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1
00:00:01,333 --> 00:00:03,366
[♪]
2
00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:05,866
Man, I'm starving.
3
00:00:05,900 --> 00:00:07,133
How can you be hungry
4
00:00:07,166 --> 00:00:09,200
after what you ate
at that Mets game?
5
00:00:09,233 --> 00:00:11,866
'Cause ballpark food
doesn't count as real food.
6
00:00:11,900 --> 00:00:13,333
Right. It's just an activity.
7
00:00:13,366 --> 00:00:15,633
It's like that paddle
with the ball and rubber band.
8
00:00:15,666 --> 00:00:19,033
You know, my friend Bob Sacamano
made a fortune off of those.
9
00:00:19,066 --> 00:00:22,066
See, he came up with the idea
for the rubber band.
10
00:00:22,100 --> 00:00:23,966
Before that,
people would just hit the ball
11
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,266
and it would fly away.
12
00:00:26,933 --> 00:00:28,466
I can't believe you all
made me leave
13
00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:30,000
before the end of the game.
14
00:00:30,033 --> 00:00:32,700
Oh, come on, Jerry,
it was nine to nothing.
15
00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:34,966
We were getting
shellacked.
16
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,733
Those nachos
are killing me.
17
00:00:36,766 --> 00:00:39,066
I thought you were hungry.
18
00:00:39,100 --> 00:00:41,866
It's complicated.
19
00:00:41,900 --> 00:00:43,533
Jerry, you're gonna
miss the exit.
20
00:00:43,566 --> 00:00:45,066
Keep your shirt on,
I got it.
21
00:00:45,100 --> 00:00:48,000
Watch out for that maroon Golf.
Oh, boy.
22
00:00:48,033 --> 00:00:50,100
Look at this guy.
He's trying to box me out.
23
00:00:51,866 --> 00:00:54,366
I'll tell you when you can go.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
24
00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:56,300
Now, now, now, now.
No, no, no.
25
00:00:56,333 --> 00:00:59,233
Now. Go, go.
No, no. Wait.
26
00:00:59,266 --> 00:01:00,000
Wait. Now, now, now.
Jerry, go-- Ah.
27
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,400
Wait. Now, now, now.
Jerry, go-- Ah.
28
00:01:02,433 --> 00:01:03,466
[ENGINE ACCELERATING]
29
00:01:03,500 --> 00:01:05,966
[HORN HONKING, MOUTHED SPEECH]
30
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,300
Oh, calm down,
maroon Golf.
31
00:01:08,333 --> 00:01:10,433
He thinks I cut him off.
He accelerated.
32
00:01:12,566 --> 00:01:14,533
You want me to moon him?
Ooh, let's moon him.
33
00:01:14,566 --> 00:01:17,300
Roll up your window. Let's do
a pressed ham under glass.
34
00:01:17,333 --> 00:01:18,800
Oh, no, I couldn't do that.
35
00:01:18,833 --> 00:01:21,066
Look at this, look at this.
He's giving us the finger.
36
00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:22,700
Oh, all right.
Okay.
37
00:01:22,733 --> 00:01:24,700
[♪]
38
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:30,421
So I saw that new movie
about the Hindenburg.
39
00:01:30,454 --> 00:01:31,954
Oh, yeah,
what's that called?
40
00:01:31,987 --> 00:01:34,087
Blimp: The Hindenburg Story.
41
00:01:34,121 --> 00:01:37,054
How was it?
I found it morose.
42
00:01:37,087 --> 00:01:39,421
Why dwell on
these negative themes?
43
00:01:39,454 --> 00:01:40,721
Yeah, they should
make a movie
44
00:01:40,754 --> 00:01:43,587
about all the Hindenburg
flights that made it.
45
00:01:43,621 --> 00:01:46,421
Anyway, right in the middle,
the ship blows up.
46
00:01:46,454 --> 00:01:48,554
Burning debris, bodies falling,
47
00:01:48,587 --> 00:01:50,754
and then just as
this eerie silence
48
00:01:50,787 --> 00:01:52,887
settles over the airfield,
49
00:01:52,921 --> 00:01:54,287
I yelled out,
50
00:01:54,321 --> 00:01:55,586
"That's gotta hurt."
51
00:01:55,586 --> 00:01:55,887
"That's gotta hurt."
52
00:01:55,921 --> 00:01:58,121
The place went nuts.
53
00:01:58,154 --> 00:01:59,854
Imagine the laugh
you could have gotten
54
00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:02,954
if you had yelled that out
at the actual disaster.
55
00:02:02,987 --> 00:02:05,021
Yeah.
[MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE]
56
00:02:05,054 --> 00:02:06,554
Why are we slowing down?
57
00:02:06,587 --> 00:02:08,087
What is that music?
58
00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:10,921
What's with
all these flags?
59
00:02:11,921 --> 00:02:13,554
Oh, no.
60
00:02:13,587 --> 00:02:16,287
JERRY AND ELAINE [IN UNISON]:
It's the Puerto Rican Day
parade.
61
00:02:16,321 --> 00:02:19,121
Ohhh, the city shuts down
Fifth Avenue.
62
00:02:19,154 --> 00:02:20,887
They never
let anyone through.
63
00:02:20,921 --> 00:02:22,321
We are never
getting home.
64
00:02:23,421 --> 00:02:24,921
I'll check it out.
Ahem.
65
00:02:25,487 --> 00:02:25,586
Ahhh.
66
00:02:25,586 --> 00:02:27,021
Ahhh.
67
00:02:27,054 --> 00:02:29,554
Mucho tráfico.
68
00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:35,287
Yep. Ungh!
69
00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:37,687
Yep, the streets
are all blocked.
70
00:02:37,721 --> 00:02:40,254
I think every Puerto Rican
in the world is out here.
71
00:02:40,287 --> 00:02:43,054
Well, it is our day.
72
00:02:44,287 --> 00:02:45,287
Whoo.
73
00:02:45,321 --> 00:02:47,621
Wrong car. Sorry.
