

Hmm?

Mmm, better.

Uh-huh!

Bull's-eye.

Okay, now this might
be hard to get used to.

Just take your time. Relax.

Focus.
Uh-huh.

Just think of what
you're doing.

Whoo!
Okay, that's good.

Why didn't you tell me
how easy this was gonna be?

Yeah, hmm.

AMANDA: This is so fun!

Well, that's beginner's
luck, though.

Hello, Lakeshore Hotel?

Book me your finest room.

How much?

How about your
second finest room?

Yeah.

That's... Okay,
that's a lot of backflips.

(SQUEALS)

You seem like you
have the hang of this.

So I'm going to go.

I need this.

Ha! No, you don't.

Oh, yes, I do.

Darren, are you ready
to embrace acting?

Ah, you mean pretending.

It's a lot
more than that.
Okay.

A lot more, okay,
you got it?
Okay.

Ready?
Yeah.

I'm a bird.
What am I now?

You're holding your
arm up in the air.

No. But it's a tree.
Feel the emotions,
though.

Uh, what do you
want me to...

I'm big.
Uh, I'm tiny.

I'm sad.
You're a dork.

(HOLLERING)

(GRUNTING)

Oh, what are you doing?
Blowing my mind is
what you're doing.

Southern, southern accent.

Oh, we're southern,
some cheese puffs.

Chubbin'.
Cha!

Chubbin'.
Chubbin'.

Are you...
Are you okay?
(SOBBING)
No! I'm sad.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

I'm angry!
Okay.

I'm so mad!

Yeah, I'm so mad!
I'm so mad!

Oh, we're shy.
Oh, be shy.

(GASPS)

Shy.
Your shy is amazing.

I did it.
Your shy is fantastic.

What?
It makes who you are.
It makes you vulnerable.

That just happened
right there.
That just happened.

I felt that.

(SLURPING)

Okay, we're ready.

Let's swindle a swindler.

Wow.

Yeah, "wow" is the word.

(LAUGHING)

What a beautiful ride
from the country, huh?

Nature is so chic. Ha!

Allons-y!

(GASPS)

Mr. Lefevre
has exquisite taste.

Panic attack.
Let's go.

Darren.
On it.

Guys, look, this is nuts.
We can't pull this off.

You guys roll out.

Ben, we got this, okay?

Trust me.

Melissa and Savannah
will secure our home base.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

This hotel is stupid
easy to hack.

Hello! Firewall, anybody?

Okay, duplicate reservation.

Downgrade.

And give me an "A."

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

Upgrade.

And done.

Paula Swindell.
My daddy booked
me a room here.

Yes, Miss Swindell.

Uh, "Swindle,"
accent on the front half.

My apologies,
Miss Swindle.

Yes, I've got you
in the ultra-deluxe
crown suite.

Oh, "only the best
for my baby."

That's what daddy
always says.

Keep it on his card.

Okay.

(SLURPING)

See, Ben,
everything's
gonna be fine.

No one knows us here.

Except for my dad.

(GRUNTS)

DAD: A laser hedge
trimmer. Wow.

The Snake Pit's
really gonna
love that one.

Now, I call mine
the iGot It.

(GLASS SHATTERING)
(PEOPLE SHOUTING)

(GLASS SHATTERS)

Of course,
this is just a prototype.

Uh, it still has
a few bugs...

The production models
won't be quite so sensitive.

Oh. (LAUGHS)

Don't touch anything.
Don't touch anything.

Call maintenance, okay?
Get someone...
Get 'em on the phone.

That... That was me.
Did... Did I do that?

Yes, I think you did.

Look, Griffin.
We haven't even started,

and it's already not fine.

The Snake Pit is here.

My dad is here.

Look... I'm going home.

Uh-uh. No, you're not,

'cause if you go home,
home will be Uncle
Grover's barn in Montana.

You need that card, Ben.

All right, your family,
they need that money,

'cause tough truth time,

your dad's not gonna
sell the iGot It.

I just have to work
out a few bugs.
Okay, it'll be fine.

He still can.

He's just got to
work out a few bugs.

DARREN: Hey, guys.

Watch this.

Pull me.

