All language subtitles for Shoot.To.Marry.2020.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

The following
presentation is rated 14A.

Downloaded from
YTS.MX

This presentation deals
with mature subject matter

Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

and contains scenes
with coarse language,

nudity, sexuality, and violence.

Viewer discretion is advised.

(birds cawing)

(clears throat)

- [Steve] In high school,
I was extremely geeky.

(wacky music)

I desperately
wanted a girlfriend.

But that was not gonna happen.

I was like Anthony Michael Hall
in "Sixteen Candles" geeky.

Here's me tap dancing in
the high school musical.

How did I think tap dancing

was somehow gonna get me laid?

Here's me pretending
to be pregnant.

I used to show this
video to girls.

Jesus, what was I thinking?

I was born here at
the Grace Hospital.

I came out single,

and I'm still single.

I'm 42, I should
be divorced by now.

I should be divorced and
looking for wife number two,

the real love of my life.

Why didn't Amy want me?

Was it the cold sores?

I guess I've just never
had good luck with women.

It sucks because all I've
ever wanted is marriage.

People say, "She's out there."

Out there is a big place.

Where exactly is she?

Where is my wife?

(wacky music)

On Christmas, I proposed to Amy,

my girlfriend of four
and a half years.

She said I never should
have proposed on Christmas.

Is that a thing?

- What happened?

- Oh, man.

It was tough.

We were having a
great Christmas.

(playful music)

Just laughing all day.

We made turkey and we were
exchanging other gifts.

I wrote a song.

And it was, maybe it
was a shitty song,

but I thought it was sweet.

And then after dinner,

I present this big gift.

And I open the top for her

and there's a little
ring box in it,

and she was crying
and I was crying.

And then I said some
nice things about her

and then proposed.

And she said yes.

But then almost immediately,

the yes was followed by,
just kind of a meltdown.

She tried the ring
on and she said,

"It's a beautiful ring,

"but it doesn't look
good on my finger.

"We're living in Vancouver.

"We're never gonna have sex.

"Why did you sing that lyric?

"Who else have you told?"

I said, "Well, other than
your dad I called my brother.

"I wanted to share it with him."

She now felt, and
these are her words,

that she felt trapped.

She felt that I had tricked her

basically, by telling somebody
on each side of the family,

that I had kind of locked
her into this thing.

And that she didn't really have
a say or feel a part of it.

The next day, she finally said,

"You know, I know this
isn't what you wanna hear,

"but I don't think this
would be a good idea."

I'm shit.

I'm a worthless piece of shit.

I need to find my other half.

Why am I so eager to
find my other half?

I don't even like
the first half.

Fucking Christ.

(soft piano music)

- Okay, let's get
back to marriage.

I'll just tell you very briefly

and you can edit it
together.

The secret of a good
marriage

is being willing to give
in to the other person

part of the time.

Daddy comes home from work.

We sit down, we
have a nice dinner.

We play ping-pong after diner.

We love one another.

We are still attracted to one
another after all these years.

- Oh, ticked, ticked.

Well, as I tell everyone,

We have sex almost almost
every night of the week.

Almost on Monday, almost on
Tuesday, almost on Wednesday.

I've always said that
laughter's the best medicine.

- But that was before Viagra.
- That was before Viagra.

That's right.

You know, when it
comes to marriage,

everyone's a little
bit, kind of nervous.

Is this the right person?

How's it gonna work out?

I mean, are we gonna get along?

Are we gonna stay
together for a lifetime?

One never knows, but
as it turned out,

it's been a bliss for me

and I think for you
too, right, honey?

- [Steve] 50 years ago, my
parents went on a blind date

and that was that.

It just seemed so easy for them.

(upbeat music)

They honeymooned in Jamaica.

My dad filmed the whole thing.

He got footage of
the Jewish cemetery

and every naked
woman he could find.

But his heart beat
for only one woman.

- Love you.

- Okay, good, are we done?
- Okay.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, okay.

- Okay, I'm gonna
get dinner organized.

- And turn the furnace on.
- I will.

I will.
- That's the first thing

you have to do.
- Honey.

- [Steve] This is what I want.

Someone who sticks around
when life gets boring.

A wife to grow old with.

Someone to laugh at my jokes.

Just have to find her.

(upbeat music)

Internet dating blows ass.

I've hired a professional
matchmaker to find me a wife.

- How would your
friends describe you?

- I have no friends.

- Age-range wise?

- Maybe, I'm 42.

- I would say, like,
28 to 35 is maybe...

- Steve.

- Listen, I'm being
honest with you.

Great, I blew it on
the second question.

The matchmaker thinks I should
be dating a woman my own age.

She sets me up with a
playwright named Colleen.

- You're gonna do this the
whole time, aren't you?

- [Steve] Hi, what's that?

- You're gonna do
this the whole time?

- [Steve] Yeah, we're going
to film the whole time.

Colleen invites me up to
try her Indian cooking.

This is my first date
since the breakup,

and it feels weird being in
another woman's apartment.

- So, you've never had
chana masala before?

- [Steve] I don't know
what you're saying.

- Chana masala.

- I don't know
what word that is.

- This is my dog!
- Oh, look at that...

You've got a cute
little guy here.

(gentle music)

Dating is the worst.

As soon as you call it a date,
it makes everything awkward.

So what shows did you
have at the Fringe Fest?

- Okay, okay, okay.

Well, I did have other
plays picked for festivals

that were actually chosen
when I first started.

So, it wasn't just
like randomness.

Like, people thought I was
maybe okay, or talented.

But then I wanted, I had
an obsession with poo for ever.

Like, I used to have a
Hotmail account called Fecal
Fanatic.

- [Steve] I'm not sure
Colleen is my type.

I don't mind her
obsession with feces,

I just prefer a woman
with longer hair.

The problem with the matchmaker

is she's only gonna set me
up with her other clients.

It's me and a bunch of other
rejects cross-pollinating.

I wonder if Kate is single?

I'm on my way to visit Kate,

an old acquaintance I
haven't seen in years.

Kate is a gifted artist and
I've always had a thing for her.

So, I sent her a text
asking if I can shoot

a little documentary
about her art.

- [Kate] Oh my God, this
is such a fancy car.

You got a Mustang?

- Well I did that for you.

(laughs)
I did that for you.

How are you?

Are we gonna...

- I'm good.
- It's nice to see you.

- Have you read Mia
Farrow's biography?

- No, but I think Mia
Farrow's a little kooky.

Our conversation
turns to pedophilia,

spousal abuse and suicide.

But all I can focus on
is how nice it feels

to have Kate touch my shoulder.

It's the most action
I've gotten in months

and I've been craving
human contact.

