All language subtitles for [1967] - James Coburn

If [Muzak]

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♪♪ [ Continues]

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[Typewriter Clicking]

Oh, Lisa, Paris is on the phone.
About the hemline again?

Mm-hmm.
I'll take it.

Hello? Please, Paris.
It has been decided.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
That's correct.

Lisa, how do you like this?
It's very nice. just fine.

Put it through immediately.
Thank you.

Lovely.

[ Roaring]

[ Explosion ]

Come along, ladies.

Ladies. Ladies!
Will you leave us, please?

Thank you. [Reporter On TV]
Indicates a perfect orbit.

Right now we're waiting for the
computers to answer the question.

And then, perhaps, we'll have an announcement
from one of the men responsible.

Yes, that's it.
We have an announcement.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Lloyd C. Cramden.

Thank you. Ladies and
gentlemen, we've done it.

The first manned space platform in
history is moving into a perfect orbit!

[ Applause, Cheering]

And this is only the beginning.
In the weeks to come,

other rockets containing
weather instruments,

cameras, mapping and surveying equipment
will join up with our platform...

making it the first scientific
laboratory in outer space.

Think of/t, la dies and gen t/em en.
We've clone it. We've done it!

Nobody can stop us now!
Ladies, please!

And this accomplishment will add
immeasurably to our scientific knowledge...

and will usher in a new era
of goodwill...

as the platform passes across
all national boundaries-

[Phone Ringing]
Oh, uh, excuse me, please.

Ladies and gentlemen, that's the
president calling Mr. Cramden.

I want to congratulate you on your part
in this magnificent achievement, Lloyd.

Thank you, sir.
Thank you.

I must say, now that it's over,
I can use a little relaxation.

Right. Exactly Now you can relax. I was
thinking about a little round of g-o-I-f.

Very good.
When do you suggest, sir?

Tomorrow.
Thank you, sir.

Uh-huh. Good enough.
See you then.

Next week, next time,
same station.

And now let's return to our
on-the-spot coverage- Uh, Colonel.

Uh, ladies and gentlemen, this is
Colonel- Uh, Carter, Colonel Carter.

Colonel Carter. Right. You must
be an old ball player, Colonel.

Well, for a moment there, I thought you were
making signals like a third-base coach.

What? Oh, this.
[Chuckles]

Habit, I guess. But this space shot does
put us back in the ball game, doesn't it?

This is quite a day. “Does put us
back in the ball game, doesn't it?”

[Laughing]
Men.

But he's right about one thing:
This is quite a day.

That is, Helena, if-
Oh, forgive me, dear.

I must have my moment of drama.
I will bring him right in.

Please, sir.
Come with me.

Now you will see the final
results of 37 operations.

Sit down here.

Now.

Voila')!
My God!

He's- He's perfect!

[ Helena ] You see? It is possible.
Yes, it can be don e.

Ladies, I have done
what I promised.

The next step is up to you.
He's wonderful.

Remarkable.

Now just sit tight up there.

Tomorrow we begin.

Operation Duffer. [Women
Together] Operation Duffer!

[ Echoing ] Duffer! Duffer!
Duffer! Duffer!

[Chuckling]

[Speaking Russian]

[Speaks Russian]
Operation Duffer!

Duffer!

Watch me very carefully, Lloyd.
You've been trying to kill the ball.

Brute power
is not the answer.

Golf and life itself have one thing in
common: Success is based on timing.

I'm only down three holes, sir.
Well, that's all we've played.

Now, Lloyd, I'm going to give you a
little lesson on that swing of yours.

You got your stopwatch?
Oh, yes, sir.

All right now. Watch me very
carefully, and remember,

it's all in the timing.

Start your watch.
Hold it, Mr. President.

It's all right.

Nothing to be alarmed about.

Well, boys, it's the president.
My apologies, sir.

That's all right, sir.
Hello, boys.

Hi.
How do you do?

Ask him for his autograph.

Gosh, Mr. President, if you'd
autograph your golf ball for me,

I'd put it right next
to my picture of Batman.

Martin, comparing the president-
Perfectly normal, sir.

When I was his age, the president
ran a poor second to Babe Ruth.

Lloyd, let's have yours.
Yes, sir.

There you are, sonny. Come over here.
Thank you, Mr. President.

And here is one for you.

Thank you, sir.
Thank you very- Oh.

Here's one for you, Mr. President.
Thank you very much again.

You're welcome.
That was very kind of you, sir.

My pleasure, sir.

Time me, Lloyd, with your stopwatch.
Yes, sir.

[Gas Hissing]

[ Helicopter Blades whirring]

Huh? “we:?

Did you get that?
Yes, sir.

What was it?

Three-
Three min-

Now, if this watch is right,
something else is terribly wrong.

But you could be mistaken, sir.
I wish I were, Avery,

but three minutes went by
that I can't account for.

Three minutes
in the life of the president.

It's not just irregular,
it's irrational.

[Avery On Speaker] Irrational.
Exactly like the problem, sir.

You're right, damn it.
[Pencil Snaps]

Get me that book on dogs.

On what, sir?
Dogs. I'm gonna see Flint.

Uh-huh. All right.
All right. Thank you.

You're right. Our man's in the White House,
but Cramden has turned to Flint for help.

You see how predictable,
this childish masculine loyalty?

The Flint file.
It's quite a dossier.

It's very impressive.
Yes, yes. I know.

Weaknesses?
Yes. Three of them.

I'll leave for New York.

“Avoid tension.

“A dog can sense fear.

