Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

[in English] Wow!

That place looks way nicer than Brussels.

Why don't we come here all the time?

After World War II,

people wouldn't have accepted to have EU's capital in Germany.

Well, Strasbourg is not in Germany.

Of course, it's not.

[laughing]

No, it's not.

Dude, why do you have to discriminate me?

[indistinct chatter]

Excuse me, Miss? [chuckling]

-Hi. -Sorry.

Taking a last look at the rules

of procedure before the grand départ?

No. This is

Facebook's corporate values.

-Yeah. -Really?

I have to study it before I take off to California.

It's a lot of values for a soulless organization.

Says the guy who works for the European Union?

Yes. But we have cool flags.

And actual values.

"Likes per post ratio."

-What's that? -I don't know.

The rest is just

a compendium of Facebook's privacy policy.

Well, you can just go to the end

and click "Accept terms and conditions"

-and don't read it. -That would be nice.

But I have to read it. I have to study it.

I'm going tomorrow.

Yeah.

It's a nice place.

-Yeah. -It's really cool.

It's like Brussels, but people are

better dressed and more exciting.

Yeah.

It's like

being on a

school field trip.

You know? Same classmates, anything's possible.

Yeah. I know what you mean.

And that's the mean school monitor.

Eamon?

Oh-oh! [giggles]

[in French]

[jazz music]

[sighs]

[instrumental music]

[in English] When in Rome,

do as the Germans.

-Exactly. -That's not the idiom.

And Strasbourg is not in Germany.

I found pretzels at the cafeteria.

Whatever Google Maps says, we are

in Germany.

-Period. -No.

Alsatians make pretzels too.

Except that it's less greasy and more refined

because we're French.

Anyway, do you know where

the tabling desk is?

Yeah.

Can you tell me?

You have to say it first.

-What? -Just say it.

No. I'm not gonna say that.

The tabling desk closes

in three hours!

There's an Eastern fraction of the building, a Western one

-a Southern fraction... -Strasbourg is in Germany.

Can we go now?

You embarrass me, man.

Of course, you need an ID to get in, Sharon.

It's Parliament.

It's still Parliament, but it's in France.

Where is your ID?

Why were you there?

I don't want to know that.

I'm coming.

Stay where you are.

Stay where you are. Don't move or I won't find you.

For God's sake.

Hi.

Um...

Can you keep an eye on that bag? I've got a Sharon situation.

No.

Just for a second.

As I told your friend earlier,

I'm not the concierge of this institution.

Of course, you're not.

But you also kind of are,

so can you do that for me?

Okay, great. See you in a minute.

-You won't. -Cheers.

[sighs]

When you walk over there, to the right,

you see that blonde woman?

-Yeah. -That's gonna be her.

Okay. Thanks, man.

-Cool. -You're welcome.

All right.

Um...

What's wrong?

Nothing. It's just...

Congrats, man.

-The signatures, that's... big. -Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I mean thanks to you.

Because posting that humiliating video of me online

-kind of helped. -Yeah.

You're welcome.

And...

-Don't drop them. -I won't.

-Don't drop the signatures. -Thanks.

[in French]

[giggling]

[exhales sharply]

[suspenseful music]

[in German]

[chuckles]

[giggles]

[in French]

[in German]

[retreating footsteps]

[indistinct chatter]

[in French]

[chuckles]

[in English] What are you doing here?

I would have expected that to be Torsten. What?

-[whispering] No, too close. -What are you doing here?

-I'm not doing anything here. -Okay.

Hello.

-What are you doing? -Pretend to be on your phone.

Hi, oh, how are you?

-It's my bag. -What bag?

The suspicious package.

[in French]

[in English] Can you tell them it's your bag?

No, I can't tell them it's my bag.

-Why? -Because it's humiliating.

No, it's not.

[clears throat]

This is not my fault.

This is your friend who's done this.

Torsten?

No, it's the mean...

-school monitor. -Eamon?

Yes. He said he'd watch the bag for me

-then he just left. -Really?

Yeah.

That doesn't sound like him. Did he say he would?

Did he say he would?

That's not the point.

Someone must take the blame. It can't be me.

Because this is my last day.

Okay, don't worry. I'm gonna take care of this.

-Okay? -Yeah.

[in French]

[suspenseful music]

[in English] Thank you.

Radek,

I can't see Mr Specklin's finning amendment.

It was tabled this morning.

No, it hasn't.

I'm quite convinced it has.

I don't quite like your tone, Brendan.

Eamon.

Name's still Eamon.

Look, Brendan.

Eamon.

I've a well-oiled filing system...

