All language subtitles for Seinfeld.S04E01.The.Trip.Part.1.720p.HULU.WEBRip.AAC2.0.H.264-NTb

It's amazing to me
that people will move

thousands of miles away
to another city.

They think nothing of it.

They get on a plane,
boom, they're there.

Okay, live there now.

Yeah, just 1000 miles.
I'm living over there.

You know, pioneers,

it took years
to cross the country.

Now, people
will move thousands of miles

just for one season.

I don't think
any pioneers did that.

You know, "Yeah, it took us
a decade to get there,

"and we stayed for the summer.

"It was nice,
it had a pool,

"the kids loved it.

"the kids loved it.

"And then we left
about 10 years ago,

"and we just got back.

"We had a great summer,

"and it took us 20 years,

and now our lives are over."

Kramer was on
Murphy Brown?

Yeah.

Are you sure?
Yeah.

Murphy Brown,
the TV show?

Come on, will you?

[LAUGHING]
Kramer was on Murphy Brown?

That son of a gun!

It's something,
isn't it?

With Candice Bergen.

I know.

I've always liked her.

Remember her
in Carnal Knowledge?

Sure.

She show her breasts in that?

She's not really the naked type.

She's not really the naked type.

I can't believe
I missed Kramer.

You know, he asked me
to go with him to California.

He did?

Yeah. I turned him down.

How come you didn't tell me?

He asked me to keep it a secret.

But you can never keep a secret.

I know.
This was, like, a record.

My previous record

was when Jodi Hirsch
asked me not to tell anybody

that we slept together.

Kept a lid on that
for about 28 seconds.

Well, you've come a long way.

I've matured.
Hey, listen,

The Tonight Show called me
to come do the show on the 28th,

and they're giving me
two free tickets to L.A.

You want to go?

You want to go?

A free ticket?

Yeah, in fact,
we could track down Kramer.

I always felt bad
about the way he left.

You know, that was a mess.

I never should've
taken back those keys.

What about accommodations?

All taken care of.

Is there a meal allowance?

What about
seat assignments?

Could I have
the kosher meal?

I hear the kosher
meal is good.

And I need clothes.

Got to get a haircut,

Oh, and I have to refill
my allergy medication.

Ooh! Do I need a hat?

I need a hat, don't I?

I need a hat, don't I?

Could we do
the Universal tour?

I don't know.

They have
that Backdraft exhibit.

Now, that looks
very cool to me.

KRAMER:
See, my acting technique--

Ahem, my personal
acting technique,

is working with color.

Imagining color,
and then finding

the emotional, vibrational mood
connected to the color.

See, if you look
through my scripts,

you'll see
that all my lines

have a special color.

So I don't
memorize language,

I memorize color.

This way I can go through
red, yellow, green, blue,

This way I can go through
red, yellow, green, blue,

and you have
a full palette of emotions.

Hey!
Huh?

Didn't I tell you
to get out of here?

Did you?

Come on, let's go.

Well, I was just--

Yeah, you were
just nothing.

Come on, let's go.
Wait, wait.

All right, we'll talk
about this a little later.

Let's go.

Are you an actor?

See you, Mike!

[MAN SINGING
OPERATIC SCALES]

[CHILD CRYING]

WOMAN:
Murphy Brown.

Uh, yeah, uh,
Candice Bergen, please.

Who's calling,
please?

Uh, well, just tell her
that it's Kramer.

[DIAL TONE
HUMMING]

All right, uh...

I'll call her at home.

Yeah, go ahead.
It's all yours.

Hello, Kramer.

Oh, Helene,
how are you?

Oh, Helene,
how are you?

I haven't worked
since 1934.

How do you think I am?

Well, that's only, uh...

58 years.

It was a Three Stooges short,
"Sappy Pappies."

I played Mr. Sugarman's
secretary, remember?

Yeah, right, right.

Yeah, yeah,
that was a Shemp, right?

No, no. Curly.

The boys played three sailors
who find a baby.

The baby's been kidnapped,

and the police
think that they did it.

Uh-huh, right.

But of course
they didn't do it.

The police have made
an awful mistake.

Right.

Right.

