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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:02,400
The transplant, the hair plug,
2
00:00:02,433 --> 00:00:03,733
is an interesting procedure.
3
00:00:03,766 --> 00:00:04,900
It's really quite amazing.
4
00:00:04,933 --> 00:00:07,400
Hair that was
on your shower soap yesterday,
5
00:00:07,433 --> 00:00:09,400
can be in your head tomorrow.
6
00:00:09,433 --> 00:00:11,000
How did they do
the first transplant?
7
00:00:11,033 --> 00:00:12,566
Did they have the guy
take a shower,
8
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:15,000
get his soap,
rush it in there by helicopter,
9
00:00:15,033 --> 00:00:18,333
you know, keep the soap alive
on the soap-support system.
10
00:00:18,366 --> 00:00:20,566
And then eventually
move it over?
11
00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:22,566
"We got the hairs, but...
12
00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:24,066
I think we lost the Zest."
13
00:00:24,100 --> 00:00:26,500
Sometimes the body
rejects the transplant...
14
00:00:26,533 --> 00:00:28,033
with organs.
15
00:00:28,066 --> 00:00:29,466
Is it possible
16
00:00:29,500 --> 00:00:30,000
that a head could reject
a hair transplant?
17
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,800
that a head could reject
a hair transplant?
18
00:00:31,833 --> 00:00:33,666
The guy's just standing around
somewhere,
19
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,133
and "bink."
20
00:00:35,166 --> 00:00:37,833
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
21
00:00:38,875 --> 00:00:40,737
Lands in someone's
frozen yogurt.
22
00:00:45,676 --> 00:00:46,943
MAN:
You see, the gaskets
23
00:00:46,976 --> 00:00:49,843
that you have here
are asymmetrical.
24
00:00:49,876 --> 00:00:51,510
Uh-huh. Really?
25
00:00:51,543 --> 00:00:54,010
So I took off the motor relay
on the compressor
26
00:00:54,043 --> 00:00:55,076
because, y-you...
Uh-huh.
27
00:00:55,110 --> 00:00:57,343
you've got some discoloration.
28
00:00:57,376 --> 00:00:58,676
Oh, whatever you have to do.
29
00:00:58,710 --> 00:01:02,176
I was working with one mount
at a time, you know,
30
00:01:02,210 --> 00:01:04,076
because you don't
wanna disturb
31
00:01:04,110 --> 00:01:05,343
the position of the compressor.
32
00:01:05,376 --> 00:01:06,710
No, you don't.
33
00:01:10,010 --> 00:01:12,334
Hey. What are you
listening to?
34
00:01:12,334 --> 00:01:12,810
Hey. What are you
listening to?
35
00:01:12,843 --> 00:01:14,010
Uh, my show
from last night.
36
00:01:14,043 --> 00:01:15,110
Oh, you taped it?
37
00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:16,576
Yeah, I was doing
some new material.
38
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:19,243
Hey, did you ever do that thing
on the toes that I said?
39
00:01:19,276 --> 00:01:20,676
Huh?
40
00:01:20,710 --> 00:01:21,843
You know how, like,
41
00:01:21,876 --> 00:01:24,176
the big toe is like
the captain of the toes,
42
00:01:24,210 --> 00:01:26,910
but sometimes the toe
next to the big toe gets so big
43
00:01:26,943 --> 00:01:28,910
that there's, like,
a power struggle
44
00:01:28,943 --> 00:01:31,110
and the second toe assumes
control of the foot.
45
00:01:31,143 --> 00:01:32,510
The "coup d'é-toe."
46
00:01:32,543 --> 00:01:33,776
Yeah.
47
00:01:33,810 --> 00:01:35,310
Did you do it?
48
00:01:35,343 --> 00:01:36,310
Yeah.
So?
49
00:01:36,343 --> 00:01:37,276
Nothing.
50
00:01:38,376 --> 00:01:39,343
Nothing at all.
51
00:01:39,376 --> 00:01:40,910
I need to use the phone.
52
00:01:40,943 --> 00:01:41,910
Who you calling?
53
00:01:41,943 --> 00:01:42,334
China.
54
00:01:42,334 --> 00:01:43,676
China.
55
00:01:43,710 --> 00:01:44,743
China, really?
56
00:01:44,776 --> 00:01:46,676
Yeah, I'll pay for it.
What for?
57
00:01:46,710 --> 00:01:47,676
What for?
58
00:01:47,710 --> 00:01:48,743
I'll tell you what for--
59
00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:50,110
for hair.
60
00:01:50,943 --> 00:01:51,910
Hair?
61
00:01:51,943 --> 00:01:53,443
The Chinese have
done it, my friend.
62
00:01:53,476 --> 00:01:56,310
The Chinese have done it.
Done what?
63
00:01:56,343 --> 00:01:57,610
Discovered the cure
for baldness.
64
00:01:57,643 --> 00:01:59,310
Did you see that last night?
[DOOR OPENS]
65
00:01:59,343 --> 00:02:01,443
It was on CNN.
This Chinese doctor,
66
00:02:01,476 --> 00:02:03,843
Zang Zhao, has discovered
the cure for baldness.
67
00:02:03,876 --> 00:02:05,343
What's this?
68
00:02:05,376 --> 00:02:07,143
Oh, I just got it.
69
00:02:07,176 --> 00:02:08,843
Spector gave it to me.
70
00:02:08,876 --> 00:02:10,976
He's giving everything away.
71
00:02:11,010 --> 00:02:12,334
He's becoming a minimalist.
72
00:02:12,334 --> 00:02:13,910
He's becoming a minimalist.
73
00:02:13,943 --> 00:02:15,910
Is that the guy
who likes fat women?
74
00:02:15,943 --> 00:02:17,576
Yeah.
75
00:02:17,610 --> 00:02:18,910
Doesn't the fat fetish
76
00:02:18,943 --> 00:02:20,110
conflict
with the minimalism?
77
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,676
You. You know what
you should've done?
78
00:02:24,710 --> 00:02:27,010
You should've watched
that report on CNN last night.
79
00:02:27,043 --> 00:02:29,310
I did. I'm trying
to call China.
