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1
00:00:01,240 --> 00:00:03,440
I hate clothes, okay?
2
00:00:03,474 --> 00:00:04,907
I hate buying them,
3
00:00:04,940 --> 00:00:06,774
I hate picking them
out of my closet.
4
00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:08,407
I can't stand every day
5
00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:11,440
trying to come up
with little outfits for myself.
6
00:00:11,474 --> 00:00:14,574
I think, eventually,
fashion won't even exist.
7
00:00:14,607 --> 00:00:15,874
It won't.
I think, eventually,
8
00:00:15,907 --> 00:00:17,507
we'll all be wearing
the same thing.
9
00:00:17,540 --> 00:00:20,274
Because any time
I see a movie or a TV show
10
00:00:20,307 --> 00:00:21,507
where there's people
11
00:00:21,540 --> 00:00:23,574
from the future
or another planet,
12
00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:25,107
they're all
wearing the same thing.
13
00:00:25,140 --> 00:00:26,907
Somehow, they decided,
14
00:00:26,940 --> 00:00:29,107
"This is going
to be our outfit.
15
00:00:29,140 --> 00:00:30,000
"One-piece silver jump suit,
16
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,274
"One-piece silver jump suit,
17
00:00:31,307 --> 00:00:33,574
V-stripe and boots.
That's it."
18
00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:37,574
We should come up
with an outfit for Earth.
19
00:00:37,607 --> 00:00:38,674
An Earth outfit.
20
00:00:38,707 --> 00:00:40,040
We should vote on it,
21
00:00:40,074 --> 00:00:41,374
candidates propose
different outfits,
22
00:00:41,407 --> 00:00:43,007
no speeches.
23
00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:46,207
They walk out, twirl, walk off.
24
00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:47,774
We just sit
in the audience and go,
25
00:00:47,807 --> 00:00:49,240
That was nice.
I could wear that."
26
00:00:55,750 --> 00:00:57,550
I think
I've seen enough.
27
00:00:57,583 --> 00:01:00,650
Well, I might have
something in the back.
28
00:01:00,683 --> 00:01:03,350
The back? They never find
anything in the back.
29
00:01:03,383 --> 00:01:06,050
If they had anything good,
they'd put it out in the front.
30
00:01:06,083 --> 00:01:09,050
Why don't they open up
an entire store for the back?
31
00:01:09,083 --> 00:01:10,817
Call it "Just Back."
32
00:01:10,850 --> 00:01:12,150
All back.
33
00:01:12,183 --> 00:01:13,517
No front.
34
00:01:13,550 --> 00:01:17,350
You walk in the front,
you're immediately in the back.
35
00:01:17,383 --> 00:01:20,550
Look, Elaine. Tie carwash.
36
00:01:22,317 --> 00:01:25,050
Oh, I just read that.
That's terrific.
37
00:01:25,083 --> 00:01:26,617
Her father wrote that.
38
00:01:26,650 --> 00:01:28,150
Alton Benes is your father?
39
00:01:28,183 --> 00:01:29,350
Yeah, uh-huh.
40
00:01:29,383 --> 00:01:31,150
I always felt he deserved
a wider audience.
41
00:01:31,183 --> 00:01:32,950
I'm not so sure he wants one.
42
00:01:32,983 --> 00:01:34,417
Oh...
43
00:01:35,683 --> 00:01:37,383
Hey, don't forget Sunday, okay?
44
00:01:37,417 --> 00:01:40,550
You and George are coming,
right? Hotel Westbury, 8:00.
45
00:01:40,583 --> 00:01:42,383
Yeah, I guess I'm coming.
I mean...
46
00:01:42,417 --> 00:01:44,717
What? What, you don't
want to go now?
47
00:01:44,750 --> 00:01:46,350
No, I'll go. I'm going.
48
00:01:46,383 --> 00:01:48,550
No, Jerry you have to.
I need a buffer.
49
00:01:48,583 --> 00:01:50,650
You know, I haven't seen
my father in a while...
50
00:01:50,683 --> 00:01:51,260
I'm worried I won't
be able to talk to him.
51
00:01:51,260 --> 00:01:52,850
I'm worried I won't
be able to talk to him.
52
00:01:52,883 --> 00:01:55,683
He's such a great writer.
53
00:01:55,717 --> 00:01:58,683
Frankly, I prefer
the company of nitwits.
54
00:02:00,583 --> 00:02:03,983
So that's why
we're not together anymore.
55
00:02:04,017 --> 00:02:06,817
Pfft. Aah! Aah!
56
00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:11,517
What is this?
57
00:02:11,550 --> 00:02:13,383
This is beautiful.
58
00:02:13,417 --> 00:02:14,850
These jackets
never fit me right.
59
00:02:14,883 --> 00:02:16,683
Try it on.
60
00:02:21,983 --> 00:02:24,117
Mm. Wow.
61
00:02:24,150 --> 00:02:25,117
This is soft suede.
62
00:02:25,150 --> 00:02:26,450
This may be
63
00:02:26,483 --> 00:02:29,550
the most perfect jacket
I have ever put on.
64
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:30,783
How much is it?
65
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,217
[GASP]
66
00:02:32,250 --> 00:02:34,550
Oh...my God.
67
00:02:34,583 --> 00:02:35,717
Bad?
