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1
00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:11,449
No one ever imagined
we would make it this far.
2
00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:17,237
♪ I guess all the mountains that
I moved just weren't enough ♪
3
00:00:17,321 --> 00:00:20,197
♪ And all those nights
I walked you home ♪
4
00:00:20,281 --> 00:00:21,372
♪ From crowded bars
when you were drunk ♪
5
00:00:21,456 --> 00:00:24,679
Incision-less surgeries,
4D imaging,
6
00:00:24,763 --> 00:00:28,857
mechanical organs,
stem cell therapy...
7
00:00:28,941 --> 00:00:33,471
♪ And I just wonder what
it'd take to make you stay ♪
8
00:00:35,122 --> 00:00:38,780
♪ 'Cause when you said jump,
I said how high ♪
9
00:00:40,997 --> 00:00:42,175
♪ But when I jumped,
you said goodbye ♪
10
00:00:42,259 --> 00:00:45,091
Every medical innovation
seemed impossible,
11
00:00:45,175 --> 00:00:47,311
unimaginable
until it was achieved.
12
00:00:47,395 --> 00:00:51,880
♪ I would've
walked through hell ♪
13
00:00:51,964 --> 00:00:55,101
And luckily, we haven't
stopped making advancements.
14
00:00:55,185 --> 00:00:58,061
Your recent COVID test
has come back negative,
15
00:00:58,145 --> 00:01:00,585
your ABG's improved,
16
00:01:00,669 --> 00:01:03,066
your RSBI
looks promising,
17
00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:04,806
and oxygen requirements
have decreased.
18
00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:06,547
If you keep this up,
19
00:01:06,631 --> 00:01:09,072
I may just try weaning you
off the vent later today.
20
00:01:09,156 --> 00:01:13,076
Because the other side
of the unimaginable is death.
21
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,599
And the pain
that comes with loss.
22
00:01:14,683 --> 00:01:15,948
Dr. Altman?
23
00:01:16,032 --> 00:01:18,037
♪ Without you here tonight
24
00:01:18,121 --> 00:01:19,778
Bailey said
you'd need some help
25
00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:22,085
covering the COVID ICU
since...
26
00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:25,740
Since we lost... Yeah, uh...
Uh, o-okay.
27
00:01:25,824 --> 00:01:28,134
Thank you.♪ Nothing I can do
28
00:01:28,218 --> 00:01:31,616
♪ 'Cause
you don't wanna try ♪
29
00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:33,879
And that side
never stops coming.
30
00:01:33,963 --> 00:01:36,012
We need some good news,
Meredith.
31
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,927
Please, just...
we really need some good news.
32
00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:40,190
♪ I would've
walked through hell ♪
33
00:01:40,274 --> 00:01:42,496
♪ To find another way
34
00:01:42,580 --> 00:01:45,804
♪ I would've laid me down
35
00:01:45,888 --> 00:01:46,935
It's you again!
36
00:01:47,019 --> 00:01:48,111
♪ If I knew
that you would stay ♪
37
00:01:48,195 --> 00:01:51,723
♪ I would've crossed the stars
38
00:01:51,807 --> 00:01:54,030
♪ To keep you in my life
39
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:57,468
♪ But now I'm falling hard
40
00:01:57,552 --> 00:01:59,557
♪ Without you here tonight
41
00:02:00,990 --> 00:02:04,040
Captioning provided by
ABC Studios and ABC, Inc.
42
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,648
And brought to you by: Ford,
Built Ford Proud
43
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,742
You going in today?
44
00:02:10,826 --> 00:02:12,088
Day off.
45
00:02:15,396 --> 00:02:19,272
Hey, if I say something,
can you not judge me?
46
00:02:19,356 --> 00:02:21,492
Because we're friends who bang,
not friends who judge.
47
00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:23,189
Mm, I have wrapped my head
48
00:02:23,273 --> 00:02:24,451
around the concept,
yeah.
49
00:02:24,535 --> 00:02:28,499
I need joy in my life.
50
00:02:28,583 --> 00:02:31,850
Val died,
51
00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:34,244
and DeLuca...
52
00:02:34,328 --> 00:02:36,159
I can't even say it yet.
53
00:02:36,243 --> 00:02:39,075
And I physically have
no more room left in my body
54
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,163
for sadness.
55
00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:44,297
So I am switching specialties
to OB
56
00:02:44,381 --> 00:02:48,214
and all I need from you
is encouragement.
57
00:02:48,298 --> 00:02:49,824
You thought
I would judge you for that?
58
00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:51,739
I literally spend all day
every day at work
59
00:02:51,823 --> 00:02:53,611
wanting to
walk out that door
60
00:02:53,695 --> 00:02:56,440
just to go off into the woods by
myself hiking for three months
61
00:02:56,524 --> 00:02:58,137
until there's a vaccine.
62
00:02:58,221 --> 00:03:00,705
There's not gonna be a vaccine
in three months.
63
00:03:00,789 --> 00:03:02,054
I'm sorry...
You just said no judging.
64
00:03:02,138 --> 00:03:05,057
I know,
but that's just ridiculous.
65
00:03:05,141 --> 00:03:08,191
Wait, so, you for real
about switching specialties?
66
00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:09,844
Yes.
67
00:03:09,928 --> 00:03:11,759
Wow.
Yeah.
68
00:03:15,978 --> 00:03:17,113
What was that?
69
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,723
In lieu of confetti.
70
00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:26,296
♪ I walked outside and got
kissed with a gentle breeze ♪
71
00:03:26,380 --> 00:03:29,386
♪ The sunshine and roses
gave me everything I need ♪
72
00:03:29,470 --> 00:03:30,691
♪ I feel alive You okay?
73
00:03:30,775 --> 00:03:33,216
No.
74
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:34,956
The kids loved Andrew.
75
00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:36,219
He used to
play his guitar for them
76
00:03:36,303 --> 00:03:37,742
and teach them songs
in Italian.
77
00:03:37,826 --> 00:03:39,483
He brought gelato
to every birthday.
78
00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:41,485
And every half-birthday.
79
00:03:41,569 --> 00:03:43,889
Which all three of these kids
now think is an actual thing.
80
00:03:44,615 --> 00:03:47,273
I'm just so sorry.
81
00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:48,448
For all of you.
82
00:03:48,532 --> 00:03:50,189
Aunt Maggie!
It's your turn!
83
00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:53,279
Okay, Zozo.
84
00:03:53,363 --> 00:03:54,324
I'll be there.
85
00:03:54,408 --> 00:03:56,195
Know what?
86
00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:59,677
I think this crowd could benefit
from some new East Coast moves.
87
00:03:59,761 --> 00:04:01,592
Ndugu moves.
What do you say, Zola?
88
00:04:01,676 --> 00:04:03,202
Gimme a shot? Yeah!
89
00:04:03,286 --> 00:04:04,377
Alright.
Make room.
90
00:04:04,461 --> 00:04:04,986
♪ Lucky today
91
00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:06,249
Unh!
92
00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,518
♪ I'm feeling lucky today Hey! Yeah?
93
00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:16,389
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh
94
00:04:16,473 --> 00:04:18,261
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh
95
00:04:18,345 --> 00:04:21,046
Ooh, ooh! Come on!♪ Yeah, yeah,
I'm feeling... ♪
96
00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:24,786
And I just wish I had the chance
to thank him for it.
97
00:04:27,615 --> 00:04:29,272
Do you think
that was okay?
98
00:04:29,356 --> 00:04:32,100
It's a video tribute for someone
whose brother got murdered.
99
00:04:32,184 --> 00:04:34,233
Nothing's "okay."
100
00:04:34,317 --> 00:04:37,628
But funerals
no longer exist, so...
101
00:04:37,712 --> 00:04:39,107
Do you want me
to record yours?
102
00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:40,932
I'm, um...
103
00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:43,982
Yeah, just, um...
104
00:04:44,066 --> 00:04:45,110
No.
105
00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:49,683
And, uh, later today, I need you
to meet a team...
106
00:04:49,767 --> 00:04:51,555
...from county
at the loading dock.
107
00:04:51,639 --> 00:04:53,905
We're giving them PPE.
108
00:04:53,989 --> 00:04:56,560
They're wearing trash bags
over there.
109
00:04:56,644 --> 00:04:58,823
Mm.
110
00:04:58,907 --> 00:05:00,781
Do we have extra PPE?
111
00:05:00,865 --> 00:05:03,480
We have more than others.
Which is extra.
112
00:05:03,564 --> 00:05:05,308
When was the last timeyou
were home?
