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1
00:00:01,403 --> 00:00:03,537
The pilot comes on
with his little announcements.
2
00:00:03,570 --> 00:00:05,670
"I'm going over this.
I'm going over that.
3
00:00:05,703 --> 00:00:08,337
"I'm taking a left. I'm bringing
it up. I'm taking it down.
4
00:00:08,370 --> 00:00:10,870
I'm going right. I'm going this
way. I'm going that way."
5
00:00:10,903 --> 00:00:13,237
And we're back there,
"Yeah, that's all fine.
6
00:00:13,270 --> 00:00:15,403
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
7
00:00:15,437 --> 00:00:17,270
"Just do whatever the hell
you gotta do.
8
00:00:17,303 --> 00:00:19,737
I don't know what the hell
is going on."
9
00:00:20,570 --> 00:00:21,737
Do I bother him?
10
00:00:21,770 --> 00:00:23,437
Do I go knocking
on the cockpit door?
11
00:00:23,470 --> 00:00:25,337
"I'm having the peanuts now.
12
00:00:25,370 --> 00:00:26,937
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
13
00:00:26,970 --> 00:00:30,000
Just thought you might
like to know what we're doing."
14
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:30,170
Just thought you might
like to know what we're doing."
15
00:00:30,203 --> 00:00:31,437
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
16
00:00:34,203 --> 00:00:36,437
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
17
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:38,103
JERRY:
Thank you. Good night.
18
00:00:39,497 --> 00:00:40,335
Ah. Whew.
19
00:00:40,432 --> 00:00:41,866
Jerry!
20
00:00:41,899 --> 00:00:43,199
Hey, hey.
21
00:00:43,232 --> 00:00:44,266
Sally Weaver.
22
00:00:45,532 --> 00:00:48,032
Susan Ross' roommate
from college? Hello?
23
00:00:48,066 --> 00:00:50,366
Right. Oh, I'm sorry.
24
00:00:50,399 --> 00:00:51,566
Oh, so you saw the show?
25
00:00:51,599 --> 00:00:52,932
Saw it? I loved it.
26
00:00:52,966 --> 00:00:54,599
Ah. And thank you
for the free tickets.
27
00:00:54,632 --> 00:00:55,599
You are so funny.
28
00:00:55,632 --> 00:00:56,832
Oh, thanks.
29
00:00:56,866 --> 00:00:58,599
No, no, I mean it.
You're very funny.
30
00:00:58,632 --> 00:00:59,766
I believe you.
31
00:00:59,799 --> 00:01:00,766
Aw, anyway,
32
00:01:00,799 --> 00:01:02,332
let me show you Memphis.
33
00:01:02,366 --> 00:01:03,450
I am taking you out to dinner.
34
00:01:03,450 --> 00:01:03,532
I am taking you out to dinner.
35
00:01:03,566 --> 00:01:04,499
Oh, I'm sorry, I can't.
36
00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:05,999
I'm going straight
to the airport.
37
00:01:06,032 --> 00:01:07,499
Oh, that's too bad.
38
00:01:07,532 --> 00:01:09,099
Susan thought we'd
really get along.
39
00:01:09,132 --> 00:01:10,532
I guess 'cause
we're both wacko!
40
00:01:10,566 --> 00:01:11,532
[CHUCKLES]
41
00:01:11,566 --> 00:01:12,999
You know what?
42
00:01:13,032 --> 00:01:15,032
Um, you have to give this
to them for me. Okay?
43
00:01:15,066 --> 00:01:16,332
Here, it's a wedding present.
44
00:01:16,366 --> 00:01:18,866
Oh.
Oh, and Jerry,
be careful with it, okay?
45
00:01:18,899 --> 00:01:19,866
Be very careful.
46
00:01:19,899 --> 00:01:21,266
Uh-huh.
47
00:01:22,299 --> 00:01:23,732
FRANK:
George, as you may be aware
48
00:01:23,766 --> 00:01:25,166
your mother and I
are not moving
49
00:01:25,199 --> 00:01:26,399
to Del Boca Vista,
Florida.
50
00:01:27,366 --> 00:01:28,332
I am aware.
51
00:01:28,366 --> 00:01:30,666
So I was wondering,
would it be okay
52
00:01:30,699 --> 00:01:33,332
if I turned your room
into a billiard parlor?
53
00:01:33,366 --> 00:01:33,450
A billiard parlor?
54
00:01:33,450 --> 00:01:35,166
A billiard parlor?
55
00:01:35,199 --> 00:01:39,166
Regulation table, the hi-fi,
maybe even a bar.
56
00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:41,866
Give it some
real...authenticity.
57
00:01:42,699 --> 00:01:44,699
Well, that's-- Elaine.
58
00:01:44,732 --> 00:01:46,499
Oh, hi, Frank.
59
00:01:46,532 --> 00:01:48,699
Yeah, sit down. Join us, please.
60
00:01:48,732 --> 00:01:51,499
Actually, I've gotta
get to the, uh...thing.
61
00:01:51,532 --> 00:01:53,432
The thing's canceled.
Sit down.
62
00:01:55,099 --> 00:01:56,266
Okay.
63
00:01:56,299 --> 00:01:58,432
[CHUCKLES]
64
00:01:58,466 --> 00:02:00,499
So...
65
00:02:00,532 --> 00:02:02,532
Frank, did George
ever show you that photo?
66
00:02:02,566 --> 00:02:03,450
What photo?
67
00:02:03,450 --> 00:02:03,999
What photo?
68
00:02:04,032 --> 00:02:06,032
The photo I took in Tuscany
of the little man
69
00:02:06,066 --> 00:02:07,932
in front of the sign
that said "Costanza."
70
00:02:07,966 --> 00:02:09,766
There's a Costanza in Tuscany?
71
00:02:09,799 --> 00:02:12,699
Did he look like me?
Did you talk to him?
72
00:02:12,732 --> 00:02:13,932
I didn't talk to anyone.