68
00:02:35,750 --> 00:02:36,983
Very bad?
69
00:02:37,017 --> 00:02:38,117
You have no idea.
70
00:02:38,150 --> 00:02:39,383
I have some idea.
71
00:02:39,417 --> 00:02:41,050
No idea.
I've got a ballpark.
72
00:02:41,083 --> 00:02:44,050
There is no park,
and the team has relocated.
73
00:02:44,083 --> 00:02:47,550
Let me see that.
74
00:02:47,583 --> 00:02:49,683
That is high.
75
00:02:51,850 --> 00:02:54,050
Oh, man, that is
a beautiful jacket, though.
76
00:02:54,083 --> 00:02:57,217
What's with the pink lining
with the candy stripes?
77
00:02:57,250 --> 00:02:58,850
I don't know,
it's just a lining,
78
00:02:58,883 --> 00:03:00,217
you can always
have it changed.
79
00:03:00,250 --> 00:03:02,283
Should I get it?
80
00:03:02,317 --> 00:03:03,550
I hate these moments.
81
00:03:03,583 --> 00:03:05,650
I'm hearing the dual voices now,
you know.
82
00:03:05,683 --> 00:03:08,717
"What about the money?"
"What's money?"
83
00:03:08,750 --> 00:03:10,683
It looks
wonderful on you.
84
00:03:14,583 --> 00:03:16,650
[CROWD CHEERING ON TV]
85
00:03:16,683 --> 00:03:17,917
[SHUTS OFF TV]
86
00:03:30,317 --> 00:03:31,283
Hey.
87
00:03:31,317 --> 00:03:32,283
Hey.
88
00:03:32,317 --> 00:03:34,550
New jacket.
89
00:03:34,583 --> 00:03:35,550
What do you think?
90
00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:37,017
It's beautiful.
Is it me?
91
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,350
That's definitely you.
92
00:03:38,383 --> 00:03:39,617
Really?
93
00:03:39,650 --> 00:03:41,683
That's more you
than you've ever been.
94
00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:45,617
Hey, what is with
the pink lining?
95
00:03:45,650 --> 00:03:49,217
I don't know.
It's got a pink lining.
96
00:03:49,250 --> 00:03:50,950
So, what did
you pay for this?
97
00:03:50,983 --> 00:03:51,260
I paid what it costs.
98
00:03:51,260 --> 00:03:54,550
I paid what it costs.
99
00:03:55,750 --> 00:03:57,150
How much?
What's the difference?
100
00:03:57,183 --> 00:03:58,850
What, you're not
gonna tell me?
101
00:03:58,883 --> 00:04:01,683
I'd rather not say it out loud.
It's embarrassing.
102
00:04:01,717 --> 00:04:03,217
Over 300?
103
00:04:03,250 --> 00:04:04,850
Yes, but let's just
stop it right there.
104
00:04:04,883 --> 00:04:05,883
It's over 400?
105
00:04:05,917 --> 00:04:07,283
I'm really not
answering anymore.
106
00:04:07,317 --> 00:04:08,817
Is it over 400?
Would you...?
107
00:04:13,417 --> 00:04:15,383
Whoa, Nelson.
108
00:04:17,383 --> 00:04:19,683
I know. I know.
109
00:04:23,583 --> 00:04:26,650
What are you going to do
with the leather one?
110
00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:28,350
I don't know.
111
00:04:32,817 --> 00:04:35,683
Are you going
to wear it?
112
00:04:37,483 --> 00:04:38,783
I don't know, maybe.
113
00:04:38,817 --> 00:04:40,183
You're not going
to wear this.
114
00:04:40,217 --> 00:04:43,083
Do you want it?
115
00:04:44,717 --> 00:04:47,383
Uh, yeah, okay, I'll take it.
116
00:04:51,817 --> 00:04:53,917
I like that jacket.
117
00:04:57,850 --> 00:04:58,883
Okay. Take it.
118
00:04:58,917 --> 00:04:59,883
Hey...
119
00:04:59,917 --> 00:05:01,883
good karma for you.
120
00:05:04,583 --> 00:05:06,550
Oh, baby.
121
00:05:14,350 --> 00:05:16,550
♪ Master of the house
Doling out the charm ♪
122
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:19,383
♪ Ready with the handshake
And an open palm ♪
123
00:05:19,417 --> 00:05:21,260
♪ Tells a saucy tale
Loves to make a stir ♪
124
00:05:21,260 --> 00:05:22,283
♪ Tells a saucy tale
Loves to make a stir ♪
125
00:05:22,317 --> 00:05:23,350
What is that song?
126
00:05:23,383 --> 00:05:25,317
Everyone appreciates
a bon-- ♪
127
00:05:25,350 --> 00:05:27,550
It's from "Les Misérables."
128
00:05:27,583 --> 00:05:30,550
I went to see it last week.
I can't get it out of my head.
129
00:05:30,583 --> 00:05:32,183
I just keep singing it
over and over.
130
00:05:32,217 --> 00:05:34,883
It just comes out.
I have no control over it.
131
00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:36,717
I'm singing it
on elevators, buses,
132
00:05:36,750 --> 00:05:38,050
singing it
in front of clients.
133
00:05:38,083 --> 00:05:39,883
It's taking over my life.
