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1
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,500
This sure is romantic.
2
00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:59,969
Just me and you and the
sound of the ocean behind us.
3
00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:01,571
It's very nice.
4
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:03,273
I love that rumbling sound.
5
00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:05,975
What rumbling sound?
6
00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:08,078
The waves.
7
00:01:08,102 --> 00:01:13,183
Oh, I thought you was
talking about my stomach.
8
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:15,618
My stomach's been
rumbling all morning.
9
00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:16,920
I shouldn't mix my drink.
10
00:01:16,944 --> 00:01:17,921
What drink?
11
00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:22,059
Buttermilk and Pluto Water.
12
00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:24,561
Fred, I've got to talk
to you about something.
13
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:27,130
I've already put
it off too long.
14
00:01:27,154 --> 00:01:29,632
But I can't seem to find
the right way to say it.
15
00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:31,601
You got a problem?
16
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:35,539
Yes, I have.
17
00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:38,230
Well, are you pregnant?
18
00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:42,912
Fred!
19
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:47,372
Well, if you ain't pregnant,
what's the problem?
20
00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:52,689
Fred, how long have
we been engaged?
21
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:55,292
Oh, now I know
what you're getting at.
22
00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:57,094
You want to know when
we're gonna get married.
23
00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:58,261
Right.
24
00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:00,964
I have an important
decision to make.
25
00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:02,899
What kind of decision?
26
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:05,068
Well, I have another
marriage proposal.
27
00:02:05,092 --> 00:02:06,169
What?!
28
00:02:06,193 --> 00:02:08,505
Do you remember Osgood Perkins?
29
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:10,039
He's a patient I've worked for.
30
00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:11,874
Remember, I brought
him to the house one night.
31
00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:13,543
That old invalid?
32
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:15,145
You've got to be kidding me.
33
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:17,280
I'm not kidding, Fred.
34
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:19,249
Osgood asked me to marry him.
35
00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:22,152
If I wanted to, I could
marry him tomorrow morning.
36
00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:24,576
And bury him tomorrow evening.
37
00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:31,461
See, the preacher wouldn't
even have to take his tuxedo off.
38
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:36,433
Just marry him and
bury him in the same day.
39
00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:38,801
Fred, now this is
not a joking matter.
40
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:41,971
I was serious when I said
I have to make a decision;
41
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,773
I... I can't go on waiting.
42
00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:46,909
Okay, okay, you
won't have to wait.
43
00:02:46,933 --> 00:02:48,311
I made up my mind.
44
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:49,912
You have?
45
00:02:49,936 --> 00:02:51,481
Yeah.
46
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:54,873
Freddy your steady is ready.
47
00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:57,554
Fred!
48
00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,055
Do you mean it?
49
00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:00,056
You really do?
50
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,359
Yeah.
51
00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:03,715
Oh, Fred.
52
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,136
Wait a minute, Fred.
53
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:16,039
Let's save some
until after the wedding.
54
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:17,106
All right.
55
00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:18,508
Well, well, let's
don't... Let's don't wait.
56
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:19,909
Let... Let's set the
date right away.
57
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:21,944
Uh, see, I ain't doing
nothing this weekend.
58
00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:23,580
We can get married Sunday.
59
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:24,581
Sunday?!
60
00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:25,582
Fred!
61
00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:26,683
Sunday, that's so soon.
62
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,518
Why, we've got so much to do.
63
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:29,986
We... We have to find a church,
64
00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:31,521
and send out the
wedding invitations,
65
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,022
and get our blood tests.
66
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,424
We don't have to
worry about that.
67
00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:35,825
We can get married at the house
68
00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:37,561
and just you and me
and Reverend Trimble.
69
00:03:37,585 --> 00:03:39,929
And all I have to worry
about is having enough blood
70
00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:42,065
for the blood test.
71
00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:43,466
What about Lamont?
72
00:03:43,490 --> 00:03:45,569
Do you think he'll
have any objections?
73
00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:48,471
I'll overrule any
objections he might have.
74
00:03:48,495 --> 00:03:50,307
And I have five good reasons.