80
00:02:29,343 --> 00:02:31,343
Well, you can't call China now.
81
00:02:31,376 --> 00:02:33,843
It's like, what,
3:00 in the morning there.
82
00:02:33,876 --> 00:02:35,510
Oh, my God.
83
00:02:35,543 --> 00:02:37,176
What?
84
00:02:37,210 --> 00:02:39,543
Oh, God. Oh...
85
00:02:40,610 --> 00:02:42,334
Man...
86
00:02:42,334 --> 00:02:43,010
Man...
87
00:02:43,043 --> 00:02:44,943
[CHUCKLING]
Oh, brother.
88
00:02:46,543 --> 00:02:49,010
I can't believe
what I'm hearing.
89
00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:51,176
Th-this woman's talking to me
on my tape recorder
90
00:02:51,210 --> 00:02:52,510
while I was on stage.
91
00:02:52,543 --> 00:02:54,743
This is wild.
92
00:02:54,776 --> 00:02:57,243
I never heard anything like this
in my life. Listen to this.
93
00:02:57,276 --> 00:02:58,843
WOMAN ON TAPE:
I wanna slide my tongue
94
00:02:58,876 --> 00:03:01,143
around you like a s...
95
00:03:02,710 --> 00:03:03,676
Oh, my God.
96
00:03:03,710 --> 00:03:04,843
All right,
let me hear.
97
00:03:04,876 --> 00:03:07,843
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.
98
00:03:07,876 --> 00:03:10,310
Who is this woman?
I don't know. I have no idea.
99
00:03:10,343 --> 00:03:12,243
I was just listening,
and she came on.
100
00:03:12,276 --> 00:03:12,334
This is like
a Penthouse letter.
101
00:03:12,334 --> 00:03:15,576
This is like
a Penthouse letter.
102
00:03:15,610 --> 00:03:16,976
Why can't I meet
women like this?
103
00:03:17,010 --> 00:03:18,010
All right,
come on.
104
00:03:18,043 --> 00:03:19,610
Wait, wait, wait,
wait! Wait!
105
00:03:21,010 --> 00:03:22,310
Where was
the tape recorder?
106
00:03:22,343 --> 00:03:24,510
It was in the back of the room,
on the ledge.
107
00:03:24,543 --> 00:03:26,343
She must've been sitting
right in front of it.
108
00:03:26,376 --> 00:03:27,443
[LAUGHING]
My God.
109
00:03:27,476 --> 00:03:28,843
All right, come on,
it's my turn.
110
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:31,010
All right, all right. All right.
[MOANING ON TAPE]
111
00:03:31,043 --> 00:03:32,643
How you gonna
find out who this is?
112
00:03:32,676 --> 00:03:34,276
Good question.
113
00:03:34,310 --> 00:03:35,276
Where's the volume?
114
00:03:35,310 --> 00:03:36,210
Ah ya ya!
115
00:03:39,043 --> 00:03:40,676
GEORGE:
What do the Chinese
have to gain
116
00:03:40,710 --> 00:03:42,334
by faking a cure
for baldness?
117
00:03:42,334 --> 00:03:43,176
by faking a cure
for baldness?
118
00:03:43,210 --> 00:03:44,410
Look, if it was real,
119
00:03:44,443 --> 00:03:46,176
they would never
let it out of the country.
120
00:03:46,210 --> 00:03:47,410
Imagine no baldness.
121
00:03:47,443 --> 00:03:49,343
It would be like
a nation of supermen.
122
00:03:49,376 --> 00:03:50,676
Hi, boys.
123
00:03:50,710 --> 00:03:52,676
Hello.
Hello.
124
00:03:52,710 --> 00:03:53,843
What's happening?
125
00:03:53,876 --> 00:03:56,510
Tell her. I wanna hear
her reaction.
126
00:03:56,543 --> 00:03:57,943
All right, this woman
127
00:03:57,976 --> 00:04:00,076
left this really sexy message
on Jerry's tape recorder.
128
00:04:00,110 --> 00:04:01,676
Not that, you idiot!
129
00:04:01,710 --> 00:04:03,010
What?
130
00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:04,010
The Chinese!
131
00:04:04,043 --> 00:04:05,776
The Chinese bald cure!
132
00:04:05,810 --> 00:04:07,176
Oh, I thought
you meant that--
133
00:04:07,210 --> 00:04:08,510
No, I meant
the bald cure.
134
00:04:08,543 --> 00:04:10,643
We were talking
about the bald cure!
135
00:04:10,676 --> 00:04:12,334
Well, what did she say?
136
00:04:12,334 --> 00:04:12,843
Well, what did she say?
137
00:04:12,876 --> 00:04:14,210
MAN:
Seinfeld?
138
00:04:14,876 --> 00:04:16,676
Hey, is that Beder?
139
00:04:16,710 --> 00:04:18,576
I can't believe it.
140
00:04:18,610 --> 00:04:20,176
Get me a cup of decaf.
141
00:04:21,210 --> 00:04:22,676
So did you hear
this message?
142
00:04:22,710 --> 00:04:23,776
[CHUCKLES]
143
00:04:23,810 --> 00:04:25,843
It was unbelievable.
144
00:04:25,876 --> 00:04:27,110
Really?
145
00:04:27,143 --> 00:04:28,310
I can't get over it.
146
00:04:28,343 --> 00:04:30,076
Oh. Sexy?
147
00:04:30,110 --> 00:04:31,176
[SNORTS]
148
00:04:31,210 --> 00:04:33,643
This woman drove us
out of our minds.
149
00:04:33,676 --> 00:04:35,110
Like, uh,
how did she sound?
150
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:37,110
She had this...
151
00:04:37,143 --> 00:04:40,176
throaty, sexy
kind of whisper.
152
00:04:40,210 --> 00:04:41,910
Really?
Like, uh--
153
00:04:41,943 --> 00:04:42,334
Like, uh...
154
00:04:42,334 --> 00:04:44,143
Like, uh...
155
00:04:44,176 --> 00:04:47,310
[SEXILY]
Jerry, I wanna slide
my tongue
156
00:04:47,343 --> 00:04:51,110
around you like a snake.