134
00:05:39,917 --> 00:05:44,050
You know,
Schumann went mad from that.
135
00:05:44,083 --> 00:05:46,050
Artie Schumann
from Camp Hatchapee?
136
00:05:46,083 --> 00:05:48,550
No, you idiot.
137
00:05:48,583 --> 00:05:49,717
What are you, Bud Abbott?
138
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:51,250
What are you calling me
an idiot for?
139
00:05:54,150 --> 00:05:56,250
You don't know
Robert Schumann, the composer?
140
00:05:57,750 --> 00:05:59,883
Oh, Schumann. Of course.
141
00:05:59,917 --> 00:06:02,183
He went crazy from one note.
142
00:06:02,217 --> 00:06:03,650
Couldn't get it out of his head.
143
00:06:03,683 --> 00:06:05,450
I think it was an A.
144
00:06:05,483 --> 00:06:07,383
He kept repeating it
over and over again.
145
00:06:07,417 --> 00:06:09,517
He had to be institutionalized.
146
00:06:09,550 --> 00:06:10,717
Really?
147
00:06:10,750 --> 00:06:12,583
Well, what if it doesn't stop?
148
00:06:13,683 --> 00:06:16,283
Oh, that I really
needed to hear.
149
00:06:16,317 --> 00:06:18,183
That helps a lot.
150
00:06:18,217 --> 00:06:19,383
All right, just say something.
151
00:06:19,417 --> 00:06:20,517
Just start talking.
152
00:06:20,550 --> 00:06:21,260
Change the subject.
153
00:06:21,260 --> 00:06:22,883
Change the subject.
154
00:06:22,917 --> 00:06:24,483
Let's just go, all right?
155
00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:27,517
I can't believe we're having
dinner with Alton Benes.
156
00:06:27,550 --> 00:06:29,383
I know exactly
what's gonna happen tonight.
157
00:06:29,417 --> 00:06:31,717
I'm gonna try and act
like I'm not impressed.
158
00:06:31,750 --> 00:06:32,817
He's gonna see through it.
159
00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:34,017
Yeah, he'll be
looking at us
160
00:06:34,050 --> 00:06:36,717
like he's backstage
at a puppet show.
161
00:06:36,750 --> 00:06:39,183
Let me just get
my jacket.
162
00:06:39,217 --> 00:06:42,217
♪ Master of the house
Keeper of the inn-- ♪
163
00:06:42,250 --> 00:06:43,983
[SIGHS]
164
00:06:53,217 --> 00:06:55,317
This is huge.
165
00:06:55,350 --> 00:06:56,617
When did this happen?
166
00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:58,650
Wednesday.
167
00:06:58,683 --> 00:07:02,683
This jacket has completely
changed my life.
168
00:07:02,717 --> 00:07:06,050
When I leave
the house in this,
169
00:07:06,083 --> 00:07:08,050
it's with
a whole different confidence.
170
00:07:08,083 --> 00:07:10,050
Like, tonight I might have been
a little nervous,
171
00:07:10,083 --> 00:07:11,783
but inside this jacket,
172
00:07:11,817 --> 00:07:13,483
I am composed, grounded,
173
00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:16,017
secure that I can meet
any social challenge.
174
00:07:16,050 --> 00:07:18,717
Can I say
one thing to you?
175
00:07:18,750 --> 00:07:20,850
And I say this with
an unblemished record
176
00:07:20,883 --> 00:07:21,260
of staunch heterosexuality.
177
00:07:21,260 --> 00:07:22,317
of staunch heterosexuality.
178
00:07:22,350 --> 00:07:24,783
Absolutely.
179
00:07:24,817 --> 00:07:26,183
It's fabulous.
180
00:07:28,350 --> 00:07:29,383
I know.
181
00:07:29,417 --> 00:07:31,517
And I'll tell you
something else.
182
00:07:31,550 --> 00:07:33,650
I'm not even gonna
ask you.
183
00:07:33,683 --> 00:07:35,617
I want to know,
but I'm not gonna ask.
184
00:07:35,650 --> 00:07:38,683
You'll tell me
when you feel comfortable.
185
00:07:40,850 --> 00:07:42,350
So, what was it, 400?
186
00:07:42,383 --> 00:07:44,050
Four hundred?
187
00:07:44,083 --> 00:07:46,717
Five hundred?
Did you pay 500 for this?
188
00:07:46,750 --> 00:07:47,850
Over 6?
189
00:07:47,883 --> 00:07:49,617
Can't be 7.
190
00:07:49,650 --> 00:07:51,260
Don't tell me you paid
$700 for this jacket.
191
00:07:51,260 --> 00:07:52,483
Don't tell me you paid
$700 for this jacket.
192
00:07:52,517 --> 00:07:53,550
Did you pay $700?
193
00:07:53,583 --> 00:07:55,350
Is that what
you're saying to me?
194
00:07:55,383 --> 00:07:56,817
You are sick!
195
00:07:56,850 --> 00:07:59,050
Is that what you paid
for this jacket?
196
00:07:59,083 --> 00:08:00,717
Over 700?
197
00:08:00,750 --> 00:08:02,850
What did you pay
for this jacket?
198
00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:04,450
I won't say anything.
199
00:08:04,483 --> 00:08:07,150
I want to know what
you paid for this jacket.
