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1
00:00:01,533 --> 00:00:03,866
I'm on the street the other day,
make a pay phone call,
2
00:00:03,900 --> 00:00:05,966
go overtime on the call,
3
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,000
hang up the phone, walk away.
4
00:00:08,033 --> 00:00:09,500
You've had this happen?
5
00:00:09,533 --> 00:00:10,800
[MURMURED ASSENT FROM CROWD]
6
00:00:10,833 --> 00:00:14,166
Phone rings.
It's the phone company.
7
00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:16,066
They want more money.
8
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:18,000
Don't you love this?
9
00:00:18,033 --> 00:00:20,533
And you've got them
right where you want them
10
00:00:20,566 --> 00:00:22,200
for the first time in your life.
11
00:00:22,233 --> 00:00:24,733
You're on the street.
There's nothing they can do.
12
00:00:24,766 --> 00:00:28,200
I like to let it ring
a few times, you know,
13
00:00:28,233 --> 00:00:30,000
let her sweat a little
over there,
14
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:30,466
let her sweat a little
over there,
15
00:00:30,500 --> 00:00:33,233
and then just pick it up.
"Yeah, hello, operator?
16
00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:35,366
"Oh, I've got the money.
17
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:37,033
[LAUGHTER]
18
00:00:37,066 --> 00:00:39,533
"I've got the money right here.
19
00:00:39,566 --> 00:00:40,800
"Do you hear that?
20
00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:42,700
[TAPPING]
21
00:00:42,733 --> 00:00:45,800
"That's a quarter.
22
00:00:45,833 --> 00:00:47,266
Yeah, you want that, don't you?"
23
00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:51,700
[♪]
24
00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:01,700
No, they just have to get
more cops on the force.
25
00:01:01,733 --> 00:01:02,966
It's as simple
as that.
26
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:04,800
Cops. I don't even
care about cops.
27
00:01:04,833 --> 00:01:06,400
I want to see
garbage men.
28
00:01:06,433 --> 00:01:07,833
It's much more important.
29
00:01:07,866 --> 00:01:09,533
All I want to see
are garbage trucks,
30
00:01:09,566 --> 00:01:11,866
garbage cans,
and garbage men.
31
00:01:11,900 --> 00:01:13,000
You're never
gonna stop crime.
32
00:01:13,033 --> 00:01:14,500
We should at least
be clean.
33
00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:16,333
I tell what they should do.
34
00:01:16,366 --> 00:01:18,133
They should combine
the two jobs.
35
00:01:18,166 --> 00:01:19,633
Make it one job,
cop/garbage man.
36
00:01:19,633 --> 00:01:21,333
Make it one job,
cop/garbage man.
37
00:01:21,366 --> 00:01:23,500
I always see cops
walking around
38
00:01:23,533 --> 00:01:24,500
with nothing to do.
39
00:01:24,533 --> 00:01:26,233
Grab a broom.
40
00:01:26,266 --> 00:01:27,833
Start sweeping.
41
00:01:27,866 --> 00:01:29,633
You sweep, sweep,
sweep, sweep.
42
00:01:29,666 --> 00:01:32,733
Catch a criminal,
get right back to sweeping.
43
00:01:32,766 --> 00:01:34,000
You should run
for mayor.
44
00:01:34,033 --> 00:01:37,400
Ah, nobody listens.
45
00:01:37,433 --> 00:01:39,300
Where is someone?
I'm starving.
46
00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:41,366
This is him
right here.
47
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,566
Is there
a table ready?
How many?
48
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:45,000
How many?
49
00:01:45,033 --> 00:01:47,666
Is Tatiana coming?
50
00:01:47,700 --> 00:01:49,466
Well, I don't know.
I have to call her,
51
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:49,633
tell her where we are.
52
00:01:49,633 --> 00:01:51,000
tell her where we are.
53
00:01:51,033 --> 00:01:53,200
I'm very lucky she's even
considering seeing me at all.
54
00:01:53,233 --> 00:01:55,033
Really? I thought
things were going okay.
55
00:01:55,066 --> 00:01:59,300
They were.
It's...kind of complicated.
56
00:01:59,333 --> 00:02:00,633
Well, what is it?
57
00:02:00,666 --> 00:02:03,633
How many?
58
00:02:03,666 --> 00:02:06,000
All right, uh...
Four. Seinfeld.
59
00:02:06,033 --> 00:02:07,800
Four.
60
00:02:07,833 --> 00:02:09,533
That'll be 5, 10 minutes.
61
00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:16,000
What do you
want to do?
62
00:02:16,033 --> 00:02:17,833
Let's go someplace else.
I am too hungry.
63
00:02:17,866 --> 00:02:19,200
We might as well stay here.
64
00:02:19,233 --> 00:02:19,633
We haven't got much time
to make the movie.
65
00:02:19,633 --> 00:02:21,166
We haven't got much time
to make the movie.
66
00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:25,033
Okay. I'm gonna call Tatiana.
There's the phone.
67
00:02:25,066 --> 00:02:27,833
Tatiana...
