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1
00:00:01,204 --> 00:00:03,174
Whenever you ask for
the doggy bag in a restaurant,
2
00:00:03,207 --> 00:00:04,976
there's a certain sense
of failure there, isn't it?
3
00:00:05,009 --> 00:00:07,078
People always whisper it
to the waiter,
4
00:00:07,111 --> 00:00:09,047
[WHISPERING]
"Uh, excuse me, uh...
5
00:00:09,081 --> 00:00:10,382
"I'm sorry,
6
00:00:10,415 --> 00:00:12,851
"you're gonna have to give me
the doggy bag. I--
7
00:00:12,885 --> 00:00:15,054
[TEARFULLY]
I couldn't make it."
8
00:00:15,088 --> 00:00:16,556
And it is embarrassing,
9
00:00:16,590 --> 00:00:19,159
because a doggy bag means either
you were out at a restaurant
10
00:00:19,193 --> 00:00:21,562
when you're not hungry,
or you've chosen
11
00:00:21,596 --> 00:00:24,499
the stupidest possible way
to get dog food
12
00:00:24,532 --> 00:00:25,533
that there is.
13
00:00:25,566 --> 00:00:27,836
How about the doggy bag
on a date?
14
00:00:27,869 --> 00:00:29,738
That's a good move
for a guy, huh?
15
00:00:29,771 --> 00:00:30,000
Let me tell you something.
16
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,240
Let me tell you something.
17
00:00:31,273 --> 00:00:34,076
If you're a guy, and you ask
for the doggy bag on a date,
18
00:00:34,110 --> 00:00:37,014
you might as well have them
just wrap up your genitals too.
19
00:00:37,047 --> 00:00:38,949
You're not gonna be needing
those for a while, either.
20
00:00:45,123 --> 00:00:46,725
[HUMMING]
21
00:00:51,397 --> 00:00:52,532
Is that bothering you?
22
00:00:52,565 --> 00:00:54,000
No. Not at all.
23
00:00:55,569 --> 00:00:57,038
It's the BMW.
24
00:00:57,071 --> 00:00:59,874
Oh, could you please hurry?
25
00:00:59,907 --> 00:01:02,043
[SWEETLY]
"Please hurry."
26
00:01:02,077 --> 00:01:04,112
Look at you.
Look what you've become.
27
00:01:04,146 --> 00:01:05,748
What? What have I become?
28
00:01:05,781 --> 00:01:06,949
I haven't become anything.
29
00:01:06,982 --> 00:01:08,784
Oh, Carl can't wait
30
00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:10,053
a few more minutes?
31
00:01:10,086 --> 00:01:11,455
I don't want
to keep him waiting.
32
00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:11,500
He'll like you more.
33
00:01:11,500 --> 00:01:12,622
He'll like you more.
34
00:01:12,656 --> 00:01:15,793
That's impossible.
35
00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:17,995
Why do you have to pick
your teeth at the table?
36
00:01:18,028 --> 00:01:18,997
Leave me alone.
37
00:01:19,030 --> 00:01:20,666
WOMAN:
It's disgusting.
38
00:01:20,699 --> 00:01:23,835
Yeah, I'm gonna
get married real soon.
39
00:01:23,869 --> 00:01:25,071
So where am I
dropping you?
40
00:01:25,104 --> 00:01:27,139
His place.
41
00:01:27,173 --> 00:01:28,641
This guy's
got quite a racket.
42
00:01:28,675 --> 00:01:31,411
I take you to dinner, and then
drop you off at his apartment.
43
00:01:31,444 --> 00:01:34,182
And he gets
the rest of my chicken.
44
00:01:35,316 --> 00:01:37,485
So is tonight the night?
45
00:01:37,519 --> 00:01:38,820
♪ You never know ♪
46
00:01:38,853 --> 00:01:41,023
Ooh! Baby doll.
47
00:01:42,825 --> 00:01:44,226
Thank you, brother.
48
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:02,681
Boy, do you
smell something?
49
00:02:02,715 --> 00:02:04,017
Do I smell something?
50
00:02:04,050 --> 00:02:05,685
What am I,
hard of smelling?
51
00:02:05,719 --> 00:02:06,686
Of course
I smell something.
52
00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:08,322
What is it?
53
00:02:09,824 --> 00:02:11,500
I think it's BO.
54
00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:11,726
I think it's BO.
55
00:02:13,228 --> 00:02:14,362
What?
56
00:02:16,097 --> 00:02:19,035
It's BO. The valet
must've had BO.
57
00:02:19,068 --> 00:02:21,203
It can't be.
58
00:02:21,237 --> 00:02:22,705
Nobody has BO like this.
59
00:02:22,739 --> 00:02:26,209
Jerry, it's B...O.
60
00:02:26,243 --> 00:02:28,479
But the whole car smells.
61
00:02:28,512 --> 00:02:29,813
So?
62
00:02:29,847 --> 00:02:31,550
So when somebody has BO,
63
00:02:31,583 --> 00:02:33,985
the O usually
stays with the B.
64
00:02:34,018 --> 00:02:35,754
Once the B leaves,
the O goes with it.
65
00:02:44,531 --> 00:02:46,033
Oh!
Oh, my God!
66
00:02:49,871 --> 00:02:51,773
I can't believe you ski.
67
00:02:51,806 --> 00:02:53,075
I'm a great skier.
68
00:02:53,108 --> 00:02:54,510
Yeah, what else?
69
00:02:54,543 --> 00:02:55,678
Let's see.
70
00:02:55,711 --> 00:02:57,747
I ski, I fish,
71
00:02:57,781 --> 00:02:59,449
I pillage, I plunder.
72
00:02:59,483 --> 00:03:01,451
[LAUGHS]
73
00:03:01,485 --> 00:03:02,887
You pillage and plunder?
74
00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:04,054
When I travel.
75
00:03:04,088 --> 00:03:05,590
See, finally.