73
00:02:13,966 --> 00:02:15,766
I was just walking by
and I saw the sign.
74
00:02:15,799 --> 00:02:17,832
I thought George
might get a kick out of it.
75
00:02:17,866 --> 00:02:19,399
I gotta get that picture.
76
00:02:20,632 --> 00:02:22,266
Could be my cousin, Carlo.
77
00:02:22,299 --> 00:02:23,599
Who is that?
78
00:02:23,632 --> 00:02:27,099
When the Costanzas came here,
one brother stayed behind.
79
00:02:27,132 --> 00:02:29,732
I played with his son every day
until the age of four
80
00:02:29,766 --> 00:02:31,599
when we were separated.
81
00:02:31,632 --> 00:02:33,032
So you weren't born here?
82
00:02:33,066 --> 00:02:33,450
No.
83
00:02:33,450 --> 00:02:34,199
No.
84
00:02:34,232 --> 00:02:36,566
That's why I could never
be president.
85
00:02:36,599 --> 00:02:38,099
It always hurt me.
86
00:02:38,132 --> 00:02:39,999
That's why,
even at an early age,
87
00:02:40,032 --> 00:02:42,166
I had no interest in politics.
88
00:02:42,199 --> 00:02:43,699
I refuse to vote.
89
00:02:43,732 --> 00:02:45,332
They don't want me,
I don't want them!
90
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:47,399
I don't know why
you're getting all riled up.
91
00:02:47,432 --> 00:02:49,166
There's probably
a million Costanzas--
92
00:02:49,199 --> 00:02:51,099
Don't bring me down.
93
00:02:52,632 --> 00:02:53,866
You have a copy of that photo?
94
00:02:53,899 --> 00:02:56,399
No, I-- I don't, but...
95
00:02:56,432 --> 00:02:58,099
well, the Maestro might.
96
00:02:58,132 --> 00:02:59,832
The Maestro? What Maestro?
97
00:02:59,866 --> 00:03:01,666
He's this guy
that I went to Tuscany with.
98
00:03:01,699 --> 00:03:02,932
He's a great guy,
99
00:03:02,966 --> 00:03:03,450
but I just wouldn't
feel comfortable calling him.
100
00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:05,599
but I just wouldn't
feel comfortable calling him.
101
00:03:05,632 --> 00:03:07,032
Really? Why?
102
00:03:07,066 --> 00:03:10,032
Because he hasn't called me
since we got back.
103
00:03:10,066 --> 00:03:11,599
I spilled wine
104
00:03:11,632 --> 00:03:12,832
on this 8-by-10 photo
105
00:03:12,866 --> 00:03:15,066
of one of his favorite
Italian opera stars.
106
00:03:15,099 --> 00:03:17,032
Hm. Who?
107
00:03:17,066 --> 00:03:18,766
You know the Three Tenors?
108
00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:21,932
Yeah, Pavarotti, Domingo
and, uh, the other guy.
109
00:03:21,966 --> 00:03:23,399
The other guy.
110
00:03:28,132 --> 00:03:30,166
STEWARDESS:
Can I take that box for you?
111
00:03:30,199 --> 00:03:31,499
Uh, well, you better not.
112
00:03:31,532 --> 00:03:32,999
I'm supposed to be careful
with it.
113
00:03:33,032 --> 00:03:33,450
Then I'll have to put your bag
in the overhead.
114
00:03:33,450 --> 00:03:35,332
Then I'll have to put your bag
in the overhead.
115
00:03:35,366 --> 00:03:37,399
Oh, okay.
116
00:03:42,099 --> 00:03:43,532
[GLASS SHATTERS]
117
00:03:43,566 --> 00:03:44,766
[STEWARDESS GRUNTS]
118
00:03:45,366 --> 00:03:46,366
There.
119
00:03:49,866 --> 00:03:51,032
JERRY:
Oh, look at this.
120
00:03:51,066 --> 00:03:52,266
What?
121
00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:54,499
I bought a bottle
of barbecue sauce in Memphis.
122
00:03:54,532 --> 00:03:56,066
I think
the stewardess broke it
123
00:03:56,099 --> 00:03:58,432
when she tried to jam it
into the overhead compartment
124
00:03:58,466 --> 00:03:59,699
because of this stupid thing.
125
00:03:59,732 --> 00:04:01,599
Don't press the panic button.
126
00:04:01,632 --> 00:04:03,450
I'm sure that we can
still salvage some sauce.
127
00:04:03,450 --> 00:04:04,266
I'm sure that we can
still salvage some sauce.
128
00:04:04,299 --> 00:04:06,066
I don't care
about the sauce.
129
00:04:06,099 --> 00:04:08,999
It came in this funny bottle,
and there was a guy on the label
130
00:04:09,032 --> 00:04:10,666
looked exactly like
Charles Grodin.
131
00:04:10,699 --> 00:04:11,666
I see.
132
00:04:11,699 --> 00:04:13,166
No, you don't see.
133
00:04:13,199 --> 00:04:14,866
Because I'm going
on the show this week,
134
00:04:14,899 --> 00:04:16,832
and this was gonna be
my bit on the show.
135
00:04:16,866 --> 00:04:18,899
Why don't you do your material?
I'm out.
136
00:04:19,732 --> 00:04:20,866
[SIGHS]
137
00:04:20,899 --> 00:04:22,332
Boy, you better get to work.
138
00:04:22,366 --> 00:04:23,932
Thanks for the tip.
139
00:04:23,966 --> 00:04:24,999
[DOOR OPENS]
140
00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:26,332
Hey, buddies.
141
00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:28,599
Hey. Hey, this is for you.
142
00:04:28,632 --> 00:04:30,932
It's from Susan's roommate,
Sally.
143
00:04:30,966 --> 00:04:32,832
Oh, yeah,
Sally called Susan.
144
00:04:32,866 --> 00:04:33,450
Said you guys
really hit it off.
145
00:04:33,450 --> 00:04:34,932
Said you guys
really hit it off.