74
00:02:47,654 --> 00:02:50,121
RADIO ANNOUNCER:
The Mets score twoin the eighth inning.
75
00:02:50,154 --> 00:02:52,387
See? If we had stayed,
we could have seen those runs.
76
00:02:52,421 --> 00:02:54,687
I could've had
some ice cream.
77
00:02:54,721 --> 00:02:55,586
That might have calmed down
the nachos.
78
00:02:55,586 --> 00:02:57,454
That might have calmed down
the nachos.
79
00:02:57,487 --> 00:02:58,621
I'm gonna miss
60 Minutes.
80
00:02:58,654 --> 00:03:00,587
You know I hate
to miss 60 Minutes.
81
00:03:00,621 --> 00:03:03,454
It's part of my Sunday
weekend wind-down.
82
00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:05,854
I don't know how you can unwind
with that clock ticking.
83
00:03:05,887 --> 00:03:07,587
It makes me anxious.
84
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:08,921
All right, gentlemen.
85
00:03:08,954 --> 00:03:11,587
I scouted it out. I think
we can get out over there.
86
00:03:11,621 --> 00:03:14,421
JERRY:
But that's a one-way street
coming this way.
87
00:03:14,454 --> 00:03:16,521
Besides, how am I gonna get
all the way over there?
88
00:03:16,554 --> 00:03:18,454
Just inch over.
You worm your way.
89
00:03:18,487 --> 00:03:20,354
Just do it, Jerry.
90
00:03:20,387 --> 00:03:21,787
Ugh, this exhaust.
91
00:03:21,821 --> 00:03:23,687
I'm gonna throw up.
92
00:03:23,721 --> 00:03:25,586
You know, you should
make yourself throw up.
93
00:03:25,586 --> 00:03:25,587
You know, you should
make yourself throw up.
94
00:03:25,621 --> 00:03:28,621
Huh?
You know you're going to.
95
00:03:28,654 --> 00:03:30,754
All right, I'm worming.
96
00:03:30,787 --> 00:03:33,754
Hey, Jerry. You know who the
grand marshal is of this thing?
97
00:03:33,787 --> 00:03:36,587
None other than
Miss Chita Rivera.
98
00:03:36,621 --> 00:03:38,787
JERRY:
They're not letting me in.
99
00:03:38,821 --> 00:03:40,354
GEORGE:
My hand is out.
100
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,354
Well, I think we're gonna need
more than a hand.
101
00:03:42,387 --> 00:03:43,954
They have to see
a human face.
102
00:03:43,987 --> 00:03:45,721
You sure you want
his face?
103
00:03:47,221 --> 00:03:50,754
No, no, no.
It was Maria Conchita Alonso.
104
00:03:50,787 --> 00:03:52,421
This guy's giving me the
stare-ahead.
105
00:03:52,454 --> 00:03:54,087
JERRY:
The stare-ahead, I hate that.
106
00:03:54,121 --> 00:03:55,586
I use it all the time.
107
00:03:55,586 --> 00:03:56,021
I use it all the time.
108
00:03:56,054 --> 00:03:57,887
Look at me.
109
00:03:57,921 --> 00:03:59,887
I am man!
110
00:03:59,921 --> 00:04:01,721
I am you!
111
00:04:02,921 --> 00:04:04,421
[MOUTHED SPEECH]
112
00:04:06,154 --> 00:04:07,921
All right, he's letting you in.
Thank you.
113
00:04:07,954 --> 00:04:09,087
[QUIETLY]
Freak.
114
00:04:09,121 --> 00:04:10,087
[MOUTHED SPEECH]
115
00:04:10,121 --> 00:04:13,454
Oh, I know who it is:
Stacy Keach.
116
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:16,121
JERRY:
One more lane to go.
117
00:04:16,154 --> 00:04:17,621
All right. We're here.
118
00:04:20,087 --> 00:04:22,621
Oh, look who's here.
119
00:04:22,654 --> 00:04:23,954
My old buddy.
120
00:04:23,987 --> 00:04:25,586
Black Saab.
121
00:04:25,586 --> 00:04:25,887
Black Saab.
122
00:04:25,921 --> 00:04:27,954
Maroon Golf.
123
00:04:27,987 --> 00:04:29,754
Where you going, black Saab?
124
00:04:29,787 --> 00:04:32,021
You seem to be a tad askew.
125
00:04:32,054 --> 00:04:34,121
Could you move your car
back a little?
126
00:04:34,154 --> 00:04:36,021
Oh, sorry.
127
00:04:36,054 --> 00:04:38,021
I seem to have cut you off.
128
00:04:38,054 --> 00:04:40,221
All right. I think
I know where this is going,
129
00:04:40,254 --> 00:04:42,754
and I am going
somewhere else.
130
00:04:42,787 --> 00:04:45,754
You can't do that.
You can't just leave the group.
131
00:04:45,787 --> 00:04:48,721
I've been trying to leave
this group for 10 years.
132
00:04:48,754 --> 00:04:50,187
[SPEAKS SPANISH]
133
00:04:50,221 --> 00:04:52,254
[SPEAKS SPANISH]
134
00:04:52,287 --> 00:04:54,187
Well, that's rude.
135
00:04:54,221 --> 00:04:55,586
Can you believe her?
Yeah.
136
00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:56,187
Can you believe her?
Yeah.
137
00:04:56,221 --> 00:04:58,254
I'll see you later.
Well, where you going?
138
00:04:58,287 --> 00:05:01,087
The movies.
Blimp is playing right there.
139
00:05:01,121 --> 00:05:03,721
You're going to that again? Why,
just to do that stupid line?
140
00:05:03,754 --> 00:05:06,454
It's a performance, Jerry.
Like what you do.
141
00:05:06,487 --> 00:05:08,454
That's not what I do.
142
00:05:08,487 --> 00:05:09,787
Isn't it?
143
00:05:09,821 --> 00:05:11,387
Maybe a little.
144
00:05:12,387 --> 00:05:14,054
Ah, hell, I guess it is.