113
00:05:05,392 --> 00:05:06,831
Hunt! Yeah, Altman.
Come in.
114
00:05:06,915 --> 00:05:08,615
Meredith's stable.
115
00:05:08,699 --> 00:05:12,097
I'm actually gonna try to
reduce her vent settings today.
116
00:05:12,181 --> 00:05:13,011
I'm hopeful.
117
00:05:13,095 --> 00:05:14,534
Hunt,
how are we with beds?
118
00:05:14,618 --> 00:05:18,495
The normal COVID floor
capacity's at 80%, ICU is okay.
119
00:05:18,579 --> 00:05:22,150
Morale is pretty low
with DeLuca...
120
00:05:22,234 --> 00:05:23,761
It's hit everyone
pretty hard.
121
00:05:23,845 --> 00:05:27,199
Well, I expect
DeLuca's autopsy results
122
00:05:27,283 --> 00:05:28,328
by the end of the day.
123
00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:32,378
You asked for his results?
Why?
124
00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:34,075
Andrew DeLuca
was one of our own.
125
00:05:34,159 --> 00:05:35,555
Obviously,
something went wrong.
126
00:05:35,639 --> 00:05:37,122
I want to know what that was.
127
00:05:39,251 --> 00:05:40,081
That's all.
128
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:49,352
Bailey, I already told you
every step of what happened.
129
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:54,400
Well after I could have donesomething to
change the outcome.
130
00:05:54,484 --> 00:05:56,184
Shut the door
on your way out.
131
00:05:56,268 --> 00:05:57,400
Yes?
132
00:05:59,750 --> 00:06:00,624
Yeah.
133
00:06:00,708 --> 00:06:01,883
Alright.
134
00:06:07,541 --> 00:06:09,894
Dr. Connor to the
ICU.Thank youfor coming with me.
135
00:06:09,978 --> 00:06:11,374
I wouldn't miss it.
136
00:06:11,458 --> 00:06:12,636
I have privileges,
right?
137
00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:14,507
My department,
my world.
138
00:06:14,591 --> 00:06:15,900
Dr. Gruber to the OR.
139
00:06:15,984 --> 00:06:17,336
Helm, what do we got? Dr. Gruber to the OR.
140
00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:21,601
Byron Gibbis, 52, foundpassed
out on his front porch.
141
00:06:21,685 --> 00:06:23,864
He's febrile, tachycardic.
I also heard a big murmur.
142
00:06:23,948 --> 00:06:25,388
Rapid COVID was negative,
143
00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:27,520
no signs of head trauma,
but I did order a pan scan.
144
00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:29,087
Let's add a cardiac CT.
145
00:06:29,171 --> 00:06:30,784
Um, do you work here?
146
00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:31,959
Dr. Winston Ndugu,
147
00:06:32,043 --> 00:06:33,744
cardiothoracic surgeon
from Tufts.
148
00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:36,178
He's got Osler's nodes.
149
00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:41,708
Oh, my God.
My God.
150
00:06:41,792 --> 00:06:43,754
Byron, I'm Dr. Maggie Pierce.
You're at Grey-Sloan Memorial.
151
00:06:43,838 --> 00:06:44,929
You were found unconscious,
and an ambulance...
152
00:06:45,013 --> 00:06:46,322
Get away from me! Okay...
153
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:47,758
No, I'm serious.
Everybody back up, okay?
154
00:06:47,842 --> 00:06:49,325
I'm not getting COVID.
Where are my clothes?
155
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,282
Sir, please just...
156
00:06:50,366 --> 00:06:51,805
Everybody here is sick.
157
00:06:51,889 --> 00:06:52,937
Oh, God.
158
00:06:53,021 --> 00:06:55,069
Okay, Byron, I know that this is a shock
159
00:06:55,153 --> 00:06:56,419
and I know
that you're scared,
160
00:06:56,503 --> 00:06:57,768
but if we don't geta look at your heart,
161
00:06:57,852 --> 00:06:59,247
you may not make it home.
162
00:06:59,331 --> 00:07:00,553
We have all been tested.
163
00:07:00,637 --> 00:07:02,860
If you need a maskor if
you need a face shield,
164
00:07:02,944 --> 00:07:03,948
we can get you
whatever you need.
165
00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:06,167
But, please, just stay.
166
00:07:06,251 --> 00:07:07,995
I was so good.
167
00:07:08,079 --> 00:07:09,214
I didn't go anywhere.
168
00:07:09,298 --> 00:07:11,085
Let's get you ready
for CT.
169
00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:17,440
One minute I'm sad,
'cause I think about his sister
170
00:07:17,524 --> 00:07:20,747
and his familyand what a great guy he was.
171
00:07:20,831 --> 00:07:23,228
Next minute,
I'm filled with guilt.
172
00:07:23,312 --> 00:07:24,577
Then I'm filled with rage.
173
00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:27,014
That a person could
174
00:07:27,098 --> 00:07:30,714
do thatto another human being.
175
00:07:30,798 --> 00:07:33,586
I'm scared. Hopeless.
Sometimes numb.
176
00:07:33,670 --> 00:07:35,283
I can always go back to guilt.
177
00:07:35,367 --> 00:07:37,460
Guilt is my go-to.
178
00:07:37,544 --> 00:07:40,463
My go-to is numb.
179
00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:42,465
Wow.
180
00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:44,815
Did you just describeexactly what was wrong
181
00:07:44,899 --> 00:07:46,499
with our relationship
in only five words?
182
00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:50,386
I think maybe I just did.
183
00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:56,127
I just...
DeLuca. I...
184
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:01,742
I-I just can't
get my head around it.
185
00:08:09,924 --> 00:08:12,408
What is this?
186
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,148
Looks like whiskey.
187
00:08:14,232 --> 00:08:16,107
Mm, what was it doing
188
00:08:16,191 --> 00:08:18,588
on the top shelf behindthe
fancy candlesticks?
189
00:08:18,672 --> 00:08:19,850
What were you doing
on the top shelf
190
00:08:19,934 --> 00:08:21,329
behind the fancy
candlesticks?
191
00:08:21,413 --> 00:08:22,592
Are you drunk?
192
00:08:22,676 --> 00:08:23,941
It's 9:00 in the morning.
193
00:08:24,025 --> 00:08:25,551
Plenty of people get drunk
at 9:00 in the morning.
194
00:08:25,635 --> 00:08:28,511
Yeah, well, not me,
Amelia.
195
00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:30,426
I live at home
with four kids.
196
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,950
Sometimes late at night...
197
00:08:33,034 --> 00:08:35,082
...I have a drink in the garage
and I play my guitar.
198
00:08:35,166 --> 00:08:36,344
We're in a pandemic.
199
00:08:36,428 --> 00:08:39,086
You drink in the garage?
Do you hear yourself?
200
00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:40,305
Do youhear yourself?
201
00:08:40,389 --> 00:08:42,786
Hiding alcohol
is an objectively bad sign.
202
00:08:42,870 --> 00:08:45,005
Or it's a sign that I'm trying
to be respectful of you.
203
00:08:45,089 --> 00:08:46,833
If you have a problem, you can talk to me.
204
00:08:46,917 --> 00:08:49,270
I'm, like, literallythe
best person in the world
205
00:08:49,354 --> 00:08:52,273
you could talk to. Do you know
stressed out I am? All the time?
206
00:08:52,357 --> 00:08:54,319
And now on top of everything,
if it wasn't hard enough,
207
00:08:54,403 --> 00:08:56,582
now I have to make sure that
I don't accidentally mention
208
00:08:56,666 --> 00:08:58,323
that their friend Andrew
was stabbed to death
209
00:08:58,407 --> 00:08:59,977
by somebody
who sells children for sex.
210
00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:02,196
Okay, that is all of
us. That is not just you.
211
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,764
And not all of us
have to drink to cope.
212
00:09:04,848 --> 00:09:06,636
You don't haveto,
or you don't getto?
213
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,290
Because I get to.
Because I'm not an alcoholic.
214
00:09:09,374 --> 00:09:10,637
I'm not in recovery and...
215
00:09:12,334 --> 00:09:14,078
Y'know what?
216
00:09:14,162 --> 00:09:15,558
I can't be here right now.
217
00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:17,690
You're leaving?
Yes.
218
00:09:17,774 --> 00:09:19,518
Because I don't want to say
something that I might regret.
219
00:09:19,602 --> 00:09:21,999
Because I love you
and because I'm a good guy.
220
00:09:22,083 --> 00:09:24,305
But sometimes, Amelia,
you drive me insane.
221
00:09:24,389 --> 00:09:25,568
And... And this is
one of those times.
