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1
00:00:00,666 --> 00:00:03,800
You can't just have an adultery,
you commit adultery.
2
00:00:04,088 --> 00:00:05,788
And you can't even
commit adultery
3
00:00:05,821 --> 00:00:08,288
unless you already have
a commitment,
4
00:00:08,321 --> 00:00:09,788
so you have to
make the commitment
5
00:00:09,821 --> 00:00:12,255
before you can even
think about committing it.
6
00:00:12,288 --> 00:00:13,621
There's no commit
without the commit.
7
00:00:13,655 --> 00:00:15,421
Then, once you commit,
8
00:00:15,455 --> 00:00:17,388
then you can commit
the adultery.
9
00:00:17,421 --> 00:00:18,955
Then you can get caught,
get divorced,
10
00:00:18,988 --> 00:00:21,421
lose your mind,
and they have you committed.
11
00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:24,955
But, you know, some people
actually cheat on the people
12
00:00:24,988 --> 00:00:26,888
that they're cheating with,
13
00:00:26,921 --> 00:00:29,055
which is, like, you know,
being in a holdup,
14
00:00:29,088 --> 00:00:30,000
and then turning
to the robber next to you
15
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:30,821
and then turning
to the robber next to you
16
00:00:30,855 --> 00:00:33,255
and going, "All right, give me
everything you have too."
17
00:00:39,488 --> 00:00:40,888
You met her at
the supermarket?
18
00:00:40,921 --> 00:00:42,621
How'd you do that?
Produce section.
19
00:00:42,655 --> 00:00:44,321
Very provocative area.
20
00:00:44,355 --> 00:00:45,755
A lot of melons and shapes.
21
00:00:45,788 --> 00:00:47,388
Everyone squeezing and smelling.
22
00:00:47,421 --> 00:00:48,455
It just happened.
23
00:00:48,488 --> 00:00:50,221
So when are you
going to see her?
24
00:00:50,255 --> 00:00:51,221
Tonight.
25
00:00:51,255 --> 00:00:52,221
What's her name?
26
00:00:52,255 --> 00:00:54,821
I don't know.
27
00:00:54,855 --> 00:00:56,221
How could you
not know her name?
28
00:00:56,255 --> 00:00:58,055
I was a little nervous.
I got distracted.
29
00:00:58,088 --> 00:01:01,188
It had something to do
with a car or a fish.
30
00:01:02,255 --> 00:01:03,788
Look at--
31
00:01:03,821 --> 00:01:05,202
Why do I get bananas?
They're good for one day.
32
00:01:05,202 --> 00:01:07,755
Why do I get bananas?
They're good for one day.
33
00:01:07,788 --> 00:01:09,388
Oh, my God.
I forgot to tell you.
34
00:01:09,421 --> 00:01:10,388
I got a letter today
35
00:01:10,421 --> 00:01:11,721
from the State
Controller's Office.
36
00:01:11,755 --> 00:01:13,721
When I was going to public
school, back in Brooklyn,
37
00:01:13,755 --> 00:01:15,321
every week, I used to
put 50 cents
38
00:01:15,355 --> 00:01:16,321
in the Lincoln Savings Bank.
39
00:01:16,355 --> 00:01:17,321
Yeah, I did that, too.
40
00:01:17,355 --> 00:01:18,555
Yeah. Remember
the little bank book?
41
00:01:18,588 --> 00:01:19,755
Sure.
All right.
42
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:21,755
So I haven't put anything in it
since sixth grade.
43
00:01:21,788 --> 00:01:23,055
I completely
forgot about it.
44
00:01:23,088 --> 00:01:24,888
The State Controller's
Office tracks me down.
45
00:01:24,921 --> 00:01:27,955
The interest
has accumulated to $1900.
46
00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:30,055
$1900!
They're sending me a check.
47
00:01:30,088 --> 00:01:31,221
Wow.
48
00:01:31,255 --> 00:01:34,088
Yeah, interest,
it's an amazing thing.
49
00:01:34,121 --> 00:01:35,202
You make money
without doing anything.
50
00:01:35,202 --> 00:01:36,121
You make money
without doing anything.
51
00:01:36,155 --> 00:01:38,721
I have friends that try and base
their life on that principle.
52
00:01:38,755 --> 00:01:40,621
Really? Who?
53
00:01:40,655 --> 00:01:43,055
Nobody you know.
54
00:01:43,088 --> 00:01:45,888
Maybe I'll go down to the track,
put it all on a horse.
55
00:01:45,921 --> 00:01:47,755
Why don't you
put it in the bank?
56
00:01:47,788 --> 00:01:50,621
Bank? This is found money.
57
00:01:50,655 --> 00:01:53,055
I want to parlay it.
I want to make a big score.
58
00:01:53,088 --> 00:01:55,455
Oh, you mean
you want to lose it.
59
00:01:56,855 --> 00:01:58,555
Yeah.
60
00:01:58,588 --> 00:01:59,488
All right.
61
00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:03,455
You got it, huh?
62
00:02:03,488 --> 00:02:04,821
Yes, I did.
Yes!
63
00:02:04,855 --> 00:02:05,202
What's with the gloves?
64
00:02:05,202 --> 00:02:06,155
What's with the gloves?
65
00:02:06,188 --> 00:02:07,455
Well, I'm staining
my floors.
66
00:02:07,488 --> 00:02:09,455
You know, I don't want
to get my hands dirty.
67
00:02:09,488 --> 00:02:10,888
What, the whole apartment?
68
00:02:10,921 --> 00:02:12,288
The whole apartment.
69
00:02:12,321 --> 00:02:14,388
And I'm buying
that fake-wood wallpaper.
70
00:02:14,421 --> 00:02:17,755
I'm going to surround myself
in wood.
71
00:02:17,788 --> 00:02:20,755
It's gonna be like
a log cabin,
72
00:02:20,788 --> 00:02:22,488
'cause I need wood around me.
73
00:02:22,521 --> 00:02:24,088
Wood, Jerry.
74
00:02:24,121 --> 00:02:25,088
[SNAPS FINGERS]
75
00:02:25,121 --> 00:02:26,588
Wood.
76
00:02:26,621 --> 00:02:27,755
Wood is good.