Yeah, that's right.
Ugh, I can't...
I can't... Ugh.

(SIGHS)

This place is bigger
than my house.

Yeah, it must
cost a fortune.

Oh, that's mine.
Thank you.

Here you go.

GRIFFIN: It does, and if you
listen carefully,

you can hear the whimper
of Swindell's credit card.

(CLICKS TONGUE)
Thank you.

Hey, guys, guys,
TV in the bathroom.

You can totally watch
a game while you're
taking a massive...

Please don't say it.

No, bath, bath.
I was gonna say bath.

Ugh, hon, hon,
daddy's on a strict
stinky cheese

and raw squid diet.

I know. Don't get me started.
The doctor calls it holistic.

I call it horrific.

Anyway, just send
that down as soon
as he checks in

and charge it to the room.
Thanks, doll.

Was I loathsome enough?

You made me hate you.
You're so sweet.

Hey, Griffin, can we
talk about your plan?

You still think
it's crazy.
Well, yes, and...

And you're afraid
you're gonna mess it up.
Well, yes.

Ben, your job is key,

and you're gonna
do fine, okay?
Can you trust me?

I know, and I do.

It's just, a lot's
riding on this,

and nothing's
more important
to me right now...

(GASPS)
The Shield of Barradon!

From Star Smash 2,
Evil Strikes Again?

Yeah, they're auctioning it
off here today, and I...

Well, I thought...

I mean, I thought
you might want to know

since that's your kind
of thing, not mine.

(SLURPING)

Your shoes are
in the room.
AMANDA: Thank you.

Darren, we have
backstories to review.

Okay, well, we already
did that, like, 300 times.

Darren, acting is
where inspiration
meets preparation.

Okay, okay,
well, we can...

We can prepare
while I'm watching
the game.

I suppose, if that
works for you,
then we'll...

(SAVANNAH SCREAMS)

(GASPS)

Maybe we've prepared enough.

I'll never get that
out of my head.

Did you finally get
your gear in gear?

Finally? It took me
less than five minutes,

and it's way more
complicated than
anything you're doing.

Okay, show me what you got.

MELISSA: Tapping into
the hotel surveillance cams.

Lefevre has just
entered his room, and...

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

Swindell's close.
He should be here in 10.

Not bad, Sis.

Amanda, time for
your visit with
Monsieur Lefevre.

On my way.

Here you go.
Thanks.

Savannah, Darren,
you too. Costume up.

Darren, it's showtime!

DARREN: I'm exfoliating!

(KNOCKS AT DOOR)

Uh, good day.

Mr. Lefevre's
complimentary
skin care treatment,

courtesy of Mr. Swindell.

Oh, yes, the petite,
sweaty, American man

with the unfortunate hair.

Please, viens ici.

I will sparkle
for the auction.

(CHUCKLES)

(ENGINE RUMBLES AND BACKFIRES)

(HINGES SQUEAK)

Hey.

Don't scratch it.

Excuse-en, sir,

but you are here
for der auction.

We are looking
for Monsieur Lefevre.

Don't know where he is.

We're coming here
to sell Papa's toy.

We were told
it was vorth
a lot of monies.

Ya, monies.

Vorth... Worth a lot
of money, you say?

Mmm-hmm. Look-en.

Ya.

Oh, a red-haired
Captain Cybertor.

Ya, is it vorth
the monies?
Uh, monies.

Well... (STUTTERS)
It would be,

if the hair was blue.

Blue?
SWINDELL: Yeah. Oh, yeah.

The blue ones are super rare,

but yours is red,
unfortunately.

Red.
SWINDELL: Oh, yeah, red.

Yeah, the red ones
are a dime a dozen,

almost worthless.

You know,

I wouldn't waste
Mr. Lefevre's
time with this.

Oh.

Monies?

(SQUISHING)

Okay, now just a little more.

Now, we just, um, wait for
the rejuvenating agents

to, um... To rejuvenate.

Rejuvenate...
Ah, ah, ah, ah.

No talking.
No moving.

There you go.
(WHIMPERS)

(SPEAKING GERMAN-SOUNDING
GIBBERISH)

Red, worthless.

Vorthless?

Yeah, worthless.

