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1
00:00:01,366 --> 00:00:03,800
There's no easy way
to break off any relationship.
2
00:00:03,833 --> 00:00:05,200
I think
when you first start dating,
3
00:00:05,233 --> 00:00:06,366
they ought to give you
4
00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:08,033
three "Get out of relationship
free" cards.
5
00:00:08,066 --> 00:00:09,166
You know what I mean?
6
00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:11,366
So you can just
go up to the person and go,
7
00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:14,233
"Uh, here you go. I'm sorry.
I'll grab the tennis racket.
8
00:00:14,266 --> 00:00:17,633
Don't even bother to get up.
Have a good one. Sorry."
9
00:00:17,666 --> 00:00:19,066
Which is fine,
unless, of course,
10
00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:20,633
the person you're
in the relationship with
11
00:00:20,666 --> 00:00:22,066
happens to have
12
00:00:22,100 --> 00:00:24,300
an "Eight more months of guilt,
torture, and pain" card.
13
00:00:24,333 --> 00:00:26,266
"Uh, hold it. I've got
a little something for you."
14
00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:33,566
We're dead.
15
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,400
We're not dead.
We are dead.
16
00:00:35,433 --> 00:00:36,833
Come on, we got
all day tomorrow
17
00:00:36,866 --> 00:00:38,033
to come up
with a story.
18
00:00:38,066 --> 00:00:39,233
All day tomorrow?
19
00:00:39,266 --> 00:00:41,633
We had a month and a half
to come up with something.
20
00:00:41,666 --> 00:00:42,633
We didn't do anything!
21
00:00:42,666 --> 00:00:44,733
So we'll do it
tomorrow.
22
00:00:44,766 --> 00:00:46,000
Let me ask you this,
23
00:00:46,033 --> 00:00:47,400
when's the last time
you went skiing?
24
00:00:47,433 --> 00:00:49,066
About six years ago.
25
00:00:49,100 --> 00:00:50,866
I think you can take
the lift ticket
26
00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:52,900
off your jacket now.
27
00:00:52,933 --> 00:00:56,033
Women like skiers.
28
00:00:56,066 --> 00:00:57,366
So what?
You can't meet anybody.
29
00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:58,400
You're going out
with Susan.
30
00:00:58,433 --> 00:00:58,737
Yeah. Right.
31
00:00:58,737 --> 00:01:00,833
Yeah. Right.
32
00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:04,033
Hey, see those two women
over there?
33
00:01:04,066 --> 00:01:05,666
I almost dated
the one on the right.
34
00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:06,733
She's in
the closet business.
35
00:01:06,766 --> 00:01:09,366
The closet business?
36
00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:10,466
What's the closet business?
37
00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:12,233
What is it
your business?
38
00:01:12,266 --> 00:01:13,900
I'm interested.
39
00:01:13,933 --> 00:01:16,500
She reorganizes
your closet
40
00:01:16,533 --> 00:01:19,533
and shows you how
to maximize your closet space.
41
00:01:19,566 --> 00:01:20,700
She looked
into my closet.
42
00:01:20,733 --> 00:01:21,966
So you thought
she was good-looking
43
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,166
and figured this would be
a good way to meet her.
44
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:25,166
Yeah.
45
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:26,166
Yeah.
46
00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:27,166
So what happened?
47
00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:28,533
So she mentioned
she had a boyfriend,
48
00:01:28,566 --> 00:01:28,737
and then it hit me--
49
00:01:28,737 --> 00:01:29,633
and then it hit me--
50
00:01:29,666 --> 00:01:31,566
What do I need
more closet space for?
51
00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:34,066
Hi, Marla.
52
00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:35,966
Jerry!
53
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:37,000
George, Marla.
54
00:01:37,033 --> 00:01:38,000
Marla.
55
00:01:38,033 --> 00:01:39,200
George, Jerry, Stacy.
56
00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:40,566
Stacy.
Jerry.
57
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:41,566
George, Stacy.
Stacy.
58
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:42,566
George.
59
00:01:45,033 --> 00:01:46,000
George.
60
00:01:46,033 --> 00:01:47,733
Jerry.
61
00:01:47,766 --> 00:01:49,000
Marla.
62
00:01:49,033 --> 00:01:50,000
Stacy!
63
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,866
So how was your
trip to Berlin?
64
00:01:55,900 --> 00:01:57,200
Trip to Berlin?
65
00:01:57,233 --> 00:01:58,737
Remember? That's why you put off
doing the closets.
66
00:01:58,737 --> 00:01:59,133
Remember? That's why you put off
doing the closets.
67
00:01:59,166 --> 00:02:01,166
You said you were going
to Berlin for a while.
68
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:03,666
Oh, right. Right.
69
00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:05,733
The wall had just come
down, and you told me
70
00:02:05,766 --> 00:02:07,900
you wanted to be part
of the celebration.
71
00:02:07,933 --> 00:02:09,166
Yes. Yes, I did.
72
00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:11,166
But you know,
I was watching it on CNN,
73
00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:12,533
and they covered it so well,
74
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:15,733
I thought,
"Why knock my brains out?"
75
00:02:15,766 --> 00:02:17,500
You know,
my boyfriend went.
76
00:02:17,533 --> 00:02:18,500
Really?
77
00:02:18,533 --> 00:02:20,200
Yes, I told him
all about you going,
78
00:02:20,233 --> 00:02:22,300
and he got all excited
and decided to go.
79
00:02:22,333 --> 00:02:23,466
Oh, did he like it?
80
00:02:23,500 --> 00:02:25,166
I don't know.
He never came back.
81
00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,866
Anyway, we met with NBC
about a month ago,
82
00:02:27,900 --> 00:02:28,737
and they gave us
the green light
83
00:02:28,737 --> 00:02:29,733
and they gave us
the green light
84
00:02:29,766 --> 00:02:31,133
to go ahead
and write a pilot.
85
00:02:31,166 --> 00:02:33,333
In fact, we've got a big
meeting with them tomorrow.
86
00:02:33,366 --> 00:02:34,533
They gotta approve
of the story
87
00:02:34,566 --> 00:02:35,633
before we can write it.
88
00:02:35,666 --> 00:02:39,800
Wow. What a great job,
a writer!
89
00:02:39,833 --> 00:02:40,800
Oh.
90
00:02:40,833 --> 00:02:44,033
Not a bad way
to earn a buck.
91
00:02:44,066 --> 00:02:45,466
Sounds great.
92
00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:47,666
Well, I tell
you, Stacy,
93
00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:49,400
it's a lot
of hard work,
94
00:02:49,433 --> 00:02:53,466
but it comes
fairly easy to me.
