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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,002 --> 00:00:02,902 You can always tell what was the best year of your father's life 2 00:00:02,935 --> 00:00:05,635 because they seem to freeze that clothing style 3 00:00:05,668 --> 00:00:07,602 and just ride it out to the end, don't they? 4 00:00:07,635 --> 00:00:09,435 And it's not like they don't continue shopping, 5 00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:12,968 it's just they somehow manage to find new old clothes. 6 00:00:13,002 --> 00:00:15,502 Every father is like this fashion time capsule, 7 00:00:15,535 --> 00:00:16,368 you know what I mean? 8 00:00:16,402 --> 00:00:17,635 It's like they should be on a pedestal 9 00:00:17,668 --> 00:00:19,602 with someone next to 'em goin', "This was 1965." 10 00:00:19,635 --> 00:00:22,002 [AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 11 00:00:22,035 --> 00:00:23,602 To me, the worst thing is shopping for pants. 12 00:00:23,635 --> 00:00:25,835 I hate dressing and undressing in that little room. 13 00:00:25,868 --> 00:00:28,435 What men need is a place to shop where you go in, 14 00:00:28,468 --> 00:00:29,802 you check your pants at the door, 15 00:00:29,835 --> 00:00:30,000 and you just walk around the store in your underwear. 16 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,102 and you just walk around the store in your underwear. 17 00:00:32,135 --> 00:00:33,302 That would be the best way. 18 00:00:33,335 --> 00:00:35,268 Then you'd really have to lie to the salesman. 19 00:00:35,302 --> 00:00:36,268 "Need some help?" 20 00:00:36,302 --> 00:00:37,502 "No, just getting some air." 21 00:00:44,183 --> 00:00:47,483 How would you describe the smell in this house? 22 00:00:47,516 --> 00:00:48,983 Dandruff? 23 00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:51,983 Yeah, that's part of it. 24 00:00:52,016 --> 00:00:53,016 Kasha? 25 00:00:54,349 --> 00:00:55,649 There's some kasha. 26 00:00:55,683 --> 00:00:58,449 Yeah. Dandruff, kasha, mothballs, cheap carpeting. 27 00:00:58,483 --> 00:00:59,983 It's potpourri, really. 28 00:01:00,983 --> 00:01:02,316 All right, let's go. Come on. 29 00:01:02,349 --> 00:01:03,616 What, you're going? 30 00:01:03,649 --> 00:01:05,616 Yeah. We shouldn't have bowled that last game. 31 00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:06,616 I'm gonna be late. 32 00:01:06,649 --> 00:01:08,916 Hey. These aren't candies, are they? 33 00:01:10,183 --> 00:01:11,616 Did you use those? 34 00:01:11,649 --> 00:01:13,116 These are guest soaps. 35 00:01:13,149 --> 00:01:14,149 Well, I'm a guest. 36 00:01:15,516 --> 00:01:17,649 Now my parents are gonna know I had people over. 37 00:01:17,683 --> 00:01:19,116 Not allowed to have people over? 38 00:01:19,149 --> 00:01:22,216 I can't have any parties while they're out of town. 39 00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:24,383 This is a party? 40 00:01:24,416 --> 00:01:25,983 Not anymore. Come on, get your ball. 41 00:01:26,016 --> 00:01:28,349 We're leavin'. Let's go, let's go. 42 00:01:28,383 --> 00:01:29,383 Whoa! 43 00:01:29,416 --> 00:01:31,316 Who put this cup right on the new table?! 44 00:01:31,349 --> 00:01:32,449 I was having coffee. 45 00:01:32,483 --> 00:01:33,716 I put it on the coffee table. 46 00:01:33,749 --> 00:01:36,349 But you didn't use a coaster! Jerry, you left a stain. 47 00:01:38,316 --> 00:01:39,665 Oh, boy, there's always one at every party, huh? 48 00:01:39,665 --> 00:01:40,949 Oh, boy, there's always one at every party, huh? 49 00:01:40,983 --> 00:01:42,949 Come on. 50 00:01:42,983 --> 00:01:44,116 What's the big rush? 51 00:01:44,149 --> 00:01:45,316 I'm having people over. 52 00:01:45,349 --> 00:01:46,316 Who? 53 00:01:46,349 --> 00:01:47,716 The girls for poker night. 54 00:01:47,749 --> 00:01:49,549 You know, Joanne, Renee, Winona-- 55 00:01:49,583 --> 00:01:50,549 Ah, ah, ah. 56 00:01:50,583 --> 00:01:52,049 Winona's gonna be there? 57 00:01:52,083 --> 00:01:54,683 Yeah. And she broke up with the vitamin guy. 58 00:01:54,716 --> 00:01:55,716 Really? 59 00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:57,549 I'll put in a good word for you. 60 00:01:57,583 --> 00:01:59,183 Thanks. Because I would really-- 61 00:01:59,216 --> 00:02:00,383 [SCREAMS] 62 00:02:00,416 --> 00:02:01,883 I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 63 00:02:01,916 --> 00:02:03,516 I tell you, this is not coming out. 64 00:02:03,549 --> 00:02:05,149 Just put a coffee-table book over it. 65 00:02:05,183 --> 00:02:06,783 My parents don't read. 66 00:02:06,816 --> 00:02:09,049 They're gonna wonder what a book is doing on the table. 