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1
00:00:01,002 --> 00:00:02,902
You can always tell what was the
best year of your father's life
2
00:00:02,935 --> 00:00:05,635
because they seem to freeze
that clothing style
3
00:00:05,668 --> 00:00:07,602
and just ride it out to the end,
don't they?
4
00:00:07,635 --> 00:00:09,435
And it's not like they don't
continue shopping,
5
00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:12,968
it's just they somehow manage
to find new old clothes.
6
00:00:13,002 --> 00:00:15,502
Every father is like
this fashion time capsule,
7
00:00:15,535 --> 00:00:16,368
you know what I mean?
8
00:00:16,402 --> 00:00:17,635
It's like they should be
on a pedestal
9
00:00:17,668 --> 00:00:19,602
with someone next to 'em goin',
"This was 1965."
10
00:00:19,635 --> 00:00:22,002
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
11
00:00:22,035 --> 00:00:23,602
To me, the worst thing
is shopping for pants.
12
00:00:23,635 --> 00:00:25,835
I hate dressing and undressing
in that little room.
13
00:00:25,868 --> 00:00:28,435
What men need is a place
to shop where you go in,
14
00:00:28,468 --> 00:00:29,802
you check your pants
at the door,
15
00:00:29,835 --> 00:00:30,000
and you just walk around
the store in your underwear.
16
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,102
and you just walk around
the store in your underwear.
17
00:00:32,135 --> 00:00:33,302
That would be the best way.
18
00:00:33,335 --> 00:00:35,268
Then you'd really have to lie
to the salesman.
19
00:00:35,302 --> 00:00:36,268
"Need some help?"
20
00:00:36,302 --> 00:00:37,502
"No, just getting some air."
21
00:00:44,183 --> 00:00:47,483
How would you describe
the smell in this house?
22
00:00:47,516 --> 00:00:48,983
Dandruff?
23
00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:51,983
Yeah, that's part of it.
24
00:00:52,016 --> 00:00:53,016
Kasha?
25
00:00:54,349 --> 00:00:55,649
There's some kasha.
26
00:00:55,683 --> 00:00:58,449
Yeah. Dandruff, kasha,
mothballs, cheap carpeting.
27
00:00:58,483 --> 00:00:59,983
It's potpourri, really.
28
00:01:00,983 --> 00:01:02,316
All right, let's go.
Come on.
29
00:01:02,349 --> 00:01:03,616
What,
you're going?
30
00:01:03,649 --> 00:01:05,616
Yeah. We shouldn't
have bowled that last game.
31
00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:06,616
I'm gonna be late.
32
00:01:06,649 --> 00:01:08,916
Hey. These aren't candies,
are they?
33
00:01:10,183 --> 00:01:11,616
Did you use those?
34
00:01:11,649 --> 00:01:13,116
These are guest soaps.
35
00:01:13,149 --> 00:01:14,149
Well, I'm a guest.
36
00:01:15,516 --> 00:01:17,649
Now my parents are gonna know
I had people over.
37
00:01:17,683 --> 00:01:19,116
Not allowed
to have people over?
38
00:01:19,149 --> 00:01:22,216
I can't have any parties
while they're out of town.
39
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:24,383
This is a party?
40
00:01:24,416 --> 00:01:25,983
Not anymore.
Come on, get your ball.
41
00:01:26,016 --> 00:01:28,349
We're leavin'.
Let's go, let's go.
42
00:01:28,383 --> 00:01:29,383
Whoa!
43
00:01:29,416 --> 00:01:31,316
Who put this cup
right on the new table?!
44
00:01:31,349 --> 00:01:32,449
I was having coffee.
45
00:01:32,483 --> 00:01:33,716
I put it on the coffee table.
46
00:01:33,749 --> 00:01:36,349
But you didn't use a coaster!
Jerry, you left a stain.
47
00:01:38,316 --> 00:01:39,665
Oh, boy, there's always one
at every party, huh?
48
00:01:39,665 --> 00:01:40,949
Oh, boy, there's always one
at every party, huh?
49
00:01:40,983 --> 00:01:42,949
Come on.
50
00:01:42,983 --> 00:01:44,116
What's the big rush?
51
00:01:44,149 --> 00:01:45,316
I'm having people over.
52
00:01:45,349 --> 00:01:46,316
Who?
53
00:01:46,349 --> 00:01:47,716
The girls for poker night.
54
00:01:47,749 --> 00:01:49,549
You know, Joanne,
Renee, Winona--
55
00:01:49,583 --> 00:01:50,549
Ah, ah, ah.
56
00:01:50,583 --> 00:01:52,049
Winona's gonna be there?
57
00:01:52,083 --> 00:01:54,683
Yeah. And she broke up
with the vitamin guy.
58
00:01:54,716 --> 00:01:55,716
Really?
59
00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:57,549
I'll put in a good word
for you.
60
00:01:57,583 --> 00:01:59,183
Thanks. Because I would really--
61
00:01:59,216 --> 00:02:00,383
[SCREAMS]
62
00:02:00,416 --> 00:02:01,883
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.
63
00:02:01,916 --> 00:02:03,516
I tell you,
this is not coming out.
64
00:02:03,549 --> 00:02:05,149
Just put a coffee-table book
over it.
65
00:02:05,183 --> 00:02:06,783
My parents don't read.
66
00:02:06,816 --> 00:02:09,049
They're gonna wonder what
a book is doing on the table.
67
00:02:09,083 --> 00:02:09,665
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
68
00:02:09,665 --> 00:02:10,316
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
69
00:02:10,349 --> 00:02:12,716
You know what would make
a great coffee-table book?
70
00:02:12,749 --> 00:02:16,449
A coffee-table book
about coffee tables.
71
00:02:16,483 --> 00:02:17,483
Get it?
72
00:02:18,749 --> 00:02:20,183
Got it.
Come on, let's go.
73
00:02:20,216 --> 00:02:21,649
Wait, wait, wait.
Not so fast.
74
00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:24,116
Jerry, you gotta take me
to get this thing refinished.
75
00:02:24,149 --> 00:02:25,216
Now?