95
00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:55,633
Some people
write symphonies.
96
00:02:55,666 --> 00:02:56,666
This is my gift.
97
00:03:02,166 --> 00:03:03,700
So you gonna
go out with her?
98
00:03:03,733 --> 00:03:05,666
I might.
99
00:03:05,700 --> 00:03:06,800
What about Susan?
100
00:03:06,833 --> 00:03:08,400
What? I'm not married.
101
00:03:08,433 --> 00:03:10,233
I'm not allowed to go out
with somebody else?
102
00:03:10,266 --> 00:03:11,233
Depends.
103
00:03:11,266 --> 00:03:12,400
Depends on what?
104
00:03:12,433 --> 00:03:13,466
On many factors.
105
00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:14,466
Like what?
106
00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:15,466
Well...
107
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:18,066
How long you
been seeing her.
108
00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:19,833
What's your
phone call frequency?
109
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:21,466
Are you on a daily?
110
00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:23,733
Nah, semi-daily.
Four, five times a week.
111
00:03:23,766 --> 00:03:24,900
What about
Saturday nights?
112
00:03:24,933 --> 00:03:27,066
You have to ask her out,
or is a date implied?
113
00:03:27,100 --> 00:03:28,300
It's implied.
114
00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:28,737
She got anything
in your medicine cabinet?
115
00:03:28,737 --> 00:03:30,666
She got anything
in your medicine cabinet?
116
00:03:30,700 --> 00:03:32,166
Might be
some moisturizer.
117
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:33,733
Uh-huh.
118
00:03:33,766 --> 00:03:37,300
Let me ask you this.
119
00:03:37,333 --> 00:03:40,200
Is there any Tampax
in your house?
120
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,300
Yeah.
121
00:03:46,333 --> 00:03:49,033
Well, I'll tell you
what you got here.
122
00:03:49,066 --> 00:03:50,033
Yeah?
123
00:03:50,066 --> 00:03:51,066
You got yourself
a girlfriend.
124
00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:52,700
Oh, no, no.
125
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,833
What, are you sure?
A girlfriend?
126
00:03:54,866 --> 00:03:56,566
I'm looking at a guy
on a semi-daily
127
00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:57,700
with Tampax
in his house
128
00:03:57,733 --> 00:03:58,737
and an implied date
on Saturday night.
129
00:03:58,737 --> 00:03:59,666
and an implied date
on Saturday night.
130
00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:01,333
I would like
to help you out, but--
131
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:03,333
Do you believe my luck?
132
00:04:03,366 --> 00:04:05,533
The first time in my life
I have a good answer
133
00:04:05,566 --> 00:04:07,066
to the question
"What do you do?"
134
00:04:07,100 --> 00:04:08,166
and I have a girlfriend.
135
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:09,633
I mean, you don't need
a girlfriend
136
00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:11,000
when you can answer
that question.
137
00:04:11,033 --> 00:04:13,000
That's what you say
in order to get girlfriends.
138
00:04:13,033 --> 00:04:15,000
Once you can get girlfriends,
you don't want a girlfriend,
139
00:04:15,033 --> 00:04:17,500
you just want
more girlfriends.
140
00:04:17,533 --> 00:04:20,800
You're gonna make
a very good father someday.
141
00:04:20,833 --> 00:04:23,700
Well, it's not fair, Jerry.
It's just not fair.
142
00:04:23,733 --> 00:04:25,666
That's it.
I'm getting out of this thing.
143
00:04:25,700 --> 00:04:26,866
Fine, break up with her,
144
00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:28,466
but you know what
this means, don't you?
145
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:28,737
No. What?
146
00:04:28,737 --> 00:04:29,666
No. What?
147
00:04:29,700 --> 00:04:31,400
The script, the pilot,
the TV show, all over.
148
00:04:31,433 --> 00:04:33,200
Why? What do you mean?
149
00:04:33,233 --> 00:04:35,200
Figure it out. She's one
of the executives at NBC
150
00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:36,300
that's gonna
make the decision
151
00:04:36,333 --> 00:04:37,866
whether or not
they pick up the show.
152
00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:39,066
She's one of our
biggest fans.
153
00:04:39,100 --> 00:04:40,733
You drop her off,
154
00:04:40,766 --> 00:04:42,166
you think they're
gonna pick us up?
155
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:43,533
Oh, right.
156
00:04:43,566 --> 00:04:45,533
Oh, no. Man...
157
00:04:45,566 --> 00:04:48,500
You know, it's a very
interesting situation.
158
00:04:48,533 --> 00:04:51,233
Here, you have a job
that could help you get girls,
159
00:04:51,266 --> 00:04:53,366
but you also have
a relationship,
160
00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:55,466
but if you try and get rid
of the relationship
161
00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:56,666
so you can get the girls,
162
00:04:56,700 --> 00:04:58,666
you lose the job.
163
00:04:58,700 --> 00:04:58,737
You see the irony?
164
00:04:58,737 --> 00:04:59,800
You see the irony?
165
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:02,100
Yeah, yeah, I see the irony.
166
00:05:03,833 --> 00:05:05,166
All right, what--
what about this?
167
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:07,533
What if I could find some way
to break up with her
168
00:05:07,566 --> 00:05:08,866
so that she'll
still like me
169
00:05:08,900 --> 00:05:10,333
and it doesn't affect
the deal?
170
00:05:10,366 --> 00:05:11,333
Oh, yeah.
171
00:05:11,366 --> 00:05:13,133
Wait, wait, wait.
Hear me out. Hear me out.
172
00:05:13,166 --> 00:05:14,366
Don't dismiss this.
173
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:18,133
You're very quick to dismiss.
Don't dismiss.
174
00:05:18,166 --> 00:05:20,300
She's got a big crush
on David Letterman.
175
00:05:20,333 --> 00:05:21,400
I mean, a big crush.
176
00:05:21,433 --> 00:05:22,800
She talks about him
all the time.
177
00:05:22,833 --> 00:05:26,200
Suppose I go up
to David Letterman.
178
00:05:26,233 --> 00:05:27,800
He works at NBC.
179
00:05:27,833 --> 00:05:28,737
I work at NBC.
180
00:05:28,737 --> 00:05:29,966
I work at NBC.
181
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,833
I explain my situation.
He agrees to meet her.
182
00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:35,300
They go out,
they fall madly in love,
183
00:05:35,333 --> 00:05:37,833
and she dumps me
for David Letterman.
184
00:05:37,866 --> 00:05:38,966
This is your plan?
