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Very Special Hostesses

I think we lost them. They're not following us anymore.

It's fantastic! Your plan was just great!

I've always told you I was a little genius, pal.

And since we share everything except women...

How much does that make? Half a million each?

Yes, approximately.

That's enough for the weekend.

Honey?

Wake up.

My head.

What do you want?

Did you sleep well?

I can't sleep anymore.

Stop groaning!

I feel so great!

Oh shit!

You were supposed to wake me up at seven. You forgot again.

But I just woke you up!

How am I supposed to go to work when you're turning me on?

Every morning, it's the same.

I have to go to work and you only think of fucking.

Your job is more important than me?

Silly girl.

So you don't love me anymore?

Listen, Sophie.

Tonight, when I get home, we'll have a good time.

But right now, you behave yourself.

No, right now!

Sophie, be reasonable and make breakfast.

Make breakfast yourself.

Come back to bed.

You hear me?

Richard?

Richard!

Richard.

Come quick, I've hurt myself.

What a pain in the ass this woman is!

What's going on?

Your breakfast is ready.

Stop it and make coffee!

You're just selfish.

You don't care that I want to fuck!

If you don't come back right now, I'm gonna start screaming!

- That's enough! - Come caress me.

Stop it now, I've had enough!

It's the same thing every morning.

I would like to stay home and fuck, too.

But I have to go to work.

Sorry, honey.

- I thought I'd make you happy. - Yeah...

Just for one minute, only one little minute.

As if that were possible.

I know your minute, very well.

But I promise you...

Sophie, please don't insist.

Come on, let yourself go.

Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me!

Smash me!

Almost there.

I can't believe it!

What time do you call this?

It's not my fault, I was stuck in the elevator.

I'll bet you were fucking your little bitch!

My private life doesn't concern you, moron.

You're the one who's late! I had to cover for you.

Didn't you hear the radio?

Well, answer it!

That's the chief.

Shit!

Car 261, Inspector Bercy here.

Yes, I'm listening.

What the hell are you doing?

I've been trying to reach you for an hour!

Don't you realize that you're wasting my time!

Well, Inspector Richard will go back to traffic dutty.

That way he will have plenty of time

to think about the meaning of the word "punctuality".

As for you, Bercy, come quickly! I have a special mission for you.

Yes, sir.

You will share a cell with a prisoner.

And you will get out only after he talks to you. Over.

You asshole, believe me, you'll pay for this!

At least you'll get some rest in jail.

- I'll punch you in the face! - You shouldn't have answer the radio.

- I've had enough of your bullshit! - It's not my fault.

- That's enough, shut up! - Start the car!

We're already late! Shit!

That's the wipers and it's not even raining!

I know! Shit!

Start the car!

Where did you learn to drive?

Will you start the car?

Come on, Irma, move your ass out of my way.

Why should I hide my beautiful ass?

I'm taking over.

Go watch the prisoners in the yard.

Alright.

You think they could pin the hold-up on you?

What are you talking about?

The theft of three million.

Even if it were true, my answer would be...

It's none of your business.

Come on, Laurent.

Don't be so suspicious. I just hope you've got the three million.

Shut up and forget me.

I know people who could get you out of here, believe me.

Strangers in the night, you better watch your ass.

Irma, stop messing around or I'll impale you on the broomstick.

It's hard to be honest.

Here.

I might have a chance with him.

He loves men with cute ass like me.

I didn't know you like fags.

Is that really what you think?

You seem melancholy. Something wrong?

It's just that I've completely forgotten what a pussy looks like.

Breasts...

Can you understand that?

Yes, I understand.

With the money you've stolen, you'll have all the girls you want when you get out.

Don't play dumb with me.

I was not involved, so stop breaking my balls.

- So you're not guilty? - No!

- Are you sure? - Yes!

I suspected that you were put in jail without evidence.

Yes, my dear Albert, I am the victim of a miscarriage of justice.

Sad, but true.

We're friends?