Show him you're his friend.
Offer him food.”

[ Dog Growling ]

[Growls]

And, ladies, at Fabulous Face, we offer
completely individual beauty treatments.

For example, if you happen to enjoy
a full body massage, we can-

I'm sure it's very nice,
Miss Norton,

but I don't think we really need
to leave town for a massage.

[ Laughing] And, besides, I
don't think we've got the time.

As soon as Derek gets back,
we leave for Rio.

[ Miss Norton ]
Well, that's just perfect.

Our place Fabulous Face
is right in the islands,

just a short flight from Rio,
right on your way.

Please, say you'll come.

Derek can pick us up there
on the way back from the desert.

That's just marvelous.
Great. I'll tell him.

- Oh, is he here?
- Why, yes.

[ Dog Growling ]

Pardon me.

You're supposed to smile, sir.
Then he'll let go.

Oh.

You must be Mr. Cramden,
right?

Uh, yes,

but I don't remember
our meeting before.

No, we're new.
All of us.

All of you? Excuse us.
We won't be long.

This way, Mr. Cramden.
Yes.

Derek is out at the pool.
He said to bring you along.

[ Man imitating Dolphin Chatter]

Thank you.

[Dolphin Chatter Continues]

Simple. [Chatters] I'm hungry.

I'm hungry-

Oh, Mr. Cramden.

Uh- May I get you a cup
of coffee, a drink?

A cigar- Get him one of his
favorite cigars. Thank you.

Huh? No, no, no. I gave them up.
I had to, uh-

Thank you, young lady.
Thank you, darling.

Isn't she lovely?
And- Yeah.

By the way, w-what
happened to the old girls?

I mean, the other one.

Oh, they're married.
Ah, happily, I expect.

Oh. Oh, naturally. Why
wouldn't they be?

They certainly were well-
well, um-

Prepared?
Oh, naturally.

[Chuckles]
But, uh, tell me.

Didn't there used to be four?

Well, there were five at one time, sir,
but that got to be a little too much.

See, I'm trying to cut down.
[Dolphin Chattering]

[Chattering Continues]

Come on, Eric.
You've had your lunch.

[Dolphin Chatter]

[ Chattering ]

Now, sir,
what's on your mind?

That, that fish out there.
Y-Y-You don't-

No. Sir, a dolphin
is a mammal.

Actually, a member
of the cetacean group.

Whales, sir.

Whales?
Very intelligent animals.

Right. Oh, good. What's one more
mammal in this household, eh?

But he doesn't live here.
He's just staying a few weeks...

while I compile a dictionary
on dolphin sounds.

A dictionary on dolphin s-

Well, not words, sir. See, we
communicate by sonic waves.

It's part of an experiment
in isomerism.

Terry.
Isomerism.

Isomerism, sir.
Isome- Isome-

isomerism.
[Whispering]

Yes, isomerism, sir-

the relationship between two or more
nuclei to the same mass numbers.

Let's go to the library. Actually, they
have the same mass and atomic numbers.

It's just, there are different states
of energy and radioactive decay.

If it were not important, I-

it's simply radiant energy transmitted
by pressure waves at the speed of sound.

That's very interesting,
but my reason for being here-

Now, by controlling the frequency of the
sound wave, we can produce a musical tone.

For instance-
Flint, this is important.

[High-Pitched Beeping]

Yet, all solid objects can be
destroyed by the proper pitch.

[Higher Pitched Beeping]

That's extraordinary.
Ah, it's a toy.

However, we are making
such scientific strides...

that just last year's book
is already outdated.

How do you find time
to read?

No, no. I wrote that.
It's already obsolete.

Flint, I've got to talk
to you in private.

Oh, yes.
Excuse me, sir. Terry?

Would you mind-
Not at all.

Thank you, baby.

Mmm.

Oh.

Now, Flint,

something happened when I was
playing golf with the president.

Oh, the president! Well-

Oh, yes.

I don't know where to begin.
I-ltjust doesn't seem to make sense.

Well, I'm sure it will, sir.
just, um-

Well, you know I haven't
been playing up to my game.

Oh, that's too bad.
Well-

So the president felt
my timing was off.

So he asked me to time his swing
with this stopwatch. Well-

Oh, I see. So, uh- Yes, uh-huh.
Yeah.

Flint, it took three minutes.
Now that's not possible, is it?

Uh, no, sir. it's not.
No.

The, uh, the watch- now you've
had it checked, of course.

Oh, of course.

That's very interesting. Would
you like me to look into this?

That's what I was hoping.

I can take care of it
in about a week, sir.

A week? Well, why? Is it urgent?

Well, no, I guess-
Oh, fine then, sir.

I'll contact you as soon as I
get back from Death Valley.

Death Valley?
Yes, a survival test.

Derek?
Yeah, baby.

Miss Norton has invited us to be her
guests at Fabulous Face while you're away.

[ Laughing] Fabulous Face?
What's that?

It's that great new health
resort in the Virgin Islands.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's just
a couple of hours to Rio.

- I'll check the airlines.
- Yeah.

Fabulous Face? Besides, you'll
be gone that week anyway.

Hmm.

You're very convincing, Miss Norton.
The resort must be quite a place.

Believe me, Mr. Flint,
it is.

I, uh, do hope
you'll allow them to come.

[Flint] Why not? Ladies, perhaps
you ought to start packing.

Well, thank you very much, Miss Norton.
Thank you.

Oh, sir.
Where was I?

The desert. That's right.

Well, it's not really too difficult
to know where to find food.

Food in the de- Thank you.
In the desert?

