Original subtitles

WOMAN: Okay.

Well, how long do you think it's been?

MAN: A couple of weeks maybe, a little bit more.

WOMAN: Derrick, it's been six months.

MAN: No, it can't be.

Yes, it has been. Six months. No sex.

Okay, I know how good your memory is,

but that doesn't sound right.

Then, well, trust me. It is right.

And we really need to do something about it.

DERRICK: Like what?

Like, take a vacation.

You know, we can do a quick little weekend getaway.

It'd be fun.

Little bubbly, jacuzzi...

We could, but I don't think I have

that kind of time right now, neither do you.

Well, I don't care. I'm willing to make the time.

Since when? Every time I've tried to start something,

you're too busy studying.

Okay. Well, every time I've tried to start something,

you're always busy working.

And you know what? We got married.

We've promised ourselves that

we would never let it get boring in the bedroom.

Do you remember that? I remember.

So how is it that we manage to let six whole months go by

and we barely even noticed?

Six months and nine days, actually.

You know, I hate that you're keeping

track of how often we have sex.

Actually it's more like I'm keeping

track of how often we're not.

Well? What do you think?

Hmm, it's okay.

Yeah, I thought it'd be a little bigger though.

So no get away. Not even a weekend?

I want to, April.

I just don't see it happening right now.

Great. Saying "no" to vacation sex.

We're officially old.

Hey, guys.

Hi, Robin. Hey.

Hey, how are you?

Good. How are you doing? Good.

I really think you guys are gonna like this one.

Come on, let's go see it.

So this is it. Oh.

This property just went on the market.

It's three bedrooms, two and a half baths

and it's got a formal dining room as you can see.

And, April, you are not going to believe the closet space.

Oh, no. You hate it.

No. I don't hate it. I really don't.

You know, I just don't think this is the one.

Are you sure you don't wanna

take a quick look upstairs first?

Yeah, I'm sure.

What do you think?

To be honest, I kind of like it.

But you know, we both have to be happy.

I'm sorry.

I know this is like the millionth house you've shown us.

It's okay.

We'll see a million more if we have to.

All right.

Right.

Houses like people they always

have some kind of imperfection.

There's no such thing as the perfect house.

There is a perfect house for us.

It is out there. All we have to do is find it.

( phone ringing )

Trouble.

Hey.

CHRISTY: What are you doing right now?

Nothing. Well, I'm in the car, driving with Derrick.

We're going home.

Good. Come and have a drink with us.

We're at Rosie's.

Hi, Derrick!

Hi, Christy.

I can't. I have homework.

CHRISTY: Come on! One drink's not gonna kill you...

Derrick, bring your wife to me right now.

Wow.

One drink, that's it.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

So you guys have sex on the motorcycle.

Yes. Top that.

I'm sorry, April.

I've heard this story before, and I can confirm

that is in fact the case.

Yes. Thanks sweetie.

Okay, wait, wait. I don't get it.

Look, how was he able to steer and have sex

with you at the same time?

Yeah.

Oh, we weren't moving. We were parked.

Parked? Wait, that doesn't count.

Why? It was sex, and it was on a motorcycle.

If the motorcycle wasn't moving,

then it's not that impressive.

Not impressive?

Are you kidding me?

Do you know how much balance and flexibility it takes to--

APRIL: A lot balance and flexibility.

Hey, back me up on this.

What? No, I'm sorry, honey.

I am gonna have to go with Derrick on this one.

Oh, no you suck.

You're not my best friend anymore.

Huh, I am too your best friend.

Okay, let's just think of it this way:

What if I said that I did it in the car,

but the car was parked in the garage,

how could I call the big deal.

Right, but if the car's flying down 405 freeway,

then you got bragging rights.

Give me some. Aah.

That's not bad idea.

But it's always jammed really.

Hi, guys. I'm sorry, but your server had to run home

to handle an emergency,

so I'll be taking care of you the rest of the night.

I'm Jessica.

Hi, Jessica. You must be new here.

Kind of sort of.

I used to worked here a couple years ago, then I left.

And now I'm back.

Great. Welcome back.

Thanks. So can I get anybody anything?

You know-- Actually, well, we should be going.

Yes, it's about that time.

No, no, no, no, no. Stay for one more.

I can't.

Come on, I got to hit the books.

All right.

So, what do you think? You wanna head out or?

Um, no, I'm cool sticking around.

Yeah, okay. Okay.

All right.

Well, then I guess we'll talk to you guys later.

Okay. That's for--

No, no, no, that's for you. You cheated.

All right.

And the first round is on me, guys.

Oh, thanks.

I appreciate that, man.

Thank you.

I'll hit you later, bro.

Bye. Thanks.

That wasn't funny.

So you guys good here.

Do you need anything else?

Yes. We have-- We need some bread.

Bread.

Can you top sex on a motorcycle?

What are you doing?

I'm trying to distract you.

Oh. Uh-huh.

Yeah, I can feel that.

No, no, no, no. Come on, stop it.

I have got a ton of stuff, I've gotta get into my head

by the end of the week.

And you also have a six-months-and-nine-day

dry spell to break.

Okay.

Right after I'm done with this, I promise you.

I'll be in, I'll be in.

Would you--

All right, all right, all right.

Twenty minutes, okay.

You better make them count.

That's all I need.

Come here you.