68
00:02:27,866 --> 00:02:30,866
Excuse me. Are you
gonna be very long?
69
00:02:32,166 --> 00:02:33,466
MAITRE D': Lasbrook, four!
70
00:02:33,500 --> 00:02:35,333
So did I do
a terrible thing?
71
00:02:35,366 --> 00:02:36,800
You mean
lying to your uncle?
72
00:02:36,833 --> 00:02:39,000
I couldn't have
dinner with him.
73
00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:40,366
Plan NineFrom Outer Space.
74
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:44,833
One night only. The big screen.
My hands are tied.
75
00:02:44,866 --> 00:02:46,666
You know,
it's a public phone.
76
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:49,533
You're not supposed
to just chitchat.
77
00:02:49,566 --> 00:02:49,633
Jerry, get menus
so when we sit down,
78
00:02:49,633 --> 00:02:51,333
Jerry, get menus
so when we sit down,
79
00:02:51,366 --> 00:02:52,833
we'll be able to order
right away.
80
00:02:52,866 --> 00:02:54,233
Can't look
at a menu now.
81
00:02:54,266 --> 00:02:55,666
I gotta be at the table.
82
00:02:55,700 --> 00:02:57,233
He knows I'm waiting.
83
00:02:57,266 --> 00:03:00,166
He sees me. He just
doesn't want to look.
84
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:02,166
Everything's
gotta be just so
85
00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:03,700
all the time with you,
doesn't it?
86
00:03:03,733 --> 00:03:06,000
Hey, I offered you those
cookies in my house.
87
00:03:06,033 --> 00:03:07,333
Health cookies.
88
00:03:07,366 --> 00:03:11,533
I hate those little
dust-board fructose things.
89
00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:14,200
I just can't believe
the way people are.
90
00:03:14,233 --> 00:03:15,700
What is it
with humanity?
91
00:03:15,733 --> 00:03:17,766
What kind of a world
do we live in?
92
00:03:22,866 --> 00:03:24,366
What?
93
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,566
There's a woman over there
looks really familiar.
94
00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:28,666
Dark hair, striped shirt.
95
00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:29,966
I've never
seen her before.
96
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,500
I know this woman.
97
00:03:32,533 --> 00:03:34,833
This is gonna
drive me crazy.
98
00:03:37,733 --> 00:03:38,966
Excuse me.
99
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:40,333
Ooh, I'm sorry.
100
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,066
Did you see that?
101
00:03:43,100 --> 00:03:45,500
Those people-- Look,
they're getting a table.
102
00:03:45,533 --> 00:03:46,866
Well, maybe they were
here from before.
103
00:03:46,900 --> 00:03:48,700
No, no, no,
they weren't here before.
104
00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:52,033
Excuse me, are you
gonna be much longer?
105
00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:53,666
I have to make
a very important call.
106
00:04:00,066 --> 00:04:03,433
Jerry, find out
what's going on.
107
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,033
Excuse me.
108
00:04:07,066 --> 00:04:09,666
Didn't those people
just come in?
109
00:04:09,700 --> 00:04:11,900
I believe we were
ahead of them.
110
00:04:11,933 --> 00:04:13,033
What's your name?
111
00:04:13,066 --> 00:04:14,166
Seinfeld.
112
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:17,833
[SPEAKING CHINESE]
113
00:04:24,366 --> 00:04:26,466
No, no. They were here before.
114
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:29,666
Uh, Kackige! Two!
115
00:04:31,766 --> 00:04:34,366
You ever notice
how happy people are
116
00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,833
when they finally get a table?
117
00:04:36,866 --> 00:04:41,133
They feel so special
because they've been chosen.
118
00:04:41,166 --> 00:04:42,566
It's enough to make you sick.
119
00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:46,666
Boy, you are really hungry.
120
00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:48,133
[WHISTLES]
121
00:04:48,166 --> 00:04:49,366
Hey!
122
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,066
If anything happens here,
can I count on you?
123
00:05:03,933 --> 00:05:05,033
What?
124
00:05:05,066 --> 00:05:07,233
If we decide to go at it.
125
00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:11,066
Yeah, I want to get
into a rumble.
126
00:05:11,100 --> 00:05:14,166
I have to get in touch
with Tatiana.
127
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,533
Look at his
little outfit.
128
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:17,666
It's all so
coordinated.
129
00:05:17,700 --> 00:05:19,066
The little socks
match the little shirt.
130
00:05:19,100 --> 00:05:19,633
I really hate this guy.
131
00:05:19,633 --> 00:05:22,733
I really hate this guy.
132
00:05:25,366 --> 00:05:26,666
Oh, I'm gonna faint.
133
00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:29,400
George...
134
00:05:29,433 --> 00:05:31,333
Who is that woman
in the stripes?
135
00:05:31,366 --> 00:05:33,166
I don't know her.
136
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,533
She looks so familiar.
137
00:05:35,566 --> 00:05:36,900
You know, it's not fair
138
00:05:36,933 --> 00:05:38,733
that people are seated
first come, first serve.