157
00:04:51,143 --> 00:04:53,643
Ohhhh, ohhhhhh...
158
00:05:01,876 --> 00:05:04,276
Oh, my God.
159
00:05:05,043 --> 00:05:06,010
You?
160
00:05:06,043 --> 00:05:07,276
You?
161
00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:10,943
That was you?
Shhh.
162
00:05:10,976 --> 00:05:12,076
How did you--?
163
00:05:12,110 --> 00:05:12,334
I stopped in the club
to see him,
164
00:05:12,334 --> 00:05:13,676
I stopped in the club
to see him,
165
00:05:13,710 --> 00:05:16,076
and I was standing in the back
while he was on, right?
166
00:05:16,110 --> 00:05:18,343
And there was this tape
recorder there, and I...
167
00:05:18,376 --> 00:05:19,676
got this impulse.
168
00:05:19,710 --> 00:05:21,643
[LAUGHING]
169
00:05:25,710 --> 00:05:26,676
What?
170
00:05:26,710 --> 00:05:27,943
No, nothing, nothing.
171
00:05:29,676 --> 00:05:31,510
Now, listen, promise me
you won't tell him, okay?
172
00:05:31,543 --> 00:05:33,610
I wanna have
a little fun with this.
173
00:05:33,643 --> 00:05:37,510
I had no idea
you were filled with such...
174
00:05:37,543 --> 00:05:39,643
sexuality.
175
00:05:41,543 --> 00:05:42,334
Oh, that was nothing.
176
00:05:42,334 --> 00:05:42,910
Oh, that was nothing.
177
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:44,676
So, listen,
what about this bald thing?
178
00:05:44,710 --> 00:05:46,276
Oh, some bald thing,
a bald thing.
179
00:05:46,310 --> 00:05:47,276
I don't know. It's nothing.
180
00:05:48,943 --> 00:05:49,943
Remember Beder?
181
00:05:49,976 --> 00:05:52,143
Beder?
Yeah, you remember Beder.
182
00:05:52,176 --> 00:05:54,743
Remember I told you how we went
to the track that one time
183
00:05:54,776 --> 00:05:56,510
and he was yelling
at this jockey?
184
00:05:56,543 --> 00:05:58,143
And the jockey
got off the horse,
185
00:05:58,176 --> 00:06:00,443
started chasing him.
186
00:06:00,476 --> 00:06:04,010
So, listen, what about this girl
on your tape recorder?
187
00:06:04,043 --> 00:06:07,610
[COCKILY]
Oh, Elaine...
188
00:06:07,643 --> 00:06:10,610
What do you think
an enraptured female fan of mine
189
00:06:10,643 --> 00:06:12,243
might say?
190
00:06:12,276 --> 00:06:12,334
I don't know.
191
00:06:12,334 --> 00:06:14,510
I don't know.
192
00:06:14,543 --> 00:06:15,910
JERRY:
She went on
in some detail
193
00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:17,943
about certain
activities,
194
00:06:17,976 --> 00:06:21,643
illegal in some states,
for consenting adults,
195
00:06:21,676 --> 00:06:23,443
things you would know
very little about.
196
00:06:23,476 --> 00:06:24,610
Oh, really?
197
00:06:24,643 --> 00:06:25,776
JERRY: Well,
198
00:06:25,810 --> 00:06:28,143
this type of thing
is very common
199
00:06:28,176 --> 00:06:29,510
when you're
in show business.
200
00:06:29,543 --> 00:06:31,443
Uh-huh.
201
00:06:31,476 --> 00:06:33,110
So, what,
are you gonna ask her out?
202
00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:35,110
No, I can't. She didn't leave
her name or number.
203
00:06:35,143 --> 00:06:36,610
Bummer.
204
00:06:36,643 --> 00:06:39,610
Okay. Good luck finding her.
I'm taking off.
205
00:06:39,643 --> 00:06:40,910
Wh-where're you going?
206
00:06:40,943 --> 00:06:42,110
Home.
207
00:06:42,143 --> 00:06:42,334
What--? What're you
going home for?
208
00:06:42,334 --> 00:06:43,710
What--? What're you
going home for?
209
00:06:45,010 --> 00:06:46,476
Well, I just came
from the gym.
210
00:06:46,510 --> 00:06:47,843
Unless I could shower
at your place.
211
00:06:47,876 --> 00:06:48,843
Sure.
212
00:06:55,710 --> 00:06:57,043
GEORGE:
Oh, my God.
213
00:06:59,710 --> 00:07:01,676
Oh, man.
214
00:07:01,710 --> 00:07:02,976
I don't get it.
215
00:07:03,010 --> 00:07:04,243
Why would a woman do that
216
00:07:04,276 --> 00:07:06,510
and then leave no way
to get in touch with her?
217
00:07:06,543 --> 00:07:08,243
Maybe she realized
she could never have you
218
00:07:08,276 --> 00:07:10,476
and she jumped off
the George Washington Bridge.
219
00:07:10,510 --> 00:07:12,010
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
220
00:07:12,043 --> 00:07:12,334
Yes. Operator.
221
00:07:12,334 --> 00:07:13,676
Yes. Operator.
222
00:07:13,710 --> 00:07:15,143
Beijing?
223
00:07:16,710 --> 00:07:18,010
Why're you doing this?
224
00:07:18,043 --> 00:07:20,076
Why do I do anything?
225
00:07:20,110 --> 00:07:21,343
For women.
226
00:07:21,376 --> 00:07:23,343
Elaine, have you ever
gone out with a bald man?
227
00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:24,476
No.
228
00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:26,210
You know what that makes you?
A baldist.
229
00:07:27,376 --> 00:07:29,176
Oh, this I need.
230
00:07:29,210 --> 00:07:31,410
Hello, hello,
i-i-is this the, uh--
231
00:07:31,443 --> 00:07:33,510
The hair-restoration clinic?
232
00:07:33,543 --> 00:07:35,510
Yeah, yeah.
Does anyone speak English?
233
00:07:35,543 --> 00:07:37,243
Ooh, you're taping.
234
00:07:37,276 --> 00:07:39,843
Just be yourselves.