Hi.

Give me a big kiss.

I'm so happy.

We got some time.

( PHONE RINGING )

No, no, no. Don't, don't even think about it.

But I have to. It's probably work.

I know.

And you can call them back

after you have sex with your wife.

Mm-hmm.

No, Derrick, come on.

Come on, seriously, would you--

Hello?

Why? What happened?

No, I'm not coming in. It's my day off.

It's not a lot of people.

You've cooked for larger parties than that.

Look, I don't care that they requested me.

I can't just--

Okay, fine.

I'm on my way.

Don't be mad. I won't be long.

You will. You'll be there all night.

But it's no big deal, right?

April, I'm doing this for us.

You know, I wouldn't be able to afford to buy the house

if the restaurant wasn't doing so well.

Oh, okay. So you're buying the house by yourself now?

That what's happening?

You know, it's fine. Just--

Just go.

I promise, I won't be long, okay?

I promise.

( KNOCKING AT DOOR )

Wow. You look like hell.

Shut up.

I'm horny and I need coffee.

Come on.

Good morning.

So the cold streak continues?

Hmm, unfortunately.

I have no idea what I'm gonna do.

I even floated the idea of us taking a quick vacation,

but he shot me down.

You know what?

Let's talk about something else.

This is way too depressing.

What's too depressing?

April needs more dick in her life.

Really? Still?

What is problem?

I don't know. It's like, forever.

It's been like--

Okay, hello. Right here.

Hey, friend over here dying inside wounded.

So could you maybe not talk about me?

Like, not into--

Oh, hi.

Sorry.

It's okay.

April, you probably remember Jessica?

Yeah, you're the waitress.

Yeah.

Hi.

Hi. You mind if we get going?

Not at all.

Ladies, if you'll excuse us,

I have to give Jessica here a drive back to her car.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, drive safe.

Yeah. All right.

Bye.

Bye.

Uh, it was nice to see you.

Again.

Yeah. You too.

What is wrong with you?

Why didn't you tell me you guys had somebody over?

I wouldn't have just invited myself in the way I did.

It's okay. You didn't interrupt anything.

Go ahead, you know, you wanna look.

You know I do.

Oh, man.

You guys work fast.

You just met the poor girl last night.

Oh, what can I say?

You and Derrick left and the three of us

sort of hit it off.

Yeah, yeah. Right.

All right, what's going on with you?

Come on.

I don't know.

I know we still love each other

and we're still hot for each other,

just like we're too busy to enjoy each other.

And it wasn't always like this I mean,

we used to do it all the time.

But at some point, I don't know. The sex

just kind of tapered off...

and I didn't realize it was happening.

( DOOR OPENING )

Sorry, ladies. Don't mind me.

That was fast.

Jessica forgot her phone.

Leave-behind. Classic rookie move.

Means she liked us.

Got it. See you later.

Bye.

Bye.

What are you thinking?

Nothing.

I just had a crazy thought.

Can I ask you a personal question?

Of course you can.

No, like a really personal question.

You okay?

Remember when we went to Miami?

Yeah. What about it?

We were on that red-eye flight,

and at some point you realized that everybody else

who've fallen asleep, and so you dared me--

No, no, you double dared me

to sneak into the bathroom with you.

And so I did.

Yeah, that was fun. Mm-hmm.

We never do stuff like that anymore.

What are you saying?

You want to have sex on a plane again?

No.

Maybe not that, but I think we should do something.

Something different.

Different like what?

APRIL: Matt and Christy had a girl over last night.

DERRICK: Matt and Christy always have a girl over.

Sometimes a girl and a guy.

APRIL: Yeah, I know.

So I had a thought.

What if we did something like that?

What are you saying?

You wanna have an open marriage?

No.

I was just thinking we could try a one-time thing,

you know, just to get our groove back.

All right.

DERRICK: What is this? A test?

You're not saying that

you'd let me have sex with Christy.

APRIL: It's not a test.

And trust me, it sound like, I would love it,

but I don't know I'd be there, too.

And wouldn't be like, you were going behind my back.

Well...

I mean--

If you're serious, I--

Okay, I--

I'm down.

APRIL: Yeah?

Okay, good.

We'll figure out with a good night for them and set it up.

DERRICK: Whoa, whoa, whoa. "With them?"

Great dinner.

APRIL: Yeah.

The four of us.

That's what we've talking about here, Derrick.

That's not what I'm talking about.

What makes you think

I want to share our bed with a man?

That's not what I was thinking.

Why are you getting so uncomfortable?

Because I'm comfortable with three, not four.

So you're fine with having sex with me

and another woman, but the minute

I wanna throw another man in the mix,

that's the deal breaker.

DERRICK: Don't ask me to explain it, but that's--

It's different.

APRIL: Yeah, you know, I can explain it.

It's called a double standard.

You know, Derrick, we don't even have to try this.

It was just an idea.

But if you think I'm not gonna call you

out for bullshit, you're crazy.

Okay, I'll do it.

But, I don't want him touching me.

I don't want him on my side of the bed.

I don't want the lights on.

I don't even want to know he is in the room.

And if that makes me crazy

and uptight then that's just what I'll be.

Okay, you're not crazy or uptight.

Look, all we have to do is set the ground rules

and nobody will have a problem.

Mmm. You smell good.

How long have you been up?