77
00:02:27,788 --> 00:02:29,221
Definitely.
78
00:02:29,255 --> 00:02:30,588
We're still going to
play racquetball, right?
79
00:02:30,621 --> 00:02:31,655
Yeah, whenever you're ready.
80
00:02:31,688 --> 00:02:33,055
Okay, as soon as
Elaine gets here.
81
00:02:33,088 --> 00:02:35,121
Yep.
82
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:35,202
What, you rented
Home Alone?
83
00:02:35,202 --> 00:02:36,121
What, you rented
Home Alone?
84
00:02:36,155 --> 00:02:37,388
Yeah.
85
00:02:37,421 --> 00:02:38,555
I thought you
saw that already.
86
00:02:38,588 --> 00:02:39,821
No, I saw Home Alone 2.
87
00:02:39,855 --> 00:02:41,488
Oh, right.
88
00:02:41,521 --> 00:02:42,755
But you hated it.
89
00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:44,688
I was lost.
I never saw the first one.
90
00:02:46,788 --> 00:02:48,255
You mind
if I watch it here?
91
00:02:48,288 --> 00:02:49,388
What for?
92
00:02:49,421 --> 00:02:50,955
Because if I watch it
at my apartment,
93
00:02:50,988 --> 00:02:52,555
I feel like
I'm not doing anything.
94
00:02:52,588 --> 00:02:55,255
I watch it here, I'm out of
the house, I'm doing something.
95
00:02:55,288 --> 00:02:57,221
All right,
go ahead.
96
00:02:57,255 --> 00:02:59,088
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
97
00:02:59,121 --> 00:03:00,255
Yeah?
98
00:03:00,288 --> 00:03:01,921
ELAINE:
It's me. Are you ready to go?
99
00:03:01,955 --> 00:03:04,055
No. Come on up.
100
00:03:04,088 --> 00:03:05,202
I can't work with these.
101
00:03:05,202 --> 00:03:05,588
I can't work with these.
102
00:03:05,621 --> 00:03:06,988
What's wrong?
103
00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:09,988
What? You bought me
dishwashing gloves.
104
00:03:10,021 --> 00:03:11,321
There's no fine touch.
105
00:03:11,355 --> 00:03:12,388
You said gloves.
106
00:03:12,421 --> 00:03:14,988
No, no.
These are too thick.
107
00:03:15,021 --> 00:03:17,388
Oh. Is that Home Alone?
108
00:03:17,421 --> 00:03:18,488
Yeah. The original.
109
00:03:18,521 --> 00:03:19,621
Hey, boys-o.
110
00:03:19,655 --> 00:03:22,321
Hey!
Hey!
111
00:03:22,355 --> 00:03:24,555
Hello.
112
00:03:24,588 --> 00:03:25,955
Hey, get your stuff.
Let's get going.
113
00:03:25,988 --> 00:03:26,988
Well, wait a minute.
114
00:03:27,021 --> 00:03:28,221
There's a slight
change of plans.
115
00:03:28,255 --> 00:03:29,721
Huh?
What?
116
00:03:29,755 --> 00:03:31,555
Remember Roy, the artist?
117
00:03:31,588 --> 00:03:32,888
Oh, the triangle guy.
118
00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:34,388
Yeah, exactly.
The triangle guy.
119
00:03:34,421 --> 00:03:35,202
Yeah, you liked him.
What happened with him?
120
00:03:35,202 --> 00:03:35,988
Yeah, you liked him.
What happened with him?
121
00:03:36,021 --> 00:03:38,388
Yeah, I did.
He was very talented.
122
00:03:38,421 --> 00:03:40,555
He was, uh, just,
I don't know,
123
00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:42,055
a little too...
124
00:03:42,088 --> 00:03:43,055
Artsy?
125
00:03:43,088 --> 00:03:44,988
Fat.
Oh.
126
00:03:45,021 --> 00:03:47,155
He was a fat, starving artist,
you know?
127
00:03:47,188 --> 00:03:48,155
That's very rare.
128
00:03:48,188 --> 00:03:49,455
Yeah.
Yeah.
129
00:03:49,488 --> 00:03:51,155
Anyway, he's in the hospital,
having surgery,
130
00:03:51,188 --> 00:03:52,755
and I feel like
I should visit him.
131
00:03:52,788 --> 00:03:53,788
What's wrong with him?
132
00:03:53,821 --> 00:03:54,921
Eh, something with his spleen.
133
00:03:54,955 --> 00:03:56,655
Anyway, it'll just
take five minutes, okay?
134
00:03:56,688 --> 00:03:58,255
And then the hospital's
right on the way.
135
00:03:58,288 --> 00:03:59,721
All right,
we'll wait for you.
136
00:03:59,755 --> 00:04:02,521
Yeah, maybe I can get some
rubber gloves there. Huh? Yeah.
137
00:04:04,155 --> 00:04:05,202
Listen, Jerry,
could you do me a favor?
138
00:04:05,202 --> 00:04:05,921
Listen, Jerry,
could you do me a favor?
139
00:04:05,955 --> 00:04:08,555
Could you go into the room
with me to visit him?
140
00:04:08,588 --> 00:04:09,921
Because I don't want
him to think
141
00:04:09,955 --> 00:04:12,055
that I'm, you know,
interested.
142
00:04:12,088 --> 00:04:14,288
Oh, you want me to pretend
to be your boyfriend?
143
00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:15,655
Well...
144
00:04:15,688 --> 00:04:17,055
Well, I think
I can do that.
145
00:04:17,088 --> 00:04:18,555
I believe I've played
that role before
146
00:04:18,588 --> 00:04:20,388
to some
critical acclaim.
147
00:04:20,421 --> 00:04:21,488
All right, let's go.
148
00:04:21,521 --> 00:04:22,488
All right.
Yep, yep, yep.
149
00:04:22,521 --> 00:04:23,921
What's with him?
150
00:04:23,955 --> 00:04:26,588
You know, a lot of people
have asked that.
151
00:04:32,821 --> 00:04:33,755
Roy!
152
00:04:35,588 --> 00:04:37,488
Elaine!
153
00:04:37,521 --> 00:04:39,888
What a surprise.
154
00:04:39,921 --> 00:04:42,655
Oh, my God!
