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1
00:00:07,213 --> 00:00:10,082
No one ever imagind
we would make it this far.
2
00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:23,629
Incision-less surgeries, 4D imaging,
3
00:00:23,696 --> 00:00:27,666
mechanical organs,stem cell therapy...
4
00:00:41,114 --> 00:00:43,915
Every medical innovation
seemed impossible,
5
00:00:43,983 --> 00:00:46,151
unimaginable until it was achieved.
6
00:00:50,757 --> 00:00:53,825
And luckily, we haven't
stopped making advancements.
7
00:00:53,893 --> 00:00:56,962
Your recent COVID test
has come back negative,
8
00:00:57,030 --> 00:00:59,431
your ABG's improved,
9
00:00:59,499 --> 00:01:02,000
your RSBI looks promising,
10
00:01:02,068 --> 00:01:03,702
and oxygen requirements have decreased.
11
00:01:03,770 --> 00:01:05,370
If you keep this up,
12
00:01:05,438 --> 00:01:07,906
I may just try weaning you
off the vent later today.
13
00:01:07,974 --> 00:01:09,553
Because the other side
14
00:01:09,577 --> 00:01:11,843
of the unimaginable is death.
15
00:01:11,911 --> 00:01:13,545
And the pain that comes with loss.
16
00:01:13,613 --> 00:01:14,880
Dr. Altman?
17
00:01:17,016 --> 00:01:18,550
Bailey said you'd need some help
18
00:01:18,618 --> 00:01:21,086
covering the COVID ICU since...
19
00:01:21,154 --> 00:01:24,523
- Since we lost...
- Yeah, uh uh, o-okay.
20
00:01:24,590 --> 00:01:27,125
Thank you.
21
00:01:30,530 --> 00:01:32,831
And that side never stops coming.
22
00:01:32,899 --> 00:01:34,933
We need some good news, Meredith.
23
00:01:35,001 --> 00:01:37,736
Please, just...
we really need some good n.
24
00:01:44,811 --> 00:01:45,977
It's you again!
25
00:01:59,726 --> 00:02:06,092
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com.
26
00:02:07,967 --> 00:02:09,634
You going in today?
27
00:02:10,015 --> 00:02:11,249
Day off.
28
00:02:14,446 --> 00:02:18,148
Hey, if I say something,
can you not judge me?
29
00:02:18,216 --> 00:02:20,484
Because we're friends who bang,
not friends who judge.
30
00:02:20,552 --> 00:02:22,286
Mm, I have wrapped my head
31
00:02:22,354 --> 00:02:23,654
around the concept, yeah.
32
00:02:23,722 --> 00:02:27,725
I need joy in my life.
33
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:30,961
Val died,
34
00:02:31,029 --> 00:02:33,330
and DeLuca...
35
00:02:33,398 --> 00:02:35,332
I can't even say it yet.
36
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:38,135
And I physically have
no more room left in my body
37
00:02:38,203 --> 00:02:39,236
for sadness.
38
00:02:39,304 --> 00:02:43,440
So I am switching specialts to OB
39
00:02:43,508 --> 00:02:47,311
and all I need from you
is encouragement.
40
00:02:47,379 --> 00:02:48,779
You thought I would judge you for that?
41
00:02:48,847 --> 00:02:50,981
I literally spend all day
every day at work
42
00:02:51,049 --> 00:02:52,616
wanting to walk out that door
43
00:02:52,684 --> 00:02:55,652
just to go off into the woods by
myself hiking for three months
44
00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:57,087
until there's a vaccine.
45
00:02:57,155 --> 00:02:59,690
There's not gonna be a vace
in three months.
46
00:02:59,758 --> 00:03:01,091
I'm sorry... You just said no judging.
47
00:03:01,159 --> 00:03:03,894
I know, but that's just ridiculous.
48
00:03:04,543 --> 00:03:07,364
Wait, so, you for real
about switching specialties?
49
00:03:07,432 --> 00:03:08,966
Yes.
50
00:03:09,034 --> 00:03:10,901
- Wow.
- Yeah.
51
00:03:15,073 --> 00:03:16,140
What was that?
52
00:03:16,207 --> 00:03:17,741
In lieu of confetti.
53
00:03:28,586 --> 00:03:29,720
You okay?
54
00:03:29,788 --> 00:03:32,222
No.
55
00:03:32,290 --> 00:03:34,058
The kids loved Andrew.
56
00:03:34,125 --> 00:03:35,292
He used to play his guitar for them
57
00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:36,927
and teach them songs in Italian.
58
00:03:36,995 --> 00:03:38,695
He brought gelato to every birthday.
59
00:03:38,763 --> 00:03:40,364
And every half-birthday.
60
00:03:40,432 --> 00:03:42,833
Which all three of these kids
now think is an actual thing.
61
00:03:44,018 --> 00:03:46,336
I'm just so sorry.
62
00:03:46,404 --> 00:03:47,538
For all of you.
63
00:03:47,605 --> 00:03:49,239
Aunt Maggie! It's your turn!
64
00:03:49,307 --> 00:03:51,548
Okay, Zozo.
65
00:03:52,444 --> 00:03:53,610
I'll be there.
66
00:03:53,678 --> 00:03:55,079
Know what?
67
00:03:55,146 --> 00:03:58,749
I think this crowd could benefit
from some new East Coast moves.
68
00:03:58,817 --> 00:04:00,784
Ndugu moves. What do you say, Zola?
69
00:04:00,852 --> 00:04:02,252
- Gimme a shot?
- Yeah!
70
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:03,420
Alright. Make room.
71
00:04:03,488 --> 00:04:05,255
Unh!
72
00:04:11,663 --> 00:04:13,697
Hey! Yeah?
73
00:04:17,335 --> 00:04:19,937
Ooh, ooh! Come on!
74
00:04:20,004 --> 00:04:23,941
And I just wish I had the chance
to thank him for it.
75
00:04:26,881 --> 00:04:28,348
Do you think that was okay?
76
00:04:28,416 --> 00:04:31,418
It's a video tribute for someone
whose brother got murdered.
77
00:04:31,914 --> 00:04:33,553
Nothing's "okay."
78
00:04:33,621 --> 00:04:36,750
But funerals no longer exist, so...
79
00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:38,458
Do you want me to record yours?
80
00:04:38,526 --> 00:04:40,360
I'm, um...
81
00:04:41,662 --> 00:04:43,363
Yeah, just, um...
82
00:04:43,431 --> 00:04:44,498
No.
83
00:04:46,237 --> 00:04:47,497
And, uh, later today,
84
00:04:47,521 --> 00:04:49,002
I need you to meet a team...
85
00:04:49,070 --> 00:04:50,904
...from county at the loading dock.
86
00:04:50,972 --> 00:04:52,369
We're giving them PPE.
87
00:04:53,441 --> 00:04:56,042
They're wearing trash bags over there.
88
00:04:56,110 --> 00:04:57,447
Mm.
89
00:04:58,346 --> 00:05:00,080
Do we have extra PPE?
90
00:05:00,148 --> 00:05:02,642
We have more than others.
Which is extra.
91
00:05:02,666 --> 00:05:04,433
When was the last time you were home?
92
00:05:04,501 --> 00:05:05,968
Hunt! Yeah, Altman. Come in.
93
00:05:06,036 --> 00:05:07,670
Meredith's stable.
94
00:05:07,737 --> 00:05:11,173
I'm actually gonna try to
reduce her vent settings tod.
95
00:05:11,241 --> 00:05:12,174
I'm hopeful.
96
00:05:12,242 --> 00:05:13,542
Hunt, how are we with beds?
97
00:05:13,610 --> 00:05:17,546
The normal COVID floor
capacity's at 80%, ICU is okay.
98
00:05:17,614 --> 00:05:21,283
Morale is pretty low with DeLuca...
99
00:05:21,351 --> 00:05:22,785
It's hit everyone pretty hard.
100
00:05:22,852 --> 00:05:26,288
Well, I expect DeLuca's autopsy results
101
00:05:26,356 --> 00:05:27,978
by the end of the day.
102
00:05:29,326 --> 00:05:31,527
You asked for his results? Why?