145
00:05:17,154 --> 00:05:19,121
You know, actually, Jerry,
you haven't worked
146
00:05:19,154 --> 00:05:21,254
a room that big in a while.
147
00:05:21,287 --> 00:05:23,754
[♪]
148
00:05:23,787 --> 00:05:25,187
Look at that guy's dog.
149
00:05:25,221 --> 00:05:25,586
[SCOFFS]
150
00:05:25,586 --> 00:05:26,687
[SCOFFS]
151
00:05:26,721 --> 00:05:31,921
I hate it when their ears get
flipped inside out like that.
152
00:05:31,954 --> 00:05:34,054
Why doesn't he fix it?
153
00:05:36,421 --> 00:05:37,554
Hey!
154
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:41,321
Fold your dog's ear back!
155
00:05:44,787 --> 00:05:46,354
[SIGHS]
156
00:05:46,387 --> 00:05:48,887
Ohhh!
This isn't moving.
157
00:05:49,387 --> 00:05:50,454
[HUFFS]
158
00:05:50,487 --> 00:05:52,454
I could walk
faster than this.
159
00:05:52,487 --> 00:05:54,087
No, you can't.
160
00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:55,321
Yes, I can.
161
00:05:56,221 --> 00:05:57,421
Here.
162
00:05:57,454 --> 00:05:59,054
I'm outta here.
163
00:06:04,321 --> 00:06:05,854
Oh.
164
00:06:05,887 --> 00:06:07,754
Now it's moving.
Oh, yeah, I knew it.
165
00:06:07,787 --> 00:06:10,254
Hey! Hey!
166
00:06:12,821 --> 00:06:13,954
Where to?
167
00:06:13,987 --> 00:06:16,621
That's cute.
That's really cute.
168
00:06:16,654 --> 00:06:19,054
[TIRES SQUEALING,
HORNS HONKING]
169
00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:20,587
[SIGHING]
170
00:06:20,621 --> 00:06:23,154
Come on.
171
00:06:24,821 --> 00:06:25,586
All right.
172
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:26,154
All right.
173
00:06:27,321 --> 00:06:28,887
Bye again.
174
00:06:42,987 --> 00:06:45,021
Hey. Taxi!
175
00:06:45,054 --> 00:06:46,921
Taxi!
176
00:06:46,954 --> 00:06:48,287
[♪]
177
00:06:48,321 --> 00:06:49,721
[CLEARS THROAT]
178
00:06:49,754 --> 00:06:51,087
Ladies.
179
00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:55,586
I, uh--
I haven't seen this before.
180
00:06:55,586 --> 00:06:55,954
I, uh--
I haven't seen this before.
181
00:06:55,987 --> 00:06:57,921
Oh, what is that dot?
182
00:06:57,954 --> 00:07:02,221
Ooh, I think someone has one
of those funny laser pointers.
183
00:07:02,254 --> 00:07:04,521
[MUSIC PLAYING OVER FILM]
184
00:07:04,554 --> 00:07:06,454
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
185
00:07:09,121 --> 00:07:10,787
[♪]
186
00:07:10,821 --> 00:07:14,087
Give me a box of those,
and one of those.
187
00:07:14,121 --> 00:07:19,054
Ahem. Excuse me. Are you
the guy with that funny laser?
188
00:07:19,087 --> 00:07:21,087
The laser's not funny.
I'm funny.
189
00:07:21,121 --> 00:07:22,087
Yeah.
190
00:07:22,121 --> 00:07:24,621
The thing is, I, uh,
191
00:07:24,654 --> 00:07:25,586
had this little zinger
of my own I wanted to try.
192
00:07:25,586 --> 00:07:28,287
had this little zinger
of my own I wanted to try.
193
00:07:28,321 --> 00:07:29,754
Uh-huh.
194
00:07:29,787 --> 00:07:31,921
It's right
in the explosion scene,
195
00:07:31,954 --> 00:07:35,587
so if you could just leave me
a little window...
196
00:07:38,821 --> 00:07:42,687
You know, my, uh-- My aunt had
a thing removed with a laser.
197
00:07:42,721 --> 00:07:43,921
[CHUCKLES]
198
00:07:43,954 --> 00:07:46,587
All right, I don't wanna
interrupt your meal, so...
199
00:07:46,621 --> 00:07:48,387
[♪]
200
00:07:48,421 --> 00:07:50,554
ANNOUNCER:
What a comebackfor the New York Mets.
201
00:07:50,587 --> 00:07:52,454
Six runs in the bottomof the ninth...
202
00:07:52,487 --> 00:07:54,354
I've gotta see this game.
203
00:07:54,387 --> 00:07:55,586
If it wasn't for this guy,
we could get out of here.
204
00:07:55,586 --> 00:07:56,921
If it wasn't for this guy,
we could get out of here.
205
00:07:56,954 --> 00:07:59,587
This traffic's a killer,
ain't it?
206
00:07:59,621 --> 00:08:02,054
You wanna get outta here?
Here's what we do.
207
00:08:02,087 --> 00:08:05,087
We leave the car here.
We take the plates off,
208
00:08:05,121 --> 00:08:07,354
we scratch the serial number
off the engine block
209
00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:09,187
and we walk away.
210
00:08:09,221 --> 00:08:11,587
Walk away?
Well, you've got insurance.
211
00:08:11,621 --> 00:08:13,187
You tell 'em
that the car was stolen,
212
00:08:13,221 --> 00:08:15,521
and then you get
another one free.
213
00:08:15,554 --> 00:08:17,121
Isn't there a deductible?
214
00:08:17,154 --> 00:08:19,054
All right,
what is your deductible?
215
00:08:19,087 --> 00:08:21,021
I don't know.
Yes.
216
00:08:21,054 --> 00:08:23,521
Because they've already
deducted it.
217
00:08:23,554 --> 00:08:25,554
From what?
The car.
218
00:08:25,587 --> 00:08:27,387
Which we're leaving,
219
00:08:27,421 --> 00:08:29,187
so the net is zero.