Floogin.

(GROANS)
Jorgen has der
disappointment.

Oh, yeah, yeah,
I understand, yeah. Ugh.

You know,
I like you kids.

I hate to see you
go home empty-handed.

How about I take
that off your hand

for, say, oh, 10 bucks.

(GASPS)
How's that sound?

Oh, 10 American dollars.

Ah, monies.

Oh.
Yeah, monies, eh?

(CHUCKLING)

Suckers.

So, I pretty much
rocked that, right?

Well, your accent
was iffy, and maybe
if you could just...

Rocked it.
(CHUCKLES)

I booked a room.

Yes, Mr. Swindle.

Oh, "Swindell."

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

This is my room?

Well, you get
what you pay for.

Oh, what's that smell?

Yeah.

(SQUISHING)

Your stinky cheese
and squid plate,

as requested.

(SCOFFS) No.

(HOLLOW THUDDING)

Here we go.

(POPPING)
(GRUNTS)

My, my, look
how you glow.

(FINGER SNAPS)

(GASPS)

(SIGHS) I look like
the bottom of a baby.

Merci beaucoup.

Oh, you're very
welcome, Mr. Lefevre.

All a part of the
Lakeshore Hotel touch.

(SIGHS) You are an angel.

AMANDA: Okay, all right.

Please, look at
my skin. Worship me.

I am beautiful.

Please, touch Lefevre.

Oh, yes.
Oh, I'm beautiful.

Swindell took the bait.

Jah, bonus!

Time to celebrate.

Hello, room service?

Yes, I'd like six...
Two.

Eight hamburgers,
four pizzas,

and what desserts
do you have?

Anybody else need anything?

Nothing for me, Sis,

but I could really use
a massage of ze foot.

BEN: Awesome.
(SIGHS)

Whoa, he looks
exactly like "Le-fever."

Ugh, Lefevre.

Nah, I don't care.
Yeah, I do.

Yeah, just add
six sundaes,
please, thanks.

Amanda, that's amazing.

Thank you.
(LAUGHS)

It's just some
concealer and
some blush

and a metric ton of putty.

(SLURPING)

Is that nose gonna hold?

It only needs to work
for a few minutes.

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(GRUNTS)

(GROWLS)

(SIGHS)

(EXHALES)

(CHUCKLES)

Hey, Captain.

You look like you're
worth a lot of cash.

Not as much as you, Honus.

(CHUCKLES)

(PHONE RINGING)

Yeah?

Spa day with Mr. Lefevre?

His treat?

All right, yeah,
I'll be right there.

Things are looking up.

The spa's on the
second floor. Enjoy.

Swindell's on the move.
You're already late.

I move at a relaxed pace.

Whatever.
I'll buy you
a few minutes.

Au revoir, everyone.

Good luck!
Bye!

(SIGHS)

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

Going up.

(STATIC CRACKLING)
(THUDDING)

(ELEVATOR POWER SURGING)

And going down.

(SCREAMS)

And going
up again.
(YELLS)

And then down.
(BEEPING)

(YELLING)

And up.

And down.

And up again.
(SWINDELL YELLING)

(PANTING)

(DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

(CHUCKLING)

And up.
Ooh!

Hey, why not?
Let's go down.

(YELLS)
(THUDDING)

(YELLS)

(DINGING)

Help!

Help!
(ALL CHUCKLING)

(LAUGHING)

Do up again.

(YELLING)

SWINDELL: Oh, ow!

GRIFFIN: You know what,
Melissa?

I'll say it.
I am impressed.

You are the most
dangerous girl
in the seventh grade.

Aw, thanks, Bro.

Bonjour, madame.

(SWINDELL YELLING)
(BEEPING)

(CRYING)
Somebody stop this thing!

(SCREAMING)
(CRASHING)

Ah, Mr. Swindell.

I have your squid
and limburger sandwich.

(GAGGING)

(VOMITS)

Uh-uh... No.

Ew. I'm done.
(CHUCKLES)

GRIFFIN: (IN A FRENCH ACCENT)
Ah, Monsieur Swindell,
come, join me, please.

Oh, hey,
Mr. Lefevre,
is that you?