185
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,900
No, no! I'm just thinking.
186
00:05:41,933 --> 00:05:44,200
I don't think you are.
187
00:05:51,733 --> 00:05:53,233
Well, let me tell you
what I see.
188
00:05:53,266 --> 00:05:56,233
Please, and be brutal.
I have no closet sensitivity.
189
00:05:56,266 --> 00:05:58,737
Are you very fussy
about your pants?
190
00:05:58,737 --> 00:05:59,733
Are you very fussy
about your pants?
191
00:05:59,766 --> 00:06:01,666
I don't think I am.
192
00:06:01,700 --> 00:06:03,066
Because I have
a very radical idea.
193
00:06:03,100 --> 00:06:04,066
Can you handle it?
194
00:06:04,100 --> 00:06:05,200
Try me.
195
00:06:05,233 --> 00:06:07,500
Here's what
I'm proposing.
196
00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:09,066
We'll eliminate
all this--
197
00:06:09,100 --> 00:06:10,900
The hangers, the bar,
the shelves--
198
00:06:10,933 --> 00:06:13,833
and in its place,
install a series of hooks.
199
00:06:13,866 --> 00:06:16,033
We'll put everything on hooks.
200
00:06:16,066 --> 00:06:17,533
Everything?
201
00:06:17,566 --> 00:06:21,466
Everything! The shirts, pants,
sports jackets, pajamas.
202
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:23,833
We can get 80 hooks on here.
203
00:06:23,866 --> 00:06:25,933
You're quite mad, you know.
204
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,737
[APARTMENT DOOR
OPENS AND CLOSES]
205
00:06:28,737 --> 00:06:29,033
[APARTMENT DOOR
OPENS AND CLOSES]
206
00:06:29,066 --> 00:06:32,033
Oh, I don't believe this.
207
00:06:32,066 --> 00:06:33,400
Hey.
Yeah.
208
00:06:33,433 --> 00:06:34,800
What are you doing?
209
00:06:34,833 --> 00:06:36,200
I'm watching
The Bold and the Beautiful.
210
00:06:36,233 --> 00:06:37,200
No.
211
00:06:37,233 --> 00:06:38,200
Wait,
wait, wait.
212
00:06:38,233 --> 00:06:39,400
This is not a good time.
213
00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:40,900
No, no, no,
five minutes.
214
00:06:40,933 --> 00:06:42,966
What did you give your TV
away to George for?
215
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:44,166
Because I've been
watching too much.
216
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:45,533
It was an addiction.
I couldn't stop.
217
00:06:45,566 --> 00:06:47,233
It was destroying
my brain cells.
218
00:06:48,733 --> 00:06:50,533
Yeah, but now
you're in here all the time.
219
00:06:50,566 --> 00:06:52,000
Well--whoa.
220
00:06:52,033 --> 00:06:53,533
Uh, Marla, Kramer.
Hello.
221
00:06:53,566 --> 00:06:56,133
Hey.
222
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,700
Why don't you go out.
It's nice out.
223
00:06:57,733 --> 00:06:58,737
No, there's nothing out there
for me.
224
00:06:58,737 --> 00:06:59,300
No, there's nothing out there
for me.
225
00:06:59,333 --> 00:07:00,900
There's weather.
226
00:07:00,933 --> 00:07:02,033
Weather?
I don't need weather.
227
00:07:02,066 --> 00:07:03,400
Weather doesn't
do it for me.
228
00:07:03,433 --> 00:07:05,366
I'm telling George
to give you your TV back.
229
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:08,300
No, no,
I don't want it back.
230
00:07:08,333 --> 00:07:10,200
Are you gonna watch
the Knick game tonight?
231
00:07:10,233 --> 00:07:11,366
I don't know.
232
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:12,366
Will you tape it?
233
00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:13,366
Kramer...
234
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:15,566
Oh, yeah, you, huh?
235
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,233
So your boyfriend never
came back from Berlin?
236
00:07:25,266 --> 00:07:26,666
He never came back.
237
00:07:26,700 --> 00:07:28,737
Oh, you must've been devastated,
being left for a wall.
238
00:07:28,737 --> 00:07:29,966
Oh, you must've been devastated,
being left for a wall.
239
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,000
Well...
240
00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:33,200
It was about to end anyway.
241
00:07:33,233 --> 00:07:35,233
There was this...problem.
242
00:07:35,266 --> 00:07:36,333
Uh-huh.
243
00:07:36,366 --> 00:07:37,333
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
244
00:07:37,366 --> 00:07:39,166
Excuse me one second.
Yeah?
245
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:40,166
ELAINE:
It's me.
246
00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:42,533
Come on up.
247
00:07:42,566 --> 00:07:44,500
Uh, it's Elaine. She's
just a friend of mine.
248
00:07:44,533 --> 00:07:46,166
I don't know what
she's doing here now.
249
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:47,166
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
250
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,000
I'm sorry. What?
251
00:07:49,033 --> 00:07:50,000
I didn't get it.
252
00:07:50,033 --> 00:07:51,000
Oh, for...
253
00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:57,900
So you were saying,
there was this problem.
254
00:07:57,933 --> 00:07:58,737
Well, he wanted me
to move in with him.
255
00:07:58,737 --> 00:07:59,900
Well, he wanted me
to move in with him.
256
00:07:59,933 --> 00:08:01,033
Snapple?
257
00:08:01,066 --> 00:08:02,566
No, thanks.
258
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:03,800
Go on.
259
00:08:03,833 --> 00:08:06,533
Well, I wouldn't move in
because...
260
00:08:06,566 --> 00:08:07,533
Yes?
261
00:08:07,566 --> 00:08:09,166
Well, because...
Yeah?
262
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:11,900
Well, because I'm a...
263
00:08:11,933 --> 00:08:12,933
virgin.
264
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,833
Hello!
265
00:08:15,866 --> 00:08:18,566
Hi. Um...
266
00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:19,800
Marla, Elaine.
267
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,800
Um, I'm sorry. I didn't
know you had company.
268
00:08:21,833 --> 00:08:23,333
I just wanted
to return your tape.
269
00:08:23,366 --> 00:08:25,400
Oh, thanks a lot,
two weeks late.
270
00:08:25,433 --> 00:08:28,500
Now it'll cost me $35
to see Havana.
271
00:08:31,233 --> 00:08:33,833
I'm sorry. I really am.
I just kept forgetting.
272
00:08:33,866 --> 00:08:34,833
I should be going.
273
00:08:34,866 --> 00:08:36,166
No, no, no, no.
I'm leaving.