Not long.

Are you okay?

Yeah. Fine.

Good.

( APRIL MOANING )

Oh, sounds like they're back in business.

Hmm.

Look like our job here is done.

APRIL: Oh, yeah.

Oh, God.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, guys, we're gonna go now.

APRIL: Bye.

Thanks.

Have a good time.

What time's your interview?

In a couple of hours. I'm heading out soon.

All right.

I got to go.

Good luck.

Thanks.

Hey.

So I just want to say,

I had fun last night.

Yeah. Me, too.

Yeah.

If you want to, you know, see Derrick again,

just let me know.

I'll clear out.

Uh, we're not seeing either of them again, remember?

Not like last night. That was just a favor.

What do you mean?

You know we're not supposed to mess around with friends.

Friends get weird. Things get complicated.

Okay.

Right.

Jesus.

Was she that good? Should I be worried?

She was okay.

But she sure as hell wasn't you.

Uh-huh. All right.

That's more like it.

You wanna know how Derrick was?

I'll tell you everything.

Not the least bit curious.

Hmm, jeez.

I already knew that. Okay.

Call me and let me know how it goes.

Okay. I will.

I'll mail these while I'm out.

Ooh, actually, you can't.

I'm sorry I thought we had enough to cover the checks

I wrote, but we don't.

So they'll have to wait until we get some money.

I pay it on Friday.

Friday, then. Okay.

God, I hope you get this job.

Don't worry.

I'll make them love me.

I know you will.

Did I tell you how amazing you were last night?

Nope.

Well, you were amazing last night.

Thanks.

You're kinda quiet this morning.

You all right?

Yep.

Okay.

Hey, you know what'd be great?

If you use two words to answer me instead of just one.

I'm just wondering...

why was so important for you to do this.

What do you mean? You know why.

We talked about it.

I know, but--

You know what? Forget it.

Oh, don't do that.

You know I hate it when you do that.

Just tell me what's on your mind.

You let him go down on you.

So?

So I thought that was off-limits.

What made you think that?

You never let me do it.

Don't "let" you?

Excuse me, but you choose not to do it.

And I choose not to complain about it.

Yeah.

You don't complain about it.

You just get me

to let somebody else come in here

and do it for you.

What? Hold up.

What are you saying?

Are you saying that I tricked you into this?

I don't know. Did you?

All right, you know what?

Can we just start this whole conversation over?

We don't have to. Just forget I said anything.

What was I supposed to do?

I mean, look--

It's not like I planned it.

Oh, my God.

He just sort of--

He just went for it and I just--

Was I supposed to tell him stop?

Like I said, we don't need to talk about this.

Derrick, why? How?

I wouldn't understand

how you can be jealous right now.

It is not like I cheated on you!

You were right there!

Really?

Yeah, really. What? This is crazy.

Mm-hmm.

I thought we were finally good.

We just had sex in the fucking bathroom!

I didn't initiate that.

What?

Like I said, I didn't start the bathroom thing.

Oh.

You came in there while I'm taking a shower

and jumped all over me.

It is what it is.

Right. Apparently it is. Okay. I got you.

I got you.

All right, so when you have a problem with me,

you can fuck me, right?

But you can't talk to me.

It's a perk.

Well, I'm glad that I'm still good

for something around here.

Me too.

( KNOCKING AT DOOR )

Hey, April.

Hi.

I need Christy.

She is not here. She got called into work.

Oh, shit.

What's wrong?

It's nothing. I'm sorry I bothered you.

You guys had a fight, didn't you?

About last night?

How'd you know?

That look on your face? I've seen it before.

You wanna--

You wanna talk about it?

Only if you're not busy,

because I really need to get out of here for a little while.

My day's wide open.

So what happened?

He got mad because--

Because?

What?

What's so funny?

Oh, it's nothing. You know, I'm sorry.

I don't think I could talk to you about this.

I thought I could, but now that I'm actually sitting here.

I don't think I can.

Well, okay.

If you don't wanna talk about it,

we don't have to talk about it.

But you shouldn't feel awkward with me.

I mean, I know, I know, but we're still friends.

Yeah, we're friends that slept together.

And we're married.

I know. I know.

Oh, God. This is so strange.

And I thought this was supposed to be

every man's fantasy, right?

I mean, come on.

And now he's trying to act like

he is some sort of victim.

Is that why you did it? Just-- just for him?

No, I did it for me, too.

Yeah? I did.

Yeah.

Yeah, I did that.

I don't know, I thought it would just

kind of bring the magic back...

but instead it's just blowing up in my face.

So how do you and Christy do it?

Do what?

Well, I get behind her, she does her taxes and I--

And I could take her and then she is like, "1099!"

She finishes-- yeah. We always do taxes.

That's amazing. I know.

It's good and efficient.

Oh, they've got a good lotion here.

Okay.

So, I think I figured out

what started your fight with Derrick.

Hmm. Mm-hmm.

Is that what you've been thinking about all this time?

Yeah.

So we're gonna do this. All right, fine, yeah.

Tell me your little theory.

I think...

that when you and Derrick have sex...

you don't always, you know, finish

or he finishes before you.

But, you know, hey, with me...

you made it all the way there, and I think--

I think he found that kind of threatening.

Nice try.

You're not even close.

Come on. You can be honest with me.

Well, I am being honest.