GRIFFIN: But of course.

Could there be
two such noses
as this in the world?

(CHUCKLING)
Oh, I guess not.

Oh, please, lie down.

Oh, okay.

You are in for
a treat, mon ami.

I have requested for you
my favorite masseuse.

SWINDELL: (SIGHING)
Oh, nice, 'cause I actually

have been feeling
a little tight.

A massage
will feel real nice.

(GRUNTING)

(BONES CRACKING)

I know,
fantastic, non?

GRIFFIN: She is a master
with the muscle.

(GRUNTING)

Yeah, you know,
I can honestly say...

(GROANING) Oh!

I've never felt
anything like it.

(GROANS)
(THUDDING)

(SWINDELL GROANING)

SWINDELL: Oh!

Wait a second.
His nose.

Oh, no,
this is all
going south.

Hey, mayday, mayday.

Pull out. Pull out.
Your nose is melting.

I'm working here.
Abort mission.

Ow. Well, now
I'm in pain.

Mayday, I'm in pain.
My head hurts.

Abort mission.

Ow.

Thank you.
I'm feeling
less hysterical now.

Stick to the plan.

Amanda, time for your date.

On it.

Oh.

Whoa.
You look really good in black.

You should
wear it more often.

Thanks.

That's really sweet
of you and um,

kind of awkward.

I think she likes me.

(MOUTHING) No.

Uh-oh, Lefevre is
leaving his room.

No, well, if Swindell
sees him, we're done.

If he sees Griffin,
we're worse.

Excellent time
for improvisational theater.

Come on, Darren.

Wait. Wait.
Who's my character?

No, no, wait,
wait, wait, hey, hey.
What's my backstory?

Ooh, this
should be good.

Donald P. Luddler,
I have never been
so angry in all my life.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
what's this, what's
this all about, Darlene?

I saw you
with that girl
by the pool!

You should have whiplash
the way you were
taking her curves.

(STUTTERING)
No, I swear. I swear.

I didn't even notice
her or her curves.

(GROANS)
Oh!

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

Why?
We're acting.
Just stay in the moment.

Just stay
in the moment.
(ELEVATOR DINGS)

You are such a liar!

No, no, I am not.

(ALARM RINGING)

This elevator
is not going anywhere
until you admit it.

Pardonnez-moi. I have
a very important auction,
and I must...

BOTH:
You stay out of this!

AMANDA: Hooked in.

Sending you
the call now.

(PHONE RINGING)
GRIFFIN: Oh...

(IN FRENCH ACCENT)
This man will not
leave me alone.

What man?

Ivan Volkov,
big spender,

big collector.

Been searching
for years for
the same item.

A red-haired
Captain Cybertor figure.

Oh, really?
(GRUNTS)

GRIFFIN:
I had one all lined up,
but alas,

the sellers,
they never arrived.

Oh, ha, ha.
Those things happen.

Oh!

Yes, but
he keeps calling me.

I do not like
disappointing a man
like Volkov.

He is, how you say,
a ruthless man.

One cannot overstate
the gravity of...

Of the gravity...

(CLEARS THROAT)
The gravity of...

(GROANING)

Mayday, mayday, pull out.
Mission abort.

Um...

Whew!

I'm in.
Acknowledged.

You'll never catch
Donna Hernandez
doing this.

Um...

SWINDELL:
Uh, Mr. Lefevre,
you okay there?

GRIFFIN: (CHUCKLES)
Uh, yes, yes,
I'm quite all right.

Oh, no, you're not.
Yes, I am.

It's just, uh, uh...

My allergies
seem to be
bothering me.

(CHUCKLES)
(SNEEZES)

(CHUCKLING)

Lie still!
(SOBBING)

All he ever does
is criticize me.
Okay, oh.

He thinks my dreams
of becoming an actress
are stupid.

Hug me.
I want a hug.

What?
I, I never said that.

I never did.

Oh, you know what?
You didn't have to.

Oh, the hillbillies...

(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)

Oh, look at the time.
So much to do.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, thank you.

Au revoir, Mr. Swindell.

What? Hey, where you going?

I said lie still!
(GROANING)

Oh, maybe I can...
No, hey, stay!