75
00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:54,433
One, two, three, four, five.
76
00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:00,950
Say, wait a minute,
baby. Hold on a minute.
77
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:02,352
But, baby, just
hold on one minute.
78
00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:04,153
Wait a minute, baby.
You know who this is?
79
00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:07,390
This is... Hello?
80
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,659
She knew.
81
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:12,295
Say, Jack, you
want to try Francine?
82
00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:13,763
No, man, she's always hungry.
83
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,798
Last time I took her out
84
00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:21,137
she had four Fat
burgers and a thick shake.
85
00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:23,840
And besides that, she
got a shiny nose, man.
86
00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:26,443
Whenever I take her to the
movies and I go to get popcorn,
87
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:30,547
I can always find my
seat by her neon nose.
88
00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:33,516
Hey, man, what about...
What about Dimples and Lee?
89
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:34,917
Dimples and Lee?
90
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:37,186
The gruesome twosome?
91
00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:38,722
You is a fool.
92
00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:42,792
We ain't that hard up.
93
00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:46,663
Hey, I wonder if I
still got their number.
94
00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:50,600
Look under "DT"
for desperation time.
95
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:55,204
No. Here it is under
"LR" for last resort.
96
00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:59,509
Somebody. Yeah. We admit it.
97
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,110
Hi, son.
98
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,178
Good evening, Lamont.
99
00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:03,946
Hey, Pop. Hello, Donna.
100
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,248
How you doing, Mr. Sanford?
101
00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:07,083
And I don't believe I've
had the pleasure, ma'am.
102
00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:09,185
Oh, excuse my...
My manners, Rollo.
103
00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:12,155
Rollo Lawson, meet
Donna Harris, my fiancée.
104
00:05:12,179 --> 00:05:13,657
Hello, Rollo.
105
00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:16,493
See, Rollo is the one who's
always leading Lamont astray.
106
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:20,363
You know, like Rollo and Follow.
107
00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:21,765
Come on, Pop.
108
00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:23,500
Well, sit down, darling.
109
00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:25,201
Come here, Lamont.
110
00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:27,036
I've got something to tell you.
111
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:30,173
Uh, you ready?
112
00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:33,976
Donna has consented to make
me the happiest man in the world.
113
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,847
What's she gonna do?
Make you her beneficiary?
114
00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:40,283
What kind of dumb
thing is that to say?
115
00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:42,385
That's downright insulting.
116
00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:44,921
You ain't got no class at all.
117
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:48,413
See, uh, Donna, do you
have an insurance policy?
118
00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:55,732
See, come on, Pop. What'd
you want to tell me, man?
119
00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:57,133
Me and Rollo got
something to do.
120
00:05:57,157 --> 00:06:00,002
Okay. Brace yourself. You ready?
121
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:05,107
Donna and I are
getting married Sunday.
122
00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:06,776
Hey, congratulations,
Mr. Sanford.
123
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,144
That's outta sight.
124
00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:11,514
Hey, Pop, but Sunday's
the day after tomorrow, man.
125
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,149
Why are you gonna do it so soon?
126
00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:15,707
Well, Donna ain't
getting no younger.
127
00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:23,526
Uh, and... and I ain't either.
128
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:26,062
And see, Donna will be like
a... Sort of a September bride
129
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:28,231
and I'm gonna be
a December groom.
130
00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:32,491
And when... and when Winter
meets Fall, we're gonna have a ball.
131
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,940
Come on, Donna, I'll
walk you to the car, honey.
132
00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:39,275
Goodnight.
133
00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:41,611
If your old man can hook
up with a queen like that,
134
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:43,012
I know there's some hope for me.
135
00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:44,414
I'm gonna get back in this book.
136
00:06:44,438 --> 00:06:46,015
Hey, wait a minute,
man. Wait a minute.
137
00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:48,017
Now this is serious, Rollo.
I think he's really gonna
138
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,318
get married this time, man.
139
00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:51,220
So what? Give the
old dude some credit.
140
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:56,325
The old dude don't need
no credit, he needs strength.