222
00:09:25,652 --> 00:09:27,567
So, yes, I'm leaving.
223
00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:31,182
And I'm taking this
with me.
224
00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:33,790
Oh, and, uh,
just so we're clear...
225
00:09:35,444 --> 00:09:36,709
I'm coming back.
226
00:09:36,793 --> 00:09:38,711
Because
I'm not a bad guy!
227
00:09:43,365 --> 00:09:47,111
No pressure, Grey, but we
reallyneed you to pull through this.
228
00:09:47,195 --> 00:09:50,157
This place
can't stand another loss.
229
00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:52,203
Are we ready?
230
00:09:52,287 --> 00:09:53,596
I'm gonna lighten
her sedation...
231
00:09:55,203 --> 00:09:57,730
...and then gradually
turn down all of her settings.
232
00:09:57,814 --> 00:10:00,341
And if she tolerates it,
then we'll move forward
233
00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:02,082
with spontaneous
breathing trials.
234
00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:03,693
Dr. Altman, I'm more
than able to handle this
235
00:10:03,777 --> 00:10:05,303
with the
respiratory therapist.
236
00:10:05,387 --> 00:10:06,696
Maybe you should
get some rest.
237
00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:08,611
I know how closely
you worked with Dr. DeLuca.
238
00:10:08,695 --> 00:10:11,611
Which has nothing to do
withgetting Meredith off the vent.
239
00:10:19,836 --> 00:10:21,316
Come on, Grey.
240
00:10:23,797 --> 00:10:25,541
Come on, Grey,
you can do this.
241
00:10:27,714 --> 00:10:29,457
You look just like Ellis
just now,
242
00:10:29,541 --> 00:10:30,850
the way you're looking
at your feet.
243
00:10:30,934 --> 00:10:32,025
So serious.
244
00:10:32,109 --> 00:10:34,245
Then she gets that
worried little brow.
245
00:10:36,810 --> 00:10:38,858
This is torture!
246
00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:40,338
You're right here,
and I can't...
247
00:10:40,422 --> 00:10:41,644
It's torture!
248
00:10:41,728 --> 00:10:43,646
It's a torture
of your own devising.
249
00:10:43,730 --> 00:10:45,256
You were always good
at that.
250
00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:46,910
Good at what?
251
00:10:46,994 --> 00:10:48,172
Torturing yourself.
252
00:10:48,256 --> 00:10:50,435
I don't do that
as much anymore.
253
00:10:55,959 --> 00:10:57,834
You never got to
meet Ellis.
254
00:10:57,918 --> 00:10:59,444
We didn't even know.
255
00:10:59,528 --> 00:11:01,446
I wish
you got to know her.
256
00:11:01,530 --> 00:11:03,579
She looks just like you.
257
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,885
She breaks the rules
just like you.
258
00:11:05,969 --> 00:11:09,323
And she's quick to anger.
And quick to laugh.
259
00:11:09,407 --> 00:11:14,456
And she's smart and pensive
and stubborn, just like you.
260
00:11:16,023 --> 00:11:18,942
Hates pink and purple,
loves brown and green,
261
00:11:19,026 --> 00:11:21,161
and... and gets enraged
at the thought
262
00:11:21,245 --> 00:11:23,076
of anybody wanting to
cut down a tree.
263
00:11:33,605 --> 00:11:35,436
Is... Is this thing clean?
264
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:37,525
People say you can't get sick
from surfaces, but you can.
265
00:11:37,609 --> 00:11:39,963
We thoroughly disinfect the entire room
266
00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:41,094
in between patients.
267
00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:43,662
Sir? Just...
I need a minute, okay?
268
00:11:43,746 --> 00:11:45,446
Can I leave my face shield on,
please?
269
00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:48,536
Sure. Oh, God.
270
00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:50,713
If you'd like,
I can stay with you.
271
00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:52,497
I can hold your foot or... No, no, no,
no. I don't want anybody touching me.
272
00:11:52,581 --> 00:11:54,107
Nobody touches me, okay?
273
00:11:54,191 --> 00:11:57,371
Osler's nodes,
so... endocarditis.
274
00:11:57,455 --> 00:11:59,635
Yes, but what is
the underlying cause?
275
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,375
He denies
intravenous drug use,
276
00:12:01,459 --> 00:12:04,074
there's no indwelling catheter,
no diabetes...
277
00:12:04,158 --> 00:12:06,163
He said he hasn't left his house
since lockdown, right?
278
00:12:06,247 --> 00:12:07,555
May I?
279
00:12:10,686 --> 00:12:12,212
Hey, Byron. Yeah?
280
00:12:12,296 --> 00:12:13,997
Have you had any trouble
with your teeth lately?
281
00:12:14,081 --> 00:12:16,869
I had a... a popcorn kernel
stuck in my teeth,
282
00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:18,305
and I picked it out
with a paperclip
283
00:12:18,389 --> 00:12:20,003
and... and now my gums
are a little sore,
284
00:12:20,087 --> 00:12:21,569
but I-I'm not going
to the dentist.
285
00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:23,354
I'm not gonna lay there with
my mouth open for 20 minutes
286
00:12:23,438 --> 00:12:24,529
inhaling somebody's
spit droplets.
287
00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:26,531
No way.Bingo.
288
00:12:26,615 --> 00:12:30,448
Dental infection, which led
to bacterial endocarditis.
289
00:12:30,532 --> 00:12:34,147
Aortic valve abscess almost
completely blocking the valves.
290
00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:36,407
Helm, order some antibiotics
and book an OR.
291
00:12:38,888 --> 00:12:40,501
I thought of it.
292
00:12:40,585 --> 00:12:41,502
You just said it first.
293
00:12:41,586 --> 00:12:43,504
Oh, yeah, I believe you.
294
00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:45,242
100%.
295
00:12:49,594 --> 00:12:52,383
Were you looking
for me, dear?
296
00:12:52,467 --> 00:12:53,947
Yeah, I was.
Yeah.
297
00:12:58,690 --> 00:13:01,131
You know, I built my life,
298
00:13:01,215 --> 00:13:02,698
my sanity,
299
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:05,744
my sobriety...
300
00:13:05,828 --> 00:13:08,268
around the surrender
to a higher power.
301
00:13:08,352 --> 00:13:10,793
I mean, for me,
302
00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:14,797
it's the belief
that there's some purpose.
303
00:13:14,881 --> 00:13:19,932
That there's
a... a bigger plan.
304
00:13:20,016 --> 00:13:23,414
Something that if
I got all the way above it
305
00:13:23,498 --> 00:13:25,329
and could look down on it
306
00:13:25,413 --> 00:13:27,679
like, um...
307
00:13:27,763 --> 00:13:30,160
Like a jigsaw puzzle, okay? Mm.
308
00:13:30,244 --> 00:13:33,250
That somehow it would...
It would make sense.
309
00:13:33,334 --> 00:13:35,905
My faith is rooted
in the trust
310
00:13:35,989 --> 00:13:40,257
that there's a... a meaning
and a wisdom
311
00:13:40,341 --> 00:13:44,827
that I'm just not elevated
enough to see or understand.
312
00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:48,308
A faith that
whoever made this puzzle,
313
00:13:48,392 --> 00:13:50,307
it makes sense to Him.
314
00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:53,833
And it's beautiful.Mm.
315
00:13:56,574 --> 00:13:58,275
Today,
I'm... I'm struggling.
316
00:13:58,359 --> 00:14:01,887
I'm struggling
with my faith.
317
00:14:01,971 --> 00:14:04,669
I'm struggling
to trust anything.
318
00:14:06,497 --> 00:14:12,506
And I just cannot
see any wisdom in this.
319
00:14:16,290 --> 00:14:20,297
I live
with stage 4 cancer.
320
00:14:20,381 --> 00:14:23,953
A cancer
very few people survive.
321
00:14:24,037 --> 00:14:26,651
I just got the results
from my latest scan,
322
00:14:26,735 --> 00:14:29,785
and... nothing has grown.
323
00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:33,092
It makes no sense.
324
00:14:33,176 --> 00:14:34,485
Everywhere we look,
325
00:14:34,569 --> 00:14:37,923
someone is dying
that was healthy yesterday.
326
00:14:38,007 --> 00:14:41,231
It makes no sense.
327
00:14:41,315 --> 00:14:45,061
"Puzzle"
is the right word.
328
00:14:45,145 --> 00:14:51,589
You can look for the pain,
the lost, the unbearable.
329
00:14:51,673 --> 00:14:56,072
Or you can look
for the beauty, the grace...
330
00:14:56,156 --> 00:14:58,378
the miracle.
