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1
00:00:02,166 --> 00:00:03,533
You know, there's, like,
always one location
2
00:00:03,566 --> 00:00:05,566
in your neighborhood,
one store location
3
00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:07,666
that's constantly
changing hands?
4
00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:09,500
Everybody has this
in their neighborhood.
5
00:00:09,533 --> 00:00:11,333
It's a leather store,
then it's a yogurt shop,
6
00:00:11,366 --> 00:00:12,733
then it's a pet supply.
7
00:00:12,766 --> 00:00:13,833
It's, like, constantly changing.
8
00:00:13,866 --> 00:00:15,533
Nobody can do business there.
9
00:00:15,566 --> 00:00:18,033
It's like some sort of
Bermuda Triangle of retail,
10
00:00:18,066 --> 00:00:19,500
you know?
11
00:00:19,533 --> 00:00:20,833
Stores open up,
12
00:00:20,866 --> 00:00:22,566
and then they just disappear
without a trace.
13
00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:24,033
Nobody knows what happened
to them.
14
00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:25,800
I guess eventually when, like,
15
00:00:25,833 --> 00:00:28,500
aliens land in the mothership
from Close Encounters,
16
00:00:28,533 --> 00:00:29,900
the bottom will slowly open,
17
00:00:29,933 --> 00:00:30,000
and all these store owners
18
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,166
and all these store owners
19
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:34,366
will come wandering out
in a daze, going,
20
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:35,533
"I thought there was gonna be
21
00:00:35,566 --> 00:00:36,833
more walk-in traffic,
didn't you?"
22
00:00:40,066 --> 00:00:41,466
She thinks
I'm nice a nice guy.
23
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:42,466
Women always think
I'm nice,
24
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:43,466
but women
don't want nice.
25
00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:44,466
This is amazing.
26
00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:45,866
I haven't seen
one person
27
00:00:45,900 --> 00:00:47,366
go in that restaurant
since it opened.
28
00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:49,033
Poor guy.
29
00:00:49,066 --> 00:00:50,700
Why is nice bad?
30
00:00:50,733 --> 00:00:52,700
What kind of a sick society
are we living in,
31
00:00:52,733 --> 00:00:54,033
where nice is bad?
32
00:00:54,066 --> 00:00:56,200
What's that smell?
What are you wearing?
33
00:00:56,233 --> 00:00:58,666
What?
A little cologne.
34
00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:00,000
Manly.
35
00:01:00,033 --> 00:01:01,200
Monica wants me
to wear it.
36
00:01:01,233 --> 00:01:02,466
So why didn't
you say no?
37
00:01:02,500 --> 00:01:03,533
I'm too nice.
38
00:01:03,566 --> 00:01:04,900
Look at this poor guy.
39
00:01:04,933 --> 00:01:06,833
His family's probably
back in Pakistan.
40
00:01:06,866 --> 00:01:08,163
They're waiting for him
to send back money.
41
00:01:08,163 --> 00:01:08,533
They're waiting for him
to send back money.
42
00:01:08,566 --> 00:01:10,500
This is horrible.
43
00:01:10,533 --> 00:01:12,466
She wants me
to take an I.Q. test.
44
00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:14,500
It's because you're stupid
enough to wear the cologne.
45
00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:16,800
No.
46
00:01:16,833 --> 00:01:18,200
She's taking this
course in education
47
00:01:18,233 --> 00:01:19,233
for her masters.
48
00:01:19,266 --> 00:01:20,700
It's part
of her research project,
49
00:01:20,733 --> 00:01:22,666
so I have to be
a guinea pig.
50
00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:23,866
Never been a guinea pig.
51
00:01:23,900 --> 00:01:25,500
Been a sheep.
Been a toady.
52
00:01:25,533 --> 00:01:26,500
You know what?
53
00:01:26,533 --> 00:01:27,666
I can't talk
to you anymore.
54
00:01:27,700 --> 00:01:29,400
All right.
I'm sorry. Go ahead.
55
00:01:29,433 --> 00:01:30,900
You're taking
the I.Q. test.
56
00:01:30,933 --> 00:01:32,800
Yeah, and she's gonna
find out I'm a moron.
57
00:01:32,833 --> 00:01:34,366
You know,
people think I'm smart,
58
00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:35,500
but I'm not smart.
59
00:01:35,533 --> 00:01:37,566
Who thinks you're smart?
60
00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:38,163
I'm not gonna break 100
on this thing.
61
00:01:38,163 --> 00:01:39,400
I'm not gonna break 100
on this thing.
62
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:40,666
What thing?
63
00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:42,666
You don't listen when
people talk to you anymore.
64
00:01:42,700 --> 00:01:44,833
Oh, the I.Q. thing.
Yeah.
65
00:01:44,866 --> 00:01:46,833
I'm sure
I have a low I.Q.
66
00:01:46,866 --> 00:01:49,233
I've been lying about my S.A.T.
scores for 15 years.
67
00:01:49,266 --> 00:01:50,466
What'd you get?
68
00:01:50,500 --> 00:01:52,633
What did I get,
or what do I say I got?
69
00:01:52,666 --> 00:01:53,633
What do you say?
70
00:01:53,666 --> 00:01:55,400
I say 1409.
71
00:01:55,433 --> 00:01:56,800
Fourteen-oh-nine,
that's a good score.
72
00:01:56,833 --> 00:01:57,866
You're telling me.
73
00:01:57,900 --> 00:01:59,066
Well, what did you
really get?
74
00:01:59,100 --> 00:02:00,066
You're my friend, right?
75
00:02:00,100 --> 00:02:01,066
Of course.
76
00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:02,133
I tell you
everything, right?
77
00:02:02,166 --> 00:02:03,133
I hope so.
78
00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:04,133
Well...