103
00:05:31,595 --> 00:05:33,262
Andrew DeLuca was one of our own.
104
00:05:33,330 --> 00:05:34,797
Obviously, something went wrong.
105
00:05:34,864 --> 00:05:36,265
I want to know what that was.
106
00:05:38,335 --> 00:05:39,435
That's all.
107
00:05:43,974 --> 00:05:48,277
Bailey, I already told you
every step of what happened.
108
00:05:48,345 --> 00:05:49,976
Well after I could have done
109
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,128
something to change the outcome.
110
00:05:53,583 --> 00:05:55,451
Shut the door on your way out.
111
00:05:55,518 --> 00:05:56,518
Yes?
112
00:05:58,922 --> 00:05:59,855
Yeah.
113
00:05:59,923 --> 00:06:01,262
Alright.
114
00:06:03,874 --> 00:06:05,841
- Dr. Connor to the ICU.
- Thank you for coming with me.
115
00:06:06,154 --> 00:06:07,554
I wouldn't miss it.
116
00:06:08,004 --> 00:06:09,371
I have privileges, right?
117
00:06:09,439 --> 00:06:11,006
My department, my world.
118
00:06:11,074 --> 00:06:12,407
Dr. Gruber to the OR.
119
00:06:12,475 --> 00:06:13,842
Helm, what do we got?
Dr. Gruber to the OR.
120
00:06:13,910 --> 00:06:18,080
Byron Gibbis, 52, found
passed out on his front porch.
121
00:06:18,148 --> 00:06:20,449
He's febrile, tachycardic.
I also heard a big murmur.
122
00:06:20,517 --> 00:06:21,917
Rapid COVID was negative,
123
00:06:21,985 --> 00:06:24,186
no signs of head trauma,
but I did order a pan scan.
124
00:06:24,254 --> 00:06:25,823
Let's add a cardiac CT.
125
00:06:25,937 --> 00:06:27,671
Um, do you work here?
126
00:06:27,739 --> 00:06:28,873
Dr. Winston Ndugu,
127
00:06:28,940 --> 00:06:30,608
cardiothoracic surgeon from Tufts.
128
00:06:30,675 --> 00:06:32,501
He's got Osler's nodes.
129
00:06:36,214 --> 00:06:38,449
Oh, my God. My God.
130
00:06:38,517 --> 00:06:40,484
Byron, I'm Dr. Maggie Pierce.
You're at Grey-Sloan Memorial.
131
00:06:40,552 --> 00:06:41,819
You were found unconscious,
and an ambulance...
132
00:06:41,887 --> 00:06:43,120
- Get away from me!
- Okay...
133
00:06:43,188 --> 00:06:44,555
No, I'm serious.
Everybody back up, okay?
134
00:06:44,623 --> 00:06:46,090
I'm not getting COVID.
Where are my clothes?
135
00:06:46,158 --> 00:06:48,759
- Sir, please just...
- Everybody here is sick.
136
00:06:48,827 --> 00:06:49,827
Oh, God.
137
00:06:49,895 --> 00:06:51,996
Okay, Byron, I know that this is a shock
138
00:06:52,064 --> 00:06:53,197
and I know that you're scared,
139
00:06:53,265 --> 00:06:54,665
but if we don't get
a look at your heart,
140
00:06:54,733 --> 00:06:56,033
you may not make it home.
141
00:06:56,101 --> 00:06:57,334
We have all been tested.
142
00:06:57,402 --> 00:06:59,570
If you need a mask
or if you need a face shield,
143
00:06:59,638 --> 00:07:00,738
we can get you whatever you need.
144
00:07:00,806 --> 00:07:03,140
But, please, just stay.
145
00:07:03,208 --> 00:07:04,809
I was so good.
146
00:07:04,876 --> 00:07:06,043
I didn't go anywhere.
147
00:07:06,111 --> 00:07:07,845
Let's get you ready for CT.
148
00:07:10,482 --> 00:07:14,151
One minute I'm sad,
'cause I think about his sister
149
00:07:14,219 --> 00:07:17,421
and his family
and what a great guy he was.
150
00:07:18,129 --> 00:07:19,990
Next minute, I'm filled with guilt.
151
00:07:20,058 --> 00:07:21,592
Then I'm filled with rage.
152
00:07:21,660 --> 00:07:22,737
That a person could
153
00:07:23,929 --> 00:07:26,721
Do that to another human being.
154
00:07:27,499 --> 00:07:30,534
I'm scared. Hopeless. Sometimes numb.
155
00:07:30,602 --> 00:07:32,269
I can always go back to guilt.
156
00:07:32,337 --> 00:07:34,062
Guilt is my go-to.
157
00:07:34,473 --> 00:07:36,565
My go-to is numb.
158
00:07:37,442 --> 00:07:39,243
Wow.
159
00:07:39,311 --> 00:07:41,712
Did you just describe
exactly what was wrong
160
00:07:41,780 --> 00:07:43,414
with our relationship
in only five words?
161
00:07:45,484 --> 00:07:47,318
I think maybe I just did.
162
00:07:50,956 --> 00:07:52,990
I just... DeLuca. I...
163
00:07:55,927 --> 00:07:58,629
I-I just can't get my head around it.
164
00:08:06,738 --> 00:08:08,263
What is this?
165
00:08:09,374 --> 00:08:10,908
Looks like whiskey.
166
00:08:10,976 --> 00:08:12,910
Mm, what was it doing
167
00:08:12,978 --> 00:08:15,379
on the top shelf behind
the fancy candlesticks?
168
00:08:15,447 --> 00:08:16,747
What were you doing on the top shelf
169
00:08:16,815 --> 00:08:18,282
behind the fancy candlesticks?
170
00:08:18,350 --> 00:08:19,316
Are you drunk?
171
00:08:19,384 --> 00:08:20,551
It's 9:00 in the morning.
172
00:08:20,619 --> 00:08:22,353
Plenty of people get drunk
at 9:00 in the morning.
173
00:08:22,420 --> 00:08:25,030
Yeah, well, not me, Amelia.
174
00:08:25,390 --> 00:08:27,224
I live at home with four kids.
175
00:08:27,292 --> 00:08:29,627
Sometimes late at night...
176
00:08:29,694 --> 00:08:31,896
...I have a drink in the garage
and I play my guitar.
177
00:08:31,963 --> 00:08:33,063
We're in a pandemic.
178
00:08:33,131 --> 00:08:35,966
You drink in the garage?
Do you hear yourself?
179
00:08:36,034 --> 00:08:37,067
Do you hear yourself?
180
00:08:37,135 --> 00:08:39,537
Hiding alcohol
is an objectively bad sign.
181
00:08:39,604 --> 00:08:41,839
Or it's a sign that I'm trying
to be respectful of you.
182
00:08:41,907 --> 00:08:43,541
If you have a problem,
you can talk to me.
183
00:08:43,608 --> 00:08:45,943
I'm, like, literally
the best person in the world
184
00:08:46,011 --> 00:08:47,976
- you could talk to.
- Do you know stressed out I am?
185
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,146
All the time?
186
00:08:49,214 --> 00:08:51,182
And now on top of everything,
if it wasn't hard enough,
187
00:08:51,249 --> 00:08:53,417
now I have to make sure that
I don't accidentally mention
188
00:08:53,485 --> 00:08:55,186
that their friend Andrew
was stabbed to death
189
00:08:55,253 --> 00:08:56,854
by somebody who sells children for sex.
190
00:08:56,922 --> 00:08:58,956
Okay, that is all of us.
That is not just you.
191
00:08:59,024 --> 00:09:01,625
And not all of us have to drink to cope.
192
00:09:01,693 --> 00:09:03,394
You don't have to, or you don't get to?
193
00:09:03,461 --> 00:09:06,030
Because I get to.
Because I'm not an alcohol.
194
00:09:06,097 --> 00:09:07,364
I'm not in recovery and...
195
00:09:09,201 --> 00:09:10,868
Y'know what?
196
00:09:10,936 --> 00:09:12,536
I can't be here right now.
197
00:09:12,604 --> 00:09:14,405
- You're leaving?
- Yes.
198
00:09:14,472 --> 00:09:16,273
Because I don't want to say
something that I might regret.