331
00:14:58,462 --> 00:15:02,208
And nothing grew?
332
00:15:02,292 --> 00:15:04,820
Nothing grew.
333
00:15:09,038 --> 00:15:12,436
Okay, so, I know
that people buy and trade
334
00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:15,221
and get rich
and then just lose everything.
335
00:15:15,305 --> 00:15:18,181
But what exactly
is the stock market?
336
00:15:18,265 --> 00:15:20,357
It's a good thing you already
know how to live out of a car.
337
00:15:20,441 --> 00:15:22,141
Why? Well, questions like that
338
00:15:22,225 --> 00:15:24,025
make me think you're
gonna end up back in one.
339
00:15:27,535 --> 00:15:30,454
Uh...
who is it?
340
00:15:30,538 --> 00:15:32,543
It's Jackson Avery!
341
00:15:32,627 --> 00:15:34,197
I'm here for a quick bang.
342
00:15:34,281 --> 00:15:35,676
I...
Jo!
343
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:36,805
I...
344
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:43,946
Shut up.
345
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:45,861
Bad time?
346
00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:50,387
Oh, crap.
347
00:15:50,471 --> 00:15:52,389
Hey. Really bad time.
348
00:15:52,473 --> 00:15:54,391
Um, I brought whiskey.
349
00:15:54,475 --> 00:15:57,046
Oh, we're day drinking.
Ah!
350
00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:58,874
Sorry, dude.
I didn't realize, uh...
351
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,832
No, no, it's cool.
352
00:16:00,916 --> 00:16:03,095
Guess you're aware of our...
situation, then.
353
00:16:03,179 --> 00:16:05,228
Yep. Sweet deal.
354
00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:08,448
Here.
355
00:16:08,532 --> 00:16:09,841
Oh, no,
I'm on, uh, call.
356
00:16:09,925 --> 00:16:11,712
Oh! Dibs.
357
00:16:11,796 --> 00:16:13,627
Okay. Cheers.
358
00:16:13,711 --> 00:16:16,413
Happy...
359
00:16:16,497 --> 00:16:17,672
all-our-friends-are-dying
day.
360
00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:28,251
I told him we'd move as fast
as was safely possible.
361
00:16:28,335 --> 00:16:31,558
His echo showed
his ejection fraction at 64%,
362
00:16:31,642 --> 00:16:34,518
so hopefully his heart is strong
enough to have a good outcome.
363
00:16:34,602 --> 00:16:36,781
Who cleans his teeth
with a paperclip?
364
00:16:36,865 --> 00:16:39,044
Isolation makes people
do crazy things.
365
00:16:39,128 --> 00:16:41,351
We're not meant
to be alone.
366
00:16:41,435 --> 00:16:43,701
People physically
need people.
367
00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:50,969
Oh, no, no! Don't...
Don't... Don't touch me!
368
00:16:51,053 --> 00:16:53,058
Just back away!
Please, everybody, back away.
369
00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:55,539
Dr. Pierce! I'm sorry.
I can't be here!
370
00:16:55,623 --> 00:16:58,281
I can't do this. I can't!
Get away from me! Dr. Pierce. Dr. Pierce.
371
00:16:58,365 --> 00:17:00,196
Dr. Pierce! A little help? I can't be here!
I can't be here!
372
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:01,937
Oh, God. I can't!
I can't be here.
373
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,110
I can't.
I need to get out of here!
374
00:17:09,811 --> 00:17:12,208
Okay, call security.
I'm gonna go to the elevator.
375
00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:13,470
You go to the OR board.
I don't know where that is.
376
00:17:13,554 --> 00:17:14,514
It's... Did anyone lose
a naked man?
377
00:17:14,598 --> 00:17:15,598
Because he went that way.
378
00:17:16,122 --> 00:17:17,039
Oh.
379
00:17:22,302 --> 00:17:23,393
Byron?
380
00:17:32,529 --> 00:17:34,404
Hey, Byron.
381
00:17:34,488 --> 00:17:36,884
I'm... I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
382
00:17:36,968 --> 00:17:38,843
I can't do this.
I can't be here.
383
00:17:38,927 --> 00:17:40,627
I...
384
00:17:40,711 --> 00:17:43,195
Oh, my God, my masks.
I'm not wearing my masks.
385
00:17:43,279 --> 00:17:45,499
Honey, you're not wearing
anything.
386
00:17:50,547 --> 00:17:54,337
My best friend, Rory,
he was healthy as a horse.
387
00:17:54,421 --> 00:17:56,121
Never worked a day job
his entire life,
388
00:17:56,205 --> 00:17:57,340
he didn't smoke,
he didn't drink,
389
00:17:57,424 --> 00:17:59,168
he... he ran triathlons.
390
00:17:59,252 --> 00:18:01,692
He got the virus,
he was dead in a week. A week!
391
00:18:01,776 --> 00:18:03,607
Wife and kids didn't
get to say goodbye to him.
392
00:18:03,691 --> 00:18:04,956
Do you know
how many people
393
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,610
they're projecting die
from this?
394
00:18:06,694 --> 00:18:09,091
Hundreds of thousands. I know.
395
00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:11,267
And if you
want to walk out of here,
396
00:18:11,351 --> 00:18:13,095
I'm not gonna stop you.
397
00:18:13,179 --> 00:18:14,574
Wait, what?
398
00:18:14,658 --> 00:18:16,272
But I will follow you.
399
00:18:16,356 --> 00:18:18,317
Because your heart's
only gonna get worse,
400
00:18:18,401 --> 00:18:19,753
and I owe it to you,
401
00:18:19,837 --> 00:18:21,842
I owe it to my oath,
402
00:18:21,926 --> 00:18:22,926
I owe it...
403
00:18:26,670 --> 00:18:29,241
I lost someone, too,
Byron.
404
00:18:29,325 --> 00:18:32,375
Not COVID.
405
00:18:32,459 --> 00:18:34,116
But I know that pain,
406
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:39,034
and I know how unfair it is
and how enraging it is.
407
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,858
But I think...
408
00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:45,692
I think we owe it
to the people we lost
409
00:18:45,776 --> 00:18:47,651
to live the lives
that they can't.
410
00:18:47,735 --> 00:18:51,742
Even when it seems hard,
and even when we're afraid.
411
00:18:51,826 --> 00:18:55,137
Byron, you have a problem
that we can fix.
412
00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:56,486
We can fix this.
413
00:18:56,570 --> 00:18:57,922
But you have to let us.
414
00:18:58,006 --> 00:18:59,750
I don't want to die.
415
00:18:59,834 --> 00:19:00,968
I don't want to die.
416
00:19:01,052 --> 00:19:03,101
I don't want you to die,
either.
417
00:19:15,415 --> 00:19:16,332
Okay.
418
00:19:16,416 --> 00:19:18,421
Okay.
419
00:19:18,505 --> 00:19:21,293
Let's get you
a gown first.
420
00:19:21,377 --> 00:19:24,514
She didn't even know
that she was pregnant.
421
00:19:24,598 --> 00:19:25,863
And then
we saved her baby.
422
00:19:25,947 --> 00:19:27,560
And then...
423
00:19:27,644 --> 00:19:28,953
she died.
424
00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:31,129
It's like,
during a pandemic,
425
00:19:31,213 --> 00:19:34,089
shouldn't all the other
tragic crap take a break?
426
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:35,612
You're seriously
gonna quit surgery?
427
00:19:35,696 --> 00:19:37,004
I need some good things
in my life.
428
00:19:37,088 --> 00:19:38,223
And babies are good.
429
00:19:38,307 --> 00:19:40,399
You realize OB
is all about moms, yeah?
430
00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:43,141
Yeah, who are happy
because they're having babies.
431
00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:45,361
Not having my own
any time soon...
432
00:19:45,445 --> 00:19:46,405
Fingers crossed.
433
00:19:46,489 --> 00:19:48,277
...or maybe ever,
434
00:19:48,361 --> 00:19:50,192
so I might as well hang out
with some others.
435
00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:51,541
I got like 15 of themat home.
436
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:52,542
Hang out with those.
437
00:19:52,626 --> 00:19:53,891
It's so unfair!
438
00:19:53,975 --> 00:19:56,720
You and Amelia
didn't even want a baby,
439
00:19:56,804 --> 00:19:58,722
and then you got one
and neither of you died.
440
00:19:58,806 --> 00:20:01,159
Oh, poor you.
441
00:20:01,243 --> 00:20:04,075
You're young and single
and dating a plastic surgeon.
442
00:20:04,159 --> 00:20:05,511
No, we're not...