79
00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:06,466
This I take
to the grave.
80
00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:08,163
JERRY: He's serving Mexican,
Italian, Chinese.
81
00:02:08,163 --> 00:02:09,500
JERRY: He's serving Mexican,
Italian, Chinese.
82
00:02:09,533 --> 00:02:10,566
He's all over the place.
83
00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:11,966
That's why no one's going in.
84
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,133
Why do you
keep watching?
85
00:02:14,166 --> 00:02:16,733
I don't know.
I'm obsessed with it.
86
00:02:16,766 --> 00:02:19,400
It's like a spider
in the toilet,
87
00:02:19,433 --> 00:02:22,633
struggling for survival...
88
00:02:22,666 --> 00:02:24,633
and even though you know
he's not gonna make it,
89
00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:26,400
you kind of root for him
for a second.
90
00:02:26,433 --> 00:02:27,833
Then you flush.
91
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:32,666
Well, it's a spider.
92
00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:34,500
You know, sometimes
people won't go in a place
93
00:02:34,533 --> 00:02:36,400
if they don't see
anyone else in there.
94
00:02:36,433 --> 00:02:37,400
[CLICKS TONGUE]
95
00:02:37,433 --> 00:02:38,163
Do you have to do that?
96
00:02:38,163 --> 00:02:39,233
Do you have to do that?
97
00:02:39,266 --> 00:02:42,466
Jerry, don't do that.
That is so annoying.
98
00:02:42,500 --> 00:02:43,566
Bazooka Joe.
99
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,366
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
100
00:02:52,333 --> 00:02:53,300
The buzzer.
101
00:02:53,333 --> 00:02:54,333
It's your house.
102
00:02:54,366 --> 00:02:56,366
My house.
103
00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:58,433
You gotta be on the lease
to press the buzzer.
104
00:02:59,533 --> 00:03:00,500
Yeah?
105
00:03:00,533 --> 00:03:01,566
It's George.
106
00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:02,733
Come on up.
107
00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:04,366
Casus belli.
108
00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:05,733
What's that?
109
00:03:05,766 --> 00:03:07,566
It's Latin.
I read it in some book.
110
00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:08,163
I don't know. I just wanted
to say it out loud.
111
00:03:08,163 --> 00:03:09,700
I don't know. I just wanted
to say it out loud.
112
00:03:09,733 --> 00:03:11,066
Come on. Go in.
113
00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:14,033
Go in.
114
00:03:14,066 --> 00:03:15,200
Have you gone in there?
115
00:03:15,233 --> 00:03:17,200
No, I'm afraid
we'll start talking,
116
00:03:17,233 --> 00:03:20,200
and I'll wind up
going partners with him.
117
00:03:20,233 --> 00:03:21,666
Hey.
118
00:03:28,066 --> 00:03:29,833
You know, I could probably
shoot him from here.
119
00:03:29,866 --> 00:03:31,366
I'd be doing us both a favor.
120
00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:32,866
[SNIFFING]
121
00:03:35,533 --> 00:03:38,163
I'm wearing some cologne,
all right?
122
00:03:38,163 --> 00:03:38,633
I'm wearing some cologne,
all right?
123
00:03:38,666 --> 00:03:40,400
Sure. Fine.
124
00:03:40,433 --> 00:03:42,700
Casus belli.
125
00:03:42,733 --> 00:03:46,500
Casus belli.
126
00:03:46,533 --> 00:03:48,533
What's that?
127
00:03:48,566 --> 00:03:49,866
Since when do you
wear cologne?
128
00:03:49,900 --> 00:03:52,066
Why is what I do so important?
129
00:03:52,100 --> 00:03:54,466
Why must I always be
the focal point of attention?
130
00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:57,966
Let me just be. Let me live.
131
00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,966
Hey, how'd you do
on that I.Q. test?
132
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,500
I didn't take it yet.
133
00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:02,500
What I.Q. test?
134
00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:03,500
What's "casus belli"?
135
00:04:03,533 --> 00:04:04,500
Oh, it's nothing.
136
00:04:04,533 --> 00:04:06,733
Is it about me?
137
00:04:06,766 --> 00:04:08,163
Why must you always be
the focal point of attention?
138
00:04:08,163 --> 00:04:09,666
Why must you always be
the focal point of attention?
139
00:04:09,700 --> 00:04:12,200
Why can't you just be?
Why can't you live?
140
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:15,900
It's just a Latin phrase,
George.
141
00:04:15,933 --> 00:04:17,166
It does not mean anything.
142
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:18,300
Now, what is this test?
143
00:04:18,333 --> 00:04:19,566
This woman he's dating
144
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,800
is making him take
this I.Q. test for this course.
145
00:04:21,833 --> 00:04:23,233
Oh, that sounds like fun.
146
00:04:23,266 --> 00:04:24,300
Yeah, fun.
147
00:04:24,333 --> 00:04:27,033
I.Q. tests are totally bogus.
148
00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:28,400
They prove nothing.
149
00:04:28,433 --> 00:04:30,166
You'll do well. You're smart.
150
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:31,533
No, see, he's not smart.
151
00:04:31,566 --> 00:04:33,300
People think
he's smart,
152
00:04:33,333 --> 00:04:34,633
but he's not.
153
00:04:34,666 --> 00:04:36,566
What did you get
on your S.A.T.s?
154
00:04:37,666 --> 00:04:38,163
It varies.
155
00:04:38,163 --> 00:04:38,833
It varies.
156
00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:42,300
You know,
I don't even know my I.Q.
157
00:04:42,333 --> 00:04:44,866
Mine's 145.
158
00:04:44,900 --> 00:04:46,833
145?
159
00:04:46,866 --> 00:04:48,466
Get out of here.