67 00:02:09,083 --> 00:02:09,665 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 68 00:02:09,665 --> 00:02:10,316 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 69 00:02:10,349 --> 00:02:12,716 You know what would make a great coffee-table book? 70 00:02:12,749 --> 00:02:16,449 A coffee-table book about coffee tables. 71 00:02:16,483 --> 00:02:17,483 Get it? 72 00:02:18,749 --> 00:02:20,183 Got it. Come on, let's go. 73 00:02:20,216 --> 00:02:21,649 Wait, wait, wait. Not so fast. 74 00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:24,116 Jerry, you gotta take me to get this thing refinished. 75 00:02:24,149 --> 00:02:25,216 Now? 76 00:02:25,249 --> 00:02:26,783 Yes, now. It's gonna take a few days, 77 00:02:26,816 --> 00:02:28,183 and my parents are gonna be back. 78 00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:29,549 I gotta have it back before then. 79 00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,616 Jerry, you promised you'd get me home by 7. 80 00:02:31,649 --> 00:02:33,049 All right, we'll take the subway. 81 00:02:33,083 --> 00:02:34,349 That'll get you home in time. 82 00:02:34,383 --> 00:02:35,949 Oh. The subway? From Queens? 83 00:02:35,983 --> 00:02:37,216 I'm gonna get my coat. 84 00:02:37,249 --> 00:02:39,016 I'm sorry, Elaine, I'll make it up to you. 85 00:02:39,049 --> 00:02:39,665 I need something to read on the subway. 86 00:02:39,665 --> 00:02:41,649 I need something to read on the subway. 87 00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:43,349 Here, read this. 88 00:02:43,383 --> 00:02:44,383 TV Guide? 89 00:02:46,883 --> 00:02:48,783 Like a history of coffee tables. 90 00:02:48,816 --> 00:02:52,149 Celebrities and their coffee tables. 91 00:02:52,183 --> 00:02:53,283 It's a natural. 92 00:02:53,316 --> 00:02:55,216 This is a story that must be told. 93 00:02:55,249 --> 00:02:56,516 Mm-hmm. 94 00:02:56,549 --> 00:02:58,516 So you gonna talk to your boss about it, huh? 95 00:02:58,549 --> 00:03:00,183 Mm-hmm. First thing in the morning. 96 00:03:00,216 --> 00:03:01,349 Yes, indeed. 97 00:03:01,383 --> 00:03:03,616 CONDUCTOR: Next stop, Queensborough Plaza. 98 00:03:03,649 --> 00:03:05,316 Oh. Queensborough Plaza. 99 00:03:05,349 --> 00:03:06,783 This stop is famous for its gyros. 100 00:03:06,816 --> 00:03:08,983 You want one? 101 00:03:09,016 --> 00:03:09,665 How are you gonna get something 102 00:03:09,665 --> 00:03:10,383 How are you gonna get something 103 00:03:10,416 --> 00:03:11,816 and get back on the train in time? 104 00:03:11,849 --> 00:03:14,183 Well, they got a stand right out on the platform. 105 00:03:14,216 --> 00:03:16,483 The gyros are cooked and wrapped and ready to go. 106 00:03:16,516 --> 00:03:18,183 Three dollars, no change. 107 00:03:18,216 --> 00:03:19,183 You want one? 108 00:03:19,216 --> 00:03:20,183 No thanks. 109 00:03:20,216 --> 00:03:21,849 All right. But no bites. 110 00:03:29,016 --> 00:03:30,116 Highlighter? 111 00:03:30,149 --> 00:03:31,816 Excuse me? 112 00:03:31,849 --> 00:03:34,649 To highlight the programs you plan to watch. 113 00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:38,716 Uh, look, really, I'm-- I'm just trying to read. 114 00:03:38,749 --> 00:03:39,665 Fine, okay. It's just... 115 00:03:39,665 --> 00:03:41,816 Fine, okay. It's just... 116 00:03:41,849 --> 00:03:46,249 I've never seen a beautiful lady reading...the Guide... 117 00:03:47,849 --> 00:03:51,116 so far away from the TV. 118 00:03:51,149 --> 00:03:53,216 You must really like television. 119 00:03:55,416 --> 00:03:56,649 KRAMER: Hey! 120 00:04:02,983 --> 00:04:05,649 Guess your boyfriend will have to catch the next train. 121 00:04:06,583 --> 00:04:07,983 He's not my boyfriend. 122 00:04:08,016 --> 00:04:09,665 He's not? 123 00:04:09,665 --> 00:04:09,949 He's not? 124 00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,316 Interesting. 125 00:04:15,416 --> 00:04:17,349 Hey, maybe I should get Elaine something. 126 00:04:17,383 --> 00:04:18,483 Why? 127 00:04:18,516 --> 00:04:20,283 Ah, you know, I didn't drive her home, 128 00:04:20,316 --> 00:04:22,116 plus I give her a gift in front of Winona, 129 00:04:22,149 --> 00:04:23,149 how does that hurt me? 130 00:04:23,183 --> 00:04:24,816 Can't hurt you. 131 00:04:24,849 --> 00:04:27,083 What about--? What about this thing? 132 00:04:28,816 --> 00:04:29,949 The Indian? 133 00:04:29,983 --> 00:04:33,183 Yeah, you know, kind of a peace offering. 134 00:04:33,216 --> 00:04:34,516 It's cute. 135 00:04:34,549 --> 00:04:38,449 Well, I can have the table ready for you on Monday. 