76
00:02:25,249 --> 00:02:26,783
Yes, now.
It's gonna take a few days,
77
00:02:26,816 --> 00:02:28,183
and my parents are
gonna be back.
78
00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:29,549
I gotta have it back
before then.
79
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,616
Jerry, you promised you'd
get me home by 7.
80
00:02:31,649 --> 00:02:33,049
All right, we'll take
the subway.
81
00:02:33,083 --> 00:02:34,349
That'll get you home
in time.
82
00:02:34,383 --> 00:02:35,949
Oh. The subway?
From Queens?
83
00:02:35,983 --> 00:02:37,216
I'm gonna
get my coat.
84
00:02:37,249 --> 00:02:39,016
I'm sorry, Elaine,
I'll make it up to you.
85
00:02:39,049 --> 00:02:39,665
I need something to read
on the subway.
86
00:02:39,665 --> 00:02:41,649
I need something to read
on the subway.
87
00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:43,349
Here, read this.
88
00:02:43,383 --> 00:02:44,383
TV Guide?
89
00:02:46,883 --> 00:02:48,783
Like a history of coffee tables.
90
00:02:48,816 --> 00:02:52,149
Celebrities and
their coffee tables.
91
00:02:52,183 --> 00:02:53,283
It's a natural.
92
00:02:53,316 --> 00:02:55,216
This is a story
that must be told.
93
00:02:55,249 --> 00:02:56,516
Mm-hmm.
94
00:02:56,549 --> 00:02:58,516
So you gonna talk
to your boss about it, huh?
95
00:02:58,549 --> 00:03:00,183
Mm-hmm. First thing
in the morning.
96
00:03:00,216 --> 00:03:01,349
Yes, indeed.
97
00:03:01,383 --> 00:03:03,616
CONDUCTOR:
Next stop, Queensborough Plaza.
98
00:03:03,649 --> 00:03:05,316
Oh. Queensborough Plaza.
99
00:03:05,349 --> 00:03:06,783
This stop is famous
for its gyros.
100
00:03:06,816 --> 00:03:08,983
You want one?
101
00:03:09,016 --> 00:03:09,665
How are you gonna
get something
102
00:03:09,665 --> 00:03:10,383
How are you gonna
get something
103
00:03:10,416 --> 00:03:11,816
and get back
on the train in time?
104
00:03:11,849 --> 00:03:14,183
Well, they got a stand
right out on the platform.
105
00:03:14,216 --> 00:03:16,483
The gyros are cooked and wrapped
and ready to go.
106
00:03:16,516 --> 00:03:18,183
Three dollars, no change.
107
00:03:18,216 --> 00:03:19,183
You want one?
108
00:03:19,216 --> 00:03:20,183
No thanks.
109
00:03:20,216 --> 00:03:21,849
All right. But no bites.
110
00:03:29,016 --> 00:03:30,116
Highlighter?
111
00:03:30,149 --> 00:03:31,816
Excuse me?
112
00:03:31,849 --> 00:03:34,649
To highlight the programs
you plan to watch.
113
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:38,716
Uh, look, really, I'm--
I'm just trying to read.
114
00:03:38,749 --> 00:03:39,665
Fine, okay. It's just...
115
00:03:39,665 --> 00:03:41,816
Fine, okay. It's just...
116
00:03:41,849 --> 00:03:46,249
I've never seen a beautiful lady
reading...the Guide...
117
00:03:47,849 --> 00:03:51,116
so far away
from the TV.
118
00:03:51,149 --> 00:03:53,216
You must really like television.
119
00:03:55,416 --> 00:03:56,649
KRAMER:
Hey!
120
00:04:02,983 --> 00:04:05,649
Guess your boyfriend will have
to catch the next train.
121
00:04:06,583 --> 00:04:07,983
He's not my boyfriend.
122
00:04:08,016 --> 00:04:09,665
He's not?
123
00:04:09,665 --> 00:04:09,949
He's not?
124
00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,316
Interesting.
125
00:04:15,416 --> 00:04:17,349
Hey, maybe I should get
Elaine something.
126
00:04:17,383 --> 00:04:18,483
Why?
127
00:04:18,516 --> 00:04:20,283
Ah, you know,
I didn't drive her home,
128
00:04:20,316 --> 00:04:22,116
plus I give her a gift
in front of Winona,
129
00:04:22,149 --> 00:04:23,149
how does that hurt me?
130
00:04:23,183 --> 00:04:24,816
Can't hurt you.
131
00:04:24,849 --> 00:04:27,083
What about--?
What about this thing?
132
00:04:28,816 --> 00:04:29,949
The Indian?
133
00:04:29,983 --> 00:04:33,183
Yeah, you know,
kind of a peace offering.
134
00:04:33,216 --> 00:04:34,516
It's cute.
135
00:04:34,549 --> 00:04:38,449
Well, I can have the table
ready for you on Monday.
136
00:04:38,483 --> 00:04:39,665
All right, but no later 'cause
my parents are coming back.
137
00:04:39,665 --> 00:04:40,883
All right, but no later 'cause
my parents are coming back.
138
00:04:40,916 --> 00:04:43,316
They left you home alone, huh?
139
00:04:47,849 --> 00:04:48,849
Oh.
140
00:04:48,883 --> 00:04:49,883
Okay, see?
141
00:04:49,916 --> 00:04:52,583
On this particular Tuesday,
142
00:04:54,149 --> 00:04:57,016
you could have watched
six hours of Lucy.
143
00:04:58,916 --> 00:05:02,449
There's I Love Lucy...
144
00:05:02,483 --> 00:05:05,283
The Lucy Show...
145
00:05:05,316 --> 00:05:06,849
Here's Lucy.
146
00:05:10,049 --> 00:05:12,449
Oh! Ha-ha. It's my stop.
147
00:05:12,483 --> 00:05:14,049
[CLEARS THROAT]
148
00:05:14,483 --> 00:05:15,483
Bye-bye.
149
00:05:17,216 --> 00:05:19,649
Hey, miss, you forgot this!
150
00:05:28,583 --> 00:05:30,016
They don't make these
anymore.
151
00:05:30,049 --> 00:05:33,316
The work is all done by hand.