160
00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:49,633
You get out of here.
161
00:04:49,666 --> 00:04:50,833
You get out of here.
162
00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:53,866
Maybe you should
take the test for me.
163
00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:55,333
Boy, that'd
be something,
164
00:04:55,366 --> 00:04:56,833
cheating
on an I.Q. test.
165
00:04:56,866 --> 00:04:58,966
Hey, remember in college
166
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,466
when you passed Lettick the test
out the window?
167
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:04,300
You became a legend
after that.
168
00:05:04,333 --> 00:05:05,466
Yeah.
169
00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:08,163
Yeah, I really had some guts
back then.
170
00:05:08,163 --> 00:05:09,566
Yeah, I really had some guts
back then.
171
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:11,033
Why don't we do it again?
172
00:05:11,066 --> 00:05:12,633
What?
173
00:05:12,666 --> 00:05:14,466
You could take the I.Q. test
for me.
174
00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:16,400
I could pass it to you
out of a window.
175
00:05:16,433 --> 00:05:18,400
We could do it.
She lives on the first floor.
176
00:05:18,433 --> 00:05:19,400
Are you serious?
Why not?
177
00:05:19,433 --> 00:05:20,733
Where would I take the test?
178
00:05:20,766 --> 00:05:22,566
I don't know-- she lives
right around the corner.
179
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,733
You could take it here
or go to the coffee shop.
180
00:05:24,766 --> 00:05:26,066
No. That'd be too noisy.
181
00:05:26,100 --> 00:05:29,733
Take it at The Dream Café.
You won't hear a peep.
182
00:05:29,766 --> 00:05:31,733
Hey, what do you think?
183
00:05:31,766 --> 00:05:33,100
Hey, I love a good caper.
184
00:05:34,533 --> 00:05:37,000
Yeah, that's what it is,
isn't it?
185
00:05:37,033 --> 00:05:38,163
A caper.
186
00:05:38,163 --> 00:05:39,066
A caper.
187
00:05:39,100 --> 00:05:40,166
You'll do it?
188
00:05:41,266 --> 00:05:42,500
What the hey?
189
00:05:42,533 --> 00:05:44,400
Yeah! Beautiful!
190
00:05:44,433 --> 00:05:47,666
Yeah!
Ooh, sorry.
191
00:05:52,433 --> 00:05:54,400
Welcome
to The Dream Café.
192
00:05:54,433 --> 00:05:57,300
Well, uh, I've been
looking forward to it.
193
00:05:57,333 --> 00:05:59,700
Oh, how did you
hear about us?
194
00:05:59,733 --> 00:06:01,900
Uh... people.
People are talking.
195
00:06:04,100 --> 00:06:05,200
Smoking
or nonsmoking?
196
00:06:05,233 --> 00:06:07,200
We are proud
to offer both.
197
00:06:07,233 --> 00:06:08,163
Nonsmoking would be great.
198
00:06:08,163 --> 00:06:08,700
Nonsmoking would be great.
199
00:06:08,733 --> 00:06:09,700
Very good.
200
00:06:09,733 --> 00:06:11,200
My name is Babu Bhatt.
201
00:06:11,233 --> 00:06:13,200
I will be your waiter.
202
00:06:13,233 --> 00:06:14,866
A steaming hot
203
00:06:14,900 --> 00:06:16,466
folded face towel
for your pleasure.
204
00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:18,066
Thank you. Ah!
205
00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:21,833
Our specials-- tacos, moussaka,
and franks and beans.
206
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,733
Well, what do you recommend,
207
00:06:24,766 --> 00:06:25,966
my good fellow?
208
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,400
Oh, the turkey.
209
00:06:27,433 --> 00:06:29,033
Well, the turkey it'll be.
210
00:06:29,066 --> 00:06:31,033
And may I say you have
a splendid establishment here,
211
00:06:31,066 --> 00:06:32,366
my friend.
212
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:33,733
I'm sure you'll flourish
at this location
213
00:06:33,766 --> 00:06:35,333
for many, many years.
214
00:06:35,366 --> 00:06:37,033
You're a very kind man,
very kind.
215
00:06:37,066 --> 00:06:38,163
Thank you.
216
00:06:38,163 --> 00:06:38,166
Thank you.
217
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:40,966
Very kind.
218
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:41,966
JERRY:
Very kind.
219
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,066
I am kind man.
220
00:06:44,100 --> 00:06:46,000
Who else would dosomething like this?
221
00:06:46,033 --> 00:06:47,566
Nobody.
222
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:49,733
Nobody thinks about peoplethe way I do.
223
00:06:49,766 --> 00:06:51,566
All right, snap out of it,you stupid jerk.
224
00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:53,066
You're eatinga turkey sandwich.
225
00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:54,533
What do you want,a Nobel Prize?
226
00:06:54,566 --> 00:06:55,733
You go
in the living room.
227
00:06:55,766 --> 00:06:57,400
I'll take the test
in here.
228
00:06:57,433 --> 00:06:58,733
But why?
229
00:06:58,766 --> 00:07:01,633
I won't be able to concentrate
in front of you.
230
00:07:01,666 --> 00:07:03,666
Oh, I think you're making
too much of this.
231
00:07:03,700 --> 00:07:05,800
I.Q. tests don't mean anything.
232
00:07:05,833 --> 00:07:06,733
Are you kidding me?
233
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,666
This is the best tool
we have today
234
00:07:10,700 --> 00:07:12,300
of measuring
a person's intelligence.
235
00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:15,066
Well, I certainly don't
place any importance on it.
236
00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:17,400
Well, I think you're wrong
about that.
237
00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:20,233
And now,
if you'll excuse me,
238
00:07:20,266 --> 00:07:23,166
I'd really like
to get started, please.