220
00:08:29,221 --> 00:08:31,687
See, you pocket the money,
if there is any,
221
00:08:31,721 --> 00:08:33,954
and you get a new car.
222
00:08:35,154 --> 00:08:38,021
We're not leaving the car.
223
00:08:38,054 --> 00:08:40,354
All right.
If you refuse to grow up
224
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:42,087
and scam
your insurance company,
225
00:08:42,121 --> 00:08:44,587
you'll have to work this out
with maroon Golf.
226
00:08:46,554 --> 00:08:48,254
Absolutely not.
He sped up.
227
00:08:48,287 --> 00:08:50,954
ANNOUNCER:
Swing long, lined hard towardleft center field.
228
00:08:50,987 --> 00:08:53,054
That's in the gap,that's a base hit...
229
00:08:53,087 --> 00:08:54,054
I'm ready to talk.
230
00:08:54,087 --> 00:08:55,421
[♪]
231
00:08:55,454 --> 00:08:55,586
Hey, there's
that laser guy again.
232
00:08:55,586 --> 00:08:57,954
Hey, there's
that laser guy again.
233
00:08:57,987 --> 00:08:59,121
He's funny.
234
00:08:59,154 --> 00:09:02,587
I never meet anyone funny.
I know.
235
00:09:02,621 --> 00:09:05,087
A sense of humor
is so much more important to me
236
00:09:05,121 --> 00:09:06,787
than looks,
or hair.
237
00:09:06,821 --> 00:09:09,087
Mm-hm.
238
00:09:09,121 --> 00:09:11,321
[♪]
239
00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:16,287
That's gotta hurt!
240
00:09:17,621 --> 00:09:19,421
It's gotta hurt!
241
00:09:19,454 --> 00:09:20,921
[MAN COUGHS]
242
00:09:20,954 --> 00:09:22,321
Hurt!
243
00:09:23,387 --> 00:09:24,921
Because...
244
00:09:24,954 --> 00:09:25,586
[YELLS]
245
00:09:25,586 --> 00:09:26,054
[YELLS]
246
00:09:26,087 --> 00:09:27,721
Damn you, laser guy!
247
00:09:27,754 --> 00:09:31,021
You had to grab it all
with your lowbrow laser shtick.
248
00:09:31,054 --> 00:09:34,787
You're just a prop comic.
Where's the craft?
249
00:09:35,987 --> 00:09:39,187
Look, it's on the bald guy.
[LAUGHTER]
250
00:09:39,221 --> 00:09:41,854
FRIEND:
I am so glad
we came to this showing.
251
00:09:41,887 --> 00:09:43,587
[♪]
252
00:09:46,821 --> 00:09:48,787
Whew. Okay, here's the deal.
253
00:09:48,821 --> 00:09:50,787
He wants you to acknowledge
that you cut him off
254
00:09:50,821 --> 00:09:52,621
with an "I'm sorry" wave.
255
00:09:52,654 --> 00:09:53,621
What's that?
256
00:09:53,654 --> 00:09:55,421
You raise the hand,
lower the head.
257
00:09:55,454 --> 00:09:55,586
"I'm sorry. The buttons
are really big on the car.
258
00:09:55,586 --> 00:09:57,554
"I'm sorry. The buttons
are really big on the car.
259
00:09:57,587 --> 00:09:59,921
I don't understand it.
I haven't read the manual. Ooh."
260
00:09:59,954 --> 00:10:02,821
You get my drift.
Okay.
261
00:10:08,621 --> 00:10:11,254
"Hallelujah. Praise the Lord."
262
00:10:11,287 --> 00:10:12,421
But I'll take it.
263
00:10:12,454 --> 00:10:15,354
Yes. All right, Lamar,
back it up a little bit
264
00:10:15,387 --> 00:10:17,421
so we can get out now.
265
00:10:17,454 --> 00:10:20,887
All right. At last, we're
finally getting outta here.
266
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:22,187
What's that on your forehead?
267
00:10:22,221 --> 00:10:23,921
Uh, probably chocolate.
268
00:10:23,954 --> 00:10:25,586
I-is that one
of those laser pointers?
269
00:10:25,586 --> 00:10:26,254
I-is that one
of those laser pointers?
270
00:10:26,287 --> 00:10:30,721
Hey, Jerry, crank up the Floyd.
It's a George Laserium. Ha-ha!
271
00:10:30,754 --> 00:10:32,221
All right, stop it.
272
00:10:32,254 --> 00:10:34,387
Stay away from my breasts--
Chest!
273
00:10:35,721 --> 00:10:38,121
See you around,
maroon Golf.
274
00:10:38,154 --> 00:10:41,921
And by the way, that was
an "I'm not sorry" wave.
275
00:10:41,954 --> 00:10:44,221
What was that?
I'm glad I cut you off,
276
00:10:44,254 --> 00:10:46,421
because black Saab rules!
277
00:10:46,454 --> 00:10:48,654
So long, jackass.
278
00:10:51,654 --> 00:10:53,254
Elaine?
279
00:10:53,287 --> 00:10:54,987
Jerry?
280
00:10:56,287 --> 00:10:57,854
Jackass.
281
00:10:57,887 --> 00:11:00,354
So I'm a jackass now?
282
00:11:00,387 --> 00:11:02,387
[♪]
283
00:11:05,721 --> 00:11:07,654
[♪]
284
00:11:11,545 --> 00:11:14,345
So if everyone would just put
their cars in reverse
285
00:11:14,378 --> 00:11:16,012
at the same time,
286
00:11:16,045 --> 00:11:17,345
we can do this.
287
00:11:17,378 --> 00:11:19,445
All right,
on the count of three.
288
00:11:19,478 --> 00:11:21,412
Can everyone hear me?
289
00:11:21,445 --> 00:11:23,778
Hey, Amigo,
are you paying attention?
290
00:11:23,812 --> 00:11:25,112
Buenos días, my friend.
291
00:11:25,145 --> 00:11:26,845
Not you.