Yeah.

So, do you trust me?

You know, in life we only have one true friend.

And since I already have one, you're too late.

I suppose this friend was your accomplice in the hold-up, right?

Fuck you!

Alright, we'd better talk about sex.

You're right.

The worst thing about prison is that people who love you are waiting for you.

And you're not there.

Here.

That's Nathalie.

Nathalie, I love you.

Oh, that's good.

Put a little jam on it.

I wonder who it is.

Police!

Mr. Laurent Mercier, I have a warrant for your arrest.

Get dressed and come with us.

Come with me.

- Why? - You'll see.

Save me some caviar.

Five hundred grams is my limit.

Good morning, Captain. I've brought you the prisoner.

Thank you. You can leave now.

My dear Bercy, nice to see you again.

I hope everything is going well for you.

Please have a seat, Inspector Bercy.

We're going to get to the heart of the matter.

But before we start, I'd like to introduce you to Miss Lefèvre.

She's investigating this case.

You already know Inspector Richard.

Hello, Albert.

You look good. Looks like you're enjoying the slammer.

Always so funny...

You, on the other hand, are getting fat. You don't fuck enough, my friend.

I didn't have much time for that.

But I'm sure you've had enough time to fulfill your homosexual fantasies.

- Gentlemen! - You're just an asshole.

That's enough!

You don't seem to realize the importance of this first meeting.

We're not here to evaluate his body weight,

nor to discuss your homosexual tendencies.

Let's get to the point, gentlemen.

Inspector Bercy,

it's time for you to give us the results of your mission concerning Mr. Mercier.

No results.

So, it seems that you've failed once again, right?

Even when we talk about sex, he doesn't trust me.

I tried everything.

He says, it's a miscarriage of justice.

You should put Inspector Richard in his cell, he might have more luck.

Don't give up so fast, a few more months and you'll get results.

Gentlemen, that's enough!

Let's stay on the subject, alright?

Miss, under these circumstances,

I think you will have no reason to keep him on remand.

Unfortunately, I will have to release him.

I will make one last attempt tomorrow.

Very well. We'll be ready.

Inspector Bercy will tail him immediately after his release.

With the utmost discretion, of course.

Inspector Richard will work with him, like before.

I hope the incentive to recover three million

will be a good enough reason for them to finally work as a team.

Honestly, no. I'd rather work alone.

Well, if you can't work together and obey my orders,

you can start writing your resignation letters.

And I will accept them gladly.

I'm getting out.

Good luck.

Thanks.

Tell me, Laurent, is there anything I can do for you outside?

- Yes. - What?

When you fuck her tonight, fuck her for me.

And watch out for the cops. They're all bastards.

- Bye! - Lucky bastard, you have a new cellmate.

You can shut the door. I'll call you.

Very well, ma'am.

Good morning, Judge, I was hoping you would visit me.

I don't understand why I'm still here.

I'm a victim of a miscarriage of justice.

I'm here to talk to you. I still need some more details.

What can I do for you, ma'am?

Mr. Mercier, we've considered letting you out.

But for the moment, I have some questions to ask you.

Okay.

Well, you could tell me what you were doing at the time of the theft.

Just to confirm.

To confirm what?

You already know everything.

No, not the name of your friend.

Oh, we know you have a close and dear friend, Mr. Mercier.

A friend... But I have lots of friends.

And you've revealed that you only have one true friend.

Ah, I understand... A snitch.

That fucking Albert was a snitch you placed here.

Did he tell you that I said you had pretty eyes?

Mr. Mercier!

- You're forgetting who I am. - Very pretty...

I'll call the guard, Mr. Mercier.

You're going too far.

Mr. Mercier.

I will tell you everything. You will know everything about me.

It's great that justice has no prejudices.

Tell me, do you often fuck wit the inmates?

Do the criminals you suck get an early release?

Do you get involved with convicted rapists?

Come on, keep sucking.

You know, I have the greatest respect for justice.