239
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:24,333
Good luck.
240
00:07:24,366 --> 00:07:26,333
[CHUCKLING]
Don't need it.
241
00:07:28,766 --> 00:07:30,033
What's been going on
up there?
242
00:07:30,066 --> 00:07:31,466
I've been standing here
20 minutes.
243
00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:32,833
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Here's the test.
244
00:07:32,866 --> 00:07:34,033
Thanks again
for doing this.
245
00:07:34,066 --> 00:07:36,233
All right, now, what time
do you want me back here?
246
00:07:36,266 --> 00:07:37,633
Uh, 20 to 3:00.
Okay.
247
00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:38,163
Thanks again.
All right.
248
00:07:38,163 --> 00:07:38,633
Thanks again.
All right.
249
00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:40,133
And don't settle
for 145.
250
00:07:40,166 --> 00:07:42,166
You can do better.
You're a genius.
251
00:07:49,833 --> 00:07:52,300
Thank you, Babu.
252
00:07:52,333 --> 00:07:54,300
You have
quite a flair.
253
00:07:54,333 --> 00:07:55,800
You are quite
the restauranteur,
254
00:07:55,833 --> 00:07:56,833
I must say.
255
00:07:56,866 --> 00:07:58,333
It is indeed
my pleasure.
256
00:07:58,366 --> 00:07:59,666
Oh, please.
257
00:07:59,700 --> 00:08:04,166
Ooh! Welcome
to The Dream Café.
258
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,866
Our specials today--
259
00:08:05,900 --> 00:08:07,200
I'll just have
tea and toast.
260
00:08:08,766 --> 00:08:10,066
Tea and toast.
261
00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:11,066
Eat something!
262
00:08:11,100 --> 00:08:12,166
Babu.
263
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:15,000
Um... okay.
264
00:08:15,033 --> 00:08:16,500
Well, I'll have the...
265
00:08:16,533 --> 00:08:18,233
The rigatoni.
266
00:08:18,266 --> 00:08:20,233
Oh! Oh, very good choice.
267
00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:22,000
Very good.
268
00:08:23,066 --> 00:08:25,233
Oh, wow,
so you got the test.
269
00:08:25,266 --> 00:08:26,233
You're cheating.
270
00:08:26,266 --> 00:08:28,400
I know.
271
00:08:28,433 --> 00:08:29,633
Hey.
272
00:08:29,666 --> 00:08:30,733
Hey.
273
00:08:30,766 --> 00:08:31,866
[DOOR CLOSES]
274
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,900
Oh, boy.
275
00:08:35,933 --> 00:08:37,066
Whoop.
276
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,163
Jerry, let me
ask you something.
277
00:08:38,163 --> 00:08:39,400
Jerry, let me
ask you something.
278
00:08:39,433 --> 00:08:40,400
Hi, Elaine.
279
00:08:40,433 --> 00:08:41,400
Hi.
280
00:08:41,433 --> 00:08:43,800
This guy
leaves this jacket
281
00:08:43,833 --> 00:08:45,400
at my mother's house
two years ago.
282
00:08:45,433 --> 00:08:47,400
Now, she hasn't
spoken to him since,
283
00:08:47,433 --> 00:08:50,666
and now he says
he wants the jacket back.
284
00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:52,366
So?
285
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:53,833
Well, I'm not
giving it back.
286
00:08:53,866 --> 00:08:55,366
Why not?
287
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:56,966
Well, because I meet
a lot of women
288
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,533
in this jacket,
you know?
289
00:08:58,566 --> 00:08:59,866
They're attracted to it.
290
00:08:59,900 --> 00:09:01,900
Why do you think my mother
went out with him?
291
00:09:02,766 --> 00:09:04,200
Oh, jeez.
292
00:09:04,233 --> 00:09:05,200
Okay.
293
00:09:05,233 --> 00:09:06,700
Are you all right?
294
00:09:06,733 --> 00:09:07,700
Yeah, okay.
295
00:09:07,733 --> 00:09:08,163
What?
296
00:09:08,163 --> 00:09:09,000
What?
297
00:09:14,566 --> 00:09:16,533
Anyway, it's been two years.
298
00:09:16,566 --> 00:09:19,800
I mean, isn't there, like,
a statue of limitations on that?
299
00:09:19,833 --> 00:09:21,633
Statute.
300
00:09:21,666 --> 00:09:22,966
What?
301
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:26,900
Statute of limitations.
It's not a statue.
302
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:29,000
No, it's statue.
303
00:09:29,033 --> 00:09:32,400
Fine.
It's a sculpture of limitations.
304
00:09:32,433 --> 00:09:35,133
Wait a minute.
Just wait a minute.
305
00:09:35,166 --> 00:09:36,133
Elaine.
306
00:09:36,166 --> 00:09:37,233
Elaine!
307
00:09:37,266 --> 00:09:38,163
Now, you're smart.
308
00:09:38,163 --> 00:09:38,566
Now, you're smart.
309
00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,000
Is it statue or statute
of limitations?
310
00:09:41,033 --> 00:09:42,466
Statute.
311
00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:46,233
Oh, I really think
you're wrong.
312
00:09:46,266 --> 00:09:48,033
Look, Kramer, I have to take
this test, okay?
313
00:09:48,066 --> 00:09:49,666
And I don't have
a lot of time.
314
00:09:49,700 --> 00:09:52,633
What test?
315
00:09:52,666 --> 00:09:54,666
An I.Q. test.
316
00:09:54,700 --> 00:09:56,966
Why are you
taking an I.Q. test?
317
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,300
It's for George.
318
00:09:58,333 --> 00:09:59,500
George?
319
00:09:59,533 --> 00:10:01,200
Yeah, yeah, look,
320
00:10:01,233 --> 00:10:02,633
can I explain it
to you later?