200
00:08:07,183 --> 00:08:08,850
Oh, my God!
201
00:08:08,883 --> 00:08:09,883
A thousand dollars?
202
00:08:09,917 --> 00:08:11,883
You paid a thousand dollars
for this jacket.
203
00:08:11,917 --> 00:08:12,950
All right, fine,
204
00:08:12,983 --> 00:08:14,517
I'm walking out of here
right now
205
00:08:14,550 --> 00:08:15,650
thinking you paid
206
00:08:15,683 --> 00:08:17,683
a thousand dollars
for this jacket,
207
00:08:17,717 --> 00:08:18,950
unless you
tell me different.
208
00:08:18,983 --> 00:08:21,250
Hah-hah! Oh!
209
00:08:22,983 --> 00:08:24,483
All right,
I'll tell you what,
210
00:08:24,517 --> 00:08:26,483
if you don't say anything
in the next five seconds,
211
00:08:26,517 --> 00:08:29,850
I'll know
it was over a thousand.
212
00:08:29,883 --> 00:08:31,450
Hey. Hey, will you
do me a solid?
213
00:08:31,483 --> 00:08:32,950
Well, what kind of solid?
214
00:08:32,983 --> 00:08:35,350
Sit in the car two minutes
while it's double-parked.
215
00:08:35,383 --> 00:08:36,717
I gotta pick up some birds.
216
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:37,883
Birds?
217
00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:39,517
Yeah, a friend of mine,
he's a magician,
218
00:08:39,550 --> 00:08:41,883
he's going away and asked me
to take care of his doves.
219
00:08:41,917 --> 00:08:43,017
So take a cab.
220
00:08:43,050 --> 00:08:45,283
They won't take
a cage full of birds.
221
00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:48,550
I can't, I'm on my way out.
There's no way I can do it.
222
00:08:50,183 --> 00:08:51,260
George, do me a solid.
Two minutes.
223
00:08:51,260 --> 00:08:51,783
George, do me a solid.
Two minutes.
224
00:08:51,817 --> 00:08:54,383
Well, I'm going with him.
225
00:08:54,417 --> 00:08:55,717
I'd like to.
226
00:08:55,750 --> 00:08:58,350
I've never done
a solid before.
227
00:08:58,383 --> 00:09:00,717
All right. I'll... Yeah.
228
00:09:00,750 --> 00:09:02,850
All right, have a good one.
229
00:09:04,917 --> 00:09:06,117
Two minutes.
230
00:09:06,150 --> 00:09:08,050
Believe me,
I know his two minutes.
231
00:09:08,083 --> 00:09:09,350
By his conception of time,
232
00:09:09,383 --> 00:09:11,683
his life will last
over 2000 years.
233
00:09:16,683 --> 00:09:19,683
♪ Master of the house
Quick to catch your eye ♪
234
00:09:19,717 --> 00:09:21,260
♪ Never wants a passerby
To pass him by... ♪
235
00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:23,017
♪ Never wants a passerby
To pass him by... ♪
236
00:09:23,050 --> 00:09:24,983
Schumann.
237
00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:29,017
Where are they?
238
00:09:29,050 --> 00:09:31,217
Maybe he didn't show up.
239
00:09:31,250 --> 00:09:33,550
What, you don't want
to do this?
240
00:09:33,583 --> 00:09:35,717
I don't think there's ever been
an appointment in my life
241
00:09:35,750 --> 00:09:38,250
where I wanted
the other guy to show up.
242
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:46,583
Wait a second.
Is that him?
243
00:09:49,550 --> 00:09:51,260
Yeah. I think it is.
244
00:09:51,260 --> 00:09:52,383
Yeah. I think it is.
245
00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:54,717
Where's Elaine?
246
00:09:54,750 --> 00:09:56,683
I'm nervous.
247
00:09:58,050 --> 00:09:59,617
Excuse me,
Mr. Benes.
248
00:09:59,650 --> 00:10:00,617
Yeah?
249
00:10:00,650 --> 00:10:01,883
I'm Jerry,
Elaine's friend.
250
00:10:01,917 --> 00:10:02,883
This is George.
251
00:10:02,917 --> 00:10:04,517
It's a great thrill
to meet you, sir.
252
00:10:04,550 --> 00:10:06,250
[COUGHING]
253
00:10:09,583 --> 00:10:10,550
Sit down.
254
00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:18,683
Want a drink?
255
00:10:18,717 --> 00:10:20,650
Sure.
256
00:10:20,683 --> 00:10:21,260
What will you have?
257
00:10:21,260 --> 00:10:21,850
What will you have?
258
00:10:21,883 --> 00:10:23,450
I'll have a cranberry juice
with two limes.
259
00:10:23,483 --> 00:10:25,917
And, uh, I'll have
a club soda with no ice.
260
00:10:28,850 --> 00:10:31,183
I'll have another scotch
with plenty of ice.
261
00:10:31,217 --> 00:10:33,383
You like ice.
262
00:10:33,417 --> 00:10:34,883
Huh?
263
00:10:34,917 --> 00:10:37,217
I said, do you like ice?
264
00:10:37,250 --> 00:10:38,383
Like it?
265
00:10:38,417 --> 00:10:41,683
Don't you find that
you get more without it?