Justice has made tremendous progress.

Come on, get up and turn around.

Don't expect this to have any influence on my future behavior.

I am at the service of justice.

Then I'm gonna fuck justice in the ass.

Watch your language.

You're still a prisoner.

Is it a crime to fuck a judge in the ass?

No, keep going!

Saint-Germain Boulevard.

- We just have to tail the taxi. - Any idea where he's going?

We'll find out soon enough.

Can't you go any faster?

Don't you want to admire the landscape?

Shit, we lost him. Any idea where he could be hiding?

You should trust my hunches from time to time.

If you need tenderness...

Save yourself the trouble. I'm not gay.

I liked you, you know.

No regrets?

He seems like he's in a hurry to reconnect with her.

I understand the poor bastard.

After five or six months in prison, he must really want to fuck his girl.

Yes, but in the meantime we're going to freeze our asses off.

Welcome

Is she in the arms of someone else?

She may have gone shopping.

- Remember me? - Oh, Laurent!

Tell me, you didn't escape, right?

They released me for good behavior.

You buy me a drink?

You bet! We're going to drink to your release.

Stop. Thank you.

Cheers!

Bartender, three Duvals!

Right away, Jacques.

You know, in life we only have one true friend.

And since I already have one, you're too late.

Since we share everything except women...

How much does that make? Half a million each?

You don't look so good. Something wrong?

- Can you look after my bag? - Of course.

- Hey, do you want a little bit of... - No, thanks.

Do you still have your thing?

Can I borrow it?

- Don't do anything stupid. - No, don't worry.

Thanks, I'll bring it back right away.

What's that?

It's a baseball bat!

Shit! Who could it be at this hour?

Shit! I forgot I have a meeting with Jean at two o'clock.

Do you really have to go?

Yes, this is important.

Robert, what's going on?

Laurent!

Here he comes.

He did what he had to do.

I'll put it away now.

Here.

Thanks. Can I use your phone?

Here.

Hello?

Hello, Francine?

Who's calling?

It's me, Laurent.

Laurent! I can't believe it!

It's been an eternity...

Yes, I know, but I need your help.

Naturally, if I can.

Hello, Francine?

Yes, I'm here.

I'd really like to see you if you're alone.

Yes, I'm alone.

See you in a minute.

That's it, he has finished his phone call.

In the meantime, I'm gonna take a leak.

Don't piss in your pants, you don't have another pair.

Hey, you want a blowjob?

No, I never pay for it.

Good afternoon, sir.

- A coffee. - Very well.

- Good afternoon, gentlemen. - Good afternoon, miss.

- A Suze. - Yes, miss.

Hey, not so fast!

You made me an offer earlier.

Two hundred francs, and I could be very nice to you.

- You're gonna be very nice, indeed. - Shit! You dirty cop!

- What do you want? - A blowjob!

You know it's forbidden to solicit in public.

Come on!

A guy like you, I'd rather cut his balls off.

But you don't want to go to jail!

There you go.

Come on, tenderly!

I didn't ask for a handjob! I told you to suck me!

Let me breathe a little!

There, that's better. No slacking.

I just need five more minutes.

Don't slow down!

Now get lost!

You're really a son of a bitch! You'll pay for this!

Hello, Laurent.

Oh, this place has changed!

It's hot in here.

- Give it to me. - Don't bother.

So, tell me what happened?

It's simple.

Well, I went to the apartment that was mine until now.

And then, when I arrived, I realized it was occupied

by Robert.

Did you know about that?

Yes, almost everybody knew that Robert was living in your home.

You know that Nathalie doesn't like to be alone, so...

I thought Robert was my friend.

I didn't think he'd betray me.

And you, can you live alone?

Well, after you left me, I got used to loneliness.

- What a jerk I was! - Come on, let bygones be bygones.

Keep going.

The house you're watching is occupied by an ex-girlfriend of Mercier.

- Her name is Francine Chandon. - Yes.