Oh, yes, sir. It's all around you,
if you know where to find it.

Snakes, lizards, chiefly
edible grubs. Oh!

Grubs? Yes, they're
found in decaying wood,

under rocks, shrubs.

Grubs?
Grubs, sir.

Yes. Larvae, pupae. Anglicized
from Latin verm/cu/us.

One of the most edible worms that
we have in the western hemisphere.

Have the appearance
of macaroni.

Uh, if you'd like some
more conventional food,

how about dinner with me
tonight at Luigi's?

Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
I have some packing to do.

Ah, that's all right.
I'll let myself out.

Oh, well, then. All right, sir.
Give my best to Luigi.

Oh, if you want something really special,
try his Vermicelli a la Derek Flint.

Vermicelli... Derek Flint. I'll
see you as soon as I get back.

Good-bye, Miss Norton.
Good-bye, Mr. Flint.

Grubs.
[Groans]

[ Mr. Cram den ]
Uh, grubs.

♪♪ [ Accordion ]

Table, miss? Yes, please.
That table right there.

Oh, certainly.

Good evening.
Would you care for a cocktail?

Yes, please.
Oh, I'll have a martini.

Martini.
Very dry.

Yes, ma'am.

Oh!
Oh, dear.

Allow me. Oh, thank you.
How awful of me.

Oh, no.
How terribly clumsy.

Not at all.
Thank you so much.

L- Um, I'm afraid
this will sound quite familiar,

sort of a line, as it were,
but... haven't we met?

Oh, no.
No, I don't believe so.

You see, this is my first trip
here to New York.

Oh, well-
Thank you very much.

You're welcome. Would the
gentleman care for a drink also?

Well, I'm-
Uh-

I'm not expecting anyone.
That isn't a line either.

Won't you join me?

Well, I-I'd-
I'd love to. I'd love to.

I'll have a cognac, please.
Yes, sir.

Uh, may I introduce myself?

I'm Lloyd Cramden.

And I'm Norma Benson.

Oh.

Uh, would you please
give me a light?

Well-

Thank you.

Here.

Thank you.

My trip here
has to be a very short one.

Schoolteachers are not in
the higher income brackets.

Oh.

I never had a teacher
as beautiful as you.

Perhaps it was just as well. It
would have been too distracting.

Oh, you're very flattering,
Mr. Cramden.

Truthful
would be more accurate.

[Sighs]
just... where do you teach?

I teach at thejohn C. Calhoun
High School...

in Roanoke, Virginia.

Roanoke, Virginia.

But let's not talk
about me.

It's, uh, quite evident that you're
in a much more important position.

Hmm. No. Well, I-

I'm just one of the many
thousands of government workers.

Oh, how nice.
Uh, to the school system.

[Whispering]
Especially Roanoke, Virginia.

And to a very charming
representative of our government.

[Laughs]

Uh, what? I'm sure you
can explain this, sir.

Who is- Wait!
Pardon me, dearie.

- I don't know. - I'll have
to take you into custody.

What? I'll arrange for an
audience with the president...

first thing in the morning, and
any decision will be made by him.

[Grumbling] Cooper, you and Austin take Mr.
Cramden to the car.

I'll stay and question the woman.
I never-

This way.
There's a mistake.

You're not listening.
I-I-I-I-

I don't even
remember registering.

So, you met this woman
for the first time,

had a couple of drinks with her, and you can't
recall anything that happened afterward?

I can only conclude, sir, that the
drink must have been drugged.

What does your report show,
General Carter?

The waiter in the restaurant didn't
get a good look at the woman, sir.

As for the glasses they drank from, the
lab reports show no trace of a drug, sir.

And the schoolteacher?
No criminal record, sir.

Thejohn C. Calhoun High School
of Roanoke, Virginia.

Oh, yes, sir.
We checked it out.

Thejohn C. Calhoun High School was
vacated quite a few years ago,

at our request.

I'm afraid there's a security
angle involved, Mr. President.

Well, go on, General Carter.
Let's have the whole story.

Well, that school became one of
our top secret installations-

training center for Special
Forces Project K-14.

Lloyd, can you shed
any light at all on this?

No, sir. And the woman
in the hotel room?

Skid Row, sir.
I'm sorry, Mr. Cramden.

Lloyd,

I know what a dedicated servant
you've been to me...

and to the country
we both love so dearly.

I'm sure you'll be vindicated
at your hearing.

Until then,
you're under suspension.

However, you may continue to use your office
and the assistance of Lieutenant Avery.

We'll try to keep this out of the
newspapers. Oh, thank you, sir.

You can be sure
of one thing, though, Lloyd.

I'll never turn my back on you.
General Carter.

Yes, sir. There's a couple of security
issues we better discuss now.

Oh, yes, Mr. President. I've outlined
some of the major issues in this-

Sir, this is more important
than the missing three minutes.

I'm certain Flint can help.
Flint?

What a field day
he could have at my expense.

Oh.

She was ugly, sir.

Hmm?

Oh.

Well, you can forget about Flint. He's
going to be leaving very shortly.

Then we've no time to lose.
May I have your permission?

Well, fine.

Thank you, sir.

[Tires Screeching]

- Hey, Bill.
- Hi, Mr. Flint.

Empty all the ash trays?
No, I got you a new plane.

Ah, beautiful. Let's go.

So, damn it, Flint,
you know I'm no Donjuan.

Yes, I'm sure of that, sir.
The question is,

since raw animal passion is ruled
out, what was the woman's motive?