199
00:09:16,341 --> 00:09:18,676
Because I love you
and because I'm a good guy.
200
00:09:18,743 --> 00:09:21,111
But sometimes, Amelia,
you drive me insane.
201
00:09:21,179 --> 00:09:22,446
And... And this is one of those times.
202
00:09:22,514 --> 00:09:24,281
So, yes, I'm leaving.
203
00:09:26,418 --> 00:09:28,052
And I'm taking this with me.
204
00:09:28,119 --> 00:09:30,721
Oh, and, uh, just so we're clear...
205
00:09:32,357 --> 00:09:33,657
I'm coming back.
206
00:09:33,725 --> 00:09:35,659
Because I'm not a bad guy!
207
00:09:40,689 --> 00:09:43,934
No pressure, Grey, but we really
need you to pull through this.
208
00:09:44,002 --> 00:09:46,486
This place can't stand another loss.
209
00:09:47,205 --> 00:09:48,943
Are we ready?
210
00:09:48,968 --> 00:09:50,369
I'm gonna lighten her sedation...
211
00:09:51,876 --> 00:09:54,445
...and then gradually
turn down all of her settings.
212
00:09:54,512 --> 00:09:57,181
And if she tolerates it,
then we'll move forward
213
00:09:57,249 --> 00:09:58,983
with spontaneous breathing trials.
214
00:09:59,050 --> 00:10:00,684
Dr. Altman, I'm more
than able to handle this
215
00:10:00,752 --> 00:10:02,152
with the respiratory therapist.
216
00:10:02,220 --> 00:10:03,487
Maybe you should get some rest.
217
00:10:03,555 --> 00:10:05,356
I know how closely
you worked with Dr. DeLuca.
218
00:10:05,423 --> 00:10:08,359
Which has nothing to do with
getting Meredith off the vent.
219
00:10:16,768 --> 00:10:18,168
Come on, Grey.
220
00:10:20,572 --> 00:10:22,506
Come on, Grey, you can do this.
221
00:10:24,542 --> 00:10:26,310
You look just like Ellis just now,
222
00:10:26,378 --> 00:10:27,778
the way you're looking at your feet.
223
00:10:27,846 --> 00:10:28,979
So serious.
224
00:10:29,047 --> 00:10:31,248
Then she gets that worried little brow.
225
00:10:33,752 --> 00:10:35,653
This is torture!
226
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,321
You're right here, and I can't...
227
00:10:37,389 --> 00:10:38,489
It's torture!
228
00:10:38,556 --> 00:10:40,491
It's a torture of your own devising.
229
00:10:40,558 --> 00:10:42,059
You were always good at that.
230
00:10:42,127 --> 00:10:43,794
Good at what?
231
00:10:43,862 --> 00:10:45,062
Torturing yourself.
232
00:10:45,130 --> 00:10:47,464
I don't do that as much anymore.
233
00:10:52,937 --> 00:10:54,772
You never got to meet Ellis.
234
00:10:54,839 --> 00:10:56,273
We didn't even know.
235
00:10:56,341 --> 00:10:58,208
I wish you got to know her.
236
00:10:58,276 --> 00:11:00,377
She looks just like you.
237
00:11:00,445 --> 00:11:02,613
She breaks the rules just like you.
238
00:11:02,681 --> 00:11:05,949
And she's quick to anger.
And quick to laugh.
239
00:11:06,017 --> 00:11:11,255
And she's smart and pensive
and stubborn, just like you.
240
00:11:12,924 --> 00:11:15,893
Hates pink and purple,
loves brown and green,
241
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:18,062
and... and gets enraged at the thought
242
00:11:18,129 --> 00:11:20,164
of anybody wanting to cut down a tree.
243
00:11:28,058 --> 00:11:29,625
Is... Is this thing clean?
244
00:11:29,693 --> 00:11:31,894
People say you can't get sick
from surfaces, but you can.
245
00:11:31,962 --> 00:11:34,363
We thoroughly disinfect the entire room
246
00:11:34,431 --> 00:11:35,565
in between patients.
247
00:11:35,632 --> 00:11:37,967
- Sir?
- Just... I need a minute, okay?
248
00:11:38,035 --> 00:11:40,036
Can I leave my face shield, please?
249
00:11:40,104 --> 00:11:42,872
- Sure.
- Oh, God.
250
00:11:42,940 --> 00:11:44,781
If you'd like, I can stay with you.
251
00:11:44,862 --> 00:11:45,864
I can hold your foot or...
252
00:11:45,888 --> 00:11:46,943
No, no, no, no. I don't
want anybody touching me.
253
00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:48,344
Nobody touches me, okay?
254
00:11:48,412 --> 00:11:51,681
Osler's nodes, so... endocarditis.
255
00:11:51,748 --> 00:11:54,083
Yes, but what is the underlying cause?
256
00:11:54,151 --> 00:11:55,618
He denies intravenous drug use,
257
00:11:55,686 --> 00:11:58,187
there's no indwelling catheter,
no diabetes...
258
00:11:58,255 --> 00:12:00,656
He said he hasn't left his house
since lockdown, right?
259
00:12:00,724 --> 00:12:01,958
May I?
260
00:12:04,928 --> 00:12:06,429
- Hey, Byron.
- Yeah?
261
00:12:06,497 --> 00:12:08,397
Have you had any trouble
with your teeth lately?
262
00:12:08,465 --> 00:12:11,334
I had a... a popcorn kernel
stuck in my teeth,
263
00:12:11,401 --> 00:12:12,668
and I picked it out with a paperclip
264
00:12:12,736 --> 00:12:14,403
and... and now my gums
are a little sore,
265
00:12:14,471 --> 00:12:15,872
but I-I'm not going to the dentist.
266
00:12:15,939 --> 00:12:17,673
I'm not gonna lay there with
my mouth open for 20 minutes
267
00:12:17,741 --> 00:12:18,975
inhaling somebody's spit droplets.
268
00:12:19,042 --> 00:12:20,776
- No way.
- Bingo.
269
00:12:20,844 --> 00:12:24,580
Dental infection, which led
to bacterial endocarditis.
270
00:12:24,648 --> 00:12:28,551
Aortic valve abscess almost
completely blocking the valv.
271
00:12:28,619 --> 00:12:31,693
Helm, order some antibiotics
and book an OR.
272
00:12:33,257 --> 00:12:34,724
I thought of it.
273
00:12:34,791 --> 00:12:35,958
You just said it first.
274
00:12:36,026 --> 00:12:37,927
Oh, yeah, I believe you.
275
00:12:37,995 --> 00:12:39,595
100%.
276
00:12:43,834 --> 00:12:46,040
Were you looking for me, dear?
277
00:12:46,737 --> 00:12:48,371
Yeah, I was. Yeah.
278
00:12:52,910 --> 00:12:55,444
You know, I built my life,
279
00:12:55,512 --> 00:12:57,079
my sanity,
280
00:12:57,147 --> 00:13:00,183
my sobriety...
281
00:13:00,250 --> 00:13:02,552
around the surrender to a higher power.
282
00:13:03,308 --> 00:13:05,054
I mean, for me,
283
00:13:05,122 --> 00:13:09,258
it's the belief
that there's some purpose.
284
00:13:09,326 --> 00:13:14,163
That there's a... a bigger plan.
285
00:13:14,231 --> 00:13:17,867
Something that if
I got all the way above it
286
00:13:17,935 --> 00:13:19,802
and could look down on it
287
00:13:20,325 --> 00:13:21,938
like, um...
288
00:13:22,005 --> 00:13:24,540
Like a jigsaw puzzle, okMm.
289
00:13:24,608 --> 00:13:27,543
That somehow it would...
It would make sense.
290
00:13:27,611 --> 00:13:30,146
My faith is rooted in the trust
291
00:13:30,214 --> 00:13:34,650
that there's a... a meaning and a wisdom
292
00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:39,088
that I'm just not elevated
enough to see or understand.
293
00:13:39,156 --> 00:13:42,625
A faith that whoever made this puzzle,
294
00:13:43,293 --> 00:13:45,260
it makes sense to Him.