It takes years and years.
152
00:05:33,349 --> 00:05:34,683
Sylvia!
153
00:05:34,716 --> 00:05:37,116
For cryin' out loud,
you're 45 minutes late.
154
00:05:37,149 --> 00:05:38,349
Yeah, yeah.
155
00:05:38,383 --> 00:05:39,449
[GIGGLES]
156
00:05:39,483 --> 00:05:39,665
Is that your car out there?
157
00:05:39,665 --> 00:05:41,416
Is that your car out there?
158
00:05:42,649 --> 00:05:43,816
No, it's his.
159
00:05:43,849 --> 00:05:45,483
Oh, nice.
160
00:05:45,516 --> 00:05:47,483
You guys are obviously
from Manhattan?
161
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:51,616
Well, he is.
I-- I live around the corner.
162
00:05:51,649 --> 00:05:53,449
Really? Hm.
163
00:05:53,483 --> 00:05:56,416
I didn't think any cool guys
lived in this neighborhood.
164
00:05:58,349 --> 00:05:59,383
Well, they do now.
165
00:06:01,383 --> 00:06:03,149
The neighborhood's changing.
166
00:06:04,249 --> 00:06:05,683
All right,
I'll take it.
167
00:06:05,716 --> 00:06:06,683
Smart choice.
168
00:06:06,716 --> 00:06:08,649
Wow, you bought the Indian?
169
00:06:08,683 --> 00:06:09,665
Oh, you guys
have great taste.
170
00:06:09,665 --> 00:06:10,849
Oh, you guys
have great taste.
171
00:06:10,883 --> 00:06:13,483
Well,
we're collectors.
172
00:06:13,516 --> 00:06:16,816
We, uh, see objects
of great beauty and, uh...
173
00:06:17,816 --> 00:06:19,516
we must have them.
174
00:06:26,049 --> 00:06:28,049
Bluffed you out, jack.
Pair of deuces.
175
00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:29,049
Ohhh.
176
00:06:29,083 --> 00:06:31,183
[ELAINE LAUGHS]
177
00:06:31,216 --> 00:06:32,783
[KNOCKING]
Who is it?
178
00:06:32,816 --> 00:06:34,516
It's Jerry.
179
00:06:34,549 --> 00:06:35,716
What?
180
00:06:38,516 --> 00:06:39,483
Jerry!
181
00:06:39,516 --> 00:06:39,665
Surprise!
182
00:06:39,665 --> 00:06:40,649
Surprise!
183
00:06:42,349 --> 00:06:43,783
What is this?
184
00:06:43,816 --> 00:06:45,449
Well, I felt bad about
this afternoon,
185
00:06:45,483 --> 00:06:46,949
so I got you something.
186
00:06:46,983 --> 00:06:47,949
Oh, you did.
187
00:06:47,983 --> 00:06:49,949
Do you guys all know Jerry?
188
00:06:49,983 --> 00:06:51,316
Hi, Jerry.
Yeah.
Hi.
189
00:06:51,349 --> 00:06:52,483
Hi. Hi, Winona.
190
00:06:53,883 --> 00:06:55,683
Nice to see you again.
191
00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:57,183
Elaine, is it
your birthday?
192
00:06:57,216 --> 00:06:58,183
No.
193
00:06:58,216 --> 00:07:00,216
I don't need a reason
to give gifts.
194
00:07:00,249 --> 00:07:03,949
It's my nature.
I love to make people happy.
195
00:07:03,983 --> 00:07:06,116
Oh, that is so sweet.
Ohhh.
196
00:07:06,149 --> 00:07:07,449
Are you ready?
Yeah.
197
00:07:07,483 --> 00:07:08,683
Ta-da!
198
00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,483
It's a cigar-store Indian.
199
00:07:18,016 --> 00:07:19,816
Read the card.
200
00:07:23,383 --> 00:07:25,116
That's very nice.
Thank you very much.
201
00:07:25,149 --> 00:07:26,549
Read it out loud.
202
00:07:26,583 --> 00:07:29,349
I-- I don't think so.
203
00:07:29,383 --> 00:07:30,383
Jerr--
204
00:07:30,416 --> 00:07:32,816
We had a little fight
this afternoon.
205
00:07:32,849 --> 00:07:36,883
"Let's bury the hatchet.
We smokem peace pipe."
206
00:07:36,916 --> 00:07:39,449
You know, it's late.
I really should go.
207
00:07:39,483 --> 00:07:39,665
I, uh-- I don't blame you,
Winona. I--
208
00:07:39,665 --> 00:07:41,049
I, uh-- I don't blame you,
Winona. I--
209
00:07:41,083 --> 00:07:43,716
♪ Hey-ya, ho-ah
Hey-ya, ho-ah ♪
210
00:07:43,749 --> 00:07:46,983
♪ Ho-ah, ha
Hey-ya, ho-ya ♪
211
00:07:47,016 --> 00:07:49,183
♪ Hey-ya, ho
Hey-ya, ho-ah ♪
212
00:07:49,216 --> 00:07:53,383
Are you out of
your mind?
213
00:07:53,416 --> 00:07:55,016
It's-- It's--
It's kitschy.
214
00:07:55,049 --> 00:07:59,216
Winona is
a Native American.
215
00:07:59,249 --> 00:08:01,216
She is?
216
00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:06,683
You've got
very unusual taste.
217
00:08:08,349 --> 00:08:09,665
I hope prune juice is all right.
218
00:08:09,665 --> 00:08:10,316
I hope prune juice is all right.
219
00:08:13,916 --> 00:08:15,816
It's the only thing I had
that was chilled.
220
00:08:15,849 --> 00:08:17,816
Oh, that's fine.
221
00:08:17,849 --> 00:08:20,516
I'm sorry about that lock
on the liquor cabinet.
222
00:08:20,549 --> 00:08:24,816
The, uh-- The combination must
have just flown out of my head.
223
00:08:24,849 --> 00:08:26,116
It's a mental block.
224
00:08:26,149 --> 00:08:30,383
Ah. Is this your son
in the bubble bath?
225
00:08:30,416 --> 00:08:33,149
No, that's me.