292
00:11:26,878 --> 00:11:29,878
The guy in the Amigo.
293
00:11:30,545 --> 00:11:32,612
Uh, well...here.
294
00:11:32,645 --> 00:11:34,956
Here is good.
295
00:11:34,956 --> 00:11:35,345
Here is good.
296
00:11:35,378 --> 00:11:38,112
Oh, yeah, sure. Now--
Now I'm gonna be stuck here.
297
00:11:38,145 --> 00:11:42,345
But you knew the way to go.
You went to college.
298
00:11:42,378 --> 00:11:44,412
Hey, I went to Tufts.
299
00:11:44,445 --> 00:11:46,345
It was my safety school.
300
00:11:46,378 --> 00:11:49,545
So don't talk to me
about hardship.
301
00:11:53,312 --> 00:11:55,178
Boy. Ha!
302
00:11:55,212 --> 00:11:57,378
Can you believe this mess?
303
00:11:57,412 --> 00:12:00,112
Elaine, why did you have the cab
come down this street?
304
00:12:00,145 --> 00:12:01,578
We were almost out.
305
00:12:01,612 --> 00:12:04,045
So that was your girlfriend
that blocked you in.
306
00:12:04,078 --> 00:12:04,956
That's real good.
307
00:12:04,956 --> 00:12:05,245
That's real good.
308
00:12:05,278 --> 00:12:06,678
I'm not his girlfriend.
309
00:12:06,712 --> 00:12:08,912
Well, actually, we used to date,
but not anymore--
310
00:12:08,945 --> 00:12:11,012
Elaine, he doesn't need--
LAMAR: Used to date.
311
00:12:11,045 --> 00:12:13,612
So I guess you found out
he's a jackass.
312
00:12:13,645 --> 00:12:16,178
'Cause that's what's
gonna happen.
313
00:12:16,212 --> 00:12:20,178
Oh, he's giving you
a mustache. Where is this guy?
314
00:12:20,212 --> 00:12:22,678
No, don't. Don't look around.
That's what he wants.
315
00:12:22,712 --> 00:12:24,445
All right, well,
I'll see you.
316
00:12:24,478 --> 00:12:28,912
Hey, George, I think there's
a sniper looking to pop you.
317
00:12:28,945 --> 00:12:30,878
This thing can't
hurt me, can it?
318
00:12:30,912 --> 00:12:33,412
I mean, it is a laser.
319
00:12:33,445 --> 00:12:34,956
What if it hits my eye?
I don't know.
320
00:12:34,956 --> 00:12:36,012
What if it hits my eye?
I don't know.
321
00:12:36,045 --> 00:12:38,612
I can't be blind, Jerry.
The blind are courageous.
322
00:12:38,645 --> 00:12:39,845
You'll be fine,
as long as it
323
00:12:39,878 --> 00:12:41,678
doesn't hit you right
in the pupil,
324
00:12:41,712 --> 00:12:44,612
'cause then the whole ball
will go up like the Death Star.
325
00:12:44,645 --> 00:12:46,445
Th-doo!
326
00:12:46,478 --> 00:12:48,878
All right, I gotta
go find a bathroom.
327
00:12:48,912 --> 00:12:51,212
Hold it, George.
Don't move.
328
00:12:51,245 --> 00:12:53,545
It's right
between your eyes.
329
00:12:54,478 --> 00:12:55,912
Oh, my God.
330
00:12:56,945 --> 00:12:59,445
Hey, there's the soda guy.
331
00:12:59,478 --> 00:13:02,245
Hey, jackass,
get me a Diet Dr Pepper.
332
00:13:02,278 --> 00:13:03,878
JERRY:
All right.
333
00:13:05,412 --> 00:13:10,312
[CROWD CHEERING, MUSIC PLAYING]
334
00:13:12,645 --> 00:13:15,112
Hey, hey, hey.
What--? Oh! Oh.
335
00:13:15,145 --> 00:13:18,545
Oh, this is nuts.
I can't get across anywhere.
336
00:13:18,578 --> 00:13:21,512
Well, none of us can.
We're trapped.
337
00:13:21,545 --> 00:13:23,412
Hey.
338
00:13:23,445 --> 00:13:24,745
Hey, everyone,
this way.
339
00:13:24,778 --> 00:13:26,578
I think we can get out
through here.
340
00:13:26,612 --> 00:13:29,012
Oh, I don't know
if that's such a good idea.
341
00:13:29,045 --> 00:13:32,712
Look. No one knows how long
this parade is gonna last.
342
00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:34,956
They are a very festive people.
343
00:13:34,956 --> 00:13:35,345
They are a very festive people.
344
00:13:35,378 --> 00:13:37,345
All I know
is that it's Sunday night,
345
00:13:37,378 --> 00:13:40,012
and I have got to unwind.
346
00:13:40,045 --> 00:13:41,478
Now, who's with me?
347
00:13:42,545 --> 00:13:43,745
Father?
348
00:13:43,778 --> 00:13:46,178
None of us saw
the nylon flap.
349
00:13:46,212 --> 00:13:47,945
That might mean something.
350
00:13:47,978 --> 00:13:49,545
All right.
All right.
351
00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:52,578
All right. Come on,
come on. Let's go.
352
00:13:52,612 --> 00:13:54,612
Let's go.
But it's dark.
353
00:13:54,645 --> 00:13:55,912
Get in there.
354
00:13:55,945 --> 00:13:57,878
[♪]
355
00:14:07,712 --> 00:14:09,145
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
356
00:14:10,478 --> 00:14:13,012
Yes, uh, I'm interested
in the apartment.
357
00:14:13,045 --> 00:14:15,212
Yes, come in, come in.
Okay.
358
00:14:16,945 --> 00:14:18,412
[DOOR CLOSES]
359
00:14:18,445 --> 00:14:20,245
I'm Christine Nyhart.
Ooh.
360
00:14:20,278 --> 00:14:22,178
Delicious to meet you.
Heh.