146
00:04:34,966 --> 00:04:36,399
Nobody hit anything off.
147
00:04:36,432 --> 00:04:38,632
She just gave me the box.
148
00:04:41,466 --> 00:04:42,899
What the hell are you doing?
149
00:04:42,932 --> 00:04:45,266
Well, I'm salvaging the sauce.
150
00:04:45,299 --> 00:04:46,632
What's a matter with you?
151
00:04:48,266 --> 00:04:49,666
Hey, hey, hey.
Come on, come on.
152
00:04:49,699 --> 00:04:52,166
Jerry, why don't you do a bit
on Styrofoam?
153
00:04:52,199 --> 00:04:53,266
Like what?
154
00:04:53,299 --> 00:04:55,766
Well, you know,
"What is all this stuff?
155
00:04:55,799 --> 00:04:58,232
"Why do we need this stuff?
156
00:04:58,266 --> 00:05:01,232
And why do they make 'em
so small?"
157
00:05:03,966 --> 00:05:05,866
Wh--? Where is the punchline?
158
00:05:05,899 --> 00:05:07,632
It's all attitude.
159
00:05:11,699 --> 00:05:13,666
This is certainly a crappy gift.
160
00:05:13,699 --> 00:05:15,332
A doormat?
161
00:05:15,366 --> 00:05:17,366
That's what she had me lug up
from Memphis?
162
00:05:17,399 --> 00:05:20,599
Pretty chintzy, huh?
Considering the money she makes.
163
00:05:20,632 --> 00:05:22,866
She's a big executive
for Federal Express.
164
00:05:22,899 --> 00:05:24,999
Federal Express?
165
00:05:25,032 --> 00:05:27,399
Is she out of her mind?
Why didn't she just ship it?
166
00:05:27,432 --> 00:05:31,332
Look, it's personalized.
"The Costanzas."
167
00:05:31,366 --> 00:05:32,666
No. No, forget it.
168
00:05:32,699 --> 00:05:33,450
I don't want it.
Let's just get rid of it.
169
00:05:33,450 --> 00:05:34,366
I don't want it.
Let's just get rid of it.
170
00:05:34,399 --> 00:05:36,399
Maybe your father
would be interested in that.
171
00:05:36,432 --> 00:05:39,332
I doubt it.
You know what he's doing now?
172
00:05:39,366 --> 00:05:41,899
He's putting a pool table
in my old bedroom.
173
00:05:41,932 --> 00:05:43,566
Oh, yeah?
174
00:05:43,599 --> 00:05:44,899
Well, maybe I'll go
out there
175
00:05:44,932 --> 00:05:46,566
and knock a few balls
around with him.
176
00:05:46,599 --> 00:05:48,866
You know,
show him a thing or two.
177
00:05:52,732 --> 00:05:54,866
So, what's your game?
What do you like to play?
178
00:05:56,066 --> 00:05:57,032
Eight ball.
179
00:05:57,066 --> 00:05:58,366
No, nothing doing.
180
00:05:58,399 --> 00:06:01,766
Let's you and me play a game
of straight pool. Hm?
181
00:06:01,799 --> 00:06:03,450
You like to gamble, Cosmo, huh?
182
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:04,066
You like to gamble, Cosmo, huh?
183
00:06:04,099 --> 00:06:06,199
Yeah, now and then.
184
00:06:06,232 --> 00:06:08,199
You know how it is.
185
00:06:08,232 --> 00:06:09,532
Five dollars a game, huh?
186
00:06:09,566 --> 00:06:11,332
I'll break.
187
00:06:11,366 --> 00:06:13,066
Okay.
188
00:06:52,966 --> 00:06:54,166
That's it. That's it.
189
00:06:54,199 --> 00:06:55,599
Seven ball.
190
00:07:02,766 --> 00:07:03,450
GEORGE:
What's, uh...?
191
00:07:03,450 --> 00:07:03,899
GEORGE:
What's, uh...?
192
00:07:03,932 --> 00:07:05,232
What's all this?
193
00:07:05,266 --> 00:07:07,699
Oh, I'm just moving in
some more of my stuff.
194
00:07:07,732 --> 00:07:09,699
[MUTTERS]
More of her stuff.
195
00:07:11,066 --> 00:07:13,432
SUSAN:
Oh, I put up my doll collection.
196
00:07:15,066 --> 00:07:16,832
Oh, my God.
197
00:07:16,866 --> 00:07:19,399
What is that?
198
00:07:19,432 --> 00:07:20,466
What? What is it?
199
00:07:22,032 --> 00:07:23,632
This doll looks like my mother.
200
00:07:25,066 --> 00:07:26,066
George, it's a doll.
201
00:07:26,099 --> 00:07:27,332
I know it's a doll.
202
00:07:27,366 --> 00:07:29,599
But it looks like my mother.
203
00:07:29,632 --> 00:07:31,432
Oh, get outta here.
204
00:07:37,099 --> 00:07:38,099
Seven, low.
205
00:07:38,132 --> 00:07:40,866
ESTELLE:
What's going on in here?
206
00:07:40,899 --> 00:07:42,932
Are you two still playing?
207
00:07:42,966 --> 00:07:45,332
You've been up here
three hours.
208
00:07:45,366 --> 00:07:46,932
We haven't finished
the first game.
209
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:48,399
First game?
210
00:07:48,432 --> 00:07:51,866
Well, we're still, uh, learning
the subtleties of the table.
211
00:07:51,899 --> 00:07:54,432
He knows the Maestro.
He could have the picture.
212
00:07:54,466 --> 00:07:57,932
Oh, forget about it.
It's not your cousin.
213
00:07:57,966 --> 00:07:59,199
You don't know that!
214
00:08:01,632 --> 00:08:02,866
We gonna go see him, huh?
215
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:03,450
Soon as the game is over.
216
00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:04,899
Soon as the game is over.
217
00:08:04,932 --> 00:08:06,199
Oh, boy.