226
00:08:33,183 --> 00:08:34,183
Oh.
227
00:08:34,216 --> 00:08:35,816
You don't see
too many guys your age
228
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:38,116
who keep baby pictures
of themselves around.
229
00:08:38,149 --> 00:08:39,116
[CHUCKLES]
230
00:08:39,149 --> 00:08:39,665
I like it.
231
00:08:39,665 --> 00:08:41,316
I like it.
232
00:08:41,349 --> 00:08:44,316
Consistent with the rest
of the house.
233
00:08:44,349 --> 00:08:45,716
Yes, it is consistent.
234
00:08:45,749 --> 00:08:47,483
I've, uh--
I've tried to maintain
235
00:08:47,516 --> 00:08:49,616
a consistent feel
throughout the house.
236
00:08:49,649 --> 00:08:51,983
What is this
we're listening to?
237
00:08:52,016 --> 00:08:53,683
The Ray Conniff singers.
238
00:08:57,216 --> 00:08:58,216
Mmmmm.
239
00:08:58,249 --> 00:08:59,483
What's that smell?
240
00:08:59,516 --> 00:09:01,349
Kasha?
241
00:09:04,349 --> 00:09:05,449
It's a potpourri.
242
00:09:05,483 --> 00:09:07,116
May I, uh...?
243
00:09:07,149 --> 00:09:09,665
May I show you
the master bedroom?
244
00:09:09,665 --> 00:09:09,849
May I show you
the master bedroom?
245
00:09:12,383 --> 00:09:13,683
WINONA:
Who is it?
246
00:09:13,716 --> 00:09:15,683
Uh, Winona,
it's Jerry Seinfeld.
247
00:09:16,883 --> 00:09:18,449
Yeah?
248
00:09:18,483 --> 00:09:20,983
Um, listen, I really feel badabout what happened. I-- I--
249
00:09:21,016 --> 00:09:22,849
I'd really like to apologize.
Can I come up?
250
00:09:22,883 --> 00:09:24,016
[SIGHS]
251
00:09:24,049 --> 00:09:25,583
I'll come down.
252
00:09:28,016 --> 00:09:29,316
I came by
to get my ball.
253
00:09:29,349 --> 00:09:30,349
It's right
over there.
254
00:09:30,383 --> 00:09:32,349
Oh. Yeah, thanks.
255
00:09:32,383 --> 00:09:34,283
Yeah, it's got the magic grip.
256
00:09:34,316 --> 00:09:37,016
How do you think I bowled
that 220 today, huh?
257
00:09:37,049 --> 00:09:38,983
Yo.
258
00:09:39,016 --> 00:09:39,665
Where did this come from?
259
00:09:39,665 --> 00:09:40,483
Where did this come from?
260
00:09:40,516 --> 00:09:42,216
Do you want it?
261
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:43,349
I can have this?
262
00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:44,449
Ha. Yeah.
263
00:09:44,483 --> 00:09:46,116
You wanna lug it uptown,
it's yours.
264
00:09:46,149 --> 00:09:47,649
Oh, I'll lug.
265
00:09:49,083 --> 00:09:51,449
It's just that it's
a very sensitive issue for me.
266
00:09:51,483 --> 00:09:52,883
And well it should be.
267
00:09:52,916 --> 00:09:55,283
I think if you spent any time
with me at all,
268
00:09:55,316 --> 00:09:58,183
you'd see I'm very sensitive
to these matters as well.
269
00:09:58,216 --> 00:10:00,316
You wouldn't be hungry
by any chance, would you?
270
00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:02,616
I guess I could go for a bite.
Do you like Chinese food?
271
00:10:02,649 --> 00:10:04,716
'Cause I once went to
a great Szechwan restaurant
272
00:10:04,749 --> 00:10:06,983
in this neighborhood.
I don't remember the address.
273
00:10:07,016 --> 00:10:08,216
Uh, excuse me.
274
00:10:08,249 --> 00:10:09,665
You must know where
the Chinese restaurant is?
275
00:10:09,665 --> 00:10:10,283
You must know where
the Chinese restaurant is?
276
00:10:10,316 --> 00:10:12,683
Why must I know?
Because I'm Chinese?
277
00:10:12,716 --> 00:10:15,216
You think I know where all
the Chinese restaurants are?
278
00:10:15,249 --> 00:10:18,383
Oh, ask honorable Chinaman
for "rocation" of restaurants.
279
00:10:18,416 --> 00:10:20,183
No, I thought because
you're the mailman
280
00:10:20,216 --> 00:10:21,683
you would know
the neighborhood.
281
00:10:21,716 --> 00:10:25,983
Oh, hello, American Joe, which
way to hamburger/hot-dog stand?
282
00:10:27,349 --> 00:10:28,383
I...
283
00:10:28,416 --> 00:10:29,716
I didn't know--
284
00:10:29,749 --> 00:10:31,849
It's late.
I should probably just go home.
285
00:10:31,883 --> 00:10:33,049
I-I had no idea--
286
00:10:33,083 --> 00:10:36,316
Hey, Jerry, look what I got!
287
00:10:36,349 --> 00:10:38,883
Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!
288
00:10:53,830 --> 00:10:54,797
Looks pretty good.
289
00:10:54,830 --> 00:10:56,064
Yeah, he did a good job.
290
00:10:56,097 --> 00:10:57,930
Yeah, I don't think
they'll be able to tell.
291
00:10:57,964 --> 00:10:59,130
You know, I don't get it.
292
00:10:59,164 --> 00:11:01,030
You're not allowed to ask
a Chinese person
293
00:11:01,064 --> 00:11:02,930
where a Chinese restaurant is?
294
00:11:02,964 --> 00:11:05,430
I mean, aren't we all getting
a little too sensitive?
295
00:11:05,464 --> 00:11:07,297
I mean, somebody asks me
which way is Israel,
296
00:11:07,330 --> 00:11:09,397
I don't fly off the handle.
297
00:11:13,230 --> 00:11:16,064
So, anyway, what's, uh--?
What's the status with, uh--?
298
00:11:16,097 --> 00:11:17,964
She kinda calmed down.