266
00:10:44,750 --> 00:10:46,050
Where's Elaine?
267
00:10:46,083 --> 00:10:49,050
Well, we thought she was
meeting you earlier.
268
00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:51,083
She's usually
pretty punctual.
269
00:10:53,850 --> 00:10:56,217
Don't you find that, George?
270
00:10:56,250 --> 00:10:58,450
Yeah. Yeah, she's, uh...
She's punctual.
271
00:10:58,483 --> 00:11:00,383
And, uh...
272
00:11:00,417 --> 00:11:03,283
She's been late sometimes.
273
00:11:03,317 --> 00:11:04,383
Yeah, yeah.
274
00:11:04,417 --> 00:11:05,617
Sometimes she's on time,
275
00:11:05,650 --> 00:11:07,183
and...sometimes she's late.
276
00:11:07,217 --> 00:11:09,550
I guess...
277
00:11:09,583 --> 00:11:11,683
today, she's late.
278
00:11:16,083 --> 00:11:17,650
It appears that way.
279
00:11:19,583 --> 00:11:21,250
Yup.
Yup.
280
00:11:24,050 --> 00:11:25,317
Looks like rain.
281
00:11:25,350 --> 00:11:26,883
I know, I know.
That's what they said.
282
00:11:26,917 --> 00:11:27,950
Who said?
283
00:11:27,983 --> 00:11:30,550
Uh, the weather guy,
Dr. Waldo.
284
00:11:30,583 --> 00:11:34,217
I don't need anybody
to tell me it's going to rain.
285
00:11:34,250 --> 00:11:36,883
Oh, no. Of course not. I--
286
00:11:36,917 --> 00:11:39,250
All I have to do
is stick my head out the window.
287
00:11:45,917 --> 00:11:48,283
Which one's supposed to be
the funny guy?
288
00:11:48,317 --> 00:11:50,483
Oh, he's the comedian.
289
00:11:50,517 --> 00:11:51,260
I-- I'm just
a regular person.
290
00:11:51,260 --> 00:11:51,950
I-- I'm just
a regular person.
291
00:11:51,983 --> 00:11:54,550
Nah, nah.
He's just being modest.
292
00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:57,883
We had a funny guy
with us in Korea.
293
00:11:57,917 --> 00:12:00,150
A tail gunner.
294
00:12:00,183 --> 00:12:02,817
They blew his brains out
all over the Pacific.
295
00:12:05,017 --> 00:12:08,417
There's nothing funny
about that.
296
00:12:21,483 --> 00:12:23,383
Would you excuse me
a minute?
297
00:12:23,417 --> 00:12:24,950
I'm going to go
to the bathroom.
298
00:12:24,983 --> 00:12:25,917
I'll be right back.
299
00:12:41,850 --> 00:12:43,283
Ahem.
300
00:12:43,317 --> 00:12:46,483
I just wanted to tell you
that I really enjoyed Fair Game.
301
00:12:46,517 --> 00:12:49,017
I thought it was just brilliant.
302
00:12:49,050 --> 00:12:50,250
Drivel.
303
00:12:52,483 --> 00:12:54,450
Yeah, well, maybe some parts.
304
00:12:54,483 --> 00:12:56,150
What parts?
305
00:12:58,150 --> 00:13:00,383
The, uh...
306
00:13:00,417 --> 00:13:01,983
drivel parts.
307
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,550
Oh, my gosh.
308
00:13:05,583 --> 00:13:08,150
I just realized
I have to make a phone call.
309
00:13:08,183 --> 00:13:11,117
I can't believe...
Would you--? I'll...
310
00:13:11,150 --> 00:13:12,683
I'll be right back.
311
00:13:15,917 --> 00:13:18,217
Thank you
for leaving me alone with him.
312
00:13:18,250 --> 00:13:19,783
That was brutal.
313
00:13:19,817 --> 00:13:21,260
I can't go back out there.
314
00:13:21,260 --> 00:13:21,683
I can't go back out there.
315
00:13:21,717 --> 00:13:23,617
Well, let's just leave.
316
00:13:23,650 --> 00:13:24,883
Elaine will kill me.
317
00:13:24,917 --> 00:13:25,883
Where is she?
318
00:13:25,917 --> 00:13:27,517
She's got to be
here soon.
319
00:13:27,550 --> 00:13:29,550
How could she leave us
alone with this lunatic?
320
00:13:29,583 --> 00:13:31,541
10 more minutes,
and that's it.
321
00:13:31,574 --> 00:13:32,974
I'm leaving.
322
00:13:33,008 --> 00:13:34,808
I have to tell you,
this guy scares me.
323
00:13:34,841 --> 00:13:36,474
The waiter was trembling.
324
00:13:36,508 --> 00:13:37,808
If she doesn't show up,
325
00:13:37,841 --> 00:13:39,474
we can't possibly
have dinner with him alone.
326
00:13:39,508 --> 00:13:41,108
How are we gonna
get out of it?
327
00:13:41,141 --> 00:13:43,908
We'll say we're frightened
and we have to go home.
328
00:13:46,108 --> 00:13:47,274
Yeah. That's good.
329
00:13:47,308 --> 00:13:50,608
He'd clunk our heads
together like Moe.
330
00:13:50,641 --> 00:13:51,260
I don't know.