218
00:08:06,232 --> 00:08:07,899
Eleven, corner pocket.
219
00:08:07,932 --> 00:08:09,599
[GLASS SHATTERS]
220
00:08:14,132 --> 00:08:15,832
What is this thing doing here?
221
00:08:15,866 --> 00:08:17,899
Oh, I used to love to sleep
with my dolls
222
00:08:17,932 --> 00:08:19,866
when I was a little girl.
223
00:08:19,899 --> 00:08:22,166
I'm-- I'm sorry,
I can't do this.
224
00:08:22,199 --> 00:08:23,399
Why?
225
00:08:23,432 --> 00:08:24,932
I feel like I'm in bed
with my mother.
226
00:08:24,966 --> 00:08:26,932
Stop it, hm?
Eh--
227
00:08:36,066 --> 00:08:37,499
JERRY:
Hey, Elaine,
228
00:08:37,532 --> 00:08:40,332
you have got to buy this new
electric toothbrush I just got.
229
00:08:40,366 --> 00:08:41,332
The Oro-Dent.
230
00:08:41,366 --> 00:08:42,366
Oh, yeah?
231
00:08:42,399 --> 00:08:43,532
Every time you use it,
232
00:08:43,566 --> 00:08:45,232
you feel like you came
from the dentist.
233
00:08:45,266 --> 00:08:47,032
That's dynamite.
Wanna come see me
234
00:08:47,066 --> 00:08:49,199
on The Charles Grodin Show
tomorrow?
235
00:08:49,232 --> 00:08:50,199
Who else is on the show?
236
00:08:50,232 --> 00:08:51,899
One of the Three Tenors.
237
00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:53,866
The Three Tenors? Which one?
238
00:08:53,899 --> 00:08:56,532
Uh, it's not Pavarotti,
it's not Domingo--
239
00:08:56,566 --> 00:08:57,532
The other guy?
240
00:08:57,566 --> 00:08:58,666
Yeah, the other guy.
241
00:08:58,699 --> 00:09:00,532
Ah! My God!
242
00:09:00,566 --> 00:09:03,066
I can't believe the other guy
is gonna be on the show.
243
00:09:03,099 --> 00:09:03,450
Why?
Because I ruined
this autographed picture of him
244
00:09:03,450 --> 00:09:05,866
Why?
Because I ruined
this autographed picture of him
245
00:09:05,899 --> 00:09:07,232
that belonged
to the Maestro.
246
00:09:07,266 --> 00:09:08,332
You think I could go?
247
00:09:08,366 --> 00:09:09,866
I could get his autograph?
Why not?
248
00:09:09,899 --> 00:09:10,866
[GASPS]
249
00:09:10,899 --> 00:09:14,466
Wow. The other guy.
250
00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:19,732
Hey, you look awful.
251
00:09:19,766 --> 00:09:21,899
I'm on no sleep, bro.
252
00:09:21,932 --> 00:09:23,332
Problem in the bedroom?
253
00:09:23,366 --> 00:09:26,232
Susan has this doll collection.
254
00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:28,632
One of the dolls looks
exactly like my mother.
255
00:09:30,799 --> 00:09:31,899
She likes to sleep with it.
256
00:09:34,232 --> 00:09:36,099
You were in bed with your mother
last night?
257
00:09:37,566 --> 00:09:38,599
It felt like it.
258
00:09:40,366 --> 00:09:42,366
I tell you,
this doll is pretty spooky.
259
00:09:42,399 --> 00:09:45,366
It's really freaking me out,
man.
260
00:09:45,399 --> 00:09:49,232
And now I gotta go back out
there and pick up this doormat.
261
00:09:49,266 --> 00:09:50,832
Thought you didn't
want the doormat.
262
00:09:50,866 --> 00:09:52,199
I don't.
263
00:09:52,232 --> 00:09:54,832
Susan wants to have it out
when Sally comes tomorrow.
264
00:09:54,866 --> 00:09:56,999
Sally?
Yeah.
265
00:09:57,032 --> 00:09:58,766
Wait a minute.
She's coming to New York?
266
00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:00,266
Yeah, Susan said
you'd be excited.
267
00:10:00,299 --> 00:10:01,599
Excited?
268
00:10:01,632 --> 00:10:03,066
I'm gonna kill her.
269
00:10:03,099 --> 00:10:03,450
She knew she was coming here,
and she made me carry that box?
270
00:10:03,450 --> 00:10:05,666
She knew she was coming here,
and she made me carry that box?
271
00:10:05,699 --> 00:10:06,766
Who is Sally?
272
00:10:06,799 --> 00:10:08,066
Susan's college roommate.
273
00:10:08,099 --> 00:10:09,832
It's because of her
that bottle got broke
274
00:10:09,866 --> 00:10:11,999
that I was gonna give
to Charles Grodin on his show.
275
00:10:12,032 --> 00:10:14,066
Call her up and tell her
to bring you another one.
276
00:10:14,099 --> 00:10:15,899
So? She'll be delighted
to talk to you.
277
00:10:15,932 --> 00:10:17,266
Oh, I will. Don't worry.
278
00:10:17,299 --> 00:10:19,666
I'll have her bring up
a whole case of the stuff.
279
00:10:19,699 --> 00:10:21,066
It'll be really heavy.
280
00:10:21,099 --> 00:10:23,032
Let's see if she likes
sitting on a plane
281
00:10:23,066 --> 00:10:24,832
with a big box
on her lap.
282
00:10:24,866 --> 00:10:26,666
That sounds pretty juvenile.
283
00:10:26,699 --> 00:10:28,466
Hey, a dinosaur!
284
00:10:30,532 --> 00:10:31,666
FRANK:
His name was
285
00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:32,999
Carlo Costanza.
286
00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:33,450
We played together
every day until I was 4.
287
00:10:33,450 --> 00:10:34,932
We played together
every day until I was 4.
288
00:10:34,966 --> 00:10:37,566
If I could look at your photos,
maybe I can recognize him.