136 00:04:38,483 --> 00:04:39,665 All right, but no later 'cause my parents are coming back. 137 00:04:39,665 --> 00:04:40,883 All right, but no later 'cause my parents are coming back. 138 00:04:40,916 --> 00:04:43,316 They left you home alone, huh? 139 00:04:47,849 --> 00:04:48,849 Oh. 140 00:04:48,883 --> 00:04:49,883 Okay, see? 141 00:04:49,916 --> 00:04:52,583 On this particular Tuesday, 142 00:04:54,149 --> 00:04:57,016 you could have watched six hours of Lucy. 143 00:04:58,916 --> 00:05:02,449 There's I Love Lucy... 144 00:05:02,483 --> 00:05:05,283 The Lucy Show... 145 00:05:05,316 --> 00:05:06,849 Here's Lucy. 146 00:05:10,049 --> 00:05:12,449 Oh! Ha-ha. It's my stop. 147 00:05:12,483 --> 00:05:14,049 [CLEARS THROAT] 148 00:05:14,483 --> 00:05:15,483 Bye-bye. 149 00:05:17,216 --> 00:05:19,649 Hey, miss, you forgot this! 150 00:05:28,583 --> 00:05:30,016 They don't make these anymore. 151 00:05:30,049 --> 00:05:33,316 The work is all done by hand. It takes years and years. 152 00:05:33,349 --> 00:05:34,683 Sylvia! 153 00:05:34,716 --> 00:05:37,116 For cryin' out loud, you're 45 minutes late. 154 00:05:37,149 --> 00:05:38,349 Yeah, yeah. 155 00:05:38,383 --> 00:05:39,449 [GIGGLES] 156 00:05:39,483 --> 00:05:39,665 Is that your car out there? 157 00:05:39,665 --> 00:05:41,416 Is that your car out there? 158 00:05:42,649 --> 00:05:43,816 No, it's his. 159 00:05:43,849 --> 00:05:45,483 Oh, nice. 160 00:05:45,516 --> 00:05:47,483 You guys are obviously from Manhattan? 161 00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:51,616 Well, he is. I-- I live around the corner. 162 00:05:51,649 --> 00:05:53,449 Really? Hm. 163 00:05:53,483 --> 00:05:56,416 I didn't think any cool guys lived in this neighborhood. 164 00:05:58,349 --> 00:05:59,383 Well, they do now. 165 00:06:01,383 --> 00:06:03,149 The neighborhood's changing. 166 00:06:04,249 --> 00:06:05,683 All right, I'll take it. 167 00:06:05,716 --> 00:06:06,683 Smart choice. 168 00:06:06,716 --> 00:06:08,649 Wow, you bought the Indian? 169 00:06:08,683 --> 00:06:09,665 Oh, you guys have great taste. 170 00:06:09,665 --> 00:06:10,849 Oh, you guys have great taste. 171 00:06:10,883 --> 00:06:13,483 Well, we're collectors. 172 00:06:13,516 --> 00:06:16,816 We, uh, see objects of great beauty and, uh... 173 00:06:17,816 --> 00:06:19,516 we must have them. 174 00:06:26,049 --> 00:06:28,049 Bluffed you out, jack. Pair of deuces. 175 00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:29,049 Ohhh. 176 00:06:29,083 --> 00:06:31,183 [ELAINE LAUGHS] 177 00:06:31,216 --> 00:06:32,783 [KNOCKING] Who is it? 178 00:06:32,816 --> 00:06:34,516 It's Jerry. 179 00:06:34,549 --> 00:06:35,716 What? 180 00:06:38,516 --> 00:06:39,483 Jerry! 181 00:06:39,516 --> 00:06:39,665 Surprise! 182 00:06:39,665 --> 00:06:40,649 Surprise! 183 00:06:42,349 --> 00:06:43,783 What is this? 184 00:06:43,816 --> 00:06:45,449 Well, I felt bad about this afternoon, 185 00:06:45,483 --> 00:06:46,949 so I got you something. 186 00:06:46,983 --> 00:06:47,949 Oh, you did. 187 00:06:47,983 --> 00:06:49,949 Do you guys all know Jerry? 188 00:06:49,983 --> 00:06:51,316 Hi, Jerry. Yeah. Hi. 189 00:06:51,349 --> 00:06:52,483 Hi. Hi, Winona. 190 00:06:53,883 --> 00:06:55,683 Nice to see you again. 191 00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:57,183 Elaine, is it your birthday? 192 00:06:57,216 --> 00:06:58,183 No. 193 00:06:58,216 --> 00:07:00,216 I don't need a reason to give gifts. 194 00:07:00,249 --> 00:07:03,949 It's my nature. I love to make people happy. 195 00:07:03,983 --> 00:07:06,116 Oh, that is so sweet. Ohhh. 196 00:07:06,149 --> 00:07:07,449 Are you ready? Yeah. 197 00:07:07,483 --> 00:07:08,683 Ta-da! 198 00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,483 It's a cigar-store Indian. 199 00:07:18,016 --> 00:07:19,816 Read the card. 200 00:07:23,383 --> 00:07:25,116 That's very nice. Thank you very much. 201 00:07:25,149 --> 00:07:26,549 Read it out loud. 202 00:07:26,583 --> 00:07:29,349 I-- I don't think so. 203 00:07:29,383 --> 00:07:30,383 Jerr-- 204 00:07:30,416 --> 00:07:32,816 We had a little fight this afternoon. 205 00:07:32,849 --> 00:07:36,883 "Let's bury the hatchet. We smokem peace pipe." 206 00:07:36,916 --> 00:07:39,449 You know, it's late. I really should go. 207 00:07:39,483 --> 00:07:39,665 I, uh-- I don't blame you, Winona. I-- 208 00:07:39,665 --> 00:07:41,049 I, uh-- I don't blame you, Winona. I-- 209 00:07:41,083 --> 00:07:43,716 ♪ Hey-ya, ho-ah Hey-ya, ho-ah ♪ 210 00:07:43,749 --> 00:07:46,983 ♪ Ho-ah, ha Hey-ya, ho-ya ♪ 211 00:07:47,016 --> 00:07:49,183 ♪ Hey-ya, ho Hey-ya, ho-ah ♪ 212 00:07:49,216 --> 00:07:53,383 Are you out of your mind? 213 00:07:53,416 --> 00:07:55,016 It's-- It's-- It's kitschy. 214 00:07:55,049 --> 00:07:59,216 Winona is a Native American. 215 00:07:59,249 --> 00:08:01,216 She is? 216 00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:06,683 You've got very unusual taste. 217 00:08:08,349 --> 00:08:09,665 I hope prune juice is all right. 218 00:08:09,665 --> 00:08:10,316 I hope prune juice is all right. 219 00:08:13,916 --> 00:08:15,816 It's the only thing I had that was chilled. 220 00:08:15,849 --> 00:08:17,816 Oh, that's fine. 221 00:08:17,849 --> 00:08:20,516 I'm sorry about that lock on the liquor cabinet. 