361
00:14:22,212 --> 00:14:23,445
Did the broker
send you over?
362
00:14:23,478 --> 00:14:25,078
Yes, most likely.
363
00:14:25,112 --> 00:14:26,878
Yes, I'm, eh,
H.E. Pennypacker.
364
00:14:26,912 --> 00:14:30,178
I'm a wealthy industrialist
and philanthropist
365
00:14:30,212 --> 00:14:31,778
and, uh, a bicyclist.
366
00:14:31,812 --> 00:14:33,345
And, uh, yes,
I'm looking for a place
367
00:14:33,378 --> 00:14:34,956
where I can settle down
with my, eh, peculiar habits,
368
00:14:34,956 --> 00:14:37,278
where I can settle down
with my, eh, peculiar habits,
369
00:14:37,312 --> 00:14:40,178
and, eh, the women
that I frequent with.
370
00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:41,712
[SNIFFING]
371
00:14:41,745 --> 00:14:43,945
Mmm. Mombasa, huh?
372
00:14:43,978 --> 00:14:46,578
The asking price is
a million and a half dollars.
373
00:14:46,612 --> 00:14:49,178
Oh, I-- I spend that much
on aftershave.
374
00:14:49,212 --> 00:14:53,945
Yes, I buy and sell men
like myself every day.
375
00:14:53,978 --> 00:14:56,778
Uh, now, I assume that there's
a waterfall grotto?
376
00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:58,412
No.
377
00:14:58,445 --> 00:15:00,712
How about a bathroom?
It has four.
378
00:15:00,745 --> 00:15:04,278
Yes. And, eh, where would
the absolute nearest one be?
379
00:15:04,312 --> 00:15:04,956
Just down the hall.
Oh.
380
00:15:04,956 --> 00:15:06,078
Just down the hall.
Oh.
381
00:15:14,078 --> 00:15:16,245
[STEEL PAN MUSIC PLAYING]
382
00:15:16,278 --> 00:15:18,178
Oh. Oh.
383
00:15:18,212 --> 00:15:20,445
Don't worry, we'll get you home
to your husband soon.
384
00:15:20,478 --> 00:15:21,612
I'm not married.
385
00:15:21,645 --> 00:15:25,445
Well, I, for one,
really respect that.
386
00:15:25,478 --> 00:15:27,578
Oh. Thank you.
387
00:15:27,612 --> 00:15:31,112
Hey. Guess who's not married?
388
00:15:31,145 --> 00:15:32,445
[MOUTHED SPEECH]
389
00:15:32,478 --> 00:15:34,956
Is the boyfriend
still in the picture?
390
00:15:34,956 --> 00:15:35,412
Is the boyfriend
still in the picture?
391
00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:39,845
Come on, Father,
you can make it.
392
00:15:39,878 --> 00:15:41,345
No, I can't.
I've got a bad hip.
393
00:15:41,378 --> 00:15:43,778
Go on without me.
No, I won't.
394
00:15:43,812 --> 00:15:45,612
Leave me. You must.
395
00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:48,412
All right. Take it easy.
396
00:15:48,445 --> 00:15:52,512
All right, we can move faster
without Father O'Gimpy.
397
00:15:52,545 --> 00:15:53,945
PRIEST:
I heard that.
398
00:15:53,978 --> 00:15:55,278
[♪]
399
00:15:55,312 --> 00:15:57,345
You know, I don't think
I've ever seen a man
400
00:15:57,378 --> 00:15:59,712
driving
a Saab convertible.
401
00:15:59,745 --> 00:16:01,045
Still haven't.
402
00:16:01,078 --> 00:16:02,278
[SARCASTICALLY]
Ho-ho.
403
00:16:03,745 --> 00:16:04,956
What seems to be the problem,
officer?
404
00:16:04,956 --> 00:16:05,712
What seems to be the problem,
officer?
405
00:16:05,745 --> 00:16:09,245
They're for protection, Jerry.
Can you tell where I'm looking?
406
00:16:09,278 --> 00:16:11,445
At me?
No.
407
00:16:11,478 --> 00:16:13,512
Well, it's back.
408
00:16:13,545 --> 00:16:15,678
Bring it on, baby.
409
00:16:15,712 --> 00:16:17,412
What if it gets in the side?
410
00:16:17,445 --> 00:16:18,678
Side?
Yeah.
411
00:16:18,712 --> 00:16:20,345
Wouldn't it just
bounce back and forth
412
00:16:20,378 --> 00:16:22,012
between your cornea
and the mirror?
413
00:16:22,045 --> 00:16:24,412
Faster and faster,
getting more intense, until--?
414
00:16:24,445 --> 00:16:25,612
All right.
415
00:16:25,645 --> 00:16:28,512
Oh, it's in your eye now.
What?!
416
00:16:28,545 --> 00:16:30,845
[YELLING]
417
00:16:30,878 --> 00:16:33,278
KRAMER:
Hola, Jerry.
418
00:16:33,312 --> 00:16:34,912
I'm into this Puerto Rican Day.
419
00:16:34,945 --> 00:16:34,956
The sights, the sounds.
The hot spicy flavor of it all.
420
00:16:34,956 --> 00:16:38,378
The sights, the sounds.
The hot spicy flavor of it all.
421
00:16:38,412 --> 00:16:40,845
It's caliente, Jerry.
422
00:16:40,878 --> 00:16:42,512
You know, the Mets
got men on base.
423
00:16:42,545 --> 00:16:44,178
Yeah, I know.
I was watching the game.
424
00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:45,678
You were watching? Where?
425
00:16:45,712 --> 00:16:47,345
Oh, that was a strike.
426
00:16:47,378 --> 00:16:49,045
Did you see that?
427
00:16:49,078 --> 00:16:52,278
Would you like to see the rest
of the apartment, Mr., um...?
428
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:55,245
Uh, Varnsen. Kel Varnsen.
429
00:16:55,278 --> 00:16:56,745
Actually,
this room intrigues me.