76
00:03:05,623 --> 00:03:07,692
Finally I get to meet a man
77
00:03:07,725 --> 00:03:09,895
who pillages and plunders.
78
00:03:09,928 --> 00:03:11,397
I'm so lucky.
79
00:03:17,170 --> 00:03:18,405
[SNIFFS]
80
00:03:23,344 --> 00:03:24,612
This should only
take a second.
81
00:03:24,645 --> 00:03:26,314
Yeah, I'm gonna
poke around.
82
00:03:32,822 --> 00:03:34,124
GEORGE:
Hey, what do you know?
83
00:03:34,157 --> 00:03:35,491
Look at that.
84
00:03:35,525 --> 00:03:36,492
A lesbian sighting.
85
00:03:36,526 --> 00:03:39,496
Ho, ho! My lucky day.
86
00:03:39,530 --> 00:03:41,500
They're so fascinating.
87
00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:41,565
They're so fascinating.
88
00:03:41,598 --> 00:03:43,000
Why is that?
89
00:03:43,034 --> 00:03:45,503
Because they don't want us.
90
00:03:45,537 --> 00:03:47,973
You gotta respect that.
91
00:03:48,006 --> 00:03:50,476
Oh, my God!
92
00:03:50,509 --> 00:03:51,477
It's Susan!
93
00:03:51,510 --> 00:03:54,013
But what do I do?
94
00:03:54,047 --> 00:03:55,014
George?
95
00:03:55,048 --> 00:03:56,283
Hngh-agh!
96
00:03:56,316 --> 00:03:57,284
Susan!
97
00:03:57,317 --> 00:03:58,285
SUSAN:
Hi!
98
00:03:58,318 --> 00:03:59,286
Hi!
99
00:03:59,319 --> 00:04:00,488
[LAUGHS]
100
00:04:00,521 --> 00:04:02,457
Oh, boy!
101
00:04:02,490 --> 00:04:03,992
What are you doing here?
102
00:04:04,025 --> 00:04:05,126
Renting a video.
103
00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:08,164
What do you
got there?
104
00:04:08,197 --> 00:04:10,367
Oh, some stupid movie.
105
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:11,368
This is Mona.
106
00:04:11,401 --> 00:04:11,500
Oh, uh...
107
00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:14,171
Oh, uh...
108
00:04:14,204 --> 00:04:16,039
Hi.
109
00:04:16,073 --> 00:04:17,275
Pleasure to meet you.
110
00:04:17,308 --> 00:04:19,343
Yes. Well...
111
00:04:19,377 --> 00:04:22,046
I'll let you two,
uh, catch up.
112
00:04:25,651 --> 00:04:27,353
You okay?
113
00:04:27,387 --> 00:04:28,888
Yeah. Yes.
114
00:04:28,922 --> 00:04:30,857
I just haven't
seen you in a long time.
115
00:04:30,891 --> 00:04:31,858
And you didn't expect me
116
00:04:31,892 --> 00:04:33,227
to be holding hands
with a woman.
117
00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,564
Oh, please!
[CHUCKLES]
118
00:04:36,598 --> 00:04:37,632
Me?
119
00:04:37,665 --> 00:04:39,701
Come on, that's great.
120
00:04:39,734 --> 00:04:41,500
Are you kidding?
I think that's fantastic.
121
00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:41,904
Are you kidding?
I think that's fantastic.
122
00:04:41,937 --> 00:04:44,072
I've always encouraged
experimentation.
123
00:04:44,107 --> 00:04:46,843
I'm the first guy in the pool.
124
00:04:46,876 --> 00:04:48,311
Who do you think
you're talking to?
125
00:04:48,345 --> 00:04:49,813
I know who I'm talking to.
126
00:04:49,846 --> 00:04:51,181
Of course you do, yeah.
127
00:04:51,215 --> 00:04:53,217
It's just, you know,
128
00:04:53,250 --> 00:04:54,519
I never knew...
129
00:04:54,552 --> 00:04:56,221
that, uh...
130
00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:59,024
I like women?
There you go.
131
00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:01,693
So, uh...
132
00:05:01,727 --> 00:05:03,062
how long has this been going on?
133
00:05:03,095 --> 00:05:05,798
Since you and I broke up.
134
00:05:09,570 --> 00:05:11,500
Ssssso after me, you...
135
00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:13,074
Ssssso after me, you...
136
00:05:13,107 --> 00:05:14,108
went that way?
137
00:05:15,810 --> 00:05:17,079
Yeah.
138
00:05:17,112 --> 00:05:19,849
[LAUGHS]
I think that's fantastic.
139
00:05:19,882 --> 00:05:21,417
Good for you.
140
00:05:21,451 --> 00:05:23,653
Nice. That's very nice.
141
00:05:29,126 --> 00:05:31,028
So, what do you got there?
Oh, I don't--
142
00:05:31,062 --> 00:05:35,233
Ahhh, Rochelle, Rochelle.
143
00:05:35,267 --> 00:05:37,102
It's a foreign movie.
144
00:05:37,135 --> 00:05:38,704
A film is what it is, actually.
145
00:05:38,737 --> 00:05:40,606
Yeah, a lot of nudity
in that, huh?
146
00:05:40,639 --> 00:05:41,500
No, no, no, a t-tiny bit.
147
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:41,941
No, no, no, a t-tiny bit.
148
00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:43,743
It's not even frontal nudity.
149
00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:46,280
It's, uh, side-al nudity.
150
00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:47,281
MAN:
Next!
151
00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:48,449
Ooh.
152
00:05:48,483 --> 00:05:49,484
That's me.
153
00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:50,919
All right, well,
good seeing you, George.
154
00:05:50,952 --> 00:05:52,120
Yes, good to see you, too.
155
00:05:52,153 --> 00:05:53,955
And good luck with, uh...
156
00:05:53,989 --> 00:05:55,857
With the whole thing there.
157
00:05:58,461 --> 00:05:59,596
Uh, what are
you returning?