141
00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:57,727
Man, I'll tell you,
142
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,729
it looks like they're
gonna make it fine to me.
143
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,330
Yeah, well, I'm not
gonna make it fine
144
00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:03,466
because Donna and I
don't get along too tough.
145
00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:06,503
Hey, bubba, you ain't
marrying her, your pop is.
146
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:08,905
Yeah, but I got to live
here in the house with her
147
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,306
and it's not gonna
work out, man.
148
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:12,308
She'd be in here trying
to take over this place.
149
00:07:12,332 --> 00:07:16,613
The whole house will be smelling
and tasting like cold cream.
150
00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:18,014
And there'll be
them old long hairs
151
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,604
on the sink in the bathroom.
152
00:07:21,708 --> 00:07:22,819
Just think, son.
153
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:24,754
With Donna's car and our truck,
154
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:28,391
we'll be a two-car family.
155
00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:31,650
Say, Rollo, get your
narrow rump off my stump.
156
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:36,933
So it's cool. That's great, Pop.
157
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:38,334
Hey, listen, man, are
158
00:07:38,358 --> 00:07:40,202
you sure you've given
this a lot of thought, Pop?
159
00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:42,605
Because, I mean, marriage
is a very serious business.
160
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:44,073
I know that. I've
given it thought.
161
00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:46,476
A lot of thought. And...
and that's what I want to do
162
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:48,277
so don't try to
talk me out of it.
163
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,279
No, I don't want
to talk you out of it.
164
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,649
I just... I just don't want
you rushing into nothing.
165
00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:53,917
I ain't rushing into nothing.
166
00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:56,152
I'm just strolling into it.
167
00:07:56,176 --> 00:08:00,890
If I wait much longer, I
won't be able to crawl into it.
168
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:03,192
Yeah, but you know
that old saying, Pop:
169
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:06,429
Fools rush in where
wise men fear to go.
170
00:08:06,453 --> 00:08:11,690
But wise men never fall in
love, so how are they to know?
171
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:21,243
See, when we met,
I felt my life begin.
172
00:08:21,267 --> 00:08:27,550
♪ So open up your heart
and let This fool rush in ♪♪
173
00:08:27,574 --> 00:08:31,253
This is Station
F-R-E-D signing off.
174
00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:32,856
Goodnight, you two dummies.
175
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,124
Hey, wait a minute,
Pop. Now wait a minute.
176
00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:37,393
Listen, if you don't
mind, I'm going upstairs
177
00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:39,963
to get me some rest
for the blood test.
178
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:41,163
I don't want to flunk it.
179
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:42,765
Yeah, but you still
haven't told me why
180
00:08:42,789 --> 00:08:45,167
all of a sudden you got this
sudden desire to get married.
181
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:46,369
Now... Now what happened?
182
00:08:46,393 --> 00:08:48,571
Well, if we're gonna talk,
let's have us a cold beer.
183
00:08:48,595 --> 00:08:50,607
Please, Pop. Because I mean
you left here this morning...
184
00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:52,408
I come over here and you tell me
185
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:53,810
you're gonna get
married just like that.
186
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:55,612
I mean, I didn't have
no warning or nothing.
187
00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:57,013
That's the way it
happens sometimes.
188
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,915
I want to know what happened.
Here's what happened.
189
00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:01,117
I had to beat out a competitor.
190
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,920
See, she got another
proposal, so I had to act fast.
191
00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:06,088
It was either now or never.
192
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:08,290
Don't you see what that means?
193
00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:12,017
Yeah, it's me now and him never.
194
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,933
Pop, that's the oldest
trick in the business.
195
00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:18,768
Man, she told you that
stuff about another man
196
00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:20,403
to get you trapped.
197
00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:22,471
Sagittarius the hunter
got captured by the game.
198
00:09:22,495 --> 00:09:25,642
What's wrong
with that? I like it.
199
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:27,209
Pop, it's the
principle of the thing.
200
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:29,979
Man, I knew I smelled
something rotten.
201
00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:33,504
If you smell something rotten,
you ought to wash your mustache.
202
00:09:40,346 --> 00:09:44,126
Because all I smell is bouquet.