155
00:04:42,688 --> 00:04:44,221
I hardly
recognize you.
156
00:04:44,255 --> 00:04:45,321
You look so...
157
00:04:45,355 --> 00:04:47,121
Yeah, yeah,
I've lost some weight.
158
00:04:47,155 --> 00:04:50,288
A lot of weight.
159
00:04:50,321 --> 00:04:51,788
I know.
160
00:04:51,821 --> 00:04:53,621
You look terrific.
161
00:04:53,655 --> 00:04:54,888
Thank you.
162
00:04:54,921 --> 00:04:55,888
So do you.
163
00:04:55,921 --> 00:04:59,288
[GIGGLES]
164
00:04:59,321 --> 00:05:00,288
Uh...
165
00:05:00,321 --> 00:05:02,221
this is, uh...
166
00:05:02,255 --> 00:05:04,788
You really
lost weight!
167
00:05:04,821 --> 00:05:05,202
Thank you.
168
00:05:05,202 --> 00:05:05,788
Thank you.
169
00:05:05,821 --> 00:05:08,755
Jerry.
Uh, I'm the boyfriend.
170
00:05:13,421 --> 00:05:16,921
NURSE [OVER PA]:
Dr. Whittenberg, outside call.
171
00:05:16,955 --> 00:05:19,588
Dr. Whittenberg, outside call.
172
00:05:19,621 --> 00:05:20,921
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
173
00:05:23,421 --> 00:05:24,621
Ah...
174
00:05:27,421 --> 00:05:29,655
Ah, the mother lode.
175
00:05:31,421 --> 00:05:34,321
[SILLY, SUSPENSEFULMUSIC PLAYING]
176
00:05:36,355 --> 00:05:37,621
I can't believe it.
177
00:05:37,655 --> 00:05:41,955
You were huge,
like blubber.
178
00:05:41,988 --> 00:05:43,621
I couldn't even get
my arms around you.
179
00:05:43,655 --> 00:05:46,121
Yes. I remember.
180
00:05:46,155 --> 00:05:48,888
Well, that's a positive thing
about getting sick.
181
00:05:48,921 --> 00:05:50,155
You get to lose weight.
182
00:05:50,188 --> 00:05:53,055
Elaine, it wasn't the illness.
183
00:05:53,088 --> 00:05:54,221
It was you.
184
00:05:54,255 --> 00:05:56,255
Me?
185
00:05:56,288 --> 00:05:59,921
After you stopped seeing me,
I was devastated.
186
00:05:59,955 --> 00:06:01,388
I couldn't eat
for weeks.
187
00:06:01,421 --> 00:06:02,621
Get out!
188
00:06:04,355 --> 00:06:05,202
[GASPS]
189
00:06:05,202 --> 00:06:05,421
[GASPS]
190
00:06:07,321 --> 00:06:09,055
Really. It's the truth.
191
00:06:09,088 --> 00:06:10,588
Jerry, did you
hear this?
192
00:06:10,621 --> 00:06:13,221
He couldn't eat
for weeks.
193
00:06:13,255 --> 00:06:14,655
[FLATLY]
That's terrible.
194
00:06:17,188 --> 00:06:18,321
I had no idea
195
00:06:18,355 --> 00:06:20,121
I had that kind of
effect on you.
196
00:06:20,155 --> 00:06:21,321
You did.
197
00:06:24,188 --> 00:06:27,221
You know, I can't get
this damn thing to sleep!
198
00:06:27,255 --> 00:06:29,221
Now, listen, Roy,
tell me something.
199
00:06:29,255 --> 00:06:31,221
When are you
getting out of here?
200
00:06:31,255 --> 00:06:32,888
Next Thursday.
201
00:06:32,921 --> 00:06:33,888
Okay,
I tell you what.
202
00:06:33,921 --> 00:06:35,202
How about on Friday
203
00:06:35,202 --> 00:06:35,488
How about on Friday
204
00:06:35,521 --> 00:06:37,455
I take you out
for a big meal
205
00:06:37,488 --> 00:06:40,655
because you
are getting too thin.
206
00:06:40,688 --> 00:06:41,788
Honey...
207
00:06:46,588 --> 00:06:50,721
Aren't we going to
the Poconos next Friday?
208
00:06:50,755 --> 00:06:53,221
No, that's the week after.
209
00:06:53,255 --> 00:06:55,555
No, I believe
it's next week.
210
00:06:55,588 --> 00:06:56,655
You're wrong.
211
00:06:56,688 --> 00:06:58,288
No, I'm not.
212
00:06:59,421 --> 00:07:00,655
Shut up.
213
00:07:03,121 --> 00:07:04,188
Pay dirt.
214
00:07:07,988 --> 00:07:10,955
Uh, Roy, this is Kramer.
He's one of our friends.
215
00:07:10,988 --> 00:07:12,088
How do you do?
216
00:07:12,121 --> 00:07:13,788
I do great.
217
00:07:15,121 --> 00:07:16,088
Hi, Roy.
218
00:07:16,121 --> 00:07:17,088
Oh, hey,
Dr. Siegel.
219
00:07:17,121 --> 00:07:20,421
Hey, doc,
check this out.
220
00:07:20,455 --> 00:07:21,421
Hey.
221
00:07:21,455 --> 00:07:22,688
I just learned that.
222
00:07:24,355 --> 00:07:25,321
[CHUCKLES]
223
00:07:25,355 --> 00:07:27,388
I just wanted
to stop by,
224
00:07:27,421 --> 00:07:28,921
see if you
had any questions
225
00:07:28,955 --> 00:07:30,288
about
tomorrow's operation.
226
00:07:30,321 --> 00:07:31,721
Uh, yeah, yeah.
I have--
227
00:07:31,755 --> 00:07:33,255
I have a question.
228
00:07:33,288 --> 00:07:34,455
Um, what do you
know about
229
00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:35,202
interabdominal
retractors?
230
00:07:35,202 --> 00:07:36,421
interabdominal
retractors?
231
00:07:36,455 --> 00:07:37,555
Are you asking
232
00:07:37,588 --> 00:07:39,755
because you saw
20/20 last night?
233
00:07:39,788 --> 00:07:41,921
I sure am.