158
00:06:01,865 --> 00:06:03,300
Uh, Rochelle, Rochelle.
159
00:06:03,333 --> 00:06:04,635
Oh, Rochelle, Rochelle.
160
00:06:04,668 --> 00:06:06,070
A young girl's
strange, erotic journey
Yeah.
161
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:07,305
from Milan to Minsk?
Yeah.
162
00:06:09,007 --> 00:06:11,476
Uh, that'll be $3.49.
163
00:06:11,510 --> 00:06:13,145
$3.49? It says $1.49.
164
00:06:13,178 --> 00:06:14,346
Well, you didn't rewind it.
165
00:06:14,379 --> 00:06:16,015
There's a $2.00 charge
for not rewinding.
166
00:06:16,048 --> 00:06:18,018
Yeah, b-b-b-- But
there's no signs here.
167
00:06:18,051 --> 00:06:19,452
This is an outrage.
What are you--?
168
00:06:19,485 --> 00:06:21,322
George, don't give him
any money for that.
169
00:06:21,355 --> 00:06:23,758
It'll cost you less
to keep it another day,
170
00:06:23,791 --> 00:06:25,760
rewind it,
and bring it back tomorrow.
171
00:06:25,793 --> 00:06:28,696
Don't give him the satisfaction.
172
00:06:28,730 --> 00:06:30,933
I'm not giving you
the satisfaction.
173
00:06:30,966 --> 00:06:33,169
I'm gonna
watch it again.
174
00:06:33,202 --> 00:06:34,470
How could that hurt?
175
00:06:36,540 --> 00:06:38,675
So this morning,
I go down to the garage
176
00:06:38,708 --> 00:06:40,110
to check the car out.
Mm-hmm.
177
00:06:40,144 --> 00:06:41,500
I figure, by this time,
the odor molecules
178
00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:42,347
I figure, by this time,
the odor molecules
179
00:06:42,380 --> 00:06:45,216
have had at least 12 hours
to de-smellify.
180
00:06:45,250 --> 00:06:46,217
Right.
181
00:06:46,251 --> 00:06:48,520
I open the car door.
182
00:06:48,554 --> 00:06:51,958
Like a punch in the face...
183
00:06:51,991 --> 00:06:53,360
the stench hits me.
184
00:06:53,393 --> 00:06:55,328
It's almost as if
it had gained strength
185
00:06:55,362 --> 00:06:56,697
throughout the night.
186
00:06:56,730 --> 00:07:00,401
I can think of at least
six known offensive odors
187
00:07:00,434 --> 00:07:01,870
that I would rather smell
188
00:07:01,903 --> 00:07:03,337
than what's living
in your car.
189
00:07:03,371 --> 00:07:04,506
What about skunk?
190
00:07:04,539 --> 00:07:05,574
I don't mind skunk.
191
00:07:05,607 --> 00:07:06,575
Horse manure?
192
00:07:06,608 --> 00:07:08,277
I love horse manure.
193
00:07:10,446 --> 00:07:11,500
Well, I've never seen
anything like this in my life.
194
00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:13,416
Well, I've never seen
anything like this in my life.
195
00:07:13,449 --> 00:07:15,051
In fact, I went
to the car wash.
196
00:07:15,085 --> 00:07:17,054
They want $250
to detail it
197
00:07:17,088 --> 00:07:18,222
and get the smell out.
198
00:07:18,255 --> 00:07:20,091
Oh!
I'm not paying for that.
199
00:07:20,124 --> 00:07:21,426
That's not my responsibility.
No. Mm-mmm.
200
00:07:21,459 --> 00:07:23,428
In fact, I'm driving up
to that restaurant now,
201
00:07:23,461 --> 00:07:24,830
and demand
they pay for it.
202
00:07:24,863 --> 00:07:25,964
Absolutely.
203
00:07:27,133 --> 00:07:30,336
Uh, listen,
let me ask you something.
204
00:07:30,369 --> 00:07:32,071
Um, when you're with a guy,
205
00:07:32,105 --> 00:07:34,508
and he tells you
he has to get up early,
206
00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:35,710
what does that mean?
207
00:07:35,743 --> 00:07:37,111
It means he's lying.
208
00:07:39,647 --> 00:07:40,849
Wow!
209
00:07:40,882 --> 00:07:41,500
Is that what
he told you?
210
00:07:41,500 --> 00:07:42,050
Is that what
he told you?
211
00:07:42,083 --> 00:07:44,921
Yeah. Last night.
212
00:07:44,954 --> 00:07:47,857
Oh, come on. Men have to
get up early sometime.
213
00:07:47,890 --> 00:07:50,093
No. Never.
214
00:07:50,127 --> 00:07:53,231
Jerry, I'm sure
I've seen men on the street
215
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:54,232
early in the morning.
216
00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:55,233
Well, sometimes we do
217
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:56,601
actually have to
get up early,
218
00:07:56,635 --> 00:07:58,770
but a man will always
trade sleep for sex.
219
00:07:58,803 --> 00:08:00,572
Is it possible
I'm not as attractive
220
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:01,807
as I think I am?
221
00:08:03,308 --> 00:08:04,744
Anything's possible.
222
00:08:08,982 --> 00:08:10,584
Yeah.
223
00:08:10,617 --> 00:08:11,500
What's the matter
with you?
224
00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:11,585
What's the matter
with you?
225
00:08:11,618 --> 00:08:13,287
Steinbrenner!
Ah, yeah.
226
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:14,622
He's ruining my life!
227
00:08:14,656 --> 00:08:16,591
Ah, yes. Steinbrenner.
228
00:08:16,624 --> 00:08:18,594
I can't think I can take
another season with him.
229
00:08:18,627 --> 00:08:20,763
He'll just trade away
their best young prospects.
230
00:08:20,796 --> 00:08:24,433
Just like he did with Buhner,
McGee, Drabeck, McGriff.