295
00:13:46,397 --> 00:13:48,531
- And it's beautiful.
- Mm.
296
00:13:51,007 --> 00:13:52,808
Today, I'm... I'm struggling.
297
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:56,072
I'm struggling with my faith.
298
00:13:56,139 --> 00:13:58,874
I'm struggling to trust anything.
299
00:14:00,744 --> 00:14:06,949
And I just cannot
see any wisdom in this.
300
00:14:10,554 --> 00:14:14,557
I live with stage 4 cancer.
301
00:14:14,625 --> 00:14:18,327
A cancer very few people survive.
302
00:14:18,395 --> 00:14:21,030
I just got the results
from my latest scan,
303
00:14:21,098 --> 00:14:24,166
and... nothing has grown.
304
00:14:25,736 --> 00:14:27,436
It makes no sense.
305
00:14:27,504 --> 00:14:28,738
Everywhere we look,
306
00:14:28,805 --> 00:14:32,308
someone is dying
that was healthy yesterday.
307
00:14:32,376 --> 00:14:35,611
It makes no sense.
308
00:14:35,679 --> 00:14:39,215
"Puzzle" is the right word.
309
00:14:39,283 --> 00:14:45,821
You can look for the pain,
the lost, the unbearable.
310
00:14:45,889 --> 00:14:50,393
Or you can look
for the beauty, the grace...
311
00:14:50,460 --> 00:14:52,662
the miracle.
312
00:14:52,729 --> 00:14:55,712
And nothing grew?
313
00:14:56,671 --> 00:14:59,168
Nothing grew.
314
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:06,742
Okay, so, I know
that people buy and trade
315
00:15:06,810 --> 00:15:09,578
and get rich and then just lose everyth.
316
00:15:09,646 --> 00:15:12,481
But what exactly is the stock market?
317
00:15:12,549 --> 00:15:14,650
It's a good thing you already
know how to live out of a car.
318
00:15:14,718 --> 00:15:16,452
- Why?
- Well, questions like that
319
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:17,953
make me think you're
gonna end up back in one.
320
00:15:21,792 --> 00:15:24,894
Uh... who is it?
321
00:15:24,961 --> 00:15:26,762
It's Jackson Avery!
322
00:15:26,830 --> 00:15:28,764
I'm here for a quick bang.
323
00:15:28,832 --> 00:15:30,135
I... Jo!
324
00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:31,372
I...
325
00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:38,240
Shut up.
326
00:15:38,755 --> 00:15:40,209
Bad time?
327
00:15:42,479 --> 00:15:44,747
Oh, crap.
328
00:15:44,815 --> 00:15:46,682
Hey. Really bad time.
329
00:15:46,750 --> 00:15:48,751
Um, I brought whiskey.
330
00:15:48,819 --> 00:15:51,253
Oh, we're day drinking. Ah!
331
00:15:51,321 --> 00:15:53,322
Sorry, dude. I didn't realize, uh...
332
00:15:53,390 --> 00:15:55,024
No, no, it's cool.
333
00:15:55,092 --> 00:15:57,560
Guess you're aware of our...
situation, then.
334
00:15:57,627 --> 00:15:59,462
Yep. Sweet deal.
335
00:16:01,465 --> 00:16:02,698
Here.
336
00:16:02,766 --> 00:16:04,133
Oh, no, I'm on, uh, call.
337
00:16:04,201 --> 00:16:06,035
Oh! Dibs.
338
00:16:06,103 --> 00:16:08,003
Okay. Cheers.
339
00:16:08,071 --> 00:16:09,744
Happy...
340
00:16:10,707 --> 00:16:12,330
all-our-friends-are-dying day.
341
00:16:19,116 --> 00:16:22,618
I told him we'd move as fast
as was safely possible.
342
00:16:22,686 --> 00:16:25,788
His echo showed
his ejection fraction at 6,
343
00:16:25,856 --> 00:16:28,791
so hopefully his heart is strong
enough to have a good outcome.
344
00:16:28,859 --> 00:16:30,960
Who cleans his teeth with a paperclip?
345
00:16:31,027 --> 00:16:33,429
Isolation makes people do crazy things.
346
00:16:34,018 --> 00:16:35,664
We're not meant to be alone.
347
00:16:36,062 --> 00:16:38,100
People physically need people.
348
00:16:42,672 --> 00:16:45,141
Oh, no, no! Don't...
Don't... Don't touch me!
349
00:16:45,208 --> 00:16:47,543
Just back away!
Please, everybody, back away.
350
00:16:47,611 --> 00:16:49,912
- Dr. Pierce!
- I'm sorry. I can't be here!
351
00:16:49,980 --> 00:16:51,274
I can't do this. I can't!
352
00:16:51,298 --> 00:16:52,515
- Get away from me!
- Dr. Pierce. Dr. Pierce.
353
00:16:52,582 --> 00:16:54,617
- Dr. Pierce! A little help?
- I can't be here! I can't be here!
354
00:16:54,684 --> 00:16:56,252
- Oh, God.
- I can't! I can't be here.
355
00:16:56,319 --> 00:16:58,421
I can't. I need to get out of here!
356
00:17:01,753 --> 00:17:04,021
Okay, call security.
I'm gonna go to the elevator.
357
00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:05,289
- You go to the OR board.
- I don't know where that is.
358
00:17:05,356 --> 00:17:07,020
- It's...
- Did anyone losea naked man?
359
00:17:07,102 --> 00:17:08,346
Because he went that way.
360
00:17:08,371 --> 00:17:09,337
Oh.
361
00:17:15,220 --> 00:17:16,487
Byron?
362
00:17:25,597 --> 00:17:27,331
Hey, Byron.
363
00:17:27,864 --> 00:17:29,734
I'm... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
364
00:17:29,801 --> 00:17:31,836
I can't do this. I can't be here.
365
00:17:31,904 --> 00:17:33,537
I...
366
00:17:33,605 --> 00:17:36,207
Oh, my God, my masks.
I'm not wearing my masks.
367
00:17:36,275 --> 00:17:38,409
Honey, you're not wearing anything.
368
00:17:43,448 --> 00:17:47,351
My best friend, Rory,
he was healthy as a horse.
369
00:17:47,419 --> 00:17:49,186
Never worked a day job his entire life,
370
00:17:49,254 --> 00:17:50,461
he didn't smoke, he didn't drink,
371
00:17:50,536 --> 00:17:52,023
he... he ran triathlons.
372
00:17:52,090 --> 00:17:54,558
He got the virus,
he was dead in a week. A w!
373
00:17:54,626 --> 00:17:56,494
Wife and kids didn't
get to say goodbye to him.
374
00:17:56,561 --> 00:17:57,962
Do you know how many people
375
00:17:58,030 --> 00:17:59,497
they're projecting die from this?
376
00:17:59,564 --> 00:18:02,066
Hundreds of thousands. I know.
377
00:18:02,134 --> 00:18:04,396
And if you want to walk out of here,
378
00:18:04,641 --> 00:18:06,037
I'm not gonna stop you.
379
00:18:06,104 --> 00:18:07,605
Wait, what?
380
00:18:07,673 --> 00:18:09,240
But I will follow you.
381
00:18:09,308 --> 00:18:11,208
Because your heart's
only gonna get worse,
382
00:18:11,276 --> 00:18:12,929
and I owe it to you,
383
00:18:13,064 --> 00:18:15,065
I owe it to my oath,
384
00:18:15,232 --> 00:18:16,232
I owe it...
385
00:18:19,518 --> 00:18:21,667
I lost someone, too, Byron.
386
00:18:22,220 --> 00:18:24,003
Not COVID.
387
00:18:25,524 --> 00:18:26,924
But I know that pain,
388
00:18:26,992 --> 00:18:31,996
and I know how unfair it is
and how enraging it is.
389
00:18:32,064 --> 00:18:33,898
But I think...
390
00:18:36,134 --> 00:18:38,736
I think we owe it to the people we lost
391
00:18:38,804 --> 00:18:40,538
to live the lives that they can't.
392
00:18:40,605 --> 00:18:44,642
Even when it seems hard,
and even when we're afraid.
393
00:18:44,710 --> 00:18:48,079
Byron, you have a problem
that we can fix.