203
00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:46,629
Wedding bouquet.
204
00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:47,864
Can't you see what's
happening, Pop?
205
00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:49,799
You're being pressured
into getting married.
206
00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:51,701
I ain't being
pressured into nothing.
207
00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:53,469
Besides, I ain't
getting no younger.
208
00:09:53,493 --> 00:09:54,871
And if we're gonna
have some kids,
209
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:57,540
we'd better do it right away.
210
00:09:57,564 --> 00:09:59,976
Because... And
while I got my teeth.
211
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,377
I don't want to
be sitting around
212
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:04,480
gumming no taffy with the kid.
213
00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:06,950
What would happen if Donna
and I don't get along too tough?
214
00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:09,641
I mean, what if it got
so bad that I had to split?
215
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:13,044
I'd miss you, son.
216
00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:17,760
I know you're not gonna
have no big wedding, Pop,
217
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,228
because you know
you can't afford that.
218
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:22,565
Oh, no, it'll just be Rev.
Trimble's $10 special.
219
00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:25,501
Just me and the bride-to-be.
220
00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:26,903
Well, what about
the family, man?
221
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:28,170
Aren't you gonna
invite the family?
222
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:30,239
My family's in St. Louis.
223
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:34,176
They'll read about it in the
society column of Jet magazine.
224
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,946
Mr. and Mrs. Sanford married.
225
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:39,716
The bride is a practical nurse
226
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:43,407
and the groom is a prominent
Los Angeles coordinator.
227
00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:48,190
No, I'm talking about
family out here, man.
228
00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:50,860
What about... What about
Aunt Esther and Uncle Woody
229
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:52,495
and Aunt Minnie and Uncle Jake?
230
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:53,663
What about them?
231
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:56,621
I ain't giving no
Halloween party.
232
00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:02,426
If Donna sees them, she'll
think I'm playing trick-or-treat.
233
00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:06,308
Goodnight.
234
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:07,777
Wait a minute, Pop.
235
00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:10,146
I don't want to hear
nothing about it.
236
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,180
So that's it, huh?
237
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:12,615
That's the way it's gonna be?
238
00:11:12,639 --> 00:11:14,050
The three of us living
here in the same house?
239
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:15,251
That's how it's gonna be.
240
00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:18,354
♪ Just Donna and me ♪
241
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:22,291
♪ And the dummy makes three... ♪
242
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:28,452
♪ I'm heading To
my blue bedroom ♪♪
243
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:32,368
Well, she did it.
244
00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:34,937
The barracuda
finally got him trapped.
245
00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:37,573
Yeah, damn.
246
00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:39,175
Hey, she's got his
nose open so wide
247
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,843
you could run a
tractor through it.
248
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,813
And look, it was so
cold-blooded, man.
249
00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:46,015
He don't even want no
relatives at the wedding.
250
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,583
Now that's cold-blooded.
251
00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:49,752
Rollo!
252
00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:51,854
Oh... I forgot about
that seat, man.
253
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:54,824
Yeah, well, see Rollo,
my old man and my family
254
00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:56,693
got an understanding,
and they all understand
255
00:11:56,717 --> 00:11:57,927
that they hate each other.
256
00:11:57,951 --> 00:12:01,430
They never forgave him
for marrying my mother.
257
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:04,000
The first wife's family
always hates the new wife.
258
00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:05,401
That's the way it is.
259
00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:07,837
And if you try to bring
them together, look out.
260
00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:09,271
It's fireworks.
261
00:12:09,295 --> 00:12:10,773
And let me tell you
something, man,
262
00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:14,610
if you're thinking about
bringing them together...
263
00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:16,478
That's what you're
thinking, isn't it?
264
00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:19,816
You're thinking about
bringing all of them together?
265
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:24,787
But your pop don't
want that, does he?
266
00:12:24,811 --> 00:12:27,612
But you're gonna do it anyway.
267
00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:35,664
Yeah, I think I gotta go. I
hear my pop coming now.
268
00:12:35,688 --> 00:12:36,866
I'll call you later,
Aunt Esther.