If Kate was a black
teen in a hoodie,

the cops would shoot her dead.

But no one seems to
mind a beautiful woman
with a spray can.

I try to think of
questions to ask Kate,

but I can't think of any.

(chuckles)

She's figured out
I have a crush.

What a smile.

(laughs)

- There you go.
- I love Kate, Steve Markle.

There it is.

Just as I would have written
it if I had the guts.

(laughs)

- Just call me mind reader.

(laughs)
- Yeah.

(stately music)

Kate's art is fantastic.

She blends fine detail
with broad strokes.

Gold and red, elements
of fantasy, astrology,
and sexuality.

I think of Kate as being
carefree and confident,

but the faces she depicts
are so full of anguish.

They have sad eyes
or no eyes at all.

Does the work usually end up

as you originally
envisioned it in your mind?

- No.

I wanna say I let go of
expectations a long time ago.

I think that's the benefit
of having just done it

for so long, is that I realize

that it takes on
a life of its own

and it goes where
it wants to go,

and the muse inspires you

and drags you this
way and that way...

- [Steve] I'd like
to be naked with Kate

in the produce
section of Ralph's.

I was 13 when I lost my
virginity to a pillow.

Whatever happened
to that pillow?

I think mom gave it to Goodwill.

Lately my urine has been
coming out in two streams.

Do I need a doctor?

I miss playing
the piano for Amy.

I was good at the
romantic stuff.

Planning vacations,
spoiling her with gifts.

But I wasn't as good
at the important stuff,

just being present
and listening.

How do I expect to make
a genuine connection

if I don't listen?

- And I suddenly realize
that the pockmark

was bigger than me!

(laughs)

- [Steve] Luckily,
Kate enjoys my company

and we continue making plans.

Today we're at Zuma
Beach in Malibu.

I'm not crazy
about the outdoors,

but I'm not crazy about
the indoors, either.

I'd like to think
Kate's flirting with me,

but I'm pretty sure she's
just flirting with my camera.

God, she's sexy.

I've decided today I'm
gonna try to kiss Kate.

(laughs)

She won't be expecting
it or wanting it,

but I believe my sudden
display of confidence

will awaken a repressed
passion for me.

You think women are
more beautiful than men?

- I think it always
just depends.

It always depends on
the woman and the guy.

But then you're asking
a bi girl, so (laughs).

There's probably an
inherent bias right there.

Who knows?

If I fall in love with a woman

and spend the rest
of my life with her,

then maybe I'll
identify as lesbian.

- [Steve] I've decided
not to try to kiss Kate.

Now I know she's bi, which
instantly cuts my odds in 1/2.

But more than that, I can't
handle rejection right now.

Rejection is death.

Best to avoid it.

(upbeat music)

I should have
tried to kiss Kate.

I flew five hours to see her!

Why would I just sit there
hiding behind my camera?

Now I'll never know.

I don't think my wife is in L.A.

I'm gonna try my
luck in New York.

My opener with Kate
worked like a charm.

Can I shoot a documentary
about your art?

That's a good icebreaker.

I need to ask other women
to be in this documentary.

What is this documentary?

I'm not sure.

But, if I keep focusing my
camera on interesting women,

I just might connect with one.

I spot a beautiful
woman on the street

and go in for the approach.

Oh, hello, I'm Steve.

I'm sorry to interrupt.

- [Jade] No, it's okay.

- [Steve] I've been
working on this project.

Basically, the idea is
that I want to meet with

as many interesting
women as I can find.

(laughs)

She agrees to be interviewed
for my documentary.

But instead of asking questions,

I start rambling on about
the failed marriage proposal.

Sometimes she'd drop a hint,
what kind of ring she wanted.

I was afraid of
being alone again.

And her main thing
about the proposal,

she said, "Who was
the proposal for?"

Like she didn't feel
like it was for her.

She felt like she was watching
someone else's proposal.

I'm a romantic, I
thought fuck it--

- I love that.

When's your birthday,
what are you?

- [Steve] October 9th.

I just thought--
- Libra.

- [Steve] You know,
I think really,

she was the wrong
person to surprise.

And I really got
her gut reaction,

which is, I don't want this.

Finally, after the breakup,
you're being brutally,

you're saying all the
things you should have said.

- Yes.

- [Steve] She said, "What
if I proposed to you?"

That's the irony of the breakup.

I never felt that she was
really in the relationship

as much as I wanted her to be.

- Yeah, no.

I mean, I think, yeah.

I mean...

- [Steve] I was trying,
in my awkward way,

I was asking you
if you wanted to,

like, go get a drink
or to eat something,

a slice of pizza or just...

- I am, oh my God.

I have a long list of things.

I just got back in town.

- What did I expect?

All I did was talk about
myself for two hours.

I surf around for
interesting New York women.

She's a hat maker
named Heidi Lee.

And wow.

Those are incredible
tee-shirt breasts.

It's a doc about women.

Would you like to be in it?

We could talk about hats.

- [Heidi] Yeah.

- [Steve] Is that her?

She's wearing some kind
of space-age outfit.

(electronic music)

Hello, Heidi Lee.

- Hello.

- [Steve] Heidi is
awkward like me.

We've barely spoken
and now for some reason

she begins twirling.

Heidi invites me up
to her apartment.

Her place is tiny and
there's shit everywhere.

- [Heidi] I found
this in the gutter.

Isn't this amazing?

Woo!

- [Steve] You think this hat
could do good things for me?

- [Heidi] It will magnetize
you to good people

and bring good karma.

- [Steve] What do you
got on top of your head?

What is that exactly?

- I tried to pick out
the strangest things

that really, like, spoke to me.

These are all plastic plants.

So I just searched all
throughout the city

to kind of find weird
things like this.

Giddy-up!

Do you wanna ask any questions?

(chuckles)

- [Steve] So why do you
like hats, Heidi Lee?

- I think they help you,
like, think things out loud.

(gentle flute music)

(chuckles)

- [Steve] Even as a kid
Heidi had a thing for hats.

Heidi says that an
eye-catching hat

can spark conversation
and bring people together.

Have you been in love?

- Yeah, for sure.

I've definitely been,
had first love before.

And it was really wonderful.

I think that that's a
question I wanna ask you.

Have you ever had first
love, or true love,

or like, love at first sight?

Do you have any...

- [Steve] I don't know if
I've had love at first sight.

I've had lust at first sight.

(chuckles)

- Yeah, that's funny.

- [Steve] But I've
been in love, sure.

I don't know if I've
met my person yet.

What do you call this hat?

- This is called the
Body Electric Hat.

And it glows in the dark.

(ominous music)

- [Steve] And what
do you call this hat?