222 00:08:20,549 --> 00:08:24,816 The, uh-- The combination must have just flown out of my head. 223 00:08:24,849 --> 00:08:26,116 It's a mental block. 224 00:08:26,149 --> 00:08:30,383 Ah. Is this your son in the bubble bath? 225 00:08:30,416 --> 00:08:33,149 No, that's me. 226 00:08:33,183 --> 00:08:34,183 Oh. 227 00:08:34,216 --> 00:08:35,816 You don't see too many guys your age 228 00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:38,116 who keep baby pictures of themselves around. 229 00:08:38,149 --> 00:08:39,116 [CHUCKLES] 230 00:08:39,149 --> 00:08:39,665 I like it. 231 00:08:39,665 --> 00:08:41,316 I like it. 232 00:08:41,349 --> 00:08:44,316 Consistent with the rest of the house. 233 00:08:44,349 --> 00:08:45,716 Yes, it is consistent. 234 00:08:45,749 --> 00:08:47,483 I've, uh-- I've tried to maintain 235 00:08:47,516 --> 00:08:49,616 a consistent feel throughout the house. 236 00:08:49,649 --> 00:08:51,983 What is this we're listening to? 237 00:08:52,016 --> 00:08:53,683 The Ray Conniff singers. 238 00:08:57,216 --> 00:08:58,216 Mmmmm. 239 00:08:58,249 --> 00:08:59,483 What's that smell? 240 00:08:59,516 --> 00:09:01,349 Kasha? 241 00:09:04,349 --> 00:09:05,449 It's a potpourri. 242 00:09:05,483 --> 00:09:07,116 May I, uh...? 243 00:09:07,149 --> 00:09:09,665 May I show you the master bedroom? 244 00:09:09,665 --> 00:09:09,849 May I show you the master bedroom? 245 00:09:12,383 --> 00:09:13,683 WINONA: Who is it? 246 00:09:13,716 --> 00:09:15,683 Uh, Winona, it's Jerry Seinfeld. 247 00:09:16,883 --> 00:09:18,449 Yeah? 248 00:09:18,483 --> 00:09:20,983 Um, listen, I really feel bad about what happened. I-- I-- 249 00:09:21,016 --> 00:09:22,849 I'd really like to apologize. Can I come up? 250 00:09:22,883 --> 00:09:24,016 [SIGHS] 251 00:09:24,049 --> 00:09:25,583 I'll come down. 252 00:09:28,016 --> 00:09:29,316 I came by to get my ball. 253 00:09:29,349 --> 00:09:30,349 It's right over there. 254 00:09:30,383 --> 00:09:32,349 Oh. Yeah, thanks. 255 00:09:32,383 --> 00:09:34,283 Yeah, it's got the magic grip. 256 00:09:34,316 --> 00:09:37,016 How do you think I bowled that 220 today, huh? 257 00:09:37,049 --> 00:09:38,983 Yo. 258 00:09:39,016 --> 00:09:39,665 Where did this come from? 259 00:09:39,665 --> 00:09:40,483 Where did this come from? 260 00:09:40,516 --> 00:09:42,216 Do you want it? 261 00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:43,349 I can have this? 262 00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:44,449 Ha. Yeah. 263 00:09:44,483 --> 00:09:46,116 You wanna lug it uptown, it's yours. 264 00:09:46,149 --> 00:09:47,649 Oh, I'll lug. 265 00:09:49,083 --> 00:09:51,449 It's just that it's a very sensitive issue for me. 266 00:09:51,483 --> 00:09:52,883 And well it should be. 267 00:09:52,916 --> 00:09:55,283 I think if you spent any time with me at all, 268 00:09:55,316 --> 00:09:58,183 you'd see I'm very sensitive to these matters as well. 269 00:09:58,216 --> 00:10:00,316 You wouldn't be hungry by any chance, would you? 270 00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:02,616 I guess I could go for a bite. Do you like Chinese food? 271 00:10:02,649 --> 00:10:04,716 'Cause I once went to a great Szechwan restaurant 272 00:10:04,749 --> 00:10:06,983 in this neighborhood. I don't remember the address. 273 00:10:07,016 --> 00:10:08,216 Uh, excuse me. 274 00:10:08,249 --> 00:10:09,665 You must know where the Chinese restaurant is? 275 00:10:09,665 --> 00:10:10,283 You must know where the Chinese restaurant is? 276 00:10:10,316 --> 00:10:12,683 Why must I know? Because I'm Chinese? 277 00:10:12,716 --> 00:10:15,216 You think I know where all the Chinese restaurants are? 278 00:10:15,249 --> 00:10:18,383 Oh, ask honorable Chinaman for "rocation" of restaurants. 279 00:10:18,416 --> 00:10:20,183 No, I thought because you're the mailman 280 00:10:20,216 --> 00:10:21,683 you would know the neighborhood. 281 00:10:21,716 --> 00:10:25,983 Oh, hello, American Joe, which way to hamburger/hot-dog stand? 282 00:10:27,349 --> 00:10:28,383 I... 283 00:10:28,416 --> 00:10:29,716 I didn't know-- 284 00:10:29,749 --> 00:10:31,849 It's late. I should probably just go home. 285 00:10:31,883 --> 00:10:33,049 I-I had no idea-- 286 00:10:33,083 --> 00:10:36,316 Hey, Jerry, look what I got! 287 00:10:36,349 --> 00:10:38,883 Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo! 288 00:10:53,830 --> 00:10:54,797 Looks pretty good. 289 00:10:54,830 --> 00:10:56,064 Yeah, he did a good job. 290 00:10:56,097 --> 00:10:57,930 Yeah, I don't think they'll be able to tell. 291 00:10:57,964 --> 00:10:59,130 You know, I don't get it. 292 00:10:59,164 --> 00:11:01,030 You're not allowed to ask a Chinese person 293 00:11:01,064 --> 00:11:02,930 where a Chinese restaurant is? 294 00:11:02,964 --> 00:11:05,430 I mean, aren't we all getting a little too sensitive? 