289
00:10:37,599 --> 00:10:40,532
Unfortunately,
those photographs are at home.
290
00:10:40,566 --> 00:10:42,032
Well, listen.
If you bring 'em by,
291
00:10:42,066 --> 00:10:43,932
maybe we could interest you
in a game of pool.
292
00:10:43,966 --> 00:10:46,266
Yeah. Frank here,
he's got his own billiard room.
293
00:10:46,299 --> 00:10:48,699
Yes, it's, uh--
It's, uh...
294
00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:49,999
What do you call it,
Kramer?
295
00:10:50,032 --> 00:10:51,499
It's a billiard room.
No.
296
00:10:51,532 --> 00:10:52,566
Th--
What?
297
00:10:52,599 --> 00:10:54,366
The name?
The billiard--
298
00:10:54,399 --> 00:10:57,232
Not billiard--
Not the billiards-- It was--
299
00:10:57,266 --> 00:10:58,832
Come on, already. Come on.
300
00:10:58,866 --> 00:11:00,499
We call it the--
The place to be.
301
00:11:00,532 --> 00:11:01,566
The place to be!
302
00:11:01,599 --> 00:11:02,899
Yes, it's the place to be.
303
00:11:02,932 --> 00:11:03,450
Then I shall be there.
304
00:11:03,450 --> 00:11:04,166
Then I shall be there.
305
00:11:04,199 --> 00:11:05,832
Now, gentlemen,
306
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:10,166
if you will excuse me,
I must prepare for the symphony.
307
00:11:10,199 --> 00:11:11,432
Oh, yeah.
Right.
308
00:11:16,066 --> 00:11:17,566
Oh.
309
00:11:17,599 --> 00:11:18,999
My pants.
310
00:11:19,032 --> 00:11:20,499
It's an old conductor's trick
311
00:11:20,532 --> 00:11:22,232
I learned from
Leonard Bernstein.
312
00:11:22,266 --> 00:11:23,232
Really?
313
00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:25,032
You keep a perfect crease
314
00:11:25,066 --> 00:11:27,666
by not sitting in them
before the performance.
315
00:11:27,699 --> 00:11:29,932
That is...
Ho, ho.
316
00:11:29,966 --> 00:11:31,099
That's good thinking.
317
00:11:38,625 --> 00:11:40,025
GEORGE:
You see?
318
00:11:40,058 --> 00:11:41,458
You see?
319
00:11:43,225 --> 00:11:44,691
It doesn't look
exactly like her.
320
00:11:44,725 --> 00:11:46,625
Jerry, come on.
321
00:11:46,658 --> 00:11:47,958
If my mother keeps shrinking,
322
00:11:47,991 --> 00:11:50,691
this is exactly what she's
gonna look like in 10 years.
323
00:11:50,725 --> 00:11:52,925
Why don't you just
get rid of it?
I...tried.
324
00:11:52,958 --> 00:11:54,691
I almost threw it down
the incinerator,
325
00:11:54,725 --> 00:11:55,858
but I couldn't do it.
326
00:11:55,891 --> 00:11:57,291
The guilt was
too overwhelming.
327
00:11:57,325 --> 00:11:58,858
Susan's so attached
to this thing.
328
00:11:58,891 --> 00:11:59,858
Well, where you going?
329
00:11:59,891 --> 00:12:01,458
Don't take your dolly
and go home.
330
00:12:03,125 --> 00:12:04,091
Hi, Elaine.
331
00:12:04,125 --> 00:12:04,777
[ELAINE SCREAMS]
332
00:12:04,777 --> 00:12:05,825
[ELAINE SCREAMS]
333
00:12:08,391 --> 00:12:09,658
Did you see that?
334
00:12:09,691 --> 00:12:11,058
I'm just glad it's outta here.
335
00:12:12,025 --> 00:12:13,291
What's that?
336
00:12:13,325 --> 00:12:15,491
Oh, it's a poster
of the Three Tenors.
337
00:12:15,525 --> 00:12:17,758
Oh.
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
338
00:12:17,791 --> 00:12:19,758
Yeah.
SALLY: It's Sally!
339
00:12:19,791 --> 00:12:21,758
Did you bring
the barbecue sauce?
340
00:12:21,791 --> 00:12:24,158
A whole case.
Excellent.
341
00:12:24,191 --> 00:12:26,825
So did you buy that electric
toothbrush I told you about?
342
00:12:26,858 --> 00:12:27,958
No.
343
00:12:27,991 --> 00:12:29,591
How come?
I told you, it's fantastic.
344
00:12:29,625 --> 00:12:31,258
Eh, I like mine.
345
00:12:31,291 --> 00:12:32,658
I've had yours.
346
00:12:32,691 --> 00:12:34,777
I'm telling you,
this one is 10 times better.
347
00:12:34,777 --> 00:12:35,091
I'm telling you,
this one is 10 times better.
348
00:12:35,125 --> 00:12:36,125
Don't you believe me?
349
00:12:36,725 --> 00:12:37,758
I don't want it.
350
00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:39,258
I don't understand
this attitude.
351
00:12:39,291 --> 00:12:41,525
Why wouldn't you wanna
get something that's better
352
00:12:41,558 --> 00:12:42,925
if I'm telling you
it's better?
353
00:12:42,958 --> 00:12:44,258
And it's not a little better.
354
00:12:44,291 --> 00:12:45,525
It's much better!
355
00:12:46,725 --> 00:12:47,858
It doesn't matter to me.
356
00:12:47,891 --> 00:12:49,391
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
357
00:12:49,891 --> 00:12:51,191
Come in.
358
00:12:51,958 --> 00:12:53,491
Well, here I am.
359
00:12:53,525 --> 00:12:55,458
Oh, hi.
Elaine, this is Sally.
360
00:12:55,491 --> 00:12:56,658
Hi.
361
00:12:56,691 --> 00:12:58,191
How was your flight?
Uncomfortable?