- This is called the
Atomic Universe Hat.

- [Steve] So, Heidi Lee,
what can you teach me

about women and relationships?

- Women and relationships?

I would say that they're
very complicated,

in and of themselves.

I mean, I'm a woman but
I think a lot of times

I try to think outside
of the the scope

of just me being a woman,
but me being a human.

And maybe you should
think of human

instead of women
in relationships.

You know, 'cause
everyone is a human?

And we're all on
this planet earth,

but it's more like a spaceship

and we're all really aliens.

(chuckles)

- In photos, Amy was
always crouching down

to be shorter than me.

I'm only an
inch-and-a-half shorter,

but in the end I think it
destroyed our relationship.

Why would I propose if I wasn't
sure it was what she wanted?

Or what I wanted?

I stayed with her because
I was afraid to be alone.

Pathetic.

But there were good times.

In Mexico we went to the
aquarium and saw the turtles.

Who's a little turtle?

Was that actual fun,
or was I just trying

to manufacture romance
between two people

who didn't belong together?

Stop drifting.

Listen to Heidi Lee, she's wise.

And don't leave without
trying for a kiss.

Do you consider
yourself a feminist?

- Well, I'm female, so, I
think it's just naturally,

I think if you're a
woman, you're a feminist.

This is the Luck Lock Hat

and then this is
the Love Lock Hat.

- [Steve] One locks the luck in

and the other locks the love in?

- Yeah, it's like
you gotta have...

You gotta have luck and
you gotta have love.

- I feel like
wearing the luck hat,

like I wanna test the luck.

- Yeah.

(chuckles)

- I feel like I just want
to give you a little kiss.

- Is this supposed to be for
the camera kind of thing?

- No, I can turn the camera off.

- I don't know.

I just feel weird about that.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

(gentle flute music)
- Oh, come on.

She gave me her lucky hat.

I thought she was flirting.

I'm too eager.

Or is my breath bad?

We were having fun and now
I've made everything awkward.

I need to leave.

All the great romantic
comedies are set in New York.

Real life is no romantic comedy.

It's a Stephen King novel.

I have no sex life.

I don't even have a
masturbation life.

When I do meet someone, I'm
gonna be very out of practice

in the sack.

I could use some guidance.

I have never been to a sex
club, so I'm very excited.

- [Jana] Okay.

- I'm on my way to
get lovemaking advice

from the owner of a
sex club called Oasis.

Amy and I didn't have very
good sexual chemistry.

Sex is important.

Even mom and dad still
have sex every Saturday.

It's 4:00 a.m.

No one around but us
and the cleaning staff.

Is there a piece of
advice you can give me

to be a better lover?

- Well, I don't know how
good a lover you are!

So, it's hard to tell.

But, in general,
I would just say,

be loving, be caring.

Pay attention to
what a woman wants.

If she wants to be
touched gently, or if
she wants it rough.

- [Steve] What's
the craziest thing

you've seen happen at the club?

(chuckles)

- Here we go again.

Oh my God.

Squirting, fetish stuff,
tied up, spanking.

20 guys with one woman.

It might be different for me,

but it's absolutely normal
for people who are doing that.

So, asking me what's the
craziest thing I've seen,

it's not really the right thing

because my judgment,
it's irrelevant.

- [Steve] I've decided to
go back to the sex club,

this time during business hours.

I wanna see what
goes on at Oasis,

maybe unleash my inner swinger.

- Hi guys, how are you?.
- Hey.

- [Greeter] Just
to let you know,

you can't actually film in here.

- [Steve] Okay, no problem.

No cameras allowed,
but don't worry.

My friend is on a
mission to get footage.

And I'm on a mission
to get action.

- [Greeter] You can have
sex anywhere in the club.

If you're in the pool,
please try not to finish.

At the top is your locker
room, and your dungeon.

- Do I have to take
my clothes off?

- No.
- I don't have to--

- [Greeter] You don't have
to take clothes off, no.

- Okay, so $50.

First, I hit the courtyard.

There's no one here.

One naked man.

I see another naked man
chatting up two women.

And here comes
another threesome,

a naked man with
two naked women.

It doesn't seem
fair that one man

should have two naked women

when other men have
no naked women.

Probably something to do with
the shrinking middle class.

Is it rude to approach a naked
woman if I'm not also naked?

I strip down to my underwear.

Then the underwear goes, too.

I adjust my penis and
go in for the approach.

Hey, how are you?

I'm Steve.

- Good.

- It's nice to meet you.
- I'm Miss F.

- Hey, cold seats.

- Yeah.
- Very cold.

The angel senses my
nervousness and flutters away.

Now, the naked man
is moving closer.

Great, this is my
worst nightmare.

Small talk with a naked man.

I escape into the pool.

Then I hit the hot tub, where
a nice man massages my neck.

Amazing.

Outside the hot tub,
something catches my ear.

(moaning)

I follow the sound upstairs.

This is my chance to
get in on some hot sex.

(moaning)

Nothing on the second floor,

but the moans are
getting louder.

(moaning)

Clearly a woman is either
having sex or a baby.

On the third floor,
a pole dancer.

But where are those
moans coming from?

And then, at the end
of the hall, I see it.

A real, honest to God orgy.

(moaning)

I've been fantasizing about
orgies since my bar mitzvah.

But now that I'm
actually seeing one,

(moaning)

I'm not good at multi-tasking.

(moaning)

This isn't for me.

I don't want fun and excitement.

I want marriage.

In third grade I
had my first crush.

I wanted to spend the rest of
my life with Lisa Messinger.

I tracked down Lisa in suburbia

and we've arranged to see
each other after 35 years.

- [Announcer] Your
destination is on the right.

- [Steve] Lisa's married
now, but I've always wondered

if my crush on her was mutual.

And what a life with
Lisa Messinger might
have looked like.

(soft music)

- [Lisa] You're already filming!

(chuckles)

Hi, Lisa Messinger.
- You're right on time!

Hi, how are you?
- I think I'm early.

- [Lisa] No, I think
you're right on time.

- I'm right on time, I'm
just excited to see you.

- Oh my goodness,
you okay with cats?

- [Steve] Yeah, yeah.

Two cats?

- Two, you know what,
these are my babies.

- One more cat and
you would be insane.

- I love you.

- This is a real house.

There's a kitchen
and a backyard.

- [Lisa] Yup, yup.

- There's apples.

- [Lisa] Yup.

Now I wish I'd had you
- Kids' stuff.

- Come when my kids were here.

- Bubbles.

I would have liked to
have met your kids.

- Well, Jason's autistic.
- Oh, thanks.

- So that's a whole...