I talked to her today.
299
00:11:17,997 --> 00:11:18,273
In fact, I'm gonna
see her tonight.
300
00:11:18,273 --> 00:11:19,597
In fact, I'm gonna
see her tonight.
301
00:11:19,630 --> 00:11:20,564
Oh, great.
302
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:21,964
But I'm a little
uncomfortable.
303
00:11:21,997 --> 00:11:23,630
I'm afraid of making
another mistake.
304
00:11:23,664 --> 00:11:24,630
Ah, come on--
305
00:11:24,664 --> 00:11:26,064
Hello, hello!
306
00:11:26,097 --> 00:11:27,930
[FLATLY]
Oh. Hey. Your home. Hi.
307
00:11:27,964 --> 00:11:29,464
Oh, Georgie!
308
00:11:29,497 --> 00:11:31,364
[CHUCKLES]
309
00:11:31,397 --> 00:11:33,064
Oh, the house
looks very nice.
310
00:11:33,097 --> 00:11:34,064
Yeah, huh?
311
00:11:34,097 --> 00:11:35,097
Where's the mail?
312
00:11:35,130 --> 00:11:36,730
Hello, Jerry.
Hello.
313
00:11:36,764 --> 00:11:37,864
So how was the trip?
314
00:11:37,897 --> 00:11:39,464
Eh. Your father.
315
00:11:41,930 --> 00:11:43,064
Is there anything wrong
316
00:11:43,097 --> 00:11:44,997
with getting a receipt
at a toll booth?
317
00:11:45,664 --> 00:11:48,130
I'm going upstairs.
318
00:11:48,164 --> 00:11:48,273
This stack
should be bigger.
319
00:11:48,273 --> 00:11:49,797
This stack
should be bigger.
320
00:11:49,830 --> 00:11:51,264
Where's the TV Guide?
321
00:11:53,464 --> 00:11:54,730
What TV Guide?
322
00:11:54,764 --> 00:11:59,297
I'm missing TV Guide
volume 41 number 31.
323
00:12:01,730 --> 00:12:03,530
Uh, Elaine took it
to read on the subway.
324
00:12:03,564 --> 00:12:04,530
Elaine took it?
325
00:12:04,564 --> 00:12:06,097
I didn't know
she took it.
326
00:12:06,130 --> 00:12:07,397
Ah, it's two weeks old.
327
00:12:07,430 --> 00:12:09,564
How could you let her take
the TV Guide?!
328
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,497
He collects them.
329
00:12:13,630 --> 00:12:16,197
You collect TV Guide?
330
00:12:16,230 --> 00:12:18,273
The nerve of that woman
walking into my house,
331
00:12:18,273 --> 00:12:19,030
The nerve of that woman
walking into my house,
332
00:12:19,064 --> 00:12:20,697
stealing my collectibles.
333
00:12:20,730 --> 00:12:22,897
ESTELLE:
Oh, my God!
334
00:12:23,730 --> 00:12:25,430
This was
in our bed.
335
00:12:25,464 --> 00:12:26,864
Wh--?
336
00:12:26,897 --> 00:12:28,030
What is this?
337
00:12:28,064 --> 00:12:29,897
A prophylactic rubber?
338
00:12:35,897 --> 00:12:38,997
What is this doing
on my bed?!
339
00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:46,664
I don't know. Uh...
340
00:12:48,664 --> 00:12:49,664
I'll see you later.
341
00:12:55,097 --> 00:12:57,297
You were having sex
on our bed?
342
00:12:59,797 --> 00:13:01,164
Yes.
343
00:13:02,230 --> 00:13:05,464
Who told you
you could have sex in our bed?
344
00:13:05,497 --> 00:13:07,264
[WHINES]
Well, my bed is too small!
345
00:13:07,297 --> 00:13:09,230
Your bed is too small?
346
00:13:09,264 --> 00:13:11,964
I'm gone two weeks,
and you turn our house into...
347
00:13:11,997 --> 00:13:13,230
Into Bourbon Street?
348
00:13:14,430 --> 00:13:16,030
Where am I
going to sleep?
349
00:13:16,064 --> 00:13:17,964
What're you talkin' about?
350
00:13:17,997 --> 00:13:18,273
I can't sleep in there!
351
00:13:18,273 --> 00:13:19,597
I can't sleep in there!
352
00:13:19,630 --> 00:13:20,697
Of course, you can.
353
00:13:20,730 --> 00:13:21,964
I can't.
354
00:13:21,997 --> 00:13:23,164
I can't!
355
00:13:26,964 --> 00:13:28,364
That's it.
356
00:13:28,397 --> 00:13:30,130
You're grounded.
357
00:13:34,130 --> 00:13:36,264
You can't ground me,
I'm a grown man.
358
00:13:37,130 --> 00:13:39,097
You wanna live here...
359
00:13:39,130 --> 00:13:41,397
you respect
the rules of our house.
360
00:13:41,430 --> 00:13:42,797
You're grounded!
361
00:13:45,330 --> 00:13:47,264
So...where are
we gonna go eat?
362
00:13:47,297 --> 00:13:48,273
Oh, I thought we'd eat
at the Gentle Harvest.
363
00:13:48,273 --> 00:13:49,197
Oh, I thought we'd eat
at the Gentle Harvest.
364
00:13:49,230 --> 00:13:51,397
Ooh, I love that place,
but it's usually so crowded.
365
00:13:51,430 --> 00:13:52,397
Can we get a table?
366
00:13:52,430 --> 00:13:54,664
Oh, don't worry.
I made reser--
367
00:13:57,064 --> 00:13:58,264
You made what?
368
00:13:58,297 --> 00:13:59,597
I, uh...
369
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:03,097
I, uh-- I arranged for
the appropriate accommodations.
370
00:14:03,130 --> 00:14:04,230
Mm.
371
00:14:05,730 --> 00:14:08,197
And then...
372
00:14:08,230 --> 00:14:09,597
Knick tickets.
373
00:14:09,630 --> 00:14:11,097
Floor seats.
Oh!
374
00:14:11,130 --> 00:14:12,564
How did you get these?