Moe hits Curly
with an ax.
Uh-huh.

The Stooges
catch the kidnappers.

Right.

But it's too late.

Really?

The baby's dead.

Really?

The boys are sent to death row
and are executed.

Well, I don't remember
that part.

I play Mr. Sugarman's
secretary.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
You were very good.

It was sad for a Three Stooges,

what with the dead baby

and the Stooges
being executed and all.

Yeah, well,

that was an unusual
choice for the Stooges.

Would you like to buy me
a fat-free frozen yogurt

Would you like to buy me
a fat-free frozen yogurt

at the store, Kramer?

Uh, well, you know,
I can't right now, you know.

I got a very big meeting.

You know, I got these people

interested
in my movie treatment.

So I guess we'll have to
make it another time, all right?

No, no!

No, don't go up there,
Kramer!

They'll hurt you,
they'll destroy you.

You'll never make it
in this town.

You're too sensitive,
like me.

Helene, you're wrong.

I'm not that sensitive
at all.

I was engaged to Mickey Rooney.

He left me at the altar.

Kramer!

Kramer!

What is this?

What?

We're going on
a two-day trip.

What are you,
Diana Ross?

I happen to dress based on mood.

Oh.

But you essentially

wear the same thing
all the time.

Seemingly.

Seemingly.

But within that basic framework,

there are many
subtle variations,

only discernible
to an acute observer,

only discernible
to an acute observer,

that reflect the many moods,
the many shades,

the many sides
of George Costanza.

And what mood is this?

This is "morning mist."

[♪]

[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]

What do you figure?

Twenty? Twenty-one?

Close enough.

Forensics ought to be able
to nail it down.

No ID?

No ID.

No witnesses?

Just the trees,
Johnny.

Just the trees.

Pretty young thing.

Pretty young thing.

She was.

Not anymore.

Somebody saw to that.

Sure did, Johnny.

Damn shame, too.

What do you make of it?

I don't know.

But I don't like it.

JERRY:
Look at this guy.

He's like a cat burglar.

He thinks if he goes through
real slow,

the machine won't detect him.

the machine won't detect him.

I've always been
a little nervous

about going through
these things.

I'm afraid I'm gonna step
through into another dimension.

Just go.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[CHUCKLES]
I made it.

[BEEP]

Empty your pockets, please.

Walk through
again, please.

[BEEP]

Are you sure you don't
have any metal on you?

Bracelets, rings, anklets?

Anklets? No.

A lot of men wear anklets.

Really?
Yeah.

What do you have
in your bag, sir?

In my bag?

Step over here,
please.

Over here?

Do you have
a knife in the bag?

A knife?

Open the bag, please.

[UNZIPS BAG]

What's this?

[SOFTLY]
Moisturizer.

For your wife?

No.

I, uh...

I use it.

Mm-hmm.

Spread your arms
and legs, please.

[BEEPING]

Ladies and gentlemen,

I implore you.

Have a good trip.

Have a good trip.

All right,
go ahead.

That's it?
That's it.

All right.

Come on, Jerry,
let's go.

What was that
all about?

I must have iron-rich blood.

Oh, yeah. Here we go, L.A.

The coast.

La-la land.

I got the
window seat, right?

Who said that?

I called it.
Oh, no.

What do you mean,
"Oh, no"?

It seems to me

that the closest thing
we have to royalty in America

are the people
that get to ride

in those little carts
through the airport.

Don't you hate these things?

They come out of nowhere.

Beep-beep, "Cart people!

Beep-beep, "Cart people!

Look out, cart people!
Look out!"

We all scurry out of the way
like worthless peasants.

"Ooh! It's cart people.

"I hope we didn't slow you down.

"Wave to the cart people, Timmy.

They're the best people
in the world."

You know, if you're
too fat, slow and disoriented

to get to your gate on time,

you're not ready for air travel.

You know, the people I hate

are the people that
get onto the moving walkway,

and then just stand there.

Like it's a ride.

Like it's a ride.

"Excuse me, there's no
animated pirates or bears

"along the way here.

Do your legs work at all?"

Oh!

Oh. Uh, yeah.
I'm here for the audition.