Not dating. It's just sex.
443
00:20:05,595 --> 00:20:07,557
And you can still work.
Oh.
444
00:20:07,641 --> 00:20:09,950
Last time
my life sucked this bad,
445
00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:12,344
I quit medicine
and moved to Venice Beach.
446
00:20:12,428 --> 00:20:13,867
Ah, yes.
The bike shop, right?
447
00:20:13,951 --> 00:20:15,173
Heaven.
448
00:20:15,257 --> 00:20:17,175
Jackson wants to
run away to the woods.
449
00:20:17,259 --> 00:20:18,220
Oh, nice.
Can I come?
450
00:20:18,304 --> 00:20:19,438
No, that would defeat
the purpose.
451
00:20:19,522 --> 00:20:21,484
What isthe purpose?
452
00:20:21,568 --> 00:20:23,573
You kidding? Escape.
Outta here. Mm.
453
00:20:23,657 --> 00:20:25,923
Escape from pain and rage
and responsibility.
454
00:20:26,007 --> 00:20:27,533
Escape from humanity.
455
00:20:27,617 --> 00:20:29,013
I mean,
trees don't murder people.
456
00:20:29,097 --> 00:20:30,580
Trees are not racist.Mm-hmm.
457
00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:32,451
Trees do not
politicize a disease
458
00:20:32,535 --> 00:20:33,539
and convince
millions of people
459
00:20:33,623 --> 00:20:35,193
not to protect themselves
and others
460
00:20:35,277 --> 00:20:37,239
by using a simple piece of damn
fabric on their faces, so...
461
00:20:37,323 --> 00:20:39,197
Trees don't even
have faces.
462
00:20:39,281 --> 00:20:40,601
You know what?
Maybe you can come.
463
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:43,462
Ohh!
464
00:20:45,156 --> 00:20:46,506
♪ Oh
465
00:20:48,769 --> 00:20:51,253
Uh, primary repair
of the stomach...
466
00:20:51,337 --> 00:20:53,080
...diaphragm,
splenectomy,
467
00:20:53,164 --> 00:20:55,257
and repair
of ventricular injury...
468
00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:57,955
All intact.
469
00:20:58,039 --> 00:21:00,610
Ultimately died
from coagulopathy.
470
00:21:00,694 --> 00:21:03,003
Like I told you. Well, now we have it
in writing.
471
00:21:03,087 --> 00:21:05,136
Which will make
the M&M go smoothly.
472
00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:06,877
The M&M?
473
00:21:06,961 --> 00:21:08,966
Bailey, what in the hell
are you trying to prove?
474
00:21:09,050 --> 00:21:11,055
It's Andrew DeLuca.
475
00:21:11,139 --> 00:21:13,275
He gave five years of his life
to this hospital.
476
00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:15,190
We own him due diligence.
477
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:17,844
What about what you owe to your
doctors that are still here?
478
00:21:17,928 --> 00:21:20,195
The ones who've sacrificed
their lives to fight a pandemic,
479
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:23,459
who hardly sleep or eat
or even shower,
480
00:21:23,543 --> 00:21:25,504
who see their families
on screens...
481
00:21:25,588 --> 00:21:28,594
Their faces are full of bruises
because of the damn PPE,
482
00:21:28,678 --> 00:21:30,857
and now you want them
to sit in front of a computer
483
00:21:30,941 --> 00:21:32,685
and be grilled
on whether they messed up
484
00:21:32,769 --> 00:21:34,774
trying to save
one of their own?
485
00:21:34,858 --> 00:21:36,559
Let them grieve,
for God's sake!
486
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:47,178
You are causing me harm.
487
00:21:47,262 --> 00:21:51,835
You are causing harm
to Hunt and Altman.
488
00:21:51,919 --> 00:21:55,621
DeLuca was a victim
of a horrible crime,
489
00:21:55,705 --> 00:21:57,623
and he lost
too much blood.
490
00:21:57,707 --> 00:22:01,758
No mistakes were made,
no stitch was missed.
491
00:22:01,842 --> 00:22:03,542
And the mere suggestion
that any of us
492
00:22:03,626 --> 00:22:06,760
didn't do everything possible
to save his life...
493
00:22:09,415 --> 00:22:11,507
...it's a pain
I wouldn't put on anyone.
494
00:22:24,604 --> 00:22:26,913
I want you closer.
495
00:22:26,997 --> 00:22:29,348
Could you please
just come here?
496
00:22:31,088 --> 00:22:33,485
Do you remember when
you were trying to teach Zola
497
00:22:33,569 --> 00:22:35,357
how to ride a bike?
498
00:22:35,441 --> 00:22:37,402
She got so frustrated
because she couldn't,
499
00:22:37,486 --> 00:22:40,144
and she threw it down,
and she goes, "Mama, you do it."
500
00:22:40,228 --> 00:22:43,234
And you couldn't stop laughing,
and she got so mad.
501
00:22:43,318 --> 00:22:45,149
Well, I was trying
not to laugh.
502
00:22:45,233 --> 00:22:47,586
So am I.
503
00:22:47,670 --> 00:22:50,937
I can't do it for you.
504
00:22:51,021 --> 00:22:52,021
It's your beach.
505
00:22:53,676 --> 00:22:55,551
Zola's amazing,
isn't she?
506
00:22:55,635 --> 00:22:58,902
I mean,
she's just so brilliant.
507
00:22:58,986 --> 00:23:00,382
She writes me letters
in her journal.
508
00:23:00,466 --> 00:23:01,470
Did you know that?
509
00:23:08,082 --> 00:23:10,261
Well, what is that?
What is that face?
510
00:23:10,345 --> 00:23:12,350
Would you start a surgery
with a face like that?
511
00:23:12,434 --> 00:23:13,395
No!
512
00:23:13,479 --> 00:23:14,396
No.
513
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:16,049
You would relax.
514
00:23:39,635 --> 00:23:40,944
It hasn't been that long.
515
00:23:41,028 --> 00:23:43,294
Maybe we could decrease
sedation a bit further,
516
00:23:43,378 --> 00:23:44,730
at least run another ABG.
517
00:23:44,814 --> 00:23:46,123
And hope she doesn't go
into cardiac arrest
518
00:23:46,207 --> 00:23:48,430
while we wait
for the results?
519
00:23:48,514 --> 00:23:50,257
I'm turning the settings
back up.
520
00:23:52,343 --> 00:23:53,783
Grey's staying
on the vent.
521
00:24:06,967 --> 00:24:08,087
How's the book report
coming?
522
00:24:09,883 --> 00:24:12,454
That was
one of my favorites.
523
00:24:12,538 --> 00:24:14,020
That's what grownups say
to convince you
524
00:24:14,104 --> 00:24:15,239
to finish your homework.
525
00:24:15,323 --> 00:24:17,807
You got me there.
526
00:24:17,891 --> 00:24:20,679
I'm supposed to write a whole
page about living forever.
527
00:24:20,763 --> 00:24:23,595
Mom says it's impossible.
So what's the point?
528
00:24:23,679 --> 00:24:26,816
Your mom is pretty smart.
529
00:24:28,989 --> 00:24:31,777
If I made a medicine
where you could live forever,
530
00:24:31,861 --> 00:24:33,213
would you take it?
531
00:24:33,297 --> 00:24:34,650
I don't know.
532
00:24:34,734 --> 00:24:36,086
Uncle Link said,
"Heck yeah."
533
00:24:36,170 --> 00:24:38,480
That sounds like him.
534
00:24:38,564 --> 00:24:40,699
Me, I don't know.
535
00:24:40,783 --> 00:24:44,224
I think the fact
that we can't live forever
536
00:24:44,308 --> 00:24:48,490
is one of the things
that makes life so special.
537
00:24:48,574 --> 00:24:49,882
Impermanence.
538
00:24:49,966 --> 00:24:51,884
I think if we could
live forever,
539
00:24:51,968 --> 00:24:54,409
we'd spend so much time
losing the people that we love
540
00:24:54,493 --> 00:24:56,454
instead of holding tight
while we still can.
541
00:24:56,538 --> 00:24:58,325
Impermanence.
542
00:24:58,409 --> 00:24:59,979
I like that word.
543
00:25:00,063 --> 00:25:01,894
Me too.
544
00:25:01,978 --> 00:25:05,202
If I had the medicine,
I'd give it to my mom right now.
545
00:25:05,286 --> 00:25:07,070
Me too.
546
00:25:09,116 --> 00:25:10,773
Hey,
you want to call her?
547
00:25:10,857 --> 00:25:13,210
Alright.