Raw animal-
See here, Flint-

It is ruled out, I assume. Yeah, well,
yeah, no. Of course it's ruled out.

You should have seen her
without her makeup.

I'm sure it was a traumatic
experience. Yeah.

[Pulsing]

[ Flint] Now just
take your time, sir.

Relax.

Breathe... deeply.

Now... try to remember.

[Pulsing Continues]

You're in Luigi's.

What?

You're in Luigi's.

What happened?

She, uh, dropped her purse.

Yes?

And I, uh,
tried to help her.

And then we, uh,
introduced ourselves.

And she wanted a cigarette,

so I lit a couple
of cigarettes, and-

[Snaps]

Hmm?

Cigarettes. Matches.

What about it?
Paper, please.

Huh?
Paper.

Please.

Uh- Hold still one moment, sir.

Yes.
Huh?

Paper.

Hmm.

[ Flint] Hmm. Interesting.
Singed, of course.

singed?

There's some styrax, ylang,
mimosa, hyacinth and...

cannabis.

Oh. There's a combination
of rare oils...

exotic flowers, herbs
and Macedonian brawley...

[Sniffs] combined with-
The ash, of course.

Ah. The residue. Euphoric acid.

Euphoric acid.
Yes.

Yeah.
Centuries old,

discovered by the Assyrians
during the reign of Hammurabi.

W-W-What is it? It's a
psychic deinhibitor-

a tranquilizer which conversely stimulates the
libido while giving the feeling of euphoria.

Combined with alcohol,
it becomes a soporific.

It's obvious that someone's trying
to discredit you- to embarrass you.

First the missing three minutes,
and now this.

Yeah.

But who? Someone in
your own organization.

Yeah, but why?
That we'll have to find out.

How can I find out when my own
organization is off-limits to me?

It's not off-limits to me, sir.
Now, wait a minute.

We're talking about a top-security complex.
If you get caught-

[Laughs] I'll take care
of it tonight, sir.

[ Door Opens, Closes ]

Cooper?
Yes, sir.

General Carter.

I believe we can expect
a visit from Mr. Flint tonight.

[ Buzzer Buzzes]

Okay

[ Buzzer Buzzes]

I'll need your
identification papers, sir.

May I see those, please?

I'm sorry, sir. This doesn't
permit you in this area.

[Grunting]

[Sonar Pinging]

[Computer Beeping]

Eighty heartbeats per minute.

Must be Russian cosmonauts.

[Beeping Continues]

That's 80.

[Grunts]

[Grunts]

[Yells]

[Grunting Continues]

[Groans]

Let's pay our respects.

My deepest sympathy, sir.

Your friend Flint.

I'm sorry.
The document disintegrator.

You killed him.

Mr. Cramden,
I'm surprised at you.

He broke into a top-secret
security complex.

There was no choice.

He did it because I-

I'm sorry,
but you know the rules, sir.

Flint.

He was obstinate.
[Sighs]

A loner.

But the greatest.

What are you doing?

Sorry, sir.

[Intermittent Ringing]

Yes, sir?

Huh? Who's this? Flint!

Flint! Where are you?

Huh? Don't trust anyone.
Okay. I got it. I got it.

Flint, I gotta see you.

W-Where? Moscow?

Why Moscow?

Flint!

He hung UP-

He's alive!
He's going to Moscow!

Well, if he's alive, sir,
who's this?

Oh, who cares?
I've gotta get the president.

Why didn't
you tell me this before?

I was afraid you'd have thought I'd cracked up.
Who could explain those missing three minutes?

And you felt that Flint
could help unravel the problem.

He seemed my last hope, sir.

And after he broke into security last night, he
told you that we were infiltrated with traitors?

Yes, sir.

Did he mention any names?

No, sir,
but I believe him.

That's why I thought
you should know, sir.

I wanna thank you, Lloyd.

I want to confess
that I misjudged Flint.

Where is he now?
Uh, Moscow.

What's he doing in Moscow?

Derek, darling,
what are you doing in Moskova?

The usual thing, my love.

When can I see you?

Tonight.

Where?

The usual place.

[ Audience Applauding ]

♪♪ [ Rock 'N' Roll]

♪♪ [Stops]
[Gasps]

Derek, darling.
Yes.

Your American music
is so decadent.

Yeah.
Mmm, but it's so exciting.

Well, that's
where it's at, honey.

[Sighs]
Champagne.

M mm, champagne.
Pazhalsta.

A good year, huh?

I've been saving it
for your regular visit.

Mmm!

To night.

Derek, darling,
[Moaning]

You haven't told me
why you are here.

It has to do with a couple
of lady cosmonauts.

Lady cosmonauts?

Now, how would I know
about lady cosmonauts?

I read the cardiographs
from the space platform.

And, uh, what makes you think
these are women?

The male heart beats
72 times per minute.

The female, 80.

And these were 80?
Yes.

Derek,

you are right.

There are two missing.

This is important, Natasha.
Can you tell me about it?

I will tell you all I know.

Oh, Natasha-

Don't you move.

It's the same ingredients.

Of course.
It was in the paper!

Agave Americana. It's indigenous
to the Virgin Islands.

Virgin Islands?

Virgin Islands.

Fabulous Face?

It's in the Virgin Islands,
right?

The missing cosmonauts-

What is it, Natasha? What are you into?
What is it?

Derek, darling,
I am not your enemy.

I am your friend. I can't tell
you now because it's too late.

Well, tell me anyway.
You will be very happy,

but first, darling,
you must make me happy.

[ Door Opens ]

Who are you?
What are you doing here?