375
00:14:12,597 --> 00:14:14,930
Got 'em on the street
from the scal--
376
00:14:17,330 --> 00:14:18,273
From who?
377
00:14:18,273 --> 00:14:18,597
From who?
378
00:14:19,397 --> 00:14:20,697
A, uh...
379
00:14:20,730 --> 00:14:21,730
One of those guys.
380
00:14:22,930 --> 00:14:23,897
What guys?
381
00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:25,730
You know, the guys that, uh--
382
00:14:25,764 --> 00:14:27,730
They sell the tickets
to the sold out events.
383
00:14:27,764 --> 00:14:29,064
Oh.
Wait a second.
384
00:14:29,097 --> 00:14:31,397
You got the Mark McEwen
TV Guide.
385
00:14:31,430 --> 00:14:32,630
That's Al Roker.
386
00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:35,297
Oh, well, they're both
chubby weathermen.
387
00:14:35,330 --> 00:14:38,464
I get Dom DeLuise and
Paul Prudhomme mixed up too.
388
00:14:38,497 --> 00:14:39,564
Could I have this?
389
00:14:39,597 --> 00:14:40,564
Sure, take it.
390
00:14:40,597 --> 00:14:41,697
Thanks.
391
00:14:41,730 --> 00:14:43,264
JERRY:
So Winona had the TV Guide.
392
00:14:43,297 --> 00:14:45,530
Told you
I'd make it up to you.
393
00:14:45,564 --> 00:14:48,197
Ah. So, Mr. Costanza
was pretty mad, huh?
394
00:14:48,230 --> 00:14:48,273
Yeah. You almost ruined
his life's work.
395
00:14:48,273 --> 00:14:52,797
Yeah. You almost ruined
his life's work.
396
00:14:52,830 --> 00:14:55,064
He collects these?
397
00:14:55,097 --> 00:14:56,297
Yeah.
398
00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:58,097
Wow.
399
00:14:59,730 --> 00:15:02,397
All right, well, I will
personally go out to Queens
400
00:15:02,430 --> 00:15:06,397
and deliver his Al Roker
TV Guide to him.
401
00:15:06,430 --> 00:15:07,897
What'd you do
with the one you took?
402
00:15:07,930 --> 00:15:09,764
I don't know.
403
00:15:09,797 --> 00:15:13,164
[HUMMING I LOVE LUCY THEME]
404
00:15:16,564 --> 00:15:17,697
Oh, hey.
405
00:15:17,730 --> 00:15:18,273
Hey.
Hi.
406
00:15:18,273 --> 00:15:18,964
Hey.
Hi.
407
00:15:18,997 --> 00:15:20,464
Yeah, uh, Elaine,
what did, uh--?
408
00:15:20,497 --> 00:15:21,764
What did he say, huh?
409
00:15:21,797 --> 00:15:23,064
What did who say?
410
00:15:23,097 --> 00:15:24,897
Your boss.
411
00:15:24,930 --> 00:15:27,397
Didn't you tell him about
the coffee-table book?
412
00:15:28,830 --> 00:15:29,897
Um...
413
00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:31,397
Yeah, you didn't tell him,
did you?
414
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:35,397
Kramer, it is
such a dumb idea.
415
00:15:35,430 --> 00:15:37,264
I would be--
Wait a minute, on the cover--
416
00:15:37,297 --> 00:15:38,897
I would be embarrassed
to bring it up.
417
00:15:38,930 --> 00:15:40,764
I thought it was
a pretty good idea.
418
00:15:40,797 --> 00:15:43,130
It's about coffee tables,
it's on a coffee table.
419
00:15:43,164 --> 00:15:44,397
Yeah, right, right.
420
00:15:44,430 --> 00:15:46,564
And on the cover is
a built-in coaster.
421
00:15:46,597 --> 00:15:47,664
Chk!
422
00:15:50,997 --> 00:15:51,964
All right, I'm gonna go.
423
00:15:51,997 --> 00:15:52,964
Where are
you goin'?
424
00:15:52,997 --> 00:15:54,397
I'm gonna go
to the cigar stores.
425
00:15:54,430 --> 00:15:56,064
I'm gonna see if
I can sell that Indian.
426
00:15:56,097 --> 00:15:57,130
My Indian?
427
00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:58,797
You know, I think
it's worth something.
428
00:15:58,830 --> 00:16:00,297
It's kitschy. Chk!
429
00:16:05,830 --> 00:16:08,797
How do you just
walk into a house
430
00:16:08,830 --> 00:16:10,797
and take a TV Guide?
431
00:16:13,130 --> 00:16:14,697
How does she expect
you to watch TV?
432
00:16:14,730 --> 00:16:16,397
[DOORBELL RINGS]
433
00:16:16,430 --> 00:16:18,273
Am I just supposed to
turn it on
434
00:16:18,273 --> 00:16:18,630
Am I just supposed to
turn it on
435
00:16:18,664 --> 00:16:22,297
and wander aimlessly
around the dial?
436
00:16:24,130 --> 00:16:26,730
Hello. Is Elaine home?
437
00:16:26,764 --> 00:16:28,464
Elaine Benes?
438
00:16:28,497 --> 00:16:30,264
Oh, she's my son's friend.
439
00:16:30,297 --> 00:16:32,697
And she's not welcome
in this house.
440
00:16:32,730 --> 00:16:37,064
Oh, 'cause I made her
this very special gift, okay.
441
00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:41,397
It's-- It's a bouquet of paper
from her TV Guide.
442
00:16:41,430 --> 00:16:43,397
That's my TV Guide!
443
00:16:43,430 --> 00:16:44,397
Ripped to shreds.
444
00:16:44,430 --> 00:16:45,697
She gave that to you?
445
00:16:45,730 --> 00:16:47,130
Hey!
446
00:16:47,164 --> 00:16:48,273
Is that the Twilight Zone
you're watching?
447
00:16:48,273 --> 00:16:49,230
Is that the Twilight Zone
you're watching?
448
00:16:51,230 --> 00:16:52,230
Yeah.
449
00:16:52,264 --> 00:16:55,264
Oh, this is a good one.