274
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:37,733
I like that thing
in your hair there.
275
00:08:37,766 --> 00:08:38,866
Oh, yeah? Hah.
276
00:08:38,900 --> 00:08:39,966
This woman was selling them
277
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,833
at this crazy party
I was at last night.
278
00:08:41,866 --> 00:08:43,400
You'll appreciate this.
279
00:08:43,433 --> 00:08:44,466
Snapple?
280
00:08:44,500 --> 00:08:45,500
No, thanks.
281
00:08:47,166 --> 00:08:48,966
I was talking to
this guy, you know,
282
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,866
and I just happened to throw
my purse on the sofa,
283
00:08:51,900 --> 00:08:54,600
and my diaphragm
goes flying out.
284
00:08:57,766 --> 00:08:58,737
So I just froze,
you know?
285
00:08:58,737 --> 00:09:00,033
So I just froze,
you know?
286
00:09:00,066 --> 00:09:01,333
[GROANING]
287
00:09:01,366 --> 00:09:03,733
Staring at my diaphragm.
It was just lying there.
288
00:09:03,766 --> 00:09:06,133
So then this woman, the one
who sold me this hair thing,
289
00:09:06,166 --> 00:09:08,233
she grabbed it
before the guy noticed.
290
00:09:08,266 --> 00:09:09,933
So, I mean,
big deal, right?
291
00:09:11,733 --> 00:09:13,066
So I carry around
my diaphragm.
292
00:09:13,100 --> 00:09:14,233
Who doesn't?
293
00:09:14,266 --> 00:09:15,866
I mean, like it's
a big, big secret
294
00:09:15,900 --> 00:09:18,433
that women carry around
their diaphragms.
295
00:09:19,833 --> 00:09:21,733
You never know when you're
gonna need it, right?
296
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:28,200
Ah...
297
00:09:28,233 --> 00:09:28,737
I should be going.
298
00:09:28,737 --> 00:09:29,800
I should be going.
299
00:09:29,833 --> 00:09:31,700
So, uh...
300
00:09:31,733 --> 00:09:33,166
we'll talk about
the hooks, then?
301
00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:34,566
Yes.
302
00:09:35,900 --> 00:09:38,166
What? Was it something I said?
303
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,666
She's a virgin.
She just told me.
304
00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:41,866
Well, I didn't know.
305
00:09:41,900 --> 00:09:44,400
Well, it's not like
spotting a toupee.
306
00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:50,666
Well, you think
I should say something?
307
00:09:50,700 --> 00:09:52,533
Should I say something?
Should I apologize?
308
00:09:52,566 --> 00:09:54,566
Was I-- Was I being
anti-virgin?
309
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:55,700
No, no! I mean...
310
00:09:55,733 --> 00:09:57,133
Because I'm not
anti-virgin.
311
00:09:57,166 --> 00:09:58,333
I'm gonna--
I'll be right back.
312
00:09:58,366 --> 00:09:58,737
Elaine. Elaine!
313
00:09:58,737 --> 00:09:59,400
Elaine. Elaine!
314
00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:01,333
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
315
00:10:01,366 --> 00:10:02,333
Yeah?
316
00:10:02,366 --> 00:10:03,266
It's George.
317
00:10:04,566 --> 00:10:06,500
She's a virgin?
318
00:10:06,533 --> 00:10:07,666
A virgin.
319
00:10:07,700 --> 00:10:09,166
Wow.
320
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:10,400
So what are you
gonna do?
321
00:10:10,433 --> 00:10:12,000
I don't know. I'm very
attracted to her.
322
00:10:12,033 --> 00:10:14,333
That accent is so sexy.
323
00:10:14,366 --> 00:10:16,900
I don't think
I could do it.
324
00:10:16,933 --> 00:10:19,533
They always remember
the first time.
325
00:10:19,566 --> 00:10:20,533
I don't wanna
be remembered.
326
00:10:20,566 --> 00:10:21,733
I wanna be forgotten.
327
00:10:23,366 --> 00:10:24,833
You need a little
pioneer spirit.
328
00:10:24,866 --> 00:10:25,833
See, you don't have
329
00:10:25,866 --> 00:10:27,800
any of that
Lewis & Clark in you.
330
00:10:27,833 --> 00:10:28,737
You know, sometimes those guys
don't make it back.
331
00:10:28,737 --> 00:10:32,033
You know, sometimes those guys
don't make it back.
332
00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:36,000
I'm really hungry.
333
00:10:36,033 --> 00:10:37,566
Yeah, me too.
We gotta get something.
334
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:40,033
I don't wanna go to that meeting
on an empty stomach.
335
00:10:40,066 --> 00:10:41,666
Let's get some Chinese.
You wanna order--
336
00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:43,966
All right, but then
we gotta get some work done.
337
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,366
Let me just call Kramer,
see if he wants anything.
338
00:10:48,366 --> 00:10:49,800
Hey, we're ordering
Chinese food.
339
00:10:49,833 --> 00:10:50,900
If you want anything,
340
00:10:50,933 --> 00:10:53,133
let me know what it is
and, uh...
341
00:10:53,166 --> 00:10:55,633
I'll order it...
342
00:10:55,666 --> 00:10:57,400
for you.
343
00:10:57,433 --> 00:10:58,737
I'm in. Let's go for it.
344
00:10:58,737 --> 00:10:59,733
I'm in. Let's go for it.
345
00:10:59,766 --> 00:11:01,000
All right,
what do you want?
346
00:11:01,033 --> 00:11:02,300
I don't care. Whatever.
347
00:11:02,333 --> 00:11:03,900
Why don't we get
a couple of dishes.
348
00:11:03,933 --> 00:11:05,166
We'll just share them.
All right.
349
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:06,300
What--
what are you getting?
350
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:07,900
I think I'm gonna
get a Chow Fun.
351
00:11:07,933 --> 00:11:09,666
What's a Chow Fun?
352
00:11:09,700 --> 00:11:10,666
It's a broad noodle.
353
00:11:10,700 --> 00:11:12,066
What do you mean,
a broad noodle?
354
00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:14,133
It's a big, flat noodle.
355
00:11:14,166 --> 00:11:17,966
Well, I don't want
a big, flat noodle.
356
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,400
What kind of noodle
do you want?
357
00:11:19,433 --> 00:11:21,666
Who says
I want a noodle?
358
00:11:21,700 --> 00:11:23,233
All right, look,
I'm getting the Chow Fun.
359
00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:24,400
You don't have
to have any.
360
00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:25,566
I'll get the pea pods,
361
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:27,700
and you can't have
any of my pea pods.