235
00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:42,310
Oh. Okay.
236
00:07:42,343 --> 00:07:45,410
Ooh. Well, we're talking
with Elaine Benes,
237
00:07:45,443 --> 00:07:46,843
adult-film star...
238
00:07:46,876 --> 00:07:50,976
on the... set
of her new picture,
239
00:07:51,010 --> 00:07:54,910
Elaine DoesThe Upper West Side.
240
00:07:54,943 --> 00:07:58,010
Hi. How you doing?
241
00:07:58,043 --> 00:08:00,676
Well, I'm doing fine.
242
00:08:00,710 --> 00:08:03,510
Do you speak English?
English!
243
00:08:03,543 --> 00:08:06,410
Oh, here's the director,
Jerry Seinfeld.
244
00:08:06,443 --> 00:08:08,076
Jerry, you discovered
Elaine Benes.
245
00:08:08,110 --> 00:08:09,343
Well, yes, I did,
that's true.
246
00:08:09,376 --> 00:08:11,343
A couple of guys I knew
in the coast guard
247
00:08:11,376 --> 00:08:12,310
told me about her...
248
00:08:15,610 --> 00:08:19,643
And I sensed that she had
the anger and intensity
249
00:08:19,676 --> 00:08:22,510
that I needed
to make this film work.
250
00:08:22,543 --> 00:08:23,510
Ohh...
251
00:08:23,543 --> 00:08:24,943
English!
252
00:08:24,976 --> 00:08:26,510
Does anybody speak English?
253
00:08:26,543 --> 00:08:27,843
Nobody speaks English.
254
00:08:27,876 --> 00:08:29,243
So, what scene are you
255
00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:30,910
getting ready to shoot now,
Elaine?
256
00:08:30,943 --> 00:08:34,310
In this scene, my co-star,
who's right over here,
257
00:08:34,343 --> 00:08:35,676
♪ Follow me ♪
258
00:08:35,710 --> 00:08:37,343
Is George Costanza,
259
00:08:37,376 --> 00:08:39,576
and he plays
an airline pilot
260
00:08:39,610 --> 00:08:41,576
who's just returned
from Rome,
261
00:08:41,610 --> 00:08:42,334
and I'm about to show him
how much I've missed him.
262
00:08:42,334 --> 00:08:45,076
and I'm about to show him
how much I've missed him.
263
00:08:45,110 --> 00:08:46,576
[INTERCOM BUZZING]
264
00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:49,676
That's my Chinese food.
265
00:08:49,710 --> 00:08:52,243
So, George, is this
your first movie with Elaine?
266
00:08:52,276 --> 00:08:56,176
Uh, I-- I don't know.
267
00:08:56,210 --> 00:08:58,443
So, Elaine, in your movies,
268
00:08:58,476 --> 00:09:01,276
is the sex real,
or is it simulated?
269
00:09:01,310 --> 00:09:03,910
Oh, it's always
simulated.
270
00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:05,643
Except with George.
271
00:09:05,676 --> 00:09:07,676
That's in my contract.
272
00:09:07,710 --> 00:09:09,276
All right, all right.
Kramer, that's enough.
273
00:09:09,310 --> 00:09:10,276
That's enough.
274
00:09:10,310 --> 00:09:12,276
Hello?
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
275
00:09:12,310 --> 00:09:12,334
Yeah, hello?
276
00:09:12,334 --> 00:09:13,510
Yeah, hello?
277
00:09:13,543 --> 00:09:14,510
English!
278
00:09:14,543 --> 00:09:16,010
Does anyone speak English?
279
00:09:16,043 --> 00:09:17,243
How much do I owe you?
280
00:09:17,276 --> 00:09:18,243
$15.90.
281
00:09:18,276 --> 00:09:19,343
KRAMER:
$15.90?
282
00:09:19,376 --> 00:09:20,743
Uh, um, excuse me?
283
00:09:20,776 --> 00:09:22,010
Uh, do you speak Chinese?
284
00:09:22,043 --> 00:09:23,110
Chinese, yeah.
285
00:09:23,143 --> 00:09:24,843
Oh, boy. Um...
286
00:09:24,876 --> 00:09:28,143
I'm on with Beijing
at the hair-restoration clinic.
287
00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:30,010
Um, could you
talk to them for me,
288
00:09:30,043 --> 00:09:32,443
and tell them
I-I'd like to place an order?
289
00:09:32,476 --> 00:09:35,643
[SPEAKING CHINESE]
290
00:09:38,776 --> 00:09:40,710
[LAUGHING]
291
00:09:43,176 --> 00:09:44,610
They got a billion people
over there.
292
00:09:44,643 --> 00:09:45,876
He found a relative.
293
00:09:48,443 --> 00:09:50,476
If you send money,
they send cream.
294
00:09:50,510 --> 00:09:53,043
They send me? All right,
a-ask them, does it really work?
295
00:09:57,543 --> 00:10:00,110
They say you grow hair,
look like Stalin.
296
00:10:00,143 --> 00:10:01,310
Oh.
297
00:10:02,710 --> 00:10:05,343
Ask them, are there
any side effects?
298
00:10:08,010 --> 00:10:08,943
Impotence.
299
00:10:11,976 --> 00:10:12,334
[LAUGHING]
300
00:10:12,334 --> 00:10:13,110
[LAUGHING]
301
00:10:13,143 --> 00:10:15,010
Oh, funny.
He's a funny guy.
302
00:10:15,043 --> 00:10:16,110
Yeah. All right.
303
00:10:16,143 --> 00:10:17,943
Get a money order
from the Bank of China.
304
00:10:17,976 --> 00:10:20,010
Be here three days
after they get check.
305
00:10:20,043 --> 00:10:21,076
All right,
thank you.
306
00:10:21,110 --> 00:10:22,043
Thank you.
307
00:10:42,276 --> 00:10:42,334
Excuse me.
308
00:10:42,334 --> 00:10:43,210
Excuse me.
309
00:10:44,510 --> 00:10:46,376
Kind of an expensive call.
310
00:10:48,876 --> 00:10:50,343
ELAINE:
Thanks for driving me home.
311
00:10:50,376 --> 00:10:52,343
What did I do
to deserve this?