321
00:10:02,666 --> 00:10:05,000
Yeah, but why are you taking
an I.Q. test for George?
322
00:10:05,033 --> 00:10:06,000
Would you please?
323
00:10:06,033 --> 00:10:07,566
What, is it for a job
or something?
324
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:08,163
Later!
325
00:10:08,163 --> 00:10:08,866
Later!
326
00:10:11,333 --> 00:10:12,800
You're positive
it's statute?
327
00:10:12,833 --> 00:10:14,966
Yes! Yes!
328
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:18,033
BABU: Welcome, welcome.
A steaming hot face towel--
329
00:10:18,066 --> 00:10:19,133
Aah! Aah!
330
00:10:19,166 --> 00:10:20,166
Aah!
331
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,533
[DOORKNOB TURNING]
332
00:10:30,566 --> 00:10:31,700
George?
333
00:10:31,733 --> 00:10:33,033
Yeah?
334
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:35,533
The door's locked.
335
00:10:35,566 --> 00:10:37,033
Oh, it's locked?
336
00:10:37,066 --> 00:10:38,163
I need
to get something.
337
00:10:38,163 --> 00:10:39,233
I need
to get something.
338
00:10:39,266 --> 00:10:41,233
Monica, I'm really focused here.
339
00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:44,133
This stuff's a killer.
340
00:10:44,166 --> 00:10:47,000
George!
Wish I could.
341
00:10:48,666 --> 00:10:51,600
[BABU HUMMING LOUDLY]
342
00:10:54,933 --> 00:10:56,200
[HUMMING LOUDER]
343
00:10:56,233 --> 00:10:57,333
Babu!
344
00:10:57,366 --> 00:10:59,566
If you don't mind.
345
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:00,633
Yeah. Okay.
346
00:11:00,666 --> 00:11:01,633
I'll get this.
347
00:11:01,666 --> 00:11:04,066
Oh! Oh!
Oh, my God!
348
00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:05,300
God, it's all over
my test!
349
00:11:05,333 --> 00:11:06,700
I didn't mean it.
I'm terribly sorry.
350
00:11:06,733 --> 00:11:08,163
Oh, man!
351
00:11:08,163 --> 00:11:08,733
Oh, man!
352
00:11:08,766 --> 00:11:10,400
Look at this.
I'm out of time anyway.
353
00:11:10,433 --> 00:11:11,733
Please, forgive me,
please.
354
00:11:11,766 --> 00:11:13,133
Go ahead.
I'll take care of it.
355
00:11:13,166 --> 00:11:14,400
Ugh.
356
00:11:14,433 --> 00:11:15,866
Please,
I'm very sorry.
357
00:11:17,100 --> 00:11:20,033
Tell your friends!
358
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,500
It's all right.
She was cheating anyway.
359
00:11:31,533 --> 00:11:35,300
You're
a very kind man.
360
00:11:35,333 --> 00:11:36,700
Babu...
361
00:11:36,733 --> 00:11:38,163
You're Pakistani,
right?
362
00:11:38,163 --> 00:11:39,166
You're Pakistani,
right?
363
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,500
Yes, Pakistani. Yes.
364
00:11:41,533 --> 00:11:44,666
Babu, may I say something?
365
00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:47,366
Of course.
You're very smart man. I listen.
366
00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,900
I am not a restauranteur
by any means,
367
00:11:49,933 --> 00:11:52,233
but it occurred to me
that perhaps you might serve
368
00:11:52,266 --> 00:11:54,466
some dishes
from your native Pakistan,
369
00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:56,033
as opposed to, say,
370
00:11:56,066 --> 00:11:58,033
the franks and beans,
for example.
371
00:11:58,066 --> 00:12:01,366
But there are no
Pakistani people here.
372
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:02,666
It doesn't matter.
373
00:12:02,700 --> 00:12:04,966
You would have the only
authentic Pakistani restaurant
374
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:06,400
in the whole neighborhood.
375
00:12:06,433 --> 00:12:08,163
Yes.
376
00:12:08,163 --> 00:12:09,366
Yes.
377
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:12,500
You see everything, don't you?
378
00:12:12,533 --> 00:12:14,500
Well, you know, not everything.
379
00:12:14,533 --> 00:12:17,000
I do what I can.
380
00:12:19,033 --> 00:12:21,333
I close down today,
and when I open again,
381
00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:23,500
it will be
all-Pakistani restaurant.
382
00:12:23,533 --> 00:12:24,500
Thank you!
383
00:12:24,533 --> 00:12:25,700
Thank you so much.
384
00:12:25,733 --> 00:12:27,500
You're a very special
person.
385
00:12:27,533 --> 00:12:29,166
Very special.
386
00:12:30,433 --> 00:12:32,400
JERRY:
I am such a great guy.
387
00:12:32,433 --> 00:12:35,066
Who else would have goneto the trouble
388
00:12:35,100 --> 00:12:36,500
to help this poor immigrant?
389
00:12:36,533 --> 00:12:38,000
I am special.
390
00:12:38,033 --> 00:12:38,163
My mother was right.
391
00:12:38,163 --> 00:12:40,133
My mother was right.
392
00:12:40,166 --> 00:12:42,466
Of course, I've never hadPakistani food.
393
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:45,433
How bad could it be?
394
00:12:49,821 --> 00:12:51,454
It was an accident.
395
00:12:51,487 --> 00:12:53,587
What, did you go
on a picnic?
396
00:12:53,621 --> 00:12:56,354
Babu Bhatt did it.
397
00:12:58,787 --> 00:13:00,421
Babu Bhatt?
398
00:13:00,454 --> 00:13:03,587
How am I going
to explain this?