362
00:12:58,225 --> 00:13:00,858
The seat next to me was empty
so there was no problem at all.
363
00:13:00,891 --> 00:13:02,358
Oh.
364
00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:04,325
Wait.
365
00:13:04,358 --> 00:13:04,777
This isn't the sauce
that I asked for.
366
00:13:04,777 --> 00:13:07,091
This isn't the sauce
that I asked for.
367
00:13:07,125 --> 00:13:09,691
That's right.
It's a special gourmet sauce.
368
00:13:09,725 --> 00:13:11,258
The pride of Memphis.
369
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,358
No, no, I wanted the one
in the little bottle
370
00:13:13,391 --> 00:13:15,491
with the guy on it
that looks like Charles Grodin.
371
00:13:15,525 --> 00:13:16,758
This is much better.
372
00:13:16,791 --> 00:13:18,358
And frankly, in Memphis,
373
00:13:18,391 --> 00:13:21,758
we think that other sauce
is kind of a joke.
374
00:13:21,791 --> 00:13:24,625
I know it's a joke.
It's supposed to be a joke.
375
00:13:24,658 --> 00:13:27,491
Now, I'm going on The CharlesGrodin Show with nothin'.
376
00:13:27,525 --> 00:13:28,491
Nothin'!
377
00:13:28,525 --> 00:13:29,925
You could just
do your material.
378
00:13:29,958 --> 00:13:31,658
I don't have any material!
379
00:13:31,691 --> 00:13:33,291
He's got nothin'!
380
00:13:33,325 --> 00:13:34,525
[♪]
381
00:13:41,025 --> 00:13:42,358
ESTELLE:
Georgie,
382
00:13:42,391 --> 00:13:44,958
don't eat with your hands!
383
00:13:46,891 --> 00:13:49,991
Why do you eat so fast?You can't even taste it!
384
00:13:50,025 --> 00:13:51,391
Don't tell me
how to eat.
385
00:13:52,958 --> 00:13:55,358
Still wearing that shirt?
386
00:13:55,391 --> 00:13:58,425
You've had itfor five years already.
387
00:13:58,458 --> 00:14:00,958
Why don't you buya new shirt!?!
388
00:14:00,991 --> 00:14:02,725
Because I like this one!
389
00:14:07,291 --> 00:14:08,758
Come on, let's go.
390
00:14:08,791 --> 00:14:09,791
Let's go!
391
00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:12,058
Oh, hi, Deena.
392
00:14:20,558 --> 00:14:22,791
That man should really be
in a sanitarium.
393
00:14:22,825 --> 00:14:24,958
KRAMER:
Oh, this is remarkable.
394
00:14:24,991 --> 00:14:28,458
I'm lounging and yet my pants
remain perfectly creased.
395
00:14:28,491 --> 00:14:29,791
It's him!
396
00:14:29,825 --> 00:14:31,825
It's Carlo Costanza.
397
00:14:31,858 --> 00:14:33,258
KRAMER:
Come on. Are you sure?
398
00:14:33,291 --> 00:14:34,325
I'd know him anywhere.
399
00:14:34,358 --> 00:14:34,777
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
400
00:14:34,777 --> 00:14:35,758
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
401
00:14:35,791 --> 00:14:38,458
I've seen that man in Tuscany.
Eccentric fellow.
402
00:14:38,491 --> 00:14:41,458
Reputation of being
kind of a village idiot.
403
00:14:41,491 --> 00:14:42,925
I still say we're related.
404
00:14:42,958 --> 00:14:45,791
Oh, I love this piece.
405
00:14:45,825 --> 00:14:47,625
All right, come on, Frank,
it's your shot.
406
00:14:47,658 --> 00:14:49,025
I can't make anything.
407
00:14:49,058 --> 00:14:51,325
Because you don't know
how to follow through correct.
408
00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:52,791
Follow through?
What do you mean?
409
00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:55,191
Right here, let me show you.
Take hold of your stick.
410
00:14:55,225 --> 00:14:56,358
Yeah, I got it.
411
00:14:56,391 --> 00:14:57,658
All right, get down.
Right.
412
00:14:57,691 --> 00:14:59,158
Bring it back slowly.
413
00:15:01,225 --> 00:15:02,458
It's a little unnatural,
414
00:15:02,491 --> 00:15:04,325
but I think I'm getting
the hang of it.
415
00:15:04,358 --> 00:15:04,777
Oh, my God.
416
00:15:04,777 --> 00:15:06,791
Oh, my God.
417
00:15:07,825 --> 00:15:09,258
JERRY:
I'm such an idiot.
418
00:15:09,291 --> 00:15:11,125
I was gonna do
this whole bit on that bottle.
419
00:15:11,158 --> 00:15:12,525
Now I got nothing to talk about.
420
00:15:12,558 --> 00:15:16,791
Have you ever considered writing
new material?
421
00:15:16,825 --> 00:15:19,358
Maybe if I didn't have
so many people
422
00:15:19,391 --> 00:15:20,758
in my apartment all the time,
423
00:15:20,791 --> 00:15:22,491
I'd be able
to get some work done.
424
00:15:22,525 --> 00:15:24,425
Me? Are you talking about me?
425
00:15:24,458 --> 00:15:26,291
No, you're never here.
426
00:15:29,391 --> 00:15:31,658
Boy, that doll was
really freaky, wasn't it?
427
00:15:31,691 --> 00:15:32,791
Yeah, really.
428
00:15:32,825 --> 00:15:34,777
Hey, maybe I could talk
about that on the show.
429
00:15:34,777 --> 00:15:34,858
Hey, maybe I could talk
about that on the show.
430
00:15:34,891 --> 00:15:36,158
What?
431
00:15:36,191 --> 00:15:38,625
Show the doll. Show a picture
of George's mother.
432
00:15:38,658 --> 00:15:41,225
It's pretty funny.
I'm gonna call him.
433
00:15:42,291 --> 00:15:43,325
[PHONE RINGING]
434
00:15:43,358 --> 00:15:44,491
Hello?