He doesn't take acting
seriously at all.
It's just...

It's one big joke to you.
Yeah, I do,
I do joke around.

All right,
but I don't mean
nothing by it.

Well, it means
something to me.

It hurts, Dar...
Donald, I mean.

You know,
ever think of that?

No, no, I didn't.

I never meant
to hurt you, Savannah...

Or Darlene,

and I promise that I will
never hurt you again.

Yes, yes, yes,
this is what you must do.

Just as I must attend
my auction.

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

Au revoir.

Bye, now.

This acting thing
is kind of awesome!

See, a performance
can be a constructive outlet
for life's frustrations.

Yeah, yeah,
even more than
pounding things.

Mmm-hmm.

Ooh, went
smooth as glass.

Broken glass.

Well, it worked, anyway.

How's Amanda doing?
She's almost there.

All right. Ben!

Yep.
Oh, you're up.

Is the moustache working?

Overtime.

All right.

MELISSA: Moustache,
can you see him?

Yes.

BEN: Here he comes.

Uh, no, no,
it was great.
I feel very loose.

(LAUGHING)
Here's my card.

Call me, maybe.

Thanks.
(LAUGHS)

And drink
plenty of water.

(GROANS)

VOLKOV: It's simple.

You get me red-haired
Captain Cybertor

Or I break you!

Do svidanya.

Pardon me, Mr. Volkov?

Nobody approaches.

Keep walking,
little man.

Alexei, Boris, let go.

This little man is Swindell.

(CHUCKLING)

Swindell, accent on
the back half, but...

(STAMMERS)
It and, you know, it...

Swindell's
with the Russian.

I see you on the TVs,
Mr. Swindell.

Today, I buy your Honus card.

Oh, great, great, yeah.

And actually,
I've come to talk to you
about another collectible.

(CLEARS THROAT)
I, uh...

I understand you're looking
for a red-haired
Captain Cybertor.

Da.

Why?

You have?

Oh, yeah, I have.
I have. (CHUCKLES)

This is good, little man.

Yeah.

Bring it to me.

Yeah.

I'll...

The weasel
has left the building.

Huh?

Swindell's on his way
back to his room.

(CHUCKLING)

Oh, not doing that again.

Uh...
(ELEVATOR DINGS)

How's she doing?

Amanda,
where are you?
I'm in Swindell's room.

Well, make the switch.
Swindell's coming
your way fast.

Move it! (CHUCKLES)

AMANDA:
Hello, handsome.

(BEEPING)
Say cheese.

(CAMERA CLICKS)
(LAUGHS)

(CELL PHONES RINGING)

(SCOFFS) Show off.

(ALL CHUCKLING)

AMANDA:
Making the switch.

(ELECTRONIC BUZZING)

(BEEPING)

(SIGHS)

SWINDELL: (CHUCKLING)
You'll make me a rich man.

(PANTING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(SIGHING)

WOMAN: Welcome to
the Snake Pit, sir.
And your name?

Ben, what's your status?

Waiting for the weasel
to join the bar mitzvah.

What?
Waiting for Swindell
to return.

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

He's never gonna sell
that thing.

(CLEARS THROAT)
One red-haired
Captain Cybertor

in mint condition.

(SNAP FINGERS)

Eighty thousand
American dollars.

(CHUCKLING)

What?

You do not
trust Ivan Volkov?

What?
Oh, no, no, no.

No, I was just,
you know,
just checking it out.

I am man of honor.

If I say there is $80,000,

there is $80,000.

Well, yeah, no,
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

I mean, no offense
intended, Mr. Volkov.

I do not look in box
you give to me.

Do you know why?

Because, uh...

I'm a man of honor too?

No.
Oh.

Because last man
who tried to cheat
Ivan Volkov...

Well, no one knows
what happened to him.
(CHUCKLES)

No one but me,
Alexei, and Boris.

You understand, da?

Da, yeah, very da.

Pleasure doing business
with you, Mr. Swindell.

I see you at auction later.

I buy your Honus card, eh?

(LAUGHS)

Oh.

WOMAN: Thank you.

MELISSA: Status, please.
Is the deal done?
What?

Oh, uh, oops.