My apologies,
comrade Natasha,

but the order comes
from the prime minister himself.

He wishes to see Mr. Flint.

At 4:30 in the morning?

He couldn't sleep. Your
performance was so magnificent.

He wishes to confer upon you
a Nijinksy Medal.

Oh.
[Chuckling]

Is this your coat?
Yes.

Ivan, help Mr. Flint
on with his coat.

Soon.

No, no!

Now! You too!

[imitates Bird]

[imitates Bird]

Hi, there!
[Screams]

[Gunshots]

[Gunshots Continue]

[ Gunshots Continue ]

[ Gunshots Continue ]

[ Gunshots Continue ]

[ Russian Premier]
Mr. President-

Melvin, listen!

If you haven't got
our two lady cosmonauts,

who has?

Melvin, I've got to find
those girls.

Be reasonable.

They could be where?

Melvin, bite your tongue. They couldn't
live there three days. They hate rice.

Melvin.

Melvin, you
give me the girls.

Melvin...

I will make
deal with you.

All right. You say
you haven't got the girls.

But just in case,
we got Flint.

“Who?” Flint!

Yes, Flint!

What? Kill him?

But he's your
number one hero.

Well, Melvin,
I was exaggerating.

We don't
actually have him,

but we know
where he is going.

The Virgin Islands.

Melvin, you know we got no flights there.
Only to Cuba.

Melvin, what would Flint
want in Cuba?

[ Groans ]

[Beeping]

[Beeping Continues]

[ Chickens Clucking]

Senora, para usted.

[ Speaking Russian ]

Para Ios pilotos.

[ Russian ]
Gracias. Gracias.

gComo esta, pilotos?

Para usted y usted.

Que bueno!

Es de Havana.
Mmm, muy bueno.

What's going on?
I mention Flint is in Moscow,

the president can hardly
wait to get rid of me.

People I've never even heard of are placed
in key positions, new faces everywhere.

Even the date of my hearing
postponed.

I tell you,
if Flint is right...

and we've been
infiltrated,

we're in real danger.

I'm being electrocuted.
[ Muttering]

If you'll stop talking, sir,
I believe I can pry it out.

Take it easy. I think
I've got it, sir.

A transmitter.

They've known
every move we've made.

[Whispering]
But who's doing it, sir?

I don't know.
But I was right, and so was Flint.

How do we trace them?

I think I can find
a way, sir.

This device operates on the same
principle as a walkie-talkie.

The system can be reversed.
Really?

Paper clip, sir.

This transmitting device
can become a receiver.

Just a few moments, sir.

Yeah.

I think this
should do it.

[Man On Speaker]
General Carter?

General Carter?

General Carter?
General Carter?

General Carter here.
What is it, Lieutenant?

Sir, this orders me to load the
rocket with nuclear bombs...

instead of a weather
laboratory.

Nuclear bombs, sir?

That's right, Lieutenant. Project Damocles.
Project Damocles?

Arming the space laboratory, sir?
That's correct.

The code name is Damocles. New orders
directly from the White House.

This is top security.
You understand, Lieutenant?

Yes, sir.

[General Carter]
Proceed with arming immediately.

Arming the space platform. You
realize the consequences, Avery?

Yes, sir. A nuclear
threat to the world.

And he said the orders
came from the White House.

We know better than that.

General Carter is the traitor.

We've got to stop him.

[Avery] General Carter's got
the president brainwashed.

If we could just
get to Flint.

Yeah.

Why, we can!
He was gonna meet his girls.

That's it, Avery!
Some beauty resort...

with a silly name
in the Virgin Islands.

“Fabulous Face.”
Virgin Islands?

But that's where-

The missile site.

Coincidence?

Avery, you get down to the missile site.
Yes, sir.

And you, sir?

I'm going to Fabulous Face.

I haven't always been
a desk-bound commando.

[Razor Humming]

And Flint- He's not
the only master of disguise.

Tovarich. Tovarich.

Do-svidaniya.

♪♪ I singing 1

Adios.

You're doing fine, dearie.

I'd better take these upstairs.
Why?

There's something
wrong with these girls.

Well, not much
that I can see.

Hmm, yes. Well, maybe
the machines are out of whack.

Just these three?
Uh-uh.

These girls have got resistance.
We're just not reaching them.

You know that Flint, he must
make quite an impression.

Hmm.

Well, I'd better take these upstairs.
They'll know what to do.

Mind the store.
Okay.

What's the trouble?
I can't explain it.

These girls have rejected
all our programming.

This Mr. Flint of theirs-

Yes. Yes,
he's quite an influence.

As a matter of fact, he's
on his way here right now,

and we must get them
out of sight.

[ Women Chattering]

Welcome to Fabulous Face,
Mrs. Hiller.

Oh, I'll take the bags.
Thank you.

Your room is ready.
Will you follow me, please?

I'm sure you'll enjoy your stay
here at Fabulous Face.

Come along now, dear.
just take your time.

That's just fine.

Uh, this way, dear.

Get a load of this one.

Oh.

What's that?

That's what I call
ambition.

Good morning.

Mr. President.
Yes, madam?

M- Oh!

Lloyd!

Of course.

The golf course.
The missing three minutes.

Lloyd, what's going on?
Why am I here?

We'll take care of that.
There. isn't that better?

Just one more session,
and we're through for the day.

Well, I hope at least
this one will be cool.

Oh, you'll just love it.
Mm-hmm.

That's a cryobiology lab!