399
00:13:03,621 --> 00:13:04,987
MONICA:
Time's up, George.
400
00:13:06,287 --> 00:13:07,787
Okay...
401
00:13:14,287 --> 00:13:15,421
Here you go.
402
00:13:15,454 --> 00:13:16,421
How did you do?
403
00:13:16,454 --> 00:13:17,421
Piece of cake.
404
00:13:17,454 --> 00:13:18,059
What happened to the test?
405
00:13:18,059 --> 00:13:19,621
What happened to the test?
406
00:13:19,654 --> 00:13:21,287
What? Oh, I spilled
some food on it.
407
00:13:24,354 --> 00:13:26,621
Food? What food?
408
00:13:26,654 --> 00:13:28,421
What are you talking about?
409
00:13:28,454 --> 00:13:30,321
Where did you get food?
410
00:13:30,354 --> 00:13:31,621
From my pocket.
411
00:13:31,654 --> 00:13:32,887
Your pocket?
412
00:13:35,187 --> 00:13:37,587
I, uh, I had a sandwich
in my pocket.
413
00:13:37,621 --> 00:13:39,621
And coffee?
414
00:13:39,654 --> 00:13:42,521
Yeah. Had some coffee. Yeah.
415
00:13:42,554 --> 00:13:44,687
Where did you get the coffee?
416
00:13:44,721 --> 00:13:47,021
Where did I get the coffee?
417
00:13:47,054 --> 00:13:48,059
Where do you think
I got the coffee?
418
00:13:48,059 --> 00:13:48,621
Where do you think
I got the coffee?
419
00:13:48,654 --> 00:13:49,921
At the grocery store.
420
00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:51,487
How did you get there?
421
00:13:51,521 --> 00:13:52,521
I walked.
422
00:13:52,554 --> 00:13:54,354
How did you get
out of the apartment?
423
00:13:54,387 --> 00:13:55,587
I didn't see you leave.
424
00:13:55,621 --> 00:13:56,954
I climbed out the window.
425
00:13:56,987 --> 00:13:59,287
You climbed out the window?
426
00:13:59,321 --> 00:14:00,287
Of course.
427
00:14:00,321 --> 00:14:02,354
Why didn't you go out the door?
428
00:14:02,387 --> 00:14:04,321
The door?
429
00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:08,454
Why would I go out the door?
430
00:14:08,487 --> 00:14:09,821
The window's right here.
431
00:14:12,987 --> 00:14:15,387
You're a fascinating man,
George Costanza.
432
00:14:18,854 --> 00:14:21,454
JERRY: The average person
sees a situation like this,
433
00:14:21,487 --> 00:14:23,521
they walk right by it.
434
00:14:23,554 --> 00:14:25,154
Not me.
435
00:14:25,187 --> 00:14:28,187
You're very special.
436
00:14:30,054 --> 00:14:31,121
Hey, do me a favor.
437
00:14:31,154 --> 00:14:32,654
Some guy comes around
looking for me,
438
00:14:32,687 --> 00:14:34,254
tell him
you don't know where I am.
439
00:14:34,287 --> 00:14:36,854
Of course, I always do.
440
00:14:36,887 --> 00:14:39,187
No, no, it's that guy.
441
00:14:39,221 --> 00:14:40,854
He's really been bugging me
about the jacket.
442
00:14:40,887 --> 00:14:42,321
Just give it back to him.
443
00:14:42,354 --> 00:14:43,521
Oh, he'll have to kill me.
444
00:14:49,554 --> 00:14:51,187
Hey, Georgie!
445
00:14:51,221 --> 00:14:52,487
GEORGE:
I'm coming up!
446
00:14:52,521 --> 00:14:55,321
How'd you do
on the I.Q. test?
447
00:14:55,354 --> 00:14:56,521
GEORGE:
Eighty-five!
448
00:14:59,487 --> 00:15:00,454
What?
449
00:15:00,487 --> 00:15:01,487
Eighty-five,
Jerry.
450
00:15:01,521 --> 00:15:04,221
Eighty-five I.Q...
451
00:15:07,021 --> 00:15:09,121
Eighty-five?
452
00:15:09,154 --> 00:15:13,187
Well, well, well.
453
00:15:13,221 --> 00:15:14,987
He's coming up?
454
00:15:15,021 --> 00:15:16,287
Well, I'm no genius, but...
455
00:15:16,321 --> 00:15:18,059
According to my calculations,
456
00:15:18,059 --> 00:15:19,521
According to my calculations,
457
00:15:19,554 --> 00:15:21,321
he should be here
in a few seconds.
458
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:25,021
Yeah, but an 85, Jerry,
that's ridiculous.
459
00:15:25,054 --> 00:15:27,921
Well, maybe the test
was gender biased,
460
00:15:27,954 --> 00:15:30,654
you know, a lot of questions
on hunting and testicles.
461
00:15:37,487 --> 00:15:39,954
Oh, hello, professor.
462
00:15:43,354 --> 00:15:44,754
George, I cannot believe--
463
00:15:44,787 --> 00:15:45,921
Please.
464
00:15:45,954 --> 00:15:48,059
No, there's got to be a mistake.
465
00:15:48,059 --> 00:15:48,154
No, there's got to be a mistake.
466
00:15:48,187 --> 00:15:50,854
You should have seen her face.
467
00:15:50,887 --> 00:15:52,854
It was the exact same look
my father gave me
468
00:15:52,887 --> 00:15:54,821
when I told him
I wanted to be a ventriloquist.
469
00:15:58,721 --> 00:16:00,787
But an 85.
470
00:16:00,821 --> 00:16:02,687
Listen, there were too many
distractions there.
471
00:16:02,721 --> 00:16:04,487
Babu...