548
00:25:19,605 --> 00:25:20,522
Hello there.
549
00:25:20,606 --> 00:25:21,784
Can we have a minute?
550
00:25:21,868 --> 00:25:22,868
Of course.
551
00:25:24,697 --> 00:25:28,268
Hi, Mommy.
I miss you so much.
552
00:25:28,352 --> 00:25:29,792
I love you.
553
00:25:29,876 --> 00:25:33,706
Um, I've been writing
a page about living forever.
554
00:25:34,881 --> 00:25:36,494
How are you doing?
555
00:25:36,578 --> 00:25:38,104
It didn't work?
556
00:25:38,188 --> 00:25:40,277
Altman wants to try again
in a day or so.
557
00:25:45,979 --> 00:25:47,894
When I lost my wife,
um...
558
00:25:50,113 --> 00:25:51,466
...the therapist,
she said that
559
00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:55,078
there's no wrong way
to process the loss,
560
00:25:55,162 --> 00:25:56,816
the grief.
561
00:25:58,557 --> 00:26:00,733
But there is.
562
00:26:01,908 --> 00:26:04,040
Over a bloody computer screen,
it's...
563
00:26:06,086 --> 00:26:07,830
...it's wrong.
564
00:26:07,914 --> 00:26:09,484
Dr. Lyon,
call the blood bank.
565
00:26:09,568 --> 00:26:12,095
Dr. Lyon,
call the blood bank.
566
00:26:14,616 --> 00:26:15,794
Ohh!
Oh!
567
00:26:15,878 --> 00:26:19,450
You know the rules.
Who deserves it?
568
00:26:19,534 --> 00:26:21,321
Deserves what?
Rules to what? "Make it Sadder."
569
00:26:21,405 --> 00:26:23,280
We tell our sob stories,
570
00:26:23,364 --> 00:26:27,023
and whosever story is saddest
wins the last shot.
571
00:26:27,107 --> 00:26:28,633
"Make it Sadder"?
That's fun?
572
00:26:28,717 --> 00:26:29,721
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
573
00:26:29,805 --> 00:26:31,549
Okay. Alright.
I'll be the judge.
574
00:26:31,633 --> 00:26:32,594
I'll be the judge.
Alright, go.Okay.
575
00:26:32,678 --> 00:26:33,986
Alright.
576
00:26:34,070 --> 00:26:37,424
I am currently raising
four children
577
00:26:37,508 --> 00:26:39,818
in a hellscape of a world
578
00:26:39,902 --> 00:26:41,690
where people
don't listen to science.
579
00:26:41,774 --> 00:26:44,519
My parents are going ahead
with their second wedding
580
00:26:44,603 --> 00:26:45,781
even though
there's a pandemic,
581
00:26:45,865 --> 00:26:47,652
so they'll probably
get sick and die.
582
00:26:47,736 --> 00:26:51,047
And, uh, my last shred
of me-time...
583
00:26:51,131 --> 00:26:52,439
Sneaking an occasional drink,
584
00:26:52,523 --> 00:26:53,919
which was already
pretty pathetic,
585
00:26:54,003 --> 00:26:57,488
I know... is now ruined.
586
00:26:57,572 --> 00:26:59,751
Strong. Yeah.
Mm, alright.
587
00:26:59,835 --> 00:27:05,322
I had plans the weekend
that everything shut down.
588
00:27:05,406 --> 00:27:07,933
I had crawled out
of my depression,
589
00:27:08,017 --> 00:27:11,807
and I was all set
to start over by...
590
00:27:11,891 --> 00:27:12,891
going...
591
00:27:14,458 --> 00:27:17,464
...going on dates.
592
00:27:17,548 --> 00:27:18,509
Oh, yeah. Aww!
593
00:27:18,593 --> 00:27:20,380
Okay, yes, yes.
594
00:27:20,464 --> 00:27:22,948
You guys,
I even bought outfits, okay?
595
00:27:23,032 --> 00:27:26,299
Hang on. Okay.
Ah! Okay.Alright.
596
00:27:26,383 --> 00:27:28,345
Let me show you.
597
00:27:28,429 --> 00:27:31,478
What do we have?
Oh, this is cute, right?
598
00:27:31,562 --> 00:27:35,395
The perfect thing
to declare someone dead in.
599
00:27:35,479 --> 00:27:36,571
Oh, what about this?
600
00:27:36,655 --> 00:27:38,529
This, for the, um,
career girl
601
00:27:38,613 --> 00:27:41,010
that just spent, um,
seven hours
602
00:27:41,094 --> 00:27:43,621
making more room for bodies
on the morgue truck.
603
00:27:43,705 --> 00:27:45,797
Or...
Or...
604
00:27:45,881 --> 00:27:47,582
How about this?
605
00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:51,586
This, for... for
the funeral of a co-worker
606
00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:54,501
who got stabbed to death...
607
00:27:54,585 --> 00:27:59,025
who doesn't even
get a funeral.
608
00:28:03,507 --> 00:28:05,771
Okay,
Jo wins the last shot.
609
00:28:07,903 --> 00:28:09,560
No, no!
610
00:28:09,644 --> 00:28:10,648
Yes. No way. Unh-unh.
611
00:28:10,732 --> 00:28:11,867
Unh-unh. Thank you so much.
612
00:28:11,951 --> 00:28:15,740
She has an entire loft
all to herself!
613
00:28:15,824 --> 00:28:16,824
Mnh-mnh.
614
00:28:18,261 --> 00:28:19,265
Hold on.
Ahh!
615
00:28:20,220 --> 00:28:21,572
What's that?
616
00:28:21,656 --> 00:28:22,878
It's Richard.
617
00:28:22,962 --> 00:28:24,488
The memorial for DeLuca
is tonight.
618
00:28:27,357 --> 00:28:28,840
Alright, I'll drive.
619
00:28:28,924 --> 00:28:32,670
Let's, um, get ready.
620
00:28:32,754 --> 00:28:34,150
Orderly to 6 East.
621
00:28:53,862 --> 00:28:56,215
Hey. Uh, just moved
Mr. Cabrera up here.
622
00:28:56,299 --> 00:28:57,390
Another complete white-out.
623
00:28:57,474 --> 00:28:58,304
How's Meredith?
624
00:28:58,388 --> 00:29:00,567
Um, uh...
625
00:29:00,651 --> 00:29:02,134
It... It didn't work.
626
00:29:02,218 --> 00:29:04,746
And I'm questioning
why I even thought it would.
627
00:29:04,830 --> 00:29:07,792
Well, DeLuca's autopsy results
came back.
628
00:29:07,876 --> 00:29:09,228
We did everything
that we could.
629
00:29:09,312 --> 00:29:10,923
I know that.
630
00:29:12,707 --> 00:29:14,886
And he's still dead.
631
00:29:26,634 --> 00:29:29,422
Your kids call every day
on a video chat.
632
00:29:29,506 --> 00:29:31,030
Don't know
if you can hear them.
633
00:29:33,249 --> 00:29:34,732
Don't even know
if you can hear me now.
634
00:29:34,816 --> 00:29:38,475
♪ There's a million things
635
00:29:38,559 --> 00:29:39,911
You look perfect.
636
00:29:39,995 --> 00:29:44,133
♪ I can't control
637
00:29:44,217 --> 00:29:45,656
Maybe... Maybe
638
00:29:45,740 --> 00:29:47,789
it's none of my business,
Grey,
639
00:29:47,873 --> 00:29:49,616
but I'm begging you.
640
00:29:49,700 --> 00:29:51,009
Fight.
641
00:29:51,093 --> 00:29:53,795
♪ There is one thing
that I know ♪
642
00:29:53,879 --> 00:29:55,971
That's up to you.
643
00:29:56,055 --> 00:29:57,624
But if you're asking me,
644
00:29:57,708 --> 00:29:58,843
you should hear him out.
645
00:29:58,927 --> 00:30:00,453
They need you, Grey.
646
00:30:00,537 --> 00:30:02,020
The little one...
647
00:30:02,104 --> 00:30:04,414
Ellis. She looks just like you.
648
00:30:04,498 --> 00:30:06,721
She got
all your expressions.
649
00:30:06,805 --> 00:30:08,157
She doesn't smile
easy or often,
650
00:30:08,241 --> 00:30:11,290
but when she does, sweet Jesus,
it lights up the room.
651
00:30:11,374 --> 00:30:13,336
What did you do
to make her smile?
652
00:30:13,420 --> 00:30:14,380
You shoulda seen it...
653
00:30:14,464 --> 00:30:15,947
She smiles and she smiles,
654
00:30:16,031 --> 00:30:18,384
and it gets bigger
and bigger until...