- I know there's a huge
spectrum of autistic.

Where is he on the spectrum?

- Someone wants attention.

- You're not gonna
have a water, too?

- Do you need me to?

- I thought you were...

- No, it was more for you.
- Okay, thank you.

- Yes, yes!

- [Steve] Is it challenging
having a son with autism?

- It's...

It's, yeah.

It's hell, really,
is what it is.

And, you know, I'm not
one of those people

who are like, "Oh the lord
gave me what I could handle

"and it was for
a reason" and no.

It's like, this is, I
wouldn't wish this on anyone.

The Tourette's came
a few years later,

when he started making
all those sounds.

He is not from this planet.

Screaming all the time.

Just screaming.

Anxiety, OCD, aggression, ADHD.

He's hyper as well
and can't focus.

- [Steve] Your son has
all of these things?

- All of them.

All of them.

Oh, someone's here.

(doorbell ringing)

- [Steve] Are you
expecting somebody?

- [Lisa] Maybe it's a
delivery?

- [Kid] When's the last
time

you had your driveway
sealed, ma'am?

- Yeah, no, never.

Do you have a quote?

So, I wonder if we
had gotten together

and had kids if our
kids would be autistic,

or if it was just
my husband's fault?

'cause you're strange.

- I'm strange.

I would not have helped.
- And you're quiet.

- My genetics would
not have helped.

- Yeah.

Right, 'cause
you're a quiet one.

And a quirky one.

So, like, I wonder, yeah.

Was it me and my husband,

or would I have always
been destined to have that?

- [Steve] There's only
one way to find out, Lisa.

(laughs)

- I didn't know you had
a crush on me. And...

- [Steve] Did you...

- Yes?

- [Steve] You didn't
have a crush on me?

- No (chuckles).

- No.
- No.

- [Steve] It's amazing that
you were such a big part

of my childhood experience and
yet that was all in my head.

- Yeah.

It was.

It really was.

- [Steve] How's
marriage working out?

- It's tough, after years
and years and years,

to keep attraction there.

I just don't have
the desire anymore.

Now, I've been on
antidepressants for a long time,

so that could, so chemically...

- [Steve] So you
think a lot of women

are having sex with their
husbands or boyfriends

just because they feel
like they they need to.

- Yes.

I know it.

- [Steve] So, if
it were up to you.

You know, once a year?

- Yeah.

Maybe, yeah.

- [Steve] Sex once a year.

I see my dentist more often.

In third grade Lisa
was such a smiley kid.

Is this what
marriage looks like?

I always figured the grass
was greener on the other side.

Maybe the grass is
dead on both sides?

Against all logic, I
still want marriage.

I want my own wife to
never have sex with.

And until I find a wife,

I'll take affection
where I can get it.

Tonight, I'm paying
a woman to spoon me.

(soft music)

Her name is Goddess.

She's a former escort
turned spiritual healer.

On her website, Goddess
offers everything

from a bathing ceremony,
to a prostate massage.

I've booked an appointment
for a 60-minute cuddle.

We settle into
Goddess' sanctuary

and get to know each other.

What kind of a stretch is this?

- This is just, no stretch.

This is just seated.

I was not looking to
awaken or arouse kundalini.

Goddess tells me about the time

she experienced a divine orgasm.

- I was able to take just enough

because it ended up lasting
six hours and so I--

- [Steve] You had
a six-hour orgasm?

- Yeah, I did.

I thought I was
having a heart attack.

That was my first thought.

Within about a
minute, everything
exploded inside of me.

And it was in ripples.

And it was just
coming out of me,

expanding into the vast cosmos.

Just pure heaven.

Pure nirvana.

(sighs)

- [Steve] After the orgasm,
Goddess transitioned

from sex work to her
spiritual practice.

Do you have sex with your...

I keep wanting to
use the word clients.

(laughs)

Correct me one more time?

- Seekers.
- Seekers.

- Seekers, Steve.
- They're not clients.

they're seekers.

Do you have sex
with your seekers?

- Very rarely.

Yeah.

It is...

- [Steve] So, what
is a circumstance

when it would lead to sex?

(sighs)

It would be a situation where,

number one, it's consensual.

Secondly, where there
was a connection

where we wanted to explore.

- [Steve] Power went out.

- Oh, my gosh.

- [Steve] How come?

Should I be frightened?

- No.

- [Steve] Is this a...

- This is the
safest place to be.

Okay, now I'm gonna
tell you something.

Are you still shooting?

- [Steve] Yeah.

- Okay, part of what
happened (giggles)

with my kundalini is because
my body's rewired, right?

I have developed these
other psychic abilities

and one of them is I
tend to blow out...

- You blow out fuses.
- Fuses, yeah.

- We light some candles,

then settle in for our cuddle.

Okay, like this?

- Yeah.

Just get comfy.

I just want you to
close your eyes.

And just breathe.

Just relax.

Relax.

Yeah, better.

(soft music)

- [Steve] What the
hell am I doing here?

I shouldn't have to
pay for a cuddle.

I have things to offer a woman.

On the piano I play the
entire Billy Joel songbook,

except "We Didn't
Start The Fire."

I'd like to find a woman
who knows how to sing.

Or cook.

A Christian woman who
knows how to glaze a ham.

(phone ringing)

Where is she?

- [Lauren] Hey,
you've reached Lauren.

I can't come to
the phone right...

Get back to you, thanks.

- Hey, Lauren--
- At the tone,

please record your message.

When you finish recording
you may hang up,

or press one for more options.

- Hey, Lauren.

My name is Steve
Markle, I'm a filmmaker.

(clears throat) Excuse me.

I reach out to random
women on the internet

asking them to be
in my documentary.

I film with a model.

Are you single, do you
date?

- No, I have a boyfriend.

- [Steve] Hi, Lauren.

I fly to Boston to film with
a heart transplant recipient.

- I'm Lauren, nice to meet you.

- [Steve] How are you?

She was reading my file
and she's like, "Wow."

She's like, "Your heart
started all by itself."

They didn't have to do anything.

Like, right when they put it in,

the heart started by itself.

- [Steve] I mean,
that is a miracle.

- I'm like, "That's
obviously a perfect fit."

- [Steve] What qualities are
you looking for in a man?

- Well, I do have a boyfriend.

- This documentary has
become an obsession.

Would you like to be in my
documentary about women?

(gentle flute music)

I film with a fire
spinner named Natalie

and a firefighter named January.

What are you doing
Thursday night?

- [January] Thursday night...

- I'll just keep going
through the days of the week.

(laughs)

- I actually, you
should see my schedule.