450
00:16:57,597 --> 00:17:00,364
CONDUCTOR:
Next stop, Queensborough Plaza.
451
00:17:00,397 --> 00:17:02,564
ELAINE:
Mmm, gyro.
452
00:17:15,930 --> 00:17:18,273
I like your place.
It's very unassuming.
453
00:17:18,273 --> 00:17:18,630
I like your place.
It's very unassuming.
454
00:17:18,664 --> 00:17:20,730
Oh, why would I assume?
I never assume.
455
00:17:20,764 --> 00:17:22,064
It leads to assumptions.
456
00:17:22,097 --> 00:17:23,764
[LAUGHS]
457
00:17:23,797 --> 00:17:25,430
Oh, by the way,
that TV Guide I gave you?
458
00:17:25,464 --> 00:17:26,564
I need it back.
459
00:17:26,597 --> 00:17:27,730
Why?
460
00:17:27,764 --> 00:17:29,697
I'm doing a report
on minorities in the media,
461
00:17:29,730 --> 00:17:31,730
and I wanted to use
that interview with Al Roker.
462
00:17:31,764 --> 00:17:33,464
It's too late.
I gave it to Elaine.
463
00:17:33,497 --> 00:17:35,764
She's already on her way
to give it to George's father.
464
00:17:35,797 --> 00:17:37,264
Jerry, I really need it back.
465
00:17:37,297 --> 00:17:38,530
I-it is mine.
466
00:17:38,564 --> 00:17:40,864
You can't give something
and then take it back.
467
00:17:40,897 --> 00:17:42,497
I mean,
what are you, a--? A...?
468
00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:45,497
What?
469
00:17:46,464 --> 00:17:47,964
A, uh...
470
00:17:47,997 --> 00:17:48,273
A person that, uh...
471
00:17:48,273 --> 00:17:49,197
A person that, uh...
472
00:17:49,230 --> 00:17:50,430
A person that what?
473
00:17:50,464 --> 00:17:52,030
Well, a person
that gives something,
474
00:17:52,064 --> 00:17:54,697
and then they're dissatisfied,
and they wish they had never--
475
00:17:54,730 --> 00:17:56,030
And?
Gi-given--
476
00:17:56,064 --> 00:17:58,530
Given it to the person
that they originally gave it to.
477
00:17:58,564 --> 00:17:59,597
You mean like...
478
00:17:59,630 --> 00:18:01,097
an Indian giver?!
479
00:18:01,130 --> 00:18:03,730
I'm sorry, I'm not familiar
with that term.
480
00:18:21,297 --> 00:18:24,097
I like the special fall preview
issues the best.
481
00:18:24,930 --> 00:18:26,030
Those...
482
00:18:26,064 --> 00:18:27,897
I've been saving
those from the beginning.
483
00:18:27,930 --> 00:18:29,297
[DOORBELL RINGS]
484
00:18:29,330 --> 00:18:32,464
These are worth, like,
a lot of money.
485
00:18:33,897 --> 00:18:35,797
Oh, hello, Elaine.
Hello.
486
00:18:35,830 --> 00:18:36,830
MAN:
Elaine!
487
00:18:37,664 --> 00:18:38,997
Hello.
488
00:18:40,764 --> 00:18:42,664
You look scrumptious.
489
00:18:44,597 --> 00:18:46,397
Why'd you take
my TV Guide?
490
00:18:46,430 --> 00:18:48,273
I'm so sorry about that,
Mr. Costanza.
491
00:18:48,273 --> 00:18:48,630
I'm so sorry about that,
Mr. Costanza.
492
00:18:48,664 --> 00:18:49,797
But look, look.
493
00:18:49,830 --> 00:18:51,197
I brought you
another one.
494
00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:53,297
I made this for you.
495
00:18:53,330 --> 00:18:54,930
Oh.
496
00:18:54,964 --> 00:18:56,464
Thank you.
497
00:18:56,497 --> 00:18:58,530
What is this?
You got stains all over it.
498
00:18:58,564 --> 00:19:00,297
What the hell'd you do?
499
00:19:00,330 --> 00:19:02,630
Hey, you can't talk to her
like that.
500
00:19:02,664 --> 00:19:04,430
I'll talk to her
any way I want!
501
00:19:04,464 --> 00:19:06,264
Come on, Elaine, let's go.
502
00:19:07,630 --> 00:19:09,797
My coffee table!
503
00:19:10,964 --> 00:19:12,264
KRAMER:
I don't understand.
504
00:19:12,297 --> 00:19:15,464
How can you have a cigar store
without an Indian?
505
00:19:15,497 --> 00:19:16,564
It's unseemly.
506
00:19:16,597 --> 00:19:18,273
I'll give you
a box of coronas for it.
507
00:19:18,273 --> 00:19:19,064
I'll give you
a box of coronas for it.
508
00:19:19,097 --> 00:19:20,364
Forget it.
509
00:19:20,397 --> 00:19:21,430
E-excuse me, are--?
510
00:19:21,464 --> 00:19:23,630
Are you, uh,
selling this Indian?
511
00:19:23,664 --> 00:19:24,697
Oh, yeah, yeah.
512
00:19:24,730 --> 00:19:27,364
I'm just
redecorating my office
513
00:19:27,397 --> 00:19:28,897
Uh-huh.
in a southwestern motif
514
00:19:28,930 --> 00:19:30,097
and this would be perfect.
515
00:19:30,130 --> 00:19:31,630
Give you $500 for it?
516
00:19:32,330 --> 00:19:33,864
Giddyup.
Yeah?
517
00:19:33,897 --> 00:19:36,397
Could you help me bring it up
to my office?
518
00:19:36,430 --> 00:19:38,397
I'm right next door,
Pendant Publishing.
519
00:19:38,430 --> 00:19:40,930
Pendant Publishing.
520
00:19:40,964 --> 00:19:42,664
Giddyup again.
521
00:19:45,597 --> 00:19:48,097
Mr. Lippman, I'm sorry.
I was in Queens and--
522
00:19:48,130 --> 00:19:48,273
Oh.
523
00:19:48,273 --> 00:19:49,430
Oh.