435
00:15:44,525 --> 00:15:45,858
Hello, Susan, it's Jerry.
436
00:15:45,891 --> 00:15:47,358
Hi, Jerry, it's Sally.
437
00:15:47,391 --> 00:15:48,425
Oh.
438
00:15:48,458 --> 00:15:49,691
Is George there?
439
00:15:49,725 --> 00:15:50,991
No, but he should be home soon.
440
00:15:51,025 --> 00:15:52,158
Listen, this is important.
441
00:15:52,191 --> 00:15:53,825
Tell him to meet me
at the TV studio
442
00:15:53,858 --> 00:15:55,458
with a picture of his mother
443
00:15:55,491 --> 00:15:57,158
and that doll
that looks like her.
444
00:15:57,191 --> 00:15:58,791
Is this for your comedy routine?
445
00:15:58,825 --> 00:15:59,791
Yes.
446
00:15:59,825 --> 00:16:02,025
Don't worry, I'm on the case.
447
00:16:06,891 --> 00:16:10,291
I, uh...think
I'll get some air.
448
00:16:10,325 --> 00:16:11,725
Yeah.
449
00:16:14,325 --> 00:16:15,625
This is no good.
450
00:16:17,358 --> 00:16:18,891
Hey, the baton.
451
00:16:20,558 --> 00:16:23,658
Yeah, I've got a hunch, fat man,
I can't miss.
452
00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:24,858
Thirteen, in the side.
453
00:16:26,625 --> 00:16:27,691
Giddyup.
454
00:16:27,725 --> 00:16:28,958
Six, in the corner.
455
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:32,791
This table's mine.
456
00:16:41,158 --> 00:16:42,358
You know where it's going.
457
00:16:49,158 --> 00:16:51,025
Hey.
Hey.
458
00:16:51,058 --> 00:16:53,025
Is George here?
Not yet.
459
00:16:53,058 --> 00:16:54,158
The other guy.
[GASPS]
460
00:16:56,391 --> 00:16:58,025
It's...
461
00:16:59,625 --> 00:17:00,991
...you.
462
00:17:01,025 --> 00:17:03,625
It's really you. Oh.
463
00:17:03,658 --> 00:17:04,777
I'm-- I'm such
a huge fan of yours.
464
00:17:04,777 --> 00:17:07,425
I'm-- I'm such
a huge fan of yours.
465
00:17:07,458 --> 00:17:10,125
Would you mind signing
this poster for me?
466
00:17:10,158 --> 00:17:11,125
My pleasure.
467
00:17:11,158 --> 00:17:13,025
Oh, thank you so much.
468
00:17:13,058 --> 00:17:14,858
Here you go.
469
00:17:14,891 --> 00:17:16,091
[GIGGLES]
470
00:17:16,125 --> 00:17:19,991
Thank you so much, Mr. Camaro.
471
00:17:22,658 --> 00:17:25,325
Mr. Casea.
472
00:17:26,225 --> 00:17:27,291
Well, whatever.
473
00:17:28,391 --> 00:17:30,091
I'm gonna take this
to the Maestro.
474
00:17:30,125 --> 00:17:32,325
He's playing at
the Queens Convalescent Center.
475
00:17:32,358 --> 00:17:34,358
Yeah, that's a hell of a gig.
476
00:17:34,391 --> 00:17:34,777
Hey, look,
I got something for you.
477
00:17:34,777 --> 00:17:36,258
Hey, look,
I got something for you.
478
00:17:36,291 --> 00:17:37,591
The Oro-Dent.
479
00:17:37,625 --> 00:17:38,991
Ohhh...
480
00:17:39,791 --> 00:17:40,958
Thank you.
481
00:17:41,458 --> 00:17:42,758
Huh.
482
00:17:42,791 --> 00:17:45,925
What--? Why does a toothbrush
come in such a big box?
483
00:17:45,958 --> 00:17:48,825
Well, it's a delicate mechanism,
it needs a lot of packing.
484
00:17:48,858 --> 00:17:50,958
How am I supposed to carry
this thing?
485
00:17:54,958 --> 00:17:55,925
What are you doing?
486
00:17:55,958 --> 00:17:58,258
Well, I wanna sit down.
487
00:17:58,291 --> 00:17:59,658
So?
488
00:17:59,691 --> 00:18:01,691
It's a trick I just learned
from Kramer.
489
00:18:01,725 --> 00:18:03,658
Keeps the crease in the pants.
490
00:18:16,991 --> 00:18:20,491
Madam, you have been
an extremely gracious hostess.
491
00:18:21,858 --> 00:18:23,325
[GIGGLES]
Oh.
492
00:18:23,358 --> 00:18:25,625
Thank you, Maestro.
493
00:18:25,658 --> 00:18:26,825
Here, take a look at this.
494
00:18:26,858 --> 00:18:28,491
Yeah, what is it?
495
00:18:28,525 --> 00:18:31,258
It's Carlo. I found him.
496
00:18:31,291 --> 00:18:34,158
You've been cooped up
in this room too long.
497
00:18:34,191 --> 00:18:34,777
You never support me!
498
00:18:34,777 --> 00:18:36,091
You never support me!
499
00:18:36,125 --> 00:18:37,825
Let's see what George
says about this.
500
00:18:37,858 --> 00:18:39,058
Where are my pants?
501
00:18:41,858 --> 00:18:43,791
Oh, beautiful.
502
00:18:48,225 --> 00:18:49,691
SALLY:
Hey there, Mr. Hairy Legs.
503
00:18:49,725 --> 00:18:50,791
Where's George?
504
00:18:50,825 --> 00:18:53,025
Don't worry,
I brought your doll.
505
00:18:53,891 --> 00:18:55,291
Ta-da!
506
00:18:55,325 --> 00:18:57,525
No, that's the wrong doll.
507
00:18:57,558 --> 00:19:00,025
Jerry, I saw the doll
you were talking about.