472
00:16:04,521 --> 00:16:07,187
Whatever his name was,
and Kramer,
473
00:16:07,221 --> 00:16:08,187
I couldn't concentrate.
474
00:16:08,221 --> 00:16:11,921
It was a madhouse.
475
00:16:11,954 --> 00:16:13,421
Jerry, it was!
476
00:16:13,454 --> 00:16:14,454
Let me take it again.
477
00:16:14,487 --> 00:16:16,487
Ho, ho, ho,
forget it.
478
00:16:16,521 --> 00:16:18,059
Oh, come on,
come on.
479
00:16:18,059 --> 00:16:18,187
Oh, come on,
come on.
480
00:16:18,221 --> 00:16:19,354
I'll guarantee you 140.
481
00:16:19,387 --> 00:16:20,587
What do you have to lose?
482
00:16:20,621 --> 00:16:22,287
You could do worse.
No! No!
483
00:16:22,321 --> 00:16:24,787
Come on,
I guarantee it.
484
00:16:24,821 --> 00:16:26,587
All right. I'll ask her.
485
00:16:26,621 --> 00:16:29,754
Okay. Now, where
am I going to take it?
486
00:16:29,787 --> 00:16:31,121
Take it here.
I'll leave.
487
00:16:31,154 --> 00:16:33,554
There'll be
no distractions.
488
00:16:36,554 --> 00:16:38,321
[SITAR MUSIC PLAYING]
489
00:16:41,054 --> 00:16:44,354
Well, congratulations,
my friend.
490
00:16:44,387 --> 00:16:46,187
You know, I'm sorry I missed
the grand reopening.
491
00:16:46,221 --> 00:16:47,987
I was out of town
for about a week.
492
00:16:48,021 --> 00:16:48,059
You see how I listen?
493
00:16:48,059 --> 00:16:50,687
You see how I listen?
494
00:16:50,721 --> 00:16:53,621
I work very hard,
borrow more money.
495
00:16:53,654 --> 00:16:55,954
I think it's fantastic.
496
00:16:55,987 --> 00:16:57,654
It has a certain
indefinable charm.
497
00:17:00,221 --> 00:17:01,254
You wish to eat?
498
00:17:01,287 --> 00:17:03,154
Let me tell you something, Babu.
499
00:17:03,187 --> 00:17:04,921
You go back in that kitchen,
tell your chef
500
00:17:04,954 --> 00:17:06,921
I want the works.
501
00:17:06,954 --> 00:17:09,121
Very good.
502
00:17:12,054 --> 00:17:14,121
JERRY:
Very good?
503
00:17:14,154 --> 00:17:15,921
No, not very good.
504
00:17:15,954 --> 00:17:17,487
Very great.
505
00:17:17,521 --> 00:17:18,059
I am very, very great.
506
00:17:18,059 --> 00:17:20,821
I am very, very great.
507
00:17:31,887 --> 00:17:33,321
You know, the I.Q. tests,
508
00:17:33,354 --> 00:17:35,654
they always have that sample
question at the beginning,
509
00:17:35,687 --> 00:17:37,987
where they show you
how to fill in the circle.
510
00:17:38,021 --> 00:17:41,321
This should be the first
elimination point right there.
511
00:17:41,354 --> 00:17:43,287
Anybody goes outside
that circle--
512
00:17:43,321 --> 00:17:44,854
"Yeah, you want
to come with us, please?
513
00:17:44,887 --> 00:17:47,521
"Yeah, yeah, you're done.
Your test is over.
514
00:17:47,554 --> 00:17:48,059
You went outside the circle,
okay?"
515
00:17:48,059 --> 00:17:50,054
You went outside the circle,
okay?"
516
00:18:01,454 --> 00:18:02,787
What are you doing?
517
00:18:02,821 --> 00:18:05,187
Quiet. Shh!
Don't say anything.
518
00:18:05,221 --> 00:18:06,287
[WHISPERING]
What's going on?
519
00:18:06,321 --> 00:18:07,454
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
520
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:09,321
MAN: Hey, Kramer!
I saw you go in there.
521
00:18:09,354 --> 00:18:11,421
I'm not leaving until you
give me that jacket.
522
00:18:11,454 --> 00:18:12,787
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
523
00:18:12,821 --> 00:18:13,954
Open up, Kramer!
524
00:18:13,987 --> 00:18:15,321
What did you come
in here for?
525
00:18:15,354 --> 00:18:16,754
Well, I thought
I'd throw him off.
526
00:18:16,787 --> 00:18:17,954
See, he knows where I live.
527
00:18:17,987 --> 00:18:18,059
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
528
00:18:18,059 --> 00:18:19,121
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
529
00:18:19,154 --> 00:18:21,421
Look, Kramer, I have
to return this test.
530
00:18:21,454 --> 00:18:22,621
I've gotta
get out of here.
531
00:18:22,654 --> 00:18:24,021
Well, I thought
you took the test.
532
00:18:24,054 --> 00:18:25,821
I had to
take it again.
533
00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:26,821
How come?
534
00:18:26,854 --> 00:18:28,587
What's the difference?
535
00:18:28,621 --> 00:18:30,487
Well, you can't leave now.
What?
536
00:18:30,521 --> 00:18:33,421
Come on, Kramer,
I want that jacket back!
537
00:18:33,454 --> 00:18:34,754
Never!
538
00:18:34,787 --> 00:18:35,721
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
539
00:18:37,121 --> 00:18:38,521
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
540
00:18:38,554 --> 00:18:41,021
Come on, George,
open up.
541
00:18:49,654 --> 00:18:50,754
Well?
542
00:18:50,787 --> 00:18:53,321
How you doing?
543
00:18:53,354 --> 00:18:55,154
Where's the test?
544
00:18:55,187 --> 00:18:58,587
You know,
it's the damnedest thing.