Trust me, Derrick is good in that department.

How good?

Better than me?

Matt, what are you doing?

Oh, I'm asking you a question.

No, you're flirting with me.

Yeah.

I like flirting with you.

Stop it.

I mean it.

Okay.

Okay. I'm sorry.

Look, I'm trying to fix something here,

not make it worse, you know.

Yeah.

And if you can't help me, or just listen to me vent,

well then, you know,

we should just probably just go.

April, wait.

Okay.

You're right. You are.

I just thought that you and I had...

a really strong connection last night.

A lot stronger than I thought it was gonna be.

But if I misread the situation, okay.

You know, just say the word, I'll back off.

We had sex.

We didn't "connect."

You know, I'm not one of these girls that you

and Christy take home and--

Oh, come on. Yeah.

Okay. You know what?

Whatever.

That's-- yeah.

This was stupid.

I should just go.

Okay? Yeah.

Thanks for picking up the check.

And don't worry, I'll pay you back.

Money's just, you know,

it's been a little tight lately.

( PHONE RINGING )

Hi, Robin.

Oh, wow.

Yeah. I'd like to.

I just--I don't know if we can make it.

Yeah, but see Derrick is probably, you know,

he is at work now and--

Yeah, actually, yes.

We'll make it. I'll get him there.

So what time are you thinking?

Oh, okay, cool. Yeah.

Let me give you a call back.

Okay bye.

Hey, Derrick.

Your wife's here.

You want me to tell her you're busy?

No, I got it, Kevin. Thanks.

This is ready to go.

Okay.

Hey.

Do you get a break soon?

I have an hour coming up. Why?

Robin called.

She wants us to look at another place.

Okay.

Can you hang out for a few?

I'll be here.

All right.

ROBIN: Now I'll be honest.

This one is at the upper end of your price range,

but I still wanted you to see it.

It has a fantastic gourmet kitchen,

all the cabinets are brand-new,

and the master bedroom suite opens up

onto a beautiful covered patio.

Are they flexible on the price?

Well, I know the other agent.

So there's definitely wiggle room.

It's nice, don't you think?

Yeah.

Big backyard. We could put in a pool.

Yeah.

And there's only three registered sex offenders

in this neighborhood.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think we're gonna pass on this one.

Yeah, I'm getting that feeling, too.

What?

"Registered sex offender?"

I was teasing you.

It didn't seem like you were paying too much

attention back there.

I was paying attention.

I just don't think that that's our house.

What was wrong with it? Is it too big?

Is it too small?

Not enough bedrooms? What?

I don't know.

I can't put my finger on it.

I just know that the moment we walked into the house

that's meant for us, I'll know.

We both will.

I guess we'll keep looking, then.

Okay, you know that I'm so mad at you, right?

I know.

And I apologize I should have never said

those things to you.

I just got freaked out last night.

I thought I would be able handle what happened.

And but seeing it for myself I--

Whatever. It was my fault, not yours.

And I just need to get past it.

All right, you don't ever get to talk to me

the way you did.

Ever again.

I won't. I won't.

I promise.

CHRISTY: Babe!

Hey.

You will never guess what happened.

What?

They offered me a full-time teaching position.

Starting Monday.

Are you serious? Yeah.

I mean, there is a little bit of paperwork,

but as of next week I--

I'm officially part of the faculty

and not just a substitute.

That's amazing. My God.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Thank you. Wow. Good work.

So how did your thing go?

What thing?

Your interview, silly.

I was expecting a call or a text or something.

Oh, that. Yeah.

They called and pushed it back to tomorrow.

Oh. I'm sorry.

Well, that just means you have another day

to prepare, right?

That's right.

So what have you been doing all day?

Nothing.

Just hanging out.

You haven't even left the house?

Nope.

Okay. Come on.

You're getting dressed.

What for?

We're gonna go celebrate.

Well, to my girl Christy, the best teacher ever.

Yes, I don't know about all that.

I just hope I don't warp their little brains too badly.

Yeah. Me too.

Okay. Where is Derrick?

He said he'd come right back and hang out.

Well, you know, it's the top of a shift.

So he's got a slice and dice and make it all fabulous.

But I wanted us to have a little--

Oh, oh.

Wow!

I think you're really happy about--

Yes, I am. All right, okay.

I have to now go take my clothes off.

Oh, wow. All right.

Do you-- Okay.

You're not still mad at me, are you?

You know, that depends.

Are you gonna hit on me again?

No.

But for the record,

I do think you kind of overreacted.

Well, you know for the record,

you did kind of go way over the line.

Okay.

I guess we'll just agree to disagree, then.

You know, I actually have a better idea.

How about we agree that you are wrong?

Okay. Fine.

I was wrong.

Dinner's on us, by the way.

You don't have to do that.

And Derrick hates it when his friends pay.

Yeah, but that was before I slept with his wife.

Why don't you say that a little louder?

I don't think everybody heard you.

I'm sorry. Was I over the line again?

APRIL: Wait.

Hold on.

Try to the right.

No, no, no, my right.

Could you just--

Okay.

All right, let's just stop.

What's wrong?

Nothing, I just--

Come up here.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. I just wanted you next to me.

Oh, I get it.

You're trying to tell me

I don't know what I'm not doing.

No. I didn't say that.

You didn't have to.

What are you doing?