295 00:11:05,464 --> 00:11:07,297 I mean, somebody asks me which way is Israel, 296 00:11:07,330 --> 00:11:09,397 I don't fly off the handle. 297 00:11:13,230 --> 00:11:16,064 So, anyway, what's, uh--? What's the status with, uh--? 298 00:11:16,097 --> 00:11:17,964 She kinda calmed down. I talked to her today. 299 00:11:17,997 --> 00:11:18,273 In fact, I'm gonna see her tonight. 300 00:11:18,273 --> 00:11:19,597 In fact, I'm gonna see her tonight. 301 00:11:19,630 --> 00:11:20,564 Oh, great. 302 00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:21,964 But I'm a little uncomfortable. 303 00:11:21,997 --> 00:11:23,630 I'm afraid of making another mistake. 304 00:11:23,664 --> 00:11:24,630 Ah, come on-- 305 00:11:24,664 --> 00:11:26,064 Hello, hello! 306 00:11:26,097 --> 00:11:27,930 [FLATLY] Oh. Hey. Your home. Hi. 307 00:11:27,964 --> 00:11:29,464 Oh, Georgie! 308 00:11:29,497 --> 00:11:31,364 [CHUCKLES] 309 00:11:31,397 --> 00:11:33,064 Oh, the house looks very nice. 310 00:11:33,097 --> 00:11:34,064 Yeah, huh? 311 00:11:34,097 --> 00:11:35,097 Where's the mail? 312 00:11:35,130 --> 00:11:36,730 Hello, Jerry. Hello. 313 00:11:36,764 --> 00:11:37,864 So how was the trip? 314 00:11:37,897 --> 00:11:39,464 Eh. Your father. 315 00:11:41,930 --> 00:11:43,064 Is there anything wrong 316 00:11:43,097 --> 00:11:44,997 with getting a receipt at a toll booth? 317 00:11:45,664 --> 00:11:48,130 I'm going upstairs. 318 00:11:48,164 --> 00:11:48,273 This stack should be bigger. 319 00:11:48,273 --> 00:11:49,797 This stack should be bigger. 320 00:11:49,830 --> 00:11:51,264 Where's the TV Guide? 321 00:11:53,464 --> 00:11:54,730 What TV Guide? 322 00:11:54,764 --> 00:11:59,297 I'm missing TV Guide volume 41 number 31. 323 00:12:01,730 --> 00:12:03,530 Uh, Elaine took it to read on the subway. 324 00:12:03,564 --> 00:12:04,530 Elaine took it? 325 00:12:04,564 --> 00:12:06,097 I didn't know she took it. 326 00:12:06,130 --> 00:12:07,397 Ah, it's two weeks old. 327 00:12:07,430 --> 00:12:09,564 How could you let her take the TV Guide?! 328 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,497 He collects them. 329 00:12:13,630 --> 00:12:16,197 You collect TV Guide? 330 00:12:16,230 --> 00:12:18,273 The nerve of that woman walking into my house, 331 00:12:18,273 --> 00:12:19,030 The nerve of that woman walking into my house, 332 00:12:19,064 --> 00:12:20,697 stealing my collectibles. 333 00:12:20,730 --> 00:12:22,897 ESTELLE: Oh, my God! 334 00:12:23,730 --> 00:12:25,430 This was in our bed. 335 00:12:25,464 --> 00:12:26,864 Wh--? 336 00:12:26,897 --> 00:12:28,030 What is this? 337 00:12:28,064 --> 00:12:29,897 A prophylactic rubber? 338 00:12:35,897 --> 00:12:38,997 What is this doing on my bed?! 339 00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:46,664 I don't know. Uh... 340 00:12:48,664 --> 00:12:49,664 I'll see you later. 341 00:12:55,097 --> 00:12:57,297 You were having sex on our bed? 342 00:12:59,797 --> 00:13:01,164 Yes. 343 00:13:02,230 --> 00:13:05,464 Who told you you could have sex in our bed? 344 00:13:05,497 --> 00:13:07,264 [WHINES] Well, my bed is too small! 345 00:13:07,297 --> 00:13:09,230 Your bed is too small? 346 00:13:09,264 --> 00:13:11,964 I'm gone two weeks, and you turn our house into... 347 00:13:11,997 --> 00:13:13,230 Into Bourbon Street? 348 00:13:14,430 --> 00:13:16,030 Where am I going to sleep? 349 00:13:16,064 --> 00:13:17,964 What're you talkin' about? 350 00:13:17,997 --> 00:13:18,273 I can't sleep in there! 351 00:13:18,273 --> 00:13:19,597 I can't sleep in there! 352 00:13:19,630 --> 00:13:20,697 Of course, you can. 353 00:13:20,730 --> 00:13:21,964 I can't. 354 00:13:21,997 --> 00:13:23,164 I can't! 355 00:13:26,964 --> 00:13:28,364 That's it. 356 00:13:28,397 --> 00:13:30,130 You're grounded. 357 00:13:34,130 --> 00:13:36,264 You can't ground me, I'm a grown man. 358 00:13:37,130 --> 00:13:39,097 You wanna live here... 359 00:13:39,130 --> 00:13:41,397 you respect the rules of our house. 360 00:13:41,430 --> 00:13:42,797 You're grounded! 361 00:13:45,330 --> 00:13:47,264 So...where are we gonna go eat? 362 00:13:47,297 --> 00:13:48,273 Oh, I thought we'd eat at the Gentle Harvest. 363 00:13:48,273 --> 00:13:49,197 Oh, I thought we'd eat at the Gentle Harvest. 364 00:13:49,230 --> 00:13:51,397 Ooh, I love that place, but it's usually so crowded. 365 00:13:51,430 --> 00:13:52,397 Can we get a table? 366 00:13:52,430 --> 00:13:54,664 Oh, don't worry. I made reser-- 367 00:13:57,064 --> 00:13:58,264 You made what? 368 00:13:58,297 --> 00:13:59,597 I, uh... 369 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:03,097 I, uh-- I arranged for the appropriate accommodations. 370 00:14:03,130 --> 00:14:04,230 Mm. 371 00:14:05,730 --> 00:14:08,197 And then... 372 00:14:08,230 --> 00:14:09,597 Knick tickets. 