- [Steve] I film with
a jazz trumpeter,

a shoe cobbler, a rabbi,
a butcher, a road racer,

an aerial dancer, and a
massage therapist turned pilot.

- It is very gusty today.

- [Steve] I film with
a French wrestler

and an English photographer.

- So, are you gonna ask
me anything about film

and photography?
Yes.

(chainsaw roaring)

- I film with a lumberjack
who brings out my masculine
side.

I made a little chip
there.

- You have very feminine hands.

- And I film with a dominatrix

who brings out my feminine side.

It still really hurts but...

- You know, time
heals all wounds.

- Right.

How is dressing like a woman
gonna help me find one?

Amy would have hated this hat.

Everything I did
embarrassed her.

Heidi Lee wants me to
model some of her hats

for a photo shoot.

So, I'm heading
back to New York.

And this time?

No awkward sexual advances.

You comfortable being naked?

- Why not?

(chuckles)

That's what I say.

- [Steve] I like having
Heidi Lee as a friend.

And it feels nice to have
a paint brush on my penis.

(soft music)

On a break from our photo shoot,

Heidi Lee and I goof
around in our makeup.

Amy always used to say,
"Why are you so weird?

"Just be normal."

Why would anyone
wanna be normal?

Seriously, what kind of an
asshole wants to be normal?

I need to find someone
like Heidi Lee,

a free spirit, an artist.

Someone who doesn't
know the word weird.

Someone who accepts
me for who I am.

I'm heading to
Washington to film

with the gun-rights lobbyist.

I saw this picture online.

I can't stand guns, but
this lobbyist has nice hair.

And there is something
lovely about a woman

who knows how to shoot
a man in the face.

This is good.

Hopping around from city to city

to meet a complete stranger.

I've got no one to answer to.

I think I like being single!

Gun-rights lobbyist
agreed to meet me

at a fountain across from
Capitol Hill and where is she?

We said two, it's almost 2:30.

Three.

3:30.

I am definitely being stood up.

Being single is the worst.

I don't deserve a woman.

At four o'clock, the
gun-rights lobbyist

shoots down our plans.

(gunshots blaring)

(soft music)

I roam Washington in
search of a woman.

The best I find is a nude
statue

outside the Library Of
Congress.

Is it wrong to be a
attracted to a nude statue?

I wonder if I'll ever
be in love again.

(upbeat drum music)

A writer named Erin Wotherspoon
has been going on dates

for the free dinners, then
writing about it in her blog.

Doesn't seem that
outrageous to me,

but it's creating an
uproar on the internet.

Commenters around the world are
calling her a dinner-digger,

a dinner witch, a female
pickup artist and a sociopath.

Doesn't look like a sociopath.

(soft music)

I think her blog is funny
and she looks really sweet.

Or maybe I don't see it
because we're one and the same.

She's using men for meals,

I'm using a movie for marriage.

- [Erin] For the
first month or so,

I'm just gonna be
working from home.

- Can we do the
interview in your home?

Erin, the writer, has agreed
to be in my documentary.

Her one request is that we
not talk about the blog.

She says the blog
was a writing stunt

and she's taken it down.

Lately, Erin's been cooped
up finishing her first novel.

(soft music)

She's cute, and
she owns a menorah.

Or did she just put
that out for me?

Erin Wotherspoon.

- Hello.

- [Steve] Let's start
from the very beginning.

- My age of birth?

(laughs)
- Yeah, okay.

Would you like to say
your your age and...

- Sure.
- Okay, go ahead.

- I was born September
29th, 1989, in Toronto.

- [Steve] Are you happy, Erin?

On a scale of one to
10, how happy are you?

- Right now, I'm in
a much happier place

than I was a couple months ago.

I'm probably...

- [Steve] Well, what
happened a couple months ago?

- I went through a breakup
and then I decided that--

- [Steve] How long
was that relationship?

- It was a year.

It was exactly a year.

- [Steve] What was
that man's name?

- His name's Ryan.

- [Steve] Oh, this
is your tattoo?

- Yeah.

Right here.

- [Steve] Well, it's
a nice-looking tattoo.

- It's handwriting.

- [Steve] It just has
the wrong name on it.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

- [Steve] Well, what's the
craziest thing you've ever done?

- The craziest?

One of them, I stole
from the Vatican.

- [Steve] What are
you most grateful for?

You believe in God?

You wanna be buried or cremated?

- I'm most grateful
for my family.

I don't believe in God.

Cremated.

- [Steve] Yeah, me too.

- Yeah, I don't like the whole,
yeah, being buried thing.

- [Steve] And if
you're cool with it,

I don't know if
this is, you know,

too much too soon kinda thing,

but I would like our ashes
to be mixed together.

Have I said something wrong?

(laughs)

Is anything missing
from your life?

- Well, I mean, I
don't have a boyfriend.

I guess I have a boyfriend
missing from my life.

But I'm not, like, you know,

I don't really
want one right now.

(soft music)

- [Steve] Maybe I could be the
boyfriend Erin doesn't want.

She's close with her family.

And that smile.

I'd like to have a
pillow fight with Erin.

That tattoo is unfortunate,

but we've all made mistakes.

I was gonna marry the wrong
woman, have kids with her.

A tattoo you can laser off.

Wife and kids?

You can't laser
your wife and kids.

You look for guys
on the computer?

- I don't do online dating.

I mean, I joined Tinder.

All the guys who like me and
wanna spend time with me,

I'm not willing to
find time for them.

But then the two guys
that I actually like

seem so busy all the time.

So, it's like, I don't know.

- [Steve] You only want the
guys that aren't interested.

- Yeah.

Right now, yeah.

- I mean, that's human nature.

That we want

what we can't have.
- I guess so.

Yup.

Yeah.

- [Steve] Do you
wanna go for dinner?

- Do I wanna go for dinner?

- [Steve] Yeah.

(soft music)

- [Erin] Ravioli stuffed
with duck confit.

- [Steve] You'd like
to eat a duck, huh?

- Yeah, I do.

Yeah.

- [Steve] I like her.

There's an age difference.

She's 24, I'm 42.

Wouldn't she be prefer someone
from her own millennium?

Last night was fun.

But was that a date?

Or was Erin just
using me for her blog?

But she took the blog down.

Is there a new blog?

There must be a new blog.

A text from Erin.

When do I text back?

An hour?

A month?

Erin and I go for martinis,

and we make plans
to meet up again.

Train's comin'!

She tells me about
her fear of robots.

I tell her I hate children.

I show Erin my hernia scar.

But then...

Hey with four Ys.

The breakup text.

Erin feels weird and I get it.

I should be looking
for someone my own age.

A woman with arthritis.

Fucking hell.