Okay, let's try it again.

What for?

I obviously don't know what I'm doing.

Not like Matt.

Will you talk to me, please?

Okay.

You all set?

Yeah...

I think so.

Hey, how come they pushed your job interview

from yesterday to today?

Oh.

The guy had a conflict.

I think it was a family emergency or something.

Oh.

So they called and asked you to come in today instead.

Yeah.

They called you.

Christy, yes.

Why do you ask?

No reason.

They called again when you were in the shower.

You're confirmed for this afternoon.

Okay. Good.

Thanks.

Good luck.

Thank you.

APRIL: And then he just walked out.

And I tried to get him to talk to me,

but he just left without saying anything.

And he knows how much I hate it when he does that.

You know, I think he did on purpose.

And you're not even listening to me.

So--

Hey.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

What?

I am, I am.

No, you're not.

You're off on another planet somewhere.

All right, fess up? What's going on with you?

Something's going on with Matt.

He had this big job interview yesterday,

one he was really excited about.

But I think he ended up blowing it off.

Well, what makes you think that?

Because the company called this morning.

He was in the shower, so I answered his phone.

They wanted to confirm that he was coming in today,

since he called them yesterday and asked them to push it back.

Except he'd already lied to me and said they pushed it back.

So he had plans yesterday?

Yeah.

But apparently he ended up doing something else.

I just don't know what.

Christy--

Oh, my God.

I'm so stupid.

I bet it was Jessica.

Who?

Jessica, that god dammed waitress.

Well...

that's just perfect.

We're barely able to pay our bills

and he's skipping job interviews,

so he can chase some girl behind my back.

I'm gonna kill him.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to dump all that on you.

No, it's okay.

Hey.

Hey.

Oh. Hang on a second.

I, uh-- I wanted to give you this.

What's that for?

Dinner last night.

I know you prefer to treat, but --

Here. Just take it.

Don't worry about it.

I'm not worried about it.

I'd just rather pay my own way.

Since when?

You guys have been eating at my restaurant

ever since I started working there,

and I've never seen you all stressed out

about picking up a bill before.

Nobody's stressed out.

I just don't need your charity, Derrick.

Last time I heard, you still didn't have a job.

So the way I see it, you do need my charity.

All right.

You're right. I guees you're right.

I did need your help.

Like you needed mine.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well...

somebody had to teach you how to satisfy April.

Come to think of it,

you never did thank me for that.

So maybe we'll just call it even, and--

Shut the fuck up.

She told me you were jealous.

She fucking told me. And I don't blame you.

It was probably the best fucking sex she's had in a long--

Hmm? Keep talking.

Do you regret it, Derrick?

Letting another man fuck your wife?

God, this is so frustrating.

But all he keeps saying is

he doesn't wanna talk about it.

Yeah, you know, I got home right after it happened.

Look, from what I heard,

it sounds they were both being idiots,

and things got a little out of control.

All right. So what do we do?

We get them sit down together and iron it out?

Because if that doesn't work,

I'm willing to knock some sense into both of them.

Okay easy. I don't think we need to go that far.

You know, I just hate that all this craziness

made Matt miss his interview again.

He didn't go?

Didn't he tell you?

He hasn't told me anything--

God. I just assumed--

All right, I got to go.

You know, Christy wait just--

Oh, shit.

You know, you could've at least told me

you missed your interview.

I don't know if you noticed,

but I kind of got my ass kicked today.

I can't exactly go in there spitting up blood.

Did they let you reschedule.

Oh, man.

I didn't even call them back. I forgot.

Matt, what is going on with you?

Do you even want this job?

Of course I do.

Then maybe you can explain to me

why these things keep happening.

What things are you talking about?

You lied to me about why you didn't go

to the interview.

And today, you just happen to get into a fight

when you're on the way to interview--

Wait a minute. I never lied to you.

Yes, you did.

I talked to them when you were in the shower.

They told me you canceled on them,

but that's isn't what you told me.

Okay, so I got the details mixed up.

What difference does it make?

The difference is that, I'm not a fool.

Matt.

I know what you've been up to.

Christy--

Don't.

If you want to keep seeing Jessica,

then just be honest about it.

You don't have to sneak around,

worrying about keeping your story straight.

Matt.

I get it. I do.

Jessica's hot.

And she was fun to fool around with.

And--

But you can't let her interfere with you finding a job,

because we're really hanging by a thread here.

I know we are.

But I haven't seen Jessica since we saw Jessica.

I haven't even talked to her.

So you can stop worrying about that.

Are you sure?

Because this has been driving me crazy.

I'm positive.

You're worrying yourself sick over nothing.

Maybe I am.

I have been stressing a lot lately.

And it doesn't help that Derrick and April

buying a house and starting this great new life together

and we're sitting here stuck in the mud.

I know. But it'll be our turn soon.

It better be.

I tried calling you. A few times.

I know.

Look, I know I went a little overboard earlier, but--

Don't apologize to me. Matt's downstairs.

I'm not talking about Matt.

I don't care about Matt. I'm talking about you and I.

Us trying to be like them was stupid.

We should never tried to be like Matt and Christy.

We're not them, and we never will be.

I wasn't trying to be like anybody.

I was just trying to get closer to you.

You--

You don't regret it?

Why should I?

April, you slept with another man.

And where were you when that happening?