I mean, uh, pardon
the, uh, the inconvenience.

Do I know you?

Uh, no. Mmm-mmm.

I, uh...

Ow!

You're the kid
with the Honus card.

I see.

Squid, limburger.

You've been messing
with me all day.

(CHUCKLES)

Run away!

(CHUCKLES)

SWINDELL: Jackpot!

Who's the sucker
paying for this?

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

Aha!

Ah, Mr. Swindell,
we've been
waiting for you.

Oh, yeah?

Wait.
Monies?

You know, Swindell,
you're actually

five minutes later
than we thought.

I can't believe
that plan worked.

Oh, wait, wait.

You intentionally
dropped your card?

What's going on here?

Funny story, um,
well, for us, anyway.

You know how you
just sold to Mr. Volkov

a red-haired
Captain Cybertor?

Yeah.
You actually sold him
a regular old blue one.

(CHUCKLING)
Oh, no, no, no.
No, no, no,

I sold him a red one.

You mean this one?

(STAMMERING)
How did... How did...
That was in my...

Hello.

By the way, nice room.

Do you have any idea
what that crazy Russian
Volkov's gonna do to me?

Yeah, I do,
pretty graphically,
actually.

So here's
what's going to happen.

We'll give you this
red-haired Captain Cybertor,

and in return,
you give us...

Free and clear.

The Honus Wagner card.

MELISSA: And you might
want to hurry,

'cause that crazy Russian
seems pretty angry.

(BEEPS)

VOLKOV: (SCREAMING)
Where is Swindell?

I break him!

Oh, no,
this can't be happening.

It's over.
Now give us the card.

I break him very much!

(WHISPERING) Aw.
BEN: Face it, dude.

You just got swindled.

Give me that!
Catch it!

Hey, hey.
There you go.

Come on!
Catch!

What?

(CHUCKLES)

(ALL YELLING)

SWINDELL: No, no.

MAN: Here we go, okay.
Cake coming through.

Oops.
Really?

Well, athletics
are not my strong suit.

Whoa, whoa,
wait, wait, wait, wait.

Is this not part
of the plan?

ALL: No!
Get out
of my way!

(ALL SHOUTING)

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

Go, go, go, go,
go, go, go.

Quick.

(SIGHS)

(UPBEAT MUZAK PLAYING)

SWINDELL:
Hold it! Hold it!
Hold it! Hey!

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, hey!

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

Swindell!

Sorry, coming through.

Here they come.

Welcome to the Snake Pit.

Our next four inventors
are ready.

Inventors,
start your inventions!

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

This is the world's
strongest vacuum.

Okay, just imagine,
your soda's way over there.

Sorry, look,
we're shooting here.
You have to wait.

Safety goggles, please.

(WHIRRING)

So you just
press this button.
(BEEPING)

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

This is my laser
hedge trimmer.

Press here.
(CROWD GASPS)

Do it again.

Just press
this button.
Out of my way.

Swindell!
Ben?

(BEEPING)
(YELLS)

(CROWD GASPS)
(LASER BUZZING)

(WHIRRING)
(THUDDING)

(CROWD GASPING)

Sorry.
(SIZZLING)

That's not good.

Stop that cake!
Oh!

(CROWD GASPS)
(CROWD LAUGHING)

Keep working out
those bugs, Dad.

Oh, okay.

Son?
What did you say
you called that again?

The iGot It?
With a lowercase "i."

Trendy... Ish.

Go, go!

(YELLS)

(LAUGHING)

Come on!

GRIFFIN: Come on.

Stairs!
(GROANS)

Go! Come on!
Go!

GRIFFIN: Go!
Sorry!

BEN: Swindell,
he's getting away!

(CACKLING)

GRIFFIN: What?
(GRUNTING)

It's locked.
What do we do?

There's got to be
another way in.

This way.

Coming through.
SAVANNAH: Sorry.

DARREN: Move.
BEN: Excuse me.

(CHUCKLES)

MAN: And now the father
of the bride,

Mr. Stroumboulopoulos.

(CROWD APPLAUDING)

Whoa.

For my daughter
and my new son...

What do we do now?
Thinking.

I wish them a lifetime
of happiness together!