234
00:07:41,955 --> 00:07:43,221
Well, that report
235
00:07:43,255 --> 00:07:46,221
was about one very specific
type of retractor,
236
00:07:46,255 --> 00:07:47,921
and I can assure you
237
00:07:47,955 --> 00:07:49,555
we do not
use that retractor
238
00:07:49,588 --> 00:07:51,321
in your friend's
procedure.
239
00:07:51,355 --> 00:07:54,388
But you will
use a retractor.
240
00:07:54,421 --> 00:07:56,055
We have to.
241
00:07:56,088 --> 00:07:57,121
Mm-hmm.
242
00:08:03,688 --> 00:08:04,921
I'll tell you what.
243
00:08:04,955 --> 00:08:05,202
You're obviously
244
00:08:05,202 --> 00:08:05,955
You're obviously
245
00:08:05,988 --> 00:08:07,821
concerned about
your friend's welfare.
246
00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:09,055
A few of my students
247
00:08:09,088 --> 00:08:10,821
will be observing
tomorrow's operation
248
00:08:10,855 --> 00:08:12,255
from the viewing gallery.
249
00:08:12,288 --> 00:08:14,221
How would you like to
watch it with them?
250
00:08:14,255 --> 00:08:16,721
I'd love to watch the operation,
yeah.
251
00:08:16,755 --> 00:08:18,288
I don't know.
Oh, come on, Jerry,
252
00:08:18,321 --> 00:08:19,488
you gotta see
the operation.
253
00:08:19,521 --> 00:08:21,121
They're gonna
cut him open.
254
00:08:21,155 --> 00:08:22,921
His guts will be
all over the place.
255
00:08:22,955 --> 00:08:24,488
Yeah, that's true.
256
00:08:24,521 --> 00:08:25,588
They'll saw
through bone.
257
00:08:25,621 --> 00:08:26,788
Phrrrrrrrr...
258
00:08:26,821 --> 00:08:29,388
Ree-ree-ree-ree-ree-ree!
259
00:08:29,421 --> 00:08:31,788
We'll see
what's inside bone.
260
00:08:34,255 --> 00:08:35,202
[MELANCHOLY DRAMATIC MUSIC
PLAYING OVER TV]
261
00:08:35,202 --> 00:08:37,155
[MELANCHOLY DRAMATIC MUSIC
PLAYING OVER TV]
262
00:08:37,188 --> 00:08:38,288
[SNIFFLES]
263
00:08:38,321 --> 00:08:39,355
[SOBS]
264
00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:42,388
Hey.
265
00:08:42,421 --> 00:08:43,521
[TEARFULLY] Hi.
266
00:08:45,321 --> 00:08:46,821
What're you doing?
You're crying?
267
00:08:46,855 --> 00:08:49,388
No.
268
00:08:49,421 --> 00:08:51,521
You're crying from Home Alone?
269
00:08:53,488 --> 00:08:54,821
The old man got to me.
270
00:08:54,855 --> 00:08:55,955
Oh, right.
271
00:08:55,988 --> 00:08:57,321
Just get yourself together.
272
00:08:57,355 --> 00:08:59,555
I don't know if I can
be friends with you anymore
273
00:08:59,588 --> 00:09:00,588
after this display.
274
00:09:00,621 --> 00:09:02,488
Oh, shut up!
275
00:09:04,955 --> 00:09:05,202
What're you doing back
so soon, anyway?
276
00:09:05,202 --> 00:09:07,721
What're you doing back
so soon, anyway?
277
00:09:07,755 --> 00:09:09,121
I never even
got to the gym.
278
00:09:09,155 --> 00:09:10,721
Kramer got the gloves,
wanted to come home
279
00:09:10,755 --> 00:09:12,088
and start working
on his floor.
280
00:09:12,121 --> 00:09:13,221
Oh.
281
00:09:13,255 --> 00:09:14,321
How's the guy?
282
00:09:14,355 --> 00:09:15,555
Oh, he's okay.
283
00:09:15,588 --> 00:09:17,388
In fact, him and Elaine
are getting pretty chummy.
284
00:09:17,421 --> 00:09:19,388
Now Elaine wants me
to buy some of his art.
285
00:09:19,421 --> 00:09:20,555
Hmm, that's nerve.
286
00:09:20,588 --> 00:09:21,821
Yeah.
287
00:09:21,855 --> 00:09:25,621
So she and triangle boy
can go out to fancy restaurants.
288
00:09:25,655 --> 00:09:27,221
You know what it is?
289
00:09:27,255 --> 00:09:29,655
It's Clara Nightingale Syndrome.
290
00:09:29,688 --> 00:09:31,055
He falls ill, she falls in love.
291
00:09:31,088 --> 00:09:32,488
You mean Florence Nightingale.
292
00:09:32,521 --> 00:09:33,788
What did I say, Clara?
293
00:09:33,821 --> 00:09:35,202
Yeah, you must have meant
Clara Barton.
294
00:09:35,202 --> 00:09:35,888
Yeah, you must have meant
Clara Barton.
295
00:09:35,921 --> 00:09:38,621
Clara Barton?
296
00:09:38,655 --> 00:09:39,955
What did she do?
297
00:09:39,988 --> 00:09:44,188
I'm not sure,
but I think she was nice.
298
00:09:45,521 --> 00:09:47,821
Susan B. Anthony
I'd think have a problem with.
299
00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:50,988
Yeah, I think you would.
300
00:09:51,021 --> 00:09:52,555
So you're gonna buy his art?
301
00:09:52,588 --> 00:09:54,821
No. Why don't you buy it?
You got $1900.
302
00:09:54,855 --> 00:09:57,421
Yeah. That's what
I want, triangles.
303
00:09:57,455 --> 00:09:58,821
All right,
I'm outta here.
304
00:09:58,855 --> 00:09:59,988
Have fun with
what's-her-name.
305
00:10:00,021 --> 00:10:01,488
I will.
306
00:10:01,521 --> 00:10:03,288
You know, now you got
to ask her name.
307
00:10:03,321 --> 00:10:04,455
It's so embarrassing.
308
00:10:04,488 --> 00:10:05,202
No, it isn't. I can find out.