Oh, yeah.

You were right there next to me,

having sex with another woman.

Yeah.

And I'm ashamed of it.

You shouldn't be, Derrick.

You shouldn't be ashamed of anything that we did that night.

There is anything you should be ashamed about is

the way you been acting ever since.

( knocking on door )

Hi.

Hey, April.

I came by to say I'm sorry for outing you.

You "outed" me?

Last night.

On the phone with Christy

I said something about you not making it to your interview,

I-- I had no idea that she didn't already know.

Don't worry about that.

We worked it all out.

Yeah? Yeah.

Are you sure? I'm positive.

So, how you're feeling today, champ?

Don't you start.

I embarrass easily.

I know.

I'm...I'm fine.

Thanks.

Good.

I--I could use some air, though.

So you are saying you're not a perfectionist.

Oh, wow.

So you're just taking his side.

It's out. No, no, no, that's okay.

I know your bromance, so it's all good.

Great.

So I have a question.

Okay.

Why didn't you just call me?

I mean this morning.

Something as simple as a quick apology,

normally you'd just pick up the phone for that.

I don't know.

I guess I just wanted to make sure that you're okay.

It happens just, you know, men have a tendency

to want to pretend that they are not hurt.

Well, I knew that you couldn't do it

if I was-- if I was looking at you.

Yeah.

So, see, you were worried about me?

Yeah.

Si. Okay.

I'm about to hit you.

No, no, the whole family.

All right, yes.

I admit it, I was little bit worried.

The other day you said that you weren't busy.

That wasn't true.

No. No, it wasn't.

I had an interview

but I moved it at the last minute.

Matt, you haven't worked in like eight months.

And then this big opportunity comes by

and you just blew it off.

How come?

Because you knocked on my door.

All right, come on. I'm trying to be serious here.

So am I.

I wanted to spend some time with you alone.

So that's what I did.

That's what I do.

Don't you think that was a little irresponsible?

It was totally irresponsible.

So then why did you do it?

Come on, because we connected the other night?

Yes.

Because of that.

And because...

I haven't been able to get you out of my head ever since.

I'm married, Matt.

And so are you.

I know.

You know, you know,

Derrick's is pissing me off right now, I still love him.

I know that, too.

Good...

'cause I would never do anything to hurt him or Christy.

What if Christy was okay with it?

Okay with what?

With me joining your little harem?

Is that where you think this is going?

All right.

You know I'd actually need to get back to studying

so we should just go.

Just for the record,

I don't actually have a harem.

I know you don't.

All right.

That was mean and judgmental.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

No, don't be sorry.

Please.

I love finding out what you really think of us.

Okay, stop it with the drama.

Okay, that is not what I think.

Okay then, let's have it.

Have what?

What you do think.

Whatever you imagine goes on with us.

All right, you know I love you guys, right?

Oh boy, where is this going?

Okay.

But I can never tell Christy this

because I don't think it was my place

but I just kind of always felt like

the whole open marriage thing was just sort of...

bullshit.

How so?

It's basically legalized cheating.

What?

I mean, come on, am I wrong?

I know it might look that way from the outside

I get it, but yes, you're wrong.

I don't cheat on Christy. On my wife.

Okay, how do you not cheat

when you're sleeping with other people?

Was it cheating when you and Derrick slept with us?

No.

Okay, but well, that's different

because we talked about it beforehand

and we made an agreement.

Exactly.

Christy and I made one too.

So what's the difference between

agreeing for one night versus an entire relationship?

Thanks for checking up on me.

You're welcome.

And you know, I'm sorry that I snapped at you.

Oh, don't worry about that.

I deserved it.

Yeah, you did. Mm-hmm.

Why do I ever admit fault?

But either way I shouldn't have done it.

Okay, I'll accept your apology if you'll accept mine.

Deal.

Still friends?

Always. Okay.

Oh, hey.

Hi.

You on your way out?

I was just gonna go downstairs

and talk to Christy about something.

Well, I think I just saved you a trip.

Hey.

Told you I was gonna do it.

Do what?

Stage an intervention.

You should've seen him downstairs

moping around like he lost his best friend.

I saw Derrick pulling up outside

and I-- I thought all right,

you guys are gonna sit down and work this out.

Yeah.

So here we are.

Yeah.

All right, let's do this.

And I, uh...

I realized that

I was way out of line for all the things I said.

I was wrong.

And--so I want--

I want to say I'm sorry.

I was wrong, too.

about a lot of things.

See how easy that was?

And it only took, like, ten seconds.

I mean, unless you got something

you want to apologize for, too.

What?

I'm just saying, since we're on a roll here

if you got something you want to confess, now is the time.

No.

I'm good.

Perfect.

Because I need a drink.

Yeah, me too.

Picked your poison.

( phone rings )

Oh, great. It's Robin.

Here, I'll talk with her.

Hey, Robin.

Yeah, no, no, no.

Sorry, it's just been a crazy day.

What?

Right now, really?

She wants to show us a place.

Not now.

Sure. Sure.

She says, she thinks that we will love it,

but we've got to see it today.

The listing's going out in the morning.

All right.

Text us the address.

Yep, all right.

See you soon. Thanks, bye.

You guys want to come along?

Derrick, they're probably tired.

Come on, it's five minutes, in and out.

Yeah. Sure.