373 00:14:09,630 --> 00:14:11,097 Floor seats. Oh! 374 00:14:11,130 --> 00:14:12,564 How did you get these? 375 00:14:12,597 --> 00:14:14,930 Got 'em on the street from the scal-- 376 00:14:17,330 --> 00:14:18,273 From who? 377 00:14:18,273 --> 00:14:18,597 From who? 378 00:14:19,397 --> 00:14:20,697 A, uh... 379 00:14:20,730 --> 00:14:21,730 One of those guys. 380 00:14:22,930 --> 00:14:23,897 What guys? 381 00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:25,730 You know, the guys that, uh-- 382 00:14:25,764 --> 00:14:27,730 They sell the tickets to the sold out events. 383 00:14:27,764 --> 00:14:29,064 Oh. Wait a second. 384 00:14:29,097 --> 00:14:31,397 You got the Mark McEwen TV Guide. 385 00:14:31,430 --> 00:14:32,630 That's Al Roker. 386 00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:35,297 Oh, well, they're both chubby weathermen. 387 00:14:35,330 --> 00:14:38,464 I get Dom DeLuise and Paul Prudhomme mixed up too. 388 00:14:38,497 --> 00:14:39,564 Could I have this? 389 00:14:39,597 --> 00:14:40,564 Sure, take it. 390 00:14:40,597 --> 00:14:41,697 Thanks. 391 00:14:41,730 --> 00:14:43,264 JERRY: So Winona had the TV Guide. 392 00:14:43,297 --> 00:14:45,530 Told you I'd make it up to you. 393 00:14:45,564 --> 00:14:48,197 Ah. So, Mr. Costanza was pretty mad, huh? 394 00:14:48,230 --> 00:14:48,273 Yeah. You almost ruined his life's work. 395 00:14:48,273 --> 00:14:52,797 Yeah. You almost ruined his life's work. 396 00:14:52,830 --> 00:14:55,064 He collects these? 397 00:14:55,097 --> 00:14:56,297 Yeah. 398 00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:58,097 Wow. 399 00:14:59,730 --> 00:15:02,397 All right, well, I will personally go out to Queens 400 00:15:02,430 --> 00:15:06,397 and deliver his Al Roker TV Guide to him. 401 00:15:06,430 --> 00:15:07,897 What'd you do with the one you took? 402 00:15:07,930 --> 00:15:09,764 I don't know. 403 00:15:09,797 --> 00:15:13,164 [HUMMING I LOVE LUCY THEME] 404 00:15:16,564 --> 00:15:17,697 Oh, hey. 405 00:15:17,730 --> 00:15:18,273 Hey. Hi. 406 00:15:18,273 --> 00:15:18,964 Hey. Hi. 407 00:15:18,997 --> 00:15:20,464 Yeah, uh, Elaine, what did, uh--? 408 00:15:20,497 --> 00:15:21,764 What did he say, huh? 409 00:15:21,797 --> 00:15:23,064 What did who say? 410 00:15:23,097 --> 00:15:24,897 Your boss. 411 00:15:24,930 --> 00:15:27,397 Didn't you tell him about the coffee-table book? 412 00:15:28,830 --> 00:15:29,897 Um... 413 00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:31,397 Yeah, you didn't tell him, did you? 414 00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:35,397 Kramer, it is such a dumb idea. 415 00:15:35,430 --> 00:15:37,264 I would be-- Wait a minute, on the cover-- 416 00:15:37,297 --> 00:15:38,897 I would be embarrassed to bring it up. 417 00:15:38,930 --> 00:15:40,764 I thought it was a pretty good idea. 418 00:15:40,797 --> 00:15:43,130 It's about coffee tables, it's on a coffee table. 419 00:15:43,164 --> 00:15:44,397 Yeah, right, right. 420 00:15:44,430 --> 00:15:46,564 And on the cover is a built-in coaster. 421 00:15:46,597 --> 00:15:47,664 Chk! 422 00:15:50,997 --> 00:15:51,964 All right, I'm gonna go. 423 00:15:51,997 --> 00:15:52,964 Where are you goin'? 424 00:15:52,997 --> 00:15:54,397 I'm gonna go to the cigar stores. 425 00:15:54,430 --> 00:15:56,064 I'm gonna see if I can sell that Indian. 426 00:15:56,097 --> 00:15:57,130 My Indian? 427 00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:58,797 You know, I think it's worth something. 428 00:15:58,830 --> 00:16:00,297 It's kitschy. Chk! 429 00:16:05,830 --> 00:16:08,797 How do you just walk into a house 430 00:16:08,830 --> 00:16:10,797 and take a TV Guide? 431 00:16:13,130 --> 00:16:14,697 How does she expect you to watch TV? 432 00:16:14,730 --> 00:16:16,397 [DOORBELL RINGS] 433 00:16:16,430 --> 00:16:18,273 Am I just supposed to turn it on 434 00:16:18,273 --> 00:16:18,630 Am I just supposed to turn it on 435 00:16:18,664 --> 00:16:22,297 and wander aimlessly around the dial? 436 00:16:24,130 --> 00:16:26,730 Hello. Is Elaine home? 437 00:16:26,764 --> 00:16:28,464 Elaine Benes? 438 00:16:28,497 --> 00:16:30,264 Oh, she's my son's friend. 439 00:16:30,297 --> 00:16:32,697 And she's not welcome in this house. 440 00:16:32,730 --> 00:16:37,064 Oh, 'cause I made her this very special gift, okay. 441 00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:41,397 It's-- It's a bouquet of paper from her TV Guide. 442 00:16:41,430 --> 00:16:43,397 That's my TV Guide! 443 00:16:43,430 --> 00:16:44,397 Ripped to shreds. 444 00:16:44,430 --> 00:16:45,697 She gave that to you? 445 00:16:45,730 --> 00:16:47,130 Hey! 446 00:16:47,164 --> 00:16:48,273 Is that the Twilight Zone you're watching? 447 00:16:48,273 --> 00:16:49,230 Is that the Twilight Zone you're watching? 