309
00:10:05,202 --> 00:10:06,555
No, it isn't. I can find out.
310
00:10:06,588 --> 00:10:07,555
Yeah? How?
311
00:10:07,588 --> 00:10:09,088
There are ways.
312
00:10:10,521 --> 00:10:11,821
JERRY:
You know, I remember
313
00:10:11,855 --> 00:10:13,221
when I was a kid
growing up,
314
00:10:13,255 --> 00:10:14,621
kids would make fun
of my name
315
00:10:14,655 --> 00:10:16,055
like you
wouldn't believe.
316
00:10:16,088 --> 00:10:19,488
"Jerry, Jerry, Dingleberry,"
and...
317
00:10:19,521 --> 00:10:20,721
"Seinsmelled."
318
00:10:20,755 --> 00:10:22,288
Seinsmelled?
319
00:10:22,321 --> 00:10:23,621
Yeah.
320
00:10:23,655 --> 00:10:24,621
What about you?
321
00:10:24,655 --> 00:10:26,121
Did people
make fun of your name?
322
00:10:26,155 --> 00:10:27,221
Are you kidding?
323
00:10:27,255 --> 00:10:29,055
They were merciless.
324
00:10:29,088 --> 00:10:30,888
What do you expect
when your name rhymes
325
00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:32,655
with a part of
the female anatomy?
326
00:10:40,588 --> 00:10:43,655
Of course, not everybody
can be as sweet as you are.
327
00:10:46,921 --> 00:10:49,055
Oh, Jerry.
328
00:10:49,088 --> 00:10:52,521
Oh...you.
329
00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:57,155
Now, let's
try "breast."
330
00:11:01,621 --> 00:11:02,988
Celeste.
331
00:11:03,021 --> 00:11:03,988
Kest.
332
00:11:04,021 --> 00:11:05,202
No.
333
00:11:05,202 --> 00:11:05,555
No.
334
00:11:05,588 --> 00:11:07,321
Rest, Sest.
335
00:11:07,355 --> 00:11:08,321
Hest?
336
00:11:08,355 --> 00:11:10,055
Hest?
337
00:11:10,088 --> 00:11:11,455
That's not a name.
338
00:11:11,488 --> 00:11:13,555
Well, you should've
just asked her.
339
00:11:13,588 --> 00:11:14,921
I know I should've
asked her.
340
00:11:14,955 --> 00:11:16,321
Well, what're you
gonna do now?
341
00:11:16,355 --> 00:11:17,321
I don't know.
342
00:11:17,355 --> 00:11:18,321
I can't ask her now.
343
00:11:18,355 --> 00:11:20,388
I've already made out with her.
344
00:11:20,421 --> 00:11:22,788
Once you make out with a woman,
you can't her her name.
345
00:11:22,821 --> 00:11:24,921
Aretha.
346
00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:29,288
No.
347
00:11:29,321 --> 00:11:30,821
Bovary.
348
00:11:30,855 --> 00:11:33,788
All right. That's enough.
349
00:11:33,821 --> 00:11:35,202
All right, well, you know
what you gotta do?
350
00:11:35,202 --> 00:11:35,588
All right, well, you know
what you gotta do?
351
00:11:35,621 --> 00:11:36,988
You gotta go
through her purse.
352
00:11:37,021 --> 00:11:38,388
You know, credit cards,
driver's license.
353
00:11:38,421 --> 00:11:39,755
Well, how am I gonna do that?
354
00:11:39,788 --> 00:11:42,221
When she goes
to the bathroom.
355
00:11:42,255 --> 00:11:43,888
Ah. There you are.
356
00:11:43,921 --> 00:11:44,888
Hey.
357
00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:46,555
My date stood me up.
358
00:11:46,588 --> 00:11:50,221
Listen, will you guys go
to the operation with me?
359
00:11:50,255 --> 00:11:53,455
You asked a date
to go to the operation?
360
00:11:53,488 --> 00:11:54,755
Well, yeah.
361
00:11:54,788 --> 00:11:56,555
So come on.
What do you say? Huh?
362
00:11:56,588 --> 00:11:57,755
What kind of operation
is it?
363
00:11:57,788 --> 00:11:58,888
Splenectomy.
364
00:11:58,921 --> 00:12:01,055
Isn't that where
they remove the--?
365
00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:02,755
No, no, don't
ruin it for me.
366
00:12:02,788 --> 00:12:04,721
I haven't seen it yet.
367
00:12:04,755 --> 00:12:05,202
Now, come on.
What do you say?
368
00:12:05,202 --> 00:12:06,121
Now, come on.
What do you say?
369
00:12:06,155 --> 00:12:08,288
Mulva.
370
00:12:10,788 --> 00:12:11,788
Mulva?
371
00:12:11,821 --> 00:12:14,955
KRAMER: Come on, come on.
You want to go?
372
00:12:14,988 --> 00:12:16,821
All right, all right.
373
00:12:16,855 --> 00:12:18,955
Just let me
finish my coffee.
374
00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:21,788
Then we'll watch them go
slice this fat bastard up.
375
00:12:25,255 --> 00:12:27,721
Now we'll open
the peritoneal cavity,
376
00:12:27,755 --> 00:12:31,455
exposing the body's
internal organs.
377
00:12:31,488 --> 00:12:33,655
Nurse, retractor.
378
00:12:43,255 --> 00:12:44,555
What're you eating?
379
00:12:44,588 --> 00:12:46,621
Junior Mints.
380
00:12:46,655 --> 00:12:48,788
You want one?
No.
381
00:12:48,821 --> 00:12:51,655
Now I can't see.
382
00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:52,621
Psst!
383
00:12:54,155 --> 00:12:55,721
Psst!
384
00:12:55,755 --> 00:12:57,455
Could you get...?
385
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,455
Where'd you
get those?
386
00:13:10,488 --> 00:13:11,888
The machine.
You want one?
387
00:13:11,921 --> 00:13:12,988
No.
Here.
388
00:13:13,021 --> 00:13:14,288
Take one.
I don't want one.
389
00:13:14,321 --> 00:13:15,321
No, they're good.
Take one.
390
00:13:15,355 --> 00:13:16,788
I don't want any.
Just take one.