269
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:38,123
Okay. Bye-bye.
270
00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:43,806
Hi, son. Come here. I
want to show you something.
271
00:12:43,830 --> 00:12:47,877
How does it look?
272
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:51,369
Looks like a black felt bed pan.
273
00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:59,188
Listen, it's a Homburg.
274
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:00,522
See, I-I forgot I had it.
275
00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:01,590
I really did.
276
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:06,295
I got it real
cheap... I found it.
277
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:08,297
It's a nice hat, Pop,
but it's a little bit
278
00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:09,899
too big for your head.
279
00:13:09,923 --> 00:13:12,501
Oh, it might be a little
too big, but I don't think so.
280
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:14,503
I can stuff some newspaper
over here in the sides
281
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:17,640
and then blow out what
I've got left of my natural,
282
00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:20,910
and it fits perfect.
283
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:23,880
It will give the
wedding a little class.
284
00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:26,315
Are you planning on
wearing this tuxedo too?
285
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:28,517
Yeah. I'm taking it to the
cleaners to have it pressed.
286
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:31,387
See, I got a little collard
green juice here on the sleeve.
287
00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:33,455
Started staining a little bit.
288
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:35,724
Must've been when we
had the victory celebration
289
00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:37,026
for Mayor Bradley.
290
00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:39,428
All the junk men got together
and had the celebration.
291
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:41,864
I thought you said you was
gonna have a simple wedding.
292
00:13:41,888 --> 00:13:44,055
I am. This is for the pictures.
293
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:52,641
Well, I guess if
you're gonna do it,
294
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,043
you might as well do it right.
295
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:57,046
Say, you changed your
mind about the wedding now?
296
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:58,181
Yeah. Yeah.
297
00:13:58,205 --> 00:13:59,648
I got to thinking about it, Pop.
298
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:02,084
And once I thought about it,
it didn't seem so bad after all.
299
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:03,886
I mean, you got a
right to be happy.
300
00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:05,855
I even told a few
people about it.
301
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:07,323
Who?
302
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,558
Well, Aunt Esther for one.
303
00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:13,029
You told ugly Esther?
304
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:15,031
That's the worst person in
the world you could've told.
305
00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:17,466
Well, as long as you didn't
invite her to come over here,
306
00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:18,701
I guess it's okay.
307
00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:20,569
I didn't have to, Pop,
she invited herself.
308
00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:24,606
She what?! Old gorilla face
gonna be at my wedding?
309
00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:29,078
Is she gonna bring
Woody the Wino?
310
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:30,079
I believe so.
311
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:31,547
That does it.
312
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:34,717
Now I'm gonna have to hide
my Ripple, and my gin, my scotch.
313
00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:36,219
My bourbon, my rye.
314
00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:40,622
Got to hide my bug
spray, my Drano.
315
00:14:40,646 --> 00:14:43,259
I hope she don't
tell nobody else.
316
00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:44,760
No, she won't.
317
00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:46,262
Good.
318
00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:49,298
But I couldn't have Aunt
Esther and Uncle Woody here
319
00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:51,868
without having Aunt
Minnie and Uncle Jake.
320
00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:57,561
Minnie the Moocher
and Jake the Jackass?
321
00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:01,844
Oh, no, you're turning
my dream-come-true
322
00:15:01,868 --> 00:15:04,280
into a nightmare.
323
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:06,148
Oh, come on, Pop. Now be fair.
324
00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:08,885
This is our family and Donna
hasn't even met them yet.
325
00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:13,289
Donna also has never
met a school of piranha.
326
00:15:13,313 --> 00:15:14,690
Look, Pop, would
you stop worrying?
327
00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:16,425
Now they're not
gonna be here that long.
328
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:18,895
That's what the Indians
said when they first
329
00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:20,985
saw the white man coming.
330
00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:29,086
Aunt Esther, Uncle Woody!
331
00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:32,741
Aunt Minnie!
332
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:35,800
Hey, Uncle Jake!
Come on in here!
333
00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:41,683
Boy, I sure am glad
you could all make it.