Which audition?

The music video,
the horror movie,

the exercise tape
or the infomercial?

Uh...

Let's see.

Well...

[WILD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[WILD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[CHEERFUL POP MUSIC PLAYING]

[ALL SCREAMING]

[LOUD ROCK]

[SPUTTERING]

[COUGHS]

[CHEERFUL POP]

[ALL SCREAMING]

You scream good.

You too.

So can I
keep this treatment?

Oh, yeah, yeah.
I got 20 copies.

Because I can
show it to my manager.

He has connections with
West German television money.

Great.

Yeah, they're trying to put
together a mini-series for me

on Eva Braun.

I mean, think about it.
Is that a great idea?

I mean, think about it.
Is that a great idea?

We know nothing about Eva Braun.

Only that she was
Hitler's girlfriend.

What was it like

having sex with Adolf Hitler?

What do you wear in a bunker?

What did her parents
think of Hitler

as a potential
son-in-law?

I could just go
on and--

Wait, wait,
hold it.

Look who's over there.

Don't look, don't look.

It's Fred Savage.

[SCOFFS]

Big deal.

He'd be perfect
for my movie.

This is a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

All right,
I got to go over there.

I gotta give him
a copy of my treatment.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

Why are you breathing so hard?

Why are you breathing so hard?

Oh, well,
I'm just a little nervous.

Oh.

Okay, I got to relax.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

All right.

Wish me luck, huh?

Hey.

Oh, did I
frighten you?

I'm not crazy. I may look weird,
but I'm just like you.

I'm just a regular guy

just trying to make it
in this business.

You know, I really
like your work...

The, uh, uh...

Oh, thank you.
Thanks.

I can't remember
the name of it.

I'm drawing a blank.
I'm nervous.
That's okay.

I'm drawing a blank.
I'm nervous.
That's okay.

You know, uh--
Just relax.

Oh, okay, yeah.
Relax.

Well, I got this--

Stupid table.

Now, I'm not
normally like this.

Usually I'm very
cool and charming.

I don't mean
to bother you,

but it's fate you're here
the same time as me.

Yeah, it's fate, you know.
You can't avoid your fate.

Yeah, I got
this treatment

I think you'd be
great in, you know.

So maybe I could
give it to you.

Okay, thanks a lot.
Excuse me.

Are you going now?
Uh-huh.

Bye.
Oh, wait, wait.

JERRY:
Yeah, that's Kramer,

JERRY:
Yeah, that's Kramer,

K-R-A-M-E-R.

Um... I don't know,
wavy?

George, how would you
describe Kramer's hair?

Curly.

Wavy.

What'd you ask me for?

Yeah. I'll hold on.

Hey, George,
did you see a piece of paper

I had on the nightstand here,

like, crumpled up like a napkin?

No.

Because I had, like,
three jokes on it.

They were all perfectly worded,

just the way
I wanted to have it.

I can't find it.

Hello?

Hey, a shoe-buffing
machine.

I don't know, 6'3"?

I don't know, 6'3"?

George, how tall is Kramer?

Hey, you got
your own shampoo, conditioner.

Body lotion!

Jerry, body lotion!
Whoo-hoo!

About 6'3".

Ooh, a shower cap!

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Come in!

Hello. I have
more towels.

Oh, good, good.
Come in, come in.

Welcome.
Um, I'm George.

Oh, hello.

Hi, and this is Jerry.

Over there,
on the phone.

That's Jerry.

And you are, um...?
Lupe.

And you are, um...?
Lupe.

Lupe. That's very nice,
very nice.

Listen, are you gonna be

making up the bed
in the morning?

Oh, yes.

Fine, excellent.

Could you do me a favor?

Could you not
tuck the blankets in?

Because I can't sleep
all tucked in.

Oh, yes, yes.

Yes, yes,
I like to just be able

to take the blankets
and swish them and swirl them.

You know what I mean?

You know,
I don't like them all tucked in.

I just don't.

I like to have a lot of room,
you know.

I like to have
my toes pointed up in the air.

I just like
to scrunch up the blankets.

I just like
to scrunch up the blankets.

Yes, yes.
It's too tight to sleep.