312
00:10:52,376 --> 00:10:53,643
GEORGE:
You... do plenty.
313
00:10:54,876 --> 00:10:56,110
So, wh-what are you doing?
314
00:10:56,143 --> 00:10:58,310
You-- You're going in.
315
00:10:58,343 --> 00:11:00,776
Well, yeah. I guess so.
316
00:11:00,810 --> 00:11:02,576
Why, you want to do something?
317
00:11:02,610 --> 00:11:04,510
Yeah.
318
00:11:04,543 --> 00:11:06,876
I-I don't know. What?
319
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,510
There's really nothing to do.
320
00:11:10,543 --> 00:11:12,334
Yeah, no. There's--
There's nothing.
321
00:11:12,334 --> 00:11:13,276
Yeah, no. There's--
There's nothing.
322
00:11:13,310 --> 00:11:15,176
Can you think of anything?
323
00:11:17,276 --> 00:11:18,676
No, no, not really.
324
00:11:18,710 --> 00:11:21,276
I am up for anything.
325
00:11:21,310 --> 00:11:22,310
Really?
[HONKS CAR HORN]
326
00:11:22,343 --> 00:11:23,576
[LAUGHS]
327
00:11:23,610 --> 00:11:24,643
Wow.
328
00:11:26,710 --> 00:11:29,076
I have to say...
329
00:11:29,110 --> 00:11:31,676
You were really good
doing that porno thing.
330
00:11:31,710 --> 00:11:32,910
You-- You're talented.
331
00:11:32,943 --> 00:11:36,676
Oh. I was just
kidding around.
332
00:11:36,710 --> 00:11:38,010
I thought that thing you said
333
00:11:38,043 --> 00:11:39,476
about the sex
not being simulated...
334
00:11:40,976 --> 00:11:42,334
that was really funny.
335
00:11:42,334 --> 00:11:43,110
that was really funny.
336
00:11:44,843 --> 00:11:46,643
Yeah, that was f-- Fun.
337
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:52,676
All right, so I'll speak to you
through Jerry and everything.
338
00:11:52,710 --> 00:11:54,476
Okay.
339
00:11:54,510 --> 00:11:57,376
Thanks a lot for the ride.
Yeah, anytime.
340
00:12:06,543 --> 00:12:08,276
JERRY:
Thanks a million.
I really appreciate this.
341
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:10,276
Now, you're sure this was
the woman that was sitting
342
00:12:10,310 --> 00:12:13,310
at the table
where I had my tape recorder?
343
00:12:13,343 --> 00:12:14,810
Okay, great.
344
00:12:14,843 --> 00:12:17,510
Thanks again. Bye.
345
00:12:17,543 --> 00:12:19,410
Ah-ha!
346
00:12:19,443 --> 00:12:21,343
Who do these women think
347
00:12:21,376 --> 00:12:24,076
they're dealing with?
348
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:26,143
Did she think
she was gonna leave
349
00:12:26,176 --> 00:12:28,276
this incredibly
erotic message on my tape
350
00:12:28,310 --> 00:12:29,843
and I was just gonna
let it go?
351
00:12:29,876 --> 00:12:33,810
[COCKNEY ACCENT]
Not bloody likely.
352
00:12:33,843 --> 00:12:33,973
What is that?
353
00:12:33,973 --> 00:12:35,776
What is that?
354
00:12:35,810 --> 00:12:36,910
That's my Cockney accent.
355
00:12:36,943 --> 00:12:38,010
No, no, that's no good.
356
00:12:39,210 --> 00:12:40,576
Let's hear yours.
357
00:12:40,610 --> 00:12:43,810
[COCKNEY ACCENT]
Not bloody likely!
358
00:12:46,510 --> 00:12:49,610
That's the worst Cockney accent
I ever heard in my life.
359
00:12:50,710 --> 00:12:53,010
Hey, Georgie boy.
Guess what I got?
360
00:12:53,043 --> 00:12:54,676
Guess what I got?
361
00:12:54,710 --> 00:12:56,976
Oh, is that the bald stuff?
From China.
362
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,076
All the way from China.
363
00:12:58,110 --> 00:12:59,776
Wait, wait, wait.
Let me get the camera.
364
00:12:59,810 --> 00:13:01,010
No, don't get the camera.
365
00:13:01,043 --> 00:13:03,910
We don't need
the camera.
366
00:13:03,943 --> 00:13:03,973
Listen, I know
you're skeptical,
367
00:13:03,973 --> 00:13:05,143
Listen, I know
you're skeptical,
368
00:13:05,176 --> 00:13:06,510
but I really believe
in the Chinese.
369
00:13:06,543 --> 00:13:08,010
Yes, I am skeptical.
370
00:13:08,043 --> 00:13:11,110
Why do you have to be
so suspicious of everyone?
371
00:13:11,143 --> 00:13:13,610
This is a great man, Zang Zhao.
372
00:13:13,643 --> 00:13:14,843
He wants to help bald people.
373
00:13:14,876 --> 00:13:16,310
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
374
00:13:16,343 --> 00:13:18,443
Now, let's videotape your head
for the before picture,
375
00:13:18,476 --> 00:13:20,243
so we can watch
how it grows and stuff.
376
00:13:20,276 --> 00:13:21,410
Here, sit down.
377
00:13:21,443 --> 00:13:22,643
All right.
378
00:13:27,710 --> 00:13:29,476
All right, lean back.
379
00:13:32,110 --> 00:13:33,676
KRAMER:
A little bit to the right.
380
00:13:33,710 --> 00:13:33,973
Now, make sure you get
381
00:13:33,973 --> 00:13:34,776
Now, make sure you get
382
00:13:34,810 --> 00:13:35,976
this area here.
Right.
383
00:13:36,010 --> 00:13:37,176
That's where
he needs the help.
384
00:13:37,210 --> 00:13:38,376
All right, all right.
385
00:13:40,043 --> 00:13:42,510
Well, he's
a happy camper, huh?
386
00:13:42,543 --> 00:13:43,776
"Happy camper."
387
00:13:43,810 --> 00:13:46,310
Yeah, I don't hear
that expression enough.