362
00:11:27,733 --> 00:11:28,700
Fine.
363
00:11:28,733 --> 00:11:28,737
Get extra MSG.
364
00:11:28,737 --> 00:11:30,500
Get extra MSG.
365
00:11:33,100 --> 00:11:35,233
Look, Marla,
366
00:11:35,266 --> 00:11:39,733
this whole sex thing
is totally overrated.
367
00:11:39,766 --> 00:11:42,466
Now, the one thing
you've gotta be ready for
368
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:46,666
is how the man changes into
a completely different person
369
00:11:46,700 --> 00:11:48,133
five seconds
after it's over.
370
00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:51,300
I mean, something happens
to their personality.
371
00:11:51,333 --> 00:11:52,866
It's really quite astounding.
372
00:11:52,900 --> 00:11:54,833
It's like, uh,
they committed a crime,
373
00:11:54,866 --> 00:11:57,200
and they want to flee the scene
before the police get there.
374
00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:00,066
So they just leave?
375
00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:01,800
Yeah, pretty much. Yeah.
376
00:12:01,833 --> 00:12:05,033
Well, the smart ones start
working on their getaway stories
377
00:12:05,066 --> 00:12:06,400
during dinner.
378
00:12:06,433 --> 00:12:09,200
How, you know, they gotta
get up early tomorrow.
379
00:12:09,233 --> 00:12:11,166
It's always about
being up early.
380
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:12,966
They all turn
into farmers suddenly.
381
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,700
Wow. You must be really good
to put up with all that.
382
00:12:16,733 --> 00:12:17,733
Eh.
383
00:12:21,166 --> 00:12:22,233
All right, let's go.
384
00:12:22,266 --> 00:12:23,866
We don't have much time
before the meeting.
385
00:12:23,900 --> 00:12:25,233
Where's the food?
What happened to Ping?
386
00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:26,466
Don't worry,
he'll be here.
387
00:12:26,500 --> 00:12:27,666
We only got
about two hours.
388
00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:28,737
We just need
one good story idea,
389
00:12:28,737 --> 00:12:29,033
We just need
one good story idea,
390
00:12:29,066 --> 00:12:30,466
and we can get through
this meeting.
391
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,500
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
392
00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:32,666
There's your food.
393
00:12:34,433 --> 00:12:36,033
Hey, what about this?
394
00:12:36,066 --> 00:12:38,133
I'm in a car accident.
395
00:12:38,166 --> 00:12:39,666
The motorist is uninsured.
You with me?
396
00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:40,800
Yeah.
397
00:12:40,833 --> 00:12:42,566
My car's totaled.
398
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,033
It's all his fault.
399
00:12:44,066 --> 00:12:45,666
Now, he has absolutely no money.
400
00:12:45,700 --> 00:12:48,000
There is no way
that he could pay me.
401
00:12:48,033 --> 00:12:49,100
So the judge decrees...
402
00:12:50,033 --> 00:12:51,800
that he becomes my butler.
403
00:12:51,833 --> 00:12:53,700
Your butler?
404
00:12:53,733 --> 00:12:55,000
Right.
405
00:12:55,033 --> 00:12:56,633
He cooks my food,
he cleans my house,
406
00:12:56,666 --> 00:12:58,000
he does all my shopping for me,
407
00:12:58,033 --> 00:12:58,737
and there you go.
That's your program.
408
00:12:58,737 --> 00:13:00,066
and there you go.
That's your program.
409
00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:01,500
What about me?
410
00:13:01,533 --> 00:13:04,233
Don't worry.
We find something for you.
411
00:13:04,266 --> 00:13:06,833
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
412
00:13:06,866 --> 00:13:09,333
That's the stupidest idea
I ever heard.
413
00:13:09,366 --> 00:13:11,533
Sentenced to be a butler.
414
00:13:13,566 --> 00:13:14,666
Ping, what happened?
415
00:13:14,700 --> 00:13:16,033
There was a bit
of an accident.
416
00:13:16,066 --> 00:13:17,800
Head hurts.
417
00:13:17,833 --> 00:13:20,333
Head really hurts.
418
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:21,400
What happened?
419
00:13:21,433 --> 00:13:23,333
Marla and I
went out for coffee,
420
00:13:23,366 --> 00:13:25,066
and afterwards,
I was crossing the street,
421
00:13:25,100 --> 00:13:26,500
and he was biking
right towards me.
422
00:13:26,533 --> 00:13:28,466
So I got out of the way
just in time,
423
00:13:28,500 --> 00:13:28,737
but then he ran into
a parked car,
424
00:13:28,737 --> 00:13:30,033
but then he ran into
a parked car,
425
00:13:30,066 --> 00:13:31,633
he hit his head,
and everything went flying.
426
00:13:31,666 --> 00:13:33,333
Something happened
to the food?
427
00:13:34,833 --> 00:13:36,133
Could only save
one bag.
428
00:13:36,166 --> 00:13:38,133
Should I call an ambulance?
Want to see a doctor?
429
00:13:38,166 --> 00:13:39,300
I'll get some ice.
430
00:13:39,333 --> 00:13:42,966
The pea pods?
All you saved was the pea pods?
431
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,533
Hey, you got the food?
432
00:13:44,566 --> 00:13:45,900
Yeah, here.
433
00:13:45,933 --> 00:13:47,133
What took so long?
Hey, Ping!
434
00:13:47,166 --> 00:13:48,300
Kramer!
435
00:13:48,333 --> 00:13:50,033
Yeah.
436
00:13:50,066 --> 00:13:51,466
Where's yours, huh?
437
00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:52,800
He dropped it.
438
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:55,366
Oh, that's too bad.
439
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:56,900
You should slow down,
you know that?
440
00:13:56,933 --> 00:13:58,466
It's dangerous
to go that fast.
441
00:13:58,500 --> 00:13:58,737
No. No, I have green light.
You jaywalk.
442
00:13:58,737 --> 00:14:00,966
No. No, I have green light.
You jaywalk.
443
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,133
Are you
watching Oprah?
444
00:14:02,166 --> 00:14:03,300
I did not
jaywalk.
445
00:14:03,333 --> 00:14:04,466
You're giving him
back that TV!
446
00:14:04,500 --> 00:14:05,466
Yes, you
jaywalk.
447
00:14:05,500 --> 00:14:06,666
No, I don't
want it back.
448
00:14:06,700 --> 00:14:08,066
Jaywalker.
I'll slap a suit on you!
449
00:14:08,100 --> 00:14:09,233
What?