(CROWD CHEERING)

Opa!

(SHATTERING)

Opa!

And now for someone
who needs no introduction.

Please welcome,

from all the way
from my old country,

our dear, dear,

(CHUCKLES)
Me!

Wow, thank you so much
for that glowing introduction,

Papa Stroumboulopoulos.

Congratulations,
by the way.

You guys look beautiful.
You all look stunning.

How are you?
Good to see you.

Hey, I am not the only one
to make it all the way
from the old country.

So why don't we all get up

and give a warm
hug of a welcome

to crazy cousin Demetri.

Where is that knucklehead?

Oh, can we
get a spotlight, please?

Ah, there he is!
(CHEERING)

Demetri!

Demetri!

Yeah, show him some
Stroumboulopoulos love.

Yeah!
SAVANNAH: Oh!

Yes. Dying
for hugs there.

Get in there.
Hug him!

He came all this way.

Oh.

Is he one of yours?

Demetri, good to see you!

Oh!
GRIFFIN: Aw,
what a beautiful moment.

Yes, that's great.

Well, look at the time.
I have rambled on long enough.

I think there's only
one thing left to say

and that's...

Everybody dance!

SAVANNAH:
Come alive! Whoo!

¶ Hey, I just met you

¶ And this is crazy...

I love this song!
Hey!

¶ So call me maybe

¶ It's hard to look right
at you, baby

¶ But here's my number

¶ So call me maybe

¶ Hey, I just met you

¶ And this is crazy

¶ But here's my number

¶ So call me maybe

¶ Hey, I just met you

¶ And this is crazy

¶ But here's my number

¶ So call me maybe

¶ And all the other boys

¶ Try to chase me

¶ But here's my number

¶ So call me maybe

¶ Hey, I just met you

¶ And this is crazy

¶ But here's my number
(GROANS)

¶ So call me maybe

¶ And all the other boys

¶ Try to chase me

¶ But here's my number

¶ So call me maybe

(SCREAMS)

What is that doing
on my cake?

(BRIDE CRYING)

Daddy!

Griffin?

Yeah, this could
be a problem.

Uh...

It will be mine.

(CROWD GASPING)
(SCREAMS)

Go, guys, go!
Not a chance, baldy!

Oh!
(GRUNTS)

Go, go!

Oh, and it was
such a nice wedding.

(PEOPLE GASPING)

(GRUNTS)

WOMAN: Oh!

(SPLATTERING)

(GASPING)

(PANTING)

(GROANS)

(GROANS)

(CROWD LAUGHING)
(GASPING)

Stop, stop!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(GASPING) Oh!

(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

Mmm.

(CACKLES)

Oh, baby, I missed you.

Oh!

What is it?

You!

You ruined
my daughter's wedding!

Sir, from the bottom
of my heart...

(SOBBING)

I don't care.

(SWINDELL CACKLES)

MELISSA:
He's getting away!
BEN: Griffin!

Someday you'll look back
and laugh.

(CRASHING)
(CROWD GASPS)

Bye.

(CHUCKLING)
GRIFFIN: Swindell!

(CHUCKLING)
Game over!

Late breaking score,

I win, you lose.

I got the red-head
Captain Cybertor.

I got the Honus.
And you, Bing,

Griffin Bing, got...
Oh!

(GROANS)

Where is Swindell?

Oh...

I pay for
red-haired Captain Cybertor.

So you give to me
red-haired Captain Cybertor

or I get angry.

(STAMMERS)

I don't... I don't
have the red-headed
Captain Cybertor.

These kids.

No talk, Swindell.

Cybertor. Now.

(CLEARS THROAT) Um...

We have one.

A red-haired
Captain Cybertor figure.

We could sell it to you,
Mr. Swindell.

Original offer still stands.

No?

Okay, then.
He's all yours, Mr. Volkov.

Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.

Okay!
Okay, okay!

You win, Bing.

Here, it's yours,
free and clear.

Fine.

Your card.
(SIGHS)

I've never
doubted you.
You did.

Only a little.

What? Oh, yes.

There we go.

Here you go.

Da. Red hair.

(CHUCKLING) Good.

Good, good.
Good.