Exactly.

You know what
I'm talking about, right?

Oh, yes.
It's too tight.

Um, him, too?

Oh, uh, Jerry, you want
your blankets tucked in?

Excuse me.
What?

You want your blankets
tucked in?
What blankets?

When Lupe makes up
the beds.

I don't know, whatever they do.

I tuck in...yes?

Tuck in. Tuck in.

All right,

so that's one tuck
and one no-tuck.

Okay.
Yes, one second,
sweetheart.

Jerry,
I really think it'd be easier

Jerry,
I really think it'd be easier

if you didn't tuck.

Excuse me.

Fine, you don't
want me to tuck,

put me down
for a no-tuck.

That's two no-tucks.

Hang on a second.
You know what?

Changed my mind.
Make it a tuck.

You just said
you weren't tucking.

I'm tucking!

Hello?

Hello?

They hung up on me.

They don't know
where Kramer is anyway.

Alrighty, so,

that's one tuck and one no-tuck.

You got that?

Okay.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Did you see a piece of paper

on the nightstand
here earlier today

crumpled up like a napkin?

Oh, yes, yes.

I throw away when
we clean the room.

Oh, okay, thanks.

Okay, thank you.

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

All right, Lupe,
bye-bye, now.

Bye.
Bye-bye.

I can't believe
she threw that out.

I had, like,
the perfect wording

of a whole joke
I was going to do

about the x-ray counter
at the airport.

I was going to do it.
Now I can't remember it.

What'd you want her to do?
You left it on the table.

They're not supposed to take
everything and throw it out.

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, hey, hey!

It's not Lupe's fault.

You shouldn't have left it out.

All right.

Just get
your thing together,

and let's get out of here.

All right. Now...

what mood am I in?

What mood am I in?

GEORGE:
You shouldn't have tucked.

JERRY:
I like it tucked.

Nobody tucks anymore.

Hey, lieutenant?
Yeah.

This was found
on her person.

On her person?

What kind of expression is that?

I don't know, sir.

Police lingo.

Oh, yeah?

What's your name, son?

Ross.

Ross.

You see that person there, Ross?

Yes, sir.

She's dead.

Have you got that?

Have you got that?

Yes, sir.

Good.

Now, get out of here

before you find yourself
on transit patrol

writing tickets
to senior citizens

with fake bus passes.

Yes, sir.

I think we just
got a break.

This is very exciting.

You know,
The Tonight Show. NBC.

Who else is on the show?
I don't know.

You might
meet a celebrity.

I can't believe
she threw out my napkin.

I can't believe
she threw out my napkin.

What're you worried about?
You know it!

You gonna be
all right here?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Go, go about your business.

I'll just wander around.

All right,
don't wander too far.

I'll meet you back here
in 15 minutes.

Go, go, go,
don't worry about me.

Hey.

Hey.

Corbin Bernsen.

How you doing?

[LAUGHS]

Big fan.

Big fan.

Thank you.

Hey, you grew
a beard, huh?
Yeah.

Yeah, I'm doing a movie
during my hiatus.

Hey, you know.

Do I have a case

for you guys to do
on L.A. Law.

Really.

GEORGE:
So, mind you, at this point,

GEORGE:
So, mind you, at this point,

I'm only going
out with her

two, three weeks.

So she goes out of town,

and she asks me
to feed her cat.

So, at this time...

there's a lot of stuff
going on in my life, and, uh...

It slips my mind
for a few days.

Maybe a week.

Not even a week.
Five, six days--

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, what happened?

Well...

It's the damndest thing.

The cat dies.

So she comes back into town,

she finds the cat
lying on the carpet

stiff as a board.

So you killed the cat?

That's what
she says.

I say, "Listen.

"It was an old cat.

It died of natural causes."

So get this.

Now, she tells me

that I got to buy her
a brand-new cat.

I say, "Listen, honey,
first of all,

"it was a pretty old cat.

"I'm not gonna buy you
a brand-new cat

"to replace
an old dying cat.

"to replace
an old dying cat.

"And second of all,
I go out to the garbage,

I'll find you a new cat
in 15 seconds."