334
00:15:41,707 --> 00:15:43,152
Hey, help yourself
to some refreshments.
335
00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:44,553
Sit down over
there on the couch.
336
00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:46,255
Help yourself, Uncle Jake.
337
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,378
Boy...
338
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:52,128
Well, what do you think
of my pop getting married?
339
00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:54,596
It's hard for me to believe
that there's a woman
340
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:59,668
somewhere that desperate.
341
00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:01,270
Me too.
342
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:05,207
What's the matter with
her, Lamont, is she lame?
343
00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:08,344
Say, Lamont, where is Fred
and his bride-to-be, anyway?
344
00:16:08,368 --> 00:16:10,246
Oh, they're out taking
the wedding pictures.
345
00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:12,949
I don't think they like the
atmosphere around here.
346
00:16:12,973 --> 00:16:16,107
Oh, pardon me.
347
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:21,257
And what did you say
her name was, Donna?
348
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:23,326
Yeah, Donna. It means "lady."
349
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:24,961
Is that so?
350
00:16:24,985 --> 00:16:30,066
I once had a dog named Lady.
351
00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:38,040
Aunt Flossie. Hey, Uncle Edgar.
352
00:16:38,064 --> 00:16:39,308
Hello, Lamont. Come on in.
353
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:41,043
Flossie!
354
00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:44,580
Hey, Edgar, you'd better grab
yourself a drink before Woody
355
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:45,848
hits his stride over here.
356
00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:47,649
Put that bottle down, Woodrow.
357
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:51,509
Don't let me have
to knock you out.
358
00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:57,926
Lamont, did you talk
this over with your father?
359
00:16:57,950 --> 00:16:59,561
I tried to, Aunt Esther,
360
00:16:59,585 --> 00:17:01,597
but Donna's got his
mind pretty well made up.
361
00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:03,699
What does this
woman do for a living?
362
00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:05,334
Oh, she's a nurse.
363
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,269
Oh, honey, you know
how those old nurses are.
364
00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:10,939
All they do all day is give
strange men back-rubs.
365
00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:12,308
Hey.
366
00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:14,377
That sounds like
my kind of woman.
367
00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:15,611
I want to see her.
368
00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:18,047
Yeah, me too, man.
369
00:17:18,071 --> 00:17:22,473
Woodrow, you
came here with teeth.
370
00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:32,750
Do you want to leave with teeth?
371
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:38,034
Lamont, why don't they
get married in a church?
372
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:41,037
Donna wanted a small wedding
with not too many guests at all.
373
00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:43,172
You see, um, I don't think
374
00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:45,474
she'd be comfortable
around folks like us.
375
00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:48,477
She's so accustomed
to being around doctors
376
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:51,147
and important clients
and things, you know.
377
00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:53,438
Oh, really?
378
00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:57,575
Uh-oh.
379
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:00,822
Hello, everybody.
380
00:18:00,846 --> 00:18:04,160
I'd like you to meet
my lovely bride-to-be...
381
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:05,561
Donna, meet the family.
382
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:06,828
Hello, everybody.
383
00:18:06,852 --> 00:18:09,292
I'm glad you could come.
384
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:18,274
How about a toast to
the bride and groom?
385
00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:26,298
Woodrow, put that bottle down
before I unscrew your wrist.
386
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:31,253
It's not that we don't
want to toast you.
387
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:34,190
We just want to get to
know you a little better.
388
00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:35,191
Right, ladies?
389
00:18:35,215 --> 00:18:36,559
Right.
390
00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:38,527
Yeah, right.
391
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:41,763
I was talking to
the ladies, fool.
392
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:44,200
Come, ladies.
393
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:47,069
Let's get to know the
bride-to-be a little better.
394
00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:48,437
Yeah, let's do that.
395
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:49,705
Say... Say, where
you taking her?
396
00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:52,741
In the kitchen
for a little girl talk.
397
00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:54,999
Come on, honey...
398
00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:00,082
Say, Fred, ain't
it a little late
399
00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:01,550
for you to be getting married?
400
00:19:01,574 --> 00:19:04,220
I'm still breathing, ain't I?