Good is good!
Yeah, yeah?

You got your red-haired
Captain Cybertor.
I got my money.

Everything's good, right?

No.
Oh.

(WHIMPERS)

You run now, Swindell.

Run...

And never stop.

(GRUNTING)

(KIDS LAUGHING)

(WOMEN SCREAMING)

SWINDELL:
I wasn't looking!

I wasn't looking!

Your plan worked just like
you said it would, Griffin.

It did!
Feeling pretty egotastic
right now.

And you!
You were amazing.

Did you really think so,
Savannah?

(CHUCKLING)
I had a blast.

And, fellas,
the real kudos go to you.

You buoyed and grounded
my performance.

Our pleasure,
Mr. Westcott.

Any chance to work
with the master.

You must be Darren.

My daughter, Savannah,
has told me all about you.

Says you have
some real talent.

(LAUGHS)
I was telling Darren

he should enroll
in your acting classes.

OMG. Don't even think.

Just do it.

Uh, all right,
all right, I'm in.

(CHEERING)
Yes, he's in!

You ready to make
a million dollars?

$1.2 million.

I like the sound of that.

Whoo!
Thank you.

Oh, man, thank you.
Thank you.

Whoo!

(ALL CHEERING)

Pardonnez-moi!

Oh, hi.

I have one small question.

Who are you people
and why are you
disrupting my auction?

Um, actually,
that's two questions.

(GRUNTS)

Who are we?
Yes, mmm-hmm?

We are the true owners
of an authentic
Honus Wagner card.

(GASPING) Oh!

And good news.

We're selling.

Bonjour.
Please, right this way.
Thank you.

Right into
the biddings.
(BIDDERS GASP)

Let's start the bidding
at $500,000!

Oh!

(WIND WHOOSHING)

This isn't $80,000.

Oh, no.
Oh, no, no, no!

Oh, no!

Oh, no, no.

What?
WOMAN:
Mr. Swindell?

Your bill.

Crown penthouse
luxury suite?

Eight hamburgers,
six pizzas,

10 sundae supremes,

12 shrimp cocktail?

Deep tissue massage?

Thirty five thousand dollars?

Bing!

Bing!

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

(CASH REGISTER DINGS)

Monies, ya.

I can't thank
you guys enough.

Dude, this goes
a long way.
Yeah,

what did your parents say
when you got home
with the money?

They were overjoyed,
no doubt.

Actually, no.

Turns out they didn't need
the money. Like, at all.

Well, I'm, I'm confused.
Explain, please.

The iGot It was a big hit
at the Snake Pit.

Dad's got thousands of orders
from police stations
all across the country.

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

I just bought stock
in the company.

Mmm, smart girl.

Nice, but what'd you do
with the rest of the money?

First, I sent
the Stroumboulopouloses

on a sweet honeymoon
they'll never forget.

The least
you could do.
Good idea.

And then I bought this.

(CLANKING)

Whew!

(GASPS)
The Shield of Barradon!

Do I look
like the poster?

You know what?
You kind of do.

(LAUGHING)

(WHISPERING)
What's happening?

(AMANDA GIGGLES)

That's still a lot
of money left over.

Well, I was thinking
we had enough to pay
for everyone's college.

Nice.
SAVANNAH: Sweet.

Dude, that's,
that's awesome.
Yeah!

DARREN: Oh.
Yeah.

And as for the rest of it,

we earned it together,
we'll spend it together.

Now, that is a plan
I can embrace.

But on what?

Helping people.

Who?

Excuse me.
Are you Griffin Bing?

Yeah.

Can you help me?

I had this blue parrot
named Berry...

Blue Berry, cute.

And I left him
to get groomed
at this pet shop.

But when I got back,
the shop owner
told me Berry had died.

Except he didn't.

He's selling him
to a man in Las Vegas.

Vegas?

Why would anybody
go through that much
trouble for a bird?

Berry is a rare
blue mutation Amazon

worth $20,000.

Ha! Well,
that's a good reason.

Can you help me?

Yes, I think we can.

So, I'm Griffin Bing.

And this is the team.

(UPBEAT JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING)

And we take down swindlers.

(SPLATTERING)