430
00:16:56,778 --> 00:16:58,545
Why is it called
the TV room?
431
00:16:58,578 --> 00:17:01,078
Well, it's--
Balk? How was that a balk?
432
00:17:01,112 --> 00:17:02,512
You have any snacks?
433
00:17:02,545 --> 00:17:04,345
Mr. Varnsen, if you like
the apartment,
434
00:17:04,378 --> 00:17:04,956
I should tell you
435
00:17:04,956 --> 00:17:05,778
I should tell you
436
00:17:05,812 --> 00:17:08,712
I've also had some interest
from a wealthy industrialist.
437
00:17:09,645 --> 00:17:11,212
Not Pennypacker.
438
00:17:11,245 --> 00:17:13,445
You know him?
I wish I didn't.
439
00:17:13,478 --> 00:17:15,878
Brace yourself, madam,
for an all-out bidding war.
440
00:17:15,912 --> 00:17:18,778
But this time,
advantage Varnsen.
441
00:17:18,812 --> 00:17:21,245
[♪]
442
00:17:21,278 --> 00:17:23,712
Wait a second.
What?
443
00:17:23,745 --> 00:17:26,712
I think I see
where that laser guy is.
444
00:17:26,745 --> 00:17:28,245
No, don't look,
don't look.
445
00:17:29,278 --> 00:17:32,112
Oh, yeah,
that's him.
446
00:17:32,145 --> 00:17:34,956
Okay. I'm gonna
sneak up on him.
447
00:17:34,956 --> 00:17:35,078
Okay. I'm gonna
sneak up on him.
448
00:17:36,445 --> 00:17:39,712
Now the hunted
becomes the hunter.
449
00:17:39,745 --> 00:17:41,445
[♪]
450
00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:42,778
[GROANS]
451
00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:46,112
We should be able to get across
right through here.
452
00:17:46,145 --> 00:17:47,178
[GASPS]
453
00:17:47,212 --> 00:17:48,845
It's a dead end.
454
00:17:48,878 --> 00:17:51,212
Oh, no. I thought--
You thought?
455
00:17:51,245 --> 00:17:53,278
We're gonna die in the dark.
I knew it, I knew it.
456
00:17:53,312 --> 00:17:56,278
We're gonna die.
Get ahold of yourself!
457
00:18:03,112 --> 00:18:04,956
ELDERLY WOMAN:
Ohhh.
458
00:18:04,956 --> 00:18:05,612
ELDERLY WOMAN:
Ohhh.
459
00:18:05,645 --> 00:18:06,945
Sorry.
460
00:18:08,112 --> 00:18:10,945
Somebody help us!
461
00:18:10,978 --> 00:18:13,112
Mira, mira,
Stacy Keach!
462
00:18:13,145 --> 00:18:16,178
ELAINE:
Look down here. Help!
463
00:18:16,212 --> 00:18:18,378
There's people down there.
464
00:18:18,412 --> 00:18:20,245
Hold on!
465
00:18:22,712 --> 00:18:24,345
Let us out.
466
00:18:24,378 --> 00:18:26,878
There's an unmarried
pregnant woman down here.
467
00:18:26,912 --> 00:18:28,845
PREGNANT WOMAN:
Don't judge me.
468
00:18:28,878 --> 00:18:32,078
Help us up
so we can cross the street?
469
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:34,956
No, no, you can't cross here.
There's a parade.
470
00:18:34,956 --> 00:18:35,712
No, no, you can't cross here.
There's a parade.
471
00:18:35,745 --> 00:18:38,378
But we've come so far.
472
00:18:38,412 --> 00:18:40,678
We just wanna unwind.
473
00:18:40,712 --> 00:18:42,178
Yeah, what can I tell you?
474
00:18:42,212 --> 00:18:44,078
[WOMAN GROANS]
475
00:18:46,112 --> 00:18:47,545
Wanna make out some more?
476
00:18:47,578 --> 00:18:50,678
Oh, God! Let us out!
477
00:18:50,712 --> 00:18:52,612
[♪]
478
00:18:58,378 --> 00:19:02,045
Got it! Ha-ha-ha!
Ha-ha-ha!
479
00:19:03,878 --> 00:19:04,956
That wasn't a laser pen.
480
00:19:04,956 --> 00:19:05,678
That wasn't a laser pen.
481
00:19:05,712 --> 00:19:07,245
No.
482
00:19:07,278 --> 00:19:08,778
It's just a pen.
483
00:19:10,478 --> 00:19:12,845
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, that's funny?
484
00:19:12,878 --> 00:19:14,945
No, you have, like,
a dot on your face.
485
00:19:14,978 --> 00:19:16,545
Whoever's doing that
is very clever.
486
00:19:16,578 --> 00:19:18,412
[CHUCKLES LIGHTLY]
487
00:19:18,445 --> 00:19:19,912
[♪]
488
00:19:19,945 --> 00:19:22,045
Come on, man.
You need to lighten up.
489
00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:24,845
Yeah, a feeling like this
only happens once a year.
490
00:19:24,878 --> 00:19:27,945
Yeah, it's like this every day
in Puerto Rico.
491
00:19:29,445 --> 00:19:32,778
Yeah, see, now you're getting
the spirit of it, huh?
492
00:19:32,812 --> 00:19:34,645
[LAUGHING]
493
00:19:36,212 --> 00:19:38,112
[SNIFFS, YELLS]
494
00:19:38,145 --> 00:19:39,478
[SPEAKS SPANISH]
495
00:19:42,312 --> 00:19:45,078
Hey. There's a guy burning
the Puerto Rican flag.
496
00:19:46,045 --> 00:19:48,612
Who? Who is burning the flag?
497
00:19:48,645 --> 00:19:50,612
Oh, no.
498
00:19:50,645 --> 00:19:53,778
Him?
That's not very nice.
499
00:19:53,812 --> 00:19:55,278
It was an accident.
500
00:19:55,312 --> 00:19:57,778
Do you know
what day this is?
501
00:19:57,812 --> 00:20:00,378
Because I know
what day this is.