I say,
"You show me an autopsy report

"that says
this cat died of starvation,

I spring for a new cat."

So she says something
to me, like...

I don't know,
"Get the hell outta here,"

and she breaks up with me.

Now, don't you think
that would be

a great case
on L.A. Law?

I don't want to tell you
how to run your show.

No, of course not.

No, of course not.

It's enough
with the bar already,

you know what I'm saying?

Seriously,

have they thought
about changing the setting?

Doubt it. I doubt it.
Really.

Because people do meet
in places besides a bar.

Well, yeah, they do.

What about a rec room, huh?

Uh, yeah.
Huh?

Or a community center.

Yeah,
you ought to write one of those.

Yeah?

I'll bring it up with the
producer. I gotta, uh...

Fabulous. I'll think
about that, George.

Thank you.

How's it going?

Great! Great!

I actually just had

two meaningful,
intelligent conversations

with Corbin Bernsen
and George Wendt.

with Corbin Bernsen
and George Wendt.

Really?
Yeah, yeah.

Not fan talk. Not gushing,
you know.

Actual conversation.
I was incredibly articulate.

You got toilet paper
on your heel there.

ANNOUNCER:
It's The Tonight Show
with Jay Leno.

Tonight Jay welcomes
Corbin Bernsen,

George Wendt,

and comedian Jerry Seinfeld.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

People are always trying to give
me a great case for L.A. Law.

People are always trying to give
me a great case for L.A. Law.

Just a few seconds ago,
right outside in the hallway,

this nut, some sick nut,
comes up to me and says

he was supposed
to watch this girl's cat

while she was away
out of town.

Anyway,
he forgets to feed the cat.

The cat dies, starves to death.

He kills the cat,

refuses to get her a new one,

won't give her any money,
won't pay her,

and he wants Arnie Becker
to represent him. Nice guy.

"Yeah, that'd make
a great case for L.A. Law."

Thanks a lot.

He's a very
handsome man.

He's a very
handsome man.

Passionate, intense,

but troubled, strange.

I think he may be
in love with me.

Of course, there's nothing
abnormal about that.

I have many suitors.

It's funny, because
even after all these years,

we still get people,
you know,

giving us advice,
how to improve the show.

Actually, a few moments ago,
I ran into a nut back there

who said, you know,
maybe we should think about,

you know,
not doing the show in a bar.

you know,
not doing the show in a bar.

So that's when I said,
"Hey, Kramer, dude,

have you ever
killed a man before?"

And he said,
"What do you think, junior?!

These hands have been soaking
in Ivory Liquid?"

[GROWLS]

That guy you talked to,
what did he look like?

Short little bald guy
with glasses.

Yeah, yeah, that's the
same guy I talked to.

Ugh, never ends,
does it?

So, um, I'm going through
the airport,

and I have to put my bag
on that little, uh...

and I have to put my bag
on that little, uh...

the, uh...

The conveyer belt.

Issue an arrest warrant.
Put out an APB.

Let's pick up this, uh...

Kramer.

I was terrible.

What, are you crazy?
You were fine.

Nah, did you hear the end?

I couldn't remember
what I was trying to say.

That whole thing
about the, uh...

Conveyer belt.
Yeah.

Because she threw out
my napkin.

Because she threw out
my napkin.

Oh, I can't believe--
You're blaming Lupe?

Yes. Lupe.

I'm blaming Lupe.

[SCOFFS]

NEWSCASTER:
Our top story tonight,

there has been a break

in the so-called
Smog Stranglings.

Police have just released
a photo of the suspect

being sought in connection
with the slaying.

He is known only as Kramer.

Talk show hosts
never seem to have any idea

how much time
is left in the show.

how much time
is left in the show.

You know, they're always
looking off camera,

"Do we have time?
We out of time?

"How are we doing on time?

"Anybody know
what the time is?

Anybody checking the time?"

You never see Magnum, P.I. go,

"Should I strangle this guy

"or we going
to take a break here?

"Can you stay
for another beating?

"I'll tell you what,
I'll bop him on the head,

"we'll do a commercial,
come back,

I'll drive in the car real fast.
Stay with us."

[♪]