331
00:13:51,260 --> 00:13:52,474
I don't know.
332
00:13:52,508 --> 00:13:55,474
Just...start scratching.
Tell him you have the crabs.
333
00:13:55,508 --> 00:13:57,741
He was in the military.
He'll understand that.
334
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,941
All fathers are intimidating.
335
00:14:03,974 --> 00:14:06,641
They're intimidating
because they are fathers.
336
00:14:06,674 --> 00:14:08,641
Once a man has children,
337
00:14:08,674 --> 00:14:10,308
for the rest of his life,
338
00:14:10,341 --> 00:14:12,774
his attitude is,
"The hell with the world.
339
00:14:12,808 --> 00:14:14,574
"I can make my own people.
340
00:14:16,341 --> 00:14:17,641
"I'll eat whatever I want,
341
00:14:17,674 --> 00:14:19,574
"I'll wear whatever I want,
342
00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:21,260
and I'll create whoever I want."
343
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:22,274
and I'll create whoever I want."
344
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:32,517
Who'd you call?
345
00:14:34,619 --> 00:14:38,153
My...uh, uncle is, um...
having an operation.
346
00:14:38,186 --> 00:14:39,986
I just wanted
to see how he was.
347
00:14:40,019 --> 00:14:43,286
What kind of an operation?
348
00:14:44,786 --> 00:14:47,053
Bone marrow.
349
00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:48,486
Mr. Benes?
350
00:14:48,519 --> 00:14:49,486
Yeah?
351
00:14:49,519 --> 00:14:51,260
Message for you.
352
00:14:51,260 --> 00:14:51,986
Message for you.
353
00:14:52,019 --> 00:14:53,386
From Elaine.
354
00:14:53,419 --> 00:14:56,253
She got tied up.
355
00:14:56,286 --> 00:14:58,319
She'll be here in 30 minutes.
356
00:15:09,660 --> 00:15:10,438
ALTON:
Yeah, they should have
357
00:15:10,471 --> 00:15:13,338
taken care of Castro
when they had the chance,
358
00:15:13,371 --> 00:15:17,071
Like we did
in Guatemala in '53.
359
00:15:17,105 --> 00:15:18,071
Well, Guatemala...
360
00:15:18,105 --> 00:15:19,705
Sure. Guatemala.
361
00:15:19,738 --> 00:15:21,171
All right.
362
00:15:21,205 --> 00:15:23,438
You boys
get yourselves together.
363
00:15:23,471 --> 00:15:25,671
We'll head up
to the restaurant.
364
00:15:25,705 --> 00:15:28,105
I'll leave a note
for Elaine.
365
00:15:28,843 --> 00:15:30,510
I'm going to the bathroom.
366
00:15:34,807 --> 00:15:36,614
Come on. Let's go.
What about Elaine?
367
00:15:36,614 --> 00:15:36,773
Come on. Let's go.
What about Elaine?
368
00:15:36,807 --> 00:15:38,207
Hell with Elaine.
She'll be furious.
369
00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:40,140
We're dying here!
370
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:43,273
That's her. She's here.
371
00:15:43,307 --> 00:15:44,973
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
Where is Dad?
372
00:15:45,007 --> 00:15:47,940
[IMITATING ALTON]
He's in the bathroom.
373
00:15:50,807 --> 00:15:52,807
Where have you been?
374
00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:55,907
Kramer. That Kramer.
375
00:15:55,940 --> 00:15:57,907
I'm just about to leave.
He calls me up.
376
00:15:57,940 --> 00:16:00,107
He begs me to sit in his car
for two minutes
377
00:16:00,140 --> 00:16:02,307
so he can pick up
these...birds.
378
00:16:02,340 --> 00:16:03,740
Oh, you didn't?
379
00:16:03,773 --> 00:16:06,607
Well, he said he'd drive me here
right after.
380
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:09,373
So I am sitting in his car
for 20 minutes!
381
00:16:09,407 --> 00:16:12,207
He doesn't come down.
I am freezing.
382
00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:15,907
Then a cop comes by.
Tells me to get out of the car.
383
00:16:15,940 --> 00:16:17,540
He's a city marshal.
384
00:16:17,573 --> 00:16:19,307
He's towing the car away.
385
00:16:19,340 --> 00:16:22,873
Kramer owes thousands
of dollars in back tickets.
386
00:16:22,907 --> 00:16:26,107
He was going to tow it
with me in the car.
387
00:16:26,140 --> 00:16:27,307
So they tow the car.
388
00:16:27,340 --> 00:16:30,040
Now I am standing outside,
and I am freezing,
389
00:16:30,073 --> 00:16:31,407
but I cannot leave
390
00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:33,407
because I gotta tell him
what happened to the car.
391
00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:35,740
So finally, he--
Finally, he comes down
392
00:16:35,773 --> 00:16:36,614
with this giant cage
filled with doves.
393
00:16:36,614 --> 00:16:38,207
with this giant cage
filled with doves.
394
00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:40,140
He said he was getting
special instructions,
395
00:16:40,173 --> 00:16:41,973
that each dove
has a different diet.
396
00:16:42,007 --> 00:16:44,440
So we're wandering around,
trying to get a cab,
397
00:16:44,473 --> 00:16:46,807
when two of these doves fly out.