391
00:13:16,821 --> 00:13:17,788
No, Kramer, stop it.
392
00:13:17,821 --> 00:13:18,955
[HEART BEATING]
393
00:13:22,288 --> 00:13:23,255
[SPLAT]
394
00:13:25,188 --> 00:13:26,588
Oh, my.
395
00:13:33,988 --> 00:13:34,955
Geh--
396
00:13:42,386 --> 00:13:43,653
...over the balcony,
397
00:13:43,686 --> 00:13:45,353
bounced off
some respirator thing,
398
00:13:45,386 --> 00:13:46,553
into the patient!
399
00:13:49,186 --> 00:13:51,319
What do you mean,
into the patient?
400
00:13:51,353 --> 00:13:53,653
Into the patient, literally!
401
00:13:53,686 --> 00:13:54,919
Into the hole?
402
00:13:54,953 --> 00:13:57,019
Yes!
403
00:13:57,053 --> 00:13:58,586
The hole!
404
00:13:58,619 --> 00:14:00,453
Didn't they notice it?
No.
405
00:14:00,486 --> 00:14:01,786
How could they not notice it?
406
00:14:01,819 --> 00:14:04,419
Because it's a little mint.
407
00:14:04,453 --> 00:14:06,619
It's a Junior Mint.
408
00:14:10,153 --> 00:14:11,853
Well, what did they do?
409
00:14:11,886 --> 00:14:14,419
They sealed him up
with the mint inside.
410
00:14:14,453 --> 00:14:16,786
They left
the Junior Mint in him?
411
00:14:16,819 --> 00:14:18,119
Yes!
412
00:14:19,453 --> 00:14:22,119
Well, I-- I guess
it can't hurt him.
413
00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:24,019
People eat pounds
of those things.
414
00:14:24,053 --> 00:14:25,919
Yes, they eat them.
415
00:14:25,953 --> 00:14:27,586
They don't put them
next to vital organs
416
00:14:27,619 --> 00:14:29,586
in their abdominal cavity!
417
00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:30,853
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
418
00:14:33,286 --> 00:14:34,253
Yeah?
419
00:14:34,286 --> 00:14:35,586
ELAINE:
It's me.
420
00:14:35,619 --> 00:14:36,586
Come on up.
421
00:14:36,619 --> 00:14:38,586
Hey.
422
00:14:38,619 --> 00:14:38,818
This wallpaper
is very good.
423
00:14:38,818 --> 00:14:40,519
This wallpaper
is very good.
424
00:14:40,553 --> 00:14:43,786
My place looks like
a ski lodge.
425
00:14:43,819 --> 00:14:45,186
Why'd you force
that mint on me?
426
00:14:45,219 --> 00:14:46,786
I told you I didn't
want the mint!
427
00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:47,786
Well, I didn't
believe you.
428
00:14:47,819 --> 00:14:48,986
How could you
not believe me?
429
00:14:49,019 --> 00:14:52,019
Well, who's gonna
turn down a Junior Mint?
430
00:14:52,053 --> 00:14:53,786
It's chocolate.
It's peppermint.
431
00:14:53,819 --> 00:14:55,386
It's delicious!
432
00:14:56,553 --> 00:14:57,519
That's true.
433
00:14:57,553 --> 00:15:00,086
It's very refreshing!
434
00:15:00,119 --> 00:15:02,553
Well, just don't say anything
about this to Elaine.
435
00:15:06,219 --> 00:15:07,953
Prognosis...
436
00:15:07,986 --> 00:15:08,818
negative.
437
00:15:08,818 --> 00:15:09,686
negative.
438
00:15:09,719 --> 00:15:11,953
Prognosis
negative?
439
00:15:11,986 --> 00:15:13,319
He's not doing well.
440
00:15:13,353 --> 00:15:14,753
The doctors don't know
what it is.
441
00:15:14,786 --> 00:15:15,786
They're baffled.
442
00:15:15,819 --> 00:15:18,786
Oh, my God.Oh, my God.
443
00:15:18,819 --> 00:15:20,486
Just my luck, you know?
444
00:15:20,519 --> 00:15:22,519
Just when he was getting
thin and attractive.
445
00:15:22,553 --> 00:15:24,153
You know, Jerry,
446
00:15:24,186 --> 00:15:25,586
you should buy
some of his art.
447
00:15:25,619 --> 00:15:27,353
That would really
lift his spirits.
448
00:15:27,386 --> 00:15:28,519
It's that bleak?
449
00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:30,486
Mm.
450
00:15:30,519 --> 00:15:32,819
You know...
451
00:15:32,853 --> 00:15:34,619
if the guy dies,
452
00:15:34,653 --> 00:15:36,853
the art could really
be worth something.
453
00:15:36,886 --> 00:15:38,286
We gotta confess!
454
00:15:38,319 --> 00:15:38,818
Really?
Yes!
455
00:15:38,818 --> 00:15:39,286
Really?
Yes!
456
00:15:39,319 --> 00:15:40,619
We could be
tried for murder.
457
00:15:40,653 --> 00:15:42,019
I can't have this
on my conscience.
458
00:15:42,053 --> 00:15:43,153
We're like
Leopold and Loeb.
459
00:15:43,186 --> 00:15:44,586
You're not gonna say anything
Got that?.
460
00:15:44,619 --> 00:15:45,586
You can't stop me.
461
00:15:45,619 --> 00:15:46,853
No, you're not!
462
00:15:46,886 --> 00:15:47,819
[DOOR OPENS]
463
00:15:49,786 --> 00:15:50,853
Hey, Elaine?
464
00:15:50,886 --> 00:15:53,319
Put me down
for some of that art.
465
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:54,286
$1900 worth.
466
00:15:59,186 --> 00:16:02,086
Oh, yeah, that's the spot.
467
00:16:02,119 --> 00:16:03,819
What are you
so tense about?
468
00:16:03,853 --> 00:16:06,519
Oh, nothing, really.
Just a homicide.
469
00:16:09,519 --> 00:16:12,253
Oh, that's terrific.
470
00:16:12,286 --> 00:16:13,219
Mulva.
471
00:16:21,453 --> 00:16:22,386
What?
472
00:16:24,119 --> 00:16:25,186
Mulva?