She's twenty-six years old, single, no criminal record.

Okay.

Could I borrow your car this afternoon?

Yes, of course.

Of course, I won't lose him, don't worry.

Goodbye.

Here he comes.

We're gonna tail him.

He stayed almost two hours with her.

After six months without sex...

That's not bad.

Start the engine.

What are you waiting for? Start the car, for God's sake!

- Hey! Police, open the gate! - Open it, for God's sake!

Come on, you moron!

Oh, Mr. Laurent!

Good afternoon.

Come in, please.

Good afternoon.

Well, look who's back!

And in great shape!

Always elegant, young man.

Come on in.

I didn't expect you so soon.

- It's good to see you. - Likewise.

Am I bothering you?

No, these nice girls are taking care of me.

Come say hello.

- Hello. - Let me introduce you to Brigitte.

Hello, Brigitte, nice to meet you.

- And Lulu. - Oh no, my polish!

They're charming.

- See you later. - Come on.

- Behave yourself. - I am behaving myself.

Hypocrite.

I don't have your money anymore.

But don't worry, I've never betrayed a friend.

I have something much better.

These little rocks are worth twice as much as the money you gave me.

Pretty, aren't they?

You know...

I can't even buy a plane ticket to go trade these diamonds.

Don't worry about that. I'm gonna help you.

Here is twenty thousand in cash.

Put them in your pocket.

As for the diamonds, you should let your friend negotiate them.

By now you must be under surveillance.

I don't have friends anymore.

He even stole my wife.

He must be the one who sold me out.

But now I can leave.

But Robert will certainly try to retrieve all the money.

I may have the solution to your problem, my friend.

It's a fake briefcase.

Just papers with some bills on top.

Fake bills. Got it?

Give it to him, and by the time he figures it out, you'll be abroad.

That could work.

Yes, they're properly done.

So?

Thank you very much.

Could you do me another favor, Gilbert?

If it's possible.

If you don't mind, I'd like to...

- What? Fuck one of the girls? - Why not both?

- Brigitte and Lulu? - Precisely.

They charge one thousand bucks!

Shh, I'll pay cash.

I hope they're worth it.

You're quite a character.

Oh yes, that's good.

Oh, boy!

Do you want to change position?

Oh yes!

And voilà!

I'm sorry, I was just passing by.

Goodbye, thank you, goodbye.

What was he doing here?

Zambo go here, Zambo go there.

Zambo do this, Zambo do that. Yes, master.

Stop complaining. You're not in Uncle Tom's Cabin!

I can't take it anymore. I'm going back to Africa on foot!

If you continue like this, you're going to get fired, you lazybones.

I work my ass off all day long!

- Have you made the beds? - Yes, Miss Françoise.

- Did you clean the bathroom? - Yes, Miss Françoise.

- Have you really made the beds? - Yes, yes.

- Tell me, can you do it by yourself? - Yes, it's self-service.

I'm gonna help you.

Here we go.

Ah, that's better!

Yes, very good. That's perfect.

If only you had the same enthusiasm for cleaning!

Come on, push! Voilà!

You're tickling me.

Come on!

Zambo go here, Zambo go there.

Yes, cooking is my specialty. Here we go!

Wait.

It's so much more comfortable like this.

Come on, here we go.

Oh, it's so big!

I'm doing all the work. Come on!

Easy!

Oh, it's all white!

Surprising, isn't it?

It wasn't our fault, it was the gatekeeper!

I'm the one who's gonna get blamed!

You shouldn't have accepted this mission.

I had no choice! Don't you understand?

- It's not that simple. - I don't give a fuck what you...

Enough arguing, let's fuck a whore!

Alright, let's do that.

- How much is it? - You won't have to pay.

I'm coming.

Did we wake you up?

- No. - We brought you Champagne.

I'm tired of you coming here to fuck me for free.

You can choose.

We fuck you right now, or we arrest you for disturbing the peace.

It's always the same.