All right, come on in, guys.

Wow. Nice.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

It's a just under 2,000 square feet its--

I want to hear about this one.

Okay.

It's got four bedrooms, two and a half baths.

Um, it's got a detached two-car garage,

and the owners already replaced the roof.

God, I love the windows.

So what do you think?

It's nice.

And what do you think?

I think-- it feels like us.

"Us" is in you and Derrick.

Me and Derrick are the only "us" that I'm a part of, Matt.

What happened today didn't happen.

Yes, it did.

Not if I say it didn't.

And we are not gonna talk about this here.

We're not gonna talk about this anywhere.

Ever again.

Look, I'm not gonna--

DERRICK: April!

I'm in here!

Well, what do you think?

I-- I love it. Good.

She says, she thinks it's gonna go fast,

so if we want it, we need to jump.

Then I say let's jump.

Perfect.

Robin did it.

I mean, she did it.

That was the one, absolutely.

It's good. It's good. It's beautiful.

It's roomy, spacious enough for us.

Spacious? Did you see the bathtub?

With the whirlpool jets and everything?

I could just crawl inside that thing and take a nap.

Well, anytime you want to come over and use it, just call.

Okay, I will.

I take that as an open invitation.

APRIL: Okay, I hate to break this to you,

but I think we just ended with a permanent houseguest.

Yeah, I think we did.

What's up?

You okay?

Yeah.

But there's something I should probably tell you.

Four bedrooms.

I know.

One could be a nursery.

I know.

( knocking on door )

All right, all right, I should probably just get that.

I'll be right back.

I promise I'll be right back.

Hey.

Are you fucking kidding me?

I asked you.

I asked if Matt had been with somebody else,

and you lied to me.

You looked me right in the eye and lied.

Hey, Christy, just calm down, okay?

I don't know what you're talking about,

and I never have lied to you.

You did.

You said Matt wasn't here

with another girl the other day, but he was.

He was with you.

Christy, nothing happened between me and Matt.

April, I know you kissed him.

Okay, Christy, just listen.

Let me just explain, okay.

That was--that happen sort of by accident.

Really?

Really, was it by accident

that you've been hanging out with him ever since that night

and keeping it a secret?

But was it an accident when you said

my whole relationship was bullshit?

Yeah, he told me everything.

He didn't have to tell me

how stupid I was for trying to help you.

That part I figured out for myself.

Wait Christy, just--

I don't know what to say, Derrick.

Just say what happened.

The morning after we all were together,

I went looking for Christy but she wasn't home.

So I was really upset

because of all the things you had said to me,

and I just--I just needed somebody to talk to.

I don't need you to go through all the details.

Just get to the part where you fucked him.

I didn't.

It was just a kiss. Just one kiss.

And why should I believe you?

Because that's the truth.

I don't think you know what the truth is, April.

And I don't think you care.

You looked at me every day,

and kept your dirty little secrets,

and let me walk around here like a goddamn fool.

No, no, no.

It was not like that.

I promise you there weren't any dirty little secrets.

God, nothing even happened until today.

Is that when you had sex with him?

Stop asking me that.

I already told you I didn't sleep with him.

I'll stop asking when I believe the answer.

The only time I slept with Matt was when you were there.

Which sounds more and more crazy to me

every time I hear myself say it out loud, but that's it.

Okay, that's it.

That's all you're gonna get from me

because that's the truth.

You asked me if--if I'm--

I regretted us hooking up with them.

And I told you that I didn't.

And I still don't

because as stupid as it was,

it was a decision that we made together.

But I do regret everything else.

And...

it's the only explanation I have is that

I was wrong.

I just want to know if you fucked him.

That's all.

No.

But you wanted to.

Yes.

But I didn't.

I would never ever do anything like that to you.

Well, now you can.

( knocking on door )

Congratulations.

You win.

I win what?

Derrick's gone.

He just left,

and I don't think he's coming back.

Well, that's what you wanted, isn't it?

I just wanted Christy to know the truth.

Why?

So it could get back to Derrick?

Matt, you had to know that it would.

I guess you're right.

I probably should've thought of that.

She's got a point, you know.

Why did you tell me?

Was it because you knew I would confront her?

Oh, my God.

You were trying to break them up.

Oh, my God.

What the hell is wrong with you

that is so far beyond fucked up?

I can't even believe it.

No, no you are not!

You are not gonna leave--

we're gonna deal with this right now!

I get it, Christy! I fucked up!

Is that what do you want me to say?

I want you to get this through your head.

April doesn't want you, she doesn't want us

and she doesn't want our lifestyle.

She wants her husband.

And if she didn't,

you wouldn't have needed to sabotage their marriage.

Are you in love with her?

No.

I thought I was but I'm not.

I knew it.

I knew.

Getting involved with friends was a mistake.

I told you it would get complicated

but you made me feel like I was worried over nothing.

I can't believe I fell for that shit.

I'm really sorry.

I don't know what else to say.

You don't have to say anything, Matt.

You've done enough damage.

( knocking on door )

Is he back?

Did you try calling him?

I called. I texted.

I emailed.

He won't talk to me.

Are you and Matt breaking up?

I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

He will be paying for this

for the rest of his miserable life.

He'll beg for death by the time I'm done.

I'm so sorry, Christy.

I know you are.

I mean it.