(phone ringing)

- Good morning, Gastro Group.

- [Steve] Blood in the stool.

I'm sure it's nothing.

Probably just cancer.

And I had my wisdom teeth out.

I had a hernia.

- [Doctor] And you move
your bowels every day?

- Just make a fist for me.

- If you have larger polyps,

I do cauterize as
I cut them out.

- Some week this is
shaping up to be.

First a punch to the heart.

Now, a six-foot tube up the ass.

That hurts in my right arm.

Is that normal?

- [Doctor] Yes.

- It hurts in my right arm.

Yeah, it's burning,
it's burning.

It's burning.

It's burning.

It's burning.

Oh, you're getting
right in there.

(groaning)

- It's great.

We're gonna take him out
to the recovery area.

We went all the way around.

There were no polyps.

It was perfectly clean.

The idea is that we know
the genetics of these polyps

and from the...

- The doctors have
given me 50 years,

possibly longer if I
take a multi-vitamin.

Okay, so no bowel cancer.

It's the loneliness
that's gonna kill me.

When is this happening?

- [Kia] It's next
Friday evening.

- [Steve] It's Friday
night and I'm gonna film

a women's workshop called

Unleash Your Inner Geisha:
The Art Of Receiving.

I don't know what to
expect but who knows?

Maybe my wife will be there.

The workshop begins with a
demonstration of sexual massage.

(moaning)

I skipped Shabbat for this.

Mom made her cabbage borscht.

- I need to stop
just for a moment.

I wanna kinda get
more on the same page.

(chuckles)

You know your body.

How can you kind of meet me?

Can we maybe...

Can we hug, actually?

I would love to hug, and
then I'll let you continue

with whatever you
were going to do.

Hi.

I missed your face.

Can we just hug just to connect?

And ground, please.

Thank you.

I would just love to be
still with you, and feel you.

- [Steve] The art of receiving.

Okay, I think I get it.

It's about telling your
partner what you need.

I was a real pansy with Amy.

I tried so hard to please her,

I forgot that I have needs too.

I gotta work on that.

After the demonstration,
the women sit around

talking about it.

- I learned so, so much from it

and I'm so grateful
to both of you for...

It was just, I
mean wow, you know?

Wow.

Wow.

- It was really a
gift, thank you.

- I could feel in me
this huge expansion.

- But my thing is, how do
we get different partners

to just flow, click, connect,
without the bullshit?

- Well, we could do a
whole evening just on that.

Answering that one question.

- Well, I was just going
to say that, Victoria.

Like, that's what
we're all, I mean,

that's part of why
we're all in this room.

'cause in our own ways,

we're all trying to
answer that question.

We all have...

We're all searching for that.

- What I was seeing
was a lot of confusion

around dominance and submission.

- He wasn't in a place where
I felt like I can let go.

So, then I had to step in.

So it wasn't 'cause
I was confused.

- No, no, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean that.
- Oh, okay.

- No, not at all.

No, no, I didn't
mean that at all.

- [Kia] So go ahead.

- Yeah, yeah, no.

Just, that in...

- Energetically.
- Energetically, right.

So, I believe it is
absolutely possible

to be surrendered and
still be the dominant.

Like you can be receiving.

It's all about me.

It's about what's
happening in me.

What I'm giving
to you is myself.

(chanting)

- [Steve] Amy made me feel
pretty shitty about myself.

Always undercutting me
with subtle, little jabs.

Wanting me to be taller,
less quirky, more successful.

I stayed with her

because when someone
consistently tells you

you're not good enough,
you start to believe 'em.

I figured the person I'm
with is the person I deserve.

I really lost myself
in that relationship.

- [Woman] Were you
on full moon menses?

- Yeah.

- [Steve] The workshop is
followed by light snacks.

There's a cute woman.

I've had my eyes
on her all night.

I try to seduce her
with a vibrating bowl

but she leaves before I
can even get her name.

Being single is absolute
hell.

- [Woman] Can I ruffle your
hair while you're doing that?

- Okay.

- [Woman] See if you can focus.

- All right.

Oh my God, that's fantastic.

Okay, she's not the
woman I had my eyes on.

But the tickling is nice.

The thing is, she told
me what ring to buy.

A thin platinum band
with a big rock.

A big rock, that's disgusting.

She wanted the ring
but she didn't want me.

And the store would
not take it back.

What the hell am I gonna
do with a diamond ring?

- I, Russell Oliver, give you
more cash than anyone else!

I am the Cash Man!

Oh, yeah!

- [Steve] Why do we have to
buy a diamond to show our love?

Couldn't I have just
slaughtered a cow

or chopped off one of
my nuts or something?

Whatever the Cash Man
offers me, I'll take it.

I never wanna see
that ring again.

- Ideally, I'd like to pay two,

but it may be a little bit
low compared to what you paid.

I don't know what
would make you happy,

but, we wanna make
our customers happy

so I wanna give you
as much as I can

and still make some money.

I gave my wife a heart shape,

'cause I got married
on Valentine's Day.

So, I made it romantic, you
see, and she liked that.

Oh, that sealed the deal for me.

- My girlfriend said, I
proposed on Christmas.

She said, "You don't
propose on Christmas."

Is that true, you
don't propose...

- Yeah, you don't.

What she's looking at is the
materialistic side of it.

You see, you don't
propose on Christmas

because you're trying to
save a Christmas present.

Was that my motive?

I wanted to be romantic which
is why I did Valentine's Day,

but it did occur to
me, in the back of my,

if I'm being honest, my
subconscious did say,

"You know it's one gift from
now on Valentine's Day."

But I have to tell you,

I did sell my wife's engagement
ring too, by the way.

I sold it for different reasons.

I needed money at one point

and I sold her
heart-shaped diamond,

which she was not happy about.

- How do you know when
you've found the right woman?

- Well, in my opinion, there
really is no such thing

as the right woman.

But she was the rightest,
as opposed to the wrongest.

- [Steve] So you're
saying, they're all wrong?

- They're all wrong.

- [Steve] I go to a party
and pretend to like parties.

Meet a singer and ask her
to be in the documentary.

Hanifa.

- Yes.

- What does it mean?

- It means true believer,
and communicating with the
stars.

- [Steve] Look at those nails.

Unbelievable.

- All natural too.
- Is that true, are they?

- Yeah.

No, yeah, I don't
believe in putting--

- [Steve] Wait, can, can you
hold them right up to the lens.

- Yeah, I don't believe--

- [Steve] Hold them
as close as you can.

Get right in there.

Let me get a focus
on these nails.

What are you looking
for in a man?