Oh, dear.

Have you been drinking again?

Okay. It's not because I'm Polish, I drink.

Have you been drinking today?

Yes.

No.

I said yes instead of no because I'm a bit drunk...

Radek.

Having lost an amendment...

is gonna be a problem.

Oh, look.

Here it is. [scoffs]

With just 40 little signatures.

Here it is.

-The amendment on... -Finning.

-Of course. -By Michel Specklin.

That's right.

-Mr? -Specklin.

S-P-E-C-K

L-I-N.

-Tabled. -Thank you.

[in German]

[in French]

[in German]

[in French]

[in German]

[in French]

[quirky music]

[in German]

[in French]

[in German]

[in French]

[in German]

[in French]

[gibbers]

[chuckles]

[in German]

[in English] Hey.

Hi.

[inaudible dialogue]

You're watching a video of Theresa May?

Yeah.

That's what I do when I get anxious.

I watch Theresa May's endless crucifixion and that

makes me feel a bit better.

Eamon won't take the bullet, I'm sorry.

Yeah, I suspected that.

What are you gonna do?

Are you gonna turn yourself in?

No. Absolutely no. I can't do that.

It's fine. Everybody makes mistakes. They'll understand.

Yes, sure.

But I'm British.

British people say sorry all the time.

Yeah, but that's not how it works.

We only say sorry when the other person is meant to feel sorry.

We never mean any of it.

Why do you think we're insisting on Brexiting?

It would be way too embarrassing

at this stage for us to come out and say:

"Sorry, we should never have asked the question.

"Let's forget about it."

I can't come out now in front of everyone and say:

"Sorry, my knickers have been blocking

the whole building for four hours!"

It's okay.

[sighs]

Hey, relax.

It's never too late to make the right decision.

Yeah.

Yeah.

[foreboding music]

Could you say it's your bag?

What?

Could you say it's your bag?

[playful music]

Shit.

[water running]

[door opens and closes]

[in German]

[sighing]

[breathing heavily]

[yells]

[in English] Love the EU, huh?

You know what?

Fuck the EU!

Fuck the EU and everyone in it.

[ominous music]

Fuck the French and their grandiose ideas about Europe.

Insufferable bastards.

Your country is a gigantic mess

and you are telling us how we should run things?

[speaking in French]

Fuck the Brits

and their sense of entitlement they carry everywhere they go.

You're not a global power. Just a tiny island

with a massive drinking problem.

And two years down the line, you're the only ones

who still think Brexit is a good idea.

[laughing]

Fuck the Grand Duchy of fucking Luxembourg.

Tax haven without sunlight or beaches.

No wonder only money wants to live there.

Fuck the Italians

and their political experiments.

Fascists and..., vaffanculo politics.

Always ten years ahead on the next dumbest shit.

Just stick to undercooked pasta.

Fuck the Scandinavians.

Swedes, Danes, Finns... [laughs] What's the fucking difference?

"I do everything better than you do." Fucking goody-goodies.

Fuck the Greeks.

Living above your means with our money

and now you're crying like babies

because we're asking you to pay your taxes?

Give me a fucking break!

Fuck us Germans

and the preaching tone.

Ruling the continent again like we just can't help it.

Patronizing motherfuckers.

Praising the rules by selling rigged diesel cars.

Don't get me started on the Dutch,

they make the Germans look good.

Fuck the Eastern bloc.

Giving us the finger while we shower your mid-sized towns

with European cash!

Constantly whining

because History has been so unfair to you.

And now, you are spitting on liberal democracy?

You've betrayed us.

Give us back our fucking money!

[scoffs]

And Belgium.

Come on, I mean. You know...

You're not even a real country.

Fuck the citizens.

You don't deserve the effort

we put in to make your lives better.

You know what?

If the EU makes no sense to you, it's maybe because you are...

Life's complicated, Europe too. So just grow the fuck up!

And keep on voting for the most

entertaining buffoon every five years.

Just look at them.

Populists pissing on Europe

while cashing massive EU salaries.

Trashing everything we do from the backseat.

You know what?

If you don't like it, just go back to your fucking country.

[speaking in foreign language]

Fuck the civil servants.

Smug faces

and their paternalistic tone.

You think you know better?

Well, maybe you do.

But you haven't been elected by anyone, darling.

So, just shut the fuck up

and do as you're told.

[in German]

[exhales sharply]

[toilet flushes]

[door opens]

[in French]

[phone rings]

[suspenseful music]

[suspensefu l music continues]

[sighs]

[beeps]

[sighing]

[clears throat]

[suspenseful music continues]