524
00:19:49,464 --> 00:19:50,430
Kramer.
525
00:19:50,464 --> 00:19:52,397
Yeah, hi, Elaine.
526
00:19:52,430 --> 00:19:54,064
What're you doing in here
with that?
527
00:19:54,097 --> 00:19:56,697
Well, it's a...
business transaction.
528
00:19:56,730 --> 00:19:59,397
Listen, the petty cash
just had 10s and 20s.
529
00:19:59,430 --> 00:20:01,564
Go ahead, count it.
Yeah.
530
00:20:01,597 --> 00:20:03,630
I'm sure
it's all here.
531
00:20:03,664 --> 00:20:04,864
You know, I was just admiring
532
00:20:04,897 --> 00:20:06,564
your coffee table
out there in the hall.
533
00:20:06,597 --> 00:20:08,297
You like that, huh?
534
00:20:08,330 --> 00:20:10,197
I had that custom made for me
in Santa Fe.
535
00:20:10,230 --> 00:20:11,697
You mind if I use it
in my book?
536
00:20:11,730 --> 00:20:13,430
What book?
537
00:20:13,464 --> 00:20:16,997
Well, I'm doing
a coffee-table book
on coffee tables.
538
00:20:17,564 --> 00:20:18,273
About coffee tables?
539
00:20:18,273 --> 00:20:19,030
About coffee tables?
540
00:20:19,064 --> 00:20:20,030
Uh-huh.
541
00:20:20,064 --> 00:20:22,364
That's fantastic.
542
00:20:22,397 --> 00:20:23,397
Who's your publisher?
543
00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:24,964
Well, I'm still
shopping it around.
544
00:20:24,997 --> 00:20:25,964
Yeah?
545
00:20:25,997 --> 00:20:27,364
You see...
546
00:20:27,397 --> 00:20:30,697
this is the kind of idea
you should be coming in with.
547
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:33,897
What the hell do you do around
here all day, anyway?
548
00:20:33,930 --> 00:20:35,697
Um, well, I read manuscripts--
549
00:20:35,730 --> 00:20:39,530
God, that Indian really
completes the room.
550
00:20:39,564 --> 00:20:41,164
Don't you think?
551
00:20:42,064 --> 00:20:43,330
[SIGHS]
552
00:20:45,730 --> 00:20:48,273
I know this coffee table.
It's George Costanza's.
553
00:20:48,273 --> 00:20:49,197
I know this coffee table.
It's George Costanza's.
554
00:20:49,230 --> 00:20:50,964
It's mine.
I'm his mother.
555
00:20:50,997 --> 00:20:53,364
Oh, I haven't seen George
for a while.
556
00:20:53,397 --> 00:20:54,864
He must be working very hard.
557
00:20:54,897 --> 00:20:57,064
George doesn't work.
558
00:20:57,097 --> 00:20:59,297
He's a bum.
559
00:20:59,330 --> 00:21:01,630
That's why he lives
at home with us.
560
00:21:01,664 --> 00:21:03,497
He does?
561
00:21:05,164 --> 00:21:07,130
I don't know why we didn't
think of this before.
562
00:21:07,164 --> 00:21:08,530
We just could call TV Guide.
563
00:21:08,564 --> 00:21:09,797
I don't know.
564
00:21:09,830 --> 00:21:12,897
Well, it's gonna make
Mr. Costanza very happy.
565
00:21:12,930 --> 00:21:14,430
I guess.
566
00:21:14,464 --> 00:21:15,564
What's the matter?
567
00:21:15,597 --> 00:21:17,097
What do you think
is the matter?
568
00:21:17,130 --> 00:21:18,273
I've been assigned to work
on Kramer's coffee-table book.
569
00:21:18,273 --> 00:21:21,464
I've been assigned to work
on Kramer's coffee-table book.
570
00:21:21,497 --> 00:21:23,464
It is a good idea,
Elaine.
571
00:21:23,497 --> 00:21:26,130
CONDUCTOR:
Next stop, Queensborough Plaza.
572
00:21:26,164 --> 00:21:27,297
Do you want a gyro?
573
00:21:27,330 --> 00:21:28,497
I don't think so.
574
00:21:34,130 --> 00:21:35,597
Elaine!
575
00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:40,764
Ah, guess your boyfriend's gonna
have to catch the next train.
576
00:21:40,797 --> 00:21:42,630
He's not my boyfriend.
577
00:21:42,664 --> 00:21:44,230
He's not?
578
00:21:44,264 --> 00:21:45,964
Interesting.
579
00:22:00,418 --> 00:22:01,685
I was always excited as a kid
580
00:22:01,718 --> 00:22:03,351
when that new TV Guide
would come.
581
00:22:03,385 --> 00:22:05,385
Somehow when that front cover's
nice and flat,
582
00:22:05,418 --> 00:22:08,518
it seems like there's good,
fresh TV shows in there.
583
00:22:08,551 --> 00:22:11,018
Then as the week goes by,
you start to hate the TV.
584
00:22:11,051 --> 00:22:12,318
All the shows stink.
585
00:22:12,351 --> 00:22:14,351
Everything's gettin'
all crumpled and ripped
586
00:22:14,385 --> 00:22:16,351
from being sat on,
thrown across the room.
587
00:22:16,385 --> 00:22:19,118
TV Guide is always thrown,
never handed to another person.
588
00:22:19,151 --> 00:22:22,285
It's the world's most thrown
reading material.
589
00:22:22,318 --> 00:22:24,351
"Where's the TV Guide?
There it is."
590
00:22:26,251 --> 00:22:27,818
You know, in the back
of the TV Guide,
591
00:22:27,851 --> 00:22:29,193
they have a phone number,
95 cents a minute,
592
00:22:29,193 --> 00:22:30,218
they have a phone number,
95 cents a minute,
593
00:22:30,251 --> 00:22:34,785
they'll give you the answers to
the TV Guide crossword puzzle.
594
00:22:34,818 --> 00:22:37,985
My question is, if you can't do
the TV Guide crossword puzzle,
595
00:22:38,018 --> 00:22:40,685
where are you comin' across
95 cents?
40863
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