139
00:05:38,766 --> 00:05:41,866
It should be based
on who's hungriest.
140
00:05:44,566 --> 00:05:45,966
I feel like
just walking over there
141
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,666
and taking some food
off of somebody's plate.
142
00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:49,633
I'll tell you what.
143
00:05:49,633 --> 00:05:50,166
I'll tell you what.
144
00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:52,400
There's 50 bucks in it for you
if you do it.
145
00:05:57,766 --> 00:05:59,033
What do you mean?
146
00:05:59,066 --> 00:06:01,500
You walk over
to that table,
147
00:06:01,533 --> 00:06:03,133
you pick up an egg roll,
148
00:06:03,166 --> 00:06:04,533
you don't say anything...
149
00:06:04,566 --> 00:06:08,500
you eat it,
150
00:06:08,533 --> 00:06:09,866
say, "Thank you very much,"
151
00:06:09,900 --> 00:06:13,633
wipe your mouth, walk away,
152
00:06:13,666 --> 00:06:15,166
I give you 50 bucks.
153
00:06:16,866 --> 00:06:18,633
What are they
gonna do?
154
00:06:18,666 --> 00:06:19,633
They won't do anything.
In fact...
155
00:06:19,633 --> 00:06:20,233
They won't do anything.
In fact...
156
00:06:20,266 --> 00:06:21,833
you'll be giving them
a story to tell
157
00:06:21,866 --> 00:06:24,400
for the rest
of their lives.
158
00:06:24,433 --> 00:06:25,866
50 bucks?
You'll give me 50 bucks?
159
00:06:25,900 --> 00:06:28,300
50 bucks.
160
00:06:28,333 --> 00:06:30,700
That table over there.
The three couples.
161
00:06:30,733 --> 00:06:33,700
Okay, I don't want
to go over there
162
00:06:33,733 --> 00:06:36,000
and do it
and then come back here
163
00:06:36,033 --> 00:06:38,666
and find out there was
some little loophole,
164
00:06:38,700 --> 00:06:40,500
like I didn't put
mustard on it or something.
165
00:06:40,533 --> 00:06:43,900
No. No tricks.
166
00:06:43,933 --> 00:06:45,233
Should I do it, George?
167
00:06:45,266 --> 00:06:47,533
For 50 bucks?
168
00:06:47,566 --> 00:06:49,633
I'd put my face
in their soup and blow.
169
00:06:49,633 --> 00:06:52,033
I'd put my face
in their soup and blow.
170
00:06:56,266 --> 00:06:59,000
All right.
All right.
171
00:06:59,033 --> 00:07:00,166
Here, hold this.
172
00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:02,933
I'm doing it.
173
00:07:11,333 --> 00:07:12,666
[QUIETLY]
I know this sounds crazy,
174
00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:14,666
but the two men
who are standing behind me
175
00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:16,000
are gonna give me 50 bucks
176
00:07:16,033 --> 00:07:19,633
if I stand here
and eat one of your egg rolls.
177
00:07:19,633 --> 00:07:19,666
if I stand here
and eat one of your egg rolls.
178
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:22,166
I'll give you 25
if you let me do it.
179
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:23,200
What?
180
00:07:23,233 --> 00:07:24,700
What is she
talking about?
181
00:07:24,733 --> 00:07:26,666
What'd she say?
What did she say?
182
00:07:26,700 --> 00:07:28,500
Will someone tell me
what she said?
183
00:07:28,533 --> 00:07:29,833
What did she say?
184
00:07:32,666 --> 00:07:33,800
What happened?
185
00:07:33,833 --> 00:07:35,166
Did you see that?
186
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:36,333
What were you
telling them?
187
00:07:36,366 --> 00:07:39,466
I offered them 25.
They had no idea why.
188
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,166
George, the phone's free.
189
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,366
Hallelujah.
190
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:47,300
Excuse me.
I-I was waiting here.
191
00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:48,833
What, I didn't see you.
192
00:07:48,866 --> 00:07:49,633
I've been standing here
for the last 10 minutes.
193
00:07:49,633 --> 00:07:50,700
I've been standing here
for the last 10 minutes.
194
00:07:50,733 --> 00:07:52,666
I won't be long.
195
00:07:52,700 --> 00:07:53,866
Um, that's not
the point.
196
00:07:53,900 --> 00:07:56,533
The point is I was here first.
197
00:07:56,566 --> 00:08:00,733
Well, if you were here first,
you'd be holding the phone.
198
00:08:08,366 --> 00:08:11,666
You know, we're living
in a society!
199
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:15,533
We're supposed to act
in a civilized way!
200
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:20,666
Does she care?
201
00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:21,966
No.
202
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:25,566
Does anyone ever display
the slightest sensitivity
203
00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:27,666
over the problems
of a fellow individual?
204
00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:28,966
No. No.
205
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:30,466
A resounding no.
206
00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:32,733
Hey. Sorry
I took so long.
207
00:08:32,766 --> 00:08:36,233
Oh, that's okay. Really,
don't worry about it.