473
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:27,953
Mulva?
474
00:16:28,619 --> 00:16:30,353
Uh, my, uh...
475
00:16:30,386 --> 00:16:33,086
My aunt's name is Mulva.
She's-- She's a masseuse.
476
00:16:33,119 --> 00:16:35,253
Oh. Um, I'm going
to the bathroom.
477
00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:36,453
I'll be right back.
478
00:16:36,486 --> 00:16:38,519
Oh, good idea.
479
00:16:47,619 --> 00:16:49,519
What are you doing?
480
00:16:49,553 --> 00:16:52,253
Oh. I was just
looking for, uh, some gum,
481
00:16:52,286 --> 00:16:53,419
or a mint.
482
00:16:53,453 --> 00:16:54,586
Oh, I have
Junior Mints.
483
00:16:54,619 --> 00:16:56,486
No!
No, I mean...
484
00:16:56,519 --> 00:16:59,119
No, thank you. No.
485
00:17:02,953 --> 00:17:03,919
Any news?
486
00:17:03,953 --> 00:17:05,019
[WHISPERS]
No, no news.
487
00:17:05,053 --> 00:17:06,253
You better
get outta here.
488
00:17:06,286 --> 00:17:07,653
Oh, okay.
Wait. Wait a second.
489
00:17:07,686 --> 00:17:08,818
I don't know the name
490
00:17:08,818 --> 00:17:09,153
I don't know the name
491
00:17:09,186 --> 00:17:10,419
of this woman
in the bathroom,
492
00:17:10,453 --> 00:17:12,153
so when she comes out,
you introduce yourself,
493
00:17:12,186 --> 00:17:13,753
then she'll be forced
to say her name.
494
00:17:13,786 --> 00:17:15,386
10-4.
Okay.
495
00:17:17,786 --> 00:17:18,919
Oh, hello.
496
00:17:18,953 --> 00:17:20,186
Hello, I'm Kramer.
497
00:17:20,219 --> 00:17:21,586
Nice to meet you.
498
00:17:21,619 --> 00:17:22,886
See you later.
499
00:17:24,953 --> 00:17:26,253
Well, I'd better
get going.
500
00:17:26,286 --> 00:17:28,253
I don't wanna be
late for the play.
Oh, okay.
501
00:17:28,286 --> 00:17:29,653
You know, my cousin
knows the producer.
502
00:17:29,686 --> 00:17:31,153
I may get to
go backstage
503
00:17:31,186 --> 00:17:32,286
and meet
Olympia Dukakis.
504
00:17:32,319 --> 00:17:33,819
Hey, there's a name
you don't forget.
505
00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:34,919
Mm. Bye, Jerry.
506
00:17:34,953 --> 00:17:36,519
Bye.
507
00:17:37,386 --> 00:17:38,686
Oh, hi.
Oh.
508
00:17:38,719 --> 00:17:38,818
Hi, I'm George.
509
00:17:38,818 --> 00:17:39,753
Hi, I'm George.
510
00:17:39,786 --> 00:17:41,419
Oh, nice to meet you, George.
Yeah.
511
00:17:41,453 --> 00:17:42,986
I gave it a shot.
512
00:17:45,553 --> 00:17:47,953
So. Any word
on the artiste?
513
00:17:47,986 --> 00:17:49,486
No. I haven't
heard anything.
514
00:17:49,519 --> 00:17:50,686
Well, I got my triangles.
515
00:17:50,719 --> 00:17:51,953
Really.
516
00:17:51,986 --> 00:17:54,619
Yeah, you know, they really
spruce up the apartment.
517
00:17:54,653 --> 00:17:57,186
Yeah, I'm sure. Well,
I gotta call the hospital.
518
00:17:57,219 --> 00:17:58,586
I gotta tell them
what happened.
519
00:17:58,619 --> 00:18:00,019
No, no, Jerry.
I wouldn't do that.
520
00:18:00,053 --> 00:18:01,019
Why?
Uh...
521
00:18:01,053 --> 00:18:02,453
You could get
in trouble.
522
00:18:02,486 --> 00:18:04,419
Look, I gotta try
and help the guy.
523
00:18:04,453 --> 00:18:07,153
Who are you to play God?
524
00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:08,818
Every man's time comes!
525
00:18:08,818 --> 00:18:09,253
Every man's time comes!
526
00:18:09,286 --> 00:18:11,253
If his number is up,
who are you to interfere?
527
00:18:11,286 --> 00:18:13,786
Yes, I'd like
to speak with Dr. Siegel.
528
00:18:13,819 --> 00:18:15,819
It's about
Roy Corning's condition.
529
00:18:15,853 --> 00:18:17,086
What, what?
530
00:18:17,119 --> 00:18:18,319
Oh, that's fantastic.
531
00:18:18,353 --> 00:18:19,686
He didn't get better,
did he?
532
00:18:19,719 --> 00:18:21,119
Thank you very much.
533
00:18:21,153 --> 00:18:22,519
Okay, bye-bye.
534
00:18:22,553 --> 00:18:23,986
He's gonna be okay!
535
00:18:26,286 --> 00:18:28,919
Where's the luck?
536
00:18:28,953 --> 00:18:31,253
There's no luck.
537
00:18:31,286 --> 00:18:34,553
Nineteen hundred dollars
down the drain.
538
00:18:36,986 --> 00:18:38,586
You saved
my life, George.
539
00:18:38,619 --> 00:18:38,818
You buying my art
540
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:39,919
You buying my art
541
00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:41,286
is what inspired me
to get better.
542
00:18:41,319 --> 00:18:43,419
I'll never forget
what you did for me.
543
00:18:43,453 --> 00:18:45,019
Oh, well,
that's great.
544
00:18:45,053 --> 00:18:46,753
It's really
great.
545
00:18:46,786 --> 00:18:48,019
You know, art's
a great investment.
546
00:18:48,053 --> 00:18:49,453
Yeah, they'll look
great in your apartment.
547
00:18:49,486 --> 00:18:52,753
Yes, I look forward
to many years of...
548
00:18:52,786 --> 00:18:56,753
looking at
the triangles.
549
00:18:56,786 --> 00:18:57,919
Well, I'll, uh...