394
00:18:48,146 --> 00:18:49,347
We can fix this.
395
00:18:49,414 --> 00:18:50,915
But you have to let us.
396
00:18:50,983 --> 00:18:52,783
I don't want to die.
397
00:18:52,851 --> 00:18:53,918
I don't want to die.
398
00:18:53,986 --> 00:18:56,220
I don't want you to die, either.
399
00:19:08,433 --> 00:19:09,400
Okay.
400
00:19:10,174 --> 00:19:11,502
Okay.
401
00:19:11,570 --> 00:19:14,271
Let's get you a gown first.
402
00:19:14,339 --> 00:19:17,408
She didn't even know
that she was pregnant.
403
00:19:17,476 --> 00:19:18,843
And then we saved her baby.
404
00:19:18,910 --> 00:19:20,611
And then...
405
00:19:20,679 --> 00:19:21,946
she died.
406
00:19:22,014 --> 00:19:23,881
It's like, during a pandemic,
407
00:19:23,949 --> 00:19:27,084
shouldn't all the other
tragic crap take a break?
408
00:19:27,152 --> 00:19:28,519
You're seriously gonna quit surgery?
409
00:19:28,587 --> 00:19:29,954
I need some good things in my life.
410
00:19:30,022 --> 00:19:31,188
And babies are good.
411
00:19:31,256 --> 00:19:33,324
You realize OB is all about moms, yeah?
412
00:19:33,392 --> 00:19:36,127
Yeah, who are happy
because they're having babies.
413
00:19:36,194 --> 00:19:38,429
Not having my own any time soon...
414
00:19:38,497 --> 00:19:39,497
Fingers crossed.
415
00:19:39,564 --> 00:19:41,265
...or maybe ever,
416
00:19:41,333 --> 00:19:43,000
so I might as well hang out
with some others.
417
00:19:43,068 --> 00:19:44,568
I got like 15 of them at home.
418
00:19:44,636 --> 00:19:45,603
Hang out with those.
419
00:19:45,670 --> 00:19:46,937
It's so unfair!
420
00:19:47,005 --> 00:19:49,607
You and Amelia didn't even want a baby,
421
00:19:49,674 --> 00:19:51,742
and then you got one
and neither of you died.
422
00:19:51,810 --> 00:19:53,911
Oh, poor you.
423
00:19:53,979 --> 00:19:57,148
You're young and single
and dating a plastic surgeon.
424
00:19:57,215 --> 00:19:58,382
- No, we're not... not dating.
- It's just sex.
425
00:19:58,450 --> 00:20:00,451
And you can still work. Oh.
426
00:20:00,519 --> 00:20:02,953
Last time my life sucked this bad,
427
00:20:03,021 --> 00:20:05,356
I quit medicine
and moved to Venice Beach.
428
00:20:05,424 --> 00:20:06,957
Ah, yes. The bike shop, right?
429
00:20:07,025 --> 00:20:08,192
Heaven.
430
00:20:08,260 --> 00:20:10,194
Jackson wants to run away to the woods.
431
00:20:10,262 --> 00:20:11,295
Oh, nice. Can I come?
432
00:20:11,363 --> 00:20:12,630
No, that would defeat the purpose.
433
00:20:12,697 --> 00:20:14,498
What is the purpose?
434
00:20:14,566 --> 00:20:16,534
You kidding? Escape. Outta here. Mm.
435
00:20:16,601 --> 00:20:18,936
Escape from pain and rage
and responsibility.
436
00:20:19,004 --> 00:20:20,504
Escape from humanity.
437
00:20:20,572 --> 00:20:22,039
I mean, trees don't murder people.
438
00:20:22,107 --> 00:20:23,541
- Trees are not racist.
- Mm-hmm.
439
00:20:23,608 --> 00:20:25,443
Trees do not politicize a disease
440
00:20:25,510 --> 00:20:26,577
and convince millions of people
441
00:20:26,645 --> 00:20:28,012
not to protect themselves and others
442
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:30,247
by using a simple piece of dn
fabric on their faces, so...
443
00:20:30,315 --> 00:20:32,183
Trees don't even have faces.
444
00:20:32,250 --> 00:20:33,350
You know what? Maybe you can come.
445
00:20:35,387 --> 00:20:36,620
Ohh!
446
00:20:41,693 --> 00:20:44,328
Uh, primary repair of the stomach...
447
00:20:44,396 --> 00:20:46,163
...diaphragm, splenectomy,
448
00:20:46,231 --> 00:20:48,432
and repair of ventricular injury...
449
00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:50,191
All intact.
450
00:20:50,902 --> 00:20:53,671
Ultimately died from coagulopathy.
451
00:20:53,738 --> 00:20:56,040
- Like I told you.
- Well, now we have it in writing.
452
00:20:56,108 --> 00:20:58,275
Which will make the M&M go smoothly.
453
00:20:58,343 --> 00:20:59,877
The M&M?
454
00:20:59,945 --> 00:21:01,912
Bailey, what in the hell
are you trying to prove?
455
00:21:01,980 --> 00:21:03,881
It's Andrew DeLuca.
456
00:21:03,949 --> 00:21:06,183
He gave five years of his e
to this hospital.
457
00:21:06,251 --> 00:21:07,918
We own him due diligence.
458
00:21:07,986 --> 00:21:10,654
What about what you owe to your
doctors that are still here?
459
00:21:10,722 --> 00:21:13,124
The ones who've sacrificed
their lives to fight a pandemic,
460
00:21:13,191 --> 00:21:16,393
who hardly sleep or eat or even shower,
461
00:21:16,461 --> 00:21:18,429
who see their families on screens...
462
00:21:18,497 --> 00:21:21,499
Their faces are full of bruises
because of the damn PPE,
463
00:21:21,566 --> 00:21:23,901
and now you want them
to sit in front of a computer
464
00:21:23,969 --> 00:21:25,836
and be grilled on whether they messed up
465
00:21:25,904 --> 00:21:27,671
trying to save one of their own?
466
00:21:27,739 --> 00:21:29,673
Let them grieve, for God's sake!
467
00:21:37,382 --> 00:21:39,448
You are causing me harm.
468
00:21:40,285 --> 00:21:44,245
You are causing harm to Hunt and Altman.
469
00:21:45,023 --> 00:21:48,592
DeLuca was a victim of a horrible crime,
470
00:21:48,660 --> 00:21:50,528
and he lost too much blood.
471
00:21:51,043 --> 00:21:54,565
No mistakes were made,
no stitch was missed.
472
00:21:54,633 --> 00:21:56,400
And the mere suggestion that any of us
473
00:21:56,468 --> 00:21:59,803
didn't do everything possible
to save his life...
474
00:22:02,307 --> 00:22:04,642
...it's a pain I wouldn't put on anyone.
475
00:22:17,622 --> 00:22:19,757
I want you closer.
476
00:22:19,824 --> 00:22:22,293
Could you please just come here?
477
00:22:24,029 --> 00:22:26,597
Do you remember when
you were trying to teach Zola
478
00:22:26,665 --> 00:22:28,299
how to ride a bike?
479
00:22:28,366 --> 00:22:30,334
She got so frustrated
because she couldn't,
480
00:22:30,402 --> 00:22:33,103
and she threw it down,
and she goes, "Mama, you do it."
481
00:22:33,171 --> 00:22:36,173
And you couldn't stop laughing,
and she got so mad.
482
00:22:36,241 --> 00:22:38,108
Well, I was trying not to laugh.
483
00:22:38,176 --> 00:22:40,009
So am I.
484
00:22:40,745 --> 00:22:43,304
I can't do it for you.
485
00:22:44,049 --> 00:22:45,389
It's your beach.
486
00:22:46,618 --> 00:22:48,485
Zola's amazing, isn't she?
487
00:22:48,553 --> 00:22:51,755
I mean, she's just so brilliant.
488
00:22:51,823 --> 00:22:53,324
She writes me letters in her journal.
489
00:22:53,391 --> 00:22:54,592
Did you know that?
490
00:23:01,099 --> 00:23:03,167
Well, what is that? What is that face?