208
00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:38,700
How do people fast?
209
00:08:38,733 --> 00:08:41,733
Did Gandhi
get this crazy?
210
00:08:41,766 --> 00:08:43,200
I'm gonna go walk around
211
00:08:43,233 --> 00:08:44,500
and see what dishes
look good.
212
00:08:44,533 --> 00:08:46,500
I told my uncle I had
a stomachache tonight.
213
00:08:46,533 --> 00:08:48,000
You think he bought that?
214
00:08:48,033 --> 00:08:49,633
Yeah, he...
215
00:08:49,633 --> 00:08:49,800
Yeah, he...
216
00:08:49,833 --> 00:08:51,700
probably
bought it.
217
00:08:51,733 --> 00:08:53,533
So, what happened
with Tatiana?
218
00:08:53,566 --> 00:08:54,966
I shouldn't even tell you.
219
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,966
Come on.
220
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,066
Well, after dinner last week,
221
00:08:58,100 --> 00:08:59,666
she invites me
back to her apartment.
222
00:08:59,700 --> 00:09:01,500
I'm with you.
223
00:09:01,533 --> 00:09:06,733
Well, it's this little place
with this little bathroom,
224
00:09:06,766 --> 00:09:08,166
and it's, like, right there,
you know?
225
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:11,966
It's not even down a little hall
or off in an alcove,
226
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:15,366
you understand?
There's no...buffer zone.
227
00:09:18,366 --> 00:09:19,633
So...
228
00:09:19,633 --> 00:09:19,866
So...
229
00:09:19,900 --> 00:09:23,300
we start to fool around,
and it's the first time,
230
00:09:23,333 --> 00:09:26,000
and it's early in the going,
231
00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:30,466
and I begin to perceive
this impending...
232
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:33,833
intestinal requirement...
233
00:09:33,866 --> 00:09:37,333
whose needs are going to surpass
by great lengths
234
00:09:37,366 --> 00:09:38,966
anything in the sexual realm.
235
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:42,566
So I know I'm gonna
have to stop,
236
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,500
and as this is happening,
237
00:09:44,533 --> 00:09:49,633
I'm thinking even if I can
somehow manage to momentarily...
238
00:09:49,633 --> 00:09:51,133
I'm thinking even if I can
somehow manage to momentarily...
239
00:09:51,166 --> 00:09:53,833
extricate myself
from the proceedings
240
00:09:53,866 --> 00:09:58,833
and relieve
this unstoppable force,
241
00:09:58,866 --> 00:10:01,966
I know that that bathroom
is not gonna provide me
242
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,000
with the privacy
that I know I'm going to need...
243
00:10:04,033 --> 00:10:07,000
This could only
happen to you.
244
00:10:07,033 --> 00:10:09,533
So, uh...
245
00:10:09,566 --> 00:10:12,266
I finally stop and say, um...
246
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:16,233
"Tatiana, I hope you don't
take this the wrong way,
247
00:10:16,266 --> 00:10:19,366
but I think it would be best
if I left."
248
00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:23,566
You said this
to her...after?
249
00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:26,900
No.
250
00:10:26,933 --> 00:10:28,166
During.
251
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:29,500
Oh, boy.
252
00:10:29,533 --> 00:10:30,633
Yeah.
253
00:10:30,666 --> 00:10:31,900
Wow. So?
254
00:10:31,933 --> 00:10:36,000
So I'm dressing,
and she's staring up at me,
255
00:10:36,033 --> 00:10:40,500
struggling to compute this
unprecedented turn of events.
256
00:10:40,533 --> 00:10:42,566
I don't know what to say
to reassure this woman,
257
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:46,333
and worst of all,
I don't have the time to say it.
258
00:10:46,366 --> 00:10:49,166
The only excuse
she might possibly have accepted
259
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:49,633
is if I told her
I am in reality Batman,
260
00:10:49,633 --> 00:10:53,833
is if I told her
I am in reality Batman,
261
00:10:53,866 --> 00:10:56,366
and I'm very sorry,
I just saw the Bat signal.
262
00:10:58,733 --> 00:11:00,333
It took me three days
of phone calls
263
00:11:00,366 --> 00:11:02,166
to get her to agree
to see me again.
264
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:03,833
Now she's waiting
for me to call,
265
00:11:03,866 --> 00:11:06,200
and she's still
on the phone.
266
00:11:07,866 --> 00:11:09,966
I hate this place.
267
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,333
I don't know why
we came here.
268
00:11:11,366 --> 00:11:13,833
I am never coming
back here again.
269
00:11:13,866 --> 00:11:14,900
Who is that woman?
270
00:11:16,833 --> 00:11:19,633
Remember when you first went out
to eat with your parents?
271
00:11:19,633 --> 00:11:20,400
Remember when you first went out
to eat with your parents?
272
00:11:20,433 --> 00:11:24,166
Remember?
It was such a treat to go.