448 00:16:51,230 --> 00:16:52,230 Yeah. 449 00:16:52,264 --> 00:16:55,264 Oh, this is a good one. 450 00:16:57,597 --> 00:17:00,364 CONDUCTOR: Next stop, Queensborough Plaza. 451 00:17:00,397 --> 00:17:02,564 ELAINE: Mmm, gyro. 452 00:17:15,930 --> 00:17:18,273 I like your place. It's very unassuming. 453 00:17:18,273 --> 00:17:18,630 I like your place. It's very unassuming. 454 00:17:18,664 --> 00:17:20,730 Oh, why would I assume? I never assume. 455 00:17:20,764 --> 00:17:22,064 It leads to assumptions. 456 00:17:22,097 --> 00:17:23,764 [LAUGHS] 457 00:17:23,797 --> 00:17:25,430 Oh, by the way, that TV Guide I gave you? 458 00:17:25,464 --> 00:17:26,564 I need it back. 459 00:17:26,597 --> 00:17:27,730 Why? 460 00:17:27,764 --> 00:17:29,697 I'm doing a report on minorities in the media, 461 00:17:29,730 --> 00:17:31,730 and I wanted to use that interview with Al Roker. 462 00:17:31,764 --> 00:17:33,464 It's too late. I gave it to Elaine. 463 00:17:33,497 --> 00:17:35,764 She's already on her way to give it to George's father. 464 00:17:35,797 --> 00:17:37,264 Jerry, I really need it back. 465 00:17:37,297 --> 00:17:38,530 I-it is mine. 466 00:17:38,564 --> 00:17:40,864 You can't give something and then take it back. 467 00:17:40,897 --> 00:17:42,497 I mean, what are you, a--? A...? 468 00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:45,497 What? 469 00:17:46,464 --> 00:17:47,964 A, uh... 470 00:17:47,997 --> 00:17:48,273 A person that, uh... 471 00:17:48,273 --> 00:17:49,197 A person that, uh... 472 00:17:49,230 --> 00:17:50,430 A person that what? 473 00:17:50,464 --> 00:17:52,030 Well, a person that gives something, 474 00:17:52,064 --> 00:17:54,697 and then they're dissatisfied, and they wish they had never-- 475 00:17:54,730 --> 00:17:56,030 And? Gi-given-- 476 00:17:56,064 --> 00:17:58,530 Given it to the person that they originally gave it to. 477 00:17:58,564 --> 00:17:59,597 You mean like... 478 00:17:59,630 --> 00:18:01,097 an Indian giver?! 479 00:18:01,130 --> 00:18:03,730 I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with that term. 480 00:18:21,297 --> 00:18:24,097 I like the special fall preview issues the best. 481 00:18:24,930 --> 00:18:26,030 Those... 482 00:18:26,064 --> 00:18:27,897 I've been saving those from the beginning. 483 00:18:27,930 --> 00:18:29,297 [DOORBELL RINGS] 484 00:18:29,330 --> 00:18:32,464 These are worth, like, a lot of money. 485 00:18:33,897 --> 00:18:35,797 Oh, hello, Elaine. Hello. 486 00:18:35,830 --> 00:18:36,830 MAN: Elaine! 487 00:18:37,664 --> 00:18:38,997 Hello. 488 00:18:40,764 --> 00:18:42,664 You look scrumptious. 489 00:18:44,597 --> 00:18:46,397 Why'd you take my TV Guide? 490 00:18:46,430 --> 00:18:48,273 I'm so sorry about that, Mr. Costanza. 491 00:18:48,273 --> 00:18:48,630 I'm so sorry about that, Mr. Costanza. 492 00:18:48,664 --> 00:18:49,797 But look, look. 493 00:18:49,830 --> 00:18:51,197 I brought you another one. 494 00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:53,297 I made this for you. 495 00:18:53,330 --> 00:18:54,930 Oh. 496 00:18:54,964 --> 00:18:56,464 Thank you. 497 00:18:56,497 --> 00:18:58,530 What is this? You got stains all over it. 498 00:18:58,564 --> 00:19:00,297 What the hell'd you do? 499 00:19:00,330 --> 00:19:02,630 Hey, you can't talk to her like that. 500 00:19:02,664 --> 00:19:04,430 I'll talk to her any way I want! 501 00:19:04,464 --> 00:19:06,264 Come on, Elaine, let's go. 502 00:19:07,630 --> 00:19:09,797 My coffee table! 503 00:19:10,964 --> 00:19:12,264 KRAMER: I don't understand. 504 00:19:12,297 --> 00:19:15,464 How can you have a cigar store without an Indian? 505 00:19:15,497 --> 00:19:16,564 It's unseemly. 506 00:19:16,597 --> 00:19:18,273 I'll give you a box of coronas for it. 507 00:19:18,273 --> 00:19:19,064 I'll give you a box of coronas for it. 508 00:19:19,097 --> 00:19:20,364 Forget it. 509 00:19:20,397 --> 00:19:21,430 E-excuse me, are--? 510 00:19:21,464 --> 00:19:23,630 Are you, uh, selling this Indian? 511 00:19:23,664 --> 00:19:24,697 Oh, yeah, yeah. 512 00:19:24,730 --> 00:19:27,364 I'm just redecorating my office 513 00:19:27,397 --> 00:19:28,897 Uh-huh. in a southwestern motif 514 00:19:28,930 --> 00:19:30,097 and this would be perfect. 515 00:19:30,130 --> 00:19:31,630 Give you $500 for it? 516 00:19:32,330 --> 00:19:33,864 Giddyup. Yeah? 517 00:19:33,897 --> 00:19:36,397 Could you help me bring it up to my office? 518 00:19:36,430 --> 00:19:38,397 I'm right next door, Pendant Publishing. 519 00:19:38,430 --> 00:19:40,930 Pendant Publishing. 520 00:19:40,964 --> 00:19:42,664 Giddyup again. 521 00:19:45,597 --> 00:19:48,097 Mr. Lippman, I'm sorry. I was in Queens and-- 522 00:19:48,130 --> 00:19:48,273 Oh. 523 00:19:48,273 --> 00:19:49,430 Oh. 524 00:19:49,464 --> 00:19:50,430 Kramer. 525 00:19:50,464 --> 00:19:52,397 Yeah, hi, Elaine. 