231
00:08:24,468 --> 00:08:25,802
I know the list.
232
00:08:25,835 --> 00:08:26,903
[SNIFFS]
233
00:08:26,936 --> 00:08:27,905
What's that smell?
234
00:08:27,938 --> 00:08:28,906
[SNIFFS]
235
00:08:28,939 --> 00:08:29,907
Wha-what smell?
236
00:08:29,940 --> 00:08:30,841
Ooh!
237
00:08:33,644 --> 00:08:34,680
You stink.
238
00:08:36,315 --> 00:08:38,317
What do you mean, I stink?
239
00:08:38,350 --> 00:08:39,618
You stink.
240
00:08:39,651 --> 00:08:41,500
Why don't you go take a shower?
I showered.
241
00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:42,121
Why don't you go take a shower?
I showered.
242
00:08:42,154 --> 00:08:44,124
JERRY:
Oh, wait a second.
243
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:46,359
Since I showered,
I've been in the car.
244
00:08:46,393 --> 00:08:47,628
So?
245
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:50,031
Don't you see
what's happening here?
246
00:08:50,064 --> 00:08:52,534
It's attached itself to me.
It's alive!
247
00:08:52,567 --> 00:08:55,337
If it's attached itself...
to you...
248
00:08:55,370 --> 00:08:56,806
[GASPS]
249
00:08:56,839 --> 00:08:58,441
Oh, my God!
250
00:08:58,474 --> 00:09:00,710
That's why Carl
said he had to get up early,
251
00:09:00,743 --> 00:09:03,179
because I stink!
252
00:09:03,213 --> 00:09:05,549
Jerry, he thinks I have BO.
Me!
253
00:09:05,582 --> 00:09:06,650
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
254
00:09:06,684 --> 00:09:07,852
Yep.
Yeah.
255
00:09:07,885 --> 00:09:08,853
This is George.
256
00:09:08,886 --> 00:09:10,222
I'm coming
right down.
257
00:09:10,255 --> 00:09:11,356
All right,
what happened?
258
00:09:11,389 --> 00:09:11,500
What happened?
259
00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:12,625
What happened?
260
00:09:12,658 --> 00:09:14,960
My car stinks is what happened,
261
00:09:14,993 --> 00:09:17,563
and it's destroying the lives
of everyone in its path.
262
00:09:22,702 --> 00:09:23,671
This is BO?
263
00:09:23,704 --> 00:09:25,205
Yes.
264
00:09:25,239 --> 00:09:27,375
This is unbelievable BO.
I know.
265
00:09:27,408 --> 00:09:29,044
I was at the car wash
this morning,
266
00:09:29,077 --> 00:09:31,213
and the guy told me,
in 38 years in the business,
267
00:09:31,247 --> 00:09:33,182
he's never smelled
anything like it.
268
00:09:33,215 --> 00:09:34,516
So let me ask you,
269
00:09:34,551 --> 00:09:36,519
do you think
I could've done this?
270
00:09:36,553 --> 00:09:38,588
No, no.
It's the valet guy.
271
00:09:38,621 --> 00:09:41,500
No, no. I mean driven Susan
to lesbianism.
272
00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:41,692
No, no. I mean driven Susan
to lesbianism.
273
00:09:41,725 --> 00:09:44,095
Oh! No, that's ridiculous.
274
00:09:44,128 --> 00:09:46,230
What if her experience with me
drove her to it?
275
00:09:46,264 --> 00:09:49,234
Suicide, maybe. Not lesbianism.
276
00:09:49,268 --> 00:09:51,336
And the woman
she was lesbianing with,
277
00:09:51,370 --> 00:09:54,240
Susan told me
she's never been with a guy.
278
00:09:54,274 --> 00:09:57,043
Oh, this isn't even BO.
279
00:09:57,077 --> 00:09:58,044
This is beyond BO.
280
00:09:58,078 --> 00:09:59,380
It's BBO.
281
00:09:59,413 --> 00:10:01,583
There should be a BO squad
that patrols the city
282
00:10:01,616 --> 00:10:02,684
like a smell Gestapo
283
00:10:02,717 --> 00:10:04,252
to sniff 'em out,
strip 'em down,
284
00:10:04,286 --> 00:10:05,854
and wash 'em
with a big, soapy brush.
285
00:10:05,888 --> 00:10:08,190
You know,
the funny thing is,
286
00:10:08,223 --> 00:10:11,427
somehow I find her
more appealing now.
287
00:10:11,460 --> 00:10:11,500
It's like, if I knew
that she was a lesbian
288
00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:13,430
It's like, if I knew
that she was a lesbian
289
00:10:13,463 --> 00:10:14,431
when we went out,
290
00:10:14,464 --> 00:10:16,566
I never would've
broken up with her.
291
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:18,135
Let me see if I understand this.
292
00:10:20,238 --> 00:10:21,973
On second thought...
293
00:10:25,577 --> 00:10:27,313
JERRY:
Now there he is.
That's the guy.
294
00:10:27,346 --> 00:10:28,648
[ROLLS UP WINDOW]
295
00:10:28,681 --> 00:10:31,918
No, thank you.
Go back. No, go back.
296
00:10:31,952 --> 00:10:33,120
No, back, back!
297
00:10:33,153 --> 00:10:34,154
Go back!
298
00:10:34,187 --> 00:10:36,224
I got it!
I'll park it!
299
00:10:36,257 --> 00:10:37,959
I'll park it. Go back.
You go back.
300
00:10:37,992 --> 00:10:41,062
JERRY:
Sorry. Thank you.
301
00:10:41,095 --> 00:10:41,500
Thank you. No.
302
00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:42,397
Thank you. No.
303
00:10:42,431 --> 00:10:45,768
What do you mean,
"stunk up"?
304
00:10:45,801 --> 00:10:47,803
I mean the car stinks.
305
00:10:47,837 --> 00:10:49,005
George, does the car stink?