273
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,133
And they serve you
this different food
274
00:11:26,166 --> 00:11:28,166
that you never saw before,
275
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,000
and they put it in front of you,
276
00:11:30,033 --> 00:11:35,333
and it was such a delicious
and exciting adventure.
277
00:11:35,366 --> 00:11:38,666
And now I just feel
like a big, sweaty hog
278
00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:41,033
waiting for them
to fill up the trough.
279
00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:43,833
Oh.
280
00:11:43,866 --> 00:11:44,766
She's off.
281
00:11:47,366 --> 00:11:49,333
Jerry,
talk to that guy again.
282
00:11:49,366 --> 00:11:49,633
What am I gonna say?
283
00:11:49,633 --> 00:11:50,466
What am I gonna say?
284
00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:52,166
Tell him we want
to catch a movie
285
00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:53,766
and that we're late.
286
00:11:56,766 --> 00:11:57,866
Hey.
287
00:11:57,900 --> 00:11:59,033
What stinks in here?
288
00:12:00,866 --> 00:12:03,866
Mr. Cohen, haven't seen you
for a couple of weeks.
289
00:12:03,900 --> 00:12:05,500
Well, I've been looking
for a better place.
290
00:12:05,533 --> 00:12:06,500
[LAUGHS]
291
00:12:06,533 --> 00:12:08,733
Better place.
292
00:12:08,766 --> 00:12:10,333
Want a--?
Want a table?
293
00:12:10,366 --> 00:12:13,100
No, just bring me a plate,
and I'll eat here.
294
00:12:14,533 --> 00:12:15,500
Bring him a plate.
295
00:12:15,533 --> 00:12:17,000
He'll eat here!
296
00:12:17,033 --> 00:12:19,033
Come on. I'll give you a table.
297
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:23,366
Excuse me.
298
00:12:25,066 --> 00:12:27,166
We've been waiting here.
299
00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:30,233
Now, I know we were ahead
of that guy. He just came in.
300
00:12:30,266 --> 00:12:33,400
Oh, no. Mr. Cohen always here.
301
00:12:34,866 --> 00:12:36,500
He's always here.
What does that mean?
302
00:12:36,533 --> 00:12:37,833
What does that mean?
303
00:12:37,866 --> 00:12:43,400
Oh, Mr. Cohen very nice man.
He live on Park Avenue.
304
00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:48,566
Where am I?
305
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:49,633
Is this a dream?
306
00:12:49,633 --> 00:12:51,333
Is this a dream?
307
00:12:51,366 --> 00:12:54,600
What in God's name
is going on here?
308
00:12:56,266 --> 00:12:57,700
She's not there.
She left.
309
00:12:57,733 --> 00:12:59,233
She must have waited and left
310
00:12:59,266 --> 00:13:01,400
because those people
wouldn't get off the phone.
311
00:13:01,433 --> 00:13:02,866
Did you leave a message?
312
00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:04,733
Yeah, I told her to call me here
313
00:13:04,766 --> 00:13:06,333
and to tell anyone that answers
the phone
314
00:13:06,366 --> 00:13:09,666
to ask for a balding stocky man
with glasses.
315
00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:11,433
I better tell them
I'm expecting a call.
316
00:13:13,333 --> 00:13:15,466
Uh, Jerry,
here comes that woman.
317
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:17,666
Where do I know her?
318
00:13:19,533 --> 00:13:19,633
Hi, Jerry.
319
00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:20,500
Hi, Jerry.
320
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:22,233
Hey!
321
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:26,733
How are you doing?
322
00:13:26,766 --> 00:13:28,633
How is everything?
323
00:13:28,666 --> 00:13:32,266
Good, good, good.
324
00:13:33,933 --> 00:13:35,033
What's going on?
325
00:13:35,066 --> 00:13:37,900
Oh, working hard. And you?
326
00:13:37,933 --> 00:13:41,666
Oh, you know,
working around.
327
00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:44,500
Same stuff.
328
00:13:44,533 --> 00:13:46,000
Doing...
329
00:13:46,033 --> 00:13:48,400
whatever.
330
00:13:48,433 --> 00:13:49,633
Well, you haven't been
around in a while.
331
00:13:49,633 --> 00:13:50,466
Well, you haven't been
around in a while.
332
00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:54,200
I know.
I know. Well...
333
00:13:54,233 --> 00:13:57,066
You know.
334
00:13:57,100 --> 00:13:58,066
You should come by.
335
00:13:58,100 --> 00:13:59,900
Definitely.
336
00:13:59,933 --> 00:14:01,500
I plan to.
337
00:14:01,533 --> 00:14:03,600
I'm not just
saying that.
338
00:14:06,066 --> 00:14:07,033
Hi. I'm Elaine.
339
00:14:07,066 --> 00:14:09,333
Oh, Lorraine Catalano.
340
00:14:09,366 --> 00:14:12,000
I'm sorry.
341
00:14:12,033 --> 00:14:14,200
Lorraine,
this is Elaine.
342
00:14:17,166 --> 00:14:18,833
[SIGHS]
343
00:14:18,866 --> 00:14:19,633
[SIGHS]
344
00:14:19,633 --> 00:14:20,233
[SIGHS]
345
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:23,633
Well, it was nice
seeing you, Jerry...