655
00:30:18,468 --> 00:30:20,735
Boom!
She just bursts out laughing.
656
00:30:20,819 --> 00:30:23,259
What did you do
to make her laugh?
657
00:30:23,343 --> 00:30:25,261
Then her brother gets annoyed
because she's laughing so hard
658
00:30:25,345 --> 00:30:26,392
right in his ear.
659
00:30:26,476 --> 00:30:27,437
That's Bailey.
660
00:30:27,521 --> 00:30:28,830
And then the oldest one
comes in,
661
00:30:28,914 --> 00:30:31,397
and she takes the tablet
and says they're hogging it
662
00:30:31,481 --> 00:30:32,877
and that she needs
time with you, too,
663
00:30:32,961 --> 00:30:36,402
because she's the oldest
and she's your favorite.
664
00:30:36,486 --> 00:30:38,448
Zola.
665
00:30:38,532 --> 00:30:41,930
Then I hear a click and a lock,
but we're in darkness.
666
00:30:42,014 --> 00:30:44,759
Can't tell who has it,
'cause I can't see a face.
667
00:30:44,843 --> 00:30:48,327
But then I hear a voice,
and it's the oldest one.
668
00:30:48,411 --> 00:30:50,677
And she's
sittin' in the dark.
669
00:30:50,761 --> 00:30:52,592
She's in her closet.
670
00:30:52,676 --> 00:30:55,204
That's where she goes
to write letters to her dad.
671
00:30:55,288 --> 00:30:58,381
And she says,
"I'm really sorry, Mum.
672
00:30:58,465 --> 00:31:00,252
Didn't mean for things
to get so violent.
673
00:31:00,336 --> 00:31:03,212
Ellis can be
truly infuriating."
674
00:31:05,341 --> 00:31:07,477
They need you, Grey.
675
00:31:07,561 --> 00:31:08,870
I know.
676
00:31:08,954 --> 00:31:10,306
They need you to fight.
677
00:31:10,390 --> 00:31:14,876
♪ My thoughts don't drift
678
00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:15,702
♪ When you're around
679
00:31:15,786 --> 00:31:18,314
We all need you to fight.
680
00:31:18,398 --> 00:31:21,317
I don't know that I can.
681
00:31:21,401 --> 00:31:24,886
It's... so warm here.
682
00:31:24,970 --> 00:31:27,236
The water is so cool.
683
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:29,194
I feel so relaxed.
684
00:31:29,278 --> 00:31:30,935
And there's no pain.
685
00:31:31,019 --> 00:31:32,589
I watched my kids
lose their mum.
686
00:31:32,673 --> 00:31:34,286
You don't want
that for your kids, Grey.
687
00:31:34,370 --> 00:31:36,593
There are people getting better
here every day.
688
00:31:36,677 --> 00:31:38,769
You could be
one of those people.
689
00:31:38,853 --> 00:31:40,945
♪ Nothing is forever
690
00:31:41,029 --> 00:31:43,208
I believe that you could.
691
00:31:43,292 --> 00:31:44,819
'Cause I've heard the stories
about other fights
692
00:31:44,903 --> 00:31:46,208
you've already won, so...
693
00:31:47,601 --> 00:31:49,998
So I'm asking you
to fight.
694
00:31:50,082 --> 00:31:51,173
♪ You're my anchor
in the ocean ♪
695
00:31:51,257 --> 00:31:53,175
You fight, Grey.
696
00:31:53,259 --> 00:31:54,132
♪ Tides will change,
the sea can't help it ♪
697
00:31:54,216 --> 00:31:56,004
It's okay.
698
00:31:56,088 --> 00:31:57,919
I'll be right here.
699
00:31:58,003 --> 00:32:00,182
♪ Nothing is forever
700
00:32:00,266 --> 00:32:06,841
♪ When it feels like
I'm in constant motion ♪
701
00:32:06,925 --> 00:32:13,760
♪ You're my anchor
in the ocean ♪
702
00:32:32,689 --> 00:32:35,652
Dr. Webber
set something up for DeLuca.
703
00:32:35,736 --> 00:32:36,824
A memorial.
704
00:32:45,398 --> 00:32:46,660
I'm not a great Jew.
705
00:32:49,315 --> 00:32:52,408
I cheated
at my bar mitzvah.
706
00:32:52,492 --> 00:32:56,629
I was too busy trying
to ignore Lenny Rapkin's shins
707
00:32:56,713 --> 00:32:58,588
that I didn't learn Hebrew,
708
00:32:58,672 --> 00:32:59,502
so I just wrote it out
phonetically
709
00:32:59,586 --> 00:33:01,634
and read that instead.
710
00:33:01,718 --> 00:33:05,464
I skip half the High Holy Days
and repent for it at Yom Kippur.
711
00:33:05,548 --> 00:33:08,076
And if I'm honest, I...
712
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:10,078
go back and forth
about believing in God,
713
00:33:10,162 --> 00:33:13,124
which is actually very Jewish,
but...
714
00:33:13,208 --> 00:33:15,906
It's the traditions
that I find helpful.
715
00:33:17,778 --> 00:33:20,958
When a loved one dies,
we have...
716
00:33:21,042 --> 00:33:24,657
rules about how to grieve
and move on.
717
00:33:24,741 --> 00:33:26,137
Protocols.
718
00:33:26,221 --> 00:33:31,099
We force ourselves
to sit in the pain.
719
00:33:31,183 --> 00:33:33,753
We cry.
720
00:33:33,837 --> 00:33:35,494
And we laugh.
721
00:33:35,578 --> 00:33:38,193
And we eat a lot.
722
00:33:38,277 --> 00:33:41,674
And it doesn't bring
the person back,
723
00:33:41,758 --> 00:33:44,065
but it does
start the healing.
724
00:33:48,635 --> 00:33:50,422
Chief, your mom died.
725
00:33:54,684 --> 00:33:55,950
My mom makes me crazy,
726
00:33:56,034 --> 00:33:58,909
but I'm gonna fall apart
when she dies.
727
00:33:58,993 --> 00:34:02,779
And you have people
you can be with.
728
00:34:04,259 --> 00:34:08,829
People who love you and miss you
and need to grieve with you.
729
00:34:10,483 --> 00:34:12,702
This pandemic
has taken so much.
730
00:34:14,704 --> 00:34:16,445
Don't give it that,
too.
731
00:34:17,838 --> 00:34:19,974
♪ There's a light
732
00:34:23,017 --> 00:34:25,414
♪ A certain kind of light
733
00:34:27,630 --> 00:34:32,943
♪ It's never shone on me
734
00:34:33,027 --> 00:34:34,423
Hey.
735
00:34:34,507 --> 00:34:36,120
Oh, sorry.
736
00:34:36,204 --> 00:34:39,428
Um, I'm about to head back in
to check on Mr. Gibbis.
737
00:34:39,512 --> 00:34:41,473
He's sedated and stable.
738
00:34:41,557 --> 00:34:44,389
You gonna go
to the memorial?
739
00:34:44,473 --> 00:34:48,176
I thought bad things
about him.
740
00:34:48,260 --> 00:34:53,355
When he was sick, I thought,
"Great, more surgeries for me."
741
00:34:53,439 --> 00:34:55,400
I had no compassion.
742
00:34:55,484 --> 00:34:57,315
And now he's just...
743
00:34:57,399 --> 00:34:59,013
dead.
744
00:34:59,097 --> 00:35:00,101
And we can't hug.
745
00:35:00,185 --> 00:35:02,538
And as a rule,
I hate hugs, but...
746
00:35:02,622 --> 00:35:04,235
♪ What good does...
747
00:35:04,319 --> 00:35:07,151
...I haven't physically touched
anyone without gloves
748
00:35:07,235 --> 00:35:08,544
in over two months,
749
00:35:08,628 --> 00:35:12,635
and I-I feel like
I'm turning into that patient.
750
00:35:12,719 --> 00:35:14,115
Another week of this and...
751
00:35:14,199 --> 00:35:16,421
I'll be running through
the hospital naked.
752
00:35:16,505 --> 00:35:17,422
♪ You don't know
what it's like ♪
753
00:35:17,506 --> 00:35:20,121
Stand up.
754
00:35:20,205 --> 00:35:21,209
And turn around.
755
00:35:21,293 --> 00:35:22,819
I'm sorry?
756
00:35:22,903 --> 00:35:24,168
Just trust me.