306
00:10:49,039 --> 00:10:50,574
Stinks.
Stinks!
307
00:10:50,607 --> 00:10:52,476
Perhaps you are the one
who has the odor.
308
00:10:52,509 --> 00:10:55,179
Hey, I've never smelled
in my life, buddy.
309
00:10:55,212 --> 00:10:57,248
Really? Well, I can
smell you now.
310
00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:58,616
That's from the car.
311
00:10:58,650 --> 00:11:01,587
Maybe you stunk up the car
rather than it stinking up you.
312
00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:05,024
Oh, it's the chicken
and the egg.
313
00:11:05,058 --> 00:11:06,793
Thank you very much.
314
00:11:06,826 --> 00:11:08,362
Well, then,
go out and smell the car.
315
00:11:08,395 --> 00:11:09,763
See which smells worse.
316
00:11:09,796 --> 00:11:11,500
I don't have time
to smell cars.
317
00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:12,332
I don't have time
to smell cars.
318
00:11:12,366 --> 00:11:14,369
Forget about smelling the car.
319
00:11:14,402 --> 00:11:16,437
Smell the valet.
Go to the source.
320
00:11:16,471 --> 00:11:17,606
You gotta smell the car.
321
00:11:17,639 --> 00:11:19,341
I'm a busy man.
322
00:11:19,375 --> 00:11:20,742
Come on. One whiff.
323
00:11:22,712 --> 00:11:24,180
All right.
One whiff.
324
00:11:24,213 --> 00:11:25,482
[SNIFFING]
325
00:11:29,319 --> 00:11:30,488
[HITS CAR DOOR]
326
00:11:30,521 --> 00:11:32,690
All right! I give up!
I admit it, it stinks!
327
00:11:32,723 --> 00:11:34,192
Now, would you let me out!
Yeah.
328
00:11:34,225 --> 00:11:35,694
Yeah, you'll pay
for the cleaning?
329
00:11:35,727 --> 00:11:38,363
Yes, $50. I'll give you $50.
330
00:11:38,397 --> 00:11:40,966
Fifty dollars, I don't think
that's gonna cover it.
331
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:41,500
I'll give you whatever you want!
332
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:42,368
I'll give you whatever you want!
333
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:44,304
I want half, $125.
334
00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:45,806
Yes! Yes! $125 is good.
335
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:47,308
Now, would you please
open the door!
336
00:11:47,341 --> 00:11:48,309
Let me out of here!
337
00:11:48,342 --> 00:11:49,844
All right.
338
00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:50,778
Oh.
339
00:11:51,846 --> 00:11:52,880
GEORGE:
Oh, my God!
340
00:11:52,914 --> 00:11:53,882
What?
341
00:11:53,916 --> 00:11:55,083
The video!
342
00:11:55,117 --> 00:11:57,152
Someone stole the video
right out of the car!
343
00:11:57,185 --> 00:11:59,222
Someone stole
Rochelle, Rochelle?
344
00:11:59,255 --> 00:12:00,423
Well, you left
the window open.
345
00:12:00,456 --> 00:12:01,891
We had
to air out the car.
346
00:12:01,925 --> 00:12:03,327
You know,
you should pay for it.
347
00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:05,195
I'm not paying
for that.
348
00:12:05,229 --> 00:12:07,264
They already
got my $7.
349
00:12:07,297 --> 00:12:10,936
Erotic journey
from Milan to Minsk!
350
00:12:12,938 --> 00:12:15,241
The valet
had such bad BO?
351
00:12:15,274 --> 00:12:19,346
Oh, man,
just rampant, mutant BO.
352
00:12:19,379 --> 00:12:22,115
The O went
from the valet's B,
353
00:12:22,149 --> 00:12:23,784
to the car, to me.
Mm.
354
00:12:23,817 --> 00:12:25,419
It clings
to everything.
355
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,588
[CHUCKLES]
Jerry thinks
it's an entity.
356
00:12:27,622 --> 00:12:28,757
[BOTH LAUGH]
357
00:12:30,659 --> 00:12:32,594
But I showered
and I shampooed,
358
00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:33,596
so...
359
00:12:33,629 --> 00:12:35,097
That's a relief.
360
00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:36,066
Yeah.
361
00:12:38,301 --> 00:12:39,269
Phew.
362
00:12:39,302 --> 00:12:40,270
What?
363
00:12:40,304 --> 00:12:41,438
It's still there.
364
00:12:41,472 --> 00:12:41,500
No, no, no.
It can't be.
365
00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:42,773
No, no, no.
It can't be.
366
00:12:42,806 --> 00:12:44,075
I shampooed,
I rinsed, I repeated.
367
00:12:44,108 --> 00:12:45,977
It's still there.
I smelled it.
368
00:12:46,010 --> 00:12:48,113
I don't smell anything.
Here, take another smell.
369
00:12:48,146 --> 00:12:49,114
No.
370
00:12:49,147 --> 00:12:50,282
No, here.
Just one more smell!
371
00:12:50,315 --> 00:12:51,784
Please!
372
00:12:51,817 --> 00:12:54,220
CLERK:
Which movie was that again?
373
00:12:54,253 --> 00:12:56,122
Rochelle, Rochelle.
374
00:12:56,155 --> 00:12:57,424
George.
375
00:12:57,457 --> 00:12:59,226
Oh, hey,
thanks for meeting me here.
376
00:12:59,259 --> 00:13:03,631
Yeah, I don't have much time.
Yeah, listen, I got to ask you--
377
00:13:03,664 --> 00:13:05,767
I was a little concerned that...
378
00:13:05,801 --> 00:13:09,671
Perhaps I was responsible
in some way for your, uh...
379
00:13:10,472 --> 00:13:11,500
Metamorphosis.
380
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:12,141
Metamorphosis.
381
00:13:14,477 --> 00:13:16,680
[TAPPING CALCULATOR]
That'll be $98.
382
00:13:16,714 --> 00:13:18,482
What $98?