346
00:14:23,666 --> 00:14:24,833
and nice meeting you.
347
00:14:24,866 --> 00:14:27,533
Oh, nice to meet you too,
Lorraine.
348
00:14:29,666 --> 00:14:31,666
Oh, my God, Lorraine.
349
00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:34,033
That's Lorraine
from my uncle's office.
350
00:14:34,066 --> 00:14:35,833
I am in big,
big trouble.
351
00:14:35,866 --> 00:14:37,833
The one you broke
the plans with tonight?
352
00:14:37,866 --> 00:14:39,833
Yeah, she works in his office.
353
00:14:39,866 --> 00:14:40,966
Now she's gonna
354
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:41,966
see him tomorrow
355
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:44,400
and tell him she saw me here
tonight.
356
00:14:44,433 --> 00:14:45,633
He's gonna tell his wife.
357
00:14:45,666 --> 00:14:47,000
His wife's gonna
call my mother...
358
00:14:48,700 --> 00:14:49,633
Oh, this is bad.
You don't know.
359
00:14:49,633 --> 00:14:51,166
Oh, this is bad.
You don't know.
360
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,333
The chain reaction
of calls
361
00:14:53,366 --> 00:14:55,566
this is gonna set off.
362
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,533
New York,
Long Island, Florida.
363
00:14:57,566 --> 00:15:00,666
It's like
the Bermuda Triangle.
364
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:02,733
Unfortunately,
nobody ever disappears.
365
00:15:02,766 --> 00:15:06,633
My uncle to my aunt,
my aunt to my mother,
366
00:15:06,666 --> 00:15:07,666
my mother to my uncle...
367
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:12,200
And my uncle
to my cousin,
368
00:15:12,233 --> 00:15:14,566
my cousin to my sister,
my sister to me...
369
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,400
You should've just had dinner
with your uncle tonight
370
00:15:16,433 --> 00:15:17,533
and gotten it over with.
371
00:15:17,566 --> 00:15:18,533
It's just a movie.
372
00:15:18,566 --> 00:15:20,400
Just a movie?
373
00:15:20,433 --> 00:15:21,900
You don't understand.
374
00:15:21,933 --> 00:15:24,800
This isn't Plans 1-8From Outer Space.
375
00:15:24,833 --> 00:15:26,566
This is Plan 9.
376
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:28,333
This is the one
that worked,
377
00:15:28,366 --> 00:15:30,333
the worst movie ever made.
378
00:15:30,366 --> 00:15:32,700
I'm really
looking forward to it.
379
00:15:32,733 --> 00:15:35,466
Hey. I got news
for you.
380
00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:36,866
If we're making
this movie,
381
00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:38,133
we gotta get a table
immediately.
382
00:15:38,166 --> 00:15:39,700
All right. Look it. Let's stop
fooling around.
383
00:15:39,733 --> 00:15:39,909
Let's just slip him some money.
384
00:15:39,909 --> 00:15:40,900
Let's just slip him some money.
385
00:15:40,933 --> 00:15:43,266
In a Chinese restaurant?
Do they take money?
386
00:15:45,033 --> 00:15:48,533
Do they take money?
Everyone takes money.
387
00:15:48,566 --> 00:15:50,966
I went out with a guy
who did it all the time.
388
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:54,666
You just slip them 20 bucks.
Twenty bucks?
389
00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:55,966
Isn't that excessive?
390
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,700
Well, what do you wanna
give him, change?
391
00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:00,333
It's more
than the meal.
392
00:16:00,366 --> 00:16:01,500
Oh, come on.
393
00:16:01,533 --> 00:16:03,233
We'll divide it up
three ways.
394
00:16:03,266 --> 00:16:04,566
All right.
395
00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:06,133
Seven, seven...
396
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:07,300
six.
397
00:16:07,333 --> 00:16:09,909
I'm not gonna
eat that much.
398
00:16:09,909 --> 00:16:10,333
I'm not gonna
eat that much.
399
00:16:10,366 --> 00:16:13,966
I'm counting
your shrimps.
400
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:15,566
Okay,
who's gonna do it?
401
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,866
Oh, no.
I can't do it.
402
00:16:17,900 --> 00:16:20,233
I'm not good at these things.
I get flustered.
403
00:16:20,266 --> 00:16:21,666
Once I tried
to bribe an usher
404
00:16:21,700 --> 00:16:22,700
at the roller derby.
405
00:16:22,733 --> 00:16:24,833
I almost got arrested.
406
00:16:24,866 --> 00:16:26,033
I guess it's you, Jer.
407
00:16:26,066 --> 00:16:27,400
Me? What about you?
408
00:16:27,433 --> 00:16:30,566
Oh, I can't do that.
It's a guy thing.
409
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,500
The women's movement
410
00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:34,333
just can't seem
to make any progress
411
00:16:34,366 --> 00:16:36,366
in the world of bribery,
can they?