388
00:13:46,343 --> 00:13:48,110
You remember that guy
who took my jacket,
389
00:13:48,143 --> 00:13:49,743
the one I found
at my mother's house?
390
00:13:49,776 --> 00:13:51,343
Yeah.
My mother told me
391
00:13:51,376 --> 00:13:53,143
that he got arrested
for mail fraud.
392
00:13:53,176 --> 00:13:54,143
No kidding?
393
00:13:54,176 --> 00:13:55,176
Yeah, he's in jail.
394
00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:56,410
Well, what happened
to the jacket?
395
00:13:56,443 --> 00:13:57,610
Did he take it with him?
396
00:13:57,643 --> 00:13:59,710
That's what I intend
to find out.
397
00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:03,973
Well, you can see it.
398
00:14:03,973 --> 00:14:05,276
Well, you can see it.
399
00:14:05,310 --> 00:14:07,510
You gonna walk around
like that?
400
00:14:07,543 --> 00:14:09,343
And it stinks.
401
00:14:09,376 --> 00:14:10,943
Can you smell that?
402
00:14:10,976 --> 00:14:11,876
You stink.
403
00:14:14,976 --> 00:14:17,176
How long are you
supposed to leave it on for?
404
00:14:17,210 --> 00:14:19,776
All day.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
405
00:14:22,376 --> 00:14:23,476
Hello?
406
00:14:23,510 --> 00:14:24,910
Hello.It's Elaine Marie Benes.
407
00:14:24,943 --> 00:14:26,310
Well, hello.
408
00:14:26,343 --> 00:14:28,343
Hello. Did you ever find outwho that woman was?
409
00:14:28,376 --> 00:14:30,510
Yes, I got her number.
410
00:14:30,543 --> 00:14:31,676
Hey, is that Elaine?
411
00:14:31,710 --> 00:14:32,676
Yeah.
412
00:14:32,710 --> 00:14:33,643
Hi, Elaine!
413
00:14:34,676 --> 00:14:36,176
So, uh...
( chuckles )
414
00:14:36,210 --> 00:14:38,743
I guess you figure you're infor a pretty wild night.
415
00:14:38,776 --> 00:14:39,976
Well, as I said,
416
00:14:40,010 --> 00:14:43,410
this type of thing
is very common in show business.
417
00:14:43,443 --> 00:14:45,343
Uh-huh. Well, listen,I'm at Arlene's.
418
00:14:45,376 --> 00:14:46,476
You want me stop by?
419
00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:47,976
Sure.
Okay. Bye.
420
00:14:48,010 --> 00:14:48,943
Bye.
421
00:14:49,876 --> 00:14:50,976
Did she say hello?
422
00:14:51,010 --> 00:14:52,076
What?
Oh, I don't know.
423
00:14:52,110 --> 00:14:54,276
What do you mean?
She heard me say hello.
424
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:55,543
Did she say hello back?
425
00:14:56,876 --> 00:14:58,943
I don't know.
Who keeps track of hellos?
426
00:14:58,976 --> 00:15:02,976
Isn't it polite to say hello
when somebody says hello?
427
00:15:04,543 --> 00:15:05,476
She's coming up.
428
00:15:06,276 --> 00:15:07,343
Elaine's coming up?
429
00:15:07,376 --> 00:15:08,376
Yeah, why? What's wrong?
430
00:15:11,043 --> 00:15:12,010
Where you going?
431
00:15:12,043 --> 00:15:14,576
Nowhere, nowhere.
I'll be right out.
432
00:15:14,610 --> 00:15:16,676
How often
do you cut your toenails?
433
00:15:20,310 --> 00:15:23,110
I would say every two and a half
to eight weeks.
434
00:15:25,043 --> 00:15:26,276
Because the other night,
you know,
435
00:15:26,310 --> 00:15:28,343
I was sleeping with Marion,
and I rolled over
436
00:15:28,376 --> 00:15:31,676
and I cut her ankle
with my big toe.
437
00:15:31,710 --> 00:15:33,973
The big toe, the captain.
438
00:15:33,973 --> 00:15:34,376
The big toe, the captain.
439
00:15:34,876 --> 00:15:35,843
What?
440
00:15:35,876 --> 00:15:37,643
The captain of the toes.
441
00:15:39,176 --> 00:15:40,543
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
442
00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:43,343
Hello?
443
00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:44,676
ELAINE: Jerry?
Yeah.
444
00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:46,743
Jerry, listen, um,I got too much stuff to do.
445
00:15:46,776 --> 00:15:48,076
I can't come over.Forget it.
446
00:15:48,110 --> 00:15:49,443
Oh, okay, too bad.
447
00:15:49,476 --> 00:15:51,476
So when are yougoing to call her?
448
00:15:51,510 --> 00:15:53,276
Soon as I get off the phone
with you.
449
00:15:53,310 --> 00:15:55,343
Ha. Good luck.
450
00:15:55,376 --> 00:15:57,843
Okay. Bye.
451
00:15:59,476 --> 00:16:01,143
What happened?
What, did you take it off?
452
00:16:01,176 --> 00:16:03,676
Yeah. That was--
That was enough.
453
00:16:03,710 --> 00:16:03,973
That's it? You gave up?
454
00:16:03,973 --> 00:16:05,010
That's it? You gave up?
455
00:16:05,043 --> 00:16:07,110
No, I'm working on a system.
Who was that?
456
00:16:07,143 --> 00:16:08,343
That was Elaine.
457
00:16:08,376 --> 00:16:10,143
She changed her mind.
She's not coming over.
458
00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:17,976
WOMAN: Hello?
459
00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:20,476
Hello, is this Alicia?
460
00:16:20,510 --> 00:16:21,510
Yes.
461
00:16:21,543 --> 00:16:22,976
This is Jerry Seinfeld.
462
00:16:27,343 --> 00:16:28,276
[CRASH]
463
00:16:32,543 --> 00:16:33,676
So?
464
00:16:33,710 --> 00:16:33,973
I don't get this woman.
465
00:16:33,973 --> 00:16:34,676
I don't get this woman.