401
00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:06,021
Are you really a nurse
402
00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:08,357
or do you just
say you're a nurse
403
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:10,993
and all your patients
are heathens?
404
00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:14,163
Well, I don't know
what you mean.
405
00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:15,964
Why don't you get
married in a church?
406
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,766
Yeah, why don't you
get married in a church?
407
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:19,968
Why? I don't know.
408
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:23,071
We decided to have a
small and informal wedding.
409
00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:25,841
You remember to
tell that to the Lord.
410
00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:29,911
And the Lord will tell
you I am not come to call
411
00:19:29,935 --> 00:19:33,015
to righteous but
sinners to repentance.
412
00:19:33,039 --> 00:19:35,072
Right, sister. Amen.
413
00:19:38,744 --> 00:19:42,647
Behold I stand at
the door and knock.
414
00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:48,564
Where will you be when
the knock comes, sister?
415
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:50,199
So, she's a nurse, huh, Fred?
416
00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:53,935
I bet she gives a
mean back rub, huh?
417
00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:57,061
Edgar, how'd you like me
to rub this cross your lip?
418
00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:01,577
How many doctors
you got on the side?
419
00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:03,279
Oh, this has gone far enough!
420
00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:04,647
Sit down!
421
00:20:04,671 --> 00:20:07,749
You ain't finished answering
all our questions yet.
422
00:20:07,773 --> 00:20:09,951
What kind of mother do
you intend to be to Lamont,
423
00:20:09,975 --> 00:20:11,287
our favorite nephew?
424
00:20:11,311 --> 00:20:12,988
You think you can
just walk in here
425
00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:14,990
and take my sister
Elizabeth's place?
426
00:20:15,014 --> 00:20:16,725
My sister had class.
427
00:20:16,749 --> 00:20:20,518
Our whole family's got class.
428
00:20:23,623 --> 00:20:27,203
You are nothing
but three witches!
429
00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:31,607
Who are you calling
a witch, witch?
430
00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:34,009
Both you guys, both of
you, get on out of my house.
431
00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:36,011
Hey, wait a minute,
Fred. You can't put us out.
432
00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:37,446
We're your relatives.
You're a damn liar.
433
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:39,481
Ain't nobody in my family's
like neither one of y'all.
434
00:20:39,505 --> 00:20:40,982
Now get the hell out. Get out!
435
00:20:41,006 --> 00:20:43,285
Get out of my way,
Fred! Get out of my way!
436
00:20:43,309 --> 00:20:45,187
What's the matter?
Let me at her!
437
00:20:45,211 --> 00:20:48,224
Turn me loose! Let me at her!
438
00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:49,858
Donna! Donna! Let me at her!
439
00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:52,683
Her behind is mine!
440
00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:00,035
Listen.
441
00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:02,605
What did you all do to her?
442
00:21:02,629 --> 00:21:04,206
What did we do to her?
443
00:21:04,230 --> 00:21:06,308
You mean what did she do to us?
444
00:21:06,332 --> 00:21:10,479
She had the nerve
to call us witches.
445
00:21:10,503 --> 00:21:11,680
And she was right.
446
00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:14,204
You're three ugly witches.
447
00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:20,021
And you married your husbands
and turned them into frogs.
448
00:21:20,045 --> 00:21:21,657
Get out of here!
449
00:21:21,681 --> 00:21:23,325
Get to jumping! Get out of here!
450
00:21:23,349 --> 00:21:27,730
Fred Sanford, the wrath
of God will strike you down!
451
00:21:27,754 --> 00:21:30,888
This Louisville Slugger
will knock you out!
452
00:21:32,592 --> 00:21:34,503
And take this wino
out of here with you.
453
00:21:34,527 --> 00:21:35,504
Come on!
454
00:21:35,528 --> 00:21:37,094
Get him out of here!
455
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:53,555
Come in here and
mess up my wedding.
456
00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:57,293
There they are. Go ahead,
open the door for me.
457
00:21:57,317 --> 00:21:59,227
Open the door, son.