412
00:16:38,366 --> 00:16:39,766
Give me the money.
413
00:16:45,166 --> 00:16:46,366
[COUGHS]
414
00:16:54,166 --> 00:16:55,833
How's it going?
415
00:16:57,333 --> 00:16:58,766
Very busy.
416
00:17:02,866 --> 00:17:05,000
Boy, we are
really anxious
417
00:17:05,033 --> 00:17:07,500
to sit down.
418
00:17:07,533 --> 00:17:09,909
Very good specials
tonight.
419
00:17:09,909 --> 00:17:10,000
Very good specials
tonight.
420
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,200
If there's anything
you can do
421
00:17:17,233 --> 00:17:18,333
to get us a table,
422
00:17:18,366 --> 00:17:20,300
we'd really
appreciate it.
423
00:17:20,333 --> 00:17:22,166
Oh, what is your name?
424
00:17:23,700 --> 00:17:25,733
No, no.
I want to eat now.
425
00:17:25,766 --> 00:17:26,900
Yes,
426
00:17:26,933 --> 00:17:28,500
whole sea bass dinner tonight,
very fresh.
427
00:17:28,533 --> 00:17:31,200
Here. Take this.
I'm starving.
428
00:17:31,233 --> 00:17:33,200
Take it.
Take it.
429
00:17:36,933 --> 00:17:39,066
Uh...Dennison, four!
430
00:17:40,733 --> 00:17:42,533
Your table is ready.
431
00:17:42,566 --> 00:17:45,500
No, no, no.
I want that table!
432
00:17:45,533 --> 00:17:47,700
I want that table.
433
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:50,300
Oh, come on. Did you see that?
434
00:17:50,333 --> 00:17:52,133
What was that?
He took the money.
435
00:17:52,166 --> 00:17:53,333
He didn't give us
a table.
436
00:17:53,366 --> 00:17:54,366
You lost the 20.
437
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,833
Well...
How could he do that?
438
00:17:56,866 --> 00:17:58,000
You didn't make it clear.
439
00:17:58,033 --> 00:17:59,166
Make it clear?
440
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:02,166
What a sorry exhibition
that was.
441
00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:05,800
All right,
442
00:18:05,833 --> 00:18:08,366
let me get
the money back.
443
00:18:13,433 --> 00:18:15,500
Excuse me.
444
00:18:15,533 --> 00:18:18,133
I realize this is
extremely embarrassing.
445
00:18:18,166 --> 00:18:21,533
My friend here apparently
made a mistake.
446
00:18:21,566 --> 00:18:22,533
Your name?
447
00:18:25,233 --> 00:18:26,200
Seinfeld.
448
00:18:26,233 --> 00:18:27,900
Yes, Seinfeld, four.
449
00:18:27,933 --> 00:18:29,033
No, no, no.
450
00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:30,866
Do you see the girl
with the long hair?
451
00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:34,466
Oh, yes, yes.
452
00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:36,833
Very beautiful girl.
Very beautiful.
453
00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:38,066
Your girlfriend?
454
00:18:38,100 --> 00:18:39,909
Well, actually, we did date
for a while, but...
455
00:18:39,909 --> 00:18:41,333
Well, actually, we did date
for a while, but...
456
00:18:41,366 --> 00:18:43,400
that's really
not relevant here.
457
00:18:43,433 --> 00:18:45,833
Relationships are difficult.
458
00:18:45,866 --> 00:18:48,066
It is very hard
to stay together.
459
00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:50,200
All right, listen.
All right.
460
00:18:50,233 --> 00:18:51,866
How much longer
is it gonna be?
461
00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:54,533
Oh...
462
00:18:54,566 --> 00:18:56,233
Be about five, 10 minutes.
463
00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:05,966
GEORGE: So?
464
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:09,909
There seems to be
a bit of a discrepancy.
465
00:19:09,909 --> 00:19:10,000
There seems to be
a bit of a discrepancy.
466
00:19:10,033 --> 00:19:11,500
So when are
we gonna eat?
467
00:19:11,533 --> 00:19:13,966
Five, 10 minutes.
Oh.
468
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,066
We should've
left earlier.
469
00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:16,066
I told you.
470
00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:17,666
I don't see any way
we can eat
471
00:19:17,700 --> 00:19:18,833
and make this movie.
472
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:21,500
Oh, well, I have to eat.
Let's order it to go.
473
00:19:21,533 --> 00:19:23,666
We'll eat it in the cab.
Eat it in the cab?
474
00:19:23,700 --> 00:19:25,166
Chinese food in a cab?
475
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:26,500
We'll eat it
in the movie.
476
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:28,000
Where do you think
you're going?
477
00:19:28,033 --> 00:19:30,333
Do you think that they have
big picnic tables there?
478
00:19:30,366 --> 00:19:32,866
Well, what do you
suggest?
479
00:19:32,900 --> 00:19:34,833
I say we leave now,
480
00:19:34,866 --> 00:19:37,333
we go to Sky Burger,
and we scarf 'em down.