450
00:14:09,266 --> 00:14:10,866
We've work to do!
What about the meeting?
451
00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:12,033
Look, an hour
with Patrick Swayze.
452
00:14:18,737 --> 00:14:21,137
Month and a half, we had.
We did nothing.
453
00:14:21,170 --> 00:14:22,937
I can't believe we
put it off until today
454
00:14:22,970 --> 00:14:24,204
and then we couldn't
do anything,
455
00:14:24,237 --> 00:14:26,037
because Elaine runs out
to apologize to a virgin,
456
00:14:26,070 --> 00:14:27,204
crosses against the light,
457
00:14:27,237 --> 00:14:29,704
and knocks over
a Chinese delivery boy.
458
00:14:29,737 --> 00:14:31,370
Now we're gonna go
make fools of ourselves.
459
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:32,704
We got nothing.
460
00:14:32,737 --> 00:14:34,370
You're not even
in show business.
461
00:14:34,404 --> 00:14:36,837
I got a reputation!
462
00:14:36,870 --> 00:14:39,537
You'll drag me
into the sewer with you.
463
00:14:39,570 --> 00:14:41,870
I've been on TV,
buddy boy.
464
00:14:41,904 --> 00:14:43,604
Know how fast word spreads
in show business?
465
00:14:43,637 --> 00:14:44,937
Like that!
Just like that!
466
00:14:44,937 --> 00:14:45,870
Like that!
Just like that!
467
00:14:45,904 --> 00:14:49,204
One bad impression,
you're out of the business!
468
00:14:49,237 --> 00:14:51,304
All right, let's postpone it.
Let's get out of here.
469
00:14:51,337 --> 00:14:52,870
What do you mean?
They know we're here.
470
00:14:52,904 --> 00:14:53,970
I'll fake an illness.
471
00:14:54,004 --> 00:14:57,104
My back! My back!
I can't move my back!
472
00:14:57,137 --> 00:14:58,870
No, no,
would you get up?
473
00:14:58,904 --> 00:15:00,104
I could do this, Jerry.
474
00:15:00,137 --> 00:15:01,370
No.
475
00:15:01,404 --> 00:15:03,837
All right, I'll tell them
that my sister died.
476
00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:06,137
Oh, my poor sister died.
477
00:15:06,170 --> 00:15:08,004
She was standing
on the street,
478
00:15:08,037 --> 00:15:09,037
and then
she was laughing,
479
00:15:09,070 --> 00:15:11,270
and then they shot her!
480
00:15:11,304 --> 00:15:14,137
That's the kind of a sick city
that we're living in!
481
00:15:14,170 --> 00:15:14,937
They shoot you for laughing!
482
00:15:14,937 --> 00:15:16,004
They shoot you for laughing!
483
00:15:16,037 --> 00:15:17,837
I must go and comfort
my poor family.
484
00:15:17,870 --> 00:15:19,304
Jerry, come on, take me home
485
00:15:19,337 --> 00:15:21,970
so I can comfort my--
my poor family...
486
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,370
What?
487
00:15:23,404 --> 00:15:24,670
That's David Letterman.
488
00:15:24,704 --> 00:15:26,104
I just saw David Letterman
walk by.
489
00:15:26,137 --> 00:15:29,170
I'll be right back.
490
00:15:29,204 --> 00:15:31,037
Mr. Seinfeld,
they're ready for you now.
491
00:15:35,004 --> 00:15:38,570
Yes, I was very wise
to hitch my wagon to his star.
492
00:15:42,570 --> 00:15:44,437
Jerry...
Hey, Jerry!
493
00:15:44,470 --> 00:15:44,937
Hi. How you doing?
494
00:15:44,937 --> 00:15:45,470
Hi. How you doing?
495
00:15:45,504 --> 00:15:46,837
Nice to see you
all again. Hello.
496
00:15:46,870 --> 00:15:48,304
Hello, Jerry.
I'm Rita Kierson.
497
00:15:48,337 --> 00:15:50,970
Oh. Nice to meet you.
Uh, where's Russell?
498
00:15:51,004 --> 00:15:52,970
He, uh, he had to go to L.A.
499
00:15:53,004 --> 00:15:54,537
There's a problem
on the set at Blossom.
500
00:15:54,570 --> 00:15:56,137
Oh...
501
00:15:56,170 --> 00:15:57,337
poor Blossom.
502
00:15:58,737 --> 00:16:01,470
Anyway, he asked me
to sit in for him.
503
00:16:01,504 --> 00:16:02,837
Where's George?
504
00:16:02,870 --> 00:16:04,637
Oh, he ran to say something
to David Letterman.
505
00:16:04,670 --> 00:16:06,304
D-David Letterman's
on the floor?
506
00:16:06,337 --> 00:16:07,537
Yeah, he just walked by.
507
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,504
Well, I think we should
get started anyway.
508
00:16:12,537 --> 00:16:14,770
Yeah. Good idea.
509
00:16:14,804 --> 00:16:14,937
So how are you guys
coming along?
510
00:16:14,937 --> 00:16:16,270
So how are you guys
coming along?
511
00:16:16,304 --> 00:16:19,537
Good, good.
We've got a number of ideas.
512
00:16:19,570 --> 00:16:21,004
Good.
513
00:16:23,904 --> 00:16:25,470
Have you ever been
to a Chinese restaurant,
514
00:16:25,504 --> 00:16:27,870
and they tell you it'll be,
like, five minutes for a table,
515
00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:30,004
and you wind waiting there
for, like, 30 minutes?
516
00:16:31,137 --> 00:16:34,204
Well, we thought
it would be very funny
517
00:16:34,237 --> 00:16:36,504
to do an entire show
518
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:38,470
where all you're doing
is waiting for the table.
519
00:16:41,837 --> 00:16:44,337
Because we've all been
in that situation.
520
00:16:45,970 --> 00:16:48,704
You know, you're...
you're waiting,
521
00:16:48,737 --> 00:16:50,104
and you're hungry,
522
00:16:50,137 --> 00:16:52,570
and you bump into
somebody you know.
523
00:16:57,204 --> 00:16:59,004
When is Russell coming back?
524
00:16:59,037 --> 00:17:00,170
So that's the idea?
525
00:17:01,837 --> 00:17:03,370
Well, no. That's one.
526
00:17:03,404 --> 00:17:04,637
We have many others.
527
00:17:04,670 --> 00:17:06,470
We have an idea
where, um...
528
00:17:06,504 --> 00:17:07,770
Uh...
529
00:17:07,804 --> 00:17:09,937
I, um...