545
00:18:58,621 --> 00:19:01,787
I went out the window again
to get a cup of coffee...
546
00:19:08,321 --> 00:19:10,821
Babu...
547
00:19:10,854 --> 00:19:13,987
Babu.
548
00:19:17,487 --> 00:19:18,059
Babu, you know...
549
00:19:18,059 --> 00:19:19,754
Babu, you know...
550
00:19:19,787 --> 00:19:21,854
I've got to tell you.
551
00:19:21,887 --> 00:19:24,687
I never do this, but the shrimp,
552
00:19:24,721 --> 00:19:26,521
it's just
it's a little stringy.
553
00:19:26,554 --> 00:19:29,521
You have any chicken?
554
00:19:29,554 --> 00:19:30,654
The shrimp is stringy?
555
00:19:30,687 --> 00:19:31,654
Well, maybe your fridge--
556
00:19:31,687 --> 00:19:32,621
Quiet!
557
00:19:33,721 --> 00:19:34,687
No, I--
558
00:19:34,721 --> 00:19:36,154
You shut up!
559
00:19:36,187 --> 00:19:37,254
Well, I...
560
00:19:37,287 --> 00:19:38,254
You make me
change restaurant,
561
00:19:38,287 --> 00:19:39,854
but nobody come.
562
00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:41,687
You say, "Make Pakistani."
563
00:19:41,721 --> 00:19:44,087
Babu Bhatt have
only Pakistani restaurant,
564
00:19:44,121 --> 00:19:45,521
but where are people?
565
00:19:45,554 --> 00:19:47,021
You see people?
566
00:19:47,054 --> 00:19:48,059
Show me people.
567
00:19:48,059 --> 00:19:48,521
Show me people.
568
00:19:48,554 --> 00:19:49,987
There are no people!
569
00:19:50,021 --> 00:19:52,321
You know, I think
I'll just take the check.
570
00:19:52,354 --> 00:19:53,321
You bad man.
571
00:19:53,354 --> 00:19:56,454
You very, very bad man.
572
00:19:58,021 --> 00:19:59,354
JERRY:
Bad man?
573
00:19:59,387 --> 00:20:01,354
Could my motherhave been wrong?
574
00:20:11,354 --> 00:20:13,654
Are you looking for George?
575
00:20:13,687 --> 00:20:17,054
Well, uh... kind of.
576
00:20:18,221 --> 00:20:19,787
George left.
577
00:20:19,821 --> 00:20:20,954
Oh.
578
00:20:22,787 --> 00:20:25,121
Is that the test?
579
00:20:25,154 --> 00:20:26,121
Oh.
580
00:20:26,154 --> 00:20:29,421
This, um...
581
00:20:29,454 --> 00:20:32,021
Yeah.
582
00:20:32,054 --> 00:20:35,421
Here you go.
Thanks.
583
00:20:35,454 --> 00:20:37,454
I hope you do
a lot better this time.
584
00:20:41,321 --> 00:20:42,787
Actually, you know,
I think I did.
585
00:20:42,821 --> 00:20:43,787
The first time,
586
00:20:43,821 --> 00:20:47,887
I couldn't really
con...centrate.
587
00:20:56,021 --> 00:20:58,954
You know what it was--
bad location.
588
00:20:58,987 --> 00:21:00,621
Come on, let's not
stand here too long.
589
00:21:00,654 --> 00:21:01,787
We might run into him.
590
00:21:01,821 --> 00:21:04,821
Aren't you cold?
Where's your jacket?
591
00:21:04,854 --> 00:21:06,921
Oh, sorry.
592
00:21:06,954 --> 00:21:08,887
I'm going upstairs.
593
00:21:11,054 --> 00:21:12,287
Hey, guys!
Hey.
594
00:21:12,321 --> 00:21:13,587
I just ran into Monica.
595
00:21:13,621 --> 00:21:15,821
You know what my I.Q. is?
596
00:21:15,854 --> 00:21:18,059
151.
597
00:21:18,059 --> 00:21:18,521
151.
598
00:21:18,554 --> 00:21:20,354
151?
599
00:21:20,387 --> 00:21:21,321
Yeah.
600
00:21:23,287 --> 00:21:24,421
That's a good score.
601
00:21:24,454 --> 00:21:26,821
So, what are you up for?
How about Mexican?
602
00:21:26,854 --> 00:21:27,821
Italian.
603
00:21:27,854 --> 00:21:29,254
No. Chinese.
604
00:21:29,287 --> 00:21:30,687
Know what would be great?
605
00:21:45,736 --> 00:21:47,469
It's tough to do a good deed.
606
00:21:47,503 --> 00:21:50,236
Let's look at your
professional good deed doers,
607
00:21:50,269 --> 00:21:52,703
your Lone Rangers,
your Supermen,
608
00:21:52,736 --> 00:21:55,969
your Batmen, your Spidermen,
your Elasticmen.
609
00:21:56,003 --> 00:21:58,036
They're all wearing disguises,
610
00:21:58,069 --> 00:22:00,236
masks over their faces,
secret identities.
611
00:22:00,269 --> 00:22:03,436
Don't want people
to know who they are.
612
00:22:03,469 --> 00:22:05,103
Too much aggravation.
613
00:22:05,136 --> 00:22:07,469
Superman, yeah,
thanks for saving my life,
614
00:22:07,503 --> 00:22:10,303
but did you
have to come through my wall?
615
00:22:10,336 --> 00:22:13,269
I'm renting here.
They got a security deposit.
616
00:22:13,303 --> 00:22:14,178
What am I supposed to do?
617
00:22:14,178 --> 00:22:14,803
What am I supposed to do?
618
00:22:17,403 --> 00:22:18,769
[♪]
40617
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