466
00:16:34,710 --> 00:16:36,076
We're having
a great time,
467
00:16:36,110 --> 00:16:38,176
couple of laughs,
everything's nice.
468
00:16:38,210 --> 00:16:40,410
End of the night,
I go in for a little contact,
469
00:16:40,443 --> 00:16:42,343
I get the pull-back.
470
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:44,443
This woman, she said
the filthiest things
471
00:16:44,476 --> 00:16:46,610
I ever heard
in my life.
472
00:16:46,643 --> 00:16:47,610
I get the pull-back.
473
00:16:47,643 --> 00:16:49,543
[CHUCKLES]
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
474
00:16:51,043 --> 00:16:52,343
Yeah?
It's George.
475
00:16:52,376 --> 00:16:53,676
Come on up.
476
00:16:54,643 --> 00:16:56,010
What's he doing
here now?
477
00:16:56,043 --> 00:16:58,543
So you blew it?
478
00:16:59,676 --> 00:17:01,476
She must be
psychotic or something.
479
00:17:01,510 --> 00:17:03,843
Let me have the number.
480
00:17:03,876 --> 00:17:03,973
I'm not giving you
the number.
481
00:17:03,973 --> 00:17:05,576
I'm not giving you
the number.
482
00:17:05,610 --> 00:17:07,510
I know how to handle
these psychotics.
483
00:17:13,310 --> 00:17:14,210
Sheriff.
484
00:17:17,976 --> 00:17:19,043
What's with the hat?
485
00:17:19,876 --> 00:17:20,843
Phew.
486
00:17:21,876 --> 00:17:23,543
Boy, you stink.
487
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,110
Well, what are you
doing here now?
488
00:17:26,143 --> 00:17:27,676
I have to talk to you
about something.
489
00:17:27,710 --> 00:17:30,643
All right, let's take a look
here, see what we got.
490
00:17:32,210 --> 00:17:33,973
Wait a second.
491
00:17:33,973 --> 00:17:34,676
Wait a second.
492
00:17:34,710 --> 00:17:37,243
I think I see
something here, George.
493
00:17:37,276 --> 00:17:39,176
Let's go to the videotape!
494
00:17:39,210 --> 00:17:41,210
Oh, Kramer. No, no.
495
00:17:42,210 --> 00:17:43,176
[SIGHS]
496
00:17:43,210 --> 00:17:44,310
What's up?
497
00:17:44,343 --> 00:17:45,310
I can't tell you now.
498
00:17:45,343 --> 00:17:46,743
He's gonna be back
in 10 seconds.
499
00:17:46,776 --> 00:17:48,343
So just start it.
I can't.
500
00:17:48,376 --> 00:17:50,610
Oh, come on, he'll be
over there for a half hour.
501
00:17:50,643 --> 00:17:51,943
He gets lost over there.
502
00:17:51,976 --> 00:17:53,343
Come on, well,
what is this about?
503
00:17:53,376 --> 00:17:55,143
All right...
504
00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:58,343
I've become
attracted to Elaine.
505
00:18:00,276 --> 00:18:01,276
All right.
506
00:18:03,176 --> 00:18:03,973
Okay. Sit down, George.
Kramer, could we do this later?
507
00:18:03,973 --> 00:18:05,576
Okay. Sit down, George.
Kramer, could we do this later?
508
00:18:05,610 --> 00:18:07,810
No, I got the tape
right here.
509
00:18:07,843 --> 00:18:09,843
Kramer,
let's do this later.
510
00:18:09,876 --> 00:18:12,176
Okay, now...
511
00:18:12,210 --> 00:18:15,410
This is the tape
that we made earlier,
512
00:18:15,443 --> 00:18:17,443
and I think...
513
00:18:17,476 --> 00:18:20,176
that I see a couple of buds...
514
00:18:21,710 --> 00:18:24,010
right here.
515
00:18:24,043 --> 00:18:25,743
Really? You think?
516
00:18:25,776 --> 00:18:27,410
Kramer,
I would like to talk to George
517
00:18:27,443 --> 00:18:29,476
for a minute, please.
About what?
518
00:18:29,510 --> 00:18:30,510
It's kind of private.
519
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:32,176
Like the big toe captain,
what?
520
00:18:32,210 --> 00:18:33,343
Oh, so you're doing my bit?
521
00:18:33,376 --> 00:18:33,973
I'm not doing the bit!
522
00:18:33,973 --> 00:18:36,010
I'm not doing the bit!
523
00:18:36,043 --> 00:18:38,110
All right.
Okay, all right.
524
00:18:38,143 --> 00:18:40,643
I'm gonna take
a look at this, huh?
525
00:18:45,543 --> 00:18:47,410
Does she know?
No.
526
00:18:47,443 --> 00:18:48,676
How did it happen?
527
00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:50,343
I can't say.
528
00:18:50,376 --> 00:18:51,410
Well,
why can't you say?
529
00:18:51,443 --> 00:18:52,843
Because I promised her.
530
00:18:52,876 --> 00:18:54,443
I thought you just said
she doesn't know.
531
00:18:54,476 --> 00:18:55,443
She doesn't.
532
00:18:55,476 --> 00:18:56,643
So how can you
promise her?
533
00:18:56,676 --> 00:18:57,910
Because she asked me to.
534
00:18:57,943 --> 00:19:00,476
What is this,
an Abbott and Costello routine?
535
00:19:02,343 --> 00:19:03,973
All right,
you really want to know?
536
00:19:03,973 --> 00:19:04,576
All right,
you really want to know?
537
00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:08,310
It all started
when she told me that...
538
00:19:08,343 --> 00:19:10,543
She was the voice
on your tape recorder.
539
00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:13,176
What, Elaine?
Yeah.
540
00:19:13,210 --> 00:19:14,776
She made me promise
not to tell you.
541
00:19:14,810 --> 00:19:16,176
It was supposed
to be a joke.
542
00:19:16,210 --> 00:19:17,243
That was Elaine?
543
00:19:17,276 --> 00:19:18,310
Yeah, yeah. Let me hear.
544
00:19:18,343 --> 00:19:19,910
Wait a second.
Just give me a second.
545
00:19:19,943 --> 00:19:21,743
You heard it 50 times already.