Oh, no! You're not putting me in there!
[Women Yelling]

Let me go! No! Let me go!
Oh, please, no!

You're not putting me in there!
Oh, yes, you are.

I hated to do that.
They're nice.

What a pity they're
so hard to convince.

It's that Flint of theirs. He
must be a hypnotist or something.

Does it ever make you wonder when
you see how girls like that feel?

Forget it.

[ Dolphin Chattering ]

[ Dolphin Chattering ]

Penthouse, please.

Hello, Mr. Flint.

Miss Norton.

I imagine you find it all
a bit... Gothic?

It's lovely.

What you must think of us... to
come in this way, unannounced.

But not unexpected,
I gather.

No. Is this real?

Cryobiology?
Yes.

Oh, yes.
Yes, it's quite real.

We call it our
“save for later” program.

[Chuckles] No! Yes.

Here, people worth keeping can be saved
for a time more worth living in.

As a matter of fact, it's really
quite the ultimate luxury.

Hmm.
just imagine.

Just imagine.

Here we can suspend time
for as long as we wish...

to return 50
or a hundred years later.

Well...

to be frozen
in nitrogen gas...

and then thawed out at some time
later like a supermarket pizza...

is not exactly the classical
idea of immortality, but-

Now, those- Occupied?

Oh, yes.
Who?

But-But come along,
Mr. Flint.

This, uh, really isn't
much of a welcome.

I'd like
to give you a tour.

I'm sure our ladies...

would like to get a good look
at the famous Derek Flint.

[Chuckles]
Oh, you're very flattering.

♪♪

♪♪ [ Vocalizing]

Good evening, Mr. Flint.

Good evening,
Mr. Flint.

May I?
Thank you.

Oh, sorry.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

Excuse me.

You're quite accustomed to being
admired by women, aren't you?

Hmm. All those, uh, ridiculous-

Sighs? Yes, you're quite right.
They are ridiculous.

I must say it's refreshing to be with a
beautiful woman who's above that sort of thing.

Why, I never said I was above
that sort of thing.

What I meant was, uh-

Yes?

You really are
good at it, Mr. Flint.

[Chuckling]
Tell me something.

What is it about you that makes
you so irresistible to women?

It's very simple.
I don't compete with them.

Now that ends the suspense.

You're quite right.
I was curious.

Well, now you've had the tour,
and so have I.

It's getting late,
Mr. Flint.

Shall I have them take you
to the airport now?

No. I want to see the girls.
The girls?

Where are they?
They left this morning.

Look, I just came
from Moscow.

I had a talk with a little
ballerina named Natasha.

There are two cosmonauts up
there, and my girls are here.

There's a connection.
What is it?

Cosmonauts?
Mm-hmm.

Ballerinas?
[Laughs]

I think we should
take him to the office.

Lead on, ladies.

Now, let's not have that media
discussion all over again.

The announcement has to be on
television the same time everywhere.

- Understood?
- [ Chattering]

Do you mind?

[Chattering Stops]

Come along, Mr. Flint.

Ladies, this, of course,
is Derek Flint.

Miss Elisabeth.
Miss Elisabeth.

Miss Simone.
Miss Simone.

And Miss Helena.
Miss Helena.

Ah, but
I know all of you ladies.

Fashions, cosmetics,
publications, communications.

You're all
very famous ladies.

What you don't manage,
you control.

What you don't control,
you influence.

What you don't influence, you
probably one day will inherit, hmm?

That's very well put,
Mr. Flit, uh, Mr. Flint.

Don't you agree, ladies?
[Together] Indeed.

[ Man On Speaker] All silo personnel
stand by. Ready for missile loading.

Excellent. Excellent.

Well, I must say that this is
quite a sight for a mere man...

to be present here
among all of you.

This, uh, summit conference
of brains and beauty,

all sitting here watching
a rocket being prepared.

Now, what could that mean?

Uh...

those Russian ladies
flying arou-

You're in control
of the space platform?

He's really very clever.

Mr. Flint, you're really
quite intelligent for a man.

Yes, yes. But it's getting late, and
there's still a great deal to be done.

Run along, Mr. Flint. All your
questions will be answered tomorrow.

As soon as Project Damocles
is complete, we shall return.

Project Damocles?
Project Damocles.

The Project Damocles that calls for
nuclear energy to be used as a threat?

Correct.

That's a totally discredited idea.
No one in his right mind could-

Miss Elisabeth, we can't
let him leave here now.

No, my dear.
You're quite right.

Don't be so nervous,
Mr. Flint.

There's nothing
to worry about.

By this time tomorrow, women
will be running the world.

And then you will see how quickly
everything will settle down.

Women running the world?

[Laughing]

Oh, you can't-
You can't be serious.

Why not, Mr. Flint?
Yes, why not?

Oh, come now, Mr. Flint.
How many businesses...

are actually being run by
secretaries, mistresses, wives?

If the boss goes away for a
few days, does the work stop?

No, of course not. That's probably
true, but I can't imagine-

You can't imagine how we poor, dear
ladies can cope with it all? Yes.

Face it, Mr. Flint.
We women are outliving you.

The wealth of this country,
of the world,

is concentrated
in our dishpan hands.

In the laboratories, our
reflexes are quicker than yours,

our manual dexterity
20% higher...

and our patience
a damn sight longer.

All right.
Granted all of that.

Now, what's your hurry?
Why don't you just wait?

It'll all fall
right into your laps.

Uh, you will still have laps when
you're all wearing the pants, I assume.

But what about the millions
of women throughout the world...

who may not see your little
plan just the way you do?