508
00:19:00,058 --> 00:19:01,091
Not funny.
509
00:19:01,125 --> 00:19:02,325
This doll is much funnier.
510
00:19:02,358 --> 00:19:04,777
Look, it has a little bow tie
and a cute little hat.
511
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:04,991
Look, it has a little bow tie
and a cute little hat.
512
00:19:05,025 --> 00:19:06,991
I think it's a riot!
513
00:19:07,991 --> 00:19:09,491
[SOFTLY]
This is a nightmare.
514
00:19:09,525 --> 00:19:13,191
Well, I'll be watching.
Don't screw up.
515
00:19:16,791 --> 00:19:18,491
Too much sauce.
516
00:19:21,791 --> 00:19:23,458
My pants!
517
00:19:23,491 --> 00:19:25,658
Mr. Seinfeld, you're on.
518
00:19:54,825 --> 00:19:56,958
[KNOCKING]
519
00:19:56,991 --> 00:19:58,958
Elaine. What a surprise.
520
00:19:58,991 --> 00:20:00,491
I-I-I know you're very busy,
521
00:20:00,525 --> 00:20:03,425
but I just wanted to come by
and give you this.
522
00:20:03,458 --> 00:20:04,777
Oh, Oro-Dent,
that electric toothbrush.
523
00:20:04,777 --> 00:20:06,025
Oh, Oro-Dent,
that electric toothbrush.
524
00:20:06,058 --> 00:20:07,258
I've heard
so much about it.
525
00:20:07,291 --> 00:20:09,658
No, no, no.
Not the toothbrush. This.
526
00:20:18,725 --> 00:20:20,091
Oh.
527
00:20:20,125 --> 00:20:21,591
What a sweet gesture.
528
00:20:21,625 --> 00:20:24,491
An autographed poster
of my favorite tenor with...
529
00:20:24,525 --> 00:20:25,525
those two other guys.
530
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,458
Oh, Elaine,
531
00:20:27,491 --> 00:20:29,791
this is magnifico.
532
00:20:29,825 --> 00:20:32,591
I just felt so bad
about what happened in Tuscany--
533
00:20:32,625 --> 00:20:33,958
MAN:
Maestro, you're on.
534
00:20:34,658 --> 00:20:34,777
Oh.
535
00:20:34,777 --> 00:20:35,825
Oh.
536
00:20:35,858 --> 00:20:36,958
Elaine...
537
00:20:36,991 --> 00:20:38,591
wait for me after the concert.
538
00:20:38,625 --> 00:20:39,591
We'll celebrate.
539
00:20:39,625 --> 00:20:40,891
Oh, okay.
540
00:20:45,358 --> 00:20:47,125
[ORCHESTRA TUNING UP]
541
00:20:51,891 --> 00:20:52,958
[APPLAUSE]
542
00:21:02,358 --> 00:21:04,777
[MOZART'S "THE MARRIAGE
OF FIGARO" PLAYING]
543
00:21:04,777 --> 00:21:05,025
[MOZART'S "THE MARRIAGE
OF FIGARO" PLAYING]
544
00:21:13,691 --> 00:21:15,858
[ORCHESTRA PLAYING OFF-KEY]
545
00:21:15,891 --> 00:21:17,391
[ORCHESTRA STOPS PLAYING]
546
00:21:19,191 --> 00:21:20,358
SUSAN:
I wanna know why
547
00:21:20,391 --> 00:21:22,291
you took my doll
out of the house.
548
00:21:22,325 --> 00:21:24,658
I just wanted a second opinion.
549
00:21:24,691 --> 00:21:25,691
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
550
00:21:25,725 --> 00:21:26,791
[SIGHS]
551
00:21:30,191 --> 00:21:31,358
Take a look at this.
552
00:21:31,391 --> 00:21:33,025
Does that look like
my flesh and blood?
553
00:21:33,058 --> 00:21:34,625
Of course, your mother--
554
00:21:34,658 --> 00:21:34,777
ESTELLE:
Oh, stop bothering everybodywith that picture.
555
00:21:34,777 --> 00:21:37,591
ESTELLE:
Oh, stop bothering everybodywith that picture.
556
00:21:37,625 --> 00:21:38,991
It's ridiculous.
557
00:21:39,025 --> 00:21:40,158
Ridiculous?
558
00:21:40,191 --> 00:21:41,458
I'll show you ridiculous!
559
00:21:41,491 --> 00:21:43,591
Get--! Come here!
560
00:21:43,625 --> 00:21:45,258
No, Mr. Costanza-- No, no--
561
00:21:45,291 --> 00:21:46,291
[SNAP]
562
00:21:47,191 --> 00:21:48,525
There.
563
00:21:48,558 --> 00:21:52,291
Now what have you got
to say for yourself?
564
00:21:52,325 --> 00:21:53,725
I told you
it looked like her.
565
00:22:03,725 --> 00:22:06,558
[GRACEFUL ITALIAN FOLK SONGPLAYING]
566
00:22:08,225 --> 00:22:09,425
Carlo.
567
00:22:09,458 --> 00:22:11,691
It's me, Frank.
568
00:22:12,625 --> 00:22:14,258
Huh?
569
00:22:14,291 --> 00:22:15,991
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
570
00:22:19,825 --> 00:22:21,858
I'm your cousin, Frank.
571
00:22:21,891 --> 00:22:23,291
Aren't you Carlo?
572
00:22:23,325 --> 00:22:25,858
Carlo? No.
573
00:22:25,891 --> 00:22:28,925
Me nome è Giuseppe.
574
00:22:28,958 --> 00:22:31,425
What do you know?
575
00:22:31,458 --> 00:22:32,196
[SNIFFLES]
All right.
576
00:22:32,196 --> 00:22:32,625
[SNIFFLES]
All right.
577
00:22:32,658 --> 00:22:34,558
I guess I was wrong.
578
00:22:37,991 --> 00:22:39,491
Hm.
39336
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