- Looking for, you know
when you're younger

you have like,
you write it down,

like I want a guy
like this and that

and I actually still have
that diary when I was little,

and I wrote down like the
kind of man that I wanted.

- [Steve] Well, what
did you write down?

- Well, I think I didn't
describe him to the tee,

but I remember one of
the things I wanted

was a guy that was spiritual.

So, you don't have
to be religious

but just really in
touch with yourself.

- [Steve] What about
a long schlong?

Was it on the list?

- That wasn't on the
list when I was younger

'cause I didn't
know what that was.

- [Steve] It's on the list
now, you added it later.

- I don't know, it
shouldn't be little,

so, I'll tell you that much.

It should be a good size.

I think we all speculate

what the other person's
thinking or feeling,

and I think if you could
do somebody a favor,

like a gift you could give
your partner, communication.

How we live, where we live.

How are we gonna raise our kids?

Like, those conversations
should happen before,

not after you're in love
and you have a baby.

What if the other person has
a different way of everything?

- [Steve] At a certain point,
if you love each other,

and you share similar
values, that's it.

At some point you
just gotta leap in.

- That's not enough.

- [Steve] Not enough.

- It's not.

There's a conversation.

- My ex is gonna
love watching this.

She's gonna love watching this.

Because I was always
of the mind that,

we'll figure it out.
- No.

- [Steve] As long as the
big picture is in place

that we love each other,
the details will--

- We can figure out what
we're having for dinner.

Your ex-girlfriend is right.

You need to talk
about those things,

like how do you wanna
raise your children?

- [Steve] Will you
please stop saying

that my ex-girlfriend was right?

- She was right.

(soft music)

- Yesterday, Amy
showed up at my door.

I hadn't seen her in months.

She tells me she made a mistake.

That she does wanna get married.

Is there any way I
can still marry Amy?

It's just, we've built all
those memories together.

That all-inclusive was fun,
with the unheated pool.

The hula hoop dancer.

The thing is, I like
to dance like an idiot.

Amy wants a strapping man.

My kids are all gonna
have peanut allergies

and a fear of sports.

We're different people.

Amy believes in pet
psychics and ghosts.

I can't build a life with
someone who believes in ghosts.

I told Amy I've moved on.

Falling out of
love is hard work.

But I've done it.

Goodbye, Amy.

Is it unethical?

Using a documentary
to meet women?

When I started down this
path, it seemed harmless,

but now I'm not so sure.

I'll film with one more woman.

One more.

(upbeat music)

She's a tattoo artist
named Danielle.

She already owns a wedding gown.

There's a savings there.

I check Danielle's profile
page for signs of a boyfriend.

Hard to say for sure
but she looks single.

I send her a message
and hope for the best.

Yeah, I wanted to tell
you about this movie.

- [Danielle] Okay.

(dramatic music)

- [Steve] Danielle's client
is also named Danielle.

She's already
mentioned a boyfriend.

Which tattoo number is this?

- This is tattoo number six.

(classical music)

- [Steve] This is
gross, what I'm doing.

I'm like a caveman,
hunting for a wife.

I'm using my camera like a club.

It's shallow.

It's fucked up.

Why not make a real documentary?

Something about climate
change or spelling bees.

I should leave now.

Skip the interview.

From there I was just
kind of like practicing.

I'd practice on, like, fruits
and pigskin, and then--

- [Steve] You gave
a fruit a tattoo?

- I gave a fruit a tattoo.

- [Steve] What kind of fruit?

- I believe it was an orange.

I only--
- How'd the tattoo turn out?

Was the orange happy?

- Probably not.

If you were gonna
give Jesus a tattoo,

what tattoo would
you give Jesus?

(laughs)

- What would I give Jesus?

Wow.

- Maybe Jesus?
- Maybe a Jesus tattoo.

- [Steve] What would
you give Santa?

I feel like he would want
something really dirty.

- Yeah, you know it's funny

I was just thinking that.
- Like an erect cock

or something.
(laughing)

Like he just seems like
a dirty old man to me.

- He is a dirty old man.

Come here.

But I just like with cats
that it takes them time

to build that comfort in
a relationship with you.

And when they do,
it's really amazing.

- [Steve] What advice
can you give me

in my search to find love again?

- I guess the one thing
that I have learned

is just to stay true to yourself

and don't ever
compromise yourself

or the things that
you're passionate
about for anybody else.

So, hopefully just
finding somebody

that either shares
those same passions

or supports you in the
journeys that you wanna take.

I think that's the
most important thing,

or one of the most
important things.

- [Steve] That's
fantastic advice.

I really fucked that one up
in the last relationship.

I bent too much.

- It's unfortunate.

A lot of people really lose
themselves in relationships,

and I think sometimes people
feel like they need to because,

that's just what they gotta
do to stay with that person.

I know I've been
in that situation.

But you definitely gotta
stay true to yourself.

- [Steve] You're
a single person?

- No.

- [Steve] I was
hoping to be married

before my next colonoscopy.

I need to walk away
from this project.

Maybe I should be meeting
women the old-fashioned way.

By hollering at
them on the street.

Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan
make it look so easy.

I should have kissed
Sharlene White.

But in seventh grade my
self-esteem was so low.

Stop beating myself
up over past mistakes.

I need to focus on all the
horrible things still to come.

And they are coming.

I wonder when Bruce
will tour again?

Together Wendy, we can
live with the sadness.

I'll love you with all
the madness in my soul.

My God, I want that
kind of passion.

For now, just be kinder.

More authentic.

Stop obsessing over women.

Focus on being a better man.

(upbeat music)

I've been sorting through all
the footage I shot this year.

Yikes.

I told all those women I
was shooting a documentary.

I wanna see if I
actually have one.

The plane is turning,
is this safe?

- [Emilie] Yeah.

- I just need about maybe
10 minutes to like set up

- Yeah, absolutely.
- My stuff.

- [Emilie] Just tell
me whatever you need.

- [Steve] What are
you up to this week?

Jesus, I spent an
entire year flirting.

- What am I up to this week?
- Yeah, can we hang out

in a non-filming kind of way?

- Are you asking me out now?

(laughing)

- [Steve] Oh, I don't
know, is that weird?

This isn't a documentary.

It's a nebbish casting couch.

The shitty thing is,

these women all had
interesting things to say.

All I had to do was
shut up and listen.

I've got the footage.

At least I can listen now.

When you feel that thrust
of the plane taking off,

what is that like?

- There's, nothing like it.

There's absolutely
nothing like it.

Just feeling that freedom
of just taking off

and just knowing that
you're in control

and you can kinda
go wherever you like

is just absolutely incredible.

- [Steve] What do you think
makes a woman beautiful?

- A woman who loves herself.

A woman who has self-love.