Did you say millions?
Millions, yes.

My dear, show Mr. Flint
how the hair dryer works.

Go ahead, Mr. Flint. I think
you'll be quite interested.

Hair dryer?

I suppose when the hair is wet, the current
is conducted and the programming received.

Brain and hair washing
at the same time.

Exactly.

[Sighs] You really think you
can get away with this?

Get away with it?

Oh, Mr. Flint,
think a minute. Think.

Now then, hair dryers like these have
been in use for some time, correct?

Yes, correct.

Very well.
For many years now,

every time a woman
went into a beauty shop,

she came out a little bit more
dissatisfied with a man's world.

We've been busy, Mr. Flint.

I think you'll find
the contented housewife...

is a thing of the past.

[Quiet Chattering]

Ladies.

Forget it!

[Ladies Together]
Forget it?

[Door Opens]
[Ladies Murmuring]

General Carter, what
is the meaning of this?

Why aren't you and Sebastian getting the
flight ready? You know your orders.

Shut up and sit down, Your Highness.
Playtime is over.

Sit. Major.

Well, Mr. Flint, I bet you've been
getting an earful of this nonsense too.

Well- Well, forget it. The
situation is well in hand.

My hand.

Did you really think we were gonna go
through all that just for you old broads?

Broads?
Come on now, did you?

But Sebastian believed in us. And so
did you and the girls on the platform.

Sebastian, the actor?
[Carter] The best.

What's he playing?
The pres/dent.

The president? Yes. He took
you all in, didn't he?

You know something? He '5
really enjoying the role.

So much 50, we 're going to
make the whole thing permanent.

[ Elisabeth] All this time, the
years we spent in planning-

He couldn't have fooled us. He
was so sincere about our cause.

Oh, yes, he was sincere.

But that's before we saw
the view from the top.

An actor as president?

Oh, we were fools
to trust any man!

I hate to break this up, but I've got
to be there when the balloon goes up.

Yes, of course. Major, escort Mr.
Flint personally to the cooler.

The cooler? Yes. You'll see
your friends there in a minute.

Take the ladies down.

[Women Clamoring]

[Yells]

[ Screaming,
Shouting Continue]

[Shouting]

[Women Scream]

[Grunting]

[Man Yells, Grunts]

[ Bowling Pins Clattering ]

Shall we try diplomacy?

You've kept everyone
waiting, Mr. Flint.

[ Elisabeth ] Take your hands off
me, you monster! How dare you!

[ Gas Hissing]

Since there aren't enough freezers to go
around, you two will just have to double up.

I've seen to it that you have a lovely
companion, Mr. Flint. You're so kind.

[ Gas Hissing]

[Beeping]

[Beeping Intensifies]

[Beeping Continues]

How much time do we have?

We have less than an hour.

[Whistles] Sir, a call from you?
There's an air base close by.

Who'd believe me?

Well, I saw a lot of floating stuff up there, and
your staff, I understand, is quite athletic.

I don't know what you mean.
I do.

Look, Miss Elisabeth,
our wayjust didn't work.

I'll get the rest of the girls,
and I'll meet you at the beach.

But what will you do when you get there?
Operation Smooch.

Operation Smooch?

Operation Smooch?

Smooch.

[Women Chattering]

[Men Grunting]

[Women Yelling]

I've been expecting you, sir.

Mr. President, Mr. Flint,
if you'll follow me, please.

Come this way, ladies.

Gentlemen. Gentlemen,
we are rapidly approaching...

what we hope will be the most
momentous launch of the century.

I'm sure you'll join with me in
wishing both of our astronauts-

What the hell is going on here?
I don't know.

Guards!

- [ Man] It's the president! - [
Elisabeth] No, that's the president.

Now, you all know me.
You've known me for years!

That man is an impostor.

He's right. I was not
elected to this office.

However, there are certain compelling
reasons why I feel I should continue in it.

And I'm sure that General Carter
agrees with me. Oh, yes, sir.

You take charge here, sir.
I'll see the bird flies right.

Countdown will continue.

Pick up the count, soldier.

T-11 minutes.

Don't be disturbed,
gentlemen.

I assure you that our relations with your
governments will continue as before.

In fact, with possibly fewer disagreements.
[Man On Speaker, Indistinct]

Verify that missile checks
are complete...

and auxiliary checkout kit
readout is compatible.

Well, Doctor,
how are they?

They're in excellent
condition, General.

Excellent
Good.

The president asked me
personally to offer his best.

Thank you, sir.
Good luck.

Thank you, sir.
Have a good trip.

[ Man On Speaker]
T-eight minutes. Mark.

[Men Grunting]

[ Man On Speaker] Verify that Mod III
guidance data link test is complete.

Verify flight dynamics auxiliary
sustainer cutoff test is complete.

T-seven minutes.

Ladies.
Mark.

Hello, baby. You don't
need your gun, honey.

[Chattering Continues]

But I can't.
I'm married.

I'm married.

What the hell is this?
Sadie Hawkins Day?

Cut it out.
Cut it out!

I--

Cut it out.
That is a presidential order.

I order you to- You!
I order you all to cut it out!

Stop the countdown!

Do you know what you just did? You cannot
manhandle me. That is a treasonable offense.

Get Carter
down here, quick!

Don't touch me!
Mr. President-

Don't touch me!

Calling General Carter.

Calling General Carter.

Calling General Carter.

Calling General Carter.

Calling General Carter.

Calling General Carter.

[Alarm Buzzing]

Nuclear alert!

This is General Carter.