530
00:17:09,970 --> 00:17:12,537
I get into an accident
with a guy who has no insurance,
531
00:17:12,570 --> 00:17:14,670
and the judge sentences him
to be my butler.
532
00:17:14,704 --> 00:17:14,937
[LAUGHING]
533
00:17:14,937 --> 00:17:16,737
[LAUGHING]
534
00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:21,370
And he cooks,
so he has to cook for me,
535
00:17:21,404 --> 00:17:22,670
cleans up my house,
536
00:17:22,704 --> 00:17:24,970
and he's doing my shopping,
you know...
537
00:17:25,004 --> 00:17:26,437
[LAUGHING]
538
00:17:26,470 --> 00:17:27,704
and I'm walking around
539
00:17:27,737 --> 00:17:29,504
wearing one of those big
neck collars, you know.
540
00:17:29,537 --> 00:17:32,804
Those collars
are funny!
541
00:17:32,837 --> 00:17:34,470
You see somebody
in one of those collars,
542
00:17:34,504 --> 00:17:35,704
you start laughing
immediately.
543
00:17:35,737 --> 00:17:39,470
You're telling them
about the butler story?
544
00:17:39,504 --> 00:17:41,870
Is that beautiful,
or what?
545
00:17:41,904 --> 00:17:43,137
Hey, I'm sorry
I'm late...
546
00:17:43,170 --> 00:17:44,570
Russell.
547
00:17:46,370 --> 00:17:47,337
I'm Rita Kierson.
548
00:17:47,370 --> 00:17:48,604
Ah, Rita.
549
00:17:48,637 --> 00:17:50,370
Hey, Mr. Chermak,
how are you?
550
00:17:50,404 --> 00:17:51,437
Good to see you.
551
00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:52,637
Stu and Jay.
Always a pleasure.
552
00:17:52,670 --> 00:17:54,637
Hi, sweetie.
553
00:17:54,670 --> 00:17:56,004
Yeah, yeah,
that butler idea,
554
00:17:56,037 --> 00:17:57,337
that's beautiful,
isn't it?
555
00:17:57,370 --> 00:17:58,504
Is that a killer?
556
00:17:58,537 --> 00:18:00,870
I thought
I was getting the butler.
557
00:18:00,904 --> 00:18:02,537
Don't worry, we'll find
something for you.
558
00:18:11,470 --> 00:18:14,504
So Letterman didn't spark
to your idea, huh?
559
00:18:14,537 --> 00:18:14,937
No, he said there was nothing
he could do, and that next time,
560
00:18:14,937 --> 00:18:17,270
No, he said there was nothing
he could do, and that next time,
561
00:18:17,304 --> 00:18:19,970
I should probably
break the Prozacs in half.
562
00:18:20,004 --> 00:18:21,470
Hey, you guys wanna
hold it down.
563
00:18:21,504 --> 00:18:22,537
I'm watching Jeopardy.
564
00:18:22,570 --> 00:18:25,137
Would you give him back the TV?
565
00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:26,204
Oh, by the way, George,
566
00:18:26,237 --> 00:18:27,637
Susan called for you
a minute ago.
567
00:18:27,670 --> 00:18:29,670
Yeah, I'll bet they're
probably doing somersaults
568
00:18:29,704 --> 00:18:31,004
about us over there.
569
00:18:31,037 --> 00:18:32,637
You think they get
butler stories like that
570
00:18:32,670 --> 00:18:33,837
every day?
571
00:18:36,137 --> 00:18:38,637
Who is Joseph Cotton?
572
00:18:38,670 --> 00:18:39,804
Giddyup!
573
00:18:39,837 --> 00:18:41,204
SUSAN [OVER TELEPHONE]:
Hello.
574
00:18:41,237 --> 00:18:44,104
Hi, it's me. It's Georgie boy.
What's going on?
575
00:18:44,137 --> 00:18:44,937
What's going on?What's going on?
576
00:18:44,937 --> 00:18:46,137
What's going on?What's going on?
577
00:18:46,170 --> 00:18:47,470
I'll tell youwhat's going on.
578
00:18:47,504 --> 00:18:49,470
I'm fired!
579
00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:50,937
Fired? Why?
580
00:18:50,970 --> 00:18:52,704
Becauseyou kissed me!
581
00:18:52,737 --> 00:18:54,704
You kissed me,you stupid idiot!
582
00:18:54,737 --> 00:18:56,104
Rita called Russell,
583
00:18:56,137 --> 00:18:57,604
and he fired meover the phone!
584
00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:59,204
What is pi?
585
00:18:59,237 --> 00:19:02,604
Ooh, giddyup again.
I'm killing 'em.
586
00:19:02,637 --> 00:19:05,270
But I didn't-- I had no idea.
I didn't realize--
587
00:19:05,304 --> 00:19:06,537
You didn't realize?
588
00:19:06,570 --> 00:19:08,604
How could younot realize?
589
00:19:08,637 --> 00:19:09,804
You're stupid!
590
00:19:09,837 --> 00:19:12,770
You are a stupid,stupid man!
591
00:19:12,804 --> 00:19:14,437
I just feel terrible.
This is just terrible.
592
00:19:14,470 --> 00:19:14,937
What is the cha-cha?
593
00:19:14,937 --> 00:19:17,437
What is the cha-cha?
594
00:19:17,470 --> 00:19:18,470
Yes, indeed.
595
00:19:18,504 --> 00:19:21,337
I'll speakto you later.
596
00:19:24,637 --> 00:19:25,604
This is great!
597
00:19:25,637 --> 00:19:27,704
He fired her!
598
00:19:27,737 --> 00:19:29,337
This is incredible!
He fired her!
599
00:19:29,370 --> 00:19:30,804
I'm out, baby!
I'm out!
600
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:31,804
Why did he fire her?
601
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:34,204
Because I kissed her
in the meeting!
602
00:19:34,237 --> 00:19:36,304
Russell found out!
He fired her over the phone!
603
00:19:36,337 --> 00:19:39,437
Finally, my stupidity pays off!
604
00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:43,370
What is "Here Come The Judge?
Here Come the Judge!"
605
00:19:43,404 --> 00:19:44,837
You can't
break up with her now.
606
00:19:44,870 --> 00:19:44,937
Her life is shattered,
and you got her fired!
607
00:19:44,937 --> 00:19:46,637
Her life is shattered,
and you got her fired!
608
00:19:46,670 --> 00:19:48,304
You gotta be there for her.
What?
609
00:19:48,337 --> 00:19:50,370
You gotta at least wait
until she gets another job.
610
00:19:50,404 --> 00:19:51,637
Another job?