398
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,973
Now we're running down
the street after these doves.
399
00:16:49,007 --> 00:16:50,673
I almost got hit by a bus.
400
00:16:54,307 --> 00:16:55,707
Whew.
401
00:16:55,740 --> 00:16:57,707
So how's everything
going over here?
402
00:16:57,740 --> 00:16:59,207
Great.
403
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:01,807
Couldn't be better.
404
00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:03,073
Good.
405
00:17:03,107 --> 00:17:05,307
Because Dad can make some people
a little uncomfortable.
406
00:17:05,340 --> 00:17:06,307
Oh, no.
407
00:17:06,340 --> 00:17:06,614
Get out of here.
408
00:17:06,614 --> 00:17:08,807
Get out of here.
409
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:11,473
Man, Kramer.
I could kill him.
410
00:17:11,507 --> 00:17:14,107
You know better than
to get involved with Kramer.
411
00:17:14,140 --> 00:17:15,607
He said he'd give me a lift.
412
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:17,973
Ah, the lift.
413
00:17:18,007 --> 00:17:19,973
Like the lure
of the siren's song.
414
00:17:20,007 --> 00:17:22,073
Never what it seems to be,
415
00:17:22,107 --> 00:17:24,373
yet who among us
can resist?
416
00:17:24,407 --> 00:17:26,226
Where do you come up
with this stuff?
417
00:17:26,936 --> 00:17:28,136
Well, look who's here.
418
00:17:28,170 --> 00:17:29,303
Oh, hi, Dad.
419
00:17:29,336 --> 00:17:30,303
Hello, dear.
420
00:17:30,336 --> 00:17:31,670
Who's the lipstick for?
421
00:17:31,703 --> 00:17:33,603
No one.
422
00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:34,670
How's your mother?
423
00:17:34,703 --> 00:17:35,670
Fine.
424
00:17:35,703 --> 00:17:36,614
How about you?
Are you working?
425
00:17:36,614 --> 00:17:37,003
How about you?
Are you working?
426
00:17:37,036 --> 00:17:40,836
Yeah. I'm reading manuscripts
for Pendant Publishing.
427
00:17:40,870 --> 00:17:42,103
I told you 10 times.
428
00:17:42,136 --> 00:17:45,670
Pendant? Those bastards.
429
00:17:45,703 --> 00:17:46,670
Well, all right, boys.
430
00:17:46,703 --> 00:17:47,903
We're going to
431
00:17:47,936 --> 00:17:50,070
that Pakistani restaurant
on 46th Street.
432
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:52,636
You're not afraid
of a little spice, are you?
433
00:17:56,536 --> 00:17:58,503
♪ Master of the house
Doling out the charm ♪
434
00:17:58,536 --> 00:18:00,403
♪ Ready with the handshake
And an open-- ♪
435
00:18:01,465 --> 00:18:04,732
Pipe down, chorus boy.
436
00:18:07,032 --> 00:18:10,032
Ooh, it's snowing.
437
00:18:10,065 --> 00:18:11,032
It's beautiful.
438
00:18:11,065 --> 00:18:13,032
Snow?
439
00:18:13,065 --> 00:18:16,265
Snow, that can't be good
for suede, can it?
440
00:18:16,299 --> 00:18:17,599
I wouldn't think so.
441
00:18:17,632 --> 00:18:19,632
What should I do?
442
00:18:21,565 --> 00:18:23,032
We're taking a cab,
aren't we?
443
00:18:23,065 --> 00:18:25,332
Cab?
444
00:18:25,365 --> 00:18:26,532
It's only five blocks.
445
00:18:26,565 --> 00:18:29,199
Why don't you
turn it inside out?
446
00:18:29,232 --> 00:18:32,165
Inside out. Great.
447
00:18:40,032 --> 00:18:42,365
Wait a minute.
448
00:18:42,399 --> 00:18:44,099
What the hell do you call this?
449
00:18:44,132 --> 00:18:46,165
I turned my jacket inside out.
450
00:18:46,199 --> 00:18:48,465
Well, you look like
a damn fool.
451
00:18:50,399 --> 00:18:53,099
Well, it's a new suede jacket.
452
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,199
It might get ruined.
453
00:18:54,232 --> 00:18:55,770
You're not walking
down the street
454
00:18:55,803 --> 00:18:58,103
with me and my daughter
dressed like that.
455
00:18:58,136 --> 00:18:59,303
That's for damn sure.
456
00:19:01,570 --> 00:19:02,536
It's, uh...
457
00:19:02,570 --> 00:19:04,736
It's only a few blocks.
458
00:19:12,203 --> 00:19:14,103
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
459
00:19:14,136 --> 00:19:15,103
Elaine?
460
00:19:15,136 --> 00:19:16,103
Yeah.
461
00:19:16,136 --> 00:19:17,703
Come on up.
462
00:19:23,136 --> 00:19:24,103
Hey.
463
00:19:24,136 --> 00:19:25,270
Hey.
464
00:19:25,303 --> 00:19:27,503
I got to feed the birds.
So?
465
00:19:27,536 --> 00:19:29,770
You got any
of those Mini Ritzes?
466
00:19:33,736 --> 00:19:36,403
I can't believe that I do.
467
00:19:37,803 --> 00:19:39,770
What, are you going out?