When you want to fuck for free, you threaten me with your badge.

I've done nothing illegal and I'm not scared of the police.

You're right.

And who is this guy?

It's Inspector Richard.

I don't care if he's an Inspector!

Inspector Richard is not as friendly as me.

If you know what I mean...

Come in.

She doesn't waste time!

Don't push!

Come on, my filly! You're gonna win the Grand Prix.

Too bad there is no prize money.

Like that!

Now that's funny!

- Is the investigation progressing? - Yes.

Oh, that's good, too!

You wanna try?

Oh, nice.

Very nice.

Come on, come on, come on!

That's not bad.

Good!

Hey, take it easy.

It's that good?

Change of plan.

You will have to pay extra.

That's good, huh? You don't regret coming?

No, not for the moment.

It's like a knife through butter. That's good!

Too bad there is no sun here.

Call me crazy, but one day

I will live on a beach in the Bahamas.

And I will have plenty of money. I will send you postcards.

Shut up! I can't come!

What was that?

Careful with my coil!

We can't breathe with all that smoke.

This is her home, we must be tolerant.

Tolerant, yes, but not asphyxiated!

You're right, she could have waited until we left.

After all, we've done her a huge favor.

I mean, we deserve a medal for fucking her.

Get out!

Watch out!

You pathetic losers!

You dickheads!

- We shouldn't have done that. - I don't give a fuck!

- We should have paid her. - I'm totally broke! Don't you understand!

- You always gets us into trouble! - I can't work with you anymore!

- I know you want to work alone! - You moron! Get lost!

Yeah, I'm out! You're on your own!

Good evening, honey. Did you have a good day?

I'm completely exhausted.

We spent the day chasing after some guy.

- Oh, you poor thing. - I'm glad I have you.

I'm so tired, I'm gonna sleep like a log.

Oh, no!

You remember what you promised me this morning?

Tell me, do you remember?

Yes.

Hello.

- Hello. - Yes?

Could I speak to Francine?

Yes, that's me.

Could you tell me where I could find Laurent, please?

He gave me your number.

Yes, but he's not here now.

I'm waiting for him. Do you want him to call you back?

No, I'm not in Paris. I prefer...

Do you want to leave a message or will you call back later?

Well, I prefer to surprise him.

Thank you very much. Goodbye.

- Thank you so much, Gilbert. - Come back soon.

I will.

- Ciao. - Ciao.

Ciao. Drive safe.

Goodbye.

Don't try anything.

Hi, it's me.

Hello, Laurent!

Albert, what a surprise!

My old pal, the snitch.

I can kill her, you know.

Give me the money!

Open the briefcase! Quick, quick!

That's beautiful.

Close it.

And now, do you expect a reward from the police?

I prefer to keep it for myself, if you don't mind.

Open the door!

And then throw the briefcase down the stairs.

Slowly!

Don't move a muscle. I won't hesitate to shoot.

It's over. Calm down, honey.

What is it?

Three million in diamonds,

so that my little blue butterfly and I could live happily.

Oh, Richard!

Oh, Richard! You make me so happy!

I feel so good with you.

It's like I'm at the beach in the sun.

Call me crazy, but one day I will live on a beach in the Bahamas.

I will have plenty of money!

Of course! I should have known!

I can't believe how stupid I am!

That's why he wanted to work alone!

What's wrong? Why are you getting dressed?

I forgot something, I have to go.

I'm sorry, honey.

Oh no, stay here! You promised me!

This is very important. I'll be right back!

It's not the first time you've lost your erection!

You're talking nonsense!

If you leave me like this, it must mean you're in love with someone else!

I don't have time to argue with you!

Bastard! Bastard!

Departures

Mr. Richard Lemieuvre, Mr. Richard Lemieuvre...

Albert.

I brought you something.

Come over here.

Ah, here comes an old acquaintance.

Hello, Albert. We always meet twice in life.

Oh, Albert!

I've already made our bed.

It's all clean and ready.

See?