383
00:13:18,516 --> 00:13:20,018
That's what
I said, $98.
384
00:13:20,051 --> 00:13:23,321
How could that piece of crap
cost $98?
385
00:13:23,355 --> 00:13:24,656
George,
I really have--
386
00:13:24,689 --> 00:13:26,859
Do you believe this? $98!
387
00:13:26,892 --> 00:13:27,860
Jeez.
388
00:13:30,363 --> 00:13:31,464
Do you have any cash?
389
00:13:31,497 --> 00:13:33,500
I guess.
390
00:13:33,534 --> 00:13:37,504
I need, like, 35. Thanks.
391
00:13:37,538 --> 00:13:39,306
So...was it me?
392
00:13:39,340 --> 00:13:41,343
Oh, don't be
ridiculous.
393
00:13:41,376 --> 00:13:41,500
Is that what you wanted
to talk to me about?
394
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:43,511
Is that what you wanted
to talk to me about?
395
00:13:43,545 --> 00:13:44,680
Here.
396
00:13:44,713 --> 00:13:46,482
Oh, thanks, thanks a lot.
I'll pay you back.
397
00:13:46,515 --> 00:13:48,818
Yeah, sure.
398
00:13:48,852 --> 00:13:49,819
I gotta go.
399
00:13:49,853 --> 00:13:51,355
L-l-listen.
400
00:13:51,388 --> 00:13:52,957
Let me
ask you something.
401
00:13:52,990 --> 00:13:57,795
If you and Mona
were ever to dance,
402
00:13:57,828 --> 00:14:00,999
how do you decide who leads?
403
00:14:01,032 --> 00:14:04,871
I mean, do you take turns?
Do you discuss it beforehand?
404
00:14:04,904 --> 00:14:06,005
How does that work?
405
00:14:06,038 --> 00:14:07,707
You're an idiot.
406
00:14:09,777 --> 00:14:11,500
Why? That's a legitimate
sociological question.
407
00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:12,880
Why? That's a legitimate
sociological question.
408
00:14:12,913 --> 00:14:14,082
I'll see you.
409
00:14:14,115 --> 00:14:18,152
Oh, and, George,
by the way, you stink.
410
00:14:18,186 --> 00:14:20,389
You need a bath. Ugh.
411
00:14:20,422 --> 00:14:22,625
Wait, it's not me! It's the car.
412
00:14:27,764 --> 00:14:29,733
I didn't think I'd come.
413
00:14:29,766 --> 00:14:31,535
I knew you would.
414
00:14:31,568 --> 00:14:33,571
Oh, Mona.
415
00:14:33,605 --> 00:14:35,340
[SOFTLY]
Kramer.
416
00:14:35,373 --> 00:14:36,374
Oh.
417
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:42,115
We give it the full
executive treatment.
418
00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:43,583
That includes
complete deionization
419
00:14:43,617 --> 00:14:45,252
of the entire vehicle
420
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:48,022
where we spray everything
with Ozium-D,
421
00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:49,389
let it deionize,
422
00:14:49,423 --> 00:14:52,793
vacuum the spray out
with a deionizing machine.
423
00:14:52,828 --> 00:14:55,431
Hit it with high-pressure
compressed air,
424
00:14:55,464 --> 00:14:58,067
and wet-dry vac it to extract
the remaining liquids.
425
00:14:58,100 --> 00:15:01,571
Then we top it off with one
of our seven air fresheners.
426
00:15:01,604 --> 00:15:03,273
In your case,
I would recommend
427
00:15:03,306 --> 00:15:06,309
the, uh, jasmine
or the potpourri.
428
00:15:06,344 --> 00:15:07,752
Let's do it.
429
00:15:07,752 --> 00:15:09,113
Let's do it.
430
00:15:11,616 --> 00:15:13,885
The first thing
that we're gonna do
431
00:15:13,918 --> 00:15:16,956
is flush the follicles
with the five essential oils.
432
00:15:16,989 --> 00:15:20,060
Then we put you
under a vapor machine,
433
00:15:20,093 --> 00:15:21,127
and then a heated cap.
434
00:15:21,161 --> 00:15:23,764
Then we shampoo
and shampoo,
435
00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:25,332
and condition and condition.
436
00:15:27,134 --> 00:15:30,438
Then we saturate the hair
in diluted vinegar.
437
00:15:30,472 --> 00:15:34,109
Two parts vinegar,
10 parts water. Now...
438
00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:35,344
if that doesn't work,
439
00:15:35,378 --> 00:15:37,752
we have one last resort.
440
00:15:37,752 --> 00:15:37,947
we have one last resort.
441
00:15:37,981 --> 00:15:39,483
Tomato sauce.
442
00:15:41,385 --> 00:15:42,419
Tomato sauce?
443
00:15:42,452 --> 00:15:43,521
Yeah.
444
00:15:59,206 --> 00:16:01,041
Thanks a lot.
445
00:16:11,854 --> 00:16:13,789
Wait a minute.
446
00:16:13,823 --> 00:16:15,826
It still smells.
447
00:16:15,859 --> 00:16:17,728
It still smells!
448
00:16:20,732 --> 00:16:21,666
It still smells.
449
00:16:24,402 --> 00:16:26,071
It still smells.
450
00:16:26,104 --> 00:16:28,073
How could it still smell
after all that?
451
00:16:28,106 --> 00:16:29,575
I don't know!
452
00:16:29,608 --> 00:16:30,810
Well, what are you
gonna do?
453
00:16:30,844 --> 00:16:32,178
I'll tell you
what I'm gonna do,
454
00:16:32,211 --> 00:16:33,179
I'm selling that car.
455
00:16:33,212 --> 00:16:34,481
You're selling the car?
456
00:16:34,514 --> 00:16:36,650
You don't understand
what I'm up against.
457
00:16:36,684 --> 00:16:37,752
This is a force
more powerful
458
00:16:37,752 --> 00:16:37,918
This is a force
more powerful
459
00:16:37,952 --> 00:16:40,088
than anything
you can imagine!