458
00:21:59,251 --> 00:22:00,429
Come on. Wait a minute, Pop.
459
00:22:00,453 --> 00:22:02,197
It's Rev. Trimble.
460
00:22:02,221 --> 00:22:03,965
What's going on here, Fred?
461
00:22:03,989 --> 00:22:05,367
Why, people are
running away from here
462
00:22:05,391 --> 00:22:06,769
like there was a riot going on.
463
00:22:06,793 --> 00:22:08,470
There was.
464
00:22:08,494 --> 00:22:09,705
What happened?
465
00:22:09,729 --> 00:22:11,507
Well, here's what
happened, uh, Reverend.
466
00:22:11,531 --> 00:22:13,409
Uh, Donna and I, we
ain't getting married.
467
00:22:13,433 --> 00:22:15,444
But you can keep the ten bucks.
468
00:22:15,468 --> 00:22:16,912
And it's your fault, dummy.
469
00:22:16,936 --> 00:22:18,314
I knew if you invited them here,
470
00:22:18,338 --> 00:22:20,416
it would be something
happening like this.
471
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:21,483
I told you it would.
472
00:22:21,507 --> 00:22:23,385
I knew it. I knew it.
473
00:22:23,409 --> 00:22:28,123
And... And you knew it.
474
00:22:28,147 --> 00:22:29,925
You planned it.
475
00:22:29,949 --> 00:22:32,861
Wait a minute, Pop. Now don't
go jumping to no conclusions.
476
00:22:32,885 --> 00:22:35,964
All I'm jumping to
is upside your head.
477
00:22:35,988 --> 00:22:37,399
Now look here, Reverend.
478
00:22:37,423 --> 00:22:39,635
You didn't preach no
marriage, but stick around.
479
00:22:39,659 --> 00:22:41,169
You can preach the funeral.
480
00:22:41,193 --> 00:22:42,204
Wait a minute, Pop.
481
00:22:42,228 --> 00:22:43,594
Wait a minute.
482
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,434
Rev. Trimble...
483
00:22:56,576 --> 00:22:58,387
Now wait a minute,
Donna. Don't hang up again.
484
00:22:58,411 --> 00:23:01,022
Listen, I never wanted
that gang over here.
485
00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:02,624
It was Lamont's idea.
486
00:23:02,648 --> 00:23:04,493
Yeah, honest it was.
487
00:23:04,517 --> 00:23:06,328
See, let's do it again.
488
00:23:06,352 --> 00:23:08,096
And next time we'll do it right.
489
00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:11,967
See, we'll sneak down
somewhere nice like El Segundo.
490
00:23:11,991 --> 00:23:15,671
Or maybe Gardena.
491
00:23:15,695 --> 00:23:16,938
Yeah.
492
00:23:16,962 --> 00:23:18,139
Or we can wait till June.
493
00:23:18,163 --> 00:23:19,541
Then you'll be a June bride.
494
00:23:19,565 --> 00:23:22,411
See, I can stick the
cake in the refrigerator...
495
00:23:22,435 --> 00:23:24,346
No, the cake's
too big, it won't fit.
496
00:23:24,370 --> 00:23:26,749
But I'll tell you what I'd
like to do with that cake.
497
00:23:26,773 --> 00:23:29,752
I'd like to shove it
down Lamont's throat.
498
00:23:29,776 --> 00:23:31,409
Uh-huh.
499
00:23:33,646 --> 00:23:34,886
Uh-huh.
500
00:23:36,883 --> 00:23:39,561
Uh, listen, Donna,
I'll call you back.
501
00:23:39,585 --> 00:23:41,963
You know what I said I
wanted to do with that cake?
502
00:23:41,987 --> 00:23:44,455
I'm gonna do it.
503
00:23:47,159 --> 00:23:48,970
Lamont Sanford don't know
504
00:23:48,994 --> 00:23:53,997
that he's about to star in a
new version of Deep Throat.
505
00:24:13,052 --> 00:24:14,463
Sanford and Son
506
00:24:14,487 --> 00:24:17,688
is recorded on tape before
a live studio audience.
37323
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