526 00:19:52,430 --> 00:19:54,064 What're you doing in here with that? 527 00:19:54,097 --> 00:19:56,697 Well, it's a... business transaction. 528 00:19:56,730 --> 00:19:59,397 Listen, the petty cash just had 10s and 20s. 529 00:19:59,430 --> 00:20:01,564 Go ahead, count it. Yeah. 530 00:20:01,597 --> 00:20:03,630 I'm sure it's all here. 531 00:20:03,664 --> 00:20:04,864 You know, I was just admiring 532 00:20:04,897 --> 00:20:06,564 your coffee table out there in the hall. 533 00:20:06,597 --> 00:20:08,297 You like that, huh? 534 00:20:08,330 --> 00:20:10,197 I had that custom made for me in Santa Fe. 535 00:20:10,230 --> 00:20:11,697 You mind if I use it in my book? 536 00:20:11,730 --> 00:20:13,430 What book? 537 00:20:13,464 --> 00:20:16,997 Well, I'm doing a coffee-table book on coffee tables. 538 00:20:17,564 --> 00:20:18,273 About coffee tables? 539 00:20:18,273 --> 00:20:19,030 About coffee tables? 540 00:20:19,064 --> 00:20:20,030 Uh-huh. 541 00:20:20,064 --> 00:20:22,364 That's fantastic. 542 00:20:22,397 --> 00:20:23,397 Who's your publisher? 543 00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:24,964 Well, I'm still shopping it around. 544 00:20:24,997 --> 00:20:25,964 Yeah? 545 00:20:25,997 --> 00:20:27,364 You see... 546 00:20:27,397 --> 00:20:30,697 this is the kind of idea you should be coming in with. 547 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:33,897 What the hell do you do around here all day, anyway? 548 00:20:33,930 --> 00:20:35,697 Um, well, I read manuscripts-- 549 00:20:35,730 --> 00:20:39,530 God, that Indian really completes the room. 550 00:20:39,564 --> 00:20:41,164 Don't you think? 551 00:20:42,064 --> 00:20:43,330 [SIGHS] 552 00:20:45,730 --> 00:20:48,273 I know this coffee table. It's George Costanza's. 553 00:20:48,273 --> 00:20:49,197 I know this coffee table. It's George Costanza's. 554 00:20:49,230 --> 00:20:50,964 It's mine. I'm his mother. 555 00:20:50,997 --> 00:20:53,364 Oh, I haven't seen George for a while. 556 00:20:53,397 --> 00:20:54,864 He must be working very hard. 557 00:20:54,897 --> 00:20:57,064 George doesn't work. 558 00:20:57,097 --> 00:20:59,297 He's a bum. 559 00:20:59,330 --> 00:21:01,630 That's why he lives at home with us. 560 00:21:01,664 --> 00:21:03,497 He does? 561 00:21:05,164 --> 00:21:07,130 I don't know why we didn't think of this before. 562 00:21:07,164 --> 00:21:08,530 We just could call TV Guide. 563 00:21:08,564 --> 00:21:09,797 I don't know. 564 00:21:09,830 --> 00:21:12,897 Well, it's gonna make Mr. Costanza very happy. 565 00:21:12,930 --> 00:21:14,430 I guess. 566 00:21:14,464 --> 00:21:15,564 What's the matter? 567 00:21:15,597 --> 00:21:17,097 What do you think is the matter? 568 00:21:17,130 --> 00:21:18,273 I've been assigned to work on Kramer's coffee-table book. 569 00:21:18,273 --> 00:21:21,464 I've been assigned to work on Kramer's coffee-table book. 570 00:21:21,497 --> 00:21:23,464 It is a good idea, Elaine. 571 00:21:23,497 --> 00:21:26,130 CONDUCTOR: Next stop, Queensborough Plaza. 572 00:21:26,164 --> 00:21:27,297 Do you want a gyro? 573 00:21:27,330 --> 00:21:28,497 I don't think so. 574 00:21:34,130 --> 00:21:35,597 Elaine! 575 00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:40,764 Ah, guess your boyfriend's gonna have to catch the next train. 576 00:21:40,797 --> 00:21:42,630 He's not my boyfriend. 577 00:21:42,664 --> 00:21:44,230 He's not? 578 00:21:44,264 --> 00:21:45,964 Interesting. 579 00:22:00,418 --> 00:22:01,685 I was always excited as a kid 580 00:22:01,718 --> 00:22:03,351 when that new TV Guide would come. 581 00:22:03,385 --> 00:22:05,385 Somehow when that front cover's nice and flat, 582 00:22:05,418 --> 00:22:08,518 it seems like there's good, fresh TV shows in there. 583 00:22:08,551 --> 00:22:11,018 Then as the week goes by, you start to hate the TV. 584 00:22:11,051 --> 00:22:12,318 All the shows stink. 585 00:22:12,351 --> 00:22:14,351 Everything's gettin' all crumpled and ripped 586 00:22:14,385 --> 00:22:16,351 from being sat on, thrown across the room. 587 00:22:16,385 --> 00:22:19,118 TV Guide is always thrown, never handed to another person. 588 00:22:19,151 --> 00:22:22,285 It's the world's most thrown reading material. 589 00:22:22,318 --> 00:22:24,351 "Where's the TV Guide? There it is." 590 00:22:26,251 --> 00:22:27,818 You know, in the back of the TV Guide, 591 00:22:27,851 --> 00:22:29,193 they have a phone number, 95 cents a minute, 592 00:22:29,193 --> 00:22:30,218 they have a phone number, 95 cents a minute, 593 00:22:30,251 --> 00:22:34,785 they'll give you the answers to the TV Guide crossword puzzle. 594 00:22:34,818 --> 00:22:37,985 My question is, if you can't do the TV Guide crossword puzzle, 595 00:22:38,018 --> 00:22:40,685 where are you comin' across 95 cents? 40863

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