550
00:18:57,953 --> 00:18:59,119
I'll wait
for you outside.
551
00:18:59,153 --> 00:19:00,886
Hey, George.
GEORGE: Yeah?
552
00:19:05,286 --> 00:19:06,253
KRAMER:
All right.
553
00:19:06,286 --> 00:19:07,253
SEINFELD:
That's nice.
554
00:19:07,286 --> 00:19:08,186
Thanks, Roy.
555
00:19:09,686 --> 00:19:10,919
Hey!
556
00:19:10,953 --> 00:19:13,986
There's the guy
who saved my life.
557
00:19:14,019 --> 00:19:16,919
You know, I don't want
to totally discount
558
00:19:16,953 --> 00:19:19,253
the emotional element
in your recovery,
559
00:19:19,286 --> 00:19:22,619
but I think there were
other factors at play here.
560
00:19:22,653 --> 00:19:24,853
What do you mean?
561
00:19:24,886 --> 00:19:27,119
I have no medical
evidence to back me up,
562
00:19:27,153 --> 00:19:30,419
but something happened
during the operation
563
00:19:30,453 --> 00:19:33,253
that staved off
that infection.
564
00:19:33,286 --> 00:19:34,786
Something beyond
science.
565
00:19:34,819 --> 00:19:36,753
DR. SIEGEL:
Something, perhaps...
566
00:19:36,786 --> 00:19:38,818
from above.
567
00:19:38,818 --> 00:19:38,819
from above.
568
00:19:42,319 --> 00:19:43,286
Mint?
569
00:19:43,319 --> 00:19:46,186
Those can be
very refreshing.
570
00:19:50,786 --> 00:19:52,086
[WITH MOUTH FULL]
So, Elaine...
571
00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:56,253
Where're we going for
our big dinner on Friday?
572
00:19:56,286 --> 00:19:57,519
Um...
573
00:19:58,653 --> 00:20:00,186
I am so sorry, Roy,
but, actually,
574
00:20:00,219 --> 00:20:02,086
we are going
to the Poconos on Friday.
575
00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:03,086
Right, honey?
576
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:06,086
I don't think so.
577
00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:08,353
Yeah, I think that
we, uh... We are.
578
00:20:08,386 --> 00:20:08,818
I believe we're not.
579
00:20:08,818 --> 00:20:09,919
I believe we're not.
580
00:20:09,953 --> 00:20:11,753
[SLURPING]
581
00:20:11,786 --> 00:20:13,419
Please, can we go
to the Poconos?
582
00:20:13,453 --> 00:20:14,886
Well, I'll
think about it.
583
00:20:16,153 --> 00:20:17,453
MYSTERY WOMAN:
Great seats.
584
00:20:17,486 --> 00:20:19,186
You could see
the actors spitting.
585
00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:20,253
Really.
Mm-hmm.
586
00:20:20,286 --> 00:20:22,119
And, afterwards,
we went backstage,
587
00:20:22,153 --> 00:20:24,286
and Olympia Dukakis
autographed my playbill.
588
00:20:24,319 --> 00:20:27,853
Oh. What are you saying,
you got her autograph?
Yeah.
589
00:20:27,886 --> 00:20:29,119
Do you have it with you?
590
00:20:29,153 --> 00:20:31,486
Yeah, it's
in my purse.
591
00:20:31,519 --> 00:20:34,086
Uh, let me see.
592
00:20:34,119 --> 00:20:36,086
You know, I really think
I'm falling for you,
593
00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:37,419
Jerry Seinfeld.
594
00:20:37,453 --> 00:20:38,818
Oh, well, I really think
I'm falling for you...
595
00:20:38,818 --> 00:20:41,619
Oh, well, I really think
I'm falling for you...
596
00:20:41,653 --> 00:20:45,019
"Joseph Poglia."
597
00:20:46,953 --> 00:20:48,753
I had it autographed
for my uncle.
598
00:20:48,786 --> 00:20:51,586
Yeah, I know.
599
00:20:51,619 --> 00:20:54,286
You don't know
my name, do you?
600
00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:56,519
Yes, I do.
601
00:20:56,553 --> 00:20:57,853
What is it?
602
00:20:57,886 --> 00:21:01,286
It-- It rhymes
with a female body part.
603
00:21:01,319 --> 00:21:02,453
What is it?
604
00:21:04,619 --> 00:21:05,519
Mulva?
605
00:21:09,486 --> 00:21:10,919
Um...uh...
606
00:21:10,953 --> 00:21:12,486
Gipple?
607
00:21:16,153 --> 00:21:17,519
Loleola?
608
00:21:25,786 --> 00:21:27,319
Oh!
609
00:21:27,353 --> 00:21:28,286
Oh!
610
00:21:30,019 --> 00:21:32,053
Dolores!
611
00:21:41,286 --> 00:21:42,786
At ages zero through 10,
612
00:21:42,819 --> 00:21:45,486
candy is your life.
There's nothing else.
613
00:21:45,519 --> 00:21:47,153
Family, friends, school,
614
00:21:47,186 --> 00:21:48,186
they're only obstacles
615
00:21:48,219 --> 00:21:50,919
in the way
of getting more candy.
616
00:21:50,953 --> 00:21:52,853
And you have your favorite candy
that you love.
617
00:21:52,886 --> 00:21:55,253
You know, there's ones,
"I love those, I hate those.
618
00:21:55,286 --> 00:21:57,353
I hate those, I love those."
619
00:21:57,386 --> 00:21:58,753
And only a seven-year-old kid
620
00:21:58,786 --> 00:22:00,019
could actually
taste the difference
621
00:22:00,053 --> 00:22:03,353
between, like, a red M&M
and a light brown M&M.
622
00:22:03,386 --> 00:22:05,286
That's two
totally different things
623
00:22:05,319 --> 00:22:06,753
when you're a seven-year-old.
624
00:22:06,786 --> 00:22:09,086
"Well, you're right,
it's more of a main-course M&M.
625
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:09,673
"But the brown,
it's more of a mellower flavor.
626
00:22:09,673 --> 00:22:11,419
"But the brown,
it's more of a mellower flavor.
627
00:22:11,453 --> 00:22:13,286
It's an after-dinner M&M,
really."
41118
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