502
00:20:00,412 --> 00:20:02,012
They know
what day this is,
503
00:20:02,045 --> 00:20:04,956
so I was wondering
if you know what day this is!
504
00:20:04,956 --> 00:20:05,912
so I was wondering
if you know what day this is!
505
00:20:05,945 --> 00:20:07,612
Because
it's Puerto Rican Day.
506
00:20:07,645 --> 00:20:12,245
Maybe we should stomp you
like you stomp the flag.
507
00:20:12,278 --> 00:20:14,078
What do you think of that?
All right, look.
508
00:20:14,112 --> 00:20:17,512
I just have one thing
to say to you boys.
509
00:20:17,545 --> 00:20:19,612
[HIGH-PITCHED]
Mama!
510
00:20:19,645 --> 00:20:21,745
CEDRIC: Get him.
[KRAMER YELPING]
511
00:20:21,778 --> 00:20:23,445
[♪]
512
00:20:23,478 --> 00:20:26,078
Right this way,
Mr. Vandelay.
513
00:20:26,112 --> 00:20:29,012
Well, this is
a lovely apartment. Lovely.
514
00:20:29,045 --> 00:20:30,612
The kids
are gonna go crazy.
515
00:20:30,645 --> 00:20:32,212
[CHUCKLES]
516
00:20:32,245 --> 00:20:34,956
I, uh-- I wonder if I could
see the bathrooms. Ahem.
517
00:20:34,956 --> 00:20:35,245
I, uh-- I wonder if I could
see the bathrooms. Ahem.
518
00:20:35,278 --> 00:20:37,745
Preferably one
with some paint thinner
519
00:20:37,778 --> 00:20:38,912
and, eh, some rags?
520
00:20:38,945 --> 00:20:41,578
It's down the hall.
521
00:20:42,145 --> 00:20:44,245
Oh, hello...
522
00:20:44,278 --> 00:20:45,245
Art.
523
00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:47,445
Mr. Vandelay,
of course.
524
00:20:47,478 --> 00:20:48,712
You two know each other?
525
00:20:51,078 --> 00:20:53,445
Mr. Pennypacker.
Uh, yes, uh...
526
00:20:53,478 --> 00:20:55,712
Oh, yeah, I wanted to, uh,
stop by and make sure
527
00:20:55,745 --> 00:20:58,045
that my shark tank fits--
528
00:20:58,078 --> 00:20:59,378
Uh, hello.
529
00:20:59,412 --> 00:21:01,612
Mr. Pennypacker,
this is Mr. Vandelay,
530
00:21:01,645 --> 00:21:03,045
and you know
Mr. Varnsen.
531
00:21:03,078 --> 00:21:04,612
Varnsen.
Pennypacker.
532
00:21:04,645 --> 00:21:04,956
Vandelay.
Pennypacker. Varnsen.
533
00:21:04,956 --> 00:21:06,445
Vandelay.
Pennypacker. Varnsen.
534
00:21:06,478 --> 00:21:08,345
Vandelay.
535
00:21:08,378 --> 00:21:09,678
Wait a second.
536
00:21:09,712 --> 00:21:11,712
Mr. Pennypacker,
if you're here,
537
00:21:11,745 --> 00:21:13,778
and Mr. Vandelay
is also here,
538
00:21:13,812 --> 00:21:16,112
then who's watching
the factory?
539
00:21:16,145 --> 00:21:19,212
The factory?
The Saab factory?
540
00:21:22,378 --> 00:21:24,712
Jerry, that's in Sweden.
541
00:21:24,745 --> 00:21:26,612
ANNOUNCER [OVER TV]:
The guy in here...
542
00:21:26,645 --> 00:21:28,745
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
My car.
543
00:21:32,612 --> 00:21:34,956
Yeah. You know, it's like this
every day in Puerto Rico.
544
00:21:34,956 --> 00:21:35,612
Yeah. You know, it's like this
every day in Puerto Rico.
545
00:21:35,645 --> 00:21:38,045
Jerry,
the Mets lost.
546
00:21:38,078 --> 00:21:40,245
I love a parade.
547
00:21:40,278 --> 00:21:42,212
[♪]
548
00:21:47,578 --> 00:21:49,545
[♪]
549
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:54,544
GEORGE:
How do you suppose
they did that?
550
00:21:54,577 --> 00:21:58,677
KRAMER:
Well, there's no logical
explanation.
551
00:21:58,710 --> 00:22:00,677
All right, well,
shall we go home?
552
00:22:00,710 --> 00:22:02,244
Well,
what about my car?
553
00:22:02,277 --> 00:22:05,210
Well, Jerry,
you can't deduct it now.
554
00:22:06,544 --> 00:22:07,844
Hey, there's Elaine.
555
00:22:07,877 --> 00:22:09,110
Hey.
556
00:22:09,144 --> 00:22:11,444
Well, you look, eh...
557
00:22:11,477 --> 00:22:13,010
relaxed.
558
00:22:13,044 --> 00:22:15,177
Well, it is Sunday night,
559
00:22:15,210 --> 00:22:16,889
and you know
how I like to unwind.
560
00:22:16,889 --> 00:22:18,444
and you know
how I like to unwind.
561
00:22:19,410 --> 00:22:20,910
LAMAR:
Hey, black Saab.
562
00:22:20,944 --> 00:22:22,710
Looks like that building
cut you off.
563
00:22:22,744 --> 00:22:24,110
[LAUGHS]
564
00:22:24,144 --> 00:22:25,777
See you around.
565
00:22:25,810 --> 00:22:28,410
Well, at least he didn't--
LAMAR: Jackass.
566
00:22:30,444 --> 00:22:31,677
[CAR LOCK BEEPS]
567
00:22:31,710 --> 00:22:34,944
Somebody remember
where we parked.
568
00:22:34,977 --> 00:22:37,744
KRAMER:
Well, this was a fun day.
It's nice to get out.
569
00:22:37,777 --> 00:22:38,977
[♪]
39420
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