611
00:19:51,670 --> 00:19:53,204
A couple of interviews.
612
00:19:53,237 --> 00:19:56,470
Oh, this is unbelievable!
613
00:19:56,504 --> 00:19:58,537
I'm stuck!
614
00:19:58,570 --> 00:20:03,137
Every time I think I'm out,
they pull me back in.
615
00:20:10,337 --> 00:20:13,537
Are you going to want to leave
after it's over?
616
00:20:13,570 --> 00:20:14,937
You know, if we have sex?
617
00:20:14,937 --> 00:20:14,970
You know, if we have sex?
618
00:20:15,004 --> 00:20:16,970
What? Leave?
619
00:20:17,004 --> 00:20:18,204
Where? Why?
620
00:20:18,237 --> 00:20:20,837
You know, the apartment.
621
00:20:20,870 --> 00:20:22,770
Why would I leave?
This is my apartment.
622
00:20:22,804 --> 00:20:25,037
Well, what if
it was my apartment?
623
00:20:25,070 --> 00:20:27,037
Who gave you this idea
I would want to leave?
624
00:20:27,070 --> 00:20:29,337
Well, Elaine said
men like to leave
625
00:20:29,370 --> 00:20:30,770
after it's over.
626
00:20:30,804 --> 00:20:32,337
Listen, I wouldn't put
too much stock
627
00:20:32,370 --> 00:20:34,770
in anything Elaine has to say
about relationships.
628
00:20:34,804 --> 00:20:37,670
She comes from a broken home,
and I mean that literally.
629
00:20:37,704 --> 00:20:39,870
A tree fell on the roof
and cracked the whole structure.
630
00:20:39,904 --> 00:20:41,037
Her parents got along
beautifully,
631
00:20:41,070 --> 00:20:43,837
but the house
was in bad shape.
632
00:20:43,870 --> 00:20:44,937
Maybe I should be going.
633
00:20:44,937 --> 00:20:45,737
Maybe I should be going.
634
00:20:48,370 --> 00:20:50,270
What else did you
say to her?
635
00:20:50,304 --> 00:20:53,004
Nothing. I was just
giving her the straight dope.
636
00:20:53,037 --> 00:20:56,537
More like a dope
was giving it to her straight.
637
00:20:56,570 --> 00:20:59,504
Another cup of coffee with you,
she'll wind up in a convent.
638
00:20:59,537 --> 00:21:01,604
Listen, there was a lot more
I could've told her.
639
00:21:01,637 --> 00:21:02,637
Believe me.
640
00:21:02,670 --> 00:21:04,004
What is this
about leaving after sex?
641
00:21:04,037 --> 00:21:05,204
Did I ever leave with you?
642
00:21:05,237 --> 00:21:07,470
You might've if I had stayed.
643
00:21:08,504 --> 00:21:09,637
So you know what?
644
00:21:09,670 --> 00:21:11,104
I got served
with papers today.
645
00:21:11,137 --> 00:21:13,370
Ping is suing me.
646
00:21:13,404 --> 00:21:14,937
I need your virgin as a witness,
so be nice to her.
647
00:21:14,937 --> 00:21:15,804
I need your virgin as a witness,
so be nice to her.
648
00:21:15,837 --> 00:21:17,037
I was trying to be.
649
00:21:17,070 --> 00:21:19,537
Look at George.
He lucked out, huh?
650
00:21:19,570 --> 00:21:21,204
JERRY:
Oh, you're not kidding.
651
00:21:21,237 --> 00:21:23,104
Who'd have figured Susan
would break up with him.
652
00:21:23,137 --> 00:21:24,370
They had a good thing going.
653
00:21:24,404 --> 00:21:27,504
Yeah, since she met him,
she's been vomited on,
654
00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:29,304
her family cabin's
been burned down,
655
00:21:29,337 --> 00:21:31,037
she learned
her father's a homosexual,
656
00:21:31,070 --> 00:21:33,204
and she got fired
from a high-paying network job.
657
00:21:33,237 --> 00:21:37,704
Yeah, they had
a real good thing going.
658
00:21:37,737 --> 00:21:40,470
What do I do?
659
00:21:40,504 --> 00:21:43,437
Well, actually, I'm a writer.
660
00:21:43,470 --> 00:21:44,770
In fact,
661
00:21:44,804 --> 00:21:44,937
I'm writing a comedy pilot
for NBC right now.
662
00:21:44,937 --> 00:21:47,937
I'm writing a comedy pilot
for NBC right now.
663
00:21:47,970 --> 00:21:49,304
A sitcom?
664
00:21:50,637 --> 00:21:54,170
How can you write that crap?
665
00:21:54,204 --> 00:21:55,204
Carol!
666
00:21:55,237 --> 00:21:58,037
This guy's
writing a sitcom.
667
00:21:58,070 --> 00:21:59,104
A sitcom?
668
00:21:59,137 --> 00:22:01,670
[BOTH LAUGHING]
669
00:22:03,570 --> 00:22:05,170
Oh, let's go.
670
00:22:05,204 --> 00:22:07,004
A sitcom...
671
00:22:07,037 --> 00:22:08,770
can you imagine?
672
00:22:08,804 --> 00:22:12,437
And he actually tried
to use it to hit on me!
673
00:22:12,470 --> 00:22:13,704
In ancient tribal cultures,
674
00:22:13,737 --> 00:22:14,937
they would actually
sacrifice a virgin.
675
00:22:14,937 --> 00:22:15,770
they would actually
sacrifice a virgin.
676
00:22:15,804 --> 00:22:17,204
They thought
that would do something.
677
00:22:17,237 --> 00:22:18,337
They would find some girl
678
00:22:18,370 --> 00:22:19,770
that had never been out
with anybody,
679
00:22:19,804 --> 00:22:21,337
and they would throw her
into a volcano.
680
00:22:21,370 --> 00:22:23,537
I mean, there's a first date
you'll never forget, you know.
681
00:22:23,570 --> 00:22:27,437
Winds up in heaven
talking with Chuck Woolery.
682
00:22:27,470 --> 00:22:29,970
"So tell me, Lisa,
how did the date end?"
683
00:22:30,004 --> 00:22:32,704
"Not well, Chuck. Not well."
684
00:22:32,737 --> 00:22:34,937
"Well, if you'd like to be
thrown into a volcano again,
685
00:22:34,970 --> 00:22:35,970
we'll pay for it."
686
00:22:36,004 --> 00:22:38,737
[♪]
687
00:22:45,404 --> 00:22:48,537
[♪]
47647
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