- [Steve] When was the
last time you cried?

- Today.

(chainsaw roaring)

- [Steve] You worked
in construction.

Did the guys give
you a hard time?

- Every once in a while, but
you know it's just like that.

All women experience
a hard time from guys

one way or the other.

- [Steve] You think
the best things in life

come with some pain?

- Oh, of course.

They definitely do.

- They're gonna die and
I'm gonna have their organ.

I'm gonna have their heart.

I'm like, that's just, I
can't wrap my brain around it.

It's so strange and
mind-boggling that
that can happen.

I mean, it happens every day,
and I would do it in a second.

- [Steve] In my own
search for love,

what advice would you give me?

- Okay.

I guess to not settle.

- I don't know, I think
just being yourself

and not trying too hard.

I don't know, I mean I've never,

I've never set out to, like,

look for someone before,
so I don't really,

I don't know what that's like.

- [Steve] What do you think

is the most important
thing in life?

- Love.

- [Steve] That's nice.

- It's true.

I don't want it to sound trite.

- It's not trite,
it's beautiful.

You okay?
- Yeah.

- I filmed with some
pretty great women.

But Heidi Lee said it best.

I should stop thinking
in terms of women

and start thinking
in terms of human.

(upbeat drum music)

It's a week before Christmas
when I get the text.

Thank you, Jesus.

I don't know what's changed

but Erin doesn't
feel weird anymore.

She even made us
matching shirts that say,

"I don't feel weird anymore",

though she didn't wear
hers to the restaurant.

What a smile.

(soft music)

Erin hangs out at my place
and works on her novel.

Will you read something?

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I grab the pig's balls
and squeeze hard.

"Cut, that was brilliant!"

"Oh my god, really?"

"I was talking to the pig."

- [Steve] It's so good.

- Yeah?

- [Steve] Erin and I
eat pizza together.

We go to the zoo to
visit the gorillas.

Erin's bonded with Rocky.

We've seen each
other's medication

and she keeps a
toothbrush next to mine.

- Hey.

- Hi.
- Hi, how are you?

Yeah, that's,
that's really great.

Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Hi.
- Hello.

- [Steve] Erin meets my parents.

- How are you?
- Hi, sweetie.

- Ari, make your elephant sound.

Make an elephant sound.

She comes to my brother's
place for Shabbat.

We go to see Erin's dad perform

in his Rolling
Stones cover band.

Erin and I dance like
idiots all night long.

(upbeat music)

And now we're on
vacation together.

The water's very salty.

- He picked up the cheese a bit.

- Erin feeds cheese to a crab.

Then she goes in
search of a lone goat.

(gentle music)

I'm having an incredible time

and that scares
the crap out of me.

I'm having so much fun with Erin

and I want it to keep going.

Today, we're heading to Ikea.

I need a new faucet for
the sink in my bathroom.

It's been dripping and my
plumber says it's beyond repair.

This is what I want.

Someone who sticks around
when life gets boring.

But Erin's young.

Any day now, she'll
decide to walk the Camino

or move to Thailand and
I'll never see her again.

I need to lock this in.

No.

Stop obsessing.

I can't attach myself
to another person.

That's not love.

That's fear.

Let go of expectations.

Erin may not be around tomorrow.

But she's here now.

Whatever happens,
I'm gonna be okay.

Five years later,
I have a mustache.

(playful music)

I don't know why, I just do.

Erin and I are
still hanging out.

Last spring, we took
a trip to New York.

Saw some art, ate some
donuts, went to the deli.

On the last day of our
trip, I surprised Erin.

Took her to this
incredible hotel.

Our room had a view
of Central Park

and a rear-cleansing toilet.

While Erin was in the shower,

I downed a Manhattan and hid
a ring under that banana.

I looked out on Central Park.

My heart was racing
and fear set in.

Am I really doing this again?

Making myself
vulnerable to rejection.

Why do I want this anyway?

Yes, mom and dad are
blissfully married

but they're the exception.

Where is the sense in this?

But we're talking about love,

it's not supposed
to be sensible.

Erin stepped out of the shower.

We ordered drinks to the
room, clinked our glasses

and I said, "Wait a minute.

"We need something to toast."

I got down on one knee
and I just started crying.

I don't even
remember what I said.

But I'll always remember
what happened next.

Oh my God.

It was...

Oh boy!

It was the happiest
moment of my life.

We spent the rest of the day

playing with the
motorized curtains.

(dramatic music)

(upbeat music)

Erin and I rented '70s outfits

to create a postcard
wedding invite.

Our wedding was epic.

We had confetti!

We had whipped cream!

We showed home movies!

We had break-dancers!

Erin is hilarious.

And sexy and crazy in
the best possible way.

She is the human of my dreams.

At the end of our vacation,

Erin and I decided to do an
excursion outside the resort,

but we couldn't agree on
which excursion to do.

I wanted to visit St.
Lucia's botanical garden,

because I like flowers.

(audience laughing)

Erin wanted to visit
the semi-active volcano,

because Erin likes volcanoes.

(audience laughing)

We debated over which
excursion to do.

We talked about maybe
doing separate activities.

But in the end, we decided
to do both things together.

And Erin, I want you to know,
that wherever life takes us,

to a botanical garden,
to a semi-active volcano,

none of that matters.

I just like being next to you.

What a rush.

Seeing everyone I love
together in one room.

The one person missing at our
wedding was Erin's dad, Bob.

Six months earlier he'd been
diagnosed with leukemia.

Bob was too sick to
attend our wedding.

So, the morning of our big day,

we brought the wedding to Bob.

- Wow!
- Can everybody fit in?

I don't know.

- [Steve] You look amazing.

- I love how you're
in your tuxedo.

- [Woman] I love it.

- It's wonderful.
- Yeah, yeah.

- You look great.

We had a small ceremony on
the rooftop of the hospital.

Bob is basically a big kid.

Last summer, we were in Bob's
backyard throwing eggs at him.

Just for a laugh.

- So you both got me
in the exact same spot.

- [Sister] The first piece.

- [Steve] And only
a few months ago,

Bob still had his
rock and roll hair.

Everyone helped chop it off.

Even Bob's mom.

- I know you've been
wanting to do this

for decades, grandma.

- [Steve] We were so
lucky to celebrate

our wedding with Bob.

He died four weeks later.

(somber music)

That's the cruel
trick love plays.

Love ends in loss.

I just have to accept that
relationships are temporary.

And for as long as the people
I care about are still around,

I need to cherish them.

Love is beautiful.

And painful.

But what else is there?

So basically, it's a
doc about super cool,

super interesting women.

- [Erin] Okay, yeah.

(gentle music)