460
00:16:40,121 --> 00:16:41,823
Even Superman
would be helpless
461
00:16:41,857 --> 00:16:44,493
against this
kind of stench.
462
00:16:44,526 --> 00:16:46,595
And I'll take anything
I can get for it.
463
00:16:46,628 --> 00:16:48,030
Maybe I'll buy it.
464
00:16:50,032 --> 00:16:51,234
Are you crazy?
465
00:16:51,268 --> 00:16:53,236
Don't you understand
what I'm saying to you?
466
00:16:53,270 --> 00:16:54,538
This isn't just an odor.
467
00:16:54,572 --> 00:16:56,874
You need a priest
to get rid of this thing.
468
00:16:58,142 --> 00:16:59,110
I still smell!
469
00:16:59,143 --> 00:17:01,079
You see?!
470
00:17:01,112 --> 00:17:02,747
You see what
I'm saying to you?!
471
00:17:02,781 --> 00:17:03,849
It's a presence!
472
00:17:03,883 --> 00:17:05,017
It's the beast.
473
00:17:05,050 --> 00:17:07,019
All right,
let me smell you.
474
00:17:07,052 --> 00:17:07,752
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
475
00:17:07,752 --> 00:17:08,021
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
476
00:17:08,054 --> 00:17:09,690
WOMAN:
Kramer? Kramer!
477
00:17:09,723 --> 00:17:11,024
What is that?
What's going on?
478
00:17:11,057 --> 00:17:13,194
WOMAN: Kramer, open up.
I know you're in there.
479
00:17:13,227 --> 00:17:14,528
Susan.
480
00:17:14,561 --> 00:17:15,530
Kramer!
481
00:17:15,563 --> 00:17:16,764
What is going on?
482
00:17:16,798 --> 00:17:18,066
You know what's going on?
483
00:17:18,100 --> 00:17:20,535
First he vomits on me,
484
00:17:20,568 --> 00:17:23,472
then he burns down
my father's cabin,
485
00:17:23,506 --> 00:17:25,709
and now, he's taken Mona
away from me.
486
00:17:25,742 --> 00:17:27,377
He stole your girlfriend?
487
00:17:27,411 --> 00:17:28,878
Yes!
488
00:17:28,912 --> 00:17:31,582
She's in love with him.
489
00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:35,420
Amazing.
490
00:17:35,453 --> 00:17:36,755
I drive them
to lesbianism,
491
00:17:36,788 --> 00:17:37,752
he brings them back.
492
00:17:37,752 --> 00:17:37,756
he brings them back.
493
00:17:43,262 --> 00:17:44,664
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
494
00:17:47,968 --> 00:17:49,437
Hello.
495
00:17:49,470 --> 00:17:50,438
KRAMER:
Is she still there?
496
00:17:50,471 --> 00:17:52,173
No, she left.
497
00:17:52,206 --> 00:17:53,908
What is going on?
What did you do?
498
00:17:53,942 --> 00:17:56,311
I don't know,
I didn't do anything.
499
00:17:56,345 --> 00:17:57,612
I was in
the video store,
500
00:17:57,646 --> 00:17:59,849
and I was practicing
my golf swing, you know.
501
00:17:59,882 --> 00:18:01,317
And, uh, you know,
with a broom,
502
00:18:01,351 --> 00:18:02,318
and--
503
00:18:02,352 --> 00:18:03,619
Yeah.
504
00:18:03,654 --> 00:18:06,523
But she saw me take a swing,
and she told me
505
00:18:06,557 --> 00:18:07,752
that the club
is going back too fast.
506
00:18:07,752 --> 00:18:09,927
that the club
is going back too fast.
507
00:18:09,961 --> 00:18:11,363
Well, we started talking.
508
00:18:11,396 --> 00:18:13,265
She's a golf teacher!
509
00:18:13,298 --> 00:18:14,466
So I went to a lesson,
510
00:18:14,499 --> 00:18:16,034
and, you know,
something happened between us,
511
00:18:16,068 --> 00:18:17,770
but she's a golf teacher, Jerry!
512
00:18:17,803 --> 00:18:18,872
I've struck gold!
513
00:18:18,905 --> 00:18:21,741
I've already taken
six strokes off my game.
514
00:18:23,677 --> 00:18:26,847
That's the least of what
you've accomplished.
515
00:18:26,881 --> 00:18:28,283
Listen, I'm having
dinner with her tonight.
516
00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:30,051
Is it all right
if I borrow your jacket?
517
00:18:30,085 --> 00:18:31,119
Oh, sure.
Yeah.
518
00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:32,454
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
519
00:18:32,488 --> 00:18:33,822
Kramer, Kramer,
hold on a second.
520
00:18:33,855 --> 00:18:35,357
I don't get this.
521
00:18:35,391 --> 00:18:37,752
This woman
has never been with a man
522
00:18:37,752 --> 00:18:37,794
This woman
has never been with a man
523
00:18:37,827 --> 00:18:39,162
her entire life.
524
00:18:39,196 --> 00:18:40,864
I'm Kramer.
525
00:18:46,237 --> 00:18:48,973
I know what
you're going through.
526
00:18:49,007 --> 00:18:50,909
Women! Who knows
what they want?
527
00:18:52,945 --> 00:18:55,047
I just don't know
what she sees in Kramer.
528
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:56,349
Listen.
529
00:18:56,382 --> 00:18:57,851
You're beautiful.
You're intelligent.
530
00:18:57,884 --> 00:19:00,654
You'll meet other girls.
531
00:19:00,687 --> 00:19:03,090
You think so?
Yes, I know so.
532
00:19:03,124 --> 00:19:05,293
You happen to be
a very eligible lesbian.
533
00:19:07,262 --> 00:19:07,752
You're very sweet.
534
00:19:07,752 --> 00:19:08,330
You're very sweet.