491
00:23:03,235 --> 00:23:05,436
Would you start a surgery
with a face like that?
492
00:23:05,503 --> 00:23:06,503
No!
493
00:23:06,571 --> 00:23:07,625
No.
494
00:23:07,669 --> 00:23:09,039
You would relax.
495
00:23:32,497 --> 00:23:33,764
It hasn't been that long.
496
00:23:33,832 --> 00:23:36,200
Maybe we could decrease
sedation a bit further,
497
00:23:36,268 --> 00:23:37,601
at least run another ABG.
498
00:23:37,669 --> 00:23:39,136
And hope she doesn't go
into cardiac arrest
499
00:23:39,204 --> 00:23:41,111
while we wait for the results?
500
00:23:41,473 --> 00:23:43,207
I'm turning the settings back up.
501
00:23:45,310 --> 00:23:46,877
Grey's staying on the vent.
502
00:23:57,643 --> 00:23:59,229
How's the book report coming?
503
00:24:00,546 --> 00:24:03,114
That was one of my favorites.
504
00:24:03,182 --> 00:24:04,682
That's what grownups say to convince you
505
00:24:04,750 --> 00:24:06,017
to finish your homework.
506
00:24:06,084 --> 00:24:07,972
You got me there.
507
00:24:08,645 --> 00:24:11,481
I'm supposed to write a whole
page about living forever.
508
00:24:11,555 --> 00:24:14,524
Mom says it's impossible.
So what's the point?
509
00:24:14,585 --> 00:24:17,720
Your mom is pretty smart.
510
00:24:19,723 --> 00:24:22,805
If I made a medicine
where you could live forever,
511
00:24:22,888 --> 00:24:23,993
would you take it?
512
00:24:24,061 --> 00:24:25,568
I don't know.
513
00:24:25,634 --> 00:24:26,929
Uncle Link said, "Heck yeah."
514
00:24:26,997 --> 00:24:29,465
That sounds like him.
515
00:24:29,533 --> 00:24:31,434
Me, I don't know.
516
00:24:31,502 --> 00:24:35,465
I think the fact
that we can't live forever
517
00:24:36,183 --> 00:24:39,409
is one of the things
that makes life so special.
518
00:24:39,728 --> 00:24:41,062
Impermanence.
519
00:24:41,130 --> 00:24:42,830
I think if we could live forever,
520
00:24:42,898 --> 00:24:45,466
we'd spend so much time
losing the people that we love
521
00:24:45,534 --> 00:24:47,669
instead of holding tight
while we still can.
522
00:24:47,736 --> 00:24:49,604
Impermanence.
523
00:24:49,672 --> 00:24:51,139
I like that word.
524
00:24:51,206 --> 00:24:52,547
Me too.
525
00:24:52,611 --> 00:24:56,444
If I had the medicine,
I'd give it to my mom right now.
526
00:24:56,512 --> 00:24:58,179
Me too.
527
00:25:00,149 --> 00:25:01,916
Hey, you want to call her?
528
00:25:01,984 --> 00:25:03,444
Alright.
529
00:25:10,759 --> 00:25:11,759
Hello there.
530
00:25:11,827 --> 00:25:12,927
Can we have a minute?
531
00:25:12,995 --> 00:25:13,996
Of course.
532
00:25:15,731 --> 00:25:19,333
Hi, Mommy. I miss you so much.
533
00:25:19,401 --> 00:25:20,835
I love you.
534
00:25:20,903 --> 00:25:24,906
Um, I've been writing
a page about living forever.
535
00:25:26,041 --> 00:25:27,709
How are you doing?
536
00:25:27,776 --> 00:25:29,210
It didn't work?
537
00:25:29,278 --> 00:25:31,379
Altman wants to try again
in a day or so.
538
00:25:36,853 --> 00:25:38,754
When I lost my wife, um...
539
00:25:41,223 --> 00:25:42,557
...the therapist, she said that
540
00:25:42,624 --> 00:25:46,394
there's no wrong way
to process the loss,
541
00:25:46,462 --> 00:25:48,029
the grief.
542
00:25:49,698 --> 00:25:51,699
But there is.
543
00:25:53,035 --> 00:25:55,136
Over a bloody computer scr, it's...
544
00:25:57,106 --> 00:25:58,873
...it's wrong.
545
00:25:58,941 --> 00:26:00,541
Dr. Lyon, call the blood bank.
546
00:26:00,609 --> 00:26:03,111
Dr. Lyon, call the blood bank.
547
00:26:05,714 --> 00:26:06,981
OhhOh!
548
00:26:07,049 --> 00:26:10,585
You know the rules. Who deserves it?
549
00:26:10,652 --> 00:26:12,520
- Deserves what? Rules to what?
- "Make it Sadder."
550
00:26:12,588 --> 00:26:14,188
We tell our sob stories,
551
00:26:14,256 --> 00:26:18,192
and whosever story is saddest
wins the last shot.
552
00:26:18,260 --> 00:26:19,827
"Make it Sadder"? That's fun?
553
00:26:19,895 --> 00:26:20,928
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
554
00:26:20,996 --> 00:26:22,630
Okay. Alright. I'll be the judge.
555
00:26:22,698 --> 00:26:23,758
- I'll be the judge. Alright, go.
- Okay.
556
00:26:23,804 --> 00:26:25,166
Alright.
557
00:26:25,234 --> 00:26:28,436
I am currently raising four children
558
00:26:28,504 --> 00:26:30,805
in a hellscape of a world
559
00:26:30,873 --> 00:26:32,707
where people don't listen to science.
560
00:26:32,775 --> 00:26:35,576
My parents are going ahead
with their second wedding
561
00:26:35,644 --> 00:26:37,011
even though there's a pandemic,
562
00:26:37,079 --> 00:26:38,713
so they'll probably get sick and die.
563
00:26:38,781 --> 00:26:42,150
And, uh, my last shred of me-time...
564
00:26:42,217 --> 00:26:43,451
Sneaking an occasional drink,
565
00:26:43,519 --> 00:26:45,019
which was already pretty pathetic,
566
00:26:45,087 --> 00:26:48,489
I know... is now ruined.
567
00:26:48,557 --> 00:26:50,792
- Yeah.
- Mm, alright.
568
00:26:50,859 --> 00:26:56,397
I had plans the weekend
that everything shut down.
569
00:26:56,465 --> 00:26:58,900
I had crawled out of my depression,
570
00:26:58,967 --> 00:27:02,904
and I was all set to start over by...
571
00:27:02,971 --> 00:27:05,419
going...
572
00:27:05,459 --> 00:27:08,476
...going on dates.
573
00:27:08,544 --> 00:27:09,677
- Oh, yeah.
- Aww!
574
00:27:09,745 --> 00:27:11,412
Okay, yes, yes.
575
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:14,033
You guys, I even bought outfits, okay?
576
00:27:14,058 --> 00:27:17,400
- Alright.
- Hang on. Okay. Ah! Okay.
577
00:27:17,553 --> 00:27:19,353
Let me show you.
578
00:27:19,421 --> 00:27:22,490
What do we have?
Oh, this is cute, right?
579
00:27:22,558 --> 00:27:26,394
The perfect thing
to declare someone dead in.
580
00:27:26,461 --> 00:27:27,595
Oh, what about this?
581
00:27:27,663 --> 00:27:29,564
This, for the, um, career girl
582
00:27:29,631 --> 00:27:31,999
that just spent, um, seven hours
583
00:27:32,067 --> 00:27:34,669
making more room for bodies
on the morgue truck.
584
00:27:34,736 --> 00:27:36,971
Or... Or...
585
00:27:37,039 --> 00:27:38,606
How about this?
586
00:27:38,674 --> 00:27:42,577
This, for... for
the funeral of a co-worker
587
00:27:42,644 --> 00:27:44,897
who got stabbed to death...
588
00:27:45,614 --> 00:27:49,735
who doesn't even get a funeral.
589
00:27:54,423 --> 00:27:56,724
Okay, Jo wins the last shot.
590
00:27:58,927 --> 00:28:00,728
No, no!
591
00:28:00,796 --> 00:28:01,829
- Yes.
- No way. Unh-unh.