I really hate myself right now.

I hate you too.

Come here.

I tried calling you, a lot.

Where'd you sleep last night?

All right, can you please say something to me

so I know that I still exist to you?

I'm looking for my phone charger.

Have you seen it?

So we're not even gonna try to work this out?

There's nothing to work out.

Derrick, don't you-- don't you think

you're being a little melodramatic about this.

I mean, it was just a kiss.

It was just one little kiss.

And I already admitted that I was wrong.

I mean, what else do you want from me?

I don't want anything from you.

That's what you don't understand.

There's nothing you can say to make me trust you again.

Well, if we don't have that,

I-- I guess we don't have anything.

I guess we don't.

Hey.

Hi.

Look, I--

I know that everything that happened is my fault.

I screwed up.

I don't know what else to say.

Yeah, I don't either.

I just know that I'm way past the point

of worrying about who is at fault.

Do you think it would help if I tried talking to him?

No.

What do you want?

I want you to stop being a dick.

Just leave me alone, Christy.

Everybody is sorry, Derrick.

April's sorry. Matt's sorry.

I'm sorry, and I didn't even do anything.

Look, they cheated on us.

That might mean nothing to you and your little world,

but it means a lot to me.

I'm not exactly thrilled about it, either.

But we're not talking about me.

You and April have a strong relationship.

You can get past this.

Not if I don't want to.

So you'd rather be all morally outraged

than fix your marriage?

Just because you're wearing that wedding ring

doesn't give you the right to lecture me about marriage.

My marriage was real.

Not just for show like yours.

Okay, this whole thing

is as much your fault as it is April's.

You went into it with both eyes open,

and this is the stuff that can sometimes happen.

Matt and I should've said no to you guys in the first place.

But we didn't. So here we are.

Yeah. Here we are.

( knocking on door )

Hi, Robin.

Hi, I'm really sorry to drop in on you like this,

but was in the neighborhood

so I figured I would drop this by.

What is this?

Your offer letter.

Now I don't mean to rush you guys,

but I just want to hurry up and get it signed

before anybody else can squeak by us.

I'm sorry.

I should've called you.

I just assumed that Derrick would have.

Oh, no. It's okay.

Like I said, I was in the neighborhood.

No, that's not what I mean.

Derrick and I--

wow, this is embarrassing.

We're not buying the house.

We're not buying any house.

We're--we're not together anymore.

Oh, my god.

I'm so sorry to hear that.

Are you okay?

I'm fine. Thank you.

Well, look I don't want to interfere,

but if there's anything I can do, please let me know.

I will.

And April, if it's any consolation,

I know what you're going through.

I've been exactly where you are.

Twice, in fact.

Really?

Two divorces under my belt.

Now the first one was a mistake right from the start

but the second time

I should have worked a lot harder to save that one.

Funny thing is, the idea of refusing

to throw in the towel was even an option.

But once we --

I'm sorry. I'm--I have to go.

Thank you so much.

You can't be back here.

You promised me a house.

Go home. We'll talk about it later.

You said that if you kept working

and if I stayed in school that we'd have a house of our own.

Well, we finally found one.

And it's just sitting there.

It's waiting for us.

Look, Robin brought over the offer letter.

All-- all we have to do is sign this

and the house is ours.

April, if you brought this over here for me to sign--

No, that is not why I came here.

April.

April, what are you doing.

Are you crazy? What?

I love that house, Derrick.

I could grow old in that house

but if it doesn't include you I don't want it.

Derrick, I made a mistake.

A lot of mistakes I can admit that.

But when you married me you said that

you would love me no matter what.

And this--this is the "no matter what" part.

And I wish--I wish I could change what happened

but I know that I can't.

But I also know that

I'm not leaving here without my husband.

I'm not letting you go.

And what if this doesn't work?

What if we can't get past this, huh?

We will.

We have to.

Because, Derrick--Derrick,

I don't want to keep setting things on fire

and you know I would.

Just stay away from my stove.

We'll talk about it later, go home.

Yes.

Now get out of here.

And take this with you.

Go home.

That's it. Truck's empty.

Oh, wow.

Well, thank you guys, so much for all your help.

That's what we're here for.

Hey, we got some beers if you guys, want to hang.

That's okay. We should get going.

Let you guys dig through the mess.

So sweet of you to leave like this.

I'm sweet.

Thanks, Matt.

Yeah. Okay.

Call you later.

Okay. Oh, boy.

Now it begins. Yeah.

I was, like, what's appropriate to wear?

He's your teacher.

Oh, well, good one.

I mean, I don't want them to feel--

Yeah, don't corrupt them now.

But I didn't want them to. Yeah.

Yeah, don't do that.

Oh, hey.

Hey, you must be my new neighbors.

Yeah. Hi, I'm Matt.

Nice to meet you. Same here.

Jordan.

Hi. I'm Jordan. Christy.

I'm Christy.

You're Jordan, I'm Christy.

That's right.

Yeah, that cleared it up.

Okay, you need a hand with anything?

No, I don't have that much. But thanks.

Well, welcome.

And you know, I guess we'll see you around.

Definitely. All right.

Nice talking to you. Jordan.

Bye.

What are you thinking about?

Four bedrooms.

I'm thinking we actually have four bedrooms.

I know.

One could be a nursery.

I know.

I love you.

I love you, too.