No, I haven't.
546
00:19:21,776 --> 00:19:24,410
This is my ex-girlfriend.
I think I have precedence.
547
00:19:24,443 --> 00:19:25,743
Ohhh...
548
00:19:25,776 --> 00:19:27,210
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
549
00:19:30,176 --> 00:19:31,343
Yeah?
550
00:19:31,376 --> 00:19:33,973
Hi, it's Elaine.Is this a bad time?
551
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:34,810
Hi, it's Elaine.Is this a bad time?
552
00:19:34,843 --> 00:19:36,810
Yeah.
553
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:38,243
Don't tell her
I told you anything!
554
00:19:38,276 --> 00:19:40,876
She'll kill me!
Okay, I promise!
555
00:19:46,176 --> 00:19:47,110
Wow.
556
00:19:48,376 --> 00:19:51,676
Oh, man.
557
00:19:51,710 --> 00:19:54,243
Oh, God.
558
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:56,776
Oh, brother.
559
00:19:56,810 --> 00:19:59,010
Ohhh! Wow!
560
00:19:59,043 --> 00:20:00,076
What's the matter?
Oh--
561
00:20:00,110 --> 00:20:03,510
I... got a pain in my side...
562
00:20:03,543 --> 00:20:03,973
From, you know...
563
00:20:03,973 --> 00:20:05,076
From, you know...
564
00:20:05,110 --> 00:20:06,076
Oh, hi, George.
565
00:20:06,110 --> 00:20:07,043
How you doing?
566
00:20:09,210 --> 00:20:11,543
Something stinks in here.
567
00:20:14,176 --> 00:20:15,143
Oh.
568
00:20:16,510 --> 00:20:17,843
What are you doing here?
569
00:20:17,876 --> 00:20:21,743
I was the one who talked
into your tape recorder.
570
00:20:21,776 --> 00:20:23,543
I know,
George told me.
571
00:20:28,176 --> 00:20:29,143
You told him?
572
00:20:29,176 --> 00:20:30,543
H-h-h-he threatened me.
573
00:20:32,343 --> 00:20:33,973
Where did you come up
with all that stuff?
574
00:20:33,973 --> 00:20:35,010
Where did you come up
with all that stuff?
575
00:20:35,043 --> 00:20:36,176
Oh, that was nothing.
576
00:20:36,210 --> 00:20:37,143
Elaine...
577
00:20:39,010 --> 00:20:40,343
I-- I have to
tell you something.
578
00:20:40,376 --> 00:20:41,776
George, no.
No, no, no.
579
00:20:41,810 --> 00:20:42,776
George, I'm telling you.
580
00:20:42,810 --> 00:20:43,710
What is it?
581
00:20:44,710 --> 00:20:45,676
I'm very attracted
to you.
582
00:20:45,710 --> 00:20:47,076
Oyyyy...
583
00:20:47,110 --> 00:20:48,210
I found a hair!
584
00:20:49,543 --> 00:20:50,776
Yes!
585
00:20:50,810 --> 00:20:51,776
Okay, come here,
come here.
586
00:20:51,810 --> 00:20:53,276
Take a look
at this.
587
00:20:53,310 --> 00:20:56,076
Ever since I found out
that you left the message
588
00:20:56,110 --> 00:20:57,343
on Jerry's tape recorder,
I--
589
00:20:57,376 --> 00:20:58,643
Whoa.
590
00:21:00,710 --> 00:21:01,743
That was you?
591
00:21:01,776 --> 00:21:03,843
It was a joke.
592
00:21:03,876 --> 00:21:03,973
Wait...
593
00:21:03,973 --> 00:21:06,676
Wait...
594
00:21:06,710 --> 00:21:08,310
Oh, my God.
595
00:21:09,876 --> 00:21:10,976
Oh, yeah.
596
00:21:13,043 --> 00:21:16,110
Elaine, I can't believe
that that is you.
597
00:21:16,143 --> 00:21:17,143
I--
598
00:21:23,610 --> 00:21:25,176
I think I'll get going.
599
00:21:25,210 --> 00:21:27,010
Er, stick around
a while.
600
00:21:27,043 --> 00:21:28,010
It's early.
601
00:21:28,043 --> 00:21:30,543
We'll order
Chinese.
602
00:21:33,343 --> 00:21:33,973
All right,
give me the tape!
603
00:21:33,973 --> 00:21:34,576
All right,
give me the tape!
604
00:21:34,610 --> 00:21:37,176
I had it first! It was my tape!
Give me the tape!
605
00:21:37,210 --> 00:21:40,143
[♪]
606
00:21:45,084 --> 00:21:46,705
A woman left me a message on
my phone machine the other day
607
00:21:46,738 --> 00:21:48,605
with kind of a breathy voice,
you know.
608
00:21:48,638 --> 00:21:49,905
No matter what a woman says,
609
00:21:49,938 --> 00:21:52,305
if it's in that breathy voice,
you know, it...
610
00:21:52,338 --> 00:21:53,371
[BREATHY VOICE]
"You have cancer."
611
00:21:53,405 --> 00:21:54,471
Really?
612
00:21:54,505 --> 00:21:56,938
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
613
00:21:56,971 --> 00:21:58,405
Sounds pretty good.
614
00:21:58,438 --> 00:22:00,405
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
615
00:22:00,438 --> 00:22:01,538
The stewardess could lean over
616
00:22:01,571 --> 00:22:02,805
and whisper in my ear,
617
00:22:02,838 --> 00:22:04,638
[BREATHY VOICE]
"Would you put on
your seat belt?
618
00:22:04,671 --> 00:22:07,805
"We're about to go
into a mountain."
619
00:22:07,838 --> 00:22:10,105
I would go, "Really?
So, what are you doing later
620
00:22:10,138 --> 00:22:13,511
"by the ruptured remains
of the fuselage?
621
00:22:13,511 --> 00:22:13,738
"by the ruptured remains
of the fuselage?
622
00:22:13,771 --> 00:22:17,105
"How about some peanuts
over by the black box?
623
00:22:17,138 --> 00:22:18,405
Look, I'll meet you there."
41558
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