592
00:28:01,897 --> 00:28:02,964
- Unh-unh.
- Thank you so much.
593
00:28:03,031 --> 00:28:06,901
She has an entire loft all to herself!
594
00:28:06,969 --> 00:28:07,835
Mnh-mnh.
595
00:28:09,304 --> 00:28:10,271
- Hold on.
- Ahh!
596
00:28:11,406 --> 00:28:12,707
What's that?
597
00:28:12,774 --> 00:28:13,808
It's Richard.
598
00:28:13,876 --> 00:28:15,676
The memorial for DeLuca is tonight.
599
00:28:18,347 --> 00:28:19,981
Alright, I'll drive.
600
00:28:20,048 --> 00:28:22,768
Let's, um, get ready.
601
00:28:23,752 --> 00:28:25,219
Orderly to 6 East.
602
00:28:45,073 --> 00:28:47,241
Hey. Uh, just moved Mr. Cabrera up here.
603
00:28:47,309 --> 00:28:48,609
Another complete white-out.
604
00:28:48,677 --> 00:28:49,543
How's Meredith?
605
00:28:49,611 --> 00:28:51,171
Um, uh...
606
00:28:51,747 --> 00:28:53,180
It... It didn't work.
607
00:28:53,248 --> 00:28:55,616
And I'm questioning
why I even thought it would.
608
00:28:55,684 --> 00:28:58,786
Well, DeLuca's autopsy results
came back.
609
00:28:58,854 --> 00:29:00,421
We did everything that we could.
610
00:29:00,489 --> 00:29:02,056
I know that.
611
00:29:03,792 --> 00:29:05,394
And he's still dead.
612
00:29:17,639 --> 00:29:20,408
Your kids call every on a video chat.
613
00:29:20,475 --> 00:29:22,143
Don't know if you can hear them.
614
00:29:24,246 --> 00:29:25,880
Don't even know if you can hear me now.
615
00:29:29,518 --> 00:29:31,052
You look perfect.
616
00:29:35,324 --> 00:29:36,857
Maybe... Maybe
617
00:29:36,925 --> 00:29:38,960
it's none of my business, Grey,
618
00:29:39,027 --> 00:29:40,795
but I'm begging you.
619
00:29:40,862 --> 00:29:42,063
Fight.
620
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:46,560
That's up to you.
621
00:29:47,015 --> 00:29:48,649
But if you're asking me,
622
00:29:48,870 --> 00:29:49,870
you should hear him out.
623
00:29:49,938 --> 00:29:51,639
They need you, Grey.
624
00:29:51,707 --> 00:29:53,174
The little one...
625
00:29:53,241 --> 00:29:55,443
- Ellis.
- She looks just like you.
626
00:29:55,510 --> 00:29:57,745
She got all your expressions.
627
00:29:57,813 --> 00:29:59,113
She doesn't smile easy or often,
628
00:29:59,181 --> 00:30:02,383
but when she does, sweet Jesus,
it lights up the room.
629
00:30:02,451 --> 00:30:04,352
What did you do to make her smile?
630
00:30:04,419 --> 00:30:05,386
You shoulda seen it...
631
00:30:05,454 --> 00:30:07,021
She smiles and she smiles,
632
00:30:07,089 --> 00:30:09,423
and it gets bigger and bigger until...
633
00:30:09,491 --> 00:30:11,726
Boom! She just bursts out laughing.
634
00:30:11,793 --> 00:30:14,128
What did you do to make her laugh?
635
00:30:14,196 --> 00:30:16,330
Then her brother gets annoyed
because she's laughing so hard
636
00:30:16,398 --> 00:30:17,431
right in his ear.
637
00:30:17,499 --> 00:30:18,466
That's Bailey.
638
00:30:18,533 --> 00:30:19,734
And then the oldest one comes in,
639
00:30:19,801 --> 00:30:22,536
and she takes the tablet
and says they're hogging it
640
00:30:22,604 --> 00:30:23,871
and that she needs time with you, too,
641
00:30:23,939 --> 00:30:27,641
because she's the oldest
and she's your favorite.
642
00:30:27,709 --> 00:30:29,510
Zola.
643
00:30:29,578 --> 00:30:32,913
Then I hear a click and a lock,
but we're in darkness.
644
00:30:32,981 --> 00:30:35,750
Can't tell who has it,
'cause I can't see a face.
645
00:30:35,817 --> 00:30:39,420
But then I hear a voice,
and it's the oldest one.
646
00:30:39,488 --> 00:30:41,889
And she's sittin' in the dark.
647
00:30:41,957 --> 00:30:43,691
She's in her closet.
648
00:30:43,759 --> 00:30:46,327
That's where she goes
to write letters to her dad.
649
00:30:46,395 --> 00:30:49,463
And she says, "I'm really sorry, Mum.
650
00:30:49,531 --> 00:30:51,399
Didn't mean for things
to get so violent.
651
00:30:51,466 --> 00:30:54,435
Ellis can be truly infuriating."
652
00:30:56,538 --> 00:30:58,672
They need you, Grey.
653
00:30:58,740 --> 00:30:59,974
I know.
654
00:31:00,042 --> 00:31:01,375
They need you to fight.
655
00:31:06,915 --> 00:31:08,992
We all need you to fight.
656
00:31:09,651 --> 00:31:12,586
I don't know that I can.
657
00:31:12,654 --> 00:31:16,023
It's... so warm here.
658
00:31:16,091 --> 00:31:18,292
The water is so cool.
659
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:20,494
I feel so relaxed.
660
00:31:20,562 --> 00:31:21,989
And there's no pain.
661
00:31:22,014 --> 00:31:23,545
I watched my kids lose their mum.
662
00:31:23,658 --> 00:31:25,359
You don't want that for your kids, Grey.
663
00:31:25,434 --> 00:31:27,601
There are people getting better
here every day.
664
00:31:27,669 --> 00:31:29,970
You could be one of those people.
665
00:31:32,140 --> 00:31:34,308
I believe that you could.
666
00:31:34,376 --> 00:31:35,943
'Cause I've heard the stories
about other fights
667
00:31:36,011 --> 00:31:37,344
you've already won, so...
668
00:31:38,647 --> 00:31:41,082
So I'm asking you to fight.
669
00:31:42,417 --> 00:31:44,218
You fight, Grey.
670
00:31:45,554 --> 00:31:47,154
It's okay.
671
00:31:47,222 --> 00:31:49,156
I'll be right here.
672
00:32:21,298 --> 00:32:24,009
Dr. Webber set something up for DeLuc.
673
00:32:24,534 --> 00:32:25,761
A memorial.
674
00:32:34,010 --> 00:32:35,310
I'm not a great Jew.
675
00:32:38,014 --> 00:32:41,149
I cheated at my bar mitzvah.
676
00:32:41,217 --> 00:32:45,420
I was too busy trying
to ignore Lenny Rapkin's shins
677
00:32:45,488 --> 00:32:47,289
that I didn't learn Hebrew,
678
00:32:47,357 --> 00:32:50,192
so I just wrote it out phonetically,
and read that instead.
679
00:32:50,259 --> 00:32:54,229
I skip half the High Holy Days
and repent for it at Yom Kippur.
680
00:32:54,297 --> 00:32:56,416
And if I'm honest, I...
681
00:32:56,899 --> 00:32:58,834
go back and forth
about believing in God,
682
00:32:58,901 --> 00:33:01,088
which is actually very Jew, but...
683
00:33:01,904 --> 00:33:04,639
It's the traditions that I find helpful.
684
00:33:06,376 --> 00:33:09,544
When a loved one dies, we have...
685
00:33:09,612 --> 00:33:12,974
rules about how to grieve and move on.
686
00:33:13,516 --> 00:33:14,916
Protocols.
687
00:33:14,984 --> 00:33:19,821
We force ourselves to sit in the pain.
688
00:33:19,889 --> 00:33:21,400
We cry.
689
00:33:22,592 --> 00:33:24,326
And we laugh.
690
00:33:24,394 --> 00:33:26,446
And we eat a lot.
691
00:33:27,030 --> 00:33:29,408
And it doesn't bring the person back,
692
00:33:30,992 --> 00:33:33,260
but it does start the healing.