535
00:19:08,363 --> 00:19:10,599
Hey, I know what
I'm talking about.
536
00:19:10,633 --> 00:19:12,201
And I gotta be
honest with you.
537
00:19:12,235 --> 00:19:14,070
I gotta tell you...
538
00:19:14,103 --> 00:19:17,374
ever since I saw you
holding hands with that woman,
539
00:19:17,407 --> 00:19:19,376
I can't get you
out of my mind.
540
00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:20,511
Really?
541
00:19:20,545 --> 00:19:23,014
Yeah. You're just so...
542
00:19:23,048 --> 00:19:24,049
hip.
543
00:19:25,383 --> 00:19:26,452
Oh, my God.
544
00:19:26,485 --> 00:19:28,019
What?
It's Allison.
545
00:19:28,053 --> 00:19:30,757
I dated her right after you.
She was obsessed with me.
546
00:19:34,761 --> 00:19:36,096
George?
547
00:19:37,498 --> 00:19:37,752
[LAUGHS]
Allison, hi!
548
00:19:37,752 --> 00:19:39,633
[LAUGHS]
Allison, hi!
549
00:19:39,667 --> 00:19:42,471
Oh, my God! How are you?
550
00:19:42,504 --> 00:19:45,207
Good. You know,
you owe me $50.
551
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:47,910
Fifty, right, right.
552
00:19:47,943 --> 00:19:49,912
I don't have it on me right now.
553
00:19:49,945 --> 00:19:51,581
Allison, this is Susan.
Susan, Allison.
554
00:19:51,614 --> 00:19:52,583
Nice to meet you.
555
00:19:52,616 --> 00:19:53,584
Nice to meet you.
556
00:19:53,617 --> 00:19:58,389
That's a beautiful vest.
557
00:19:58,422 --> 00:20:00,192
Thank you.
558
00:20:05,964 --> 00:20:07,466
I don't understand it.
559
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:07,752
I was with her last night
at my apartment.
560
00:20:07,752 --> 00:20:09,268
I was with her last night
at my apartment.
561
00:20:09,302 --> 00:20:10,737
It was very romantic.
562
00:20:10,770 --> 00:20:12,639
You know, with that
fake wood wallpaper,
563
00:20:12,672 --> 00:20:14,575
the atmosphere
is fabulous in there now.
564
00:20:14,609 --> 00:20:16,244
It's like a ski lodge.
565
00:20:16,277 --> 00:20:18,246
What year did you say this was?
'90.
566
00:20:18,279 --> 00:20:20,081
Anyway, we were on the couch,
567
00:20:20,115 --> 00:20:21,082
I move to hug her,
568
00:20:21,116 --> 00:20:22,484
next thing, she tells me
she's leaving.
569
00:20:22,518 --> 00:20:23,786
She's gotta get up early.
570
00:20:23,820 --> 00:20:25,087
That's strange.
571
00:20:25,121 --> 00:20:26,656
How many miles
you got on this thing?
572
00:20:26,689 --> 00:20:28,358
Twenty-three thousand.
573
00:20:28,391 --> 00:20:29,592
And I was
looking good too.
574
00:20:29,626 --> 00:20:30,961
I had a nice
new shirt on,
575
00:20:30,994 --> 00:20:32,263
I'm wearing your jacket.
576
00:20:32,296 --> 00:20:34,265
[WHISPERS]
Wait a second.
577
00:20:34,298 --> 00:20:35,499
My jacket!
578
00:20:35,533 --> 00:20:36,935
I wore that in the car!
579
00:20:36,968 --> 00:20:37,752
The beast!
580
00:20:37,752 --> 00:20:38,136
The beast!
581
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:39,804
Uggggghhh!
582
00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:42,141
This wicked funk.
583
00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:43,509
I can't sell this car.
584
00:20:46,847 --> 00:20:48,482
This...
585
00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:50,117
thing!
586
00:20:50,151 --> 00:20:52,153
It's got to be stopped.
587
00:20:52,186 --> 00:20:53,220
What do you
wanna do?
588
00:20:53,254 --> 00:20:54,722
Sauce me.
589
00:21:40,410 --> 00:21:42,413
Why do we need BO?
590
00:21:42,446 --> 00:21:44,348
What is the function of it?
591
00:21:44,381 --> 00:21:46,450
Everything in nature
has a reason, has a purpose,
592
00:21:46,483 --> 00:21:47,685
except BO.
593
00:21:47,719 --> 00:21:48,920
Doesn't make any sense.
594
00:21:48,953 --> 00:21:51,924
Do something good,
hard work, exercise,
595
00:21:51,957 --> 00:21:53,926
smell very bad.
596
00:21:53,959 --> 00:21:56,029
This is the way
the human being is designed.
597
00:21:56,062 --> 00:21:58,197
You move, you stink.
598
00:21:58,231 --> 00:22:01,035
Why can't our bodies help us?
599
00:22:01,068 --> 00:22:03,638
Why can't sweat smell good?
600
00:22:03,671 --> 00:22:05,473
It'd be a different world,
wouldn't it?
601
00:22:05,506 --> 00:22:07,108
Instead of putting your laundry
in the hamper,
602
00:22:07,142 --> 00:22:08,777
you put it in a vase.
603
00:22:08,810 --> 00:22:10,078
Go down to the drug store,
604
00:22:10,111 --> 00:22:12,248
pick up some odorant
and perspirant.
605
00:22:12,281 --> 00:22:13,783
Probably have a dirty sweat sock
606
00:22:13,816 --> 00:22:15,618
hanging from
the rearview mirror of your car.
607
00:22:15,652 --> 00:22:16,971
And then,
on a really special night,
608
00:22:17,004 --> 00:22:18,137
maybe a little underwear
609
00:22:18,171 --> 00:22:19,971
coming out
of your breast pocket.
610
00:22:20,004 --> 00:22:22,037
Just to show her
that she's important.
40400
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