481
00:19:37,366 --> 00:19:38,800
I'm not going
to Sky Burger.
482
00:19:38,833 --> 00:19:39,833
Besides,
483
00:19:39,866 --> 00:19:39,909
it's in the
opposite direction.
484
00:19:39,909 --> 00:19:41,000
it's in the
opposite direction.
485
00:19:41,033 --> 00:19:42,633
Let's just eat popcorn
or something.
486
00:19:42,666 --> 00:19:43,800
Cartwright?
487
00:19:43,833 --> 00:19:46,833
I can't have popcorn for dinner.
488
00:19:46,866 --> 00:19:47,833
MAITRE D':
Cartwright!
489
00:19:47,866 --> 00:19:49,933
I have to eat!
490
00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:53,833
Well, they have
hot dogs there.
491
00:19:53,866 --> 00:19:55,700
Oh, movie hot dogs.
492
00:19:55,733 --> 00:19:58,366
I'd rather lick the food
off the floor.
493
00:19:58,400 --> 00:19:59,566
I can't go anyway.
494
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:02,000
I have to wait here
for Tatiana's call.
495
00:20:02,033 --> 00:20:03,500
Let me just check.
Excuse me.
496
00:20:03,533 --> 00:20:05,466
I'm expecting a call.
Costanza.
497
00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:08,366
Yes. I just got a call.
498
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:09,909
I yell...Cartwright!
499
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:10,500
I yell...Cartwright!
500
00:20:10,533 --> 00:20:12,000
Cartwright!
501
00:20:12,033 --> 00:20:14,700
Just like that.
Nobody came up. I hang up.
502
00:20:17,533 --> 00:20:20,466
Well, was it
for Costanza or...
503
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:23,400
Yes, yes, that's it.
Nobody answered.
504
00:20:26,066 --> 00:20:27,033
Was it a woman?
505
00:20:27,066 --> 00:20:29,333
Yes, yes.
506
00:20:29,366 --> 00:20:31,900
I tell her you not here.
507
00:20:31,933 --> 00:20:34,033
She said curse word. I hang up.
508
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:39,909
She called.
509
00:20:39,909 --> 00:20:41,166
She called.
510
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:44,166
He yelled, "Cartwright."
511
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:45,166
I missed her.
512
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,833
Who's Cartwright?
513
00:20:46,866 --> 00:20:49,166
I'm Cartwright.
514
00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:52,800
You're not Cartwright.
515
00:20:52,833 --> 00:20:55,233
Of course I'm not Cartwright!
516
00:20:57,033 --> 00:20:58,300
Look, why don't you two
517
00:20:58,333 --> 00:21:00,000
just go to the movies
by yourself.
518
00:21:00,033 --> 00:21:01,133
I'm not in the mood.
519
00:21:01,166 --> 00:21:03,366
Well, me either.
I'm going to Sky Burger.
520
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:05,666
So you're not going?
521
00:21:05,700 --> 00:21:06,666
You don't need us.
522
00:21:06,700 --> 00:21:08,066
I can't go
to a bad movie
523
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,800
by myself.
524
00:21:09,833 --> 00:21:09,909
What, am I gonna make
sarcastic remarks
525
00:21:09,909 --> 00:21:11,533
What, am I gonna make
sarcastic remarks
526
00:21:11,566 --> 00:21:13,666
to strangers?
527
00:21:13,700 --> 00:21:15,500
I guess I'll just go
to my uncle's.
528
00:21:15,533 --> 00:21:17,066
Should we tell him
we're leaving?
529
00:21:17,100 --> 00:21:18,366
Oh, what for?
530
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:19,533
Let's just get out of here.
531
00:21:26,748 --> 00:21:28,566
Seinfeld, four!
532
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:33,033
Hunger will make people
do amazing things.
533
00:21:33,066 --> 00:21:35,133
I mean, the proof of that
is cannibalism.
534
00:21:35,166 --> 00:21:37,200
Cannibalism. What...?
535
00:21:37,233 --> 00:21:38,466
What do they say?
536
00:21:38,500 --> 00:21:39,909
I mean, they're eating,
you know?
537
00:21:39,909 --> 00:21:40,400
I mean, they're eating,
you know?
538
00:21:40,433 --> 00:21:44,166
"This is good. Who is this?
539
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:47,000
I like this person."
540
00:21:47,033 --> 00:21:48,566
You know, I mean...
541
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,166
I would think the hardest thing
about being a cannibal
542
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:54,133
is trying to get
some really deep sleep.
543
00:21:54,166 --> 00:21:56,533
You know what I mean?
I would think you'd be like...
544
00:21:56,566 --> 00:22:00,233
"What is it? Who is that?
Who's there?
545
00:22:00,266 --> 00:22:02,533
"Who's there? Is somebody there?
546
00:22:02,566 --> 00:22:04,166
"What do you want?
What do you want?
547
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:06,333
"You look hungry.
Are you hungry?
548
00:22:06,366 --> 00:22:08,000
Get out of here."
549
00:22:17,700 --> 00:22:19,600
[♪]
37412
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