693
00:33:37,373 --> 00:33:39,307
Chief, your mom died.
694
00:33:43,479 --> 00:33:44,746
My mom makes me crazy,
695
00:33:44,814 --> 00:33:47,516
but I'm gonna fall apart when she dies.
696
00:33:47,583 --> 00:33:51,319
And you have people you can be with.
697
00:33:52,702 --> 00:33:57,272
People who love you and miss you
and need to grieve with you.
698
00:33:59,062 --> 00:34:01,496
This pandemic has taken so much.
699
00:34:03,499 --> 00:34:05,100
Don't give it that, too.
700
00:34:21,884 --> 00:34:23,251
Hey.
701
00:34:23,319 --> 00:34:24,653
Oh, sorry.
702
00:34:24,720 --> 00:34:28,223
Um, I'm about to head back in
to check on Mr. Gibbis.
703
00:34:28,291 --> 00:34:30,158
He's sedated and stable.
704
00:34:30,226 --> 00:34:32,554
You gonna go to the memorial?
705
00:34:33,196 --> 00:34:35,557
I thought bad things about him.
706
00:34:36,685 --> 00:34:41,923
When he was sick, I thought,
"Great, more surgeries for me."
707
00:34:42,105 --> 00:34:44,072
I had no compassion.
708
00:34:44,140 --> 00:34:46,174
And now he's just...
709
00:34:46,242 --> 00:34:47,742
dead.
710
00:34:47,810 --> 00:34:48,877
And we can't hug.
711
00:34:48,945 --> 00:34:51,146
And as a rule, I hate hugs, but...
712
00:34:52,782 --> 00:34:55,784
...I haven't physically touched
anyone without gloves
713
00:34:55,852 --> 00:34:57,152
in over two months,
714
00:34:57,220 --> 00:35:01,156
and I-I feel like
I'm turning into that pati.
715
00:35:01,224 --> 00:35:02,791
Another week of this and...
716
00:35:02,859 --> 00:35:05,093
I'll be running through
the hospital naked.
717
00:35:06,295 --> 00:35:08,763
Stand up.
718
00:35:08,831 --> 00:35:10,065
And turn around.
719
00:35:10,133 --> 00:35:11,533
I'm sorry?
720
00:35:11,601 --> 00:35:13,068
Just trust me.
721
00:35:36,893 --> 00:35:38,493
Thank you.
722
00:35:42,498 --> 00:35:43,999
Spread out, please.
723
00:35:44,066 --> 00:35:46,801
We may be outside, but we stl
need to maintain our distanc.
724
00:36:12,995 --> 00:36:14,129
Richard.
725
00:36:15,264 --> 00:36:16,798
I'm...
726
00:36:16,866 --> 00:36:19,668
I need to take some time off.
727
00:36:19,735 --> 00:36:21,136
I'm not sure how long.
728
00:36:21,204 --> 00:36:23,171
But I-I need to go home.
729
00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:25,040
However long you need.
730
00:36:27,944 --> 00:36:32,215
Everybody, can I have
your attention, please?
731
00:36:32,762 --> 00:36:34,134
Thank you.
732
00:36:35,116 --> 00:36:38,118
I appreciate you all being here tonight.
733
00:36:38,254 --> 00:36:41,690
Grey-Sloan is a family.
734
00:36:41,757 --> 00:36:45,060
And Andrew DeLuca
was a member of that family.
735
00:36:45,127 --> 00:36:48,063
And his death, however brave...
736
00:36:48,130 --> 00:36:50,899
Well, it's still heartbreaking.
737
00:36:50,967 --> 00:36:55,280
We can't honor his life
like we might have in the pa,
738
00:36:56,091 --> 00:36:58,783
but we can still honor him.
739
00:37:00,509 --> 00:37:02,177
Dr. Perez?
740
00:38:36,405 --> 00:38:39,007
Hello.
741
00:38:39,075 --> 00:38:41,710
Uh, my name is Andrew DeLuca,
and I'm thrilled to be
742
00:38:41,777 --> 00:38:43,678
applying to the surgical
residency program
743
00:38:43,746 --> 00:38:46,381
at Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital.
744
00:38:46,449 --> 00:38:47,816
A bit about me.
745
00:38:47,883 --> 00:38:50,285
I am Italian,
but I grew up in Wisconsin.
746
00:38:50,353 --> 00:38:52,020
A lot of doctors in my family,
747
00:38:52,088 --> 00:38:53,755
including my big sister, Carina.
748
00:38:53,823 --> 00:38:56,291
Um, I grew up stealing
her game of Operation,
749
00:38:56,359 --> 00:38:58,526
so I guess you can say
it's, uh, been a dream of e
750
00:38:58,594 --> 00:39:00,695
for a very long time.
751
00:39:00,763 --> 00:39:03,365
The idea of doing my training
at Grey-Sloan
752
00:39:03,432 --> 00:39:05,600
and... and learning
from surgical legends
753
00:39:05,668 --> 00:39:07,869
like Richard Webber and Miranda Bailey
754
00:39:07,937 --> 00:39:11,339
and Jackson Avery and Meredith Grey...
755
00:39:11,407 --> 00:39:14,409
uh, well, it just doesn't
get any better than that.
756
00:39:14,477 --> 00:39:16,711
I think the reason I want to
become a surgeon
757
00:39:16,779 --> 00:39:18,680
is that I've always had
758
00:39:18,748 --> 00:39:21,116
this insatiable desire to help people.
759
00:39:21,183 --> 00:39:25,186
And I think I get that from
my mom, who I lost too soon.
760
00:39:25,254 --> 00:39:26,955
And, uh, she had
this really giving heart,
761
00:39:27,022 --> 00:39:29,724
and she always pushed me
to do as much good as poss,
762
00:39:29,792 --> 00:39:33,161
so I guess I'm doing this for her.
763
00:39:33,229 --> 00:39:34,996
Now, you should be warned,
764
00:39:35,064 --> 00:39:38,066
I can be relentless at times,
and very stubborn.
765
00:39:38,134 --> 00:39:42,537
But I promise that,
if I match with you...
766
00:39:45,107 --> 00:39:47,976
I will give you the very best of me.
767
00:39:48,043 --> 00:39:50,111
Thank you.
768
00:39:50,136 --> 00:39:52,070
Alright.
769
00:40:01,223 --> 00:40:03,425
At all costs,
770
00:40:03,450 --> 00:40:05,752
we avoid negative experiences.
771
00:40:18,498 --> 00:40:20,332
We ignore pain.
772
00:40:26,372 --> 00:40:29,241
We steer clear of the unfamiliar.
773
00:40:29,266 --> 00:40:31,034
We lie when asked about how we feel.
774
00:40:37,626 --> 00:40:39,594
We shouldn't do that.
775
00:40:42,731 --> 00:40:45,500
I stopped by the hospital for, um...
776
00:40:45,568 --> 00:40:47,135
I watched.
777
00:40:51,297 --> 00:40:52,764
I won't keep booze in the house anymore.
778
00:40:52,875 --> 00:40:54,742
That's not what I need from you.
779
00:40:57,136 --> 00:41:00,505
What I need from you is no more secrets.
780
00:41:00,616 --> 00:41:04,986
It's just... We have this baby together.
781
00:41:05,054 --> 00:41:08,022
We have this whole life together, so...
782
00:41:08,090 --> 00:41:10,692
I want to really know you.
783
00:41:11,994 --> 00:41:12,927
Deal.
784
00:41:14,730 --> 00:41:17,565
I reek of whiskey right now,
or I would hug you.
785
00:41:17,633 --> 00:41:19,567
I will hold my breath.
786
00:41:32,715 --> 00:41:35,049
Because I've learned something
from these last several months.
787
00:41:35,117 --> 00:41:36,184
Teddy?
788
00:41:40,055 --> 00:41:41,923
Hey.
789
00:41:44,994 --> 00:41:46,261
Teddy.
790
00:41:49,064 --> 00:41:50,899
I'm gonna take you home, okay?
791
00:41:52,501 --> 00:41:53,935
Okay.
792
00:42:02,378 --> 00:42:04,646
The body can only take so much.
55796
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