757
00:35:26,820 --> 00:35:30,522
♪ To love somebody
758
00:35:30,606 --> 00:35:34,091
♪ To love somebody
759
00:35:34,175 --> 00:35:36,615
♪ The way I love you
760
00:35:41,704 --> 00:35:46,451
♪ You don't know
what it's like ♪
761
00:35:48,233 --> 00:35:49,759
Thank you.
762
00:35:49,843 --> 00:35:53,632
♪ Baby, you don't know
what it's like ♪
763
00:35:53,716 --> 00:35:55,504
Spread out, please.
764
00:35:55,588 --> 00:35:58,072
We may be outside, but we still
need to maintain our distance.
765
00:35:58,156 --> 00:36:01,249
♪ To love somebody
766
00:36:01,333 --> 00:36:05,079
♪ The way I love you
767
00:36:15,608 --> 00:36:18,614
♪ The way I love you
768
00:36:24,138 --> 00:36:25,229
Richard.
769
00:36:26,445 --> 00:36:28,058
I'm...
770
00:36:28,142 --> 00:36:30,974
I need to
take some time off.
771
00:36:31,058 --> 00:36:32,280
I'm not sure how long.
772
00:36:32,364 --> 00:36:34,369
But I-I need to go home.
773
00:36:34,453 --> 00:36:36,153
However long you need.
774
00:36:39,284 --> 00:36:44,205
Everybody, can I have
your attention, please?
775
00:36:44,289 --> 00:36:46,424
Thank you.
776
00:36:46,508 --> 00:36:49,340
I appreciate
you all being here tonight.
777
00:36:49,424 --> 00:36:52,909
Grey-Sloan is a family.
778
00:36:52,993 --> 00:36:56,347
And Andrew DeLuca
was a member of that family.
779
00:36:56,431 --> 00:36:59,307
And his death,
however brave...
780
00:36:59,391 --> 00:37:02,223
Well,
it's still heartbreaking.
781
00:37:02,307 --> 00:37:07,663
We can't honor his life
like we might have in the past,
782
00:37:07,747 --> 00:37:11,710
but we can still honor him.
783
00:37:11,794 --> 00:37:13,451
Dr. Perez?
784
00:37:13,535 --> 00:37:19,283
♪ There is a man,
he runs right to me ♪
785
00:37:19,367 --> 00:37:24,375
♪ He wraps his loving arms
around me ♪
786
00:37:24,459 --> 00:37:29,337
♪ He knows
787
00:37:29,421 --> 00:37:31,817
♪ He knows my pain
788
00:37:31,901 --> 00:37:34,516
♪ Oh, he knows my pain
789
00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:37,345
♪ Oh, he gives me life
790
00:37:37,429 --> 00:37:41,479
♪ And I don't know
if that is for me ♪
791
00:37:41,563 --> 00:37:46,658
♪ It's darker than I thought,
in all its broken glory ♪
792
00:37:46,742 --> 00:37:48,704
♪ My soul
793
00:37:51,181 --> 00:37:54,057
♪ Just wants to go home
794
00:37:54,141 --> 00:37:56,886
♪ He's calling me home
795
00:38:20,646 --> 00:38:23,434
♪ And there was a light
796
00:38:23,518 --> 00:38:25,958
♪ Oh, there was a fire
797
00:38:26,042 --> 00:38:28,613
♪ She came through
in the night ♪
798
00:38:28,697 --> 00:38:31,703
♪ She entered like an angel
799
00:38:31,787 --> 00:38:33,879
♪ Hold on
800
00:38:37,140 --> 00:38:39,189
♪ Hold on
801
00:38:39,273 --> 00:38:42,888
♪ She's just memories
802
00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:50,461
Hello.
803
00:38:50,545 --> 00:38:53,159
Uh, my name is Andrew DeLuca,
and I'm thrilled to be
804
00:38:53,243 --> 00:38:55,074
applying to the surgical
residency program
805
00:38:55,158 --> 00:38:57,555
at Grey-Sloan
Memorial Hospital.
806
00:38:57,639 --> 00:38:59,209
A bit about me.
807
00:38:59,293 --> 00:39:01,690
I am Italian,
but I grew up in Wisconsin.
808
00:39:01,774 --> 00:39:03,344
A lot of doctors
in my family,
809
00:39:03,428 --> 00:39:05,215
including my big sister,
Carina.
810
00:39:05,299 --> 00:39:07,696
Um, I grew up stealing
her game of Operation,
811
00:39:07,780 --> 00:39:09,785
so I guess you can say
it's, uh, been a dream of mine
812
00:39:09,869 --> 00:39:12,222
for a very long time.
813
00:39:12,306 --> 00:39:14,746
The idea of doing my training
at Grey-Sloan
814
00:39:14,830 --> 00:39:17,009
and... and learning
from surgical legends
815
00:39:17,093 --> 00:39:19,098
like Richard Webber
and Miranda Bailey
816
00:39:19,182 --> 00:39:22,667
and Jackson Avery
and Meredith Grey...
817
00:39:22,751 --> 00:39:25,844
uh, well, it just doesn't
get any better than that.
818
00:39:25,928 --> 00:39:28,020
I think the reason I want to
become a surgeon
819
00:39:28,104 --> 00:39:30,109
is that I've always had
820
00:39:30,193 --> 00:39:32,460
this insatiable desire
to help people.
821
00:39:32,544 --> 00:39:36,464
And I think I get that from
my mom, who I lost too soon.
822
00:39:36,548 --> 00:39:38,248
And, uh, she had
this really giving heart,
823
00:39:38,332 --> 00:39:40,859
and she always pushed me to
do as much good as possible,
824
00:39:40,943 --> 00:39:44,515
so I guess
I'm doing this for her.
825
00:39:44,599 --> 00:39:46,212
Now, you should be warned,
826
00:39:46,296 --> 00:39:49,346
I can be relentless at times,
and very stubborn.
827
00:39:49,430 --> 00:39:53,742
But I promise that,
if I match with you...
828
00:39:56,350 --> 00:39:59,313
I will give you
the very best of me.
829
00:39:59,397 --> 00:40:01,271
Thank you.
830
00:40:01,355 --> 00:40:03,229
Alright.
831
00:40:12,627 --> 00:40:14,763
At all costs,
832
00:40:14,847 --> 00:40:17,069
we avoid
negative experiences.
833
00:40:29,731 --> 00:40:31,475
We ignore pain.
834
00:40:37,652 --> 00:40:40,484
We steer clear
of the unfamiliar.
835
00:40:40,568 --> 00:40:42,268
We lie when asked
about how we feel.
836
00:40:44,224 --> 00:40:46,534
♪ Steady as a rock
837
00:40:46,618 --> 00:40:48,753
♪ I stand, I wait
838
00:40:48,837 --> 00:40:50,752
We shouldn't do that.
839
00:40:53,886 --> 00:40:56,674
I stopped by
the hospital for, um...
840
00:40:56,758 --> 00:40:58,459
I watched.
841
00:40:58,543 --> 00:41:01,026
♪ But eyes that can't erase
842
00:41:02,677 --> 00:41:04,116
I won't keep booze
in the house anymore.
843
00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:05,988
That's not what I need
from you.
844
00:41:06,072 --> 00:41:08,425
♪ Hands that hold
845
00:41:08,509 --> 00:41:11,776
What I need from you
is no more secrets.
846
00:41:11,860 --> 00:41:16,346
It's just...
We have this baby together.
847
00:41:16,430 --> 00:41:19,436
We have this whole life
together, so...
848
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:21,914
I want to really know you.
849
00:41:23,176 --> 00:41:24,220
Deal.
850
00:41:26,266 --> 00:41:28,837
I reek of whiskey right now,
or I would hug you.
851
00:41:28,921 --> 00:41:30,795
I will hold my breath.
852
00:41:30,879 --> 00:41:38,412
♪ Ohhh
853
00:41:38,496 --> 00:41:41,719
♪ So, send me into space
854
00:41:41,803 --> 00:41:43,982
♪ And cut me free
855
00:41:44,066 --> 00:41:46,115
Because I've learned something
from these last several months.
856
00:41:46,199 --> 00:41:47,246
Teddy?
857
00:41:49,768 --> 00:41:51,076
♪ And like a satellite
858
00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:53,165
Hey.
859
00:41:53,249 --> 00:41:56,212
♪ Just look for me
860
00:41:56,296 --> 00:41:57,558
Teddy.
861
00:42:00,343 --> 00:42:02,218
I'm gonna take you home,
okay?
862
00:42:03,782 --> 00:42:05,264
Okay.
863
00:42:13,705 --> 00:42:15,884
The body
can only take so much.
864
00:42:24,759 --> 00:42:27,591
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