As you know, this lever controls
the arming of ten megatons.

Enough power to destroy
the entire Caribbean area,

with a radiation fallout
that could cover half the world.

I know you don't want me
to do that, so think about it.

But don't take too long. Sir, we've
got to get the people out of here.

If we delay- Stall him! Keep him talking.
I'll go after him.

Flint, wa-

[Lloyd] But, sir, you
better stop him.

[ President] Lloyd,
you've gotta stop Carter.

This is Lloyd Cramden.
What is it you want?

[Carter On Speaker]
Start the countdown immediately.

You're not gonna pull that lever.
You'd go up with the rest of us.

That's right.

Carter, wait! We can make
a deal. We've got Trent.

Congratulations.
Now he's your problem.

Carter!
Carter, listen to me!

[ Carter] Come on, Cram den.
You 're stalling.

You've got to stop him.

General Carter, this is your
acting commander-in-chief,

I order you to leave
that capsule at once!

“Acting” is right.
But you're out of the cast now, Hamlet.

Your understudy has taken over.
Stop stalling, Cramden.

Get going. Don't waste
any more time on that clown.

Clown? Do you realize
who you're talking to?

I am the commander-in-chief of the
Army, the Navy, the Air Force!

I call on all loyal Americans
to picket the White House!

Write to your congressmen! Don't
let them fluoridate your water!

I am deposed!

“Oh, for God's sake,
let us sit upon the ground...

“and tell sad stories
of the death of kings.

“Once more into the breach,
dear friends.”

Once more into the breach.”

Carter, the countdown
will begin.

Good.

Just remember.
I don't want to see...

any deliberate malfunctions
appear on these instruments.

So be reasonable.

Start the countdown.

[Yelling, Grunting]

Uh, give me Mission Control.
I'm gonna need that suit.

Mission Control,
give me Cramden.

Mr. Cramden, it's the ready room, sir.
It's Mr. Flint.

Flint? Yes?

Lloyd, get me three minutes,
any way you can. Three minutes.

Right.

He's in the ready room. Get him
three minutes any way you can.

Yes, sir. You, we've got a malfunction
in the tank pressure stabilization.

Move!

[Man On Speaker] Reporting malfunction
in the tank pressurization stabilizer.

We're checking it out.

Good luck, sir.
Thank you, gentlemen.

[ Man On Speaker] Propulsion officer checking
out tank pressurization malfunction.

You're stalling!
There's nothing wrong.

I'll give you ten more seconds.

There's no other choice.

Yes, sir.

Resume the countdown.

Yes, sir.

T-minus ten seconds.

Nine, eight-

[ Man On Speaker] Hatch open, and
all systems are go. Pre-ignition.

Five-

Why, it's Mr. Flint.

That's Flint!

Ignition!
Zero.

See ya!

What about
the interceptor missiles?

If we detonate in the atmosphere,
we've had it- the whole hemisphere.

We can't let them harm
that space platform.

The timing
will be critical.

We'll have to wait
till the last second.

All right, have the missiles readied.
Yes, sir.

What about Flint?

We're committed.

Send them up.
Yes, sir.

[Man on Speaker]
Fire one.

Confirming visual
observation of liftoff.

Report time of launch
vehicle liftoff.

Second stage
separated and clear.

Capsule entering
orbital path.

Unable to regain monitor contact. I
can't communicate with the capsule.

We can't reach him, sir.

Sir, there's something
wrong with the capsule.

The guidance control systems malfunctioned,
and the capsule is off course.

It's heading
into deep space.

Hold those interceptors.

It's too late, sir.

[Beeping]

[Beeping Continues]

Two seconds.

He'll not be forgotten,
Lloyd.

There will be a national- no, an
international day of mourning for him.

I'll issue a proclamation.

[ Intercom Buzzing]

[ Flint On Intercom ] Mission Control.
Control Center.

Control Center,
awaiting instructions.

It's Flint!

He's alive!

[All Cheering]

Hip, hip, hooray! Hooray!

He must be on the platform!
That's impossible!

Of course it is!
That's why he's Flint!

[Laughing]
Congratulations, Flint.

You made it! We'll
get you back here safely.

We've got a recovery team in
the area of the Canary Islands.

Sorry, sir, but the Canary Islands
seems a bit far out to me.

We'd appreciate
splashdown instructions...

for, say, Central Park.

[Laughs]
Central-

Get the coordinates
of Central Park.

[Speaking Russian]

Tovarich?
Yeah, Tovarich.

Flint, what's
going on up there?

[Flint With Russian Accent]
I'm with a couple of friends.

Now, Flint, listen to me! You're
no astronaut. You're in danger!

[Women Laughing]

[ Laughing Continues ]

Well, ladies,
it was touch and go,

but I hope
you learned your lesson.

The world is better off
in our hands.

You're absolutely right, sir.

Mm-hmm.

[ Lloyd On Speaker] Flint, are
you all right? Say something!

Flint, are you all right?
Say something!

[ Laughing, Moaning]

♪♪ [ Indistinct Singing]

♪ If you're not single or courting ♪

♪ When our hearts mingle in space ♪

♪ That face
I don't believe it is grace ♪

♪ Combined with evil
in such a zowie way♪

♪ I'll maybe steal
a little guile from you ♪

♪ I should run a mile from you ♪

♪ But I'd sooner stay ♪

♪ If we could only be left alone ♪

♪ In a lonely place ♪

♪ It would be dreamy
and yet if I'm disgraced ♪

♪ I could know
your zowie-zowie ♪

♪ Face ♪♪