Yeah.
468
00:19:39,803 --> 00:19:42,370
Hey, where's your new jacket?
469
00:19:45,603 --> 00:19:47,070
What?
470
00:19:48,970 --> 00:19:50,536
Oh, what did you do to it?
471
00:19:50,570 --> 00:19:54,070
I was out in the snow
last night.
472
00:19:54,103 --> 00:19:55,803
Don't you know
what that does to suede?
473
00:19:57,803 --> 00:19:59,436
I have an idea.
474
00:20:01,136 --> 00:20:03,103
We can make the 9:30
at Cinema Three.
475
00:20:03,136 --> 00:20:04,936
Okay.
476
00:20:04,970 --> 00:20:06,614
[COLDLY]
Hello.
477
00:20:06,614 --> 00:20:06,770
[COLDLY]
Hello.
478
00:20:06,803 --> 00:20:08,536
Listen, thanks again
for coming last night.
479
00:20:08,570 --> 00:20:09,936
Dad said he had a great time.
480
00:20:09,970 --> 00:20:11,203
Is he's still in town?
481
00:20:11,236 --> 00:20:13,403
No, he's driving
back to Maryland tonight.
482
00:20:13,436 --> 00:20:16,070
So, uh, what are you going to do
with that one now?
483
00:20:16,103 --> 00:20:17,270
I don't know.
484
00:20:17,303 --> 00:20:20,203
Well.
485
00:20:20,236 --> 00:20:21,736
I didn't want
to tell you this,
486
00:20:21,770 --> 00:20:23,003
but usually
he hates everyone.
487
00:20:23,036 --> 00:20:24,054
Really?
488
00:20:25,835 --> 00:20:27,035
You going to throw this out?
489
00:20:27,314 --> 00:20:28,714
Well, I can't wear it.
490
00:20:28,747 --> 00:20:31,214
Yeah, he liked you, though.
491
00:20:31,247 --> 00:20:33,814
Said you reminded him
of somebody he knew in Korea.
492
00:20:35,847 --> 00:20:36,614
Well, if you're
just gonna throw it out,
493
00:20:36,614 --> 00:20:37,547
Well, if you're
just gonna throw it out,
494
00:20:37,581 --> 00:20:38,714
you know, I could take it.
495
00:20:38,747 --> 00:20:41,481
Yeah. Go ahead. Take it.
496
00:20:43,014 --> 00:20:45,081
Dad thinks George is gay.
497
00:20:46,814 --> 00:20:48,781
Oh, because of all the singing?
498
00:20:48,814 --> 00:20:52,347
No. He pretty much thinks
everyone is gay.
499
00:20:53,714 --> 00:20:56,981
Hey. See, I like it like this.
500
00:20:57,014 --> 00:20:58,881
[GASPS]
501
00:20:58,914 --> 00:21:00,981
Isn't that...?
502
00:21:01,014 --> 00:21:02,947
[GASPS]
503
00:21:02,981 --> 00:21:05,781
Oh! Oh!
504
00:21:05,814 --> 00:21:06,614
Is this from the snow
last night?
505
00:21:06,614 --> 00:21:08,881
Is this from the snow
last night?
506
00:21:08,914 --> 00:21:10,714
You know
what you should have done?
507
00:21:10,747 --> 00:21:12,214
You should have
turned it inside out.
508
00:21:12,247 --> 00:21:16,214
I'll try and remember that.
509
00:21:16,247 --> 00:21:20,247
Boy, it's too bad
you gave me this one too.
510
00:21:22,247 --> 00:21:24,514
Yeah. Too bad.
511
00:21:24,547 --> 00:21:26,647
Yeah, well...
512
00:21:26,681 --> 00:21:28,581
I'm going to have to do
something about this lining.
513
00:21:36,414 --> 00:21:36,614
♪ Master of the house
Turning on the charm ♪
514
00:21:36,614 --> 00:21:39,447
♪ Master of the house
Turning on the charm ♪
515
00:21:39,481 --> 00:21:42,814
♪ Ready with a handshake
And an open palm ♪
516
00:21:42,847 --> 00:21:44,881
I had a leather jacket
that got ruined.
517
00:21:44,914 --> 00:21:49,114
Now, why does moisture
ruin leather?
518
00:21:49,147 --> 00:21:50,647
I don't get this.
519
00:21:50,681 --> 00:21:54,214
Aren't cows
outside most of the time?
520
00:21:54,247 --> 00:21:55,547
I don't understand this.
521
00:21:55,581 --> 00:21:57,981
When it's raining,
do cows go up to the farmhouse,
522
00:21:58,014 --> 00:22:01,214
"Let us in.
We're all wearing leather!
523
00:22:01,247 --> 00:22:02,447
"Open the door.
524
00:22:02,481 --> 00:22:05,147
We're going to ruin
the whole outfit here!"
525
00:22:05,181 --> 00:22:06,214
"Is it suede?"
526
00:22:06,247 --> 00:22:06,614
"I am suede.
The whole thing is suede.
527
00:22:06,614 --> 00:22:08,681
"I am suede.
The whole thing is suede.
528
00:22:08,714 --> 00:22:11,347
I can't have this cleaned.
It's all I've got."
529
00:22:22,214 --> 00:22:23,847
[♪]
35912
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